Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961) - full transcript

The most improbable
event of the 20th century

occurred in Havana, Cuba.

The revolutionary Victors
marched in

and the national complexion
changed completely.

They had been liberated.

The survivors of the old regime
escaped as best they could,

taking with them
only a few meager effects,

such as the Cuban treasury,

and other art objects.

It wasn't always easy to smuggle
the loot out of Cuba,

and so, secret meetings were
being held all over the island.



This story of robbery,
double-crossing and murder

begins with just such a meeting.

Are you Renzo capetto?

I am. Who are you?

Never mind who I am.
It's the mission that counts.

Let's get on with it.

As an American gambler
and gangster

you're above suspicion.

Of course you know that our
government has been overthrown.

You know, I heard that.
- Shut up.

But not for long.
We'll be back.

And if you think
you're seeing executions now,

oh, boy.

Bravo.
Bravissimo.



Shut up.

But, of course,

you know that to finance
a great counter-revolution,

it has been necessary for us
to, uh...

Steal the Cuban treasury.

Rob?

Shut up.

Let us proceed.

You're going
to lose your casino,

so you'll be leaving Cuba
anyway.

You have a big yacht and
you can leave any time you wish,

such as immediately.

Therefore, I'm going to
entrust you a solemn trust.

Here we have one fourth
of the Cuban treasure.

Your group, general tostada,

colonel cabeza grande
and a squad of men

will proceed to Ciudad turquijo.

There you will wait for us
to contact you

and relieve you of the money,

one fifth of which
will be paid to you.

Do you understand?

I get the whole picture.

Now you do the rest.
Señores.

General tostada,
colonel cabeza grande.

Señor Renzo capetto.

My name's happy Jack monahan.
Glad to meet you gents.

And now...

The gold.

You two had better
get into the car.

The general doesn't know any English,
senor capetto.

I'll be his translator for you.
Bueno?

Bueno.

Bueno. Now it's time to go.

Adiós.
Adiós.

I'll see you later, huh?

So long.

Narrator: The first move in the
great conspiracy had been made.

The Cuban treasury
was now in the gentle hands

of Renzo capetto,
the most trustworthy man

ever to be deported from sicily.

They thought they were smart,

but little did they know that I,
sparks moran,

was an American agent.

Luckily I had been able to work
my way into the crew

by posing as a notorious
gum machine burglar from Chicago.

My real name is xk150.

Hey, you. Come on down here
and help with this.

How did it go, poopsy?

We had a hairy little chase,
but we got the stuff.

Crazy.

Hey, colonel grande,
you can bring your men aboard.

What happens with all that mob?

I don't know. I thought we'd
just have an officer or two,

but it looks like we're gonna
have a little difficulty.

Can you think of a way to remove
them and grab that loot?

Cos you're my big, strong,
swingin' brains. Mmm!

You're sweet, baby.

Hi, sis.

Hi, baby doll.

Did they scare you?

Oh, just a little.
Aw.

All right, boys.
Get ready to go.

Pete, take the wheel.

Jack, you and, uh...

Clarks, uh, sparks,

get ready to cast off.

Well, well,
a beautiful night for sailing.

Sparks: And so
we left Cuba forever,

sailing into
the most astounding adventure

to be inflicted upon men.

And what a group we were.

The big cheese
was Renzo capetto,

alias capo rosetto,

alias ratto pazetti,

alias zeppo staccato,

alias Shirley lamour.

At 15 he served
his first stretch

for rolling in drunk in the
lobby of the Waldorf astoria,

new year's Eve, 1934.

In 1940, he was involved in
an unsuccessful attempt

to nominate Benito Mussolini
for the republican ticket.

During the war, he was rejected
by the Navy, marines and the ss.

Now deported, he has retained
his contacts with the syndicate

and is still regarded
as a dangerous character.

Mary-belle monahan,
alias Mary monahan belle,

alias belle Mary monahan,

alias monahan Mary belle.

They say she was a gun moll

just because lucky Luciano

gave her a rolls Royce
every Christmas.

And they can't really prove

that she sneaked into the
Hollywood bowl with a Tommy gun

and rubbed out a convention
of police chiefs in 1956.

All I know is that
she got nailed cold

when she was pushing heroin in
a laundry room in boystown,

but I'm willing to give anyone
the benefit of the doubt,

especially when she's as
crazy-looking as Mary-belle.

This is happy Jack monahan,

so-called because he developed
a muscle spasm in his cheeks

from watching too many
Humphrey bogart pictures.

Happy Jack's record is brief,

his only crimes
having been committed

after his sister, Mary-belle,

talked Renzo into
giving him a job.

Up until that time, happy Jack
had been a tennis bum,

sleeping under the bleachers
at forest hills

and mooching nickels
in the bmt subway.

Since taking up with Renzo,

he has become a well-known
dice loader and murderer.

The most obscure member
of the dark quartet...

is Pete Peterson Jr.,

son of Pete Peterson sr.,

famed vaudeville bird mimic.

Pete Jr. inherited his father's
talent for animal imitations,

but unfortunately
blew his brain out of whack

while imitiating
a whooping crane

at the elks convention picnic
in oshkosh in 1942.

Since then, anyone has been able
to convince Pete of anything.

Renzo found him struggling along
as a pickpocket at the beach,

and took him with him
in his exile.

Since then he has been
Renzo's faithful servant,

shining his shoes
and rubbing out his enemies.

In return Renzo permits him

to imitate any animal
that comes into his head.

That, for instance,

was the mating call
of the himalayan yak.

There they are, my shipmates.

I didn't know
where they were taking

those unsuspecting Cubans,

but I knew
they were taking them.

And so, with grim faces we set our helm
against the perilous future.

Ok. Now, before I begin,

has anyone anything to say?

Pete? How about you, Jack? What do
you think we should do? Give up.

Oh, honey. Is that any way for
Mary-belle's big man to talk? Now, look.

We've got to get rid of
at least half of these Cubans

without making
the rest of them suspicious.

There used to be
a Cuban fisherman

by the name of Hemingway.

He got hooked on a sea monster

in these waters
a couple of years ago,

and he was dragged for miles,
got a lot of publicity.

We're gonna show these boys

the greatest sea monster
they ever saw in their lives.

Jack, in my trunk
there's some garden rakes

used for weeding tomatoes.

You get them and sharpen them
like scalpels.

Pete, you mix up a mess of
olive oil and green ink,

and snag some seaweed
from over the side.

Now, Jack...

What are you gonna do?

Sharpen up the garden rakes.

88 Good boy.

Pete, how about you?

Does he have to do that?

All right, Jack, beat it.

We've had a good life together,
haven't we, baby?

Mmm. And you know it, poops.

Winters in Tijuana,

summers in Cicero.

Remember that wonderful trip
we took to monte Carlo?

You mean that time we heisted
all those $100 chips?

Sure.

Sparks: I'll admit I couldn't

really hear anything
through that door,

but I was sure
they were up to no good.

I knew it was up to me
to stop them.

Now we're off again
to parts unknown.

It's like a second honeymoon.

You know something?

We oughta get married.

Now, don't be a drag, baby.

How much Jack do you think's
in that strongbox?

I don't know. There's plenty of
Cuban sugar, though.

What are we gonna do
with all of it?

I don't know.

I always wanted to open up
a home for the aged hoodlums.

Baby, you got a heart
as big as all outdoors.

Sparks: A government agent
lives in constant peril.

I devised my undetectable
radio set

using simulated hot dogs
for knobs

and tubes inside
of dill pickles,

while watching a number of sewer
workmen during lunch hour.

It comes in mighty handy,
believe you me.

One little slip and I could be
headed for Davy Jones' locker.

Hello, Havana,
this is agent xk150.

Over.

I'm making
my first official report.

So far, not too much
has happened,

but I'm anticipating.

Renzo capetto and his gang
are on board as suspected.

I am with them.

I will call you again soon
one of these days.

This is agent xk150 signing off.

Hey. What's happening?

Just having a bite.

Gee, that looks good.

You mind if I join you?

Mmm.

Come to mama.

Crazy.

Six is the point.

Good morning.

The general says,

"good morning, you gorgeous,
beautiful creature."

Would you ask the general to
remove himself from my presence?

Um...

The general says you're, um...

You're a golden angel
flower singing.

Would you tell the general that

I feel that he'd be most at home

barbecuing slowly
over a hot spit.

Um...

You must be a glutton
for punishment.

Oh, now, what do you want?

You're too good for this life.

You're young
and you're innocent.

You should get out
while the getting is good.

Are you unwell?

The getting is great.

You're a victim of circumstance.

I try. I do try.

You're a crazy, mixed-up kid.

I am perfectly adjusted
to my life of crime.

Now, what is your story?

Oh, well, you see
I'm beyond help, but you're not,

you could find
a clean young man to marry you.

I haven't got the time.

But I can help you, Mary-belle.

You can turn blue.

Don't worry, Mary-belle,

I'll save you.

Or die.

That's a comforting alternative.

Sparks: A secret agent
should never sleep,

but there I was,
dreaming of mom's apple pie,

while up on deck
Renzo and his cut-throats

were taking the first step,

killing an innocent Cuban,

and pretending
some imaginary monster did it

just so they would be panicked
into changing course,

so that Renzo could steer them
to his own picked destination.

Pete, wait one minute,
then give the alarm.

Sparks: But what none of us knew

was that the monster
invented by Renzo

had already been invented
by somebody else.

By a couple of other monsters,
I guess.

Help! P-P-Police! Murder!

It's a m-m-monster.

What did he say?

The general says what happened?

The deal,
if you'd like to hear it...

Please go ahead.

Well, I don't think
it was anything human

that killed your soldiers.

I've seen the tracks and the
claw wounds on their bodies.

Now, in my studied opinion,

those soldiers were attacked

by some weird creature
from the sea.

Came in, did your boys in
and vanished again.

What's so funny?

A creature? How silly.

Did you really think it...

Silencio!

Cue us, colonel.

Well, uh...
The general says, uh...

You're right. It is a monster.

The general says these waters
are very dangerous,

so we must plot a new course.

Get that?

Our brave general tostada
didn't miss an excuse

to blow the trip
and change course.

You think he's got a gleam
in his eye?

Pure gold.

Maybe we won't have to
knock them all off.

Oh.

You boys are getting careless.

I told you to kill one, not two.

What's up? Can't you count?

Ok, Pete. Take the wheel.

Gee, I thought it was only one.
Well, I can't figure this out.

Sparks: So we were going
somewhere I didn't know,

washington didn't know,

Renzo didn't know.

We all had to find out.

Well, gentlemen, I think
we ought to make our decision.

Skol.

Thank you, Pete.

Now, has anybody got an idea?

About what?

About where we're going.

I thought it was to Ciudad
turquijo we were going.

Oh, no. That's been changed.

General tostada thinks
we ought to change course

in order to escape the monster.

Caracas, Venezuela.

No, no, no.
I think we ought to go...

Let's go to India.

I've always wanted to see a
sacred cow. Actually, I think we

ought to go to cannes. It really
swings this time of the year.

Will you listen?

So strange, my friends,

I always had a secret desire,

I always wanted to go to Bali,
you know?

Bali?

All: Bali? Bali!

We are not going to Bali.

Tostada: Caracas, Venezuela.

No.

Please tell the general
that I am convinced

that we ought to go
to San Juan, Puerto Rico.

This is agent xk150
calling agent xk120.

Via 190sl.

Come in, Havana.

Now the first thing
we've got to think about

is how to escape
this finky monster.

Now, if you take a look
at the chart

you'll notice
there's a lot of deep water

just north of Puerto Rico,

too deep for the monster
to live in.

Well, how do you know
he can't live in deep water?

Because of his feet.

He's a Walker and he's got
to stay at the bottom,

all right, stupid?

All right, stupid.

Now, when we get to Puerto Rico,

we'll take the strongbox ashore.

As an American,
I won't be noticed.

I'll take a plane up
to Ciudad trahijo.

Take the box with me.

I can say unequivocally, without
the slightest qualm of doubt,

that this gang is...

Heading for Bali.

I think the government
should watch for us

at the Panama canal.

Over.

The general says it's all right,
we may go to Puerto Rico.

But he want kept the strongbox
out of sight.

Ok, it's a deal.

I think I smell land.

Are we almost there?

Oh, about six or eight hours.

Another lucky shooter.

Four the point.

Four the point.

You're ravishing.

You're sick.

Listen, I have a plan.

As soon as we get there,

we'll wait for night.

And when Renzo isn't looking,

we'll jump off
and swim for shore

through shark-infested waters
so no one will follow us.

Then we'll steal
a sailing dinghy and head for Brazil.

How do you like it?

I think it's grand.
You oughta do it.

Well, I-I meant you too.

Honey, I wouldn't ride
on the same bus with you.

Now, Pete,

I want you to listen carefully.

Now, on the north coast
of a big island

there's a teeny speck of land
called la Isla del borracho,

named after one of
Columbus's lieutenants.

It should be deserted by now.

We ought to be able
to land there, huh?

Good.

Now, there's a reef
around the island

and a very narrow opening
which we have to go through.

I am going to run this yacht
on the rocks,

right at the entrance.

Now, during the panic,
we'll take the strongbox,

load it on a skiff
and head for shore.

Now, Pete, when we get over
30 feet of water,

I'll give you a signal.

And then I want you
to capsize the boat.

You understand?

Later, Pete,
we'll come back and dive for it.

You understand everything?

S-S-Sure.

Uh, w-w-we hit the rocks...
Yeah.

And lift the box in the skiff,

and then we'll dump it over
30 feet of water,

so we can come back and get it.

And that's because it's filled
with nitroglycerine.

It shouldn't be on board,
anyway.

Isla borracho.

Look at the reefs.

Reefs dead ahead.

We're starting it true.

Baby, I'll save ya.

Remove your hands, sir.

Very well, I won't leave you,
I'll never leave you.

We'll drown together.

You're demented.

My lunchbox.

My, what a short memory.

We're ready to start,
but which order?

You two go down

and get the strongbox
out of the safe, go on.

It's all right.
Be calm, everybody.

The boat's insured.

Sparks: Everything went
according to plan,

Renzo's and the monster's.

♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently up the creek ♪

♪ merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ I'm going to be sick ♪

Sparks: You know,
this reminds me

of one time on lake minnetonka.

Louise schmidt and I
were paddling along,

when what do you think happened?

The general says
you have the orders

as soon as he can
assess the situation.

Well, you can tell El general...

Tell him he shouldn't be
giving orders around here.

Now, look, you men have no money
and you have no guns,

and you're on U.S. soil.

That's all right,
I'm on your side.

Pete, I want you
to search the island,

see if anybody lives here.

Jack. You take one of the
lifeboats and row it ashore.

Take it to San Juan
and rent us a fishing boat

and plenty of diving gear.

Uh-huh. Boy.

Oh, colonel.

See if you can get your men
to build us a lean-to

or something to keep
the rain off.

Isn't this just great?

Could stay here forever.

That won't be necessary, baby.

Why?

Well, the way I figure it,

these Cubans
aren't very much at diving.

But Jack, Pete and I
are pretty good spear fishermen.

We'll go down,

find the strongbox

and hide it in a hole
in the reef.

After that, we'll tell
the Cubans that it's no use,

give up.

It'll be safe there for months,

even years,

until we're ready
to come back and get it.

You like it? Poopsy, sometimes you
are so smart you make me sick.

Whoo! Whoo!

Eat. Eat. Is good, is good.

Where did you find her, Pete?

Pete, aren't you gonna
introduce me to the lady?

Isn't she beautiful, Renzo?

Very lovely.

Where did you meet?

Oh, no.

That must mean they're in love.

I wish you many happy returns
of the day.

Isn't that a ring
you're wearing, miss, uh...

Porcina Perez.

It's a wedding ring.

Welcome home, baby doll.

Aloha.

Get the equipment?

Oh, about 20 botttles,
10 regulars,

masks, spearguns, the works.

Overdid it as usual.

Well, ok, we're gonna start
diving this afternoon.

I brought something else home
with me too.

Carmelita. I'd like you
to meet Renzo capetto,

my sister Mary-belle.

Hi.

Mr. Pete Peterson and...

Well, I don't know who
the large woman with him is.

Porcina Perez.

Hi.

Hello, everybody.

You found this woman
in San Juan?

Well, she was living
in a sort of sorority house

down by the docks.

She's awful friendly.

Why don't you come on with me,
honey?

I'll show you
our sorority house.

Señor capetto,
I have the honor to report

that my men will be ready
one hour.

Ready for what?

To dive to the strongbox.

You mean your men are divers?

Yes.
They are Cuban army frogmen.

Olé.

Sparks: I had the situation
well in hand.

Mary-belle was weakening
as I'm sure you've noticed.

Then she came into my life.

I didn't see her coming,

but somehow
I sensed her presence

and knew that my life
was changed forever.

Hello.

Hello. Who are you?

Carmelita Rodriguez.

Sparks moran.

Sparks: As a trained
espionage agent,

I could tell that
she was attracted to me.

But I wanted Mary-belle.

And Mary-belle wanted Renzo.

And Renzo wanted the gold.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Sparks! Sparks! Idiot.

You keep this thing firm.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes. Oh.

All right. Well, then, let's
just keep an eye on him.

I don't know, but I'm ready.

No, no. No, gringos, no.

All right, Pete.

Bye.

Good luck, poopsy.

Sparks: The search for
the strongbox had begun.

But the sea was cluttered up
with Cubans

dispersed by general tostada
to search independently.

All those Cubans
alone in the deep.

This was a chance for Renzo
to again become the sea monster.

A lonely Cuban had found one of
the many wrecks on the bottom.

And Renzo had found
the lonely Cuban.

Their attack
was cleanly executed.

The victim was dead,

the killers delighted,

but not satisfied.

Renzo must have another quart
of Latin blood.

We waited, 55900:38:46,523... >
00:38:483 sensing the dangers below...

While the unholy three
sought new prey.

It didn't take them long
to find it.

What happened? Was he attacked?

No, it was a monster.

What do you mean, a monster?

A real, live,
honest-to-goodness monster

with claws and everything.

Oh, you're nuts. Totally insane.

Carmelita,
it's too dangerous for you here.

Let's run away
and live a little.

No, no.
I'm in love with sparks.

- Sparks moran?
Sí.

Well, how can you be in love
with him? He's an idiot.

You ought to be in love with me.

No, I'm in love with him.

And I don't care
if I never see you again.

Oh, if I'd only paid
my life insurance premium,

I'd kill myself.

Oh, no, no, no!
Don't kill yourself.

But why not?
No, you come with me.

I'll show you.
Come with me to the jungle.

You've seen one jungle,
you've seen them all.

You come with me,
you see in new light.

Hello, Charles.

Oh, señor.

I'm very much afraid
of this monster.

Well, why don't you just pack up
and go home?

No. I am an officer.

We will not stop
until we have the strongbox.

From now on,
we'll dive with spearguns.

Crazy.

Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Señor happy Jack,

this girl is my daughter.

Her name is mango.

Mango?

Sí.

Ah, I was telling her what that
no-gooder carmelita do to you.

I was telling her
to cheer you up.

Oh, gee, thanks, porcina,

but it really wasn't necessary.

Oh. You no like mango?
Oh, yeah, I like her.

She not speak good English,
señor.

Oh, I don't think
that's gonna matter at all.

Ok. Uh, I'm going back now.

Mr. Pete Peterson Jr.

He is waiting for me now.

Adiós, porcina.

Adiós.

Are you all right, porcina?

Oh, I'm all right, my hero.

Hey. Where's happy Jack?

Oh. Come on. I take you to them.

Them?
Yes.

Oh, I don't know
what you said, mango,

but it sure was wonderful.

I feel the same way, mango.

I never felt like this
in my whole life before.

Oh, I know, mango.

I know.

Why, here comes
Pete and porcina.

Hi, Jack. Who's your friend?

This is mango Perez,
porcina's daughter.

Gee, she's almost as pretty
as her mother.

Yeah, she's wonderful.

Yeah, but can she do imitations?

Well, I don't know.

And I don't care
because I love her.

Gosh. Are you gonna marry her?

Yeah, well, why not?

Why not? If you marry mango
and I marry porcina,

I'll be your father.

What kind of a bird call
is that?

Oh, we cannot talk here,
we cannot talk.

My meshugana husband,

he make big trouble.

Yeah.
I just had a fight with him.

You know, Pete,

I'm getting tired of
all this running around.

You know what I'd like to do?

I'd like to marry mango
and settle down here.

I could start a tennis club.

They don't have clubs.

They have rackets.

You know, you're right.

But you know something, though?

I'd like to do
the same thing myself.

Say, why don't
we rub them all out?

And this way we can keep
the strongbox for ourselves.

Oh, yes. Even Mary-belle?

Oh, gee. I don't know about her.

Well, she is my sister.

Course, we could keep her around
to do the housekeeping.

Sure.

And she'll get over
losing Renzo.

Sure.

How about it? Is it a deal?
- Sure.

Besides, they've been cheating
on their income tax anyway.

Mango, she want go swimming.

All right, all right, let's go.

Sparks. Sparks.
Where's Pete and the boy?

They know we should be diving
this afternoon.

I think they're somewhere
in the jungle.

Señor.

What's this? Well, what is this?

This man's wife is playing
around with Mr. Pete.

He's very angry.

That's tough.

This man wants to sell you
his wife for $50

and a case of rum.

Tell him he's nuts.

Carmelita, will you talk to him?
We're busy.

Oh, sure. I will tell him to cut
down to 20 for a fifth of gin.

Gin nothing!

Who wants to buy his
improbable wife?

Come on, general tostada,
let's get going.

Come on.

Uno, dos, tres.

Uno, dos, tres.

Uno.
Dos.

Dos.

Tres!

All right, baby.

Listen, you hold these
because I can't use them

without Peter and Jack
to help me.

I'll keep 'em warm for you.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

You're it.
You're it.

Sparks: Renzo capetto had
at last found the strongbox.

And the unknown partner
had found Renzo capetto.

Oh!

You're it, you're it, you're it.

Pete: You're it, you're it.

Oh.
Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Pete, find my daughter!
Please.

Mango! Mango!

Mango!

Mango!

Why did you have to do it,
Renzo?

Why did I have to do what?

Don't play games with me.
Why did you kill her?

Jack, I swear I had nothing...

I said don't play games.

We all saw the same
five incisions

and those round marks
from that stupid plunger.

Why don't you ask Mary-belle?

I gave her the rakes
before I went under.

That won't play.
You had two more in your trunks.

Just in case,
you said, remember?

Yeah, I remember,
but they're still there.

I can't convince him, honey.

Maybe you can.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to
go along with Jack.

You think I did it?

Well, what else can I think?

You made that monster
up out of thin air,

now don't try and tell me
it's real.

I'm not that stupid.

Well, I am.

I always believed in it.

But it's gotta be real.

Either that or the Cubans
are trying to kill us off.

I can't buy that.
I don't care what you buy.

From now on we're going to dive
with Spears

like the rest of 'em.

We've got to get rid of
the rest of those Cubans

as quickly as possible.

We'll start tomorrow morning
with tostada.

Jack.

Pete.

Sparks: Possible death
notwithstanding,

the courageous general
and two of his men

dove once more
into the deadly sea.

But... as usual,
they were not alone.

Renzo waited for them
to separate.

One poke away
and then there were two.

Tostada went all alone
into the forbidding void

with the killers closing in.

The giant observer
stood watching

over a pathetic bit of cloth,

all that remained of mango.

At last tostada had found his gold
in his own watery grave.

The general died
as all generals should.

His greedy murderers
let his body drift away

while they congratulated
each other.

Happy Jack found
a scrap of a dress

and knew what had happened
to his beloved.

Suddenly...

Don't touch me!

Oh, honey.

Don't try to talk yourself
out of it.

Trying to talk to yourself
cool this time.

Baby.

Telling me the Cubans did it,
only they were on board.

Now, who was down there
with Jack?

No, baby, you gotta believe me.

I'm never going
to look at you again!

Oh, ren... ugh!

Mary-belle,
I saw what he did to ya.

They killed your brother.

And now you've got to leave,
Mary-belle,

and there's no one to help you
but me.

Oh, Mary-belle, I love you
so much I could split.

Just get on!

What do you do to my man?

Oh, shut up!

I'll save you.

Sparks: It was dusk.

I could tell because
the sun was going down.

You were right, señor,

all my army is finished.

I knew when the general died.

I don't care about the box any
more, let the monster keep it.

I don't want him to kill
any more of my men.

Neither do I, colonel.

I think we must go to Ciudad
turquijo in the morning.

You can go anywhere you like.

I'm going home.

To america?

America.

No, I can't go back there
any more.

Sicily.

Oh. I've got an uncle there
who's been after me for years

to help him stamp grapes.
It's beginning to appeal to me.

Mary-belle hates me.

I know.

But I love you.

Kind of nice
having somebody love you.

Why don't you try to love me?

You might like it.

I guess I can try.

She pressed
her hot Latin lips against mine

and I forgot everything
but carmelita.

But our silent partner
was not going to let me forget.

This was it.

There was but one thing

a responsible,
trusted representative

of the United States government

could do at a time like this...

Get out of there.

Mary-belle.

Yes?

Honey.

I'd just like one more chance
to explain.

Please.

It's all right, poopsy.

It doesn't really matter.

No matter where you go
or what you do,

or who you kill,

I'll love you
till the day I die.

Renzo loved Mary-belle,
but he was the skipper

and decided to go down
ahead of his ship.

Carmelita, I've never known
a girl like you.

You haven't spent your whole
life in a monastery?

Carmelita, I love you
and I want to marry you,

and take you away from all this.

Mm. That I would like, I think.

Of course we'd have to live on
the salary of an American spy,

which is $41.50 a week.

I don't care.

You are so strong,
so intelligent.

You see how you solved
the whole case.

You are the smartest
in the whole world.

I'm not really as smart
as I look, Carmelita,

you see, I-I have to admit
that, all that time,

I thought Renzo and the Cubans

were trying to steal
that strongbox,

but I was wrong.

The real killer was the monster.

So what?

You're beautiful.

So I got the girl.

And guess who got the gold.