Crush (2022) - full transcript

An aspiring artist and high school student who is forced, against her will, to join her high school track team. However, the situation isn't entirely bad, as it gives her an opportunity to pursue a girl that she has had a long-term crush on. However, things get even more complicated when she finds that she is falling for another teammate entirely. Soon she will see what real love feels like. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Art is supposed
to be subjective,

but KingPun's art is
subjectively good.

While mine is

objectively struggling,

and at the worst time possible.

Right now, I need
to be on my A-game

to get into the
CalArt Summer Program,

AKA my dream school.

"Through your medium of choice,
show us your happiest moment."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What a vague bullshit prompt.

A vague bullshit prompt

that will determine if I have
a shot in hell at getting

into one of the most competitive
schools in the country.

Which will determine if I
have a future in art at all.

No pressure though.

So how do I answer this
impossible question?

Huh? What if my happiest moment
was when I came out to my mom.


Now turn it to the right.

Also I think I'm gay.

Actually, I know I am.

Ow! Barbara from
next door is gay.


Sorry my first instinct was to
name other gay people we know.

Honey, I'm so happy for you!

She's always been supportive.

Paige. Paige! Come on.

No edibles before school,
we've talked about this.

Dillon's almost here.
You're gonna be late.

What if I just skipped
the rest of junior year

and went right to CalArts?

Well, you could, but
then you wouldn't get

a lot of cool free swag from me.

I'm already scared.

I can't wait. Look.

Glow in the dark dental dams.

They make your puss kind
of glow. It's so pretty.

- It's just a soft glow.
- Mom...

When I was a teenager,

we used to use glow
in the dark condoms.

It really added a touch of whimsy
to an otherwise fraught situation.

We don't use those.

We! Finally.

Oh my gosh, Paige.

Is it Colleen from next door?

Because she's so tall.
I like that. Statuesque.

It's not anybody because
we, the queer community,

we don't use those.

- So just vibrators?
- Isn't that a little limiting?

- Probably.
- Okay.

I'm gonna put them here

because I feel like you're
gonna change your mind,

but if not, let me know
because I have the receipt.

Okay, maybe she's a
little too supportive.


And that would be my
best friend, Dillon.

He's kind of like my
platonic soul mate.

I've always been able to
share anything with him.

Actually, maybe that
was my happiest moment.

So... I like girls.

Me too.

I still share everything with
him. Even a Spotify account.

Hey, yo, Spotify informed me

you listened to Phoebe Bridgers for
eight hours straight last night,

which is concerning 'cause
she only has two albums.

Are you okay?

Sad lesbian music is an
integral part of my identity.

So I'm assuming that the
application is not going well.

Just can't figure
out what to send in.

I know that colleges love
a good coming out story.

- Please don't do that.
- You'd be like the billionth gay person to.

How about you draw my
presidential portrait?


- It's a cute idea, Dillon.
- It's good, isn't it?

But your political ambitions,
they aren't my happiest moment.

You know what I mean?

You think that your crush on
Gabriela Campos is CalArt worthy?


Unrequited love is the
source of a lot of great art.

And there's nothing
more unrequited

than my crush on
Gabriela Campos.

That's not Gabby.

That's her sister, AJ.

Alright, kids, time for this
week's take home project.

Find a partner.

Wanna be my partner?

That is Gabby.


Now I wanna see you
share responsibilities

like real parents would.

What should we name it?

How about Lentil?

Lentil the egg.

So dumb.

I love it.

Hi, Lentil.

Your moms love you very much.

She's kind of the first
girl who made me feel

like life could
be as good as art.

You know?


I'm not gonna let you spend all of
high school pining over some girl

who doesn't give
you the time of day.

You know I don't like to assert
my power as class president,

but I'm going to have
to if this keeps up.

Stacey is going to win.

Also, you do know that
as class president,

you don't have any
actual power, right?

That is a sad way to
look at democracy.


Holy shit.

You like?

"Save water, shower together."

Hmm. That looks so hot.

And Stacey's also really hot.

Great job with
these, by the way.

Thank you.

Though I do feel like you spent a
little bit more time on Stacey's.

- Nope. Mm-mm.
- I told you guys I'm Switzerland.

Oh. Shit, they are
also a little bit wet.

Thanks for telling me
that after I pick it up.

And yeah, I just close the.

- Okay.
- No.

Coño. Ay.

Anyway, as I was saying, as
your future class president,

I think it's time for you
to move on from Gabriela.

It's too predictable to go for
the most popular girl in school.

Great. Right on cue.

- Is she in slow motion again?
- Yeah.

- Music playing in the background?
- Mm-hmm.

- Funny feeling down there?
- Naturally.

You are a lost cause.

Heads up!

- My bad.
- Yeah.

Let's go. Vamos.

Yeah, ah ah. Ah ah ah ah.

Shut the hell up.

Starting the week strong
with a new KingPun mural.

You know everyone still
thinks it's you, right?

Well, little do they know,

my raging anxiety would never
let me deface school property.

Whoa, could you
please not waste water

and undermine my
political platform?

Thank you.

Oh, KingPun did it
again! Check it out!

Kind of think that
this one's good.

I think it's kind of corny.

Well, I think that you
can't draw for shit.

And I think that they're
actually talented.

Oh, you're so funny.

Okay, everyone, away
from the vandalization.

Oh god. Here we go.

If any of you have
any information

as my mother used to say,

"Snitches get riches."

Have you ever seen him smile?

Once. At a fire drill.

He loved the chaos of it.

Hey, nice mural, Paige.

Tim. Ugh.

I love this little bit
that we've got going,

but it's not me.

Oh. Sure, Paige.

Sure, Tim.

No, it's, it's definitely her.


Hey, KingPun thinks
she's not KingPun.

KingPun is who you should date.

Unless it's a dude
or unless it's you.

'Cause then you'd just be dating
yourself, and that would be weird.


You have no idea how
hard it is out here

for your everyday gay, Dillon.

Stop making excuses.

You've been in a relationship since
the first day of middle school.

Also, this semester,
I'm gonna make my move.

Oh yeah? Name one time
that you've made a move.

Oh, there was that server
at Cheesecake Factory

that gave me extra brown bread.

It was her job.

It was sexual. Hey, Stacey.


Did you turn your class
president app in yet?

You know I love
some competition.

Oh, you know I haven't missed a
deadline since the fifth grade.

And that was only because
I had severe chicken pox.

It was the worst
case I'd ever seen.

How is this allowed in school?

God, I love when you're
the best at things.

Oh yeah?

You guys are so straight,
it's almost gay.

Do you guys wanna
come over after school

and take edibles
and watch Shrek?

So you could convince yourself that
a CBD dog treat made you high again?

Yeah. No, thank you.

Plus, after school we can't,
we have track tryouts.

Ugh. Why would you sweat
when you don't have to?

Well, you know, Paige, some people
actually enjoy physical activity.

Shocking, I know.

Will you help me make
more of these? Sure.

And me some of these.

The impending water
wars depend on my win.

Note that I took the high road
while taking down the establishment.

That is so...

No... Oh no. Okay, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Okay, no.

There are plenty of
other queer options

for you to date at this school.

- Please.
- Like who?

Yeah. Paige, what about Chantal?

I mean, she's like a
cool Wiccan lesbian.

Hell no. She's tried to put a love
spell on me at least six times.

If I'm gonna date a witch,
she has to be a talented one.

Okay. True. True. True.

How about, oh, how
about Erin Billings?

No, she's a horse gay.

Alright? That's a
little reductive.

Stacey's just mad

because she spent the summer
at an equestrian camp.

What about Aya?

No way, dude.

I definitely don't have
enough followers to date them.

Plus they're on and off
with Gabby every other week.

- Yeah.
- True.

Hey, what about Amy?

Amy? Yeah, right. Gateway gay.

She's fingered every
girl in the school.

So what?

- I'm sure she's washed her hands.
- Yeah.

Wait, no. What about AJ?

Why would I ever do that?
That's literally Gabby's sister.

Also, is she even queer?

Yeah. She's bi.

And she's mysterious as hell.

Yeah. AJ actually came
out way before Gabs,

but Gabs just dates more,

so everybody forgets
that AJ's queer too.

Talk about bi erasure.

- Gabby!
- Hey, miss president.

- Hey!
- Excuse you.

Anyway, question.

Do you have the sign-up sheets
for track tryouts today?

- I sure do.
- Let me get that for you.


Here you are.

Thank you.

Oh, Gabby, you
know Paige, right?

Um, yeah.

Your locker is a
site for sore eyes.

Um, thanks.

Are you coming out today?

I've actually, I've been
out for a really long time.

I'm extremely gay.

Oh, I was actually talking
about track tryouts, but...


Yeah. I'm gonna see you there.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go on track.

Yeah, right. The last time Paige
ran, she was fleeing from a bee.

It was hilarious.

It's on YouTube.

I watch it whenever
I'm depressed.

No, it's not.

Well, I should run, but
maybe I'll see you later.

Bye, Gabby.

- Bye, Gabby.
- So long.

Vote for Dillon, babe!

No. She's not gonna
vote for you, honey.

Stop staring without
consent please.

It's horrifying.

Really? You? Track tryouts?

Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's it.

That's how we're
gonna fall in love.

I think you and Gabriela would
be disgustingly cute together.

And I think that if it
were going to happen,

it would've happened already.

You can't force these things.

Babe, I love you,
but you're so wrong.

How many copies
do you guys need?

- One thousand.
- Two thousand.

- Three thousand.
- Four thousand.

- Five thousand.
- Six...

- Gotcha!
- Ahh!

Evans, I knew it was you.
Principal's office now.


Oh, crap. I forgot my cleats.

Uh, can you help me?

Turn off the light.

Shut the door.

Yeah. Okay, actually
leave it open.

I assume you know
why you're here?

Am I in trouble or something?

We are so done with
your games now, Evans.

Okay. Take it down,
Dexter Morgan.

You're not a detective,
and this is not a cop show.


we know that you are KingPun.

Okay. And it's not that
the artwork isn't great,

it's really good,

but all the pictures and then painting
all over the school last semester.

And not to mention a
new mural every week.

That's not true.

- Oh, you know it's true.
- Sorry.

Come on.

- The school board is not happy.
- Mm-hmm.

And plus all the kids are
tagging you every week

in some KingPun art.

Goddammit, Tim.

You guys, I swear on
my life, it's not me.

Bet you wish you would've invested
in that lie detector now, right?

No. No, I actually don't.

- Why?
- And I'm really tired of you

bringing it up all the time.

'Cause we had to take care of
something called asbestos, alright?


I'm sorry, kiddo, but I
have to lead by example.

- So I'm gonna have to suspend you.
- Call the police.

No, we are not
calling the police.

What are you, Wyclef
Jean? Ready to call 911?

Do you get that
reference? You don't.

God, my references are like older
than Taylor swift at this point.

Listen, you're suspended.

I called your mom, and she's
on her way to pick you up.

You can't suspend
me for something

that I, I literally did not do.

Yeah, we can.

No, we cannot.

But you're the only student
with the keys to the art room.

Well, I was gonna
give these back today.

Oh. Well, you got
blood on your hands.

It's paint.

- O-obviously, I know that.
- It's a metaphor.

Well, I'm not metaphoric.

It's acrylic paint, and
those things are spray paint.

Let's jot down that
Ms. Evans seems to have

an intimate understanding
of the weapon of her choice.

- No one's jotting down anything.
- Just jot it down. Just...

No, don't tell me what to...

- This is my...
- You guys, please hear me out.

I'm applying to a summer
program at CalArts,

and this is gonna ruin
my chances of getting in.

I'm sorry, Paige.

But I looked at your
records, and you were absent

eight times last semester.

Not to mention you're not even part
of one extracurricular activity.

You're not the model
student I can fight for.

I play, I play, I play track.

Hmm... not on my
team, you don't.

Well, I just joined today.

I'm extremely cooperative
with this type of stuff.

So can't this count as a
plea deal or something.

Oh, impressive use
of legal jargon.

But you don't play
track, you run track.

Hear me out.

How about I join track,

Coach Murray keeps
his eye on me,

and I figure out in the meantime
who KingPun actually is.

- Paige. I really like you.
- I do.

Actually, that's a lie.
I don't even know you.

I hate myself that I have to say that,
but the evidence is stacked against you.

And I don't understand how
playing track is supposed to help

your case right now.

Actually, I do need another
couple people on the track team.

- You need people on the track team?
- I need some more people.

Are you saying you
wanna take her?

She just said, "Play track."
Like she's a DJ or something.

She doesn't even know
how to run track.

How are you supposed to
make that Usain Bolt?

You can't.

I could use a couple
more bodies on the team.

I am exhausted.

Okay, Paige, you are
no longer suspended.

You are just on probation. Okay?

If you can come up with a name
who you think KingPun really is,

because apparently it's not you,

by the end of the semester,

then I'll take it to
the board meeting.

- Well, I will deliver.
- Thank you.

I can't wait.

Great, get out!

I have a Renaissance club meeting
that I'm not about to miss.

You too! Take your little
swimming board with you.


Oh, It's like no
moment to myself.

I wish there was more
money for federal funding

'cause I'll tell you
what, this ain't it.

Thank you so much.

- Don't thank me yet.
- I'm watching you.

Oh. Hey, clipboard.

I left a patient with a
full bed pan for this.

You are not suspending
my daughter.

- She did nothing wrong.
- We're not suspending her.

A... Hmm?

I made a deal.

You have a very savvy
daughter, Mrs...

Mrs. Mm-hmm.

That's very revealing.

It's miss.

But you can call me Angie
or Ang or "Hey, girl."

You know, I am a single
mother by choice.

Not by circumstance.

I like to have sex with men. I don't
even have to have a relationship.

Hmm. What do you think of that?

Well, hey, girl, if you
don't mind me saying,

you have an incredible figure.

Oh my god.

We are in a school, sir.

That is so wildly inappropriate.

I'm sorry. Uh...

And 100 percent spot on.

This is gold.

You should see me naked.

Well, I'd say I'm sorry that you
had to drive out here for nothing,

but I'd be lying if I said
it wasn't nice to meet you.

I can't believe this guy.

And, uh... if you do come
to Paige's track meet,

don't be afraid to say, hello.

I'm not afraid of anything.

It's you who should be afraid.


- Track. That's fucked up.
- Yeah.

The deal just didn't work
out that great for me,

but it did for you.

- So...
- Yeah. It really did.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Is he in the school directory?

Basically, if I don't find
KingPun, then my life is over.

On the plus side, you
totally fit in here.

I feel like I look like a very
specific type of gay right now.

Do I at least look like a top?

Total bottom.

Maybe a power bottom?

Like you call her daddy and she
calls you her sweet little prince.


Okay! Listen up!

Come on, come on in here!

Let's go! Gather round!

Listen up!

Returning athletes!

I'm gonna be looking to make sure
that you kept your training up

during the off season.


Now you newcomers,

our co-captains,
AJ and Gabby here,

will be helping place
you in an event.

- Woo.
- Okay. Got this.

For Evans over there,

just try to find the thing
that she sucks at the least.


Don't you wanna at
least see me try out

before you think that I suck?

No. Okay!

Back to it! Let's go!

Let's go! Can you get my water?

- She's coming.
- She's coming. She's coming.

Hi, you made it.

I'll be sure to let you know
if I see any angry bees around.

Did you know that male
bees lose their penises

when they have sex
with the queen bee?

Uh, no, we didn't,

but now we sure do, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, we should get started.

Don't worry. You're
gonna be great.

Holy shit!

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Thanks.
- Yep.


I have an idea.

How do you feel about
running in a straight line?

That's the only
straight thing I can do.


I regretted it the second
that it left my mouth.

You mean adding her
to the four by one?

Do you have a better idea?

Alright. Here we go.

On your mark. Get set.

No. No, down.

KingPun, let's get it.

Go! Come on! Come on, Paige!

Come on!

I am the fastest woman alive.

That was mediocre at best.

Yeah, I took an Instagram story,
and it went over the time limit.

- Damn.
- But you did it.

With a little work,
maybe you could be fine.

She's four seconds behind
where she needs to be.

Well, maybe I need someone
great to teach me after school.

Alright. That's not
a terrible idea.

Uh, AJ.

You're gonna train Paige.


Isn't that literally
your job as coach?

No, my job as coach is
to motivate through fear.

Besides, I don't get paid
enough to stay after school.

Come on. I'm
watching you, Evans.

Welcome to the team.

Alright, KingPun.

I'm not KingPun.

Your shorts are on backwards.


Can you hurry up,
Angie? I'm starving.

You're not the boss of me.

You knew we were gonna be home.
Why wasn't the food ready?

- Today was great.
- I almost killed somebody with a javelin.

It's true.

And then it was nearly
death by hurdle.

Also very true.

And I embarrassed myself
in front of Gabriela.

Just because Paige's
sex life is in a drought

doesn't mean the rest
of the world has to be.

Come on, Angie, we've
talked about this.

So strict.

Sometimes I think fondly
back on to this morning

when my life was
completely normal.

Now I have to solve a mystery,

make Gabby fall in love with me,

figure out how to make the
perfect thing for CalArts,

and figure out how
to put a tampon in

without the end always
sticking out a little bit.

Yeah, you know, I never
mastered that either.

Oh, but you know what?
On the bright side,

true artists are never afraid to step
out of their comfort zones, so...

Speaking of stepping out
of your comfort zones,

are you going to
Stacey's party on Friday?

What party?

Are you kidding me?

Paige, I've told you
this a billion times.

It'd be, like, a good
opportunity for you

to act like a normal
teenager for once.

- She doesn't wanna be normal.
- Nobody wants to be normal.

That's why I'm cool.

Alright. Let me tell
you a little story.

When I was a teenager,

I went to this rager, and I
ended up in the back of a van

with the lead singer of
an Aerosmith cover band.

And in retrospect,

I definitely should have
held out for the real thing.

I mean, think about it,

Steven Tyler. I would've never
had to buy another scarf.

Dillon, I totally
wasn't thinking.

This party is the perfect
place to investigate.

KingPun will definitely be going

and, well, let's just say
that they will rue the day

that they let me take
the fall for them.

I know that's right.


I'm gonna need you to relax.

You're starting to scare me.

Oh my god. I totally forgot.

Pardon me.

Paige, I took the liberty
of washing your sex toy.

By the way, this is very small.

I could totally
get lost up there.

So you might wanna think about,
you know, my moving on up.

I can help.

Well, that's an eraser, so
that's not gonna go up there.

Anything's possible.

Think about me and my
electric toothbrush.

And it's not the end
you would think either.

Okay. Well, we don't have
everything in common.

And I'm gonna go
in my room. Yeah.

I'm gonna throw up.
That's really disgusting.

No, you're disgusting.

This is a sex
positive house, Paige.

Shame does not live here.


Thanks for having us.

Thought I smelled ambition.

You look so beautiful.

Paige, I cannot believe we finally
got you to a high school party.

Now let's see if you survive it.

Bombs away.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Welcome to the high
school experience.

It smells better
than I expected.

I lit candles.

First order of business,
time to get you drunk.

Like, if you don't throw
up by the end of the night,

then I didn't do my job.

I still can't believe this is the first
of my parties you've been to, Paige.

That's because Paige Evans is
too cool for high school parties.

Cool is one word for it.

I just have a general
distaste for sticky floors,

communal chip bowls,
and whatever that is.

That, my friend, is the type
of sociological research

you can't find in any textbook.

He's right.

My future constituents
may act slightly moronic,

but they know how to have fun.

- Your future constituents, huh?
- Oh please.

You know I'm gonna
kick your ass.

There's no way they won't vote
for my anti-authority platform.

It's like taking candy from
a politically informed baby.

You wanna go upstairs and practice
your campaign speech on me?

- Work on our inflection?
- Show me those pointed hand movements.

Why do you guys even
bother with innuendo.

Later, Paige.

Oh yeah, guys,
just leave me alone

while I try and figure
out who framed me?

- Oh.
- Paige.

- Oh my god.
- Hi.

I didn't see you there.

- Must be the masking spell.
- What?

- How have you been?
- Feeling any different lately?

Any lustful urges?
Deep magnetic pulls?

- Mm-mm.
- To anything? Anyone?

- Excuse me.
- AJ.

There you are.


We should go talk about track.

- I don't think so.
- Did the virgin blood expire?

That can't be, that was fresh.

Okay, yeah, we can
talk about track.

It's supposed to get
stronger with age.

Like, it's like fine wine.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Okay. I wasn't gonna get
all Salem witch trials

and point fingers here, but I
know that she put a curse on me.

I mean, she did steal some of
my hair back in freshman year,

so I believe it.

So track, why?

I thought you were
more interested in art.

Oh, trust me. I am.

But lucky for me,

Principal Collins
decided that I'm KingPun.

So I have to figure
out who KingPun is.

Otherwise, I'm going
to get suspended.

That's so dumb.


That art is harmless.

I know. It's also pretty good.

Do you have any leads?

- I know that they're here.
- That's about it.

I'm just gonna poke around
until somebody cracks.

So you're gonna interrogate
a bunch of drunk teens.

Seems pretty easy.

Well, you say that, but
it could be anybody.

It could be you.

Do I look whimsical
enough for puns?

Okay. Well, you do
have an intimidating,

no bullshit,

striped shirt vibe going.

So I guess not.

Thank you.

Which would make you
the perfect bad cop

to my good cop.

Excuse me?

- Follow me.
- Oh.

- Hi, Erin.
- Hi.

- Where were you at00 a. M.
- On the morning of the 14th.

We get Tybalt
groomed on Sundays.

Tybalt. My horse. Do
you wanna see a photo?

Oh, my phone is dead.

- Yeah. No, never, never mind.
- Thank you.

How close is the nearest Michael's
art supply from your house?

Who's Michael?

- Can I have a hit?
- Me too?

You have a secret
Instagram, right?

Yeah, but you can't
afford to follow it.


Can you guys shine
your lights on me?

Alright, man, you ready?

Thank you.


What do you think of KingPun?

Oh, Paige here?

Aren't your parents
both artists, Tim?

Isn't your mom a nurse.

Your point?

I haven't seen you
save anyone's life.

He's got a good point.

You're supposed
to be on my side.


Chantal, would you consider
yourself an artist?

I mean, every witch is an
artist in their own way.

But, I mean, yeah. I post
to Tumblr all the time.

That's mostly just
like Buffy, Faith,

the brothers from
Supernatural sixty-nining.

So, normal.

Well, what art tools do you use?

I mean, I kind of
dabble in everything.

Illustrator, oil
paints, menstrual blood.

Oh. Oh no.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Get political.

Mm-hmm. You wanna get political?

Oh yeah? You wanna...

Oh my fucking god.

Oh fuck.

- Oh, hi, Paige.
- Hey.

Much bad things as possible...

Cover AOC's eyes, she
doesn't deserve to see this.

- Okay.
- Come on!

- That was easy.
- Bye.

So, her house is huge.

It just keeps going, I know.

They probably fuck
in every room.

- Those two are...
- Are disturbingly cute

in a kind of kinky way?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Can't believe Chantal is
our best lead right now.

I mean, it kind of makes sense.

I-I've seen her drawing
in class a few times.

- What? Really?
- Mm.

Paige, AJ.

Oh my god, we need to take
shots, like, right now.

For Paige joining
the track team.

Yeah, go ahead. I'm gonna pee.

Okay. Let's go.


Oh. Oh. Okay.

To joining track!

To... sports!

Bet our mouth stinks
the same right now.


I just got something
stuck in my throat.

- Another shot will fix that.
- Yeah,

it always does.


I'm so wasted.

Oh my god, I'm so glad
that you joined track.

I feel like I never see
you outside of class.

I know.

You're a Gemini, right?

I'm a Pisces.

Who says that
complicated can't work.

- What?
- I said I love track.

Gabby, come dance with us.


Are we at the sad drunk
phase in the night, huh?

Dillon. Dillon. Dill Pickle.

- You wanna go home?
- You'll be better. Yes.

Your drunk ass has a
training with AJ tomorrow.

- Oh shit.
- Right. Yeah.

Mr. President...

Wow. Thank you so much for
calling me Mr. President.

- You're welcome.
- Okay, let's go.

Bye, bad cop.

- Bye. I'll see you tomorrow.
- Drink some Gatorade.

Sports juice.

I like boobs, you
know what I'm saying?

Tim, I see what you're doing.



Who doesn't like boobs?


Woo! Who's ready to party?

You're so strong.

I am strong.

- Oh. Whoa.
- Whoa.

Come on, our ride is here.

You made it?


Okay. Let's make me an Olympian.

How are you not massively
hungover right now?

Well, I drank that Gatorade
that you suggested,

and then I had a hot pocket
and then I had some pizza

and then I had some ice cream.

Also, I might still be drunk.

- Is that coffee?
- Did you bring any water?

Hmm. Okay. If this mentor-protégé
thing is going to work out,

then you have to respect
my caffeinated process.

Who said anything
about being a mentor?

I'm only doing this so you
don't tank our ranking.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I cutting into your

wearing-a-leather-jacket time?

I don't own a leather jacket.

- Well, you look like you could.
- Okay.

- So what are we doing first?
- Picking out my pump-up song?

No, but you can stretch, and
then we can start on three miles,

Three miles?

That is 2.9 more miles than
they said I have to run.

2.94 miles.

You're confusing
miles and meters.

I think you're confusing
me with the metric system.

Let's go, Evans.

Put down your stuff.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I can't feel anything.

I can't feel my legs.

I can't feel my face.

You're being a little dramatic.

It's the artist in me.

Speaking of,

you wanna go to art school?


Now that's like
my biggest dream.


But now that the pressure's on and
I have to send in my summer app,

I have no idea what to send in.

You started it yet?

Since you asked.

I've been working on a
few different things,

But none of it
feels right to me.

Shit, you're really good.

Thank you.

Now I just have to
make CalArt see that.

Pretend you're CalArts.
Tell me what's missing.

Uh... nothing.

I, I think it's really great.

You're a really bad liar.

- No, I just...
- Come on.

Tell me the truth.

I don't know. I'm, I mean, I'm
not an expert by any means,

but maybe it's just,

it is lacking some emotion.


I wasn't expecting constructive
criticism, but alright.

- I knew that was a draft.
- Look, your art is amazing.


What was the prompt again?

Show us your happiest moment.

Right, okay. So do you think
that that, that shows that?

Or is there anything
that is maybe happier?

I had a really yummy
donut the other day.

Uh, what about a,

a first love or a first
kiss or something?

Uh, well, I haven't
had those things,

so you're really pouring
salt on the wound here, AJ.

All I'm saying is
that you'll get there.

Just don't be afraid
to draw something

a little more vulnerable.

Look, they just
posted something.

Guess that would rule you out.

At least it's not on
school property this time.

Well, it's a little
late for that KingPun.

Let's go, Frida Kahlo.

We've gotta get you to a
point where you can run

without wanting to puke.

Might give me an edge.

Doubt it.

Did you know that
Frida Kahlo was bi?

She was the OG bi-con.

Oh, nice. Uh...

Got joke for days, AJ.

Come on...

Come on. Come on, you got it.

Go. Go. Push.

Come on, KingPun, get
it. Get that tire.


Hey. Look.



Come on. Come on, Stacey. Oh no!

- Come on, Gabby, you got it.
- I'm sorry.

Come on, AJ, you got this.

AJ! You got this!

You got it! You got it!

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Come on!

Go! Go! Go! Go!


Oh my god!

Oh, Coach, Coach, Coach.

Okay. Alright!


It goes against my entire
coaching approach to say this,

but you're actually
getting pretty good.

I knew you were using a
tough love approach with me.

I know, who do I
think I am, my dad?

That, that was a lot
funnier in my head.

It's okay, dude.

I'm no stranger
to dark dad humor.

Is he tough on you?

He just sees so much
potential in me,

I guess I don't
wanna let him down.

He wants me to get a
scholarship to a D1 school.

I think that's why I'm so
stressed about doing well.

But I don't wanna
talk about my dad.

I'll save that one for a
future therapy session.

Speaking of psychoanalyzing,

I think that you were
right about my art.

I, I think I do play it safe.

I get it.

But I'm not gonna let you
forget that you said I was good.

A compliment from the
mysterious AJ Campos.

Don't make me regret it, Evans.

You wanna try?

Mm. Can you play track
with a broken leg?

Don't worry, I'll spot you.

Oh shit.

Okay. Bend your knees.

Hold up.


I think that this is
KingPun's notebook.

What, h-how do you know?

Look, dude,

it's totally in their style, and
it has KP written all over it.

Oh yeah, that would do it.

Maybe it's somebody in track.

Well, that would
rule out Chantal.

It was never her.

Cute puns are not her vibe,
now that I think of it.

This is exactly how
I'm gonna nail KingPun.


I'm gonna DM them and tell them
that I have their notebook.

There's tons of
half-baked ideas in here.

It's not like they're gonna
wanna leave it behind.

So what?

You're just gonna
give it back to them

without figuring out who it is?

AJ. You kidding me?

We're gonna have a
motherfucking stakeout.

Oh. No.

Hold on.

It's almost-00 p. M., and
KingPun left me on read.

So I know that they saw it.

Wow. Your detection
skills are on point.

- We should split up.
- Cover more ground.

Oh god, your efficiency is hot.

You're hot.

Help. Help. Help. Help.

You know the gate's open, right?

- Oh!
- Oh my god!

Paige. Are you okay?

- Ay, dios mio.
- Do you need help? Are you good?


This girl's gonna
be the death of me.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Wanna take the north side?

Yeah, sure.


They do know that's the
south east side, right?

No, but it is so
hot that you do.

You're so hot.

- You are so hot.
- You are.

- We are.
- We are.

We are.

We are.

We are. We are.

Oh, I'm glad you
have each other.


- Oh shit.
- Sorry.


You know I like it
when you grab my ass.

Well, on the upside, if
you can't find KingPun,

it's kind of like a cool badge
of honor to get suspended.

So you usually go for
people who get suspended?

- Um, I don't really have a type.
- It's more of just a vibe.

So your vibe is Aya then, huh?

Well, actually,
we just broke up.

Oh really?

That sucks. Sorry.

Are you over them?

Depends, Paige. Who's asking?

Not me. I don't care.


I care.

I care.

I just was trying to be nice
and ask you questions. So...

Not that good at that though.

Well, your questions
are cute. So...

Do you remember in fifth grade
when we were partnered up

to take care of that egg
together in Ms. Higgins' class?

Oh yeah.

I'm pretty sure I dropped
mine on the first day

and begged my mom to
replace it for me.

Geez, I totally forgot you
were my partner for that.

Damn, I was a shitty mom.

Well, if it's any consolation,

I gave our egg a bath,
and I boiled it to death.

So guess I wasn't a
perfect mom either.

Oh, hide.

It's gotta KingPun.

Aren't we supposed to
be confronting them?

Yes. I'm just not
good at confrontation.


Kind of weird that
we've co-parented

and never kissed before, huh?

Yeah. It's a little bit strange.

Well, maybe we should try it.

We could try it.

You can lean in now.

Yeah. Right.


That was awkward.

Oh shit, they're leaving.

Hey! Wait! Stop!

Yo. I cannot believe that
your stupid stakeout idea

might have actually worked, but
that was definitely Tim's car.

How do you know?

Who else drives a
bright green Challenger

with a bumper sticker that
reads "Your mom calls me daddy"?

Fucking Tim.


- Uh, hold on.
- I have to take this.

So do you think you
cracked the case?

Yeah, I guess so.

Paige, let's go.
We're gonna be late.

Are you seriously not packed
for our away meet yet?

I started.

Dillon, I need to
tell you something.

What, what happened?

Don't make it a big deal. Okay.

What happened?

Did you find another one of
your mom's special movies?

Gabby and I kissed.

I'm sorry, what?

I know.

Wait, Gabriela
Campos kissed you.

Okay. Screw packing. Tell
me exactly what happened.

I don't know. It kind of just
happened at the stakeout.

It was really weird, actually.

What do you mean weird?

You've been waiting for this,
like, literally your entire life.

You're obsessed with her.

Well, it was very

Was it a bad kiss?

Is that her fatal flaw? Does
she have an Achilles tongue?

- Maybe it wasn't her.
- It was probably me.

- That makes more sense.
- She's kissed a lot of people. Yeah.

- Shit! I haven't kissed anyone.
- I don't know how to kiss.

Yeah. You're probably
a terrible kisser.

- You need to teach me.
- No.

- Teach me.
- What, ew!

God, are you seriously
trying to kiss me right now?

Just kiss me please. Come on.

No means no, Paige. Come on.

You're not a man. Thank you.

Why are you so dressed up?

- It's a structured blazer.
- Everybody quit tripping.

Come on. Let's go.

Did you pack us the food?

Ugh. I can't believe
I'm such a bad kisser.

Oh no, no, no, no.

Bad kisser, that is
impossible. Not possible.

The Evans women are
legendary kissers.

Your grandmother won the Frenching
contest three years running.

- Oh my god.
- I placed second.

- What?
- I've told you about this?

I tied with your
great aunt Janine.

Oh my god, she is a maniac.

Wow. I guess the promiscuous
gene skips a generation.

That's what they say.

Do you think maybe it's not
the kiss, it's the person?

- Oh.
- What does that mean?

Maybe you were let down by the kiss
because your crush has run its course.

But I've liked Gabby forever.

Might think that maybe there
are other people out there.

- Yeah.
- Like who?

Hi, Mrs. Evans. Miss. Sorry.

- Hey, AJ.
- AJ.

Wow. Finally, we meet after hearing
about you 24/7 from this one.

She's being sarcastic.

I mean, the word
constantly springs to mind.

Um, what are you gonna do now that the
antisocial artist is out of the house?

Oh man. So many possibilities.

I mean, the sky's
the limit, right?

I'm not gonna crumble. That's
the one thing I'm not gonna do.

We're gone for a night.

I know. Well, it doesn't matter.

I'm not gonna crumble. So...

Hey, AJ, um, do me a favor

and try to get old Paige here
to loosen up a little bit.


You know, like,

fire up a bong and knock back
a couple of wine coolers.

Oh my god. I have poppers in
the car. Should I run? Grab?

No. That's the
wrong type of gay.

- Well, hello there.
- Long time, no see.

A little delayed gratification
never hurt anyone.


So you making me wait.

They call it edging these days.

I looked it up on Wikipedia,

and the definition
is quite rank.

I don't know the meaning
of rank, but I believe you.

It means filthy dirty.

Well, I'm gonna just get your number
off the emergency contact list.

Okay. I've had your
number for, like,

I don't know how many days.

Go with the program. Okay.

I mean, text me. Like, I'm
not getting any younger.

Come on.

Let's go!

Here are you room keys, sir.

Quiet hours start at00.

Okay. Listen up, hormonal teens.

Now on this list is the
name of your roommate.

I know that 60 percent
of you are queer,

but, guys, don't go
in the girls' room.

And, girls, please don't
go in the guys' room.

We don't want anybody
getting pregnant.

And I'm talking specifically
to you, Stacey and Dillon.

What? We would never.

One, as I made it clear
on my campaign trail,

I will not be allowing the
administration to control

what I do with my body.

Two. Obviously, I'm
on birth control.

Well, I'm on team control,

and I want lights out by00 p. m.

I have a Face Time date
with a very lovely lady.

I don't want to be interrupted.

And Paige, no graffiti.

- Your new step dad.
- Ugh.



We should talk.

Hey, guess we're
rooming together.

Can't get rid of you.

Um, I'm gonna go find
out who my roommate is,

but I'll see you later.

Did you know that
squirrels remember

every single person
they've ever seen?

- What?
- They have photographic memories.


Uh, I look forward to hearing
more animal facts tonight.

Oh good. 'Cause
there are so plenty.

- Guys, team party.
- My room, 30. Be there.

- No, you guys heard coach.
- We, we can't do that.

Oh no.

Yeah, we definitely
can't do that.

Especially since our track
meet starts at00 p. M., right?

Looks like we're getting
fucked up tonight.

Oh Paige. You're so innocent.

Okay. This one is
either whiskey or rum.

Then we've got peach vodka.
We've got lemon vodka.

Wiper fluid?

More vodka.

And we got mouthwash,

but you just gotta drink a
lot of it to get fucked up.

Mm, that looks the least risky.

Is that all you could
get from your parents?

Yeah. Well, look, my
beard is coming in

so it's only a matter of time
before I stop getting carded.

Oh yeah, for sure.

- Yo, Tim!
- Hey.

There he is.

You know, you actually
have to confront Tim

about being KingPun
to accuse him, right?

I've been working up to it.

She really scares me sometimes.


I know you're KingPun.
I have your notebook.


I saw you after school
the other night. Okay.

What were you doing there
if not to get your notebook?

Okay, okay, okay.

I'll tell you.

I'm in Renaissance club.

Come again?

- I'm in Renaissance club.
- I'm a Rennie, if you will.

Oh my god.

We were having
our monthly feast.

And when I got to school,

well, it was canceled.

I don't believe you.

Are you serious?



Okay. Everyone gather
around, it is game time.

We have to play some games.

Still got a... lot
of questions for you.

I got a lot of answers.

A lot of questions.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Perfect timing. We're about
to play seven minutes.

What? Like seven
minutes in heaven?

No. That perpetuates
a Christian narrative.

We're playing seven minutes
in the hotel bathroom,

and it's a track tradition.

Okay, everyone, phones
in, pride at the door.

For any new additions,
the rules are simple.

You put your phone in the bag
and if your phone gets picked,

you have to go into the
bathroom with another person.

And since this is 2022,

we will not force anyone to
make out if you don't want to.

But I will say seven
minutes is such a long time

to be in the bathroom with
someone and not make out.

- Just saying, Paige.
- Okay? Alright.

Everyone's phones
are in. Alright.

First phone is...



I believe this questionable
phone case belongs to you.

No. Yes.

Now let's see.

Whose case is this?

That'd be mine.

What's your background?

Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie.

AJ. It's you.

Come on. Get in there.

Come on. Let's go.

Rules are rules. We
don't make the rules.

They're just the rules.

Have fun.

Use the dental dams.

Oh, I got one.

Did you know that pandas

fake their pregnancies
to get extra food?

Oh wow. Another
random animal fact.

So soon?

I know. I'm just nervous.

Don't you kind of
know me by now.

Yeah. I kind of do.

Okay. Let me think of,

of random animal fact while
you get yourself together,


You could also just
tell me something real.


Okay. Yeah.


I'm terrified of flying.

Is that all you're giving me?

Yes. Well, I don't, I just,

I don't think that humans
are meant to sit in chairs

in the sky, you know.

Like, like, that's messed
up, if you think about it.


We are bad at the
small talk thing.

I tried.

But at least it's better
than us awkwardly making out.


I mean, what, can,
can you imagine,

what, suddenly we're
hardcore making out?

- Mm. That just sounds.
- Come on.

Really crazy.

It, it would be hilarious.

It would be just super funny.


Funny, like this
being my first kiss.

Very funny.

I know everyone makes
assumptions about me.

The mysterious AJ Campos.

Brooding, leather jacket type,

but, um, no, never
kissed anyone.


I guess we have that lack
of experience in common.


But why haven't you?

I mean, I'm sure that,

you know, people
probably want to.

I'm not opposed to it.

I'm not opposed to it either.

Kissing someone?

Kissing you.


Do you think that this is
gonna be awkward later?

No, I really don't think so.

- Do you have enough blanket?
- Do you have enough room?

We're being weird about this.


And this really does
not have to be weird.


It doesn't.

I honestly don't think I'm
gonna be able to fall asleep.

Like, my mind is racing from
this whole CalArts thing.

You're really lucky your mom is
so supportive of you being...


No. I'm gonna say an artist.

- Oh.
- I do. Yeah.

I feel like I would never
pursue something like that.

Because of your parents?

Like... to them,

everything artistic is a risk.

Which I, I guess I get.

What did they say
when you came out?

When I told my mom I was bi,

she didn't really say anything.

But when Gabby came out,

she made it pretty
impossible to ignore.

She did it at her 14th birthday
party. Like, at the party.

- Oh wow.
- Yeah.

I think my abuela
was gonna puke.

Is it hard having a twin?

I mean, I love her,

and we have this really
special, cool bond.

But Gabby's also
painfully charming,

and everyone's
obsessed with her.

It's just an impossible comparison
to live up to, you know.

That was a lot. I don't know
why I told you all that.

It wasn't a lot.

I'm glad you told me.

But what about you?

Is it hard growing up
with just your mom?

Mm, sometimes, but not really.

I just love her so much.

Mm, she's like my best friend.

- Aw.
- Don't tell her that though.

She wants it too much.

One day, she just
decided she wanted a kid,

so she got some sperm
and she did it herself.

That's pretty bad ass.

Now I know where you get
your confidence from.

What are you talking about?

You're the one who has the whole
quiet confident thing going on.

Nobody ever knows
what you're thinking,

including me.


I'm working on it.

We should...

Yeah, you're right, we should
probably get some sleep.

Yeah. Yeah.


Good night, Paige.

Night, AJ.

I've asked you nicely.

All I wanted was some Cheetos.

Hey, give me my food!



Oh my god, thank
god you're here.

Gabby, drunk Gabby.

The stupid vending machine
won't give me my food.

I got you.


I'm telling you, listen,

I've tried this so
many times tonight,

and it has not happened.

I mean, I don't know...



Thank you.

It's so crazy.

I'm gonna walk you
to your room, okay.

If you wanna walk me
back to my room, Paige,

then that's what we're gonna do.

- I'm gonna do that.
- Alright.


remember when I told you
that me and Aya broke up?


Well, it actually turns out
that they broke up with me.

No one knows that though.

Gabby Campos got dumped.


Are you okay?

Um, yeah, I am...

I'm not.

You're good at making
me feel better though.

I can't, I can't,
I can't. I'm sorry.

Why don't you want to kiss me?

Why does no one want to kiss me?

I'm sorry, I just have a
crush on somebody else.

Story of my life, am I right?


It's a froyo loyalty card.


that it is.

See ya later, alligator.

Good night.

AJ, are you awake?

Well, friends, it doesn't
get any bigger than this.

We're here at the historic
Central Square Track and Field,

and we've got a big one today.

And this is the stuff
dreams are made of,

but also nightmares if
you're not in the top three.

It goes by so fast,
like childhood.

I just hope that everybody
takes every moment in

and makes it special.

Now some would say there
are no losers here today.

- Is that true?
- No.


The polls say you're
two points behind.

- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

I wouldn't trust the polls,

especially when they're
run by two freshmen

who have crushes on you.

Okay, Todd and Harry
did the best they can

with the resources they have.

- Mm-hmm, yeah?
- "The best they can?"

Are they? Are they really?

Guys, emergency.

Have you guys seen AJ?

I tried to sit next to her on the
bus, but then Coach cornered me

to talk about my mom's
food preferences.

No, why?

You have that anxious-sweating

deodorant look in your eye.

AJ and I kissed last night.

- Shut up!
- What?

And then Gabby tried
to kiss me, again.

- Oh my god.
- Oh no.

And I'm freaking out
because AJ thinks

it was both of our first
kisses, but it wasn't.

My first kiss was with Gabby,
and I don't know what to do

because I actually like AJ.

No shit.


our kiss was really real.

You know what I'm saying?
It was really good.

Okay, uh, Paige, take,
take a deep breath

'cause you can't have
an orgasm on the field.

I just don't know what to do.

I don't want her to think
that it didn't matter.

And I don't want her think that
I like her sister, I don't.

I don't want her to hate me.

We were talking all night, and I
really don't want her to hate me.

Four by 100 relay teams,

please report to
the starting line!

What am I gonna do?

Um, okay, well, first of all,

you're gonna run the race

and hopefully you
won't trip and fall,

and then we can figure
out what to say to AJ.

I feel like I'm gonna shit my pants
like that marathon runner did.

Shit your pants?

Please shit your pants,
that would be hilarious.

- No, please don't shit your pants.
- It's gonna slow us down.

True, maybe don't
shit your pants.

And that's it for the javelin.

We're getting that young
athlete carted off the field.

I'm sure they'll be okay.

They're doing amazing things
now with blood platelet therapy.

And now we're on to the big one,

the granddaddy of them all,

the fastest 50 seconds in sport,

the four by 100 meter relay.

Trigger warning, there
will be a gunshot to start,

but it's fake.

Runners, take your mark.

How would you approach
a baton hand off?

I'd go like this.

Okay, ready? Grab.

So I don't look.

- I'll do it again.
- Ah, incredible.

Incredible. And our
hands did not touch.

Oh, but you have
to do it backwards.

- Just picture this, but backwards.
- Okay.

On your mark!

Get set.

Go, Gabby!

Go, go, go!

Here we are with the
second leg of the race

and for Miller High,
this is Gabriela Campos.

She's one of the captains.

Look at 'em go, wow.

She's really, she's just,
she's just doing a lot of this.

She's doing tons of this.

This is gonna be a crucial hand
off here to newcomer Paige Evans.

And they get it done! And
now Paige Evans is off.

Now look at Miller High,
they are neck and neck.

An absolute surprise. Oh,
the humanity of it all.

Incredible. Linklater
close behind.

Now ahead, going in the lead.

Miller High...

Miller High second place!

Second place!

Hey, can I talk to
you about last night?

What about last night?

What happened last night?

My drunk ass tried
to kiss Paige.

I'm sorry, I should have asked

and not just assumed
because we kissed before,

but honestly I should probably
apologize for that kiss too.

I clearly don't deal
with breakups well.

You all know about this?

It's really not what...

No, it's fine.

You don't have to
explain yourself.

AJ, can we please talk?

No, it's fine.

It was just a kiss, right?

And actually, I should
be apologizing to you.

I'm KingPun, so we're even.

- What?
- Oh shit.

You guys like each other?

Gab, really, keep up please.


AJ, wait!

No, Paige, Paige,
Paige, Paige, Paige.

Give them a moment, okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

AJ, wait.

Leave me alone, Gabby.


I didn't know you
liked her, okay.

I never would've
kissed her if I did.

Yeah, I know, but
this always happens.

Every time I try
to make new friends

or just do my own thing,

people always
think of you first.

I'm sorry.

God, I was so stupid for
thinking this time was different.

AJ, you're not stupid.

Paige isn't even into me.

She said she likes someone
else, I'm guessing you.

She never told me that.

Just like you didn't
tell me you were KingPun.

I mean, what is going on with you?
Why wouldn't you tell me that?

Because Mom and Dad would kill me if
they found out I was spending time

on literally anything
other than school or track,

let alone defacing the school.

But it's me, AJ.

I know.

But everything I do is always
overshadowed by you, Gabs.

I needed something
that was mine.

How am I supposed to help you
if you don't tell me anything?

Help me with what, Mom and Dad?

They're hard on
me too, you know.

Oh, now this is
about you, great.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.

Listen, I will be fine.

Just let second place feel
like last today, okay.


AJ is KingPun.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

I did not see that coming.

Neither did I.

Thank you for getting me
my favorite, by the way.

You're welcome.

I mean, I got it for both
of us, so I... well, okay.


so, I hate to bring this up,

but it's almost the
end of the semester

and I was kind of a-wonderin'

what you were planning to do
about the whole suspension thing.

Mm, I have no clue.


I don't want to give AJ away because
her dad would be really upset,

but I also don't want to ruin
this whole CalArts thing.

Yeah, I get it.

Everything is falling apart.

She won't speak to me.

She ignored me the
whole time on the bus,

and she doesn't answer
any of my texts.

So... how am I supposed
to draw my happiest moment

when I'm the most
depressed I've ever been?

Well, stop wondering

how you could have done
things differently, you know.

I mean, sometimes you just have
to let your feelings guide you.

That's all you can really do.

And then sometimes your
head and your heart

end up duking it out.

Well, those two things aren't
really working right now, are they?

- She's gonna come around.
- You've just got to give her some time.

That's the way this works.

You didn't see the
look on her face, Mom.

I know. I didn't, but

I've been AJ.


I've been you, I've been Gabby.

You break hearts,

you get your heart broken,
and everything in between.

That's just how it works.

Be cool. And I think eventually
AJ will hear what you're saying.

Having feelings is evil.

It's the worst.

No feelings would be better,

but that's just
not the way it is.

I do have one more really
important question though.

What's up?

How does Coach Murray look?

- Oh.
- Like, seriously, level with me.

Tell me everything. I
want all the details.

What do you mean you think only
five people are gonna vote?

Hi, Gabby.

Huh. I'm telling you...


Just drop it in your class box.

Thank you. Yep, you got it.

I'm sorry, I just,
I really need to...

I know this is rude.


Sorry, I, I dropped
something up there,

so I have to go ahead of you.

Sorry, I'm gonna...

- Hi.
- What are you doing?

Are you just going
to ignore me forever?

It's been three days.

Well, each one of them has
felt like daylight savings.

That would make them
an hour shorter.

Well, I told you, I don't
know the metric system.

I know you were forced to
hang out with me on track,

but then you used me
to get to my sister,

to hide from Chantal, and to
figure out who KingPun was.

Which you could have
told me about by the way.

Oh, because you were so honest?

Okay, I deserved that.

It's not like you told
the truth though, either.

Well, I wanted to tell you.

You know, there are other places
you can go to make out, right?

That's really not
what we're doing.

I wanted to tell you about
KingPun, that I was KingPun.

I wanted to tell you how I felt,

how I think about
you all the time.

How when you look at me,

I feel like my heart is
literally beating in my ears.

And when you get
flustered, I get flustered

'cause I think it's the stupidest,
cutest thing I've ever seen.

But maybe this is why
I didn't tell you,

because I knew it was
too good to be true.

You don't get to choose who you
fall for. Believe me, I get it.

AJ, look at me.

I like you.

I don't want to be runner-up.

Why does the vote
for Dillon hashtag

only have two posts, and
they're both from me?

She hasn't posted in 12
hours, is that weird?

That feels really weird.

Uh, do you care
because it's KingPun,

or do you care because it's
AJ and it's driving you nuts

not knowing what she's thinking?

I'm not answering that.

Listen, I just know how much trouble
AJ will be in if I tell on her.

I don't know what to do.

Fleeing is always an option.

You're gonna be a great
president, Stacey.

Thank you.

Wait, you didn't vote for me?

Here are me and AJ's uniforms.

- Thank you, Gabby.
- Just put it in there.

Hey, this had hot Cheetos
dust on it when I got it.

Really weird.

Oh, Paige.

Principal Collins would like
to see you in her office.

I know.

And, um,

tell your mom I said... hi.

I will not.

Okay, let's just
get this over with.

I'm KingPun. There,
I said it, okay.

I accept whatever consequences
you determine for me,

and I'll face them.

Wait, let me get this straight.

You are also KingPun?


Okay, I'm KingPun,
we're all KingPun.

In fact, I'm QueenPun.

- Huh?
- Is it root vegetable season?

Because it's turn up time, see?

No, I-I'm KingPun.

We know you're
not KingPun, okay.

AJ Campos came in
about an hour ago,

- and she confessed to everything.
- Wait, what?

Do you want to
get suspended too?

I'm just curious, 'cause it feels
like you wanna get suspended.

And I don't know about you, but I'm
not trying to do double the paperwork.

I got things to do.

Wait, suspension?

You, you suspended her?

Yes, I suspended her.

She came in and gave me
all the evidence I needed,

and she's allowed back
into school next semester.

Next semester?

Do you understand how
space and time works?

Oh god, this semester
ends this week.

Why are you still here?

I have things to do,

wenches to boss

and turkey legs to motorboat

and history to write.

Okay, I'll leave.

Well, do you wanna help
me with the corset?

'Cause it's,

it is like a whole
panic room on my back.

Like, I want to win, but I just,
like, I don't want to see you lose.

- I'm gonna win, babe.
- I don't know if you are.

I think I will.

- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- You think you will win?
- I know I'm gonna win.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- Tell me again.
- I'm gonna win.

I'm gonna fucking win.

I need your help.

Stacey, I need
you to call Gabby.


Are you serious?

She's relapsing.

It's the opposite actually.

I'll fill you guys
in while we work.

We should go.

Work on what?

- Paige!
- Paige.

What are we doing?

You know I can't
be here right now.

This won't take long.

Jesus Christ!

What the hell are you doing?

Put that away!

Gabs, stop!

Are you just trying to get
me expelled at this point?

Listen, I know
you're still upset.

Yeah, more so now.

But I will always
have your back, okay.

If you're going down,
I'm going down with you.

Okay, yeah, I
appreciate the gesture,

but this is not
gonna help me at all.

In fact, I think it's gonna
get me in more trouble.

Also, what the hell is it?

Isn't it obvious?

No, I feel like I'm playing
Pictionary with an infant.

It's supposed to be an arrow.

You were supposed to follow it.


Listen, I love you,
okay, even when we fight.

And you're a fucking incredible
artist and an amazing person.

You deserve to win, AJ.

Alright, I do appreciate that.

So please, follow
my shitty arrow.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Uh, just a quick reminder,
there's about 50 spots open

for the Annual Renaissance Fair.

So if you'd like to sign up,

you could still do
that in my office.

Moving on to the real
reason we're here today,

the election results.

And a quick thank you to
your peers here on stage

who have worked so
hard to earn your vote

to become the next
student body president.

And out of the two, I have
no idea who it could be.

It's such a close race

between the both of them.

Without further ado,

your next president is

Stacey Clark!

Madam President.

First Gentleman.

Go, Stacey!

I am so honored to be your
new student body president.

As many of you may know,

I've worked tirelessly to
make this dream happen.

And I wanna give
a huge shout-out

to everybody who's
helped me along the way.

I'm looking at you,
Todd and Henry.


As promised on my
campaign trail,

I will be completely transparent
about all my policies.

I also will be challenging
the administration

on any issues I believe
merit push back.

Here we go.

In fact, I'd like
to serve right now

by introducing you guys
to my very first project,

the beautification initiative.

It's about time we took a
page out of KingPun's book

and filled these school
walls with color and life.

It's time we reinvested in art, no
matter what the administration says.

I voted for you, bitch.

Therefore, to launch
this initiative,

I'd like to welcome a
beautiful artist to the stage.

Paige Evans!


You look like a serial
killer, change your eyes.

What is she doing?

Just wait.

I can't believe I've become
an accomplice to this.

You're gonna be surprised
by a lot of the things

you do with me.

I'm mostly talking about
sex stuff, just so you know.


My name is Paige Evans.

Yeah, yeah, Paige!

Some of you guys may recognize me
from that party I attended once.


This is terrible.

Good job.

Like KingPun,

um, I too am also an artist.

And I believe that art is supposed
to make you feel something.

KingPun isn't vandalizing
school property.

Actually breathing
life into this place.

Have you ever walked into
school and had a bad night

or had a breakup and saw a mural

and laughed or smiled?

Yes. So exactly.

I don't, I don't think that KingPun
has to be punished for that.


And as your new class
president, I agree.


Great, it's a coup.

- Go.
- What?

Please, please, please.



So AJ is KingPun?

I just need you to know
that when I'm with you,

it's not about Gabby,

it's, it's not about track.

Paige, I don't really want...

Just let me finish, okay.



I've been really struggling
with this stupid prompt,

trying to figure out what my
happiest moment feels like.

Yo, I can't hear anything.

Hey, you guys know
what's happening?

And I've realized that
it's not just one moment.

It's every moment that
I've had with you.

Falling for you has been the
happiest moment of my life.

And making this has been the easiest
thing I've made all semester.

Oh my god.


I mean,

it really hasn't been
the easiest thing.

I haven't slept in 24 hours,

but you get the idea.

Can I talk now?

Only if it's good.

I'm really sorry I
threw you under the bus

and then let you
take the fall for me.

It was wrong and
really messed up.

I just wanted to spend every
second I could with you.

And every stupid pun
and mural and drawing

brought us together.

So I couldn't stop

'cause I was
falling for you too.

Okay, that was good.

- Yo, can y'all speak up?
- Man, we can't hear you.

Speak up!

Shut up, Tim!

Ahem. Sorry.

What do we do?

I think if we kiss,
they'll get the idea.


Oh, thank god.

Yeah, sister!

How are we gonna
get that to CalArts?

Uh, my mom's got it covered.

There's only 15
percent battery left.

Oh yeah, I know.

I brought the charger so
that we can have a little fun

with this bad boy in
your office later on.

And by later on, I mean
in, like, 90 seconds.

We should go.

Thank god this went well.

Could you imagine if she got
you turning me down on tape?

- Hello?
- Oh yep, there you are.

I was sitting here
the whole time.

- Did you not notice?
- No.

Why are you smiling?

What are you talking about?

I know you took some of my hair.

I know that you're
in love with me.

- Whoa, okay, don't flatter yourself.
- You're not my type.

Two, of course I took your hair.

How else is a love
spell supposed to work?

I'm exhausted.

You're welcome.

She really just called us out.


- Okay, I know, I know.
- Double the paperwork and I'm sorry.

And you're gonna have to
suspend us both, so...

I'm not suspending
either one of you guys.

- Really?
- What?

- Did I stutter?
- You guys need to clean your ears.

No, not suspending anyone.

And the beautification

when the board hears
about it, it was me.

- Okay, that's fine.
- Damn.

Oh, I'm not done yet.

You guys are also gonna
run the face painting booth

at the RenFaire this year.

Anything but that.

That's the face I
was looking for!

Looking like a bunch of wenches.

She just called us wenches.

Does this mean I
have to paint Tim?

I think honestly, we
should be thanking her.

It's the first day on the job,

and you already
started a revolution.

Would you expect anything less?

Time to use those dental dams.

There's some in your locker.

Thank you.

By the way, that
wasn't just a kiss.

Yeah, no shit.

The thing about art is
that you can't force it.

It's a lot like love.

You should just
let it come to you

and not be afraid
to be vulnerable.

I spent so long comparing
myself to other artists,

to my peers, to KingPun.

When I finally stopped and
I started living my life,

my art caught up with me.

And you know what?

It looks pretty
damn good from here.