Crone Wood (2016) - full transcript

[Danny] Okay, okay. Tell me
that again. I didn't catch it.

No.

You only get one take in life, chief.

Oh come on. The batteries is
running down. I have to change them.

- Stop making excuses.
- Please.

No. You're lucky that you're even
allowed pointing that thing at me.

Pervert.

[Jolly gasps]

[Hailey] Oh that's one way
to start the day.

- Oh, yeah.
- Shall I be able to feel my legs?

- I think my penis is inverted.
- Danny!



[Laughing] - Don't you think
that's degrading like 20 hours ago.

[Danny] We're not there yet, no?

[Hailey] Oh are you afraid I'll pass
judgment on certain elements of your anatomy?

[Hailey] You don't have to worry,
'cause you seem quite adequate.

[Danny] Ok. Yeah, you're
paying for breakfast though.

[Hailey] Come here,
come here. Quick.

[Danny] You fucking pervert.
You dare question my motivation.

[Hailey] Listen, if you're
gonna do it in public...

I don't even want to look,
but I can't not see.

[Danny] You know if that was me filming,
you'd probably call me a dirty old man.

[Hailey] Well, now don't
tell me it doesn't excite you.

[Man] For fucks sake!
You fucking perverts!

- [Hailey] Is he...
- [Danny] Yes.

[Hailey] Argh! Go, go, go.



[Hailey] Oh my god!
I'm actually going to fall.

[Laughing]

[Hailey] Now, stop it.

You have to delete that, though.

No way, no!

I will not be complicit in the
destroying of evidence of a crime.

I know exactly what
you are going to use them for.

[Danny] Better?

[Laughing] I don't even want
to talk until I can digest this.

Ok.

- Danny.
- Mm.

- That is your real name?
- It is.

"It is." Uh, if we're gonna spend time together,
we should probably get to know each other.

- What's your middle name?
- Edward.

[Laughing] Really?

Yeah, I didn't pick it.
Obviously.

Ok, I think we're done.

And how many girls did you spend
22 straight hours with

after just meeting them at a bar?

Mm, well, ok. Uhm, very few.

So there's some?

Ok, there's one.

- Is it me?
- Yes, it's you, yeah.

[Hailey laughing] Better.

Alright, that's it,
that's all you need to know

about a guy before you go out with him?

Well, I figured if... I learned
quite a bit about you at the beach,

seen enough, you know?

- Ah, no. Hold on. Let me... stop. Can we stop this?
- No, no, no.

- Right. For one, that, you know that water was freezing cold.
- Yes.

It's November,
so it wasn't really a proper...

- Assessment?
- Assessment...

- ...of the situation.
- ...Of the situation.

- Ok, well I have one more question.
- Ok.

Um, where did you get the camera?

It's hardly your bargain basement model.

Let's just say my dad found it
easier to buy this for me

than to spend time with me
during Christmas.

- Don't tear up about it.
- I'm not going to tear up about it.

So, what now?

You tell me.

I don't know, I just don't want
whatever this is to end, so.

But?

I am not the most spontaneous guy.

That's not true and you could
have fooled me by the way.

Why? Why do you say that?

Don't know.

Mm, ok, well, think for a minute.

What would you like to do?

Whatever it takes
to spend more time with you?

How far are you willing to go?

- What are you suggesting?
- Camping?

- Camping?
- Mm.

You are aware it's November in
Ireland and you want to go camping?

- Yes.
- What's in it for me?

Oh, we'd have to share a tent.

Alright, get your coat.

[Laughing]

- Now?
- Yeah, now!

- Finish your tea!
- I will!

- I'm zooming.
- Stop filming me and finish your tea.

[Laughing]

Why would I want a tent?
I live in the city.

I don't need a tent, I have a house.

What? Russian? Yeah.

[Singing from horror scene]

[Screeching]

[Screeching quietly]

[Continuing singing]

- It's too big.
- It's not too big.

- It is too big.
- It's not.

- It can serve as a sleeping bag and a coat.
- Or a tent.

And a tent, we could both sleep in here.

- Yeah.
- Nice!

What would you like for Christmas?

Now this is too big.

That's a four man tent.

You could help.

No, I'm having far
too much fun watching you.

Go on! Yay.

I got it on my own!

[Hailey] Was that your housemate?

Yeah, Matt. Why?

He's pretty hairy.

Well, I'll remember
to shave him next time.

[Laughing]

[Music]

[Singing on the radio]

Ok, say that again, so it's called
crone wood, but it's not really?

[Hailey] No, I said
that it was once called that

because there was a legend
of a local coven of witches,

but it's not called that anymore.

So why not?

I'm not a historian, ok.

I'm just telling you what mother told me.

Which is?

That... well, the local landlord
got so sick and tired of rumors

and of the superstition
that he just renamed the land.

- But the locals still call it crone wood.
- Right.

I didn't say it was true, I just
said that's what it was called once.

Let's just say,
you are lucky you're pretty.

[Hailey laughs]

[Hailey laughs]

I can hear you laughing.

[Hailey] It's too cute.

Why don't you get the bags
from the boot or

make yourself useful?

- [Hailey] Here you go.
- One second.

- [Danny] Thank you.
- [Hailey] They're too small.

[Danny]
Give me a twirl. Come on.

Lovely.

- Now you.
- What?

[Hailey] Nice pants.

[Hailey] I think you're
trying to impress me.

That makes sense.

I'm not taking them off.

I'm not taking them off.

[Danny] I didn't want
to wear them anyway.

It was my choice. Come on.

Danny, this was supposed
to be an adventure.

[Danny]
Shouldn't we stick to the path?

What did you tell me back at the cafe?

[Danny] Fuck it.

[Danny laughs]

[Danny whistles]

[Danny] Ass time.

- [Hailey laughs].
- Fuck you.

I live for that.

No, it's going to go into my eyes.

[Danny] Is this proof of paranormal
activity in the infamous crone wood?

Or proof of a far more terrifying
reality "normal domesticity".

- [Hailey] Run for your lives, children or you will be...
- [Danny] Hush, quiet, quiet.

- [Hailey] Oh-ho...
- [Danny] Laughs.

- [Hailey] I hope you are getting this.
- Yep.

I feel like fucking
zena warrior Princess.

[Danny] Oh fucks sake.

[Danny] Alright. [Laughing]

I'm going to go up this way.

[Danny] Ouch. Wow. So beautiful.

[Hailey] Eh, shut up.

- [Danny] Ow-ah.
- Right.

He took a bit of a tumble, folks but
I think he's going to be ok. [Laughs]

- Don't film that.
- Why not?

No!

[Danny] Mm-mine.

[Hailey]
You can't be serious, Danny.

It's a great book.

- It's Dr. Seuss.
- Have you read it?

- No, but i...
- have you read it?

- No.
- Thank you, exactly.

I didn't mean to offend you.

It's a kids book.

My dad gave it to me when I was young.

You don't have to film this.

Would you come on.
You are making me feel bad!

You're going to
thank me in years to come.

I'm going to save you
a fortune on therapy.

[Danny whistles]

[Hailey] I can't see shit.

[Danny] Let me see that.

- [Ringing sound]
- [Hailey] Ah, creepy vision.

No, it's called, eh...

It's called creepy vision, Dan.
That's what it's called.

[Danny growls]

- [Bird cooing]
- [Hailey] Coo!

- Oh.
- [Laughing].

Okay.

[Making scary sounds]

That's not nice.

- My nose is running.
- I know I can see that, let me see.

No. Get this though.
This is cool.

[Danny] Ok.

Told you it was amazing.

[Danny] Do you think these are...

A relic from a made up
story about witches

that's lasted over a hundred years?

- And, yeah?
- No, I don't. We have a word for that around here,

- it's called graffiti.
- You're from around here?

Yeah.

When did you move to Dublin?

Danny. Danny, Danny.

There's lots of time
to get to know each other.

Shouldn't we be doing things that
two people who have just met do?

Which is?

Forget it.
You're not getting any later.

- Oh, come on. I was just joking.
- Yeah.

[Danny] I was just joking!

Oh, come on, I was just joking.

[Danny] Hailey?

Oh, seriously, come on.

Hailey?

Hailey?

Fucking swear to god, Hailey.

[Footsteps]

Hailey?

Are you fucking acting?

Hailey?

Hailey, I'm not playing,
this isn't funny.

You must have been really shit at
hide and seek when you were young.

- Tuirseach?
- Tired.

Do you want to go set up camp?

Maybe somewhere further from the house?

Chicken shit.

Here?

- Perfect.
- Great.

[Danny laughs]

- [Danny] Oh.
- Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah! Thank fuck.
- Yeah.

- It's nice here.
- It's lovely here.

I like lying down.

There's the pods.

Itchy.

You have made a tent before?

Yeah.

Maybe you should let me do it?

Because of... reasons.

How's the build going there, champ?

Peace offering.

- Want to talk about the incident?
- Nope.

And show the boys
and girls at home your tent?

And why you are so grumpy?

Shouldn't that be somewhere
holding the tent up?

Must be a spare.

You don't get spares with tents.

Mm, warm.

Let me in.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

"Nothing."

Don't tell me.

You fucking asshole!

I'm sorry. Sorry!

- Fuck!
- Look I'm sorry. It was stupid.

You have to see this
from my point of view.

You know, I've never ever had a girl
as beautiful as you interested in me.

And I figured the odds were that you'd
realize sooner or later that I'm a loser,

and you know at least I'd have this
as evidence that it actually happened.

In a way it's kind of a compliment.

- You know?
- Fuck you.

I Danny, hereby swear that I will
never secretly film a beautiful girl.

Who...

Who...

Who was about to give him, or me,

a blow job that would
have changed my life forever.

[Camera switch on]

- What are you doing?
- I need to pee.

You need the camera to pee?

Yeah, the night-vision
helps me see where I'm going.

The camera stays here, Danny.

What time is it?

Half two. Why are you
putting on all your clothes?

It's not like you
are going to bump into anybody.

It's Ireland.
It's fucking freezing.

[Hailey] Danny?

You better not
be getting me back for earlier.

Danny?

Danny?

Danny?

Danny?

- Shhh. Turn that fucking light off.
- [Hailey] You fucking dumb-ass.

- Turn off the fucking light.
- Argh!

[Danny] God, shut up,
there's something out there.

What do you mean?

[Danny] I don't know, I was out
taking a piss and I heard something.

[Hailey] Like what?

I don't know, like fucking
mumbling or something.

[Danny] I want to check it out.

[Camera switch on sound]

[Hailey whispers] You can't be serious.

[Danny] I need to check it out.

Then we can go back.

[Hailey] And what if there is
some weirdo in there, then what?

[Danny] What's the other option?

[Danny] Sit in the tent all night
wondering if someone is standing outside?

- [Hailey] You have a twisted imagination.
- I need to know.

[Danny] For once it would be
nice if someone just back me up.

[Danny] Last room.

[Hailey] Satisfied?

Fuck yeah. I could have sworn.

What were you trying to prove?

You'll just call me a chauvinist.

[Hailey] Try me.

[Danny] I wanted to protect you.

Why don't you point that
at something worth filming?

- [Danny] Eh...
- [Hailey laughs]

So I'm forgiven?

Let's just say
you've proven yourself worthy.

I guess we better ehm...

[Hailey] Oh well,
you won't be needing that.

[Kissing sounds]

[Hailey] I want you to film us,
this time you have my permission.

[Danny hums]

- You first.
- What?

Show me.

[Danny whistles]

[Danny] What's that for?

[Hailey] You don't want me
to hurt my knees, do you?

[Hailey] If you could do one thing
to me tonight, what would it be?

[Hailey screams]
Oh my god, Danny!

[Danny] I fucking told you.
Jesus. You fucking prick. I knew it!

I fucking told you.

[Hailey] Wait!

[Danny] Look, you can go back
to the tent if you want.

I'm going out for him. He's
only one man, I can take him.

I'm not going back on my own.
Don't make me go back on my own.

[Danny] Well, come with me then.

At least let's see where he is going,
so we can report him to the guards.

Danny, it's not too late
to walk away from this.

Come on.

[Sound of walking through the woods]

- [Danny] He must have come this way.
- [Hailey] Please.

[Hailey] I'm freezing.

[Hailey] Do you even have
any idea where we are anymore?

- [Hailey] Haven't you had enough for...
- Hush.

[Danny] There.

[Danny] Let's see where he goes.

[Danny] What the fuck?

[Danny] What the fuck was that?

[Hailey]
I don't know and I don't care.

[Hailey]
What the fuck were you thinking?

[Danny] I'm sorry, ok? I know.
Let's just get back to the tent

and as soon as it's light,
we'll get back to the car, ok?

[Drumming]

[Panting]

[Danny]
It's nothing. It's ok. Come on.

[Danny] You have
to be fucking kidding me.

[Hailey]
No, it has to be somewhere.

- Danny, all of my stuff is in that.
- I know.

- My fucking keys and my phone. Everything is in that.
- I know, ok?

[Danny] We must be just lost, it's
got to be around here somewhere.

[Danny] Fuck!

[Danny pants]

Look, I know you are scared,
but it's going to be ok, ok?

The sun will be up in a few hours.

Do you really think the tent is near?

It has to be.

It has to be.

You know, when the sun comes up,
we'll probably just spot it straight off.

We can't keep wandering around aimlessly.

It will only make things worse.

Can we leave the light on?

We can't. We have to save
the batteries for tomorrow or...

Or what?

Or in case
those weirdo's come back again.

[Hailey] Danny, I'm scared.

[Danny] I know.

[Danny] Me too.

[Danny] Ok, so it's morning
and our tent is definitely gone.

[Danny] No sign of it anywhere.

[Danny] Hailey?

- [Hailey] Where are you?
- [Danny] I'm here!

- [Hailey] Where?
- [Danny] Here!

[Danny] Fuck.

Stop filming, Danny.

[Danny] Right,
so our tent is definitely gone.

[Danny] Any of those fuckers
took it anyway.

Keys are in there.
Phones are in there.

[Danny] Yeah, I know,
what do you want me to do?

We could fucking wander around
here until they come back.

[Danny] That shit
last night was weird though.

Well, then suggest something, Danny.

I don't want to hang around
here until they come back.

Well, then suggest something, Danny.

[Danny] We can walk out of here.
You know? It's bright.

We find a house. Call the cops.

Well. Come on then, let's just
go then. Fucking talking bullshit.

[Danny]
Let's go camping, she said.

Shouldn't we have passed the house now?

[Danny] I don't know.

[Danny] Do you want to go back?

[Hailey] No, not really.
The woods can't be that big.

We have to find a road eventually.

Would you knock it off?

[Danny] No. I want to
film this so the cops can,

you know use it to
maybe find out where we were.

You know, so they can find
the pricks who stole our stuff.

Inbred fucks.

Don't want us in the country, we
don't want them in the cities. Fair deal.

Well, you know when you
hand in the footage,

that they are going to hear your
deep insights into Ireland.

- [Danny] Yeah.
- [Hailey] Lovely, nice. Works out great.

[Danny] Well, I don't mean
everyone in the countryside.

I just mean the weird ones.

- What do you think of this?
- Don't know.

Some old English estate?

Wonder how long it's been here.

It's huge.

Thought you said you grew up around here?

I did.
I've never seen this before.

Look, can we just
go please? I'm really...

No, yeah. You are right. Sorry.

Look, if that's an old house,

there must be an Avenue or a
laneway that leads to a main road, ok?

Ok. Yeah. You're right.

[Hailey] This is like the weirdest thing.

There's nobody following us.
Come on!

I'm telling you.

- Let's go.
- No. Just give me a second.

[Danny] Right, so we
just leave it here running,

double back around the building

and if nothing comes up,
then I'll drop it, ok? Alright?

Ok.

Ok.

You were right.
You've proven yourself worthy

and I'm impressed,
but I'm also very scared.

[Danny] What the fuck, man?

It probably is just
people playing a prank.

But, you know
I just want to get out of here.

[Panting]

- [Danny] I wasn't scared for a second.
- Me neither.

We'll just go
to the cinema next time, yeah?

[Knocks on metal door]

No idea if anybody heard that.

[Banging on door]

[Hailey] Maybe we should
try somewhere else.

They could be around the back or
something. I'll just check real quickly.

[Hailey] Look, there will be
a place not too far.

They're not going
to shoot us for asking for help.

Come on.

[Knocks on door]

Hello?

[Hailey] Danny, don't.

We just need to use a phone.

It will only take a minute.

[Danny] Hello?

We just need a phone.
Hello? We're lost.

[Hailey] What if they come back?

We're not taking anything.

Is that the reaction you'd have if you
found somebody wandering around your house?

We could show them
the footage on the camera.

Show them what happened last night.

[Picking up the phone]

- It's disconnected.
- Alright well, then we have to go.

We're here now.

We might as well check upstairs.

We might find a mobile phone
or a computer with Internet.

It will just
take a minute. Come on.

Please, Danny.

[Danny] The green man.

I'll check the rooms up here.
You check downstairs. Ok?

It will just take two seconds.

[Hailey] Oh god.

[Running]

Danny!

Danny, we have to get out of here.

[Hailey] It's their house.

I don't want this.

[Danny] Stay calm.
What did you see?

[Hailey] Their bathroom.

[Danny] What the fuck is that?

Oh Jesus.

[Danny] Oh Jesus.

[Danny] You were right.
Let's go.

Who leaves candles lit
when they leave the house?

[Door squeaking]

[Danny] Go, go, go, go, go.

[Danny] Quiet.

[Squeaking sound]

Shit. Go!

[Heavy breathing]

[Indistinct whispering]

[Danny] There's no room. Just
get in there and stay in there.

[Danny] Fucking.

[Danny] Fucking light.

[Screaming]

[Screaming and punching sounds]

- [Danny] Get off me!
- [Hailey] Get off him!

[Screaming]

- What the fuck was that?
- [Danny] What?

- What the fuck was that?
- What?

[Danny] We need what's on here
to prove our story. You know?

- To get these fuckers locked up.
- You're an asshole.

Why? Look I'm sorry, okay?
But we need what's on here to...

To do what? What did
you get? What did you get?

[Danny] So these shits
won't fucking get away with it.

We need this as proof.

They've done nothing illegal.

All you've caught
is us in their house illegally.

Who wears a mask in their own house?

Fucking freaks, but that doesn't
mean it's illegal.

I mean yes. All you've captured is a
weirdo walking around in the woods.

But that's not...
You know what? I'm done now.

Put that away. Put that
away, please. No, I'm done.

[Danny]
Look, I'm sorry ok, but...

Ok, it's 3:28 P.M.

We haven't been followed
since we left the house.

It's been approximately 27 minutes
since Hailey has talked to me.

I guess that's not
a gold star for our first date.

I'm pretty sure I failed the 'how
best to handle psychos' test.

Most guys just have to worry
about picking the best restaurant

or movie or something.

- Isn't that right, Hailey?
- Mhm.

- If you shut up...
- we're going in a really good direction.

If you shut up,
I might agree to a second date.

- [Danny] Let's go.
- [Indistinct]

- Are you seriously filming this?
- Hush.

- [Hailey] Listen.
- [Danny] I don't hear anything.

[Hailey] I just heard somebody.

[Hailey] Hello?

[Woman] Hello?

[Hailey] Hi.

Are you guys ok?

[Hailey] We're lost.
We were camping out last night

and we got chased by this guy,
this complete weirdo.

- He took our keys..
- [Danny] Stole our tent, our fucking phone. Everything.

Jesus.

Are you ok?

[Hailey] Yeah.

Here, give me that.

Look, I don't know who it was
you saw, but if it's who I think it is,

we should get out of here.

Look, when was the last time you saw him?

We saw him an hour ago near his house.

What were you guys doing in his house?

Not in his house, near his house.

She just meant we were
in the trees looking at him.

Can we just move along now?
Can we go?

Yeah, of course. No, problem.

Where are you guys parked?

- We are parked...
- in the car park by crone wood.

That's like over an
hours walk away from here.

[Woman] We'll take you to your
car. We're parked closer though.

We are literally parked
ten minutes away from here.

- But if you like, we can drop you off on our way.
- Yeah.

You'd be better off coming
back with us to our house.

You can phone home and get warm.
You must be freezing.

We can sort someone out
to open up your car for you.

Yeah. Do you mind if we use
one of your mobile phones now?

[Woman] Can't help you there,
chief. Yeah, we don't carry them.

Uhm, it's kind of the whole
point of being up here.

Get away from all that...

[camera beeps] - Could
you just not film me right now?

I've had enough.
You know. Last night and all.

- [Hailey] Whatever.
- Okay.

[Indistinct] Anyway.
Batteries about to die.

[Camera switches on]

[Footsteps approaching]

Thank you.

[Mother] Isn't much
a cup of tea can't fix.

That's a nice camera.

[Woman] Not as good as yours.

[Finn] Can I see it?

Yeah, sure.

Batteries are dead though.

I had spares, but they were in the tent.

I might have a charger here for it.

I doubt it.
It's unique to the camera.

You know, lots of girls
come stay here for a time.

Leave all sorts of stuff behind.

Yeah, I can have a look if you like.

That's fine. It's not important.

Don't mind him.
That would be lovely, thank you.

Once we get it charged up, maybe
the girls will recognize the man.

- Yeah.
- [Finn] yeah, exactly.

[Hailey] Thanks.

Want a tour?

Yeah.

This is a picture
of all the may-eye sisters.

No brothers?

Uh, do you need to contact
someone about your car?

Oh yes, actually.
If you have a phone I could use?

Of course.

I know our set up here is pretty simple,

but we don't live in the dark ages.

I know, sorry. Yeah,
that would be great. Please.

If you are alright. Are you ok?

Yep.

[Danny] What's that?

It's an old picture. Mother may-eye
says it's over a hundred years old,

but I'd be surprised if
it was anything near that.

Mother who?

Yeah, she's around.
You'll see her sooner or later.

That's the original green man.

Yeah. I saw that in ehm...
In the house.

I thought you said you didn't go in.

Relax. You are so uptight.

Yeah. Sorry,
what's your name again?

- Finn.
- Finn. Yeah.

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but eh...

I really appreciate what you are doing,

but could you put the camera down?

Like I'm done.

It's different when
the camera is on you, isn't it?

Sorry?

[Humming]

Will this one work?

I appreciate you looking, but..

I think that...
Yeah, that's perfect actually.

Thanks.

[Finn] You girlfriend seems
lovely. You are a lucky guy.

She's not really
my girlfriend, but thanks.

Well, don't go breaking her heart.

Hell hath no fury.

Girls, girls, girls.
What did I tell you?

Never let a guest
sit down without a biscuit.

I'm terribly sorry.

Thank you.

I was just talking to your
beautiful girlfriend.

It sounds like you had a terrible time.

Would you look at that cup?

- Awful sorry.
- It's fine.

Would you take
that thing out of his face?

[Finn] Danny, meet our mother.
Mother may-eye.

She's not actually our mother.

But she looks out for us
though and she runs this place.

Pay no mind to them, they
just call me that to wind me up.

- Danny, isn't it?
- Mhm.

Thank heavens the girls found you.

A young man your age went
missing about a month ago.

Terrible business.

It was in the local paper.

There's a picture somewhere.

I see you've met mother.

Eh, look, I don't want
to be any more trouble.

So if there is like a local pub where
we could wait for the locksmith?

You are no trouble.
No trouble at all.

- I didn't call the locksmith, Danny.
- What?

Dad is gonna be here in an hour or two.

So he has a spare set.

I'm going to meet your dad?
Did you call the police?

Oh, I did.
Tom's the main man down here.

He'll want to speak to you
before you head home.

Well, I guess you guys are gonna
have to stay for dinner, so...

The nearest pub is an other
20 minutes' drive from here.

Where in Ireland is the nearest
pub a 20 minute drive?

Danny, don't be rude.

No, you're right. I'm sorry.
I'm just really tired.

Don't worry a jot, my little lamb.

If you want, we can bring you to the pub.

But you are more than welcome
here, if you like.

[Camera switches on]

[Finn] Is it working?

Yep, battery all charged.

I'm sorry about what I said earlier.

Ah, don't worry about it.

[Danny] This really is a nice place.

What exactly is it for?

Here?

Mother looks after us. She's
fostered kids here for a long time.

Kids with nowhere else to go.

[Danny] Sorry, I didn't know.

How could you?

Mother nature deemed her
unsuitable to have kids, so

she took it upon herself to help others.

Come on.

[Background chatter]

Do you mind?

Knock yourself out.

Lord and lady, watch over us
as we eat. Bless this food.

This bounty of earth.
We thank you.

- [Mother] So mote it be.
- [All] So mote it be.

- Can I've a go?
- Yeah sure.

She never lets me use ours.

[Meabh] Yeah, that's cause whenever you
film, you always cut peoples' heads out.

[Mother] Girls, don't be
using that at the table.

It's a special occasion.

[Aoife] M-hm.
It's very rare we have guests.

See?
They never listen to me, Danny.

Are you as bad as they are?

Not exactly.

Ok, maybe.

And why is that?

What?

My mum passed away
when I was really young.

No, it's fine like... yeah, I
don't even remember her, but...

You know, memories fade and blur.

I'm not even sure what memories
are real or what my mind just made up.

You don't have the same
problem with video.

[Mother] Beautifully said.

There aren't many things more
painful than losing your mother.

But you seem happy now.
Does Hailey make you happy?

[Danny] Very.

[All] Aw!

Cliona, bring out some wine.

It's rare I get an excuse
to pour some of the red.

Not for me, thank you.
I'm driving later.

A virgin cocktail for you so.

[Aoife]
Keep a tight rein on this one.

He seems to be one of the good ones.

Here your virgin awaits.

[Laughs]

[Background chatter]

[Pouring wine]

A toast?

That's a lovely idea.
Let's stand.

To the woods and the trees and
the friends they brought to us.

- So mote it be.
- So mote it be.

So mote it be.

Sorry, eh, where's the bathroom?

- Are you ok?
- I'm just tired.

Up the stairs.
First door on your right, dear.

Thanks.

You're doing very well.

Almost there now.

[Laughs]

I'll go check on our guest.

[Laughter]

Hush.

You could help.

Do you think he has what it takes?

It's up to him.
We can't choose for him.

Hush, don't fight it.

[Moaning]

[Moaning loudly]

Good boy.

[Finn]
The second rite is fulfilled.

You're a fertile man.
You'll serve your bride well.

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[Drumbeat]

[All in unison] Blessed sprit,
evergreen. We pray to you.

Let them be fruitful.

Let them grow and prosper
in her virgin earth.

Can you help?

[Drumbeats continue]

[Danny] Please.

[Danny] Please.

[Hailey] I love you.

[Finn] Wait. [Laughs]

So, how was it?

- Special.
- [Chuckles]

Ooh, careful girls,
this one has love in her eyes.

[Laughter] Oooh!

Mm, and I'm all for filming the rituals,
but do we really have to film this?

So mote it be.

[Cliona] How did you find him?

[Cliona] I was sure it
was going to be Finn or aoife.

The only boys I found
had little in their heads

and even less in their pants.

- [Laughter]
- Pass me the whores!

- [Aoife] They're just the best.
- [Hailey] I love wine.

- Mm. Crisps and wine, good call.
- Nothing better.

Awake already?

[Roisin] Where are you?

Sneaky little bugger. Ain't he?

[Roisin] Wo-ho, my, my, my,
didn't you get far?

The green man will be most impressed.

[Giggling]

[Roisin] What do we have here?

Ah, ah, ah. That's not nice.

Oh dear.

[Danny] You won't get away with this.

Oh, do you really think this is
the first time we've done this?

[Gags]

[Giggles]

They're here.

We are nearly there.

[Laughter]

[Finn] Cliona.

[Finn] Wave.

[Laughter]

- You're fabulous.
- [Finn] Yeah, you are beautiful enough as it is.

- [Finn] Cheer up.
- Come on, Danny.

[Finn] It's a beautiful day.

[Finn] It will be so much easier
if you just submit and participate.

Then you'll be fine... and free.

[Finn] Boys are here.

[Drumbeats]

[Irish folk music]

[Singing]

Am I gonna die?

Is that all you men ever worry about?

Everyone's going to die, Danny.

That's right, you remember don't you?

This is where you first saw them.

You chose to come here, Danny.

Remember that.

No one forced you to follow.

Accept your role, Danny.

You were born to play this part.

Every couple before you have
gone through this process.

And their souls are routed together.

- Forever.
- No, please.

- Danny, don't.
- No. Please.

Don't. Just let me go. I won't
say anything. I won't say anything.

- Don't, Danny.
- Please?

[Aoife] Be a man.

You don't want to
be remembered this way, do you?

The men will carry you if necessary.

[Sobs]

[Clapping]

[Folk music]

[Folk song playing]

These are the three spirit gods.

Fear them, Danny and they will save you.

Let me go! Let me the fuck go.
You are fucking sick!

Last night we were joined physically.

Tonight we will be joined spiritually.

Looks like you share
your night with another couple.

Spirits, join us.

Brides, step forward.

Danny.

This is it.

I've been waiting for this my whole life.

[Danny] Why me?

Why you?

Because you were so nice.

I could never have.
Been anyone but you.

At first I thought you were too shy.

But then you passed every challenge

better than any man before you.

This bit is really important, Danny, ok?

[Hailey] Listen to me.

The truth can set you free.

If you lie, mother will
know and I can't save you.

Do you love me?

No.

Good. Well done. I love you too.

Why is it you did everything
anyone asked of you?

Because if I didn't...
If I didn't do everything,

I was scared I'd lose them.

Because?

I'd lose them all
because I don't deserve them.

That's why we're here.

We'd never do anything like that
to you. We'd never abandon you.

So join us.

Join me.

No. You're sick.

You're all sick!

Mother of life join us.

Once we were a strong race.
You gifted us with young.

But our men have failed us now.

There seed rots in the womb.

Your seed withers in the womb.

And so we invite new blood.

New men to serve us.

To provide us with what you could not.

[In unison] So mote it be.

The green man has withered in his shell.

The spirit must be awoken
in a new vessel.

[Drumrolls]

[Drumrolls continue]

[In unison] Take the flame
inside you, bless the mother earth.

Born in green, then be redeemed.

The blood of earth.
The soil of life.

Together we will grow.

Take the flame inside you,

bless the mother earth.

Born in green, then be redeemed.

The blood of earth.
The soil of life.

Together we will grow.

[Danny screams]

[Danny panting]

Now we are one, in blood and in child.

I want you to feel it.
It grows in me.

[Hailey screams]

[Danny] Get back!

Back!

You won't kill me.
You are too good.

Do with me as you will.

Stay the fuck back or I'll kill her.

[Other prisoner]
Please, don't leave me.

Stay back!
I'll fucking kill her.

Do as he says.

You'll have to untie yourself, okay?

You, come here.

- [Punch]
- [Camera beeps]

That's for filming me, you fucking bitch.

[Danny breathing heavily]

Stay back.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

[Danny] Run!

[Panting]

Got to move forward.

What is it? Just there.

- Where?
- Behind the tree.

What tree?

- Here.
- I can't see anything.

[Whispering]
There's someone there.

[Danny] I remember this place.

[Danny] Ok.

[Panting]

[Danny] You good?

[Danny] You good?

Watch your step.

Come on.

Fuck!

[Danny] We have to go back.

- No, we can't go back.
- We have to go to the [indistinct].

[Danny] Fuck it.

[Danny] Okay, okay. Follow me.

[Breathing heavily]

[Danny] This is fucking weird.

[Danny] Why aren't you moving?

[Danny] Come on.
Quickly, you see...

[Danny] Oh, fuck.

[Danny] Ok. Careful. Careful.

[Panting]

[Groans in agony]

[Danny] Ok. God.

[Danny] Fuck, Jesus.

Ok.

Fuck this.

Go! Go!

Fuck.

[Prisoner] Get down.

Stay where you are.

[Women in unison] So mote it be.

You were wonderful.
It's been a privilege.

[Hailey] You did it.
I knew you had it in you.

[Mother] Daniel, come forward.

You have proven yourself
to be a virgin soul.

The ritual of the three is now complete.

[Danny] I don't understand.

You won't get away with this.
I have it all on tape.

And you may continue to record it.

If after we've finished tonight,

you wish to leave, then you can.

[Danny] Bullshit.

If you want to walk, you can walk.

And take your camera with you
and do whatever you please.

[Aoife] Now is the time to make the
choice that every man has ever made.

To join with the woman that loves you

in a world that will accept you
and never betray you.

Or go into darkness and face your fate.

What is it that you'll
miss so much out there, Danny?

You have a place here with us.
You've proven yourself worthy.

Bravery.

You saved me from those men
the first night.

Fertility.

I can vouch for you,
as a man and as a seed giver.

You'll bring children to your bride.

The compassionate.

[Prisoner] You rescued me
when many others would have run.

You didn't abandon me.

You think I'm going to join you?

I've seen it.

We don't just want you to join us.

Green man, come forward.

[Drumrolls]

Daddy.

I am the green man.

I have served these women well.

Now...

Relieve me from my duty.

No.

Please.

It's a gift.

It's a special gift.

[Gasps]

Danny.

It's all done.

It's all done and you did so wonderfully.

And I can feel it. I can
feel it inside me. I can...

[gasps]

[Gasps]

No.

No.

[Gasps]

[Crying out in agony]

Stop.

Let him be.

He has chosen.

Go, Danny and find your fate.

[Danny panting and laughing]

[Gasping]

[Danny] What the fuck is this?

[Danny] Ok. Ok. Ok.

[Danny]
Just keep going. Keep going.

[Danny] What's going on?

[Camera beeping]

Oh no. No, no. Don't die on me.

Don't die on me now.

[Camera beeps]

[Screams]

[Women in unison]
Take the flame inside you.

Bless the mother earth.

Born in green then be redeemed.

The blood of earth, the soil of life.

Together we will grow.

Take the flame inside you.

Bless the mother earth.

Born in green then be redeemed.

The blood of earth, the soil of life.

Together we will grow.

So mote it be.

[Irish folk music]