Cupid's Proxy (2017) - full transcript
Rebecca Murphy is a cynical, down-on-love widow whose whole world revolves around her son, Justin, 12, a budding musician who can't remember his late father. Rebecca has no desire to date ...
(movie projector rattling)
(guitar music)
(car horn beeping)
(upbeat music)
- Hi, Justin!
- Can't stop, Natalie,
I'll be late for my lesson.
- Oh that's cool,
I'm totally cool with that.
I hear that guy, Newt or Stan--
- [Justin] Stewart.
- Yeah yeah, him,
I hear he's really good.
I mean, I think it's awesome
you're taking guitar lessons
because I'm musically inclined.
I've been taking piano
lessons since I was four.
Maybe you can learn that
cool song by Bruno Mars.
You know, it's my favorite,
Count With Me.
Wait no, that's not it.
- Oh, yeah, cool.
It's something with letters
or... - Uh-huh.
(muffled talking)
- It's Count On Me.
Who doesn't know that?
- Oh, don't be cruel.
It's her first crush,
it's so cute.
- I'll show you
those later and--
- Bye, Nat.
- Bye.
Oh anyway, about the
bracelets, you know,
so I had this red...
- Yeah, a gnat.
- Bye.
- She's kinda like a gnat.
An annoying, buzzing gnat.
- Oh, you will rethink your
position someday, buddy,
I promise.
In the meantime, you will be
as polite as possible,
young man.
She's new here,
she needs a friend.
- Mom, you know I'm
being nice to her.
And we both know how that ends.
She gets the wrong idea
and next thing I know
we're eating dinner at the
Olive Garden before Junior prom.
- Oh yeah?
You should be so lucky.
- Mom, stop stop!
Olive, hey, Olive!
I told you I'd do
that after my lesson.
- Yeah, yes yes, I know, honey
but I thought I'd
just get a head start.
You know, I only got one foot
planted in the grave, okay.
The other is firmly
amongst the living.
- Are you getting
excited for your cruise?
- Mm-mh, this is the
romance novel cruise.
- Ooh, la la.
(laughing)
Hey, and thank you
for the tomatoes.
They were amazing.
- Oh Becca, I'm just trying to
keep up your cooking skills.
You know, men, they love a
good--
- Ah.
- We have to get
running, toodle-oo.
- You'll rethink your
position someday, I promise.
- And you will mind your
own beeswax, Mr. Man.
(orchestral music)
Hey, does dropping my
kid off at the local bar,
albeit a highly
reputable establishment,
make me a bad mother?
- I never go into
the bar part, Mom.
Stewart's lessons are in
the room behind the stage.
It's totally legit.
What makes you bad mother
is forcing me to interact
with a potentially dangerous
insect, posing as a human girl.
- Not nice.
Now scoot, I gotta call my
clients over at the Dollar Depot.
I'll be back to pick
you up in 90 sharp.
- All right.
(orchestral music)
- Hello, little man.
- Hey.
(clap smack)
- Have fun.
(laughing)
- I'll try.
- Greetings, protege.
You're looking sweat free.
- Mom took mercy on
me and dropped me off.
- And a fine lady she is.
I mean, fine like, I
aspire to be a good man.
She is a fine woman.
- Yeah.
- Good citizen, true American.
All right, let's pick up some
strings and make 'em cry.
- I'm sure that
Mick and the boys
would frown at
changing the lyrics
and I don't think you
guys wanna get embroiled
in a copyright
infringement suit.
Think about that whole Robin
Thicke, Pharrell Williams mess.
- [Man On Phone]
What thick pharaoh?
- You know, I promise
that I will come up
with a ditty for Dollar
Depot that is downright dandy.
- [Man On Phone] Uh, what?
I didn't catch that.
- You know, sorry,
couldn't help myself.
More as a have it,
okie-dokie? Toodle-oo.
Ugh.
(guitar music)
- Okay, okay, now here.
Look, the cornerstone
of being a musician
is rhythm and timing.
Now, do you know
what a metronome is?
- I've heard of the
Metrodome, does that count?
- No.
But you get points
for word association.
Now, a metronome keeps the
beat, the pace, the timing.
Music is all about timing.
You either got good timing
or you got bad timing.
- You better be teaching
him something upbeat.
- Speaking of bad timing.
- Playing you all's
sad songs too.
- You know, my songs aren't sad,
they're melancholy.
And the best songs are
about falling in love
or out of love and my songs
happen to be about the latter.
Just waiting for
the tide to turn.
Besides, I got a soft spot
for relationships gone bad.
- Don't say that again, Stew.
It just gives you
a pathetic quality.
Women do not like pathetic.
- Says the lifelong bachelor
who knows everything there
is to know about women.
- Hey, Clive, you know any songs
about how to hide from girls
you don't wanna talk to?
- You don't learn how
to play the guitar
to keep the girls away.
That kinda defeats the purpose.
You know what I mean?
- Wanna give him a try?
- Really?
- Yeah.
I call this one Tex.
- Was its last owner named Tex?
- Barry.
- Was Barry from Texas?
- [Stewart] St. Louis.
- Wait, why Tex?
- Come on, let's just play.
(guitar music)
Nice.
How about old Betty,
did you name her?
- No, she came that
way from the pawn shop.
- Well, you every wonder
about her history?
Why she's named that way?
Could be a long lost
mysterious love story
waiting to be told.
- Or it's last
owner's name was Betty
and she wanted to let
everybody know it was hers.
I'm gonna get a summer
job and save up for one
without anybody's name on it.
- Okay.
Okay, all right.
Time to get the boy.
- She's super busy today,
I'm sure she'll be here soon.
- Yeah, no worries, bud.
You know, I'll be back
in one minute, okay?
- Hi.
I am so, so sorry, there
long lines at the store.
All right, Jay, let's get going.
I got a trunk full of food
and I don't wanna
risk food poisoning.
Given the fact that
I already let the kid
hang out at a bar all day,
I would definitely lose my
mother of the year nomination.
- So, how's the graphic
design coming along?
- Oh my gosh, you must think
that I'm raised by wolves.
I didn't even see you
standing there, Stewart.
- Oh well, it's hard not
to notice you standing.
I said that out loud.
Uh, on a not awkward moment.
He is doing great.
- Well, brilliance
runs in the family.
(laughing)
I'm hoping that he
can get good enough
to help me with a ditty
for the Dollar Depot folks.
They can't understand why
I can't use the Rolling Stones'
"You Can't Always
Get What You Want"
just by changing the lyrics to
you can always get what
you want for a dollar.
(laughing)
All right, vamanos, amigo.
- All right.
Say, if you need the help,
I was a pretty
decent jingle writer
in a past life.
- Boom.
(laughing)
- I'm gonna go finish
pulling the weeds for Olive.
She shouldn't be working
that hard in the heat.
It's not good for old people.
- How did I get so lucky?
Get over here.
(kiss smack)
Hey, and don't mention anything
about being old to Olive.
Women don't like to hear
those kinds of words, okay?
- I also heard that women
don't like pathetic men.
- Well, whoever you heard
that from is a genius.
- Bartender named Clive.
- I rest my case.
(laughing)
Such a good kid.
Ugh, more dishes.
(soft orchestra music)
- I vote for making
weeds the new flowers
so nobody has to pull them.
(laughing)
- Well then, what would the
young upstanding boys do
for their gracefully aging
neighbors during the summer?
- You're not aging
Olive, you're still,
I think of you as um,
you have--
- Honey, you every
hear the saying
if you find yourself
in a hole stop digging.
- Sorry.
(laughing)
- That's all right,
you're a good boy, Justin,
but the fact is
I just can't keep up with
the younger generation.
A fact which my new whipper
snapper of an editor
has made abundantly clear.
My days as cupid
could be numbered.
- What?
No way Olive, that's
not gonna happen.
You've been writing
your column forever.
Like, decades and
eons and even like--
Wait, that didn't
come out right.
What I meant was
that you've writing--
- Child, child, let me
make you some lemonade
before you ask me if I have
a pterodactyl as a pet.
I ain't that old!
Close.
(laughing)
(light upbeat music)
I've done my best to
keep up with the times.
I have all the latest
I devices, I have a website,
I face plant.
- Don't act like you don't
know what that is, Olive.
- Hmm, listen to this.
Dear Olive, we
value Call Me Cupid
here at the Daily Messenger
but letters are
beginning to dwindle
and your syndications
have declined.
Perhaps it's due to your flippant
responses to advice seekers
such as "texting killed your date night",
"Twitter me stupid,"
are beginning to alienate
our younger reads.
I was just trying to be honest.
Now, honesty, that's still
a good thing, isn't it?
- Yeah, but, well,
don't take this the
wrong way but maybe,
just maybe, you should
get to know how the
less experienced generation
interact these days.
I mean, no one wants
to feel stupid.
- Oh.
All right, you tell me as
a less experienced person
how you would answer.
"Dear Cupid, my girlfriend
insists on taking selfies
inside every
restaurant we go into.
This makes me uncomfortable
and the camera flash
disturbs others trying
to enjoy their dinner.
What should I do?
Signed Camera Shy."
- First, I wanna know how
you would answer that.
- Well, easy breezy.
I despise selfies. Selfies
are the downfall of society
and promote self aggrandizing.
And that 15 minutes of fame,
that everybody seems to--
- Whoa.
Hashtag, wrong attitude.
I don't even know
where that came from.
- Dear Camera Shy,
camera's should be banned
from eating establishments.
Gently tell Ms. Manners,
nicely, in a nice way
that you'll no longer spring
for the dinner, or the wedding,
until she learns some basic--
- Ah, no.
Selfies are a way of life,
everybody takes selfies.
(exhales)
- Okay, you have
the floor, please.
Enlighten me with your
less experienced wisdom.
- Dear Camera Shy,
dude, I feel your pain.
- Dude?
- Selfies can be super
lame and annoying
but it's time for a compromise
because your girlfriend
clearly digs you
and wants everybody to know
you're having a great time
no matter where you go.
Kill two birds with
one stone, my man.
Take it upon yourself
to suggest a selfie
outside the restaurant
so everybody knows
where you are.
But pick a joint
that's totally rad.
It's cost you a
little more bread
but hey, it could take your
ship to the next level.
After all man, YOLO.
- YOLO?
- You Only Live Once.
- [Natalie] Hey Justin,
Justin are you in here?
Your mom said you were here.
Wanna take a bike ride
before it gets dark?
- What?
- I don't suppose
you'd agree with
distracting her while
I sneak out the front?
- Mm-mm, sorry, it runs
counter to my moral compass.
You're on your own, kiddo.
You know, one day you're gonna
thank me.
- Rethink my position?
- Whatever.
Hey Natalie, I gotta
get home and practice
but maybe another time.
Interesting helmet.
- Oh thanks, I have
a bunch of other ones
but this is my
favorite summer helmet
because, well you know,
watermelon is the best summer fruit
ever and it just makes
me feel really happy?
What makes you
feel happy, Justin?
- Guitar.
- Oh, and by the way,
you know, maybe we
can take our new bikes
to the rec trail 'cause
tomorrow I'm leaving
and so I have to--
- Wait, wait,
- you're going somewhere?
- Yeah, tomorrow
my mom and step-dad
are taking me to see my
grandparents at the lake.
And I'll be gone for a week
but maybe when we get back
we can go on the rec trail.
- Oh my gosh, Natalie, you have
a great great, great time.
As a matter of fact, have
the best time of your life!
I'll see you when you get back.
Bye.
- I think he likes me.
(laughing)
(computer keys clacking)
- That's it, an alter ego,
an alias, a nom de plume.
Nothing ventured, as they say.
(playful music)
- Hey Jay, come listen to this.
Okay, so it's still
just a wee notion
and I think that my brain
is starting to shrink
from thinking too
much but be honest.
Okay.
- All right.
♪ Dollar Depot where
your family gets ♪
♪ A lot for less
- It's a good start.
Catchy tune, but I know
you can do a lot better.
I mean, Dollar Depot's where
everything costs a dollar.
So, saying you get
a lot for less--
- Obvious, duh,
not very inspired.
This is my first jingle
and I really need to
hit it out of the park.
- Stewart is a great musician
and a song writer too,
maybe you could call him.
- No, honey, no no no.
I'm not comfortable doing that.
I need to do this by myself.
These are my clients and I--
- Would it hurt to ask?
- Oh, oh it hurts!
Ow, uh, oh!
Oh my son is, ow,
losing faith in his--
- You can stop the
comedy routine.
I'll keep my trap shut.
- You will?
For always?
- Cue the laugh track.
- [Rebecca] I love you, baby.
- Love you more.
And, by the way, I
know you can do it.
But just in case you can't,
Stewart can always be backup.
(playful piano music)
- Ugh, I hate it when
he gets the last word.
How did he get so good at that?
Okay.
♪ Dollar
Oh, come on.
♪ Dollar Depot
where it's cheapo ♪
No, that's terrible.
(ukulele music)
- All right, this is business.
This is strictly business,
that's all this is.
Clever.
"I offer my clients
a cozy warm incubator
where ideas can flourish."
Very sweet.
Extremely corny but very sweet.
(yawning)
- [Justin] Gosh, I thought
you were leaving.
- We're leaving at 10 but
it's only 6:30 now so,
thought I'd bring you
this before I left.
It's from the Dino
Predator collection.
My step-dad works for the
company that makes them.
Cool, huh?
- Yeah, cool.
Well, thanks but I guess I'll
see you when you get back.
- Hi, Nat.
- [Natalie] Hi.
- I heard the early
bird gets the worm
but I don't think the
worms are even up yet.
- I've always been
an early riser.
My mom says I have more energy
than a nuclear power plant.
- Got that right.
- Okay, well come on in,
I'll fix you a bagel.
You can power the toaster.
- [Natalie] Come in.
- Yeah.
- Brought your paper.
Call Me Cupid is
totally rad today.
Different from all the others.
She even has a new name.
- Oh, a new name, really?
Well, I don't actually
read Olive's column,
although I love her to pieces,
but thank you for the scoop.
- She's a love cynic.
- She is standing right here
and she doesn't believe in
airing her relationship woes
in public.
- She doesn't believe
in relationships at all.
Does she?
- Well well, isn't that the
frog calling the grass green?
He's a little cranky
in the morning
so I'll leave you
two love birds alone.
Bagels coming right up.
- Your mom is the coolest.
- Uh, make yourself
at home, I guess.
- Oh, here, I'll read it to you.
It's the best one ever.
"Dear Cupid, my girlfriend
insists on taking selfies
inside every
restaurant we go into.
This makes me uncomfortable
and the camera's flash
disturbs others trying
to enjoy their dinner.
What should I do?
Signed, Camera Shy."
Here's her response,
it's the best one ever.
"Dear Camera Shy, dude,
I feel your pain.
Selfies can be super
lame and annoying.
But it's time for a compromise
because your girlfriend
clearly digs you
and wants everybody to know
that you're having a great time
wherever you go.
Kill two birds with
one stone, my man.
Take it upon yourself
to suggest a selfie
outside the restaurant
before you go into
people's in the place.
But pick a joint
that's totally rad.
It'll cost you a
little more bread
but if it could take your
ship to the next level.
After all, dude, YOLO.
Signed, Cupid's Proxy."
What does it mean by taking
the ship to the next level?
- Relationship.
- Oh, what's proxy mean?
- Hold that thought.
(foot steps tapping)
(chime with each messages)
- That's so lovely
to hear, honey.
From the sound of
your last email
I thought my goose was cooked.
- [Woman On Phone]
No no, Cupid's Proxy,
it's genius!
You don't alienate
your older readership
but pull in a younger
set, it's brilliant.
- Oh-uh uh, well I
gotta hang up now, honey.
Oh, I got some many
comments coming in
and I'll be in my
jammies till noon.
It's nice chatting with you.
- [Woman On Phone] Wait,
let's talk about how--
- Ba-bye.
- What did you do?
- What, where's the fire honey?
Oh honey, sit down.
Sit down before you bust a gut.
What?
- Where's Justin?
- Totally bounced.
- Oh.
- This bagel smells amazing.
Does it have salted
of unsalted butter?
'Cause my mom says that
salted is really bad for you
and cause all sorts
of medical problems
if you eat too much of it.
Actually, any butters
are bad for you
so we just don't eat any butter.
But that's probably
why they smell so good
and I just can't believe it.
'Cause my grandma one
time, she had butter
and it was amazing because I--
- Natalie.
- [Natalie] Yeah?
- Stop talking, please.
- Okay.
Well, I gotta go now
'cause I have to get ready
to go to my grandparents house
so tell Justin I'll see
him when I get back.
- [Rebecca] Okay, if I
see him I'll tell him.
- Oh hey, do you want
me to look for him?
'Cause I'm really good
at looking for people.
I could just go--
- If I need to find
him I'll just call 911.
Thank you for your concern.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Holy cats, that girl can talk.
- Why'd you do that?
People are gonna know it was me!
- How?
- I don't know, they just will.
If my friends find out I'll
never be able to go out again.
I'll have to go into hiding,
quit school, witness protection.
I'm not a love
counselor, I'm a boy!
- Oh, that's nonsense.
Do you know how many
comments, positive comments,
that we got online.
All because of you
and your advice.
- But I wasn't trying
to do it on purpose.
I was, well, I was just
trying to help you out.
- And you did, honey,
more than you know.
But you know what,
you have a knack
for giving out practical advise.
And you a darn good
writer to boot.
- Thank you, now let's
forget all about it.
It was a one time thing and
it's not gonna happen again.
And besides, how can you
pretend my words are your words?
Right?
I mean, it's not honest.
- Well, that's why I
didn't sign it Cupid.
I signed it it Cupid's Proxy.
You know what a proxy is?
- No and I don't wanna know.
- It's a substitute, a
representative or an agent
acting on behalf
of somebody else.
See, it's all completely
on the up and up.
- Okay, well, just this one
time but not anymore after that.
- Well, let me show you
a few of the excerpts
from the comments that we got.
Now, some of the words
even I don't understand
but I'm sure it's all good.
Amazeballs.
- That means totally amazing.
- Oh.
Best advice ever.
Cupid's Proxy is the bomb.
More Proxy please, genius.
Proxy is FR?
- For real.
- Oh.
Proxy is high-key.
Oh.
Now look, Justin, I need to
keep working but I'm a dinosaur.
But this dinosaur, she
loves her fiesta cruises.
No jobs, no fiesta cruises.
So I propose an arrangement.
Now, you need a
new guitar, right?
- Ah, yeah.
- And I want to continue
living in the style
to which I've become accustomed.
So, Cupid's Proxy
writes one response
for every two of
mine every week.
- Nope, can't do it.
- It'll be our secret.
Nobody'll know, I promise.
- Relationship advice
is a girl thing.
I, I--
- 20 dollars a response.
- Deal.
- Hey, I've been looking
all over for you.
What are you two doing?
- Nothin'.
- Nothing.
- Ah, I know what this is about.
You can't fool me.
Escape from Natalie.
Oh, honey, I totally get it.
- Wait, so you'll
never lecture me again
about trying to ignore her?
- Of course not.
That would spoil
all of mommy's fun.
I'm just saying that I get it.
Uh Olive,
(sniffs)
do I smell your coffee?
(laughing)
- Awesome.
This writing gig might
not be that bad after all.
- You know, the young
ones would never send
a hand written letter.
Do you whipper
snappers even know
what a pen and a pencil is?
(laughing)
- Here's one.
"Dear Cupid's Proxy."
- Just go with it honey.
Embrace your inner celebrity.
- "I saw my girlfriend
flirting with another guy
at the football game, at
least it looked like flirting.
Should I publicly
shame her online
or post a picture so
she knows I saw them?
Signed, Jilted."
- Well, you're on, Proxy.
I'll take the 80 year
old who wants to know
if he should take flowers
on the first date.
(light upbeat music)
(laughing)
- Yo, what?
Oh good grief, where is
this coming from, Olive?
(laughing)
- [Justin] What's so funny?
- Oh, it's nothing.
Just, nothing at all.
Just a crazy story
about, I forgot.
No, it's a dog that can
bark the national anthem,
or something like that.
You hungry?
What?
(guitar music)
- Wow.
(applauding)
You've been spending
some quality time
with old Betty there.
Hey, I'm proud of you, Justin.
Your rhythm
and timer were spot on,
you didn't miss one
chord, you nailed it.
- Thanks!
I wanna get really good
before I get my new guitar.
- Oh, new guitar,
that's exciting.
When you're ready
to pick one out
you let me know and I'll
help you and your mom out,
all right?
'Cause getting a new guitar
is a, it's a commitment.
You don't wanna
just rush in there
and fall in love with the
first pretty face you see.
Take your time, find the
one that speaks to ya.
And if you're lucky enough,
you find the right one
you could be with her
the rest of your life.
- Kinda like a
good friend, right?
- Yeah, something
like that, yeah.
- You know, I told my
mom she could call you
to help her write the jingle.
- Thanks for the solid,
wing man.
- But don't get your hopes up.
She doesn't like getting
help from other people.
She likes to think of herself
as fiercely independent.
- Fair enough.
- Just in case she
does change her mind,
I haven't exactly told her
I'm getting a new guitar.
Kind of a surprise.
- Oh.
A secret summer job.
Let me guess CIA, FBI?
- Something like that.
- You're a regular 007.
Does your shoe
turn into a phone?
(laughing)
All right, your secret's
safe with me, buddy.
(guitar music)
(laughing)
What's so funny?
- Oh, Call Me Cupid.
- Oh Clive, you gotta buy me
dinner and chocolates first.
- Oh well, that is so funny.
(laughing)
It's the name of the column.
- I know what it is,
just messing with you.
- So you do read it?
- Whoa, I didn't say that.
Said I know what it is.
(applauding)
You think I need
relationship advice.
- Well, if you
had one you wouldn't.
Just check it out,
it's pure entertainment.
It's like this Cupid lady's got
some sort of alter ego
she calls Cupid's Proxy.
- Oh, what's so
entertaining about it?
- I don't know it just,
it's just entertaining.
I mean, it's like these
people are getting
really sound advise
from a teenager.
Speaking in text, with a PhD
in Psychology or something.
- That's one weird combo.
- Yes it is, but it works.
Check it out, bro.
(light music)
- Well, it looks like somebody's
actually enjoying himself.
- Business, strictly business.
Oh, do you mind if
I do two this week?
- Mm, that means I
owe you 40, right?
- Nope, one on the house.
A trial run to see if
we get more action.
Then, if you think I'm worth
it, we can renegotiate.
Fair?
- Oh, all right
mister business man.
(laughing)
- I think that we can create
a much more user friendly page
if we take...
(knocking on the door)
...if we take away...
get too busy, but--
- Hey, oh I'm sorry,
is this a bad time?
I was bringing by Justin's, uh--
- Wait, The Pop Shop.
- Oh yeah yeah, this old thing?
Yeah, this is, it's
a place back in--
- Des Moines.
Yeah, one of my favorite
jingles of all time.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Mine too.
I actually wrote it.
- Oh no, sorry, forget
about Des Moines.
Multitasking.
Can you hold on for two shakes?
- [Stewart] Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Okay, great.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I will call you Monday.
(rattling)
- Hey.
- Ah, thank you.
Okay, look, what
I'm about to say
is so rare and unusual
you're more likely
to spot a giraffe
on roller skates
than ever hear me say it again.
(laughing)
I need help with the jingle.
- I'm your man, for the job.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, yeah great.
- And no freebees
just because you,
you know, are Justin's
music teacher.
- Okay.
- Not gonna let you
do this as a favor.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
You're not doing it out of
the kindness of your heart.
- I won't, I could
use the money.
Thank you.
- Okay, great.
Then I guess I'll just
email you some notes.
- Notes are good.
I'm a musician, I like notes.
Bad joke.
- Yeah.
Yeah, stick with the music,
no stand up comedy.
(laughing)
- Okay.
- That's my attempt at a joke.
Okay, well we won't write
jokes, we'll just do jingles.
Okay, great.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- And thanks for this.
- You got it.
- Bye.
- All right Clive,
I will humor you.
Let's see what all
the hubbub's about.
(light upbeat music)
(chimes with each messages)
- [Woman On Phone] Olive,
Cupid's Proxy's turned into
a newspaper's equivalent
of going viral.
We're getting Tweet's,
Facebook likes and shares
like never before.
Then local news wants
to do a story on you.
They wanna know everything about
this new alter ego of yours.
They're sending a
reporter out today--
- What, today?
No not today, not today,
that can't happen.
- [Woman On Phone] Yes today,
I'm counting on you.
- I'll call you back.
Ugh.
♪ If your girlfriend
doesn't love you ♪
♪ And you only have a buck
♪ You can
♪ La la la la
- Unstuck.
Ugh, outta luck.
Stew, you really suck.
Okay.
Think happy, think upbeat,
think smiling faces.
Think of you at a
higher tax bracket.
♪ If you only have a dollar
♪ You give the store a holler
♪ And we'll be
right there for you ♪
(toy car engine revving)
(light upbeat music)
- Houston, we have a problem.
(toy car crashing)
It seemed like such a good idea.
And it was so well received.
Oh, I guess I got carried away.
Now they want me to talk
to this reporter about--
- What?
- I guess I'm gonna have to
tell them the truth, honey.
- No no no, you can't.
- Oh no wait, no no no, no,
I won't tell them it's you
but I am gonna have to
tell it's not really me.
- What if you get fired?
What about the cruises?
- I don't see any other way.
- I have an idea.
(light upbeat music)
- So Olive, personally I
think you're brilliant.
And, you know,
I'm dying to know.
I think we're all dying to know,
how you came up
with Cupid's Proxy.
- Well, you could say
that Cupid's Proxy
walked right into
my living room.
- [Reporter] Just
came in one day?
- Mm-hm.
- [Reporter] Blew in through the wind.
- Mm-hm.
- I love reading your column. I mean,
I read it every single day.
And don't get me wrong,
I liked it before,
but now it's like you're
two different people.
- Oh well, that's
just what it is.
We are two people.
We both have our very
own distinct voices
and our way of
doling out advice.
It's just like I invited a,
wise beyond their years tween,
right into my living room.
- I totally get that.
Sometimes you have to straddle
both worlds, am I right?
- Uh-huh, yes, we all have
to adjust to the times.
- So how did you pick up
on the lingo so quickly?
I mean, I know you're
known for your,
I don't mean to sound
insulting or anything,
more mild mannered
speech and, you know,
older sensibilities when
you're giving advice.
- Well I have read up a
lot on how teens speak.
I can't say that I like it
but Cupid's Proxy has seemed
to master the vernacular,
and I have to say it's opened up
a whole new world of readers.
- It's so cool how
you talk about CP
almost as if she's a
totally different person.
- Oh, um.
Who says she can't be a he.
(laughing)
- Olive, you so complex,
you my kinda girl.
(light upbeat music)
- [Natalie] Hey Justin,
what are you doing out here?
- What are you
doing back so soon?
- Duh, I've been
gone for a week.
Haven't you missed me?
- Like a bug bite.
- What about Bug's Life?
- Never mind, look I have to--
- Hey, did you notice the van
from the news station out front?
I don't know what
they're doing here.
Do you know anything about it?
Hey, I'm gonna go check it out.
I'm gonna go talk to them.
- Natalie.
- Geez, you can't talk to them.
- Why not?
They're right there, I'm just gonna go over there.
- Natalie!
Why are you like this,
what's wrong with you?
Don't you ever stop
bugging people?
You're like an annoying
puppy that won't go away.
And you're constantly butting
in on other people's business.
Don't you get the hint when
people want you to stop talking?
You better get a clue
before school starts
or else you're not gonna
have any friends at all.
And by the way, I don't
wanna be your friend.
Not now, not ever.
Wait wait, Natalie.
Natalie, it's just that--
Natalie.
Nice, Murphy, real nice.
(melancholy music)
Mom.
- Hi, honey, what's up?
You look sad.
Did the dog run away?
- We don't have a dog.
- [Rebecca] Come here.
- I miss him even though
I don't remember him.
Is that weird?
Missing someone
you can't remember.
- No, no.
It's not weird at all.
He used to hold you in his
arms and sing you to sleep.
And he pushed you
all around town
in that crummy little stroller
that we were so afraid
was gonna snap shut
and swallow you
up at any moment.
- I wish I could have
remembered him better.
- Me too.
But always remember, he gave you
all the gifts that
he had inside him.
All his hopes and dreams
that he had for you
they're all right here.
Just waiting to be discovered.
- Did you always love dahlias?
- Actually, tulips
are my favorite
but your dad brought me
dahlias on our first date.
That's how I remember him.
- Tell me again some of the
things you guys did together.
- Well, we used to love to hike
and there was this one
time that we went up to--
- Big Bass Lake.
- Yeah, and we got so
lost that we had to--
- Start a fire to
send smoke signals.
- We're lucky that your
dad had a scout badge
in fire building because
all I knew how to do
was run around in circles
and yell for help.
(laughing)
(gentle music)
- I was a real jerk
to Natalie today.
I hurt her feelings really bad.
I tired to apologize
but she wouldn't listen.
What would dad do?
- Well remember all
those gifts I told you
he passed onto you?
I think you already
know what he would do.
- Thanks, Mom.
(gentle music)
- [News Anchor] ...relationship advice,
I know I do.
Our correspondent Daniel Clark
gives us a peek into
the rad new world
of Call Me Cupid.
- Oh, Jay!
- Jay, Olive is on TV.
- Right here.
- I'm here today
with Olive Petrick,
better known as Call Me Cupid,
who's launched a viral sensation
with her alter
ego Cupid's Proxy.
Olive, I think you're brilliant,
I know we all think
you're brilliant.
You so complex,
you my kinda girl.
- Wow, oh, she killed it.
That woman is somethin' else.
And such a brilliant idea.
I love how she said that
she and Cupid's Proxy
were two people.
- Yeah, I mean, that's
just what they are.
I, she was being honest, right?
You know, in a
creative kinda way.
You know, right, right?
- Right.
(upbeat music)
(orchestral music)
(doorbell ringing)
- Oh, this is so cute,
he loves Olive so much.
What a goof ball.
- Ow!
Sorry, I'm having a bad day.
- You know, I'm in a
bit of a dilemma myself.
What do you, hey, what do you
say we grab some root beers,
go outside and talk about it?
Okay.
- Girls.
I don't get 'em.
(laughing)
They want attention,
attention, attention,
and then when one little
things goes wrong, bam.
They go dark and
totally ignore you.
- Are you having a fight
with your girlfriend?
- No, not my girlfriend,
just a friend.
A sort of friend.
I like her in a weird way.
She could actually be a friend
if she wasn't so
amped up all the time.
I said some super
harsh thing to her
and now she won't
even talk to me.
- Did you try apologizing?
- Yeah, I got the
total shut out.
- You could write her a song.
- I'm not ready for that.
- Do you know what I've
always found works for me?
- What?
- Speak from your heart,
tell her the truth.
Now look, you just
said that you've said
some pretty harsh
things to her, right?
So own it, apologize to her,
tell her how bad
it made you feel
and she'll respect you for that.
You might even become
better friends for it too.
- Thanks, Stewart,
for talking girls and stuff.
(laughing)
- Hey, that can be the
name of our first album.
Girls and Stuff by
Justin and Stewart.
(laughing)
- [Justin] So how about you,
what's your dilemma?
- Oh, um, yeah yeah,
it's a bit more complicated
than your situation but
you can definitely file it
under girls and stuff.
(laughing)
Besides, you're my priority.
I'm on your clock.
- See ya next week.
- Thanks, Pop Shop.
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] How'd it go?
- [Justin] Awesome.
- Ugh.
What a sweet kid.
Hey.
- Does the kid know you
got eyes for his mama?
(laughing)
- [Stewart] What?
- Have a seat, Stew.
Sean Murphy.
- Who?
- That was the boy's daddy.
He was killed
in the line of duty
when he pulled a teenage
kid out of a burning car
before the fire
department got there.
Cost him his life.
Justin must have
been a baby then.
- So you knew him?
- Well, I knew of him.
There wasn't a ladder company
or precinct in the whole state
that didn't know the
story of that family.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Because you're gonna
have to work double time
to win that one over.
- Justin?
- [Clive] No, Stew.
- We're pals, that
kid and I work--
- Stew,
not the kid, the mama.
Now, that river runs
deep and wide, my friend.
It's not gonna be easy.
- How do you know
so much about her?
- Well who said I know
anything about her?
I just know about heartache
and she's had her fair share
and then some, and I'll
tell ya another thing,
she's not the only
one around here
that's had a rough go of it.
- Okay, Clive, I don't--
- Dude, I've seen
you back in that room
playing your melancholy songs.
You're sad, you know,
how long has it been
since she left ya?
- A while.
- A while.
Maybe it's time
you took a chance.
Might be good for both of you.
I gotta go work.
- You really should go.
- Go where?
- To hear Stewart play.
He's really good and
he's really nice.
Maybe you could
take Olive with you.
- Rats, I think I
forgot the arugula.
- You hate arugula.
- Yeah, well that was
called a change-up.
It's what adults do when
they want their children
to stay out of
their social lives.
Instead of blatantly
calling them buttinskies.
- Mm, you just made that up.
A change-up's a baseball pitch.
- A deceptively slow pitch
intended to throw off the batter.
Get the connection?
So what's on your
agenda, slugger?
- Over to Natalie's again.
This time I'll try
falling on my sword.
- Not the rusty one.
You don't need guilt
and a nasty infection.
- Then over to Olive's to
help her with some stuff.
- You've been spending a lot
of time over there lately.
What does she got you doing?
Building a bomb shelter,
preparing for a zombie apocalypse?
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Cool, be
home in time for dinner.
And don't bring
any walking dead.
- [Justin] Okay, whatever.
- Whatever?
When did we start that trend?
(doorbell ringing)
- I suffer from hay fever.
- Oh.
I didn't know.
- Flowers cause
- the mucous membrane
of my eyes and nose
to get all stuffy and itchy and
I sneeze all over the place.
- Sorry.
- You're a real jerk face,
Justin Murphy.
(guitar music)
This place is actually
very, very special to me.
It's like my favorite place
in the whole entire world.
The sheets are made of,
well, my bedroom.
Anyway...
(guitar music)
- My dad died when I
was a baby. He was a hero.
He was saving a kid from a
car that was on fire and--
- Oh, no no no, you don't
have to tell me anything
if you don't want to.
- It's okay.
- I've only ever really
talked about it to my mom.
She always keep dahlia
flowers in the house
to remember him by.
They gave him a metal of valor.
I have it in my room, I mean,
I can show you
sometime if you want.
But, you know,
you don't have to.
- That would be totally cool
but I would never go in
your room or anything,
you know, 'cause I
wouldn't be allowed.
Your mom would probably say no
and my mom would definitely
say now, you know.
I totally get it if
it doesn't work out.
Yeah, I talk a lot.
It can really annoying
but, you know,
I just keep going and going
and I've been doing it so--
(laughing)
- Yeah, you
definitely talk a lot.
I mean, where's your off switch?
- I know it's a
really bad habit,
it started when
my parents told me
that they were
getting a divorce,
I thought if I kept talking
maybe they'd stay together
and talking would make
them stay together.
But, didn't work.
- Friends?
(sweet music)
Oh, okay.
So, you're a talker
and a hugger.
Good to know.
Hey, I gotta go, I told
Olive I'd help her today.
- Oh hey, since we're
friends I'll tell
I don't really suffer
from hay fever.
I was trying to--
- It's okay.
I deserved it.
See ya.
(piano music)
- Here you go, buddy.
- This is too much.
I told you the second
one was an experiment.
See if we got more action.
- And we did get more action.
Go check the online comments.
- "More Proxy."
"Proxy rocks."
"Updating my subscription
to forever."
Wow.
- And that's just the
tip of the ice berg.
These people, these
young people who write in
they love Cupid's Proxy
more than they love Cupid.
I just don't know
how long we can,
or we should keep this up.
That TV interview, it just
about did me in, honey.
Whoa.
- I can teach you.
- Honey, I'm an old dog.
You know what they
say about old dogs?
- They learn quicker
than young stubborn dogs?
(laughing)
- You sure know how
to turn a phrase, kid.
- Let's see.
I'll pick one sent online, like
I'd be answering it myself,
but I'll walk you
right through it.
- Oh, well all right.
- Here's one.
"Dear Cupid's Proxy.
I'm a musician and embarrassed
to say a hopeless romantic
but unlucky in love.
A terrible combination."
This sounds like Stewart.
"There's this woman I'd
like to get to know better
but every time
I approach her, I blow it.
I even went to her house
to return something
and got all tongue tied
like a teenage boy.
I'm a decent guy.
And advice on how to
get my foot in the door
without putting it
in my mouth first?
Sincerely, Tex."
- Justin, hello.
- Oh my gosh, this
really could be him.
- Who?
- So I popped into the
Bulk and Stuff today
to pick up 600 rolls
of toilet paper
and I cannot believe that
I never noticed this before
but that place sells
diapers and coffins.
I just, I was laughing out loud.
Speaking of laughing out loud,
Stewart was so funny
when he came by.
Justin, who on Earth
are talking to?
You haven't had an imaginary
friend since you were four.
- Ah.
- Anyway, Stewart was so cute,
he was almost tongue tied.
You know, he wrote one
of the coolest jingles
that I've ever heard for
the Nothin' but Pop Shop.
It is one of my
favorites of all time.
- Um, may I please be excused?
I think I left something
over at Olive's.
- Okay but, put your
plate in the kitchen.
(exciting music)
- Eat fast, school is
officially in session.
Let's go.
- [Olive] Ugh, oh.
- What advice
would you give Tex?
- Well, clearly this woman
is not interested in him
so I would tell him,
gently, to move on.
There's other fish in the sea.
- Ah, wrong!
If you were
interested in someone,
I mean really
interested in someone,
would you give up
without a fight?
This guy's probably
no spring chicken.
Time could be
running out for him.
And the woman he
wants to get to know
probably needs a little push
but may not even know
she needs a little push.
Maybe she's lonely and
doesn't want to admit it.
Or maybe she's just scared.
- I see your point.
- Try again and this time
answer like Cupid's Proxy.
- Yo, bro.
- No rhyming.
- Yo, dude?
Yo, dude, your attitude is--
- This is going to
be a long night.
- What?
- Well hello, Tex.
- Ugh.
(playful music)
- You were so great on
TV the other day, Olive.
Ugh, this Cupid's Proxy
thing is so creative.
And I love what Proxy told
Tex in your column today.
Texans are just so
sweet and polite.
I feel so bad for him,
he's trying so hard.
(laughing)
- I thought you
didn't read my column.
- Oh come on, of course I do.
You're my friend,
how could I not?
Just don't tell the kid.
Yeah, it'll spoil
one of our sacred
mother-son banter subjects.
Besides, it's in my nature
to be stubbornly quirky
and irreverent about all things
related to love
and relationship.
People wouldn't recognize
me if I changed.
(laughing)
It'd be like if I started
wearing matte lipstick.
Have you seen what matte
lipstick does to your teeth?
Seriously, you would
have to keep reminding me
to go like this all the time.
(laughing)
- Would it kill you to
just consider dating?
- Well, there's no
scientific proof
that it wouldn't kill me.
And then who would
raise my beautiful boy?
- Yeah, well that beautiful boy
is gonna grow up without
a man in his life.
That what you really want?
- So you didn't even
read the advice?
- No.
And I don't want to.
It's embarrassing
enough I even wrote in.
I spent the night listening to
a little too much Air Supply,
I took your advice
and now here I am.
- All righty.
- No no no, no,
come on, man, don't don't.
- "Dear Tex.
Yo dude."
I love that.
"I totally hear you, I recently
found myself in similar sitch
and I had to dig deep to
find out what I was made of.
Keep the faith, man,
and keep trying.
You may be unlucky in love
but maybe Miss Reluctant
and has a story you just
don't know about, yo.
If you don't keep
trying to ask her out
you can be missing
out on your OTP.
Peace out, bro."
- I can't even believe
I'm asking you this.
What's OTP?
- One True Pairing.
I Googled it.
(guitar music)
- Hey, Jay!
What do you wanna
watch for movie night?
Maybe a slapstick
comedy or like a, um.
Oh, hey Natalie, you gonna
join us for movie night?
- Actually, Mom, Natalie
and her folks invited me
to go to the Multiplex
with them.
- They're playing the
very first Star Wars.
You know, the one with
super low tech CGI.
It's so quaint.
- Oh, okay.
Well, is this like a,
like a date or something?
- No, Mom, no.
- It's kinda like a date.
- No, Mom, not a date.
- It's kind of.
- No, not a date.
- It's like a friend date.
- I made you a list of highly,
highly recommended movies.
- Oh, well thank you, I guess.
Are you sure you guys
wanna go to the Multiplex?
It's gonna be a zoo, crowded.
I mean, lots of screaming
kids and sticky.
Really really sticky,
I wouldn't be surprised
if your shoes stick to the floor
and you come home
in just your socks.
Are you sure you don't wanna
just stay here with me instead?
- [Justin] Love you, bye.
- [Rebecca] Hey.
- [Natalie] Bye.
- Say Anything, When Harry Met Sally,
Sleepless in Seattle.
Really?
Oh, where'd that one go?
- [Clive] Well?
- Well what?
- Well, what do you think?
Did you call and ask her out?
- Can you please
pass the mic stand?
Save the death stare
for the non-tippers.
- You know, I once
heard Wayne Gretzky say
"You miss 100% of the
shots that you don't take."
Think about that, Stew.
(engine revving)
(guns banging)
(gentle music)
- [Justin] Mom.
Wake up and go to bed.
(moaning)
- Oh, man.
Oh, Three Stooges, that's
what I should of watched
instead of World Apocalypse 15.
How many times can Hollywood
wipe out humanity anyway?
- I hear World Apocalypse
16's in the works.
- Hmm.
Hey, how was your date?
Sorry, your non, your non-date.
- I'm starting to rethink
my position, a little.
- Hmm.
All right, well don't
stay up too late, okay?
- All right.
(gentle music)
- [Justin Voiceover] Dear Tex,
I don't know if
they'll print my letter
but I wanted to tell you
that yours sounded very nice.
You seem like someone
I'd like to know.
I haven't been unlucky
in love like you
but I have had my broken
in a million pieces
a long time ago.
So I probably sort
of know how you feel,
just in a different way.
You also sound familiar, maybe
we already know each other.
Wouldn't that be funny?
I think Cupid's Proxy's
advise to keep trying
was right on.
Sincerely, Jingle Lady.
(soft orchestra music)
- I don't think my proxy speak
is coming along too well.
It still doesn't feel natural.
- You just need more practice.
Here, pretend you're a lady
that needs some advice.
- Okay.
Dear Cupid's Proxy, I
would like my boyfriend
to buy me an obnoxiously
large engagement ring
but he said he can't afford it.
Am I being unreasonable?
Sincerely, Ringless.
- Dear Ringless,
hashtag whoa, Nellie.
The last thing you wanna do
is make your B backslash F,
that means boyfriend, feel you
like he can't do you a solid.
Do something really nice.
Because he doesn't
have the paper, money.
Give him some props,
proper consideration,
for having a good job and
put yourself in his shoes.
Kicks, for short.
And DTRT, do the right thing.
C4N, see you for now.
Cupid's Proxy.
- Oh my gosh,
you're Cupid's Proxy.
- Look, Natalie,
this has to be CIA, FBI,
Homeland Security,
totally top secret.
- I promise I won't tell a soul.
This is just so exciting!
I cannot believe that I'm
actually meeting Cupid's Proxy!
- [Olive] I think that you have
had enough sugar, baby girl.
- I give you my word
of honor, Justin,
I will not tell
another living being.
My lips are sealed shut
with super glue.
They could even drag
me down into a swamp
full of giant crocodiles
and slimy water
before I say anything!
- Super glue!
- Remember.
- [Natalie] Right.
(soft orchestra music)
- So, what else
do you like to do?
Besides music.
You like to hike?
- Ah, I like hiking.
In the fall when the air
gets a little crisp and cool.
- Do you know how to
build a good fire?
Camp fire I mean,
or the kind you'd use
to send smoke signals
for example?
- Well, this goes without
saying, I was an Eagle Scout.
- Do you like corny jokes?
Really bad corny jokes.
- I love any attempt at humor.
What is with the interview?
I'm really not that interesting.
- I think people that say
they're not that interesting
really are interesting.
They just don't like to admit it
because they're
shy or modest or--
- Yeah, am I being charged
for the session, Dr. Murphy?
- Oh well, hey look at the time.
Don't wanna be late,
see ya, Stewart.
- Yeah, what is
up with him today?
I think he was just
kicking my tires.
He was kicking my tires.
(soft upbeat music)
- Olive.
- Hey honey, in the kitchen!
- "I think Cupid's Proxy's
advice to keep trying
was right on.
Sincerely, Jingle Lady."
Wow, maybe these two
actually do know each other.
- Well, you never know.
But we better be
careful with this one.
People get kind of creepy
sometimes, you know what I mean?
But this letter, it did
come from our zip code.
Which makes you wonder,
that other letter came online
so this guy Tex he could be
from anywhere in this country.
- You gotta send it in.
I mean, what if Tex saw
it and then he responded.
Maybe these two
could actually meet.
What a great story
that would be.
And then if the liked each other
who knows what
else could happen?
- Well, slow down, Romeo.
You're getting a little too
wrapped up in this one but
we don't really even know
who these people are.
- Promise me you'll send it in.
I have a really good
feeling about this one.
Please, promise me
you'll send it in.
- Like that, yeah.
(laughing)
How's the jingle coming?
- Oh, we're exchanging
ideas over email.
- Maybe you should go
to Clive's on Friday,
that way you could hear him play
and you guys could talk
face to...
(toy car crashes)
...face.
- Sorry.
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Yeah, it looks fine.
- Kind of.
- Kind of.
- Yeah.
- You read the paper today?
- Later, Gossip Girl.
(upbeat music)
- Mom, I'm going to Natalie's.
- Okay, Justin who isn't here.
You know, I can't make decisions
until my French roast
kicks in anyway.
- That is so cool.
Maybe you and Olive
will be responsible
for putting two lonely
people together.
Just like real cupids.
Oh my gosh, then you can
have the bow and the arrow.
- Natalie.
Can you keep a secret?
- Okay, I know I talk a lot but
that's completely random things
that no one listens to,
but when it totally comes
to really important stuff
you can always count on me.
Oh my gosh, that was
the name of the song.
Oh my God, that has been
bothering me for days now!
Do you remember that?
That was so bad.
Oh my gosh.
- I'm going to tell you something
that nobody else on the
planet or the universe knows.
- Oh my gosh, you're not
telling me Taylor Swift
lip syncs to her
own songs, are you?
Because that would
just bring my world
totally crashing down.
- No.
I wrote the letter.
- Yeah, I know
you're Cupid's Proxy.
That secret is, like,
just so yesterday.
- No, I'm also Jingle Lady.
(laughing)
- How many people are you?
- I had to tell it to somebody
or I was gonna spontaneously
combust or something.
I was hoping he'd see
it and think it was her
and call her or come
over or something.
- Hey, I have an idea.
Why don't you invite Stewart
over without your mom knowing.
Kinda like a
surprise blind date.
- You don't know my mom.
She'd probably send me
off to a military school
to train the buttinsky
out of me.
- Buttin-whaty?
- Never mind.
Now, that the
letter's been printed
I'm going to put
Operation Tulip into play.
- What's that?
- Just trust me.
- Always.
(upbeat music)
- [Justin Voiceover] Dear Tex:
Yo! It's me with
some solid advice
to snag that sweet Jingle Lady.
One word, bro.
Tulips.
Every woman loves them.
Call me cra-cra but I'll
bet her faves are yellow.
Peace out, CP.
- Hey, this doesn't
mean it's her.
This could be anybody.
Could be some nut job.
All right, who're we kidding?
Gonna sit here all day
and feel like a stalker?
I'm not a stalker.
Just, for the record,
I'm not a stalker.
All right.
You threw out the first
shot, she answered the call.
You poke the bear, you
gotta get in the ring.
Now, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go, we're
goin', I'm going.
I'm going, I'm going.
All right, let's go.
(notes on guitar)
(brakes squeaking)
(soft music)
(knocking taps)
- [Rebecca] Hey Justin,
can you get that for me?
(water spraying)
- Sorry, Mom, I'm in the shower.
- Oh.
- Hi.
- Hi, Stewart.
Oh my gosh, did we have a
meeting scheduled for today?
- No no no no, no, I
thought I'd drive by
and drop off some
tulips for you.
- Oh,
okay.
- Oh, sorry.
(car alarm blaring)
(car beeping)
Tulips.
(laughing)
- I thought that maybe Justin
forgot his music again.
- No, not this time,
Jingle Lady.
- Sorry, I just, I wasn't
expecting any company.
- Yeah yeah, I totally
get that, yeah.
- Thanks for
the flowers, though.
- Of course.
Thank you, Jingle Lady.
- Okay.
- Jingle Lady, tulips?
Oh, this is embarrassing.
I'm sorry Rebecca,
I am, I am very sorry.
(door closes)
- Jingle Lady!
Olive, you sneaky little cupid.
Wait a minute.
Oh, please, let me be wrong.
- Wow.
Do I smell pancakes?
- Good morning, sweet pea.
You certainly do.
I'm making them in the
shape of happy faces.
I'm using chocolate
chips for the eyes
and the little smiley mouths.
- Oh, what's the occasion?
- Oh, I just, I had this
revelation last night, that's all.
And I thought that I
would spread the joy
and I invited Olive
over for dinner.
Say, why don't you invite your
little friend Natalie too.
I am making my super
famous baked salmon.
- I didn't know you had
a famous baked salmon.
- Oh, it'll be real
famous after tonight.
Trust me.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To good times, good friends,
and above all, honesty.
Well, let's eat.
- That was the best
salmon I ever had.
- And now I know why you said
it'd be famous after tonight.
- Ah, well nothing
gets passed you
does it, Justin Sean Murphy?
- Mrs. Murphy, is this
salmon farmers or wild?
'Cause I always heard
that wild is way better
than the farm kind
'cause the fish get, like,
all overcrowded and get really
unsanitary in the fish pen.
So, I just wanna know
because we ate it,
so I just wanna know.
- Natalie, my dear sweet
child, please zip it.
- Oh yeah, sorry.
- So listen up, y'all.
To top off this glorious evening
I've come up with
a fun new game.
It's wholesome, exciting
and promotes good healthy
communication skills.
It's called Truth or Truth.
Who wants to play?
- Oh, me me me, I love games.
Do we have--
- Justin.
You first.
- Didn't you make
brownies for desert?
- Truth or Truth?
- Truth.
- Excellent choice.
Who is Cupid's Proxy?
- Oh, um, Rebecca, honey,
I can explain everything.
- No, Justin.
- No, it's not his--
It's not his--
- I am.
- It's not his fault.
I was under the
gun with my editor,
my job was on the
line and I got scared.
He did the first one
as a challenge and then
I published it as Cupid's
Proxy without him knowing.
- And I guess you found out
that Tex was his music teacher
and you took on
persona number three?
- I didn't know who Tex's was.
- Really, Olive?
Next you're gonna tell me
you don't know who
Jingle Lady is either.
- Mom.
- No no, what she did was wrong.
- I'm Jingle Lady also.
I'm the one that figured
out Tex was Stewart.
I wrote the letter and
mailed it to Call Me Cupid.
I begged Olive to print it,
she didn't know I wrote it.
I thought Stewart would see
it and think it was you.
Not really you, but the
pretend you and ask you out.
- [Olive] Oh.
- I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
- None of this
would have happened
if I hadn't gotten
Justin involved.
Justin, I am so sorry.
I was selfish and foolish
and reckless.
- I didn't have to do it.
I was selfish too.
I did it just because
I wanted a new guitar.
- What?
- I agreed to pay him for every
response as Cupid's Proxy.
But then there was that
horrible TV interview.
I just felt like
I'm so dishonest.
It was hard for me to live
with myself after that.
Then, I asked Justin to
teach me how to speak Proxy
but I couldn't get
the hang of it.
All those yos and
bros and the techless,
whatever you call it.
I'm gonna call my
editor in the morning
and set everything straight.
It's probably time for this old
bird to fly the coop anyway.
Oh, Becca, honey, honey,
I hope you can find
a way to forgive me.
I love you, I love Justin.
I would never do anything
to intentionally hurt you,
in a million years.
You're the only family I have.
- I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
- Is it over yet?
Is he still alive?
Should I go home now?
- No, yes and...
yes.
- Tomorrow we'll go see Stewart.
You owe him a very big apology
for deceiving him like that.
- I thought, just maybe,
just maybe you'd like him
and you'd wanna go out.
Never mind, it doesn't matter.
I'm really sorry, Mom.
Really sorry.
I guess I really messed
things up, didn't I?
- Don't worry, kid, your
heart was in the right place.
Besides, this is probably the
kick in the pants I needed.
I need to get back
in the saddle again.
- I'm just really sorry
if you were embarrassed.
- Embarrassed?
Now, why would I be embarrassed?
Because I hit on my
favorite student's mother,
I showed up at her
front door unannounced
with tulips in hand, I
called her Jingle Lady
referring to a
relationship column
that I thought she was
trying to communicate to me
but she has no idea what
I was talking about,
now I gotta see her
in a few minutes.
I wonder how that
confrontation's gonna go.
But why would I be embarrassed?
(laughing)
Well, I guess Cupid got
me with the golden arrow
and got your mom
with the lead one.
- What do you mean?
- If you're fortunate
enough to get to shot
with the golden arrow from cupid
your heart was filled
with love and desire.
But if you get hit with
the blunt tipped lead one
you just have a desire to flee.
It's a bummer there weren't
two golden ones this time.
- Well, I'm not gonna
let you sit there
with a refreshment of some kind.
Young lady, what would you like?
- All righty then, well,
I will have a water.
Straight up, nothing but
the hard stuff for this gal.
- You got it. Coming up.
You know...
I...
I knew your husband.
He was a good man, brave man.
- How did you know him?
- Well, I bought this
place after I retired
from the fire department.
We all knew who he
was, of course, so...
You know, I believe
that some people are put
on this Earth for a reason
and I think his reason
was much bigger than ours.
I believe that.
- Yeah.
- But,
he's not here anymore,
and you are.
You and that little man.
- Okay, buddy.
All good?
- All good.
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I just wanna.
- [Stewart] Sorry.
- No.
- I'm very sorry.
- I guess we'll just put it all--
We'll just put it all behind us.
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Okay,
buddy, time to go.
- Take care.
- You'd be so proud of him.
He's protective,
kind and strong.
He sees a need and
he tries to fill it.
Just like his dad.
- Ow.
Hey, Mom, where's the
Parmesan cheese shaker?
What are you guys doing here?
- I'm your movie night date.
- [Natalie] Me too.
It's two girls against one boy
so we'll probably be watching
The Princess Diaries,
Ella Enchanted or
binging reruns of iCarly.
- Or maybe some classics
like Gone With the Wind
or Cleopatra.
- Where's my mom?
(footsteps)
- All right, have fun,
you three.
- Where's the fuzzy slippers?
- Well, I have
something to do tonight.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Heard there was a guy here
who could play the guitar
and string a couple
words together.
- Oh, oh yeah, yeah there is.
Jackson Smith, he's
here Saturday nights
and the ladies love him.
- No, I'm talking about you.
- Oh.
I'm sorry.
Now I'm the one
misunderstanding.
Sorry, after you.
- [Rebecca] Well,
I'm not gonna sing.
- [Stewart] No.
- Smells great.
- Oh, wash up.
We're having company for dinner.
I'm making my super
famous baked salmon.
Is there anything you need to
tell me before they get here?
Chill, I'm just joking.
It's parental humor.
- Not cool.
- [Rebecca] So cool, so cool.
(door knocking)
Oh, can you get that, please?
- [Justin] Hey.
- Hello there.
I have a gift for you.
- [Justin] What?
- Psych.
Tex, it's a gift meant
to be given to somebody
who'll appreciate him like I
did when he was given to me.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Oh, well, he's also
a fly catcher too.
It's one of his many talents.
- These are for you.
- [Rebecca] Well, thank you.
Dinner's almost ready.
Come on in.
- Hey, what's for dinner?
- Sure, come on in, Natalie.
♪ Is this another chance
at love ♪
♪ I learned a lot
last time around ♪
♪ Are you an angel
from above ♪
♪ This could be
heaven that I found ♪
♪ This could be
heaven that I found ♪
(gentle guitar music)
(guitar music)
(car horn beeping)
(upbeat music)
- Hi, Justin!
- Can't stop, Natalie,
I'll be late for my lesson.
- Oh that's cool,
I'm totally cool with that.
I hear that guy, Newt or Stan--
- [Justin] Stewart.
- Yeah yeah, him,
I hear he's really good.
I mean, I think it's awesome
you're taking guitar lessons
because I'm musically inclined.
I've been taking piano
lessons since I was four.
Maybe you can learn that
cool song by Bruno Mars.
You know, it's my favorite,
Count With Me.
Wait no, that's not it.
- Oh, yeah, cool.
It's something with letters
or... - Uh-huh.
(muffled talking)
- It's Count On Me.
Who doesn't know that?
- Oh, don't be cruel.
It's her first crush,
it's so cute.
- I'll show you
those later and--
- Bye, Nat.
- Bye.
Oh anyway, about the
bracelets, you know,
so I had this red...
- Yeah, a gnat.
- Bye.
- She's kinda like a gnat.
An annoying, buzzing gnat.
- Oh, you will rethink your
position someday, buddy,
I promise.
In the meantime, you will be
as polite as possible,
young man.
She's new here,
she needs a friend.
- Mom, you know I'm
being nice to her.
And we both know how that ends.
She gets the wrong idea
and next thing I know
we're eating dinner at the
Olive Garden before Junior prom.
- Oh yeah?
You should be so lucky.
- Mom, stop stop!
Olive, hey, Olive!
I told you I'd do
that after my lesson.
- Yeah, yes yes, I know, honey
but I thought I'd
just get a head start.
You know, I only got one foot
planted in the grave, okay.
The other is firmly
amongst the living.
- Are you getting
excited for your cruise?
- Mm-mh, this is the
romance novel cruise.
- Ooh, la la.
(laughing)
Hey, and thank you
for the tomatoes.
They were amazing.
- Oh Becca, I'm just trying to
keep up your cooking skills.
You know, men, they love a
good--
- Ah.
- We have to get
running, toodle-oo.
- You'll rethink your
position someday, I promise.
- And you will mind your
own beeswax, Mr. Man.
(orchestral music)
Hey, does dropping my
kid off at the local bar,
albeit a highly
reputable establishment,
make me a bad mother?
- I never go into
the bar part, Mom.
Stewart's lessons are in
the room behind the stage.
It's totally legit.
What makes you bad mother
is forcing me to interact
with a potentially dangerous
insect, posing as a human girl.
- Not nice.
Now scoot, I gotta call my
clients over at the Dollar Depot.
I'll be back to pick
you up in 90 sharp.
- All right.
(orchestral music)
- Hello, little man.
- Hey.
(clap smack)
- Have fun.
(laughing)
- I'll try.
- Greetings, protege.
You're looking sweat free.
- Mom took mercy on
me and dropped me off.
- And a fine lady she is.
I mean, fine like, I
aspire to be a good man.
She is a fine woman.
- Yeah.
- Good citizen, true American.
All right, let's pick up some
strings and make 'em cry.
- I'm sure that
Mick and the boys
would frown at
changing the lyrics
and I don't think you
guys wanna get embroiled
in a copyright
infringement suit.
Think about that whole Robin
Thicke, Pharrell Williams mess.
- [Man On Phone]
What thick pharaoh?
- You know, I promise
that I will come up
with a ditty for Dollar
Depot that is downright dandy.
- [Man On Phone] Uh, what?
I didn't catch that.
- You know, sorry,
couldn't help myself.
More as a have it,
okie-dokie? Toodle-oo.
Ugh.
(guitar music)
- Okay, okay, now here.
Look, the cornerstone
of being a musician
is rhythm and timing.
Now, do you know
what a metronome is?
- I've heard of the
Metrodome, does that count?
- No.
But you get points
for word association.
Now, a metronome keeps the
beat, the pace, the timing.
Music is all about timing.
You either got good timing
or you got bad timing.
- You better be teaching
him something upbeat.
- Speaking of bad timing.
- Playing you all's
sad songs too.
- You know, my songs aren't sad,
they're melancholy.
And the best songs are
about falling in love
or out of love and my songs
happen to be about the latter.
Just waiting for
the tide to turn.
Besides, I got a soft spot
for relationships gone bad.
- Don't say that again, Stew.
It just gives you
a pathetic quality.
Women do not like pathetic.
- Says the lifelong bachelor
who knows everything there
is to know about women.
- Hey, Clive, you know any songs
about how to hide from girls
you don't wanna talk to?
- You don't learn how
to play the guitar
to keep the girls away.
That kinda defeats the purpose.
You know what I mean?
- Wanna give him a try?
- Really?
- Yeah.
I call this one Tex.
- Was its last owner named Tex?
- Barry.
- Was Barry from Texas?
- [Stewart] St. Louis.
- Wait, why Tex?
- Come on, let's just play.
(guitar music)
Nice.
How about old Betty,
did you name her?
- No, she came that
way from the pawn shop.
- Well, you every wonder
about her history?
Why she's named that way?
Could be a long lost
mysterious love story
waiting to be told.
- Or it's last
owner's name was Betty
and she wanted to let
everybody know it was hers.
I'm gonna get a summer
job and save up for one
without anybody's name on it.
- Okay.
Okay, all right.
Time to get the boy.
- She's super busy today,
I'm sure she'll be here soon.
- Yeah, no worries, bud.
You know, I'll be back
in one minute, okay?
- Hi.
I am so, so sorry, there
long lines at the store.
All right, Jay, let's get going.
I got a trunk full of food
and I don't wanna
risk food poisoning.
Given the fact that
I already let the kid
hang out at a bar all day,
I would definitely lose my
mother of the year nomination.
- So, how's the graphic
design coming along?
- Oh my gosh, you must think
that I'm raised by wolves.
I didn't even see you
standing there, Stewart.
- Oh well, it's hard not
to notice you standing.
I said that out loud.
Uh, on a not awkward moment.
He is doing great.
- Well, brilliance
runs in the family.
(laughing)
I'm hoping that he
can get good enough
to help me with a ditty
for the Dollar Depot folks.
They can't understand why
I can't use the Rolling Stones'
"You Can't Always
Get What You Want"
just by changing the lyrics to
you can always get what
you want for a dollar.
(laughing)
All right, vamanos, amigo.
- All right.
Say, if you need the help,
I was a pretty
decent jingle writer
in a past life.
- Boom.
(laughing)
- I'm gonna go finish
pulling the weeds for Olive.
She shouldn't be working
that hard in the heat.
It's not good for old people.
- How did I get so lucky?
Get over here.
(kiss smack)
Hey, and don't mention anything
about being old to Olive.
Women don't like to hear
those kinds of words, okay?
- I also heard that women
don't like pathetic men.
- Well, whoever you heard
that from is a genius.
- Bartender named Clive.
- I rest my case.
(laughing)
Such a good kid.
Ugh, more dishes.
(soft orchestra music)
- I vote for making
weeds the new flowers
so nobody has to pull them.
(laughing)
- Well then, what would the
young upstanding boys do
for their gracefully aging
neighbors during the summer?
- You're not aging
Olive, you're still,
I think of you as um,
you have--
- Honey, you every
hear the saying
if you find yourself
in a hole stop digging.
- Sorry.
(laughing)
- That's all right,
you're a good boy, Justin,
but the fact is
I just can't keep up with
the younger generation.
A fact which my new whipper
snapper of an editor
has made abundantly clear.
My days as cupid
could be numbered.
- What?
No way Olive, that's
not gonna happen.
You've been writing
your column forever.
Like, decades and
eons and even like--
Wait, that didn't
come out right.
What I meant was
that you've writing--
- Child, child, let me
make you some lemonade
before you ask me if I have
a pterodactyl as a pet.
I ain't that old!
Close.
(laughing)
(light upbeat music)
I've done my best to
keep up with the times.
I have all the latest
I devices, I have a website,
I face plant.
- Don't act like you don't
know what that is, Olive.
- Hmm, listen to this.
Dear Olive, we
value Call Me Cupid
here at the Daily Messenger
but letters are
beginning to dwindle
and your syndications
have declined.
Perhaps it's due to your flippant
responses to advice seekers
such as "texting killed your date night",
"Twitter me stupid,"
are beginning to alienate
our younger reads.
I was just trying to be honest.
Now, honesty, that's still
a good thing, isn't it?
- Yeah, but, well,
don't take this the
wrong way but maybe,
just maybe, you should
get to know how the
less experienced generation
interact these days.
I mean, no one wants
to feel stupid.
- Oh.
All right, you tell me as
a less experienced person
how you would answer.
"Dear Cupid, my girlfriend
insists on taking selfies
inside every
restaurant we go into.
This makes me uncomfortable
and the camera flash
disturbs others trying
to enjoy their dinner.
What should I do?
Signed Camera Shy."
- First, I wanna know how
you would answer that.
- Well, easy breezy.
I despise selfies. Selfies
are the downfall of society
and promote self aggrandizing.
And that 15 minutes of fame,
that everybody seems to--
- Whoa.
Hashtag, wrong attitude.
I don't even know
where that came from.
- Dear Camera Shy,
camera's should be banned
from eating establishments.
Gently tell Ms. Manners,
nicely, in a nice way
that you'll no longer spring
for the dinner, or the wedding,
until she learns some basic--
- Ah, no.
Selfies are a way of life,
everybody takes selfies.
(exhales)
- Okay, you have
the floor, please.
Enlighten me with your
less experienced wisdom.
- Dear Camera Shy,
dude, I feel your pain.
- Dude?
- Selfies can be super
lame and annoying
but it's time for a compromise
because your girlfriend
clearly digs you
and wants everybody to know
you're having a great time
no matter where you go.
Kill two birds with
one stone, my man.
Take it upon yourself
to suggest a selfie
outside the restaurant
so everybody knows
where you are.
But pick a joint
that's totally rad.
It's cost you a
little more bread
but hey, it could take your
ship to the next level.
After all man, YOLO.
- YOLO?
- You Only Live Once.
- [Natalie] Hey Justin,
Justin are you in here?
Your mom said you were here.
Wanna take a bike ride
before it gets dark?
- What?
- I don't suppose
you'd agree with
distracting her while
I sneak out the front?
- Mm-mm, sorry, it runs
counter to my moral compass.
You're on your own, kiddo.
You know, one day you're gonna
thank me.
- Rethink my position?
- Whatever.
Hey Natalie, I gotta
get home and practice
but maybe another time.
Interesting helmet.
- Oh thanks, I have
a bunch of other ones
but this is my
favorite summer helmet
because, well you know,
watermelon is the best summer fruit
ever and it just makes
me feel really happy?
What makes you
feel happy, Justin?
- Guitar.
- Oh, and by the way,
you know, maybe we
can take our new bikes
to the rec trail 'cause
tomorrow I'm leaving
and so I have to--
- Wait, wait,
- you're going somewhere?
- Yeah, tomorrow
my mom and step-dad
are taking me to see my
grandparents at the lake.
And I'll be gone for a week
but maybe when we get back
we can go on the rec trail.
- Oh my gosh, Natalie, you have
a great great, great time.
As a matter of fact, have
the best time of your life!
I'll see you when you get back.
Bye.
- I think he likes me.
(laughing)
(computer keys clacking)
- That's it, an alter ego,
an alias, a nom de plume.
Nothing ventured, as they say.
(playful music)
- Hey Jay, come listen to this.
Okay, so it's still
just a wee notion
and I think that my brain
is starting to shrink
from thinking too
much but be honest.
Okay.
- All right.
♪ Dollar Depot where
your family gets ♪
♪ A lot for less
- It's a good start.
Catchy tune, but I know
you can do a lot better.
I mean, Dollar Depot's where
everything costs a dollar.
So, saying you get
a lot for less--
- Obvious, duh,
not very inspired.
This is my first jingle
and I really need to
hit it out of the park.
- Stewart is a great musician
and a song writer too,
maybe you could call him.
- No, honey, no no no.
I'm not comfortable doing that.
I need to do this by myself.
These are my clients and I--
- Would it hurt to ask?
- Oh, oh it hurts!
Ow, uh, oh!
Oh my son is, ow,
losing faith in his--
- You can stop the
comedy routine.
I'll keep my trap shut.
- You will?
For always?
- Cue the laugh track.
- [Rebecca] I love you, baby.
- Love you more.
And, by the way, I
know you can do it.
But just in case you can't,
Stewart can always be backup.
(playful piano music)
- Ugh, I hate it when
he gets the last word.
How did he get so good at that?
Okay.
♪ Dollar
Oh, come on.
♪ Dollar Depot
where it's cheapo ♪
No, that's terrible.
(ukulele music)
- All right, this is business.
This is strictly business,
that's all this is.
Clever.
"I offer my clients
a cozy warm incubator
where ideas can flourish."
Very sweet.
Extremely corny but very sweet.
(yawning)
- [Justin] Gosh, I thought
you were leaving.
- We're leaving at 10 but
it's only 6:30 now so,
thought I'd bring you
this before I left.
It's from the Dino
Predator collection.
My step-dad works for the
company that makes them.
Cool, huh?
- Yeah, cool.
Well, thanks but I guess I'll
see you when you get back.
- Hi, Nat.
- [Natalie] Hi.
- I heard the early
bird gets the worm
but I don't think the
worms are even up yet.
- I've always been
an early riser.
My mom says I have more energy
than a nuclear power plant.
- Got that right.
- Okay, well come on in,
I'll fix you a bagel.
You can power the toaster.
- [Natalie] Come in.
- Yeah.
- Brought your paper.
Call Me Cupid is
totally rad today.
Different from all the others.
She even has a new name.
- Oh, a new name, really?
Well, I don't actually
read Olive's column,
although I love her to pieces,
but thank you for the scoop.
- She's a love cynic.
- She is standing right here
and she doesn't believe in
airing her relationship woes
in public.
- She doesn't believe
in relationships at all.
Does she?
- Well well, isn't that the
frog calling the grass green?
He's a little cranky
in the morning
so I'll leave you
two love birds alone.
Bagels coming right up.
- Your mom is the coolest.
- Uh, make yourself
at home, I guess.
- Oh, here, I'll read it to you.
It's the best one ever.
"Dear Cupid, my girlfriend
insists on taking selfies
inside every
restaurant we go into.
This makes me uncomfortable
and the camera's flash
disturbs others trying
to enjoy their dinner.
What should I do?
Signed, Camera Shy."
Here's her response,
it's the best one ever.
"Dear Camera Shy, dude,
I feel your pain.
Selfies can be super
lame and annoying.
But it's time for a compromise
because your girlfriend
clearly digs you
and wants everybody to know
that you're having a great time
wherever you go.
Kill two birds with
one stone, my man.
Take it upon yourself
to suggest a selfie
outside the restaurant
before you go into
people's in the place.
But pick a joint
that's totally rad.
It'll cost you a
little more bread
but if it could take your
ship to the next level.
After all, dude, YOLO.
Signed, Cupid's Proxy."
What does it mean by taking
the ship to the next level?
- Relationship.
- Oh, what's proxy mean?
- Hold that thought.
(foot steps tapping)
(chime with each messages)
- That's so lovely
to hear, honey.
From the sound of
your last email
I thought my goose was cooked.
- [Woman On Phone]
No no, Cupid's Proxy,
it's genius!
You don't alienate
your older readership
but pull in a younger
set, it's brilliant.
- Oh-uh uh, well I
gotta hang up now, honey.
Oh, I got some many
comments coming in
and I'll be in my
jammies till noon.
It's nice chatting with you.
- [Woman On Phone] Wait,
let's talk about how--
- Ba-bye.
- What did you do?
- What, where's the fire honey?
Oh honey, sit down.
Sit down before you bust a gut.
What?
- Where's Justin?
- Totally bounced.
- Oh.
- This bagel smells amazing.
Does it have salted
of unsalted butter?
'Cause my mom says that
salted is really bad for you
and cause all sorts
of medical problems
if you eat too much of it.
Actually, any butters
are bad for you
so we just don't eat any butter.
But that's probably
why they smell so good
and I just can't believe it.
'Cause my grandma one
time, she had butter
and it was amazing because I--
- Natalie.
- [Natalie] Yeah?
- Stop talking, please.
- Okay.
Well, I gotta go now
'cause I have to get ready
to go to my grandparents house
so tell Justin I'll see
him when I get back.
- [Rebecca] Okay, if I
see him I'll tell him.
- Oh hey, do you want
me to look for him?
'Cause I'm really good
at looking for people.
I could just go--
- If I need to find
him I'll just call 911.
Thank you for your concern.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Holy cats, that girl can talk.
- Why'd you do that?
People are gonna know it was me!
- How?
- I don't know, they just will.
If my friends find out I'll
never be able to go out again.
I'll have to go into hiding,
quit school, witness protection.
I'm not a love
counselor, I'm a boy!
- Oh, that's nonsense.
Do you know how many
comments, positive comments,
that we got online.
All because of you
and your advice.
- But I wasn't trying
to do it on purpose.
I was, well, I was just
trying to help you out.
- And you did, honey,
more than you know.
But you know what,
you have a knack
for giving out practical advise.
And you a darn good
writer to boot.
- Thank you, now let's
forget all about it.
It was a one time thing and
it's not gonna happen again.
And besides, how can you
pretend my words are your words?
Right?
I mean, it's not honest.
- Well, that's why I
didn't sign it Cupid.
I signed it it Cupid's Proxy.
You know what a proxy is?
- No and I don't wanna know.
- It's a substitute, a
representative or an agent
acting on behalf
of somebody else.
See, it's all completely
on the up and up.
- Okay, well, just this one
time but not anymore after that.
- Well, let me show you
a few of the excerpts
from the comments that we got.
Now, some of the words
even I don't understand
but I'm sure it's all good.
Amazeballs.
- That means totally amazing.
- Oh.
Best advice ever.
Cupid's Proxy is the bomb.
More Proxy please, genius.
Proxy is FR?
- For real.
- Oh.
Proxy is high-key.
Oh.
Now look, Justin, I need to
keep working but I'm a dinosaur.
But this dinosaur, she
loves her fiesta cruises.
No jobs, no fiesta cruises.
So I propose an arrangement.
Now, you need a
new guitar, right?
- Ah, yeah.
- And I want to continue
living in the style
to which I've become accustomed.
So, Cupid's Proxy
writes one response
for every two of
mine every week.
- Nope, can't do it.
- It'll be our secret.
Nobody'll know, I promise.
- Relationship advice
is a girl thing.
I, I--
- 20 dollars a response.
- Deal.
- Hey, I've been looking
all over for you.
What are you two doing?
- Nothin'.
- Nothing.
- Ah, I know what this is about.
You can't fool me.
Escape from Natalie.
Oh, honey, I totally get it.
- Wait, so you'll
never lecture me again
about trying to ignore her?
- Of course not.
That would spoil
all of mommy's fun.
I'm just saying that I get it.
Uh Olive,
(sniffs)
do I smell your coffee?
(laughing)
- Awesome.
This writing gig might
not be that bad after all.
- You know, the young
ones would never send
a hand written letter.
Do you whipper
snappers even know
what a pen and a pencil is?
(laughing)
- Here's one.
"Dear Cupid's Proxy."
- Just go with it honey.
Embrace your inner celebrity.
- "I saw my girlfriend
flirting with another guy
at the football game, at
least it looked like flirting.
Should I publicly
shame her online
or post a picture so
she knows I saw them?
Signed, Jilted."
- Well, you're on, Proxy.
I'll take the 80 year
old who wants to know
if he should take flowers
on the first date.
(light upbeat music)
(laughing)
- Yo, what?
Oh good grief, where is
this coming from, Olive?
(laughing)
- [Justin] What's so funny?
- Oh, it's nothing.
Just, nothing at all.
Just a crazy story
about, I forgot.
No, it's a dog that can
bark the national anthem,
or something like that.
You hungry?
What?
(guitar music)
- Wow.
(applauding)
You've been spending
some quality time
with old Betty there.
Hey, I'm proud of you, Justin.
Your rhythm
and timer were spot on,
you didn't miss one
chord, you nailed it.
- Thanks!
I wanna get really good
before I get my new guitar.
- Oh, new guitar,
that's exciting.
When you're ready
to pick one out
you let me know and I'll
help you and your mom out,
all right?
'Cause getting a new guitar
is a, it's a commitment.
You don't wanna
just rush in there
and fall in love with the
first pretty face you see.
Take your time, find the
one that speaks to ya.
And if you're lucky enough,
you find the right one
you could be with her
the rest of your life.
- Kinda like a
good friend, right?
- Yeah, something
like that, yeah.
- You know, I told my
mom she could call you
to help her write the jingle.
- Thanks for the solid,
wing man.
- But don't get your hopes up.
She doesn't like getting
help from other people.
She likes to think of herself
as fiercely independent.
- Fair enough.
- Just in case she
does change her mind,
I haven't exactly told her
I'm getting a new guitar.
Kind of a surprise.
- Oh.
A secret summer job.
Let me guess CIA, FBI?
- Something like that.
- You're a regular 007.
Does your shoe
turn into a phone?
(laughing)
All right, your secret's
safe with me, buddy.
(guitar music)
(laughing)
What's so funny?
- Oh, Call Me Cupid.
- Oh Clive, you gotta buy me
dinner and chocolates first.
- Oh well, that is so funny.
(laughing)
It's the name of the column.
- I know what it is,
just messing with you.
- So you do read it?
- Whoa, I didn't say that.
Said I know what it is.
(applauding)
You think I need
relationship advice.
- Well, if you
had one you wouldn't.
Just check it out,
it's pure entertainment.
It's like this Cupid lady's got
some sort of alter ego
she calls Cupid's Proxy.
- Oh, what's so
entertaining about it?
- I don't know it just,
it's just entertaining.
I mean, it's like these
people are getting
really sound advise
from a teenager.
Speaking in text, with a PhD
in Psychology or something.
- That's one weird combo.
- Yes it is, but it works.
Check it out, bro.
(light music)
- Well, it looks like somebody's
actually enjoying himself.
- Business, strictly business.
Oh, do you mind if
I do two this week?
- Mm, that means I
owe you 40, right?
- Nope, one on the house.
A trial run to see if
we get more action.
Then, if you think I'm worth
it, we can renegotiate.
Fair?
- Oh, all right
mister business man.
(laughing)
- I think that we can create
a much more user friendly page
if we take...
(knocking on the door)
...if we take away...
get too busy, but--
- Hey, oh I'm sorry,
is this a bad time?
I was bringing by Justin's, uh--
- Wait, The Pop Shop.
- Oh yeah yeah, this old thing?
Yeah, this is, it's
a place back in--
- Des Moines.
Yeah, one of my favorite
jingles of all time.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Mine too.
I actually wrote it.
- Oh no, sorry, forget
about Des Moines.
Multitasking.
Can you hold on for two shakes?
- [Stewart] Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Okay, great.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I will call you Monday.
(rattling)
- Hey.
- Ah, thank you.
Okay, look, what
I'm about to say
is so rare and unusual
you're more likely
to spot a giraffe
on roller skates
than ever hear me say it again.
(laughing)
I need help with the jingle.
- I'm your man, for the job.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, yeah great.
- And no freebees
just because you,
you know, are Justin's
music teacher.
- Okay.
- Not gonna let you
do this as a favor.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
You're not doing it out of
the kindness of your heart.
- I won't, I could
use the money.
Thank you.
- Okay, great.
Then I guess I'll just
email you some notes.
- Notes are good.
I'm a musician, I like notes.
Bad joke.
- Yeah.
Yeah, stick with the music,
no stand up comedy.
(laughing)
- Okay.
- That's my attempt at a joke.
Okay, well we won't write
jokes, we'll just do jingles.
Okay, great.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- And thanks for this.
- You got it.
- Bye.
- All right Clive,
I will humor you.
Let's see what all
the hubbub's about.
(light upbeat music)
(chimes with each messages)
- [Woman On Phone] Olive,
Cupid's Proxy's turned into
a newspaper's equivalent
of going viral.
We're getting Tweet's,
Facebook likes and shares
like never before.
Then local news wants
to do a story on you.
They wanna know everything about
this new alter ego of yours.
They're sending a
reporter out today--
- What, today?
No not today, not today,
that can't happen.
- [Woman On Phone] Yes today,
I'm counting on you.
- I'll call you back.
Ugh.
♪ If your girlfriend
doesn't love you ♪
♪ And you only have a buck
♪ You can
♪ La la la la
- Unstuck.
Ugh, outta luck.
Stew, you really suck.
Okay.
Think happy, think upbeat,
think smiling faces.
Think of you at a
higher tax bracket.
♪ If you only have a dollar
♪ You give the store a holler
♪ And we'll be
right there for you ♪
(toy car engine revving)
(light upbeat music)
- Houston, we have a problem.
(toy car crashing)
It seemed like such a good idea.
And it was so well received.
Oh, I guess I got carried away.
Now they want me to talk
to this reporter about--
- What?
- I guess I'm gonna have to
tell them the truth, honey.
- No no no, you can't.
- Oh no wait, no no no, no,
I won't tell them it's you
but I am gonna have to
tell it's not really me.
- What if you get fired?
What about the cruises?
- I don't see any other way.
- I have an idea.
(light upbeat music)
- So Olive, personally I
think you're brilliant.
And, you know,
I'm dying to know.
I think we're all dying to know,
how you came up
with Cupid's Proxy.
- Well, you could say
that Cupid's Proxy
walked right into
my living room.
- [Reporter] Just
came in one day?
- Mm-hm.
- [Reporter] Blew in through the wind.
- Mm-hm.
- I love reading your column. I mean,
I read it every single day.
And don't get me wrong,
I liked it before,
but now it's like you're
two different people.
- Oh well, that's
just what it is.
We are two people.
We both have our very
own distinct voices
and our way of
doling out advice.
It's just like I invited a,
wise beyond their years tween,
right into my living room.
- I totally get that.
Sometimes you have to straddle
both worlds, am I right?
- Uh-huh, yes, we all have
to adjust to the times.
- So how did you pick up
on the lingo so quickly?
I mean, I know you're
known for your,
I don't mean to sound
insulting or anything,
more mild mannered
speech and, you know,
older sensibilities when
you're giving advice.
- Well I have read up a
lot on how teens speak.
I can't say that I like it
but Cupid's Proxy has seemed
to master the vernacular,
and I have to say it's opened up
a whole new world of readers.
- It's so cool how
you talk about CP
almost as if she's a
totally different person.
- Oh, um.
Who says she can't be a he.
(laughing)
- Olive, you so complex,
you my kinda girl.
(light upbeat music)
- [Natalie] Hey Justin,
what are you doing out here?
- What are you
doing back so soon?
- Duh, I've been
gone for a week.
Haven't you missed me?
- Like a bug bite.
- What about Bug's Life?
- Never mind, look I have to--
- Hey, did you notice the van
from the news station out front?
I don't know what
they're doing here.
Do you know anything about it?
Hey, I'm gonna go check it out.
I'm gonna go talk to them.
- Natalie.
- Geez, you can't talk to them.
- Why not?
They're right there, I'm just gonna go over there.
- Natalie!
Why are you like this,
what's wrong with you?
Don't you ever stop
bugging people?
You're like an annoying
puppy that won't go away.
And you're constantly butting
in on other people's business.
Don't you get the hint when
people want you to stop talking?
You better get a clue
before school starts
or else you're not gonna
have any friends at all.
And by the way, I don't
wanna be your friend.
Not now, not ever.
Wait wait, Natalie.
Natalie, it's just that--
Natalie.
Nice, Murphy, real nice.
(melancholy music)
Mom.
- Hi, honey, what's up?
You look sad.
Did the dog run away?
- We don't have a dog.
- [Rebecca] Come here.
- I miss him even though
I don't remember him.
Is that weird?
Missing someone
you can't remember.
- No, no.
It's not weird at all.
He used to hold you in his
arms and sing you to sleep.
And he pushed you
all around town
in that crummy little stroller
that we were so afraid
was gonna snap shut
and swallow you
up at any moment.
- I wish I could have
remembered him better.
- Me too.
But always remember, he gave you
all the gifts that
he had inside him.
All his hopes and dreams
that he had for you
they're all right here.
Just waiting to be discovered.
- Did you always love dahlias?
- Actually, tulips
are my favorite
but your dad brought me
dahlias on our first date.
That's how I remember him.
- Tell me again some of the
things you guys did together.
- Well, we used to love to hike
and there was this one
time that we went up to--
- Big Bass Lake.
- Yeah, and we got so
lost that we had to--
- Start a fire to
send smoke signals.
- We're lucky that your
dad had a scout badge
in fire building because
all I knew how to do
was run around in circles
and yell for help.
(laughing)
(gentle music)
- I was a real jerk
to Natalie today.
I hurt her feelings really bad.
I tired to apologize
but she wouldn't listen.
What would dad do?
- Well remember all
those gifts I told you
he passed onto you?
I think you already
know what he would do.
- Thanks, Mom.
(gentle music)
- [News Anchor] ...relationship advice,
I know I do.
Our correspondent Daniel Clark
gives us a peek into
the rad new world
of Call Me Cupid.
- Oh, Jay!
- Jay, Olive is on TV.
- Right here.
- I'm here today
with Olive Petrick,
better known as Call Me Cupid,
who's launched a viral sensation
with her alter
ego Cupid's Proxy.
Olive, I think you're brilliant,
I know we all think
you're brilliant.
You so complex,
you my kinda girl.
- Wow, oh, she killed it.
That woman is somethin' else.
And such a brilliant idea.
I love how she said that
she and Cupid's Proxy
were two people.
- Yeah, I mean, that's
just what they are.
I, she was being honest, right?
You know, in a
creative kinda way.
You know, right, right?
- Right.
(upbeat music)
(orchestral music)
(doorbell ringing)
- Oh, this is so cute,
he loves Olive so much.
What a goof ball.
- Ow!
Sorry, I'm having a bad day.
- You know, I'm in a
bit of a dilemma myself.
What do you, hey, what do you
say we grab some root beers,
go outside and talk about it?
Okay.
- Girls.
I don't get 'em.
(laughing)
They want attention,
attention, attention,
and then when one little
things goes wrong, bam.
They go dark and
totally ignore you.
- Are you having a fight
with your girlfriend?
- No, not my girlfriend,
just a friend.
A sort of friend.
I like her in a weird way.
She could actually be a friend
if she wasn't so
amped up all the time.
I said some super
harsh thing to her
and now she won't
even talk to me.
- Did you try apologizing?
- Yeah, I got the
total shut out.
- You could write her a song.
- I'm not ready for that.
- Do you know what I've
always found works for me?
- What?
- Speak from your heart,
tell her the truth.
Now look, you just
said that you've said
some pretty harsh
things to her, right?
So own it, apologize to her,
tell her how bad
it made you feel
and she'll respect you for that.
You might even become
better friends for it too.
- Thanks, Stewart,
for talking girls and stuff.
(laughing)
- Hey, that can be the
name of our first album.
Girls and Stuff by
Justin and Stewart.
(laughing)
- [Justin] So how about you,
what's your dilemma?
- Oh, um, yeah yeah,
it's a bit more complicated
than your situation but
you can definitely file it
under girls and stuff.
(laughing)
Besides, you're my priority.
I'm on your clock.
- See ya next week.
- Thanks, Pop Shop.
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] How'd it go?
- [Justin] Awesome.
- Ugh.
What a sweet kid.
Hey.
- Does the kid know you
got eyes for his mama?
(laughing)
- [Stewart] What?
- Have a seat, Stew.
Sean Murphy.
- Who?
- That was the boy's daddy.
He was killed
in the line of duty
when he pulled a teenage
kid out of a burning car
before the fire
department got there.
Cost him his life.
Justin must have
been a baby then.
- So you knew him?
- Well, I knew of him.
There wasn't a ladder company
or precinct in the whole state
that didn't know the
story of that family.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Because you're gonna
have to work double time
to win that one over.
- Justin?
- [Clive] No, Stew.
- We're pals, that
kid and I work--
- Stew,
not the kid, the mama.
Now, that river runs
deep and wide, my friend.
It's not gonna be easy.
- How do you know
so much about her?
- Well who said I know
anything about her?
I just know about heartache
and she's had her fair share
and then some, and I'll
tell ya another thing,
she's not the only
one around here
that's had a rough go of it.
- Okay, Clive, I don't--
- Dude, I've seen
you back in that room
playing your melancholy songs.
You're sad, you know,
how long has it been
since she left ya?
- A while.
- A while.
Maybe it's time
you took a chance.
Might be good for both of you.
I gotta go work.
- You really should go.
- Go where?
- To hear Stewart play.
He's really good and
he's really nice.
Maybe you could
take Olive with you.
- Rats, I think I
forgot the arugula.
- You hate arugula.
- Yeah, well that was
called a change-up.
It's what adults do when
they want their children
to stay out of
their social lives.
Instead of blatantly
calling them buttinskies.
- Mm, you just made that up.
A change-up's a baseball pitch.
- A deceptively slow pitch
intended to throw off the batter.
Get the connection?
So what's on your
agenda, slugger?
- Over to Natalie's again.
This time I'll try
falling on my sword.
- Not the rusty one.
You don't need guilt
and a nasty infection.
- Then over to Olive's to
help her with some stuff.
- You've been spending a lot
of time over there lately.
What does she got you doing?
Building a bomb shelter,
preparing for a zombie apocalypse?
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Cool, be
home in time for dinner.
And don't bring
any walking dead.
- [Justin] Okay, whatever.
- Whatever?
When did we start that trend?
(doorbell ringing)
- I suffer from hay fever.
- Oh.
I didn't know.
- Flowers cause
- the mucous membrane
of my eyes and nose
to get all stuffy and itchy and
I sneeze all over the place.
- Sorry.
- You're a real jerk face,
Justin Murphy.
(guitar music)
This place is actually
very, very special to me.
It's like my favorite place
in the whole entire world.
The sheets are made of,
well, my bedroom.
Anyway...
(guitar music)
- My dad died when I
was a baby. He was a hero.
He was saving a kid from a
car that was on fire and--
- Oh, no no no, you don't
have to tell me anything
if you don't want to.
- It's okay.
- I've only ever really
talked about it to my mom.
She always keep dahlia
flowers in the house
to remember him by.
They gave him a metal of valor.
I have it in my room, I mean,
I can show you
sometime if you want.
But, you know,
you don't have to.
- That would be totally cool
but I would never go in
your room or anything,
you know, 'cause I
wouldn't be allowed.
Your mom would probably say no
and my mom would definitely
say now, you know.
I totally get it if
it doesn't work out.
Yeah, I talk a lot.
It can really annoying
but, you know,
I just keep going and going
and I've been doing it so--
(laughing)
- Yeah, you
definitely talk a lot.
I mean, where's your off switch?
- I know it's a
really bad habit,
it started when
my parents told me
that they were
getting a divorce,
I thought if I kept talking
maybe they'd stay together
and talking would make
them stay together.
But, didn't work.
- Friends?
(sweet music)
Oh, okay.
So, you're a talker
and a hugger.
Good to know.
Hey, I gotta go, I told
Olive I'd help her today.
- Oh hey, since we're
friends I'll tell
I don't really suffer
from hay fever.
I was trying to--
- It's okay.
I deserved it.
See ya.
(piano music)
- Here you go, buddy.
- This is too much.
I told you the second
one was an experiment.
See if we got more action.
- And we did get more action.
Go check the online comments.
- "More Proxy."
"Proxy rocks."
"Updating my subscription
to forever."
Wow.
- And that's just the
tip of the ice berg.
These people, these
young people who write in
they love Cupid's Proxy
more than they love Cupid.
I just don't know
how long we can,
or we should keep this up.
That TV interview, it just
about did me in, honey.
Whoa.
- I can teach you.
- Honey, I'm an old dog.
You know what they
say about old dogs?
- They learn quicker
than young stubborn dogs?
(laughing)
- You sure know how
to turn a phrase, kid.
- Let's see.
I'll pick one sent online, like
I'd be answering it myself,
but I'll walk you
right through it.
- Oh, well all right.
- Here's one.
"Dear Cupid's Proxy.
I'm a musician and embarrassed
to say a hopeless romantic
but unlucky in love.
A terrible combination."
This sounds like Stewart.
"There's this woman I'd
like to get to know better
but every time
I approach her, I blow it.
I even went to her house
to return something
and got all tongue tied
like a teenage boy.
I'm a decent guy.
And advice on how to
get my foot in the door
without putting it
in my mouth first?
Sincerely, Tex."
- Justin, hello.
- Oh my gosh, this
really could be him.
- Who?
- So I popped into the
Bulk and Stuff today
to pick up 600 rolls
of toilet paper
and I cannot believe that
I never noticed this before
but that place sells
diapers and coffins.
I just, I was laughing out loud.
Speaking of laughing out loud,
Stewart was so funny
when he came by.
Justin, who on Earth
are talking to?
You haven't had an imaginary
friend since you were four.
- Ah.
- Anyway, Stewart was so cute,
he was almost tongue tied.
You know, he wrote one
of the coolest jingles
that I've ever heard for
the Nothin' but Pop Shop.
It is one of my
favorites of all time.
- Um, may I please be excused?
I think I left something
over at Olive's.
- Okay but, put your
plate in the kitchen.
(exciting music)
- Eat fast, school is
officially in session.
Let's go.
- [Olive] Ugh, oh.
- What advice
would you give Tex?
- Well, clearly this woman
is not interested in him
so I would tell him,
gently, to move on.
There's other fish in the sea.
- Ah, wrong!
If you were
interested in someone,
I mean really
interested in someone,
would you give up
without a fight?
This guy's probably
no spring chicken.
Time could be
running out for him.
And the woman he
wants to get to know
probably needs a little push
but may not even know
she needs a little push.
Maybe she's lonely and
doesn't want to admit it.
Or maybe she's just scared.
- I see your point.
- Try again and this time
answer like Cupid's Proxy.
- Yo, bro.
- No rhyming.
- Yo, dude?
Yo, dude, your attitude is--
- This is going to
be a long night.
- What?
- Well hello, Tex.
- Ugh.
(playful music)
- You were so great on
TV the other day, Olive.
Ugh, this Cupid's Proxy
thing is so creative.
And I love what Proxy told
Tex in your column today.
Texans are just so
sweet and polite.
I feel so bad for him,
he's trying so hard.
(laughing)
- I thought you
didn't read my column.
- Oh come on, of course I do.
You're my friend,
how could I not?
Just don't tell the kid.
Yeah, it'll spoil
one of our sacred
mother-son banter subjects.
Besides, it's in my nature
to be stubbornly quirky
and irreverent about all things
related to love
and relationship.
People wouldn't recognize
me if I changed.
(laughing)
It'd be like if I started
wearing matte lipstick.
Have you seen what matte
lipstick does to your teeth?
Seriously, you would
have to keep reminding me
to go like this all the time.
(laughing)
- Would it kill you to
just consider dating?
- Well, there's no
scientific proof
that it wouldn't kill me.
And then who would
raise my beautiful boy?
- Yeah, well that beautiful boy
is gonna grow up without
a man in his life.
That what you really want?
- So you didn't even
read the advice?
- No.
And I don't want to.
It's embarrassing
enough I even wrote in.
I spent the night listening to
a little too much Air Supply,
I took your advice
and now here I am.
- All righty.
- No no no, no,
come on, man, don't don't.
- "Dear Tex.
Yo dude."
I love that.
"I totally hear you, I recently
found myself in similar sitch
and I had to dig deep to
find out what I was made of.
Keep the faith, man,
and keep trying.
You may be unlucky in love
but maybe Miss Reluctant
and has a story you just
don't know about, yo.
If you don't keep
trying to ask her out
you can be missing
out on your OTP.
Peace out, bro."
- I can't even believe
I'm asking you this.
What's OTP?
- One True Pairing.
I Googled it.
(guitar music)
- Hey, Jay!
What do you wanna
watch for movie night?
Maybe a slapstick
comedy or like a, um.
Oh, hey Natalie, you gonna
join us for movie night?
- Actually, Mom, Natalie
and her folks invited me
to go to the Multiplex
with them.
- They're playing the
very first Star Wars.
You know, the one with
super low tech CGI.
It's so quaint.
- Oh, okay.
Well, is this like a,
like a date or something?
- No, Mom, no.
- It's kinda like a date.
- No, Mom, not a date.
- It's kind of.
- No, not a date.
- It's like a friend date.
- I made you a list of highly,
highly recommended movies.
- Oh, well thank you, I guess.
Are you sure you guys
wanna go to the Multiplex?
It's gonna be a zoo, crowded.
I mean, lots of screaming
kids and sticky.
Really really sticky,
I wouldn't be surprised
if your shoes stick to the floor
and you come home
in just your socks.
Are you sure you don't wanna
just stay here with me instead?
- [Justin] Love you, bye.
- [Rebecca] Hey.
- [Natalie] Bye.
- Say Anything, When Harry Met Sally,
Sleepless in Seattle.
Really?
Oh, where'd that one go?
- [Clive] Well?
- Well what?
- Well, what do you think?
Did you call and ask her out?
- Can you please
pass the mic stand?
Save the death stare
for the non-tippers.
- You know, I once
heard Wayne Gretzky say
"You miss 100% of the
shots that you don't take."
Think about that, Stew.
(engine revving)
(guns banging)
(gentle music)
- [Justin] Mom.
Wake up and go to bed.
(moaning)
- Oh, man.
Oh, Three Stooges, that's
what I should of watched
instead of World Apocalypse 15.
How many times can Hollywood
wipe out humanity anyway?
- I hear World Apocalypse
16's in the works.
- Hmm.
Hey, how was your date?
Sorry, your non, your non-date.
- I'm starting to rethink
my position, a little.
- Hmm.
All right, well don't
stay up too late, okay?
- All right.
(gentle music)
- [Justin Voiceover] Dear Tex,
I don't know if
they'll print my letter
but I wanted to tell you
that yours sounded very nice.
You seem like someone
I'd like to know.
I haven't been unlucky
in love like you
but I have had my broken
in a million pieces
a long time ago.
So I probably sort
of know how you feel,
just in a different way.
You also sound familiar, maybe
we already know each other.
Wouldn't that be funny?
I think Cupid's Proxy's
advise to keep trying
was right on.
Sincerely, Jingle Lady.
(soft orchestra music)
- I don't think my proxy speak
is coming along too well.
It still doesn't feel natural.
- You just need more practice.
Here, pretend you're a lady
that needs some advice.
- Okay.
Dear Cupid's Proxy, I
would like my boyfriend
to buy me an obnoxiously
large engagement ring
but he said he can't afford it.
Am I being unreasonable?
Sincerely, Ringless.
- Dear Ringless,
hashtag whoa, Nellie.
The last thing you wanna do
is make your B backslash F,
that means boyfriend, feel you
like he can't do you a solid.
Do something really nice.
Because he doesn't
have the paper, money.
Give him some props,
proper consideration,
for having a good job and
put yourself in his shoes.
Kicks, for short.
And DTRT, do the right thing.
C4N, see you for now.
Cupid's Proxy.
- Oh my gosh,
you're Cupid's Proxy.
- Look, Natalie,
this has to be CIA, FBI,
Homeland Security,
totally top secret.
- I promise I won't tell a soul.
This is just so exciting!
I cannot believe that I'm
actually meeting Cupid's Proxy!
- [Olive] I think that you have
had enough sugar, baby girl.
- I give you my word
of honor, Justin,
I will not tell
another living being.
My lips are sealed shut
with super glue.
They could even drag
me down into a swamp
full of giant crocodiles
and slimy water
before I say anything!
- Super glue!
- Remember.
- [Natalie] Right.
(soft orchestra music)
- So, what else
do you like to do?
Besides music.
You like to hike?
- Ah, I like hiking.
In the fall when the air
gets a little crisp and cool.
- Do you know how to
build a good fire?
Camp fire I mean,
or the kind you'd use
to send smoke signals
for example?
- Well, this goes without
saying, I was an Eagle Scout.
- Do you like corny jokes?
Really bad corny jokes.
- I love any attempt at humor.
What is with the interview?
I'm really not that interesting.
- I think people that say
they're not that interesting
really are interesting.
They just don't like to admit it
because they're
shy or modest or--
- Yeah, am I being charged
for the session, Dr. Murphy?
- Oh well, hey look at the time.
Don't wanna be late,
see ya, Stewart.
- Yeah, what is
up with him today?
I think he was just
kicking my tires.
He was kicking my tires.
(soft upbeat music)
- Olive.
- Hey honey, in the kitchen!
- "I think Cupid's Proxy's
advice to keep trying
was right on.
Sincerely, Jingle Lady."
Wow, maybe these two
actually do know each other.
- Well, you never know.
But we better be
careful with this one.
People get kind of creepy
sometimes, you know what I mean?
But this letter, it did
come from our zip code.
Which makes you wonder,
that other letter came online
so this guy Tex he could be
from anywhere in this country.
- You gotta send it in.
I mean, what if Tex saw
it and then he responded.
Maybe these two
could actually meet.
What a great story
that would be.
And then if the liked each other
who knows what
else could happen?
- Well, slow down, Romeo.
You're getting a little too
wrapped up in this one but
we don't really even know
who these people are.
- Promise me you'll send it in.
I have a really good
feeling about this one.
Please, promise me
you'll send it in.
- Like that, yeah.
(laughing)
How's the jingle coming?
- Oh, we're exchanging
ideas over email.
- Maybe you should go
to Clive's on Friday,
that way you could hear him play
and you guys could talk
face to...
(toy car crashes)
...face.
- Sorry.
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Yeah, it looks fine.
- Kind of.
- Kind of.
- Yeah.
- You read the paper today?
- Later, Gossip Girl.
(upbeat music)
- Mom, I'm going to Natalie's.
- Okay, Justin who isn't here.
You know, I can't make decisions
until my French roast
kicks in anyway.
- That is so cool.
Maybe you and Olive
will be responsible
for putting two lonely
people together.
Just like real cupids.
Oh my gosh, then you can
have the bow and the arrow.
- Natalie.
Can you keep a secret?
- Okay, I know I talk a lot but
that's completely random things
that no one listens to,
but when it totally comes
to really important stuff
you can always count on me.
Oh my gosh, that was
the name of the song.
Oh my God, that has been
bothering me for days now!
Do you remember that?
That was so bad.
Oh my gosh.
- I'm going to tell you something
that nobody else on the
planet or the universe knows.
- Oh my gosh, you're not
telling me Taylor Swift
lip syncs to her
own songs, are you?
Because that would
just bring my world
totally crashing down.
- No.
I wrote the letter.
- Yeah, I know
you're Cupid's Proxy.
That secret is, like,
just so yesterday.
- No, I'm also Jingle Lady.
(laughing)
- How many people are you?
- I had to tell it to somebody
or I was gonna spontaneously
combust or something.
I was hoping he'd see
it and think it was her
and call her or come
over or something.
- Hey, I have an idea.
Why don't you invite Stewart
over without your mom knowing.
Kinda like a
surprise blind date.
- You don't know my mom.
She'd probably send me
off to a military school
to train the buttinsky
out of me.
- Buttin-whaty?
- Never mind.
Now, that the
letter's been printed
I'm going to put
Operation Tulip into play.
- What's that?
- Just trust me.
- Always.
(upbeat music)
- [Justin Voiceover] Dear Tex:
Yo! It's me with
some solid advice
to snag that sweet Jingle Lady.
One word, bro.
Tulips.
Every woman loves them.
Call me cra-cra but I'll
bet her faves are yellow.
Peace out, CP.
- Hey, this doesn't
mean it's her.
This could be anybody.
Could be some nut job.
All right, who're we kidding?
Gonna sit here all day
and feel like a stalker?
I'm not a stalker.
Just, for the record,
I'm not a stalker.
All right.
You threw out the first
shot, she answered the call.
You poke the bear, you
gotta get in the ring.
Now, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go, we're
goin', I'm going.
I'm going, I'm going.
All right, let's go.
(notes on guitar)
(brakes squeaking)
(soft music)
(knocking taps)
- [Rebecca] Hey Justin,
can you get that for me?
(water spraying)
- Sorry, Mom, I'm in the shower.
- Oh.
- Hi.
- Hi, Stewart.
Oh my gosh, did we have a
meeting scheduled for today?
- No no no no, no, I
thought I'd drive by
and drop off some
tulips for you.
- Oh,
okay.
- Oh, sorry.
(car alarm blaring)
(car beeping)
Tulips.
(laughing)
- I thought that maybe Justin
forgot his music again.
- No, not this time,
Jingle Lady.
- Sorry, I just, I wasn't
expecting any company.
- Yeah yeah, I totally
get that, yeah.
- Thanks for
the flowers, though.
- Of course.
Thank you, Jingle Lady.
- Okay.
- Jingle Lady, tulips?
Oh, this is embarrassing.
I'm sorry Rebecca,
I am, I am very sorry.
(door closes)
- Jingle Lady!
Olive, you sneaky little cupid.
Wait a minute.
Oh, please, let me be wrong.
- Wow.
Do I smell pancakes?
- Good morning, sweet pea.
You certainly do.
I'm making them in the
shape of happy faces.
I'm using chocolate
chips for the eyes
and the little smiley mouths.
- Oh, what's the occasion?
- Oh, I just, I had this
revelation last night, that's all.
And I thought that I
would spread the joy
and I invited Olive
over for dinner.
Say, why don't you invite your
little friend Natalie too.
I am making my super
famous baked salmon.
- I didn't know you had
a famous baked salmon.
- Oh, it'll be real
famous after tonight.
Trust me.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To good times, good friends,
and above all, honesty.
Well, let's eat.
- That was the best
salmon I ever had.
- And now I know why you said
it'd be famous after tonight.
- Ah, well nothing
gets passed you
does it, Justin Sean Murphy?
- Mrs. Murphy, is this
salmon farmers or wild?
'Cause I always heard
that wild is way better
than the farm kind
'cause the fish get, like,
all overcrowded and get really
unsanitary in the fish pen.
So, I just wanna know
because we ate it,
so I just wanna know.
- Natalie, my dear sweet
child, please zip it.
- Oh yeah, sorry.
- So listen up, y'all.
To top off this glorious evening
I've come up with
a fun new game.
It's wholesome, exciting
and promotes good healthy
communication skills.
It's called Truth or Truth.
Who wants to play?
- Oh, me me me, I love games.
Do we have--
- Justin.
You first.
- Didn't you make
brownies for desert?
- Truth or Truth?
- Truth.
- Excellent choice.
Who is Cupid's Proxy?
- Oh, um, Rebecca, honey,
I can explain everything.
- No, Justin.
- No, it's not his--
It's not his--
- I am.
- It's not his fault.
I was under the
gun with my editor,
my job was on the
line and I got scared.
He did the first one
as a challenge and then
I published it as Cupid's
Proxy without him knowing.
- And I guess you found out
that Tex was his music teacher
and you took on
persona number three?
- I didn't know who Tex's was.
- Really, Olive?
Next you're gonna tell me
you don't know who
Jingle Lady is either.
- Mom.
- No no, what she did was wrong.
- I'm Jingle Lady also.
I'm the one that figured
out Tex was Stewart.
I wrote the letter and
mailed it to Call Me Cupid.
I begged Olive to print it,
she didn't know I wrote it.
I thought Stewart would see
it and think it was you.
Not really you, but the
pretend you and ask you out.
- [Olive] Oh.
- I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
- None of this
would have happened
if I hadn't gotten
Justin involved.
Justin, I am so sorry.
I was selfish and foolish
and reckless.
- I didn't have to do it.
I was selfish too.
I did it just because
I wanted a new guitar.
- What?
- I agreed to pay him for every
response as Cupid's Proxy.
But then there was that
horrible TV interview.
I just felt like
I'm so dishonest.
It was hard for me to live
with myself after that.
Then, I asked Justin to
teach me how to speak Proxy
but I couldn't get
the hang of it.
All those yos and
bros and the techless,
whatever you call it.
I'm gonna call my
editor in the morning
and set everything straight.
It's probably time for this old
bird to fly the coop anyway.
Oh, Becca, honey, honey,
I hope you can find
a way to forgive me.
I love you, I love Justin.
I would never do anything
to intentionally hurt you,
in a million years.
You're the only family I have.
- I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
- Is it over yet?
Is he still alive?
Should I go home now?
- No, yes and...
yes.
- Tomorrow we'll go see Stewart.
You owe him a very big apology
for deceiving him like that.
- I thought, just maybe,
just maybe you'd like him
and you'd wanna go out.
Never mind, it doesn't matter.
I'm really sorry, Mom.
Really sorry.
I guess I really messed
things up, didn't I?
- Don't worry, kid, your
heart was in the right place.
Besides, this is probably the
kick in the pants I needed.
I need to get back
in the saddle again.
- I'm just really sorry
if you were embarrassed.
- Embarrassed?
Now, why would I be embarrassed?
Because I hit on my
favorite student's mother,
I showed up at her
front door unannounced
with tulips in hand, I
called her Jingle Lady
referring to a
relationship column
that I thought she was
trying to communicate to me
but she has no idea what
I was talking about,
now I gotta see her
in a few minutes.
I wonder how that
confrontation's gonna go.
But why would I be embarrassed?
(laughing)
Well, I guess Cupid got
me with the golden arrow
and got your mom
with the lead one.
- What do you mean?
- If you're fortunate
enough to get to shot
with the golden arrow from cupid
your heart was filled
with love and desire.
But if you get hit with
the blunt tipped lead one
you just have a desire to flee.
It's a bummer there weren't
two golden ones this time.
- Well, I'm not gonna
let you sit there
with a refreshment of some kind.
Young lady, what would you like?
- All righty then, well,
I will have a water.
Straight up, nothing but
the hard stuff for this gal.
- You got it. Coming up.
You know...
I...
I knew your husband.
He was a good man, brave man.
- How did you know him?
- Well, I bought this
place after I retired
from the fire department.
We all knew who he
was, of course, so...
You know, I believe
that some people are put
on this Earth for a reason
and I think his reason
was much bigger than ours.
I believe that.
- Yeah.
- But,
he's not here anymore,
and you are.
You and that little man.
- Okay, buddy.
All good?
- All good.
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I just wanna.
- [Stewart] Sorry.
- No.
- I'm very sorry.
- I guess we'll just put it all--
We'll just put it all behind us.
- Yeah.
- [Rebecca] Okay,
buddy, time to go.
- Take care.
- You'd be so proud of him.
He's protective,
kind and strong.
He sees a need and
he tries to fill it.
Just like his dad.
- Ow.
Hey, Mom, where's the
Parmesan cheese shaker?
What are you guys doing here?
- I'm your movie night date.
- [Natalie] Me too.
It's two girls against one boy
so we'll probably be watching
The Princess Diaries,
Ella Enchanted or
binging reruns of iCarly.
- Or maybe some classics
like Gone With the Wind
or Cleopatra.
- Where's my mom?
(footsteps)
- All right, have fun,
you three.
- Where's the fuzzy slippers?
- Well, I have
something to do tonight.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Heard there was a guy here
who could play the guitar
and string a couple
words together.
- Oh, oh yeah, yeah there is.
Jackson Smith, he's
here Saturday nights
and the ladies love him.
- No, I'm talking about you.
- Oh.
I'm sorry.
Now I'm the one
misunderstanding.
Sorry, after you.
- [Rebecca] Well,
I'm not gonna sing.
- [Stewart] No.
- Smells great.
- Oh, wash up.
We're having company for dinner.
I'm making my super
famous baked salmon.
Is there anything you need to
tell me before they get here?
Chill, I'm just joking.
It's parental humor.
- Not cool.
- [Rebecca] So cool, so cool.
(door knocking)
Oh, can you get that, please?
- [Justin] Hey.
- Hello there.
I have a gift for you.
- [Justin] What?
- Psych.
Tex, it's a gift meant
to be given to somebody
who'll appreciate him like I
did when he was given to me.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Oh, well, he's also
a fly catcher too.
It's one of his many talents.
- These are for you.
- [Rebecca] Well, thank you.
Dinner's almost ready.
Come on in.
- Hey, what's for dinner?
- Sure, come on in, Natalie.
♪ Is this another chance
at love ♪
♪ I learned a lot
last time around ♪
♪ Are you an angel
from above ♪
♪ This could be
heaven that I found ♪
♪ This could be
heaven that I found ♪
(gentle guitar music)