Cupid, Inc. (2012) - full transcript

HMM.

HMM.

HMM.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, "HMM"?

THIS LINE IS VERY LONG.

OH.
IS THAT BAD?

THAT'S GOOD.

MEANS YOU'LL LIVE
MANY, MANY YEARS.

OH, WELL, AS LONG
AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE

ANY UNDUE WEIGHT GAIN.

THIS LINE IS VERY SHORT.



IS THAT GOOD?

NO.
THAT IS BAD.

THIS MEANS YOU'VE HAD

A VERY DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIP
IN YOUR PAST.

PERHAPS SOMEONE HAS WRONGED YOU
SOMEHOW?

THEY DID GET MY COFFEE ORDER
WRONG THIS MORNING.

YOU MOCK MADAME RENATA?

I SEE PAIN IN THIS HAND.

THIS LINE... VERY CROOKED.

WELL, IS THAT GOOD
OR IS THAT BAD?

THIS MEANS YOU ARE AFRAID
TO TAKE CHANCES IN LIFE.

WELL, WHO ISN'T?

THOSE WHO WOULD FIND LOVE.

ALL RIGHT.



WE WILL HAVE MORE
OF THESE FASCINATING PREDICTIONS

FROM MADAME RENATA

RIGHT AFTER THESE MESSAGES.

AND WE'RE OUT.

RICK!

LOSE THE FORTUNE-TELLER.

- MISS LOVETT, THAT WAS AMAZING.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THAT WAS THE WORST SHOW
WE'VE EVER DONE.

THAT WOMAN
WAS A COMPLETE FRAUD.

BUT WHAT SHE SAID
ABOUT YOUR PAST...

SHE WAS FISHING.
SHE'S A FAKE.

I LIKED HER.

EVE, EVE, HOLD ON.

WE CAN'T JUST LOSE
THE PSYCHIC.

WE HAVE ANOTHER SEGMENT LEFT
WITH HER.

YEAH, WELL, SHORTEN IT UP.
IT'S BORING.

CAN YOU GIVE US A MOMENT?

ARE YOU TWO GONNA FIGHT AGAIN?

TRINA, THE PRODUCER
OF THE SHOW AND THE HOST

DO NOT FIGHT;
THEY DISCUSS.

RIGHT.

OKAY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

HAVE YOU SEEN OUR RATINGS
THIS WEEK?

- NO, BUT I...
- LET ME SPARE YOU

HAVING TO READ THEM, OKAY?

WE WERE BEATEN AGAIN

BY THAT COURTROOM SHOW
ON CHANNEL EIGHT.

THE ONE
WITH THE SINGING JUDGE?

IT DOESN'T MEAN
SHE'S NOT WINNING OUR TIME SLOT.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

MADAME SPOOKY EYES
AND HER PALM READING.

PEOPLE LIKE IT.

NOT ENOUGH.
RICK, ONE MORE DROP

IN THE RATINGS,
AND WE'LL BE SELLING

EXERCISE BALLS
AT 2:00 A.M.

OKAY.

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
TRINA!

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF THE SHOW TODAY?

I DON'T WATCH TELEVISION.

I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE
TRYING TO CARE

ABOUT THE PEOPLE
IN MY OWN LIFE.

GOOD NIGHT, CAROLYN.

AND MY NAME IS JANICE.

THANK YOU.

YES, THANK YOU.

GOOD EVENING.

GOOD EVENING, MISS LOVETT.

TABLE FOR ONE
AS USUAL?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN,
LOUIS.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

MAY I?

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

HELLO.

EXCUSE ME.
I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

MM-HMM.

THIS IS VERY FORWARD OF ME,

BUT I COULDN'T HELP
NOTICING YOU HERE,

AND MY NAME IS DAVID.

HELLO, DAVID.

MY NAME IS EVE.

I KNEW IT.
IT'S HER.

SEE, WE HAVE A BET.
MY FRIEND SAID IT WASN'T YOU,

BUT I SAID IT WAS.

USED TO WATCH YOUR SHOW
ALL THE TIME.

- USED TO?
- WELL, NOW WE WATCH

THAT SINGING JUDGE SHOW
OVER ON CHANNEL EIGHT.

ANYWAY, HE'S GOTTA BUY ME
A DRINK NOW,

SO THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU ENJOY THAT.

YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE ALONE.

OH.
OH, TAXI.

NO, IT'S OKAY.
REALLY, NANCY.

I HAVE COME TO TERMS

WITH THE IDEA
OF BEING SINGLE

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

WHAT, BECAUSE
SOME FORTUNE-TELLER SAID SO?

TAXI!
NO.

IT'S NOT THAT.

I HAVE A VERY FULL LIFE.
I HAVE A CAREER.

BESIDES, THERE ARE
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN LOVE.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE MY SHOW.

THE RATINGS ARE IN THE TOILET.

YOU KNOW,
IF YOU WERE MY PATIENT,

I'D SAY THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
GOING ON HERE BESIDES RATINGS.

TAXI!

HONEY, MY RATINGS
ARE EVERYTHING.

BUT THANKS
FOR THE FREE THERAPY.

MAYBE YOU JUST NEED
A HOLIDAY.

WHY DON'T YOU COME TO NEW YORK
FOR A WEEKEND?

WE CAN DO THE TOWN.
OH, I WISH I COULD, BUT...

BUT WHAT?
COME ON.

IT'LL BE FUN.

MAYBE YOU'LL EVEN MEET
A NICE GUY

AND FALL IN LOVE.
OOH, TAXI!

TRUST ME, NANCY.

THE LAST THING I NEED
IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

IS LOVE.

YES?

DR. SIDNEY TWADDLE?

IT'S PRONOUNCED TWADDELL.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.

YOU JUST WON AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID
TWO-WEEK VACATION CRUISE

TO THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

YEAH, I'M AFRAID
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I AM SCHEDULED TO APPEAR
ON A TELEVISION PROGRAM

LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

OH, COME ON,
FREE CRUISE.

DANCING GIRLS?

ALL THE COCONUTS
YOU CAN EAT.

I'M ALLERGIC TO COCONUTS.

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

THANK YOU.

- HEY, TWADDLE.
- YES.

HAVE FUN IN TAHITI.

SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU,
YOU KNOW.

- OH, SHUSH.
- I'M HERE, I'M HERE,

I'M HERE.

I WAS UP ALL NIGHT READING
THIS BOOK BY TODAY'S GUEST.

- GOOD MORNING, MISS LOVETT.
- GOOD MORNING, BOB.

- IT'S BEN.
- UH, MISS LOVETT,

ABOUT TODAY'S GUEST...
YES, DR. SIDNEY TWADDELL.

AND HE WROTE THIS BOOK
DISSECTION OF LOVE.

- AND HE'S NOT HERE.
- WHAT? WHY?

HE HAD TO CANCEL, BUT
MR. DAYTON FOUND A REPLACEMENT.

A REPLACEMENT?
WHO?

AH.

VERNON GART.

CUPID INCORPORATED.

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,
MISS LOVETT.

CUPID INCORPORATED.

NOW WHAT EXACTLY
IS THAT?

CUPID INCORPORATED?

WELL, WE OFFER
A VERY SPECIALIZED SERVICE,

ONE THAT THE HEAD OFFICE FEELS
YOU ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF.

THE HEAD OFFICE?

YES.

ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS,

YOU ARE A COMPLETE FAILURE

IN THE ROMANCE DEPARTMENT.

THIS HAS CAUSED YOU TO CLOSE
YOURSELF DOWN EMOTIONALLY

TO THE WORLD AROUND YOU.

AND IS IN LARGE PART RESPONSIBLE

FOR THE UNHAPPINESS THAT YOU
FEEL, WHICH YOU TRY TO SMOTHER

WITH THE EMPTY TRAPPINGS
OF TELEVISION CELEBRITY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT AT ALL, MR. GART.

- MISS LOVETT.
- WHAT?

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU
FIND LOVE.

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A MOMENT?

YEAH, I DEFINITELY...
CAN I CALL YOU BACK?

WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN THERE'S SOME WEIRDO
IN MY OFFICE

TELLING ME THAT I AM A FAILURE
AT LOVE, BUT HE'S HERE TO HELP.

YES, I... I WAS GONNA
TELL YOU ABOUT HIM.

WHEN? WHEN WERE YOU
GONNA TELL ME, RICK?

WHEN I WAS ON THE AIR?

I GOT A CALL
FROM DR. TWADDELL.

SOMETHING ABOUT BEING
ON A BOAT IN TAHITI.

IT WAS A BAD CONNECTION.
I COULDN'T GET IT ALL.

ANYWAY, WE WERE STUCK,
AND THIS GUY'S NAME

SUDDENLY CAME UP,
AND HE'S AVAILABLE.

AND HE COMES HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

OKAY, THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, RICK.

THIS IS WHY
OUR NUMBERS ARE DOWN.

IT IS THE SAME OLD SELF-HELP
AUTHORS AND PSYCHICS

AND FORTUNE-TELLERS.

WE NEED SOMETHING FRESH,

SOMETHING ORIGINAL.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- WHAT?

WHICH IS WHY WE'RE LUCKY

THAT VERNON GART
WAS DROPPED INTO OUR LAPS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT...

VALENTINE'S DAY.

"EVE'S WEEK OF LOVE."

HUH?
FOUR DAYS

OF ROMANCE-THEMED PROGRAMS,

STARTING WITH VERNON GART,
OUR VERY OWN REPRESENTATIVE

FROM CUPID INCORPORATED,

AND FINISHING
WITH A LIVE BROADCAST

IN THE STUDIO.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NO.

THIS IS THE KIND OF THING

THAT COULD BRING OUR NUMBERS

BACK UP TO THE TOP.

I'M NOT DOING THAT.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE, RICK,
IT IS CORNY

AND CHEESY
AND OLD-FASHIONED.

LOVE IS CORNY AND CHEESY
AND OLD-FASHIONED, EVE.

THAT'S WHY PEOPLE
LOVE BEING IN LOVE.

HAS IT BEEN SO LONG
THAT YOU FORGOT WHAT IT'S LIKE?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?

EVE,
YOU DON'T LET ANYBODY IN.

MAYBE THAT'S WHY OUR AUDIENCE
IS TUNING US OUT.

WELL, I'M SORRY
THAT YOU DON'T THINK

I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES
TO BE THE HOST ANYMORE.

OH, PERHAPS I'LL TAKE UP
SINGING.

AND THEN I CAN GIVE THE JUDGE

ON CHANNEL EIGHT
A REAL RUN FOR HER MONEY.

EVE...

AND HERE WE GO.

ANOTHER EXCITING ADVENTURE

IN TELEVISION HISTORY.

YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS INSPIRING,
MARV.

WELL, I DON'T NEED THIS,
YOU KNOW.

I WAS NOMINATED
FOR AN OSCAR.

IT WAS A STUDENT OSCAR,

AND YOU LOST.

IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE...

HERE'S YOUR HOST,

EVE LOVETT.

OH, THANK YOU.

HI, EVERYONE,
AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

I AM EVE LOVETT,
YOUR HOST,

AND TODAY
OUR VERY SPECIAL GUEST

IS A REMARKABLE MAN

WHO IS GOING TO TELL US ALL
A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS
TO BE IN LOVE.

PLEASE WELCOME
MR. VERNON GART.

WELCOME, MR. GART.

OH, PLEASE.

JUST CALL ME VERNON.

OKAY, VERNON,
THANK YOU.

NOW, TO START THINGS OFF,
WHY DON'T YOU TELL

OUR AUDIENCE A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO.

WELL, FRANKLY,
MISS LOVETT,

I'D RATHER JUST TALK
ABOUT YOU.

- SORRY, ME?
- MM-HMM.

THIS SHOULD
BE INTERESTING.

I'M REALLY JUST HERE
TO HELP YOU FIND LOVE.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
BUT I DON'T THINK

I NEED HELP
IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

OH, I BELIEVE YOU DO.

YOU'VE NEEDED MY HELP
SINCE ANDREW VOIVONICH.

WH... HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT HIM?

THE YOUNG BOY WHO DUMPED
YOU IN THE SEVENTH GRADE?

I HAVE MY SOURCES.

AND, OF COURSE,
THERE WAS CHAZ LELAND,

THE HIGH-SCHOOL FOOTBALL
PLAYER WHO TWO-TIMED YOU

WITH MARY-LOUISE BAUMGARTEN
AT THE SENIOR PROM.

OKAY, COME ON,
WHO TOLD HIM?

WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?

THE WORST WAS THAT JERKY
GUITAR PLAYER IN COLLEGE,

DARIN PALMATERRI.
WHAT?

WHAT?

I NEVER TOLD ANYONE
ABOUT THAT.

WHO IS THIS GUY?

HAVEN'T YOU HAD
JUST THE WORST LUCK?

AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE WORRIED
ABOUT AT THE HEAD OFFICE.

YOU'VE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES
THAT YOU'VE GIVEN UP ON LOVE.

SO I'M HERE
TO HELP YOU FIND IT AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH,
RICK.

ALL RIGHT, CUT, CUT.

EXCUSE ME.
RICK, RICK.

WHAT IS GOING ON
OUT HERE?

I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

DID YOU SET
THIS WHOLE THING UP?

I HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

DID YOU GO BACK TO MY HIGH
SCHOOL YEARBOOK OR SOMETHING?

I SWEAR,
I DIDN'T TELL HIM ANYTHING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
ANY OF THAT STUFF.

OKAY, THEN WHO IS HE?

ONE OF YOUR
MIND READERS?

I DON'T KNOW,
WHY DON'T WE ASK HIM?

OKAY, I WILL.

WHERE'D HE GO?

DID ANYONE
SEE HIM LEAVE?

NO, NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY,
I'LL DEAL WITH IT LATER.

NO SIGN OF HIM
ANYWHERE IN THE BUILDING.

HE MUST HAVE JUST LEFT.

I MEAN, YOU WERE NOT VERY
POLITE TO HIM, YOU KNOW.

OH, SO NOW
IT'S MY FAULT.

WELL, HE GOT UP
AND WALKED AWAY

FROM THE INTERVIEW WITHOUT
ANY EXPLANATION.

POOR GUY MUST HAVE
FELT COMPLETELY INSULTED.

YOU COULD STOP THIS,
ANY TIME, YOU KNOW.

STOP WHAT?

I HAVE TO ADMIT THOUGH,
IT'S AN ORIGINAL IDEA.

TALK SHOW GUEST
AS PERFORMANCE ART.

EVE, I TOLD YOU,
I HAD NEVER MET THIS GUY BEFORE.

HIS PUBLICIST CALLED,
SUGGESTING HIM FOR THE SHOW,

AND WE WERE IN A SPOT,
SO I...

NUH-UH,
HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

BUT THE NEXT TIME YOU
DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS,

MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA
TO CLEAR IT WITH THE HOST FIRST.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN HERE?

CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED
TO DISCUSS

SUCH A PRIVATE MATTER
IN A PUBLIC FORUM.

I DO NOT KNOW WHERE
YOU GOT YOUR INFORMATION,

BUT I DO NOT APPRECIATE
MY LOVE LIFE BEING SPREAD

ALL ACROSS AMERICA
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

LISTEN,
I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET.

BUT YOU'RE A VERY DIFFICULT
PERSON TO GET A HOLD OF,

AND THE HEAD OFFICE FELT THAT
TIME WAS RUNNING OUT FOR YOU.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT THE HEAD OFFICE FELT.

YOU NEED
TO GET OUT OF HERE.

RITA!

PLEASE CALL SECURITY.

MISS LOVETT,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

NO, RITA,
I AM NOT ALL RIGHT.

WHY DID YOU
LET HIM IN MY OFFICE?

HIM?

HE...
I...

MISS LOVETT,
CAN I GET YOU SOME TEA?

NO, THANK YOU,
RITA.

YES,
HE WAS IN MY OFFICE.

NO, I DON'T KNOW
HOW HE GOT THERE, RICK.

BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE IT,
IN THE FUTURE,

IF YOU WOULD SCREEN MY GUESTS
A LITTLE MORE THOROUGHLY

BEFORE YOU LET ANY CRACKPOT
WITH A BOOK DEAL ON MY SHOW.

OKAY.

NICE WHEELS.

WHAT...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD
BE A MORE PRIVATE PLACE TO TALK.

WHO ARE YOU?

I TOLD YOU, MY NAME
IS VERNON GART AND I WORK FOR...

YEAH, YEAH,
CUPID INCORPORATED.

I GOT THAT PART.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?

IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT
FROM YOU, MISS LOVETT.

IT'S WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE
FROM YOURSELF.

WHAT DOES THAT
EVEN MEAN?

WELL, ACCORDING TO YOUR
LOVE PROFILE.

MY WHAT?

YOUR LOVE PROFILE,
AT THE HEAD OFFICE.

EVERYONE HAS ONE.

AND YOURS SAYS THAT
YOU HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES.

SO NOT TRUE.

UH, REALLY?

WHAT WAS THE LONGEST
RELATIONSHIP YOU EVER HAD?

A YEAR.

UH-UH.

SAM CALLAHAN, AN INSURANCE
SALESMAN FROM OMAHA, NEBRASKA,

IT LASTED SIX MONTHS,
A WEEK, AND AN AFTERNOON.

THAT'S A NICE RUN,

BUT IT'S NOT EXACTLY
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA,

NOW IS IT?

WELL, WHAT DOES THAT
HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

BECAUSE UNTIL YOU CAN SEE
THAT LOVE CAN ACTUALLY WORK,

YOU WON'T FIND IT
FOR YOURSELF.

THAT IS WHY THE HEAD OFFICE
HAS AUTHORIZED ME

TO OFFER YOU A DEAL.

A DEAL?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HELP
ONE COUPLE FALL IN LOVE.

AND THEN WHAT?

AND THEN YOUR ONE,
TRUE LOVE

WILL BE REVEALED TO YOU.

MY ONE, TRUE LOVE,
COME ON.

THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.

LOVE IS NOT FOR SISSIES.

THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE BUMPS
AND BRUISES ALONG THE WAY.

BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT IT?

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE
TO FIND LOVE, EVE.

OH, AND ONE MORE THING.

THIS OFFER EXPIRES
FEBRUARY 14TH.

IF YOU CAN'T MAKE
A LOVE MATCH BY THEN,

THEN YOU'RE
OUT OF LUCK FOREVER.

WHAT...
THAT'S LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY.

THAT'S...
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE TWO
PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE THAT FAST?

MISS LOVETT,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?

ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THAT TEA?

OKAY, MR. GART.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

LET'S SEE
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

I'LL HELP YOU OUT.

OKAY, STEADY.
OKAY.

GOOD MORNING,
CAROLYN.

SURE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OKAY, OKAY,
HERE WE GO.

OH, WAIT.
SORRY.

OH, YOU TWO.
SORRY?

NO, DON'T PAY
ANY ATTENTION TO ME.

I JUST LOVE WATCHING
THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER.

IT'S SO CUTE.

UH, THANKS.

"THANKS."
SO ADORABLE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE
EASIER THAN I THOUGHT.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT DOUG AND TRINA?

AND A HAPPY GOOD MORNING
TO YOU TOO.

YOU KNOW, THE SOUND MAN
AND MY MAKEUP GIRL.

I KNOW WHO THEY ARE,
I'M JUST SURPRISED THAT YOU DO.

TELL ME A LITTLE
ABOUT THEM.

THEY'RE GOOD KIDS,
HARD WORKERS.

HE WANTS TO BE A DIRECTOR,
AND I THINK

AND I THINK SHE WANTS
TO OPEN A DAY SPA.

THOUGH SHE MOSTLY
SEEMS INTERESTED

IN FINDING A BOYFRIEND.

OH, REALLY.

YEAH,
WHY THE SUDDEN INTEREST?

OH, NOTHING,
JUST A NEW RESOLUTION OF MINE.

TRY TO GET TO KNOW
THE CREW A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

REALLY?

WHY DOES THAT
SURPRISE YOU?

BECAUSE UNTIL NOW
I DIDN'T THINK

YOU REALIZED
THAT WE HAD A CREW.

TRINA,
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SURE, MISS LOVETT.

OH, PLEASE,
DISPENSE WITH THE FORMALITIES.

CALL ME EVE.
OKAY, EVE.

TELL ME ABOUT
YOUR LOVE LIFE.

MY WHAT?

YOU KNOW, WHAT KIND OF GUYS
DO YOU LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW,
IT KIND OF VARIES.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT ABOUT
SOMEONE LIKE DOUG?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF HIM?

UH, DOUG'S AWESOME.

AWESOME, OH,
WELL THAT'S GOOD.

SO YOU'D SAY THAT YOU WERE
ATTRACTED TO HIM?

UM, I DON'T KNOW,
I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

EVE LOVETT SHOW,
15 MINUTE STUDIO CALL.

15 MINUTES.
THINK ABOUT IT.

HEY, WHERE YOU BEEN?
WE'RE READY TO ROLL.

I KNOW, I, UM...
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY MIC.

DOUG.
HEY, HONEY.

I'M HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH MY MIC,

COULD YOU TAKE A PEAK
AT THAT FOR ME PLEASE?

SURE, MISS LOVETT,
NO PROBLEM.

OH, CALL ME EVE.

REALLY?

ABSOLUTELY, THAT'S WHAT
ALL MY FRIENDS CALL ME, EVE.

FOR INSTANCE, UH,
TRINA, OVER THERE, TRINA.

SHE'S MY REALLY GOOD,
OLD FRIEND.

SHE'S BEEN WITH ME, LIKE,
12 WEEKS NOW.

- YEAH?
- MM-HMM.

WE TALK,
WE TALK ABOUT THINGS

LIKE OUR CAREERS, TRAVEL,
GUYS.

THAT'S NICE.

I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING
YOU THIS, BUT, UM.

SHE TOLD ME
THAT SHE LIKES YOU.

- SHE DOES?
- MM-HMM.

IN FACT,
SHE USED THE WORD, "AWESOME."

THAT'S REALLY NICE OF HER.

TRINA'S SINGLE,
YOU KNOW.

RIGHT, NO,
I UNDERSTAND...

EVE, PLACES.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

HI, EVERYONE, AND WELCOME
TO THE EVE LOVETT SHOW.

I'M YOUR HOST,
EVE LOVETT.

HEY, VALENTINE'S DAY
IS COMING.

AND WE ARE GOING
TO CELEBRATE IT

WITH A VERY SPECIAL WEEK
ON OUR SHOW

THAT WE LIKE TO CALL
"EVE'S WEEK OF LOVE."

CUE THE INSULIN.

AND WHAT BETTER WAY
TO KICK THINGS OFF,

IN TRUE VALENTINE FASHION,
THAN A VISIT FROM

OUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY CHEF,
ANTONIO CAPRICOLA.

CIAO, ANTONIO.

IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL
TIME OF THE YEAR.

SO FULL
OF LOVE AND ROMANCE.

OH, IT SURE IS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE FOR US TODAY?

WHEN I THINK
OF VALENTINE'S DAY,

I ALWAYS THINK OF CHOCOLATE.
MM.

SO I AM MAKING A WONDERFUL,
OLD ITALIAN RECIPE

FOR HOT CHOCOLATO.

OH, IT SMELLS HEAVENLY.

WAIT UNTIL YOU TASTE IT.

OH, THAT IS AMAZING.

GRAZIE,
SI, SI, SI, SI.

IT IS TRUE
WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT CHOCOLATE
BEING A LOVE POTION?

THAT'S WHAT
THE ANCIENTS BELIEVED.

AND IF IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH
FOR THEM,

IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

WELL, LET'S PUT IT
TO THE TEST, SHALL WE?

WHERE'S TRINA?
HONEY?

TRINA,
COME ON UP HERE.

AND, DOUG, YOU TOO,
COME ON UP HERE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GIVE A WARM ROUND OF APPLAUSE

FOR OUR BRILLIANT
SOUND MAN, DOUG,

AND MY PERSONAL
MAKEUP ARTIST, TRINA.

WHAT'S SHE DOING?

UH, CAMERA ONE GO FOR TRINA,
THREE TAKE DOUG.

COME ON,
PUT THAT THING DOWN.

COME UP HERE,
YOU TWO.

WAIT UNTIL YOU TRY THIS,
IT IS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.

GIVE THAT A SHOT THERE.

HERE WE GO.

HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WOW.
- YUM.

SI, SI.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO TELL US IF IT REALLY WORKS.

YOU TWO HAVE BEEN
SUCH GOOD SPORTS

THAT I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER
YOU DINNER FOR TWO

AT MAURO RISTORANTE,
ONE OF THE MOST

ROMANTIC SPOTS IN TOWN.

THAT IS FOR YOU.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S WEEK,
EVERYONE.

ONE MORE ROUND OF APPLAUSE
FOR THESE TWO KIDS.

THEY MAKE THE MOST
ADORABLE COUPLE.

ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL BE BACK.

EVE, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU IN PRIVATE?

I HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME.

- WON'T TAKE A MINUTE.
- OH, OKAY.

WHAT WAS WITH THAT STUNT
YOU PULLED THIS AFTERNOON?

WHAT STUNT?

DRAGGING DOUG AND TRINA
UP ON STAGE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE DOING?

OH, YOU SAID
IT WAS LOVE WEEK.

I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE
WATCHING TWO PEOPLE

FALL FOR EACH OTHER
WAS A GOOD WAY TO START.

- FALL FOR EACH OTHER?
- MM-HMM.

I'VE HAD MY EYE
ON THOSE TWO.

THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING
GOING ON BETWEEN THEM.

I WAS JUST GIVING THEM
A LITTLE NUDGE IS ALL.

- A LITTLE NUDGE?
- MM-HMM.

THEY WERE EVENTUALLY
GOING TO GET TOGETHER,

I JUST THOUGHT
I'D SPEED THINGS UP.

WELL, YOU SURE DID,
EVE.

DO YOU KNOW
DOUG IS ENGAGED?

- WHAT?
- TO MAUREEN.

- WHO'S MAUREEN?
- THE PROPS GIRL.

OH, I THOUGHT HER NAME
WAS ALICE.

THE POINT IS YOU JUST
SET UP HER FIANCEE

ON A DATE
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

OH, NO.

WHY DIDN'T I KNOW
THOSE TWO WERE ENGAGED?

MAYBE THEY DIDN'T
REALIZE THEY HAD

TO CLEAR IT
WITH YOU FIRST.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

I GOT TO GO TALK TO THEM.
NO.

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH
DAMAGE ALREADY.

HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

I WAS TRYING TO DO
A NICE THING.

I KNOW THAT, EVE.

BUT THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE
TO BEHAVE LIKE A HUMAN BEING,

GIVE ME A HEADS-UP,
OKAY?

HEADS UP.

THANKS.

NOT AS EASY
AS IT LOOKS, HUH?

HAVE YOU BEEN HERE
THIS WHOLE TIME?

LONG ENOUGH.

HERE, HAVE A BON-BON.

I FIND CHOCOLATE TAKES
THE STING OFF FAILURE.

ALL RIT,
YEAH.

GOD, THEY WERE SO PERFECT
FOR EACH OTHER.

WERE THEY?
REALLY?

OR WERE YOU JUST
TRYING TOO HARD?

- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.

THIS IS MY
AREA OF EXPERTISE.

WELL, THEN
GIVE ME SOME TIPS.

OH, OKAY, WELL,
FIRST OFF.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY
KNOW ABOUT DOUG AND TRINA?

WELL,
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD KIDS.

DOUG WANTS
TO BE A DIRECTOR.

AND TRINA...

WHAT ARE THEIR LAST NAMES?

EITHER ONE.
I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE ARE THEY FROM?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT ARE THEIR HOPES,
THEIR DREAMS,

THEIR DISAPPOINTMENTS?

I DO NOT KNOW.

EXACTLY.

THE ONLY THING YOU DO KNOW IS
WHAT RICK TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM.

YOU REALLY DO KNOW EVERYTHING,
DON'T YOU?

MM, NOT EVERYTHING,
JUST ENOUGH.

HERE,
HAVE ANOTHER BON-BON.

SEE, YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO HELP ANYONE FALL IN LOVE,

INCLUDING YOURSELF,
UNTIL YOU FIND OUT

WHAT REALLY
MAKES PEOPLE TICK.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO THAT?

JUST LISTEN.

LET SOMEONE ELSE TALK
ONCE IN AWHILE.

TAKE AN INTEREST
IN SOMEBODY

OTHER THAN YOURSELF.

ALL RIGHT,
MAYBE I'LL TRY.

HMM, BETTER DO
MORE THAN THAT.

YOU ONLY GOT THREE DAYS
LEFT UNTIL VALENTINE'S.

BUT WHAT...

HI.

MAIL'S HERE.

YES,
I CAN SEE THAT.

WELL, I GUESS I BETTER
GET BACK TO WORK.

PLACE PRETTY MUCH SHUTS DOWN
WITHOUT ME.

NICE TO SEE YOU,
MISS LOVETT.

RITA, SEE YOU AROUND.
MMHMM.

OH, UH, MISS LOVETT.

YES?

I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF I COULD LEAVE

A LITTLE BIT EARLY TONIGHT,
I HAVE A GAME.

A GAME?

YEAH, I COACH
A GIRLS BASKETBALL TEAM.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK
IT WOULD INTEREST YOU.

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

RITA,
ARE YOU SINGLE?

UNFORTUNATELY,
YES.

NOTHING ON THE HORIZON,

NO SECRET BOYFRIENDS
I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

NOPE, NOT A ONE.

- GOOD.
- I'M SORRY?

HOW WOULD LIKE A LITTLE
COMPANY AT YOUR GAME TONIGHT?

WE'LL SNEAK IN
A LITTLE GIRL TALK.

- OOH, OUR PIZZA'S HERE.
- OH, HERE WE GO.

GET READY, GIRLS.
THANK YOU.

SO TELL ME ABOUT
THE GUY IN THE MAILROOM.

- BEN?
- MM-HMM.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

OH, COME ON,
I SEE YOUR FACE LIGHT UP

WHEN HE COMES INTO A ROOM.

NOBODY GETS THAT EXCITED
ABOUT MAIL.

OH, IT'S THAT OBVIOUS?

SLIGHTLY.

DO YOU EVER,
YOU KNOW.

YOU EVER THINK ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, YOU AND HIM?

TOGETHER?

OH, NO,
I COULDN'T.

I MEAN, I SEE HIM
AT WORK EVERY DAY,

BUT I DON'T REALLY
KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM.

WELL, IS HE SINGLE?

YES.

WELL, YOU HAVE
THAT IN COMMON.

COME ON, WHAT ELSE?

I KNOW HE LIKES THE LAKERS
ALMOST AS MUCH AS I DO.

ALL RIGHT,
PERFECT.

WHAT'S STOPPING YOU,
GIRL?

OH, MISS LOVETT.

I MEAN, EVE.

I WOULD BE TOO SCARED
TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN
KNOW HOW TO START.

WELL, YOU MAY NOT
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

OH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW,
FATE MAY LEND A HAND.

COMING.

COMING, I'M...

HERE I COME.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
QUESTION TO ASK YOU.

EVE, COME ON IN.

TELL ME,
WAS IT ONE GUY

WHO RUINED IT
FOR THE REST OF US,

OR DO YOU JUST SORT OF HATE
THE WHOLE SPECIES ON PRINCIPLE?

OH, RIGHT.

AM I INTERRUPTING
ANYTHING?

JUST SLEEP, EVE.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

OKAY, LAKERS,
BASKETBALL, RIGHT?

YOU'RE KIDDING?

NO, I JUST...
I GET MIXED UP.

WHY THE SUDDEN INTEREST
IN SPORTS?

OH, WELL, I WAS OUT TONIGHT
WITH RITA.

YOUR ASSISTANT?

YEAH, WHY DOES THAT
SURPRISE YOU?

WELL, CONSIDERING
FOR THE FIRST EIGHT WEEKS

YOU KNEW HER,
YOU CALLED HER BRENDA.

SO, WE WERE OUT,
AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT

WHAT HUGE FANS
OF THE LAKERS WE WERE.

A SECOND AGO, YOU DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT SPORT THEY PLAYED.

I TOLD YOU,
I GET CONFUSED.

I WANT TO TAKE RITA
TO ONE OF THOSE LAKERS MATCHES.

- THEY'RE CALLED GAMES.
- GAMES, RIGHT.

UM, SO, DO YOU JUST
GO THERE AND GET A TICKET?

OR DO YOU HAVE TO PHONE AHEAD
AND MAKE A RESERVATION?

I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS
FOR YOU THROUGH THE COMPANY.

- REALLY?
- YEAH, I DON'T WANT

YOU TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH
ALL THE TROUBLE

OF PHONING AHEAD
AND MAKING A RESERVATION,

SO I WILL GET THE TICKETS
AND I WILL DROP THEM OFF

AT YOUR OFFICE
TOMORROW MORNING.

AH, YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.

SO WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY
YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

AND I'M JUST CURIOUS
WHAT IT IS.

YOU'RE A VERY SUSPICIOUS MAN,
RICK DAYTON.

THAT'S NOT ATTRACTIVE.

- NIGHT.
- NIGHT.

WOW.

GOOD MORNING,
CAROLYN.

REALLY?

GOOD MORNING, BEN.

MISS LOVETT.

MISS LOVETT?

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

QUITE THE CONTRARY.

I CAME DOWN TO TELL YOU WHAT
A GOOD JOB YOU'VE BEEN DOING.

OH, THANKS.

I WAS OUT WITH MY ASSISTANT,
RITA, LAST NIGHT.

YOU KNOW RITA,
MY ASSISTANT?

AH, SURE.

WE WENT TO
ONE OF HER GAMES.

SHE COACHES A GIRLS BASKETBALL
TEAM, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

YEAH, SHE REALLY LOVES
HER BASKETBALL, THAT RITA.

REALLY INTO IT.

YOU'RE INTO BASKETBALL TOO,
AREN'T YOU, BEN?

UH, YEAH, ACTUALLY
I'M A PRETTY BIG LAKERS FAN.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

SHE... SHE ACTUALLY
MENTIONED THAT.

SHE DID?

TALKED QUITE A BIT
ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT.

- REALLY?
- MM-HMM.

BEN, COULD YOU
DO ME A SMALL FAVOR?

ANYTHING, MISS LOVETT.

ALL RIGHT,
I HAVE A PACKAGE

THAT ABSOLUTELY
HAS TO GO OUT THIS MORNING.

SO IF YOU COULD MEET ME
IN MY OFFICE IN ABOUT, UH,

TEN MINUTES?
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

ALL RIGHT.

TEN MINUTES,
DON'T BE LATE.

MISS LOVETT.

- GOOD MORNING, ALICE.
- IT'S MAUREEN.

OH, MAUREEN.
MAUREEN.

DO...
DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?

CERTAINLY, YES,
ABSOLUTELY.

IT'S ABOUT YOU
PAYING FOR DINNER

FOR TRINA
AND MY FIANCEE LAST NIGHT.

THAT, I AM SO,
SO SORRY.

IT WAS JUST A TERRIBLE
MISUNDERSTANDING.

AND, MAUREEN,
I AM SICK ABOUT IT.

AND I WOULD LIKE
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU SOMEHOW.

PERHAPS IF I, UM,
COULD BUY DINNER

FOR YOU AND DOUG.

OH, NO,
I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, PLEASE, IT WOULD
MAKE ME FEEL SO BETTER.

NO, I MEAN,
DINNER WOULD BE GREAT.

BUT NOT WITH DOUG.
BEG PARDON?

HE AND TRINA
STAYED OUT ALL NIGHT.

OH, OH,
OH, NO.

YOU ACTUALLY DID ME
A REALLY BIG FAVOR THOUGH,

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOWED ME
WHAT KIND OF GUY DOUG REALLY IS.

TO THINK I ALMOST MARRIED
THAT CREEP.

THANKS, MISS LOVETT.

OH, SURE,
NO PROBLEM, BRENDA.

OKAY, COULD YOU GIVE THESE
TO HER WHEN SHE GETS IN, PLEASE?

BUT LISTEN...
I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I'M HERE.

HI, MORNING MISS LOV...
EVE.

SORRY, I'M STILL
GETTING USED TO THAT.

GET USED TO IT.

- THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
- OH, DON'T I KNOW IT.

COME ON, GET IN THERE.

RITA, I'M EXPECTING
A VERY IMPORTANT PACKAGE

THIS MORNING, SO I NEED YOU TO
STAY RIGHT THERE AT YOUR DESK.

UNDERSTAND?
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DESK.

GOT IT.

OKAY, HI.

HI.

ARE THOSE MY TICKETS?

YES, TOOK ALL MY CHARM
AND POWERS OF PERSUASION,

BUT YOU ARE NOW THE PROUD OWNER
OF TWO LUXURY BOX SEATS

FOR TONIGHT'S
LAKERS, CELTICS GAME.

- IS THAT GOOD?
- EVE, MOST PEOPLE WOULD

GIVE THEIR FIRST BORN CHILD
FOR THOSE TICKETS.

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME,
WELCOME.

SO, UM, YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON?

I... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.

I MEAN, WHY A WOMAN
WHO PREVIOUSLY HAD

ABSOLUTELY ZERO INTEREST
IN ANY SPORT,

OTHER THAN A PEDICURE,
IS SUDDENLY A LAKERS FAN.

- HI, BEN.
- HI, RITA.

- HE'S HERE.
- WHO'S HERE?

CAN'T YOU DO
ANYTHING RIGHT?

WHAT?

I TOLD YOU I WANTED THESE
TICKETS FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THIS IS GREAT,
THIS IS JUST GREAT.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

SOMETHING?
EVERYTHING.

I ASKED MY PRODUCER HERE
TO GET ME TICKETS

FOR TOMORROW NIGHT'S
LAKERS, "CEDRICS" GAME.

I THINK YOU MEAN CELTICS.

AND INSTEAD, HE GOT ME
TWO LUXURY BOX CARS

FOR TONIGHT'S GAME AND HE KNOWS
THAT I HAVE A CONFLICT.

- I DO?
- YES, YOU DO.

YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE
THE THING WITH THOSE PEOPLE.

WHAT PEOPLE?

IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW,
BECAUSE THE POINT IS,

I CAN NOT GO
TO THE MATCH.

- GAME.
- I CAN'T GO TO EITHER ONE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH THESE TICKETS?

WELL, LOOK,
I'LL JUST TAKE...

OH, MY...
I HAVE JUST HAD

THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA,
WHOA, I'M GOOD.

RITA, WOULD YOU BE A DOLL
AND TAKE THESE TICKETS

OFF MY HANDS?
I WOULD LOVE TO.

OKAY, NOW THERE'S
JUST ONE PROBLEM.

IS THERE ARE TWO TICKETS
AND IT'S AWFULLY LATE NOTICE

TO TRY TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE
TO BE IN THE OTHER SEAT.

WHAT ABOUT...
HMM.

HOW ABOUT YOU,
BEN?

YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED
IN GOING TO THE GAME, WOULD YOU?

ARE YOU KIDDING?
I WOULD...

OKAY, RITA,
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT

BEN GOING WITH YOU
TO THE GAME?

NO, I MEAN,
YES, YES.

REALLY? I MEAN,
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK AT
WHAT I JUST DID.

IT'S SETTLED THEN.

ALL RIGHT,
NOW WHY DON'T YOU TWO

TAKE A NICE COFFEE BREAK
AND IRON OUT ALL THE DETAILS.

AND... OH, I JUST HAD
ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA.

HOW ABOUT THIS,
AFTER THE GAME,

DINNER AT MAURO'S?
ON ME.

OKAY, THIS IS OFFICIALLY
THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

AND IT'S STILL EARLY,
SO GO ON, YOU TWO, SCOOT.

YOU CRAZY KIDS.
CRAZY KIDS, YEAH.

SO YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE
A CONFLICT TONIGHT, DO YOU?

WELL, THAT'S A MATTER
OF OPINION NOW, ISN'T IT?

OKAY, THIS AVERAGE DAY JUST
TURNED INTO THE BEST DAY EVER.

ABSOLUTELY, BEST DAY
IN THE WORKFORCE.

YOURS ESPECIALLY.

I WAS JUST, UH...
JUST CHECKING THE PLANTS.

THIS ONE'S GOOD.

IT'S OKAY.

THE LAST GAME I WENT TO,
I WAS, LIKE, FOUR YEARS OLD.

- IT WAS?
- I KNOW, I KNOW.

- THAT'S AWESOME.
- IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.

I HEAR FISH IS BACK.

WELL, YEAH, HOPEFULLY
I CAN GET AN AUTOGRAPH.

WAIT, YOU HAVE
THIS LITTLE PIECE OF FOAM.

SHOULD I?
I'M JUST GOING TO...

OH, ON MY NOSE?

YES.

UM, BUT, UH,
YEAH, THIS WAY.

OKAY, YEAH.
I CAN WALK?

YES.

HI, I WAS JUST CHECKING
ALL THE PLANTS AND THE...

THIS WHOLE THING
LOOKS REALLY GOOD.

SO...

CARRY ON.

I DID IT.

I REALLY DID IT.

- EVE?
- YES.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

VERNON.

HOW'D YOU GUESS?

BECAUSE NO ONE SENT ME
ROSES IN 100 YEARS.

AW, THAT'S SAD.

PITY I HAVE TO TAKE
THEM BACK.

WHAT? WHY?

WELL, THEY'RE FROM THE HEAD
OFFICE TO CONGRATULATE YOU

ON THE SUCCESSFUL
COMPLETION OF YOUR ASSIGNMENT.

WELL, THEN WHY DON'T
I GET TO KEEP THEM?

BECAUSE YOU AREN'T DONE YET.

OH, BUT YOU ARE MISTAKEN,
MY FRIEND.

COME HERE,
I GOT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

HUH? HUH?

LOOKS LIKE LOVE TO ME.
OH, IT IS.

I'VE CHECKED OUT
THEIR PAPERWORK ALREADY

AND THEY'RE A PERFECT MATCH,
CONGRATULATIONS.

SO WHY ARE YOU SAYING
I'M NOT DONE?

COME OVER HERE.

MAUREEN'S NOT HAPPY.

UH-OH.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,
THE ENGAGEMENT'S OFF.

AND, UNFORTUNATELY,
COMPANY POLICY SAYS

THAT THIS ONE CANCELS OUT
THE OTHER ONE,

SO I'M SORRY, EVE,
BUT YOU'RE BACK AT ZERO AGAIN.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

NO ONE SAID
LOVE IS FAIR.

HERE,
WHY DON'T YOU KEEP ONE?

WHY? TO REMIND ME
THAT I'M A FAILURE?

NOW, NOW.

IT'S NO TIME
TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT TWO DAYS LEFT,
LOVE'S A WAITING.

BUT, VERNON,
CAN I AT LEAST...

VERNON?

NIGHT, MISS LOVETT.

OH, GOOD NIGHT,
VINCE.

THAT'S VANCE, BUT
YOU'RE REAL CLOSE THOUGH.

OH, I'M STARTING TO REALIZE
CLOSE DOESN'T COUNT.

ROUGH DAY, HUH?

IT SHOWS?

THIS WHOLE VALENTINE'S
THING GOT YOU DOWN?

MM, HOW YOU'D KNOW?

IT HAS THAT AFFECT
ON US SINGLE PEOPLE.

YOU'RE SINGLE?

GUILTY AS CHARGED,
YEAH.

YOU, UH,
SEEING ANYONE?

NO, I ACTUALLY GAVE UP
ON THAT WHOLE DATING SCENE.

COME ON, YOU?

PLEASE, WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S A LONG STORY,
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

TRY ME.

EVE, I THOUGHT WE AGREED
YOU WERE GOING TO RUN

THIS KIND OF THING
BY ME FIRST.

THERE WASN'T TIME.

IT'S FRESH, IT'S ORIGINAL.

IT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.

TRUST ME, THERE ISN'T GOING
TO BE A DRY EYE IN THE HOUSE.

I JUST HAVE A BAD FEELING IN
THE PIT OF STOMACH ABOUT THIS.

YEAH?
ASK THE NURSE FOR SOME BROMO.

WE HAVE A SHOW TO DO.

HI THERE, WELCOME BACK
TO THE EVE LOVETT SHOW

AND WE HAVE
A VERY SPECIAL SEGMENT

FOR OUR VALENTINE'S WEEK
CALLED, "CUPID AT LARGE."

OUR GUEST TODAY IS ONE
OF OUR VERY OWN STAFF MEMBERS,

VANCE FRYMAN,
WELCOME HIM, EVERYBODY.

IS THIS A HANDSOME
GENTLEMAN OR WHAT?

CAMERA TWO PUSH IN
ON THE HUNK.

I KNOW
HOW TO PICK THEM.

SO WELCOME, VANCE, UM,
LISTEN I'M GOING JUMP RIGHT IN.

- PLEASE.
- OKAY.

YOU'RE NEARING 40 AND, UH,
YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.

UM, WHAT'S THE DEAL?

YOU GUN-SHY?

NO, ACTUALLY NOT AT ALL.
TRUTH IS I JUST HAVEN'T MET

THAT PERSON THAT I WANT TO SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.

OH, WELL, AND WHY
DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

UM, BECAUSE NONE OF THEM
WERE LAURA.

I SEE.

UH, WHY DON'T YOU LET
THE AUDIENCE KNOW WHO LAURA IS.

SURE, UM.

LAURA WAS, UH... SHE WAS
THE FIRST GIRL I EVER KISSED.

SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE.

AND WOULD YOU GO SO FAR
AS TO SAY, PERHAPS,

THAT SHE WAS YOUR ONLY LOVE
ALL THESE YEARS?

OH, YEAH, DEFINITELY,
ABSOLUTELY.

AND WHY AREN'T
THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER?

WELL, EVE,
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I'VE WANTED
NOTHING MORE THAN THAT, BUT...

SEE, LAURA AND I
WERE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS.

AND I KNEW THE MOMENT I MET HER
THAT SHE WAS MY SOUL MATE.

YOU SEEM PRETTY SURE OF THAT.

WELL, I WAS, AND I AM
STILL, EVEN TO THIS DAY.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT
FOR SOME REASON,

HER FATHER
DISAPPROVED OF ME.

SO WE, OF COURSE,
SNUCK AROUND HIM AT TIMES

SO WE COULD SEE EACH OTHER,
BUT TO NO AVAIL.

HE FINALLY JUST MOVED
THE WHOLE FAMILY OUT OF STATE.

JUST TO KEEP
THE TWO OF YOU APART.

I MEAN, I TRIED TO KEEP IN
TOUCH WITH LAURA OVER THE YEARS

BY SENDING HER LETTERS.

BUT, UH, MY LETTERS WERE ALWAYS
RETURNED, "ADDRESS UNKNOWN."

SO SAD.

YEAH, SPENT THE LAST 20 YEARS
TRYING TO FIND HER BUT...

NO LUCK?

NO, NO,
UNFORTUNATELY SHE A...

IT'S LIKE SHE
JUST DISAPPEARED.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY,
VANCE, IF I TOLD YOU THAT

WE FOUND HER?

- I'M SORRY, WHAT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR LAURA.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I AM SERIOUS.

OUR CRACK RESEARCH TEAM
HAS TRACKED HER DOWN.

YOU GOT TO BE...
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

NO, IT GETS BETTER.

SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY
THAT YOU DO.

YOU ARE THE ONE GREAT LOVE
OF HER LIFE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING.

- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS.
- WHAT?

WE HAVE BROUGHT HER
HERE TODAY.

TO GET THE TWO OF YOU
RE-UNITED.

WHAT?

- SHE'S HERE.
- SHE'S HERE?

SHE'S HERE.
KEEP THAT APPLAUSE GOING.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GIVE A WARM, EVE SHOWWELCOME

TO MISS LAURA WILSON.

HELLO, VANCE.

- WHAT?
- COME ON, ROMEO,

DON'T BE SHY,
GET OVER THERE.

NO, THAT'S NOT LAURA,
THAT'S DIDI.

THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN
STALKING ME FOR TWO YEARS NOW.

- WHAT?
- THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME,
VANCE.

ACTUALLY,
NOT LONG ENOUGH.

IS THIS TRUE?

YES, SHE'S BEEN
CHARGED TWICE

FOR IDENTITY THEFT,
HAVEN'T YOU?

THAT'S JUST BECAUSE
I NEEDED TO SEE YOU.

NO, STAY AWAY FROM ME,
DON'T COME NEAR ME.

FOLLOW ON CAMERA THREE.

TWO, STAY WITH THE PSYCHO.

YOU KNOW I HAVE
A RESTRAINING ORDER.

OH, THAT SILLY
LITTLE THING.

NO, THE POLICE,
CALL THE POLICE, RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT NOW.

OKAY, UH, LAURA, DIDI,
WHATEVER.

IF WE COULD TALK ABOUT THIS
LIKE RATIONAL ADULTS.

SECURITY.

YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER.

GET RID OF HER,
DON'T LET HER GO.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT APPEARS THAT OUR

RESEARCH TEAM HAS MADE
A TINY LITTLE MISTAKE.

SHE'S STRONGER THAN SHE LOOKS,
HOLD ON TO HER, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW I HATE
YELLOW TOO.

DON'T LET HER GO,
GET HER OUT OF MY LIFE.

EVE, EVE,
WHY'D YOU DO THIS TO ME?

WE'LL BE BACK,
RIGHT AFTER THESE MESSAGES.

RICK.

THEY TOOK THE TAPE,
FOR EVIDENCE.

HAVE TO AIR A RE-RUN.

NOT THAT THE RATINGS
COULD GET MUCH LOWER.

- OKAY, JUST SAY IT.
- SAY WHAT?

"I TOLD YOU SO."

I KNOW YOU'RE
JUST DYING TO.

YOU JUST DON'T
GET IT, DO YOU?

WHAT?

WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM.

RICK.

I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK YOU
REALLY MEAN THAT.

DON'T WORRY, WE'LL MAKE IT UP
IN THE LIVE BROADCAST.

- REALLY THINK SO?
- YEAH.

I HAVE FAITH
IN OUR HOST.

- YOU KNOW...
- AAH!

I REALLY THOUGHT
YOU HAD THAT ONE.

COULD YOU AT LEAST...
HONK OR SOMETHING?

SORRY.

AND THAT WAS
NOT MY FAULT.

MM... IN A WAY,
IT SORT OF WAS.

WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

I HAVE 24 HOURS BEFORE...
ACCORDING TO YOU...

I LOSE ANY CHANCE
I'LL EVER HAVE

AT FINDING LOVE.
PRECISELY.

SO STOP WASTING YOUR TIME
LOOKING AT THE PETALS.

YOU'RE MISSING
THE ROSE.

WHAT DOES THAT
EVEN MEAN, VERNON?

VERNON?

WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?

VERNON?

VERNON?

YOU ALL RIGHT,
CAROLYN?

OH.

OH, YEAH.

EVERYTHING'S JUST
SUNSHINE AND BUTTERCUPS.

OKAY.

AND IT'S JANICE.

EXCUSE ME?

MY NAME IS JANICE.

NOT THAT
IT REALLY MATTERS.

I'M JUST
THE RECEPTIONIST, RIGHT?

NO...
IT MATTERS.

IT MATTERS.

THANKS.

YOU WANNA TALK
ABOUT IT?

WHAT, THIS?

IT'S JUST ALLERGIES.

I'M ALLERGIC
TO BROKEN HEARTS.

WELL, WHO ISN'T?

CAN I SHOW YOU
SOMETHING?

OH.
HE'S... CUTE.

LOOK AT HIM.
AW.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

GUS.

GUS.

HE'S PROBABLY
THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.

WELL, I'D LIKE
TO MEET HIM SOMETIME.

I WISH YOU COULD,
BUT...

I HAD TO PUT HIM
TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

OH, YOU... PROBABLY THINK
THIS IS PRETTY STUPID,

ME HIDING OUT
IN HERE.

I JUST...

I COULDN'T GET
THROUGH THE DAY.

IT'S NOT STUPID.

WELL, IT'S JUST,
YOU KNOW,

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD
FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME.

LOVE DOESN'T COME ALONG
EVERY DAY, AND...

BUT WITH GUS...

JUST HAVING HIM AROUND,

HE SEEMED TO TAKE THE LONELINESS
AWAY A LITTLE BIT.

MISS LOVETT?

CALL ME EVE.

OKAY, EVE?

YES?

IF YOU EVER TELL ANYBODY
ABOUT THIS,

I'LL DECK YA.

SHH...

VANCE,
VANCE!

HOW DID YOU SEE IT?

THE POLICE
HAVE THE TAPE.

SOMEONE IN YOUR AUDIENCE
HAD A CELL PHONE CAMERA.

IT'S GONE VIRAL.

OH, NO.

OH, YES.

YOU'VE HAD
HALF A MILLION HITS.

YOU'RE AN INTERNET
SENSATION.

I DON'T FEEL
VERY SENSATIONAL.

WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?

UGH, YOU WOULDN'T
BELIEVE IT IF I TOLD YOU.

I BET I CAN GUESS.

IT'S ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY,
ISN'T IT?

- IN A WAY.
- I KNEW IT.

YOU'RE FEELING THE CLOCK
TICKING, AREN'T YOU?

WHAT?

YOU'VE COME TO A POINT
IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU REALIZE

YOU'VE CUT YOURSELF OFF
FROM LOVE.

NANCY,
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

AND YOU FEEL, IF YOU DON'T
REACH OUT AND GRAB IT,

YOU MAY NEVER HAVE
THE CHANCE AGAIN.

HEY, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.

IF YOU KNOW SO MUCH
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS,

WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?
PERSONAL CHOICE.

I'M NOT READY TO SETTLE
FOR SECOND BEST.

OH, AND YOU'RE SAYING
I SHOULD?

I'M SAYING, BECAUSE OF
A FEW BAD EXPERIENCES,

YOU HAVE LET LIFE
PASS YOU BY.

YOU NEED TO OPEN YOURSELF UP,
LET LOVE IN.

YEAH, YEAH.

HEY, NANCE,
I'VE GOT TO CALL YOU BACK.

WHAT?

BUT WE WERE JUST ABOUT
TO MAKE A BREAKTHROUGH.

UH, I'VE GOT TO GO SEE
A MAN ABOUT A DOG.

EVE? A DOG IS NOT
A REPLACEMENT FOR A MAN.

AS A RULE.

THIS IS A VERY NICE THING
YOU'RE DOING, MISS LOVETT.

PLEASE,
CALL ME EVE.

WELL, HOW ABOUT
YOU CALL ME HARVEY, THEN?

YOU GOT A DEAL,
HARVEY.

YEAH...

THE DAY
YOU LOSE A DOG

IS A BAD DAY
ANY WAY YOU LOOK AT IT.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE
NEVER GET OVER IT.

THEY GO THROUGH
THE REST OF THEIR LIVES

WITH THIS CANINE-SHAPED HOLE
IN THEM.

THAT'S WHY WHAT YOU'RE DOING
FOR THIS LADY,

TRYING TO FIND ONE
THAT FILLS THE SPACE,

SHOWS THAT YOU'RE
A VERY GOOD FRIEND TO HAVE.

OH, HARVEY, I HAVEN'T
BEEN MUCH OF A FRIEND.

THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING
TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

WELL, IT'S A GREAT PLACE
TO START.

AS MY WIFE USED TO SAY,

WE SHOULD
ALL ASPIRE TO BE

THE KINDS OF PEOPLE THAT
OUR DOGS THINK WE ARE.

YOUR WIFE'S A SMART LADY.

SHE GAVE ME MY FIRST DOG,
A MUTT NAMED TOM.

THAT LED ME
TO THIS PLACE.

AND, UH...
IT'S INTERESTING.

'CAUSE IT'S HARD
SOMETIMES.

PEOPLE CAN BE
VERY CRUEL.

BUT THEN SOMEONE LIKE YOU
COMES ALONG

AND MAKES IT
ALL WORTHWHILE.

NOW... THIS IS THE FELLA
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

HE'S NOT A PUREBRED,
AS YOU CAN SEE.

A LITTLE BIT OF THIS,
LITTLE BIT OF THAT,

BUT A WHOLE LOT
OF LOVE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HARVEY,
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

FINGERS CROSSED, HUH?

EVE, I TOLD YOU.

I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
IT'S JUST TOO SOON.

I UNDERSTAND.
JUST HUMOR ME.

IT'LL ONLY TAKE
A MINUTE, OKAY?

COME ON.

GET READY.

JANICE, I WOULD LIKE
FOR YOU TO MEET...

- HARVEY?
- Y-YOU KNOW HIM?

JAYCEE.

HARVEY MITFORD,
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

IS THAT REALLY YOU?

IN THE FLESH.

OF COURSE,
A LITTLE MORE FLESH

THAN THE LAST TIME
YOU SAW ME, BUT...

HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL
TOGETHER.

WE WERE QUITE
THE HOT ITEM,

BACK IN THE DAY,
WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH.

AS I REMEMBER,
I WASN'T YOUR ONLY HOT ITEM.

HARVEY WAS A BIT OF
A LADIES' MAN AT SCHOOL.

CAN'T BLAME THE GIRLS
FOR HAVING GOOD TASTE, HMM?

AND ONE OF THEM
GOT YOU TOO.

HOW IS ALICE?

SHE PASSED.

12 YEARS AGO.

I'M SORRY.

NO, I THANK MY LUCKY STARS
EVERY DAY

FOR HAVING KNOWN HER.

AND NOW I GET TO WORK
WITH THESE GUYS.

SO THIS IS THE LITTLE FELLA
YOU WANTED ME TO SEE?

WHAT'S HIS NAME?
UM, DOESN'T HAVE ONE.

YOU WANT TO NAME HIM?

I DON'T KNOW.

I CAN'T REPLACE GUS.

THIS WOULDN'T BE
REPLACING GUS.

THIS IS SOMETHING NEW.

BESIDES,
EVERYBODY DESERVES

A FRESH START
EVERY NOW AND THEN.

WELL, THAT WAS
CERTAINLY UNEXPECTED.

HEY.

WHAT DOES THE HEAD OFFICE
THINK OF THAT NOW, HUH?

OH, THE HEAD OFFICE
DEFINITELY APPROVES.

THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT
FOR EACH OTHER.

YES.

SO DO I GET
MY FLOWERS NOW?

- NOPE.
- WHAT?

I'M SORRY, EVE,
BUT THE RULES ARE VERY CLEAR.

YOU MUST DO
THE MATCHMAKING YOURSELF.

BUT... I BROUGHT HER HERE.

TO GET A DOG.

PLUS, THOSE TWO HAVE BEEN
IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER

SINCE THEY WERE KIDS.

LIFE JUST GOT IN THE WAY,
THAT'S ALL.

HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOU.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

I ONLY HAVE
ONE DAY LEFT.

I'M SORRY, EVE,
BUT RULES ARE RULES.

SINCE WHEN DOES LOVE
HAVE RULES?

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
ASK YOURSELF THE SAME QUESTION.

WHAT DOES THAT
EVEN MEAN?

YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO WON'T ALLOW HERSELF

TO GET CLOSE
TO ANYONE,

JUST BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN HURT
A FEW TIMES IN THE PAST.

NOW, ISN'T THAT
A RULE?

NO, THAT'S COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT.

I AM PROTECTING
MYSELF.

BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID.

LOVE ISN'T
FOR SISSIES, EVE.

OH, I HEARD THAT
THE FIRST TIME,

AND THIS IS THE LAST.

THAT'S IT, I QUIT.

NOW, EVE...

OH, DON'T "NOW, EVE" ME.

I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.

I FOUND THOSE COUPLES
AND I PUT THEM TOGETHER,

AND I BOUGHT THEM
DINNERS AND TICKETS,

AND I EVEN GOT SHOTS
FOR THAT DOG.

I THINK, AFTER ALL THAT,
I DESERVE A LITTLE LOVE.

NO ONE DESERVES LOVE,
EVE.

IT'S NOT A PRIZE.
IT'S A GIFT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T WANT EITHER ONE.

GOODBYE, VERNON.

AND IF I NEVER
SEE YOU AGAIN,

WHICH I SINCERELY HOPE
IS THE CASE,

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU,
MISS LOVETT.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

OH, GET A ROOM.

GOOD EVENING,
MISS LOVETT.

- GOOD EVENING, LOUIS.
- YOUR TABLE IS READY.

AND YOUR CHAMPAGNE
IS ON ICE.

MY CHAMPAGNE?

I DIDN'T ORDER CHAMPAGNE,
LOUIS.

NO, THE CHAMPAGNE
COMES COMPLIMENTS

OF THE LADY
AT THE BAR.

WELL, AT LEAST SOMEBODY'S
HAVING A GOOD TIME.

HEY.

HEY.

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE GONNA BE...

I DON'T WANNA BOTHER YOU.
CAN I GET A TABLE, LOUIS?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
JOIN ME.

- YOU SURE?
- PLEASE.

BESIDES, I CAN'T FINISH
THIS ENTIRE BOTTLE

OF CHAMPAGNE
BY MYSELF.

WELL...

NOT THE KIND OF OFFER
I CAN REFUSE.

YEAH, PRODUCING TELEVISION'S
PRETTY MUCH THE LAST THING

I EVER THOUGHT
I'D WIND UP DOING.

WHAT DID
YOU WANT TO DO?

PROMISE YOU WON'T LAUGH.

OH, I CAN'T PROMISE
ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

I, UH, WANT TO BE
A WRITER.

- NOT LAUGHING.
- NO, NOT YET.

A SERIOUS WRITER.
THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

LAUGH ANYTIME NOW.

THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM.
WHAT WAS THAT?

NO TALENT.

I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT.

WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE,
BUT NOT ENOUGH.

AND WHEN I REALIZED
IT WASN'T GOING TO BE GREAT,

I THOUGHT,
"WHY EVEN BOTHER?"

YOU KNOW? I MEAN,
I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CHILDISH.

IT DOESN'T SOUND CHILDISH
AT ALL.

I FELT THE SAME WAY.

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WANTED TO BE A WRITER.

WELL, NOTHING AS GRAND
AS THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL,

BUT I DID MAJOR IN JOURNALISM
IN COLLEGE,

AND, YOU KNOW,
I THOUGHT BY NOW

I WOULD HAVE
THIS VERY SERIOUS COLUMN

IN THE TIMES, YOU KNOW,
TACKLING THE IMPORTANT ISSUES

AND... HELPING PEOPLE.

I KNOW
YOU'RE NOT WRITING,

BUT ISN'T THAT KIND OF
WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW?

HARDLY.

SOMETIMES I FEEL MORE LIKE
A RINGMASTER AT A CIRCUS.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE
A VERY GOOD RINGMASTER.

WAS THAT A COMPLIMENT,
MR. DAYTON?

HEY, YOU'RE CATCHING ON.

IT WAS, YEAH.

LOOKS LIKE
WE SHUT THE PLACE DOWN.

GUESS SO.

QUIET NIGHT, HUH?

MM-HMM.

- RICK...
- EVE...

GO AHEAD.
NO, YOU GO.

I JUST WANT
TO SAY THAT, UM...

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL
TONIGHT.

COME... YOU'VE SEEN
THIS DRESS.

I WORE IT
ON THE SHOW.

I DON'T MEAN
THE DRESS.

I MEAN YOU.

THERE'S...
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE, UM... GLOWING
OR SOMETHING.

UM... MAYBE
IT'S THE LIGHTING.

EVE, IT'S NOT
THE LIGHTING.

THAT WAS DEFINITELY
A COMPLIMENT.

YES, IT WAS.

OKAY.
IT WAS.

WELL...

THANK YOU.

- IT'S A...
- UH...

I AM SO SORRY.

MY FAULT.

- I...
- MY... MY...

NO, I SHOULDN'T HAVE...

NO, NO, DON'T... DON'T...
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.

THAT WAS, UM...
REALLY INAPPROPRIATE.

VERY UNPROFESSIONAL.

UM, YEAH.

UM... OKAY.

SO I'M GONNA GO.

ME TOO.

UH, GOODNIGHT.

GOODNIGHT.

GOODNIGHT.

GOODNIGHT.

GOOD MORNING, EVE.

MORNING.

BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, SURE.

HARVEY AND I HAD
A WONDERFUL TIME LAST NIGHT.

WE SPENT THE WHOLE EVENING
CATCHING UP,

IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.

GREAT.
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

YOU AND MR. DAYTON SEEMED
TO BE ENJOYING YOURSELVES.

WHAT?

IT WAS LIKE THERE
WAS NOBODY ELSE

IN THE WHOLE RESTAURANT.

IT WAS A BUSINESS DINNER.

DIDN'T LOOK THAT WAY
TO ME.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE TO YOU.

IT WAS JUST BUSINESS.
THAT'S ALL IT WAS.

BUSINESS.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

- GOOD MORNING, EVE.
- MORNING, MISS LOVETT.

DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY MAIL TO DELIVER?

AND I WILL
TALK TO YOU LATER.

SO I WILL GET YOUR TEA
AND, UH...

ALL RIGHT, STOP...

BEFORE YOU SAY
ANYTHING ELSE,

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING
PERFECTLY CLEAR

ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO SPREAD
THIS INFORMATION AROUND.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU HEARD
FROM JANICE OR ANYONE ELSE,

MR. DAYTON AND I
ARE CO-WORKERS.

WE WERE HAVING
A CO-WORKING DINNER,

DURING WHICH TIME,
WE CO-WORKED.

IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

YEAH.

GOOD.

WHAT WERE
YOU GOING TO SAY?

YOU HAVE A GUEST.

THANK YOU.

EXCUSE ME,
LAST TIME I CHECKED,

THIS WAS MY OFFICE.

THERE SHE IS.

HEY, HI.

- HEY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, A PATIENT OF MINE
IS STARRING

IN A BIG ACTION MOVIE
OUT HERE,

AND HE HAD AN EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN
ON SET LAST NIGHT.

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

WELL, IF HE WAS ALL RIGHT,

HE WOULDN'T BE AN ACTOR,
WOULD HE?

RICK HAS BEEN
KEEPING ME COMPANY,

TELLING ME
ALL ABOUT YOUR SHOW.

HE SAYS YOU'RE DOING IT
LIVE TODAY.

THAT'S SO EXCITING.

YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE
NERVE-RACKING TOO.

AND WE ARE READY
TO REHEARSE THE SKETCH,

SO AFTER
YOU GUYS CATCH UP,

I NEED YOU TO GO
TO WARDROBE,

GET THE HARNESS ON,

AND RUN THROUGH IT
A COUPLE TIMES, OKAY?

OKAY.
BE RIGHT THERE.

OKAY. IT WAS NICE
TO MEET YOU, NANCY.

YOU KNOW,
YOU NEVER TOLD ME

YOU HAD SUCH
BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS IN NEW YORK.

OH, I LIKE THIS ONE.

KEEP TALKING.

YOU KNOW WHAT, NANCY,
IF YOU WANT,

YOU CAN JOIN EVE,
COME DOWN,

AND WATCH THE REHEARSALS.

YOU SURE
THAT'D BE OKAY?

OF COURSE.
THE MORE, THE MERRIER.

ALL RIGHT,
SEE YOU SOON.

SO... THAT'S
THE FAMOUS RICK

YOU'RE ALWAYS
TALKING ABOUT.

I AM NOT
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIM.

FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD
AROUND HERE,

YOU TWO
ARE A REAL ITEM.

THAT IS NOT TRUE
AT ALL.

THAT IS A RUMOR
SOMEBODY STARTED,

AND IT'S GOING TO STOP
RIGHT NOW, PEOPLE.

SO THERE'S NOTHING
GOING ON BETWEEN YOU?

NOTHING.
WE WORK TOGETHER.

ALL THE MORE CONVENIENT.

NANCY, WE'RE NOT INTERESTED
IN EACH OTHER.

- YOU'RE SURE ABOUT THAT?
- POSITIVE.

SO YOU HAVEN'T EVER
MADE A MOVE ON HIM.

NEVER.
NOT ONCE.

BUT COME ON,
HE'S HOT.

"HOT"?

I GUESS HE'S...

GOOD-LOOKING,
IN HIS WAY.

I WOULDN'T MIND HIM LOOKING
MY WAY WHILE HE WAS AT IT.

SAME OLD NANCY.

HEY, WHEN YOU SEE
WHAT YOU WANT,

YOU HAVE
TO GO FOR IT, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

HMM.

I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.

IT'S NEVER
GOING TO WORK.

LOOKING GOOD, RICK.

- WE SET, GUYS?
- HEY.

- HEY.
- HEY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M HOT AND
THIS THING IS REALLY TIGHT.

I... I MEANT
ABOUT US.

UM, RICK...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT...

YEAH, WE, UH... NEVER SHOULD
HAVE HAD THAT MUCH CHAMPAGNE.

NO, IT WAS
VERY UNPROFESSIONAL OF US.

DEFINITELY.
YEAH.

OKAY, GOOD.

WELL, I'M GLAD THAT
WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY.

YEAH, ME TOO.
THAT'S, UM...

SO YOU'RE...
YEAH.

WELL, CHECK THE...
JUST THAT-YEAH.

SO, UH...
WHAT'S...

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH
YOUR FRIEND NANCY THERE?

UH, W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, IS SHE SINGLE
OR...?

UH... YEAH.
SHE'S... SHE'S SINGLE.

WHY DO YOU ASK?

I WAS JUST CURIOUS.
I MEAN...

SHE SEEMS NICE.

YEAH,
SHE'S REALLY NICE.

SHE'S ONE OF
MY BEST FRIENDS.

BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
UNDER THAT GOOD GIRL FACADE,

THAT ONE OVER THERE,
SHE GOT ME IN A LOT OF TROUBLE

WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER.

LOOKING AT HER,
I CAN BELIEVE THAT.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?

WELL, SHE'S JUST GOT
THAT... WICKED GLINT IN HER EYE.

WHAT, AND I DON'T?

NO. I... I MEAN,
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.

YOU'RE... YOU'RE JUST MORE...
PRACTICAL.

YOU MEAN BORING.

NO, THAT...

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST PRETEND
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

OKAY?
OOKAY.

- TAKE HER AWAY, GUYS.
- WAIT, RICK...

OH, THERE SHE GOES.

IS IT SUPPOSED
TO DO THIS?

OKAY, UH,
I THINK THAT'S...

THAT'S GOOD.

SO, WHAT DOES
A PRODUCER DO ANYWAY?

MOSTLY KEEP PEOPLE
LIKE EVE IN LINE.

THAT MUST BE
A FULL-TIME JOB.

YEAH, AND
THE PAY'S LOUSY TOO.

HELLO?

REMEMBER ME
UP HERE?

IT'S KIND OF SCARY.

PEOPLE,
WHEN WE GO TO AIR,

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
ONE CHANCE TO GET THIS RIGHT,

SO LET'S ALL
REMEMBER THE CUE.

YOU READY?

IN THREE, TWO,

ONE...
AAH! WHOA! OH!

HEY.

RICK?
WHAT-WHAT'S WRONG?

HEY, RICK!

- IT'S, UH... IT'S JAMMED.
- OH, YOU THINK?

GUYS, GET HER DOWN.

HEY, CAN YOU DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS PLEASE?

WHOSE IDEA
WAS THIS ANYWAY?

LISTEN!

I'M A TALK SHOW HOST,
NOT A PINATA.

YOU'RE GETTING A KICK
OUT OF THIS?

TRINA!
HELP ME!

GLAD YOU GUYS THINK
THIS IS FUNNY.

THAT'S A LITTLE TOO FAST.

YEAH?

I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP?
YOU'RE READY FOR PRIME TIME.

NO.
WHAT DOES THIS THING DO?

VERNON?

VERNON.

ARE YOU IN HERE?

VERNON, COME ON.

I KNOW THAT I SAID
THAT I QUIT,

BUT I NEED ANOTHER CHANCE,

'CAUSE I THINK
I FIGURED IT OUT.

I THINK I KNOW
WHO THE COUPLE IS.

VERNON!

COME ON.

YOU SAID IT WAS
NEVER TOO LATE FOR LOVE.

HOW 'BOUT IT?

VERNON?

NEVER MIND.
YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T NEED YOU.
I'M GONNA DO THIS MYSELF.

GOT IT.

HEY, HEY, RICK.

- THAT'S ALL?
- WE'RE GOOD.

- GOT A MINUTE?
- UH, YEAH.

I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE IN MAKEUP.

I'M ON MY WAY.

HAVE YOU SEEN NANCY
ANYWHERE AROUND?

SHE WENT TO THE COMMISSARY
FOR COFFEE.

SHE'LL BE BACK
IN A WHILE.

OH, OKAY.

SHE LIKES YOU.
I CAN TELL.

I LIKE HER TOO.
SHE'S NICE.

I WAS THINKING THAT,
MAYBE TONIGHT AFTER THE SHOW,

YOU'D WANT TO GO OUT.

THE THREE OF US?
THAT'S OKAY.

YOU GUYS NEED TIME
TO CATCH UP.

OH, I WASN'T
GOING TO GO.

WHAT?

YEAH, I JUST... THOUGHT
MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU

MIGHT WANT TO GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

WHAT?

ARE YOU TRYING TO HAND ME OFF
TO YOUR FRIEND?

WH... NO, NOT EXACTLY.

IT'S JUST, YOU SEEMED
LIKE YOU WERE INTERESTED IN HER.

IN HER?

WHAT ABOUT US?

"US"?

YEAH, US.
YOU AND ME.

WELL, YOU AND NANCY
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON...

EVE...

THE ONLY THING
WE HAVE IN COMMON

IS THAT
WE BOTH LOVE YOU.

I THOUGHT
YOU FELT IT TOO...

WHAT'S BEEN
GOING ON BETWEEN US.

I THOUGHT THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT
ANYTHING TO GO ON HERE.

WELL, CLEARLY YOU DON'T.

OR YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING
TO SET ME UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

NO, NO, NO,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP YOU FIND LOVE.

- HERE.
- WHAT'S THIS FOR?

THAT'S FOR THE NEXT PERSON
YOU HIRE TO PRODUCE YOUR SHOW.

WHAT?

THIS CAN'T WORK, EVE,
NOT NOW.

RICK,
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

WE GO ON THE AIR LIVE
IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

NOT "WE."
YOU.

I QUIT.

HAVE A GOOD SHOW.

OH, EVE!

I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

- HEY.
- HEY.

I WANTED TO TELL YOU
TO BREAK A LEG,

BUT THEN I GOT
TO THINKING

MAYBE THAT WASN'T SUCH
A GOOD THING TO SAY AFTER ALL.

THANKS...
I THINK.

I WOULDN'T WORRY
TOO MUCH.

YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS
WITH RICK.

HE REALLY CARES
ABOUT YOU.

- YEAH?
- ABSOLUTELY.

YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T
INTERESTED IN HIM,

SO I USED MY BEST HAIR TOSSES
AND MY BIGGEST SMILES,

AND ALL HE COULD DO
WAS TALK ABOUT YOU.

- ME?
- MM-HMM.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, BUT...

HE'S A KEEPER.

ANYWAY...
GOOD LUCK.

I WILL BE WATCHING YOU.

- EVE, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM...
- RICK QUIT.

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE TAKING IT SO CALMLY.

WE GO ON THE AIR
IN 15 MINUTES.

WHERE ARE WE GOING
TO FIND A PRODUCER?

OKAY, EVERYONE.

WE ARE ON
THE TITANIC.

MIGHT AS WELL
ENJOY THE RIDE.

HERE WE GO.

EVERYONE,
TAKE YOUR SEATS.

THE SHOW
IS ABOUT TO START.

HEY, HEY...
OKAY.

LIVE IN TEN.

IS EVE IN POSITION?

HEY, YOU,
PRODUCER.

IS OUR HOST
IN POSITION?

UH, MISS LOVETT...
I MEAN, EVE?

ARE YOU READY?

WELL, IF BY "READY,"
YOU MEAN

"UNCOMFORTABLY HANGING
BY MY ARMPITS FROM THE CEILING,"

THEN SURE.

SHE'S READY.

IN FIVE...

WOW, THE THINGS I DO
TO MAKE A LIVING.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP HERE?

OH, I THOUGHT I WOULD
JUST KEEP YOU COMPANY.

YOU KNOW, NOBODY SHOULD BE
ALONE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

THREE, TWO...

♪

WELL, I'M STARTING TO THINK
I'M THE EXCEPTION TO THAT RULE.

HEY, WHAT AM I,
CHOPPED LIVER?

COME ON.
IF YOU REALLY BELIEVED THAT,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ME UP
ON THE OFFER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

♪

Announcer: COMING TO YOU
LIVE FROM THE STUDIO,

THE EVE LOVETT SHOW,

STARRING
EVE LOVETT.

YOUR OFFER DIDN'T
DO ME ANY GOOD.

LOOK, I STILL
ENDED UP ALONE.

DID YOU?
REALLY?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I SAID
ABOUT THE PETALS AND THE ROSE?

YEAH.

STILL TRYING
TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.

THERE'S NOTHING
TO FIGURE OUT, EVE.

YOU'VE KNOWN THE ANSWER
ALL ALONG.

THREE, TWO, ONE.

CUE THE PUPPET.

AAH!

♪

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY,
EVERYONE.

GOOD AFTERNOON AND WELCOME
TO A VERY SPECIAL LIVE BROADCAST

OF THE EVE LOVETT SHOW.

AS ALWAYS, I'M YOUR HOST,
EVE LOVETT.

AND...

UH...

AND... UH...

OH, I KNEW THIS WAS
A BAD IDEA.

WE BETTER
GO TO COMMERCIAL.

NO, WAIT.

ZOOM IN.

HEY, I CALL THE SHOTS
AROUND HERE.

AND I'M THE PRODUCER.

I KNOW THAT LOOK.

THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

ZOOM IN.

ALL ALONG,
WE HAD THIS...

REALLY TERRIFIC SHOW
PLANNED FOR YOU.

WE HAD ROSES
AND CHOCOLATES,

AND... THIS.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT
VALENTINE'S DAY IS ABOUT,

IS IT NOW?

IT'S ABOUT LOVE.

I LEARNED SOMETHING
ABOUT LOVE THIS WEEK.

THAT'S RIGHT, EVE LOVETT...
LEARNED SOMETHING.

I LEARNED THAT...

TRUE LOVE ISN'T
FOR THE FAINT AT HEART.

SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT
LOVE WASN'T FOR SISSIES.

IT TAKES COURAGE.

THERE WOULD BE BUMPS
AND BRUISES ALONG THE WAY.

AND SOMETIMES...

SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT
TO START ALL OVER AGAIN.

BUT NO MATTER
HOW TOUGH IT GETS,

OH, IT'S ALL WORTH IT.

BECAUSE LOVE MAKES US
THE BEST THAT WE CAN BE.

AND I'VE BEEN STARING AT IT
ALL ALONG.

IT WAS RIGHT
IN FRONT OF ME,

AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT.

SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I HAVE TO GO
TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING

THAT I SHOULD HAVE
A LONG TIME AGO.

WHERE IS SHE GOING?

SHE'S THE STAR OF THE SHOW.
FOLLOW HER.

EVE SEEMS TO BE
ON A MISSION.

WE'VE GOT THE MOBILE CREW
TO FOLLOW HER.

LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

Y-YES, I UNDERSTAND.

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS THE HEAD
OF NETWORK.

HE'S WATCHING THE SHOW
FROM HOME.

I KNEW THIS WAS GOING
TO BE A DISASTER.

NO, HE LOVES IT!

HE THINKS IT'S THE MOST
EXCITING THING WE'VE EVER DONE.

YES!

I... I TOLD YOU
THAT THIS WOULD WORK.

ALL RIGHT,
KEEP FOLLOWING HER.

DO NOT LET HER
OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.

SHE'S HEADED
TOWARDS RICK'S OFFICE.

WHAT?

YOU'RE STILL HERE.

EVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PLEASE, RICK,
JUST LISTEN.

GUYS,
SHUT OFF THE CAMERA.

SHUT OFF
THE MICROPHONE.

TELL THEM
IF THEY DO,

THEY'LL BOTH BE BACK
WORKING STUDIO TOURS.

SORRY, MR. DAYTON,
WE DON'T WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE.

YOU QUIT,
REMEMBER?

YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DID QUIT.

WHAT, MAKING ME FEEL LIKE
AN IDIOT ONCE WASN'T ENOUGH?

NOW YOU HAVE
TO DO IT ON TV?

NO, I'M THE ONE WHO
SHOULD FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

I HAVE BEEN RUNNING
AROUND HERE,

TRYING TO FIND
THE PERFECT COUPLE,

AND WE'VE BEEN RIGHT HERE
ALL ALONG.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, EVE?

I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I WANT.

I WANT YOU...

TO BE MY VALENTINE.

THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S KIND OF CORNY.

LITTLE CHEESY?

VERY OLD-FASHIONED, YEAH.

"OLD-FASHIONED"?

THAT'S WHY
THE PEOPLE LOVE IT.

AND THAT'S WHY
I LOVE YOU.

IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

I WOULD SAY SO.

THE FIRST OVERNIGHT RATINGS
JUST CAME IN.

AND WE BEAT
THE SINGING JUDGE...

AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

OUR NUMBERS
ARE THROUGH THE ROOF!

HEY!

TO OUR HOST.

- TO OUR PRODUCER
- AH.

WOW, WHERE'D THOSE
COME FROM?

I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA.

LOOK AT THESE.

"TO EVE AND RICK,

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

FROM ALL OF US
AT THE HEAD OFFICE"?

LONG STORY.

WELL, YOU CAN TELL IT TO ME
ON THE HONEYMOON.

MMM, THOSE CHOCOLATES.

HI, HONEY.

YUP, JUST
ON MY WAY HOME.

I HAD TO WORK
LATE TONIGHT.

WHEW, TOUGH CASE.

BUT WE FINALLY MADE IT
TO HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER

JUST IN TIME.

YES, OF COURSE I PICKED UP
THE FLOWERS AND CAKE

JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.

YES, I KNOW
WHAT DAY IT IS.

I'M CUPID,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT
OF CREDIT HERE.

COME ON, HONEY.