Cut (2010) - full transcript

Five friends return from a cocktail party to a cottage deep inside the English woods of the Peak District. Having brushed off the notion of urban legends as rubbish, never occurring in reality, our protagonist's slowly find themselves weaving through their very own horror story.

(eerie music)

- No, I'm babysitting
for the Burtons again.

I'm not too old.

Anyway, the pay is great,
and Mr. Burton's hot.

I'm not.

Shit, Sandy, you scared me, sweetheart.

- Did you say a bad word?

- No. I said ship. Ship's not a bad word.

- You said shit.

- Never say that word, Sandy, never.

Holly, I'm going to have to go

and put Sandy back to bed.

Listen, sweetheart,
you're going to have to

go back to sleep.

- [Sandy] The scary clown will get me.

- What scary clown?

- [Sandy] The one at the end of my bed.

- Come on, Sandy. It's
only your imagination.

It's only a toy clown. It can't hurt you.

- It's not a toy. He talks to me.

- It's just your imagination,
love. Go to sleep.

- It said it was going to hurt me.

- It's just your imagination.

- I swear.

- What was it last week?
Monsters in the cupboard?

- Please, Annette. Please
don't make me go back in there.

- You can't let these silly
things get the better of you.

- I won't go. Please, no.

- [Annette] Get up them stairs right now.

(Sandy stamping)

Bed, now.

(muffled rainfall)

(phone beeping)

Hello, Ms. Burton, is that you?

Yeah. Hang on a second. It's a bad line.

Just let me turn up the volume.

- [Ms. Burton] Is Sandy okay?

- [Annette] Yeah. Well,
she's not hurt or anything.

- [Ms. Burton] But?

- But she keeps on
getting herself worked up

about this clown.

- [Ms. Burton] Clown?

- Yeah. She keeps on
saying it's talking to her.

It's going to hurt her.

- [Ms. Burton] What are
you talking about, Annette?

What clown?

- [Annette] The life size
one at the end of the bed.

- [Ms. Burton] Annette,
listen to me very carefully.

Get Sandy out of the house right now.

Run to the neighbors and call the police.

- I don't understand what-

- [Ms. Burton] Annette,
I'm begging you, please.

Go upstairs and get Sandy right now.

- What? I don't understand.

- [Ms. Burton] Sandy
doesn't have a toy clown.

Oh my God. Someone is inside
my daughter's bedroom.

Annette? Annette?

(ominous music)

(Annette screaming)

(clown shouting)

(eerie music)

♪ We talk like children ♪

♪ Each day would last eternally ♪

♪ Lost standing room to
what time could tell ♪

♪ Before our freedom
was left to figure out ♪

♪ What to do with itself ♪

♪ It was already gone ♪

♪ Before I fell asleep in your arms ♪

♪ We knew that it was already gone ♪

♪ And I don't want to keep
running scared eternally ♪

♪ It's too late ♪

♪ It burns like an eternal sun ♪

♪ Too late ♪

♪ So tell me why the pain goes on and on ♪

♪ And it burns all night ♪

♪ Pieces of my soul ♪

♪ Will come off in my hands ♪

♪ And when you've nothing left to lose ♪

♪ Think of the worst things you could do ♪

♪ And try to make them all come true ♪

- Fucking perfect.

♪ Sleep tight, my baby ♪

♪ No, sweet dreams are on their way ♪

- [Jack] So, he turned
up in Amsterdam, right?

- Amsterdam. In some sort of
dark and dingy member's club.

Fuck only knows how he got in.

- Who is this again?

- One of the clients. His name is Dave.

- Dave.
- Dave.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

So, your early entertainment
is your typical,

run of the mill porn show.

Few beers. Couple of spliffs.

Gets to about midnight,

and this stunner walks across the stage.

- What's she look like?
- Stunning.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So, the lads are transfixed,
as she slowly does her thing.

She arrives at the money shot,

and she stops.
- Why's she stop?

- To make an offer.
- To who?

- Dave, of course.
- Dave?

- Dave gets up on the
stage with the stunner.

- Yeah?

- The deal is, which Dave agrees to,

is that he pays 100 euros,

and for 10 minutes he can
do whatever he likes to her.

- Anything he wants?

- Except he's not allowed to fuck her.

- Oh my God, no.
- She says

that fucking is reserved
for the second 10 minutes,

where she can do anything
she wants to Dave.

- Nice one, yeah.

- So naturally, the lads had a whip round,

and Dave had a ball.

For 10 minutes, he was loving it.

- And then what happened?

- Then it was her turn.

She made Dave lie on his front on the bed,

which was already on the stage.

- The bed was on the stage?
- Yeah.

She tied each one of the Dave's four limbs

to the four bedposts.
- Okay.

- What's he going to do?

He's already agreed to let
her do whatever she wants.

She then walks off the stage,

and in walks a big
muscly brute of a fella,

who slips one straight up
a struggling Dave's arse.

- Come on.
- I'm serious.

- What did Dave's friends do?

- Well, they tried hard
to get to the stage,

but it turns out this member's club

is populated by handy bastard Dutchmen,

more than happy to take on
pissed-up English blokes.

They couldn't get anywhere near Dave.

It seems this place enjoyed
suckering in dumb-fuck tourists

on the regular.

- That's a terrible story,

but what does it have to do
with what's going on here?

- It may seem like a good idea.

- I fail to see the downside.

- So did Dave, and he ended up catching it

right in the arse.
- Yeah, literally.

- Exactly.

- Yeah, but nothing's
going to go wrong here.

- Your girlfriend's in the next room.

She could come in here any minute.

- No, she's taking a bath.
She could be in there forever.

- Jack. I'm just not comfortable.

- You know, no one is
going to know about this,

except for you and I.

- Jack, you can't.

- Oh, we can, and not
only can we, but we must.

- What if she wakes up, mate?

- [Jack] She's not going to wake up, Mike.

She's had way, way, way too much vodka.

She's out for the count.

(men whispering)

- Jack, Jack, wait.

- If you keep talking,
you're going to wake her up.

- Okay. You just said-
- Ssh.

(harsh whispering)

- No, no, no. Jack, Jack, look.

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.

Stop it.

(latch clicks)

- [Natalie] What the hell are you doing?

- [Jack] Oh. Hey baby.

I thought you were taking a bath.

- [Natalie] Never mind that.

What the fuck are you doing in here, Jack?

And why does Michael look
like he's about to pass out?

- Well, as you can see, Mia was...

Well, she's had a lot to drink.

So Michael and I were
just going to put her

in the recovery position to make sure

that she lived through the night.

- Too much vodka.
- Oh, shut the fuck up,

- Baby-

- Don't baby me.

I spend the night with a smile
plastered across my face,

even after you tell me about Michael.

- You told her?

- Shut the fuck up, Michael.

I shake hands with a million people

and play the part of the
proud girlfriend all night,

only to find you in here
with a passed out Mia

on the bed.

- I glad to see that it's
such a struggle for you

to enjoy yourself.

- I can't believe you told her.

- Shut the fuck up, Michael.

- What's going on?

- Exactly what I'm trying
to get to the bottom of.

- I'll tell you what.
I'll leave you guys to it.

- Yeah.

- [Andy] Come on, you
know you're going to do it

for us anyway.

I'm going to make sure
that there's a nice, big,

fat, juicy tip in it.

You know what?

Let's make it three
large pepperoni pizzas.

Come on, now it's worth your while.

Come on.

Come on.

Yes, I love you, you big
pizza-making dickhead.

I'll see you in a bit.

Food's on the way.

- [Mike] And you don't
think it a good idea

to be a little bit more polite
to the man bringing you food?

- [Andy] What for, Michael?

He was just too lazy to
actually drive it here,

never mind make it.

- Yeah, but what would be really good,

really good is to know
that the cheese on my pizza

isn't knob cheese.

- Oh, see, I got this memo
the other day and it said,

"Michael loves knob cheese."

Wasn't that right?

- Wanker.

- Right, I've got one for you.

- [Mike] Okay. Come on.
- This one's good.

- Mhmm.

- [Andy] Someone was going to
give you 6.9 million pounds.

- Who's going to do that?
- Me.

- You?
- No.

- You haven't got a tenner.

- All right, I haven't got a tenner.

- You can pay for the
pizzas if you're lucky.

- Hey, I'm going to
borrow some money off you.

I'm good for it. I am totally good for it.

But listen, I've won seven million pounds.

Say I've won seven million pounds.

- And you're going to give me 6.9 of it?

- Yeah-
- Are you an idiot?

- I like the number 69. What do you want?

- Come on.

- But you've got to live
with one of two things.

- Okay, go for it. Come on.

- You have to commit an act of incest.

- Incest, yeah.
- Or an act of bestiality.

- Bestiality, okay. What animal?

- An aardvark.

- Aardvark. Is that the one
with the long snout thing?

- Yes, it is.

- No. What about the member of the family?

Could it be like a second cousin? Yes?

- It's really got to be a sister, dude.

- Oh, that's nasty. You're
horrible, you know that?

You're a sick bastard.

- We'll give you some
rohypnol for it as well.

- That's very...

- [Andy] What the fuck was that?

- [Mike] Yeah, do I look like Columbo?

- [Andy] Yeah, a lot, to be fair.

Now go and fucking check
the fuse box, will you?

- [Mike] I'm not an electrician, Andy.

- [Andy] No, I know, you're Columbo,

but you can still check a fuse box.

They're not even that difficult.

- [Mike] If it's so easy, you
go and fucking do it then,

you miserable...

(Jack laughing)

- Very fucking funny.

- [Jack] Yeah, that's a good one.

- [Mike] What happened to
the power, Jack? Any idea?

- [Jack] I don't know. I
think it was probably a surge.

- [Natalie] Or maybe
just this freaky house.

- Hey.

- [Jack] Baby, why are
you so edgy tonight?

- [Natalie] Perhaps because I hate staying

in the middle of nowhere.

It freaks me out, being so cut off.

- [Andy] Oh, come on, Natalie.

Cut off? We're hardly cut off.

I don't even think you can be cut off

in this day and age in England.

- A 30-minute drive is
the middle of nowhere,

as far as I'm concerned,

I can't even get mobile
phone reception. It sucks.

(ominous music)

- What the hell was that?

- Maybe it was the power.

- Since when does power make
a thudding noise like that?

- [Mike] Where's Mia?

- I left her in the bathroom.

- [Mike] Oh, for...

She's still half shit-faced.
She's probably fallen over.

- Well then, one of us,
perhaps her best friend,

should go and check on her.

- Come on now, guys. You
know I can't stand blood.

She's probably fallen over or something.

- [Andy] Hi, neighbor.

- All right, well, I'll go then.

- [Andy] Cheers, yeah.
Have a good time, mate.

- Don't rush and try
and stop me, will you?

- [Andy] Yeah, cheers, Michael.

Is that pepperoni?

- [Mike] Mia?

- [Natalie] Starving.
- [Mike] Mia, you okay, mate?

Mia, you all right?



Mia, you okay?

Mia, you all right? Mia, answer me, girl.

Mia, the door's open. You okay?

All right, Mia, I'm going to come in,

but I promise you, my intentions
are entirely honorable.


- [Mia] Michael. Are you okay, Michael?

- [Mike] You scared the
bejesus out of me, girl.

- Sorry. I didn't mean to.
- [Mike] It's all right.

You okay? We heard like a crashing sound.

I came up to check on you.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

The bang was just me
knocking over the towel rack.

Unfamiliar surroundings,
combined with a little

sustained tipsiness, I'm afraid.

- [Mike] You were well gone earlier, girl.

- Bedroom?
- [Mike] Hmm?

- It's a bit hot and steamy in here.

Want to come through to the bedroom?

- [Mike] Okay.

- I've got a little confession to make.

- [Mike] Oh yeah?

- I have a higher tolerance
to vodka than you might think.

- Yeah?

- I wasn't exactly fast
asleep, earlier on.

Give us a tissue.

- Okay. And you're...

- [Mia] I overheard a little
conversation taking place.

- You're telling me this why, exactly?

- [Mia] I don't know.
- [Mike] Okay, okay.

Okay, I give in. I tried
to talk him out of it.

- Is that why you left the room

when he decided to go ahead
with his little crime?

- [Mike] No. I didn't-

- What? Want to miss the show?

- [Mike] I had to make sure that Jack-

- Make sure Jack what?

- You were faking that whole time?

- Not the whole time.

I wake up somewhere in the middle

of the whole Amsterdam thing.

- Why didn't you say something?

- What, and miss all that
fun? I don't think so.

I thought you were both going to collapse

when (indistinct).

- Thanks for taking pity on us
when Natalie walked in, girl.

- You're welcome.

- How far-

- What, would I have let you go?

You'll never know now, will you?

- All right.

- Maybe this'll give you an idea.

(Mia laughs)

What was that?

Michael, snap out of
it. I heard something.

Who else is upstairs?

- No. No one, okay? Don't worry.

Let me go and check.

- [Andy] Come on, you fuckers.

- [Mia] What the hell are you doing?

- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You guys disappeared up here ages ago.

I thought something happened
to you. I'm sorry, dude.

- Well, what are you
going to do with that,

you paranoid idiot?

- [Andy] I don't know.

I'm going to whack him on the
head with it, or something.

- Don't you have any kitchen
knives in this house?

- Kitchen knives? I
might have cut somebody.

I could have cut myself. I
can't do something like that.

What's the matter with you?

- But you could batter someone
to death with a spoon now?

- I might batter to you to
death with a spoon. Ungrateful.

- Listen to me,

how about both of you just leave me alone

so I can get changed?

- Oh no, no, no.

- Out.

- We can stay for that.



- [Mike] You absolute bastard.

What the fucking hell do
you think you're playing at?

- What?
- She was in there...

- I was trying to rescue you.

- With a spoon?

- [Andy] What? At least
I was doing something.

- [Mike] It's a fucking soup
spoon, Andrew. A soup soon.

- [Andy] I'm tired of you not
appreciating my efforts, okay?

I want a divorce.

- She's fine, see?

- [Natalie] God.

- [Jack] You're all nervous.

I told you you were being paranoid.

- It's your fault for insisting
we stay in this place.

Right, now, I need a cigarette.

You're going to come out with me, yeah?

- Your wish is my command, my princess.

- That's how you should always talk to me.

Without the hint of sarcasm, though.

- Nice night, tonight, huh?

- Don't do that, honey.
That's a filthy habit, okay?

- You love that I'm filthy.

- Keep talking like that,

and you know what's going to happen.

- In your dreams, stud.
- I am your dream, baby.

- Nightmare, more like.

- Oh. I cannot believe that
you told Michael about me.

- Why shouldn't I know?
Potentially affects us all.

- Yeah, but I mean, I don't
know. Maybe it was my mistake.

I mean, I just think Michael
should have told you himself,

you know?

I shouldn't have said anything.

- It's fine. You did the right thing.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

- Okay, good.

- No, no, no.
- What?

- You want to stay serious for a minute?

I need to talk to you.

- Let's just kiss a little bit,

and then we can be serious later, okay?

- No, it's important.
- What's it about?

- It's to do with why I
wanted to bring Mia tonight.

- Are you having an affair with her?

- No.
- You're sure?

Because I'm just letting you know,

I'm a surprisingly liberal fellow.

Be happy to accommodate you-

- Get that one out of your head.

- No, no, no, really. I just-

- Get it out of your head.
- You, me, her.

Something like that? No?

- You're not that lucky.
I'm not a lesbian.

- Prove it.

- You truly know how to
sweep a girl off her feet.

(ominous music)


- [Jack] What's the matter with out here?

- You're lucky enough to
be scoring as it is, mate.

- Come on. It'll be fun.

- I can be just as much fun inside.

- Okay, let's go.

- All right, babes.

- Hey, hon.

- All right, come on, then.

If we're going to go, let's go now.

- Go where?

- We've got to get my notebook.

- Where?
- From the barn.

- Got to traipse across some
field, no doubt a muddy field,

to go and get some tin of
notes from his childhood.

- And what he is not telling you is why.

I am going to write a chiller.

- Yeah.

In case you hadn't noticed,
he wants to be a writer.

Hence why, whenever we stay anywhere,

we end up in odd places in
the middle of the sticks-

- You know what?

If you had a creative bone in your body,

you might understand, my friend.

Seeing as you don't,

you'll have to settle
with me explaining why.

This fucking place is great.

You guys should actually
be thankful staying here.

This is my uncle's place.

- [Mia] Why does he keep this huge place

if nobody lives here?

- I don't know. He's like a fucking bird.

Migrates to Florida
for the fucking winter,

stays here for the summer.

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that I'm using it

as inspiration for my latest masterpiece.

- Okay. I'll bite. Come on.

- Okay. Who remembers Lucy from school?

- [Mike] What, Lucy Taylor?
- Yeah, Lucy Taylor.

We didn't know another Lucy.

- [Mike] Okay, okay. What about her?

- [Andy] The clown
babysitting horror thing.

- [Mike] That wasn't about her, Andrew.

It was an urban myth.

Wild stories, you know,

they're never actually real, okay?

They are urban myths, Andrew. Never real.

- Whatever.

I have a gem of an idea
for my very own urban myth.

That's why I'm telling you this.

Now, I'm not going to
tell you what the idea is,

because you will steal it
and claim that it's your own.


But if you do want inspiration for it,

I suggest you all look to Natalie.

I think it's a matter
of time before she snaps

and murders Jack.

Then we'll have our very own horror story

right here in the middle
of fucking nowhere.

- [Mike] Yeah, I do not
know what's making that girl

so crazy at the moment.

- Well, come on, Mia. You must know.

- [Mike] Hang on. It's
nothing to do with me, is it?

- Whatever it was that you said
pissed off Jack and Natalie,

she didn't say anything to me about it.

- Oh, shit. Jack told Natalie?

- [Mike] Yes, it would
bloody well seem so.

- [Mia] Am I the only
one who doesn't know?

- Let's go outside and get this notebook.

Otherwise I'm not going to
be able to write all night,

because it will be the morning.

- You're going to stay here, yeah?

- [Mia] Yeah.

- Michael.

- I don't want to hear it, Andy.

- Well, you need to hear it.

We're in the middle of something here.

- You don't know that.
- We at least need to talk

about it.
- Just please, just drop it.

- You know he told Natalie.

- I know he told Natalie.
I told you, remember?

And if he did tell her,

it's because he knew she could handle it.

- Well, what do you think?

- I think Jack knows what he's doing.

- All right. If she even mentions it.

- I know you're not
going to try and tell me

how bad this situation could get-

- No, I'm trying to make you understand

the severity of the whole thing.

- You're driving me mad.
You're driving me mad.

- You're being a fucking
twit, you know that, Michael?

You need help here, yeah?

You're not going to be able
to figure it out on your own.

The walls of Jericho are
crumbling here, for Christ's sake.

- You dramatic fucker.

Okay, prancing around
panicking in the middle

of the bastard woods

is hardly going to get me
out of anything, is it?

- No, but you need to
do something, don't you?

- And you'd suggest?
- I happen to have an idea.

What do you think I'm talking to you for?

- The last thing,

the last thing I need right now

is some regurgitated
bollocks idea for a novel.

- Hey, my latest novel is going
to be a fucking best seller.

The publisher I got, he fucking loves it.

My mom loves it. Fuck, your mom loves it.

- Yeah.

I don't care if your publisher's name

is William, "I'm the greatest
writer in the world,"

Stephen King.

If he likes one of your ideas, he's a tit.

- You know what?

I'm going to let that go,
because you're stressed.

But if you want my idea,

you need to start being nice
to me, because I can help.

- Okay. Keep your voice down.

- [Mia] Oi, it's fucking freezing in here.

If you two want to stand
outside all night and talk,

shut the door.

(door slams)

(Mia sighs)

Someone's getting all the luck tonight.

(speaker static)

(doorbell rings)

Very funny, guys. Who is it?

Stop playing around.

(doorbell rings)

(latch squeaks)



Anyone there?

(distant fox howl)

Which one is it?

(doorbell rings)



I thought you were the food guy.

(eerie ticking)

(doorbell rings)

- This really isn't
funny, for fuck's sake.

(doorbell rings)

Stop playing around.

(tense music)

(Mia gasps)

(Mia screams)

- What the hell are you doing?
I thought you were the food.

- Did you miss the food?

- [Mia] You're not even
nearly funny, Andy.

- Am I missing something here?

- [Mia] You pair of comedians.

You made me thought I'd missed the food.

- Kind of confused right now.
Did you miss the food or not?

- You're not even nearly funny, Andy.

- Okay, I'm really confused right now.

What the hell is going on?

- Look, do I look amused?

Did I look amused when you
were ringing the doorbell?

- I've got no clue what
you're on about, Mia.

I didn't even know we had
a goddamn doorbell ring.

- Did someone ring the
doorbell when we were out?

- Well, if someone rung the doorbell,

why didn't you answer it?
- Seriously?

- It could have been the food.

- Please stop it now. I did
answer the door, several times.

You know I did.

(distant glass smashing)

What is that?

See, I told you someone
was knocking on the door.

- All right, sorry.

(eerie music)

- [Andy] Oh shit.

There goes my deposit to my uncle.

- [Mike] Okay, now how did that happen?

- [Mia] Look, this is
getting a little weird.

- [Andy] Come on, guys. Get back in here.

It's like a cat or a fox or something

will have just knocked it over.

- [Mike] I'll tell you what this is.

- [Andy] Hmm?

- [Mike] This is your house, okay?

This place fucking blows.
All your inspiration.

- You know what else blows
here? Somebody's mother.

I'll give you a clue: it's yours.

But she's really pissed at me
at the moment. You know why?

She says I didn't leave
money on the bedside table

like I always do-
- [Mia] Will you please

take the situation a
little more seriously?

(glass smashes)

- [Mike] What the fuck?

- [Andy] Okay, guys.

Look, someone's playing a
prank on us or something.

- [Mike] Yeah, that's odd though,

because we haven't heard a car,

and there's nothing for miles around here.

- [Andy] Michael, it's a kid.

Come on, get in here.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Look, those other two have moved.

Let's go back inside now.

- [Andy] Relax, okay?

Come on. It's just kids messing around.

- [Mia] Look, I want to go.

We should drive back into town.

- Oh my God.
- No, no, no.

I tell you what. Let's go and
tell Jack, see what he thinks.

- Guys-
- No.

I'm going to go and tell Jack.

- Jack is not going to want to be bothered

with this, Michael, not right now.

- [Mia] Come on, Andy. Come with us.

- No. I'm going to stay
downstairs, you know?

To maybe get the food that
you might have already missed.



(lemonade splashing)

(phone tapping)

- Where's the food?

(Andy sighs)

(ominous music)

- Easy, easy.


- [Mike] Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Andy, Andy, Andy.

Jesus, whoa. What the...

What's the matter?

- [Andy] There's a man.
There's a fucking man.

- [Natalie] What the...

Andy, get out of here, you dirty pervert.

- [Andy] Michael, Mia, get in
here. There's a fucking man.

- [Mike] Oh, shit, Jack.

- [Natalie] When did this
turn into a sex show?

- [Andy] There's a-
- [Natalie] Get out of here.

- [Andy] There's a fucking man.

- [Mike] Okay, okay. Andy, Andy.

This is one of your fucking weird-

- No joke. No joke. There's
a fucking man, guys.

Everybody shut up and
fucking listen to me.

I'm not going insane.

There is a fucking man
down fucking stairs,

right fucking now.

- What do you mean, Andy?

- Michael, I'm not sure how much clearer

I can make this for you, okay?

- [Jack] Okay, first, I hear Michael

talking about a doorbell and some smashing

and some bullshit like that.

Now, you're going on about
some mystery man downstairs.

Okay, this has wind up
written all over it,

and you fuckers are going to pay.

- Jack, I'm being deadly serious.

- [Mia] I think he's telling the truth.

- Of course I'm telling the truth.

- [Natalie] Well, what the
hell are we going to do?

- [Jack] If there's
some fucker downstairs,

we're going to go down and
we're going to throw him out.

- What did the man look like?

- [Andy] His face was painted white,

you know, like a clown or something.

- [Natalie] A clown?

- [Mike] Hang on a second, Andy.

- Look, Michael, I think
he's some sort of headcase.

- What do you mean, headcase?

- Like a loon, for fuck's sake.

- [Natalie] Andy, if this is
your overactive imagination,

I'm going to bloody kill you.

- Hey, there is a fucking
man down fucking stairs,

right fucking now, and
he's fucking massive.

Did I mention that?

- [Jack] Let me see if I
can summarize the situation.

There is a massive loon
in the living room.

Is that what you're saying?

- With a white face.

- [Mia] This really isn't funny.

- Am I laughing? Can anybody
see me laughing about all this?

- Well, we can't stay up
here all night, can we?

- [Mia] Why not?

- [Natalie] Listen to me.
Why don't we call the police?

- Yes.

- [Mike] Okay, that's all good,

but the only phone's downstairs.

- [Jack] Yeah, well,
that is where I am going-

- [Andy] No.
- Right now.

- [Andy] No.
- Relax, Andy.

Relax, okay? For God's sake.

- [Mike] Let's all go, for fuck's sake.

- No, nobody at all going.

Michael, we're staying right fucking here.

- Okay, and if you stay here,

what happens if the massive loon

decides to shimmy up the
fucking drain pipe, huh?

- This is no joke, you bellend.

- [Mia] Oh my God, I hate this house.

- I'm going right now.


Mr. Massive Loon?

Is there anybody there?

(heavy knocking)

- [Natalie] Jack, don't you
dare answer that. Jack. Michael.

- [Andy] Guys, be fucking careful, okay?

- Ssh.

One. Two. Three. Go.

- [Andy] Wait, wait, wait, wait, guys.

It's the food dude. It's the food dude.

Look, he's got pizzas.

- Let's go.
- Sorry, man.

I'm sorry, I thought
you were a massive loon.

Sorry about that.

- [Mia] Thank God. Thank God.

- You shower of shit-houses.

What the devil's ballsack do
you think you're playing at?

- All right, sorry, mate.
- Sorry? Bollocks.

This is the last time I drag my arse

out into the sticks to
bring food to people

staying in this fucking house.

- Listen, relax, mate.

There's no need to act rashly
whilst in a state of panic.

- You're damn right I'm
in a state of panic.

One minute, I'm there
getting smashed over me,

into the middle of the creepy bastard-

- Did you see anybody out there?

- And the next minute, I've
got some other bitch-head

holding a knife to my throat.

- Okay, so you saw no one?

- Is there anybody outside?
Did you see anybody?

- Yeah, a bunch of badgers
having a tea party.

It's the freaking woods.
There's no one for miles.

And I'd appreciate a bit
more concern about my neck.

- I'm sorry.

- [Mia] What about the
man with the white face?

- What did she just say?

- [Andy] Look, he was stood
right over here. I don't know.

- You lot aren't right. You know that?

- Okay, look. How much do I owe you, mate?

- 25 quid.
- How much?

- You heard me the first time.

And that's a bargain, for
how far I've had to drive.

- [Natalie] Here you go, honey.

- Thank you.

Hopefully I won't break
down on the way home

and get batty-raped some
wanker with a white face.

- Hopefully.

- What are we going to do now?

- I don't know, but I'm
not going to be able

to sleep tonight.
- I know.

- Well, I'm going to
have to figure something

to occupy you all night.

- This is serious. Andy's
really shaken me up.

- Oh yeah, thanks for
that, Andy. That's great.

- How is any of this my fault, huh?

- [Mike] I think we
need to call the police

and report the break and entry.

- At least somebody's going
to get some entry tonight.

(Andy laughs)

- That's good.

How can you be so blase
about this whole thing, man?

- Because I know you, Andy.
I know what you're all about.

- Shut the fuck up.
- [Natalie] Hello? Hello?

- What?
- [Natalie] Where's the phone?

- [Mike] Andrew, you were
the last to use the phone.

Where did you leave it?

- [Andy] I don't know, I called the pizza,

and I left it here, Mike,
I left it where I found it.

- Okay, who moved the phone?

- [Mia] Well, is there another one?

- I don't know. I don't think so.

I don't fucking live here, do I?

- [Mia] What are we going to do now?

Look, why don't we drive back into town?

- [Natalie] I agree. We could
get a hotel or something.

- [Jack] Okay. That sounds good to me.

What do you think, Michael?

- Yeah, okay.

That's just one too many
strange occurrences for me.

- [Andy] Okay, well come on,
that's the plan. Let's go.

- Okay, okay. I'll drive.

- [Pizza Man] Okay, which
one of you freaky fuckers-

- [Natalie] What the fuck?

- [Pizza Man] Took my car keys?

- Fucking hell, food dude,

what the hell happened
to knocking on the door?

- It went out the window,
along with my car keys.

Now, where are they?

- [Mia] What? You left
the keys in the car?

- Yes.

I didn't think the squirrels
fancied a joy ride tonight,

so I figured it'd be safe.

- Relax. Think this through.

We've been here the whole time.

How could we have taken your car keys?

- [Andy] Yeah. Think about it, food dude.

- So, who's got the keys, then?

- That's the question.

- [Jack] I am getting the car, okay?

That's what I'm doing.

- Whose car?
- Our car.

- What about my car?

- [Natalie] Jack, don't
go out there alone.

- I'll go with him. I'll go with him.

- [Mia] No, you need to stay with us.

- [Natalie] Andy, you go.

- Why the fuck am I going anywhere?

- Andy, come here. Come on,
move your ass, man. Let's go.

- Jack, I fucking don't
even want to go outside.

- [Jack] Be quiet.

- Will someone please explain to me

what the piss-arse is going on?

- If we knew, I'd tell you.
We would tell you, okay?

Now, I suggest you get in the car,

and we'll drive you back into town.

- I should be getting scared
about now, shouldn't I?

- Look, just try to stay calm.

- But what about my car?

- [Natalie] Forget your car.

- Mate, we'll drive you
back in the morning.

- What a ruddy night.

- Nat, Mia, do you guys
need anything from upstairs?

- [Mia] Only place I'm
going is out of that door

and into the car.
- Okay, cool.

- [Natalie] Well, I need my bag.

- Where is it? Let me go and get it.

- I'll get it.

- Okay, mate. This is Natalie.

Will you just wait with her,

so I can go and check on Mia, okay?

- I haven't got much choice, have I?

- Thank you, mate. Thank you.

- [Mia] Look, I need
to tell you something.

- [Mike] Mia, I think we should
just hurry up and get going.

- [Mia] You have to promise
me you won't say anything.

- [Mike] Okay.

- [Mia] Promise me.

- [Mike] Okay, I promise. I promise.

- [Mia] If what Natalia
says about you is right,

I can trust that promise.

- [Mike] Mia, I really
think we should hurry up.

- Natalie's pregnant.

- You sure?

- Unless the five
different tests she's taken

are all wrong.

- When's she going to tell Jack?

- [Mia] She planned to tell him tonight.

- This is why she was so
adamant you came with us

on this trip.

- No, it's just in case.

- What if Jack loses
it when she tells him?

- She knows what he's
like. He's so hot headed.

He'd never hurt her physically.

- Yeah, yeah, this is
going to knock him for six.

Shit, it's hardly what he
had planned with his...

- Look, Natalie's no fool, Michael.

She understands how
important his career is.

She's got no intention
of getting in the way.

On the contrary: she does
want the other stuff to stop.

- What do you mean?

- You know exactly what I mean, Michael.

You are a loyal friend.

- Okay, look. You did the
right thing telling me, okay.

And don't worry; I'll keep an eye on Jack.

Come on, let's get going.


- Yeah, I'm all right.

(eerie music)

- [Mike] What? What is it Jack?

- The car won't start. Okay?

- [Mike] What's he mean,
the car won't start?

- It's fucked, man.

- [Mia] It was working fine earlier.

- And his car won't start either.

- [Andy] Big coincidence, huh?

- Okay, someone's really
fucking with us here.

- [Andy] Jesus Christ.

- What are we going to do?

- [Mike] No, no, no, no. Hang
on a second. Hang on a second.

This, this is little
shit kids fucking around.

- Michael, the guy I saw
was no child. I saw him.

- We just need to think
this through, Andy.

- What else is there left to think about?

- [Jack] It's going to be
okay, baby. Don't worry.

- You don't know that.

- This is a prank, okay?
Nothing's out of hand yet.

- [Jack] Okay, Michael,
someone's tampered with two cars

and tried to break into the house.

- No one's been hurt yet, right?

- [Pizza Man] Mate, I'm not-
- Right?

- [Mia] Right.

- Okay, think this through.
Okay, there's six of us.

We're inside.

Okay, we can't drive anywhere
and we can't call anyone.

Too fucking far to walk in the dark.

- Well, why don't we
just wait until daylight?

Because when it's light out,
then it'll be safe for us to,

I don't know, make some kind of a move.

- Yeah, exactly.

All we got to do is wait
until daylight here.

- Oh, is that all?

- What a load of saggy granddad bollocks.

You lot are playing me for a penis.

- Yeah, it might come as a bit
of a surprise to you, mate,

but we don't spend our weekends coming up

with elaborate pranks for pizza boys.

- Cuisine delivery expert,
thank you very much.

- We're going to be laughing about this

in the morning, guys, I'm telling you.

- [Natalie] Michael, there's
nothing funny going on here.

- I'm just trying to keep
this in perspective, Nat.

All right?

- Andy, when was the last time

that you actually stayed out here?

- I don't know, Jack, six months?

- What I'm saying is how
well do you know the area?

What I'm thinking about,
Andy is, maybe there's just,

I don't know, there's
some section around here

that Andy's not aware of,
like a boarding school

or a Cub Scout or Boy Scout or something-

- Oh, what?
- I don't know.

I'm just trying to think of something.

- [Mike] Yeah, exactly. This
is some Scouts pissing around.

That's what this is.

- Scouts?

Guys, does anybody appreciate the severity

of the predicament I now think we're in?

When was the last time any
of you saw a 10-foot-tall

muscle-bound fucking Cub Scout?

- Last time I was at
your mom's house, mate.

- Come on.
- [Jack] Andy, come over here.

You said that the massive
loon was standing, what,

somewhere right around
here, standing here?

- Yes, he was.
- All right.

So, what exactly was he
doing? Did he try to grab you?

- No, he was standing here
and I was lying down there,

and he was...

I'm not sure what he was doing.

The point is that he was-

- [Mike] How can you not
be fucking sure, Andy?

- Because, Michael, I didn't stand

to have a fucking conversation with him.

What I did was I ran upstairs
to get help from my friends,

and the fucking sex
show that was going on.

- [Pizza Man] Right,
why would some fuck head

just break into your house
just to stand in some corner?

- I don't know.

- Why would some fuck head do that, Andy?

Okay. Okay. Come on.

We are all a little bit
shaken up here. Well done.

How about you pack in
this wind up now, yeah?

- Guys, fucking listen
to me, yeah? Everybody.

Can anybody appreciate
where we're at right now?

Anybody at all? Huh?

- [Natalie] Andy, after
what I found out tonight,

I'm in no mood for games.

- It is precisely because of the shit

that is going on with Michael.

And I'm not playing a
game, Natalie, I swear.

- [Mia] Michael, you better explain to me

what he's talking about.

- [Jack] Michael, if there is a link,

I'm just telling you right now,

we could be in some serious,
serious fucking trouble, man.

- [Mia] A link?

- [Andy] Michael's.

- Hey, Andy.

- [Pizza Man] Is what?

Are my testicles on the
line because of you,

you tubby bugger?

- You, mate, have got
a preoccupation problem

with your fucking genitals.

And Andy, you're a cock.

- What's that?

- [Jack] I don't know,
baby. I don't hear anything.

- I can definitely hear it.

It's coming from the front of the house-

- Don't let Andy get to you.

- Hey. Ssh, man. I can hear it too.

- There's a surprise.

The fucking drama queen
can hear the scary sound.

- Ssh.

(distant scraping)

- Michael, I can hear it too.

- Okay. What the hell is that?

- Jack, can you see anything? What is it?

- [Jack] I can't see anything.

- [Natalie] What could it be?

- Andy, do you have a gun
in the house, seriously?

- Yeah, out back on my
horse, next to the saloon.

- [Pizza Man] Well, it's stopped now.

Where's it stopped and
what they hell was it?

- Yeah, come on, Columbo.

What the fuck could have
made that noise? Kids?

Cub Scouts?

- [Pizza Man] Who's Columbo?
- [Jack] Ask your dad.

- [Pizza Man] He's too
busy rimming your mom.

- [Jack] Oh, that's really funny.

And you know what?

One more fucking crap out of you,

and I'm going to throw you outside,

so you fend for your fucking self.

- Come on, guys. Let's do
this all night, shall we?

And then after that,
we can do the fandango,

and nobody be concerned about the 10 foot

fucking tall psychopath that's right

on the fucking front porch.

- [Mia] Look, maybe we
could try talking to him.

- What did you just say, Mia?

- He might not have
realized how far it's gone,

that we're actually scared.

- Yeah, then afterwards,
we'll invite them in

for pizza and beers, and
we can all have a debrief?

- Why oh why did I ever come out here?

- Yes, food dude. You.

Isn't your boss going to
realize when you don't come back

that something's wrong?

- This was my last order. He'll
assume that I've gone home.

- Fuck. Then we're really
in fucking trouble here.

- Look, they might not
actually want to hurt us.

- No one is going to hurt you,
baby. I will not allow it.

- Mia, do you really think
talking to them might help?

- I'm going out there. It's worth a try.

- Hey, don't be fucking
stupid. Jesus Christ.

- What? This might not
actually be a bad idea.

- It is a bad idea. Mia, wait.

Don't go out the fucking
door. It's not safe.

- [Mia] This hasn't gone
past the point of no return.

The police never have to
know about any of this.

Just give us back our car
keys, and we'll end this now.

This is your last chance to end this.

(Mia squeals)

- Oh, Jesus. Get inside.
Get inside. Now, go. Jesus.

(Jack groaning)

(all shouting)

Jesus Christ.

- [Mike] Something came out
of the dark and cut Jack.

- [Jack] God.

- [Andy] What? What? What happened?

- [Natalie] Jack, you're
bleeding. Oh my God.

- [Mia] Are all the
windows and doors locked?

- [Mike] Yeah, we need to check

and we need to lock everything now.

- Okay, okay.

- [Jack] Okay, baby. I'm
all right, it's okay.

- Just settle down, Jack. Take it easy.

- Sit down, sit down, chill out.

Listen, it's no time to
be acting like a hero,

for Christ's sake.

- Go away.
- Natalie, shh.

- Leave us alone.

- [Mike] Andy, you get the
front, I get the back, mate.

- [Jack] Someone keep it-
- [Natalie] Jack, no.

- [Mike] The fucking back
door won't lock properly.

- [Pizza Man] Does anyone have
any idea who this could be?

- [Mike] What'd you mean?

- [Pizza Man] Any enemies?
Anyone you pissed off recently?

- [Mia] What could we have
possibly done to cause this?

- [Pizza Man] I don't know, do I?

- [Jack] Andy, seriously,
how big was this guy?

- Mate, I'm not-
- Don't exaggerate.

- I'm not exaggerating.
He was fucking huge, okay?

- [Mike] Okay, okay, we need
to arm ourselves right now.

- With what?

- Use your imagination.

- [Jack] Take this, okay?

Anyone comes through that front door,

they're going to be pretty sorry they did.

- Remind me never to piss you off, girl.

- [Pizza Man] What the hell
are you going to do with that?

- Hey, you know what?

I wish people would leave my
weapon of choice alone, okay?

It's my fucking weapon.

Ssh, ssh.

He's walking round the fucking deck.

- [Pizza Man] I hope you're not thinking

of opening that curtain.

- [Natalie] Jack.

- [Jack] One, two.

(all screaming)

- [Mike] Jesus Christ.

- You want to take this to the next level,

you motherfuckers?

I'm fucking ready.

- [Andy] They're trying to get
in, they're trying to get in.

- [Mike] What the fuck's
going on? Get together.

- [Andy] What do we do?

- Everybody, just stay the fuck together.

- If you're going to
hit them, hit them hard.

The aim is to kill.

- I can't fucking kill anybody, Jack.

What's the matter with you?

- You can kill them.

- [Natalie] Please don't let
this be happening. Please.

- Come on, baby. I need you to be strong.

I need you to be strong.

- Listen, listen, listen.

It's like he's fucking with the lock.

(all shouting)

- Hold it together, hold it together.

- Fuck. Did we lock the door?

- Hold the door.

- Jack, Jack. The front door, the front.

- [Andy] Oh fuck. Don't unlock
it, I already locked it.


- [Andy] Is everything locked upstairs?

Is everything fucking locked?

- [Jack] I secured it. It's fine.

- [Andy] Check it again. Are you sure?

(all screaming)

- [Mike] Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

- [Andy] Shut the fucking
door. Shut the fucking door.

- [Natalie] Baby, oh my
God, they're going for Jack.

- [Pizza Man] These fuckers
are just playing with us.

They know that we're stuck out here.

- [Andy] Guys, we need to
move upstairs right now.

- Why the fuck didn't we
make a run for it earlier?

- [Mia] We'd never have made it, Natalie.

- [Pizza Man] It's a moot point now,

and your boyfriend ain't
going anywhere fast.

- [Natalie] Why are they
doing this to us? Why?

- Mate, it's okay.

- [Natalie] Baby, look at me.

(door rattling)

- The front door. Lock the fucking door.

- [Andy] No, no, no. Don't
open it, don't open it.

Back door, back door.

(all screaming)

- No, no, no.

We need to keep them out of
the house as long as we can.

Is there anything in
here? Any (indistinct)?

- We would have done that
already if we could have, okay?

- [Natalie] We're not
going to make it through.

- Fuck it. I say we stay here and fight.

- These lunatics are crazy.
- Jack, he's a big man.

- We keep running round
this house all night,

we're fucking dead anyway.

Okay, here's the thing.

We got to stop playing by the rules.

This is our turf.

I say we stick it out, and
we fucking fight for it.

- [Natalie] Will you stop
all this macho bullshit?

- We need to deal with it.

Baby, I'm trying to save fucking lives.

- [Pizza Man] I'm out of
deliveries right fucking now.

(all shouting)

(dramatic music)

- [Andy] Mia, I'm going to help Jack.

Go, go, go, go, go.

- [Mia] Upstairs, now.

- [Andy] Go, go, go, go, go.

- We're surrounded. We're surrounded now.

- Where's Natalie?

- She ran up the stairs
when they first came in.

- What?
- [Pizza Man] Well, she's not

in here, is she?

- Natalie.
- Shh.

- Natalie.
- Jack, ssh.

- She's got to be in Michael's room.

I got to-
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Fucking stay here. Stay
here. You're hurt, mate.

Jesus, I'll go. I'll go.

Natalie, it's Andy, it's me.

(ominous music)


Are you up here, Nat?

Christ, if I don't (indistinct)
I'll go fucking mad.



Natalie? Nat?

Natalie? Fuck.

I couldn't find her.
- Where is she?

What do you mean you couldn't find her?

- [Andy] I don't know, dude.
She's not up here, okay?

- [Mike] Andy, I saw
her come up the stairs.

- We all did. She must
have got out somehow.

- [Jack] How? She's not spiderman.

- She's not fucking Houdini either,

but she still disappeared.

- What do you think she did?
Jump out the fucking window?

- [Mia] No. No, no way she'd risk it.

Not with-
- Not with what?

Not with what? What the
fuck is going on here?

Is there something
somebody is not telling me?

Michael, is there something
you'd like to share with me?

- [Mia] What the hell are you doing?

- Because I could start spilling

some fucking secrets right now,

to some of the interested
parties in the room.

- You already told Natalie.
I know you can't be trusted.

- [Andy] Hey, Hey, come on, guys.

You've been friends since
you were five years old.

Fucking knock it out and focus
on what's happening here.

- [Mia] Look, Jack. Natalie's pregnant.

- You knew about this,
Michael? You knew about this?

- For all of five
minutes. She just told me.

- I'm sorry I told Natalie about you.

- I understand.

- I got to find her. I
got to find her, Michael.

- It's too much-
- I got to find her, man.

- [Pizza Man] I know where she is.

- What? Get the fuck out of the way.

- [Mike] She's still alive.

- [Jack] That is it.

- [Mike] Take it easy.
- That is it.

That is fucking it.

- Jack, Jack.

(all shouting)

Jack, it's obviously a trap.

- What are we supposed to do, man?

Just look out the window
and watch them kill her?

- You can't fucking help her.

That guy's got some sort
of superhuman strength-

- I am not leaving her, Andy.
I am not fucking leaving her.

- You can't go downstairs,
and you know you're fucked.

If you go alone, you're fucking dead.

- I'll go. Well, it makes sense, guys.

I'm in this situation with you,

and it's about time I stepped up.

- That sounds good to me, man.
Thank you very fucking much.

- I say we just make a run for it.

Grab your girl and bring her back up here.

Take a defensible position in this room.

Wait till light, like you
said, and then make a move.

- No. Listen, that's exactly
what they want you to do.

What do you think
they're doing down there?

You're playing into their hands.

- Let's go. Let's do it.

- Seriously?

- [Mike] Jack. Jesus,
just be careful, man.

- [Mia] Look, just get her
and run, and don't look back.

- Good to go?
- Ready.

- [Andy] Christ. Food dude, good luck.

- My name's Jimmy.

(eerie music)

- [Jack] It's all clear.

- [Jimmy] Right, we on then, or what?

- [Jack] Got it.

Okay, okay. Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to crack the
door open just an inch.

I'm going to take a look around, okay?

If it seems like there's nobody there,

we'll make a dash for it.

Now, if that small little fucker is there,

okay, I'll tackle him.

You untie Natalie.
- How? With-

- There'll be glass there.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to distract
him. Something like that.

I'll figure it out.

But again, the plan remains the same.

Untie Natalie, get the
fuck back in the house.

- I'm going to need something
to get her free with.

- What?
- I need something

to untie her or get her free
with, or something like that.

(boxes rattling)

- There's nothing. Just take these.

Okay, with me.

- Yeah.

Can you see anything?

- I can only see Natalie.

- [Jimmy] Okay.
- There's no one else there.

- [Jimmy] Are we on then, or what?

- Okay.

Okay, on three. You ready?
- [Jimmy] Yeah.

- One, two, three.

(Natalie groaning)

(dramatic music)

- [Jimmy] Oh, look on the bright side.

You won't have to watch me
murder your whinging cunt

bitch over there.

There's always a silver lining.

You just have to really want to see it.

I love how the brave ones
are so often the stupid ones.

You fell for the most
blatant trap conceivable.

Even now, you try and be the hero.

(Natalie sobbing)

You think he'd have made a good daddy?

Oh, that's right. He knows.

You're about to (indistinct).

He's telling us pretty
well though, I thought.

Look at the once powerful
man brought to his knees.

Captain of the football team,

in time for big award ceremony.

Exciting future ahead.

It's time for you to die.

(Natalie screams)

I've always thought that
one of the worst things

you could ever hear would
be that your best hope

is to die quickly.

You know, because the other
option would be to die slowly,

after a significant amount of torture.

I mean, Christ, where's the upside, eh?

Well, I guess you must think
I'm a pretty big wanker,

what with me murdering
your boyfriend and all.

That's understandable, I suppose.

So, I'm going to endeavor
to prove you wrong.

Show you that I'm a stand-up guy. Okay?

I said, is that okay?

(glass smashes)

Ooh, it's all kicking off.

Now, then, there's three outcomes,

and it's up to you which one you choose.

You see? I'm not so bad after all, am I?

I'm putting your fate
back into your own hands.

Outcome A is that I have my
dear old friend over here

twist your head around and snap your neck.

He's really good at that, and he loves it.

A relatively pleasant, swift, happy death.

Outcome B is that I enjoy
myself by slowly torturing you

until you spoil my fun by dying on me.

Admittedly not such an
attractive offer for you.

Outcome C is I let you go. Simple as that.

You and your fetus can
fuck off into the night,

or go back upstairs and
be with your friends.

It'll be your choice. Do
you understand, Natalie?


Now, I'm going to take the gag off.

There's no point in screaming.

On top of that, if you
do, you skip straight

to outcome B, okay?

- Please, I don't know
what you want me to do.

- Ssh. Quiet, Natalie.

- I don't understand.

- I'm not sure how to make it any simpler.

Rest assured, I'm not going to try again.

- I can make it worth your while.

I won't tell anybody anything.
I never saw anything.

- Yeah, but Natalie,
I could just kill you,

and I'll be sure that you
keep your mouth shut then.

What's in it for me?

- I could help you get to my friends.

I could knock on the door.

I could say you've gone. I
could draw them out for you.

- You devious little bitch.

I like you more than I thought.

Amazing what someone will do when faced

with their own demise.

A real test of someone's true character.

- We can be a team.

- Right. If you can't
beat them, join them.

Well, good effort. But do we
look like we need any help?

I'll go for your stupid friends
when I'm good and ready.

Last chance now, Natalie.

Make it good now. Your life
actually depends on it.

- Please, stop. I'll do anything.

Anything, but please don't hurt me.

I'm really good at a few
things I think you'll enjoy.

- Oh yeah?

- You can do anything you
want to me. Just please go.

- And what's stopping
me doing that anyway?

- I'll do something.

Something to make you feel so good.

- I'm not sure if I
can swallow your story.

- I'd love to swallow you. I'm good at it.

Please. Don't hurt me.

- I'm impressed.

You recognize the severity
of the predicament you're in,

and instead of merely
begging for your life,

you got practical.

- Will you let me go? Please.

- Right then, I'll tell you what.

I'm not going to torture you.

- What do you mean? What?

- [Jack] We're going to go with A.

- What? No. No, no. Just a minute. What?

My baby. Fuck, wait. Wait, stop. Wait.

Please, please, please. Fuck. No, no.

Fuck, please. Please. Wait.

(melancholy music)

- Does this have anything to
do with what fucking happened?

- [Mia] What's he talking about?

- It doesn't matter, Mia, okay?

It's got nothing to do with this.

- [Mia] You're kidding, right?

My aim here for me get out of here,

and if you know something

about why we're in this mess,
surely you should tell me.

- It's got nothing to do with this-

- It might do.
- Fucking doesn't.

(Mia sobbing)

- Ssh.

(distant scraping)

- [Mia] Andy.

What are you doing?

(all screaming)



(dramatic music)

(eerie music)

- [Mia] Andy, Michael's on the
landing with that huge man.

(Andy pants)

♪ We talk like children ♪

- Michael?

♪ Each day would last eternally ♪

♪ Lost standing room to
what time could tell ♪

♪ Before our freedom
was left to figure out ♪

♪ What to do with itself ♪

(Mia screams)

♪ It was already gone ♪

♪ Before I fell asleep in your arms ♪

- Michael, can we go?

- Mia, just follow me.

- No.


Oh my God.

= [Michael] Come on.
- [Mia] Michael, no.

Michael, no.

- [Mike] Ssh.

(distant ticking)

(dramatic music)

(Mia screaming)

- Michael.


- Jesus.

Two of your guys are dead. Three of mine.

That can't have been
part of the plan, okay?

How about we just walk away?

- Do I strike you as being
a reasonable man, Michael?

- You don't strike me as being an idiot.

Okay, let's just all walk away.

- Where's the fun in that?

- You fucking psycho.
- Psycho, maybe.

But I'm just doing my
job, aren't I, Michael?

- What's he talking about?

(Mia screaming)

- [Jimmy] Now, that was
a really poor effort.

When are people like you going to learn

you can't get away with
fucking over people like me?

Should have known better, Michael.

I would say, remember that.

It seems a little pointless,

because it's time for your
story to draw to a close.

(Michael groans)

- [Jimmy] You think that's fucking funny?

You think that's funny, you fucking waste?

You fucking scumbag, do you? Yeah? Yeah?

All right, it's time
for you to fucking die.

(vase smashes)

- [Mia] Michael. Get up. Get up now.

(dramatic music)

- Mia, go. Run.

Mia, go. Call the police. I'll finish him.

(eerie music)

(Mia whimpering)

- Michael?


Where are you?



Michael, is that you?




(Mia groans)


♪ Who's the lovely daddy
with the beautiful eyes ♪

♪ What a pair of lips, I'd
like to try them for size ♪

♪ I'll just tell them baby,
won't you swing it with me ♪

♪ Hope he tells you maybe
what a win you will be ♪

♪ So I sat politely by
the mayor, he truly said ♪

♪ Don't keep me waiting
when I'm in the mood ♪

- Listen, I've got one for
you. I've got one for you.

Wait, I've got one for you,
and this one's really good.

What would you do?

What would you do if
someone's going to offer you

6.9 million pounds if
you woke up in a room.

If you woke up in a stone room.

- Where's the room?
- Yemen.

It's got no windows, no doors.
You don't know where it is.

If you found yourself dangling
off a cliff by your bollocks.

- Where?

- In France.

- I'm in England.

- Okay, you're in Derby, in England.

- Where in the hell's Yemen? Where's moot?

- I don't know. Somewhere
that you might die.

I'm going to offer you six million.

- You've got like a tenner.

- Okay, there are two tubes.

- There's a dog?
- Yeah.

- How do I know there's two tubes, then?

- Okay. That's a really good point.

So, I want to give you 6.9 million,

but yeah, you have to live
with one or two things.

One of them is semen, and
is the other one is urine.

- My urine?

- Could be anybody's urine.
Could be your dad's urine.

Either committing an incestuous act,

or an act of bestiality.

But one is covered in barbed wire.

The other is electrocuted.

You grab this, you're
going to get electrocuted.

You grab this, you got
a chunk of barbed wire.

- Okay, but I'd be more
worried about the balls.

- What animal?
- A gazelle.

A zebra. An aardvark.

- An aardvark. Is that the
one with the long snout thing?

- Yes, it is.

- No.

I'm hanging off a cliff.

- But one of them is going to release you.

It's a question of what do you do

if you have to choose between the two?

- A second cousin?

- It's really got to be
a sister or something.

- Oh dear.

- Semen's got protein in it.

- You know something?
- Yeah?

- You're a sick bastard.

- Okay, you ready?
You're fucking stressed.

And when you're stressed, you get anal.

- You love anal.
- I do, but not from you.

♪ It didn't take me long to
say I'm in the mood now ♪


- You fucking idiot. You
scared the shit out of me.

What are you doing?

♪ In the mood ♪

(Andy laughing)

- [Jack] (indistinct)

- [Andy] Wait, wait, wait,
wait. Guys, it's the pizza guy.

It's the food dude. Let him go.

- Sorry, man. I thought
you were a massive loon.

Good thing Andy spotted you.

(women screaming)

- Where is she?
- I can't find her.

- What do you mean you couldn't find her?

- [Andy] She's not up here.
Fucking get in the door, Johnny.

(door slams)

(indistinct shrieking)

- Just us killers.

- [Andy] Come on. What are you doing, man?

- Oh, bugger.

(Mia screaming)

- [Mia] What do we do? Do we run?

- I tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to to whip you
back with this fucking-

- [Andy] Do it.

(Mia screaming)

- Where the fuck is he? Food dude?

(Mia screaming)

Hang on. Where's food dude?

- [Mia] Michael.

(all laughing)

- [Crew] I think we got it.

(all cheering)

- [Crew] That's a wrap.
We can all go home early.

♪ Don't want to say again ♪

♪ Bring out your dead ♪

♪ Bring out your dead ♪

♪ Bring out your dead ♪

♪ Bring out your dead ♪

♪ Just one wish will I say ♪

♪ As I go to my grave ♪

♪ Is to live on forever in you ♪

♪ Don't believe that we're broken ♪

♪ Or the race has been won ♪

♪ For how can it be over ♪

♪ Before it's begun ♪

♪ Oh I don't want to say again, no ♪

♪ Bring out your dead ♪