Crazy 2 Crazy (2021) Movie Script

- I know that I've done some

fucked up shit, in my life.

A little petty larceny

- eh fucking burglaries.

A little rape - but not really.

But you.

Killing the both of you two tonight.

And I'm gonna be up walking

to that fucking place

up high with my head fucking level.

Because you know what?

There's some shit in this world

and there's some fucked up shit in it.

And you two,

you're fucking nuts, man.

Both of yous.

I'm gonna do this world

some justice tonight.

Right here, right fucking now,

in front of the both of you.

I'm the law.

I'm the judge and the fucking jury.

I am your fucking executioner.

I am your fucking god!

- No good.

Not a fucking chance.

- Hey honey, how are you?

- Good, that, love.

- Anything else?

- Yeah, I'll have a pack of those

dark green biffs please, love.

- Mm-hmm.

Seven dollars.

- What do we have here?

Fucking pins on that one.

Look at them leg, mans.

Oh yes, I'd give you a right

good seeing too, I would.

Nice shoes, cocksucker.

Oh nice, yeah.

Uh - No please don't, please.

Fuck.

Hmm, Mary Bender.

Hmm, Beautiful Mary Bender.

Fucking bend you over.

I'd give it to you.

Right outside that shop.

Bobby?

You there, mate?

You in?

Bobby?

You in?

You fucking deeply for the weekly or what?

Fuck!

Come on, man.

Fucking hell, I know you're in there.

Let us in.

Fucking in the office are you, again?

Dirty ringer.

Come on, fucking open up, please.

I know you're in there.

- What do you want, Eugene?

- What do you mean, what do I want?

I want you to come to the door

so I can see your fucking

face just for a second like.

- Fuck you.

- That is not very nice.

I'm your fucking neighbor, man.

That's not very hospitable of you, is it?

What if you want some

fucking milk or some sugar?

What are you gonna do then, eh?

I just, I just, I just

want, I need your help, man.

- With what?

- With your computer.

- No.

- I just want to borrow your

computer and your phone,

and I swear to God this time,

it's gonna be just for a fucking second.

- I said hell no.

Last time you borrowed my computer,

you got it fucked up with

all them porno viruses.

Had to go down there and get it fixed

at the computer depot, man.

This shit was almost $80,

you nasty son of a bitch.

- No, no, no, that wasn't fucking me.

I tell you why, because

I was just on my forum

having a quick surf around on the Internet

and then fucking a popup came,

a little quick virus came up.

That had fuck all to do with me, man.

I swear to fucking God it did, nothing.

I'm telling you, you

look at your own history.

Tell me then, tell me then that

that was my fault, you twat.

Just fucking please.

You fucking cunt, Bobby.

You fucking cunt, man.

Bobby.

Oh, Bobby.

Come to the door and just

fucking stick there for a second.

Just stick right there and

I'll be right back, yeah?

- All right.

I just don't know about him, Slappy.

He's a cute little thing.

I just don't know if he

was even born in America.

Listen, when you go to the store later,

I need you to get some

band-aids, some diapers,

some mayonnaise, and a pack

of them little smoky wieners

and some hot dog buns.

I'm gonna try something crazy.

- Woo hoo, still there, Bobby?

- Where else would I be, you

dumb little son of a bitch?

- You're a right pain in

my ass sometimes, mate.

You know what you are?

- Bet you wish I was a pain

in that little ass, don't you?

- Have you been selling

out your meds again, man?

- Why don't you and your

little fuzzy chin come in here?

Let me fuck you like a little queen, boy.

- That's disgusting, man.

That is fucking absolutely

outrageously disgusting.

I've told you umpteen times now

that I like clean pussy

and not hairy assholes.

So listen, stop being gay at me, stop it.

Bobby, are you even watching right now?

Bobby, look.

No.

Fucking hell, your breath stinks, man.

- Bottle me.

- No, give me the computer and phone

and then I'll bottle you.

You've got some eyelashes on your face.

- I need it.

Don't fucking go nowhere.

I want my shit back in 15 fucking minutes.

You understand me?

- Do understand you, yeah.

You'll get it back in an hour.

- I said 15 fucking minutes.

- I know but I just need an hour.

- 15 minutes.

- Fuck, okay.

- You understand me?

- I'll bring it back in 30.

- 15 minutes!

- Hey, man.

Please, just 30 minutes

and then I'll come back

and do what you like after--

- Stop looking at him.

Stop looking at him.

- Okay, I'll stop.

- Don't you fucking dare

look at his fucking face--

- I'll stop, I'll stop.

- You nasty motherfucker.

- Don't touch me, man.

Don't fucking touch me.

- I want my shit back

in 30 minutes and if you fuck it up

looking at any of that

fucking horse porn shit,

I will come over there and I will stab you

in the fucking eye, you understand me?

Get the fuck off my deck.

This my deck, motherfucker.

30 minutes!

- You fucking said 30.

Poofter.

- Hi, this is Jessica.

Thank you for calling Home

and Commercial Real Estate.

Hope you're having a great day.

How may I direct your call?

- Uh, yes.

I uh, I would like to speak

with Mrs. Bender, please.

Mrs. Mary Bender.

- Hold, please.

- Thank you.

- Mary, you

have a call on line two.

- This is Mary Bender, how may I help you?

- Hi, uh

My name's Eugene.

It's Eugene uh, Spoon.

- Well hello, Mr. Spoon.

How can I be of assistance to you today?

- Um, Well I, I live out of the country.

Um You might be able to tell.

And I found out just a

couple of days ago that

Um, I am going to be moving to the state,

the town, right here and I've

been promoted with my job.

I've got a promotion.

And I'd like to find a house to live in.

- That's great news.

And let me guess?

You need to buy a home

and you need my help

to find the perfect place for you, right?

- Actually, I'm on your website

and I've actually seen a house

um, that, that I think I'd like to see.

- Do you happen

to be online right now?

- Yes, yes, I'm looking at the house,

as we speak, I'm on, and it looks great.

Do you think you'd be able

to show me inside of it?

- Oh God, I'd love to show it to you.

Oh, I'd love to show it to you so bad.

Mr. Spoon, if you look

right under the main photo,

you're gonna see a series

of numbers and letters.

That's our listing ID.

Can you read that out to me, please?

- Yes.

B for Brian,

R, one, three, eight,

G, four, zero, four.

- Okay, give me just a second.

Got it.

Wow, great taste you have, Mr. Spoon.

- Thank you.

- It looks like the

property's still available.

When do you want to look at it?

- How's about one o'clock

tomorrow afternoon?

- Oh, Eugene.

Oh, this is gonna be hard.

Oh, So hard.

I've got a lot of meetings

scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

- Hmm, that's so unfortunate.

I ah, I'm gonna be leaving town tomorrow.

I have to go back home, you see,

and I have to be at the airport,

I've got to be at the airport at,

one second, let me ask my secretary.

I have to be there about

4:20 for a 6:25 flight.

So I'm just worried 'cause

it's such a nice house

and I'd really hate to miss out.

And I've got a feeling

that if I don't snap it up,

then it's gonna be gone by

the time I get back. You know?

- Yeah, I see.

Can I place you on hold for just a second?

Let me see what I can do here.

- Okay, thank you, Miss Bender.

You fucking kitten.

I would fucking put it right on you.

- Mr. Spoon?

- Yes, Mrs. Bender.

- Okay, I've rearranged

a couple of things.

I think I have it worked out for you.

You said one o'clock, correct?

- Yes, one o'clock.

- Okay, now if you look right under

that main photo and the listing ID,

you're gonna see the property address.

Do you see it?

- Oh yeah, I see it.

- Wonderful.

Well, looks like it's gonna work out.

And if you don't have any other

questions for me right now,

I'll just plan to see you tomorrow at one.

And Eugene?

I promise, if this house is right for you,

I am gonna do everything

I can to get you in it.

- I would love to get in

it and see it, Mrs. Bender.

- Awesome.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

- Bye.

Oh yes, Mrs. Bender.

Show it to me.

Open up that door, let me come inside.

Oh yeah, that's right, Mrs. Bender.

Right into the kitchen.

Thank you, yes, yes, you fucking, oh!

- Please omit the rest

of the entertainment and continue.

- Now, the dance was over.

I stuck my head in the office door

and I saw Clark Robin

and Buck Wing arguing

over by the parrot cage.

- What're they arguing about?

- I don't know,

but Buck Wing was sitting

like a hot tamale.

With a neck like that, see?

And drank some over the other stuff, see?

Then he smacks him on the head like.

Then he says, I'll squeeze the sight

outta your Adam's apple.

Then he gives him the works, like this.

- Don't you fucking move.

Eugene!

You stuck this bottle

up your ass, didn't you?

You nasty little son of a bitch.

Smells like butt hole.

Well guess what? Fuck you.

I drank it anyway.

- How you doing?

Hey love, want to hear a joke?

You ever had a thumb up your ass?

Hey, hey, come on.

Fuck, I'm only joking.

Fucking hell, having them.

Good.

Jackets, jackets, jackets.

Fucking yeah.

Ah man. Fuck.

Bet you regret this now, ain't you, hey?

Yes.

Oh fuck, go on.

Dirty girl.

Yeah, Yeah, Oooh yeah.

Swap-a-rooni, that's better.

There you go, that and these bad boys.

- That's $20 even.

- 20 bucks for these two?

Really?

Fuck.

It's kinda steep.

That's you, isn't it?

What's that say?

Oh yeah, that's you, you're pretty.

Both places, very exotic, I like it.

Shan, Shane, Shaney?

Shannon, shucks, shit.

- Oh my God.

It's pronounced Shaniqua.

- Shan, it's a beautiful, beautiful name.

It's African, isn't it?

Listen, sweetheart.

I've got to be honest with you here.

That's a little more money

than I wanted to spend.

- First off, don't call me sweetheart.

And B, the prices marked on

the labels are as priced.

- Yeah, I know they are.

But you're independent.

You're a strong African-American woman

and I know that you can

make the right decision.

It's not like I'm asking for

a fucking blowjob, is it?

Bending you over the fucking counter,

laying on me.

- Sir, sir.

- Go on.

- You gonna buy this stuff or not?

You're holding up my line.

- You haven't got a fucking line.

Probably have never had a

fucking line in this place.

- Excuse me?

- You heard me.

- What did you just say?

- I said you're fucking deaf.

That's what I fucking said, $20 bucks?

$20 fucks.

There, have that.

Fucking daylight you.

You wouldn't know nothing

about daylight, would you?

Fucking cunt.

What are you looking at, wig head, hey?

Ooh, fucking hell.

Oooh.

- Hey, Mr. Spoon.

Welcome, come on in.

- Oh, just call me Eugene, not Mr. Spoon.

- That's right, I forgot, Eugene.

Did you find it all right?

- I did, thanks, yeah.

Directions were great, thank you.

- Good, perfect.

What did you think of the outside?

- It's all right, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Neighborhood's not my cup

of tea, but you know what?

I live here, I don't live out there.

- All right.

You know, you look really familiar.

Have we met before?

- No, I don't think so.

And I would remember you

if I'd have met you before.

You're smashing.

- You're so sweet, thank you.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

So how about I show you

the rest of the house?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Oh yes, please.

That sounds great.

- All right, we'll start with the kitchen.

And here is the recently

renovated kitchen.

It's country French.

- Ooh.

- Yeah.

All the appliances are included

in the sale of this home.

- Really?

- Yes, even the fridge.

- Oh wow, that's nice too.

That's a nice one.

- Yeah, I know.

- Yeah, put my beers in there.

- Yeah, you're a beer drinker, huh?

- I love beer.

- Yeah, me too.

Do you do any cooking?

- Well, I do.

I do the cooking for the wife.

Yeah, I take care of her that way.

- Eugene, make me jealous, I love that.

How about we go check out the dining room?

- Oh yeah.

- Love the chandelier.

- Oh wow.

- Great, right?

- Eugene?

Eugene.

Now then.

If you'd be so kind as

to stop moving around

and stop all that screaming, my goodness.

I'd like to speak with

you just for a minute.

Good.

First, I'd like to introduce to you...

The family.

I'm Mr. Bender, James Bender.

Ah, just call me James.

Down here at the end is

our star baseball player.

Straight A student and all

around great son, Cody.

- Hi.

- And this little cutie

patootie right next to Cody,

that's Daddy's wittle princess, Emily.

Oh my goodness, how cute.

And last but not least,

uh, my beautiful and loving wife, Mary.

Oh, but you guys have met already.

What am I thinking?

- Eugene.

- The Bender family is

happy to have you here

in our home as our very special guest.

Uh, ooh, hate to do this.

Um, Eugene?

Hate to do this at such a special moment,

but I need to ask you a question.

Mary was showing you

a house earlier today,

but it seemed as if you may

have had other intentions.

Other than buying a house.

Eugene?

Eugene, what was your plan?

Come on.

Mary tells me she thinks

you may have wanted...

Rape her. Hmmm.

Is this true?

You see, I always look

for the best in people.

All kinds of people, even...

So I'm gonna say...

No, no.

No way.

No, no siree bob.

There is no way you

were gonna hurt my wife.

No way.

It was all just a big misunderstanding.

How do you like that?

Yeah? Yeah?

Can we go with that?

Okay, good.

Eugene, my son's gonna take that

piece of tape off your mouth

so you can agree with me.

Now when Cody takes

that piece of tape off,

it's very simple what I want you to say.

James, I'm so sorry.

It was all just a big misunderstanding.

Can you do that for me?

- Fucking hell, man.

Ouch, fucking hurts.

Sorry James, that was

a big misunderstanding.

I wasn't gonna touch her.

I swear to God, I wasn't.

I was just fucking looking at the house

and I was just gonna buy it.

- Daddy?

Daddy, Mr. Eugene said the F word.

- I know.

That's a very bad word,

isn't it, sweetheart?

What do you think we should do about

the potty mouth of his?

Cody.

Why don't we let your

sister answer this one.

Okay, buddy?

What are you thinking, sweet girl?

- We should

wash his mouth with soap.

- Very good, Emily.

Why don't

you go tell Mr. Eugene

what needs to be done?

- Think your mouth needs to be

washed out with soap.

- James.

We really need to set up

for her birthday party.

- Oh my goodness, you're right.

As soon as we deal with

Eugene's dirty mouth,

I will give you a hand with it all.

- Thank you.

- Cod, when we're done here,

I need you to take your

sister upstairs to her room

just for a bit while we set everything up.

Okay?

- Yeah, no problem.

- Great.

- She's gonna be so...

- Ta-da!

Very good, good one.

Now Eugene, when my children say something

they're not supposed to say,

they get a bar of soap in their mouth

for three to five minutes.

How bad the word is determines how long

the soap stays in.

Now my children would never,

ever, ever say the F word.

They respect me, their mother,

and themselves, my goodness,

way too much to ever have

that come out of their mouth.

Never.

Honestly, Eugene.

I'm a little angry with you right now.

So I'm thinking this bar of soap

should stay in your mouth

until it dissolves completely away.

- You know, Eugene.

Sometimes crazy...

Meets crazy.

- Why yes, Mr. Pumpkin.

This tea is delicious.

Mmm.

And what do you think, Mr. Bingo?

Are you enjoying your tea?

You are?

And how about you, Mr. Eugene?

Are you enjoying your tea?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yes.

I'll be right back.

Mr. Eugene?

I'm going to make you even prettier

than you already are.

Perfect.

- Good job, Emily.

- You want it all?

- No, I think it's good.

- Would you care if I threw

up on Eugene right now?

- Oh yeah.

- I got the nose, I got

the nose, I got the nose.

Wow, it's really good.

I completely missed my mouth.

- Oh, want me to get it?

- Yeah, I'm gonna put it here right now.

- He goes, it's not good.

- That's my little boy.

- All right, stop that.

- Here you go, buddy.

Psyche!

- We need to control each other.

- Thanks for being here, buddy boy.

- Oh my God.

I did that to a cat once.

And it killed him instantly.

I guess you're doing better than the cat.

I say fuck all the time.

Just not to Mom or Dad.

Or little Emily.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, oh I'm British.

I'm British, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck!

F-U-C-K, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck!

Thank you.

- You're welcome, sweetheart.

- Well good

morning, Bender family.

- Morning, Dad.

- Morning, Daddy.

- Your mother sure can cook up

some kind of breakfast, can't she?

Good morning, my beautiful wife.

- James.

Woops.

- Okay, everybody, let's hurry it up.

We're almost to the point of running late.

- Dad?

- Hmm?

What is it, buddy?

- Why are you reading the newspaper?

- What do you mean?

- How could you read a newspaper when

everything that you ever wanted to know

is right here at your fingertips?

- Well son, sometimes your father

likes to kick it old school.

Oh, thank you.

- I like it when you read the newspaper.

There's something sexy about it.

- Ooh, I'll read more.

- That's gross.

Oh and Dad, they canceled

baseball practice today,

so I'll be home early.

- Hmm, make sure you

check on our special guest

when you get home.

Before you start your chores.

And now, speaking of chores,

did you remember to clean off

the back deck the other day?

You didn't sweep off

the back deck, did you?

- No.

- Do your chores, young man.

Do your chores.

- Yes, sir.

- My goodness.

- Okay, let's go, let's

go, let's go, kids.

It's time for school.

I love you, sweetie, have a great day.

- Love you too, Mommy.

Love you, Daddy.

- Aww, Daddy wuvs his wittle princess.

- I love you too, Cody, have a good one.

- Bye Mom, love you too.

And Dad?

It's way cooler.

- Have a good day.

- And what was I

supposed to clean when I--

- Ooh, I oughta, huh?

- You two are a mess.

All right, I'm headed to work.

Are you gonna check on our

special guest before you leave?

- Just for you.

- Good, hey, don't forget

about tonight, okay?

It's family dinner night.

- Hmm, looking forward to it.

- Good, also don't forget.

Susan is coming to pick

Emily up after dinner.

She's gonna spend the night.

- That I did not know.

- That's what you have me for.

I gotta go, I love you.

- I love you more.

- No, that's impossible.

- Good morning, Eugene.

Did I wake you?

Wakey-wakey, hmm?

Did you sleep well?

I brought you some

scrambled eggs and some OJ.

Everyone has to start their

day off with a good breakfast.

I insist.

Let's get this started, shall we?

- Where the fuck am I?

- Oh I know, I know,

I know, I know.

Listen.

I just don't have time to listen

to all your problems right now.

So let me tell you how

this is gonna work, okay?

I'm gonna take that piece of tape

right off your mouth again, and this time,

you're not gonna say anything.

And I'm gonna give you some of those

delicious and fluffy scrambled eggs

that my wife made specially for you.

And then I'm gonna let you wash it down

with some freshly squeezed OJ.

How does that sound?

Huh, yeah?

Now, if you don't need

anything to eat or drink then,

well, by all means, say whatever you like.

But know this.

Know this, I'm just gonna

put that piece of tape

right back on your mouth

and you're not gonna get

anything to eat for breakfast.

Do you understand me, Eugene?

Good, good.

You want to try it again?

Yeah, let's try it again.

Now when Emily was a little girl,

she was very finicky too.

And I had to make believe

food was an airplane.

And it was coming in for a landing.

What do you say we play that game too?

Let's see that runway, shall we?

- Wasn't gonna touch her.

- The airport is open.

Ooh, you got a wittle mouth.

Like a tunnel.

I have an idea.

Let's make believe the airplane

is now a choo choo train.

Choo choo train.

Ready to put the train in the tunnel?

Here we go.

Chugga, chugga,

chugga, chugga,

chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,

chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo choo!

Good, let's try it again, ready?

Backing up.

- Fucking loony, man.

- Here comes the train,

coming around the bend.

Chugga, chugga,

chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,

choo, choo!

- Fucking twat.

- That was great.

I know what you need.

OJ!

Let's wash it down with some orange juice.

Emily used to call it awwange juice.

Want some awwange juice?

It's good, it's fweshly

squeezed awwange juice.

Take a big sip, wash down those eggs.

Good boy, that's a good boy.

Take even a bigger sip.

Ooh there you, oh, don't gulp, don't gulp.

Don't gulp, you'll get the hiccups.

Good, good, good, good.

And just because of that good behavior,

do you know what you get, huh?

Do you want to guess?

Take a big guess.

Hmm?

You get to watch TV all day long, yay!

Hello, are you home?

Sad, I know.

Let's see.

Oh, don't worry, it works.

Kind of.

There it is, ta-da!

Hmm? Hmm?

Did you want to say something?

- Fuck you.

Piece of shit.

- I'm not gonna get my

nice clothes all messed up

just because of your

rudeness and bad behavior.

Guess that makes you a lucky man for now.

Put 'em up.

Some of us have to go to work.

Oh my goodness.

You don't know anything

about that, now do you?

Eugene, work is what responsible

members of society do.

Eugene, you're a mess.

Oh my goodness.

And on top of that, no one,

no one

is looking for you.

No one.

See?

I'm trying to be the good guy here

but you just won't let me do it.

I guess...

I'm really gonna have to show you

that this kind of bad behavior

will not be tolerated, hmm?

Eugene.

I'll deal with you when I get home

later this evening, young man.

Got your nose.

- Don't forget, Daddy said you

need to clean the back deck.

- No, Daddy said you need

to clean the back deck.

- Uh-uh, he said you.

Crack!

- Oh my God.

I think I heard something crack.

And it wasn't the bat.

- I'm gonna fucking kill you.

- You know?

Dad says

real men don't cry.

Dad's right again.

- Where are the kids?

- In their rooms doing homework.

- Aww.

Something's starting

to smell good in here.

- Thank you.

- What we having tonight?

- Tonight on the Bender family menu,

we're gonna have my

homemade veggie lasagna

and all of our favorite sides.

- Mmm, that sounds amazing.

- Should be.

- What are you thinking, an hour?

Just a little longer?

- We can say an

hour and a half to be safe.

- Perfect.

That gives me time to play with Eugene

and grab a little shower

before we sit down for dinner.

- How is our special guest doing?

- He's doing.

- Play nicely.

- Eugene, hey.

Hey, Cody told me he showed you

how well he could swing a bat.

Is that true?

Oh my goodness.

He really did a number

on you, now, didn't he?

Boy's got some power

behind that swing of his.

Don't you think?

You remember this morning, yeah?

Bet you're gonna wish you

had that to do all over again

by the time I'm done with you.

John Wayne Gacy.

Served 16 months for assault,

then returned to his hometown to begin

what appeared to be a quiet, normal life.

In December of '78,

a search of Mr. Gacy's home revealed

what that young man had been up to.

The man who would become

known as the Killer Clown,

who had a hobby of

entertaining young children

dressed as a clown, ugh,

had killed a staggering

33 young men and boys.

Picked up runaways and

even some male prostitutes.

He handcuffed them and choked them

while he sexually assaulted them.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Hmm, Ed Gein.

Ed Gein.

There we go.

We'll probably never know

the total number of his victims.

He confessed to two murders.

Exactly, highly suspected

to be more than that.

Ugh, when the police

raided his farm house,

they discovered a house of horrors.

Body parts from dozens of women

just scattered everywhere.

And on top of the murders,

dabbled in grave robbing.

Had a preference for the ladies' bodies.

One of the graves, ugh, was his mother.

Jeffrey Dahmer.

The Dahminator!

I made that up.

Sexually abused and

murdered young men and boys.

He also dismembered,

engaged in necrophilia,

and cannibalized

many of his victims

right in his own apartment.

Ted Bundy.

Not to be confused with

my two favorite Bundys,

Al and King Kong.

Five!

Ow.

Not a wrestling fan, huh?

You keep disappointing me, Eugene.

Ted had four or five years

of persistent killings.

Beat, raped, and strangled,

ooh, 35 plus.

Many of his victims were students from

a number of universities.

Stay with me, Eugene.

Eugene?

Hey, stay with me.

Henry Lee Lucas.

Had a 20 year crime spree.

It's been said he's responsible

for as many as 600 murders.

I mean, great googly-moogly.

Who has the time for

something like that, right?

Unfortunately, a police

task force reports that

number's probably somewhere

closer to around 350.

And then there's Charles Manson.

Ugh, now you see,

this just isn't fair.

Manson in prison and he never,

ever, ever killed anyone.

Go ahead, look it up yourself.

It is truly an American

tragedy, what they did to him.

So you see, Eugene.

Life just isn't fair.

Some people have it, some people don't.

We are the Bender family.

And people will know our name.

And they will know our history.

Unfortunately, Eugene,

you won't be one to help

spread that history.

Our true legacy that

has been set in the past,

continues to be set now,

and as you've witnessed,

will continue in the future.

Eugene, you won't make

it out of this alive.

You are just a victim.

And we thank you for that.

What is that smell?

My God, did you urinate yourself?

My God, you did.

Well, there's no need for that.

Well, this has to be

embarrassing for you, huh?

The body is very

resilient, very resilient.

Gonna sprinkle this with

some Ebola seasoning.

I got a big surprise for you.

But I can't tell you what it is 'til

I trim those fingernails of yours.

Look, see?

Look how nicely those are kept up.

I think we can all agree.

That was an incredible meal.

Thank you, beautiful.

- Dessert?

- None for me, I am stuffed.

That's better.

You ready?

Tell you what.

Maybe a little glass of

wine later on though, huh?

- Now, that sounds nice.

- Ice cream?

- Emily, sweetie, do you have

all your things ready to go?

Miss Susan will be here

shortly to pick you up.

- Yep, everything is packed

and sitting by the front door.

- I gotta go.

- Whoa, young man.

You have fun tonight.

Behave yourself.

- Yes, sir.

- I love you, Cody.

- Love you too, Mom.

- Emily, sweetheart, you have

time to do one of two things.

You can either have ice cream

or say your goodbyes to Mr. Eugene.

- Mr. Eugene.

- Head to the basement to

say your goodbyes then.

- Last one.

All done!

We are so lucky to have that little angel.

- I know.

She takes after her mother.

- Let me get some band-aids

and clean this little mess up.

There we go.

Now you are ready for your surprise.

Let me ask you something first though.

And this is just between us, right?

Man to man, yeah?

You think my wife is sexy, right?

Yeah, she is.

You think it'd be amazing

to have sex with her, right?

Well yeah, I mean, duh, it is.

Eugene, my wife

is very special to me.

I love her so much.

I would and have

done anything for her.

Now with all that being said,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

we're both guys, men.

We both lust over the female body, right?

Well.

Eugene, consider this

a gift from me to you.

Enjoy, my friend.

(clock ticking

My dear.

You are as beautiful as ever.

And I raise my glass to you.

- And I raise mine to you.

I love you.

You are my life.

- And you are my life.

So.

My life.

What are your thoughts on our guest?

What do you think his true

intentions really were?

- I think he wanted to fuck me.

- Wake up.

Wake up.

I said, wake the fuck up, you fuck sticks.

Remember me?

And I know that I'm fucked up, okay?

But you two.

You people and this fucking family,

whatever the fuck it is.

Those children?

You've seriously lost a fucking block.

What are you, hey?

What the fuck?

And you, Mr. fucking history lesson.

What the fuck?

Who do you think you are?

I know that I've done some

fucked up shit in my life.

I little petty larceny,

some fucking burglars.

A little rape but not really.

But you.

Killing the both of you two tonight.

And I'm gonna be up walking

to that fucking place

up on high with my head fucking level.

Because you know what?

There's some shit in this world

and then there's some

fucked up shit in it.

And you two, you're fucking nuts, man.

Both of yous.

I'm gonna do this world

some justice tonight.

Right here, right fucking now,

in front of the both of you.

I'm the law.

I'm the judge and the fucking jury.

I am your fucking executioner.

I am your fucking God.

- Hello, this is Mary Bender.

How may I help you?

- Hey Mary, this is Mr. Adams.

How you doing?

- I'm great, Mr.

Adams, how about yourself?

- Hey, I'm doing really well.

I wanted to take a look

at the office space again.

- Great, I have

some time later today.

Would that work for you?

- Yeah, let me look.

It looks great, this afternoon works well.

What time?

- Three or four

o'clock, would that work?

- Three o'clock's great.

- Wonderful, I'll see you then.

Looking forward to it.

- I look

forward to seeing you too.

- Buh-bye.

Crazy 2 Crazy (2021) - full transcript