Crime Busters (1977) - full transcript

Through an improbable series of events and an impossibly bungled supermarket hold-up, down on their luck con men Matt and Wilbur find themselves working with the Miami police force. As they patrol the streets of the city, their main job becomes trying to break the hold of the city's street gangs, including one group of teens in old movie-gangster style clothes, led by a kid named Geronimo who dresses in full Indian warrior regalia.

Thanks Sam.

Out of the way.

Any chance of yours truly

pickin' up some change?

Nothin' doin'

What do you mean

nothin' doin'?

The tubs just come in.

You got all your

guys out on jobs.

I can unload it all

by myself if you want.

I told ya no way.

Why not?

Eh, it's nothin' personal.

I'm just followin'

the boss's orders.

And who is the

boss around here?

Ask them.

Trouble?

No I was just askin'

him if there's any chance

of pickin' up a job, you dig?

Sure, just kick back 20%.

Yeah but if we

give you the 30%

there won't be nothin' left.

We gotta eat.

Already you're

too fat, keep slim.

It's better for your

health, now get movin'.

Alright, if I don't eat,

I can't go to the toilet.

And if I can't go to the toilet,

it makes me nervous and

unhappy and that aint so good.

Aww it's a flat.

Hey dummy!

Now, why didn't you tell me

there was a cart of junk, huh?

Have a nice day.

I oughta take care

of that bastard.

Not now!

We got other fish to fry.

You, get another car.

Yes boss, right away.

Come back here

you spaghetti head!

You ain't jumpin' ship

you owe me five bucks!

So long suckers!

Get that son of a bitch!

Sorry friend!

Hey did you see

where that guy went?

Yeah he was runnin'

towards the exit of the port.

Lost him.

Hey you okay?

I've been better.

I don't know why you

did it but thanks anyway.

You're a buddy.

I prefer to help somebody

who considers me a friend

and not just another chop suey.

Is there anything

I can do for you?

Don't worry it's a small world

and sooner or later

one meets again.

Out of the way.

Hey chief, I got my

stomach glued to my backbone.

Got any work for me?

Join the union.

Give me a break, there's

a freighter out there

waiting to be unloaded.

Get lost.

Something wrong?

This greaser wants work.

Listen sparrow, you flap

your wings on outta here

unless you wanna

wear 'em in a sling.

Did you call me a sparrow?

Yeah.

Hmm, did you say you're

gonna break my wings?

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Let's see you do it.

Sorry boss.

You asked for it Holly.

Sorry boss!

Sorry boss.

Oh no.

So long.

Get another car.

Yes boss.

Beat it.

Right away.

Look Mac, you're

on the wrong side.

Trucks to the right.

Put your blinker on,

back up, and make way.

Hey, you're just

gonna walk away?

Oh, you're chicken.

I hate that when a guy chickens

out, you big yellow belly.

You trying to scare me?

Go on take a walk

you big banana.

Hmm.

Get out of my way

you little gas bag.

What do you mean

get out of your way?

It's me they're after.

You stay here.

Hey!

hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Where's your boss?

In the office.

Okay let's go move.

Sorry boss.

Don't

forget the doors.

They're doing a

pretty good job.

Yeah.

Should I get another car boss?

No, call a taxi.

You know buddy, we

got a lot in common.

I'm Matt Kirby.

I'm not.

That's a nice name.

A little short maybe.

Why did you bust up their car?

It's a question

of toilet bowls.

Oh that makes a lot of sense.

You can't fool

around with toilets.

And now that I told

you the story of my life,

go take a walk.

I'll be seeing you big banana.

Do you have any reason

for hanging around here?

No.

Shove off then.

District Police, Sergeant

Adams, how may I help you?

Oh you sure can.

There's a bum just

about to commit suicide.

The Rochester

Street Canal Bridge.

Thanks, I'll

notify the morgue.

But he hasn't done it yet.

Oh well then

I'll call the psycho boys.

Meanwhile try to

distract him okay?

With what a lollipop?

This guy is a regular bulldozer.

Okay, I'll

send an ambulance.

But if he hears it

coming he'll jump.

Don't worry,

we use a two-door sedan

in these cases, unmarked

and it doesn't come

with a siren okay?

Yeah that's perfect.

Okay.

Got some business

for the loony bin.

There he is, pull over.

Hi there.

Hi.

How's it goin'?

Fine.

Kind of a nice day isn't it?

Very nice, pretty hot though.

He's right, hot as hell.

If you're hot in that jacket,

why don't you try on this one?

It's the last word.

Hey are you from the

loony bin by any chance?

No, no.

Wait a minute, I'm the

guy who called the police.

The crazy guy is over there.

He's an 18-wheeler.

Is he dangerous?

Nah, he's like a lamb.

He's just got this thing

about toilet bowls.

Toilet bowls?

Yeah.

He says you can't trust

the ones they make today.

He wants to end it all.

Mysterious of

the human psyche.

Yeah.

The gas?

Right.

What's that?

Sleeping gas.

One whiff and he'll be

drowsing off like a bear

in hibernation.

Ha, great.

Stay here.

He might be dangerous.

Okay.

Hi.

Nice town huh?

It sure is.

You call this a town?

It's a big toilet bowl.

The gentleman said it.

It's a toilet bowl.

I don't get that comparison.

Modern toilet bowls are

masterpieces of engineering

which this town sure isn't.

They may be masterpieces

but where's the joy

of answering the call

of nature at sunrise

in the country or by a

flowing stream at sunset?

Oh well times have changed.

I have nothing against

the toilet bowls of today.

How about you Mr. ?

Either are fine.

What I can't stand

is turds like you.

You're rude and antisocial.

Hey what's that a

can of mountain air?

Well not exactly.

Would you like to try this on?

Grab him!

Let's go

you big banana!

George.

Hey Bernie,

how long does it take

to cook two hamburgers?

Man they're ready now

if you want them raw.

What were you saying?

I'm tired of

looking for a job.

Well it wouldn't take much

to change our lives like that.

What do you mean?

An armored car delivers the

payroll to the supermarket

every week and they

go in the service door

not the main entrance and,

Hey, hey Bernie.

God it's hot today.

Nice cold beer boys?

Nah nothing alcoholic.

We're on duty, a coke.

Oh when you're on duty

you don't drink huh?

No, where are you from?

Haha, I was born

in Venice, Italy.

Then what are you doin' here?

You on vacation?

No sir, I'm a

naturalized U. S. citizen.

This makes 16.

How about that, 16?

They sure don't

eat like canaries.

What's your top speed?

Well if you can stay on,

about 130 miles per hour.

130?

I don't suppose you

could let me try one out.

Afraid not.

Enlist in the police

force, you'll get a chance.

We've been thinking

on that haven't we?

We need guys who

are on the ball.

Eat up we gotta go.

Where?

It's late, they're

waitin' for us.

Who?

Forget already.

What?

Attention all

units, 16th district,

we have a robbery at the

pawn shop at 40516th Street.

Units 2112 and 2111

throw road blocks.

Oh boy.

They took off like

a couple of rockets.

How many employees are

there in a supermarket?

70.

And in the office?

A pair of old maids.

What we actually need

is a couple of guns.

All we need is a

couple of fingers.

Huh, oh I got those.

Okay friend, I'll see

you on Friday morning.

Not so fast burner.

From now on we're gonna

cast one big shadow.

Is that so?

As my old man always

said, if you have a friend

you can trust don't trust him

but if it's one you can trust

blindly, then watch out.

Well I mean, if you've

got the blind friend,

well my old man had the

whole thing down pat.

Just what we need.

Let's keep going and make

believe we don't know them.

Hey boys.

Oh hi.

Hi.

Well has the

great day come yet?

Well, maybe.

See he isn't quite sure yet.

Well you'll never regret it.

You'll well off with the police.

By the way, did

you catch those boys

who robbed the pawn shop?

Yeah?

You bet, 15 minutes

after we got the call,

they were lyin' on the

table down at the morgue

and by afternoon their

rotten brains were floatin'

in formaldehyde in

the criminal museum.

Serves them right.

That'll teach 'em.

Right.

Yeah, they don't

get no pity from us.

Well so long.

So, so long.

So long yeah take

care, see ya later.

Nice guys.

They'll remember this

Friday for a long time.

You bet.

Let's put it off

until next Friday.

No, you got a dime?

Just watch how your partner

fixes things partner.

What are you gonna do?

Keep cool.

If they bite we go

through with it.

The armored car will

be here in two minutes.

I called the police

and told them

there's a suspicious

looking guy hanging

around the jeweler

shop on 24th Street.

Why?

Watch.

Hey, you're smarter

than I thought.

I've crime in my blood.

This is it.

Keep calm, it'll all

go smooth don't worry.

As soon as the jobs done, we'll

go have some fun in Florida.

We're already in Florida.

We're really in Florida?

Yeah.

Hey, it's coming.

Your gun, ready, ready?

Yeah.

This is a holdup,

reach for the ceiling.

You better say it.

Your voice is stronger.

Keep cool this is a,

A real nice day isn't it?

May I use the phone?

Get the door.

Yes sir.

Well boys, did

you come to join up?

Actually it's an

important step we're taking

so we wanted to check out

the situation first before.

Well you're in

the wrong place.

This is the

administration office.

Oh, this is administration.

Oh.

Yeah the recruiting

office is in back of us

in Atlantic Street.

In back of us?

I told you so.

I told him it was on

Atlantic Street, didn't I?

Yeah.

Well if you hurry around there

you'll find Captain McBride

in person.

So long.

Bye.

Hi fellas how are ya?

Well look who's here.

So you've made up your

minds finally huh?

We wanted to be sure.

Where are you goin'?

To see Captain McBride.

You can go through the

office, it's quicker.

Oh we can?

Sure.

He says it's quicker.

Yeah it's quicker.

Hey, what's baldy

here been up to?

Armed robbery.

Some honest citizen

called us and told us

about a suspicious looking

character on 24th Street.

We nabbed him on the spot.

Oh.

You do the report.

I'll show these boys

the way to the boss.

Don't worry, we'll find it.

No bother come on.

I'll take you to

old Papa McBride.

Come on let's go.

So long, see you around.

Papa McBride, he must

be a real nice guy.

After you.

Come in.

Morning Captain.

Morning.

Where'd you catch them?

Actually they

came by themselves.

Uh huh, well if you thinkin'

that turning yourselves in

is gonna help you, it's not.

I'll tell the judge

to forget that

and throw the book at ya.

There's a

misunderstanding Captain.

These boys are here to

enroll in the police force.

Here's their application forms

and the files we have on them.

Uh huh.

So you wanna be policemen do ya?

First thing you're gonna

have to do is shave.

Mhmm.

Why?

Because I don't like whiskers.

Now, you're Wilbur Walsh?

Oh no, that's him.

I've got nothing

to do with that.

I just met him.

Ahh, it says here that,

it says here that you wan kicked

out of Canada for fightin'

destroying property,

and resisting arrest.

Did you say Canada sir?

That's what it says, Canada.

Oh yeah, I remember now I

was working as a lumberjack.

Rough and ready, the only

friend you have is your ax.

Always isolated in the

woods with the wolves.

Nothing, well we work.

So on Saturday nights you went

into town and raised hell.

Between the booze and

the chicks, you know,

a fight starts up and you

know where these things go,

don't ya?

No.

I'm a baptist.

I don't drink.

Yeah I knew it.

Now, You're Matthew Kirby.

You can call me Matt, Captain.

Appreciate it.

Now, what is this mean?

It says here that

you were disqualified

for being aggressive

disqualified from what?

From baseball.

I was playing with

Red Foxes then.

Red Foxes of Ogichobee?

Yeah and it was

a great team too.

I knew that team.

Captain, do you wanna

know my side of the story?

Yeah, there was this

real blind umpire

who called me out on base.

I protested but he wouldn't

listen so I punched him

in the mouth.

Who knows where

that bastard is now.

It's a good thing he aint

around anymore because

if only I could get

my hands on him I'd,

Would you like his address?

You know where he is?

He lives with me.

He's my brother-in-law.

No kidding?

Gee I'd like to

apologize to him.

He was right after all.

He's got a great eye

and nothing got by him.

What do you think?

Boys will be boys.

Who hasn't tied one on

one time or another?

And besides, everybody calls

your brother-in-law names.

Hmm.

Hey partner, how

do I look best?

Like this or

like this?

Thank you.

Size?

Not for me thanks.

Come on, what

size do you take?

Oh size.

XXXX Large.

Boots?

14 and a half.

14 and a half?

Tell me them gunboats

are full of feet.

Try these and if they don't go

I'll get some pontoons for you.

Next.

Crime in my blood huh?

Can't win them all can you?

Anyway, we flunk the final exam

and scoot them out on 20

weeks of training pay.

Do you think this

training's gonna be a picnic?

You got another thought comin'.

In 20 weeks time, I'm

gonna teach you how to

make a proper arrest,

how to drive a car

at 200 miles an hour, how

to tell the difference

between marijuana and parsley.

In short, I'm gonna turn

you into super goddamn cops.

In exchange for that, the

taxpayers are gonna give you

250 dollars a week.

They're gonna give

you a paid vacation,

a Christmas bonus, beautiful

uniform, a lot of respect

and esteem.

In addition to that, at

the end of 20 weeks time,

you're gonna love me

like your own father.

Attention!

Now move your ass!

so, these should be

here instead of here.

Hands out of the window.

Step out of the car,

step aways from the car.

Face me down on your knees.

Lie down on your stomach.

Arms out to the sides, palms up.

Turn your head to the side.

Good job Fred.

Now, that was the correct

procedure for makin' an arrest.

Walsh!

Come on, let's go.

I taught him that one.

Very good Kirby, very good.

Let's go.

You ever shoot before?

Who me?

Ready on the firing line.

Aim.

Ahh, don't shoot at me!

Shoot at the target you bastard.

Ha, not one bullseye.

Okay wiseguy, you do better.

Where did you learn

to shoot like that?

I've got bullets in my blood.

Bullets in the blood?

Now boys, for good or for bad,

Your training is almost over.

Naturally we have left

the best for the last.

Now we're really gonna

see if you got the guts

to be policeman.

Are you ready Doc?

Any time you are.

Want some gum?

What flavor?

Formaldehyde.

I hate formaldehyde.

And now boys, I

would like to show you.

You forgot to thaw him out.

He's as hard as a rock.

Last night I moved him

myself from the freezer

to the humidifier.

Think the thermostats broken?

I'm sorry Captain.

We'll have to postpone it.

Sorry boys, the party is off.

The Chinaman declined

our invitation.

Is he Chinese Captain?

I would say so.

What happened to him?

Well we really don't know.

We found him by Dock 16

last night full of lead.

I knew that guy.

Oh yeah, from where?

Down at Pier 16

just before I met you.

Hmm, was he

already horizontal?

No, vertical,

actually diagonal.

He was bent over

carrying a big box.

He acted like he was

afraid of something.

He helped me out though.

Maybe he was a wharf rat.

Did he have

any identification sir?

No he's just

wearin' a dirty shirt

and a greasy pair of pants.

Should I tell the Captain?

Nah, it's better to stay

outside of these things.

I'm sorry about that.

Ahh bullshit, I ask you

to do one little thing

and you can't do it.

Oh you're a pain in the ass.

Get the hell out

of here, asshole!

Is the homicide squad

dealing with this Captain?

No, no the whole force and

if any of you have any ideas

you're free to work on them.

And don't forget if

you need my advice,

my door is always open.

I like to help the young.

Hey were you two cell mates?

Well at the time

I was

You were what?

A truck driver.

He brought the lumber

into the penitentiary

and one time I asked

him for a ride.

And I got the picture.

It don't work.

It's been busted a couple years.

Why don't you have a

sign saying out-of-order.

If I say it's broken,

who will put money in it?

Do you mind if I take a ride?

Go ahead.

Awkward huh?

No watch.

you're a

real turkey on crutches.

Oh no.

Shut up!

Hands up cripple.

If I raise my hands,

I'll go down like a rock.

You don't say?

Well well.

Crawl for the chair,

you can do it.

Up you go, up you go.

Get away.

No, no no, no.

One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

Thank you good man.

Hands up Yogi.

Hands up Yogi

I said hands up!

Hey Mr. He can't hear you.

He's a deaf mute.

Deaf mute?

Let's see.

Hey this guy really

is deaf .

He's probably as

dumb as he looks too.

Leave him in peace poor guy.

He's a halfwit.

Shut up you.

Hands up.

Let me tell him.

I know their sign language.

Okay but make it snappy, gimp.

Hey you, what'd he say?

He said, you'd

better take off.

Otherwise he's gonna shove

your head up your ass.

Can't he see I've

got him covered?

Sure, I ain't blind.

You think you oughta help me?

What?

Get your ass over here.

Oh yeah.

Come on!

What's your hurry?

He's hitting you with a stool.

Yeah, come on kid

do yourself a favor.

Hey watch out.

What can I do now?

They wrecked the place.

Wait.

Donation for the damages.

There you go.

Come on come on, oh that's nice.

Thank you.

This is our territory now,

so get out and stay out.

It's all yours Darrell.

I don't know what to say.

Oh a hamburger and french fries.

We ordered them an hour ago.

Hey that's right.

Hurry up.

Who's missing?

Walsh is missing sir.

Here he comes now Captain.

Take your time

Walsh, take your time.

We've got all day.

Thank you sir.

Hurry up!

Didn't I tell you to shave?

No sir.

Well I'm telling you now!

Yes sir!

He did tell you, I heard him.

Thank you Kirby.

Put your glasses away.

Get a haircut.

Alright men, I have good

news, I have bad news.

The good news is

you've all passed.

You're on the police force.

The bad news is I will

accept no resignations

for at least six months.

I will make exceptions of

course for those killed

in the line of duty.

Now, for your assignments.

Nelson and White, Car 75.

White's in charge.

McGovern and O'Hara Car 64.

O'Hara in charge.

Kirby and Walsh, Car 33.

Kirby in charge.

I didn't tell him

to put us together.

Shut up and chauffeur.

Pope and Humiger Car 54.

You saw what he

did, he cut me off.

This is a police car idiot!

What'd you do Walsh?

Kirby what happened?

What happened?

What happened was

as I was coming out,

those two jerks cut me off.

Walsh saw it too.

Is that right?

Captain, look

what we've got here.

Jim McCoy and Tom Crane.

We've been looking for

these guys for months.

See that.

When I saw who was in

the car, I rammed it.

I thought better that than

a shootout in the middle

of the street.

Good thinking

Kirby, good thinking.

You alright Walsh?

Take a lesson from your partner.

Quick thinking always pays off.

Take Car 11, go back to work.

Talk about beginner's luck.

Beginner's luck?

I call it good training.

Get this mess

cleaned up Sergeant.

Things are kind of slow.

What would you say to

a burger and fries?

Right on brother.

Headquarters calling 3211,

Headquarter calling 3211.

Wouldn't you know it.

You got 3211 come on back.

We have

a disturbance reported

on the corner or James and 10th.

Swing by and check it out.

Ten four.

Hey knock it off, break it up.

What's going on here?

My old man dropped dead

on the stairs from a stroke.

This lousy creep

stole the false teeth

right out of his mouth and

sold them for nine dollars.

All this fuss if for a

little thing like that?

Well seeing as

how we're brothers,

he oughta split it with me.

Ahh he's got a point.

It's not right,

I found 'em first.

That's enough,

give him his share.

There you go.

Oh by the way, is it

true that the university

pays 20 bucks for a stiff?

Yeah but it's got to be fresh.

Nahh, we'll just have

to call an ambulance.

But who's gonna pay for it?

They are our guests.

Hey you know what?

I got 35 bucks stashed away.

Great.

3211 calling headquarters.

You

got headquarters 3211.

Send an ambulance

over to James Street.

There's a customer

for the morgue.

Ten four.

Hey, look at that.

3211 calling headquarters.

You got

headquarters go ahead.

Check this plate

for me, 1WW23681.

Check if it's on the hot

sheet and give me the owner.

Ten four stand by.

How much does a

timekeeper make?

Sure aint enough to go

around with a beautiful babe

in a car like that.

Where does he get his money?

Headquarters calling 3211.

Suspect vehicle registered

in the name of Fred Shine,

2016 Palm Beach Drive, not

reported stolen, Ten four.

Ten four.

I'm gonna follow him.

Fine mess you made.

Get your driver's

license ready lady.

Now who's gonna

tell the old man?

Kirby in charge.

I'm sorry Captain, I don't

know what the hell was going on.

How can you be so dumb?

That's what I want to know, how?

I wasn't watching.

You'd better shape up

or you're gonna be back

walking a beat.

Get the hell outta here!

Isn't there supposed to

be a door on both sides?

You don't miss

a trick eh chief?

I couldn't help noticing.

What happened?

I had just given

this lady a ticket

and we're getting back in our

car when these two big cars

came right at us.

I just managed to jump

on the hood in time.

Who could be

wanting to get you?

Friends of the

Chinaman, or better yet,

enemies of the

Chinaman, obviously.

Obviously, do you

happen to know umm,

do you think you could?

Better keep an eye on Pier 16.

Pier 16, exactly my

thought, exactly my thought.

Very good Kirby.

Thanks Captain, can we move

on with our investigation?

Of course, I'm

handling this personally.

But don't forget if

you have any problems.

The door is always open.

Just knock.

You say this is a hog

but yours is scrawnier.

Well, things worked

out anyway if you ask me.

For the worse.

Give me a stick of gum.

Sure.

I chewed it all.

Can I help you?

Yes you can.

I'm looking for 601

Pacific Street please.

Did you say Pacific Street?

Uh huh.

It's on the

other side of town.

But they told me

it was near here.

Oh they were all

wrong believe me.

Is there a bus that

goes to Pacific Street?

No I'm sorry, but

I can take you there.

I was just going that way myself

and besides it's

part of our duty.

If a taxpayer has to go

to the other side of town,

a police officer is

obliged to give her a lift.

May I?

yeah, it's a very interesting

job, sometimes very dangerous,

but we're ready to make

sacrifices to help the taxpayer.

That's very

honorable what you do.

What's life in exchange

for helping others?

Nothing.

You policemen have the

chivalry of the ancient samurai.

More or less, only we don't

go around carrying swords.

What did you say?

Oh I was just

saying you're right.

It's lovely here.

Yes, you're very beautiful.

If you don't mind my

asking, what are you doing

here in Miami?

Now where was I?

Oh, I said to myself, if

I don't intervene now,

I won't stand a chance.

So I smashed through

the wall with the car

and jumped out with my gun drawn

and arrested all 36 of them.

Alone?

Why sure.

Who is it?

It's me, Suzy Lee.

Suzy!

Come in.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Did you finish your joyride?

Look this is a very

interesting case.

I'll make it interesting if

you don't come back to work.

Come on, come on!

Please come in, please.

Please.

Honorable grandfather.

These honorable

gentlemen are police.

Why's he looking

at me like that?

My honorable grandfather

says it's difficult to read

your cow-like eyes but he feels

that the great dragon is good

and that the tiger cub is

sharp and quick-witted.

Thank you.

Tiger cubs sure

know their stuff.

Please sit down.

Thank the old bishop

but the big dragon

and the alley cat have to

get back to the street.

Please, please sit down.

I guess you don't know

but the young lady's uncle,

Better say the bread

winner of this family.

Right.

He left a month

ago for Shanghai

and since then not a word.

Nothing.

He always sent word the

moment he arrived but this time,

Nothing.

Nothing, well when do

you expect your uncle back?

Right.

In a few days but my

honorable grandfather says

that the moon is not lasting

and that's a bad sign.

Well, we'll see what we

can do but we need something

to go on.

I'll give you his picture.

That's a good idea.

We're in business.

That way the moon lasts.

This is a picture of my uncle.

Yeah, this will help us.

We'll see what we can do.

See you soon.

Yeah.

They've screwed us.

No they didn't have

nothin' with them.

Maybe we're still

on time, let's go.

I must have been

born on Friday.

Always of yourself huh?

Yeah, if you'd given

me a job and a doctor

I'd tell you I'd never

have met you chump.

He who finds a friend

finds a treasure.

Yeah but he who finds

you finds himself a cop.

Six months go by like nothin'.

Why that ugly son of a bitch.

You were speeding Ed.

Don't worry, I'll

take care of everything.

They're under my jurisdiction.

Hey we got ourselves a VIP.

Did you say VIP?

If we give him a rough

time, we'll be bounced

off the force in

two minutes flat.

Officer, I admit we

were going a little fast

but we're in an awful hurry.

You see we were going to,

Put your hands

out of the window.

Don't make any sudden moves.

Come out facing me.

Come on.

Over there.

Down on your knees.

Down on your stomach.

Stretch out your arms.

Palms up.

Turn your head the other way.

Legs up.

Now what?

I can't remember.

Officer!

Shut up!

Stand up you bums.

What's the meaning of this?

Make one more move and

you'll be pushing up daisies.

Let's smell your breath.

You smell like a brewery.

You're in big trouble

pal, real big.

It's you who are in trouble,

I'll guarantee you that.

You shut up.

Give me your driver's license.

Miami club, rotary club,

country club, golf club.

You're big on the

country clubs eh pimp?

Pimp?

I'll have you kicked off the

force for this, you'll see.

Haha, kicked off the force!

I'll buy you a drink if you can.

What is this?

That's the pass to

the governor's mansion.

Oh yeah, and what do you

do there, empty garbage?

No, I'm the

lieutenant governor.

Do you hear that?

He's the lieutenant governor.

Oh is that so?

Terrific huh?

Speeding and drunken driving.

You'll have some talking to

do with the district attorney

when I haul your ass in.

I hold that office.

I'm the district attorney and

I'll see that you are ruined

for this.

Oh he's the district

attorney, congratulations.

Now I'll keep this.

At five o'clock you come

to the 16th District

with a couple of good lawyers.

You don't want to spend the

rest of your days behind bars.

Alright?

Oh it'll give me such pleasure

to see you guys thrown out

in the street.

I hope so, I sure hope so.

Oh I promise you that.

Now don't move

until I drive off.

This is a disgrace!

Nice going partner.

We'll be off the force

in next to no time.

You say it so.

Monsieur Scarface is here sir.

Tell him to come in.

Hi Boss.

Your foot.

Got back all of them.

Oh good.

One more thing, we saw

them two cops from the docks

coming out of the chinks

house just before we went in.

That's funny.

Why chief?

Oh it's not a job

for a cop on the beat.

This one smells of the

narcotics bureau to me.

Want us to take care of 'em?

And have the entire state

police force on our tails?

Nah, six months in the

hospital will be enough.

Okay boss.

What do you say Geronimo?

200 dollars to bust up a

couple of cops in uniform

seems stingy to me.

It'll be our first

offense you understand?

You heard the judge.

What if we throw in some

good stuff with the 200 bucks?

What do we do to 'em huh?

Just put 'em in a

wheelchair for six months.

He's on the war path.

Headquarters calling 3211,

headquarters calling

3211, 3211 come in please.

3211 is all ears.

Hold on boys,

McBride wants to speak to you.

Hey, yes Chief.

McBride here, was it

you two who was hassling

the lieutenant governor?

The laws the same for

everybody or am I wrong?

That's just what I told them.

They called me a few minutes ago

and said they were treated

like a couple of delinquents.

They wanted me to suspend

you from the force.

That's what they promised us.

Let them try.

I'll raise so much hell,

they'll have to resign.

You did exactly the right thing.

Is it worth it to go against

two big ass politicians?

I told them you

did exactly the right thing.

Now who's in the wrong is gonna,

You don't understand.

We were in the wrong.

McBride out.

You and your great ideas.

Ice cream.

I only have vanilla left.

Hey chief, nobody makes

vanilla like he does.

Well?

Give him a taste.

You like it?

It's easy for you copper.

You take advantage

of your uniform.

Okay, four o'clock

parking lot, Orange Bowl.

You see, one of them

has already split.

100 bucks for me and

you keep the rest okay?

Okay!

Break.

Break!

Geronimo!

Right 32 power.

Right 32 power.

Okay, this time

we'll show 'em.

Break.

Break!

Remember the Alamo!

Come here you!

Get up!

What's your real

name Geronimo?

John Phillips Forsythe.

An unusual name for an Indian.

Okay John Phillip Forsythe,

why don't you tell us

who sent you?

I can't think of

anything I'd rather do.

Well now.

Yeah, sure boss, I think so.

He'll be here any minute.

Yeah I'll call you

when he comes okay?

Hey he's crazy.

Come on.

Hey what the?

Hold it.

Sit down.

Up!

Why?

Geronimo spilled the beans.

Who's Geronimo?

You don't know him?

No.

either they're pretty dumb or

they're smarter than we think.

Did you hear

that noise it made?

Those two are trying to

pull off something big.

That's why they didn't arrest

Geronimo or any of you.

When's our next load coming in?

Friday.

Yeah we gotta distract

their attention.

Keep them busy until

Saturday night.

I'll find a way.

Nah, she'll find a way.

What can I do?

Phone your sisters, I

have a little job for them.

Oh that's nice Curly.

Oh it's you.

Hey what's happened?

What's wrong with

the old geyser?

They've been robbed.

Robbed?

Last night a

little after we left.

What did they steal, the mice?

The kids' rag dolls.

Rag dolls?

Yes, all of them.

Then they turned the

house upside down.

They said there should

have been another one.

My uncle brought

them from Shanghai.

He would always bring

something when he came back

from a trip.

Do you remember the name

of the ship he was on?

No.

He says, if the great dragon

follows the tiger cub,

he'll find the truth.

Tell the bishop that

the big dragon followed

this tomcat once and he

got screwed for doin' it,

your honor.

I can't understand.

He says he agrees

with grandfather.

Bye, I have to keep

an eye on the dragon.

You know something funny?

No what?

That chinaman's

following us around.

That's funny.

First I see him in the

port, then in the morgue,

then by pure chance

we go to his house.

I get a feeling he's taking a

personal interest in the case.

Okay, so all he;'s gotta

do now is let us know

who killed him and why.

Oh that's asking too much.

Hi.

High times.

You in a hurry to

see your mother-in-law?

Wise ass.

Hey where are my french fries?

In France.

Headquarters

calling 3211, come in 3211.

3211 is all ears.

There's a

car stalled on Cedar Street,

check it out.

Ten four, you'd

better get going.

Hmm, you better get going.

Why me?

Kirby in charge.

Yeah and don't you forget it.

Oh wow!

Shut up you big banana.

Move your ass.

What's up?

Two beautiful blondes.

Hey wait for me!

Wow, he's beautiful.

You take the boy.

I'll look after the big hunk.

I'd like you to meet our

specialist, Mr. Wilbur Walsh.

Miss?

Uh Miss?

Angie, Angie Crawford.

Miss Angie Angie Crawford.

Hello Angie.

And Miss?

Galina Kochilova.

Hello Galina.

And that's their car, do

you think you can fix it?

I think the

trouble is over here.

Trouble, okay,

let's take a look.

I see you know just

where to put your hands.

You aint seen

nothin' yet Galina.

I love your uniform.

Oh thank you.

Yeah, pretty tough being a

policeman, even dangerous,

but exciting at the same time.

I'm sure.

Yeah, do you live around here?

Oh no, I'm from Philadelphia.

You see, I'm the

Countess's guest.

The Countess?

Yes my friend

Galina is a countess.

No kiddin' a countess?

Yes, she's Russian and

she has a lovely place

here in Miami.

Oh.

It was the cable

to the battery.

See how good he is?

He's wonderful.

You're just too much Wilbur.

He's a good dancer too.

Well thank you so

much for helping us.

We don't know how

to show our gratitude.

Do you think we can

have you as our guest

at the villa this weekend?

The address?

2016,

Palm Beach Drive.

It will be an

unforgettable weekend.

You can count on it Galina.

Until Friday afternoon then.

Until Friday Angie.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye now.

What class.

What

How the hell those

Russian countesses can smoke

with one of the these

things is beyond me.

Oh here they come!

Hey Whiskers go answer

the door will you?

Oui Mademoiselle.

If the gentlemen will come in.

That's why we came.

May I have your hats?

Why?

Well I should say

that in the house.

Think again.

If the gentlemen will

come this way please.

Hey, we gotta

date with two seals,

not with a penguin, buddy.

Hey.

So I advised Princess

Valet to buy this castle.

Hello.

Oh how nice to see you.

Excuse us if we're not dressed

but it was just so hot

outside that we felt

we just had to take

a dip in the pool.

- We don't mind.

- No.

Oh these are for you.

Oh thank you very much.

They're lovely.

Yes.

You know they're plastic?

Yeah.

You don't have to water them.

They last for years.

This is gonna

last two minutes.

Penguin!

Well we'll get into

something more comfortable

and meanwhile make

yourselves at home.

Thank you.

Don't worry, take all

the time you want.

But don't be long huh?

Oh isn't he cute?

- Hey look at this.

- What?

This picture.

We've seen here

before somewhere.

Hey you remember

Fred the timekeeper?

Sure.

It was his girl.

That's right.

And this is his house.

2016 Palm Beach Drive.

Yeah but why?

Because they don't want

us nosing around that's why.

And now what?

Now listen, I'm hungry.

First we eat dinner

and then we'll see.

You got a point there.

You rang Mademoiselle?

Listen Whiskers, cut

out the French crap

and loosen your garter.

Now I want you to bring

some booze, lots of booze,

and during dinner keep

the wine flowing get it?

Got it.

Good.

In an hour, they'll

be drunk as skunks.

Hey did you catch that?

No.

They want to get us drunk.

Yeah so?

How do you hold your liquor?

Well the first

two gallons is okay

but after that I could

get rambunctious.

What about you?

Are you kidding?

I was weened on whiskey.

My blood is 86 proof.

Hey here they come.

Well are we forgiven?

You two could get

away with murder.

You're a real peach.

Wilbur is a poet at heart.

Well should we

drink to our meeting?

I'm with you.

Well in there then.

No, no, no let's just

hang on the feed bag.

That's a good

idea, let's go huh?

Alright then.

This way please.

Sit down.

Hey come on, sit down.

It's a lovely

evening isn't it?

Yeah.

Call for the feed bag please.

Pardon?

The penguin.

Oh.

How about that?

The Countess rang?

She sure did.

You may serve

dinner now Pierre.

- Hold it.

- Hold it?

Oui Monsieur?

Oh yeah.

He bought it at the

convenience store

but it's good

whiskey anyway right?

Yeah.

Oh but that's enough no no.

Come on.

Merci Monsieur

but I don't drink.

Shut up and drink.

Oui Monsieur.

To our meeting.

To our meeting!

To their meeting.

Come on girls

down the hatch.

- Very good girly!

- Get us another one.

In Russia we drink vodka.

How

about that, vodka.

Hey who's that

sophisticated broad over there

in that picture?

Over there?

Oh there yes that is my

sister Princess Alexia.

She lives in Paris.

She's married to a

prince, Prince Molotov.

Ivan Molotov.

Oh the guy who invented

the Molotov cocktail?

Yes that's the one.

That's a great,

that's a terrific drink.

Really helps you

to keep you warm.

Now, here's to Molotov.

- To Molotov!

- Molotov!

I don't drink Monsieur.

Shut up and drink.

I don't drink Monsieur.

That's the way slosh it down.

Come on Galina very

good, very good.

Okay okay.

Give me a small piece.

There you are sweetie.

Oh sorry!

Here she comes chief.

Are you sure it's

the White Lady?

Sure.

Give them the signal.

By the time the shitfaced

cops are in circulation again,

the goods will be stashed

and shipped out to sea again.

Want to take it

to the usual place?

No, I found a

much better place.

You see that.

They got some stuff

through customs.

I don't see

anything suspicious.

Everything here is suspicious.

Let's go.

They're unloading bowling pins.

Yeah, let's follow Fred's car.

Hey it's in there he's parked.

Now what?

We wait.

What are you doing here?

We're on duty.

Well with the beard and all

you looked kind of suspicious.

I've been following you.

Can I help you in any way?

Well if you hang around

here, do us a favor.

Let's go.

About face.

Twice, once, twice.

Twice once twice what?

Open sesame.

Should we go have some fun?

Hey look, the bowling pins.

Open it.

Hey rag dolls.

Yeah, you were right.

The chinaman was a wharf rat.

He stole them but he didn't

know what was in them.

You got the picture?

Yeah.

Let's go.

There's only five of them.

Okay.

Ready.

Listen.

Yeah I know.

You say hands up because

your voice is stronger.

Yeah.

Hands up!

I thought you said

there was only five.

Now there's 18.

Get over behind your boss.

Come on, come on, come on.

Check the buyer's pockets.

Hands up!

There must be at

least 100 grand.

Keep them covered.

Couldn't we talk this over?

No Fred, there's

a dead man involved.

What's so funny?

Your guns are unloaded.

Hey, didn't you load them?

No you just told me to

clean them, not load them.

And I'm supposed

to follow his orders?

May I use the phone please?

No.

Hey boss, I think I

spotted two guys coming in!

It's closed.

Hold it, catch.

Wilbur, Wilbur.

Hey look what I got for you.

Punch him in the belly

it slows him down.

I told him he should've

punched you in the belly.

Hey boss, there were these

two guys hanging around outside

No no, hey Wilbur,

Wilbur give me a hand.

What's your hurry I'm busy.

And now, you're

gonna break my wings.

That's right sparrow.

Hold it!

This I gotta see.

Okay, let him have it.

Give it here.

Hit me in the belly

it slows me down.

Strike!

Alright round them up boys.

Here's some more.

You still like the old Saturday

night brawls huh Walsh?

What happened here son?

Have a look in the office.

In that office?

Alright.

I mean it boss.

I seen these two creeps

hangin' around out back.

I knew something was wrong

the minute I seen them.

Our little thing with

the police force is over.

We're rich.

No, no, I'm rich.

What do you mean you're rich?

Well, you did a wonderful

job Kirby, wonderful job.

It was nothing Chief.

Take care of this

Sergeant, it's evidence.

Yes sir.

You know Walsh in the

beginning I didn't think you

were gonna amount to a damn.

That's why we're gonna

hand in our resignation.

Haha, the only thing

you're gonna hand in

is a complete report

tonight in my office.

Kirby, did I tell him to shave?

More than once sir.

I thought so.

Oh please come in.

Hi, hi.

It's a pleasure

to see you again.

Please sit down.

No thanks we're on duty.

This is for the kids.

Thank you.

Thank you, it's good to see

the children smile again.

My honorable aunt asks if you

have any good news for her.

News?

You know in life, things

don't always go as we like.

Sometimes,

it was an accident.

Yeah it was an

accident in Hong Kong.

He fell off a gangplank

but the captain of the ship

gave us the insurance

money to bring to you.

Oh yeah but it's

not too much you know?

What do you mean?

There's enough to

bring them up well.

My honorable grandfather

says, that only good men

don't know how to lie.

Well, we're on duty.

We'd better go now, bye.

So long you kind

generous dragon.

So long you good tiger cub.

So long.

The tiger cub is a real

SOB and the good dragon

is a sucker.

That's it.

Now that we finished casting

one big shadow, I'm splitting.

Too bad, we made a good team.

What about the

car, do I keep it?

Oh no, we sell it.

We go half and half.

Attention

all units 16th District,

Attention all units 16th

District, Captain McBride

wants to speak to you.

Boys this is

McBride, Pearson and O'Hara

have been seriously

wounded in a gunfight.

We need special blood

donors right away.

RH Negative.

Now I'm countin' on the

old police force spirit

if any of you got it.

Thank you boys, McBride out.

What kind of

blood do you have?

RH negative.

You think you have

enough for both of them?

Shut up and step on it.