Cricket on the Hearth (1967) - full transcript

Cricket crocket: I suppose, I

had never seen a happier room.

And there, in the corner,

was the nicest little hearth

you could ever hope for.

Christmas is sorta special

for everybody,

and we have a very special show

that I sincerely believe

will heighten your Christmas.

Now, as you all know, Charles

dickens' Christmas Carol

is one of the most famous

pieces in literature.

But very few people

know that dickens wrote

another beautiful rendering of Christmas

called cricket on the hearth.

Matter of fact, I just

found out about it myself.

You never heard of the lucky

cricket on the hearth?

Well, it all started in merry

old england, a long time ago.

Here, lend an ear.

One Christmas morn

you may look into your stocking

and find that something

shocking has occurred

among the candy canes and toys

you'll hear a funny little noise

you've got yourself

a cricket on the hearth

Cricket on the hearth

take that horseshoe

off your door

with a cricket on the hearth

you can leave that lucky penny

sittin' on the floor

cricket on the hearth

throw that rabbit's foot away

with a cricket on the hearth

you can save that sticky

wishbone for another day

let him abide by the fire side

and luck will come a-knockin'

on your door

and the spirit of Christmas

will live with you

forevermore

cricket on the hearth

see that mistletoe above?

With a cricket on the hearth

cut it down,

you'll still be lucky

step on a crack

and spill the salt

cross a cat that's black

not a thing can halt your luck

when you have a lucky cricket

cricket on the hearth

deck the halls

with boughs of Holly

falalalala, lala la la

"tis the season to be jolly

that cold!

This is chilly weather.

Oh, excuse me.

Be with you in a blink.

Home at last.

Well, merry Christmas to you.

Mmm. I suppose

you're all wondering

what, me, a cricket, is doing

here on Christmas Eve,

with a home of me own?

See, I am a part

of the family, as it were.

Oh, and, it's a lucky household,

what has a cricket on their hearth.

And indeed, I am good luck.

For, if it hadn't been

for cricket crocket here,

oh, there wouldn't be

no blinkin' family.

I'll tell you how it all began.

Long time ago, it was.

Oh, I was some crackin'

cricket, I can tell you.

Ready to take on

the world, I was.

I was looking for

a proper family to adopt,

when all of a sudden I spies

about the happiest house

I'd ever seen.

And, a toy shop, too.

I'll return in a little while.

Here now, here now, watch it!

Why, it's a cricket!

Here now, just watch it.

I am very fragile.

There, there.

I mean you no harm.

Why, I've heard that you crickets

bring good luck with you.

How about staying

with us for a while?

Come on, now. Just go inside,

and make yourself at home.

Uh, if you have a mind to.

Oh, well, well.

Oh, it's not

a very exciting place.

Just me and my daughter,

and, of course, the toys.

But, sir, I'd be delighted.

Crocket's the name.

Cricket crocket.

I'm Caleb plummer.

But we'll work out the arrangements

later, after I deliver these toys.

Ta-ta.

Cricket crocket: I suppose I

had never seen a happier room.

And there, in the corner,

was the nicest little hearth

you could ever hope for.

Perfect.

Here now, what's this?

Bertha: Oh, Edward. I shouldn't.

Edward: No. No, Bertha.

You go right ahead and cry.

Bertha: But I don't want you

to remember me like this,

all teary.

Any memory of you will be the

most precious a man could carry.

But I promised myself

that I'd be brave,

and smile to the very end.

Oh, why must you go away?

I must serve out my enlistment,

I must go to sea tomorrow.

For two years?

It's just not fair.

Darling, I'm a commissioned

officer in the royal Navy.

And...

Oh, I hate that commission.

And I hate that uniform.

And I hate the royal Navy...

Bertha!

Oh, I don't, really.

I'm sorry.

I'll release you from your

promise, if you want.

Oh, no! Oh, Edward!

Cricket crocket:

I couldn't help meself.

You see, that's the way

it is with us crickets.

We get involved.

Edward: My darling, you

will be here when I return.

Promise? Bertha: Oh, Edward.

I love you so.

Don't give your love away

wait for me

I will come back to you

and we'll have

a thousand days of may

don't give your love away

I've kissed your smile 'til may

I know waiting will be

hard for you

and I wish I could

do more than say

don't give your love

away

my longest day will be

when I remember today

and I'll wonder

if you'll be there

if the years

haven't touched our love affair

still moment, speak for me

tell her words are

much too weak for me

what I feel comes

to my lips one way

don't give your love

away

cricket crocket: Well, the

time passed rather quickly.

I suppose, it always does

when you're busy.

Oh, and, busy we was.

Christmas was getting

nearer and nearer.

Caleb: Two tacks, cricket.

Two tacks, on their way.

More red paint, crocket,

if you please.

Hmm. Make it smiling red.

Smiling red you want,

smiling red you get!

How's that, luv? Ooh, divine!

The perfect color for a smile.

I suppose, I'm being

extravagant with the paint.

But no child wants a doll

who can't smile.

Now, now, what's this?

Was that a tear

that I saw, Bertha?

Now, you shouldn't

get yourself all unhappy

and teary over thinking

about your young man.

It's been a year and a half

since Edward went away,

and, well, sometimes, when I think

about him, I smile and cry,

because I'm happy.

If a tear falls

when you're smiling

and you're still gay inside

then it means that

you found a happiness

your tears can never hide

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

when you haven't seen

a loved one

and he suddenly appears

even though you try to

control yourself

you'll never hide the tears

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

let a happy little tear fall

let it ride right down your face

let it say, I love you

I missed you so

no one can take your place

smiles go with tears

smiles go with tears

sometimes, when you're happiest

smiles go with tears

Bertha: Now, for the eyes.

Brown or black,

or sky blue, pink.

Ohl

what, uh...

What can I do for you?

You are a certain Caleb plummer?

I am. Call me Jeremiah bleak.

I am a certain agent

of her majesty, the queen.

On.

You have a certain Bertha

plummer for a daughter,

who in turn, was engaged

to a certain Edward belton?

You mean, "is" engaged.

I am sorry, but it is my

melancholy duty to inform you

that a certain Edward belton,

late of her majesty's royal

Navy, is lost at sea.

Lord have mercy.

No. No!

Nol!

His small mournful effects

willed to her.

Oh!

Bertha. Bertha, my darling daughter.

It's all a mistake, I'm certain.

It could be a mistake,

couldn't it?

Hardly.

Oh, no. No, no.

My poor baby. My poor baby.

Cricket crocket: Blimey, that's

a day I'd soon as not remember.

The beginning of all our troubles.

For, you see,

the shock of that awful message

delivered the way it was,

turned poor Bertha blind.

Caleb: Oh, my baby.

My poor, poor baby.

Cricket crocket: Oh, grim times

was upon us, I'll tell you.

Oh, how quick

everything changed.

Poor, dear Bertha, living

in her world of darkness.

And old Caleb,

beside himself with grief.

Didn't touch

the unfinished toys.

And Christmas was

only a short way off.

And when the happy season

came, he wasn't ready.

He didn't sell one toy

that year.

Made nary a halfpenny.

Yeah, what money he did have, all

went to the doctors he brought in,

but they could do no good.

And Caleb, not thinking, went out

and borrowed more and more money,

never having any idea

how he was gonna pay it back.

Cricket crocket:

And one sad day,

they could no longer pay the rent,

and they were deep in debt.

Old Caleb had no choice,

but to pack up and leave.

Oh, they was hard times,

I can tell you.

Long hungry days, looking

for a bit of work, anything.

Oh, and finally, one day...

It's no use.

Can't go one step farther.

We have no other choice.

No choice, father?

Well, what do you mean?

Cricket crocket:

The poor house. Oh, no.

You can't give up.

What else can I do?

Oh, if we ever needed

a little bit of luck!

Ooh.

Is that what I think it 1s?

A toy factory.

Now, I'd wager, they could use

a fine toymaker like you.

Do you think so?

Let's find out, mate,

let's find out.

Bertha: Cricket, is father seeing Mr.

Tackleton, now?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Shh!

So, you want a situation

as a toymaker, do you?

Well, toymakers

come thruppence a dozen.

Correct, Uriah?

Yeah.

But I'm a very good worker, sir.

And I have my own tools.

And, I'm very good, sir.

He's very good, Uriah.

My friend, Uriah caw,

thinks that's very funny.

I'm sorry.

I really best be going.

No, wait. Caleb plummer, huh?

I've heard of your skill.

Well, you won't be paid anything,

but you could live on the premises,

and there'll be

leftover food for you.

Whatever you say, sir.

Where are the other toymakers?

Did you hear that, Uriah caw,

he wants to know

where the other toymakers are?

There are no other toymakers.

Is this our new home, father?

What's it like? Well...

Splendid. Splendid.

Quite palatial.

Bertha: And Mr. tackleton,

what's he like, father?

Caleb: Oh, he's fine.

And he's made me headman

of his entire factory.

Oh, father, how I wish

I could see it all.

I'll see everything for you,

my dear.

And everything I see,

shall be beautiful.

I promise youl.

Through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

always gay

pretty colors coloring the gray

through my eyes

let me dry your foolish tears

now and forever

take my love and throw away

the word called "never"

let my heart

teach you how to feel

my love help you to reveal

the secret world

a new world through my eyes

through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

and one day

you'll be happy that

you found the way

that you saw the world

through my eyes

through my eyes

Cook?

Oh, I can't call you "cook."

What's your name?

Becky? You're a very

quiet girl, Becky.

And you are Jarvis, are you not?

Yes, milord.

Well, that'll be all,

Jarvis, you can have the night off.

Thank you, milord.

And it was like

we lived in two worlds.

What was real for us.

And what was real

for blind Bertha.

Of all the blinkity,

blooming hearths

in all the blinkity,

blooming world,

this hearth is the blinkiest

and the bloomiest.

Oh, well, what's the use?

Make do, cricket Crockett,

make do.

Blimey!

Evening, Matey.

We got no place

for bugs around here.

Cricket crocket: Hello, hello,

who are you calling a "bug"?

I am an insect, I am.

I will thank you to address me

by my proper rank.

I loves to mangle insects.

Tackleton: Uriah? Uriah!

What are you doing out here?

Naughty, naughty birdie.

You come to beddy-bye now.

Into your cage, Uriah caw,

it's late.

Phew.

Nighty-night, little friend.

Oh, yeah, but I'm getting

ahead of my story.

It was about a week

before Christmas.

Poor old Caleb plummer

was working night and day

to keep up with the demands

of the season, as it were.

Plummer, you're using entirely too

much paint on the dolls' faces!

Just trying to give them

nice smiles.

Who the blazes cares

about smiles?

A dot and a half

is enough for any doll.

Paint costs money!

Yes, sir.

Cricket crocket: Oh, but tackleton

toys was mean and grubby things.

All he cared about was the

shillings and pennies they bring.

But Caleb,

oh, he couldn't see them go

out into the world like that.

So, every night,

me and him would sneak in,

and fix 'em up proper,

and pop 'em back

in their boxes by morning,

so, tackleton wouldn't find out.

It was just two days before

Christmas, when we met up with him.

Ohl excuse me, sir.

I had so much in my arms,

I couldn't see you...

No, no. It was my fault,

I assure you.

Here, allow me to

help you pick those up.

What is it, sir?

My bones ache so terribly.

I've no money for a room.

I'm sleeping out of doors.

Why, that's terrible.

In this weather?

Oh, you must come home with me.

I haven't much to offer,

but you're quite welcome

to share it with me.

Bless you, son. Bless you.

Cricket crocket: He was a

funny, quiet sort of fella.

Wouldn't hardly say boo.

Just sat there looking at

Bertha, with them sad old eyes.

We're so glad

you could stay with us.

Oh. Oh, it's my pleasure,

indeed.

Bertha.

What is it?

The way you

said my name just now.

I am sorry.

Indeed, I am. I was too forward.

"Miss plummer,” I meant to say.

Caleb: Here, now. Here, now.

No serious formalities.

For we are all one family,

and it's almost Christmas.

And we're going to have a splendid

Christmas this time. Aren't we, father?

With mistletoe and a big tree!

And decorations and everything!

Oh, promise me, father.

Oh, promise me.

Even though I cannot see them.

We will have those things.

But, of course. Of course.

Cricket crocket: Now,

Caleb had been li... um...

"Stretching the truth” for a long

time now, to keep Bertha happy.

But when it came to fibbing

about Christmas,

well, he just wasn't

quite up to it.

Could it be Christmas

without the mistletoe

could it be Christmas

without the winter snow

no fireplace

no Christmas tree

no decorations

just you and me

would it be Christmas, then?

On the first Christmas

there was no mistletoe

on the first Christmas

there was no winter show

no fireplace

no Christmas tree

no decorations

just the wise men three

and it was Christmas, then

the holiday season has changed

but the reason

we celebrate remains

it can be Christmas

without the mistletoe

it can be Christmas

without the winter snow

no fireplace

no Christmas tree no decorations

just you and me

it can be Christmas, then

for Christmas lives

in the hearts

of men

We wish you a merry Christmas

we wish you a merry Christmas

we wish you a merry Christmas

and a happy new year

good tidings...

Cricket crocket: Well, the following

day, it was Christmas Eve.

And we were really busy.

Rest period. Do take a rest.

And I've decided to

give you a Christmas bonus.

Four whole shillings.

Here, a shilling for you, girl.

Cricket crocket: Hmm, I hope it

doesn't bankrupt the old skinflint.

Tackleton: Actually, I must

confess to an ulterior motive.

This is a lonely

old place for me.

And I've finally decided

that what I need

is a wife.

Caleb: A wife, sir?

You?

Well, why not?

I cut a splendid figure.

Oh?

You say something?

No, sir.

Tackleton: Hmm. Well,

to get to the point.

I'm happy to inform you,

that I've decided

that the girl I would

most like to so honor,

is none other than

your own dear, lucky,

Bertha.

Caleb: What?

Tackleton: Now, we could be wed tomorrow.

It's Christmas, a holiday.

That way, we wouldn't

lose a day's work.

Oh, sir.

Now, you don't have to make up

your mind right away.

Take your time. Think it over.

I'll give you an hour

and 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, back to work.

Oh, father, I'm so very honored.

But...

But, my dear,

you are just a child.

Bertha: Father, I haven't

been a child for a long time.

You've just got to accept the fact

that I'm a big, grown-up girl, now.

Lullabies and fairytales

pinafores, piano scales

satin bows and cheeks of Rose

that was yesterday

little girl upon your knee

that was what I used to be

bunny nose but heaven knows

that was yesterday

so look up,

your little girl's a lady

with a weighty problem

daddy is her problem

he thinks she's still a child

carousels and wishing Wells

golden shoes with silver bells

starry eyes and cherry pies

that was yesterday

Carousels and wishing Wells

golden shoes with silver bells

starry eyes and cherry pies

that was yesterday

yesterday

old man: Uh, miss plummer.

Who's that, the old gentleman?

I have happy news, sir.

And I have something to tell you.

I have waited too long.

No, no, no.

Let me tell my news first.

For it is bursting inside of me.

The most wonderful man in the whole

world has asked me to be his wife.

Indeed.

I offer you, then,

my heartiest congratulations.

They don't sound very hearty.

And now, what had

you to tell me?

Well, I, uh, that is...

Oh, blast all this

telling one another!

We got no time for it.

This is an emergency.

Why, cricket,

what a thing to say.

Excuse me.

What's wrong

with the old fellow?

Never mind him. Think of her.

What can I do?

Have I deceived her all this time,

but to break her heart at last?

Father, I've made up my mind.

When Mr. tackleton returns,

I shall tell him that

I accept his proposal.

Cricket crocket:

See, I was determined

that Bertha would never

get a chance to say yes.

So, I called together

some of me males.

Well, right on the dot,

he arrives.

Do come and sit beside me,

Mr. tackleton. I've made tea.

I shall. Oh, I shall,

my pretty little lady.

One lump, or two?

Two. Oh, yes, two, my pretty.

"Two," he says.

Comin' up, Matey.

Oh! Oh.

Oh, is anything wrong?

Tackleton: Uh, no.

And now, my dear,

we come to the reason

for my presence here.

That's what you think, chum.

Pepper.

And have you made up your

pretty little mind?

Bertha: Well, to tell the truth,

kind sir... tackleton: Yes?

Oh!

Oh, what was that?

Never mind. Now...

What on earth!

Excuse me, my pretty lady.

It was that cricket,

made a fool of me.

Uriah, get rid of him

once and for all.

And this time, no slip-ups.

Get professional help,

so you won't bungle the job.

I want that cricket eliminated.

All right, quiet! Shh!

Moll's gonna sing.

Oh, shut it.

Diamond spurs and ocean trips

they don't go with tuppence tips

don't feed me champagne talk

when we're eating fish and chips

half-a-pints and smokey kips

were never meant

to touch my lips

don't speak those

flattering words

when we're eating fish and chips

can't you get out of the habit

of saying mink

when you mean rabbit

of saying sable

when you can't afford raccoon

you got caviar taste

and shallow pockets

and you'll never ever

buy me the moon

with my life, I've come to grips

throw away your clever quips

I'm prepared to love you

and to love my fish and chips

Hello, strangler, slink.

I've a got proper evil proposition

to put to you.

What's the job

this time, Uriah caw?

Eliminate an annoying cricket.

Oh, a cricket.

Uriah: Not that easy.

He's a clever one, he is.

But he must be put away.

I have a better idea.

We'll capture him.

I knows a captain who pays

well for captured crickets.

Sells them in China

for good luck, he says.

Hello.

Now, where's our pay?

I've got your payoff

right here, lad.

Cricket crocket: Oh, I hitched up

with a lovely crew, I can tell you.

There I was, setting sail

for China on Christmas Eve,

leaving poor Bertha

in the hands of that...

Coo!

What will my family do without

their lucky cricket on the hearth?

Aye, you'll fetch

a pretty price, you will.

A bolt of silk,

or a crate of tea.

What be the matter with you?

Deader than a door nail, he be.

Dead cricket's no good to me.

Cricket crocket: My plan

worked perfect like.

I only overlooked one thing,

cricket's can't swim.

Yeah, but luck was with me.

For another thing I forgot was,

crickets float.

And I know you're not going to

believe how I got back to land.

But this is the way it happened.

Look, so help me...

It was just before midnight,

when I got back.

Home at last.

Coo.

A wedding dress.

She's going

to go through with it.

It's midnight.

Midnight on Christmas Eve.

One hour in the year when magical

things are supposed to happen.

Oh, maybe this bloke's

still in luck.

Hello, hello. Here now.

Here now, what's up?

Blimey.

The toys hace come to life!

What a sight!

Oh, lovely. Simply lovely.

Doll: We've been observed.

Dearie, humans must never see

toys come to life.

Those are the rules.

Here now, save your worries.

I'm no human, I'm a...

Mama...

Blimey, no. I'm a cricket.

Phew.

Crickets don't count.

And let me be the first to say that

I am happy to have you on my side.

Aw!

Well, you're all going

to help stop poor Bertha

from marrying that crow-loving

skinflint, aren't you?

We'd do anything

for Caleb and Bertha.

If it wasn't for them,

we'd be ugly.

Mama.

Hush-hush.

Look, we haven't much time.

In a moment, we'll have to go

to sleep again.

It's the rules! The rules!

The rules! The rules!

Yeah, yeah, can't break the rules.

So, let's get cracking.

Any ideas? Conference.

Mama.

Cricket crocket: All right, break it up.

Break it up!

Enough talk, let's have

a little action.

Right-o, follow me, lads!

Cricket crocket: Why are

we bothering with that old geezer?

Blimey!

Oh, well, he's coming apart.

Cool

that is not an old man.

That is...

Edward belton!

Oh, but it couldn't be.

You were lost at sea, you...

Elephant:

Kindly allow me to explain.

You see, Edward belton didn't

drown when his ship went down.

He built himself a raft

and sailed to a beautiful

uncharted island.

And he was there.

Well, please, sir.

He was there two years

before a whaler found him

and brought him back to england.

But then, why the disguise?

Elephant: Well...

Uh-oh!

Our time is up.

What's the matter

with you toy blokes?

I ask a simple question,

I expect a simple answer.

My beard. My wig.

Cricket crocket's onto you.

Now, speak up.

The whole story.

Well, I may as well tell you.

I was ship-wrecked, you see.

I know all that, the raft

and the island and the whaler.

What I don't understand is

the whiskers and the wheeze.

I came directly to her, but

then I saw she had gone blind.

And I realized it was my fault.

I couldn't just step back into her

life after what I had done to her.

Oh, come on, now, she needs you

more than she needs six new eyes.

That's what I hoped.

But I had to be sure, you see.

And so, I adopted the disguise.

This way, I could be near her

without anyone knowing.

Oh, blimey!

Oh, there were a thousand times I

was on the verge of telling her,

but something always

interrupted.

And yesterday,

I made up my mind.

You remember,

I came in to tell her.

Only to see her radiant face.

Radiant because

the most wonderful man in the world

had asked her to be his wife.

Those were her very words.

Oh, you... you nincompoop!

Paying any attention to the

words of a gushing female.

Oh, no, I could tell

she meant it.

And he has so much more

to offer her.

I'm still poor.

Poor? Oh, right. She wouldn't trade

the bank of england for you.

I wish I could believe that,

cricket.

I came back tonight

for one last look at her.

I guess I just fell asleep

watching her.

Huh. You're asleep, all right.

Asleep all over.

Who are you, romantic

sentimental ninny?

She don't love

nobody else but you.

Edward: If I could

only believe that.

Cricket crocket:

Bertha, love. Bertha?

Wake up, now.

Gentle. Gentle. It's only me.

Bertha: Oh. Ohl

oh, cricket.

You're back. You're safe!

Cricket? Cricket?

On.

Oh?

Edward: Darling.

Bertha: Am I dreaming?

L... oh, Edward!

Edward! Oh, Edward,

you're alive!

You're alive, Edward.

Oh! You're alive.

Edward.

Do you know about me?

I'm...

Edward: Through my eyes

you will see the world

as it should be

through my eyes

and one day

you'll be happy

that you found the way

that you saw the world

through my eyes

Cricket crocket: Oh, there never

was such a Christmas morning.

Everybody happier than larks.

All except, uh...

Tackleton: There

I was, waiting at the church!

What's this? What's this?

What's going on here, anyway?

This just isn't fair!

After all I've done for you?

Bertha: Oh, Mr. tackleton?

Mr. tackleton,

I'm so terribly sorry.

But you see,

my heart belongs to Edward.

It always has.

Nobody loves me!

Bertha: But we all love you.

And there will always be a place

in my heart for a fine and kind

and noble and handsome

gentleman such as you.

Fine? Kind?

Noble?

And, and... handsome?

But of course.

Dear me, I feel good all over.

Nobody ever said such nice

things to me before.

I feel as light as a lark,

happy as a hummingbird.

Why? Why? I wonder why?

Maybe because it's Christmas?

It really is Christmas.

But of course!

Of course! Merry Christmas!

Merry, merry Christmas!

Oh, cricket, you are the luckiest

thing that ever happened to anyone.

Well, that's my story.

Ended happy, it did.

Here's hoping all your stories

end happy, too.

May you all have good health,

good cheer,

and a good, merry Christmas.

Oh, and above all,

may you never, never be without

a cricket on your hearth.

Cricket on the hearth

see that mistletoe above?

With a cricket on the hearth

cut it down,

you'll still be lucky

cricket on the hearth

I thoroughly enjoyed playing

old man plummer,

and my daughter, Bertha, in the play

was played by my real life daughter,

marlo Thomas.

And her boyfriend,

Edward belton, was ed ames.

And the singing cat was delightfully

played by miss abbe Lane.

And gruff old tackleton, that fine

actor, my dear friend hans conried,

and, our wonderful narrator,

the lucky cricket crocket,

was marvelous actor,

roddy mcdowall.

And in the song,

the first Christmas,

there are the lines, "the

holiday season has changed.

"But the reason

we celebrate remains."

Yes, that reason hasn't changed

since the very first day

when the wise men presented their gifts

of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

And on that subject, there's a lovely

poem by the author Edmund Cooke

that sums it up pretty well.

Mr. Cooke wrote, "'tis not

the weight of Jewel or plate

"or the fondle of silk or fur

"tis the spirit

"in which the gift is rich as

the gifts of the wise men were

"and we are not told

whose gift was gold

"or whose was the gift of myrrh"