Creation Stories (2021) - full transcript

My next guest on the couch

is music industry guru, kingpin,

and former head
of Creation Records.

He's political,
occasionally controversial,

and he's a great friend.

He is, of course,
Mr. Alan McGee.

♪ Dealers keep a-dealin'

♪ Thieves keep a-thievin'

♪ Whores keep a-whorin'

♪ Junkies keep scorin'

♪ Trade is on the meat rack



♪ Strip joints full
of hunchbacks ♪

♪ Bitches keep a-bitchin'

♪ Clap just keeps a-itchin'

♪ Ain't no use in prayin'

♪ That's the way it's stayin',
baby ♪

♪ Johnny ain't so crazy

♪ He's always got a line
for the ladies ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Get your rocks off

♪ Get your rocks off, honey

♪ Shake 'em now-now

♪ Get 'em off downtown

♪ Get your rocks off

♪ Get your rocks off, honey



♪ Shake 'em now, now

♪ Get 'em off downtown

♪ Creeps keep a-crawlin'

♪ Drunks keep a-fallin'

♪ Teasers keep a-teasin'

♪ Holy joes are preachin'

♪ Cops keep a-bustin'

♪ Hustlers keep a-hustlin'

♪ Death keeps a-knockin'

♪ Souls are up for auction

♪ Ain't no use in prayin'

♪ That's the way it's stayin',
baby ♪

♪ Johnny ain't so crazy

♪ He's always got a line
for the.. ♪

Drowning in money.

Don't need to be a shrink
to work that one out.

A wee ginger cunt from Glasgow

in the land of the beautiful.

You're wondering how
I got away with it, eh?

Well, I'm assuming you are.

Since you're watching this film.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

This is your Captain.

We're about to start our descent

into Los Angeles LAX Airport,

where the local time
is 2:34 p.m.,

and the weather is a clear
and sunny 72 degrees.

The rest of you will be
travelling to '70s Glasgow,

where it is a constant
bleak and frosty,

and the, uh, outlook is grim.

♪ I really love
your tiger light ♪

♪ That's neat, that's neat,
that's neat, that's neat ♪

♪ I really love
your tiger feet ♪

♪ I really love
your tiger feet ♪

♪ Your tiger feet

Glasgow wasn't all bad.

We lived in a decent house.

I had two sisters,
so I had my own bedroom.

This is me doing a closing
encore at the Barrowlands...

With a tennis racket.

What a tool.

Thank you, Glasgow!

Goodnight!

Jesus Christ!

Have you got
your sister's make-up on?

I'm not a pooftie, Dad.

Well, why you poncing about
like one?

- You're a bloody disgrace.
- I'm just pissing about, Dad.

You should be in the street
with your football.

Go and wash that shite off!
Go on!

Should be on the street
playing football, you wee cunt!

♪ There was a soldier,
a Scottish soldier ♪

It's a cliche,

but I never felt
I fitted in with my family.

I just don't get it.

I bet your mates don't
spend it on make-up

and posters of men
dressed up as tarts.

I loved my ma and my sisters.

You're not a kid.

But Dad...
He hated everything I did.

You get nothing in this life
if you're not prepared to work.

And Grandma just hated me.

Wee ginger bastard.

I had two obsessions
back then...

Serious now... music and money.

I've got an Advertiser.
Do you want an Advertiser, sir?

Put your money in the box.
There you go. Thank you.

Oh, wee man.

Are you into your music?

Yeah.

You like T-Rex?

Aye. So what?

Nothing.
They're fucking cool.

Do you like Thin Lizzy?

Do you know
they're playing the Barras?

Fuck off.
Are they playing the Barras?

Aye. Next week.

Cockney Rebel supporting.

You mean in the Barras, aye?

- Bobby.
- "Rebel, Rebel."

Fucking ace, man.

Go get the other copy, Bobby.

I'll buy it you.

- Aye?
- Aye.

So, where the fuck do you make
that kind of money?

See, so I get 4p for
every newspaper I sell,

but they cost 15p.

Now if I turn up
an hour early, though,

five instead of 6:00,
there's no one around.

So, I take a load of extras,
sell them on top.

They don't count 'em?

No.

Guess how much I made last week.

- Don't know.
- Guess.

A fiver.

20.

I'm gonna be a millionaire
one day.

What, selling fucking papers?

Fuck off, Bobby,

- I'm just a rebel.
- Rebel!

♪ Rebel, Rebel,
you've torn your dress ♪

♪ Rebel, Rebel,
your face is a mess ♪

Dad was a talentless bastard,

but he had one skill.

He could smell money,
like a pig with truffles.

I earned it.

He's not lying, Dad.

Mum, I earned it.
I swear I did.

I'd just sell a few extras,
I take.

You mean steal.

Dad, I actually
increased circulation.

Oh, it's okay to steal from
the people paying your wages.

- He's doing them a favor.
- Dad, it's not fucking stealing.

- No! No!
- Don't you dare!

You think you're clever, Alan,

But you're not clever.
You know nothing.

Oh, John! John!

Darling, let me see you.

Oh, you're bleeding.

- Jesus, f...
- It's no good, Ma.

I can't make it stick.

- He'll have to go to A&E.
- Alright.

Well, then, you take him, Laura.

And if anyone asks, Al,

you fell when you were out.

Okay?

That's my good boy.

It was shameful
if Social Services

paid you a visit back then.

Like most families,

we sorted out our own mess.

Hear the band the
whole world is talking about.

Oasis,
live at the Hollywood Bowl,

only on KPWR.

Oi, Mate.
Slow down a minute.

- Where rock rocks.
- Mate.

Wow.
That gig is sold out.

These guys,
they are like the new Beatles.

The 1960s,
they basically buried Jesus,

and Bowie was the new messiah.

I wanted to walk where he walked

and do all the things he did.

But, I didn't have any talent,

which limited my options some.

Okay, son, you're gonna
be Murray's apprentice.

- This is a big opportunity.
- Right.

Hey, hey, hey.
Don't embarrass me, alright?

Good boy.

I tried not to embarrass my dad,

but that didn't stop his mates
from ripping my pants off

and spraying my balls red...

You fucking wee tube.

As an initiation.

Fucking bastards.

- Fucking...
- You dirty wee ginger bastard.

Oh, no. Fuck!
Grandma, no, I can explain.

- Announcer: President Kennedy...
- People talk about telly

in reference to history.

You remember watching
the news about Kennedy,

or the moon landing.

Queen's Coronation.

Fuck that.

There was only one historical
televised event in our house.

They're a group called
the Sex Pistols.

And that changed everything.

♪ I am an anti-Christ

♪ And I am an anarchist

♪ Don't know what I want,
but I know how to get it ♪

♪ I wanna destroy
the passer-by ♪

Hit record.
The new craze, they tell me.

♪ Cause I wanna be

♪ Anarchy

♪ No dogs body

♪ Anarchy for the UK

♪ It's coming sometime
and maybe... ♪

What a fucking rotter.
You dirty fucker.

♪ Your future dream
is a shopping scheme ♪

♪ 'Cause I

♪ I wanna be

♪ Anarchy

♪ In the city and I wanna
be anarchy ♪

Musicians
are such boring people.

Why should talent have anything
to do with rock and roll?

Why should music be
in the possession

of people so dull?

Announcer: I'll say nothing else
about him.

We'll be back tomorrow,

I'll be seeing you soon, I hope,

If I'm not seeing you again,
from me though, goodnight.

Now there were new rules.

There were no rules.

I didn't need talent.

I just needed a guitar
and some mates.

We have Andrew Innes
on lead guitar.

And on the bass guitar,
the wee ginger bastard himself,

Alan McGee.

Look at this, son.

Is this this new
punk rock thing?

Aye.

What's the name of this outfit?

- The Drains.
- The Drains.

Well, I don't want you
blocking the drains, Bobby.

Just keep it down a wee bit, eh?

- Aye, see you, Dad.
- The fucking Drains, eh?

Your dad's cool, Bobby.

What's that thing
he was wearing?

Ah, he's into his politics.

He'll run for Parliament
one day.

Aye, he's a socialist.

My dad talks about socialists.
Fucking hates 'em.

Oh, what's your old man into?

Just boring stuff.

What's all this Grandma Barr
tells us, painting your pubes?

Oh no, Dad.
That was just fucking some...

Are you fucking mental?
What's gotten into you?

This is all that punk rock shite
they've been talking about, aye.

- Hey, this is a decent house.
- Oh, aye.

Hey, if I so much as hear you
mention those Sexy Pistols,

you'll wish you were never born.

Now get that shit off.

You look ridiculous.

And what have we got up here?

Lena Zavaroni,
The fucking Bay City Rollers.

Ah, let's go to London.
Let's just fucking go.

My Dad'll never let me
go to London, Innes.

Doesn't matter.
You're nearly 18.

Do you know what punk means?

It's American slang
for homosexuals in prison.

♪ I got a feeling
inside of me ♪

♪ It's kinda strange
like a stormy sea ♪

♪ I don't know why,
I don't know why ♪

Have you ever even
been to London?

- Do you know anyone there?
- No.

I can be whatever
I wanna be in London.

My dad'll skin me alive,
you daft cunt.

Fucking do you for kidnapping.

And you for kiddie fiddling,
Alan.

You come and join us when
you got some pubes, eh, Bob.

We've only just started
going out with each other.

You're a ginger prick, Alan.

You've got a chance to become
a qualified electrician.

You cannae just leave.

Innes, it's in here, man.

Can you hold that for us, pal?

Right, here we go.

It feels like... like
you're running away from me.

♪ I can't stop

Wanker.

Oh, fuck off.

You two, out.

Fucking hell, right.

I'll get you in the Freemasons.
We look after one another.

Fucking hell!
Piss off.

I'll write to you every day,
Yvonne.

Fucking pen pal.

♪ Why should it be?

- No!
- Alright.

♪ I don't deserve
somebody this great ♪

Think about the future, son, eh?

I'm always thinking
about the future, Dad.

It's you that's not.

Los Angeles.

Land of the back stabbers,

the vacuous, and the soulless.

They say in London,
you're never more

than 6 feet away
from a sewer rat.

Well, in LA, it's the same,

except here, it's dealers...

whores, pimps,

and fucking agents.

- Sup, man, how you doing?
- Good to see you, Rich.

Don't mind if I do, huh?

You Brits are fucking crazy,
man.

You come to L.A. You hang out
in a fucking hotel room.

That's why you guys
are all pale.

So, we got the, uh...

Got the what?

The gear.

I'm fucking with you, man.

Got the fucking gear.
It's strong though, man.

Okay, that shit's like
some new shit that's come in.

People going crazy
over that shit.

That is all there.

Forget everything
in that last voice-over!

I fucking love LA!

- Later, bro.
- I've got it! I've got it.

Yeah, I'll call you.
Cheers, Rich.

Hey, Felipe! Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's right, yeah.

Gemma, it's the magazine.
Yeah, some interview.

Yeah,
show them my poolside table,

take in a couple of smudges.

Yeah, lovely.
Love you.

Oh, this is fucking great.

Well, what do you think?

It's a shithole, Innes.

That may very well be the case,
but it's fucking free.

Where do we sleep?

Anywhere you like.

What the fuck, man?

It's London.
What did you expect?

I'm a nihilist, man.

There's nothing to it.

So anyway,
I'd left a decent job,

decent home, decent birds,

to move into some London
shithole with my best mates

and some random smackheads.

Thought I got scurvy once.

- Scurvy?
- Yeah, scurvy.

Can you spell that for me?

Yeah, S-C-U-R-V-E...

No, "Y." Fucking one of them.

Scurvy is like
a medieval disease

that pirates would get
from not eating properly.

We settled down,
despite the squalor.

By the time we got to London,
punk was over.

It had left all these various
counter-cultures in its wake,

all wanting
to be seen and heard.

We spent our dole money
making a demo.

Bobby's learning bass
with Caesar McNulty.

- From Altered Images?
- Aye.

Throb's learning guitar.
It's in the demo.

Just smell that, Alan.
Do you know what it is?

Is it B-O? Fish?

It's the smell of possibilities.

Laughing Apple.

Hopeless this morning.

- No.
- Laughing Apple.

I heard this job's going
at British Rail.

British Rail?

I could go London to
Glasgow line to see Yvonne.

Fuck Yvonne.

No, no, let's face it,
one of us needs a job.

You can't run a venue
and press records

and promote a band
on 13 quids a week, can we?

Laughing Apple.

Greatest band to come
out of Scotland!

- Laughing Apple! Laughing Apple!
- Laughing Apple!

Greatest band to come
out of Scotland!

Fuck off home, you scroungers.

Cunt!

We sorted out our line up

with that nihilist,
the skaghead flatmate, on drums.

Are you sure about him?

I didn't say he could play.
I said he had a kit.

It'll be fine.

Hello,
we are the Laughing Apple,

and nobody knows why.

♪ I would never
leave my trust to her ♪

♪ I would deny my love

♪ I leave my all to her

♪ I leave my clothes maybe

♪ I'll leave my memory

♪ I live for passion

♪ I love to go away go away

♪ Go away, go away, go away

♪ Goodbye

♪ I love you precious feeling

You alright?
You good?

Yeah.

Thank you, cheers.

So now I had a proper job

that I proper fucking hated.

Come on, lads and lasses.

But even though
we weren't selling out gigs,

I was still spending every penny

pressing our records.

Ah, good.

Surprisingly...

We sold all the other copies.

You have?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
I thought you would.

Do you have any more bands
on your label?

Label?

Get your tickets out! Come on!

This year's Christmas number one

is from Renée and Renato,

and here they are
with "Save Your Love."

♪ Save your love, my darling

♪ Save your love

♪ A serenade I long
to sing you ♪

So, how's it working out
in London, eh?

Couldn't be better.

Tell that to your pal, Innes.

Had a kidney pack up
and moved back.

Drugs, no doubt...
That and living in a shithole.

Innes was more into the scene

than just the music,
and he did lose a kidney.

No, Mum, he's on the mend,

and his dad says
he can move back

only if he gets a place
at Uni though.

But we've got a new
guitarist now,

and he's more sensible.

So, you were
shooting for the moon,

but you still had a boring job,
huh?

Come on, all jobs are boring,
when you think about it.

Even being a millionaire
is bloody monotonous.

You know, as soon as someone
makes a million,

all they can think about doing
is making another million,

another million,
another million...

Well, hence drowning in money.

I told you that?

Your dream,
your recurring nightmare.

Have it on a sandwich.
You'll be great. Thank you.

The Christmas number one 1983,

The Flying Pickets.

I've started focusing
on promoting the bands now,

managing.

Brian Epstein, eh?

Well, he was a Jessie, you know.

Yvonne, every Christmas...

She turns up here with you...

I breathe a sigh of relief.

Yvonne moved down to London.
We got married.

She started working in the
office with me at British Rail,

We tried to be
a normal couple, but...

We're starting a new club?

Oi!

You Alan McGee?

You owe me 15 quid cab fare.

What?
You talking to me?

Where's the PA?

Every now and then,

a band comes along
that changes your life.

Television Personalities
changed mine.

Who the fuck are you?!

Part cabaret.

Go faster.

Part chaos.

Musician.
Engineer.

Piss take punks.

♪ Walkin' down the Kings Road

Organized anarchy.

♪ I see so many faces

♪ Many places

♪ They come down for the day

Fuck me!

This thing run on gas?

♪ And try
and look trendy ♪

♪ I think it's a shame

I'll need that an' all.

♪ That they all look the same

♪ Here they come

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ The part time punks

♪ Here they come

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ The part time punks

♪ The part time punks!

♪ Then they go to Rough Trade

♪ To buy
Siouxsie and the Banshees ♪

♪ They heard John Peel
play it ♪

♪ Just the other night

♪ Just the other night!

♪ They'd like to buy
the O-Level single ♪

♪ Or read about Seymour

♪ But they're not
pressed in red ♪

♪ So they buy
The Lurkers instead ♪

♪ The Lurkers instead!

♪ Oh, here they come

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ The part time punks!

Thank you, thank you.

We are
the Television Personalities,

this next song is the same
as the last one...

only louder!

♪ They play their records
very loud ♪

♪ And pogo in the bedroom

♪ In front of the mirror

♪ But only when
their mum's gone out ♪

They never made it though.

Sexton Ming and Jowe Head
were performance artists,

and the band was just
an extension of that.

Dan Treacy was
a brilliant front man.

Sofa surfer got
locked out one night

and kicked half to death
by some cunts.

He never really recovered.

The "Slaughterhouse" Joe Foster,

the anarchist with
multiple personalities,

all of them mad,

Ed Ball, the coolest fucker
you've ever seen,

even when he lost his hair,

and Dick Green, the dullest man
to ever tune up a guitar.

With these three liabilities,

I knew we could
take over the world.

♪ The part time punks

♪ The part time punks

♪ The part time punks

The 1985 Christmas
number one, it's Shakin'.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

I mean, we were still
working for the railways,

but my next thing, I'm trying
to get this fanzine together.

Like, it's a magazine,
to sell to fans at the gigs.

Trying to get into
publishing really.

Come on.

Well, I am proud of you, son.

It's good to have a dream.

Come on.

We need more dreamers
in this family.

Your dad's never
really had a dream.

Did you, John?

No, maybe it's a good job
I didn't.

Who'd have put a roof over our
head and food on the table, eh?

It must have been hard though.

It's 10 to 4:00.
You're in work at 7:00.

I dunno. I got a real buzz
out of being the outsider.

I was answering to no one.

Except the rail company.

True.
What a bunch of cunts.

So, would you say that
managing Jesus and Mary Chain

was your first big break?

Uh, I didn't really see it
as a break at the time

because you're too busy
getting on with it,

but, yeah, I knew
I'd found something special.

Jesus and Mary Chain.

The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Jesus and Mary Chain.

- Jesus...
- and...

- Mary...
- Chain.

The Jesus and Mary Chain.

- Hi, guys.
- Let's rewind.

So, I'm in London getting
a decent turnout for the club,

recording demos
for the bands that ask,

signing, pressing,
and selling records

for the ones
that we fucking love.

In Glasgow, word is,

we're big-time Charlies
down in London,

and Bobby is putting

Primal Scream together
with Innes,

who's getting over
losing his kidney.

He gets given a demo
to give to me.

Interesting racket...
Velvets meets The Stooges.

We come down to do a gig.
Joe does the sound.

But Joe had worked his way
through a bag of pink speed

and hadn't slept in days.

Chaos, straight off.

Fuck it.

But I loved it.

I signed them.

The drummer, trappy cunt,
complained about the money,

so we sack him off,
we put Bobby in.

It's two drums on stands...
Any fucker can do it.

Abraca-fucking-dabra.
Now they're sexy.

Joe does the recordings

with that same mental,
evil, fucking racket.

John Peel plays the record.
It goes bananas.

I sign them to a bigger label.

I stay on as manager.

They record "Psychocandy."
Bang!

The album goes gold.

We're in the charts...
Proper charts.

- Jesus and Mary Chain.
- The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Jesus and Mary Chain.

Recent concert has been
completely dogged by riots.

People say that it was you
who organized the riots

at The Jesus and Mary Chain
concerts.

People can say what they want.

That happened
tonight accompanied by,

no doubt, rioting.

- It's...
- Jesus and Mary Chain.

You see, magic isn't about
pulling rabbits out of hats,

but it is about making
something materialize.

Hailed as the most
controversial band

since the Sex Pistols.

We're not remotely
like the Sex Pistols.

The comparison's silly.

Don't particularly
like them, so...

We're a very commercial group,
you know.

Some say that
The Jesus and Mary Chain

is all about aggression,
violence.

You know what The Beatles did

when they were doing it
in the '80s?

We've got our eyes
on the pop charts, you know,

direct competition is, like,

Culture Club and Duran Duran.

The New Musical Express

compared it with Joy Division
for its intensity.

Joy Division were fucking shite.

We don't even like
being mentioned

in the same breath as them.

Joy Division were boring.

Conjuring success and victory,

but these days, that's in film,
and TV and music.

See, if you possess
a certain understanding,

you can make it work
in your favor.

- Don't wanna know.
- Gonna be bigger than U2.

We were being magicians
with Creation Records.

We were like
accidental alchemists.

Sometimes we seemed
to turn shit into gold.

Alan, bank statements.

And sometimes,
much as we loved it...

it just stayed shit.

Fuck!

♪ So young

Look, is it just the cash flow?
Because if it is...

I'm afraid it's the maintenance

of your overdraft and loans.

I'm about to do a deal that is
gonna turn everything around.

What's that?

Demos of future releases,
chart material, pure pop.

Hits!

Alan, the money you earn from
managing the, uh, Mary and...

- Jesus and Mary Chain.
- Jesus and Mary Chain.

You can't keep funding a label
out of your own pocket.

Why not?

Some of these acts I've got
are gonna be bigger than U2.

I've done the research,
and the fact is,

the record industry
in this country

ain't what it used to be.

Comedy is the new rock and roll,
Alan, Newman and Baddiel,

they just sold out
Wembley Arena.

"That's your Mom, that is!"

They're very good,

but do you have an act
that can do that?

Will any of they? No.

What you have is a very small,
potentially healthy business

with a thick
and lowering glass ceiling.

What we have to do
is minimize the venture,

try and increase the profits

and then use them to address
the charges on your debts.

Just run a small tight ship.

It's not the '60s anymore, Alan.

Or?

Or you lose everything.

Thanks a bunch, Nostradamus.

Catch you later, eh?

Joe, I've just been meeting
the biggest cunt of my life,

I mean, everyone,
every fucker in the office,

10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Whilst we appreciate everything
that's going on at the moment.

Shhh! Shut up, Ed!

It's the fucking bailiffs.

Who? The bailiffs?

- Oh, man!
- No, no, no, no.

We've got a band
called The Bailiffs.

No, no, no, no.

Demos, promos, white labels,

anything you can find
in this box, any value.

TV piece.

Hey!

Later.

Uh, you're Alan McGee?

As I live and breathe.

Demos, promos, white labels.

Worth a fortune.

Sorry, boys, just on the phone
to New York closing a deal.

Got a band that are gonna be
bigger than U2,

Unbelievable!

- How much was it again?
- £400.

Nae sweat.

Uno. Dos.

Go on, Dick.
At this rate, how long?

How long can we survive?

At this rate?
Alan, we're already dead.

You know,
on a long enough timeline,

the survival rate
of most things is zero.

Shut up, Ed.
How long?

If we can somehow maintain
this line of credit,

- we've got about a month.
- Month?

That's not bad.
We can fix it.

Rome was built in a month.

That's not exactly the saying.

Shut up, Ed.

We'll just have to postpone
the next releases. Fuck it.

We do that, we're not
a record label anymore.

Well, I mean, how could
things get any worse?

I'm pregnant, Alan.

You see, by then, me and Yvonne
had already split up.

But we hooked up one night
on the rebound,

and she got knocked up, so...

We're separated.

It doesn't look like
we're gonna get back together,

does it, so...

Get a fucking grip,
you stupid ginger gargoyle.

See, Yvonne had
had enough of the all-nighters

and the bands crashing over
and poverty.

She was having a baby,
and all of that was gonna stop,

whether I liked it or not.

And pretty rude about it.

You horrible goblin.

So, you just weren't ready
to be a father?

I had no say.

I'm keeping it.
You have no fucking option.

The truth is...
we'd drifted apart.

You can't afford to divorce me.

You've got no choice, pal.

But see,
if she'd said something,

anything at all,
begged me to stay, I would have.

But when someone tells me
I don't have a fucking option,

that's when
I'm at my absolute worst.

I've got to prove them wrong.

So, you guys split, divorced?

Yeah, she kept the poxy semi,
gave birth to Daniel.

Met someone else,
he adopted him.

Good man.

Bit of a boring cunt, mind.

Waiter!

So now I was officially single.

- Thatcher's a Nazi.
- Yeah.

- Disgrace to feminism.
- Yes!

Free to make
an absolute twat out of myself

at any opportunity.

Turns out I went to the doctors,

and it was piles.

Yes!

Bobby!

- Oh, fuck off.
- Aah!

We... We played a fundraiser for
the striking miners last week.

A fundraiser?

Yeah, we raised a few quid,
didn't we, Ed?

Fundraising isn't gonna help
the oppressed of this country.

You have to be out there,
rioting.

Yeah, but that's never
gonna happen, is it?

- Oh.
- What do you mean?

What do you mean?
Of course, it's gonna happen.

Look at the Sandinistas
and Nicaragua.

Look, I'm right behind
the Sandinistas,

but there's kids
going without food

in those mining villages
in Yorkshire.

What a bourgeois thing to say.

Stick to making
your little records.

Yeah, fuck off, go on.

Stay away from politics.

Thanks a fucking bunch, boys.

Man! She's right.

Want the boge back?

♪ Up and away
in the cold light of day ♪

♪ Up and away

♪ Up and away
in the cold light of day ♪

- You alright, Mary?
- Aye, Alan, good, and you?

Still teaching?

Aye, primary school.

I can handle
the little school kids.

Keep up the good work, eh?

Children are our future.

Alright?

Please allow me
to introduce myself.

The name is Aleister,
but you can call me Al.

That's a song title
if I ever heard one.

Ideas are everywhere.

You have only to reach out...

and grab them.

Who is Aleister Crowley?

Aleister Crowley,
author of "The Book of Thelema,"

"do what thou wilt,"
the cultist, and prophet.

My hero!

Famous poet, magician, artist.

Your father
has a particular mind.

He only wants what
he believes is best for you.

Oh, yeah!

The Stones wrote
that song about him.

That's right.

I once slept with faith

and found a corpse in my arms
when I awoke.

And yet another night,

I drank and danced with doubt

and found her a virgin
in the morning.

They called him
the wickedest man in the world.

He was into child sacrifice.

No, that's a myth.

He was really talking about...

You know...

wanking.

I was wrong
and handled the narcotics.

Get to fuck.

Calm down.

Who's he talking to?

Anyone that'll listen.

Anyone of an independent mind

must be one
who resists authority.

A rebel.

Take my advice, young man.

Let go of your past.

Well, let's round it up
to a nice even number then.

I'll pay you for five next time.

Stay on the path
you have chosen.

♪ Rise you make me

If enough people agree
with and follow the rebel,

then we finally
achieve greatness.

Crowley was right.
We were rebels.

So what if you are
going out of business.

We keep doing what we did best,

signing bands
that were fucking genius.

We'd keep running
till the wheels

fell off the fucking bus.

Here's to excess!

Apparently it leads
to the Palace of Wisdom.

William Blake?

"The Marriage
of Heaven and Hell."

He might have been describing
the entertainment industry.

How did you keep
the label going?

I have a dream!
We can do this, boys.

Well, I gave that speech
about tightening belts,

squeezing money
out of every angle,

facing the record pluggers,
stepping up fly posting.

Fight of our lives,
all that fanny,

And then Ed...

Of all people, Ed pipes up.

Or...

Margaret Thatcher had
introduced this thing called...

The Enterprise Allowance Scheme

under the Conservative
Government

allows you to have £40 a week
extra... it's free money.

Whoever thought I'd be grateful

to this fucking witch.

Only joking.
This bit never happened.

You were running
Creation Records

on 40 quid a week each?

We were the coolest label
on the planet

and running on empty.

Why has he got such
a way with women?

- You know why?
- Go on.

'Cause he listens...
Or rather he pretends to.

- It's a bad example, yeah.
- Where the fuck have you been?

But what's the point in that?
I mean, look at her.

She's not gonna have sex
with him, is she?

Got more chance than you have
talking to Male Silly Bollocks

dancing with himself.

That's what's brilliant
about it.

Lovely talking to you, darling,
Sorry your boyfriend's a tosser.

Hey, big day tomorrow.
Yeah?

It's fine. I know what
I'm doing, piece of piss.

Are you sure you don't
want me to come with you?

Nah.

- Uh, excuse me?
- Alan fucking McGee.

I'm not gonna bullshit you, man.

There's no need.

You know what we do,

and you know
we're fucking good at it.

Let's face it, Al.

You have got a very,
very cool record label.

And with us behind you,

you could become
a very wealthy man.

So we are "owned"
by a corporation.

But they let us do what we like,
you know?

The bean counters
just leave us alone

to get on and make great
rock and roll records.

- Great!
- Good, yeah. Fuck!

Yeah, bottom line.

I'm just like you, Al.

A maverick.

Difference is,
I do my thing on the inside.

That's the only way
to get results.

Sure. Okay.

People say to me,
"Hey, Mitch, you used to have

that real cool record label,
what happened?"

And I say to them,
"Well, really cool is great,

but it didn't get me
that Chateau in the Ardennes."

Or that Primrose Hill postcode,
you know what I mean?

I've got a vivid imagination.

Everyone wants to get rich, Al.

And if that means
getting fucked in the arse

every once in a while...

so what?

It hurts, initially!

But it's the kind of pain
you forget.

Like childbirth.

You alright, Al?

Sorry? Yes.

Uh, what were you saying?

I was saying,
have we got a deal?

Corporate always
fucks what's cool.

Wait a minute,
you turned down a deal

from a major record company
and went to a loan shark?

Yeah! See, corporations
want to own you forever.

The loan shark just
wants his money back.

It's a more honest transaction.

You don't pay them...

"we break your fucking legs."

But eventually, you did sign
with a corporation.

Eventually.

But on our own terms.

We weren't doing it
for ourselves.

We were doing it for the bands.

We had a couple of indie hits
in the charts.

I paid them back,
and we were flying again.

See, fuck that mullet cunt!

I didn't need a chateau
in the Ardennes...

Whatever the fuck that is.

All I needed was some
mothers' little helpers,

Dixies, Damies, Bobbys,
Bennys, Charlies,

Farlies, Jellys, Fannys,

Red Devils, Black Bombers,

Purple Hearts, Special Teas,

a wee bit of Les.

Everything was absolutely fine.

Exactly how long has
he been in the fucking studio?

Which studio?
This is their fifth.

Kevin Shields is a genius.

- Shut up, Ed!
- He's absolutely killing us!

You know we're already up
to £250,000 in a recording.

He'll fucking ruin us.

There's no fucking end in sight.

Hey, Joe.

You get yourself down there,
get on the desk.

You're a brilliant engineer.

You can get this fucking mixed
by the end of the week.

He won't let me near him.

He's not even returning
our calls.

- He's got this sonic vision.
- Shut up, Ed.

He'll have a fucking hole
in his head when I'm done.

I've had to re-mortgage
my own house.

- Jesus.
- I know.

You own a house?

I don't need this shit!

My mother's sick,
and I've got a money-spunking

mad, fucking genius
who won't return calls.

Fuck this!

Excuse me, Sir, can I help?

I'm here to see my band.

Which band?

My Bloody Valentine.

Oh, right, yeah.
Uh, are you Alan McGee?

Yeah, can you let me in, pal?

Well, I've been instructed
not to.

Instructed not to?
Instructed by whom?

The band, Mr. Shields.

Fuck you, you jobsworth!

Who do you think's paying
for this fucking studio?

Who do you think's paying
your fucking wages?

Now get in there and drag that
slippery cunt out here now.

Kevin!

If you don't calm down, Sir.

I'm gonna have
to call the police.

Aye, good idea, call them.

I want to report a robbery.

That's my fucking name,
you've had everything I've got.

Of course, he's a genius,
but two years?

It's not the money
but I suppose it is.

It's gonna cost us
half a million.

But what really hurts
is that we believed in him,

and he treats us like this.

I know the man's
a sonic pioneer.

I know he's pushing
the envelope.

I know he's making
futuristic music

but the problem is, by the time
we get to release it,

the future will be
a distant fucking memory.

We'll all be long dead.
I'm not a philistine.

I know art takes time,
but come on, man.

Two weeks to master one track!
Two fucking weeks!

Oh, cheers, pal. You can just
drop me here. That's great.

We're not a taxi service.

That's perfect, thanks.

Enough for me.
A load of fucking shit.

But from every negative
comes a positive.

What the fuck is this place?

It's where
the young blokes hang.

This is my scene, man.

- Ooh, nice.
- Thanks.

This is Alan.
Alan, Bez.

They called it acid house,
and I appreciated the energy.

What are you...
What are you drinking?

What's that?

- What is it?
- Ecstasy.

No one was drinking, just water.

Hydration.

I fucking hate water.

Give it 20 minutes.

But it was
when ecstasy kicked in

that I really fuckin' got it.

See, in the old days,

it was cheap speed
made in bathtubs.

Or prescription uppers...
Dixies, Bombers...

Both of which are
pretty anti-social.

And nobody could afford cocaine.
That was far too chic.

But this stuff,

E's, cheap and friendly.

A revelation and a revolution.

It all became clear
in that instant,

pop culture never dies.

It reincarnates.

Everything was going
to be alright.

♪ We are now in our minds

♪ You cannot turn us back

♪ We're marching
to the hands of time ♪

The future has arrived, Ed,

We gotta get Bobby into this,
Gillespie.

He'll fucking love it, man!

And then, Ed, again...
Of all people, Ed pipes up.

We should put acid records out.

Ed, you're a genius, man.
Yeah, definitely.

I'm telling you, man,
I've got it all planned.

Definitely.

We can start sampling
bits of film, Alan,

and I know all the DJs.

What's this beat
you're spinning, mate?

- It's great.
- It's a dishwasher.

All these records that
we're gonna be putting out, eh?

Where the fuck are we
gonna find the acts, eh?

Manchester.

- Manchester?
- Yeah.

If I ordered a chicken sandwich
and an egg sandwich,

which one do you reckon
will come first?

What?

Fuck this.
Full of retards.

Alan!
Is he in here?

- Where's Alan?
- You didn't know?

Know what?

- He's gone.
- He's gone where?

Alan, he's gone.

What do you mean, gone?

Gone to Manchester.

What, for a meeting?

Alan feels like
he needs to be submerged

in the waters of acid house.

I wonder where he got that from.

It's him and his fucking
silly bollocks.

Alan doesn't need
to be in Manchester.

He needs to be in London
with us.

Running this record label,
remember?

Good luck trying
to get him back, Dick.

Much better drugs up there.

How is it little fishes can
swim with the big sharks

and not get eaten, huh?

Gotta be faster, more nimble.

I could be like BMG.
They're a great white.

You notice a scene rising up...

An A&R arsehole has to take it
to an executive arsehole,

who's got to take it
to the chairman arsehole,

and if they agree, they take it
to the lawyer arseholes.

And when that's done, they all
go to their marketing arseholes

and when everyone's got their
fingers out of each other's

arseholes,
they might sign a band.

And by then, everyone's
missed the fucking boat.

With Creation, it was just me,
and I'm at the scene.

I had first choice.

I had the artist signed,
recorded, pressed,

and spinning in clubs
before the corporates

could open
a bottle of Chardonnay.

You left your business,

all your stuff,
without any warning.

Yeah, well,
that's rock and roll.

Then, it was just like grab
a bag and fuck off some place.

No planning, no packing,
shite like that... just vanish.

No, not when you
have a business!

The boys all had it
under control.

Besides, when I got back,

I was totally rejuvenated.

Babe, I need that
PolyGram contract now!

We were a solvent business,

flying by the seat
of our leather pants, maybe,

But getting away with it.

These guys are gonna be
bigger than U2, ya cunt.

No, but I've got it in front
of me in black and white.

Creation Records?

- What?
- Alan McGee?

McGee? That's me.

Ed! Ed!

- Help me out here!
- Girls...

Teenage Fanclub are now my band.

I will ring him the fuck again,
then.

Hello?

♪ I know I can't believe

Yeah, I'll be right up.

Get me a flight to Glasgow!

No! no!
A flight tomorrow's no good.

Hey, pal.
Can you drive me to Glasgow?

Glasgow?

Mate, mate!
Hold the train.

Calm down, son,

There's another one
in half an hour.

Thank fuck for that.

It's the sleeper, mind,
but you'll still get there.

The sleeper?

Jesus, man.

Fuck...

Fuck!

Susie!

Laura!

She's gone?

I tried.
I couldn't get a flight.

- It's alright, Alan.
- I tried.

I couldn't get a flight.

It's okay, darling.
You're here now.

You're here for the funeral.

Come on.

- What song was that?
- I just...

I just made it up.

You just made it up?
Do you know anything I know?

I don't...

I don't think so.

I'm sure you get this from
my side of the family though.

- I'm sure it's not your dad's.
- Oh, God, no.

You keep practicing, son.
You keep practicing.

Aye.

You're gonna be a big star
one day.

I hope.

Alan, I've been saving up,

just wee bits here and there.

It's not much,
but I want you to take it.

Mom, you don't have to do that.

I know I don't have to do it,
but I want to do it.

I want to give you this
so you can go to London...

And get started.

You follow your dream,
come back a big pop star.

Show your dad.
Show everybody.

That's my boy.

Oh, you can
hammer away all you like.

- Let me in!
- No, I will not, John McGee.

You have got my heart roasted.

You've laid a hand on our Alan
for the last time!

You would cause a fight
in an empty fuckin' house,

and now you've got me swearing!

You're just jealous!

You're just jealous
because Alan's different!

He's artistic!

He's got imagination,

and you have got none!

Alan! Comin'?

Yeah.

Such a shock, you know?

Thank you so much
for coming over.

I really appreciate that.

How are you doing, Alan?

Alright, yeah.
I've got a splitting headache.

I'll get you some water, okay?

There you go.

Taking drugs
at your mother's funeral, eh?

It's paracetamol.
He's been having headaches.

Dad, please...

Dad.

Da...

They say,
other than losing a child,

losing your mother
is the worst bereavement,

and it happens
to nearly all of us.

I wish it had been
that sour-faced,

old coffin dodger I was burying.

Wee ginger bastard.

How you feeling, mate?

Sorry about all this.

I mean,
they insisted on staying.

I can get rid of them
if you want.

Let them sleep.

We were living the rock and roll
even more than the bands were.

Surely that made things harder
to get done?

No, not really,
because we only did something

if we really believed in it.

And somehow...

an album would just, like...

appear, materialize,

and suddenly, everything
would just make sense.

♪ Together as one

You've fucking done it!

This is gonna go down as one

of the greatest albums
in rock history!

And it's my mates from school!

Bobby, man.

You're the fucking dude, man!

Whoa!

You guys are gonna be bigger
than U2!

Wished that you would have
come to join us here,

be part of Creation and...

Nah, fuck that.
I'm down to one kidney.

You cunts would have
fucking killed me.

You off your head?

I suppose we were
a victim of our own success.

Three international hit albums.

We'd done amazing by ourselves.

♪ Come together as one

But we had to move forward.

♪ We are together

Not for us.

We owed it to the bands
that stuck with us.

Acts that would never leave,

but deserved to be heard,
by the whole world.

♪ Because
together we got power ♪

♪ Apart we got power

♪ Together as one

We had no choice
but to take Sony's money.

♪ We are together

It's time to stop
fucking about and grow up.

♪ Today on this
program you will hear ♪

♪ Gospel and rhythm and blues

So what if we're owned
by a corporation?

They let us do pretty much
what we liked,

The bean counters leave us
to get on with making records.

Yeah, but I'm a maverick.
I'm doing my thing inside...

No matter how much smoke
they blew up our asses,

Sony didn't care that we were

the coolest record label
on the planet.

And all the critical acclaim
meant fuck all to them.

We had to deliver a band that
were gonna sell multi-millions.

A band that could justify
their investment.

♪ I was blind

♪ Now I can see

See, I'm a tight bastard.

That Sunday was
Mom's anniversary,

and I'd gone to visit
my dad and my sisters

on a cheap, away-day return.

I hadn't packed a bag,
didn't even have a toothbrush.

Stop!
What time's the next train?

Oh, that's it for tonight.
Next one's 6:00 a.m.

I'll get this one then.
Hold on!

No! Sorry!

Oh! You again,
you jobsworth cunt.

Cunt!

See, this jobsworth prick.

This prick didn't know it.
He changed history.

Fuck!

Fuck you!

All right, Susan.

Yeah, I missed the bloody train.

I know.

Got any plans?

Well, if you're not
sick of the sight of me,

I've got 18 Wheeler
playing down at King Tut's.

Get there early.
Check out the support, maybe.

Oh, come on, Alan.

Dad's never exactly been good

at showing affection, has he?

Too late for affection.

Just appreciate a wee
bit of recognition.

He still thinks
I'm a deluded wee punk.

He does not.
He recognizes you're doing well.

- He's just... torn.
- "Torn"?

Aye, he doesn't understand all
this music business stuff.

He's frightened you're gonna
fall on your arse.

Ah, see,
he wants me to fall down

and just stay the fuck down,
but I keep getting back up.

He does not... He just wants you

to have a job with security.

Security?!
Talk about delusional.

I've got a company with Sony,
for fuck's sake.

Oh, I know.

You're Thatcher's little
wet dream, you, ain't you?

You're an entrepreneur.

I don't care
who you're friends with.

You're not booked.
So you're not playing tonight.

What, you want a slot?

I'll give you a fucking slot
in your throat.

What you drinking?

Vodka tonic, please.
I'll get us a seat.

Fucking cunts.

Double vodka and tonic,

double Jack Daniel's and Coke,
please.

Hey, hey.
You're Alan McGee.

Local boy done good.

What brings you home, pal?

Oh, just a bit
of family business.

Any of this lot yours?

Aye, 18 Wheeler.

And then my pal, Debbie,
is on support.

What was that back at the door?

It's just some Manchester band
giving me some fanny

about saying they were booked
to play tonight,

but it's the first
I've heard of it.

Looked like it was
gonna kick off.

Aye. Hope not tonight, though,
because I've got no bouncers.

But don't tell them that.

Better squeeze them
in somewhere.

You don't want a bunch
of Manc scallies kicking off.

Trust me.
I lived there.

I will, Al.

Gave them 20 minutes.

Give the DJ time
to go for a shite.

What they called?

Oh, it's a crap name, man.

Oasis.

Malcolm.

Malcolm!

Go and have a fag.

It's 20 minutes, you understand?

We start proceedings with a band

who should be called
Fucking Cheeky Bastards.

I'd like to welcome
to the stage, Oasis.

Get on with it.

I mean, there's you talking
about the recognition

you need with your own dad,

and you're not even paying
attention to your own wain.

He's just a kid,
and that's your family.

Dad's got a grandson
he doesn't even see.

Do you think that
doesn't disappoint him?

♪ People say it's just
a waste of time ♪

♪ Then they said
I should feed my head ♪

♪ That to me was
just a day in bed ♪

♪ I'll take my car
and drive real far ♪

♪ They're not concerned
about the way we are ♪

♪ In my mind,
my dreams are real ♪

♪ Now we're concerned
about the way I feel ♪

♪ Tonight

♪ I'm a rock 'n' roll star

♪ Tonight

♪ I'm a rock 'n' roll star

In just under three years,

Oasis will have gone
from being a new signing

to one of rock's true giants.

The live gig of the decade.

Oasis gears up to rock

a quarter of a million fans.

Oasis is gonna play to more

than a third of a million

people in just over one day.

♪ Today was just a blur

♪ You've got a head
like a ghost train ♪

I don't know any teenage lad

who wouldn't wanna be like them.

I don't know any teenage girl
that would say that

they didn't actually want
to go out with Liam Gallagher.

♪ But you don't care

Noel, I love your eyebrows!
They're sexy.

The most
honest band on the planet.

We're not pop stars.
We're lads.

♪ That the devil sends

♪ You think they're talking
about you ♪

♪ But you don't know who,
I'll be scraping their lives ♪

♪ From the sole
of my shoe tonight ♪

Nice work.

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

- Good band.
- Good?

They're fucking amazing.

Hey, man, come here.

- Who do I talk to?
- What, in the band?

- Aye, who's the leader?
- Joan of Arc.

He's the only sensible cunt
amongst them.

- Do you want a record deal?
- You what?

Do you want a record deal?
I'm Alan McGee...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

I know who you are.

You're not already signed,
are you?

- No.
- Have you got a manager?

No. Do you want a tape?

I don't need a tape.
I've heard and seen enough.

Mate, calm down.

You've had a drink,
and you're a bit excited.

Take a tape.

That tape had most
of "Definitely Maybe' on it.

The fastest-selling album ever.

25 weeks in the charts,
with singles like...

"Live Forever"!
"Rock 'N' Roll Star"!

See, Noel had been
writing songs since he was 16,

and Liam...

Liam was just a born rock star.

Give it up for Oasis,

making their TV debut
with "Supersonic."

Put this on it.

My band's just nicked
the headliner's rider,

so we're gonna do one.

Big fan of your label.

Hey, hey.

It was a case
of right place, right time.

Synchronicity.

Fuck you!

From the moment I was born,
I was meant to miss that train.

Some people's destiny
was to meet particular people,

or go to foreign lands.

Well, my whole life had
been leading up to me

missing that fucking train.

Now you had one of
the biggest bands in the world.

Finally!
Bigger than U2.

Where does it go from here?

Well, for me, it's a party
in a club on Sunset.

You coming?

I'd love to,
but I have a deadline.

Hey, can we meet up again
when I'm back in London?

- I can do an update piece.
- Absolutely.

Oh, if there's one thing I love
more than being talked about,

it's being written about.

I just wish I could write it.

What're you talking about?

It's a puff piece,
mainly photos.

Oh! Tell them to get the fuck.

Go and sell it
to Rolling Stoneor someone.

Tell them Alan McGee is up there
with Brian Epstein,

Peter Grant, Malcolm McLaren,

as one of the greatest
rock managers in history.

That's what
I'd tell them anyway.

You're so modest.

Modesty gets you nowhere.
Listen.

I know that every fucker
out there knows,

that I'm talentless.

But I'm a situationist, huh?

- Yeah.
- I make things happen.

Sheer determination,
I... I get it.

You do.

Well, let's definitely
meet up in London.

I-I might be in a position

where I can write a piece
that matches your ego.

That's a very noble ambition.

Good luck with that.

Hey, oh, can I have my glasses?

Thanks.
Have fun at your party.

Like I said, LA...

- Land of the soulless...
- Cheers.

The vacuous,

the back stabbers,
and, of course...

- Oh, hey, man.
- The wannabes.

So Noel and Liam, is it true
they just beat up each other?

- What?
- The brothers,

do they beat the shit
out of each other on stage.

Right.

♪ Yeah

Nice shoes.

Oh, you like them?

Got them in Japan.

By some miracle,
they've survived Glastonbury.

Are you English?

- Scottish.
- Ah.

And this Glastonbury, is it...
Is it close to Liverpool?

I love The Beatles.

It's a festival.

Like Burning Man,
but with rain and mud

and fucking awful toilets.

Cool!

So, what brings you to LA?

Bit of business.

Huh, yeah.
What is it you do?

I own a record label.

- Really?
- Hmm.

Wow, that is so interesting
because, um...

I'm a singer-songwriter, um...

Della.

Will you...

Will you take a listen?

I mean, it needs work,

but it has my number on it
on the back.

Now, one of three
things can happen here.

She gets what she wants.

I get what I want.

I'm like a cross between

Joni Mitchell and Patti Smith.

Creation would be
the perfect label for me.

How do you know I own Creation?

Or, we both get fuck all

and jog on.

Don't try and hustle a hustler.

I've got people listening
to demos all day long.

Thank you.

Fucking asshole.

Alan!

You see this Charlie?

He's someone else that's
gonna change my life,

and not for the better.

You cheeky fucking...

I couldn't remember
his name for the life of me.

But when you've done
enough drugs...

Rambo, I'm with him.

You just open your mouth,

and say the first name
that comes into your head.

Alright, Ralph?

I was just talking about you
the other day to, um...

oh, what's his name,
tall fucker with the piggy eyes.

Who gives a fuck?
How are you, darling.

I'm good, Ralph. You?

Yeah, really great.

- Actually, really smashing.
- How was rehab?

Fantastic.
Best ever.

- I'm producing again.
- No way!

- Yeah, I know.
- Back in the zone.

I'm being totally different
this time, I swear to God.

A little bird told me you are

fucking killing
the music business.

- World domination time.
- Too modest.

Um...

Fancy a cheeky toot?

I shall live and die in LA.

There are
a million Ralphs in LA.

Rastafarians who left
the public schools of England

to be Hollywood producers.

Of course, they conned me
out of the inheritance.

But who needs a fucking castle.
Chin-chin.

Never seen a frame
of anything he's produced,

and I don't think
anyone else had.

Just met at some forgotten
Hollywood bash somewhere.

That's the thing about cocaine.

- Shall we?
- You end up sniffing it

off toilet seats
with total strangers

who become your best friend
for the next few hours.

Ah!

So, what's your new movie about?

Oh, I met this amazing,

really charming young man
from Compton,

called Hercules the Reaper.

Actually, oh, this place
is absolutely moribund.

Let's go to his club.

- His club?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's right up your straza.

- Let's go.
- Come.

Tidy up.

Here we go.

Oh, Christ.

Give us a couple
of beers, will you?

This is the life.

Love this town.

Ah.

So, what is this film?

Is it like some kind of, uh,
documentary or a...

No, it's a biopic.

Story of a man's
incredible life.

Well, it looks like
a vanity project

because he's paying for it all,
but it's not.

"Forrest Gump" meets
"Boyz in the Hood."

- "Forrest Gump"?
- Yeah.

- What's that about, then?
- More like a black Forrest Gump

with good music, you know.

If we're lucky,
we'll have them singing songs

and shooting each other
in the playground.

I hate biopics.

Yeah, let's hope nobody else
sings like you, cunt.

We'll see.
Do you need some music for it?

I don't... What,
your kind of music?

I don't think so,
unless you're gonna Black up.

Hey.

Herc, my brother.

Boom!

This is my very good friend,
Alan.

Where are you?

He's a major player
in the music biz.

- Major.
- Pull up.

Thank you.

Hello, how are you?

Ralph tell you?
He making a movie about me.

- What?
- A movie, yes.

Some real shit.

Rags to riches.

But Alan's just like you, Herc.

- He's from the hood.
- What?

Well, in the UK,
we call them council estates,

but they're really
the same thing.

It's just lots of poor people
crammed into suffering together.

Hmm, I'd like to visit
the UK one day.

Not at the moment, though.

Feds won't let me
leave the country.

Oh, the Feds are
persecuting Herc, Alan.

They're all up in his shit.

They won't give a brother
a break, right?

Right, well...

Brother, take it to the VIP.

Laters, holmes.

You.

- In here.
- What's happening?

Whatever you like, my friend.

What happens in Compton,
stays in Compton.

Hello, ladies.

This is my friend, Alan.
He's terribly shy.

♪ If you hear any noise

Oh, Sleeping Beauty.
Welcome back.

This is Maurice.

Fucking fantastic.

I said... I said you
might give him...

Give him a record deal.

Maurice, you haven't already
got a record deal, have you?

Shit. I didn't...
I didn't think of that.

He might... He might
already have a record deal.

- I don't know.
- Ricky ticky tick.

Ricky ticky ticky ticky
ticky ticky tick-tick.

- Ralph.
- This is...

Ralph!

- Ralph, can I have a wee word?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

As I say,
you're on my soundtrack,

I swear.

How did we end up
in that fucking crack den?

- Aaah!
- I know.

It's awesome, isn't it?

No one's gonna jack you.

They all know
I'm down with Herc's crew.

Looking at that lovely lolly,
though, it reminds me,

there's a fabulous whore house
over there I used to frequent.

Let's pop in for some breakfast
and a happy ending, hmm?

Just take...
Take me to the hotel.

Alright, Grandpa.

There we go.

Ah, I'm afraid I can't
take you up the hill.

The reverse is a little
unpredictable on this thing.

It's alright.

Oh...

Well, better out than in,
as Mummy used to say.

Oh, now listen.

Tonight, there's
a fabulous bash in Topanga.

Porn producer friend of mine.

Wall-to-wall totty.

- Fancy it?
- I'd better not.

Fine, well, I'll give you
a tinkle later,

in case you grow your cock back.

One for the road?

We begin
with that breaking news.

A state of emergency
in California.

Here's what we know right now.

Homes have been
destroyed there...

mandatory evacuations
of more than...

♪ Remember
when you ran away ♪

♪ And I got on my knees

♪ And begged you not to leave
because I'd go berserk? ♪

♪ Well, you left me anyhow

♪ And then the days
got worse and worse ♪

♪ They're coming to
take me away, ha-ha ♪

♪ They're coming
to take me away ♪

♪ Ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha

♪ To the funny farm where life
is beautiful all the time ♪

♪ And I'll be happy to see
those nice young men ♪

♪ In their clean white coats

♪ And they're coming
to take me away, ha-ha! ♪

Southern
California this morning.

I want you to take
a quick look at this town,

That's actually
the main part of the...

♪ You know you
laughed, I heard you laugh ♪

♪ You laughed,
you laughed and laughed ♪

♪ And then you left, but now
you know I'm utterly mad ♪

♪ And they're coming
to take me away, ha-ha ♪

♪ They're coming
to take me away, ho-ho ♪

♪ To the happy home

I don't believe that anybody

feels the way I do about you.

Exhaustion, panic attacks.

It's a breakdown, Ed.

Looks like the rock and roll

has finally caught up with me,
eh?

I'm gonna stay with you
as long as it takes.

I need you to get me
the fuck home.

I can't stay here.
This place is evil.

Hey, how you doing?

Nice and cozy.

You're alright, mate.

Just some Valium.

You don't need that.

You know, a fear of flying

comes from the fear
of not being in control,

and that's caused by the fear

of not feeling worthy
of your position.

And that leads to all
sorts of things,

like excessive drink,
excessive drug-taking.

For fear of actually engaging
in reality,

because in reality...

we're not in control.

That's why God

gave everyone an ego.

To feel like
we're important enough,

to feel like we're in control.

That's pretty deep, Ed.

You've got so many people
that love you, so many.

You're gonna get all
the help you need.

I just want you to get better,
Alan.

Heck, this joint
took some finding.

Avoid Central London these days.

- How long are you in town?
- Uh, four days.

I'm doing a piece on Bono
with Rolling Stone.

- Ouch!
- It's been years.

Tell me about it.
You're doing really well.

I read a lot of your stuff.
That Lou Reed piece.

The memories of
Michael Ronson piece.

You read that?

Hey, I heard that
you had Bill Clinton

come and crash at your house.

He was looking for somewhere
free to crash.

He's a tight cunt like me.

So, I think someone from the
Labour Party hooked it up.

Oh, yeah, I wanted
to ask you about that.

You'd taken some time off.

Call it what it was.

It was a breakdown.

♪ She said maybe

Agraphobia.

Or agoraphobia,
as the Americans call it,

which makes it sound like
some kind of luxury wool.

No, it ain't woolly.

It's fear and dread.

It's all around you,
and it's far away.

It's just fucking terrible.

I went to therapy,
all that jazz.

Just get better.

Yeah, alright.

See you soon.

Fuck.

Come in, come in.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No, here.

Oh, sorry.

It's okay.

Talk about predictable, eh?

I suppose I was
feeling extremely pressured.

I mean, my parents are
high-flyers, you know?

And I wanted them to be
proud of my achievements.

All of the time, though.

Did you read the info
on the Alcoholics Anonymous?

I'm with Groucho Marx.

I wouldn't want to join a cult
that would have me as a member.

They're not a cult.

I started self-medicating.

Prozac, Valium, beta-blockers.

Me too, but I was writing myself

prescriptions for ecstasy,
speed, coke, acid, whiskey...

Almost every day.

I've been trying to contact you.
Where you been?

I've got something here
that'll liven you right up.

If there's one thing
dealers hate more

than not being paid,
it's being paid.

You owe them,
they've got the upper hand.

Pay off the debt,
and they lose interest charges.

You don't have to
settle the tab yet.

How much is the tab?
How much?

They're no different to bankers.

It's exactly
the same transaction.

Thank you.

But Alan,
you're my best customer.

There we go.
There we go, alright?

All right, well, look,

give me the money
for that next time.

They just have a better product.

Oh, shit.

That's Alan's dealer.

He's not in the kitchen, is he?

Where is he?

That was my dealer
just 'round, eh?

Flushed it down the pan.

At least your ones
were over the counter.

Uh, well...

it's not important what type
of crutches we all use.

See, what's important
is getting to the root

of why we needed those crutches
in the first place.

Education,
education and education.

Susan's gone to meet a doctor.

He's got a clinic.

Crutches?

Oasis were becoming the
biggest band on the planet,

and here I was,
a shivering mess.

It's like I was throwing
the best party in the world,

but got shit-faced
the night before

and was too hungover to join in.

Was I the ghost at the feast,

the mythical creator
of this world,

hosting this party
in my absence?

Truth is, no one gave a fuck.

The party just rolled on,
whether I was there or not.

What the fuck?

I replaced it with cold tea.

You're a man.

It's up to you what you do
with your life, son.

I don't want this to come
across the wrong way, but...

Oh, go on.

Bottom line is...

it was fun.

Hmmm.

I was having a good time.

I could afford it.

The only person I was
putting at risk was me.

If someone had said to me,
"Hey, Alan,

all that shite is gonna
fuck you up one day,"

well, truth is,
I still would have done it.

And you know something?

If I wasn't such
a fucking lightweight,

I wouldn't be sitting
here right now,

in this circle of whatever.

I'd be out there,
be out there with my mates,

right now.

If I had the constitution

of some of the rock stars
I was looking after,

I'd still be out there,
taking everything in sight.

Hey?

It was exceedingly... dull.

It's just noise.

Music does not exist in science.

Why is it some noise...

See, what you call something

completely changes
perceptions of it.

You say "nervous breakdown,"
people think "funny farm",

but you say rehab,
now you're cool.

I've got millions riding
on a bunch of noises

that it's impossible
to even quantify.

It's enough to make anybody
absolutely crackers.

You're an industry casualty.

It's like membership
to the "Terminal Fame Club

of Rock and Roll Fatality."

I can come back tomorrow,
if you like?

No, I'm good.
I'm good.

Everyone's asking about you.

Oh, yeah?

What did you tell them?

That you're ill.

Just tell them the truth, Dick.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

What, that you're in rehab?

Yeah.

It's pure rock and roll,
isn't it?

Thank God for that.

I was running out of illnesses.

You know, I told The Guardian

that you was having
an operation to remove piles.

Fuck off!
What did you tell them that for?

Well, I had it done.

Could you not think of something
a bit more sexy than piles?

Well, maybe we should tell them

that you're having plastic
surgery on your penis.

Okay, tell the world
I've got a tiny cock.

- How's that sexy?!
- No, no, no, no, no.

You're gonna have
a penis reduction.

Christ, Dick,
just stick to the rehab story.

Keep my cock out of the press.

Okay.

This came for you as well,
It's, um...

It's addressed to you
personally.

New Labour?

But it did get me off
the rollercoaster for a while.

As soon as I got out, though,
I knew I needed to reconnect.

I started going to see
my bands again.

It felt strange
watching them straight.

I was still the same Alan.

Only now I was seeing things

that I would remember
the next day,

and most of it...

Till the day you fucking die.

Wasn't worth remembering.

Just gotta get in
your own world, man,

You know what I mean,
like, sort it out.

Everyone gets told they're
worthless, you know what I mean.

Like, you've gotta
prove it, ain't you?

Maybe one day
they'll sit up and listen.

As you were, Alan.

What's he like, eh?

And I'd lost Joe.

Creation was becoming
too corporate

for our in-house anarchist.

I think this is as much as Dick
could squeeze out, you know.

I'm sure it's a fortune.

Please stay.

Nah, not for me.

Bloody rock and roll.

All them corporate tosspots.

- Been a blast, though.
- Yeah.

♪ Here they come

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

Come on!

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ The part time punks

♪ The part time punks!

♪ Here they come!

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la

♪ The part time punks

And there he went,

the world's wealthiest
anarchist.

And in true
unconventional style,

went on to marry a midget.

You know what, Ed?

I just realized I don't know
any of these people.

You resented Sony.

No, it wasn't resentment.

It was more I'd given my
favorite toy to the big boys.

Now I had nothing left
to play with.

So, is that when you started
getting into politics?

Well, they do say politics
is rock and roll for the ugly.

I started hooking up
with Malcolm McLaren.

Sex Pistols were
my favorite band,

and I was in awe of him.

Ennui's a killer, Alan.

Everything I've done,
the shop, the clothes,

the Sex Pistols, the opera,
the hip-hop, the art,

was all a reaction
against boredom.

Since man learned
to harness fire,

and build shelter and clothe
and feed himself,

boredom reared its ugly head.

All creativity, all culture
is a reaction against boredom.

You've done hedonism,
and you need to find something

to stop you from falling into
that claustrophobic comfort.

We are alchemists...

of magical stuff.

We take boredom,
and we weave it into a spectrum.

A gift that often bestows.

We are masters

of other people's destiny.

You've always voted Labour,
right?

Mom always voted Labour.

What do you think about
this Tony Blair dude?

I think he's giving them
a real chance

of winning the election.

Did Noel agree with you?

Noel's like me.

Good on him.
Listen, we can help.

They fucking love us.

They want us to get involved.

You can't tell him what to do.

British music brought
£8 billion into the...

But you can lay out the facts
and trust that he'll do

exactly what you want him to do.

We represent all this cool
Britannia bollocks.

They still didn't win
the election.

But they will this time.

Obvious it's the right idea.

And the winner is...

Oasis!

Politics isn't that much
different from entertainment.

Seven people
in this room tonight

will give a little bit of hope
to young in this country.

That's me, our kid,

Bonehead, Guigsy, Alan White,

Alan McGee,

and Tony Blair.

And if you've all got
anything about you,

you'll get up there and shake
Tony Blair's hand, man.

Why, because it's like, uh...

It's like selling
an idea, right?

Correct.

Packaging...

and selling.

Ah, Alastair Campbell,
Communications Director.

We spoke on the phone.
And you are... Alan McGee.

Where's Tony?

Oh, Tony can't
be with us, I'm afraid.

Have you met Peter Mandelson?

- Mandy!
- Mmm-hmm.

We've got Peter to thank
for the modernization

of the Labour Party.

The man is a political genius.

Peter, Alan McGee.

Oh, super!

Man of the hour. Ah!

Dying to meet you, Alan.

Can't tell you how much
we appreciate your help.

Do you really think
that it's a good idea

for pop stars
to get involved in politics?

Do you think they can influence
the future Labour government?

What's in it for you, McGee?

Well, we're all big fans
of The Oasis and The Blur.

Bluraren't one of my bands.

It's all Britpop, isn't it?

- Spice Girls?
- No.

- Silly.
- Thank you.

Sweet boy, saving me
once again from humiliation.

Nothing in it for me.

I pay something called
income tax on my earnings.

They're supposed to be
spent helping people

less fortunate than me.

I just want to see others
given a chance.

Not what I was expecting at all.

I'm sure.

I can't imagine any of this lot

on a picket line
or a demonstration.

New Labour. Modernization.

Can you understand
why some people might think

that this is a publicity stunt?

Some sort of hype?

Creation Records
doesn't need any hype.

We look after the biggest band
on the planet.

Alastair is going
to want to talk to you

about the campaign song.

We're expecting great things.

Does this mean
that you might possibly stand

for election yourself one day?

- Me?!
- I think Alan...

Are you taking the fucking piss?

That's all the questions
we're gonna answer right now.

Alan's a very busy man.

I genuinely believed
in Tony Blair.

He was a man that wanted
to progress the party

without scaring away
the working classes.

♪ In a different life

♪ In a different light
than I did before ♪

♪ And I've found the cause

That's the campaign song
he chose.

Mmm-hmm.

It's house music for people
who hate house music.

Well, somebody in Peter's team

suggested that maybe Oasis
could do a cover of it

for the campaign theme.

♪ Things can
only get better ♪

Let's face it, that's shite.

♪ Can only
get better now ♪

♪ Can only get better

Under a Labour government,

things can only get better.

♪ Things can
only get better ♪

♪ Can only get better

♪ Now I found you

♪ Things can only get,
can only get ♪

We helped them win.

We were invited to the podium.

Everybody saw us on TV.

It was all part of the circus.

But then came the invite

to Chequers.

The very private
country residence

of the incumbent prime minister.

Hello, hello.

To walk in the footsteps
of leaders and kings,

like Churchill,
Eisenhower, Gorbachev.

Did you know Tony used
to be in a band?

Yes, I heard about that.

Great thinkers and world leaders
discussed means of peace

and laws
for the betterment of mankind.

Now, Kate, come and let me
show you around our little pad.

You'll love it.
See you boys later.

A wee ginger tool
from Glasgow...

What a place you've got here,
Tony.

Oh, it's a bit ostentatious
for my taste,

but, yes, I suppose
it is magnificent.

In the court of kings.

We need to get started
on this new deal

for unemployed musicians
as soon as possible, please.

Right, yes, uh...
Chris Smith's your man.

- He's not here.
- Now then. Now then!

Sir Jimmy.

Anthony, Anthony,
Anthony, my dear boy.

- Ah!
- Oh!

Oh, have you met Alan McGee?

I do not believe
he has had the pleasure.

Jimmy Savile.

Alright?

Um, Mr. Brit-pop,
I presume.

Everyone in music knew.
Malcolm told me.

Johnny Rotten even said it
on the BBC in the '70s.

Sir James...

It's hard to believe
all these royals

and politicians didn't know.

Excuse me.

Eh? Oh, yes.
The little girl's room

is just across the hall,
young lady.

You'll get used
to the lie of the land,

over the course of the weekend.

Tony's band was
called Ugly Rumour.

That's right.

Jimmy Savile,

one of the most prolific
child rapists in history.

Did you see the way
Blair was sucking up to him?

Oh, he makes my skin crawl.

You don't understand,
that beast is the sickest cunt

in show business.

What have we done?

Try the chamomile tea.
It's out of this world.

See, this decade,
it started with a bang,

and ended with an explosion.

What we wrestled
out of the hands

of the dullest cunts on earth...

got taken back, and they
weren't losing it again.

Corporate disguised itself
as hipster,

and indie...

just disappeared.

They were gonna do
whatever they wanted,

no matter what
the people thought.

My next guest on the couch

is music industry guru, kingpin,

and former head
of Creation Records,

who brought us the likes
of Primal Scream,

Jesus and Mary Chain,
and, of course, Oasis.

He's political,
occasionally controversial,

and he's a great friend.

He is, of course,
Mr. Alan McGee.

And roll VT.

Beaming lights.

Alan McGee,
the man with a masterplan,

whose Creation Records
went supersonic

by taking him
from Brit Rail employee

to Britpop president.

But some might say he went

from rolling with it
to rolling in it,

by selling his shares
little by little to Sony

before collapsing the label.

- Did he slide away?
- Whoa.

Wait a minute, whoa.
Is this a stitch-up?

Leaving the bands

all around the world
without contracts.

- No.
- What is your first question?

One thing's for sure.

Creation Records didn't live
forever, know what I mean?

Stop that racket.

You can edit it in afterwards.
What's your first question?

Uh, what happened with Creation?

Why did you shut it down?

It was mine.
I made it.

I folded it.
No one got hurt.

Most of the bands got
re-signed to Sony.

We didn't need Creation anymore.

Yeah, but why kill it?

- It doesn't make any sense.
- Why not?

Look, I built the biggest
independent record company

out of nothing.

I discovered and signed
the world's biggest act

and reignited a record industry
I was told was dying.

CD sales went up 800%
between '89 and '99

with me on the charts,
and overseas sales

made the UK more money
than the motor industry.

My bands did that,
and everyone else,

Pulp, Blur,
Radiohead, benefited.

I got a whole country
into E's and dance music.

And then I got them into coke
and rock and roll.

And once I'd done that,
I got political,

and went and put some
of the biggest cunts

on God's green earth
into government.

- Mandy Mandelson, what a tool.
- He said cunt.

Tony Blair, they made out
they cared about social justice,

when all they cared about
was keeping hold of power

and lining their own pockets.

Who got them to make a new deal
for the musicians?

I did, despite
George Martin's objections.

That's government policy.
I changed that.

Anyway, Blair had me
ex-communicated,

because I tried to
turn Malcolm McLaren

into Mayor of London.

Ex-communicated!

Who does he think he is,
the bastard Pope?

See, you give them
a little bit of power,

they lose all touch
with reality.

Christ, look at me!

I lost it when I got a bit
of power running a record label.

I know how those fuckers think.

Look, Gemma.

There is...

magic in this world.

♪ Hold up

Some people

are alchemists.

♪ Hold up

It chooses you.

You become able to make things
happen because of it.

Able to manifest destiny.

♪ Don't be scared

♪ You'll never change

You see,
if I'd fallen off of that ladder

when I was a kid,

this world wouldn't be the same.

Everyone I touched,

everyone I worked with...

♪ Shine on

gone on, been a success.

♪ Shine on

Even you, Gem.

♪ Don't be scared

Made millions.

♪ Don't be scared

It's a Midas touch.

Excuse me if I'm...

wary of what I apply
my skills to next.

That's a lot to take on board

for someone that hasn't
been in your shoes.

But why don't you try
and change the way

that you fit
into your environment,

rather than try and change
your environment?

I mean, friends, family.

Build a bridge.

Don't try and change
the course of the river.

Hmm.

Yeah, you're right.

Listen, everybody.
Sorry about that.

I'm a tool.

Scrap that shite.
Let's...

Let's go again
from the beginning.

- Huh?
- Really?

Roll VT.
Did I say that right?

- Roll VT.
- Alright.

My guest on the couch is
music industry guru, kingpin,

and former head
of Creation Records...

See, I don't really believe

it's about bridges or rivers.

It took me a long time
to realize.

I see that thing
you push against...

Dad!

Dad! Dad!

That's the same thing

that's pushing you forward.

And it can sometimes be the wall

that's propping you up.

♪ There are many things that

♪ I would like to say to you

♪ But I don't know how

♪ I said maybe

♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves me ♪

♪ And after all

♪ You're my wonderwall

♪ I said maybe

♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves me ♪

So be a punk,

be a poet, be political,

be posh, be proud,

or be poor.

But be a rebel always.

♪ You're my wonderwall

'Cause there's always
something to rebel for.

♪ I said maybe

♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves me ♪

♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves me ♪

♪ You're gonna be the one

Thank you, Glasgow.
Goodnight.

♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves me ♪

♪ Start

♪ Breathe

♪ Hatch

♪ Begin

♪ See

♪ Dream

♪ Come

♪ Go

♪ Appear

♪ Disappear

♪ Reappear

♪ Remember the future

♪ Predict the present

♪ Guess, win

♪ Guess, lose

♪ Guess more

♪ Guess lest

♪ Rev, rev, rev, say yes

♪ Observe

♪ Understand

♪ Look

♪ Look

♪ Lock, snap

♪ Hang photographs

♪ Crawl

♪ Crawl

♪ Crawl

♪ Rise

♪ Cry

♪ Stand

♪ Step

♪ Step-fall

♪ Cry

♪ Laugh

♪ Cry with laughter

♪ Stand alone

♪ Run

♪ Speed

♪ Race

♪ Fall

♪ Forget

♪ Bleed

♪ Read

♪ Heal

♪ Need

♪ Imagine

♪ Help

♪ Wear trousers under a skirt

♪ Travel

♪ Unravel

♪ Eclipse your world

♪ Collect

♪ Reflect

♪ Expect

♪ Release

♪ Disconnect

♪ Perfect

♪ Play

♪ Speak

♪ Sting

♪ Bleed

♪ Tear

♪ Smash

♪ Break

♪ Admire

♪ Regret

♪ Romanticize

♪ Criticize

♪ Fantasize

♪ Crucify

♪ Watch time fly by

♪ Wonder why

♪ Hardly try

♪ Propel high

♪ Tighten

♪ Enlighten

♪ Feel threatened

♪ Dance

♪ Doubt

♪ Dance

♪ Enchant

♪ Spread love

♪ Speak above

♪ Stand on a wave

♪ Calculate quantum mechanics

♪ Surf

♪ Dance

♪ Believe in trance

♪ Escape

♪ Make love

♪ Not war

♪ Stand up for

♪ Fly a kite

♪ And speak the light

♪ Hold on tight

♪ Never give up the fight

♪ Trip

♪ Be inappropriate

♪ Stay there

♪ Transmit

♪ Commit

♪ Be fully wrong

♪ Rise

♪ Brave

♪ Keep the faith

♪ Explain

♪ Remain the same

♪ Evolve again

♪ Philosophize

♪ Surprise

♪ Teach me how

♪ Roll dice

♪ Radiate

♪ Investigate

♪ Single-handedly move
God's airwaves ♪

♪ Help hurt

♪ Help help

♪ Help hate

♪ Her love

♪ Help hurt

♪ Disturb

♪ Operate

♪ Don't do

♪ Do

♪ Don't

♪ Accept

♪ Struggle

♪ Produce

♪ Experiment

♪ Break on through

♪ Alter

♪ Give-get-get

♪ Offer