Criss Angel Trick'd Up (2016) - full transcript

Alright, sit up.
Get on it?

Yes, sit on it and just put your head either way.

Doesn't matter.
'You better not hurt her.'

'I'm not..'
He can't hurt me..

'You know what, you're gonna come over here'

and I want you to hold, hold her head.

Just come up here. You're gonna
hold her head just like this.

Lean your head over.
Okay.

Alright.
Okay.

Watch your hair, you look so beautiful.

Just hold. Hold it firm.



Okay.
Alright. And then, uh..

And what's gonna happen is I'm gonna tell you

to pull the table.

When I tell you to pull the table

you and you are gonna pull the table.

What, you gonna shoot a video of this?

Yes.
Okay. Good.

Okay.

Alright, good.
Alright.

You just gotta relax, alright?
Okay. Alright.

I'm gonna lift your shirt up.
Is that okay?

Sure.

You're ticklish?
A little bit.

Oh, what the (bleep) is that?
What..



Oh, my God.
No..

Watch, just relax.

You see it comin'..
'No!'

Oh, God!
Look at her belly..

Look at the belly button right there.

No..

Oh (bleep)

Oh..

'No.'
Oh!

What the (bleep) is that?

I'm Criss Angel.

I've performed over 3000 shows

at The Luxor in Las Vegas and still counting.

But I'm getting out of Vegas

and coming to your town with The Supernaturalists.

It's the most obnoxious, in-your-face

revolutionary magic ever performed.

Blowin' the minds of my celebrity friends..

What is that?

Hah!

...and people just like you.

No way.
No way.

No camera tricks, no stupid plots

and no bull (bleep).

You won't believe your eyes.

And if you're still a skeptic

hah, come see me live.

You wanna see the revolution

we're coming to your town.

So look out.

I'm here with my good friend, Maestro

from my show at The Luxor.

And he's gonna be our special guest..

...in this demonstration.

Now, Maestro, you're a great artist.

I want you to take and draw my,
my logo right over there.

Okay, easy, easy.

Easy.
Here, in the mid..

What the (bleep) you doing?

Stop it, Criss.

No, don't do it.
'Come on!'

What? No.
Come on, get out of there!

I...I'm scared.
I won't. I won't throw.

I'm (bleep) myself.

This is called "I'm A (bleep) Expert."

I mean, I'm, I'm an expert.

You're not an expert.
Yes, I am an expert.

You're not an expert.

Mila signed a bill.

Landon has a hundred bills

and one of them has Mila's signature.

I'm gonna find which one it is and stab it.

'Cause I'm a (bleep) expert.

One, two, three.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Right there!

Right there! Yes!

'Yes! Yes!'

'Yes! Yes!'

'What're you doing, Mateo.'

'You can't take the money.'

Mila. Come. Look.

'Is that your signature right there?'

'Yes, it is.'
Look at that.

Oh, my God!
Is that yours, right there?

Yes, yes, it is.
How did you do that?

That's incredible.

I call this one "Ups and Downs."

Oh!

What's goin' on?

No..

Oh, my God!

Oh, excuse me..

(bleep)

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.
Look, it's Criss..

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God..

Is it really you?

Whoa!

I can't breathe.
Oh, my God!

Ah, it scared me to death.

I'm sweatin'.

I'm a little teary-eyed.

Going down. Bye-bye.

This is called "Street Magic."

I need somebody that wants to be in my show, on tour!

'Yeah.'
Yeah?

You know what's up, bud?

Look, it's him!

Alright. Come over here, hon.

Come over, just stand over here.

Come over here. Come over here.
Come over here.

Come over here.
Come over here.

I want you to hold hands.

'Look at that.'

Hi.
Hi, how are you?

I'm good. Am I gonna get in
trouble for, uh, shootin' here?

Oh, no, you shouldn't..

No? Alright, check it out.

Alright, this is what we're gonna do.

Very carefully, I'm gonna cover myself up.

I want you first to put your foot..

...on that sheet there.

Put your foot on that sheet right over there, okay.

I'm gonna cover myself up like this, alright.

Now, you can tell that this is me under here.

Am I correct?
Yes.

Is that fair?

Now, look, I'm gonna make a little hole right over here

so you can see my hand, okay.

Alright, you see that hole there?

And then I'm gonna put another little hole

right over here, alright.

Is that fair so far?

'It is..'
'Yeah, that's you.'

Now, check it out.

You're gonna take this knife.
Okay.

What's your name?

It's Kiki. I got it.
Kiki.

Alright, you feel the wind?

Kiki, you see my hands, alright.

Now, keep your feet on it, alright.

'Cause this is gonna happen on three, Kiki.

I'm gonna say one, two, three, go.

On go, you're gonna pull the sheet off of me, alright?

Yes..
Alright, here we go.

One, two, three..

Go!

Whoa!

Right here!

Right here!

What the hell?
'Yeah!'

I'm security.
I see everything

but I've never seen nothin' like that.

I'm still shaking.

I don't know what just happened.

It's just mind-boggling.

What a trick!

I call this one "Teleportation."

This one's called "Criss-Ka-Bob."

Oh, oh, oh.
'Sorry.'

'It's only blood.'

There's so much stuff on the table. Wow!

How about you, sir?

Uh, sure.
No, you know what we gonna do.

Wait a second.
Wait a second.

Wait a second.
I'm gonna try somethin'.

We're gonna try somethin' crazy.

Put this, put this like

stand it up on the table and have everybody hold on

or a few people hold on to..

Actually, Chloe, you ho.. Hold on to it..

Adrian, You hold on to it.
I'm gonna step over here.

And then, Chloe, you grab it over here.

Yeah.
Alright, just hold on to it.

Alright.
Yes.

You're gonna pick me up and put me

balance me, right on that.

You're videotaping this. Good.

Videotape this.

Pick me up even if you can

and put my..
Oh..

Try to balance me.
Just do it slowly, okay

'cause that's gonna..

Just try balancing me.

Just.. Good balancing.

You got my legs?
I got you.

Alright, you guys gotta hold me here.

Landon, hold my hand.

'There you go, hold my hand.'

Come on.. You got my arms?

Now, slowly, just step away.

Now, watch.
Oh (bleep). That hurts.

Okay, bring my..
Whoo!

Go to my feet.

Danny, take off my shoes.

Take off my shoes.
Really?

Just take off my shoes.

Yeah, it's good..

Slowly let go.

Patrick, slowly let go.

Let go. Let go.
Let go.

Let go.
Everybody, let go. Slowly.

Oh, my God!

'Let's go.'
Chloe!

'Yeah.'
Chloe.

I want you to grab my legs.

Grab my legs and start to spin me.

Walk this way, start spinning me..

See who gets trick'd up next.

Hah!

'What the hell.'

'Oh, my goodness.'

'I'm Criss, and this...sucks!'

Ohh!

This sucks!

The thing that is weird to me is

what's the significance of the cockroach?

'Uh, I used to eat cockroaches when I was a kid.'

No.
I did.

A couple of times, yeah.
You ate cockroaches?

You know, cockroach multiply so if you eat a cockroach

you might have, like, I don't know

like a thousand in your body right now.

That's disgusting!

Can I try something with ya?
Sure.

'It's gone!'
'Huh!'

'Oh, oh, my God!'
'Oh!'

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
That is disgusting.'

Oh, (bleep)!

'Check that out. That's cool.'

A goldfish tat.

'Watch.'

'Oh my.. What are you doing?'

'It's gone.'
'Huh!'

Oh, my God!

'Oh, my God. Did you see that?'

'Here's your goldfish come to life.'

I'm here with the beautiful Belinda.

The biggest pop star in all of Latin America.

Singer, actress in the new movie "Baywatch" coming out.

Right?
Yeah.

And she has a beautiful new song.

A hit song.
Everybody's doing the dance

The "Sapito," which means frog in English.

Can you do the dance for us?
No, that's an old song.

No?
I was 11, I promise you.

I was 11, and you know that.

You, you know I was 11.
No, but do the dance.

Come on, do the dance.
You're making this on purpose.

Everybody hates the..
No!

Whoa!

I.. You are nuts.

You are mucho loco.

Mucho loco.
No, no, no, no.

No!

Come here.

No, no, no..
Come here, come here, relax.

Relax. Relax. Relax.
Okay.

Relax. Just relax.
Okay..

Relax, just trust me.
Just relax.

'Relax.'

'Relax.'

Hah!

You're okay.

'I'm gone.'

Whoo!

El Diablo.

This is called..

Heads or tails!

Hi.
Hi.

You're Captain Amy?
Yes.

Team Sharks?
Yup.

Captain McKenna?
Yeah.

Team Sands.

You both signed a coin.

Is that your signature?
Yeah.

And is that yours?
Yeah.

Call it. McKenna?

Ready?
Yeah.

Heads.

What?

Where did it go?
What!

You see, the coin went right through.

It actually..

Oh, my God, it's not in your skin!

Look. Look.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh, my..

No, no, don't do that!

Oh, my God!

Wait, it, it looks like it's heads.

Oh!

'Oh, God!'

Heads! Team Sands... has the ball.

Just how did..

Yeah!

Legendary magician Harry Houdini

claimed he could withstand any
punch taken in the abdomen.

An eager college student

threw a punch to Houdini's stomach

before he had a chance to prepare for the blow

causing his appendix to rupture.

Houdini died a few days later on Halloween 1926.

I'm here with 285-pound

two-time heavyweight champion Frank Mir

'who has the most wins'

in the heavyweight division in the UFC.

Most KOs and submissions combined.

'And he's afflicted'

'more broken bones than anyone else'

in the history of the UFC.

Frank, you ready to punch me in the stomach?

Oh, yeah.

Wait a second here.

Take a look at Frank Mir's eyes.

Who in their right mind

would allow him to punch you in the stomach?

What the hell was I thinking?

So the shot you guys are seeing

was me actually biting down

and hitting him as hard as I can

without wrapping my hand.

Ready?
Ready.

A little sting on that one.

One, two..

...three!

One, two..

Aah!

Can I show you something?

See who gets trick'd up next.

'All fun and games till somebody loses an eye.'

'He's good.'

'What's he doing?'
'He's fed up with us.'

No way.
Now, that's a..

That's a first.

Is he going all the way up?

We're moving.
We are moving.

'Why don't you go back and get him?'

Where is he?

Where the hell did he go?

Oh, my God, here he is! Look!

What?
'Is that him?'

No, seriously, look.
He's between..

'Oh, my God!'
'Oh, my God!'

Oh, wow.

Hi, Criss.
What's up?

That's crazy, Criss.
I see you, bro. You're crazy.

Best (bleep) I've seen in Vegas!

Let me get the fork, so I want, I wanna know it's real.

Pick one, pick a fork.
Oh, yeah.

Try and hit it.
Is that fair?

Yes.
Alright. Now watch.

Ready?

No!

What is that?

What is that?

Really, what is that?

Look. Do you know how insane that is?

I held that.

I'm gonna..
I'm gonna be up tonight.

No! No way!
No way!

No way!
No!

Oh, wow!
No way!

Oh, my God!

No (bleep) way! Are you serious!

Holy (bleep)!

What?

Oh, my God!
Are you serious?

...gonna get it out of the bottle.

Holy (bleep)!

One, two, three!

Oh, my God, what the (bleep)!

That is nuts!
'No way!'

Now!
Oh, my God!

That was incredible.

I hate card tricks!

So I want you to sign your card.

I hate card tricks

but place your card in the deck, wherever you like.

Right there. Is that fair?
Yep.

That's fair?
Mm-hmm.

Good.

What?
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my gosh! That's crazy!

Oh, my God, that's crazy!
Holy (bleep)!

'Oh, my God..'

One card, I want you to see this very carefully.

No way!
Look. Look, look, look.

Are you serious? No.

Right here. Here it is.

What was your card, a six of clubs, right?

Seriously!
No, shut up!

Holy (bleep)! That was crazy!

Look at that crazy fan over there.

'If you stop putting your name on the bus'

'you wouldn't have that.'

What's up, mother (bleep)!

'Cheers, everybody.'

Cheers.

'Cheers.'
'Cheers.'

I call this "Dining Etiquette."

Can I show you something?

Don't spread it.

Oh, you know..

Oh!

Oh (bleep)!

I'm buying!

I am buying dinner tonight for everybody!

It's actually not just you, is it?

See who gets trick'd up next.

For me, it's about bringing magic to people

that might not be in Vegas.

Going to small towns, you know.

Just like trippin' people out.

'I don't know where we're going.
I, I wanna go everywhere.'

I gave you a gift which you brought today.

I have here. Yes.

I brought, uh, two books

one that has some meaning to you.

'I'm familiar with this one.'

I want you to touch one of the two books.

Okay, so we'll use the one that
you're familiar with. Fair?

"Dracula."
Okay.

Now, what I'm gonna ask you to do

is I'm gonna go through the book

and at any point, I want you to say "Stop."

You just say "Stop" at any point you wish.

Stop.
Right there. Is that fair?

Yep.
Okay.

I want you to remember the page number

uh, the page number that would be right over here.

Remember that page number.
Yes.

And I want you to... look at the first line

and I want you to create a visual picture..

...of that first line, whatever that line is.

Try to create a visual picture

as if you were in that... scene

wherever that might take place.

'Okay?'
Yes.

Okay.

Have your mom hold on to the book.

Now, what I want you to do is to really visualize

you're there.

'I want you see it.'

It's interesting because..

...it's actually not just you, is it?

There is... someone else in this scene.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

'And you're both'

kind of questioning..

...but then again agreeing at the same time.

'Am I correct?'

Ye-yes. Yeah.

There's a conflict of s-something..

'Yes.'

...of there's two sides.

'It's like yin and yang.
It's like good and evil.'

'Right?'
Yeah. Yep.

Yeah.

Now, let's try something, just as an experiment.

What was the page number?

Uh, two-seven-eight.

Two seventy-eight?
So what I want you to do

is you're gonna take the book

and I want you to go

um, and find that page number 278..

Okay.

'...and read that line.'

Two-seven-eight.

Okay.

Um..

Uh..

It's..

There is no, uh, there's-there's no page 278.

It's torn out.

It.. Uh..

As if..
But it wasn't just a.. No.

It.. What have you done with it, mother?

I don't know.

Now, I gave you a present yesterday.

I want you to please open up the little gift.

Just rip it open.

'And it is a perfect match if you look'

at this..

It is indeed.

It's a perfect match.

Mother?
Marvelous.

Marvelous.

'Who wants to help me?'
I do.

Okay. I want you to think of a person

anybody you wish, whoever you want.

This. This..

This will be our canvas

and I want you to visualize

if you would visualize the person's body

that you're thinking of.

Just get that person in your mind.

I want you to visualize the person's body

and I want you to see the head.

Now, does the head go with the body?

The head go with the body?
It does?

No, it doesn't?
You don't know wha..

You know, well, let's make this easy.

We'll use this sheet as a canvas.

Let's cover him up.
'Okay.'

Let's cover him up.
Just cover him up.

And I want you now to visualize, if you will..

...that person that you're thinking of.

Now, the person that you're thinking about..

Just send me.

It's a celebrity, am I correct?

Yes.

It's actually in..

...his field, he's probably the most successful..

...in what he does.

Yeah.

And you're a big fan?
Yeah.

Are you thinking of first name, first letter, an "S"?

Yes.

Is it Steve?
Yes.

Is it Steve Aoki?
Yes.

'Wow!'
'Oh, my God!'

Steve Aoki, I present to you.

Oh (bleep).

You have a big fan right there, Steve.

Nice to meet you.

Steve
Oh.

There, Steve Aoki.

She's a big fan, and she's beautiful, Steve.

'You're a lucky guy.'

Wow!
How did I do that?

Have you ever gotten your nails done?

I think one time.

But, I mean, to get my nails
done with Criss Angel is, uh

one of, like, the legendary moments of my life now.

'I think it's the other way around, bro.'

Paris, look deep into my eyes.

You're gonna feel

'a surge of energy.'

What do you see?

Death.

What was that?

People see different things.

What was that?

It's what..

...you saw..

...in me.

See who gets trick'd up next.

You ready?
Yeah.

♪ My name is Miles Brown.. ♪

What's up, man?

♪ I got a crown Uh! No frown.. ♪

Yeah, uh-huh.

Hey, what's up, Sean?
What's up, Criss?

What's goin' on, man?
How are you?

How's it goin'?
Bangin' tonight or what?

It's poppin', man.

But, unfortunately, I can't let him in.

He's not old enough.'

Do you know who that is?
No.

I'm Miles Brown.
I'm on a hit TV show.

It just got picked up for a third season.

'That's all good.
You're still too young.'

I'm 21.
There's no way you're 21.

Dude, I can vouch for him.
I can vouch for him.

You're not thinkin' straight.

It's all good.
'Okay.'

Let me see your jacket.

Miles, you know what we're gonna do, right?

Right. Right.

Put your hand..

Right here?

Put your hand right through this sleeve for me.

Put your hand..

And I want you to grab his hand

and tell us is that really his hand.

Can you feel that?
I can feel it.

Alright, put your other hand right through there, Miles.

Put your hand right through there.

Mm-hmm.
Good.

Alright, I'm gonna do this really slow for you.

Watch.

What?

Come on, Miles.

This is called "The (bleep)."

Dedicated to the very constipated

Chloe Crawford.

Can we change the subject?
'Say laxative.'

'Cause we are not using this.
'Say laxative.'

No. No.
'Laxative.'

♪ We are all here waiting ♪

♪ We're anticipating ♪

♪ While they are orchestrating ♪

♪ To grant the wishes we are making ♪♪

I'm here with the beautiful ladies of..

Alpha Phi.

That's right, and I asked each of you

'to bring your favorite stuffed animal.'

I want you to write down with my marker

one stuffed animal..

Good catch.

'...right on your palm and close your fist.'

'Don't let anybody see it.'

'Write one down. Look at them and get one in your mind.'

'Okay. You have one?'

Good. Right now, ladies, I'm gonna ask you

to pick up somebody else's stuffed animal

and leave one on the ground.

Do that now.

Okay, so it looks like we left the lion there.

Let's try this with, uh, with you.

Oh.
I want you to stand up.

I want you to stand up the lion.

Try to stand it up as best as you can

and face it to me if you could.

'Face it to me and try to stand it up.'

Face it like that.

Good. I want you to make a gun like this with your..

'It's just a pretend gun'

'and I want you to shoot the animal.'

Boom.

Now, pick up the animal.
Pick up the animal.

Okay.
Pick it...

That's creepy.
Pick up the animal.

Pick it. No, don't..

Don't..

That's it.
Face it to me.

Alright, and walk over here.

Watch. Boom.

Now, check it out.

You had a selection of about 10

11 different stuffed animals, you selected one.

That you wrote it on your hand

and you had a free selection, am I correct?

I want you to yell out

the name and show it to the camera.

What was the animal you picked?

Uh, a dog.

Now, I got to be honest with you, ladies.

I've done this thousands of times

and I've never gotten it wrong, you know.

And tonight..

...is no different.

Meet... Perla.

Yeah, and this is how a guy with a dog

gets beautiful women.

'Tell the camera how you're feeling.'

'How you feeling, Bannie?'

Huh?

'Tell this camera how you're feeling.'

Scared as (bleep).

Go, Bannie.

Holy crap!

I call this one "Insane."

Yeah!

Denver, you want a shot of tequila?

You know, I work all the time,
and I don't drink when I work

except when I'm on TV.

See who gets trick'd up next.

'What's up, Houdini?'
What's up, Paris?

So great to see you.
Likewise.

You know, I asked you to come here because

when we first met after you saw my show

you told me that you and your dad used

to watch me on television

and it used to trip you out.
That's right.

I wanted to do something in honor

of your dad Michael Jackson.

'Let's do it. Have a seat.'
Cool.

'Wherever you like.'
Alright.

'The theater is yours.'
Cool.

(bleep)

Holy (bleep).

Oh! That was insane, dude.

That was so cool.
People are gonna trip balls.

But you wouldn't believe it if you weren't here, right?

'No way.'

People are gonna watch this at home

and think it's movie magic

but I do this ten times a week.

'And people can experience it for themselves.'

That's amazing.

'Now, you know why I wanted you to see it.'

Now, you know why I was so inspired by your dad.

Because this..

...is something I think he would have really

really loved, huh?

Definitely, he would have

stole that from you, I think.

'I would have given it to him.'

So I'm gonna, uh, jet.
Okay.

Whoa!

Whoa!

This has been one hell of a ride, huh?

And I wanted to show you a little version..

...of my own hangover.

'What are you doin'?'
Oh..

Landon. Let's drive.
No, no, no. No, no, no.

'You're the boss.'
Oh, I gotta get this.

Oh. I gotta get this.

'No, no, no.'
'What's he doin'?'

'Oh, careful, careful.'
'What's going on?'

'Careful, care..'

Hah!

No!