Cupid for Christmas (2021) - full transcript

You look

just like your pictures.

Oh, uh, good.

They don't all, you know.

You do a lot of online dating?

Lots of first dates.

Hmm. That's a weird thing

to say.

Are you gonna finish that?

Oh, uh.

Yeah, this guy is slaying.

Will you just do it already?

Not yet.

He can still salvage it.

So, your profile says

you're an entrepreneur.

Big deals on the horizon.

Milliondollar ideas

percolating up here.

Like what?

Tell her, John.

Sorry. Do I know you?

No, but I know you.

I've looked at your file.

Philomena! What are you doing?

Why don't you

tell her how looking for

a real job sort of cuts into

your gaming time. Bleh!

But it's okay, because

you're saving money, right?

How, you might ask?

We all know the answer to that.

♪♪ By living with your mother! ♪♪

Ow!

What a kidder!

Pay no attention to her.

What you should pay attention to

is your lovely date.

You two look so good together.

Like you were

made for each other.

Ridiculous.

Just get it over with.

This is my match.

I will deal with it my way.

Your way is outdated.

Shut it, Philomena.

I have got seniority here!

And you can be as pushy

and as mean as you want,

but it doesn't change the way

that people fall in love!

These two are.

Really nice strangers,

who I've never met but

seem to have lovely chemistry.

So. I'm gonna go.

See? No! Give love a chance!

Nice meeting you, John.

- Oh.

- She's getting away.

Grr! Fine! I'll do it your way!

Oh.

Yes! Yes, wow!

You are so bad at this.

You got me all flustered!

Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

You are the most beautiful

woman I have ever seen.

Ooh. Oh, hey! She's with me.

Pfft. No, I'm not.

Wow, this is truly a shocking

display of incompetence.

Yeah, I can't concentrate while

you're hurting my feelings!

- Oh.

- Is he bothering you?

No. II'm not bothering her,

you are! You are!

She's like half your age, bro.

Ohoh. Watch who

you're shoving, punk.

Ooo! Escalation.

You're the punk!

Ooh.

Could I have a Shirley Temple?

Extra sweet stuff,

and a sugar rim?

Quite the dumpster fire, Ruby.

Seriously.

How many hundreds of years

have you been doing this?

I'm tuning you out.

I can't hear you.

I can only hear positivity.

Ooh. Does it sound like

police sirens?

Because I think I hear it too.

Yeah.

Wonder who that could be?

I don't suppose

I could convince you

to not answer th

Hey, Boss. What's up?

Just maybe say I'm not here.

Yeah, she's sitting

right next to me.

Mmhm. Yeah.

Yeah, I know,

it was a huge disaster.

Totally. It's still happening.

I'm scared to turn around.

Yes, sir.

You don't have

a lot of friends, do you?

The reason I ask is.

You're kind of unpleasant.

I don't waste time on friends.

My career is my friend.

Boss wants to see you. Stat.

In case that was too subtle,

what I'm saying is that you're

definitely getting fired.

Affection, Attraction,

and Love, please hold.

Affection, Attraction, and Love,

- please hold.

-

Affection, Attraction,

and Love, may I help you?

I'm afraid he no longer

handles anything directly.

We have a very competent staff.

Okay. Thank you.

Yes?

Oh, me?

Speak!

Hi. He's expecting me.

And you are?

Oh! Sorry! I'm Ruby.

I've been here like

a thousand times.

I just thought

you might remember.

Mister C, she's here.

I'm sure he's busy.

I can just hang out in the

He's been waiting for you.

Ohh! Well.

That fills my soul with dread!

Just kidding.

Okay, here I go. Wish me luck.

Scale of one to ten,

how mad would you

Affection, Attraction, and Love.

No guarantees. It's love,

not a used Buick.

Listen, Bernie, what can I say?

Love stinks. People get hurt.

You gotta admit, a lot of

great songs come out of it.

So will you get off

my back, please?

All right, I'll see you

at the club on Tuesday.

A brawl!

It was really

more of a skirmish.

A brawl!

A brawl! You turned

a Level Three date into a brawl?

How did you?

It's trending.

Great. She's here. Hi.

You wanna take over

the bow and arrow?

Huh? You better shape up.

Truth.

Ruby, this job isn't easy.

It never has been,

and it's not gettin' any easier.

Love has gotten lazy lately.

You got dating apps,

uh. reality TV.

I don't even recognize

the planet anymore.

Argh! But Cupid,

you are so good at what you do.

You are way too young to retire.

Nah, nah, I'm getting old.

I still look good.

You do. Oh, like a fox.

I do. I look very good lately.

But these people.

They're they're fickle,

impatient, selfish.

Love shouldn't be like that.

And you.

Want to take over the reins

of this operation, huh?

Well, I don't think

you have the stomach for it.

She doesn't. I do!

I love love!

When they find that person

who completes them.

Who makes them happy.

You know,

who they were made for.

I am made for finding

that one person for everyone,

and this job is made for me.

That's not what

her numbers say, though.

You're right.

Your numbers are low.

They have been for a long time.

It's tough out there. Right?

No one believes in soulmates.

No one believes

in love at first sight.

Wh no one even

believes in true love!

In the old days,

you fell in love,

it was forever.

Of course, you only lived

'til 35, so it was tolerable.

Things are different now.

I think you're too sensitive

for this kind of work.

Too sensitive for love? Come on!

All right.

All right, I'll give you

one more chance.

What? What?

No no. What a what a great idea.

Merciful is what you are.

Yes, I am. Thank you, Cupid.

Just you wait, all right.

I'm gonna be turning

those numbers upside down.

The world is gonna

be romantic again.

I'm not asking you to

set the world on fire.

Just make one person

fall in love.

And I've got

the perfect case for ya.

Oh. A case from the XFiles.

If you can find romance

for this guy,

then you are worthy

of being the god of love.

Charlie Conrad.

College professor.

We call him "the anomaly".

He's unmatchable.

But there's someone

for everyone.

Not this guy.

But he seems nice.

I could show you

50 more clips just like that.

Every opportunity for romance

seems to go wrong.

Either his timing is off.

Or he's trying too hard.

Right now, I think he's

given up trying altogether.

Poor guy.

Poor you.

This is your last chance.

You've got until Christmas Eve.

Got your holidays

mixed up, don't you?

You think that's funny, huh?

No.

You know the last time

I had a Christmas vacation?

1472.

1472, the last Christmas

I saw my family,

Christmas tree,

presents, eggnog.

I want a Christmas vacation.

You deserve

a Christmas vacation, sir.

I do! Philomena, go along

and assist her. Sir!

When the clock strikes

midnight on Christmas Eve,

you will either take my place

as the god of love.

Or you won't.

Now get out of here.

Thank you.

- Boo.

-

Really professional.

If you could just try not

to traumatize the mortals.

Mm. You teaching me

about professionalism?

That is hilarious.

I know you're here to assist me,

but I'd rather work alone.

Okay, this job's going to be

a piece of cake.

I just I just

need to find the target.

Target acquired.

Huh.

So, what's the plan?

You gonna chat him up?

Ask him what he's looking for

in a soul mate?

Give him a

"What's your type?" survey?

Nope. That's the old me, okay?

No more hopeless romantic Ruby.

Say hello to Imeanbusiness Ruby.

Hm.

Bingo.

Hm. I'm impressed.

Maybe you have changed.

Hi.

I'm sorry. What?

You gotta Oh.

I, uh. oh, man.

It's, uh, I always

drop these things.

Ow!

- Oh, no! Oh, no!

- Argh!

Oh.

Are you serious?

Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

Can I at least pay

for your dry cleaning?

Oh, man. Oh, those are tests!

Oooh ooh.

Oh, yes! Yes!

Oh, that was amazing.

Oh, my god. I need to.

No.

Oh!

Here, let me help.

Come on.

Oooh! Ooh, watch your step.

Okay.

You okay?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm good.

Thanks. Just, uh.

Fell in the thing.

Yeah. I saw.

Yeah.

You and everybody else

on campus.

Nothing to see here, folks.

Just a grown man who can't seem

to make it through a semester

without fallin' in the fountain.

Oh, this has happened before?

It's a sore subject.

Rather not talk about it,

really.

Ooh.

It's cold, right?

Aah, it's winter.

Almost Christmas.

Oh, right.

Here you go.

Where'd you get this?

Always be prepared.

That is my motto.

I'm Ruby.

Good motto.

Well, I gotta go.

Really only so much

humiliation I can take

in one day at one time.

And, well, I think I might be

freezing to death, so.

Okay. Keep it.

Early Christmas present.

Thanks.

Welcome.

Yeah, new towel. Pink.

Really brings out my eyes.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, bye.

See you around, Charlie.

What a nerd.

He's sweet.

Good luck finding someone who

agrees with you by Christmas.

Twelve days, Ruby.

Clock is ticking.

So without a solid working

knowledge of history,

history is doomed

to repeat itself.

And if we realize that

we didn't treat people well,

or if we realized that,

you know,

maybe there's a better way

to do these things,

we can do it better

the next time.

Yeah, yeah. I'm kind of confused

Hey, Gina. I was Todd!

I'm having a conversation.

So I was Hi, excuse me.

Can I talk to you guys?

I have a few questions

about Charlie.

Who's Charlie?

She means Professor Conrad.

Are you a cop?

She looks like a cop.

Um. I'm wearing pink.

I'm, uh. I'm a reporter.

And I'm I'm writing a story

and I'm looking

for some background.

On Professor Conrad?

Not to be mean, but he isn't

exactly the kind of person

you would write

an article about.

Oh, sorry. Excuse me.

Whatever background he has,

I promise you it is boring.

Well, maybe not looking

like a cop is your whole thing.

I'm onto you. cop.

Hi. You look like

a bright young man.

What can you tell me

about Charlie?

I mean, he's

he's like a teacher.

It's not like we hang out.

Yeah.

He's nice, I guess, but

kind of unreasonable?

Like when I tell him

I don't have my project

because my life has been

so extra right now?

And he gives me an extension,

but it's not really

enough of an extension.

And then he doesn't even like,

try to understand

that I have a lot

going on right now.

But, you know, nice.

Nice.

I like that he doesn't

pretend to know my name.

None of the teachers

know my name.

But Professor Conrad

doesn't pretend like he does.

I'll remember your name.

What's your name?

Well, as far as teachers go,

he's probably like,

my second favorite,

but that's really just because

I hate history.

Like, I hate it.

Why are you yelling?

I'm expressing myself.

Do you need a hug?

Hi, Charlie!

Oh! Whoa, hey.

You're, uh. you gave me

the pink towel.

Yeah. Mmhm, that's me, Ruby.

- Right. Well, hi again.

- Hi.

Charlie, I have the offer

of a lifetime for you.

Oh? What do you mean?

Selling essential oils?

I hear they're really great,

but no, no.

I'm here to help you.

Help me what?

Fall in love.

Hmm, wow, that sounds fun, but.

Not really in the market.

So nice seeing you again.

You know, it's nice

to see you too!

See, Charlie, I'm what

you could call a matchmaker.

Ah, so you want me

to pay you to fix me up?

For you, totally free. Mm.

So you're a matchmaker

for charity cases?

Yes! But I can see by your face

that's a bad thing.

So, no.

No, II.

II can just help you be happy.

Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

But. but you're lonely.

Ddon't you want love?

Everybody wants love.

No, not me. I've retired.

But don't you want a sweetheart

to spend Christmas with?

No, I do not want that.

You seem nice.

Oh.

You helped me

out of the fountain.

Gave you a towel.

Gave me a towel. But.

Not to be rude, but.

You're kind of freaking me out.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

So, if you stop walking,

I'll keep walking and

and and we can just.

I don't want to freak you out.

Yeah, thanks. Yeah, yeah.

- Okay.

- Bye.

Oh, see you around, Charlie.

Yup, okay.

Man!

Okay, Charlie. We need to talk.

Why are you in my house?

Because I mean business.

Well, that is terrifying.

Look, I don't have any money.

I'm a teacher.

What? No, I'm

I'm freaking you out again.

I'm Ruby. Remember?

With the Ah. oh, yes!

Wait! The towel.

Hold on. Hold on.

Aaaah.

Ah! Here. Here, take

I don't want the towel.

Charlie!

That lamp was like

the nicest thing in here.

Can we dial this down a notch?

No!

Help!

Oh.

I think I might have used

the wrong tactic here.

Can we start over?

Okay, good.

Ahh.

What is going on?

So this is gonna

sound weird, but.

Have you heard of Cupid?

Cupid?

Like, as in.

Valentine's Day Cupid?

Yes! But he's Cupid every day.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

I've never told a mortal before,

but I only have 11 days.

So gloves are coming off,

Charlie.

But youyou're

not gonna hit me, right?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm

I'm not gonna hit you.

I'm not gonna hit you. Okay?

II'm about to tell you

a really big secret.

And I need you

to prepare yourself.

Okay.

I work for Cupid.

And if things go well,

I'm going to

move into his position

and become the god of love,

if you can believe it.

Or I guess, the goddess of love.

I guess you could say

I'm a Cupid in training.

That is fascinating.

Yes.

What are the job requirements

for something like that?

Well.

Hey!

Ooh!

Oops.

Feeling better?

Before you broke into my house

and beat me up? No.

Beat you up

is a bit of an exaggeration.

I was trying to explain to you

when you flipped out.

Yeah, well, I've recently

sustained a head injury.

So please recap.

You're, uh, Cupid?

His apprentice.

Mm. Fat baby

in a diaper with wings?

Well, he's not a baby anymore.

And for obvious reasons,

HR convinced him to start

wearing pants a long time ago.

But yeah.

So you're like a goddess.

Oh, no.

No? No, no.

Oh, no.

Demigod, magical immortal,

interfering

in the lives of humans,

that kind of thing.

Ruby the Immortal.

My real name is Cherub.

But Ruby just has more zing.

Don't you think?

Way more zing, yeah.

And, um, I'm sorry,

but you're bothering me why?

I'm helping you.

Helping you find love.

Okay. Great.

Well, I'm a little tired, uh,

so I'm going to go to bed.

But you can call me tomorrow,

and we'll schedule a little

lovefinding session.

No time.

We're on a ticking clock here.

I have until midnight

on Christmas Eve

to make you fall in love.

Uh, Christmas isn't

even your holiday.

I know. It's a

little arbitrary, but

what are you gonna do?

Why me?

Well, because,

according to Cupid,

you are the most romantically

hopeless person on Earth.

On Earth?

Out of everyone? Really?

Like not even just

the state of Virginia,

but like all the states

everywhere,

and all the countries?

Yeah.

Wow! I've reached an allnew low.

I just let the opinion

of an imaginary flying baby

hurt my feelings.

You still

don't believe me, do you?

No. No. That you're

a magical cherub? Not at all.

Okay. We have to fix that.

No.

This might be

a little unnerving.

Wait, wait, wait, what?

Take a look around.

Wha. What do you see?

I'm in my underwear!

Possibility!

The possibility of love

around every corner.

Hey, hey, could she be the one?

What about her? What about him?

The world is full of

romantic possibilities.

Did did you drug me?

How did you get me here?

No wonder

you don't believe in love.

You don't believe in magic.

This is insane!

Cupid is not real!

He's an antiquated idea

that was repackaged by

the marketing department

- of some greeting card company.

-

Oh!

- Uhoh, fuzz!

-

Hey, be cool.

Uh, ma'am,

is this man bothering you?

She's bothering me.

She's a witch

or she's magic or something!

You think you're dressed

appropriately

to be in a public area?

Well, I'm. obviously, Officer,

if I'd known that I was going

to be magically transported,

I would have put on pants.

Okay, why don't you calm down

and come with me, all right?

I can get you out of this,

Charlie.

No, ma'am. You can't.

Oh, okay.

I totally can.

Sir, don't make this difficult.

Just promise

you'll try and find love.

I'm not gonna promise anything!

I just want to go home!

Okay, so we'll do it

the hard way.

I don't want to fall in love.

I got my classes and my books.

And that's all I need!

Good to know, pal.

I have until Christmas Eve

to convince you you're wrong.

Ma'am, can you please step back?

Okay, okay. Okay.

Okay. I give up.

Say it!

Say "I promise I'll do

whatever Ruby wants me to",

so I can find love

and be happy!"

Fine, fine. I promise I'll do

whatever Ruby wants me to do

so I can find love and be happy.

Wow, we got a couple of

real romantics here.

But on one condition:

I'm not gonna have you tricking

me into falling in love.

No. Magic.

Sure, pal. No magic.

You're really tying

my hands here, Charlie.

Promise, or no deal!

Okay, no magic.

Don't worry, Romeo.

- Everything's gonna be just fine.

-

Hi!

Aah! Would you please

stop popping up

everywhere like that?

It's really disconcerting.

I certainly don't

want you disconcerted,

but we don't have time for

another little flipout, do we?

Charlie, you promised.

I have class, Ruby. I teach.

See, that's what I do.

That's my job.

Kind of like your job is

breaking into people's houses

and harassing them

until they agree

to let you set them up on dates.

Yeah, well, that's not

a fair assessment.

Fine.

Do your little

romance experiment

after I'm done working, okay?

That's the deal.

Well, how long will that be?

I'll tell you what, go into

that building right there,

talk to my boss,

tell her you work for Cupid,

and that I need

some vacation days

so that we can go on the hunt

for my perfect person.

I'm sure that'll go great

for you.

Hi!

Why did you

roll up on me like that?

You just made me pee a little.

- Terry! Terry!

-

How did

Okay, how did she

get in my office?

How did you You know what?

Always on top of it,

right, Terry?

Out!

Something wrong with that boy.

Are you Charlie's boss?

Does he work

at this institution?

Yes. Then I'm his boss.

My name is Ruby Valentine,

and I need your help.

This won't hurt a bit.

Girl, I got you.

So in light of that perspective,

I'm curious to know what

- your thoughts are.

-

Charlie!

Oh, hi.

What are you doing here?

I did what you said.

I talked to your boss.

I'm sorry, you did what?

Hey! Look at all your fresh,

young faces.

Just learnin' and growin'

and gettin' smarter.

I feel good! Y'all feel good?

Hi. Dean Wozniak!

Hi. Oh.

Charlie. CharlieCharlieCharlie.

Oh, honey,

please don't ever wear

that shirt again.

That is an ugly shirt.

Oh, mmmm. No.

Is there something that

I can help you with?

You sure can.

Do you see this beautiful,

intelligent woman right here?

Ain't she pretty?

Um, well, I

She's cute.

Super hot.

I don't see it.

Okay, okay. This young lady. uh,

what's your name again, sweetie?

Ruby Valentine.

Ruby Valentine! Yes.

That's the most amazing

name I've ever heard.

I'm a visiting professor,

and I'm here to oversee Charlie

and correct him

whenever he's wrong about stuff.

And she's the boss and says

I can be here all the time

and do anything I want. Right?

Right, right. I'm the boss.

Yes. She can be here

anytime she wants,

she can be here

as long as she wants,

and do what she wants.

I have spoken! Yes.

Well, I'm gonna go take a nap,

'cause whoo, I feel wonderful.

Don't y'all feel wonderful?

Did I say that already?

I don't know.

I just feel good.

And that's an ugly shirt. Ooo,

child, that's an ugly shirt.

- Don't wear that tomorrow.

-

What was that?

What are you doing?

My job. No, no.

That's what I'm doing.

What you're doing

is called stalking.

She's way too hot

to be stalking you.

Truth.

You guys are so nice.

Oh! You're that cop.

- No.

- I knew it.

And that's how Napoleon and

Josephine fell in love.

So beautiful.

I have to say this is the first

I've ever found history

interesting in my life.

Okay, okay.

That's great. That's great.

Can we all now

get back to the reason

that we're actually here,

in the first place?

Absolutely. Thank you

- for keeping us on track.

-

Who here thinks

Charlie is dateable?

Whoa! Show of hands.

No, thithithis

is totally inappropriate.

Do not answer this

He's cute. But there's

a lack of effort happening here.

Agreed. I mean,

did you sleep in those clothes?

You should pay

more than six dollars

for a haircut.

And you can be a bit.

Abrasive.

All right! See?

That's a real turnoff,

Professor Conrad.

Step one in finding you love

should be a makeover.

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

You promised.

Okay, whatever it takes.

The quicker you find love,

the quicker

I'll be out of your life.

I don't get it.

What are you guys talking about?

Class project!

I'm gonna need all your help.

I'm a bit out of the loop

with modern dating

and Charlie here needs

all the help he can get.

We're trying to set

Professor Conrad up

like on a date?

More than that! Love.

Love is a myth.

It's simply our brain chemistry

tricking us

to propagate the species.

Thank you, Gina.

Okay, you're my next project,

but let's stay focused, okay?

We have ten days

to find love for Charlie.

I'm open to any

and all suggestions. Go!

I mean.

There's like a thousand apps.

Ooh, apps.

Applications on the computer.

Intriguing.

Uh, personally,

I've always avoided them.

You know, I like to take

a more handson approach,

but desperate times

call for desperate measures.

All right, class is over.

What about your dating profile?

Multiple photos and a bio?

Are you sure you're ready for

this level of selfmarketing?

And don't forget photo touchups.

Trust me.

I don't think you want to post

an unedited photo.

They're right.

We need their help.

They have other classes.

No, I'm I'm free.

I can skip.

This is way more interesting.

Build?

Skinny?

Frail?

He's got some tone to him, but

it wouldn't kill you

to hit the gym.

So, athletic.

Let's not get crazy.

He's tall.

Boom. That means a lot.

It means everything.

Can't we just put that he's tall

and leave out

all the personality bits?

Wow. This is a new level

of humiliation for me,

so thanks for that, guys.

Oh, toughen up.

So what are your interests?

And let's stay away from

the boring ones, shall we?

You know what,

I really don't need you guys

to make a dating app for me.

It's actually a dating profile,

and yes, you do.

Well, whatever it's called,

I don't need it,

I don't want it.

So you guys can just do

whatever you want to do.

I don't care.

Bye.

Oh, you should add

that he's fiery and passionate.

- Oh.

- Ooh, I like that.

I don't get it.

What kind of person

doesn't want to fall in love?

The damaged kind.

Oh, no, no, no.

Put that, put that.

We love damage.

All done.

That's really good.

You know, if I saw that,

I would actually think

he's kind of cute.

Oh, which is gross.

Post it!

Any girl would look at this

and want a date with Charlie.

Plus, it's cuffing season.

Standards are as low

as they get all year.

Right. Wait, what?

Too high maintenance.

Too fun.

- Too cool.

-

Being a little picky, aren't we?

Okay, not that it's

any of your business,

but I'm trying to find

the right woman for him.

Right.

The same way that

you've always done it.

Taking your time, choosing

nothing but the best candidates.

You want my advice?

Not really.

Ruby, you have to go all in.

Find him as many possibilities

as you can.

This is a numbers game.

Oh, just match him

with everyone willynilly?

I'm not gonna do that.

That's not how I operate.

Well, that's exactly why

your job is on the line,

in the first place.

Same old Ruby,

same old mistakes.

But, look, all right, whatever.

I mean, what do I care?

Do it your way.

I'm just trying to help you.

Philomena?

Do you know

what cuffing season is?

You don't?

And you're next in line

to be the God of Love?

Wow, I cannot.

I will see you upstairs.

Argh! Whatever.

Like. Like. Like. Like. Like.

I can't believe

I'm on a date with a teacher.

I mean, I feel like

I just graduated.

Whwhen exactly was that?

Oh, months and months ago.

Hmm.

This drink is delish!

We're all gonna die someday.

So what's the point, right?

That's pretty dark.

I mean, look at us.

Two lonely people

desperately seeking

companionship

when in the end,

we're all just gonna die alone.

Okay.

I don't want to waste your time

and I certainly don't

want you wasting mine.

I want a husband. I want kids.

I want a big weddin'.

And I want a yearlong

engagement with a big ring.

And if I want all of

these things, which I do,

then I need to move quickly.

Could you see yourself

proposing to me

in the next three to six months?

So, this is Alfie.

He is so bad.

This is Josephine.

How many cats do you have?

Twelve.

There are five more

outdoor babies but

they're not really mine, per se.

Hm.

You have a lot more

women coming?

Because my shift is almost over.

More women?

Casanova has been here

for hours.

I think she's just upset 'cause

I've had four blind dates

and then all I've ordered

is water.

Tonight?

Christmas is in a week.

Don't want to be alone

on Christmas?

Hm.

I get it. It's cuffing season.

You know, I don't know

what that means.

And I'd be fine to be alone

except that somehow

I've managed to become

part of a giant cosmic bet.

See that woman over there

sliding down on her seat?

Yeah, that's Cupid.

Or Cupid's assistant. Hey,

are you his assistant?

What?

Cupid set us up

using a dating app?

I know, right?

I told her she couldn't

use any magic, though,

and she only has a week to make

me fall in love by Christmas.

Don't you mean Valentine's Day?

That's what I said!

No. Christmas.

Apparently, Cupid wants to

spend the holiday on his boat

or something. I don't

Charlie! You're talking crazy!

Cherub Valentine.

That's her name.

But she goes by Ruby

because it's got more zing.

Hey, disappear or shoot

an arrow or something.

Show Laura your magic.

My name is Leslie.

Oh, what did I say?

Here you go. big spender.

Thank you. I detect your snark!

You know what? I'm leaving.

That's it for me.

I am out of here.

And you're not getting

20 percent,

you're getting 15 max.

Leslie, I'm so sorry.

You've been lovely.

This has nothing to do

with you but I have to go.

He's a little highstrung.

So, you really think

you're Cupid?

Ah do I look like

a Looney Tunes?

I mean, like, here's my

little bow and arrow. Pew!

Of course not.

I'm just really

great at matchmaking.

Here, let me show you.

Ah.

I think that guy over there.

I think he might be the one.

Maybe I could introduce you.

Oh, my. Yes, please.

What was that? We have a deal.

Well, the deal is dumb.

Boring chitchat with women

that you picked for me,

wearing clothes

that you picked for me,

pretending to be some guy

who's looking for love,

which I am not.

But why? Why, Charlie?

Why don't you want to find love?

You really want to know why?

Okay, fine. I'll tell you.

I gave up.

Datin' and relationships,

it's just been one disaster

after another.

Disappointments, heartbreak.

I don't know. I ju

I just got tired of it, okay?

And now I'm just me.

And I have finally

gotten used to that.

And then you come around here

messing with my head.

But I don't want to change.

I don't need you to change me.

Wow. That went well.

This is all your fault!

Moi?

Yes. You told me

I should play a numbers game!

That's why I chose

all those random women.

You did this on purpose.

Yeah, obviously.

When you go down in flames,

who do you think the boss

is going to turn to?

That is so not nice of you.

You are supposed

to be helping me!

Oh, but instead, I'm helping me.

Whoops.

Well, maybe I'll tell

Mister C about this, hm?

Yeah, you should do that, Ruby.

Everybody loves a tattletale.

As a matter of fact,

that's why I'm here.

Cupid wants to see you

in his office, so

Cool. Amazing.

I've been meaning to

pop up there anyway.

- Oh, yeah?

- Mmhm.

I totally believe you.

It's true.

I know.

I need to see the boss, stat

He's kind of expecting me, so

He'll see you now.

Just me though, right?

He said both of you.

No, no, no. Ruby!

Really?

Hello, sir.

I need to talk to you.

- Philomena set me up.

- No. No, no, no.

- Don't listen to her.

- She just wants

the promotion for herself!

She doesn't know

- what she's doing!

- She said that

how I do things is dumb

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

I could be on my boat.

- You know, I have a boat.

- In Boca.

Yeah.

Is that true, Philomena?

Did you try and sabotage

Ruby's plan?

No! Kind of.

I just didn't help her.

And you know what? Why should I?

I'm obviously the much better

candidate for your job.

Rude!

No, she may be right.

It seems Philomena might be

more willing to do

what needs to be done.

She does not care

about love at all.

She doesn't care

if a couple will be happy.

She's just pew, pew, pew

with the arrows.

All over the place.

- Yes, yes, yes, you do.

- I do not pew, pew.

- I do not pew, pew.

- Pew, pew, pew.

All right, all right, all right.

Quiet, quiet, both of you.

You've already wasted

half your time.

From where I stand,

the next six days

don't look so promising.

I underestimated how

difficult this case is, sir.

I'm going to need

a lot more than magic

and I'm using any and all tools

at my disposal, but.

But what?

I don't even know if

he's gonna talk to me anymore.

He was really upset

about the whole.

Speed dating strangers?

Here's an idea.

Why don't you

get to know him, huh?

Then you use that intel

to get him a match.

Come on, you guys.

Do I have to do

everything for you?

What's that for?

Don't tell me

you don't like cupcakes.

I'm skeptical of

magical beings bearing gifts.

It's a peace offering.

I'm sorry for pushing you

into blind dates

and trying to change you.

Thanks for the cupcake.

You're welcome.

So I hate that I have to

keep getting all up

in your business, but

And yet, here we are.

I can't not do this.

Making people fall in love,

it's what I do.

It makes me happy.

And. you may not know it,

but you need my help.

I know you've had

bad luck in the past,

but you can't just give up.

Bad luck doesn't even

begin to describe it.

Uh, high school.

I got the flu, and I threw up

on my prom date.

In college, one of my

girlfriends stole my identity

and then proceeded

to buy 14 flatscreen TVs

on my credit card

before she fled town.

I really liked her, too.

Graduate school, my girlfriend

fell in love with my roommate

and then moved in with us.

Yikes.

Yeah. So, since then,

for my own sanity,

and really as a public service,

I have decided to

stay away from the whole,

like, love romance thing.

That is how I became

the undatable man.

You're not undatable.

You're smart, sensitive,

a great teacher.

And when you're not mad at me,

you're really nice.

Plus, you're actually

super cute.

Really?

- Really? Super cute?

- Yeah.

Oh, no, I, uh Super?

Just like a regular, just

a normal amount of of cute.

Mm. It sounds like

you think I'm dreamy.

Maybe this is why you don't

get compliments very often.

The point is,

we need to find someone

who sees you the way I do.

And how do we do that?

Well, I need to know

who I'm looking for.

And in order to figure that out.

Oh, boy.

.You gotta hang out with me.

We are on a mission, people.

We need to find the perfect

person for Professor Conrad.

Leave no stone unturned!

Also, I just really

need to know,

what is cuffing season?

Cuffing season is that time,

usually October to March,

where people go looking

for a boyfriend or

girlfriend for the holidays.

And because it's cold outside.

Yeah, that's kind of gross.

What? No! I maybe

I'm not explainin' it right.

See, if you're single

for the holidays

You don't have anybody

to invite to a family

Thanksgiving dinner,

or get Christmas presents from,

or have a date for New Year's,

Valentine's Day.

So cuffing season

is actually intentionally

lowering your standards

so as not to be alone

because that would be

the real tragedy.

It is kind of gross.

I don't mean to bother you guys,

but do you have a daughter?

Uh, excuse me. I have

a very important and pressing

question for you.

Are you single?

And emotionally available?

♪♪ There's Christmas in the air ♪♪

♪♪ That's your favorite

Time of year ♪♪

♪♪ And all around

That kind of cheer is here ♪♪

♪♪ It's here it's here ♪♪

♪♪ You can feel it everywhere ♪♪

♪♪ There's Christmas in the air ♪♪

♪♪ You can feel it everywhere ♪♪

♪♪ There's Christmas in the air ♪♪

What are you doing

for Christmas?

Same thing I always do.

Rent the same lake cabin

every year.

What? By yourself?

Yeah, why not?

I got my music, I got my books.

You know, Superman has his

Fortress of Solitude.

It's more like

a Shack of Sadness.

Wow. What does, uh.

What does a yellow arrow do?

Yellow will make you

notice someone.

Purple will make you feel all

lovey and happy and dopey.

That's the one

you used on my boss.

Then there's red.

Red is for emergencies only.

It makes people do crazy things.

Whoo! Charlie, look!

Yeah! It's a sign from Cupid.

We're on the right track!

It's a sign

from the Tourism Bureau.

Hey. Hm?

You're really good at your job.

I think you're probably

really good at what you do too.

Thank you. I, uh,

I appreciate hearing that.

I've just been having

some trouble at work,

and I think my boss

hates me, and

Hm. I just need

I, um. Yeah. Uh.

Just to reiterate,

this is magic.

You're not allowed to use

an arrow on me or anybody else.

You know, you're really

making this more difficult

than it needs to be,

but I promised.

No magic.

So what about you?

Four days until Christmas.

You got a special someone?

I'm immortal.

Hm. Too long a commitment?

Funny guy.

I would imagine the dating pool

of dudes who live forever

is pretty shallow.

It just doesn't work like that.

I get to make people

fall in love,

but I just don't get to.

What?

Really?

Cupid's assistant

Apprentice.

Miss "I love love."

Miss "There's a perfect person

for everybody."

You've never had a boyfriend?

Never been on a date.

Never been kissed.

But I bet it's really nice.

I guess

I finally found the one thing

we have in common.

You've never been kissed,

either?

What? No.

Yes, yes. Yes. I've been kissed.

It's okay if you haven't.

No, III have been kissed.

I've I have done

the kissing, all right?

And also received the kissing.

Whatever!

That's not what I meant.

I meant, it just seems

like we've both

put our professional lives

ahead of our personal lives.

That's

the thing we have in common.

Sounds like I hit a nerve.

You didn't hit.

Hey, Gina. I

Oh. Hey, Todd.

Stop it!

I, uh. was wondering

if you wanted to

Wait! Stop.

Oh, my god.

Who is that?

I know her.

She taught me Intro to Theatre.

She's totally his type.

And she's reading a book.

Lots of people read books.

I wish Ruby was here.

What's up?

Don't do that.

Meet Amber McCormick,

professor of theatre.

She likes to read, especially

the works of Jane Austen.

Good taste.

She's a romantic.

- Pretty.

- Pretty.

She's hot. Hot!

She's not uptight.

She's like, laid back.

She's not like, professor.

She's like Right.

Call me Amber. Like casual.

Oh, like boho.

Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, what do you think?

What do you mean,

what do I think?

What, I'm supposed to

just look at this

and tell you

if I would date someone?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

No. No, no, no, no.

You need to talk to her.

See if there's a spark.

Then you just need to

follow your heart.

Follow my heart, huh? Mmhm.

That's the key

to all of this, Charlie.

Ooh! Brainstorm!

I know what we need.

We need a meetcute.

Yes, yes. What's a meetcute?

All right, so what are we doing?

Okay. A meetcute

is that part of the movie

where the girl and the boy

meet for the first time,

and it's usually

silly or awkward,

but it's just so darn cute.

That sounds

pretty contrived to me.

Why do you ruin

the things I love?

Okay.

You said no magic, no arrows,

and I'm sticking to my promise

despite how difficult

that makes everything

Well, good,

because that was our deal.

But that means that you need to

stop complaining for one second

and just get on board with this.

The goal, after all,

is to make you happy.

Well, it's not working so far.

Okay, well, just wait.

Just stay close.

Wait for my cue.

Perfect.

Watch it happen.

Oh. Oh, no. Go, help her. Go.

Can I help you?

Oh.

Oh, my nose! My head.

Ow! Oh god. Are you okay?

I'm so sorry.

You're bleeding.

Ohh. Uh, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

You did it, Charlie.

You got a date.

Yeah. She probably only agreed

to go out with me

because she felt bad

for maiming me.

No. She liked you.

And it was, uh, charming.

Oh, sure it was.

I mean it.

You showed vulnerability.

We like that.

Hmm.

Ah! Hey, hey.

No, no. Not that, no.

What do you think?

Super cute?

Yeah, actually.

Oh, come here.

Let me, um, fix this.

I'm kinda nervous.

Why?

Well, I haven't

done this in a while.

You know, the whole

"date" thing.

With my track record,

there's a really good chance

that before the end

of the night,

I'll end up

in the emergency room.

Wrong attitude, Charlie.

Just be yourself.

Right. What'd you call me?

Romantically hopeless?

Even Cupid doesn't think

I can do this.

You're not hopeless.

I think you're really great.

I think you're.

Really great too.

What do I know? I'm just a.

Figment of some

marketing guy's imagination.

Right.

Good luck on your hot date.

So, you got him a date.

Amazing.

It's a start.

What happened to

love at first sight?

It's not that

but love can grow, too.

What's wrong with you?

You should be all annoyingly

peppy and gloating.

Your guy has a date.

Yeah. It's great.

And they're probably

perfect for each other.

Probably? What's with the probab

No way!

Are you kidding me?

You like him?

Shh! What? No! Oh, yes you do!

You're pathetically transparent.

Gross. I don't like him!

I just. I think he's nice.

Ruby!

You're an immortal.

He's just some dude

with no fashion sense.

You have magical powers.

He. falls down a lot.

I know!

It's just. you'll probably

only make fun of me.

Yeah, probably.

It's just that I've made it

happen so many times.

I've seen how they react.

I just kind of wish

I could have that feeling of.

Falling in love, too.

You know what you should do?

Hmm?

You should tell him

how you feel.

You think?

Oh, absolutely. Yes!

Just get it all on the table.

Talk about your feelings.

Tell him how much you like him.

It's healthy.

You'll feel better.

Okay, you!

You're just trying

to sabotage me.

Don't worry, Philomena,

I'm not going to do anything

to mess this up.

I'm getting the Cupid job!

We'll see.

I have a feeling you'll

figure out a way to blow it.

What's your favorite thing about

Ugh! Oh!

He's so dumb.

No.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Well, she hates me.

People spill coffee

all the time.

Hmm? Do they, though?

Okay.

Maybe not all the time,

but it's happened before.

I, uh I guess we both

survived, didn't we?

It's funny how we met.

Don't you think?

Almost like out of a movie.

Yeah. It's called a meetcute.

I know it's called a meetcute.

II can't believe you know

it's called a meetcute!

Yeah.

It's almost like

someone up there

is shoving us together.

Ah. Hmm. Mmhm.

Yeah, it's almost like that.

I had a nice time, Charlie.

I'd like to see you again.

Oh. Seriously?

II mean, if you don't want to

No, I, yeah

I mean, yyes. I would.

Sorry. Yes, I totally would.

I just uh, I thought

I was pretty boring.

Okay.

Yes, you you were

a little boring.

I mean, you talked about

history for a long time.

Uh. yeah, sorry.

I guess, you know, it's just,

uh, it's what I'm

I think it's just that

we're both nervous.

We'll do better next time.

Okay.

Yeah. Deal.

So how'd it go?

Argh!

Could you please stop

breaking into my house?

I don't break anything.

No! You don't, I do.

You poof or pop or bibbity boo,

or whatever it is that you do,

into my private residence,

and I get startled,

and I break things.

I don't bibbity bobbity boo.

I'm a teacher.

I can't afford to

buy new things.

Sorry.

So how'd it go?

Just fine. It was good.

Well, which is it?

Because fine is very different

than good.

It was fine, and, uh

then it got better.

So, you. like her?

She's nice.

Because the clock is ticking.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

You're in a hurry to move on.

We have a date

tomorrow night, so.

We'll see.

Goof on outta here.

All right. You're gonna

have an hour with this,

which should be plenty of time,

if you studied.

You're not gonna tell us

how it went?

Oh, we absolutely need details.

Was it a love connection?

Are you going to see her again?

Did you spill anything?

Ha, ha, ha.

It was, uh, it was good.

Dunno yet.

We have a date tomorrow night.

And yes, I did spill

something, coffee.

But, good news is, not on her.

All right. Anyway, good luck.

Soon as you're done,

you can leave.

And uh, safe travels and have

a great Christmas, you guys.

You can't possibly believe

that we're gonna leave

before Christmas Eve.

Like we would come this far

and then not see how it ends up?

What do you mean?

The bet?

You have to fall in love

by Christmas Eve or.

Well, something happens.

Yeah, I'm not really clear

on the consequences.

We wanna see if you make it.

Don't you guys wanna go home

and see your families?

After all the work

that I've put into this project,

do you think

I'm just gonna walk away?

Professor Conrad,

we're invested in this.

I'm not convinced

it's going to happen,

but I'm definitely

sticking around to see.

Plus, the Christmas Eve

gala is super fun!

Great. Just great.

Hey!

You with me?

Yes, of course.

So, Philomena says you have this

whole thing wrapped up, huh?

Yeah. It's looking good.

Care to expound? Is he in love?

No! Not yet.

You know, we don't want to

rush into anything.

Rush into anything?

You got three days.

Three days until Christmas.

I'm gonna have

my Christmas, Ruby.

I'm just not entirely,

totally certain

that she's the one.

You're not?

Yeah.

You're not by any chance

having any feelings

for this guy, are you?

What? No. No, that's crazy.

Because you know that

you're not allowed to

I know. It can't happen.

I just want him to be happy.

That's all.

Professor Conrad.

You, uh, heading out

for the break?

Oh, yes, I'm trying to

head out right now.

Tomorrow is the Christmas gala,

and then two beautiful weeks

studentfree.

Just me, my kids, and my boo.

Uh, it sounds nice.

Hmm. You have any plans?

III really don't have

"a boo", or a family,

uh, so I usually just spend

Christmas Day

volunteering at a soup kitchen.

And then, I think this year

I think I'm gonna

go up to the lake

and spend some alone time.

Okay, that sounds depressing.

Something you need?

Oh, I look,

I don't wanna keep you.

You know what? Too late.

What do you want?

Right. Um.

Do you remember Ruby?

The girl that you said could be

in my classroom all the time?

Oh. The visiting professor,

or something.

What about her?

Yeah. Well, the thing is,

uh, we're from two completely

different worlds.

And we have nothing in common.

And she's always pushing me

to be different

You like her.

I don't know.

There's this other girl.

Um, she's smart and pretty,

and we have a lot in common.

Professor Conrad,

let me tell you

a little something about love.

See, love will have you

thinkin' about 'em all the time.

Love will have you gettin'

that knot in your stomach

whenever you're around 'em.

Love will have you

goin' to bed at night

thinking about 'em,

and waking up in the morning

and hoping you see 'em.

See, sometimes with love,

you just gotta go with it.

Life is too short

to settle for anyone

or anything that doesn't

make you feel like that.

But.

Ruby and I don't make sense.

Ah! Love don't make sense.

You just gotta

follow your heart.

Follow my heart.

You're the second person

to tell me that this week.

Well, it's good advice.

Now, if it's all right with you,

and now that I've solved

all your love problems

I wanna go home!

- Yes! Sure. Sorry.

- Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow

at the gala.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

Okay. Byebye.

Wow. Looks good.

Yeah, well, the show

is tomorrow night so

Cool. You know,

directing the

university Christmas Eve gala

is my favorite part of the year.

Yeah. It's exciting.

Would you maybe.

Wanna be my date?

I know it's Christmas Eve,

and you probably

have family to see.

Oh, no. Um, nope.

Uh, I mean. just me.

So, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I would love

to come tomorrow night.

Okay. Great.

I'm I'm so sorry.

But III just remembered

that II've got,

um, I've got this thing

that I gotta go.

Okay.

There's something I have to do.

Uh, okay.

Uh sorry, but, but,

um, tomorrow night.

Big show, I'm there.

Or here.

Is it. Is it something I said?

No, no, no!

Nothing you said or did

or anything at all.

You're amazing. I just.

II gotta go do a thing.

But I'll see you tomorrow night.

Ruby!

Ruby! Hey!

- Ruby! We need to talk.

-

What was that?

Did you just run away from her?

No, no. I just

That was not very gentlemanly.

I know. I'm sorry.

I thought you liked her!

I like you!

You do?

Afraid so.

But you're not

supposed to like me!

This was not a part

of the plan, Charlie.

No, I know. I know.

II didn't mean to do it.

But but when

I'm at dinner with her,

I'm thinking about you.

Coffee, you. II

go to kiss her goodnight

and all I can think about

is kissing you.

This is bad.

Uh. that's not the response

I was hoping for.

Um. This can't happen.

If if I've done anything

to make you think that I

No. Uh, no.

I mean, I. I mean, I thought

I thought you liked me.

I think that you andand Amber

make aa really great couple.

Um.

Yeah.

Yeah. Um.

I'm a little embarrassed.

So, um. if you don't mind.

Yeah.

Hey, Amber.

You came.

I wasn't sure you'd make it.

The way you left last night.

Yeah, yeah.

I'ml'm sorry about that.

Uh, just, uh,

there was something

I needed to take care of.

But it's done now.

And, uh, I'm really happy

to be here with you.

Good.

Well, I got you a seat.

Or. you could watch it with me

backstage?

Oh! All right. All right.

Sounds like nice access.

I'm a big deal around here.

Apparently so. Come on.

Hey, Gina.

Hey, Todd.

Mind if I sit with you?

Look, Todd,

you're nice.

But you're a gym guy

and I'm an intellectual.

And I'm just not into

the whole dating thing.

If you can deal with that.

Then you can sit with me.

Okay.

God, you're depressing.

What? No, I'm not.

Why?

You've got it bad for

Professor Nerd Alert down there.

It's gonna happen. I can tell.

And he's been resisting

his feelings,

but he is falling for her.

So if it's not right,

then break them up.

Just because

you can't be with him

doesn't mean that she should.

Right.

So you can get the promotion?

Do I want this job? Yes.

Will I do almost anything

to get it?

Also, absolutely yes, but.

Something that you don't know

about me.

I fell in love

with a mortal once too.

Sure you did.

Okay. Believe me or don't.

But he was strong and handsome

and a little crazy,

which I'm really into.

But I knew

that it couldn't work.

So, even though

it wasn't right for him,

I used a red arrow.

And who did he

end up falling for?

Freakin' Cleopatra! That snake.

Cleopatra?

Yeah.

Are you talking

about Mark Antony?

Oh, God no! Eww!

I would never fall for

that emo pretty boy.

Julius Caesar!

He was a stonecold silver fox.

Whoa!

My point is if I liked a guy

who I knew was about to end up

with the wrong woman,

I would do what I could

to stop it.

Students, faculty,

friends, and family.

Welcome to our annual

Christmas Eve gala.

Our students have

quite a performance for us.

And I'm sure you're

going to see something

very special.

And, without further ado,

let's get the show on the road.

And three, two, one, cue.

♪♪ Deck the halls with

boughs of holly ♪♪

♪♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪♪

I'm really happy you're here.

Me too.

No.

You. Whoa.

.Are one hot number.

Uh, um, thhanks. Uh, this.

This is Fred, the stagehand.

Stage manager. Stage manager.

Oh. Hi, Fred.

Did you look this way

in rehearsals?

Something's changed, right?

Haircut, or I don't know,

but it's working.

Hi, I'm Charlie.

Uh. Hi, Charlie.

I'm kinda having a thing

right here.

Mm. Well, we were too, until

Oh. Excuse me.

What are you, uh, the boyfriend?

Well, um.

No.

Well, I mean, we're dating.

Yeah.

What's. I mean,

I don't really think

it's any of your business.

No way.

Buttonup type, huh?

You seem a a bit basic.

Yeah, we call that blue collar.

Oh. Okay.

Oh!

Thank you so much

to these two gentlemen.

Uh, next we have

a beautiful dance select Hey.

I'm sorry, I know you're

in the middle of this thing,

but, uh

What are you doing after this?

What?

Yeah. A couple of

us are going to get breakfast.

And I will, like,

totally buy you some pancakes.

Are you down?

Please welcome the dancers.

Look. No, I'm serious.

Eggs? Bacon? Sausage?

My treat, come on!

That was. weird.

What was that?

III have no idea.

Yeah, man. That wasn't cool.

Quit hassling her.

What's up?

I wasn't hassling her, man!

I was freaking wooing her!

Shhh!

There is a performance going on!

Woo this!

Okay, tough guy.

Yeah. Come on. Come on.

Hey! There is

a performance going on.

So that's how it's

gonna be? Come on.

Seems like there's some

kind of kerfuffle backstage.

Kerfuffle? Who talks like that?

Ezra does.

I'm Ezra.

You're Emily, and you are

the prettiest girl at school.

What?

So, what are you doing later?

Hey!

Can you just give it a break?

Okay, who made you boss?

You're backstage.

I'm the boss back here.

Kind of true.

See? You don't step to

the big dog in his kingdom,

huh?

I think you're mixing

your metaphors there, Fred.

Well.

I'm so sorry.

I totally just

ruined your dance.

Oh. Hi!

What in the world?

Wow. Great! Aren't these

dancing people great?

Okay. Youyou

you just keep dancing.

I don't think so.

You're hurting me.

No, no, no.

Oh, ho. Oh, my god.

Oh, yeah. Found you.

Not the trees. Not the trees.

Oh.

This is the most amazing show

I've ever been to.

Ruby! Oh, hey. 'Sup?

Don't play innocent with me.

You promised no magic,

and you're in there

shooting off your

little love arrows,

making everybody crazy!

You don't know that.

I do know that.

But I don't understand why!

I did everything

that you me asked to do.

I put myself out there,

met somebody nice.

I'm sorry! I. I was jealous.

What?

You were right.

What you said earlier.

There is something between us.

Um, II think maybe

II might have possibly

developed some feelings for you.

You like me?

Yeah.

But you completely shut me down.

I know! I.

You said

we couldn't be together.

We can't.

How am I supposed to take this?

I tell you that I like you,

and then you reject me.

You sabotage my date,

and then you tell me,

"Oh, no, just kidding,"

I actually do like you,

but no, no, no, never mind,

"we don't have

a future together."

What do you want from me?

I just. I want you to be happy.

I can't be happy.

Can't you see that?

Same thing over and over again.

Somethin' always goes wrong.

Somehow I thought you and I

might be different.

But.

Nothing ever changes.

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, ya did it.

Look at you.

You get to move up

to the big chair.

I get my Christmas.

Everybody's a winner.

Couldn't have been easy.

It wasn't.

Um. It it isn't.

Congratulations, Ruby.

Hey, kid, what's the matter?

I. can't.

I. I can't take this job.

Not like this.

What do you mean?

What I did was wrong.

They're not right

for each other.

And he deserves

his perfect person.

They both do.

You were right. You were right.

What you said in the beginning:

II don't have

the stomach for this.

Shoving people together

just so they're not alone.

It's. it's why people

have stopped looking

for their person. They.

They don't believe in love.

I just can't be a part of that.

You know what this means,

don't you?

I lose my job.

Wait.

Ruby's right.

I'm sorry?

They're not a good match.

Why are we

putting people together

that don't belong together?

It's how it's done.

Maybe this job

should be more than

random arrows flying around

and us just hitting our numbers.

And. if you

don't believe that,

then maybe you should retire.

Just get on your stupid boat

and sail away.

Look, I don't know

who should be in charge,

but if you've given up on love,

it shouldn't be you.

Those were a lot of words

that I just said.

Since when did you become

so romantic?

Ugh! It's a new development.

This discussion isn't over.

And you

What's going

to happen to me now?

It ain't pretty.

I have to take away your powers.

Does it hurt?

It hurts later.

By the power vested in me

as the God of Love,

I hereby rescind

all your magical powers.

Is that it?

Yeah. Magic's weird. Hmm.

Now for the hard part.

You have to be mortal.

Wait, you mean. Of course.

What do you think happens

when you get fired from a job

as a deity? Now.

You gotta pay taxes,

you develop joint pains,

you gotta face the unknown.

It's horrible.

Philomena.

Please escort this human

back to Earth.

We will discuss

your little outburst later.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Ruby.

One more thing.

I'm proud of you.

You are? Yeah.

It takes a lot of courage

to stand up

for what you believe in.

You're gonna do

just fine on Earth.

I gotta admit.

I'll miss your

annoying chipperness.

You think I'm annoying?

That's not the point.

Point is, you done good.

You helped a lot of people

find love,

and now I think

it's time for you,

find a little love for yourself.

Well, enough of that.

Scram.

So. How's it feel, being mortal?

Pretty much the same, I guess.

That's kind of a letdown.

Hey. Did you stick up

for me back there?

Oh. I mean. I guess.

That was really cool of you.

Yeah. It was really cool of me,

wasn't it?

I think we're friends now.

Okay. I'm drawing the line.

There's a reason

that we are here.

Okay.

Amber?

Hi, I'm I'm Ruby,

one of Charlie's friends.

Oh. You're the one.

The one what?

Charlie and I

broke up last night.

He said he was in love

with someone else.

You.

I'm so sorry. Hey.

The last thing I want

is a man who is in love

with someone else.

You should go for him.

Seriously.

Amber, you're

a really nice person.

Also, I am so sorry

about your show last night.

Yeah. What a disaster!

But you know

what the funny part is?

If the show hadn't gone

so completely off the rails,

I wouldn't have connected

with Fred.

I think he might be the one.

You know what?

I think you might be right.

Really? Me too.

We're both in the theater,

you know?

Kindred spirits.

Like someone up there

has brought us together.

Who's that?

Ruby. She's sweet.

So. your nerdy teacher

is on the market.

What an interesting development.

Question is.

What are you gonna do about it?

Here?

He volunteers

every Christmas Day.

Ugh. Of course he does.

You comin'?

No.

You don't need magic.

You two nerds are

perfect for each other.

Besides, I gotta

go back to the office

and get yelled at by Cupid.

I'm really proud of you.

Okay. Come here.

Oh!

Good luck, Ruby. Thank you.

Go get it. Oh!

Oh, look, it's Ruby.

Merry Christmas, Ruby!

Merry Christmas, guys.

What are you doin' here?

Obviously, being good citizens.

Professor Conrad offered us

extra credit for next semester

if we came

and volunteered with him.

All right.

Also, there's extra credit.

Where's Charlie?

He took off.

He said he had to catch a train.

A train? To where?

Said he was going to some

boring cabin on a lake.

He's spending Christmas alone.

You love him, huh?

It's totally obvious.

You guys are made

for each other.

I guess I yes. Yes.

I love him. I love Charlie!

Knew it.

Oh, you should tell him.

Yes!

Yo! I'll drive.

- Shotgun!

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Let's go.

Oh, my gosh.

It's so romantic I might cry.

Slow down, Raif!

No! Go faster! Punch it!

Where are we going?

Why are you driving

if you don't know

where the train station is?

Right! Turn right!

This is my first time in a car!

It's kinda scary.

Good luck, Ruby!

Bye!

Charlie!

Hello.

Merry Christmas.

What are you doing here?

You, uh, you taking a trip?

Yeah. Um, just needed

some time away.

I heard you and Amber broke up.

You told me

to follow my heart, Ruby.

I couldn't stay with Amber

and do that at the same time.

Okay, the thing is. I love you.

I'm in love with you.

And also, I really like you

as a person, you know.

Ruby, we you know.

I know I said we didn't

have a future.

That it was impossible,

but it's not. Not anymore.

See, uh. I kinda got fired.

Actually, no, II quit.

I gave it up. For you.

You mean you're not a

Magical sprite spreading love?

Nope.

Now I'm just a regular girl.

I got a lot to learn.

It's all so new.

In fact.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

II just really

wanted to do that.

That was that was my first kiss.

I knew it would be nice.

Nice?

Wow!

Wow is a much better response.

I love you too.

You do?

Madly, crazy, head over heels.

Oh, my God. They're so cute,

I think I'm gonna die.

Yo! Way to go, Professor Conrad.

You brought my students, huh?

I needed a ride.

Oh, my God.

Oh. What? What was that?

I wowed her with my charms.

Gina, I got your text.

I'm not looking

for a relationship.

Right on.

It's just so beautiful.

So this was your plan all along?

Those two are perfect

for each other.

Oh, please. You think

this was about them?

I knew they were destined

for each other.

This was about you, Philomena.

Me?

I needed somebody

to take my place

who was tough

but loving.

I was testing you.

And boy, oh boy,

did you come through.

When you stood up

for Ruby,

when you defended love.

I knew I had the right person

for the job.

Wow. That is not where

I thought this was going.

I don't know what to say.

Say you'll do a good job,

because it's important.

The world needs love

now more than ever.

Well, my work is done.

I'm out of here.

Good luck, Cupid.

Cupid.

I like the sound of that.

Did you make all this happen?

No.

No arrows. No magic.

I'm just a normal girl

with the boy she loves.

It's gonna be a big adventure.

Oh, look at that sunset,

will ya?

Merry Christmas to all

and to all

a good Valentine's Day.

It's right around the corner,

get somebody somethin' nice.

Maybe some flowers.

Candy's always nice,

but it's too pricey.

That's okay, give 'em a hug.

Give 'em a kiss.

The important thing is

being with the person you love.

♪♪ And the whole world starts

Gettin' ready ♪♪

♪♪ Pretty soon the streets

Are dressed in lights ♪♪

♪♪ Everyone's

Invited to the party ♪♪

♪♪ And the spirit

Of the season has arrived ♪♪

♪♪ She's a Cupid for Christmas ♪♪

♪♪ That's your

Favorite time of year ♪♪

♪♪ And everywhere

That kind of cheer is here ♪♪

♪♪ It's here it's here ♪♪

♪♪ You can feel it everywhere ♪♪

♪♪ There's Christmas in the air ♪♪

♪♪ You can feel it everywhere ♪♪

♪♪ There's Cupid in the air ♪♪

♪♪ And the day's

Gettin' shorter ♪♪

♪♪ But the nights follow

Christmas always shine ♪♪

♪♪ Memories

They're pouring in ♪♪

♪♪ Of the night we've had

It's good to be alive ♪♪

♪♪ Then the whole world starts

Gettin' ready ♪♪

♪♪ Pretty soon the streets

Are dressed in lights ♪♪

♪♪ Everyone's

Invited to the party ♪♪

♪♪ And the spirit

Of the season has arrived ♪♪

♪♪ She's a Cupid for. ♪♪