Crook's Tour (1941) - full transcript

If my party will kindly glance to the right,

Part of the Arabian desert through which we
are now passing

was once, according to tradition,
the Garden of Eden.

Away to our left is the ancient
city of Babylon

which is unfortunately not
on our route today,

though Spindle's run regular
tours there from Baghdad every Monday,

visiting also the remains of
the supposed "Tower of Babel",

weather permitting,

which is approximately the same distance
from Babylon as Hampstead is from London,

though of course in Hampstead
there's no tower.

Any questions?



What's happened, Hassan?

The petrol tank, he split himself.

Petrol, he run away.

All gone.

You mean we've got to stay here,
in the desert?

All night?
Disgraceful management!

(PASSENGERS GRUMBLING)

Please. The fault's not mine,
I assure you.

We've just run out of petrol,
but he'll get some as soon as possible.

Hey. Hey, Caldicott!

Hmm?

(YAWNING) What's the matter?

Are we there?

Good Lord, no. The bastard's run
out of juice.



- But that's absurd, Charters, Budapest.
- Mm.

You told us this trip was only going
to take a day.

Oh I say, old chap, I can't be blamed!

Probably cause a rift between
Edith and myself, that's all.

She's been waiting in Budapest thinking I'm
on my way, and I'll be sitting

sitting on my... In a char-à-banc.

It's fantastic.

My dear fellow...

All night in the desert. No bed,
no bath. Sleeping with people

we've never been introduced to.

You've placed us in a very,
very disagreeable position.

Look, what's all this?

I think they're coming this way.

- Fine looking lot.
- Yes.

I once read a book about a girl who fell
in love with a sheek.

Shake. That's the correct pronunciation,
old man.

It's sheek in "Sheik of Araby."

Comic song is hardly a criterion.

Oh, I say, nice horse he's got there.

Good Lord, he's making straight for us.

Do you know any Arabic, Charters?

No I do not, this is a bit awkward.

Good afternoon.

My name is Charters. You wish,
to me, to speak?

Yes. I am the Sheik Abdul Ramla.

I came over to see if I could be of
any help, but... oh, I think I know that tie!

You see, I too went to Marlebury.

You mean, you're an old Marleburian?

(CHUCKLES)
Yes. I left there in 1908.

Oh, but that'll be a little
before your time.

Yes, I was 1912. I say, this is astonishing,
isn't it?

Oh, I beg your pardon.
This is Caldicott, my friend.

Tasharufna.

Yes, rather. Yes, he was
at Roughton.

Oh really? Oh, we had that
annual cricket fixture with Roughton.

I kept wicket for the First 11.

Oh, did you know, he was
Roughton's demon bowler.

What are you doing here,
has your bus broken down?

Yes, it looks as if we're going to be
here for the night.

Oh, that's awful. I ought to be
able to help.

Look, I'm pitching camp close by here
for the night. Would you two care to

join me at dinner?

I should be charmed.
What about you Caldicott?

Delighted.

Very well then. Shall we say 9
o'clock, in my tent?

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Now I'd better see if I can arrange
accommodation for the rest of your party.

So for the moment,
masa' lamah

- Goodbye, old man.
- Goodbye.

- Charming fellow, isn't he?
- I say, Charters.

- What?
- This presents a bit of a problem.

- What do you mean?
- We haven't got dinner jackets.

- Oh, Lord no.

Oh well, after all we should look rather
silly, shouldn't we?

Sitting on cushions in a tent in
evening dress?

Well, the natives might expect it.

(SINGING)

(LAUGHTER)

Caldicott, you've got it all wrong old man.

Well, not at all. You were out of tune.

Now surely Ramla and I know
the Marlebury song better than you.

Perhaps if my musicians were to
accompany us, Mr. Caldicott would find it easier.

CHARTERS: What?

Do they know it?

Of course. I taught it to them myself.

(MUSIC)

♫ Illustrious, the story
Of Marlebury's glory ♫

♫ With pride we toast
Our learned host ♫

♫ That time can never sever
Our destiny shall find us ♫

♫ From lineage behind us
Let faith and courage bind us ♫

♫ Fraternally forever ♫

What memories that brings back.

I shall never forget singing it the
day we beat Harrow.

Close finish, wasn't it?

CHARTERS: Oh, I say, Caldicott,
talking of Lord's, we shan't be in time.

Are you returning to England?

Yes, we promised ourselves we'd
see the last Test match.

As a matter of fact this breakdown
has messed up our arrangements.

I was going to meet my fiancée.

Yes, he was meeting his fiancée.
My sister, you know.

Caldicott's engaged to her.

SHEIK: Oh, really?

I must congratulate you, Caldicott.

Thanks.

Yes, heaven knows when I shall see
her again, now.

I think I can get you back to Baghdad by
tomorrow evening.

- You can?
- Really, Ramla?

Of course. I hadn't realised that you
were in such a hurry.

I'll lend you two of my fastest camels.

Camels?

Do you mean... Oh, I see.

- You're quite used to camels of course, Charters.
- Oh yes. Yes. What do you say, Caldicott?

Oh, yes. Fine. Marvellous.

(BOTH SPEAKING ARABIC)

- Will you excuse me for a moment?
- Yes, certainly.

I say, I can't think why you said you'd
ever ridden a camel before.

That was strictly true.
I have ridden a camel.

- When?
- When I was a little boy.

- Where?
- The zoo.

Hardly an experience of much benefit now.

SHEIK: I'm so sorry. We have to be on the
alert and ready to deal with any emergency.

Yes, I suppose these tribesman fellows
are a pretty wild lot.

Oh, no. Your real Arab is alright.
And loyal to your country.

But there is some foreign power working
in their ranks,

trying to make trouble. Particularly in the
oil fields.

- Oil fields, eh?
- Yes.

Guarding the pipeline is our great difficulty.

Until we can find out who is responsible
for the unrest, things won't be easy.

But I should not be worrying you with all this.

I have arranged beds for you and
one of my men will call you in the morning.

- Thanks very much.
- Yes, that's very good of you.

I hope we're not putting you to
too much inconvenience.

Not in the least. If one old Marleburian
can't help another old Marleburian...

Yes, I see what you mean.
Marlebury forever, eh Caldicott?

Absolutely, old boy.

As an old Roughtonian I salute
you, Marlebury.

Oh, don't take any notice, old man.

How do they expect us to get
a ride up there?

I don't know. I hope we're not making
ourselves look very ridiculous.

Especially in front of the servants.

Here, give me a hand.

CHARTERS: Oh, this is impossible.

You know Caldicott, I can't help thinking
if we had one camel with two humps,

instead of two with one, it'd be easier.

CALDICOTT: Of course, the whole trouble is
that the thing's too steep.

If it was a two-humper,
we could sit between the humps.

Well, there'd hardly be room for both of us,
would there?

I don't know. If not, one of us could sit on
the hump, the other in between.

Then, every so often, we could stop
the camel and change places.

- How do you?
- What?

Stop the camel.

I suppose they... stop of their own accord.

Supposing they don't?

In that case, you tire the blighter out.

It would look rather ridiculous to
go cantering into Baghdad,

and out at the other end.

CHARTERS: Yes, well let's concentrate on
getting to Baghdad,

we'll never catch that...

You just going?

Well, yes. We will be, as soon as we get on.

Do say if you'd rather go by the coach.
It's all ready, we managed to get it fixed up for you.

Well that's absolutely marvellous,
my dear fellow.

Rather, Caldicott wasn't very keen on the camel.

CALDICOTT: Don't be ridiculous.

Well then you'd better hurry,
the others are waiting.

Pity, I was getting quite fond of that camel.

Next train leaves at five to 12,
so we've got an hour or so to kill.

- Well I could do with a bite.
- I'm a bit hungry, too.

- Where should we go?
- I don't know. Ooh!

What about that?

CHARTERS: Looks a bit continental,
doesn't it?

I expect it's one of those places where
there are lots of dancing girls.

- Oh, do you think so?
- Oh, yes. Look, it says:

"La Palermo, in the Dance of the Owl."

The only owl dance in the world.

Owl dance?

I believe there used to be a girl who
did a dance with a swan.

I expect it's much the same thing,
except this is an owl.

Curious.

Although I don't suppose there'll
be much on anywhere else.

Don't suppose there's much on here, either.

Come on, let's get a ticket.

(MUSIC)

Good evening, sir. Table for one?

- This way.
- One moment. I wish to see Herr Rossenger.

He expect me.

Herr Rossenger... This is your first
visit to Baghdad?

Yes, but I have a plan that will break
the record.

Record... I understand.
This way.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Ah, it is you, Ali.

You got my message?

Ja. You are worrying without cause.
You may go back to your master,

and tell him he may trust the word of Charmin.

Abdul Mumraib is most anxious, Herr Rossenger,
that no breath of suspicion shall attach to him.

His help in this matter is involve a very
big risk.

The sheik Ramla is a friend of the British
government.

- And if he should suspect my master...
- Hmm, and what about the rest of us?

But friend Ragov, my master does
not like taking risks.

Half the money he spend in Berlin,
he invests in British 3.5 percents,

in case anything should go wrong.

He may rest assured that nothing will.

In an hour, the information will be
on its way to K-7.

I shall wait here until I know that.

As you wish. Two agents with American
passports will arrive from Germany tonight.

- They will dine here.
- And when they leave,

- they will take the record with them.
- Ja.

Apparently, just an ordinary gramophone
record.

Actually, it contains a summary of the report
you brought from Abdul Mamraib.

They will come here to your office
to collect it?

I dare not take that chance.
Baghdad is full of British and French agents.

They are watching all the night haunts.
Including this.

- How do you know that?
- You know we have here La Palermo?

- La Palermo, the dancer?
- Ja.

She, too, works for the Fatherland.

She's very friendly with a number of
British and French officers in the city.

I see.

Ragov. Find out if those two
agents have arrived yet.

Herr Rossenger. If they do not come
here to collect the record,

how will you receive it?

At end of La Palermo's act,
it is usual for a little Turkish girl

to move among the guests selling
records of her song.

- She will give the record to the agents?
- Ja. They will leave Baghdad at once,

and the record will be in the hands of K-7,
very soon.

How will she know they are the right men?
How will you know?

A very simple and effective signal, Ali.
They will order certain dishes from the menu.

- A certain wine.
- Ah.

Have you forgotten I'm traveling tonight?

Ah, La Palermo.

- You need money, huh?
- I always need money.

I have hotel bills, wine bills, dress bills...
How do you think I pay them?

Ja. I think this will cover it.

This is Ali. You know I told you of him.

- No sign of the agents yet, Herr Rossenger?
- No. They're late.

They must have been delayed. I will tell
Ragov to put La Palermo over to the second half.

And why must I play in the second half?

You're passing over information to German
agents during your act.

Always business is interfering with my act.
It is impossible, I tell you.

How can I think of my unveiling and
serve the Führer at the same time?

CHARTERS: Bit raff this,
isn't it?

CALDICOTT: Oriental architecture,
you know?

CLERK: Good evening, gentlemen.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Would you care to leave your hats?
- Thank you.

Straight down the stairs, gentlemen.

I don't suppose we shall see those
hats again.

You're developing a very suspicious mind.

I say, do you think it's alright?

Looks pretty good to me.

RAGOV: Good evening, gentlemen.

Oh, good evening.

- You desire a table?
- Yes, for two please.

Certainly sir.
This way, if you please.

Sure you wouldn't like to be nearer?

Positive.

I don't wish to appear Victorian,
but is that the sort of display

you'd like to bring Edith to?

But we haven't brought Edith.

True, Caldicott,
but after all you're engaged to her.

And what is more, Charters, it would
never occur to me to bring Edith to a show like this.

But you don't understand. I was only
pointing out...

Here you are, gentlemen.
The menu.

- Ooh, thank you.
- Thank you.

It appears to be a mix of French
and Arabic.

Well, speaking for myself,
I prefer something they can't translate into Arabic.

In that case, what about soup?

Good idea, order it.

Potage celery, please waiter.

CALDICOTT: Uh, same here please.

Yes sir. And to follow?

Oh, here's something I had last time
I was in New York.

- A sort of fried chicken.
- CHARTERS: By all means.

Two pullet Maryland, please waiter.

Pullet Maryland...

Yes. That's alright isn't it?

RAGOV: Oh, yes sir. Anything else?

CALDICOTT: Got a wine list?

Yes, sir. Here it is.

- Thank you.
- I'll leave the choice of wines to you, Charters.

I think that's more up your street.

Up my vineyard, you mean.
(CHUCKLES)

(CHARTERS, TO SELF) Yes, good one.

CHARTERS: Oh I say, here's a bit of luck.
Here's one I can vouch for.

I sampled a bottle only last summer with
old Fruity Watkinson.

Yes, you remember old...

Caldicott!

I do wish you'd pay attention.

If you can tear your eyes away for
just one moment.

Well it just occurred to me that it's supposed
to represent a harem.

I was about to order wine.

Well, splendid. Go ahead.

Alright then.

A bottle of 14... Lafite Rothschild 1929.

What's the matter?

Uh, nothing sir. Lafite Rothschild, 1929.

Yes, that's what I said.

A very excellent wine, sir.

I could have sworn that waiter gave me
a sort of wink.

Probably had something in his eye.

Place's full of untidy eaters.

- Herr Rossenger!
- What is it?

They are here, the two agents.

- You hear that, Ali?
- You are certain?

I have just taken their order.
First, potage celery.

Second, pullet Maryland.

Third, Lafite Rothschild 1929.

- That is the correct signal?
- Absolutely.

Now, serve them like any ordinary guests.
What is their table number?

- Eight.
- Good. Let me see them.

(MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE)

- Well, that's that.
- Good. Now you'll be able to get on with your soup.

I was merely allowing it time
to cool off.

(APPLAUSE)

This is the turn we saw advertised,
old man.

So I gathered.

(MUSIC)

♫ There's no need for lovely phrases
Of sweet delight ♫

♫ There's no need of speeches
Coming from you ♫

♫ All the words are there
Revealed in those big, brown eyes ♫

♫ Giving away your thoughts
Telling me all ♫

♫ You don't have to tell me
It's written in your eyes ♫

♫ Every time you look
At me ♫

♫ Something seems to tell me
You're oh so very wise ♫

♫ Every time you look
At me ♫

♫ Seems that will and wooing
Would appeal to you ♫

♫ Now I think you would like to ♫

(OWL HOOTING)

(OWL HOOTING)

♫ You don't have to tell me
It's written in your eyes ♫

♫ Every time you look
At me ♫

I say, she's a stunning looker,
old boy.

Hardly my type.

Comparitively well-dressed by local
standards, though.

Did you notice she's that she's
accidentally dropped one of her veils?

- I don't think it was an accident, old man.
- What?

(MUSIC ENDING, APPLAUSE)

Record of La Palermo?

Good evening, gentlemen.
Would you like to buy a record?

Well no, thanks, we're just going.

Well, how much are they?

250.

You don't want one of those things,
old man.

I think you do, sir.

Well I certainly don't.

Well, it might be fun to have one
as a souvenir.

Thank you.

Remind you of the glad eye she
gave you, I suppose.

I think that's very uncalled-for.

As a matter of fact,
I thought it might appeal to Edith.

I can't imagine anything less likely
to appeal to Edith.

Oh come on, old boy, come on.
Drink up, we shall miss the train.

MAN 1: Come on, hurry up. We wasted enough
time on that frontier holdup.

MAN 2: Let's get the goods and scram out of here.

- MAN 1: Okay.
- CLERK: Do you want to leave this here?

MAN 2: What do you think we're standing
here looking at you for, buddy?

The fun of the thing? Oh, come on,
speed it up. We're in a hurry.

CHARTERS: Two hats, and get me a taxi.

CLERK: Taxi, five minutes sir.

CHARTERS: Don't you realise we've got to
catch the train to Istanbul?

MAN 2: Hey, what is all this?

CLERK: I call for taxi.

MAN 1: You'll get us our check,
we're in a hurry.

CHARTERS: So are we, we've got a train
to catch.

Ah, nuts. Come on.

Those guys are screwy.

Americans, I presume.

- RAGOV: Good evening, gentlemen.
- Good evening.

RAGOV: A table for two, sir?

- Thanks.
- This way.

Here you are, sir.

- You like this one?
- Oh, yeah. Fine, yeah.

Can I take your order now?

- You certainly can.
- Sure.

We'll start right away with two plates
of potage celery.

Followed by pullet Maryland,
and a bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild 1929.

What's wrong, feeling sick?

Please... E-excuse, I... I'll be back
in a moment.

Herr Rossenger!

Well, what is it?

There is something wrong!
Two more men have arrived,

this minute. And they've ordered potage celery,
pullet Maryland, and Lafite Rothschild 1929.

The first two. Where are they?

Gone. Just.

Hello. Hello, vestibule.

Vestibule, quickly, please!

Hello, vestibule. Two men,
one with a moustache,

have just left the restaurant.
Will you stop them, please?

What? No, no, no, no.
In which direction did they go?

What? Alright.

Right, thank you.

They've gone to catch the 12-5 train
for Istanbul.

We've got to move quickly.

My master will kill me if we
do not get the record back.

We've got to get to Istanbul
before them.

I will contact K-7. He will have
everything arranged.

Now, Ragov, find out what time
the first plane leaves.

Tell La Palermo she must hurry.

Hello? Hello.

Well, here we are old man.
Istanbul, the gateway to the East.

On your guard, old man. One of those
Spindle's guides' got his eye on us. Keep him off.

Or we shall be on another char-à-banc tour.

Too late. He's bearing down on us.

Good morning, gentlemen.
You're traveling with Spindle's Tours?

- No, we are not.
- We've had quite enough of Spindle's.

Yes, one of your char-à-bancs broke down
in the desert, and we were in it.

Oh, it is my duty to make up for this
unfortunate accident.

- I'm afraid...
- If you're looking for a first-class hotel,

undoubtedly the best in Istanbul
is the Hotel Hamilton.

- But my friend has just told you...
- The rooms are most comfortable,

and the cooking is excellent.

The cooking's good, eh?

The Hamilton is as English as the best
London Hotel.

Well, what do you think, Caldicott?

Well, I leave it entirely to you.

Well, it's only for one night.
The Budapest train leaves in the morning.

- Alright then.
- GUIDE: The hotel car is here, sir.

This way.

GUIDE: I've lost him. Where is he?

Well, did it work?

Perfectly. The two Englishmen are on
their way here now.

By a somewhat roundabout route.

Ah, there is no hurry.

- All is ready.
- Directly they arrive, we must kill them.

No. No-one is to raise a finger against them.

But you don't understand...

Ali, it is you who do not understand.
Tell him, Klacken.

You no doubt think this is an ordinary
hotel, but you are wrong.

What? This is not a hotel?

It's a private villa on the shores of the
Bosporus.

It belongs to our chief, K-7.
It is used by him, when necessary,

for transacting special business.

I see. Staff?

Oh, have no fear. Staff are agents,
like ourselves.

And there is the most beautiful one of all.

Will you please tell me what I have to do?

Herr Klacken. This is La Palerma.

She will sing with the orchestra.
The Englishmen will recognise her,

and I have an idea it will put them
at their ease.

And for how long must I do that?

You need only wait until we have
disposed of them.

Then you can leave for Budapest.

I cannot see the reason for all this.
You should have killed them on the train.

You could have caught it up at Aleppo
and boarded it there.

I've said it too. In the train,
you throw a body out the window, it is gone.

Here, if you throw a body out the window,
in the morning it is still there.

But you're mistaken, my friend.
The bodies will not be there.

What will you do with them?

Just this: in the days of the Sultan
Ibrahim, certain suites overhung the Bosporus.

When he grew tired of his wives,
he tied them in sacks and pushed them

out the door. A sheer drop.
And they were swirled away in the Bosporus,

and no-one ever heard of them again.

Do you know any more amusing stories?

I like it, go on.

That's all. Except that the Englishmen
will occupy one of those suites tonight.

And in it is a door marked "Bathroom".
But there is no bathroom.

There is nothing.
Only the Bosporus.

MAN: The reception is on the left,
gentlemen.

- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- Good afternoon.

CHARTERS: I want two single rooms
for one night, how much is that please?

- With bathrooms, sir?
- Well, naturally.

350 piastres each.

Join the orchestra.
Sing something light and tuneful.

Something in keeping with the occasion?

- Ja.
- A jolly little death march?

I will telephone the chambermaid
to draw your baths right away.

Very obliging girl, that.

Trifle anxious for us to bath ourselves,
I thought.

Natural enough. Probably a feature of the place.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

- I say, do you see who that is?
- (LA PALERMA SINGING)

Yes, it's, it's La... La thingamie.

♫ And there's something that I'm hoping
You will say ♫

♫ Tell me you care
And say I can share ♫

♫ One night of heaven
With you ♫

♫ My heart's on fire
My only desire ♫

♫ One night of heaven
With you ♫

♫ You're so disarming
And utterly charming ♫

♫ And there's a feeling in my heart
That's so alarming ♫

♫ Darling
I'd give a year ♫

♫ For this souvenir
One night of heaven ♫

♫ With you ♫

(MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE)

Very attractive girl, you know.

Try to remember that you're still
engaged to Edith.

Yes. I supposed I ought to send Edith
a telegram to say we shan't be there 'til tomorrow.

Oh, good Lord, yes, yes. Well you'll probably
be able to send one from here. Go and ask.

Can I send a telegram from here, please?

Yes sir, of course.
I take it down for you.

Thank you very much.

Edith Charters.

CHARTERS: All looks very nice.

CALDICOTT: Not bad at all.

What about meeting in half an hour's
time, in the lounge?

Alright, you have first bath.

No no, you have first.

That's alright, I can wait.

Alright, no good arguing about it.
See you in half an hour's time.

Go and stand by the river. If there is any
chance of the bodies being discovered,

you know what to do.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yes?

WOMAN ON PHONE: Listen to me.

Are you listening?

Hello? Who is this?

Get out of your hotel at once.
You and your friend. You hear me?

Get out. If you stay, you'll...

Hello? Hello?

Extraordinary thing.

Get out of the hotel? That's absurd.

We've only just come in.

I say, Caldicott?

(SCREAMS)

Good Lord, what the...?
(SPLASH)

Caldicott!

Caldicott, how deep is it?

Hold on, Caldicott, I'm going
to dive in!

Hold on, Caldicott!

CALDICOTT: Hold on to what, old man?

Good God... Caldicott, it's you.

Well, of course it's me.
Always has been, as far as I know.

Y-y-you're... you're alright.

Yes. What's happened,
you're as white as a sheet?

(STAMMERING)

It wasn't you.

- Who?
- You.

Y-you were standing in the doorway,
and I slapped you on the back.

I bey your pardon?

- I-i-it wasn't you, then.
- Who?

Well, the chap I tapped on the back,
he fell in!

- Where?
- Shh!

In here.

My goodness! There's no floor.

That's what I mean.
A trick of some sort.

Just a sheer drop. What's down there?

Water. Sh! Can't you hear it?

- Bosporus.
- Well that's very dangerous.

- I might have stepped in there, and...
- I know!

I know. And it's labeled "Bathroom".

Well, that's ridiculous.
It should be labeled "Bosporus".

Well, what is it?

- This is terrible, they've killed Ali!
- What?!

The men have just got his body out
of the water.

Why, the fool!
What are we to say to K-7?

We must act quickly! Get everybody.
(PHONE RINGS)

Don't answer it!

- Hello?
- Can't you get them?

No, no replies. All right just now.

Ooh, that reminds me.
The most extraordinary thing.

- Hey?
- Yes, that's why I was looking for you.

- Somebody rang me up.
- Rang you up?

- Mm.
- Who?

Well, it was a woman.
An English woman.

She told me to get out of the hotel.

- Why?
- I don't know.

- The line went dead.
- This is very extraordinary.

- Well that's what I thought.
- You know, Charters, this is a very peculiar hotel.

Yes, it's a very inefficient one, too.

- I don't like it.
- I'm not struck on it myself.

- Well, what about hopping out and
going to another place?

- I'm all for it.
- Good.

After all, there are limits.

- What about that fellow?
- The man you pushed overboard?

- The man I brushed against.
- Better mention it on the way out.

- I suppose we had.
- Place seems to be empty.

No-one at the desk.

Doesn't seem to be a soul in the place.

All this is very mysterious.
Why did you order us to leave so suddenly?

Because everything has gone wrong! Quick,
here they come. Get in!

Come on, can't you walk a bit faster,
old man?

Doesn't seem to be a taxi anywhere.

You know, I've been thinking about
that extraordinary business of

the man in the bath... um, the
Bosporus room.

- I can't make that out at all.
- Mm.

- You don't think we ought to tell the police...
- No. I might have to appear in court.

- Hardly.
- I might even be charged with murder.

That's impossible. I mean,
we've got a pact with Turkey.

That doesn't give me diplomatic immunity,
old man.

Besides, think of Edith.
She'll be worried to death.

- To say nothing of the West Indies Test match.
- Ooh, no. Mustn't miss that.

Well it's no use standing here talking.
I don't like this place. Lets get on, to Budapest.

But the train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning.

We'll take a plane. There's a regular service,
I know, it says so in my guide book.

Alright, anything to get out of this place.

Ah, here's a taxi!

Airport, please.

I still cannot understand what happened.

Ali was impatient to get that record.
The fool, he went up to their room too early.

Well, he has paid for his foolishness.

What do you mean?

Ali is dead. Drowned.
They killed him, Ada.

We're dealing with desperate men.

I'm glad it is you that have to tell K-7,
and not I.

I will handle it, alright.

- When's the next plane to Budapest?
- Very soon, sir. Have you much luggage?

CALDICOTT: No, only these four cases.
Lucky we sent that other luggage on, Charters.

Will you go up to the desk, sir,
and take your tickets?

- There's just time to have your luggage examined.
- Thank you. First bit of luck we've had so far.

- They leave at once for Budapest.
- Ah, that makes matters easier.

But when we get to Budapest,
how shall we find them?

- Ah, the telegram!
- Telegram?

Ja, the one they handed to Irma.

Here it is.

Hotel Magyar.

We, too, will stay at the Hotel Magyar.

But I'm due to appear at the Montana.

Oh, that does not matter.
We depend on you now.

I shall telephone to K-7.
He will be less displeased,

now that things can be settled
without further trouble.

In Budapest, he can arrange a plan
for himself.

Now you go and order a special plane.
We can overtake them, if necessary.

Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to the Hotel Magyar.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Yes, we want two single rooms please.

Yes. With bathrooms?

Have they got baths in them?

But of course. I will give you
two splendid rooms, with balconies.

If you would care to register.

MANAGER: Rooms 47 and 48, sir.

My name's Charters.
I believe my sister may have arrived.

I do not recollect the name.
One moment.

Is there a Miss Charters staying in the hotel?

RECEPTIONIST: No, sir.
MANAGER: No, sir.

Well after all, we did say tomorrow
in the telegram, didn't we?

Yes, that's right old boy.
Well, I think I'm going straight off to bed.

Suits me.

- Will you be dining, gentlemen?
- No, thanks, no.

We'll go right up to our rooms.
I really must have some sleep.

I feel as if I've been up for weeks.

MANAGER: Good evening sir,
good evening madam.

Ja. You have some rooms reserved
for us. Name of Rossenger.

Ah, yes of course. Rooms 46 and 49.

Will you register, please?

- Yes, madam?
- I should like to speak to the manager.

This way please, madam.
Shall I take your bag and coat?

- Thank you.
- Thank you, madam

- Good evening, madam.
- Are you the manager?

At your service, madam.

I am Miss Edith Charters. Can you tell me
if my brother is staying here with a Mr. Caldicott?

Yes, madam. They are in 47 and 48.
They enquired for you when they arrived.

- When was that?
- About half an hour ago.

- They went straight to bed.
- To bed?

- Yes, madam.
- I wish to speak to Mr. Charters at once.

Ring Mr. Charters' room.

If you please, madam.

RECEPTIONIST: Room 48, please.

Here you are, madam.

Thank you.

(PHONE RINGS)

(GROANS)

Hello.

No doubt you've forgotten my
existence, but this is Edith.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Hello, Edy, old girl, so you've arrived eh?

I arrived in Budapest 6 hours ago.

Since when I've been dragging myself
around all the hotels in the city,

enquiring for you and Sinclair. It is now
10 o'clock at night,

and I find that you have quite typically
retired to bed.

Oh. Didn't you get our telegram?

I received nothing. When I got here,
I thought that at least you would have

sent a message to Spindle's office.

But we sent a telegram from Istanbul!

Hawtrey, get out of bed.
I must see you immediately.

Wait a minute. I'm on a...

(SIGHS)

Everything quite clear, Ada?

The Englishman's room is just across
the balcony.

Ja. There are no lights.
They must have gone out.

Now is our chance. You've got to act
quickly.

The record will most likely be
in one of the suitcases.

- You will wait here?
- Ja, I will wait. Now, be careful.

(YELPS)
(CLATTERING)

What's that?

Good Lor'. La thingamie!

I'm so sorry. It's the wrong room, I... I
must have made a mistake.

Mistake? Heh. I like that!

You can't come charging into a man's room
and pinch his record.

- Let go!
- I don't want to hurt you, but this is my room.

If you don't let go, I shall
bit you!

Unless I can get a satisfactory explanation,
I shall telephone the manager.

- But I've done nothing, I tell you...
- Well what are you doing in my room?

(ADA GASPS)

Good heavens!

Well, hello Edith.

This is a surprise,
I didn't know you'd got here.

Obviously.

This is my fiancée,
Miss Charters.

La... La Thingamiebob, she... she
dances with an owl.

- Caldicott, really!
- I think I know now,

why I never received that telegram.

- Oh, Edith, you don't understand.
- The situation speaks for itself.

But Edith, you must listen to me.

Bad as it looks, Edith,
it's probably only an infatuation.

- It's nothing of the sort! I was lying...
- I don't doubt that.

- I was lying there and she came in...
- Kindly spare my sister the sordid details.

Quite. Perhaps you will take me to my
room at once, Hawtrey.

I find the atmosphere here utterly
nauseating.

- Very well, Edith.
- I must confess,

I'm not altogether surprised at this.
I'd always suspected there was a shoddy

streak in Sinclair's character.

Listen, wait a minute!

You'll hear more of this later,
Caldicott.

This is dreadful.

Look here, you must explain...

Where is she?

La Thing? Miss... Miss Whatsit?

Well? What happened?

- Where's the record?
- I didn't get it. He was there all the time,

- in bed.
- He saw you?

Yes, but luckily some horse-faced
woman came in and I got away.

Did he recognise you?

Yes. He said he was going to call
the manager.

We must leave this hotel at once.

We daren't risk any problem with
the police.

But what about the record?

Oh, I hate to think what K-7
will say to this.

But we must go! Come along.

Manager.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Ooh, come in.

Jó estét kívánok!
I understand you rang for me, Mr. Caldicott.

Yes. Look here, it may be an extraordinary
thing to ask, but could you tell me

who occupies the room next door?

Have they been annoying you, sir?

Yes. Uh... and no.

Let me see...

Your next-door neighbour is rather
a big man,

with a small moustache.
I think his name is "Charters."

No, no, no, not him, no.
He's my friend.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

As a matter of fact,
this is a lady.

- Oh.
- Yes.

If it would help at all,
she goes under the name of "La Palermo,"

but that might not be her real name.

No, sir.
Perhaps if you could describe her,

and the clothes she wears,
I might be able to help.

It's rather difficult to say,
I've very rarely seen her with any clothes on.

Oh... uh, you see.

- So...
- (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) Yes.

What I mean is, she's on the stage.
Sings, and dances, that sort of thing.

Oh, artisto.
Then perhaps if you can describe

her face to me.

Well I've hardly noticed... of course she
has a face. Uh, and eyes.

Green eyes, I think they are.
Two of them.

And, uh, long hair. Well, not very long,
but you know, comes down,

that way. And a wide throat.
Very nice throat, and she sings

out of... uh, through it.
Comes right out... ooh.

Hello, Charters.

Well then, manager, you'll
try and trace this woman?

I will sir, immediately,
jó est kívánok.

What's he want?

I'm trying to find out some more
about La Palermo.

I should have thought that
superfluous.

Edith sends her ring back.

She's um... calling it off?

Absolutely. She says she's gratuful
for one thing,

she found out in time.
Personally, I don't blame her.

It's not playing the game, Caldicott.
I can't put it stronger than that.

I think you're behaving in a most
unbearable manner.

I wake up, I find La Palermo
haring about the bedroom...

You don't expect me to believe
a story like that.

I'm going to get this matter put straight
if we have to stay in Budapest until...

Well, until we miss the Test match.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- CALDICOTT: Come in.

Pardon. There is no-one called
La Palermo staying at this hotel,

but I have just discovered there is
a lady of that name appearing at

the Montana Cabaret tonight.

Ah, that's her. There's no doubt about it.
Thank you very much.

I'm going to find this woman, Charters.

If you take my advice,
you won't go near her.

I've taken your advice often enough.
That woman has got to be made to

explain to Edith. Go on, get dressed.
We're going to the Montana.

Well, Ada, the Montana is full tonight.

Naturally. When I appear,
every place is full.

Oh, the vanity of this artist.
Well, it is nearly 12 o'clock.

Would you like a little drink
before you appear?

No, thank you, but I think you
should have one.

Yes, you're right. I hesitate to
tell K-7 we have not succeeded

in getting the record.

And what do you think he will say?

(SCOFFS)
I do not think he will regard our effort

as a great achievement.

It's all very well for K-7 to give
these mysterious instructions,

but why doesn't he...

They are here!
In the restaurant!

- Who?
- The Englishmen!

- Did they see you?
- I don't think so.

Why have they come here?

Why, it is obvious. They caught you
in the act of stealing the record,

they followed you here to find out
some more about you.

- I'd not thought of that.
- (CHUCKLES)

If we had set a trap,
it could not have been better planned.

What will you do?

A few drops of something in their drinks,
that is all that is necessary.

The head waiter will receive
his orders.

Ah, good evening, gentlemen.
Table for two, sir?

CALDICOTT: We want to see La Palermo.

Ah, you will want a front table,
sir.

No, we don't. No, no thanks old man.

We don't want to see her perform,
we want to see her privately.

But I'm afraid that is not possible,
you see, the cabaret is about to begin.

Well perhaps in that case,
you can give her a note after the show.

With pleasure, sir.
May I take you to a table?

- Thanks very much.
- Thank you.

(MUSIC, APPLAUSE)

♫ Gone
Gypsy lover ♫

♫ Gone from me
Gone like a broken melody ♫

♫ Music playing
A gypsy dance around the fire ♫

♫ Bodies swaying
In every glance a wild desire ♫

♫ What care I
Though you're gone ♫

♫ Flashing eyes around me
Gay love is mine tonight ♫

♫ Gone, gypsy lover
Far away ♫

♫ Gone
Leaving me an empty day ♫

♫ Gypsy music will help forget a breaking heart
Happy laughter, can I forget you played a part? ♫

♫ Where are you
Romani? ♫

♫ Play the music
On with the dance ♫

You know...

watching her it's hard to believe
she's a thief.

She's warming up for the takeoff,
old man.

Your whiskeys, gentlemen.

(MUSIC STOPS)
CALDICOTT: Extraordinary thing to happen, Charters.

ADA: Don't touch that whiskey.
It's poisoned.

MAN: Is alright, is alright.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it was only the switch.

La Palermo, she will start again.

I say, old man, look at this.

- What is it?
- This note.

It was put into my hand when
the lights went out.

Read it.
(MUSIC RESUMES)

(MUSIC STOPS, APPLAUSE)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

Yes, well...

I think we might as well
be going now.

We'd look very silly.
We've only just come in.

I think you must be careful.

What do you mean?

They did not touch their drinks.

- You sure?
- Certain.

Who could have told them?

Everything is going wrong!

See. They're leaving.

I do not understand it.

These people have their spies
everywhere.

So have we,
haven't we?

They are making absolute fools of us!
They did not touch their drinks.

There was nothing wrong with the lights.
Someone must have switched them off.

What am I going to say to K-7?

Perhaps Klacken has got the record?
He could have had time.

Ali was quite right
We ought to have killed them on the train.

You know, I'm not sure that
we're not making awful fools of ourselves.

What do you mean?

Well, dashing away from that place just
because someone put a note in our hand

about a gramophone record.

- (WHISPERING) Got a key?
- (WHISPERING) Yes.

(WHISPERING) In my pocket.
(SPEAKING NORMALLY) What are we whispering for?

Shh!

(WHISPERING) Open the door quietly.
There might be someone inside.

What's that?

CALDICOTT: He's gone.

The record! I think that's gone too.

Wait a minute.
After La Whatsit disappeared,

what did I do with it?

How should I know?

I've got it! I put it down somewhere.

But where?

I know! On a seat,
in the bathroom.

CHARTERS: Well, it must be there still.

CALDICOTT: It is.
I say, that's a bit of luck.

CHARTERS: Let's have a look at it.

Looks like an ordinary record to me.

- Let's try it.
- I don't see the use of playing it.

After all, the label speaks for itself.

"Every Time You Look at Me,"
sung by La Palermo.

But the note said it was terribly
important.

- Well should we believe that?
- Why not? Don't you realise,

if all this is true, it means
someone's attempting to take our lives?

- Well that's absurd.
- Well anyway, let's try the record.

♫ There's no need for lovely phrases... ♫

Just La Palermo, singing.

- Nothing very sinister about that.
- No.

She's got a very nice voice,
I think.

(MUSIC FADES OUT)
Achtung, achtung

(VOICE ON GRAMOPHONE
SPEAKING GERMAN)

- Good Lord.
- It's German!

I only know three words of German.
"Heil", "swastika" and "ersatz".

That's practically all I know myself,
old man.

Sounds to me as if he's saying there
are no more territorial claims in Europe.

We'd better find out what it's all about.
Turn it on slowly.

We'll have to pick out what we can.

(GRAMOPHONE PLAYING AT SLOW SPEED)

(GRAMOPHONE PLAYING AT HIGH SPEED)

(GRAMOPHONE PLAYING AT LOW SPEED)

(GRAMOPHONE STOPPED)

(SIGHS)

Well, what do you make
of all that?

Well, my German's apparently not
as good as I thought it was.

I know what "achtung" at the beginning
means, though.

Yes, I saw it once on a gate.
"Achtung der hund".

"Beware of the dog", in English.

What a peculiar thing to say.

Then there was some reference to a
fellow called Abdul Memrim.

Yes, I gathered that.

I also recognised the word "oil".

- What kind of oil?
- What do you mean?

Well, I mean,
there are all kinds of oil.

(STUTTERING) Just oil. Then something about
a pipeline, and a lot of ammunition.

- Very mysterious.
- Mm. One thing emerges,

whatever it is, it's highly important.

From your translation,
that's absolutely clear.

Oh, by the way,
didn't that note say something about

being at St. Joseph's Baths at 11 o'clock
tomorrow morning?

Well I suppose we'd better go and
see what it's all about.

Yes, you're probably right.

In the meantime, I shall hide that
record where nobody can find it.

I say, Charters, look at that girl
the other side.

Wonderful figure.

Not to be compared with Edith's,
of course.

Made a bit of a splash.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.
She's a very good swimmer.

Good heavens, I bel... well, it can't be.

- Yes it is!
- What?

It's La Whatsit.

There's something behind this,
you know.

- What?
- What I mean... La Palermo,

she... she's shadowing us to find out
where... where we left that record.

Well it's quite obvious we haven't got
it on us now.

Shh! She's climbing up, be careful.

ADA: Good morning.
CALDICOTT: Good morning.

ADA: Is this chair free?

Yes, rather. Sit down.

- Thank you.
- As a matter of fact,

we were just going.
Come on, Caldicott.

I think you'd better stay.

Sit down.

Do you remember the voice in the
dark last night?

"Don't drink that whiskey.
It's poisoned."

- Good heavens.
- It was you?

And on the telephone in Istanbul.

- That was you, too?
- Yes.

Well, that's astounding.

I'm sorry if I've been a nuisance,
but it was necessary.

You see, I'm working for the British
Secret Service.

See, Caldicott.
That explains all this funny business.

- Espionage.
- And we're mixed up in it?

- Yes.
- How?

Well, because of the gramophone
record. It contains the details

of a sabotage scheme in the
Middle East. Where is it now?

- Charters, where is it?
- Ah, I've hidden it in a very cunning place,

in the hotel.

Will you two do something for me?

- Yes, rather.
- Hey, wait a minute. What is it?

I want you to take the record to The
Traveller's Club in the Joenstraße

and ask for a Captain Spanswick.

Spanswick? I say, not E.J.K. Spanswick?

Who used to play cricket for Gloucester?

- Yes.
- Good gracious, well. Yes, well, yes.

He's been sent by the British intelligence to
collect the record and take in back to London.

- And you want us to deliver it?
- Yes.

You simply have to say that
a Miss Deering sent you.

- What do you say, Charters?
- Well, I...

That's all you have to do. Deliver it,
then you can go on with your holiday in peace.

- Well, in that case.
- Thank you.

I knew you'd help me. Captain Spanswick
will be at The Traveller's Club at one o'clock.

- You mean today?
- Yes. You're to go right away.

Good bye, and thank you.

Are you certain you remember
where you put the record?

- Yes, I found a perfect place.
- Where?

Amongst the other records,
in the dining room.

But you'll never find it!

Oh, I know exactly where
it is, old man.

- 15th from the end.
- ♫ There's no need... ♫

Charters, do you hear that?

- It's her song.
- Her voice, too.

- It's the record!
- Quick, before it gets to the German stuff!

(CRASHING)

♫ Giving away your heart
Telling me all ♫

(RECORD SCRATCH)
- CHARTERS: Caldicott!

I've got it! I've got it,
Caldicott!

- CHARTERS: This is it, old man.
- CALDICOTT: Well, what do we do

- when we meet him?
- Give him the record, I suppose.

Well I do think we ought to be
extremely guarded.

In here, gentlemen.

- Oh, uh, Captain Spanswick?
- In the flesh.

- My name's Charters.
- I'm Caldicott.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

How do you do?

We're friends of Miss Deering.

- So I understand. Sit down, would you?
- Thank you.

And how is Miss Deering?

Well, last time we saw her she
was getting along... swimmingly.

If you follow our meaning.

I rather think I do.

You'll be glad to hear we have the
consignment... of wax.

I beg your pardon?

(HUSHED) The sample disc, for you to
take to your firm.

- Oh, you mean that gramophone record?
- Shh!

Somebody might hear.

No, we're alright here. Well,
where is it?

Under Caldicott's coat. I suggest he slips
it under his chair,

you can take it away when we've gone.

No point in being furtive. Someone always
notices if you are. I'll take it now.

What, just... like that?

Why not?

Well, in that case...

...here you are.

Thanks, old man.

I don't mind tell you we're
very glad to get it out of our hands.

(SPANSWICK LAUGHS)

Congratulations. You fellows have
put up a jolly good show.

That's very nice of you to say so.

Well, we had to do our best,
you know.

By the way,
have you heard this record?

Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact,
we have.

- Then you'll know its contents.
- Well, more or less, you know,

- more or less.
- It's in German.

- Mm.
- I have a fair command of the language.

I gather it refers to some
how-do-you-do in the Middle East.

- Oil, you know.
- That's right, yes.

And I believe there's a dog in
it somewhere, too.

Well, yes, possibly.

I'm leaving for England with this tonight.

Ooh, well then you'll be in time for
the last West Indies Test match.

- We hoped to get there too.
- Yes. As a matter of fact,

you may not know it, but
Charters and I are great admirers of yours.

We were in a stand at Lord's in 1929,
when you played against Middlesex.

Middlesex?

Yes! You carried your bat for 75,
including two magnficient swipes for six.

(CHUCKLES)
One of them landed in our stand.

- It was Charters who threw the ball back.
- Yes. I don't suppose you remember that, though.

I'm afraid I don't follow.

- You are E.J.K., aren't you?
- E.J.K.?

Yes. Spanswick, the cricketer.

No.

- Oh.
- I don't play cricket.

(BOTH, INCREDULOUS)
You don't play cricket!?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Excuse me sir, Mr. Charters, Mr. Caldicott?

- That's right.
- You're wanted on the phone,

at once. An urgent call.

That's an extraordinary thing.
Excuse us will you, Spanswick?

Certainly.

- I wonder who it could be.
- I don't know.

At the desk, sir.
The receiver is off.

Hello? Yes? Who's there?

La Palermo. Miss Deering. Listen to me.

You must not meet Captain Spanswick.
Do you understand?

But we've already met him.

Then leave quickly. Whatever you do,
don't give him the record.

Well, I'm afraid he's already got it.

Listen to me.
The man you've just met is an imposter.

Captain Spanswick's body was found in
the Danube this morning.

Good heavens.

You must get that record back!
You must! Do you understand?

Alright. We'll try. Hold on.

- What's all the fuss about.
- Spanswick's dead.

He can't be, we've just seen him.

Spanswick's not Spanswick,
he's a fraud.

Good Lord, I... I'll go
and catch him.

La Deer... M-m-miss, miss Whatsit.

Listen, I can't hold on any longer.
He's seen me. He's coming towards me.

Mr. Caldicott, they've caught me!
Get that record back, whatever you do!

- (SCREAMS)
- Just a sec... Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Is that the operator?

I've been cut off. Can you trace
that call?

I say, old boy.
The fellow's gone. And the record.

- So's she, old man.
- Who?

La Deer, uh... Miss Palermo.
It's most extraordinary.

Hello? Yes.

Where?

Oh. Thank you.

I say, that's very odd. She was phoning
from a public call box

at the Central Station. And she suddenly
shouted, "He's coming towards me,"

screamed, and then cut off.

- Did she say who was coming towards her?
- No.

But how could whoever it was be
coming towards her in a telephone box?

It's beyond me.

First she says give the record
to Spanswick,

then she says Spanswick's
floating down the Danube.

Then she screams that someone's
coming towards her and cuts off. Why?

Perhaps he pushed her against button B.

What are we going to do about it?

I tell you what. Let's go
back to the hotel,

have a couple of drinks
and talk it over.

That's a good idea, I could do with one.
In fact, several.

(SLURRING) Well, I feel better now.

Yes, now, let's review the situation.

Do you suppose it would be any good
if we told our story to the British consul?

He'd never believe it.

We could leave out all the
ridiculous bits.

Wouldn't be much left.

- What else can we do?
- Excuse me, gentlemen.

A Miss Granowski is asking for you.

Granowski? Granowski...
I don't know any Granowski, do you?

- No.
- She is standing over there, sir.

Good afternoon.
You wish to see us?

Mr. Charters? Caldicott?

- That's right.
- I sell chocolate on the Central Station.

Oh. Very nice for you.

This afternoon, a lady, she lean
out of the train window to buy

a packet of chocolate. And give me
a hundred pengő,

with this note.

"Mssrs. Charters and Caldicott,
Hotel Magyar."

Yes. Oh, well, thank you very much.
Here, here's something for your trouble.

Oh, thank you!

Central Station? Must be from her,
quick, open it.

It's La Palermo. W-w-w-with the owl.

Yes. Obviously taken at the
end of her dance.

So I observed.

What does this mean?
"Schwarzov, Krimelberg, SOS."

SOS? Cry of distress, old man.

Yes, but Schwarzov, Krimelberg.

Probably some address she
wants us to go to.

We'll ask at the desk.

- Oh, I say.
- Yes, sir?

Do you know where the Schwarzov
Krimelberg is?

Krimelberg? That is a town
near the Hungarian border, sir.

- But I do not know Schwarzov.
- Oh.

Perhaps the guide book will help you.
I have one. One moment, please.

Say, I don't think we ought to do
anything hasty.

I mean, we don't want to start out
on a wild goose chase.

Not goose, old man, owl.

Here we are. Krimelberg,
page 47.

Thanks. Let's see, ah, here we are.

Krimelberg... I say, Charters,
here it is!

- What?
- "On the summit of which is the Schwarzov,

a 15th-century castle. Formerly
the residence of Count Hilongi."

What time do the trains leave
for Krimelberg?

I look them up.

EDITH: Sinclair? Hawtrey?

So, you're back.

- Hello, Edith.
- Whenever I see you two lately,

you give me a hunted look,
mumble a lot of balderdash,

and rush of like a couple
of rabbits.

- Oh, really, Edith, I...
- I suppose it would be too much

to ask for an explanation.
Supposing there is one.

Oh, yes. Yes, rather. Mm.
There's an explanation, all right.

But just at the moment,
we can't think what it is.

Sinclair, what's that photograph
you're holding in your hand?

It's that woman, give it
to me this minute.

I can't do that, Edith, because
there's something written on the other side.

- I've no doubt.
- I know it looks pretty bad, but...

It couldn't be worse, Hawtrey.

I shall speak to mother about you
when I get back.

And as for you, Sinclair,
I shall visit your grandfather

at Bishop's Stortford and lay
the whole matter before him.

My good woman, what's his
grandfather got to do with it?

Excuse me, gentlemen. There is a train
leaving for Krimelberg in a quarter of an hour.

- What time's the next one?
- Not until this evening, sir.

Well, we can't wait until then.

- 15 minutes, we can just make it.
- Yes, of course we can.

Sinclair? Hawtrey, come back.

- Can't stop now, old girl.
- We'll explain later.

You won't have the opportunity.
After this, I'm returning to England at once.

At once, do you hear?

I'm sorry about all this, Ada,
but you know you brought

it on yourself.

K-7 asked me to apologise for
the iron bars on the window.

In the old days, this room used to
be used as a prison cell.

In fact in the whole history of the castle,

no-one has ever succeeded
in escaping this room.

In spite of that I find the room quite
pleasant, Herr Rossenger.

Ja? Well, you'd better
make the best of it.

They will not be so considerate
in Berlin.

Berlin?

So that is where I'm being taken.

Ja. In the morning.
Unless you reconsider your attitude.

You know, Ada, you are very foolish
for refusing to answer K-7's questions.

I shall behave just as foolishly
in Berlin.

Your obstinancy is absurd!

I myself saw you talking with those
Englishmen at the baths.

- And why should I not?
- Who else could have told them

to take that gramophone
record to Captain Spanswick?

That alone is conclusive proof
that you are working with the British.

Now you're being absurd.

(SIGHS)

(HUSHED) Is that a window
that's open over there?

(HUSHED) Well it looks li... looks...
looks like it, yes.

I say, they're asking to be
burgled, aren't they?

They're going to be.
Come on.

La Palermo had better be here
when we get inside.

I hope she realised what we're
doing for her.

CHARTERS, HUSHED:
It all seems very easy.

- Shh! Hear that?
- ♫ There's no need for lovely phrases... ♫

La Whatsits.

(WHISPERING)
In there.

- ♫ There's no need of speeches... ♫
- Come on.

♫ All the words are there
Revealed in those big, brown eyes ♫

♫ Giving away your thoughts
Telling me all ♫

♫ You don't have to tell me
It's written in your eyes ♫

Shh! Listen. Something coming.

♫ ...at me ♫

♫ Something seems to tell me
You're oh so very wise ♫

♫ Every time you look
At me ♫

Ah, good evening gentlemen.

Mr. Charters and Mr. Caldicott,
I presume.

- Yes.
- That's right.

Beg pardon for disturbing you,
but I understood the two of you

were in here. And seeing your feet
protruding from under the curtain,

I took the liberty of drawing them.

Oh.

Very kind of you.

You are a little later than
we expected.

Yes. Uh, what? Ooh, well,
you see, we were in the, uh...

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- ...in the neighbourhood,

and we thought we'd just pop in,
and have a look around the castle.

(CHUCKLES)
Yes, it's uh, a wonderful old place, isn't it?

- 15th century.
- Oh really.

Well I don't think there's anything
to keep us any longer,

- is there, Charters?

- No, I...
- Just a minute, sir.

I believe you are dining
with my master.

(STAMMERING)

Master?

- Yes sir.
- Extraordinarily decent of him.

Yes, I'm very, very surprised.
As a matter of fact,

I'm afraid we have another appointment.

I don't think you have, sir.

Ah. Good evening, gentlemen.

- Good heavens.
- Captain Spanswick.

Captain Spanswick, as no doubt you've
learnt, is unfortunately dead.

I ventured to take his place when
you came to The Traveler's Club.

Yes, and you took that record, too.
What have you done with it?

And what have you done with Miss Thing?

She'll be here in a moment.

May I introduce myself?
I am Max Bower.

I work quite hard for the
German Intelligence Service.

I figure in their records, in the
sensational way secret services have,

as K-7.

I always said we ought to have gone
to the British Consul.

Look here. If you think we're going to
stay here and have dinner with you,

- you're sadly mistaken.
- Yes.

We're... leaving at once.

I don't think so, Mr. Caldicott.
I don't think so.

In fact to be brutally frank,
I'm very much afraid that neither

of you will leave here at all,
ever.

Wh... what?

What, you mean we're going to
be killed?

It is a political necessity.

That would be murder!

I regret the necessity almost
as much as you do.

But uh, haven't you got hold
of the wrong end of the stick?

- How do you mean?
- Well we're, we're not British agents,

or anything like that.

Oh, quite. But you told me yourselves,
at The Traveler's Club in Budapest,

that this gramophone record referred
to a sabotage scheme of ours

in the Middle East. Not unconnected
with oil.

- Did we?
- We all make mistakes, you know.

Yes. Especially Charters,
when he tries to translate German.

Rather. I hardly know that nein
means 'yes'.

Indeed. Nevertheless, you will understand
that we are not anxious for Britain to know

the details of our scheme. Especially with
the attack on your pipeline timed

for midnight tomorrow.

- Our pipeline?
- Midnight tomorrow?

- So that's it.
- Really, Mr. K... whatchacall.

I've seldom heard of a dirtier
piece of work.

- Hear, hear.
- Quite. But you see,

my difficulty. I dare not allow even
a hint of our plans to leak out.

But, look here. Couldn't we be merely
imprisoned until it's all over?

Being men of honor, you would
no doubt attempt to escape.

- Naturally.
- After all, it's our pipeline.

Well there you are, gentlemen.
You compel me to take care of you.

And now, do let us have dinner.

CHARTERS: I don't think I'm very hungry.

The food's poisoned, of course.

My dearest Caldicott. I assure you,
you can eat without the slightest misgiving.

- Oh well, in that case...
- After you, gentlemen.

You know, it is such a pity.
You're very good fellows, I can see that.

CALDICOTT: That's very nice of you
to say so.

I'm really sorry that all this has
happened.

You can serve dinner right away.

- K-7: A little more port, Charters.
- CHARTERS: Oh, thank you.

Yes, it's a tragic business. There you
both were, enjoying your holidays...

Oh, just a second, please. You mind if
we stick to the present tense?

After all... we're still in it. Just.

I do beg your pardon. But through no
fault of your own,

you stumbled into this affair, and...
I find the whole thing very disturbing.

Well, so do we, as a matter of fact.

We understand your problem, though.

Please, do let's change the subject.

Yes. Excellent port you've got here.

We take a pride in our cellar.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Come in.

Ah, come in, both of you.
I think you know these gentlemen, Rossenger.

Ja. I think I do.

And so, I believe, does
Miss Deering.

Yes. I'm terribly sorry about this.

That's alright, you couldn't help it.

Miss Deering is leaving in the morning,
for Berlin.

I say, you can't send her there.

An officer and a party of men will arrive
here by plane during the night to collect her.

They will attend to you before they leave.

Oh. May I ask how?
I mean, what method?

It is painful to me to discuss it, but I
imagine they will shoot you in the courtyard.

Oh, not in the heart? Oh.

Well, gentlemen, perhaps you'd like
to get a little sleep.

I've had my own room prepared
for you.

- That's awfully decent of you.
- I could hardly do less.

- Hogan, show these men to their room.
- Yes sir. This way, gentlemen.

Well, Miss Deering. I supposed we'd better
say goodbye.

I don't suppose you'll be getting up to,
to, to... see us off.

- I can't tell you how I...
- Please. I only wish I could help you,

that's all.

Same here.

Thank you. Goodbye, Mr. Caldicott.

Goodbye, Miss... Whatsit.

Funny sort of position to be in.

Yes. Funny sort of holiday.

Funny sort of business altogether.

- I never thought it would finish like this.
- Neither did I.

- I wonder if Edith will ever hear about this.
- I don't suppose anyone will hear anything

about it ever again.

What's it say?

- There is just a chance.
- Caldicott!

We have a friend here who will try
to substitute blanks for bullets...

Good heavens!

...but he may not succeed.

When shots are fired, fall at once.
Wait two minutes, then go to the gate

in the west wall, it will be unlocked.
Signed, D.

- D?
- Yes! Miss Deering!

I say, Charters, this is wonderful.

Yes, but suppose this fellow doesn't
put blanks in.

Well we... we still fall.

You will stand with your back
to the wall.

Now, gentlemen.
You may have the choice.

- Choice?
- Of being shot or not?

Of bandage or no bandage.

- Oh, I see.
- No bandage.

No bandage.

Very good.

Well goodbye, old man. Just in case.

Goodbye, Caldicott.

(GUNSHOTS)

And so matters will now go through
as arranged, my dear Rossenger,

in spite of all your
blunders.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Come in.

I have to report, sir, that the two
prisoners have been executed,

according to your orders.

Good. You will proceed to collect the woman,
Deering. She is in the east tower.

Very good, sir.

That friend must have managed to shove
in those blanks.

Apparently. See anybody
about?

- No.
- Better get up.

Yes. We better make for that gate
in the west wall. Come on.

(VEHICLE STARTING)

Ja. Dankeschon.

Well, Rossenger, that is that.

Ja. I admit I am not sorry.

True to type, these Britishers.
They're really so stupid.

They fall for the simplest traps.

- Rossenger! It's gone!
- What!?

The record! It was here last night!

- What's the matter?
- The woman's room. It is empty.

- She has gone.
- What?

And, sir. The men we shot.

- Well?
- Their bodies have disappeared.

That is not possible!

Impossible or not, it's happened.
Get after them, Graus.

Hello. Hello?
Tell Paul to bring the car out at once.

What's that?

What? Paul's gone?
And the car?

We must hurry, there's no time to lose.
We must get that message to

the Atwater before tonight.

Come on, step on it old man!

Well, we'll soon be there now,
Miss Deering.

London at last, eh?

Too late for the West Indies
Test match, though.

Well, we'll still be able to see them
playing against Sussex, old man.

I expect the whole of the Foreign Office
will be waiting to welcome you,

after all you've done for them.

Oh, we're not given recognition
and we don't expect any.

Well, I think it's a shame,
after all you've been through.

I don't know what I would have done
without both of you.

I'd hardly go so far as to
say that.

Well, it's just a little initiative,
common sense, you know.

Well, um, I suppose your fiancée will
be waiting for you, Mr. Caldicott.

Oh, that's unlikely.

Highly unlikely.

Yes. Even if there's no official
welcome, I suppose

there'll be somebody waiting for you.

Oh, that's even more unlikely.

Is it really? Well, if you're going to
be all alone, I mean,

I'm not engaged or anything,
and I thought, perhaps,

- we could, uh...
- Perhaps we could uh...?

Well, shall we?