Crazy 2 Crazy (2021) - full transcript
What happens when a psychopath meets an all-American family of psychopaths?
- I know that I've done some
fucked up shit, in my life.
A little petty larceny
- eh fucking burglaries.
A little rape - but not really.
But you.
Killing the both of you two tonight.
And I'm gonna be up walking
to that fucking place
up high with my head fucking level.
Because you know what?
There's some shit in this world
and there's some fucked up shit in it.
And you two,
you're fucking nuts, man.
Both of yous.
I'm gonna do this world
some justice tonight.
Right here, right fucking now,
in front of the both of you.
I'm the law.
I'm the judge and the fucking jury.
I am your fucking executioner.
I am your fucking god!
- No good.
Not a fucking chance.
- Hey honey, how are you?
- Good, that, love.
- Anything else?
- Yeah, I'll have a pack of those
dark green biffs please, love.
- Mm-hmm.
Seven dollars.
- What do we have here?
Fucking pins on that one.
Look at them leg, mans.
Oh yes, I'd give you a right
good seeing too, I would.
Nice shoes, cocksucker.
Oh nice, yeah.
Uh - No please don't, please.
Fuck.
Hmm, Mary Bender.
Hmm, Beautiful Mary Bender.
Fucking bend you over.
I'd give it to you.
Right outside that shop.
Bobby?
You there, mate?
You in?
Bobby?
You in?
You fucking deeply for the weekly or what?
Fuck!
Come on, man.
Fucking hell, I know you're in there.
Let us in.
Fucking in the office are you, again?
Dirty ringer.
Come on, fucking open up, please.
I know you're in there.
- What do you want, Eugene?
- What do you mean, what do I want?
I want you to come to the door
so I can see your fucking
face just for a second like.
- Fuck you.
- That is not very nice.
I'm your fucking neighbor, man.
That's not very hospitable of you, is it?
What if you want some
fucking milk or some sugar?
What are you gonna do then, eh?
I just, I just, I just
want, I need your help, man.
- With what?
- With your computer.
- No.
- I just want to borrow your
computer and your phone,
and I swear to God this time,
it's gonna be just for a fucking second.
- I said hell no.
Last time you borrowed my computer,
you got it fucked up with
all them porno viruses.
Had to go down there and get it fixed
at the computer depot, man.
This shit was almost $80,
you nasty son of a bitch.
- No, no, no, that wasn't fucking me.
I tell you why, because
I was just on my forum
having a quick surf around on the Internet
and then fucking a popup came,
a little quick virus came up.
That had fuck all to do with me, man.
I swear to fucking God it did, nothing.
I'm telling you, you
look at your own history.
Tell me then, tell me then that
that was my fault, you twat.
Just fucking please.
You fucking cunt, Bobby.
You fucking cunt, man.
Bobby.
Oh, Bobby.
Come to the door and just
fucking stick there for a second.
Just stick right there and
I'll be right back, yeah?
- All right.
I just don't know about him, Slappy.
He's a cute little thing.
I just don't know if he
was even born in America.
Listen, when you go to the store later,
I need you to get some
band-aids, some diapers,
some mayonnaise, and a pack
of them little smoky wieners
and some hot dog buns.
I'm gonna try something crazy.
- Woo hoo, still there, Bobby?
- Where else would I be, you
dumb little son of a bitch?
- You're a right pain in
my ass sometimes, mate.
You know what you are?
- Bet you wish I was a pain
in that little ass, don't you?
- Have you been selling
out your meds again, man?
- Why don't you and your
little fuzzy chin come in here?
Let me fuck you like a little queen, boy.
- That's disgusting, man.
That is fucking absolutely
outrageously disgusting.
I've told you umpteen times now
that I like clean pussy
and not hairy assholes.
So listen, stop being gay at me, stop it.
Bobby, are you even watching right now?
Bobby, look.
No.
Fucking hell, your breath stinks, man.
- Bottle me.
- No, give me the computer and phone
and then I'll bottle you.
You've got some eyelashes on your face.
- I need it.
Don't fucking go nowhere.
I want my shit back in 15 fucking minutes.
You understand me?
- Do understand you, yeah.
You'll get it back in an hour.
- I said 15 fucking minutes.
- I know but I just need an hour.
- 15 minutes.
- Fuck, okay.
- You understand me?
- I'll bring it back in 30.
- 15 minutes!
- Hey, man.
Please, just 30 minutes
and then I'll come back
and do what you like after--
- Stop looking at him.
Stop looking at him.
- Okay, I'll stop.
- Don't you fucking dare
look at his fucking face--
- I'll stop, I'll stop.
- You nasty motherfucker.
- Don't touch me, man.
Don't fucking touch me.
- I want my shit back
in 30 minutes and if you fuck it up
looking at any of that
fucking horse porn shit,
I will come over there and I will stab you
in the fucking eye, you understand me?
Get the fuck off my deck.
This my deck, motherfucker.
30 minutes!
- You fucking said 30.
Poofter.
- Hi, this is Jessica.
Thank you for calling Home
and Commercial Real Estate.
Hope you're having a great day.
How may I direct your call?
- Uh, yes.
I uh, I would like to speak
with Mrs. Bender, please.
Mrs. Mary Bender.
- Hold, please.
- Thank you.
- Mary, you
have a call on line two.
- This is Mary Bender, how may I help you?
- Hi, uh
My name's Eugene.
It's Eugene uh, Spoon.
- Well hello, Mr. Spoon.
How can I be of assistance to you today?
- Um, Well I, I live out of the country.
Um You might be able to tell.
And I found out just a
couple of days ago that
Um, I am going to be moving to the state,
the town, right here and I've
been promoted with my job.
I've got a promotion.
And I'd like to find a house to live in.
- That's great news.
And let me guess?
You need to buy a home
and you need my help
to find the perfect place for you, right?
- Actually, I'm on your website
and I've actually seen a house
um, that, that I think I'd like to see.
- Do you happen
to be online right now?
- Yes, yes, I'm looking at the house,
as we speak, I'm on, and it looks great.
Do you think you'd be able
to show me inside of it?
- Oh God, I'd love to show it to you.
Oh, I'd love to show it to you so bad.
Mr. Spoon, if you look
right under the main photo,
you're gonna see a series
of numbers and letters.
That's our listing ID.
Can you read that out to me, please?
- Yes.
B for Brian,
R, one, three, eight,
G, four, zero, four.
- Okay, give me just a second.
Got it.
Wow, great taste you have, Mr. Spoon.
- Thank you.
- It looks like the
property's still available.
When do you want to look at it?
- How's about one o'clock
tomorrow afternoon?
- Oh, Eugene.
Oh, this is gonna be hard.
Oh, So hard.
I've got a lot of meetings
scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.
- Hmm, that's so unfortunate.
I ah, I'm gonna be leaving town tomorrow.
I have to go back home, you see,
and I have to be at the airport,
I've got to be at the airport at,
one second, let me ask my secretary.
I have to be there about
4:20 for a 6:25 flight.
So I'm just worried 'cause
it's such a nice house
and I'd really hate to miss out.
And I've got a feeling
that if I don't snap it up,
then it's gonna be gone by
the time I get back. You know?
- Yeah, I see.
Can I place you on hold for just a second?
Let me see what I can do here.
- Okay, thank you, Miss Bender.
You fucking kitten.
I would fucking put it right on you.
- Mr. Spoon?
- Yes, Mrs. Bender.
- Okay, I've rearranged
a couple of things.
I think I have it worked out for you.
You said one o'clock, correct?
- Yes, one o'clock.
- Okay, now if you look right under
that main photo and the listing ID,
you're gonna see the property address.
Do you see it?
- Oh yeah, I see it.
- Wonderful.
Well, looks like it's gonna work out.
And if you don't have any other
questions for me right now,
I'll just plan to see you tomorrow at one.
And Eugene?
I promise, if this house is right for you,
I am gonna do everything
I can to get you in it.
- I would love to get in
it and see it, Mrs. Bender.
- Awesome.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
- Bye.
Oh yes, Mrs. Bender.
Show it to me.
Open up that door, let me come inside.
Oh yeah, that's right, Mrs. Bender.
Right into the kitchen.
Thank you, yes, yes, you fucking, oh!
- Please omit the rest
of the entertainment and continue.
- Now, the dance was over.
I stuck my head in the office door
and I saw Clark Robin
and Buck Wing arguing
over by the parrot cage.
- What're they arguing about?
- I don't know,
but Buck Wing was sitting
like a hot tamale.
With a neck like that, see?
And drank some over the other stuff, see?
Then he smacks him on the head like.
Then he says, I'll squeeze the sight
outta your Adam's apple.
Then he gives him the works, like this.
- Don't you fucking move.
Eugene!
Eugene!
You stuck this bottle
up your ass, didn't you?
You nasty little son of a bitch.
Smells like butt hole.
Well guess what? Fuck you.
I drank it anyway.
- How you doing?
Hey love, want to hear a joke?
You ever had a thumb up your ass?
Hey, hey, come on.
Fuck, I'm only joking.
Fucking hell, having them.
Good.
Jackets, jackets, jackets.
Fucking yeah.
Ah man. Fuck.
Bet you regret this now, ain't you, hey?
Yes.
Oh fuck, go on.
Dirty girl.
Yeah, Yeah, Oooh yeah.
Swap-a-rooni, that's better.
There you go, that and these bad boys.
- That's $20 even.
- 20 bucks for these two?
Really?
Fuck.
It's kinda steep.
That's you, isn't it?
What's that say?
Oh yeah, that's you, you're pretty.
Both places, very exotic, I like it.
Shan, Shane, Shaney?
Shannon, shucks, shit.
- Oh my God.
It's pronounced Shaniqua.
- Shan, it's a beautiful, beautiful name.
It's African, isn't it?
Listen, sweetheart.
I've got to be honest with you here.
That's a little more money
than I wanted to spend.
- First off, don't call me sweetheart.
And B, the prices marked on
the labels are as priced.
- Yeah, I know they are.
But you're independent.
You're a strong African-American woman
and I know that you can
make the right decision.
It's not like I'm asking for
a fucking blowjob, is it?
Bending you over the fucking counter,
laying on me.
- Sir, sir.
- Go on.
- You gonna buy this stuff or not?
You're holding up my line.
- You haven't got a fucking line.
Probably have never had a
fucking line in this place.
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.
- What did you just say?
- I said you're fucking deaf.
That's what I fucking said, $20 bucks?
$20 fucks.
There, have that.
Fucking daylight you.
You wouldn't know nothing
about daylight, would you?
Fucking cunt.
What are you looking at, wig head, hey?
Ooh, fucking hell.
Oooh.
- Hey, Mr. Spoon.
Welcome, come on in.
- Oh, just call me Eugene, not Mr. Spoon.
- That's right, I forgot, Eugene.
Did you find it all right?
- I did, thanks, yeah.
Directions were great, thank you.
- Good, perfect.
What did you think of the outside?
- It's all right, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Neighborhood's not my cup
of tea, but you know what?
I live here, I don't live out there.
- All right.
You know, you look really familiar.
Have we met before?
- No, I don't think so.
And I would remember you
if I'd have met you before.
You're smashing.
- You're so sweet, thank you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
So how about I show you
the rest of the house?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh yes, please.
That sounds great.
- All right, we'll start with the kitchen.
And here is the recently
renovated kitchen.
It's country French.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
All the appliances are included
in the sale of this home.
- Really?
- Yes, even the fridge.
- Oh wow, that's nice too.
That's a nice one.
- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah, put my beers in there.
- Yeah, you're a beer drinker, huh?
- I love beer.
- Yeah, me too.
Do you do any cooking?
- Well, I do.
I do the cooking for the wife.
Yeah, I take care of her that way.
- Eugene, make me jealous, I love that.
How about we go check out the dining room?
- Oh yeah.
- Love the chandelier.
- Oh wow.
- Great, right?
- Eugene?
Eugene.
Now then.
If you'd be so kind as
to stop moving around
and stop all that screaming, my goodness.
I'd like to speak with
you just for a minute.
Good.
First, I'd like to introduce to you...
The family.
I'm Mr. Bender, James Bender.
Ah, just call me James.
Down here at the end is
our star baseball player.
Straight A student and all
around great son, Cody.
- Hi.
- And this little cutie
patootie right next to Cody,
that's Daddy's wittle princess, Emily.
Oh my goodness, how cute.
And last but not least,
uh, my beautiful and loving wife, Mary.
Oh, but you guys have met already.
What am I thinking?
- Eugene.
- The Bender family is
happy to have you here
in our home as our very special guest.
Uh, ooh, hate to do this.
Um, Eugene?
Hate to do this at such a special moment,
but I need to ask you a question.
Mary was showing you
a house earlier today,
but it seemed as if you may
have had other intentions.
Other than buying a house.
Eugene?
Eugene, what was your plan?
Come on.
Mary tells me she thinks
you may have wanted...
Rape her. Hmmm.
Is this true?
You see, I always look
for the best in people.
All kinds of people, even...
So I'm gonna say...
No, no.
No way.
No, no siree bob.
There is no way you
were gonna hurt my wife.
No way.
It was all just a big misunderstanding.
How do you like that?
Yeah? Yeah?
Can we go with that?
Okay, good.
Eugene, my son's gonna take that
piece of tape off your mouth
so you can agree with me.
Now when Cody takes
that piece of tape off,
it's very simple what I want you to say.
James, I'm so sorry.
It was all just a big misunderstanding.
Can you do that for me?
- Fucking hell, man.
Ouch, fucking hurts.
Sorry James, that was
a big misunderstanding.
I wasn't gonna touch her.
I swear to God, I wasn't.
I was just fucking looking at the house
and I was just gonna buy it.
- Daddy?
Daddy, Mr. Eugene said the F word.
- I know.
That's a very bad word,
isn't it, sweetheart?
What do you think we should do about
the potty mouth of his?
Cody.
Why don't we let your
sister answer this one.
Okay, buddy?
What are you thinking, sweet girl?
- We should
wash his mouth with soap.
- Very good, Emily.
Why don't
you go tell Mr. Eugene
what needs to be done?
- Think your mouth needs to be
washed out with soap.
- James.
We really need to set up
for her birthday party.
- Oh my goodness, you're right.
As soon as we deal with
Eugene's dirty mouth,
I will give you a hand with it all.
- Thank you.
- Cod, when we're done here,
I need you to take your
sister upstairs to her room
just for a bit while we set everything up.
Okay?
- Yeah, no problem.
- Great.
- She's gonna be so...
- Ta-da!
Very good, good one.
Now Eugene, when my children say something
they're not supposed to say,
they get a bar of soap in their mouth
for three to five minutes.
How bad the word is determines how long
the soap stays in.
Now my children would never,
ever, ever say the F word.
They respect me, their mother,
and themselves, my goodness,
way too much to ever have
that come out of their mouth.
Never.
Honestly, Eugene.
I'm a little angry with you right now.
So I'm thinking this bar of soap
should stay in your mouth
until it dissolves completely away.
- You know, Eugene.
Sometimes crazy...
Meets crazy.
- Why yes, Mr. Pumpkin.
This tea is delicious.
Mmm.
And what do you think, Mr. Bingo?
Are you enjoying your tea?
You are?
And how about you, Mr. Eugene?
Are you enjoying your tea?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Eugene?
I'm going to make you even prettier
than you already are.
Perfect.
- Good job, Emily.
- You want it all?
- No, I think it's good.
- Would you care if I threw
up on Eugene right now?
- Oh yeah.
- I got the nose, I got
the nose, I got the nose.
Wow, it's really good.
I completely missed my mouth.
- Oh, want me to get it?
- Yeah, I'm gonna put it here right now.
- He goes, it's not good.
- That's my little boy.
- All right, stop that.
- Here you go, buddy.
Psyche!
- We need to control each other.
- Thanks for being here, buddy boy.
- Oh my God.
I did that to a cat once.
And it killed him instantly.
I guess you're doing better than the cat.
I say fuck all the time.
Just not to Mom or Dad.
Or little Emily.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, oh I'm British.
I'm British, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
F-U-C-K, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
Thank you.
- You're welcome, sweetheart.
- Well good
morning, Bender family.
- Morning, Dad.
- Morning, Daddy.
- Your mother sure can cook up
some kind of breakfast, can't she?
Good morning, my beautiful wife.
- James.
Woops.
- Okay, everybody, let's hurry it up.
We're almost to the point of running late.
- Dad?
- Hmm?
What is it, buddy?
- Why are you reading the newspaper?
- What do you mean?
- How could you read a newspaper when
everything that you ever wanted to know
is right here at your fingertips?
- Well son, sometimes your father
likes to kick it old school.
Oh, thank you.
- I like it when you read the newspaper.
There's something sexy about it.
- Ooh, I'll read more.
- That's gross.
Oh and Dad, they canceled
baseball practice today,
so I'll be home early.
- Hmm, make sure you
check on our special guest
when you get home.
Before you start your chores.
And now, speaking of chores,
did you remember to clean off
the back deck the other day?
You didn't sweep off
the back deck, did you?
- No.
- Do your chores, young man.
Do your chores.
- Yes, sir.
- My goodness.
- Okay, let's go, let's
go, let's go, kids.
It's time for school.
I love you, sweetie, have a great day.
- Love you too, Mommy.
Love you, Daddy.
- Aww, Daddy wuvs his wittle princess.
- I love you too, Cody, have a good one.
- Bye Mom, love you too.
And Dad?
It's way cooler.
- Have a good day.
- And what was I
supposed to clean when I--
- Ooh, I oughta, huh?
- You two are a mess.
All right, I'm headed to work.
Are you gonna check on our
special guest before you leave?
- Just for you.
- Good, hey, don't forget
about tonight, okay?
It's family dinner night.
- Hmm, looking forward to it.
- Good, also don't forget.
Susan is coming to pick
Emily up after dinner.
She's gonna spend the night.
- That I did not know.
- That's what you have me for.
I gotta go, I love you.
- I love you more.
- No, that's impossible.
- Good morning, Eugene.
Did I wake you?
Wakey-wakey, hmm?
Did you sleep well?
I brought you some
scrambled eggs and some OJ.
Everyone has to start their
day off with a good breakfast.
I insist.
Let's get this started, shall we?
- Where the fuck am I?
- Oh I know, I know,
I know, I know.
Listen.
I just don't have time to listen
to all your problems right now.
So let me tell you how
this is gonna work, okay?
I'm gonna take that piece of tape
right off your mouth again, and this time,
you're not gonna say anything.
And I'm gonna give you some of those
delicious and fluffy scrambled eggs
that my wife made specially for you.
And then I'm gonna let you wash it down
with some freshly squeezed OJ.
How does that sound?
Huh, yeah?
Now, if you don't need
anything to eat or drink then,
well, by all means, say whatever you like.
But know this.
Know this, I'm just gonna
put that piece of tape
right back on your mouth
and you're not gonna get
anything to eat for breakfast.
Do you understand me, Eugene?
Good, good.
You want to try it again?
Yeah, let's try it again.
Now when Emily was a little girl,
she was very finicky too.
And I had to make believe
food was an airplane.
And it was coming in for a landing.
What do you say we play that game too?
Let's see that runway, shall we?
- Wasn't gonna touch her.
- The airport is open.
Ooh, you got a wittle mouth.
Like a tunnel.
I have an idea.
Let's make believe the airplane
is now a choo choo train.
Choo choo train.
Ready to put the train in the tunnel?
Here we go.
Chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo choo!
Good, let's try it again, ready?
Backing up.
- Fucking loony, man.
- Here comes the train,
coming around the bend.
Chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
choo, choo!
- Fucking twat.
- That was great.
I know what you need.
OJ!
Let's wash it down with some orange juice.
Emily used to call it awwange juice.
Want some awwange juice?
It's good, it's fweshly
squeezed awwange juice.
Take a big sip, wash down those eggs.
Good boy, that's a good boy.
Take even a bigger sip.
Ooh there you, oh, don't gulp, don't gulp.
Don't gulp, you'll get the hiccups.
Good, good, good, good.
And just because of that good behavior,
do you know what you get, huh?
Do you want to guess?
Take a big guess.
Hmm?
Hmm?
You get to watch TV all day long, yay!
Hello, are you home?
Sad, I know.
Let's see.
Oh, don't worry, it works.
Kind of.
There it is, ta-da!
Hmm? Hmm?
Did you want to say something?
- Fuck you.
Piece of shit.
- I'm not gonna get my
nice clothes all messed up
just because of your
rudeness and bad behavior.
Guess that makes you a lucky man for now.
Put 'em up.
Some of us have to go to work.
Oh my goodness.
You don't know anything
about that, now do you?
Eugene, work is what responsible
members of society do.
Eugene, you're a mess.
Oh my goodness.
And on top of that, no one,
no one
is looking for you.
No one.
See?
I'm trying to be the good guy here
but you just won't let me do it.
I guess...
I'm really gonna have to show you
that this kind of bad behavior
will not be tolerated, hmm?
Eugene.
I'll deal with you when I get home
later this evening, young man.
Got your nose.
- Don't forget, Daddy said you
need to clean the back deck.
- No, Daddy said you need
to clean the back deck.
- Uh-uh, he said you.
Crack!
- Oh my God.
I think I heard something crack.
And it wasn't the bat.
- I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- You know?
Dad says
real men don't cry.
Dad's right again.
- Where are the kids?
- In their rooms doing homework.
- Aww.
Something's starting
to smell good in here.
- Thank you.
- What we having tonight?
- Tonight on the Bender family menu,
we're gonna have my
homemade veggie lasagna
and all of our favorite sides.
- Mmm, that sounds amazing.
- Should be.
- What are you thinking, an hour?
Just a little longer?
- We can say an
hour and a half to be safe.
- Perfect.
That gives me time to play with Eugene
and grab a little shower
before we sit down for dinner.
- How is our special guest doing?
- He's doing.
- Play nicely.
- Eugene, hey.
Hey, Cody told me he showed you
how well he could swing a bat.
Is that true?
Oh my goodness.
He really did a number
on you, now, didn't he?
Boy's got some power
behind that swing of his.
Don't you think?
You remember this morning, yeah?
Bet you're gonna wish you
had that to do all over again
by the time I'm done with you.
John Wayne Gacy.
Served 16 months for assault,
then returned to his hometown to begin
what appeared to be a quiet, normal life.
In December of '78,
a search of Mr. Gacy's home revealed
what that young man had been up to.
The man who would become
known as the Killer Clown,
who had a hobby of
entertaining young children
dressed as a clown, ugh,
had killed a staggering
33 young men and boys.
Picked up runaways and
even some male prostitutes.
He handcuffed them and choked them
while he sexually assaulted them.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Hmm, Ed Gein.
Ed Gein.
Ed Gein.
There we go.
We'll probably never know
the total number of his victims.
He confessed to two murders.
Exactly, highly suspected
to be more than that.
Ugh, when the police
raided his farm house,
they discovered a house of horrors.
Body parts from dozens of women
just scattered everywhere.
And on top of the murders,
dabbled in grave robbing.
Had a preference for the ladies' bodies.
One of the graves, ugh, was his mother.
Jeffrey Dahmer.
The Dahminator!
I made that up.
Sexually abused and
murdered young men and boys.
He also dismembered,
engaged in necrophilia,
and cannibalized
many of his victims
right in his own apartment.
Ted Bundy.
Not to be confused with
my two favorite Bundys,
Al and King Kong.
Five!
Ow.
Not a wrestling fan, huh?
You keep disappointing me, Eugene.
Ted had four or five years
of persistent killings.
Beat, raped, and strangled,
ooh, 35 plus.
Many of his victims were students from
a number of universities.
Stay with me, Eugene.
Eugene?
Hey, stay with me.
Henry Lee Lucas.
Had a 20 year crime spree.
It's been said he's responsible
for as many as 600 murders.
I mean, great googly-moogly.
Who has the time for
something like that, right?
Unfortunately, a police
task force reports that
number's probably somewhere
closer to around 350.
And then there's Charles Manson.
Ugh, now you see,
this just isn't fair.
Manson in prison and he never,
ever, ever killed anyone.
Go ahead, look it up yourself.
It is truly an American
tragedy, what they did to him.
So you see, Eugene.
Life just isn't fair.
Some people have it, some people don't.
We are the Bender family.
And people will know our name.
And they will know our history.
Unfortunately, Eugene,
you won't be one to help
spread that history.
Our true legacy that
has been set in the past,
continues to be set now,
and as you've witnessed,
will continue in the future.
Eugene, you won't make
it out of this alive.
You are just a victim.
And we thank you for that.
What is that smell?
My God, did you urinate yourself?
My God, you did.
Well, there's no need for that.
Well, this has to be
embarrassing for you, huh?
The body is very
resilient, very resilient.
Gonna sprinkle this with
some Ebola seasoning.
I got a big surprise for you.
But I can't tell you what it is 'til
I trim those fingernails of yours.
Look, see?
Look how nicely those are kept up.
I think we can all agree.
That was an incredible meal.
Thank you, beautiful.
- Dessert?
- None for me, I am stuffed.
That's better.
You ready?
Tell you what.
Maybe a little glass of
wine later on though, huh?
- Now, that sounds nice.
- Ice cream?
- Emily, sweetie, do you have
all your things ready to go?
Miss Susan will be here
shortly to pick you up.
- Yep, everything is packed
and sitting by the front door.
- I gotta go.
- Whoa, young man.
You have fun tonight.
Behave yourself.
- Yes, sir.
- I love you, Cody.
- Love you too, Mom.
- Emily, sweetheart, you have
time to do one of two things.
You can either have ice cream
or say your goodbyes to Mr. Eugene.
- Mr. Eugene.
- Head to the basement to
say your goodbyes then.
- Last one.
All done!
We are so lucky to have that little angel.
- I know.
She takes after her mother.
- Let me get some band-aids
and clean this little mess up.
There we go.
There we go.
Now you are ready for your surprise.
Let me ask you something first though.
And this is just between us, right?
Man to man, yeah?
You think my wife is sexy, right?
Yeah, she is.
You think it'd be amazing
to have sex with her, right?
Well yeah, I mean, duh, it is.
Eugene, my wife
is very special to me.
I love her so much.
I would and have
done anything for her.
Now with all that being said,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
we're both guys, men.
We both lust over the female body, right?
Well.
Eugene, consider this
a gift from me to you.
Enjoy, my friend.
(clock ticking
My dear.
You are as beautiful as ever.
And I raise my glass to you.
- And I raise mine to you.
I love you.
You are my life.
- And you are my life.
So.
My life.
What are your thoughts on our guest?
What do you think his true
intentions really were?
- I think he wanted to fuck me.
- Wake up.
Wake up.
I said, wake the fuck up, you fuck sticks.
Remember me?
And I know that I'm fucked up, okay?
But you two.
You people and this fucking family,
whatever the fuck it is.
Those children?
You've seriously lost a fucking block.
What are you, hey?
What the fuck?
And you, Mr. fucking history lesson.
What the fuck?
Who do you think you are?
I know that I've done some
fucked up shit in my life.
I little petty larceny,
some fucking burglars.
A little rape but not really.
But you.
Killing the both of you two tonight.
And I'm gonna be up walking
to that fucking place
up on high with my head fucking level.
Because you know what?
There's some shit in this world
and then there's some
fucked up shit in it.
And you two, you're fucking nuts, man.
Both of yous.
I'm gonna do this world
some justice tonight.
Right here, right fucking now,
in front of the both of you.
I'm the law.
I'm the judge and the fucking jury.
I am your fucking executioner.
I am your fucking God.
- Hello, this is Mary Bender.
How may I help you?
- Hey Mary, this is Mr. Adams.
How you doing?
- I'm great, Mr.
Adams, how about yourself?
- Hey, I'm doing really well.
I wanted to take a look
at the office space again.
- Great, I have
some time later today.
Would that work for you?
- Yeah, let me look.
It looks great, this afternoon works well.
What time?
- Three or four
o'clock, would that work?
- Three o'clock's great.
- Wonderful, I'll see you then.
Looking forward to it.
- I look
forward to seeing you too.
- Buh-bye.
fucked up shit, in my life.
A little petty larceny
- eh fucking burglaries.
A little rape - but not really.
But you.
Killing the both of you two tonight.
And I'm gonna be up walking
to that fucking place
up high with my head fucking level.
Because you know what?
There's some shit in this world
and there's some fucked up shit in it.
And you two,
you're fucking nuts, man.
Both of yous.
I'm gonna do this world
some justice tonight.
Right here, right fucking now,
in front of the both of you.
I'm the law.
I'm the judge and the fucking jury.
I am your fucking executioner.
I am your fucking god!
- No good.
Not a fucking chance.
- Hey honey, how are you?
- Good, that, love.
- Anything else?
- Yeah, I'll have a pack of those
dark green biffs please, love.
- Mm-hmm.
Seven dollars.
- What do we have here?
Fucking pins on that one.
Look at them leg, mans.
Oh yes, I'd give you a right
good seeing too, I would.
Nice shoes, cocksucker.
Oh nice, yeah.
Uh - No please don't, please.
Fuck.
Hmm, Mary Bender.
Hmm, Beautiful Mary Bender.
Fucking bend you over.
I'd give it to you.
Right outside that shop.
Bobby?
You there, mate?
You in?
Bobby?
You in?
You fucking deeply for the weekly or what?
Fuck!
Come on, man.
Fucking hell, I know you're in there.
Let us in.
Fucking in the office are you, again?
Dirty ringer.
Come on, fucking open up, please.
I know you're in there.
- What do you want, Eugene?
- What do you mean, what do I want?
I want you to come to the door
so I can see your fucking
face just for a second like.
- Fuck you.
- That is not very nice.
I'm your fucking neighbor, man.
That's not very hospitable of you, is it?
What if you want some
fucking milk or some sugar?
What are you gonna do then, eh?
I just, I just, I just
want, I need your help, man.
- With what?
- With your computer.
- No.
- I just want to borrow your
computer and your phone,
and I swear to God this time,
it's gonna be just for a fucking second.
- I said hell no.
Last time you borrowed my computer,
you got it fucked up with
all them porno viruses.
Had to go down there and get it fixed
at the computer depot, man.
This shit was almost $80,
you nasty son of a bitch.
- No, no, no, that wasn't fucking me.
I tell you why, because
I was just on my forum
having a quick surf around on the Internet
and then fucking a popup came,
a little quick virus came up.
That had fuck all to do with me, man.
I swear to fucking God it did, nothing.
I'm telling you, you
look at your own history.
Tell me then, tell me then that
that was my fault, you twat.
Just fucking please.
You fucking cunt, Bobby.
You fucking cunt, man.
Bobby.
Oh, Bobby.
Come to the door and just
fucking stick there for a second.
Just stick right there and
I'll be right back, yeah?
- All right.
I just don't know about him, Slappy.
He's a cute little thing.
I just don't know if he
was even born in America.
Listen, when you go to the store later,
I need you to get some
band-aids, some diapers,
some mayonnaise, and a pack
of them little smoky wieners
and some hot dog buns.
I'm gonna try something crazy.
- Woo hoo, still there, Bobby?
- Where else would I be, you
dumb little son of a bitch?
- You're a right pain in
my ass sometimes, mate.
You know what you are?
- Bet you wish I was a pain
in that little ass, don't you?
- Have you been selling
out your meds again, man?
- Why don't you and your
little fuzzy chin come in here?
Let me fuck you like a little queen, boy.
- That's disgusting, man.
That is fucking absolutely
outrageously disgusting.
I've told you umpteen times now
that I like clean pussy
and not hairy assholes.
So listen, stop being gay at me, stop it.
Bobby, are you even watching right now?
Bobby, look.
No.
Fucking hell, your breath stinks, man.
- Bottle me.
- No, give me the computer and phone
and then I'll bottle you.
You've got some eyelashes on your face.
- I need it.
Don't fucking go nowhere.
I want my shit back in 15 fucking minutes.
You understand me?
- Do understand you, yeah.
You'll get it back in an hour.
- I said 15 fucking minutes.
- I know but I just need an hour.
- 15 minutes.
- Fuck, okay.
- You understand me?
- I'll bring it back in 30.
- 15 minutes!
- Hey, man.
Please, just 30 minutes
and then I'll come back
and do what you like after--
- Stop looking at him.
Stop looking at him.
- Okay, I'll stop.
- Don't you fucking dare
look at his fucking face--
- I'll stop, I'll stop.
- You nasty motherfucker.
- Don't touch me, man.
Don't fucking touch me.
- I want my shit back
in 30 minutes and if you fuck it up
looking at any of that
fucking horse porn shit,
I will come over there and I will stab you
in the fucking eye, you understand me?
Get the fuck off my deck.
This my deck, motherfucker.
30 minutes!
- You fucking said 30.
Poofter.
- Hi, this is Jessica.
Thank you for calling Home
and Commercial Real Estate.
Hope you're having a great day.
How may I direct your call?
- Uh, yes.
I uh, I would like to speak
with Mrs. Bender, please.
Mrs. Mary Bender.
- Hold, please.
- Thank you.
- Mary, you
have a call on line two.
- This is Mary Bender, how may I help you?
- Hi, uh
My name's Eugene.
It's Eugene uh, Spoon.
- Well hello, Mr. Spoon.
How can I be of assistance to you today?
- Um, Well I, I live out of the country.
Um You might be able to tell.
And I found out just a
couple of days ago that
Um, I am going to be moving to the state,
the town, right here and I've
been promoted with my job.
I've got a promotion.
And I'd like to find a house to live in.
- That's great news.
And let me guess?
You need to buy a home
and you need my help
to find the perfect place for you, right?
- Actually, I'm on your website
and I've actually seen a house
um, that, that I think I'd like to see.
- Do you happen
to be online right now?
- Yes, yes, I'm looking at the house,
as we speak, I'm on, and it looks great.
Do you think you'd be able
to show me inside of it?
- Oh God, I'd love to show it to you.
Oh, I'd love to show it to you so bad.
Mr. Spoon, if you look
right under the main photo,
you're gonna see a series
of numbers and letters.
That's our listing ID.
Can you read that out to me, please?
- Yes.
B for Brian,
R, one, three, eight,
G, four, zero, four.
- Okay, give me just a second.
Got it.
Wow, great taste you have, Mr. Spoon.
- Thank you.
- It looks like the
property's still available.
When do you want to look at it?
- How's about one o'clock
tomorrow afternoon?
- Oh, Eugene.
Oh, this is gonna be hard.
Oh, So hard.
I've got a lot of meetings
scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.
- Hmm, that's so unfortunate.
I ah, I'm gonna be leaving town tomorrow.
I have to go back home, you see,
and I have to be at the airport,
I've got to be at the airport at,
one second, let me ask my secretary.
I have to be there about
4:20 for a 6:25 flight.
So I'm just worried 'cause
it's such a nice house
and I'd really hate to miss out.
And I've got a feeling
that if I don't snap it up,
then it's gonna be gone by
the time I get back. You know?
- Yeah, I see.
Can I place you on hold for just a second?
Let me see what I can do here.
- Okay, thank you, Miss Bender.
You fucking kitten.
I would fucking put it right on you.
- Mr. Spoon?
- Yes, Mrs. Bender.
- Okay, I've rearranged
a couple of things.
I think I have it worked out for you.
You said one o'clock, correct?
- Yes, one o'clock.
- Okay, now if you look right under
that main photo and the listing ID,
you're gonna see the property address.
Do you see it?
- Oh yeah, I see it.
- Wonderful.
Well, looks like it's gonna work out.
And if you don't have any other
questions for me right now,
I'll just plan to see you tomorrow at one.
And Eugene?
I promise, if this house is right for you,
I am gonna do everything
I can to get you in it.
- I would love to get in
it and see it, Mrs. Bender.
- Awesome.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
- Bye.
Oh yes, Mrs. Bender.
Show it to me.
Open up that door, let me come inside.
Oh yeah, that's right, Mrs. Bender.
Right into the kitchen.
Thank you, yes, yes, you fucking, oh!
- Please omit the rest
of the entertainment and continue.
- Now, the dance was over.
I stuck my head in the office door
and I saw Clark Robin
and Buck Wing arguing
over by the parrot cage.
- What're they arguing about?
- I don't know,
but Buck Wing was sitting
like a hot tamale.
With a neck like that, see?
And drank some over the other stuff, see?
Then he smacks him on the head like.
Then he says, I'll squeeze the sight
outta your Adam's apple.
Then he gives him the works, like this.
- Don't you fucking move.
Eugene!
Eugene!
You stuck this bottle
up your ass, didn't you?
You nasty little son of a bitch.
Smells like butt hole.
Well guess what? Fuck you.
I drank it anyway.
- How you doing?
Hey love, want to hear a joke?
You ever had a thumb up your ass?
Hey, hey, come on.
Fuck, I'm only joking.
Fucking hell, having them.
Good.
Jackets, jackets, jackets.
Fucking yeah.
Ah man. Fuck.
Bet you regret this now, ain't you, hey?
Yes.
Oh fuck, go on.
Dirty girl.
Yeah, Yeah, Oooh yeah.
Swap-a-rooni, that's better.
There you go, that and these bad boys.
- That's $20 even.
- 20 bucks for these two?
Really?
Fuck.
It's kinda steep.
That's you, isn't it?
What's that say?
Oh yeah, that's you, you're pretty.
Both places, very exotic, I like it.
Shan, Shane, Shaney?
Shannon, shucks, shit.
- Oh my God.
It's pronounced Shaniqua.
- Shan, it's a beautiful, beautiful name.
It's African, isn't it?
Listen, sweetheart.
I've got to be honest with you here.
That's a little more money
than I wanted to spend.
- First off, don't call me sweetheart.
And B, the prices marked on
the labels are as priced.
- Yeah, I know they are.
But you're independent.
You're a strong African-American woman
and I know that you can
make the right decision.
It's not like I'm asking for
a fucking blowjob, is it?
Bending you over the fucking counter,
laying on me.
- Sir, sir.
- Go on.
- You gonna buy this stuff or not?
You're holding up my line.
- You haven't got a fucking line.
Probably have never had a
fucking line in this place.
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.
- What did you just say?
- I said you're fucking deaf.
That's what I fucking said, $20 bucks?
$20 fucks.
There, have that.
Fucking daylight you.
You wouldn't know nothing
about daylight, would you?
Fucking cunt.
What are you looking at, wig head, hey?
Ooh, fucking hell.
Oooh.
- Hey, Mr. Spoon.
Welcome, come on in.
- Oh, just call me Eugene, not Mr. Spoon.
- That's right, I forgot, Eugene.
Did you find it all right?
- I did, thanks, yeah.
Directions were great, thank you.
- Good, perfect.
What did you think of the outside?
- It's all right, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Neighborhood's not my cup
of tea, but you know what?
I live here, I don't live out there.
- All right.
You know, you look really familiar.
Have we met before?
- No, I don't think so.
And I would remember you
if I'd have met you before.
You're smashing.
- You're so sweet, thank you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
So how about I show you
the rest of the house?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh yes, please.
That sounds great.
- All right, we'll start with the kitchen.
And here is the recently
renovated kitchen.
It's country French.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
All the appliances are included
in the sale of this home.
- Really?
- Yes, even the fridge.
- Oh wow, that's nice too.
That's a nice one.
- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah, put my beers in there.
- Yeah, you're a beer drinker, huh?
- I love beer.
- Yeah, me too.
Do you do any cooking?
- Well, I do.
I do the cooking for the wife.
Yeah, I take care of her that way.
- Eugene, make me jealous, I love that.
How about we go check out the dining room?
- Oh yeah.
- Love the chandelier.
- Oh wow.
- Great, right?
- Eugene?
Eugene.
Now then.
If you'd be so kind as
to stop moving around
and stop all that screaming, my goodness.
I'd like to speak with
you just for a minute.
Good.
First, I'd like to introduce to you...
The family.
I'm Mr. Bender, James Bender.
Ah, just call me James.
Down here at the end is
our star baseball player.
Straight A student and all
around great son, Cody.
- Hi.
- And this little cutie
patootie right next to Cody,
that's Daddy's wittle princess, Emily.
Oh my goodness, how cute.
And last but not least,
uh, my beautiful and loving wife, Mary.
Oh, but you guys have met already.
What am I thinking?
- Eugene.
- The Bender family is
happy to have you here
in our home as our very special guest.
Uh, ooh, hate to do this.
Um, Eugene?
Hate to do this at such a special moment,
but I need to ask you a question.
Mary was showing you
a house earlier today,
but it seemed as if you may
have had other intentions.
Other than buying a house.
Eugene?
Eugene, what was your plan?
Come on.
Mary tells me she thinks
you may have wanted...
Rape her. Hmmm.
Is this true?
You see, I always look
for the best in people.
All kinds of people, even...
So I'm gonna say...
No, no.
No way.
No, no siree bob.
There is no way you
were gonna hurt my wife.
No way.
It was all just a big misunderstanding.
How do you like that?
Yeah? Yeah?
Can we go with that?
Okay, good.
Eugene, my son's gonna take that
piece of tape off your mouth
so you can agree with me.
Now when Cody takes
that piece of tape off,
it's very simple what I want you to say.
James, I'm so sorry.
It was all just a big misunderstanding.
Can you do that for me?
- Fucking hell, man.
Ouch, fucking hurts.
Sorry James, that was
a big misunderstanding.
I wasn't gonna touch her.
I swear to God, I wasn't.
I was just fucking looking at the house
and I was just gonna buy it.
- Daddy?
Daddy, Mr. Eugene said the F word.
- I know.
That's a very bad word,
isn't it, sweetheart?
What do you think we should do about
the potty mouth of his?
Cody.
Why don't we let your
sister answer this one.
Okay, buddy?
What are you thinking, sweet girl?
- We should
wash his mouth with soap.
- Very good, Emily.
Why don't
you go tell Mr. Eugene
what needs to be done?
- Think your mouth needs to be
washed out with soap.
- James.
We really need to set up
for her birthday party.
- Oh my goodness, you're right.
As soon as we deal with
Eugene's dirty mouth,
I will give you a hand with it all.
- Thank you.
- Cod, when we're done here,
I need you to take your
sister upstairs to her room
just for a bit while we set everything up.
Okay?
- Yeah, no problem.
- Great.
- She's gonna be so...
- Ta-da!
Very good, good one.
Now Eugene, when my children say something
they're not supposed to say,
they get a bar of soap in their mouth
for three to five minutes.
How bad the word is determines how long
the soap stays in.
Now my children would never,
ever, ever say the F word.
They respect me, their mother,
and themselves, my goodness,
way too much to ever have
that come out of their mouth.
Never.
Honestly, Eugene.
I'm a little angry with you right now.
So I'm thinking this bar of soap
should stay in your mouth
until it dissolves completely away.
- You know, Eugene.
Sometimes crazy...
Meets crazy.
- Why yes, Mr. Pumpkin.
This tea is delicious.
Mmm.
And what do you think, Mr. Bingo?
Are you enjoying your tea?
You are?
And how about you, Mr. Eugene?
Are you enjoying your tea?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Eugene?
I'm going to make you even prettier
than you already are.
Perfect.
- Good job, Emily.
- You want it all?
- No, I think it's good.
- Would you care if I threw
up on Eugene right now?
- Oh yeah.
- I got the nose, I got
the nose, I got the nose.
Wow, it's really good.
I completely missed my mouth.
- Oh, want me to get it?
- Yeah, I'm gonna put it here right now.
- He goes, it's not good.
- That's my little boy.
- All right, stop that.
- Here you go, buddy.
Psyche!
- We need to control each other.
- Thanks for being here, buddy boy.
- Oh my God.
I did that to a cat once.
And it killed him instantly.
I guess you're doing better than the cat.
I say fuck all the time.
Just not to Mom or Dad.
Or little Emily.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, oh I'm British.
I'm British, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
F-U-C-K, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
Thank you.
- You're welcome, sweetheart.
- Well good
morning, Bender family.
- Morning, Dad.
- Morning, Daddy.
- Your mother sure can cook up
some kind of breakfast, can't she?
Good morning, my beautiful wife.
- James.
Woops.
- Okay, everybody, let's hurry it up.
We're almost to the point of running late.
- Dad?
- Hmm?
What is it, buddy?
- Why are you reading the newspaper?
- What do you mean?
- How could you read a newspaper when
everything that you ever wanted to know
is right here at your fingertips?
- Well son, sometimes your father
likes to kick it old school.
Oh, thank you.
- I like it when you read the newspaper.
There's something sexy about it.
- Ooh, I'll read more.
- That's gross.
Oh and Dad, they canceled
baseball practice today,
so I'll be home early.
- Hmm, make sure you
check on our special guest
when you get home.
Before you start your chores.
And now, speaking of chores,
did you remember to clean off
the back deck the other day?
You didn't sweep off
the back deck, did you?
- No.
- Do your chores, young man.
Do your chores.
- Yes, sir.
- My goodness.
- Okay, let's go, let's
go, let's go, kids.
It's time for school.
I love you, sweetie, have a great day.
- Love you too, Mommy.
Love you, Daddy.
- Aww, Daddy wuvs his wittle princess.
- I love you too, Cody, have a good one.
- Bye Mom, love you too.
And Dad?
It's way cooler.
- Have a good day.
- And what was I
supposed to clean when I--
- Ooh, I oughta, huh?
- You two are a mess.
All right, I'm headed to work.
Are you gonna check on our
special guest before you leave?
- Just for you.
- Good, hey, don't forget
about tonight, okay?
It's family dinner night.
- Hmm, looking forward to it.
- Good, also don't forget.
Susan is coming to pick
Emily up after dinner.
She's gonna spend the night.
- That I did not know.
- That's what you have me for.
I gotta go, I love you.
- I love you more.
- No, that's impossible.
- Good morning, Eugene.
Did I wake you?
Wakey-wakey, hmm?
Did you sleep well?
I brought you some
scrambled eggs and some OJ.
Everyone has to start their
day off with a good breakfast.
I insist.
Let's get this started, shall we?
- Where the fuck am I?
- Oh I know, I know,
I know, I know.
Listen.
I just don't have time to listen
to all your problems right now.
So let me tell you how
this is gonna work, okay?
I'm gonna take that piece of tape
right off your mouth again, and this time,
you're not gonna say anything.
And I'm gonna give you some of those
delicious and fluffy scrambled eggs
that my wife made specially for you.
And then I'm gonna let you wash it down
with some freshly squeezed OJ.
How does that sound?
Huh, yeah?
Now, if you don't need
anything to eat or drink then,
well, by all means, say whatever you like.
But know this.
Know this, I'm just gonna
put that piece of tape
right back on your mouth
and you're not gonna get
anything to eat for breakfast.
Do you understand me, Eugene?
Good, good.
You want to try it again?
Yeah, let's try it again.
Now when Emily was a little girl,
she was very finicky too.
And I had to make believe
food was an airplane.
And it was coming in for a landing.
What do you say we play that game too?
Let's see that runway, shall we?
- Wasn't gonna touch her.
- The airport is open.
Ooh, you got a wittle mouth.
Like a tunnel.
I have an idea.
Let's make believe the airplane
is now a choo choo train.
Choo choo train.
Ready to put the train in the tunnel?
Here we go.
Chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo choo!
Good, let's try it again, ready?
Backing up.
- Fucking loony, man.
- Here comes the train,
coming around the bend.
Chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,
choo, choo!
- Fucking twat.
- That was great.
I know what you need.
OJ!
Let's wash it down with some orange juice.
Emily used to call it awwange juice.
Want some awwange juice?
It's good, it's fweshly
squeezed awwange juice.
Take a big sip, wash down those eggs.
Good boy, that's a good boy.
Take even a bigger sip.
Ooh there you, oh, don't gulp, don't gulp.
Don't gulp, you'll get the hiccups.
Good, good, good, good.
And just because of that good behavior,
do you know what you get, huh?
Do you want to guess?
Take a big guess.
Hmm?
Hmm?
You get to watch TV all day long, yay!
Hello, are you home?
Sad, I know.
Let's see.
Oh, don't worry, it works.
Kind of.
There it is, ta-da!
Hmm? Hmm?
Did you want to say something?
- Fuck you.
Piece of shit.
- I'm not gonna get my
nice clothes all messed up
just because of your
rudeness and bad behavior.
Guess that makes you a lucky man for now.
Put 'em up.
Some of us have to go to work.
Oh my goodness.
You don't know anything
about that, now do you?
Eugene, work is what responsible
members of society do.
Eugene, you're a mess.
Oh my goodness.
And on top of that, no one,
no one
is looking for you.
No one.
See?
I'm trying to be the good guy here
but you just won't let me do it.
I guess...
I'm really gonna have to show you
that this kind of bad behavior
will not be tolerated, hmm?
Eugene.
I'll deal with you when I get home
later this evening, young man.
Got your nose.
- Don't forget, Daddy said you
need to clean the back deck.
- No, Daddy said you need
to clean the back deck.
- Uh-uh, he said you.
Crack!
- Oh my God.
I think I heard something crack.
And it wasn't the bat.
- I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- You know?
Dad says
real men don't cry.
Dad's right again.
- Where are the kids?
- In their rooms doing homework.
- Aww.
Something's starting
to smell good in here.
- Thank you.
- What we having tonight?
- Tonight on the Bender family menu,
we're gonna have my
homemade veggie lasagna
and all of our favorite sides.
- Mmm, that sounds amazing.
- Should be.
- What are you thinking, an hour?
Just a little longer?
- We can say an
hour and a half to be safe.
- Perfect.
That gives me time to play with Eugene
and grab a little shower
before we sit down for dinner.
- How is our special guest doing?
- He's doing.
- Play nicely.
- Eugene, hey.
Hey, Cody told me he showed you
how well he could swing a bat.
Is that true?
Oh my goodness.
He really did a number
on you, now, didn't he?
Boy's got some power
behind that swing of his.
Don't you think?
You remember this morning, yeah?
Bet you're gonna wish you
had that to do all over again
by the time I'm done with you.
John Wayne Gacy.
Served 16 months for assault,
then returned to his hometown to begin
what appeared to be a quiet, normal life.
In December of '78,
a search of Mr. Gacy's home revealed
what that young man had been up to.
The man who would become
known as the Killer Clown,
who had a hobby of
entertaining young children
dressed as a clown, ugh,
had killed a staggering
33 young men and boys.
Picked up runaways and
even some male prostitutes.
He handcuffed them and choked them
while he sexually assaulted them.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Hmm, Ed Gein.
Ed Gein.
Ed Gein.
There we go.
We'll probably never know
the total number of his victims.
He confessed to two murders.
Exactly, highly suspected
to be more than that.
Ugh, when the police
raided his farm house,
they discovered a house of horrors.
Body parts from dozens of women
just scattered everywhere.
And on top of the murders,
dabbled in grave robbing.
Had a preference for the ladies' bodies.
One of the graves, ugh, was his mother.
Jeffrey Dahmer.
The Dahminator!
I made that up.
Sexually abused and
murdered young men and boys.
He also dismembered,
engaged in necrophilia,
and cannibalized
many of his victims
right in his own apartment.
Ted Bundy.
Not to be confused with
my two favorite Bundys,
Al and King Kong.
Five!
Ow.
Not a wrestling fan, huh?
You keep disappointing me, Eugene.
Ted had four or five years
of persistent killings.
Beat, raped, and strangled,
ooh, 35 plus.
Many of his victims were students from
a number of universities.
Stay with me, Eugene.
Eugene?
Hey, stay with me.
Henry Lee Lucas.
Had a 20 year crime spree.
It's been said he's responsible
for as many as 600 murders.
I mean, great googly-moogly.
Who has the time for
something like that, right?
Unfortunately, a police
task force reports that
number's probably somewhere
closer to around 350.
And then there's Charles Manson.
Ugh, now you see,
this just isn't fair.
Manson in prison and he never,
ever, ever killed anyone.
Go ahead, look it up yourself.
It is truly an American
tragedy, what they did to him.
So you see, Eugene.
Life just isn't fair.
Some people have it, some people don't.
We are the Bender family.
And people will know our name.
And they will know our history.
Unfortunately, Eugene,
you won't be one to help
spread that history.
Our true legacy that
has been set in the past,
continues to be set now,
and as you've witnessed,
will continue in the future.
Eugene, you won't make
it out of this alive.
You are just a victim.
And we thank you for that.
What is that smell?
My God, did you urinate yourself?
My God, you did.
Well, there's no need for that.
Well, this has to be
embarrassing for you, huh?
The body is very
resilient, very resilient.
Gonna sprinkle this with
some Ebola seasoning.
I got a big surprise for you.
But I can't tell you what it is 'til
I trim those fingernails of yours.
Look, see?
Look how nicely those are kept up.
I think we can all agree.
That was an incredible meal.
Thank you, beautiful.
- Dessert?
- None for me, I am stuffed.
That's better.
You ready?
Tell you what.
Maybe a little glass of
wine later on though, huh?
- Now, that sounds nice.
- Ice cream?
- Emily, sweetie, do you have
all your things ready to go?
Miss Susan will be here
shortly to pick you up.
- Yep, everything is packed
and sitting by the front door.
- I gotta go.
- Whoa, young man.
You have fun tonight.
Behave yourself.
- Yes, sir.
- I love you, Cody.
- Love you too, Mom.
- Emily, sweetheart, you have
time to do one of two things.
You can either have ice cream
or say your goodbyes to Mr. Eugene.
- Mr. Eugene.
- Head to the basement to
say your goodbyes then.
- Last one.
All done!
We are so lucky to have that little angel.
- I know.
She takes after her mother.
- Let me get some band-aids
and clean this little mess up.
There we go.
There we go.
Now you are ready for your surprise.
Let me ask you something first though.
And this is just between us, right?
Man to man, yeah?
You think my wife is sexy, right?
Yeah, she is.
You think it'd be amazing
to have sex with her, right?
Well yeah, I mean, duh, it is.
Eugene, my wife
is very special to me.
I love her so much.
I would and have
done anything for her.
Now with all that being said,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
we're both guys, men.
We both lust over the female body, right?
Well.
Eugene, consider this
a gift from me to you.
Enjoy, my friend.
(clock ticking
My dear.
You are as beautiful as ever.
And I raise my glass to you.
- And I raise mine to you.
I love you.
You are my life.
- And you are my life.
So.
My life.
What are your thoughts on our guest?
What do you think his true
intentions really were?
- I think he wanted to fuck me.
- Wake up.
Wake up.
I said, wake the fuck up, you fuck sticks.
Remember me?
And I know that I'm fucked up, okay?
But you two.
You people and this fucking family,
whatever the fuck it is.
Those children?
You've seriously lost a fucking block.
What are you, hey?
What the fuck?
And you, Mr. fucking history lesson.
What the fuck?
Who do you think you are?
I know that I've done some
fucked up shit in my life.
I little petty larceny,
some fucking burglars.
A little rape but not really.
But you.
Killing the both of you two tonight.
And I'm gonna be up walking
to that fucking place
up on high with my head fucking level.
Because you know what?
There's some shit in this world
and then there's some
fucked up shit in it.
And you two, you're fucking nuts, man.
Both of yous.
I'm gonna do this world
some justice tonight.
Right here, right fucking now,
in front of the both of you.
I'm the law.
I'm the judge and the fucking jury.
I am your fucking executioner.
I am your fucking God.
- Hello, this is Mary Bender.
How may I help you?
- Hey Mary, this is Mr. Adams.
How you doing?
- I'm great, Mr.
Adams, how about yourself?
- Hey, I'm doing really well.
I wanted to take a look
at the office space again.
- Great, I have
some time later today.
Would that work for you?
- Yeah, let me look.
It looks great, this afternoon works well.
What time?
- Three or four
o'clock, would that work?
- Three o'clock's great.
- Wonderful, I'll see you then.
Looking forward to it.
- I look
forward to seeing you too.
- Buh-bye.