D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996) - full transcript

In the third episode of this series, the Ducks get scholarships to Eden Hall Academy, a high ranking prep school. But as freshmen, they will have to face the snob varsity team...

(FAINT CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER: Please welcome to the podium

the head coach and leader
of the Mighty Ducks,

- Gordon Bombay.
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

BOMBAY: Thank you.
It's a great honor to be here today

to introduce you
to a truly great group of kids.

Sure, they can be
a little rambunctious.

They've run me ragged and played
more than their fair share of pranks.

I still haven't forgotten
about those eggs.

But I hung in there,
and they hung in there for me.



We became the Quack Attack,
the Flying "V" and the Bash Brothers.

I've never had a better time.

These kids are winners,
each and every one of them.

But more than that,
these are good people.

I hope that they enrich and enliven
your school and your lives

the way they have mine.

Now I hand you over
to the capable hands

of my old biology teacher
and the current headmaster

of Eden Hall, Dean Buckley.

- Dean.
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)

BUCKLEY: Gordon Bombay
has a lot to be proud of.

We are happy to welcome the Ducks

to our great educational institution.

So, today it gives me
great pleasure to award you



these full athletic scholarships
to the Eden Hall Academy...

(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

where we hope the Ducks will be happy
Warriors and lead us on to glory

and divisional championships.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING CONTINUE)

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING CONTINUE)

- Maybe I should tell him first.
- I think that's a good idea.

(CHARLIE SIGHS)

The school looks stuffy,
but we'll loosen it up. Huh, Coach?

(BOMBAY SIGHS)

I'm not gonna be your coach
this year, Charlie.

Yeah, very funny. (CHUCKLES)

I just got the official word.

The Junior Goodwill Games Committee
has named me Director of Player Personnel.

I'm gonna be in charge of
their junior hockey program worldwide.

Well, don't go.

Charlie, I can't pass up this opportunity.

(CHUCKLES) But you can pass us up, right?

I mean, you dump us in some
stupid school and now...

I'm not dumping you anywhere.
Eden Hall is a great chance for you.

- Charlie, I will always...
- Coach, please...

don't go.

Charlie, I know it's hard.

- I understand what you're going thr...
- No, no.

No, you don't understand.

You obviously don't even have a clue.

(SIGHS)

You know, I think this place
is running very low

- on the brothers quotient.
- Yeah.

Hey, I want to know
who this new Coach Orion is.

My dad said that if I didn't like him,
I could come right home.

That's nice.

My dad said I better stay in
on scholarship or he'll whip my butt.

You know, I heard in the dorm

that the guy played
for the Minnesota North Stars

and got suspended
for punching out his own coach.

You mean the Dallas Stars.

- I heard he punched out a fan.
- I heard he was a Buddhist.

You know, like Kung Fu or Richard Gere.

Kung Fu wasn't a Buddhist.
He was a Trappist monk.

Are you talking about
the old Kung Fu

or the Further Adventures
of the New Kung Fu?

Y'all watch too much TV.

Shoot, that's the safest thing
to do in my hood.

CHARLIE: Watch it, Mom.
You might get... hit.

(SIGHS) Don't worry about me, Mom.

(SIGHS) You're right.

As long as I have the Ducks, I should
be able to handle this new school.

- That's my boy.
- (CAR DOOR SHUTS)

Hey, Fulton, you ever
think about shooting

back into the alley and not the street?

Not really.

- (GRUNTS, HITS PUCK)
- (CAT SCREECHES)

I just found out Portman isn't coming.

He's staying in Chicago.
How uncool is that?

No, you got to be kidding me.

He found out Bombay bailed,
and he bailed too.

Well...

What good is one Bash Brother?

I mean, what am I now, Mr. Bash?
The Bashman?

(GRUNTS, HITS PUCK)

GOLDBERG: Ow! Hey, watch it, please!

- That hurt.
- FULTON: Sorry, Goldberg.

Oh, no problem, guys.

Life isn't bad enough, I gotta worry
about being nailed off the ice too.

Why am I always getting shot at?

- You're a goalie, dude. Deal.
- Well put.

- Thanks, Fulton. Real sensitive.
- You're welcome.

Well, let's go.

We wouldn't want
to keep the preppy snobs waiting.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

Hey, you know what?

You Ducks don't belong here at Eden Hall.

What?

Hey, easy, Russ. They probably
just think we're someone else.

Um, I'm Dwayne.
We're the new hockey team. And you are...?

Varsity. The only hockey team.

State champs.

You know, my little brother
lost his J.V. slot

when they brought you yo-yos in here.

Probably wasn't good enough.

See, that's my dad.

He's gonna get the board
to revoke your scholarships.

Just you wait.

That's your dad?

Nice outfit.
Did it come with a yacht?

- (DUCKS LAUGHING)
- (MOCKING LAUGHTER)

- (KIDS QUACKING)
- DUCK: Averman, where are you taking us?

- FULTON: Hey, Connie, look over here.
- Okay, everybody, follow me.

- Nice tie, Banks. Cake-eater.
- (WHOOPING)

- Hey, Connie, come on.
- Charlie. Uh, uh, Charlie.

Turn right.

I'm a goalie, not a skater!

(GRUNTING)
Hey, lady, watch out!

- (SCREAMING)
- (SCREAMING) I'm sorry!

(GROANS)

- (GRUNTING)
- I got you, Goldie! I'm coming!

- (SCREAMING) I'm done, man!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

(GROANS, GRUNTING)

Charlie! Where are you?

Help me! (GASPING)

(CONTINUES GASPING) Move it!

(GASPS) What's this? What's this?

Get it off me, Charlie!
(SCREAMING)

I can't see! (GASPING)

- (GROWLING)
- Oh, no!

- Goldberg! Goldberg!
- (GOLDBERG SCREAMING)

- There's a pit bull!
- (SCREAMING) Charlie, where are you?

CHARLIE: Cujo's after you, man!

- (GROWLING)
- I can't see! I can't see! What's that?

- (GROWLING CONTINUES)
- Is that you?

- (GROWLING)
- (SCREAMS)

- (CHARLIE GROWLING)
- (DOG BARKING)

(YELLS)

Charlie!

(GASPING) Charlie, it's stuck!

- It's got me!
- CHARLIE: Put down the hose!

- The hose!
- (GOLDBERG SCREAMS)

Welcome. Since its inception in 1903,

Eden Hall Academy

has taken great pride in its illustrious
tradition of excellence.

Yet... as we approach
the coming millennium,

we dare not shrink from the specter
of inevitable change.

- (WHISPERS) What did he say?
- (BUCKLEY CONTINUES)

Something about a shrinking sphincter.

- "Shrinking sphincter."
- (RUSS, JULIE CHUCKLING)

(GOLDBERG SCREAMING)
Oh, there's cars, Charlie!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Help!

Whoa! (GRUNTS, SIGHS)

(GOLDBERG STAMMERING)

What do I do, Charlie? (SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

- Charlie!
- I got ya! I got ya! Gotcha!

CHARLIE: All right.

- (BOTH SCREAMING)
- (HORN HONKS)

BOTH: Bridge!

(GOLDBERG, CHARLIE GRUNT)

Yeah! Goldberg! Yeah!

Goldberg, don't you ever
do that to me again!

Thus, myself, the board,

Tom Riley of the alumni association

and Varsity Coach Wilson, who has led us
to ten consecutive state championships,

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

CHARLIE: All right, guys!

BUCKLEY:...we have all made
a change for the future.

Hey, Averman, I'd wipe my
Rollerblades if I were you!

BUCKLEY: So, today, after much debate...

on both sides,
we proudly open our...

Out of the way! Coming through!

...doors via full scholarships

to a truly gifted
group of student athletes.

So, will you please join me...

in giving a big,
rousing Warrior welcome...

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's sneak in the back.
All right, let's go.

...to the gold medal winners
of the Junior Goodwill Games.

(GOLDBERG SCREAMING)

- I present to you...
- (GOLDBERG SCREAMING)

- (STUDENTS LAUGHING)
- GOLDBERG: Hey, get off of me!

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

- Hi.
- (LAUGHTER)

- We're the Ducks.
- (STUDENTS LAUGHING LOUDER)

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

CHARLIE: Hey, check it out.
He knows Wayne Newton.

Charlie, man, this is not
a good start to our year.

Don't worry, Kenny. These prepsters
aren't gonna do anything to us.

Check it out. Antsville.

Look at 'em go. Whoa.

BUCKLEY:
You can learn a lot from ants.

These Brazilian fire ants
can teach you a lot

about successful societal structure.

You see there's one queen in there.

The rest are dedicated worker ants.

Everybody pulls their weight.

Nobody complains. There's harmony
and growth. Same here at Eden Hall.

Only you are the workers, the backbone.

And you're the queen?

- (SNICKERING)
- Hmm.

Every Monday
you'll have a practice quiz,

every Wednesday
you'll have a real quiz,

every Friday you'll have an exam,
and anytime I feel like it

you'll have a surprise quiz or exam.

It's been said...

that the present is to the past...

like a dwarf...

on the shoulders of a giant.

If the dwarf holds his seat,

he can, indeed,
see further than the giant.

But beware if the dwarf
should grow careless...

- and forget his place.
- (SLAMS BOOK DOWN)

History... is a giant.

Get ready to ride.

(BELL RINGING)

Hey, what's he looking at?

(GRUNTS, LAUGHS)

Ow! A hard check into the board.
That has to hurt.

All this work makes me hungry.

- Hey, Ken.
- What's up, Ken?

Homework on the first day.
Man, I don't believe it.

Yeah, I know.

We better be careful or we're
gonna learn something here.

(SIGHS)

Hi. Uh, will you sign a petition?

- Uh...
- (LAUGHS)

Uh, yeah, sure. What's it for?

We're demanding the board change
the demeaning Warrior name.

Well, Warriors isn't so bad, is it?

I mean, you got the Indians,
the Braves, the Redskins,

the Blackhawks.

You're a jock, aren't you?

Yeah, I play hockey. In fact...

I'm the captain of the new J.V. team.

Forget about it.

All you Warrior jocks stick together.

But I'm not a Warrior, I'm a Duck.

- Hi, Kim. Will you sign a petition?
- Sure.

(SIGHS)

- Wow, this place is great.
- (WHISTLES)

This is a nice rink.

It's huge.

GOLDBERG: You know, I bet they
even have a snack bar here.

- FULTON: Big deal.
- LUIS: They look pretty good.

JULIE:
They sure won a lot of championships.

- They're huge.
- They're not so hot.

Come on, guys, we could skate out there.

My dad says it was all
just a publicity stunt,

but it's gonna wind up
killing the school's reputation.

Yeah. Them rejects should have
stayed on their own side of the tracks.

Those rejects, genius.

Besides, we don't have tracks, Cole.

You see, there's no trains;
therefore, no tracks. Do you get that?

Well, they should stay out of our school.

- Don't get smart with me, goalie.
- Hey, come on, Scooter.

You know better than to confuse Cole.

We're on the same team.

- If it isn't Captain Ducky.
- Get your hands off him.

- Ooh, look. A Bash Brother.
- (CHUCKLING)

I'm so scared.

WILSON: Break it up!
Come on, men, let's go.

How about it, Cowboy?
Round up?

Hey, Charlie, shouldn't we wait
for the new coach before we mess around?

This is how we practice.

Duck hockey, Connie.

You'll have to get used to it
sooner or later.

Well, come on, Cowboy. Hit it.

Yee-ha! Round 'em up, doggies!

- Here I come, y'all!
- Watch out, here he comes!

DWAYNE: Whoo! Come here!
Come here, boy!

(DWAYNE HOOTING)

Come on, come on, come on!

- Watch out, girls.
- Let's go! Come on!

You can't hit the broadside of a barn!

- (CHATTERING, LAUGHING)
- You can't get away from me, can you?

- (HOOTING)
- DUCK: Charlie... Aw, he's got Fulton.

Whoa, Charlie, you're done, boy!
(LAUGHING)

- (GRUNTS)
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

My name is Coach Orion.

You can call me "Coach"

or "Coach Orion."

- Well, you can call me "Charlie."
- (DUCKS CHUCKLE)

DUCK: Is he nuts?

That must be what that "C"
on your jersey stands for, huh?

It sure doesn't stand for "captain."

Sorry, Coach. We were just messin'
with you, you know?

Hey, Bombay gave him that "C."

And I respect that, but that's the past.

This is my team now,
and I'll be selecting the captain.

You gotta be kidding me, right?
I mean, you're the rookie here.

- We all been together for four years.
- DUCK: Yeah.

Okay, Charlie, laps.
Right now.

- CONNIE: Uh-oh.
- How many, Coach Orion?

- I don't recall saying.
- (SIGHS)

Now you listen up, and you listen up good.

We are here for one reason
and one reason only.

You know what that is?

It starts with a "W."

To win, Coach Orion, sir!

- No.
- (SNICKERS, CLEARS THROAT)

To work!

High school hockey is very hard work.

And it all begins... with defense.

I've seen your tapes.
I know you can score goals.

- I just don't know if you can stop them.
- (GOLDBERG LAUGHS) Hey.

Sorry, sir.

You're not kids or little ducks anymore,

so I'm not gonna treat you that way.

You're gonna learn to play two-way hockey:

offense and defense.

It's gonna take one thing.

It starts with a "W."

To work, Coach Orion, sir!

Wrong.

Will.

It's gonna take real will...

if you want to play in my barn.

All right.

- Count off. Let's climb the ladder.
- (DUCKS COUNTING OFF IN THREES)

(DUCKS CONTINUE COUNTING OFF)
One. Two. Three.

Whoo, all right, Banks. Let's see what
you got, baby. Come on. Bring it up.

Yeah. Ooh!

Nice shot. Very nice.

Lucky shot. Merry Christmas, Guy.

Cowboy, you don't impress me.

Averman, have you been practicing?

- Ha! Hang time!
- Baryshnikov, knock that off!

Goldberg!

When's the last time you practiced?

Well, uh...

we don't really practice, per se.

(PANTING) We either play
or play around. You know, have fun.

You know, that thing that makes you
smile and laugh. Ha, ha, ha!

Okay, I'll shut up.

(PUCKS BEING BLOCKED)

JULIE: Sorry, Connie.

Good shot, Dwayne.

Next time, Russ.

Somebody get a shovel
and bury me right here.

I will teach you to play like what?
Starts with a "W"!

Wussies.

That's right. Wussies
on offense and defense!

Defense, defense, defense!

(RUSS GRUNTING)

Eden Hall Academy requires you
to maintain a "C" average to compete.

- Cool.
- I believe that's a bad rule.

- DUCK: Wow.
- Mm-hmm. Go, Coach.

I don't want any "C" players on my team.

I want B's or better

or you're gonna be riding the pine pony.

Now you got 15 minutes after each
practice to clear this locker room.

You got homework to do.

Oh, one more thing.

Stay clear of the varsity

until we play 'em
in the J.V.-Varsity Showdown.

You got that?

Mm-hmm.

(SLAMS DOOR)

(GRUNTS)

Fifteen minutes?

Man, I cannot move.

Hey, you guys, look.
He posted our positions.

I don't believe this.
I play left side not right.

Third line!

Man, that's a major diss.

- I'm not even posted.
- Yeah, you are.

Adam Banks, third line, center.

- Varsity?
- I made varsity?

GOLDBERG: That's the great thing
about being goalie, you know?

You always know where you stand.

I just mind my business,
take my place between the pipes.

(CHUCKLING)
You're riding the pine pony, pal.

(LAUGHING) Very funny.

Julie's one. You're two.

I'm backup?

How can he do this to me?

- What am I, chopped liver?
- Hey...

who... who's Captain Tibid?

Oh, that's Captain T.B.D.
To be determined.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, no, I don't.

That's your job, Charlie.

- (VIOLIN PLAYING)
- (BUZZING)

- (BUZZING)
- (MUSIC CONTINUES)

(BUZZING)

School was not so fun today, eh, Charlie?

How'd you know it was me?

Hmm, only two people
can open a door so sadly:

you and Gordon.

Now just one more pass.

(GASPS, GROANS)
I've really done it this time, Charlie!

(GROANING)
Get me a tourniquet, eh?

- (CONTINUES GROANING)
- Knock it off, Hans.

Wipe off the ketchup,
and stop trying to cheer me up.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) School is a nightmare,

especially our new hockey coach.

Have you ever heard of Ted Orion?

Yes. Yes, h... he left the North Stars
when he was still in his prime.

This guy is no Duck.

Perhaps you should
show him the way, Charlie.

(CHUCKLES) He doesn't exactly seem
open to new learning experiences.

The question is...

are you?

So what if she has a quicker glove.
Who's got the better stick?

You do, Goldberg.

I know that.
And who's got the game experience,

- me or the Catlady?
- You do.

Mm-hmm.

Well, she's just quicker, uh, faster.

- That counts on this level.
- So what are you trying to say?

If I lost a few pounds,
maybe I'd be number one again?

It might be easier
to have her gain a few pounds.

COLE: Hey, little man, yesterday's
lunch was pretty good.

What have we got today?

- Bag of chips.
- Oh. Hey.

And some cookies.

What do we have here?

- Just give it back.
- A sandwich. Get outta here.

- Yeah.
- (OTHERS CHATTERING, LAUGHING)

I could maim that big goon.

But with Portman here,
we could take 'em all.

They want lunch...

we'll give 'em lunch.

Let's go, boys.

Uh, this seat is taken.

No one's sitting in it.

Well, this is a cheerleading section.

Warrior cheerleaders only.

Are you a cheerleader?

Do I look like an idiot?

Airhead.

How ya doin'?

Uh, the freshman girls are over there.

Girls. Yes, I know.

I'm in search of a real woman.

- You're crazy, you know that?
- Loco.

Yes, of course. For you.

Just give me five minutes after school,

and I will die a happy man.

If you don't beat it,
you probably will die.

My boyfriend gets pretty jealous.

Make sure it's fresh.

- Steam's a good sign.
- Very good.

Just want to congratulate you
on being number one.

I didn't have time to bake a cake so
I bought you a yummy array of goodies.

- Thanks, Goldberg.
- Hey, no problem.

You know, you're gonna need a lot
of energy to play on this level.

Carbo loading, you know?
See...

See, this thing right here
is packed with energy.

Give it a shot.

- See?
- Mmm.

- Good, huh?
- It's good.

Now, uh, I could even be
your, uh...

nutritional advisor if you want.
No charge.

- Hmm.
- What do you say?

- JULIE: Great.
- GOLDBERG: Try this one.

- Oh, come on, my mommy made me brownies.
- Yeah.

Fresh, warm ones.

Hey, it's too bad about your Bash Brother.

Heard he was too scared to leave home.

Portman ain't scared of nothin'.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

Phew!

What the hell kind
of brownies are these?

I gotta tell her...

to stop using the horse turds
in the recipe.

RILEY: Get 'em!

(SCREAMING)

Thanks for not letting me sit there.

(LAUGHING, CHATTERING)

(SCREAMING)

(VARSITY SHOUTING)
Let's get 'em! Come on!

- (SQUEALING BRAKES SOUND)
- Dean.

Fellas.

- Dean, nice tie.
- Lovely day.

Good boys.

(GASPING)

(STUDENTS CLAMORING)

(STUDENTS HOOTING, RUNNING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(ORION SHOUTING)
Work those legs, Gaffney!

Where's your energy?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

(VOMITING)

(CHUCKLING)
One cupcake over the line, Catlady.

This is total crap.
I can't play for this drill sergeant.

Play for us, Charlie.

The Ducks. Come on, man.

All right, Fulton.

Get low, bend your knees,
smooth strokes.

- (CONTINUES VOMITING)
- That's it, Fulton. Stay low.

Julie the Cat!

What's the matter, you eat a fur ball?

(LAUGHING) Yeah, that's good, Coach.
I like that. Fur ball.

That's, uh, very clever.

Just get in the net, Goldberg.

Me? Sure thing. Be my pleasure.

RUSS: Yeah!

Over here, over here.

You know, I don't see a captain out here!

On your left. Pass it.

Make him make the first move, Conway!

- Hey, Averman, you got nothing!
- DWAYNE: Over here, Charlie!

Come on, Charlie, clear it out!
Clear it out!

Freeze! I said freeze!

Averman!

I did freeze.

Where's the one place you
never want to clear the puck?

- It looked open.
- Just answer the question, Conway.

Listen, I'm not a defenseman,
I'm a scorer!

(PANTING)

Follow me.

Anybody share his opinion?

All right then, take a knee.

What's the one thing all
great teams have in common?

- Great coaching.
- Don't try to suck up to me, Averman.

Defense.

See, unlike scoring, defense never quits.

But to play great defense,
you need one thing above all else.

Bet it starts with a "W."

Confidence.

Listen, if you learn nothing
else when you're here, you learn this.

All right?
'Cause it's not just about hockey.

It's easy to be confident
when you have control of the puck.

It's very, very difficult
to keep that confidence

when you gotta take whatever
strange bounces life throws your way.

Don't be careless,
but don't be too careful either.

You cannot be afraid to lose.

That's how you gain the confidence
to attack the game

when the puck isn't yours.

That's how you attack life,

even when you think
you don't have any control.

And that's how you play real defense.

Is this seat taken?

(LAUGHS)

You know, you are just like
the rest of those snobs.

I am not a snob.

Oh, really?

Well, you don't like me
because I'm an athlete.

That's a snob. You don't even know me.

If I knew you, I wouldn't like you.

Oh, yeah? Well, try me.

Hi, I'm Charlie Conway.

I'm a 14-year-old,
almost six-foot, nonsmoking Leo.

I like hockey, pizza and music.

And I dislike
everything about that school.

Except maybe you.

Now you try.

I'm Linda.

I don't like it here either.

And pizza?

- I like pizza.
- Music?

Of course I like music.

I like Pantera.

- No way! I love Pantera.
- (LAUGHS)

So the only thing
we don't agree on is hockey.

Too violent?

Don't understand the rules?

I have to admit I've never been to a game.

(SIGHS) You have never heard
of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks?

They named a pro team after us.

Sorry.

(SIGHS) Oh, man.

Well, uh...

we have a game on Friday.

And... I was just thinking that
maybe you could come down

and we could snag a Coke
or something afterwards?

I still don't know you that well.

(EXHALES) Did I tell you
I'm allergic to nuts?

Any kind of nut. I swear.
I blow up. It's kind of gross.

And R.E.M.? Yeah?

John Woo movies?

And I really like talking to you.

- What else?
- (BUS APPROACHING)

I don't know.

Just keep talkin'.

(WHISPERS) Yes!

(GROANS, TURNS ON RADIO)

Hockey Announcer JOSH: It appears
the entire school has turned out to see

the once Mighty Ducks, I mean,
rather, the, um, Eden Hall Warriors

do battle with the Blake freshman Bears.

(BAND PLAYING)

(CHATTERING)

- (BAND PLAYING)
- (CROWD APPLAUDING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

- (BAND PLAYING)
- (CHEERING)

They better be damn good
if they hope to stay.

Relax, Tom, it's in the bag.

Alan, just in time.

ORION: Gather around. Let's go.
Hustle up. Come on.

All right, think defense.

All right, hands in. Here we go.

- (DUCKS QUACKING)
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the hell's that? Knock that off.

All right, "Go, team" on two.
Here we go, one, two.

- (DUCKS, APATHETICALLY) Go, team.
- All right, come on.

- "Go, team." How original.
- Just get in the game, Charlie.

Let's do it, Charlie.

JOSH ON THE RADIO: Point of fact,

Charlie Conway is not wearing
the traditional captain "C".

He's been this team's captain since
they played in District Five.

I guess Coach Orion's making a statement.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(GRUNTS)

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (SIREN BLARES)

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- CASEY: Get 'em, Charlie!

What did I tell you?

That's my Ducks!

(DUCKS CHEERING)

- (WHOOPING)
- All right, knock off the celebration!

Act like you've scored before, huh?

Come on, guys, give me something to do.

DUCK: Pass it over here, man.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's knuckle-puck time!

(GROANS)

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

(SIREN BLARES)

- RUSS: Yeah, knocked him out.
- (CHEERING CONTINUES)

Hey, ref. You know,
you can call this thing now,

and we can all get home
in time to see Melrose.

GOLDBERG: Go, Luis, go, go!

DUCK: He can't stop!
He's got no brakes!

I can't stop!

(GROANS)

RUSS: Man, that was fresh.

- Great, Luis! You scored, man!
- You scored!

Way to go!

- You scored!
- JULIE: You scored, Luis! It was amazing!

- RUSS: Are you okay?
- I love our team.

RUSS: Oh, I guess not.

(DWAYNE WHOOPING) Get 'em, boys!

Ya-hoo!

How do you like them apples, huh?

(CONTINUES WHOOPING)

- (SIREN BLARES)
- (WHISTLE)

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- Quick draw! Ya-hoo!

- (CHEERING CONTINUES)
- JULIE: Come down here.

Why don't you take a shot at me?

I'm so bored!

JOSH: Conway passes to Averman
who hits the zone and...

Oh! That's a hook if I've ever
seen one. He gets the pass off Fulton.

Look out!

(STAMMERING)

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (SIREN BLARES)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(BAND PLAYING)

DUCK: Yeah, I spun that dude!

Yo, Russ, you got to teach
me how to talk some trash.

It can't be taught, Kenny, man.

I mean, it's got to be the first thing
that comes to your mind.

You just got to go for it. Try it.

Okay. Hey, ref, you...

Uh-uh, shh. Pick another target.

Hey, number 44, you, you, you,
you play, you play...

You don't play real good.

Yeah, right.

Shorter, man. Get to the point.

Hey, number nine, bite me!

(GROANS) Man.

(LAUGHING)
Now we're getting somewhere.

(GOALIE STAMMERING)

Huh?

Huh?

- (GROANS)
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

(CHEERING)

DUCK: You did good!

The hand is quicker than the eye,
my friend.

♪ Fulton scored, Fulton scored
I am really bored ♪

♪ Fulton's great, Fulton's great
A year ago, I couldn't even skate ♪♪

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (CROWD CHEERS)

Come on, Charlie!

Unbelievable! Conway gets the hat trick
from somewhere out in the ozone!

At the end of two,
it's Eden Hall nine, Blake zero.

- (CHUCKLES) It's over, folks.
- That's my Ducks.

I think we're witnessing
the birth of a dynasty, Tom.

- Relax. It's over, baby.
- REF: Come on, boys, let's go.

Damn.

Tighten up!

- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- (SIREN BLARES)

Oh, man.

JOSH: Oh, and there goes
the shutout, folks.

We'll give you one.

All right, change it up.
Mendoza, Robertson.

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- JULIE: Where's defense?

- (SIREN BLARES)
- (FANS BOOING)

- Moreau, Conway, change it.
- All right, let's do it, guys.

- (JULIE GROANS)
- Clear the net!

- Clear the net!
- JULIE: Come on!

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (SIREN BLARES)

Germaine, Fulton, change it!

JOSH: Score! And Blake pumps in another.

(WHOOPING) Come try and get me this time.

ORION: Make him make
the first move, Conway!

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (SIREN BLARES)

(CHARLIE GRUNTS)

(REF BLOWS WHISTLE)
Two minutes, unsportsmanlike.

- Let's go, son, to the box! Come on.
- What? Are you blind?

- To the box, let's go.
- You decide to take the whistle out now?

Give me a break!

Now, is that sportsmanship?

Get in the box.

96, white, two minutes,
unsportsmanlike conduct.

Unsportsmanlike,
I'll show you unsportsmanlike.

Oh, my, Conway is really hot. He'll
get two for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Where has the Warriors'
defense gone this period?

Charlie, calm yourself. Play the game.

Gaffney! Goldberg, change it.

Me? Uh, yeah, Coach,
comin' right up!

It's a total breakdown up front.
It's up to you.

No problem, Catlady.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, no, he stole it!

Stop him!

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (GROANS)

(SIREN BLARING)

You telling me my youngest boy isn't
good enough to play for this team?

JOSH: In a last-ditch effort,
Blake is pulling their goalie.

Thirty left, and the Warriors
are desperately trying to hang on.

Conway's out of the box
and skating hard.

AVERMAN: Clear it, Charlie, clear it!

- Pass it here, Charlie.
- Come on, Charlie!

DWAYNE: Do it, Charlie!

Knock it off, Charlie. Pass it.

Over here, Charlie!
We already won!

Charlie, no!

No!

Oh, no.

Come on, where's the "D"?
(GRUNTS)

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (BUZZER SOUNDS)

JOSH: Oh, there goes
the buzzer. This baby is over.

A very disappointing tie
for the Eden Hall Warriors.

They opened their cabin door and let
those Blake Bears climb right in.

The guy hooked me, all right?

We didn't need any more goals.

- Hey, listen, I was trying to win it!
- Well, mission unaccomplished, Charlie.

- Huh?
- We let down, simple as that.

Hey, you let down. I played hard.

Yeah, man, no heart.

Well, what are we playing for anyway?

Some stupid school, the alumni?

I mean, Warriors?

- What the hell are we now?
- Look, man!

We're on scholarship.

I'm staying.

Fine, sell-out.

- Man, who you calling a sell-out, punk!
- Hey, get your hands off him!

- Hold up, Charlie!
- Charlie, stop it!

How long does it take to score a goal?

Less than a second!

That means no lead is safe
if you can't play defense!

Now get this straight!

I don't give a damn
how many goals you score.

I want one number on your mind:
zero, as in shutout.

(LOUDLY) You got that?

Practice, tomorrow morning, 5:00 a.m.

Got to get up early
if you want to hunt goose eggs.

(SLAMS DOOR)

Hey, who took my clothes?

They put our clothes...

- Oh, man.
- That answers your question, doesn't it?

BUCKLEY: Ted. Ted.

I know you're as disappointed
in that tie as we are.

Actually, I'd have preferred a loss.

You're kidding, right, Coach?

Well, you learn a hell of a lot more
from losing than from winning.

We don't have time for learning.
We need to win.

- They could lose their scholarships.
- You're kidding... right, Dean?

- RUSS: I love this liquid nitrogen.
- I don't think it works.

Yeah, it's working.
Hey, you think they're gonna miss

- this big old tank in chemistry class?
- What do you think?

- Hey, what about Banksie?
- He's one of them now, isn't he?

- Sad but true.
- How about full pressure?

Sorry, cake-eater.

(PLAYERS CHATTERING)

(PLAYERS GASP)

(PLAYERS MURMURING)

Ducks.

MOTHER: Just come in and sit down.

Thank you so much, Jeannie.
I'm sorry we're late.

No problem, honey.
How was the game?

That good, huh?

I'll close out.

Listen, I'm taking a bus home.
See you later.

Uh, no, sir. You sit over there,
and you do your homework.

I just watched you
jeopardize your hockey career.

I will not let you do it to your studies.

(SCOFFS) You have no idea what
it's like playing for that guy.

I don't care who your coach is.
Your behavior out there was juvenile.

- Well, yeah, because Coach Orion...
- "Because Coach Orion" nothing.

You used to feel the same
way about Coach Bombay, remember?

I think the only thing that needs to
change around here is your attitude.

What?

Oh, give me a break.

AVERMAN:
I think that's a first time for me.

- Check out the new jackets, guys.
- Hey, congrats on the Blake game.

- Yeah, right. We tied.
- Hey, a point's a point.

We're all Warriors now.
You guys proved your guts.

You all set for dinner Friday?

Dinner?

Well, it's an Eden Hall tradition.

Varsity got to treat
the freshmen to dinner.

So, round up your posse
and meet us

at 6:00 at the Minnesota Club, downtown.

Anybody need a ride, we can take you.

I mean, you guys do like
steak and seafood, right?

Yeah, we do.

Look, I don't like you pukes, all right?

But this is a tradition.

At Eden Hall,
I learned to care about tradition.

It's cool.

Oh. It's cool.

- Let's go. If Banks says it's cool.
- We might as well go.

- Good evening, sir.
- 'Evening.

(DINERS CHATTERING)

I love this tradition!

At my old school,
we didn't have traditions like this.

Waiter, I've got too many forks.
I only need one.

I don't... Y'all, I just...

What's this little bitty one...
What's this little bitty...

Hey, you got to show me
that triple deke, man. That's cool.

Yeah, sure.

- You know, it's easier than it looks.
- Oh, you're being modest.

Hey, Julie, want this
extra piece of prime rib?

- (GRUNTS)
- Look, I'm just trying to help you.

(TAPPING GLASS)

On behalf of the Eden Hall Warrior
Varsity State Champion hockey team,

I'd like to welcome
the future state champs,

the Eden Hall freshmen.

- Here, here.
- (ALL CLINKING GLASSES) Here, here.

We're just glad you loaned us Banksie

so that we'd have a chance
to beat you guys

in the annual
Freshmen-Varsity Showdown.

Now, nobody move.

We've got one last surprise.

Fellas?

(WHEEZES SOFTLY) I love surprises.

Banksie.

JULIE: Where are they going?

Don't worry. We'll be right back.

(SOFTLY) You got the candles?

Guys, I don't want to spoil anything,

but I overheard something in the bathroom.
It's a cake.

Act surprised, all right?

(DOOR CLOSES)

JULIE: What is that? Oh!

CHARLIE: Ah, they are too kind.

(GOLDBERG READING)
"Thanks for dinner, losers."

Oh, man.

Eight hundred and fifty-seven dollars.

AVERMAN: "Eight hundred
and fifty-seven dollars"?

GOLDBERG: Where are we
gonna get that kind of cash?

- You've really got to pick up the pace.
- I'm trying to pick it up.

(MOANING)

We got to respond.

Physics. Each action requires an equal,
if not bigger, reaction.

Hey, man, be cool.
I don't want to mess up my scholarship.

I mean, let's not get caught.

- (CHUCKLING)
- (CHUCKLING) There you go.

(WHISPERS) Coast clear. Come on.

(WHISPERS)
Averman, what are you doing?

- It's a cool sticker.
- Come on.

(SOFTLY) A little to the left.

(GRUNTING SOFTLY)

That's okay, it's just my face.
No big deal.

How's it look to you, Cowboy?

(DWAYNE OVER RADIO) All secure.
I'll go check the other side.

- Come on, let me see.
- No, you keep a lookout.

Careful, man.

They don't call them
Brazilian fire ants for nothing.

Do you think he's gonna notice
them missing?

I don't think
he keeps a head count, Charlie.

(VACUUM SUCKING)

(CHUCKLING) Hey, you a stray calf?

What the...

- Ha, it'd be more fun for me if you ran.
- (SNORTS)

(STAMMERING)

- (HORSE WHINNIES)
- (YELLS)

(WHOOPING) Whoo, little doggies!

- Whoo, you better run!
- Guys!

I'm gonna get you.

They got horses!

I got you now, boy!

Oh, man, you are dead, man!

Dead! You hear me? (GRUNTING)

Thank you!

This ninja stuff really
makes you look, uh...

I... I don't know how you say, um...

Ruggedly handsome?

Amazingly stupid.

Very funny.

Did you get 'em?

Yeah, only a couple, you know...

- Here, use the funnel.
- ...hundred.

(WHISPERING)
Release the hungry fellows.

(CHUCKLING) Drop 'em in there.

There, there.

(WHISPERING) Look at 'em go!

(SNORING)

(SCREAMING)

What is this? Get 'em off me!
Get 'em off my back, man!

- Get 'em off me!
- What the heck are these things, man?

(SCREAMING)
Get 'em off! Let's get out of here!

- Open it! Why aren't you opening it?
- Open the door!

- (BOYS SCREAMING)
- (DUCK LAUGHING)

- (SCREAMING)
- Open it! Open it!

Go on, go on, let 'em out, let 'em out.

(BOYS SCREAMING)

Let's get out of here!

I gotta wash this off!

- Ow, these hurt!
- Ow, these things are burning!

(BOYS CONTINUE SCREAMING)

(DUCKS LAUGHING AND WHOOPING)

You think you're funny, huh?
You think you're worth a damn?

- You're just white trash!
- Uh, who you callin' white trash?

That's right.
We'll take you anytime, anywhere.

- Tomorrow, dawn!
- I gotta get to the showers!

Come again. Bye-bye.
Dinner was great. Thank you.

Move it!

Don't forget to wash
behind the ears. Good-bye.

- (CHUCKLES)
- COLE: I'm gonna kill you guys!

- (GRUNTING)
- Oh, boy. I think it's time to leave.

- Uh-oh.
- See ya.

Come on! (GRUNTING)

Coach says I'm the starter.

Coach? I don't see any coach.

We'll split the shifts.

I want a piece of these guys.

Hey, can we call it even?

I hate ties.

They're like kissing your brother.

AVERMAN: Oh, ants in your mask?

Ah, it looks like
you're a goalie for a dart team.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah, yeah.

(GULPS)

I... I'll go now.

Punk.

They didn't tell me until it was too late.

- Charlie, believe me.
- Yeah, right, preppy.

- RILEY: Okay, guys, concentrate now!
- DUCK: Check! Set!

First to ten. Full check.

Bring it on.

- (GRUNTS)
- CONNIE: Hey!

- Oh!
- Dang!

I got my eye on you.

All right. Two for one!

Come on, buddy, make your move!
Make your move! (GRUNTS)

- (VARSITY CHEERING)
- (DUCKS GROANING)

(LAUGHS)

- (VARSITY LAUGHING)
- Easy.

- Get loose, Charlie.
- Come on, Charlie.

Flying "V"!

I love when they do the "V."

(GRUNTING, SHOUTING)

Oh, man. Oh, please.

VARSITY PLAYER: Shoot it! Shoot it!

(GRUNTS) Oh, come on!

(VARSITY HOOTING)

Come on, defense. Let's go.

Hey, can I get a little defense here?

What do you say, huh?
Help me out.

(GRUNTING)

Try the triple deke.

What do I have to do?

(VARSITY HOOTING)

Gotta get by me first, baby.

(GRUNTS)

Quack, quack, quack,

Mr. Goalie Boy.

CHARLIE: What was that, huh?

- Let me at him, Charlie.
- Oh, hey, here's one.

You got a little problem?

Come on, sweetie.
Come on, take a shot.

Come on. No? No? Huh?
Maybe later, huh?

- You want some, punk?
- DWAYNE: Settle down, boys.

- We can't win if they're gonna cheat.
- Don't show 'em we're hurt.

Keep skatin'.

RILEY: Banks! Get him, Banks!

(BOTH PANTING)

- CHARLIE: Damn it, Banks!
- (VARSITY PLAYER) Icing!

- (GRUNTING)
- Charlie, watch your back.

- That's it. Let's get 'em!
- Let's go, guys. Get 'em!

- Come on!
- Get off me, Charlie! Get off!

- How do you like it, Banks?
- Yeah, nice takedown. You'd be in the box.

- Go cry to your rich parents!
- All right, fine!

(ALL SHOUTING OVER ONE ANOTHER)

CHARLIE: Come on, preppy! (GRUNTING)

GOLDBERG: Hey, guys, wait for me!

(ALL SHOUTING AND GRUNTING)

- (ALL SHOUTING)
- (ORION YELLS AND BLOWS WHISTLE) Freeze!

Hey!

Hey! Break it up!

(VARSITY PLAYER) Whoa, whoa...

Break it up now! Hey!

It's a damn good thing
I'm not your coach.

Now, get your team out of here now!

Varsity team, out! Let's go!

Outta here! Let's go! You, out!

- VARSITY PLAYER: This ain't over.
- DUCK: Get outta here.

- We're gonna destroy you guys.
- Come on, let it go.

Well, congratulations.

You just forfeited whatever mental edge
you might have had over the varsity.

Now they know they own you.

This isn't the Peewees. Your little Duck
tricks are not gonna work at this level.

Now, for the last time,
stay away from the varsity.

And get those Duck jerseys off now.

Let's go.

Now. Come on, let's go. Take them off!

The Ducks are dead.

You got two choices, Conway.

Take off the jersey right now
or you don't play.

You're breaking up the best thing
any of us ever had.

Well, it's time to grow up.

Grow up?

Like you, huh?

A washed-up pro who has to show off
to a bunch of kids.

- Geez, that's real grown up.
- Okay, good-bye, Conway.

Anybody else?

All right.

Good-bye, Fulton.

No one's forcing any of you to be here.
It's your lives.

You decide what to make of them.

All right.

Twenty laps, then hit the showers.

JOSH: And with ten to go in the second,
it doesn't look good for Eden Hall.

The one bright spot is Greg Goldberg,

who skates up on defense
for the first time tonight.

- He's a one-man wrecking crew.
- (DOOR BELL JINGLES)

(SIGHS) Your mother's been calling.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- She's been looking for you.

JOSH: These little Warriors
can't seem to buy a break.

I'm right here.

- (BUZZER SOUNDS)
- JOSH: Ah, there's the buzzer.

At the end of two,
it's the Cardinals four, the Warriors one.

(TURNS OFF RADIO)

Sounds like the team needs you, huh?

(SCOFFS) They don't need me.
What they need is a new coach.

You're not a little boy anymore, Charlie.

Please stop acting this way.

(SIGHS) I just don't know
what this guy wants from me.

He won't let you just skate by.

He demands more.

He wants it because he knows
that it is there inside of you.

Like Gordon did.

He needs you to lead.

How can he expect me to lead
when he takes away my "C"?

I was the captain, Hans.

It's only a letter, Charlie.

Here, I have hundreds. (CHUCKLES)

These are not the same.

Don't make fun of me, Hans.

He took away the "C," Charlie...

not what was under it.

(SIGHS)

Go.

Be with your friends, Charlie.

You are the heart of the team.

Don't let it slip away.

(SCOFFS)

They're the ones that are
slipping away from me.

Are you okay, Hans?

(SIGHS)

(SCOFFS)
I gotta walk. I'll see you.

(DOOR BELL JINGLING)

- (JINGLING CONTINUES, DOOR CLOSES)
- Good-bye, Charlie.

Hey, you're a winner there!
Get that big monkey outta here!

All right, here we go.

You boys playing a little
hookey today, huh?

Oh, don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.

I played a lot of hookey
when I was your age.

Here we go. All right,
who needs balls, who needs tickets?

What do you say we do the coaster?

Forget it, man. We're too old for that.

Come on, man. It'll be fun.

All right.

♪ I got a blue-and-red Adidas bag
and a humongous binder ♪

♪ I'm trying my best not to look
like a minor niner ♪

♪ I went out for the football team
to prove that I'm a man ♪

♪ I guess I shouldn't tell them
that I like Duran Duran ♪

Listen up, Cowboy Dwayne.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart,

Igor Stravinsky, Thelonious Monk.

You're gonna meet all of them... in here.

(MUMBLING)

VENDOR: Chocolate-dipped bananas.

- (GASPS, MUMBLES) Oh, man!
- What can I get you?

From their humble beginnings,
they rose to make a difference!

They struggled, but they prevailed!

- (SCREAMING)
- ♪ This is me in grade 9, baby, yeah ♪

♪ This is me in grade 9
This is me in grade 9 ♪

♪ This is me in grade 9, baby
This is me in grade 9 ♪

♪ I got a red leather tie
and a pair of rugger pants ♪

♪ I put them on and I went
to the high school dance ♪

- ♪ Dad said I have to be home by 11:00 ♪
- (GIRLS GROANING)

♪ Aw, man, I'm gonna miss
"Stairway to Heaven"♪

Let's go.

♪ This is me in grade 9, baby
This is me in grade 9 ♪♪

Take it outside, boys.

Come on.

Sure beats school, huh?

Hey, listen, tomorrow will be more fun.

Yeah, but after that, I mean, what?

- We can't do this forever.
- Yeah, I know.

See, the way I got it figured, we go
to public school for a couple years,

then we just go play Juniors in Canada.

You only gotta be 17.

Man, Charlie, I don't even know
if I could make Juniors.

Are you kidding me?
With your shot? Come on.

I mean... I don't know if I want
to play hockey for the rest of my life.

Sorry.

You're going back.

We can deal, man. The Ducks are there.

Dude.

Fine. Just get outta here then.

I don't care.
I don't need you. Go!

(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)

Mom.

I've been trying to reach you.

Hans... passed away.

What?

(SNIFFLES) It was his time to go.

(ALL RECITING) Our Father,
who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.

Forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against us.

Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

For Thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,

forever and ever, amen.

Excuse me, one second.

Every time you touch the ice,

remember it was Hans who taught us to fly.

- (ALARM BEEPING)
- (GRUNTS, GROANS)

(TURNS OFF ALARM)

6:00 a.m.

- I didn't even set the alarm.
- BOMBAY: I did.

Good morning, Charlie.

Thought we'd spend the day together,
get an early start. Come on.

Go away.

Hans is gone, and I want to be alone.

Look, Charlie, I know you're going
through a rough time. I understand.

You know, not a day goes by that
I don't think about you and the Ducks.

There are no Ducks.

Orion split us apart.

You know, you left us with a real jerk.

Orion?

Well, maybe you don't
know the whole story.

Come on, get dressed. Let's go.

Go away.

Can't do that. Come on.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

Get dressed, Charlie.

(GROANS)

(CHARLIE SIGHS)
What is this all about?

- Sit down.
- (SCOFFS)

♪ ("Waltz of the Flowers"
by Tchaikovsky) ♪

(GIRL GIGGLING)

That's his daughter.

She was injured in a car accident
about five years ago.

He was driving, and they got sideswiped.

(GIRL GIGGLING)

So that's why he gave up playing pros?

When the North Stars left Minnesota,
he stayed.

He didn't want to disrupt her recovery.

Her doctors and her friends were here.

(ORION CHUCKLING)

We all just thought he was some
washed-up bully who couldn't hack it.

He can hack it, Charlie.

(SIGHS)

He just simply made a choice.

I don't think he's ever
regretted it for a minute.

Come on.

Check this out.

Look at that hair.

(CHUCKLES) I look like Greg Brady.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I was like you, Charlie.

When I played hockey,
I was a total hotshot.

Tried to take control of every game.

I wound up quitting.

So I tried the law.

Same thing.

I rule in the courtroom,
but inside I'm a mess.

I started drinking.

Man, I was going down.

But then this...

great thing happened.

Maybe the best thing ever.

I got arrested...

and sentenced to community service.

And there you were,

Charlie and the Ducks.

And as hard as I fought it,

there you were.

You gave me a life, Charlie.

And I want to say thank you.

I told Orion about all this
when I talked to him about taking over.

I told him that you were
the heart of the team...

and that you would learn
something from each other.

I told him...

that you were
the real Minnesota miracle man.

You did?

I did.

So be that man, Charlie.

Be that man.

- (DUCKS LAUGHING AND HOOTING)
- GOLDBERG: Hey, nice move!

- LUIS: Hey, on your left.
- There they are.

GOLDBERG: That doesn't count.
That was below the belt.

Same old Ducks.

- Nothing's changed, Charlie.
- DWAYNE: Hey, it's Coach Bombay!

- Damn, Conway, what took you so long?
- AVERMAN: Come on!

- Get in the game!
- Yeah, come on, Coach!

- Come on, guys, let's go!
- Come on.

("Never Coming Down (Part II)")

- (HOOTS)
- AVERMAN: Yeah, come on, let's go!

- Let's go!
- All right! Yes!

- ♪ We are never coming down ♪
- (GROANING)

- Yeah!
- ♪ I've got up, I can't get down ♪

♪ It's like when you get to
The start of the day ♪

♪ The start of the day
go run run away ♪

- Yes!
- All right!

Hey!

- (LAUGHING)
- (OTHERS) Yeah!

(GORDON LAUGHING)

Put him in the trash can!

♪ Spacehog ♪

♪ Spacehog ♪

- Try this on for size, Goldie.
- (GOLDBERG LAUGHING, GRUNTING)

♪ Oh ♪♪

Mendoza.

Fulton.

Conway?

I want to be on the team, Coach.

I want to play two-way hockey.

Can I come back?

Take a seat. We're running late.

- Let's go. We got a game to catch.
- (BUS ENGINE STARTS)

- RUSS: It's about time, Conway.
- (OTHERS CHEERING)

Welcome back, baby!

- Welcome back!
- Yes!

Crank her up, Mr. Bus Man!

Oh, man, you should have seen your face.

"Oh, Coach, I want to play two-way
hockey. Can I come back?"

- (WHIMPERING) Ow!
- (LAUGHING)

I almost missed you.

Coach, you mind if I have
a few words with your boys?

And girls.

Yes, of course. And girls.

If you can make it quick, Dean.
We're running late as it is.

I'm afraid this is important.

We have a board meeting
scheduled tomorrow, and...

well, you all are on the agenda.

We have to think long-term here.

What's in your best interest.

Hard as it is for me personally,

because you kids have been a breath
of fresh air around here,

the board is going to approve
the withdrawal of your scholarships.

Now, you'll be welcome to stay
through the end of the semester,

but after that,
it will be necessary for you

to enjoy other educational opportunities.

- Dean, I need a word with you.
- I think I've said all I need to say.

No, now.

"Other educational opportunities"?

What's he saying, Russ?

I'll put it in terms you can understand.

- Adios, amigo.
- (WHISPERS) "Adios, amigo."

Oh. I see.

So that's it?
You're dumping 'em, just like that?

Coach, I'm sorry.

Your team isn't performing,
and I've been under enormous pressure.

From whom? The alumni group?

A bunch of aging pep clubbers?

Ted, I'm trying to do you a favor.

With those kids gone,
you'll get to pick your own team.

Let's face it, the Ducks are drowning.

I got my team.

Either they stay or I go.

We'll miss you, Ted.

- DUCK 1: Why us?
- DUCK 2: 'Cause he's a slime.

DUCK 3: Yeah, I know
where that dude lives.

We're just pawns,

puppets for the stage show,

jesters to entertain the king,
barnacles on the bottom of...

Shut up!

Coach, is this legal?

I mean, don't we have
contracts or something?

I don't know what it is.

All I know is we're gonna fight it.

(BUCKLEY CLEARS THROAT)
Do I have a motion for reconsideration?

(BOARD MEMBERS MURMURING QUIETLY)

I'm sorry, Coach, but unless there is a...

motion from a board member and a second,

the decision must stand.

Told you not to worry.

You leave us no choice
but to bring in our attorney.

- VARSITY PLAYER: Please.
- (DOOR OPENS)

(BOARD MEMBERS MURMURING)

Dean Buckley, members of the board.

As counsel for Coach Orion...

and the freshman hockey team,

I'm here today to set forth
your legal options,

so that you may make the best possible
decision for all parties concerned.

Mr. Bombay, this isn't a legal proceeding.

Not yet, but I can assure you
that it will be.

Do you mind?

These scholarships...

an offer...

became a binding contract upon
the signatures of the recipients...

and acceptance by the Ducks.

They cannot be voided except for cause
which, I guarantee you, you have none.

Should you decide to pursue
their cancellation,

I will slap you with an injunction.

I will tie this matter up
in court for years,

until long after these kids
have gone on to college.

And I will collect damages.

I will win.

Because I am very, very good.

You know why I'm so good?

Because I had a good education.

You gave it to me.

And you're gonna give it to these kids.

He is good.

Just gettin' started.

Now some of you may be snobbish enough
to believe that

these Ducks don't belong at Eden Hall.

Let me tell you, you are dead wrong.

These are remarkable young people.

You give them their full shot,

and I promise you they will succeed,
not only on the ice,

but in the classrooms as well.

These people are my friends,

and I know what they can do.

Accordingly,

I demand that you reinstate
their scholarships,

for their benefit...

and for your own.

(WHISPERS) This is ridiculous. Really.

What's going on, man?

(SIGHS) I move that the scholarships...

be reinstated.

(CHATTER)

Is there a second?

All in favor?

We have no choice.

Scholarships reinstated.

(CHEERING)

BOMBAY: For Hans, Charlie.

(JUBILANT WHISTLING)

I've got some business in Chicago,
but I'll be back soon.

- If you need anything, give me a call.
- All right.

Okay? I mean it.

Yeah. Thanks again, Coach.

All right.

- See you later.
- See you.

Hi, Charlie.

Hey.

Listen, I'm sorry I was such a jerk,

but... I'm staying in school.

- And I still owe you that Coke.
- I'm just glad you're back.

Congratulations...
in destroying our school.

- Hey, look, it's our school too.
- It's everyone's school, you stupid jock.

No, it'll never be your school.
Don't you get it?

You're our own little affirmative action,
brought in for color to entertain us.

But you couldn't even do that.

Your fancy lawyer kept you in
on a technicality,

- but you'll never belong.
- You'll never be anything more

than a bunch of rejects
here on a free ride.

Free ride? Look at you, rich boy!

Mummy and Daddy
gave you everything, huh?

Hey, J.V.-Varsity game's on Friday.

Then we'll show the whole school
what a joke you really are.

Then maybe you'll leave on your own.

It'd be... the only honorable thing to do.

You know we're gonna hurt you.

(SCOFFS) Listen, you guys had
an unfair advantage last time.

You had one of us: Banksie.

Oh, well, keep him.

He never
had the heart of a Warrior anyway.

Hey, Biff, one more thing.

After we beat you,
the Warriors die and the Ducks fly.

Hey, anything you say, loser. Hmm?

(CHUCKLES) Jerks.

Good move, Russ.
Make 'em even madder.

Charlie, we gotta do something, man.

Yeah, you're right.

We've gotta get to work.

Let's go, guys! Pick it up!

All right, I've been doing
my homework on the varsity.

I'm not gonna lie to you, they're good.

The way they wiped your faces
in the dirt last time was no fluke.

So if you want your pride back,
you better be willing to work.

ALL: One, two...

ORION: There's nothing glamorous about it.

In the pros,
we call it blue-collar hockey.

Now there's one thing
the varsity does very well.

They're vultures around the net.

They pick up every piece of loose trash.

That's how they beat you.

Not with the first shot;
the second and the third.

They bang in the junk.
So if you wanna win,

you're gonna have to pick up the trash.

Whew, man.

Have any cream cheese?

(DUCKS, ORION CHATTERING)
Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Come on! Who's that?
Who's that?

- Come on, come on!
- Clear the bagel out!

ORION: Who's there? Who's there?

Julie the Cat, nice save!
Here we go!

Get down, guys. All right.

- (DUCKS HOOTING)
- Come on! Throw that garbage in there!

- (DUCKS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING)
- Yes! Whoo!

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

JULIE: All right, looks like
this place is pretty clean.

CHARLIE: Get up, get up!
Come on! On the net!

- The crease is yours! Let's go!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)

Let's go! Get over here!

Grab a knee!

You guys are not skating like Warriors!

(AVERMAN MUMBLES)

You look like something else.

Huh?

You look like Ducks.

- (RUSS CHUCKLES)
- Robertson.

(DUCKS CHEERING, SHOUTING)

(GOLDBERG HOOTING)
All right! Check it out!

ALL: Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.
Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.
Quack, quack, quack, quack.

(CHANTING FADES) Quack, quack, quack...

- Buckley. Good to see you.
- Tom.

JOSH: Fasten your seat belts
and hold onto your hats, everyone.

Oh, do we have
a special showdown for you.

David versus Goliath
in a titanic grudge match.

The winner can truly say
that he is the symbol of Eden Hall.

Tonight the Eden Hall varsity Warriors

do battle with the Eden Hall
freshman Ducks.

That's right, folks,
look at those uniforms.

The sign of the Duck is here
at Eden Hall for at least one night.

This is for Hans.

(CROWD CLAPPING, CHEERING)

JOSH: It appears they're paying homage
to their departed friend and mentor, Hans.

The touching of the ice is
a Norwegian symbol of respect.

They don't belong on our ice.
They don't belong in our school.

- Now show 'em why. Let's go, gentlemen!
- (VARSITY SHOUT AGREEMENT)

All right, let's go hunting
for goose eggs, huh?

Come on, hands in.

On three...

"Quack."

One, two, three.

ALL: Quack, quack, quack...

Quack, quack, quack...

(CROWD JOINS IN) Quack, quack, quack...

(CROWD CONTINUES QUACKING)

- (QUACKING CONTINUES)
- The Ducks, Tom. Quack, quack.

Go, Ducks!

Come on now!

- (PLAYERS HOOT)
- (CROWD CHEERING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

All right!

Bring it on!

You're gonna wish like hell
you stuck with us.

Save the trash talk.

Okay, boys, let's go. Sticks on the ice.

JOSH: The puck is dropped, and
here we go. Ooh, Varsity comes out hard.

(GRUNTING)

JOSH:
Ooh! Big save by Julie the Cat!

At this rate, it's gonna take a miracle
for the Ducks to hang on.

Goldberg, spectacular toe save,
as the Ducks are playing real defense.

- JULIE: Get off of me!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Ooh! Good one! Yeah!

- Fulton, change it!
- Let's go!

All right! Go, Julie!

- Why'd you come back?
- Unfinished business.

We'll finish it for you.

- (GRUNTS)
- Go!

- I'm gonna stand you up!
- (CROWD GROANS)

JOSH:
Warriors are swarming.

Gaffney comes up big again!
Conway gets the rebound...

and ices the puck.

I don't know how much longer
these Ducks can hang on.

Way to hang tough.

These guys keep charging.
What are we gonna do here?

We gotta stand up to them.

Play a little defense.

All right? Let's go!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Clear the puck! Come on!

Clear the puck! Get with it, defense!

JOSH: It's Goldberg,
Germaine and Averman.

Everyone's getting into the act now.

They're clearing out the garbage
in front of the net.

Good get!

JOSH: They aren't gonna allow
any cheap goals tonight.

First shot on the varsity goalie.
Save! Ah, he came up big.

(DUCK GRUNTS)

- (CROWD GASPS)
- Ooh, close one.

- GOLDBERG: Nice save, Catlady.
- Thanks, Goldberg.

Just pickin' up the trash.

- (BUZZER SOUNDS)
- Let's go! Come on, come on!

CONNIE: Come on, guys!
Pick it up, pick it up!

Pick up the hitting now!

JOSH:
Well, if you can't beat 'em, beat 'em.

That seems to be Wilson's message

because the varsity
is really nailing the Ducks now.

Come on!

Whoa!

Come on!

(GRUNTING)

- (HITS GLASS)
- What?

It's a game of hitting,
game of hitting. Come on.

Come on! Let's go!

- (GROANS)
- (VARSITY PLAYER CHUCKLES)

Now I resent that.

- (DUCKS, CROWD GASP)
- (TOM LAUGHING)

Whoa, Les Averman just got levelled.
He must be seeing stars.

Oh, my God.

Ah, it's so pretty up there.

- Way to stand strong, buddy.
- Hi, Coach.

Okay, son. Come on, have a seat.

Keep hitting, they'll break.

Watch yourselves, Ducks.
They're head-hunting, huh?

- Fulton, Goldberg, change it up!
- Go get 'em!

JOSH: Orion sends out Fulton
and their new defensive weapon, Goldberg.

Oh, no.

- (GRUNTS)
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

JOSH: Huge save by Gaffney.

She got caught out of the net,
but she scrambled back in

just in the nick of time.

Nice save, Julie the Cat!

She's an "A" student too.

- (GRUNTS)
- (CROWD GROANING)

Come on!

Well, blow something, ref! Come on!

Oh, now this is getting out of hand.

Guy Germaine just took a vicious check
into the boards.

He's down, and he's not getting up.

- (BLOWING WHISTLE) Let's go.
- You'll be all right, partner.

- (GROANS)
- You're okay. You're okay.

(CROWD MURMURING)

MAN: Okay, Guy, just stay down there
for a second.

Oh, my...

It's okay. Back up, guys.
Give him some room.

- You okay?
- I'm okay. Here, I can skate.

- (VARSITY CHUCKLING, CHATTERING)
- That's hockey.

GOLDBERG: You're all right, Guy.
You'll get 'em back. Yeah.

Get him, get him!

JOSH: Conway on the breakaway!
He's all alone!

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- Come on, Charlie.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

- Oh, beat by the buzzer.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

JOSH: Two periods done,
it's still no score.

You really gotta wonder how much longer
the freshman can take this pounding.

Okay, and now, it's a great pleasure
to introduce

our special, surprise,
in-between-period guest,

from the Anaheim Mighty Ducks

and visiting friends
in the Twin Cities area,

N.H.L. sensation Paul Kariya.

Paul, thanks for being here.

Thanks, Josh.
It's great to be in Minnesota.

So what do you think of the game so far?

The Ducks are playing their hearts out,
but they've got to find a way to score.

Yeah, it's gonna be tough.
This varsity team is big and brutal.

Size isn't everything in hockey, Josh.

The Ducks have the speed
and the determination.

- It's gonna be quite a third period.
- Good point, Paul.

So what do you think Coach Orion's
saying in the locker room?

You're playing hard.
I'm proud of you guys.

They're cheap-shooting us to death,
Coach.

I know they are. I know they are.

It's gonna take a miracle
for us to hold on.

"Dean Portman is awarded a full

athletic and academic scholarship
to the Eden Hall Academy."

I had this lying around
the house in Chicago.

My attorney thought I should sign it.
I agreed.

It's official, boys! I'm back!

(CHEERING)

Bombay.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

Let's go dance on their skulls!

Here we go into the third period
of a well-fought battle.

Oh, look, here come the Ducks.

Hey, wait a second.
Isn't that Dean Portman?

Hey, it looks like
the other Bash Brother is back,

and he's brought the Ducks
a renewed spirit.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Dean Portman hasn't skated
for a while,

but he's known more
for his enforcer skills.

Who is that kid? He can't play.

The kid's got a contract, Tom.
My hands are tied.

(LAUGHS) Look, it's the other
Bash Brother.

Ooh, I'm really shakin' now.

So you're the big enforcer, huh?
It's nice to meet you.

- You know, we got something in common...
- Shut up!

Let's play hockey.

(LAUGHS) Whatever you say, sunshine.

Gentlemen, let's have
a good period of hockey.

Let's see what you got, Bash Brother.

- (LAUGHING)
- (GROWLING)

- (COLE YELLING)
- Oh, my! What a hit!

(CONTINUES YELLING, GRUNTS)

- (CONNIE GASPING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)

Come on, Wilson! Get...

(PORTMAN CHUCKLING)

Now that's clearing the garbage.

Hey, man, we're just getting warmed up.

(PORTMAN CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah, you like
that, huh? Come on, here you go.

JOSH: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Bash Brothers are here to stay.

(GRUNTING)

- (LAUGHING)
- BOTH: Yeah! Whoo!

JOSH: This is more like it. The Ducks
are finally starting to dish it out.

Look at Portman, Fulton and Goldberg!

Oh, the Bash Brothers
are really going to town.

- (DUCKS GRUNTING, LAUGHING)
- Yeah!

It's a legal check.

All right, you guys, work!

- (DUCKS HOOTING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)

- JOSH: Here come the Ducks on a break.
- AVERMAN: Pass it, Guy!

JOSH: Germaine passes to Averman.

Averman fakes, tosses back
to Mendoza! Shoots! Saves!

Oh, no, not again!

All right, change it up!

DUCK: Let's go, let's go!
Come on, hurry, hurry, hurry!

- (GROANS) Ah, come on!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

- Get up, man. Get up.
- I didn't do anything...

21 white, two minutes, hooking.

- Come on, ref!
- What kind of call was that?

- Give me a break. I didn't do anything.
- Let's go, son.

- That's a dive!
- Come on, ref!

(CROWD BOOING)

All right then, do you want to see
a penalty? I'll show you a real penalty.

Get outta my face, man. What the...

Ref, give me a break. That's a dive.

What are you talking about? Oh, please.

Yeah!

(SHOUTING WILDLY)

- (CONTINUES SHOUTING)
- ♪ (Band Playing "Born To Be Wild") ♪

- Shake it all up, baby!
- Hubba, hubba, hubba!

- (CONTINUES SHOUTING)
- (BAND PLAYING)

Charlie, don't give up, man!
They ain't that tough! (SHRIEKS)

(PORTMAN CONTINUES YELLING)

JOSH: This is insanity. Dean Portman is...

He's stripping in the penalty box!

Oh, he has really got this crowd,
especially the ladies going.

Yeah!

(BAND PLAYING)

- Yeah!
- He's taking a dance class, Tom.

- Change it.
- Let's go, guys. Come on.

- Too many men, ref! Too many men!
- Too many!

- White, you got a bench.
- (ORION SHOUTING)

- Bench minor. Too many men on the ice.
- All right, Luis!

- REF: Put a man in the box.
- (CHEERING)

Luis, back on the bench!
Wu, go to the box!

JOSH: Oh, this is bad, folks.

Ken Wu jumped off the bench
a little too early,

and now the Ducks will have
to skate two men down.

All right, time out!

- Time out!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Five on three.
We're never gonna make it.

It's cool little Bash Brother. We can
hold 'em, man. Don't give up. Let's go.

Come on, bring it in.

Now, listen to me.

The pressure is all on them.

All we gotta do is hold our ground.

Okay, Conway, Banks... and Goldberg,

- I'm going with you.
- Me, Coach?

You, Goldberg.
You earned your spot out there.

Okay, Ducks? Here we go! Come on!

- (DUCKS CHATTERING)
- You can do it! You can do it!

Put it in, Guy.

Hey, Charlie...

we're really backed into a corner here.

We hold them for two minutes,
we got ourselves a tie.

We're up to it, Coach.

I know you are, but you deserve to win.

Not careless, but not too careful either.

- (EXHALES)
- If you see your shot, take it.

Make sure it counts.

Go get 'em, Captain.

JOSH: Five on three
for two minutes, and here we go.

Oh, no! Open net!

Goldberg clears it out of the zone.

ORION: Make him make
the first move, Conway.

JOSH: Conway and Riley,
the two captains, are one-on-one!

CHARLIE: Come on, try and take me,
try and take me. Come on.

Whoa!

That's what I'm talking about!

JOSH: Riley goes down and Conway
has the puck with a chance to win it.

Here he comes! A breakaway!
Ten seconds left!

He beats two men! He's all alone! He...

He passes back to...

- Goldberg?
- (WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERING)

- Shoot, Goldberg!
- Shoot, Goldberg!

(SIREN BLARES)

(CHEERING)

Ducks win!

All right!

- Man!
- (CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING)

(BOTH LAUGHING) Yeah!

- Goldberg?
- Goldberg?

- Goldberg! Goldberg!
- Goldberg! Yeah!

Goldberg! Goldie, I knew you could do it.

- Don't ever do that to me again.
- Goldberg, you scored. We win!

(CHATTERING, CHEERING)

- GOLDBERG: We win!
- Good game.

- Hey, thanks.
- We'll get you next time.

- Thank you, Coach.
- All right.

(ORION LAUGHS)

- Hell of a pass, Captain.
- Thanks, Coach.

Great game, Gaffney.

Thanks, Scooter.

(SHOUTING, HOOTING)

Hey, sorry. Our little secret.

Yeah.

(LAUGHING)

I'm proud of you, Charlie.

I love you, Mom.

Go have fun.

Hey, guys! Guys!

- Hey, look what Bombay did!
- Whoo!

(CROWD GASPING)

DWAYNE: All right! Eden Hall
Mighty Ducks! Whoo-hoo!

- (CROWD QUACKING)
- It's Bombay. Yeah.

(CROWD CONTINUES QUACKING)

- Quack.
- (SOFTLY) Quack.

(CROWD CONTINUES QUACKING)

Charlie.

Thank you.

♪ It's the changing of the guard ♪

♪ It's the marching to the drum ♪

♪ To the beating of our hearts ♪

♪ Here we come ♪

♪ Past farm and fields ♪

♪ Mile by mile ♪

♪ With a sword and shields ♪

♪ Lord, we're the rank and file ♪

♪ We have come to visit ♪

♪ Yes, we have come to call ♪

♪ We've come to see ♪

♪ Your empire fall ♪

♪ It's the changing of the guard ♪

♪ It's the marching to the drum ♪

♪ To the beating of our hearts ♪

♪ Here, here we come ♪

♪ It's the changing of the guard ♪

♪ It's the marching to the drum ♪♪

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