Crazy Alien (2019) - full transcript
A monkey trainer whose act goes wrong after an alien crash lands on Earth and injures his monkey. Desperate to perform the act, he attempts to train the alien instead, though is punished after the alien regains his powers.
CHINA FILM ADMINISTRATION
HUANXI MEDIA GROUP LIMITED (BEIJING)
DIRTY MONKEY
ENLIGHT PICTURES
follow Instagram @ broth3rmax
BASED ON "VILLAGE TEACHER NOVEL" LIU CIXIN'S WORK
Hey idiot, I guess you're a silly selfie again.
Bro, this photo will freeze TikTok all day.
Never mind, yoga teacher.
Come on, you have to give the ball.
OK.
Hold your horse, cowboy.
Your genes on the way.
I already talked, guys.
The airlock room is open.
Focus on mission.
Gen balls have arrived in the preparation room.
Captain Andrews, get ready to accept.
Oh, my God.
Aren't you sexy
when I say the hatch door is open.
Transfer procedure starts.
I heard they chose girl's DNA
to put it in here.
Girl, oh ...
He must be a fox.
Maybe you can help me
get the telephone number.
Captain Andrews, please focus on the mission.
This is live feed for the Boss.
Start the exit procedure.
Personnel, please pay attention,
the exit procedure will start in 10 seconds.
I'm in position.
Gosh dragon ...
Well, that was close.
Which stupid jerk decides if we are
have to do this exchange in the middle of the satellite?
Captain Andrews, you really don't deserve to whine.
You only know how to get Rasdian
believe our story about satellite repair.
The next satellite will fly in 21 minutes 16 seconds.
Boss, I still think that giving
our genes on aliens are very dangerous.
Sir, it's even more dangerous if another country
seize this opportunity ahead of us.
Play an alien message again.
This is the message of the most advanced civilization in this galaxy.
We want to establish diplomatic relations.
with planet Earth.
Let's exchange DNA.
By inserting a DNA ball into your mouth.
Then return it to our messenger
to complete the exchange.
The genome that we gave it
comes from a Amanika bodybuilder
which has an IQ of 180.
Well you see, that's good.
That might be one of our genes.
Only we can represent the human race.
Your hand
We keep watching the vital signs of life.
Understood.
Did you bring my food to this thing?
Busy! Very beautiful.
I fall in love.
/ Captain Andrews, control your hormones,
please focus on the mission.
/ Fine.
Starting the transfer of ball genes.
Hi, I'm Captain Zack Andrews from
United States of America.
The most developed country on planet Earth.
On behalf of mankind,
I'm here to present our DNA to you.
I think he wants it back
the DNA ball.
Captain Andrews, keep following the protocol.
Before we begin this important ceremony,
please, tell me your name.
The task to communicate with you
that of that pervert planet
disgusts me.
I don't accept your protocol
for the exchange of identity.
Low form of life.
Well.
He has a sense of humor too.
He tried to joke.
What did he do?
This photo will disable TikTok for a week.
Ready? 1 ...
2 ... sexy!
No, no, no. Do not be afraid!
This is not a weapon.
No no no, don't close the door.
Honey, honey, don't be afraid.
This is not a weapon.
Pull back your sad technology.
Stop your actions,
or you will be eliminated.
Zack! You're on the satellite line!
Get away!
Watch out! Get away!
Get away!
translation of broth3 max
A
ALIEN
ALIEN GI
CRAZY ALIEN
A L I E N G I L A
Shake your hands every day.
The mind will remain clear.
This is called a different work line,
there are different unique aspects.
The Olympics has a winner.
The monkey show has "Monkey King"
Ladies and gentlemen,
guys and girls,
we have a lot of different guests here today.
I am flattered by your presence
on the stage of Mount Huaguo.
Without further length,
I present our star today.
Huan-Huan!
Let's get on stage!
He will show attraction to all of you.
Walk across the volcano.
Come on
Come on
Turn somersaults between clouds.
Come on
Monkey sweep kick stance.
Use iron engrang.
One iron stick shook the earth.
Two iron sticks pierced the sky.
Come on
Left, right, left, right, graceful movements.
Left, right, one more time!
Give applause.
Why is Miss Huan-Huan shy
hide in the bridal train?
When men and women are married.
But I want you to give a big round of applause
to welcome our bride Huan-Huan.
This is the most sacred moment
for the life of a girl.
Huan-Huan will pay homage to the audience.
I say respect, bow now.
Nice.
He also gave me this.
He wants to choose men from the audience,
and pair the ring.
Guess who is lucky?
This is fate.
It seems like he chose you!
Look, our bride can't wait anymore
waiting for the ceremony.
Let me ask,
Are you willing to marry this sweet girl?
Yea, whatever.
Hurry up.
/ Now I ask him.
Are you willing to marry this handsome man?
Yes, he is willing.
Extraordinary.
The bride has done symbolic ...
/ Shut up!
Hello? Yes, good,
2 girls, coming soon.
You don't want to finish the monkey show?
/ This circus artisan loser monkey is lousy.
Come on, hurry up, leave.
Bring my bag.
What a moving love story!
But the groom is still running away.
This seems to be my chance now.
Ladies and gentlemen,
second marriage is also worthy of your blessing.
The bride is mine now.
Come on, dear.
Let's sleep.
That's enough for today's show.
No need to interfere with my business.
Without my presence, your stage show
can be messy today.
Everything you eat.
What did that person call you?
Circus artisan loser monkey?
See right?
Your audience knows very well.
You're always circling.
You should step forward
this is your wallet.
How can you bring my wallet?
I intended to give you a chance
invest in my business.
But what have you done?
You changed the password based on a cunning bastard.
Who are you getting protection from?
Your father, me?
Where is the money in my wallet?
Money, everything is here, don't you see?
Turtles, snakes, wolves, this is your share in our business.
I help you.
Who invited you to join the drinks business.
But you never want to switch from your stupid monkey show.
Don't you see?
nobody wants to watch the show.
You see later.
In a few days
you just wait.
Are you alone?
Add problems only
but where is the payment?
No shame in my house you made a shop
selling liquor.
This is an investment name.
Listen, this is the future we are talking about.
I collaborated with your father
can make you rich.
/ Go there!
Don't be happy first, just pay attention.
This was inspired by a movie I watched
2 days ago.
The title ...
E ... T ... is that so?
Who is the director?
What's the burger burger like?
The creature was flying using a bicycle and naked.
After I repeat, I think
invited Huang-Huang to ride his bicycle
and we fly into the air.
Not only shows
monkey rides a bicycle at the start,
but we also have dragons who follow behind.
We only need to enlarge this miniature.
Do you know the CBD that you always told me about?
KPI.
/ Yes, it is true.
KPI.
This will make your KPI skyrocket.
This idea
when combined,
you only need $ 2000.
Geng Hao.
Come down there.
Come on
Do you see who is under your feet?
Money. / This pool produces
more money than you
and you want me to invest more?
/ Not me...
I told you
we will turn your stage into a Hot Pot restaurant.
There is only a Hot Pot restaurant in the area.
It produces more than it does
your monkey show.
Hot Pot?
The monkey show ...
But the monkey show is our core job.
Are Hot Pot not?
That's ... yeah too, but ...
/ Core work that produces profit.
Your silly monkey show
different things.
That...
I mean, Hot Pot and monkey shows ...
Don't talk to my core income,
you're just a circus artisan loser monkey.
Goddess of the Beast, my genius idea was rejected.
We make money with our own abilities,
but how can it be
just a mere cliche?
And also
as long as we are still breathing
we will not give up.
This Monkey show is inherited
hereditary.
How will I behave in the future
the ancestors if I stop?
But this is not important.
As long as I'm still here.
I will not let that happen.
My father used to be a monkey show.
And now,
I will not let them call me
circus artisan loser monkey.
That's right?
I'll get my pride.
Huan-Huan,
from now on we have to work hard.
"Southwestern Monkey King"
Huan-Huan?
Huan-Huan!
Don't move.
Are you ok?
Da Fei, wake up the blind massage massage.
I go there.
Busy! This is an alien.
You are more like an alien.
You stupid.
Then you know better,
then why come here?
What do you think this creature is?
Look carefully.
His eyes 2, his mouth 1.
Hands 2.
Legs 2.
From its characteristics,
You know this is a kind of primate.
This must be a rare type of monkey.
The primate is a monkey.
The monkey is of many kinds.
Look at this neck necklace.
Seems like this ... it's a person.
I didn't ask who took care of him,
what kind of monkey am I asking for?
What do you think this is ...
I think maybe this comes from Southern Amanika.
Possible from Congo.
The scientific name ...
The point
This must have seen Huan-Huan,
and want to marry her.
He fell from my roof.
Why don't you just say that?
This scientific name is
Congolese Estrus Monkey.
Da Fei,
I've treated your monkey.
He will wake up,
if the drug runs out.
Yes, for a moment.
What is this bandage for?
Broken bones.
How long can he recover?
100 days.
Geez.
How many days did you say?
/ 100 days.
Da Fei, close the door.
Before you leave.
Go to sleep, Doctor Liao.
He lives.
He is this
it seems like I'm in good health.
You are right.
Here I check.
Open your mouth.
Yes indeed, he is 3 years old.
Look, he's scared.
He looks weird.
He is indeed a Congolese Monkey.
Because of the hot weather in Congo,
so he doesn't have hair.
This is a rare type.
Not so bad.
He can stand up.
What?
What do you want?
Basic training.
Here, look.
Finger 4.
Not good if it's sold again.
Yea, and your cousin fingers 6.
Beware of being scratched.
He invites a fight.
Are you a fighter?
Stop it!
Stay there.
Watch out, he wants to act again.
Calm down, don't let him blister.
He wants to run away.
Stop him.
Do not run.
Stop!
Stop!
Want more?
Where are you goin?
Geng Hao, confront him!
Vodka is the hardest drink for me.
I once mixed it
in noodle soup for lunch.
This American Captain shirt gives me strength.
The power that drives me to stop drinking.
That's a bit inappropriate, John.
I'm sorry, please continue.
I really believe he got special powers
recover from being drunk from the shirt.
That's very inappropriate, Larry.
I can touch it,
but can't feel anything.
I feel like a super hero.
And as long as I use this Captain America shirt,
nothing can make me want
drink again.
I won't, even though there are people pointing at me
gun to my head.
That's an interesting request.
Does the shirt work?
You don't need to drink?
Basic Asian people.
You failed.
Captain America frustrates you, doesn't it?
But it's okay.
Okay, Larry, if this shirt doesn't work,
maybe someday
they will make Captain Asia shirts.
John, the boss specifically asked our best agent
to find the lost alien.
Is this how you prepare it?
Are you crazy?
/ Give your base.
Yeah, you look cool now.
Perfect right?
You look like a Lion King.
Do you also need a hairdresser?
thanks.
Here's my chance
write my name in history.
I can't tell you now, right?
Go there.
100 days of recovery.
My little girl.
He can't perform for 100 days.
This place will really change
become a Hot Pot restaurant.
Hot Pot is better.
I will be a supplier of alcohol for you.
We will be strong partners.
Get away with you!
Get out there.
You are so stupid.
All you think about is this monkey.
You're right too!
There are always other ways.
If you don't obey,
you will accept this.
But if you obey,
you will get this.
This is called Pavlov Reflex.
(dog obedience)
You hurt my monkey.
Now you are my slave.
Open your eyes!
Watch this carefully.
/ Father is watching.
Here.
Come on
Here.
Do you hear no?
Come on
Look at me.
Watch me.
Here. Sin your hand.
Hold this one.
Hold on.
Your legs!
Yes.
Your hand! Nice.
Now walk slowly.
Not bad.
Pavlov, huh?
More like breaking up tofu.
Let's lift it.
Watch me
Slowly, lifted up like this.
Why are you looking at me?
Let's try again.
Did you see that, Huan-Huan?
What a shame.
I...
Let's lift it!
Do you hear no?
Lift now!
You can't watch it?
He makes you jealous, huh?
Let's lift it!
Now!
Nice.
Let's lift it.
Push. Come on
Nice.
{\ an9} broth3r max
Very diligent, Geng Hao!
Why are you installing barbed wire?
Do you want to fortify yourself?
/ Now he can walk using Enggrang.
If I don't put this up,
he can run away later.
Listen, monkey show
can't make you rich.
Why is that serious?
Let me show you how.
I just met this drink sales manager.
We are now close friends.
We can join as a city sales agent.
If you fund the remaining money I need,
I'll give you a part.
/ Indifferent.
I have invested in your civet coffee shop.
There is no dime.
You're not a forgiving type huh?
No need to always bring it up and down.
This one is different.
I'm telling you,
this alcohol will produce
abundant wealth for me.
I want French people, Parisians
start drinking this brand of alcohol
and be happy forever.
A dirty beetle sits at the computer
that doesn't mean he knows how to use a computer.
Your French knee.
Paris your head.
France and Paris are the same people, stupid.
I...
I don't know why we can be friends.
You have no education at all.
And also, about that,
French people drink red wine
not rubbish like that.
The alien must have run out of choices,
so he came to us.
But one thing we caught from this picture ...
No problem, that's enough.
Did you see that?
This is proof that he is still alive.
This leaf is from a plane tree aged 15 to 25 years.
Only this we can.
We can't show
the right location.
Only this way we can communicate with that.
Extraordinary. Well, at least
we can override Antarctica.
Sir, can I borrow your computer?
Certain.
Do we agree if the next step
maybe search globally for this type of structure?
Start work, colleagues.
SEARCH....
NOT SUITABLE
SUITABLE
MOUNTAIN JESUS, BRAZIL
The creature is in Rio.
God bless Amanika.
According to our intel,
the alien was hiding in the smuggler's ship.
Target identified!
We enter.
Approaching very carefully.
They are armed and dangerous.
Understand.
Why do you use heavy weaponry
to smuggle this?
Is this kind of rare,
Un-seen items?
This is a cross between Kobe cows
and Nelore cattle.
Shut up!
Dream bigger!
Huan-Huan, don't be naughty.
KAZAKHSTAN
What the hell?
Why are you shooting?
This should be a negotiation!
I don't know anything about aliens.
Why do you call me lying?
Then why are there pictures of aliens in Rasgard?
You liar.
You still call me a liar?
Every minute on the stage
is 10 years of training.
I ask you.
Am I an animal ruler or not?
You are not an animal ruler.
You are the master of the pimp
in the animal world.
/ Use this.
Push.
Advanced.
Geng Hao, if we become beverage sales agents,
You don't need to pay me.
Just give this monkey.
The price is at least $ 10,000.
Do not care.
Don't be jealous of this monkey.
If you join our training,
just be honest.
I'll whip. Cetar!
On your ass.
Maybe you can show time exploration.
I thought you were a pimp.
Travel time is better.
I can date your mother again.
EGYPT
Are these aliens sightseeing again?
What is this?
The director wants to hold the Hot Pot festival.
He told me to open the door.
This is the problem.
You have closed it for half a month,
the director found a way to help you.
You crazy.
Uncle, your wife said
most of our guests are family.
The adult eats Hot Pot
and children playing.
Your wife also said ...
Don't call me uncle.
In public call me Tony.
Director.
/ Geng Hao.
Oh, sorry.
/ No problem.
Oh yeah.
After you leave,
I can't let this place remain empty.
I told these people to come here
prepare it,
but they changed this hot pot festival
become a children's festival.
What a fool.
Do you not like it?
I'll show you something you like.
The routine that we have done.
Anyway, when you see it,
You only think about questions
raise KPI, continue to rise, rise.
Now I want to introduce
Next superstar
our entire park.
New friend.
Where is my monkey?
Your monkey is gone?
Maybe he flew on a bicycle?
An ancient person, once said.
People die for wealth.
Birds die for food.
Open it, honey.
I have to give applause.
This little phenix,
have a degree in financial management.
You're amazing ...
That is polite.
Where is my monkey?
/ Here I introduce someone.
This is Mr. Liu.
Friend,
he will give you $ 15,000 to buy the monkey.
You're an expert monkey.
Is the price right?
Certain.
Give me $ 15,000 and you can take him.
I made you what you are now.
That's right?
But where is your respect?
Give me back the monkey.
Scan this.
Don't pay attention to him, so I can handle it.
See these 2 people.
Hey you guys, never mind pretending acting.
We are all healthy.
What about hers ...
let me see the monkey first.
If the monkey is different
as you tell me,
I'll give you an additional $ 3,000.
Bro, sayings are not the same as mine.
You're smart!
After you see that monkey,
I guarantee
you will be amazed.
Like lightning in broad daylight.
Your ***!
I said it wasn't for sale.
Do you think this price isn't enough?
If the monkey is indeed rare
money doesn't matter.
Let's talk about it.
Understand?
You have a lot of money right?
Then why play birds?
Your toy must be an airplane!
Put it down!
Don't touch my chest!
Exit!
Give me back my bag!
This is crazy!
/ Exit!
Burungku is innocent.
Take off my gun.
Let go!
What are you doing?
Just play the show.
The behavior is like a monkey.
You two play on stage.
Get out.
/ Hey!
Where is my monkey?
Where is he?
This!
And your Parlov, blah ... blah ...
And the Goddess of the Beast.
You don't want to sell this monkey.
You don't want to sell liquor!
/ This is my business!
People don't watch monkey shows
since the dynasty first.
You foolish bottom still thinks it's valuable.
So what?
/ You're the rest of the trash from the past.
I'm trying to help you move forward,
but your fear.
/ You are uncivilized!
I'm telling you.
This is core livelihood.
You use trivial tricks that other people can, too.
do you call core income?
You consider yourself good at just because
I say good?
I tell you,
you're just a circus monkey artisan.
Pathetic monkey circus handyman!
Foolish! Stupid!
Oh do you think anyone can do this?
Come on
If everyone can, then show it.
Come on
If you can train him in a day,
I'll give it to you.
Come on Do it.
Come out.
I said come out!
Exit!
Well.
/ No problem.
Attention!
Sincerely,
Don't show off such tricks.
I've taught him all that.
That doesn't prove anything.
Show me something I don't know.
Alright, friend.
Watch me.
Let's push-ups.
Pay attention.
Go down.
Down!
Down.
Lift!
Yes! Down!
Did you see that?
You can use the trick for free.
Okay, friend, then.
Come on
Turn right. Move forward!
See?
Your hard work
nothing now, understand?
Good at it.
/ Tricks are so ...
Get the rope!
You can't chase him on foot.
Hey messenger!
Stop!
♪ I'm spring red onion ♪
Fast!
♪ Originating from outer space ♪
♪ If you dip me in soy sauce ♪
♪ I'll destroy your house ♪
♪ I'm a gust of wind ♪
Fast! Speed ​​fast!
♪ I come and go high speed ♪
♪ If you think of me as a dish ♪
♪ We will drink ♪
Hey messenger!
Stop!
Hey messenger!
/ Fast pedaling! Fast!
Train monkeys all day
but don't train yourself.
♪ I'm spring red onion ♪
Fast shots! Fast!
♪ My world is crazy ♪
♪ But that's also natural ♪
♪ I'm a gust of wind ♪
♪ I come and go high speed ♪
♪ Mastering the pen and sword I'm heading east ♪
♪ I've gone south ♪
♪ I'm pretty ♪
♪ I drink water behind the toilet ♪
Where is she?
/ ♪ I've gone south ♪
♪ I've gone north ♪
♪ I'm pretty ♪
♪ I want to kiss your lips ♪
♪ I've gone south ♪
♪ I'm pretty ♪
Do you see a monkey?
You are like a monkey.
♪ I've gone north ♪
♪ I'm pretty ♪
♪ I have nothing. ♪
/ That...
♪ I only have love for you! ♪
♪ Oh alien ♪
♪ Ya ampun ♪
♪ Humans on earth ♪
♪ Oh! ♪
♪ Oh alien ♪
♪ Ya ampun ♪
♪ Humans on earth ♪
♪ Oh! ♪
♪ Oh alien ♪
♪ Ya ampun ♪
♪ Humans on earth ♪
Lie down if you are ready.
Doctor Liao.
Did you see that green monkey
come here?
Monkey? I can't see anything.
♪ Geez ♪
♪ Humans on earth ♪
♪ Oh! ♪
What are you doing at my clinic?
Who is that?
♪ Oh aliens ♪
Who are you looking for?
♪ Geez ♪
This is a dormitory.
♪ Humans on earth ♪
What are you doing here?
What is this?
What's on the balcony?
Come on, come here.
Doctor Liao!
With his intelligence,
and its strength,
the price of $ 15,000 is not enough.
We have to add zero again.
Good thing, he knows the way home.
Come on
You little jerk.
Let's run again if you dare!
You are smart enough to go home too.
You made us tired,
before the big show?
Don't pretend to be like that,
look at me!
Here, return my pants!
Stay there!
Put it again!
This is not reality.
Run!
Concentration!
Do not come close!
I have a talisman!
Do not come close!
/ Awe!
Show yourself!
Awe!
Indifferent.
Do not come close!
/ Show yourself.
I told you he was an alien.
Friends, I look like a ball.
You stupid.
This needs a good grill.
At least this episode
better than the last episode.
The first thing you do is right in your life,
that is installing barbed wire, right?
What are you talking about?
/ I didn't talk to you before the police officer.
We are being kidnapped.
/ Whom was kidnapped by?
Alien!
/ Who?
He is an alien.
Who has magical powers.
Why can you call when you're kidnapped?
He was busy repairing his plane.
Why do you ask a lot?
Just hurry up here!
He wants to take over our planet!
Fast!
We are in the amusement park.
Exhibition location of Mount Huaguo.
Where?
/ On the mountain! Geez!
Don't move.
Don't close the phone,
I will send 1 unit of officers there.
Never mind cutting again.
Sir
this is a misunderstanding.
Do you know the meaning of misunderstanding?
Do you understand human language?
Do you want me to do this?
We have made a mess.
This time we will perform for you.
Geng Hao, Goddess of the Beast bullshit.
Pavlov is bullshit.
See the consequences of what you did to him,
he gets upset.
His face turned green.
Why are you bullying him like that?
Wait until you come back.
Don't take heart, boss.
I'll help punish him.
You must understand
I didn't expect anything
something like this happened to me.
Hey boss, it's a hard drink.
Hard.
If it's a high level creature
had an accident, then stuck here
only because of idiot humans
is that a mistake?
Not a mistake.
Then why are you so evil
on that creature?
It's just a misunderstanding.
Let me apologize by finishing this bottle.
It is enough.
Boss, if you think we are wrong,
then I also have to drink.
I don't see clearly,
I don't know how great you are.
He likes it.
He likes it.
He really likes it.
Here, boss.
I poured another glass.
We usually hit glasses like this.
What are you doing?
Who do you want to mess with?
Is that how you look in front of our boss?
Advanced.
Keep pushing.
One more step!
Boss, he's just a useless loser.
Is it killed if you don't use it?
This is for your parents.
I toast to them.
Wish them
happy and healthy every day
in outer space.
Cheers!
Drink!
Let's discuss the practice problem.
Here.
Fill the cake again.
Here, boss ...
This ... the most beautiful thing in our world.
I don't know what you like.
Just take this money and buy something yourself.
If you think this is lacking,
I know you like this drink.
Take it easy.
When you can go home later,
I'll give you enough drinks ...
Your servant will provide
drink for a lifetime.
As we talked about,
I think about business opportunities
Boss, you can be the exclusive distributor on your planet
and we will provide liquor.
Do you want to be a civil servant all your life?
When you retire,
You only receive a little pension.
That's right?
Boss.
That is money.
Don't burn.
Boss...
Boss...
Boss.
Just burn it, I don't care.
We also burn money every year.
Boss.
Don't drop me.
I'm afraid of heights.
Boss, can you let me down?
Boss.
I'm scared.
Boss.
Do not.
I told you this was just a misunderstanding.
Hear...
don't we think it's enough?
This is excessive.
What?
Fine.
I'll swallow it.
We will obey, huh?
Boss, height.
Already entered.
Are you happy now?
You didn't tell me to swallow it right?
/ You should just suck it.
That was accidental.
When I wake up tomorrow,
I'll find a way to ...
put out that.
Hey boss ...
I'm choking.
♪ Train your body ♪
♪ And energy in your Qi ♪
♪ Qi ♪
♪ Strong and soft, keep your head up ♪
♪ The Universe is in your mind ♪
♪ Pikiran ♪
Don't turn it upside down!
That won't work!
Just wait until he defecates!
♪ Lie like a bow ♪
♪ Stand like a pine tree ♪
♪ Sit quietly like a bells ♪
Boss, this is human life.
Forest.
/ 2 human lives!
♪ Tai Chi Footsteps Bagua ♪
♪ Kungfu in China ♪
♪ Hold the sword ♪
♪ And double swords ♪
♪ Be good and will not look ♪
♪ looks ♪
♪ Hands are 2 doors ♪
♪ Doors ♪
♪ Roots on the ground ♪
♪ Land ♪
♪ Resources everywhere ♪
♪ evoke the Chinese Kungfu spirit ♪
Fast!
Halo?
/ You called the police?
Yes, yes. Wait for a while.
Watch him!
Have you burned my money?
Is not that a crime ...
Look, the aliens inside can fly!
No, he can fly people!
He lifted me just with his hands like this.
Two people in the air. He uses a chain
swinging me around,
turn me upside down,
shake me up and down.
Almost dropped me.
How many bottles have you been drinking?
/ I don't drink.
How many bottles?
/ Oh, yes.
That alien forced us to drink.
It doesn't matter how much I drink.
You think this is funny,
toying with the police?
This isn't kidding.
Then what is your intention?
/ I'm a monkey circus artisan.
Sorry!
Police officer, I have to say,
you're very kind of taking time
here at midnight like this
just to check for drunk people
who called the police
report alien sightings?
What are you talking about?
What about the aliens?
I am here.
I'm an alien, understand?
You drunk huh Be aware!
Come on, look there.
/ Stop it!
Be aware!
/ Here!
Come here.
He drinks a lot.
He just played with you.
Drink with you?
/ Yes.
Then you're an alien.
Yes, right.
Then what star are you from?
Maybe it's too cloudy.
So you can't see your house.
Funny huh? When you are aware of being drunk,
bring your planet's ID card to the police station
and register a temporary residence permit.
/ It sounds good.
If you don't come,
I will send you home there.
It sounds good.
Sorry. Sorry.
Has made you come here.
/ Where are you going?
Back!
What should we do?
We are safe now.
/ Drink water.
Do you want to die?
/ We are safe now!
Da Fei?
/ Do you think he is like that?
Where is the alien?
/ He is not an endangered species.
Where is the alien?
/ He tried to kill us.
And he has burned our business money.
I ask, where are the aliens?
Drink first.
If I can't sell drinks to that alien
then what if I use that alien
to sell drinks?
I'm telling you,
this is how you turn oranges into lemonade.
Every drop of this drink
will go to the nest of our eggs.
Anyone who attacks our planet Earth,
must bear the consequences!
♪ An unforgettable night ♪
♪ An unforgettable night ♪
♪ One greeting from spring ♪
♪ in our motherland send the best prayer ♪
♪ An unforgettable night ♪
♪ An unforgettable night ♪
At least we have proof
if he's alive, right?
Everything will be OK!
Understand.
Miss, please clean this.
♪ We all live in the same god of ♪
♪ in our motherland send the best prayer ♪
broth3rmax
You can not be here.
Hope to go out.
Exit.
You don't understand Chinese, huh?
Paintball practice next door.
Hurry away there.
[Cantonese] My boss is looking for someone.
If he can't find it
then you guys are dumb.
[China] Understand?
/ I understand the sentence.
But the previous problem ...
You must know
what we are looking for.
There is a man,
bad temperament.
And this man is very trying
controlling his temperament,
but then 2 men send a wild goose
chasing all over the world and he ends here
to find hugs 2 careless people.
What do you think this man will do?
I tell you.
If he has spent this glass
and he still can't find it,
you two
will be blown away.
Now let's not renew.
Don't worry about that problem.
That is not a big problem.
You want us to find that person for you.
We're all friends here.
Here, let's smoke first.
Sir, smoke first.
Sir.
I don't think you suck anti-cold tobacco.
We are used to it here.
We have detected activity
unnatural here.
Hey, open the door there.
1, 2, 3, 4
5 bottles.
Me, my friend
we both drank 5 bottles.
42 percent alcohol.
Why am I lying about that?
We both fainted.
We really don't see that person.
Hey friends!
I think I found it.
Comrades, come down from there, come on.
Come on, quickly.
Look, what I saw was clearly a spaceship.
I know, I can recognize it
because it's like a piece of dirt.
Come on, we use our friends
safety clothes.
This is it.
John, let me handle it.
He is sensitive.
Believe me.
Remember me?
Captain Zack Andrews from Amanika United.
The most developed country on planet Earth.
Andrews, do something.
I don't think anyone is home.
We don't have to wait all day.
Do not go anywhere!
I just want to buy cigarettes for you.
Sir, sir, it hurts!
Can't you not waste my time?
I'm sick of you, your friend, and your bullshit!
I do not understand!
Sir, I don't understand!
Where is she?
He is coming!
He is here.
He is already inside.
I guess that's how it happened.
You also see it.
I guess if you want to bring him,
then you can take them all.
/ He said we could take him.
thanks.
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to transport it using a truck?
Wait, wait, John.
What? Do we disguise this using a football match?
Do I have to show this spaceship
[is there Chinese police?
Hurry up.
You promised we were here.
Uh ...
When we finish helping you guys,
I really have to go back.
My boss wants to talk to me.
This is really an important problem.
We are still stuck.
/ Try your hand in here.
Down.
As long as Huan-Huan has no problem,
we will be fine.
What are you two doing?
Do not mean to interfere, but how
how do we get the aliens out of the plane?
You don't treat us like this.
Alien is our friend.
Even though he's your friend,
you can still help us complete the mission.
Friend or not,
that's not our decision.
We cannot make a decision for the messenger.
They don't want cooperation.
Don't be like this to us.
You have no rights.
How dare you arrest us here.
Have you forgotten where you are?
This is China!
You...
I hope you like each other,
because maybe this is the last face
what you will see.
We are finished.
We can't get out of here.
The stranger will build
diplomatic relations with aliens.
But you gave them monkeys instead.
Diplomatic relations with monkeys.
There are always other ways.
But we have to find a way to get out.
Maybe this is a little dirty.
Back!
Messenger, get out.
Messenger, get out.
Messenger.
Exit!
No, no, no!
That is very dangerous.
Trust me.
Huan-Huan came out.
Huan-Huan.
Messenger, come here.
Here here.
This is me.
Give applause.
The messenger wants to come out.
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Nice.
Then, let's get acquainted
with a messenger.
This ... the ethics between their stars.
Hello.
Hello.
Okay, let's shake hands.
Handshake.
Yes.
Handshake...
Did you see that?
He shook his hand.
That's how friends shake hands.
The messenger gave me this.
That's ... it's a DNA ball.
Yeah, that's the goal.
Can't be trusted he has one more.
What did the messenger do?
That...
Go away.
What did the messenger do?
He is looking for someone.
He wants to choose someone.
Looking for.
He found the person.
He chose it.
See!
Yes, he chose you.
I?
What are you waiting for?
Come on, come on.
The envoy has chosen him.
My friend, I'm embarrassed.
I, Shen Tangfei, is nobody
but the messenger has decided.
I have to do what he asks.
Wait.
You look a little nervous.
You sweat, wow.
You have a lot of sweat.
Give your heart.
Your Das.
No problem.
Well.
You Chinese are everywhere.
So,
let me.
Certainly me, John Stockton
which will be written in history.
OK, John.
First, put the DNA ball into your mouth.
OK, John.
Wrinkle the orbicularis oris muscle.
Now, wipe the entire surface of the DNA ball
with middle mouth mucus for 15 seconds,
then use your tongue to spin the ball
720 degrees clockwise.
You can't use easy language,
just say what should I do?
Turn the ball in your mouth
until it is completely salivated.
Take it, take it.
Yeah so, good work, friend, good.
Nice.
I believe Pavlov!
I trust the guardian spirit of the Beast!
And I will always trust you now.
You are my father's reincarnation!
/ Don't say nonsense!
Turn back in front.
/ U-turn.
Stop.
What are you doing?
I have to get Huan-Huan out.
Do you want to save your monkey?
We endanger lives!
He did not enter the plane.
They will realize what is happening.
That's why we have to leave here.
Why are you
First we take Huan Huan,
then we go home and bury the alien.
After that, everything will be fine.
We better just go now.
Indeed where are you going?
I've been treating him for years.
I can't live without him.
Do you want to take care of me?
Yes, I want to.
Indifferent.
Do you want to take care of me?
You can't take care of yourself.
Return your debt first.
/ I'm telling you, Geng Hao.
You have an acute sense of inferiority.
You're always afraid to take the first step.
Stop it!
If you touch this, we're done!
Choose one, me or Huan-Huan.
Traditional carbon-based creatures.
Still using his body to walk,
which makes his legs as flexible as his hands.
Darwin's theory ends. In the history of human evolution,
we've been moving slowly for a long time.
What you can describe is the taste
Space DNA ball?
Favorite taste of Amanika people.
Victory.
/ Can you describe the feeling of victory?
Look, sir, it feels kind of like ...
like dirt.
What happened?
Come on chase the aliens.
Huan-Huan!
Come in quickly, Huan-Huan!
John, we detected 3 types
DNA in this sample.
One of you,
one from Asian men,
and another from a rhesus monkey.
Say it again.
You, Monkey, Tai.
Hear.
This DNA ball does not contain Monkey DNA
or even Asian people.
You understand.
/ Yes.
What's the next plan, sir?
Where are you going?
{\ an7} broth3r max
Death does not care about wealth and rank.
Age does not mean in the next life.
You have lived happily in the sky there.
Is this worth it
by coming to our world
and suffer? Gosh.
Should,
the funeral brings calm to the corpse.
What are you going to do?
What?
This is again ...
No more ... you ...
Geez! Oh, God!
Explain what you did.
This is just ...
excavation.
Just ...
read your last ceremony.
/ What do you read?
Read...
Reciting.
Read...
What about my body?
/ Body?
That is only...
I only recited the scriptures.
Telling ...
and you become reincarnation.
Indifferent!
Look, your genes are still inside me.
I can't get it out
if you continue to scare me.
Hey, Chinese, you think it's funny huh?
Do you know what it's like to eat tai?
How does it feel?
Where is the alien?
That alien. Where is he...
Si ...
Si ...
The alien?
This is the alien?
Game is over.
Oh, my God!
Apparently you are.
Forgive me.
I don't know if it's you.
Forgive me.
I traveled 35,000 light years
to get here.
After I arrived, you told me to
catch a flying knife.
Drinking liquor.
Riding a bicycle.
Do push-ups,
pushed the spear around my neck,
hit me and strangle me.
You are just cruel trash.
Have you ever thought
how is this monkey feeling?
The alien killed people.
You have to listen to me, police officer.
CIA Amanika is also here.
They spit my monkey.
They want to establish diplomatic relations.
But then the alien took over his monkey body.
Right now he is fighting with the CIA.
/ Aliens and CIA agents are fighting
is not our authority.
You have to contact Hollywood.
What Hollywood?
Today, I will destroy civilization
Your dirty trash.
Chika.
It's time to make history.
Now is my time to shine!
Chika.
So just like that?
Is that your only ability?
You're all just rubbish.
Your despicable civilization does not deserve to exist.
This sad monkey circus builder,
you're the saddest
among all your sad races.
You're a circus, stupid idiot.
The stupid monkey circus handyman.
The point
already quite friends with you.
Open your eyes wide and pay attention.
Hey, guys, what happened to the plane?
Your despicable civilization
it's over!
Chika.
Wait.
I want to pee first.
Well, I think it's done.
There are always other ways.
You, the short and the bad.
Kayak thin branches.
What are you doing here?
You think that alien is great?
You're just an alien.
Did you forget where you were?
China.
Can you stop me?
I have no idea.
Want to try it?
Come on!
Chika.
Oh, my God.
It's dead, ugly face.
Fuck you, Huan-Huan!
Come on!
Come here, face me!
You're still a monkey!
Chika.
See? Always your father
who always comes to save you.
Do not stop!
Then hit the gong!
I'm here to take my car, boss.
Take off your belt,
the alien whip!
Do not move.
Shut up!
Look at him.
Don't be afraid of him.
Show your manners.
/ Remain still.
Pay attention! Do not move!
What are you doing?
Come on, fly me if you dare!
How, you like, kunyuk jerk?
Continue on the gong. Hit it!
Adjust the tempo yourself.
/ I don't know what you want!
Pay attention!
Grab the bracelet on his head,
or he can kill us all!
When all this is over,
you will go very deep into the toilet ...
dirt...
Not again!
Basic trash descent,
filthy butt, stupid
dirty, tai dog!
Stupid bastard!
Everyone losers!
How dare you play the gong?
How dare you play music?
How dare you play with me?
You idiot monkey!
I'll destroy you!
Chika!
God, I can't stand it anymore!
Stop now, you stinking bastard ...!
I'm just a monkey circus artisan.
All I know is to train monkeys.
Huan-Huan! Give applause for your father!
Don't get drunk while driving!
That's why we build a harmonious society.
Don't drive after drinking.
This is News Dig Out.
Let's explore the world news.
Congratulations Mr. Ning who made the news
and won a 500 Yuan bonus
and a set of beds worth 3888 Yuan.
The following news is even more interesting.
Mr. Zhang here
get up early to go to work.
He opened the garden gate,
see chaotic park conditions.
That's why we interviewed the director of the park.
Do you think you know everything?
/ Hello, Mr. Ma.
We want to interview about the incident.
Get out!
Don't have time, you hear?
No interviews, come out!
Who allows you to enter?
I tell you.
I'm a circus artisan monkey, why is that?
I hate seeing me like that.
She's an alien, then why?
How good is he than me?
Is there no equality in the alien world?
Do you agree?
Don't put it in there.
Maybe you can wake him up again.
Don't you see?
All of his strength comes from the bracelet.
This headband will be made
nest of our eggs. (profit)
If he wants to live again,
let him try.
Look at us.
2 miserable humans.
What else can he do with us?
He is not that bad.
Boss, you ...
Hey, you don't need to look at me.
This is the problem.
This is what happened.
That's the problem.
Take over the planet, and do whatever you want.
Just continue and make this garbage.
I was tired of saving him.
He goes...
He was drunk heavily.
Chika.
Just bring souvenirs.
Share with your family.
Just bring souvenirs.
Relax.
Just bring souvenirs.
Extended family.
Diplomatic relations are built.
My name is Chika.
Let's drink to close this agreement.
Okay, don't forget to close the door.
/ It's late at night.
Chika. Chika. Chika.
Om Mai Padme Hum.
Chika. Chika padme hum.
Boss.
Da Fei!
/ Big Boss.
After drinking and souvenirs
don't forget the business partnership
we talked about.
{\ an3} AIR FORCE
We enter the Congo airspace.
Gentlemen, aliens are among us,
very unfriendly,
and its form is very similar to a monkey.
Please stand up.
This is the most difficult mission
that has been implemented by Amanika.
And most important for the future of our planet.
We must be able to distinguish between aliens
where is the monkey,
then we destroy them.
Gentlemen, trust your weapons
like you believe God above.
God bless Amanika.
Come on!
Come on!
Advanced!
I'm coming, alien fucker!
This one is for history notebooks!
DON'T ANYWHERE, STILL THERE'S AGAIN ...
no resync/re-upload/delete-credit
broth3rmax, 22 Maret 2019
Hey Director!
/ Geng Hao, I saw CCTV footage.
your monkey is flying and pursuing dragons.
You are indeed the king of the monkey circus!
Your show must continue.
Do you see it?
/ Ya, ya, ya.
And what do you call me?
/ Aren't you the king of the circus monkey?
Really?
/ Of course.
Then I'll consider your offer.
Let's talk later.
Do not ... wait first ...
Have you got it?
/ Signed.
Whole city?
/ Not.
Whole Rayon?
/ It costs more than a million.
Then what did you get?
You see?
This is not a big deal.
I paid only $ 15,000
for distribution rights throughout the cosmos.
Except the Earth.
Try to think of the Milky Way Galaxy.
Constellations of Libra, Scorpio and Virgo.
All of us.
How about Leo?
You don't get Leo's territory?
/ Everything is ours.
See above, Geng Hao.
What do you see?
Blue sky.
/ False!
Unlimited markets as far as the eye can see.
What do you see?
Sir. / Are you doing market research
the region of the cosmos?
Geng Hao. This is Mr. Xu,
beverage company owner.
Our partnership is very important for us.
You're responsible for the entire universe market.
Zhang, let me introduce it to someone.
This is our sales representative
for the whole universe
and constellation Orion.
Next year we have to change this event
become the Super Universe Sales Ceremony.
Now start working.
Spirit!
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{\ an5} END