Cursed (2016) - full transcript

It's Friday the 13th and coincidentally Dan's birthday. What could possibly go wrong? Cat could, Nan's best friend and Dan's worst nightmare. After the Gypsy neighbour curses the house, the unsuspecting guests wake up dead, a delivery arrives and yet resources still run low, there's nothing left to do but fight. Right? Friendships are tested, families are reunited and relationships begin. This is one house you won't be knocking on the door of, unless of course you wish to be cursed.

[upbeat drum music]

[upbeat drum music]

Morning, peach.

Hey, butt holes.

So there were four eggs left this morning,

and I checked on all of them.

All off.

You guys are lucky that I'm here

to keep the household running.

You're welcome.

It's time we got rid of the Cat.

Happy birthday, honey.

[Cat giggles]

Nan, there's a video purely
dedicated to hairless dogs.


We're having a small gathering
for Dan's birthday tonight.

[Cat] Yeah, Glen's excited.

How do you know Glen?

Dunno, he's bringing Reefer,

who I don't know either, but fuck it.

You are, of course, welcome to stay,

but it's only gonna be small.

Hmm. Can I invite Kerry and Terry?

Well, no, because it's Dan's party.

And they've openly
told us they're swingers.

What's wrong with that?

Well, you're not in a relationship,

so they don't bother you.

Thanks, Nan.

Cat, I didn't mean it like that.

Has she helped you out at all this week,

or have you done everything for her?

I don't do that much for her.


I am so clumsy.

I'll finish them for you.

Would you?

- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.

Watch out. There's
broken glass there, too.

[Nan sighs]

♪ Nan and Cat against Dan ♪

♪ Fighting crime wherever they can ♪

♪ Punching boys and picking flowers ♪

♪ Then using flour to make more hours ♪

♪ An hour is time ♪

♪ So is a minute ♪

♪ That's my song that I just finished ♪

So you need to feed Bernadette.

Neighbor Jim came over and
said something about mail.

The load of washing is done,
so you can hang it out now.

And can you tell Dan to
stop touching my things?

- Cat.
- Yeah?

Can you grab something
please, and open the door?

I guess.

Well, get in.


She doesn't have a job.

She hasn't even paid rent for
the last couple of months.

She didn't even say happy
birthday after you told her.

The only thing she shows
a shred of respect for

is that vegetable patch.

It's not even human.

[upbeat drum music]

Eat your fucking your
heart out.

Where's my favorite shirt, Nan?
Are you hiding things again?

I'll talk to her tomorrow.

Are you excited about tonight?

It's just gonna be low-key.

- It's Friday the 13th.
- It's going to be huge.

No, it's not.

Less attitude, thanks, mate.


I think you should learn
something from your friends.

And I quote: "Can't
wait. Let's get drunk."

I don't even know who said that.

Don't leave your phone out on the table,

because I will read your messages, Dan.

[Dan groans]
I swear, you never learn.

Don't touch my things.

[Cat] Okay.


[upbeat rock music]

Have a fight, did we?


Yes, you did.

It's about as tense as the
Logans' after-party that year,

that everyone knew Adam
Hills was gonna take it out,

and that Carl Stefanovic
prick came out of nowhere.

Didn't have a fight.

And I think you're mixing
me a couple of years up.

There is something we
all need to talk about.

[kitchen timer dings]

Oh, I'll be back.

I won't, Dan.


Did Nan already ask you?

No, but she's been
thinking it since I first met

her little cardigan self back in '97.

What are you talking about?

She wants to involve
me in the bedroom, Dan,

and I won't have any of it.

Look, I know she's told
you size doesn't matter,

but she's lying,

and we both know that you're
inadequate in the sack.

Nan is a pleasure seeker,
after all, and, well,

these paper-thin walls keep no secrets.


Did you guys talk about whatever it was

you were gonna talk about?

No. No, we didn't get around to it.

[knocking at door]

Well, that's Glen and Reefer.

What did you guys talk about?

I'll let Dan fill you in, Nan.

Cat, this is Glen and Reefer.

- Hi.
- Hey, nice to meet you.

- I need to go and do a wee.
- I'll be back in a minute.

[Dan] You'll get used to her.

She seems nice.

Seems nice.

- Did we close the store?
- Okay.

I think so.

[Glen and Reefer chattering]


- Happy birthday, Dan.
- Happy birthday, Dan.

To Friday the 13th.

Happy birthday, Dan.

[record scratching]

[upbeat rock music]


So, interesting name, Reefer.

Well, our parents got bored of Glen's.

They thought they'd make me cooler.

Ha-ha, yeah, that's it. Idiot.

That's funny. So what do you do?

I told you like a thousand times, Cat.

I work with Glen and Reefer.

They both own the shop I've worked at

for the past four years.

Cat can be forgetful.

I haven't forgotten the time you slept

in your own urine at the beer garden.

I forget names all the time.

Couldn't remember Dan's for
the first couple of weeks.

It's true.

Oh, it's kind of a drinking game.

It's called Indie Clap.

If at any point during the
night someone does this...

You have to do it straight after,

or the last person to
clap has to take a drink.

Why Indie Clap?

Oh, Cat believes that clap
can fit into any indie song.

And it kinda does.

It proves that all you
need to make an indie

is to know how to clap and
yell "hey!" repeatedly.

There's no talent in that. I hate them.

- Who?
- Hipsters.

Shit, sorry, Glen.

I'm not hipster.

[everyone laughing]


Facial hair, a top knot,

and the fact that you look like
you just got back from Nepal

makes you a hipster, mate.

You kind of are, bro.

And you do own that vintage store.

Which you work at.

[knocking at door]

He's going to wish he was never born.

Did she just take a
carton of eggs with her?

Looks like it.

Did she?

It's a funny thing
to leave on the table.

We're not doing anything for you.

You're old and we hate you.

Hey, are you one of Nan's
friends or one of the Canadians?

I'm from number 13,
the house behind you.

My elderly mother's
really sick at the moment,

and I was hoping you'd be able

to keep the noise down, please.

Hi, sorry. What can I help you with?

I was just explaining
to your friend here

that the noise level is a little bit loud.

You know what's a little too loud?

Those wrinkles on your face, gypsy woman.

- Cat!
- What?

- Get out.
- No, now you're being...

I'm really sorry. We'll keep it down.

Get inside, now, now.

[Cat laughing]
[men chattering]

Sit down.

Neighbor Jim?

Lady behind us. We just
need to keep it down.

I need to use the
loo, mate. Where is it?

Just down the hall, to the right.

Who's Lou?

Glen, you're a smart,
attractive, passionate human being,

and you deserve love.

What are you doing?

Hush. I felt it, too.

Felt what?

I curse this property
on Friday the 13th.

- What's going on?
- This property

and all who dwell upon it shall be doomed

to die if they wish to leave.

The backyard is a haven,

but pass this pillar and
your life will be taken.

What just happened?

All I can say is, that old
lady can rhyme. Whoa, what?


I'm so bad at this game.

I'll drink it for you.

Think you've had enough.

You all right, mate?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Should probably get going, though.

Yes, this clown got tomorrow off.

Hey, I worked for you last weekend

so you can enjoy that magical surf, man.

Yeah, I guess it is your birthday.

Thanks for having us,
Nancy. It's a pleasure.

Yeah. Thanks for an awesome night.

It was nice meeting you, Cat.

Safe trip home.

[Dan] [chuckles] Watch
out for that pillar, boys.

[Glen and Reefer chuckle]


You smell pretty.

Wait, did I leave my wallet inside?

You want me to check?


Might as well. We're at the door.

I just wanna get away from
Cat. She's fucking mental.

She's not that bad.

Wait. Um, here.

Yeah, hi.

We'd like a cab to number...

[body thuds]
[ominous organ music]

Dude, stop...

[body thuds]

[upbeat rock music]

It was so funny, guys.

She's just pointing at the front door

and saying we're all gonna
die if we leave the house.

Yeah, we know. We were there.

You shouldn't have been
insulted her like that.

You were really rude.

All I know is that old people suck.

Don't be an ageist.

I'm going to bed.

Aren't you gonna wish
Dan a happy birthday?

Is it Dan's birthday?

I thought we were celebrating
because Friday the 13th

was the day that my mother went to prison.

That makes no sense.

You make no sense.

- She ruined your birthday.
- I can't believe her.

It's okay.

Funny thing about birthdays
is we get to do it

all again next year.

Come on, birthday boy.

[upbeat drum music]


[cage squeaks]


Glen, Reefer.

Wake up.

This is embarrassing.


Wake up.

Um, Cat.

We need to talk about something.

What about?

Glen, wake up.


Nan and I, we both,


Oh my, oh my God.

Well, we both think that-


Oh my God.

The curse is real.

Go home, Nan. You're drunk.

She basically said that
anyone who enters the house

can't leave or they'll die, right?

That's about right.

Including our guests.

Nancy, calm down.

Glen and Reefer are in the front yard.

I think they're dead.
[Cat giggling]


Oh, I was thinking of
those stupid dogs again.

Not dead people. God.

I'm sure there's a rational explanation

for them being in the front yard.

I'll suss it out.

Dan, wait!

Everything just has to be
immediate in this day and age.

[upbeat drum music]

What is going on?


your friends are dead, asshole.

No, they're not.

Dan, I order you not
to step past that pillar.

Do you really think our neighbor's

angry enough to curse us?

And do you really think that
curse would actually work?

Well, yes. Just don't
step past the pillar.

What are you doing?

Cat. [Gasps]

[Cat giggles]

Cold hard proof, Dan.

Poor Bernadette.

Poor Glen and Reefer.

Oh yeah, it's shame. I
mean, Reefer was a Looker.

I didn't care too much
for the other one, though.

So how are we gonna
get these dead bodies

out of our front yard?

- I vote a huge vacuum.
- Just suck them right up.

Or we could find some blunt objects.

Yeah, that too.

Oh God, now I'll never
able to use that again,

but the irony is that
I'll never need it again.

I sure hope no one visits soon.

It doesn't even look suspicious.

They just look like they've
passed out, and we're helping.

Can I get a little help, please?

Grab the door, Cat.

Do you want me to grab it or open it?

Just fucking open the door.

- [Dan groaning]
- Oh God.

[Dan] Oh Jesus.

[sighs] What on earth do we do now?

I'm going to tell everyone
that I've touched a dead body.


[Cat blows raspberry]

I've never seen anyone
so keen to dig graves.

And she grabbed Bernadette.

Well, she can surprise you.

I'm turning these into garden beds.

I don't give a fuck what you have to say.

Well, that doesn't surprise me.

Did we technically kill them?



What if the police turn up?

We can't let them in,

but if we don't, they'll
think we're hiding something.

Then, once they're inside,

they'll wanna leave, then they'll die.

We just have to get in
touch with that woman somehow

and get her to take away the curse.

How? We can't leave the house.

I need to leave the house.

Sit down.

You can't cage me like a fucking animal.

I need to be out there, mixing
it up, getting cultured.

You don't leave the house as it is.

You don't drive. You're
scared of public transport.

You don't even have a job.
You literally never leave.

I can see a job on the horizon, Dan.

Oh, really? What might that be?

I'm going to be a drug dealer.

That's something to really aspire to.

Look, I'm not 100% sure,

but there is something
growing in my garden

that is looking suspiciously good.

I have snakeskin shoes, too, so get ready.

That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

We just need to apologize to
her. I'll get the phone book.

You know you'll be the
first one out of us to go.

[Dan laughs]

[engaged tone ringing]

Ugh. I can't get through at all.

That's because I prank
call her all the time.

She must've blocked the number.

[sighs] I'll use my mobile.

Even Dan's?

Afraid so.

What are we supposed to do, then?

I don't know, Nan. I don't know.


I don't know. I don't know.

- God!
- I don't know.

Well, great. Thanks for that.

[upbeat drum music]

We put out a missing person ad.

We'll just draw attention to ourselves.

That'll make it so much worse.

We could just wait till it blows over.

We'll be stuck here forever.

I'll make you walk past
that pillar before then, mate.

If you ever left the house

instead of terrorizing our neighbors,

maybe we wouldn't have this fucking issue.

I do leave. I go for my walks.

What if we ran out of food?

The garden is well on its way.

Ah, you aren't growing anything.

And even if you were, you can't grow milk.

Maybe you can't.

Exactly. I can't.


[Nan sobbing]

Good one, Dan. Now you've upset Nan.

[upbeat drum music]

We might have to postpone the whole

getting rid of Cat thing.

I know she's unbearable,
but I do love her.

I won't say anything.

I really don't know
what I'd do without you.

Cat's lucky I love you.

[upbeat drum music]

[Cat whistling]

We're holding a funeral at 2:00 today.

Just be sensitive, okay? They
were Dan's friends, after all.

I'm sorry, Nan. I didn't
mean for this to happen.

But you can't just blame me.
I mean, you were pretty loud.

Maybe if you would've kept it down

then she wouldn't have come over.

- Right.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Okay.

Good? Hmm?


Well, I'll leave you to mull
that one over for a while.

Okay. Yeah.

Oh my God.

[somber organ music]

Glen and Reefer were
really great friends.

So sorry this had to happen to them.

I'll take over.

[Cat clears throat]

There's no question about it.

Glen and Reefer couldn't get enough of me.

I mean, Glen did try
to kiss me, after all.

That's all I've got.


We'll spread them to share our respect.

No, that's completely selfish.

I'm not turning my two best
friends into garden beds.

That hurts, Dan.

I thought I was your best friend.

Don't make this about you, Cat.

Oh, nice one.

Can the two of you just shut up?

Honestly, this is more than
just some silly joke right now.

I'm really sorry.

You have every right to be angry.

I just don't believe this
has all really happened.

It's a bit surreal.

Can I have that back, please?

Stop being so grotesquely
cute. And gimme my laptop back.

I have to try and study for the university

I can no longer go to.

You think this will last?

Oh my God.

[sighs] Fucking Cat.

What part of not being
able leave this house

do you not understand?

Nobody said anything about
not being able to skate past.

Get away from the door, Cat.

[upbeat drum music]

[upbeat drum music]

Sorry about getting angry.

I feel so terrible.

I know you do, Nan.

But we'll find a way
to get past your anger.

No, I feel bad about Reefer
and Glen, not about yelling.

Well, I do feel bad about that, too,

but that's not what I meant.

I forgive you.

I'm going to be the bigger person

in this fucked up situation.

You went with the cucumber. Nice.

I don't know why you two are so adamant

about your face routines.

Just cleanse and moisturize.
That's all you need.

What are you doing here?

Well, apparently, when you
die on a cursed property,

you don't leave it.

Yeah. No Pearly Gates for us.


I'm so sorry, guys.

I had no idea this would happen.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, it's not your fault, mate.

It's Cat's.

Dinner's ready!

You know what I never liked?
The "Brady Bunch" movies.

The series had such a good message,

and the movies just make fun of it.

The movies are way
better than the series.

I mean, the sexual tension

between siblings is out of this world.

Who gives two shits
about a message anyway?

Me, obviously.


Well, this is awkward.

Guys, you know how I told you
that Glen tried to kiss me?

Well, I don't think I'm
comfortable with this.

All right.

I didn't try to kiss you.
She tried to kiss me.

That is definitely not what happened.

I'm confused.

Yeah. Aren't you supposed to be dead?

- We are.
- How are you here, then?

Well, I was in a white
room with a singular door,

and I opened it and sort of
appeared in the bathroom.

Yeah. That's what happened to me.

Ugh, I'm so sorry.

[Glen] You don't have to apologize.

Yeah, but if you never came
over, you'd still be alive.

Was the room so white

that you couldn't really see anything?

It was too white, if
that's what you mean.

That's exactly what I mean.

Did you hear anything, like
God, or deceased loved ones?

Dan! Don't be so insensitive.

Ah, so Cat can ask.

Can you two not have a
domestic, please? We have guests.

I didn't hear anything.

Yeah, me neither.

It's weird. It's as if
death is nothing, you know.

After we died, I don't remember
anything but that room.

So life really is one giant joke.

Oh, don't be so
pessimistic about it, bro.

Just enjoy the time you have here.

How can you be so positive right now?

So would you guys still be
alive if the curse was lifted?

No, they're definitely
dead. We saw their bodies.

Where are they?

Yeah, what did you do with our bodies?

[upbeat drum music]

What's in the soil?

Seeds. I'm seeing how well they'll grow.

With compost?

I don't mind it, really.

I mean, you know,

we're giving back to
Mother Nature, after all.

Yeah, I think we did the right thing.

We had no part in the garden idea.

And we're sorry, again.

Hey, do you reckon
we could grow chilies?

Yeah, of course.

This is a fucking joke!


I'm really sorry, mate.

I'm gonna go and see if I can help.

Do you like budgies?

Yeah, they're cool.

I made the right decision, then.

Bernadette, our budgie, well,

she unexpectedly died.

I had to bury her with someone.

Glen's a tit, so I chose you.

Thanks. I'm chuffed.

Hey, do you like the
"Brady Bunch" movies?

Uh, is my name Reefer Jones?

I guess.

I fucking love those movies.

The sexual tension between
Marcia and Greg is like so good.

Oh, Jones is my last name, by the way.

I get it now.

Yeah, I probably should've
told you that earlier.

My last name's Richards,
just in case you need to know.



[upbeat drum music]

My business is ruined.

I'll look after it for you, mate.

Oh, when I get out of here.

Is anyone hungry?

I'm all right.

I'm gonna make some tea.

If you ever need anything,
don't hesitate to ask, man.

Don't listen to Cat.

[Cat] I definitely won.

Just ignore her. She
goes away eventually.

[Cat and Reefer chattering]

We need the TV.

Speak of the devil.

That's not very nice, Dan,

just because they didn't go to heaven.

Yeah, we didn't go to hell either.

Well, I'm definitely in hell.

Nan's making tea.

Wait, what are you coveting?

Fuck yeah. Put me down for three.

Oh, rad.

Did you hear me, Cat?


Could you possibly answer me there?

We're covered in a food concoction.

It's a food fight, man. It was awesome.

Especially 'cause I'm sort
of like self-cleaning,

you know, so.

How much of our food did you use?

- Uh...
- Hmm,

I'm not actually sure.

It was all an excited blur.

[upbeat drum music]

Should we leave them some?

They wouldn't leave me
any. I bet you $1 million.

Great. So we should all
star for your amusement, then?

Maybe you should, Dan.

For God's sake!

I didn't know he was religious.

He was just using a
common phrase, Reefer.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

They used most of the food.

Canned goods it is, then.

We're gonna need to do something
about the food situation.

We're gonna have to do something

about the whole situation.

[upbeat drum music]

We hold a family meeting
every month here, Glen.

Just keep that in mind.

Sorry, I was trying to do a wee,

but turns out I don't have
to, so that's pretty cool.

No more tiny tap trouble.

I think I actually miss public toilets.

[Glen clears throat]

Are you finished?



Well, number one,

we need to somehow contact
with the gypsy woman.

We can't. You've used everyone's
phones to prank call her.

You need to stop using my phone, Cat.

Come on, Dan. I've been
using it for months now.

It's not my fault that you're
too ignorant to notice.

I'm ignorant?

That's it?

Well, he's the least important
member of the household.

Cat, you can't talk
about Dan that way, okay?

Who's holding the meeting, Nan?

It's not like you were elected to do it.

You just started banging on everything

around the house and yelling.

And we've never had a
family meeting before.

Isn't it kind of obvious?

That we need to leave the house,

but we can't, because we'll die?

It's not such a bad
thing if Cat heads on out.

You can't be that harsh, bro.

I mean, she brings a lot
of charisma to the house.

She's a psycho.

She just never really grew up.

What I was trying to say was,
Glen and I are already dead,

so if we leave, we can't die again.

That's actually pretty smart, man.

Thanks, man.

[bright guitar music]

They're pretty harsh on you, hey?

Yeah. All I wanna do is help them.

They just don't see it like that.

Yeah, my brother's the same.

He thinks I'm stupid,
but I'm street smart.

We're so misunderstood.

You're doing ugly photo collage?

Yeah. I do one every couple of months.

This one features Orlando Bloom more.

I personally don't see the appeal.

I think he's very attractive.

I won't hold that against you.

[shaver buzzing]


I'm gonna fail uni.

No, you're not.

Well, attendance-wise you might.

Normally I'd tell you just
to explain what happened,

but don't think it's gonna work this time.

And I get a holiday from
work, so that's pretty cool.

We're gonna have to live
off Cat's Centrelink payments.

Yeah. [Sighs]

We'll never live it down.
You know that, right?

What are we gonna do, Dan?

I don't know, peach.

When groceries seem like a
luxury, you know life is rough.

We could always shop
online and get 'em delivered.

Dan, you're a genius.

[melancholy guitar music]

You all right, mate?

Just trying to come to terms

with the fact that I'm fucking dead.

But I'm still here, so
what the fuck is next?

I don't know.

Fear of the unknown?

Guess we'll always
remember the day we died.


My birthday will never be the same again.

[upbeat drum music]

Make sure you get crunchy peanut butter.

I don't want none of that smooth shit.

Real mature, Nan, hmm?

Giving me the silent treatment?

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean
to. I'm just concentrating.

I mean, we have to feed five now.

It's still only three.

Reefer told me they don't
need to eat anymore.

They have the best lives.

I wish they'd have told me.

I just thought Glen was too upset to eat.

[Cat clears throat]

And I'm pretty sure you can't get at least

nine of these things from the supermarket.

You'd better try.

- I will.
- Mm-hmm.

[upbeat drum music]

Sorry to eat in front of you.

No need to apologize. Really.

I was gonna suggest we
should all get drunk, but, um,

I guess that wouldn't really work either.

We literally can't change.

I shaved this morning, now this.

So you'll stay like that forever?

My guess is until the curse is lifted,

then we will cease to exist.

I don't mind it, really.

I mean, we're in the company
of good people, after all.

Guess what?

[Dan, Nan] What?

I've invited a boy over.


You do realize he'll die, don't you?

Yeah. That's why I'm inviting him over.

Cat, you can't do that to someone.

Well, you try and make Ugly
Dean leave me alone, then.

Well, maybe, if he
tries to annoy you again,

I can pretend to be your boyfriend.

That's a much better idea.

It would be better if he
just came over and just died.

Then he'll just come back like us.

All right. I'll tell him
not to come over, then.

We really need to work on a plan

for when the delivery arrives.

They can't come near the
house, and we can't leave it.

[knocking at door]

Cat, I told you not to.

It's not him.

I can't believe you invited someone over

knowing they were going to die.

And I can't believe that you're trapped

with that outfit for
the rest of your life.

Someone just knocked on the front door.

That means they're at the front door.

Which means they're going to die.

We really should put a sign out.

It's the threshold.

Neighbor Jim just dropped off this mail

and left without dying.


So we just have to make sure

no one walks through the front door.

Can't make any promises there, love.

Yes, we can, Cat.

No, we cannot.

- We absolutely can.
- We can't promise

that no one's gonna walk
through the front door.

Hey, if I get out tomorrow,

I'll try and get a puppy
or something to bring back.

- [soft guitar music begins]
- Cool.

And I just wanna say thanks

for letting me hang out in your room.


Also, if the curse never
happened, I'd be pretty upset,

'cause I would never have got
the chance to get to know you.

Yeah, me too.

Do you see what I'm getting at, Cat?

Yeah, you're a positive guy

trying to see the best in this situation.


I like you.

[music stops]

A lot.

And I kind of hoped that you like me too.

I think we should just be friends.

I mean, you're dead and I'm not.

That only really worked in "Ghost."

Yeah. I'm no Swayze.

That was a good movie.

It was.

I'm gonna go see what Glen's doing.

Not because of this, just
because he's probably lonely.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, go for it, mate.

[upbeat drum music]

[birds twittering]

What's wrong?

[Dan] I'll just get out of my own bed.

I think I like Reefer.

I knew it.

And he told me he likes me last night,

and I said we should just be friends.

Oh, Kitty.

I tried to kiss his brother.

And he's dead.

Well, just explain it
to him. He'll understand.

I'm so bad at that stuff, Nan.

I know.

Like, I'm really bad at it.

- I know.
- Yeah.

She's at number 13,
the street behind us.

Knock and ask if she can
please take away the curse.

Sure. Can she reverse that?

- It's worth a try, mate.
- Just be really polite.

Hey, Reefer.

It's pretty stupid. You can
just read it out on the road.


Just don't show Glen. He
won't understand the complexity.

I don't wanna read it anyway.

It's a two-minute walk.
Neither of us have the time.

[mysterious music]

[Reefer] Guess we're staying.

You won't be needing this anymore.

[upbeat drum music]

I'm bored.

Me too.

We have so much in common.

Oh, where's Nan?

Standing guard at the door.

Aw, bless her.

I heard the truck. It's
coming up the street.

Does everyone know what to do?

Why are you all stressing so much?

'Cause there are serious repercussions.

For one, you're dead.

Yeah, I guess.

[driver yawning]


How you going?

[Nan] Thank you.

[Driver] Oh, it's all
right, love. I can take it in.

- No, don't worry about it.
- It's a bit heavy, this one.

- Oh.
- Thanks, mate.

No worries.

He's proving to be difficult.

- He won't step inside.
- Trust me, I've got this.

Does he look familiar to you?

I'll take it.

Oh, that's all right, love.

Can't have you doing that. Your
little lines will snap off.

Damn misogynistic.

Just pop that down. I'll get
Dan to take it in a minute.

Oh, that's all right, love.

I don't mind taking 'em in, honestly.


It's not!


Geez, you grew up.

I haven't seen you since you ran away.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

- That's all right, love.
- I'm just pleased to see ya.

Come in, come in.

No worries.

Where do you want it?

[Cat] Just anywhere.

Oh my God.


[Dennis] Nice house you got here.

God, it's done now, isn't it?

You can't leave, Dennis. You'll die.

I have to. I can't
disappoint my customers.

You walk out there
and you will die, mate.

Ah, I suppose I did walk under a ladder,

smash a mirror, spilled some salt,

and have a black cat walk
across me path yesterday.

I think there's at least one sign there.

Yeah, well.

I suppose it's better to be
safe than sorry then, hey?


[Dennis slurps]


So what have you been up to?

Oh, you know, bit of this, bit of that.

Staying out of trouble?

Trying to.

Spent a bit of time up in the Territory.

There's this one hairy
moment where I was screaming

down this highway with no speed limit.

I was doing in about 60.

Some clown comes flying up behind me,

hitting his horn, so
I flipped in the bird.

Bastard ran me off the
road, then pulled over.

Whew. I saw red.

It's the Dennis I know.

- Nah, red dirt, love.
- He knocked me block off.

You should a given him
the old, you know, one-two.

Changed man, kiddo, ever since I went

and saw your mother in
prison 10 years ago.

Yeah, she didn't have a clue who I was,

so I thought I'd quit while I was ahead.

Did she mention me at all?

Eh, no, she didn't love.

Don't take it to heart.

Yeah, I didn't think she would.

If you were to meet
the one at a young age,

how would you really know?

You just know. I know Nan's the one.

I don't believe in finding the one.

I think some people are just
better matched than others.

You're dating the devil.

I don't think that's a good match.

- We're not dating.
- We're just good friends.

So you admit she's the devil?

Ah, she's not.

She's not.

She's not.

You girls talking
about your cycles again?

[Reefer laughing]

[Dan feigns laughing]

[Cat imitates Dan]

What? She's funny.

Think there's love a-brewing, Dan.

So much love.

[Reefer chuckles]

I reckon just tie it
up on top of my head.

Gonna play a soccer game, man.
It needs to be outta my face.

Okay, but it's so short.

I don't know what's gonna happen here.

Just do it, Nan.


So, what's happening with you and Reefer?

Nothing. We're just friends.

He's a cool dude.

Can't two people of the opposite sex

just be friends without
constant criticism?

No, they can't, Cat. They really can't.

Ah, there we go. Beautiful.

What's happening? You guys
haven't done anything?

Um, no, that would be gross.

I'm not into necrophilia, Nan.

I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

Well, it's not really
if he's a ghost, right?

No, it still is. Yeah, it's illegal.

Yeah. There's probably a term for it.


Don't kick it over the fence.

And avoid our graves.

[upbeat rock music]

Play fair, yeah?

First team to three wins.

[sighs] I can't believe we go first.

♪ I'm so sick and tired ♪

♪ Of your nosy ways [indistinct] ♪

[class shatters]
[cat meows]

It's the only ball we had.

It's not my fault I
have a powerful kick.

Don't worry about it. It's all right.

I just feel so stupid.

Don't you say that.

You are strong, independent woman.

Yeah, I am.

[Nan screams]

What was that?


Are you all right, Nan?

Um, yeah. The delivery man
just accidentally walked in.

- It's not his fault.
- I'm sorry mate.

I just didn't think.

I just opened the door and-

It's okay, you just gave me
a bit of a fright. It's fine.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm fine.

[upbeat drum music]

So you're in this white room
and you walked through a door

and ended up in the bathroom?


I'll be damned.

We can't eat. We can't sleep.

We can't do anything, really.

We can't change our appearance either, so,

[Cat and Reefer chattering]

This is us.

Ah, I'm sure glad I listened to you lot.

- Hey, it's Dennis.
- Sorry, mate.

Hey, delivery man.

Hey, it's me two favorites.

Was that Dan who screamed?

Um, I accidentally walked
in on Nan in the shower.

Dan's got some competition.


So if you were still alive,

I would maybe possibly just a
little bit say we were dating?

Yeah, something like that.

Maybe we can go out on the town sometime.

Yeah, maybe.

We're getting rid of this curse.

I'm sick to death of this shit.

We've got another fucking
mouth to feed. It's fucked.

Sorry about the insensitive expression.

We need to kill Dan.


If Dan dies then Nan
will never wanna leave,

and you can stay.

Dan's pretty smart.

I'm pretty smart, too.

Still don't think it's a good idea.

[upbeat drum music]

[Nan] Okay. Ghost.

[Nan chuckles]

Just wash it when you're done.

I'm not going to.

[Cat clicks tongue]

What? I'm certain it's fine.


Whatcha doing, love?

Trying to make Dan
walk past that pillar.

Won't that kill him?


You trying to push his buttons?


You're your mother's daughter.

Let me introduce to you, Cat.

[upbeat drum music]

All right, Gold Coast.

[Nan] Whoo!

How you all doing tonight?


This guy. Ha ha ha ha.

I just wanted to let you all know first

that my plane was delayed,

so that's the only reason you assholes

are getting this for free.

So here we go. [Clears throat]

So, uh, I know this guy.

He's kind of stupid, and
sometimes he eats his own earwax.

How gross is that?

[Reefer] Whoo!

Yeah, he's so stupid.

Dan is so stupid.

Well, that was shit.


Did she use the fart joke?

No, she sort of just ripped into Dan.

[Dennis] Oh, I told
her that wouldn't work.

Dan's too much of a sweetheart.


Danny, Dannykums.

Aw, sweetums.

They loved it.

No, they didn't.

Nan did.

Nan loves everything.

Yeah, she does.

Thanks for checking on me.

I know you can be
sensitive after a show.

[soft piano music]

Trust Cat to fall for a dead guy.

Think it's nice.

You think everything's nice.

What's that supposed to mean, Dan?

Well, you're a lovely person.

[dishes clattering]

What did I do?



What's wrong.

It's nothing, really.

Dan and I just sort of had a fight.

I'll sleep on the couch.
I have nowhere else to go.

I'll go fight Dan for you.

[Nan] You're too sweet.

Sleep tight.

[Nan] Thanks.

What, you having a sleepover.

Dan and I had a fight.

[Cat] What happened?

He said I thought everything
was nice, and I don't.

I don't think war is nice.

Really, Nancy?

No, it's not just that.

He tried to make me agree with
him and make you move out.

Did you?

Um, sort of.

So you want me to move out?

Well, you can't now.

[Nan] Cat.

Please stop.

Oh God.


Doesn't seem that bad, mate.

I think she'll be fine in the morning.

I don't know what I did wrong.

Doesn't take much.

Yeah, women are usually
ready for a fight.

I'll be back in a minute.

[soft music]

Don't do it.

Come on, sweetpea.

Dan doesn't know what he did, love.

I don't think I do either.

I didn't mean to take it out on him.

And now Cat's upset.

You lot are a fiery bunch.

What should I do?

Give it time.

You okay?

Absolutely fine.

I think we all just need some space.

Yeah, I can understand that.

I hate being trapped
in this stupid house.

I wish that night never happened.

You take over the shop, mate.

The books and everything are inside,

and you know what to do.

Well, I mean, I'm honored,

but shouldn't it go to your family?

Our parents live in Europe,

and we have no close relatives
this side of the hemisphere.

Also, we started a travel blog.

We're in the Amazon. No possible contact.

I don't know what to say, mate.

If all goes well, we should
be traveling for a while.

Might even go missing.

Hi, Glen.

How are you, Nan?

Oh, you know.

I love it when she
tries to make me angry.

I'm sorry for whatever I've done.

I told Cat that we
wanted her to move out.

How'd she take it?

She's not talking to me.

Oh, I'm so sorry, peach.

We need to get out of here.

Yeah, we do.

Oh, Cat, I'm so sorry.

Me too.

We need to figure this shit curse out.

Is everything okay?

We're responsible for two people dying,

everyone hate each other,

and I may have developed
feelings for someone who is dead.

I saw the books outside.

You can throw my clothes
out there too, if you want.

- That's the smile we all love.
- Don't touch my face, Dan.


[TV blaring]

Letter's finished.

So we just have to wait for
neighbor Jim to come over.

Dan's books are on the lawn,

so he should be over in no time.

Can't we just ring him?

Cat's used all of our
phones to prank the neighbors.

So if this doesn't work,
we may as well give up.

You could always use mine.

You realize it's dead?

This thing hasn't died on me in years.

Who even has a Nokia anymore?

I'm sorry.

Maybe I should conform to social
norms and buy a smart phone.

Maybe you should.

Did you two break up?

- We were never together.
- [scoffs] Never together?

What about you, Glen?

I left my phone at home, mate.

Didn't think we'd be here this long.

[Nan] We'll just wait.

Delivery man?

Dennis doesn't have
a phone. He's like 80.

Where is the delivery man?

He's in my room.

I give it to him during the
day so he doesn't have to deal

with the maturity level of this group.

You put yourself in
that group, of course.

I'm up here, Glen.

You don't wanna know where you are.

Down there?

[soft guitar music]

Is everything all right, man?

I'm dead.

Yeah, me too.

[objects clattering]

Feel better?


Should we go annoy Cat?

I don't wanna see her.

Did she break your heart?


So what happened with Reefer?

What do you mean?

Well, you went from spending
every waking moment with him

to not seeing him at all, so
something must have happened.

I told him I was excited
to leave this place,

like I've been telling everyone else.

And you didn't think
that would upset him?

Do you really think I know
how to talk to boys now?

Well, you know how to talk to Dennis.

Yeah, that took years,
and we're kind of related.

Ah, wait.

Cat wants to speak to you.

What do you wanna say, Cat?

I like you.


And I know that you're
leaving, and that kind of sucks.

So you decided to tell me

that you couldn't wait till I was gone?

[Cat] I did use different words.

Yes, you did.

To be completely honest,

without you, this house is pretty shite,

and you're really cool.
[soft guitar music]

[Dennis grunts]


Oh, hi, champ.

It's been good getting to
know you and your brother.


[Glen sobbing]

That's it, mate. Let it all out.

I was going to Vanuatu.

It's a beautiful place.

Hey, do you wanna see me little girl?

Pretty cute.


Hope she'll be all right.

I'm sure she'll be fine, man.

How old would you wanna be?


That's only four years away, Cat.

What's wrong with that?

You wanna have kids in four years?

I thought we were talking
about getting a puppy.

Oh, I'm not having kids
until I'm at least 40.

Actually, never. They're horrible.


I think I wanna be about 27.

That way I'll be finished at uni

and my career will be on its way.

Yeah, but you gotta wait
for that slack Dan to propose.

Mm, yes, well, I'll probably
be waiting a while yet.

How about you, Reefer?

Never really thought about it until now.

I wanna wait for the
right girl to come along,

and I wanna be engaged for a few years.

Perhaps buy a beach shack and settle down.

Have a few kids at about 29.

I wouldn't wanna be some old dad

chasing after some two-year-old
and my hip pops out.

Now you're dwelling on the fact

that none of that'll happen, though.

I'm glad I got to meet you two.

Well, you sure have
helped so much, Reefer.

We've loved having you around.

I got something
that'll cheer you all up.

We're taking Glen to Vanuatu.

[upbeat music]

[Everyone] Welcome to Vanuatu.

Come on.

Did you do all this for me?

We didn't want you to
miss out on anything.

So we found some Rumba
in the back of a cupboard,

and anyone is welcome
to that coconut cream

for a bit of a tropical vibe.

Also, I'll be giving
surfing lessons on the couch.

And we're having tuna salad for dinner,

which you won't be able to taste,

which is probably for the best.

This is amazing.

Well, go and enjoy yourself, then.

[Dennis] I'll have one of them Rumbas.

Coming right up, sir.

It's tacky, but, um,
the best we could do.

It's perfect.

You all right, mate?

I'm just coming to
terms to the fact that

I'm gonna miss out on most of my life.

I wish I knew what to say.

Don't worry about it, mate.

Can't believe neighbor
Jim hasn't come over.

He always shows up to parties.

Maybe he's given up.

[Nan] Hmm.

Just when we need him the most.

Ah, or he died.


Have I ever told you
how much I love you?

Hmm, only a couple of times.

I can always hear it again, though.

I love you more than Liz wants Pam Short

to break both her legs so she
can dance with Ken Railings.

More than you'll ever know.

I love you too, Dannykins.

[Cat] Nan, you're missing out.

Dennis just drank a whole
can of coconut cream.

I don't know what
I'll do when she's gone.

Even if she does move out,
she'll be here every day.

I hope so.

If had I one more day,

I'd probably do something
that I've never done before.

See, I think I'd just wanna
do something I knew I liked.

So you weren't disappointed. I agree.

I'd wanna spend the
whole day at the beach.

I'd be quite happy to be
in the company of you lot.

[Dan laughs]


You're not joking?


I'd probably go and see a scary movie.

You're too sweet for a scary movie.

Nan's favorite movie is
"The Exorcist." She loves it.

No way.

I can't handle that bit
where the face pops up.

That vomit scene is so good.

So good.

Two excellent scenes.

[Dennis snoring]

[soft guitar music]
[knocking at door]

- Hey.
- Hey.

It's pretty weird that you're dead, hey?

Cat, I just want you to know that,

if circumstances had
changed and we didn't die,

I'd probably still be thinking about you.

I tried to kiss Glen.

He didn't try and kiss me, and
I regretted it straight away,

because you're definitely
better looking, and,

like, that hallway gets pretty dark,

and I was a little bit drunk.

It's fine, Cat.

Also, now that I'm
getting things off my chest,

sometimes I go down to the
dog park with just a lead,

and I lie to people.

I tell them that I have a
dog, but I don't have a dog.

I shouldn't do it, I know
I shouldn't do it, but...

[soft music]

- Morning.
- Morning.

You seem happy.

Let's just say that I know
what Faith Hill was on about.

Okay, that can be yours. That's fine.

[upbeat drum music]

Breakfast is definitely
my favorite meal of the day.

Dinner is way better.

Lunch, I reckon, may as
well not even be there.

You just never know what to eat.

Like, I get that you
need to eat it, but...

Salad every day.

Yeah, but that gets boring.

Nah, salad never gets boring.

You can chuck all kinds
of vegetables in there.

Yeah. And fruit.

Thanks, peach.

- That's just a fruit salad.
- No, it's not.

No, you've had well
with pomegranate seeds.

I guess.

The fact of the matter is that people

don't appreciate salad.

Not the salad debacle again.

Yes, the salad debacle again.

We need to get this sorted out.

And the chance of it actually
sinking in is slim, shady.

Nailed it.

Nailed what?

That reference to one of this

generation's finest songwriters.

Ah, I wouldn't say finest.

Oh, Eminem is fine.

Look, I admit, I enjoy a salad,

but I don't think to get
it in the first place.

Well, Dad always has a BLT,

but they always put the
tiniest amount of tomato on it.

It may as well not even
be there, you know?

You're just having a BL, mate.

All right. I'll get a salad next time.


Did this will start
with you telling them

that breakfast was your favorite?


You have to stop doing that, Dan.

It only causes arguments.

You have to stop.

I miss food.

Do you want this?

Fuck you.

Glen told me about your dog.

Yeah. She's beautiful.

What's her name?


Like our old Daisy?

Yeah, you should come meet her sometime.

I'd love to.

She'd like that.

I'm glad you stayed, Dennis.

Thanks, love. It's good
having my favorite girl back.

[both laughing]

Are you asleep?

Wide awake.

I know what'll help you go to sleep.

Surely I'm not that repulsive.

Tomorrow is October 31st.

It is?

It's Halloween, Dan.

It is?

Children will be
coming to the front door.

They will?

And I don't have any lollies.

[Dan chuckles]


Do you understand the
concept of Halloween?

[upbeat drum music]

Best day of the year today.

It most certainly is not.

And stop mindlessly eating.

We only have half the food we ordered

because you decided to invite
the delivery man inside

and then have a little food fight.

Um, he's my step dad, and you're rude.

Give me that. Stop it.

I always win, Nan. Always.

Do you need a hand?

Just be quiet, Dan.

Look, I'm just a little bit
stressed because at any minute

adorable little children
will be coming to the door,

and if they take one step
inside, they'll have to stay,

and then people will
think we're kidnappers

as well as murderers.

It's 9:00 in the morning.

It's nowhere near trick-or-treating time.

Nothing bad is going to happen.


I can't promise,

but I'll do my best.

You're not still trying
to get rid of Dan, are ya?

No, I'm trying to get
that whore's attention.

Hey, number 9! You're a bitch!

Hey, need a hand?


[upbeat drum music]

[glass shatters]
[cat meows]


You've always been a fucking nightmare.

Hey, be nice.

Hey, yeah, look, there
was this one Easter, right?

It's just after we got Daisy 1.

Cat was about-

Yeah, I was seven, and it
was the best Easter ever.

Yeah, that's the one.

We lived in this two-story house, right?

Cat decided one day it'd be a great idea

to slide down the stairs
on a sleeping bag.

So, long story short,

I had a fractured
tailbone and a broken leg.

I begged Dennis to take
me to the vet, and he did.

Yeah, the vet was closed, of course,

and I knew there would look after a kid.

Anyway, your mum was off
to the maternity home

to have the baby from the neighbor,

so we lucked out there, killed
two birds with one stone.

She had someone else's baby?


Why did you stay with her?

Oh, mate, I couldn't
leave this little shit.

She stole my heart.

Can't believe you didn't
tell me about Dennis before.

Well, I did the typical

"you're not my real dad" thing, didn't I?

Yeah, well, I knew that was coming.


And you know, if it wasn't for Nan,

I don't know what I would've done.

Well, that got emotional quickly.


I can see from you messed-up childhood

how you turned out like this.

Bit rough, Glen.

What? She's ripping on me
for the past couple of weeks.

Yeah, but that just got real personal.

- It did.
- Yeah, it did.

Let's all fucking gang up on Glen. Fuck!

Did you just see that? [Laughs]

You know what? I like Glen.

I think he's funny.

Something to remember me by.


[knocking at door]

I've got this.

Halloween's an American
tradition. We're Australian.

It's an English tradition.

Why does everyone get that wrong?

- Pardon?
- Nothing.

[sober music]

It's the gypsy woman.

Is that the...

The old bat.


Are you, are you all still alive?

We are.

Two of my best friends are
dead because of your curse.

[gasps] I'm really sorry.

I didn't think it would work.

I was just so angry.

Yeah? Well, you killed my boyfriend.

Three words.

Uh, movie.

I'm really sorry. I didn't
think it would work at all.

I can take it back.

Good. Take it back.


[bright guitar music]

Hey, um,

I really like you,

maybe even love you,

and I just wanted to tell you that.

You've made me the
happiest boy in the world.

I really am sorry.

I've been practicing for years,

and nothing has ever happened.

Oh, it's okay.

Well, no, it's not really.

First word.

Ah, mate,

you can't speak.

I uncurse thee on Tuesday the 31st.

On this All Hallows' Eve,

let everyone be free to
fulfill their nomadic thirst.

So they're just



I'm really gonna miss those two.

Even if they were shit at charades.

They were great guys.

[knocking at door]

Hey. Can I come in?


You know you don't have to leave, right?

I get to meet a new dog,
so life is looking pretty up.

Well, Nan and I really
don't mind if you stay.

I can't stay in a house where everything

reminds me of him.

Don't tell anyone, but I'll miss you.

Happy belated birthday.

[chuckles] That's too much. Too much.

You ready?


- Oh my, oh my God!
- [body thuds]

We're trapped here forever.

[Cat laughs]

[Dennis laughs]

Oh God.

Smashed that.

Why would you do that to me?

What the hell is wrong with you?

It's fine. It's okay.

No, it's not!

- Come on. Let's load her up.
- Fucktard.

Don't worry. Let's load her up.

Come on, walk it off. You're fine.

You have to call at least once a day,

and you have to visit at
least three times a week.

Yes, Mum.

Come here.

Okay. Okay.

[Dennis sighs]

I'm gonna miss you guys.

Oh, we'll miss you, mate.

Come on.

Let's go.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[Cat giggles]

Show us your tits!

[Nan laughs]

Now get me away from this
house before I go insane.


[upbeat rock music]

♪ It was the last time in a
little old place called home ♪

♪ And we'll go down in a
little old place called home ♪

♪ And we'll walk down to the water ♪

♪ To grease our presence with the earth ♪

♪ And we'll go down in a
little old place called home ♪

♪ And we'll go down in a
little old place called home ♪

♪ And we'll walk down to the water ♪

♪ To grease our presence with the earth ♪

♪ Nan and Cat against Dan ♪

♪ Fighting crime wherever they can ♪

♪ Punching boys and picking flowers ♪

♪ Then using flour to make more hours ♪

♪ An hour is time ♪

♪ So is a minute ♪

♪ That's my song that I just finished ♪