Crocodile Dundee (1986) - full transcript

Sue, don't misunderstand me, please.

Sue, I'm not complaining
about your work.

I have your latest piece
right here in front of me

and it's terrific, it's great.

It's just that you were
due back here yesterday.

Yeah, but, Richard, there's one more
story I just have to do.

There's always one more story.

No, but would you listen to this?

Last month this guy
in the Northern Territory

was attacked by a crocodile.

The thing bit his leg right off,



left him there to die
100 miles from nowhere.

A week later, he crawls out of the bush,

gets patched up and disappears.

No interviews, no pictures, nothing.

- So?
- I tracked him down.

He runs a safari business

out of somewhere
called Walkabout Creek.

And his name...

Get this...

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee.

Sue, even if this thing is for real,

it could take you weeks
to nail him down.

Will you trust me?

I already made
arrangements to meet him.



I've got a chopper
meeting the plane at Darwin.

I'll be there tonight.

Well...

Okay.

I really miss you, darling.

I miss you, too, honey.

Take care now.

Don't worry. I'm a New Yorker.

Hi.

Walter Reilly, Never Never Safaris.

I'm Mr. Dundee's business partner.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Reilly.

Please, call me Walter.

We're pretty informal in the bush.

No, let me.

There you go.

- You all right?
- Yes.

I'm sorry that Mr. Dundee
isn't here himself to meet you.

But he is here in town. Somewhere.

Welcome to Walkabout Creek.

I took the liberty
of booking you into our hotel.

I trust that's in order?

Sounds just fine.

There's just one other thing.

You did say that
you were prepared to pay the $2,500?

Absolutely.

And I will see where he was attacked
and how he survived?

Miss, I assure you, you're gonna spend
a few wonderful days here.

Come on, fellas. Five bucks,
anyone who can make Donk spill it.

So tell me,
what's the sideshow all about?

That's just the boys
having fun and games.

You see, Donk's never spilled a drop.

We're a pretty tough breed up here.

And your Mr. Dundee, does he...

No, no, no. No, no, he's very reserved.

He's a legend up here.

I mean, there he was
out there doing a quiet spot of fishing,

when all of a sudden, bang!

This giant crocodile came up,

turned him over, bit half his leg off,

dragged him down under.

Killed it, of course.

I mean, any normal man would have just
turned up his toes and died.

But not our Mick. No.

Hundreds of miles.

Snake-infested swamps.

On his hands and knees.

He crawled right into Katherine.

Straight past the hospital

and into the first pub for a beer.

That story's getting better
every time you tell it, Wally.

No, we handle ourselves
pretty well up here

in the bush, Miss.

But if you're talking legend...

Oh, my God!

Two beers, Ida.

One for me, one for my mate.

"One for your mate," you mad bugger.

Hang on.

I'm sorry if that frightened you, Miss.

You see, it's stuffed.

Him and me both, Wal.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee.

Never Never Safaris.

Yeah. Never go out with us,

if you do, you'll never come back.
Right, Wal?

Sue Charlton, Newsday.

Yeah, I thought you might be.

Here, Wal. Mind Cyril for me

while I dance
with this charming young lady.

Legend has it
a crocodile took half your leg off.

Well, a slight exaggeration.

More like a love bite, really.

Anyhow, enough about my leg.

Let me tell you about the rest of me.

Up north in the Never Never,
where the land is harsh and bare,

lives a mighty hunter
named Mick Dundee,

who can dance like Fred Astaire.

Smooth shag, eh?

What did you say the name
of this clown was?

Mick Dundee.

He's the bloke that was grabbed
by a croc on the Rapid River.

What was he doing up there?

It's full of crocs.
What do you reckon he was doing?

Just a bloody poacher, eh?

Listen, you do understand

I want you to take me out
where you were attacked,

show me how you survived.

Well, I don't know,
just the two of us out there alone?

I've got my reputation to think about.

Hey, Dundee.

Where can a man
shoot a few crocs around here, eh?

How would I know, shit-for-brains?

Just relax.

Now, come on, Dundee.

Every man and his dog
in the joint knows

you're nothing
but a bloody croc poacher.

You better get your men out of here.

Sorry about that.

But I won't have anyone
using bad language in front of a lady.

Bad language?

Don't come back neither!

What was he saying
about you being a poacher?

He was just trying to get a bite,
that's all.

Donk, tonight's my lucky night.

You want to have a hit at the guts?

Here's a go, fellas. Good on you, Mick.

Come on, guys, put your money on me.

Come on, Mick.

Give me a kiss, Donk.

I'm sorry. He's not normally like this.

I do apologize. It's just the drink.

You mean there's a serious side to him?

I can hardly wait.

Comfortable, Miss?

Wonderful country out here.

We think so.

Well, I hope you're not gonna
be the strong, silent type.

- Me?
- Reluctant to talk about yourself?

No. Favorite subject.

Great. Why "Crocodile"?

Wal's idea.

He reckons it makes me more colorful
for the tourist business.

How old are you?

Don't know.

What year is this?

You don't know?

Time doesn't mean much up here, Miss.

You see,
the Aborigines don't have calendars.

I was raised by the local tribe.

I asked one of the tribal elders one day
when I was born.

And he said, "In the summertime. "

And is there a Mrs. Crocodile Dundee?

I was sort of married once.

- Nice girl. Good cook. Big...
- Mick!

Anyway, I went off on walkabout.

When I came back, she'd gone.

A walkabout?

That's an Aboriginal habit.

It means to wander around

and discover new places.

How long were you gone?

Couple months.

Try 18.

And she didn't wait?

Strange girl.

Yeah.

Out of the way, dopey!

Jesus.

That was amazing.

Mind over matter.

Old bushman's trick.

All right, Miss. All ashore.

Now, I'm going to leave you
in Mick's capable hands,

and I'll meet you at the Echo Billabong
on Wednesday.

2:20. We better get started.

2:20.

Yeah. Yes.
That's the way that we do it in the bush.

Don't you worry, Miss.
He's the best bushman in the territory.

Best pupil I ever had.

You ready, lady?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Right, well, till Wednesday.

- Cheerio.
- Wednesday.

- What's today, Wal?
- Monday.

Doesn't know.

Doesn't care.

Lucky bastard.

- You okay, lady?
- I'm fine.

It's only about another hour to the river,

but you being a sheila,

it'll probably take two.

Well, I'll just do the best I can.

Yeah.

The water was running
20 foot up the bank

during the wet season.

Here's what's left of my boat.

Now you can see
where he sunk his teeth in.

My God.

How big was it?

Sixteen, 18 foot, maybe.

And you were out here
hunting crocodiles in that?

No, that's illegal. I was just fishing.

How did you get away?

See, crocs don't like fresh meat.

He wasn't trying to eat me on the spot.

He just wanted grab hold of me
and take me down for a death roll.

A death roll?

Yeah. See, a croc will grab you,

take you down
to the bottom of the water,

and roll you over and over and over
till you stop kicking.

Then he'll take you away
to his meat safe somewhere.

A rock ledge, log, down under the water

and jam you under it.

Tenderize you a bit. Good eating.

Anyway, he wasn't happy
with the grip he had on me,

so he let go to get a better one,
and I talked him out of it.

Talked?

And you were just out here fishing?

Well, a barramundi's a bloody big fish.

It'll be getting dark soon.

I'll take you to
where I camped the first night.

You married?

Was once.

To the original rebel.

What happened?

You name it, we marched.

Anti-nuke, women's lib,
save the whales.

He's probably marching right now
for the gay Nazis or something.

Sounds like a prize ratbag.

He meant well.

Haven't you ever protested anything?

Sure.
Every time I get thrown out of the pub.

Come on, I'm serious.

I mean, where would
someone like you stand on,

say, the nuclear debate?

What do you think about the arms race?

None of my business.

None of your business?

How can you say that?

It's everybody's business.

Got to have an opinion.
Got to have a voice.

Who's going to hear it out here?

Okay. Something closer to home.

The Aborigines.

What do you think about their claims
to get the land back?

Well, you see,
Aborigines don't own the land.

They belong to it. It's like their mother.

See those rocks sticking up there?

Been standing up there
for 600 million years.

Still be there when you and I are gone.

So arguing over who owns them

is like two fleas arguing over
who owns the dog they live on.

You see,

Aborigines, well,
like all God's creatures,

they just want the right to

roam across the earth
and be left in peace.

It's that...

It's a king brown.

Poisonous?

Yeah. Deadly.

Not bad eating, but always give me gas.

Listen, are there
any more of those around?

Maybe the odd one late at night.
But stick close to me, you'll be all right.

Yeah, you're probably right,
a man should have an opinion.

- I...
- What?

Thought I heard something.

No, it's nothing. Good night.

Mick?

It's only me.

Dangerous bastards.

It's those city cowboys.

What are you going to do?

Nothing. Why?

Why? They're shooting
these poor kangaroos for fun.

There's no law against that.

Keep your head down. Stay here.

Hey. I need a piss.

I need a piss!

Yeah, and a straighter rifle.

You're as useless
as tits on a bull, Duffy!

Shut up, you guys.

- Hey, Trevor.
- What?

Trevor, get the spotlight
over here, mate.

The spotlight!

Can't you see where you're aiming?

Shut up!

Not on me, you silly bugger,
on the bushes.

Hey...

Hey, look at this big cheeky bugger.

Hey! It's got a gun!

Shit!

Get out of here! Get going!

Good one, skippy.

Despite the rugged beauty of this land,

there's a sort of
strange emptiness about it.

A feeling of being so alone.

Yeah, but you're not alone.
I'm here, aren't I?

Yeah, but...

I think I know how you must have felt...

Or how I'd feel if I were out here alone.

You? Out here alone? That's a joke.

A city girl like you,

you wouldn't last five minutes, love.

This is man's country out here.

That's right. I'm only a sheila.

We're heading for
that escarpment today, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

See you there this afternoon.

Hey!

If you're gonna go,
take the gun with you.

If you get into trouble,
fire a couple of shots in the air.

That's the dangerous end.

So it is.

It's all right. It's over.

Hey. Hey.

I got you. I got you.

Is it dead?

Well, if it isn't,

I'm gonna have a hell of a job
skinning the bastard.

Well, you were right.

Definitely no place for a city girl.

I don't know.

From what Wal's told me,

living in the city can
be just as dangerous.

Haven't you ever lived in a city?

Never been to a city.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Cities are crowded, right?

If I went and lived in some city,
I'd only make it worse.

Here. Try this.

Do you want me to have a look at that?

It's just a scratch.

Yeah, well, a scratch
can turn septic out here.

Give us a look. It's all right.

Now what?

Oh, Christ.
It's like living with Davy Crockett.

Mick?

Mick.

Mick. You frightened shit out of me.

So I ought to, mate.

Sneaking up on a man
when he's rendering first-aid to a lady.

Is that what you were doing?

It's all right. It's a mate of mine.
Neville Bell. Sue Charlton.

G'day, Sue.

What are you doing wandering around
here in the scrub, Nev?

I'm on my way to a corroboree
over at the Jabba.

It's a bloody drag,

but still my dad get angry
if I don't show up.

See, Nev's a real city boy,
but his dad's a tribal elder.

No. You can't take my photograph.

I'm sorry.
You believe it will take your spirit away.

No. You got lens cap on.

Crikey, Mick. I better get going.

- Nice to meet you, Sue.
- Bye, Nev.

I'll catch up with you, Nev.

What's happening?

I better go with Nev
and have a chat with the Pintinjarra.

Can I come?

No way.

Women are strictly taboo
at these turnouts.

How does he find his way in the dark?

He thinks his way.

A lot of people believe that
they're telepathic.

I hate the bush.

How did you know?

Are you telepathic?

Common sense.

You're a woman. You're a reporter.

That makes you
the biggest busybody in the world.

I can live with that.

That croc was gonna eat me alive.

I wouldn't hold that against him.

Same thought crossed my mind
once or twice.

Good night, Mick.

Of course,
it took me a week to crawl this far.

I thought I was a goner.

Said to myself, "Mick, old son,

"find yourself a nice, comfortable spot

"and lay down and die. "

Weren't you afraid?

Of dying?

I read the Bible once.

You know God and Jesus
and all them apostles?

They were all fishermen, just like me.

Yep. Straight to heaven
for Mick Dundee.

Yep.

Me and God,

we'd be mates.

This is Echo Lake.

I reckon this place saved my life.

That's mineral water. Means no crocs.

More tucker here
than you could poke a stick at.

Tucker?

Food. You hungry?

- Starving.
- I'll get lunch.

How do you like your goanna?
Medium? Well done?

You don't really expect me to eat that?

Yeah, it's great.
Here, try some of those yams.

Try the grubs and the sugar ants.

Just bite the end off.
They're really sweet.

Black fellas love them.

What about you? Aren't you having any?

Me?

Well,

you can live on it,

but it tastes like shit.

Mick, when I go back,
why don't you come with me?

What for?

Well, it would make
a great wrap to the story.

You in New York City.

For a minute there
I thought you were making a pass at me.

Well, I might have been.

Would you mind?

Bloody Wally.

He's only been here a dozen times.
He's probably lost.

Did you...

You got wind or something, Wal?

I want Mick to come back
to New York with me.

Mick? In a big city?

No chance.

Paper would pay.

Well, a man should
broaden his horizons.

Everything okay?

Yeah. No worries.

Jesus Christ!

Sue!

Sue!

Sue.

G'day, mate!

You look absolutely stunning.

- Welcome home.
- Thanks.

Here, let me get this.

Where's the man from the backwoods?

Oh, God. We got separated in customs.

He almost started a riot

when they wanted
to look through his suitcase.

There he is.

So, that's Jungle Jim.

New York City, Mr. Dundee.

Home to seven million people.

That's incredible.

Imagine seven million people
all wanting to live together.

Yep. New York must be
the friendliest place on earth.

G'day!

Mick Dundee from Australia.
How are you?

I'm fine. How are you? I think...

Good.
Just came down for a couple of days.

Probably see you around.

Fine. We went from there...

I don't know, I think...

Thank you, Gus.

- You'll take care of the luggage?
- Yes, sir.

That's it.

Hey. Thanks for the lift, mate.

No problem.

What tribe are you, Gus?

Tribe?

Man, I ain't from no tribe.

You're a black feller, aren't you?

Last time I looked.

No one in our tribe's
got a flash car like this.

You must be doing all right, eh?

I'll get a cab back to the office.

Do you want to eat
somewhere special tonight?

Well, I thought Tucano's would be nice.

Tucano's. 7:30?

Great.

- Bye.
- Okay.

Table for three.

Sir?

No worries.

Well, what do you think?

It's a bit rough, but I'll manage.

Hey, how many of us are staying here?

Just you.
I've got my own apartment downtown.

Sorry, Mick Dundee.
I didn't catch the name.

- Angelo.
- Pleased to meet you, Angelo.

I got it. Here you go.

Got to pay for the room in advance,
have we?

You're in my town now, trust me.

Yeah. Can I get
the direct dialing code for Australia?

You should be comfortable.
Everything's here.

There's a TV if you get bored.

Television.

Yeah, I saw that
at Darkie Johnson's place years ago.

Yep, that's what I saw.

Right. Okay, thanks.

So, I'm writing down Wally's number
and my office number.

Hey, Sue, come here, look at this!

Some nitwit's put two dunnies in here.

One dunny, one bidet.

Bidet?

It's for... After you... You know.

You figure it out.

See you at 7:00.

Yeah.

For washing your backside, right?

G'day.

G'day.

G'day.

- G'day.
- Hello.

G'day.

Sorry.

G'day. Oops!

Shit.

- Take it easy, Mick.
- Thanks, mate.

- Ta.
- Bye.

- G'day.
- Yes, sir.

Good evening. Follow me, please.

Hello.

Sorry we're late.

- Been waiting long?
- I arrived early,

eager to spend time with my girl.

So, what are we drinking?
Two vodka martinis,

and what's yours, Crocodile?

Yeah, I'll have two of those,
and a beer, thanks.

Could you send them
through to our table, Matt?

You have been here awhile.

Let's eat.

Now this will be quite
a novelty for you, Mick.

Eating something without
having to kill it first.

Shall we?

- Roberto.
- Good evening, Mr. Mason.

I can see you got some friends.
Follow me, please.

Thank you.

You know I had almost forgotten
what a sexy-looking lady you are.

I'll gonna have to find a way
of keeping you in town.

I think we can work something out.

Really? Yes, what?

Listen, you two should really be alone.

Sorry, Mick. It's just that we haven't
seen each other in six weeks.

Well, that's all the more reason...

There's no way I'd leave you alone
on your first night in New York.

Richard and I want you with us.

Right. Absolutely.

New York is no place for a country gent.

I mean, ain't no crocodiles out there,

but a fast-moving Chevy
sure make a mess of you.

What's your game?

Great. I'm starving.

Thank you.

Perhaps I should order
for all of us, right?

I mean, I don't imagine
that they have any

kangaroo steak or possum grits!

Don't worry about Mick.

He can make a gourmet meal
out ofjust about anything.

Even medium-rare goanna.

It was great, wasn't it, eh?
And what about the yams?

Yes. They were great.

Well, that's...

That's wonderful.

As he's our guest,

perhaps he'd like to order for all of us.

Wait a minute. I'll do that.

No, it's... It's all right. I'll have a lash.

- Italian, eh?
- Yes.

I don't know what you call it,

but I'd like to look at that dish
out there the big fat sheila's eating.

Richard!

He okay?

Can't handle his drink, poor fella.

He said you hit him.

You're not in the pub
at Walkabout Creek now.

- He was being a pain.
- That's beside the point.

You're not serious about this lemon,
are you?

Butt out, Dundee!

He had a little too much to drink.

Richard is warm, caring,
and I love him, okay?

- Excuse me.
- What?

I think I'm going to throw up.

God.

- You want a hand?
- No. I can handle it.

I'm fine.

Listen, we've got a busy day tomorrow,
so get some sleep.

I'll pick you up early.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- I think you better take me to the boozer.
- Boozer?

Don't know that one.

Pub.
You know, somewhere to get a drink.

- Want to join me?
- I just finished my shift. Why not?

- Fancy a drink, do you?
- You kidding? I'm Italian.

I'd drink you under the table any day,
my friend.

Well, that could be interesting.

No, I'm not putting down
your black widow spider,

but the funnel-web spider
can kill a man in eight seconds,

just by looking at him.

Of course, the real danger down there
is the sharks, though,

the big ones, you know, like Jaws?

I caught one down there
about three weeks ago.

Got it opened.
Know what we found inside it?

Three Filipino fishermen.

- Still in their boat.
- Hey, Buzzy!

Come on over,
meet this guy from Australia.

Hey, my man, what's happening?

Where?

What's goin' down, bro?

Goin' down? Yeah.
Just blowing the froth off a couple.

All right! Hang loose, my man.

- Flat out like a lizard drinking.
- Say what?

What?

He's cool.

Yeah. I'm cool. I'm cool.

All right!

All right!

He's a nice fellow.

Here's my little Italian mate, Danny.

Just in time to buy
another round, too, mate.

What are you drinking, Gwendoline?

No more for me. Thanks, Mick.
I must be getting on home.

Where's... Where's home, sweetie?

Just around the corner.

I have a little place
where I live all by my lonesome.

Not now.

Most of the time, that is.

Must...

Must get a bit lonely, eh?

Hanker for a bit of male company?

Do I ever.

Hey, come here.

Excuse me, Gwendoline.
Don't go away, love.

I have been trying to tell you all night.

That girl, she's a guy.

A man dressed up as a girl.

A fag, for Christ's sakes!

I swear.

Hey... That was a guy.

A guy dressed up like a sheila.
Look at that.

Hey, you all knew, you pack of bastards.

Hey!

Where the hell did I leave the cab?

Don't know.

You wait here until I go look for it, mate.

Righto, mate.

G'day, girls.
Mick Dundee from Australia.

Looking for a good time, honey?

Always looking for a good time.

Are either of you ladies

attached or married
or anything like that?

No. We're both single ladies.

This is Karla. I'm Simone.
Where you from, honey?

I'm from Walkabout Creek
in the Northern Territory.

You probably don't know where that is.

Hey. I do.

You're the guy
I've been reading about in the paper,

the "Crocodile Man. "

I've been reading
about him in the paper.

He's like a regular Tarzan.

Wrestles crocodiles, eats snakes.

Is this your first trip to New York?

First trip anywhere.

Well, hell.

We might just have to
give you one for free.

Yeah.

One what?

Maybe we could take in a movie or,
you know, go to a dance or...

Hey, girls, girls.

Are we working tonight
or are we socializing?

Hey, pal.

I was just talking to the ladies
and making a bit of progress.

Are you going to talk all night, my man,
or you going to screw one of them?

Listen, I'm sorry about that,

but if you stand around
out the front of a place like this

you're going to hear
that kind of bad language.

I should've been home hours ago.

Nice chatting to you, ladies.

Hey, come on, Dan.
You're in no condition to drive.

Hop in, mate.

That's why you have
so many accidents over here.

The steering wheel's
on the wrong side of the car.

Get out of the way, dopey!

Get on the right side of the road,
you pelican!

If I give
my heart to you

Then I'll have none
and you'll have two

Se?or Mick?

The towels for Se?or Mick.

Is that you, Rosita?

Just leave the spare towels on the bed,
will you?

Muchas gracias, love.

Si, Se?or Mick.

Struth!

Hey, listen...

Rosita.

I was only being friendly.

You know, I didn't mean...

Your towels, Se?or Mick.

For a minute there,

room service took on
a whole new meaning.

One dog, please.

With chili, onions, sauerkraut,

and some peppers.

There you go.

You eat that?

Well, you know, you can live on it,
but it tastes like shit.

My bag! Somebody stop him!

Thief! Thief!

Hey, Mick!

How you doing, baby? It's me, Simone!

Yeah, Simone. Having a good time?

As always.

Nice girl.

Thoughtful, too. Dancing with her father.

You'll have to overcome this

- country boy shyness, Dundee.
- Hi.

Yeah.

There's someone I want you to meet.

Sue, darling! You're back.

How wonderful.

Fran, how are you?

Couldn't be better.

Tell me, who's the new man?

This is the man I'm writing about,
Mick Dundee.

Something the matter, darling?

Hi. Pleased to meet you.

It's okay. He's Australian.

Maybe I'd better go there someday.

Darling, I'm so glad you could come.

Excuse me.

Just making sure.

Right. I'll get us a drink.

It's good shit.

What's up, pal?
Got a blocked nose, have you?

Blocked nose. Right.

There's a better way
of doing it than that.

Better way?

Yep.

It's the way we do it back home.
It really fixes us up.

Now, boil the water,

get the steam going. Right.

Put your face right over that.

And the old tea towel over your scalp.

Put your head right down onto that.
Breathe it in real deep.

Ten minutes of that,
you'll be clear as a bell. No worries.

Get into it.

That will do it.

You know, Mick, that was probably

a couple hundred dollars' worth
of cocaine.

What's that?

It's a drug. You sniff it.

What for?

Well, to get a buzz.

What, like shoving a blowfly
up your nose?

Got the photo, Mick.

I look great.

Yeah. Ida sends love.

Wait a minute.
Donk wants to have a word with you.

Mick! Get stuffed!

Very good.

How you getting on
with the New Yorkers, Mick?

Bonzer people.

Friendly, full of beans, but a bit weird.

Well, that's the joys of traveling.

When are you coming home, mate?

Well, if you can manage, Wal,
I'd like to stay a while.

Yeah. No troubles at all.

Wouldn't have anything to do with
a certain lady writer, would it?

Yeah, well, to start with,
she's a better kisser than Donk.

You little beauty.

Keep in touch.

Yeah. No worries, Wal. Ta-ta.

Come on, Wal, what'd he say?

Well, he wants to stay there
a little while longer.

He wants me to
take care of things here.

You got a light, buddy?

Yeah. Sure, kid. There you go.

And your wallet.

Mick, give him your wallet.

- What for?
- He's got a knife.

That's not a knife.

That's a knife.

Shit!

Just kids having fun. Are you all right?

I'm always all right
when I'm with you, Dundee.

God, that sounds corny.

Why do you always make me feel
like Jane in a Tarzan comic?

That's what we ran
while you were down under.

Sorry.
Can't seem to get my mind in gear.

Sue, when you were away,

I did some thinking.

It's time I made some concrete plans.

Are you building a freeway

or proposing to the finest catch
in New York state?

Hello, young lady.
Been reading your articles.

It seems you've been
tripping all over the world

enjoying yourself at our expense.

Well, I'd like to think
you're getting your money's worth.

Hi, Dad.

You got a kiss for the old man?

Thank God you're home safe.

Have you told Sue about Sunday?

I was just about to.

You're coming out to the weekend
house for a welcome home dinner.

But, right now, I want Richard to explain

how he runs this newspaper
better than I do when I'm away.

By all means,
bring along this Crocodile Dundee.

Him, I've got to meet.

I thought you said
your dad sells newspapers.

- Well...
- He sells a lot of newspapers.

Thank you, Gus.

Hell. The dogs are out.

Mick.

Nice to see you again, Miss. Mr. Mason.

Good to see you looking so fit and well.

Simpson, Mr. Dundee.

Nice to meet you, Simo.

Call me Mick.

Mick.

Your father's expecting you, Miss.

He's waiting with his guests
in the lounge.

Excuse me.

- Hi, pumpkin.
- Hi, Dad.

- Richard.
- Good to see you.

And this of course is Mr. Dundee.

Yep.

I believe I'm deeply in your debt
for saving my daughter's life.

Well... Buy me a cold beer,
and we'll call it quits.

Nice joint you got here.

Well, it keeps the rain off our heads.

Come. I want you to meet some people.

Patricia, a drink for Mr. Dundee.

Oh, my God, look who's here.

- My Dawn.
- How are you?

Dorothy and Wendell Wainwright.
From Australia.

Nice to meet you, Wendell.

Mick. Have a drink.

Thank you.

Are you involved in cattle, Mr. Dundee?

Yeah. Mostly buffaloes.

Do you breed them?

No, I just toss them.

And how are you finding New York?

Bit of a lunatic asylum, eh?

That's why I love it, 'cause I fit right in.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like Mick to
say hello to Senator Manly.

That's a good idea.

- It was nice meeting you.
- See you later.

Seems like a personable fellow.

What a strange gentleman.

Nice people.

Dorothy's fine now,
but she used to be really uptight.

What happened?

She found a wonderful shrink.

Psychiatrist.

I shouldn't have made that crack
about the lunatic asylum.

Didn't know she was nuts.

Of course, she's not nuts.

People go to a psychiatrist
to talk about their problems.

She just needed to unload them.
You know, bring them out in the open.

Hasn't she got any mates?

You're right.
Guess we could all use more mates.

I suppose you don't have any shrinks
at Walkabout Creek?

No. Back there,
if you got a problem, you tell Wally.

And he tells everyone in town,

brings it out in the open,
no more problem.

Richard! You could make it this evening.

Wendell, good to see you.
And I don't believe I know your daughter.

- Stop it!
- Richard!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Friends. Welcome home, Sue.

As... As you can see,
we're all glad to have you back.

Of course, no one more than I.

I guess everyone in this room

knows how this beautiful lady and I
feel about each other.

Sue's come back to us,

delivered, literally,
out of the jaws of death

by our new-found friend,
Mr. Michael J. Dundee.

A man...
A man to whom I am doubly indebted.

Of course, not only did he
bring back to me the woman that I love,

but he managed to
increase the circulation

of the newspaper in the process.

You know, Sam said to me earlier,

"You're her editor.

"Can't you stop her from taking
all these dangerous assignments?"

Well, quite obviously,
I have not had a great deal of success

influencing her as her editor.

Perhaps I'll have
more success as her husband.

- If she'll have me.
- Richard.

Congratulations.

It's a pleasure
having you here to share this.

Well done. Well done.

Thank you very much.
I couldn't have done it without your help.

Sweetheart?

I'll get in the back, Gus.

To the hotel, Mick?

Yeah, Gus, by way of a liquor store.

For medicinal purposes.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, you take care, now.

Hey, buddy.

Get it into you, pop.

God bless you.
You saved my life, really.

Hey, Simone.

You want some action?

I thought you were somebody else.

Well, if it ain't the man who don't like
bad fucking language in front of ladies.

What's the matter, Aussie boy?

You going to make like a kangaroo
and hop away?

Time for a little tap dance.

You okay, Mick?

Yeah, Gus. No worries.

I was just getting on top of them.

You sure you're not Pintinjarra tribe?

No, man. Harlem Warlords.

I knew you were tribal.

Mick Dundee's room, please.

I'm sorry. He's still not answering.

He called down this morning
to say he was checking out today.

We're going to miss him around here.

Thanks.

Thank you, sir.

G'day, Irving. How are you, mate?

Yeah. I wouldn't be dead for dollars.

Close.

Are you leaving us, Mick?
You going back home?

No. I thought I'd go walkabout.

Wander around, take a look at America.

For how long?

Long as it takes.

What's the quickest way out of town?

Well, if you're looking for adventure,
there's a subway two blocks that way.

It'll take you to Grand Central Station.

That'll do.

Have a nice day, Irving.

No worries, mate.

- Morning, Miss.
- Morning.

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

No, but it will come to me.

Incidentally, Miss,
if you're looking for Crocodile Mick,

he's gone walkabout.

I don't suppose you know where?

Yeah. He's headed
for the subway two blocks down.

You'd better hurry.

Mind this for me.

Oh, Christ.

Hey, lady, where you going?

If you want to play,
why don't you play with me.

Mick!

Mick Dundee!

What's up, lady?

I got to talk to that man down the end.
The one in the black hat.

Hey!

Lady here wants to talk to
the guy in the black hat!

Hey, fella!

You in the hat!

The lady down the end
wants to see you!

What does she want?

What does she want?

What do you want?

Tell him not to leave.
I'm not going to marry Richard.

Tell him don't leave.
She's not going to marry Richard.

Don't leave.
I'm not going to marry Richard.

Why not?

I don't know.

Why not?

Why not?

Tell him I love him.

I love you!

I love ya!

I love ya! I love ya!

She loves me.

Well?

Tell her I...

I'll tell her myself. I'm coming through.

He's coming through!

He's coming through!

It's too crowded.
We're jammed in like sheep.

Up, up, up.

Coming through!