Cricket on the Hearth (1967) - full transcript

Cricket crocket: I suppose, I
had never seen a happier room.

And there, in the corner,

was the nicest little hearth
you could ever hope for.

Christmas is sorta special
for everybody,

and we have a very special show

that I sincerely believe
will heighten your Christmas.

Now, as you all know, Charles
dickens' Christmas Carol

is one of the most famous
pieces in literature.

But very few people
know that dickens wrote

another beautiful rendering of Christmas
called cricket on the hearth.

Matter of fact, I just
found out about it myself.



You never heard of the lucky
cricket on the hearth?

Well, it all started in merry
old england, a long time ago.

Here, lend an ear.

One Christmas morn

you may look into your stocking

and find that something
shocking has occurred

among the candy canes and toys

you'll hear a funny little noise

you've got yourself
a cricket on the hearth

Cricket on the hearth

take that horseshoe
off your door

with a cricket on the hearth

you can leave that lucky penny
sittin' on the floor

cricket on the hearth



throw that rabbit's foot away

with a cricket on the hearth

you can save that sticky
wishbone for another day

let him abide by the fire side

and luck will come a-knockin'
on your door

and the spirit of Christmas
will live with you

forevermore

cricket on the hearth

see that mistletoe above?

With a cricket on the hearth

cut it down,
you'll still be lucky

step on a crack
and spill the salt

cross a cat that's black

not a thing can halt your luck

when you have a lucky cricket

cricket on the hearth

deck the halls
with boughs of Holly

falalalala, lala la la

"tis the season to be jolly

that cold!
This is chilly weather.

Oh, excuse me.
Be with you in a blink.

Home at last.
Well, merry Christmas to you.

Mmm. I suppose
you're all wondering

what, me, a cricket, is doing
here on Christmas Eve,

with a home of me own?

See, I am a part
of the family, as it were.

Oh, and, it's a lucky household,
what has a cricket on their hearth.

And indeed, I am good luck.

For, if it hadn't been
for cricket crocket here,

oh, there wouldn't be
no blinkin' family.

I'll tell you how it all began.

Long time ago, it was.

Oh, I was some crackin'
cricket, I can tell you.

Ready to take on
the world, I was.

I was looking for
a proper family to adopt,

when all of a sudden I spies

about the happiest house
I'd ever seen.

And, a toy shop, too.

I'll return in a little while.

Here now, here now, watch it!

Why, it's a cricket!

Here now, just watch it.
I am very fragile.

There, there.
I mean you no harm.

Why, I've heard that you crickets
bring good luck with you.

How about staying
with us for a while?

Come on, now. Just go inside,
and make yourself at home.

Uh, if you have a mind to.

Oh, well, well.

Oh, it's not
a very exciting place.

Just me and my daughter,
and, of course, the toys.

But, sir, I'd be delighted.

Crocket's the name.
Cricket crocket.

I'm Caleb plummer.

But we'll work out the arrangements
later, after I deliver these toys.

Ta-ta.

Cricket crocket: I suppose I
had never seen a happier room.

And there, in the corner,

was the nicest little hearth
you could ever hope for.

Perfect.

Here now, what's this?

Bertha: Oh, Edward. I shouldn't.

Edward: No. No, Bertha.
You go right ahead and cry.

Bertha: But I don't want you
to remember me like this,

all teary.

Any memory of you will be the
most precious a man could carry.

But I promised myself
that I'd be brave,

and smile to the very end.

Oh, why must you go away?

I must serve out my enlistment,
I must go to sea tomorrow.

For two years?

It's just not fair.

Darling, I'm a commissioned
officer in the royal Navy.

And...
Oh, I hate that commission.

And I hate that uniform.

And I hate the royal Navy...
Bertha!

Oh, I don't, really.

I'm sorry.

I'll release you from your
promise, if you want.

Oh, no! Oh, Edward!

Cricket crocket:
I couldn't help meself.

You see, that's the way
it is with us crickets.

We get involved.

Edward: My darling, you
will be here when I return.

Promise? Bertha: Oh, Edward.

I love you so.

Don't give your love away

wait for me
I will come back to you

and we'll have
a thousand days of may

don't give your love away

I've kissed your smile 'til may

I know waiting will be
hard for you

and I wish I could
do more than say

don't give your love

away

my longest day will be

when I remember today

and I'll wonder

if you'll be there

if the years

haven't touched our love affair

still moment, speak for me

tell her words are
much too weak for me

what I feel comes
to my lips one way

don't give your love

away

cricket crocket: Well, the
time passed rather quickly.

I suppose, it always does
when you're busy.

Oh, and, busy we was.

Christmas was getting
nearer and nearer.

Caleb: Two tacks, cricket.

Two tacks, on their way.

More red paint, crocket,
if you please.

Hmm. Make it smiling red.

Smiling red you want,
smiling red you get!

How's that, luv? Ooh, divine!

The perfect color for a smile.

I suppose, I'm being
extravagant with the paint.

But no child wants a doll
who can't smile.

Now, now, what's this?

Was that a tear
that I saw, Bertha?

Now, you shouldn't
get yourself all unhappy

and teary over thinking
about your young man.

It's been a year and a half
since Edward went away,

and, well, sometimes, when I think
about him, I smile and cry,

because I'm happy.

If a tear falls
when you're smiling

and you're still gay inside

then it means that
you found a happiness

your tears can never hide

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

when you haven't seen
a loved one

and he suddenly appears

even though you try to
control yourself

you'll never hide the tears

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

let a happy little tear fall

let it ride right down your face

let it say, I love you
I missed you so

no one can take your place

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

Bertha: Now, for the eyes.

Brown or black,
or sky blue, pink.

Ohl

what, uh...
What can I do for you?

You are a certain Caleb plummer?

I am. Call me Jeremiah bleak.

I am a certain agent
of her majesty, the queen.

On.

You have a certain Bertha
plummer for a daughter,

who in turn, was engaged
to a certain Edward belton?

You mean, "is" engaged.

I am sorry, but it is my
melancholy duty to inform you

that a certain Edward belton,

late of her majesty's royal
Navy, is lost at sea.

Lord have mercy.

No. No!

Nol!

His small mournful effects
willed to her.

Oh!

Bertha. Bertha, my darling daughter.
It's all a mistake, I'm certain.

It could be a mistake,
couldn't it?

Hardly.

Oh, no. No, no.

My poor baby. My poor baby.

Cricket crocket: Blimey, that's
a day I'd soon as not remember.

The beginning of all our troubles.
For, you see,

the shock of that awful message
delivered the way it was,

turned poor Bertha blind.

Caleb: Oh, my baby.

My poor, poor baby.

Cricket crocket: Oh, grim times
was upon us, I'll tell you.

Oh, how quick
everything changed.

Poor, dear Bertha, living
in her world of darkness.

And old Caleb,
beside himself with grief.

Didn't touch
the unfinished toys.

And Christmas was
only a short way off.

And when the happy season
came, he wasn't ready.

He didn't sell one toy
that year.

Made nary a halfpenny.

Yeah, what money he did have, all
went to the doctors he brought in,

but they could do no good.

And Caleb, not thinking, went out
and borrowed more and more money,

never having any idea
how he was gonna pay it back.

Cricket crocket:
And one sad day,

they could no longer pay the rent,
and they were deep in debt.

Old Caleb had no choice,
but to pack up and leave.

Oh, they was hard times,
I can tell you.

Long hungry days, looking
for a bit of work, anything.

Oh, and finally, one day...

It's no use.
Can't go one step farther.

We have no other choice.

No choice, father?

Well, what do you mean?

Cricket crocket:
The poor house. Oh, no.

You can't give up.

What else can I do?

Oh, if we ever needed
a little bit of luck!

Ooh.

Is that what I think it 1s?

A toy factory.

Now, I'd wager, they could use
a fine toymaker like you.

Do you think so?

Let's find out, mate,
let's find out.

Bertha: Cricket, is father seeing Mr.
Tackleton, now?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Shh!

So, you want a situation
as a toymaker, do you?

Well, toymakers
come thruppence a dozen.

Correct, Uriah?

Yeah.

But I'm a very good worker, sir.
And I have my own tools.

And, I'm very good, sir.

He's very good, Uriah.

My friend, Uriah caw,
thinks that's very funny.

I'm sorry.

I really best be going.

No, wait. Caleb plummer, huh?

I've heard of your skill.

Well, you won't be paid anything,
but you could live on the premises,

and there'll be
leftover food for you.

Whatever you say, sir.

Where are the other toymakers?

Did you hear that, Uriah caw,

he wants to know
where the other toymakers are?

There are no other toymakers.

Is this our new home, father?

What's it like? Well...

Splendid. Splendid.

Quite palatial.

Bertha: And Mr. tackleton,
what's he like, father?

Caleb: Oh, he's fine.

And he's made me headman
of his entire factory.

Oh, father, how I wish
I could see it all.

I'll see everything for you,
my dear.

And everything I see,
shall be beautiful.

I promise youl.

Through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

always gay

pretty colors coloring the gray

through my eyes

let me dry your foolish tears

now and forever

take my love and throw away

the word called "never"

let my heart
teach you how to feel

my love help you to reveal

the secret world

a new world through my eyes

through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

and one day

you'll be happy that
you found the way

that you saw the world

through my eyes

through my eyes

Cook?

Oh, I can't call you "cook."
What's your name?

Becky? You're a very
quiet girl, Becky.

And you are Jarvis, are you not?

Yes, milord.

Well, that'll be all,
Jarvis, you can have the night off.

Thank you, milord.

And it was like
we lived in two worlds.

What was real for us.

And what was real
for blind Bertha.

Of all the blinkity,
blooming hearths

in all the blinkity,
blooming world,

this hearth is the blinkiest
and the bloomiest.

Oh, well, what's the use?

Make do, cricket Crockett,
make do.

Blimey!

Evening, Matey.

We got no place
for bugs around here.

Cricket crocket: Hello, hello,
who are you calling a "bug"?

I am an insect, I am.

I will thank you to address me
by my proper rank.

I loves to mangle insects.

Tackleton: Uriah? Uriah!

What are you doing out here?
Naughty, naughty birdie.

You come to beddy-bye now.

Into your cage, Uriah caw,
it's late.

Phew.

Nighty-night, little friend.

Oh, yeah, but I'm getting
ahead of my story.

It was about a week
before Christmas.

Poor old Caleb plummer
was working night and day

to keep up with the demands
of the season, as it were.

Plummer, you're using entirely too
much paint on the dolls' faces!

Just trying to give them
nice smiles.

Who the blazes cares
about smiles?

A dot and a half
is enough for any doll.

Paint costs money!

Yes, sir.

Cricket crocket: Oh, but tackleton
toys was mean and grubby things.

All he cared about was the
shillings and pennies they bring.

But Caleb,

oh, he couldn't see them go
out into the world like that.

So, every night,

me and him would sneak in,
and fix 'em up proper,

and pop 'em back
in their boxes by morning,

so, tackleton wouldn't find out.

It was just two days before
Christmas, when we met up with him.

Ohl excuse me, sir.

I had so much in my arms,
I couldn't see you...

No, no. It was my fault,
I assure you.

Here, allow me to
help you pick those up.

What is it, sir?

My bones ache so terribly.

I've no money for a room.

I'm sleeping out of doors.

Why, that's terrible.
In this weather?

Oh, you must come home with me.

I haven't much to offer,

but you're quite welcome
to share it with me.

Bless you, son. Bless you.

Cricket crocket: He was a
funny, quiet sort of fella.

Wouldn't hardly say boo.

Just sat there looking at
Bertha, with them sad old eyes.

We're so glad
you could stay with us.

Oh. Oh, it's my pleasure,
indeed.

Bertha.

What is it?

The way you
said my name just now.

I am sorry.

Indeed, I am. I was too forward.

"Miss plummer,” I meant to say.

Caleb: Here, now. Here, now.
No serious formalities.

For we are all one family,
and it's almost Christmas.

And we're going to have a splendid
Christmas this time. Aren't we, father?

With mistletoe and a big tree!

And decorations and everything!

Oh, promise me, father.
Oh, promise me.

Even though I cannot see them.

We will have those things.

But, of course. Of course.

Cricket crocket: Now,
Caleb had been li... um...

"Stretching the truth” for a long
time now, to keep Bertha happy.

But when it came to fibbing
about Christmas,

well, he just wasn't
quite up to it.

Could it be Christmas

without the mistletoe

could it be Christmas

without the winter snow

no fireplace

no Christmas tree

no decorations

just you and me

would it be Christmas, then?

On the first Christmas

there was no mistletoe

on the first Christmas

there was no winter show

no fireplace

no Christmas tree

no decorations

just the wise men three

and it was Christmas, then

the holiday season has changed

but the reason
we celebrate remains

it can be Christmas

without the mistletoe

it can be Christmas

without the winter snow

no fireplace

no Christmas tree no decorations

just you and me

it can be Christmas, then

for Christmas lives

in the hearts

of men

We wish you a merry Christmas

we wish you a merry Christmas

we wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year

good tidings...

Cricket crocket: Well, the following
day, it was Christmas Eve.

And we were really busy.

Rest period. Do take a rest.

And I've decided to
give you a Christmas bonus.

Four whole shillings.

Here, a shilling for you, girl.

Cricket crocket: Hmm, I hope it
doesn't bankrupt the old skinflint.

Tackleton: Actually, I must
confess to an ulterior motive.

This is a lonely
old place for me.

And I've finally decided
that what I need

is a wife.

Caleb: A wife, sir?

You?

Well, why not?
I cut a splendid figure.

Oh?

You say something?

No, sir.

Tackleton: Hmm. Well,
to get to the point.

I'm happy to inform you,
that I've decided

that the girl I would
most like to so honor,

is none other than
your own dear, lucky,

Bertha.

Caleb: What?

Tackleton: Now, we could be wed tomorrow.
It's Christmas, a holiday.

That way, we wouldn't
lose a day's work.

Oh, sir.

Now, you don't have to make up
your mind right away.

Take your time. Think it over.

I'll give you an hour
and 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, back to work.

Oh, father, I'm so very honored.

But...

But, my dear,
you are just a child.

Bertha: Father, I haven't
been a child for a long time.

You've just got to accept the fact
that I'm a big, grown-up girl, now.

Lullabies and fairytales

pinafores, piano scales

satin bows and cheeks of Rose

that was yesterday

little girl upon your knee

that was what I used to be

bunny nose but heaven knows

that was yesterday

so look up,
your little girl's a lady

with a weighty problem

daddy is her problem

he thinks she's still a child

carousels and wishing Wells

golden shoes with silver bells

starry eyes and cherry pies

that was yesterday

Carousels and wishing Wells

golden shoes with silver bells

starry eyes and cherry pies

that was yesterday

yesterday

old man: Uh, miss plummer.

Who's that, the old gentleman?

I have happy news, sir.

And I have something to tell you.
I have waited too long.

No, no, no.
Let me tell my news first.

For it is bursting inside of me.

The most wonderful man in the whole
world has asked me to be his wife.

Indeed.

I offer you, then,
my heartiest congratulations.

They don't sound very hearty.

And now, what had
you to tell me?

Well, I, uh, that is...

Oh, blast all this
telling one another!

We got no time for it.
This is an emergency.

Why, cricket,
what a thing to say.

Excuse me.

What's wrong
with the old fellow?

Never mind him. Think of her.

What can I do?

Have I deceived her all this time,
but to break her heart at last?

Father, I've made up my mind.

When Mr. tackleton returns,

I shall tell him that
I accept his proposal.

Cricket crocket:
See, I was determined

that Bertha would never
get a chance to say yes.

So, I called together
some of me males.

Well, right on the dot,
he arrives.

Do come and sit beside me,
Mr. tackleton. I've made tea.

I shall. Oh, I shall,
my pretty little lady.

One lump, or two?

Two. Oh, yes, two, my pretty.

"Two," he says.

Comin' up, Matey.

Oh! Oh.

Oh, is anything wrong?
Tackleton: Uh, no.

And now, my dear,
we come to the reason

for my presence here.

That's what you think, chum.

Pepper.

And have you made up your
pretty little mind?

Bertha: Well, to tell the truth,
kind sir... tackleton: Yes?

Oh!

Oh, what was that?
Never mind. Now...

What on earth!
Excuse me, my pretty lady.

It was that cricket,
made a fool of me.

Uriah, get rid of him
once and for all.

And this time, no slip-ups.

Get professional help,
so you won't bungle the job.

I want that cricket eliminated.

All right, quiet! Shh!
Moll's gonna sing.

Oh, shut it.

Diamond spurs and ocean trips

they don't go with tuppence tips

don't feed me champagne talk

when we're eating fish and chips

half-a-pints and smokey kips

were never meant
to touch my lips

don't speak those
flattering words

when we're eating fish and chips

can't you get out of the habit

of saying mink
when you mean rabbit

of saying sable
when you can't afford raccoon

you got caviar taste
and shallow pockets

and you'll never ever
buy me the moon

with my life, I've come to grips

throw away your clever quips

I'm prepared to love you

and to love my fish and chips

Hello, strangler, slink.

I've a got proper evil proposition
to put to you.

What's the job
this time, Uriah caw?

Eliminate an annoying cricket.

Oh, a cricket.

Uriah: Not that easy.
He's a clever one, he is.

But he must be put away.

I have a better idea.
We'll capture him.

I knows a captain who pays
well for captured crickets.

Sells them in China
for good luck, he says.

Hello.

Now, where's our pay?

I've got your payoff
right here, lad.

Cricket crocket: Oh, I hitched up
with a lovely crew, I can tell you.

There I was, setting sail
for China on Christmas Eve,

leaving poor Bertha
in the hands of that...

Coo!

What will my family do without
their lucky cricket on the hearth?

Aye, you'll fetch
a pretty price, you will.

A bolt of silk,
or a crate of tea.

What be the matter with you?

Deader than a door nail, he be.

Dead cricket's no good to me.

Cricket crocket: My plan
worked perfect like.

I only overlooked one thing,

cricket's can't swim.

Yeah, but luck was with me.

For another thing I forgot was,

crickets float.

And I know you're not going to
believe how I got back to land.

But this is the way it happened.
Look, so help me...

It was just before midnight,
when I got back.

Home at last.

Coo.

A wedding dress.

She's going
to go through with it.

It's midnight.

Midnight on Christmas Eve.

One hour in the year when magical
things are supposed to happen.

Oh, maybe this bloke's
still in luck.

Hello, hello. Here now.

Here now, what's up?

Blimey.

The toys hace come to life!

What a sight!

Oh, lovely. Simply lovely.

Doll: We've been observed.

Dearie, humans must never see
toys come to life.

Those are the rules.

Here now, save your worries.

I'm no human, I'm a...

Mama...

Blimey, no. I'm a cricket.

Phew.

Crickets don't count.

And let me be the first to say that
I am happy to have you on my side.

Aw!

Well, you're all going
to help stop poor Bertha

from marrying that crow-loving
skinflint, aren't you?

We'd do anything
for Caleb and Bertha.

If it wasn't for them,
we'd be ugly.

Mama.

Hush-hush.
Look, we haven't much time.

In a moment, we'll have to go
to sleep again.

It's the rules! The rules!

The rules! The rules!

Yeah, yeah, can't break the rules.
So, let's get cracking.

Any ideas? Conference.

Mama.

Cricket crocket: All right, break it up.
Break it up!

Enough talk, let's have
a little action.

Right-o, follow me, lads!

Cricket crocket: Why are
we bothering with that old geezer?

Blimey!

Oh, well, he's coming apart.

Cool

that is not an old man.
That is...

Edward belton!
Oh, but it couldn't be.

You were lost at sea, you...

Elephant:
Kindly allow me to explain.

You see, Edward belton didn't
drown when his ship went down.

He built himself a raft

and sailed to a beautiful
uncharted island.

And he was there.
Well, please, sir.

He was there two years
before a whaler found him

and brought him back to england.

But then, why the disguise?

Elephant: Well...

Uh-oh!

Our time is up.

What's the matter
with you toy blokes?

I ask a simple question,
I expect a simple answer.

My beard. My wig.

Cricket crocket's onto you.
Now, speak up.

The whole story.

Well, I may as well tell you.

I was ship-wrecked, you see.

I know all that, the raft
and the island and the whaler.

What I don't understand is
the whiskers and the wheeze.

I came directly to her, but
then I saw she had gone blind.

And I realized it was my fault.

I couldn't just step back into her
life after what I had done to her.

Oh, come on, now, she needs you
more than she needs six new eyes.

That's what I hoped.

But I had to be sure, you see.

And so, I adopted the disguise.

This way, I could be near her
without anyone knowing.

Oh, blimey!

Oh, there were a thousand times I
was on the verge of telling her,

but something always
interrupted.

And yesterday,
I made up my mind.

You remember,
I came in to tell her.

Only to see her radiant face.
Radiant because

the most wonderful man in the world
had asked her to be his wife.

Those were her very words.

Oh, you... you nincompoop!

Paying any attention to the
words of a gushing female.

Oh, no, I could tell
she meant it.

And he has so much more
to offer her.

I'm still poor.

Poor? Oh, right. She wouldn't trade
the bank of england for you.

I wish I could believe that,
cricket.

I came back tonight
for one last look at her.

I guess I just fell asleep
watching her.

Huh. You're asleep, all right.
Asleep all over.

Who are you, romantic
sentimental ninny?

She don't love
nobody else but you.

Edward: If I could
only believe that.

Cricket crocket:
Bertha, love. Bertha?

Wake up, now.

Gentle. Gentle. It's only me.

Bertha: Oh. Ohl

oh, cricket.

You're back. You're safe!

Cricket? Cricket?

On.

Oh?

Edward: Darling.

Bertha: Am I dreaming?

L... oh, Edward!

Edward! Oh, Edward,
you're alive!

You're alive, Edward.

Oh! You're alive.

Edward.

Do you know about me?

I'm...

Edward: Through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

and one day

you'll be happy
that you found the way

that you saw the world

through my eyes

Cricket crocket: Oh, there never
was such a Christmas morning.

Everybody happier than larks.
All except, uh...

Tackleton: There
I was, waiting at the church!

What's this? What's this?

What's going on here, anyway?

This just isn't fair!

After all I've done for you?

Bertha: Oh, Mr. tackleton?

Mr. tackleton,
I'm so terribly sorry.

But you see,
my heart belongs to Edward.

It always has.

Nobody loves me!

Bertha: But we all love you.

And there will always be a place
in my heart for a fine and kind

and noble and handsome
gentleman such as you.

Fine? Kind?

Noble?

And, and... handsome?

But of course.

Dear me, I feel good all over.

Nobody ever said such nice
things to me before.

I feel as light as a lark,
happy as a hummingbird.

Why? Why? I wonder why?

Maybe because it's Christmas?

It really is Christmas.

But of course!

Of course! Merry Christmas!

Merry, merry Christmas!

Oh, cricket, you are the luckiest
thing that ever happened to anyone.

Well, that's my story.
Ended happy, it did.

Here's hoping all your stories
end happy, too.

May you all have good health,
good cheer,

and a good, merry Christmas.

Oh, and above all,

may you never, never be without
a cricket on your hearth.

Cricket on the hearth

see that mistletoe above?

With a cricket on the hearth

cut it down,
you'll still be lucky

cricket on the hearth

I thoroughly enjoyed playing
old man plummer,

and my daughter, Bertha, in the play
was played by my real life daughter,

marlo Thomas.

And her boyfriend,
Edward belton, was ed ames.

And the singing cat was delightfully
played by miss abbe Lane.

And gruff old tackleton, that fine
actor, my dear friend hans conried,

and, our wonderful narrator,
the lucky cricket crocket,

was marvelous actor,
roddy mcdowall.

And in the song,
the first Christmas,

there are the lines, "the
holiday season has changed.

"But the reason
we celebrate remains."

Yes, that reason hasn't changed
since the very first day

when the wise men presented their gifts
of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

And on that subject, there's a lovely
poem by the author Edmund Cooke

that sums it up pretty well.

Mr. Cooke wrote, "'tis not
the weight of Jewel or plate

"or the fondle of silk or fur
"tis the spirit

"in which the gift is rich as
the gifts of the wise men were

"and we are not told
whose gift was gold

"or whose was the gift of myrrh"