Cyst (2020) - full transcript

In the early 1960s, a small-town doctor invents a machine that uses laser technology to remove skin abnormalities. He pulls out all stops to make sure his final chance to get the patent on his "Get Gone" machine goes smoothly but his nurse thinks the machine is dangerous and not ready. The struggle between the two causes the machine to malfunction creating a cyst monster that goes on a rampage in the doctor's office. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
He's almost done.
You're doing just fine.

Thanks, it's not so bad.

Well, one last push.

-You're ready?
- I think so, Dr. Guy.

All right.


Yes, Patty?

I think there's a little more


Well, I guess there was.

That should be it.

- Thank you so much, Dr. Guy.

-I feel like a whole new person.
-It was my pleasure.

I insist.

What happened?


You sure you don't
want to talk about it?

Guy's just being really
difficult this morning.

Probably nervous today.

- The patent examiners are coming.

No, they're not coming today.

-He didn't tell you?

I believe it's my
turn to be seen now.

-You just called my name.

Sherman, Eugene Sherman.

No Sir, go sit down.

Well, don't call my name
if you're not ready.

-He's been doing that all day.
-What's going on?

The patent examiners
are coming back.

-Why is that a problem?

Because last time
didn't go so well.

If they are coming, I'm done here.

Well, they're definitely coming soon.

What happened last time?

This happened.

This machine is dangerous.

-He says it's ready now.
-He said that before.

Okay, let's just get
my last day over with.

-Yes Ma'am.
-Thank you.

Now seeing Carol?

Are you sure you don't
want to see Mr. Sherman?

I thought I heard another name.

Maybe there's a mix up.

-I'm Carol.
-Miss Carol, please follow me.

Please have a seat, Sir.

Won't take long.

How are you doing?

I'm doing okay,
thank you very much.

Weather's a bit cold,
but can't complain.

Thanks for coming in today.

We'll get you fixed right up.

-Thanks so much.
-You're welcome.

-After you.

Please have a seat.

I'll need to do a routine
checkup before we get started.


Tammie said you've got
a small spot on your neck.

Yes Ma'am, I do.

Let's have a look at it.

I think my boyfriend might
have left me because of that.

Oh no.
Then this boy wasn't worth it.

You're beautiful inside and out.

-It's a sebaceous cyst.
-Oh no.

No no, it's non-cancerous,
so you'll be just fine.

And Dr. Guy's a specialist for this,

so you're in good hands.


Let me brief him quickly
and I'll be right back.

Sounds just fine.

I'll be right back.

Laser creates a clean
incision on the area.

I've tested it on
numerous test subjects.

-Like rats?
- No, human tissue, son.

Right, of course.

You think you might
do it for me today?

I mean, yeah sure.

I might even hire you full time.

Oh gosh,
that would be great.

I could really use the
extra money right now.

Let's just don't talk about that yet.

You can't put
a price tag on experience.

We need to talk.


could you give us a minute?

Yeah, sure.

How could you?

-You know.

Okay, relax Patty.
It's gonna work this time.

I told you if you ever use
this machine again, I quit.

Well, if you feel that way,
we'll do fine without you.

The intern's working out just fine.

I mean it.

Look, I am sure someone else
will come along and want to take you.

Just remember to file that paperwork.

You're gonna need it.

I can't believe you.

Well, you might want to start.

See in our next patient, Patty.

This is a good one.

Nice and juicy.

Could you feel that?


I think Patricia said
it was a bodacious cyst.

Is that true? I just want to
make sure it isn't cancerous.

Sebaceous cyst.

I'm sorry she told
you the wrong name.

Look, it's nothing to worry about.

We'll get this out
sooner than later, okay?


Did she tell you
today is her last day?

Oh, no she didn't.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

We are, too.

We are, too.

Can you feel that?

How was that?

-Not to bad.
- Well...

Carol, on a scale of one to 10,

how would you rate it for pain?

Probably a four.


I'm afraid that's high for
this type of procedure.

I'm afraid it's gonna
get a lot more painful.

If that's the way it feels now.

It is.

Carol, I would like to
offer you an exclusive,

that I do for certain patients...

with this type of pain tolerance.


I've invented a machine
that virtually performs

this operation pain-free
and it removes a cyst,

just like... that.

I call it "The Get Gone".

Thank you so very much, Dr. Guy,

but I really think I'm good.

Well I insist that
you think about this,

because it's much healthier for you.

And if you're worried
about a little scarring,

I've got a little
special cream for that.

Oh, I... yeah,
I appreciate the offer.

We'll even offer it half price.

-Thank you, that's very generous.
-I'll slice the cheese even more.

This is starting
to feel uncomfortable.

-Well, what if...
-She said no.


Let's just do it
the old fashioned way,

the more expensive way,

the less efficient way,
the less practical way,

and the much more painful way.


let's get started.

Well, how was that?

I think you just caught
me by surprise a little bit.

-Well, you want to use the "Get Gone"?
-Oh, no!

Wow, there's a little bit
more in there than I thought.

Okay, go get Clarence
to clean this mess up.

Thank you very much, Patty.

Hey Carol, today's Patty's last day.

-Can you believe that?
-Yeah, you already told me.


Sorry, guys, this dang bucket.

For the love of God,
can't you see I'm operating?

Every time this dang guy.

Patty, we are all excited now,
because Peter is our new intern.


He's gonna take Patty's place.

We are so excited, because he's
gonna pop some life into this area.

-Aren't ya, boy?
-Yeah, sure.

Patty, let's let Preston
do the stitches today.

I know it's his first time,

but you're okay with
that, aren't you, Carol?

Um, I...

Well, you wouldn't
have to use stitches,

if you used "The Get Gone".

But, but...

Oh, I like that one too.

Patty, the patent examiners are
supposed to be here any minute

and Carol was supposed
to be our test subject,

but that didn't happen.

-So I was wanting to know,
if you guys would... -No!

No what?

-If you think I'm letting...
-I figured you'd back out.

-Good thing we got trusty Peyton.

-Well, what about you, boy?

You got anything against
saving people's lives.

I mean, I don't, I don't.

-I don't...
-You can do it.

I don't, I don't.

You can do it.

- I won't let you down, Doctor.
-That's what I like to hear.

Patty, go out and welcome
our guests to the front.

Let's find us a growth.

You're okay?

Well, it looks like
today's my last clay here.

At least one of us is
getting out of here alive.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

What are you saying?

-He's different.
-Like losing his mind?

He lost that a long time ago.




That looks a little small.

I thought it was acne.

Do you have any other spots,
that don't know about?

None that I'm aware of.


I'm gonna put some
treatment on this,

to make absolutely sure
we get the full potential

of "The Get Gone".

What do you mean?

I'm gonna grow this,
so that it gets bigger.

Small price to pay to get
you down the history books.

I just want to keep my job, Sir.

Well, keep it up.

You might not have to
worry about working again.

Heck, you might even get
paid if you're lucky.


I don't think that you would listen.

Well, this whole thing is wrong.

You are wrong.

Oh, hello Patricia.

It is so nice to see you again.

Della,... AI.

Thanks for coming in today.


Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Patricia.

Oh, it's just Miss.

Pleasure to meet you, too.

Let's just get this thing
started and over with.

-Shall we?

Right this way.

So what is different
about his machine this time?

He's making changes all the time.

Does it work?

-Last time it was a disaster.
-I'm sure he's made improvements.

Well, I hope so because
this is his last chance.

Patricia, can you explain the device?

The machine is supposed to make skin
removal operations less painful,

more efficient, and affordable.

Well, that could, that's it, that could
cut down the use of metal tools

and certain infections.
I mean it would dramatically...

raise the health code scores up...
for all general practices.

That's the idea.

Oh my gosh.

It is so good to see you again.

Thank you all so much coming.

-It means the world to me,

from the bottom of my heart.

But I do have
some terrible news today.

It's Patty's last day.

My condolences to Patricia,

but we need
to get this thing moving,

because we need to get out of here.

-I thought we had all morning.
-No no, we talked about this.

-We did.
-More than twice.

One hour and we are out.

-Out the door.
- I was just gonna say.

all like last

-Not like last time.
-The clock starts...



Well this new version of "The Get Gone"

works so well, that our
trusty intern here, Presto,

has volunteered
to be our patient today.

He'll be explaining...
the machine.

-Yeah, ah...

-Presto, just read it.
- Yes, this...


an interstellar processor,

a warp combabulator.

-A warp what?

And a thermite compactor.

You wanna follow
along a little bit more'?

Just read this,
it's great information.



I'm gonna do it again.

This new unit features a patented.

That's not patented yet.

Look, this is "The Get Gone",

patented vulcanized, hypervacuum.

Not patented.

That sucks the infected
area down the glide tube

into the patented antinuclear sack.

-It's not patented.
-It's not patented.

Pending. Look,
I got to work on this machine.

Patty, just read this.

Why get upset,
when you can got "Get Gone".

When you got a cyst as
big as a fist, "Get Gone".

When you got a growth
you've grown to loathe, "Get Gone".

That was amazing.
Thank you so much, Patty.

-She really wanted to do it.
-No I didn't.

This is the area,
we'll be working on today.

That thing's a lot
smaller than last time.

Much smaller.

I'm not getting a patent on a cyst.

We just want to see it
work on something larger.

I mean, you can remove
that with tweezers.

This isn't life threatening.

Okay, let's talk about the machine.

Let's talk about the damn machine!

Doctor, you might want
to give it a second before.

-What's happening?
-I must've held the buttons too long.

No, your machine
went kaputz on its own.

It's a failure again, Doc.

Listen, we're out of here.
I don't have time for this.

And I don't want to get any more
your sob story letters, we're done.

The power converter
needs a nuclear fuse

and we still have 45 minutes.

-We are outta here.
-Look, you're wasting time now.

We really need to go.

I pay my damn taxes and
I'm gonna get my 45 minutes.

Patty, take them
next door to the diner.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Sorry about that.

Well, I'm not gonna
say "no" to a free lunch.

I remember this place from last time.

Guess this trip
won't be a total bust.

The sausage is great.

Biscuits and gravy,
that's what I'm doing.

I wonder, if they have grits.

-What, I've never tried grits before.

Consider yourself lucky.

I'll have grits with you, Bill.

Of course, you do.

-What can I get for you guys?
-We're sort of in a rush.

We need one order
of B and G's, fruit,

two orders of grits, sausage,

and two eggs sunny side
up and four coffees.

-Thank you.

Aren't you special?

Sorry that Dr. Guy's being
a little bit cranky today,

but I think he's just nervous.

-It's your last day, isn't it?
-Yes, it is.

Bet you're happy.

So what are you gonna do now?

I might start selling
my own jewelry.

You make jewelry?

I'd love to see
something you've designed.

Dr. Guy's wearing a copper
bracelet around his wrist.

I made it for him.

I'll check it out.

So, you're getting
out of the health field.

Well, I might go back someday.

Sometimes a change of
scenery does wonders.

I think that's really smart.

Thank you, Bill.

So, Patricia, is there
anything you want to tell us

before we go back over?

I mean, Guy's been throwing himself
into this machine for years.

And frankly I've never
seen a need for it.

Never seen a need for it,

especially after what
happened to you the last time.

Yeah, how's your arm?

Couldn't be better, thanks.

Wait, what happened?

-Well, if you don't mind me asking.
-Maybe we shouldn't bring it up.

No, it's fine, really.

Last time Dr. Guy got a
little bit too excited

during the test and he
turned the power up too high.

Luckily, the machine turned
off after a few moments.

Did that laser incision
leave any scarring?

No, not at all.

Oh, did I tell you the
Dr. Guy began working

on an ointment, that will
rejuvenate damaged cells?

Rejuvenate damage cells?

We're gonna get a chance
to see that today?

No, that's definitely not ready yet.

They wanted it bigger.

They wanted it bigger!

Dr. Guy?

What are you doing?

I'm getting my damn patent.

That was delicious.

Shall we?

We don't have much time left.

Oh, don't worry about the check.

-It's on Dr. Guy.
-Are you sure?

Thank you.

You know Patricia, since
this is your last day and all,

I think it's safe for me to say,
that I think...

I always thought Dr. Guy
was a little crazy.

I mean, what kind of guy obsesses
over a machine like that?

I know, I mean we see a
lot of machines in our line,

don't we, Della?

We see a lot of machines,
mostly food related,

-I'll tell you what, this thing is...

-Bizarre, never seen anything like it.
-Weirdest thing I've ever seen.

-Well, you know what they say,

it takes a crazy person to...

-Change the world.
-Who the hell says that?

Well, I've been here for an eternity.

Your appointment is at two o'clock.

It's 12:20.

That's not even early,
that's just dumb.

I need this thing off me now,

or else I'm gonna
walk out of here now.

Thank goodness! Ready?


- No!


Are you okay?

Is something wrong?

That's who I feel.
Now where's my lunch?


My stomach's so dang empty.

Where is it?

-I didn't know...
-Get on with it, what?

I didn't know you wanted
me to bring your lunch.

-Didn't know?

You didn't know, did you?

You didn't know.

Well, don't worry.

I'm just fine.

Last day.

Gonna miss you so much.

Well, well, well.

I hope you all had a nice lunch,
'cause you know what?

I didn't get one.

But today is the day,
'cause you're gonna come here

and see what you've
all been waiting for.


Please show our
guests to their seats.

Patty, get to it.

Guy, you got five minutes
and we are out of here.

Out the door.

Well, great!


Are you okay with that?
Five minutes?

Is it big enough... now?

What is it?

What is it?

- Patty?
-Uh, huh?

Do the blessing.

Do the blessing, Patty.


Do the blessing.
Do the song blessing quickly!

(Patricia humming)
-Quiet, quiet.

Stop it!

As you can see,...
the laser is working.

Pugsley, how does it feel?

It hurts.

I'm going to turn it up to three.

You have one minute left, Guy.

Turn it off!

-Turn that thing off!

It's stuck to the center.
Turn it off!


Do something, do something!

Oh my God!

Time's up, Guy.
We're out of here!

This time I'm shutting
you down for good.

What have you done?

You know, it wasn't ready.

I'm getting that patent.

What the?

That's it, I'm outta here.



It's gone.
It's gone!

Is this on the doors too?

-Just hold on, Patty.
-But why?

Just I did a little lockdown
procedure, that's all.

-With a way out?
-Just relax, Patty.

When the clock hits five, I'm out.


Hey, hey I need some help here.

Please can you help me?

Come and give me some help.
Look, it's not doing anything.

It's just like sitting there.

This is a doctor's office, right?

Because it's your specialty, right?

Come on, help me!

Come on, help, I'll do anything!

Your patent!

-The patent?
-Yes, I'll give you your patent.

-Help me.

Help me.
You gotta help me!

Come on!

-Clarence, where did you get that?
-I'm sorry.

Thought I was gonna be ready.

All the doors and
windows locked down?

- Looks like it.
-We are not breaking through that metal.

It is made for nuclear fallout shelter.

-He didn't build an exit?
-I don't know.

-You're kiddin' me?
-What about the monster lady?

-You want me to shoot her?

We just need to
get that cyst off her.

It's just a cyst.
I think... I hope.

Let's go!

Put that down.

-I need y'all's help. -Trust him?
-I'm not going in there, you can.

Come on.
You're good.

- We have to save him.
- No, I ain't going.

Okay, I'm going in.

-I need your help.
-I'm not, I'm not go.

We going in here?

Come on!


Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa...

"The Get Gone" is ready.

-It's the only way.
- Anything...

anything, I'll give you your patent.

Please, just get
that thing off of me.

-Can't we just cut it off?
-Oh God, that is so stupid.

Where'd you come up with that idea?

That's why I'm the doctor
and you're the receptionist.

Really, you want to laser it off?


No, please.
Please God, don't do that.

Please, no.

Am I dead?

Clarence, that's not going to...

Is it dead?

Are you gonna clean that up?

We're screwed.

Yeah, she hadn't even
given us a patent yet.

Let's get that thing off.

Just be careful this time.

Vacuum off, laser on.

Let's blast this thing.

Oh, thank God.

It worked.

It worked!

Oh, thank God.

It worked.

It worked.

Oh Dr. Guy, as soon
as I get out of here,

I am gonna sign
that patent paperwork.

You mean it?

As I live and breathe.

It worked!

Shut your stupid mouth.

People are dead right now.

This is no time to
think about your patent.

Just tryin' to be positive.

I think we made it angry.

We need to trap it and
come up with a plan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-You get her?
-Yeah, locked her in the closet.

Good work, Clarence.

Not sure I should have
put her in there, but it's all right.

It's all right.

-Is there a problem?
-No, no, no problem.

Let's just get out of here.

Is there an exit?

-Not exactly.
-What does that mean?

It means no!

You got any dynamite
or anything else in here

that we don't know about,
that might actually help.

The laser might be
able to melt the door.

It's not big enough.

Couldn't we amplify it?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What is this noise?

I have a confession.

I may have been stashing

some sharp metallic
utensils in that closet.


Amassing might be a better word.

That's why I've been having
to buy scalpels every week.

Yeah, I'm a sculptor.

You know how
expensive metal supplies are.

You're fired.

If Patricia was leaving,
I was gonna quit anyways.

Oh, no!


-Where's Clarence?
- Probably just sculpting.


What's happening?

I don't know!

Y'all just calm down.
It'll be fine.

I think it's gone.

You sure?

-Someone's out there.



Patricia, is that you?

-What are you doing?
-You're not going out there.

I can't see.

Let me go, I'm not
going to let him die.

He's already dead.

It's a cyst monster
acting like Bill.



Okay, fine!

You're the worst doctor ever!

You're the worst nurse ever!

This is the worst job,
I ever had.

Well good luck getting
a referral from me.

You're not leavin' me!


-I love you!
-I hate you!



Patricia, are you in there?

Hell, I'll do it.

I'm coming to get you.

If y'all wouldn't have been fighting,
we probably could have saved him.

-It's her fault.
-What are gonna do now?

We're gonna kill that thing.

If we stay in this room any longer,
y'all are gonna kill each other.


How about we go up front,

get as far away from
that thing as possible?

I already told her I love her,
I'm not going out there.

-Stop it!
-Just shut up,

I'm tired of hearing your mouth.

You're sure, there's no way
to reverse the lockdown?

-Only in case of emergencies.
- What?

Fine, there's a breaker in
the base with a reversal switch,

but I'm not going down there.
The doors don't work.

I don't know,
what else is down there.

Oh, wait.

So if I pull that switch,
we can get out of here'?

Of course.
I'm not an idiot.

All right.
I'll go down.

And after I hit that
switch, I'll come back up.

So please, Tammie, find a way
to distract the cyst for our exit.

-Got it.
-Patty, if you need my help.

Oh my God.

Oh God!

You should go check on her.

-She'll be fine.
-If you really love her, you should go.

I only said that to win the fight.

Look, you can't lie to me.

I know what's going on.

You're mad at her for leaving,
and this is just payback.

That's preposterous.


Go away!

-You got a plan?
-Not yet.

You're hurt, aren't you?

Maybe it just
wants to be wanted...

or loved.


Come here, cyst.

I know how you feel.

All those days you
just want some loving

and no one wants you clinging on.

I'm clinging too

It just means we care a
little bit more than others.

Tammie, you know,
that's a bad idea.

No, Tammie.

It's okay,
he's not gonna hurt me.

I can see it in his eye.

You're not,
what they think you are.


Come here, baby.

See? It's working.

A little closer.

Tammie, no!


No, fuckin' no!

-Let me go!

Let me go!


"The Get Gone" is ready.
Let's use it.

But we have to find
a way to amplify the laser

and destroy the cyst.

Well, all the tools are inside it.

-What about your examiner?
-It's over there in the cabinet.

When the laser hits it,
it will magnify the beam.

-That can work.
- Yes, it must work.


Have you always hated me?

No, it just took me so long
to find out who you really are.

It's coming!

One of us will have
to be in here with it.

We can work this out.

I'm sure we can.

Open the door!

Open the door, it's stuck!

Last day.

I'll miss you so much.

No! No, please!

Looks like you're gonna be
out of here by five after all.

Oh, no!


Give that back!

I insist!

Get gone!

Okay, here we go.

Mark, please.

Scene 28, Take 1, mark,.

So long, suckers!


-You're on screen.

-No, he's just a spectator.
Leave him alone. -I didn't know that.

I don't even know,
what they are doing. Sorry.



You know that very well.
All good, that will relax.

Relax? What is going to relax?
I'm not going to relax.

-No, I just...

The early bird, ma'm.
I'm the early bird.

-Which one, the cuckoo bird?
-Oh you think I make jokes?

But with a bowling ball in the neck,
you become immune to insults.

You're lucky.

Okay, Doctor.

Oh man, stop it! That accent!

That accent!

Dr. Guy?

Not patented!

That accent! Where does it
come from? I've never heard it before.

I know your lies, Dr. Guy.

You got to be good.

Just go to a happy place
and you'll be fine, okay?

Everything is correct. Alright?

You're gonna feel right.

I'm turning it up now...

Oh, am I dead?

Kiss me!

No! Yes!

No! Yes!
I'm getting that patent.

They're filming me!

And then they're going wrap.

Oh, my God!!!

Not patented?

All these years!
All these years!

-I love you!
-I hate you!

-I hit my head, but it's okay.

Okay, now do the
one with the lasagna.

-The what?
-The lasagna one.

-You're just making fun of me.
-Oh, yeah.

I don't care.

All right.

Toss the lasagna!

Get gone, motherfucker!

One, two, three...

No. Again, please. Sorry.

Sorry, guys.

Okay! One, two, three.

-My patent! My patent!

We are ready.
Get up, here.

Take four, mark!

-I thought, it looks better slow.
-It's pretty awsome.