¿Cuánto cobra un espía? (1984) - full transcript
- I want to go to Cadaqués!
- Why!
Because that painter
with the moustache...
He drives me crazy!
I'm supposed to be the most
important man in your life.
Oh, Currito, that's so sweet.
You're jealous!
Dalí is an old man.
Besides, don't call me Currito,
my name is Juan!
Don't be silly.
- Currito is an emotional name.
- But why, Currito?
It was the first toy I owned.
A Currito that played drums.
And as you're a musician too...
Not as good as him.
Don't get angry, Currito!
You are the best!
Better than Chopin and Beethoven...
and even Julio Iglesias!
Damn!
Stop!
What's up?
We can't go to Cadaqués.
Why?
The price increase in petrol
multiplied by distance
and divided by the number of days...
with the money we have we can only
be in Cadaqués for eleven minutes.
Not much for a honeymoon...
Wait! Let's see!
Which would you prefer?
Twenty days in Albacete?
No.
Ten in Benidorm?
I don't like discotheques.
Maybe we can go to Castellón
Province for six days!
Let's see...
La Cuesta.
That's fine for newly-weds.
Wait, I am well equipped.
My Curri Curri, you think of everything.
Hotel Sol y Mar: 2,700...
Hotel Mar y Sol: 2,700...
Hotel Blue Sea... 3.600!!!
Hotel Navy Blue: 2,800...
Hotel Green Sea: 2,300...
Hotel Golden Sea: 2,100...
Hotel Sea and Hills: 2,500.
Salty Sea: 1,800, Sea Villa: 1,800.
We can afford that!
Oh, Currito... It's so exciting not
knowing where we're going.
Honeymoon and adventure.
- Don't you like it?
- Not really...
I'd love to offer
something better for you.
Niagara Falls...
Egyptian pyramids, Babylonian ruins...
Roman ruins... Hollywood ruins!
Oh, my Currito... you're so sweet.
Don't worry, we'll have time to
see some ruins when we get older.
Don't you see old people's
vans heading to these ruins?
Oh, darling, it will be great to become
older together, from ruin to ruin.
There are plenty of
ruins in this world...
In that time there will be new ones!
Maybe we can visit the
ruins of New York!
Moscow in ruins!
I don't like communist ruins at all!
Go faster! You drive me crazy!
- Let me drive the car!
- No way...
Careful! Drive slowly!
Lookout... we only
have one honeymoon!
Let me drive.
Men are such cowards!
I'm not afraid when you
are behind the wheel.
That's true...
Everyone says women are braver.
You're able to give birth.
Speaking about birth...
When will we have a child?
Let's wait, no hurry.
I must finish my 'Symphony of Silence'.
When triumph comes,
then we'll have a child.
Do you think we'll triumph with
that 'Symphony of Silence'?
Of course, I'm sure,
it's something new... Original!
- Don't go into that prohibited junction!
- Who was going in?
No one, Currita, Currita.
Let me tell you...
The symphony begins
with a hellish noise.
Every noise in nature amplified
by our times of violence,
then it calms down slowly,
and by the end it will be dead silence!
Can you imagine it?
All the instruments playing.
The trombones, drums and cymbals
but no sound!
Nothing, total silence.
Oh, yes!
It will be awesome,
you're a genius, Currito!
I expect it to be better
than your Julio Iglesias!
We've arrived! Benicàssim!
- Who's that? Moorish?
- Not it's not Moorish!
It's the place where we
will spend our honeymoon.
This must be Benicàssim!
How beautiful!
Yeah! I chose right once again!
Once again?
Yes, I've already chosen you, Currita.
Look at them!
Their car must have broken down.
Let's give them a lift.
No.
Come on, don't be horrible, stop.
They seem like nice people.
You... You town?
What town?
- Benicàssim.
- Yes, yes! Come, come!
Thank you.
You, very kind.
You too!
You, holidays?
Yes, yes, street.
Go see water on the car.
Oh, yes.
You English?
- No, no.
- You?
No, sorry for the car.
Very old. Very, very...
Very decrepit car.
No, very good, very nice.
No, good, no.
What?
No water, not a single drop!
Didn't you fill it up in Madrid?
Didn't you do it?
You very sorry, no water for the car.
Oh, yes, yes.
I told you about buying used cars...
- Wait here.
- You, you Spanish?
- Yes, yes.
- We are too.
Now that we understand each other,
I'm going to get some water.
Hey! Take this!
What for?
To fill it with water!
Come with me.
- Bye!
- We'll wait here.
We can take the car.
Watch out, Albert, here they come!
- Did they see us?
- Let's go!
We can't wait for those jerks!
OK, Carla.
- Let's hide the Butterfly here.
- Good idea!
- Look
- Here. Take it.
No one will search for
'Butterfly Two' in here.
We'll get it back soon!
Let's go!
Go!
Come on, Albert!
They've gone!
They were too fancy for our car.
What a pity.
Yes.
They seemed cool, right?
Yes.
They were so charming.
Yes.
- Be careful with the electronic devices!
- Yes, Currito, but I won't let you work!
Yes, sir?
I can buy that beautiful car.
We don't understand.
What do you mean?
I buy cars, Easter special...
Original car.
We're not selling it!
- Who do you think we are?
- Good, macho!
Wait! I offer you good business,
you're losing a great deal!
A double suite,
nice and cheap and with a sea view.
- Sea view: 1,800
- Any rooms at the back?
- 1,800 too.
- Sea view then!
- Yes, spare no expense.
- Oh, my Currito!
Don't call me Currito in public!
- Sorry, Currito.
- Single beds?
What do you think, my love?
See? I'm not calling you Currito!
One bed only.
He's like a volcano!
Currito!
Welcome, Mr Volcano.
Room 441.
- How do you know?
- I can read lips.
Really?
I've been deaf and mute, you know?
Come!
Give them to me.
No, they're valuable things.
Nice hotel, isn't it, Currito?
Don't call me Currito!
Hello.
Have you seen two love-birds
with stupid faces?
Yes, Ma'am.
- What room?
- 441.
Thank you in Prince Radetti's name.
Damn!
We've left 'Butterfly Two' with
Radetti's collaborators.
We have to get it back ASAP!
Let's look in the car!
See you later.
Albert, I think it's there!
We must act right now, Carla!
Butterfly...
Two.
- Nice, huh?
- What?
The room.
1,800, right?
Too cheap, seems a bit shady.
Why?
Everything must be worn out.
That's not a reason.
Everything's worn out in this
country, and too expensive!
We're out of season.
What's that?
Nothing, butterfly wing sounds.
Sounds like an elephant!
It's electronic distortion.
Do you like the intro of my symphony?
Don't you like it?
Of course, Currito!
It's lovely.
It's just the foundation.
I'll mix it with fly's breath.
Listen.
Magpie's squawk.
Cicada...
Six drums
and a tuba.
What's a tuba?
That fat instrument that goes:
Bruuu-bruuu-bruuu...
So nice!
Amazing.
Especially amazing!
But not as nice as your romantic
version of Carmina de Triana.
You've always liked that.
Sing it for me.
Come on! I don't know... without the
accompaniment of 20 trombones...
Do it for me...
OK...
You're a genius, Currito!
I went crazy for you
when I first listened to it!
Kiss me!
Kiss me!
I'll buy red car, nice, handy.
What do you see? It's too old!
It's all worn out.
I don't mind! I like aerodynamic
models I pay 100,000 Dinars.
100,000, you'll live like a sheik!
100,000 Dinars!
- How's Dinars' exchange rate?
- Don't know, good money.
Hey... What should we do?
Ask in the lobby?
Never mind, he's vanished again!
Foreigners are weird!
My Currito!
My Chatita.
A kiss.
Yes?
It's Albert, the hitch-hiker.
Oh, yes.
You must think we're ungrateful,
but we had to leave quickly.
Don't worry about it!
Can we meet for few minutes?
- Sure.
- We're on our way!
The hitch-hikers are coming.
What a surprise, how are you doing?
Very good...
- Take these flowers.
- How sweet!
Well, we won't bother you anymore...
You understand,
we men have impulsiveness.
Sure, I love sea dogs.
I would like to have one at home!
I feel the same about your car!
What, you want it to take home?
I love that decrepit car, I'll buy it!
But it's worthless,
it's all battered up.
That gives it some personality!
It's nice, original,
as charming as you are, sir!
I'm not selling it!
What about 600?
600? Are you nuts? It's not worth that.
600,000!
Are you crazy? With that
money you can buy a...
I want this one!
Can we talk in private for a moment?
- Sure!
- Wait a minute.
- Do you think they will buy this one?
- They're capable of anything!
- This is a swindle! I'm not having it!
- Wait a moment!
Petrol... Distance...
If we sell it we can go
to Cadaqués for 10 days!
Meet the moustache painter
and buy a better car!
I will not.
It's his own impulsiveness!
- But it's all worn out!
- Never mind, my Currito.
We're coming!
We're already there!
Who are you?
You're not the man we met before!
Before you begin listing
everyone, I am not.
I will introduce myself.
I am Countess Von Karlstein.
Carpathian Baroness.
- Those are vampires!
- Don't be rude!
It is not important.
Many morons had told me
this joke a thousand times!
May I help you?
I'm here on Prince Radetti's behalf.
We knew you were here.
You knew it?
For a long time.
You knew it even before us!
The Prince is well informed
and he would like to invite you
to his up market restaurant:
'La Belle Epoque', tonight.
But why? We don't like to bother anyone.
Don't pretend to be humble.
See you later, Carla.
Good evening, Albert.
- What did she call us?
- She said Carla.
And Albert... something isn't right.
Everyone is crazy!
They come and go, they vanish
and want to buy that old car!
We won't attend that dinner for sure!
They will come, for sure!
What if they escape?
They are smart,
they must negotiate, Prince.
You bet, nobody fools Radetti.
At your service.
It's that disgusting Moorish chef...
They are in the city.
I've seen them!
Who?
- Carla and Albert. I've seen them.
- Why have you come to tell us?
What do you want from us?
I'm OK with scams,
but no killing, no violence!
OK, Ahmed, go to the
kitchen and don't worry.
Alright!
OK.
Fire him and remove
couscous from the menu.
This must be so expensive!
- But they invited us, right?
- Yeah, but I don't see that princess.
Sir.
Table for two?
- I don't know if...
- Over here.
Look, cloth napkins, put it on!
Ham, smoked ham, salmon...
The cheapest?
Consommé is the cheapest, 200 pesetas.
But I don't want consommé,
I want to get full up.
Honeymoon's are so exhausting.
Not for you... at least up till now.
But I know what's waiting!
Let me get some mussels?
550? No!
- We're invited.
- Nothing!
What if that witch doesn't show up?
Two consommé and two green beans.
We can't afford luxuries.
Not even some stuffed squid?
900? Means one day shorter honeymoon...
Good evening.
- Have you chosen?
- Yes, yes.
Eel salad and peppered meat.
- Both of you?
- No
I'd like... chateaubriand.
2,000
Good, I will tell the Maître d',
I'll be right back.
- Shall I pick the wine?
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
Please.
Fideoise...
Sir...
Why don't you introduce me
to our charming guests?
Yes, Carla.
Albert.
- But I...
- Mr Radetti.
Excuse me.
You own this place, huh?
And the whole Splendor chain,
127 restaurants all over the country
and 50 steak houses in South America
and the ice cream shops in USA.
You must be so wealthy!
The best spaghetti is from my own home.
I love pizza.
No wonder...
Ma'am, I'll talk to you because
ladies are more refined...
Right, I'm quite spoiled!
No doubt...
To Spanish beauty.
Good!
I've invited you...
because I would like to do some business.
But she can't even fry an egg!
It's not culinary business,
it's something quick and easy.
Let's say that you have a tape
I want, inside a car I want.
This one too!
I can't figure out what
you see in that car!
Shut up!
Would you buy it for a
good amount of money?
The car...
Man, it may not be a big car,
but it's not a wreck.
In Argentina we call it the "carro".
He's so funny, right?
"Carro" is the envelope.
What I really want is 'Butterfly Two'.
'Butterfly Two'?
That's his business, I don't
get involved with his noises!
Right, sweetie?
Shall we dance, ma'am?
If your husband doesn't mind...
Oh, no, no.
Yes, great idea!
I suck at tango!
Later, Currito.
Bye!
This is so cool.
B flat...
Would you like more wine?
Yeah, sure!
You're so alone.
No, my wife is a dance freak.
She will be star jumping anytime soon.
I like Caucasian folkloric dances only.
Yeah, they're pretty fun.
Let's toast for a better understanding
between musical techniques and soul!
Cheers.
Oh, Prince!
Dance!
Another glass?
It's very pleasant!
Let's toast...
for anything you want.
Currito!
Currito!
Currito!
My Currito!
B flat.
Hey, young man. Hey, what's wrong?
Come on, liven up!
What's wrong? Come on!
Cheer up, man! Come on!
Come here
Come on.
Get up.
Stay up!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on!
Cloth napkins? Disgusting!
Here comes Carl Lewis!
- What's up?
- As if you care!
I do care, you're my wife!
Ha! One of them!
If you're taking about
the girl on the beach...
I didn't even know her.
My goodness!
If you ever get to know her
she'll be on your lap in no time!
Casanova! Landru! Travolta!
What's with Landru? He was a murderer!
That's why I'm leaving,
so not to be killed!
Evil one!
This is not a good life.
We've been here for two days
and we've had no intimacy yet!
This will only get worse!
In a month...
Everyone's crazy here,
don't be one of them!
I'm innocent.
I swear!
I love you.
Really? You aren't cheating on me?
Not now, not never!
I almost believe it!
But those murderer's eyes give you away!
My Chatita.
To another dog with that bone.
If you think I'll forget what
happened after three neckings
you're totally wrong!
OK, as you wish.
Where are you going?
To get drunk!
No! No!
Come here!
Do these popular themes excite you?
Not really.
Folk music is the opium of the people.
Poor harmony...
Monotonous...
It's for conventional ears.
If you hear it with the balalaika.
I hate balalaikas!
Besides, you didn't bring me here just...
to hear your nonsense.
What do you want?
To recommend you as a singer?
There's plenty of them!
Besides I have no influence...
in the media.
You're wrong if you believe...
I'm not wrong!
You're wrong twice now!
Why?
I'm not influential and
my name is not Albert.
Don't play games, young man.
As you wish, Albert.
You're mistaking me for another person.
- I'm leaving...
- No!
Would you like more vodka?
It's good!
I bet you like modern stuff, right?
A lot!
Those things that brutalise the masses?
They corrupt people's souls!
Well said.
What can you tell me
about 'Butterfly Two'?
Well... I... I...
It's like a daughter in
my huge sound family.
I'd love to listen to it!
When finished... part two or one...
And part 'x'?
That sounds like lottery stuff.
There's always an 'x' in these cases!
Of course, no one can
predict the results!
If so, I'd claim the lottery
millions every week!
Do you think I'm stupid?!
Well, I...
I swear I will...
Something dark moved right there.
It's just a cat, I love cats!
It had something green...
Just a cat.
Would you tell me more
about 'Butterfly Two'?
If we stay like this,
I can talk about everything.
Come on.
Does it bite?
Look over there!
It's the jerk from 441.
He'll wake up with amnesia.
- Hi, Chatita, what's up?
- What's up?
You have the nerve to ask me?
Why not, what's wrong?
What's wrong with you?
Everything.
Really? It's not bullshit?
I've been in a weird house,
with that Dracula woman.
They hit me, forced me to drink...
They were like obsessed with me.
They wanted me to talk,
but I said nothing.
Why?
Because I don't know, what can I say?
That's lipstick! Philanderer!
I'd better go jogging.
- I'll come with you.
- You and your bad habits!
Come on.
Let's... go!
Liven up!
Stop! I can't take it.
You're doing it wrong,
breathe through your nose
and exhale through your mouth.
No, man, look at me.
Now, the two of us.
Room 441, please.
- Which men do you like better?
- The Spanish ones.
- Why?
- They are fiery, warm, passionate.
Do you have 'experience'
in other countries?
No, but hell,
no one can beat Spanish men.
- Any favourite region?
- Men from Valencia.
- Why?
- Because I'm from Valencia.
- How do you sleep?
- With my memories and desires.
Any famous lovers?
Hi, man!
- Hi, ma'am.
- There he is, alive and kicking.
He was being drowned
by these giant waves!
And then, she appeared!
A mermaid for the Nuclear Age!
She took him in her arms.
- Right?
- Well...
I did mouth to mouth resuscitation.
And he came back to life.
A picture to recreate that moment.
No, please...
Don't be shy, man!
There's better light!
Let's go!
Come on.
Of course.
- Freeze, man.
- No, please.
No? Don't you want this mouth to mouth?
Miss Beach, Miss Beauty, Miss Bag.
Miss Golden Fork.
She'll cut off my balls.
You fucking scoundrel!
Mom already told me!
May I?
May I?
How dare you?
Sure, you have no more shoes to throw!
- What are you doing to my jacket?
- What am I doing?
Look at what I'm doing to it!
I have another one if you get tired.
Very funny!
What's your excuse now?
Of course you're a
saint and I'm a maniac!
You're innocent, angelic, eh?
What do you have to say?
Nothing.
Nothing? Not even an excuse or a lie?
No.
So you want me to leave?
I'll understand if you leave.
Really? Now I'm staying!
How about that?
You'll be going from orgy
to orgy if I leave you.
Our marriage hasn't even
been consummated yet!
Yes...
I can ask for a divorce
as nothing happened...
Sure.
Yes... you're screwed, Currito!
We'll do it right now!
Finally!
Would you close the curtains? I'm shy.
Men are so shy!
Hello.
Was that your ugly red car?
What is it?
It has been stolen.
Currito, we've been robbed!
What?
Let's go.
It's true!
We've been robbed!
I will discover...
who did it!
And we'll take our revenge!
I'll be relentless.
What a misfortune, Currito
I even liked that old car.
Don't worry, I'll buy another one.
- When?
- When I'm successful!
You didn't tidy this much, huh?
What are you doing under my bed?
And what are you doing above your bed?
Peeping Tom!
Aren't you ashamed?
It's an old vice.
Poor you...
I used to get under my cradle
to see adults do filthy things.
I even went to the doctor.
Any results?
Yes! I got even more addicted!
The Prince can't know about it,
he'd kill me with his gaucho weapon.
Will you forgive me?
We will do only if you
beat it in five seconds!
Come here, Chatita.
My Currito!
Hello...
Your car is back.
How? By it's own?
Don't ask me, I stay away
from our customers affairs.
It's back!
Look at it.
Nothing like finding a beloved one.
Yes. Right.
Cool, freeze.
You're gorgeous.
Here...
The stairs.
Freeze.
To the palms.
Let's go.
Come.
- Lean on there.
- Cool, fantastic.
Fine! Let's go to the palms.
Come on, sexy!
Watch out, your bikini, very good.
Fantastic... again... yes, more.
Hi, man... Man! What's up?
Fine, Ma'am.
You're so charming!
Take some pictures of me
with the jerk I saved.
Cool, great idea! Come here.
Come on.
How do I pose?
- Like this?
- Yes.
Fainted, yes.
- I'm falling.
- Don't.
Perfect!
A step backwards.
Yes.
Hold him in your arms.
Hold him.
I'll be on the front pages!
The wretch and his fairy.
You're doing good, man.
Come on.
Less joyful.
The son of the devil!
Mom warned me about his satyr's face!
Come on.
In agony.
Agonise a little more.
Awesome, yes!
Yes. One more shot. Yes.
Agonising!
Die better! In a panic!
More moribund!
In agony!
Why does Levante's most
beautiful flower sit all alone?
But I'm from Oviedo!
You're all alone. I'll join you.
You were alone.
There's always a gentleman ready
to comfort the bitterness of life.
Come on. More discouraged!
You're so charming, Prince.
Men like you have been endangered
for almost forty years.
Are you calling me old?
On the floor!
Dying, in agony, die, man!
Easy, relax.
No, I'm calling you a romantic.
If only I'd found you
a little back in time.
An old proverb in Pampas says:
It's never too late if the joy is great.
Come to my studio to
talk about other issues.
Other issues? What are they?
Come on. Die at once, dude! Die!
One more!
Leave me alone!
What happened?
I'm interested in butterflies,
do you understand?
You've never been slapped?
No!
I'm afraid you won't be slapped
today, nice handkerchief.
Good bye for ever!
My Currito!
Forget that jerk.
My Cu-Cu-Currito.
My hero.
My strong man!
Does your back hurt, Currito?
So bad...
That swimming pool sure
has some heavy water.
Currito, you're not supposed
to dive into the water.
Not with your back!
I was desperate, I had to.
And you, little pig,
with that so called madam?
I don't like her, too big for me.
Yeah, you satyr.
I'm a good boy.
Stop will you, please.
I'm embarrassed.
Kitty will eat you...
I'm looking for food...
Shut up!
- No one, we can go in!
- Come on.
The ones from the yacht!
Here it is.
But 'Butterfly Two'... has vanished.
Damn! I'm sure they gave it to Radetti!
Let's go!
Currito, I'm afraid.
What the hell do they want?
Never mind, they surely
came in to the wrong room.
With a flash light, huh?
Look at all this.
Currito... we'll fix it later...
When later?
Sure, after we...
you know, Currito can't
stand it any more!
She's about to explode.
Can't you wait a while?
We must clean this up.
Come on, yes!
You women only think about that.
Yes? We've been on our
honeymoon for two days
and I haven't even tasted it!
It's not my fault!
No, it must be my aunt's fault!
Cut the crap, you're all whiners!
Have you tried with many?
Yes?
We must talk about an important issue.
You've called just at the right time.
I'll come downstairs right now.
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Seeing as I have so many men,
I will meet another man on my list!
Currito, don't leave.
Baby.
Thanks baby, for accepting my invite.
I'm happy to, you called
just at the right moment.
Where are you taking me?
Around the world, if you wish.
A little too far, huh?
We can go into the world of
illusions, hope and frenzy.
You talk so nice,
such beautiful things...
Sure, baby!
In Argentina we speak a
richer Spanish than you do.
This is my humble mansion,
achieved with titanic efforts.
It's really nice to be a humble one!
- Want a drink?
- I don't drink.
I have an excellent vodka.
Sit in this rocking chair,
made with bamboo from El Chaco.
This is vodka from the Rio de la Plata,
it's better than the Russian stuff!
Tell me something...
You said you had important
issues to talk about.
I do, but I have too
many ideas in my brain,
they are like wild horses.
Your eyes are like bright
stars in the Pampa night.
Your mouth is an orchid from Paraná.
You can escape from your
bourgeois home with me
to travel the world like
two happy vagrants.
But I will only ask for...
the 'Butterfly Two' tape
and I will open a Piñata
full of happiness!
Sounds tempting, Radetti.
Call me Albino!
- Albino?
- Albino is my name.
What's your answer?
Look, Albino, this is all very inviting
but my husband's tapes are sacred to me!
You know them very well.
Sure, he plays them so loudly!
I hope some day 'Butterfly Two'
messages will come to my ears...
Speak for yourself.
Shall we dance?
Oh, yes!
Tell me how the tape begins.
Right in my ear...
He's escaped again!
Where have you come from?
- And you?
- I was already here!
Liar... You've been
playing with my innocence!
With my purest feelings.
You've accused me and the
guilty one here is you!
You wanted to cheat on me with
that moustachioed painter!
And since you weren't able to...
you settle for that Argentinian prince!
And with the one from the yacht!
And God only knows how many more!
Are you jealous?
Of course I am!
You look so sweet when you're angry!
Why don't we get down to our business
and forget these senseless fights?
You haven't answered me yet!
I'll answer as you deserve, Currito!
You're so hot!
Gimme a second, I'll get comfortable.
I'll turn the lights off,
you know how shy I am.
Quiet! Quiet!
Currito?
Currito?
Currito?
He escaped again!
Would you like to die in an awful way...
or are you coming in peace
with your dumb ass wife?
I'm always with my dumb ass... sorry!
With my lovely wife!
Would you like to see me
with my jugular bleeding
the blood coming out my throat?
Or my caresses, smiles and bitings?
If you don't bite too hard,
I prefer the last one!
You and I will live those terrors
and much more!
Do me a little favour?
If it's a little one, just say.
You already know, right?
No idea.
Don't play the innocent!
You know I'm talking
about 'Butterfly Two'!
My noisy tape?
Of course!
So are you one of my rivals?
I knew my sounds would rock the world!
Who do you work for?
His Master's Voice?
Columbia, perhaps?
We'll get killed, don't fool around!
Give me that tape, do it!
I'll make a 5mm dub.
And everything will be fine again.
We have a couple of hours.
That's fast! OK. Whatever you say.
But I've been working on
this project for years!
I'll give you whatever you want!
Money, prizes, a hot night of love...
How much money?
Two, three...
- Three what?
- Million!
I'm going for that tape!
Is that you, you scoundrel?
Everything's OK, we are rich now!
I have the tape.
Make an appointment with Radetti
and tell me the secret code...
What?
Dwarves get angry at birds?
I'm on my way!
Help! I'm getting raped!
Don't flatter yourself! Wrong room!
I'm here! You?
But you weren't yourself back then!
I've been always myself!
The Countess comrade!
Wrong room then, sorry!
No, no, you're not wrong.
We must talk.
Really? What about?
About this...
You know about my tapes too?
'Butterfly Two'!
I have even more!
I'm only interested in this one!
Wow, what mania!
How much are you going to pay for it?
A huge Slavic kiss!
Slavic women kiss the best!
Hey, Ma'am!
- Where are you going?
- To my mother's home!
- You can't do this to me!
- No?
Let me carry the baggage at least!
What are you doing?
You get crazier by the day!
Crazy? Look!
Your lover's souvenir!
What souvenir? 'Butterfly Two'!
What are you doing here?
Don't interfere in my business!
What's that?
- You'll soon know. Run!
- No, I don't want to!
We're not selling the car!
What a pain in the ass!
We're not selling, man!
What's he saying?
We don't speak Arabic.
- Is he dead for real?
- I think he is.
Horrible things happen here, Currito.
I know! Quick!
Stop.
Now you can go.
Go to the sierra.
Which way is it?
I don't know!
Over there!
What if I don't wanna go?
I'll drive then.
What are we going to do there?
Shut up!
This tape sounds like a code.
What's that?
Like a microfilm...
with sound.
Sounds like a simple whistle but
if you find the right modulation...
That whistle becomes a message.
It sounds like a vulgar tape.
Understand?
No.
The ones from the yacht
left the message in our car
to prevent it getting
into enemy's hands.
Do you think those guys are spies?
They are!
And the enemy? Who's the enemy?
You'll see.
Everybody wants to be our friend,
or buy the car to get this message!
What does this message say?
Attention, Attention. Agent D here.
I'm about to die.
If my voice weakens...
I've found the million dollar formula...
called 'Butterfly Two'.
Like great mysteries...
a simple answer...
About 10 kilometres from
Benicàssim, in the sierra...
the ruins of an old
Trinitarian convent remain.
They all died, poisoned by the Muslims.
They discovered Butterfly
Two in lettuces!
They got contaminated
by a strange butterfly
which they called 'Butterfly Two'.
The Muslims took advantage
inviting poor friars...
to eat this tasty...
salad...
then they died instantly!
The virus remains there.
Only 2mg is enough to poison
the whole of the west!
Everyone will suffer from...
super diarrhoea!
With deadly effects!
I know because I tried some herbs...
and now... and now...
I'm shitting to death!
Farewell, friends!
It's terrible!
I don't want to die of diarrhoea!
I don't want to be a hero! I don't
want to go to the ruins, I'm scared!
Me too!
- Carry on driving!
- No!
This is none our business!
This whole story.
Let's go!
- Drive!
- You're a spy too!!!
Drive!
Mom told be you were miserable!
- Miserable!
- Drive!
You... thief!
Murderer!
I'm ashamed! Very ashamed.
Look at you!
A rascal!
Aren't you ashamed?
Pointing at me,
pointing at me with a gun?!
You can shove it wherever I tell you!
Go fuck yourself, thief!
I'll leave...
Try to escape.
Bastard!
Stop, please stop!
It's them! Stop, please!
Bastard!
- The ones from the yacht!
- Albanians.
Radetti will take care of them!
You like him, right?
We must get there before Radetti!
Don't worry, someone will pick us up!
No one's coming.
No? There's a car!
I bet it will stop.
Hi, could you give us a ride?
To hell, if you wish...
Radetti!
Immature spies! What a shame.
Stop!
Get out of the car!
Currito...
Why did you bring me here?
- Are you going to kill me?
- I'll think about that.
Currito, no. I love you so much...
Don't kill me! Please!
Go on.
What's all this about?
Shut up.
Here, quickly!
Currito...
I'm so scared!
Shut up!
You're evil!
Why didn't you tell me you're a spy?
We're not allowed to!
Not even our fathers can know about it!
But I'm not your father!
You don't trust me!
Besides, I'm not a spy,
I'm from Interpol.
Interpol! That's sweet, Currito...
Shut up!
We'll wait here.
It's... it's the Argentinian!
My fiancée.
Dwarves get angry at birds!
What are you saying?
It's the secret code.
You're not going to tell me that he
and Lady Dracula are spies too?!
They are... Radetti being
one of the most dangerous.
Dwarves get angry at birds!
Dwarves get angry at birds.
Radetti!
Radetti!
Good day, Radetti!
I was the one who called you here.
Life can be surprising!
I never thought you were a double agent.
And you never realised
I worked for Uncle Sam.
Wow, no one knew.
Last time I saw you,
you worked for the Czechs.
People don't know me.
So... you work for the Americans!
We work, comrade.
But that stupid musician laughed at us!
And took 'Butterfly Two' with him!
Aren't you cheating again, Marga?
No, I swear.
She has the micro tape, I'm sure of it.
Enough of useless accusations!
Your time has come!
You think you're strong, huh?
Well, you're not!
I bet you want to know
who I am loyal to.
To the Americans, just like me, Marga.
Irina!
Good bye, dear Pampa!
Do something!
Let them kill each other!
Freeze, Irina!
Freeze!
Watch out, Currito.
Don't trust that bitch!
You will not take me alive!
Don't move, Irina!
One more step...
and I'll swallow it!
What the...
Currito... Currito, where are you?
Currito!
Ana?
Anita, my Anita!
Be careful with the gun.
I will eat you!
Sometimes life is good.
If it wasn't before it's all your fault.
I was busy with my secret activities.
You can't do two things at once!
So... when you placed your
finger on the map and said:
"Let's go to Benicàssim!"
You already knew about
your secret activities!
Well, yes.
You might even have married
me to be undercover!
It's true.
What? You admit it!
You're that awful as to admit it?
I'm honest.
So...
Everything between us is a lie.
Almost.
When you asked my mother
about our marriage?
Advice from Interpol.
And when we met at that bar?
I was running away from
two KGB heavies...
So, when you spilled Coca
Cola over me and said...
"Forgive me, baby."
That was true!
I really did spill the Coca Cola.
What will we do with our lives now?
- Get divorced, right?
- No, no way!
This disguise has worked,
we must continue.
Now...
We have to have another
honeymoon in Tenerife.
Tenerife? That's so nice!
Besides, there's another truth.
I love you.
You mean it, or is it
just another trick?
Well, both.
Are you happy now?
I don't know...
It's exciting to have
a husband as a spy!
Being honeymooners forever...
I love you anyway
even if no one likes your
'Symphony of Silence'.
By the way...
How much does a spy earn?
Subtitles by martn and
suckmysound
- Why!
Because that painter
with the moustache...
He drives me crazy!
I'm supposed to be the most
important man in your life.
Oh, Currito, that's so sweet.
You're jealous!
Dalí is an old man.
Besides, don't call me Currito,
my name is Juan!
Don't be silly.
- Currito is an emotional name.
- But why, Currito?
It was the first toy I owned.
A Currito that played drums.
And as you're a musician too...
Not as good as him.
Don't get angry, Currito!
You are the best!
Better than Chopin and Beethoven...
and even Julio Iglesias!
Damn!
Stop!
What's up?
We can't go to Cadaqués.
Why?
The price increase in petrol
multiplied by distance
and divided by the number of days...
with the money we have we can only
be in Cadaqués for eleven minutes.
Not much for a honeymoon...
Wait! Let's see!
Which would you prefer?
Twenty days in Albacete?
No.
Ten in Benidorm?
I don't like discotheques.
Maybe we can go to Castellón
Province for six days!
Let's see...
La Cuesta.
That's fine for newly-weds.
Wait, I am well equipped.
My Curri Curri, you think of everything.
Hotel Sol y Mar: 2,700...
Hotel Mar y Sol: 2,700...
Hotel Blue Sea... 3.600!!!
Hotel Navy Blue: 2,800...
Hotel Green Sea: 2,300...
Hotel Golden Sea: 2,100...
Hotel Sea and Hills: 2,500.
Salty Sea: 1,800, Sea Villa: 1,800.
We can afford that!
Oh, Currito... It's so exciting not
knowing where we're going.
Honeymoon and adventure.
- Don't you like it?
- Not really...
I'd love to offer
something better for you.
Niagara Falls...
Egyptian pyramids, Babylonian ruins...
Roman ruins... Hollywood ruins!
Oh, my Currito... you're so sweet.
Don't worry, we'll have time to
see some ruins when we get older.
Don't you see old people's
vans heading to these ruins?
Oh, darling, it will be great to become
older together, from ruin to ruin.
There are plenty of
ruins in this world...
In that time there will be new ones!
Maybe we can visit the
ruins of New York!
Moscow in ruins!
I don't like communist ruins at all!
Go faster! You drive me crazy!
- Let me drive the car!
- No way...
Careful! Drive slowly!
Lookout... we only
have one honeymoon!
Let me drive.
Men are such cowards!
I'm not afraid when you
are behind the wheel.
That's true...
Everyone says women are braver.
You're able to give birth.
Speaking about birth...
When will we have a child?
Let's wait, no hurry.
I must finish my 'Symphony of Silence'.
When triumph comes,
then we'll have a child.
Do you think we'll triumph with
that 'Symphony of Silence'?
Of course, I'm sure,
it's something new... Original!
- Don't go into that prohibited junction!
- Who was going in?
No one, Currita, Currita.
Let me tell you...
The symphony begins
with a hellish noise.
Every noise in nature amplified
by our times of violence,
then it calms down slowly,
and by the end it will be dead silence!
Can you imagine it?
All the instruments playing.
The trombones, drums and cymbals
but no sound!
Nothing, total silence.
Oh, yes!
It will be awesome,
you're a genius, Currito!
I expect it to be better
than your Julio Iglesias!
We've arrived! Benicàssim!
- Who's that? Moorish?
- Not it's not Moorish!
It's the place where we
will spend our honeymoon.
This must be Benicàssim!
How beautiful!
Yeah! I chose right once again!
Once again?
Yes, I've already chosen you, Currita.
Look at them!
Their car must have broken down.
Let's give them a lift.
No.
Come on, don't be horrible, stop.
They seem like nice people.
You... You town?
What town?
- Benicàssim.
- Yes, yes! Come, come!
Thank you.
You, very kind.
You too!
You, holidays?
Yes, yes, street.
Go see water on the car.
Oh, yes.
You English?
- No, no.
- You?
No, sorry for the car.
Very old. Very, very...
Very decrepit car.
No, very good, very nice.
No, good, no.
What?
No water, not a single drop!
Didn't you fill it up in Madrid?
Didn't you do it?
You very sorry, no water for the car.
Oh, yes, yes.
I told you about buying used cars...
- Wait here.
- You, you Spanish?
- Yes, yes.
- We are too.
Now that we understand each other,
I'm going to get some water.
Hey! Take this!
What for?
To fill it with water!
Come with me.
- Bye!
- We'll wait here.
We can take the car.
Watch out, Albert, here they come!
- Did they see us?
- Let's go!
We can't wait for those jerks!
OK, Carla.
- Let's hide the Butterfly here.
- Good idea!
- Look
- Here. Take it.
No one will search for
'Butterfly Two' in here.
We'll get it back soon!
Let's go!
Go!
Come on, Albert!
They've gone!
They were too fancy for our car.
What a pity.
Yes.
They seemed cool, right?
Yes.
They were so charming.
Yes.
- Be careful with the electronic devices!
- Yes, Currito, but I won't let you work!
Yes, sir?
I can buy that beautiful car.
We don't understand.
What do you mean?
I buy cars, Easter special...
Original car.
We're not selling it!
- Who do you think we are?
- Good, macho!
Wait! I offer you good business,
you're losing a great deal!
A double suite,
nice and cheap and with a sea view.
- Sea view: 1,800
- Any rooms at the back?
- 1,800 too.
- Sea view then!
- Yes, spare no expense.
- Oh, my Currito!
Don't call me Currito in public!
- Sorry, Currito.
- Single beds?
What do you think, my love?
See? I'm not calling you Currito!
One bed only.
He's like a volcano!
Currito!
Welcome, Mr Volcano.
Room 441.
- How do you know?
- I can read lips.
Really?
I've been deaf and mute, you know?
Come!
Give them to me.
No, they're valuable things.
Nice hotel, isn't it, Currito?
Don't call me Currito!
Hello.
Have you seen two love-birds
with stupid faces?
Yes, Ma'am.
- What room?
- 441.
Thank you in Prince Radetti's name.
Damn!
We've left 'Butterfly Two' with
Radetti's collaborators.
We have to get it back ASAP!
Let's look in the car!
See you later.
Albert, I think it's there!
We must act right now, Carla!
Butterfly...
Two.
- Nice, huh?
- What?
The room.
1,800, right?
Too cheap, seems a bit shady.
Why?
Everything must be worn out.
That's not a reason.
Everything's worn out in this
country, and too expensive!
We're out of season.
What's that?
Nothing, butterfly wing sounds.
Sounds like an elephant!
It's electronic distortion.
Do you like the intro of my symphony?
Don't you like it?
Of course, Currito!
It's lovely.
It's just the foundation.
I'll mix it with fly's breath.
Listen.
Magpie's squawk.
Cicada...
Six drums
and a tuba.
What's a tuba?
That fat instrument that goes:
Bruuu-bruuu-bruuu...
So nice!
Amazing.
Especially amazing!
But not as nice as your romantic
version of Carmina de Triana.
You've always liked that.
Sing it for me.
Come on! I don't know... without the
accompaniment of 20 trombones...
Do it for me...
OK...
You're a genius, Currito!
I went crazy for you
when I first listened to it!
Kiss me!
Kiss me!
I'll buy red car, nice, handy.
What do you see? It's too old!
It's all worn out.
I don't mind! I like aerodynamic
models I pay 100,000 Dinars.
100,000, you'll live like a sheik!
100,000 Dinars!
- How's Dinars' exchange rate?
- Don't know, good money.
Hey... What should we do?
Ask in the lobby?
Never mind, he's vanished again!
Foreigners are weird!
My Currito!
My Chatita.
A kiss.
Yes?
It's Albert, the hitch-hiker.
Oh, yes.
You must think we're ungrateful,
but we had to leave quickly.
Don't worry about it!
Can we meet for few minutes?
- Sure.
- We're on our way!
The hitch-hikers are coming.
What a surprise, how are you doing?
Very good...
- Take these flowers.
- How sweet!
Well, we won't bother you anymore...
You understand,
we men have impulsiveness.
Sure, I love sea dogs.
I would like to have one at home!
I feel the same about your car!
What, you want it to take home?
I love that decrepit car, I'll buy it!
But it's worthless,
it's all battered up.
That gives it some personality!
It's nice, original,
as charming as you are, sir!
I'm not selling it!
What about 600?
600? Are you nuts? It's not worth that.
600,000!
Are you crazy? With that
money you can buy a...
I want this one!
Can we talk in private for a moment?
- Sure!
- Wait a minute.
- Do you think they will buy this one?
- They're capable of anything!
- This is a swindle! I'm not having it!
- Wait a moment!
Petrol... Distance...
If we sell it we can go
to Cadaqués for 10 days!
Meet the moustache painter
and buy a better car!
I will not.
It's his own impulsiveness!
- But it's all worn out!
- Never mind, my Currito.
We're coming!
We're already there!
Who are you?
You're not the man we met before!
Before you begin listing
everyone, I am not.
I will introduce myself.
I am Countess Von Karlstein.
Carpathian Baroness.
- Those are vampires!
- Don't be rude!
It is not important.
Many morons had told me
this joke a thousand times!
May I help you?
I'm here on Prince Radetti's behalf.
We knew you were here.
You knew it?
For a long time.
You knew it even before us!
The Prince is well informed
and he would like to invite you
to his up market restaurant:
'La Belle Epoque', tonight.
But why? We don't like to bother anyone.
Don't pretend to be humble.
See you later, Carla.
Good evening, Albert.
- What did she call us?
- She said Carla.
And Albert... something isn't right.
Everyone is crazy!
They come and go, they vanish
and want to buy that old car!
We won't attend that dinner for sure!
They will come, for sure!
What if they escape?
They are smart,
they must negotiate, Prince.
You bet, nobody fools Radetti.
At your service.
It's that disgusting Moorish chef...
They are in the city.
I've seen them!
Who?
- Carla and Albert. I've seen them.
- Why have you come to tell us?
What do you want from us?
I'm OK with scams,
but no killing, no violence!
OK, Ahmed, go to the
kitchen and don't worry.
Alright!
OK.
Fire him and remove
couscous from the menu.
This must be so expensive!
- But they invited us, right?
- Yeah, but I don't see that princess.
Sir.
Table for two?
- I don't know if...
- Over here.
Look, cloth napkins, put it on!
Ham, smoked ham, salmon...
The cheapest?
Consommé is the cheapest, 200 pesetas.
But I don't want consommé,
I want to get full up.
Honeymoon's are so exhausting.
Not for you... at least up till now.
But I know what's waiting!
Let me get some mussels?
550? No!
- We're invited.
- Nothing!
What if that witch doesn't show up?
Two consommé and two green beans.
We can't afford luxuries.
Not even some stuffed squid?
900? Means one day shorter honeymoon...
Good evening.
- Have you chosen?
- Yes, yes.
Eel salad and peppered meat.
- Both of you?
- No
I'd like... chateaubriand.
2,000
Good, I will tell the Maître d',
I'll be right back.
- Shall I pick the wine?
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
Please.
Fideoise...
Sir...
Why don't you introduce me
to our charming guests?
Yes, Carla.
Albert.
- But I...
- Mr Radetti.
Excuse me.
You own this place, huh?
And the whole Splendor chain,
127 restaurants all over the country
and 50 steak houses in South America
and the ice cream shops in USA.
You must be so wealthy!
The best spaghetti is from my own home.
I love pizza.
No wonder...
Ma'am, I'll talk to you because
ladies are more refined...
Right, I'm quite spoiled!
No doubt...
To Spanish beauty.
Good!
I've invited you...
because I would like to do some business.
But she can't even fry an egg!
It's not culinary business,
it's something quick and easy.
Let's say that you have a tape
I want, inside a car I want.
This one too!
I can't figure out what
you see in that car!
Shut up!
Would you buy it for a
good amount of money?
The car...
Man, it may not be a big car,
but it's not a wreck.
In Argentina we call it the "carro".
He's so funny, right?
"Carro" is the envelope.
What I really want is 'Butterfly Two'.
'Butterfly Two'?
That's his business, I don't
get involved with his noises!
Right, sweetie?
Shall we dance, ma'am?
If your husband doesn't mind...
Oh, no, no.
Yes, great idea!
I suck at tango!
Later, Currito.
Bye!
This is so cool.
B flat...
Would you like more wine?
Yeah, sure!
You're so alone.
No, my wife is a dance freak.
She will be star jumping anytime soon.
I like Caucasian folkloric dances only.
Yeah, they're pretty fun.
Let's toast for a better understanding
between musical techniques and soul!
Cheers.
Oh, Prince!
Dance!
Another glass?
It's very pleasant!
Let's toast...
for anything you want.
Currito!
Currito!
Currito!
My Currito!
B flat.
Hey, young man. Hey, what's wrong?
Come on, liven up!
What's wrong? Come on!
Cheer up, man! Come on!
Come here
Come on.
Get up.
Stay up!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on!
Cloth napkins? Disgusting!
Here comes Carl Lewis!
- What's up?
- As if you care!
I do care, you're my wife!
Ha! One of them!
If you're taking about
the girl on the beach...
I didn't even know her.
My goodness!
If you ever get to know her
she'll be on your lap in no time!
Casanova! Landru! Travolta!
What's with Landru? He was a murderer!
That's why I'm leaving,
so not to be killed!
Evil one!
This is not a good life.
We've been here for two days
and we've had no intimacy yet!
This will only get worse!
In a month...
Everyone's crazy here,
don't be one of them!
I'm innocent.
I swear!
I love you.
Really? You aren't cheating on me?
Not now, not never!
I almost believe it!
But those murderer's eyes give you away!
My Chatita.
To another dog with that bone.
If you think I'll forget what
happened after three neckings
you're totally wrong!
OK, as you wish.
Where are you going?
To get drunk!
No! No!
Come here!
Do these popular themes excite you?
Not really.
Folk music is the opium of the people.
Poor harmony...
Monotonous...
It's for conventional ears.
If you hear it with the balalaika.
I hate balalaikas!
Besides, you didn't bring me here just...
to hear your nonsense.
What do you want?
To recommend you as a singer?
There's plenty of them!
Besides I have no influence...
in the media.
You're wrong if you believe...
I'm not wrong!
You're wrong twice now!
Why?
I'm not influential and
my name is not Albert.
Don't play games, young man.
As you wish, Albert.
You're mistaking me for another person.
- I'm leaving...
- No!
Would you like more vodka?
It's good!
I bet you like modern stuff, right?
A lot!
Those things that brutalise the masses?
They corrupt people's souls!
Well said.
What can you tell me
about 'Butterfly Two'?
Well... I... I...
It's like a daughter in
my huge sound family.
I'd love to listen to it!
When finished... part two or one...
And part 'x'?
That sounds like lottery stuff.
There's always an 'x' in these cases!
Of course, no one can
predict the results!
If so, I'd claim the lottery
millions every week!
Do you think I'm stupid?!
Well, I...
I swear I will...
Something dark moved right there.
It's just a cat, I love cats!
It had something green...
Just a cat.
Would you tell me more
about 'Butterfly Two'?
If we stay like this,
I can talk about everything.
Come on.
Does it bite?
Look over there!
It's the jerk from 441.
He'll wake up with amnesia.
- Hi, Chatita, what's up?
- What's up?
You have the nerve to ask me?
Why not, what's wrong?
What's wrong with you?
Everything.
Really? It's not bullshit?
I've been in a weird house,
with that Dracula woman.
They hit me, forced me to drink...
They were like obsessed with me.
They wanted me to talk,
but I said nothing.
Why?
Because I don't know, what can I say?
That's lipstick! Philanderer!
I'd better go jogging.
- I'll come with you.
- You and your bad habits!
Come on.
Let's... go!
Liven up!
Stop! I can't take it.
You're doing it wrong,
breathe through your nose
and exhale through your mouth.
No, man, look at me.
Now, the two of us.
Room 441, please.
- Which men do you like better?
- The Spanish ones.
- Why?
- They are fiery, warm, passionate.
Do you have 'experience'
in other countries?
No, but hell,
no one can beat Spanish men.
- Any favourite region?
- Men from Valencia.
- Why?
- Because I'm from Valencia.
- How do you sleep?
- With my memories and desires.
Any famous lovers?
Hi, man!
- Hi, ma'am.
- There he is, alive and kicking.
He was being drowned
by these giant waves!
And then, she appeared!
A mermaid for the Nuclear Age!
She took him in her arms.
- Right?
- Well...
I did mouth to mouth resuscitation.
And he came back to life.
A picture to recreate that moment.
No, please...
Don't be shy, man!
There's better light!
Let's go!
Come on.
Of course.
- Freeze, man.
- No, please.
No? Don't you want this mouth to mouth?
Miss Beach, Miss Beauty, Miss Bag.
Miss Golden Fork.
She'll cut off my balls.
You fucking scoundrel!
Mom already told me!
May I?
May I?
How dare you?
Sure, you have no more shoes to throw!
- What are you doing to my jacket?
- What am I doing?
Look at what I'm doing to it!
I have another one if you get tired.
Very funny!
What's your excuse now?
Of course you're a
saint and I'm a maniac!
You're innocent, angelic, eh?
What do you have to say?
Nothing.
Nothing? Not even an excuse or a lie?
No.
So you want me to leave?
I'll understand if you leave.
Really? Now I'm staying!
How about that?
You'll be going from orgy
to orgy if I leave you.
Our marriage hasn't even
been consummated yet!
Yes...
I can ask for a divorce
as nothing happened...
Sure.
Yes... you're screwed, Currito!
We'll do it right now!
Finally!
Would you close the curtains? I'm shy.
Men are so shy!
Hello.
Was that your ugly red car?
What is it?
It has been stolen.
Currito, we've been robbed!
What?
Let's go.
It's true!
We've been robbed!
I will discover...
who did it!
And we'll take our revenge!
I'll be relentless.
What a misfortune, Currito
I even liked that old car.
Don't worry, I'll buy another one.
- When?
- When I'm successful!
You didn't tidy this much, huh?
What are you doing under my bed?
And what are you doing above your bed?
Peeping Tom!
Aren't you ashamed?
It's an old vice.
Poor you...
I used to get under my cradle
to see adults do filthy things.
I even went to the doctor.
Any results?
Yes! I got even more addicted!
The Prince can't know about it,
he'd kill me with his gaucho weapon.
Will you forgive me?
We will do only if you
beat it in five seconds!
Come here, Chatita.
My Currito!
Hello...
Your car is back.
How? By it's own?
Don't ask me, I stay away
from our customers affairs.
It's back!
Look at it.
Nothing like finding a beloved one.
Yes. Right.
Cool, freeze.
You're gorgeous.
Here...
The stairs.
Freeze.
To the palms.
Let's go.
Come.
- Lean on there.
- Cool, fantastic.
Fine! Let's go to the palms.
Come on, sexy!
Watch out, your bikini, very good.
Fantastic... again... yes, more.
Hi, man... Man! What's up?
Fine, Ma'am.
You're so charming!
Take some pictures of me
with the jerk I saved.
Cool, great idea! Come here.
Come on.
How do I pose?
- Like this?
- Yes.
Fainted, yes.
- I'm falling.
- Don't.
Perfect!
A step backwards.
Yes.
Hold him in your arms.
Hold him.
I'll be on the front pages!
The wretch and his fairy.
You're doing good, man.
Come on.
Less joyful.
The son of the devil!
Mom warned me about his satyr's face!
Come on.
In agony.
Agonise a little more.
Awesome, yes!
Yes. One more shot. Yes.
Agonising!
Die better! In a panic!
More moribund!
In agony!
Why does Levante's most
beautiful flower sit all alone?
But I'm from Oviedo!
You're all alone. I'll join you.
You were alone.
There's always a gentleman ready
to comfort the bitterness of life.
Come on. More discouraged!
You're so charming, Prince.
Men like you have been endangered
for almost forty years.
Are you calling me old?
On the floor!
Dying, in agony, die, man!
Easy, relax.
No, I'm calling you a romantic.
If only I'd found you
a little back in time.
An old proverb in Pampas says:
It's never too late if the joy is great.
Come to my studio to
talk about other issues.
Other issues? What are they?
Come on. Die at once, dude! Die!
One more!
Leave me alone!
What happened?
I'm interested in butterflies,
do you understand?
You've never been slapped?
No!
I'm afraid you won't be slapped
today, nice handkerchief.
Good bye for ever!
My Currito!
Forget that jerk.
My Cu-Cu-Currito.
My hero.
My strong man!
Does your back hurt, Currito?
So bad...
That swimming pool sure
has some heavy water.
Currito, you're not supposed
to dive into the water.
Not with your back!
I was desperate, I had to.
And you, little pig,
with that so called madam?
I don't like her, too big for me.
Yeah, you satyr.
I'm a good boy.
Stop will you, please.
I'm embarrassed.
Kitty will eat you...
I'm looking for food...
Shut up!
- No one, we can go in!
- Come on.
The ones from the yacht!
Here it is.
But 'Butterfly Two'... has vanished.
Damn! I'm sure they gave it to Radetti!
Let's go!
Currito, I'm afraid.
What the hell do they want?
Never mind, they surely
came in to the wrong room.
With a flash light, huh?
Look at all this.
Currito... we'll fix it later...
When later?
Sure, after we...
you know, Currito can't
stand it any more!
She's about to explode.
Can't you wait a while?
We must clean this up.
Come on, yes!
You women only think about that.
Yes? We've been on our
honeymoon for two days
and I haven't even tasted it!
It's not my fault!
No, it must be my aunt's fault!
Cut the crap, you're all whiners!
Have you tried with many?
Yes?
We must talk about an important issue.
You've called just at the right time.
I'll come downstairs right now.
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Seeing as I have so many men,
I will meet another man on my list!
Currito, don't leave.
Baby.
Thanks baby, for accepting my invite.
I'm happy to, you called
just at the right moment.
Where are you taking me?
Around the world, if you wish.
A little too far, huh?
We can go into the world of
illusions, hope and frenzy.
You talk so nice,
such beautiful things...
Sure, baby!
In Argentina we speak a
richer Spanish than you do.
This is my humble mansion,
achieved with titanic efforts.
It's really nice to be a humble one!
- Want a drink?
- I don't drink.
I have an excellent vodka.
Sit in this rocking chair,
made with bamboo from El Chaco.
This is vodka from the Rio de la Plata,
it's better than the Russian stuff!
Tell me something...
You said you had important
issues to talk about.
I do, but I have too
many ideas in my brain,
they are like wild horses.
Your eyes are like bright
stars in the Pampa night.
Your mouth is an orchid from Paraná.
You can escape from your
bourgeois home with me
to travel the world like
two happy vagrants.
But I will only ask for...
the 'Butterfly Two' tape
and I will open a Piñata
full of happiness!
Sounds tempting, Radetti.
Call me Albino!
- Albino?
- Albino is my name.
What's your answer?
Look, Albino, this is all very inviting
but my husband's tapes are sacred to me!
You know them very well.
Sure, he plays them so loudly!
I hope some day 'Butterfly Two'
messages will come to my ears...
Speak for yourself.
Shall we dance?
Oh, yes!
Tell me how the tape begins.
Right in my ear...
He's escaped again!
Where have you come from?
- And you?
- I was already here!
Liar... You've been
playing with my innocence!
With my purest feelings.
You've accused me and the
guilty one here is you!
You wanted to cheat on me with
that moustachioed painter!
And since you weren't able to...
you settle for that Argentinian prince!
And with the one from the yacht!
And God only knows how many more!
Are you jealous?
Of course I am!
You look so sweet when you're angry!
Why don't we get down to our business
and forget these senseless fights?
You haven't answered me yet!
I'll answer as you deserve, Currito!
You're so hot!
Gimme a second, I'll get comfortable.
I'll turn the lights off,
you know how shy I am.
Quiet! Quiet!
Currito?
Currito?
Currito?
He escaped again!
Would you like to die in an awful way...
or are you coming in peace
with your dumb ass wife?
I'm always with my dumb ass... sorry!
With my lovely wife!
Would you like to see me
with my jugular bleeding
the blood coming out my throat?
Or my caresses, smiles and bitings?
If you don't bite too hard,
I prefer the last one!
You and I will live those terrors
and much more!
Do me a little favour?
If it's a little one, just say.
You already know, right?
No idea.
Don't play the innocent!
You know I'm talking
about 'Butterfly Two'!
My noisy tape?
Of course!
So are you one of my rivals?
I knew my sounds would rock the world!
Who do you work for?
His Master's Voice?
Columbia, perhaps?
We'll get killed, don't fool around!
Give me that tape, do it!
I'll make a 5mm dub.
And everything will be fine again.
We have a couple of hours.
That's fast! OK. Whatever you say.
But I've been working on
this project for years!
I'll give you whatever you want!
Money, prizes, a hot night of love...
How much money?
Two, three...
- Three what?
- Million!
I'm going for that tape!
Is that you, you scoundrel?
Everything's OK, we are rich now!
I have the tape.
Make an appointment with Radetti
and tell me the secret code...
What?
Dwarves get angry at birds?
I'm on my way!
Help! I'm getting raped!
Don't flatter yourself! Wrong room!
I'm here! You?
But you weren't yourself back then!
I've been always myself!
The Countess comrade!
Wrong room then, sorry!
No, no, you're not wrong.
We must talk.
Really? What about?
About this...
You know about my tapes too?
'Butterfly Two'!
I have even more!
I'm only interested in this one!
Wow, what mania!
How much are you going to pay for it?
A huge Slavic kiss!
Slavic women kiss the best!
Hey, Ma'am!
- Where are you going?
- To my mother's home!
- You can't do this to me!
- No?
Let me carry the baggage at least!
What are you doing?
You get crazier by the day!
Crazy? Look!
Your lover's souvenir!
What souvenir? 'Butterfly Two'!
What are you doing here?
Don't interfere in my business!
What's that?
- You'll soon know. Run!
- No, I don't want to!
We're not selling the car!
What a pain in the ass!
We're not selling, man!
What's he saying?
We don't speak Arabic.
- Is he dead for real?
- I think he is.
Horrible things happen here, Currito.
I know! Quick!
Stop.
Now you can go.
Go to the sierra.
Which way is it?
I don't know!
Over there!
What if I don't wanna go?
I'll drive then.
What are we going to do there?
Shut up!
This tape sounds like a code.
What's that?
Like a microfilm...
with sound.
Sounds like a simple whistle but
if you find the right modulation...
That whistle becomes a message.
It sounds like a vulgar tape.
Understand?
No.
The ones from the yacht
left the message in our car
to prevent it getting
into enemy's hands.
Do you think those guys are spies?
They are!
And the enemy? Who's the enemy?
You'll see.
Everybody wants to be our friend,
or buy the car to get this message!
What does this message say?
Attention, Attention. Agent D here.
I'm about to die.
If my voice weakens...
I've found the million dollar formula...
called 'Butterfly Two'.
Like great mysteries...
a simple answer...
About 10 kilometres from
Benicàssim, in the sierra...
the ruins of an old
Trinitarian convent remain.
They all died, poisoned by the Muslims.
They discovered Butterfly
Two in lettuces!
They got contaminated
by a strange butterfly
which they called 'Butterfly Two'.
The Muslims took advantage
inviting poor friars...
to eat this tasty...
salad...
then they died instantly!
The virus remains there.
Only 2mg is enough to poison
the whole of the west!
Everyone will suffer from...
super diarrhoea!
With deadly effects!
I know because I tried some herbs...
and now... and now...
I'm shitting to death!
Farewell, friends!
It's terrible!
I don't want to die of diarrhoea!
I don't want to be a hero! I don't
want to go to the ruins, I'm scared!
Me too!
- Carry on driving!
- No!
This is none our business!
This whole story.
Let's go!
- Drive!
- You're a spy too!!!
Drive!
Mom told be you were miserable!
- Miserable!
- Drive!
You... thief!
Murderer!
I'm ashamed! Very ashamed.
Look at you!
A rascal!
Aren't you ashamed?
Pointing at me,
pointing at me with a gun?!
You can shove it wherever I tell you!
Go fuck yourself, thief!
I'll leave...
Try to escape.
Bastard!
Stop, please stop!
It's them! Stop, please!
Bastard!
- The ones from the yacht!
- Albanians.
Radetti will take care of them!
You like him, right?
We must get there before Radetti!
Don't worry, someone will pick us up!
No one's coming.
No? There's a car!
I bet it will stop.
Hi, could you give us a ride?
To hell, if you wish...
Radetti!
Immature spies! What a shame.
Stop!
Get out of the car!
Currito...
Why did you bring me here?
- Are you going to kill me?
- I'll think about that.
Currito, no. I love you so much...
Don't kill me! Please!
Go on.
What's all this about?
Shut up.
Here, quickly!
Currito...
I'm so scared!
Shut up!
You're evil!
Why didn't you tell me you're a spy?
We're not allowed to!
Not even our fathers can know about it!
But I'm not your father!
You don't trust me!
Besides, I'm not a spy,
I'm from Interpol.
Interpol! That's sweet, Currito...
Shut up!
We'll wait here.
It's... it's the Argentinian!
My fiancée.
Dwarves get angry at birds!
What are you saying?
It's the secret code.
You're not going to tell me that he
and Lady Dracula are spies too?!
They are... Radetti being
one of the most dangerous.
Dwarves get angry at birds!
Dwarves get angry at birds.
Radetti!
Radetti!
Good day, Radetti!
I was the one who called you here.
Life can be surprising!
I never thought you were a double agent.
And you never realised
I worked for Uncle Sam.
Wow, no one knew.
Last time I saw you,
you worked for the Czechs.
People don't know me.
So... you work for the Americans!
We work, comrade.
But that stupid musician laughed at us!
And took 'Butterfly Two' with him!
Aren't you cheating again, Marga?
No, I swear.
She has the micro tape, I'm sure of it.
Enough of useless accusations!
Your time has come!
You think you're strong, huh?
Well, you're not!
I bet you want to know
who I am loyal to.
To the Americans, just like me, Marga.
Irina!
Good bye, dear Pampa!
Do something!
Let them kill each other!
Freeze, Irina!
Freeze!
Watch out, Currito.
Don't trust that bitch!
You will not take me alive!
Don't move, Irina!
One more step...
and I'll swallow it!
What the...
Currito... Currito, where are you?
Currito!
Ana?
Anita, my Anita!
Be careful with the gun.
I will eat you!
Sometimes life is good.
If it wasn't before it's all your fault.
I was busy with my secret activities.
You can't do two things at once!
So... when you placed your
finger on the map and said:
"Let's go to Benicàssim!"
You already knew about
your secret activities!
Well, yes.
You might even have married
me to be undercover!
It's true.
What? You admit it!
You're that awful as to admit it?
I'm honest.
So...
Everything between us is a lie.
Almost.
When you asked my mother
about our marriage?
Advice from Interpol.
And when we met at that bar?
I was running away from
two KGB heavies...
So, when you spilled Coca
Cola over me and said...
"Forgive me, baby."
That was true!
I really did spill the Coca Cola.
What will we do with our lives now?
- Get divorced, right?
- No, no way!
This disguise has worked,
we must continue.
Now...
We have to have another
honeymoon in Tenerife.
Tenerife? That's so nice!
Besides, there's another truth.
I love you.
You mean it, or is it
just another trick?
Well, both.
Are you happy now?
I don't know...
It's exciting to have
a husband as a spy!
Being honeymooners forever...
I love you anyway
even if no one likes your
'Symphony of Silence'.
By the way...
How much does a spy earn?
Subtitles by martn and
suckmysound