Crash My Funeral (1999) - full transcript

CRASH MY FUNERAL is a surreal comedy about a scriptwriter's block. In an attempt to pull his movie back on track he employs drastic measures; trying out impossible dialogue on a pizza delivery man, wandering around the neighborhood to scare up new characters and scenes, hoping for inspiration from every pretty girl that passes his way. In the end he realizes that the creation of art, for him, isn't fictional at all, but merely a collage of real-life moments in which he finds meaning and delight. Produced as part of Rick Schmidt Workshop.

- When I was about

eight years old

my parents wanted

to go to Florida,

and I'm goin', "Oh

boy, goin' to Florida,"

they're sayin', "No, you're

not goin' to Florida,

"you're gonna go to

camp this summer."

And I go, "Okay," and

when the brochure came

in the mail it looked

pretty good, you know,

it had guys in canoes,

there was a lake there,

and there was horseback

riding, archery,

you know, bows and

arrows, you like

bow and arrows, right, Billy?

Yeah, I like bow and arrows.

Rifle range, get

to shoot the guns.

Arts and crafts.

Being there with the

guys your age, you know.

So, of course we

had to get the big

trunk, shop for that

and put your name

in your socks and

your underwear,

and all your clothes,

your little polo shirts,

your bathing suits,

all that camp stuff,

your little supplies,

your soap, your towels.

And this was nice,

havin' a foot locker,

you know, you're in the army now

kinda thing, but

for summer camp,

never been to summer camp.

So of course they drive

up there somewhere,

Pennsylvania, and

we're from New Jersey,

so it's a couple hours,

two, three hours,

I don't know, driving someplace

that was a Catholic deal.

I guess the brothers

or the monks of

some order were

babysittin' all these,

and counseling these camp kids.

And on the other

side of the lake was

the girl's side of the lake.

I guess they stayed over there.

But I didn't know

anything drivin' up there,

my new little trunk,

lookin' at the scenery.

Pull up off this road

that's like a dirt

road, and it gets

smaller and smaller,

hillier, it's goin' up and down,

'til we finally get

to this clearing,

it must have been the size of a

baseball field or

something, and all

around this big

opening area were

these little cabins

stuck into the side

of the hill, and

right there when we

pull in with the station

wagon, parents pull...

My foot locker out

of the trunk of

the car and I get

out of the car and

we start walkin' over

towards this crowd of

people, you know, it

was like all these

kids, a big circle

of kids, and they

were like, three, three

thick, and in the middle

of this circle, I

couldn't see what it was,

all I could see was

all this dust goin'

up in the air, and then all of

a sudden it just

stopped, all the yelling

and everything and

screaming just stopped,

and then it opened up

into like a horseshoe

kinda thing, and they

all said, "Here's the

"new kid, another new kid."

That was me, and

one kid grabs me

and just throws

me in the middle,

I don't know who's

in there, but some

guy named Spike or

Duke or something,

he had the gloves on,

and I could always

remember, he had

like this little snot

comin' out of his nose,

with dirt all around

his mouth, and his

eyes were all sweaty,

and his tongue was

hangin' out of his mouth,

and he was just

beatin' the shit out of

any new kid that

came in, and that's

what I got right away.

Boom, boom, boom,

and they were all

yelling and screaming,

and where are

my parents, ther've

already gone,

they just left me with

my trunk and took off.

[intense music]

Hello!

Hello?

What're you doin', somethin'

wrong with the creek?

Hey, you!

- [Yahn] Yeah?

- [Willie] What're you doin'?

- What, is this your creek?

- Yeah, yeah, do

you work with the

city or something?

- You own this whole creek?

- Well, up to this point

and under here, yeah.

- All right.

I'm just checkin' it out.

You might got gold, I dunno.

- Yeah, okay. Whatever.

Don't stay too long.

What're you doin'?

Where you goin?

Now you're on my property.

Now you're on my property.

Are you with the

city or somethin'?

Huh?

- [Yahn] No.

- Hey, okay, put that

shovel down, huh?

You're on my property

now, and I don't

want anybody talkin'

to me on my property

with somethin' in their hands.

Okay, could be a

machete for all I know.

What're you doin' here?

Huh?

- I really need to, I

need to use your bathroom.

- You wanna use my bathroom?

Okay, I got an idea,

I know what that's

like to use the bathroom.

You can use my bathroom,

but you're gonna

have to do me a favor, okay?

Can you take about 15

minutes to help me out?

- Maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Maybe you wanna

use the bathroom.

Gonna have to take those

shoes off, you're all wet.

I got new carpeting

in here, and I don't

want it all messed up.

So all of a sudden,

I guess the monks or

the brothers come,

and the counselors,

the older guys, they

come and break this

whole little scene

up and say, "I guess

"everybody's here, so

everybody, we're gonna

"do the buddy system,

everybody pair up

"in size," you know,

so I was one of the

smaller kids, younger

kids, and I was

paired up with some guy

named Theodore Slezak.

They called him Fleabag

after a couple weeks.

So he was my buddy,

he was supposed to

be my bunk mate,

and we all line up.

Smallest to the tallest.

Might've been a hundred people.

And he says, "We're

all gonna go down to

"the mess hall now for lunch."

And all of a sudden

these guys come up

with shovels, you know,

big spade shovels,

and they had these

boulders in their

other hand, they were

just, there was one

in the front, one guy

in the middle with

the shovel and a

rock, and another guy

at the end back by me.

Well, we start goin'

down this narrow path

towards the lake,

and we're windin'

through this wooded area,

in this high grass area,

and all of a sudden,

[screeches] it just stopped,

the whole line

stopped, and then you

hear this thump,

clank clank clank,

you know, and then

the line would

move along, and by

the time we got past

where that noise was,

I looked down and

go, "What is that,"

it's like a big,

you know, pile of rocks

on top of this snake.

It was a snake they had killed.

I guess this is the

procedure they have

everywhere you go,

buddy system, if a snake

happens to be in the

path, you kill it.

Hold up.

Here, one more thing.

Here, put this down.

[clears throat] Okay.

Here, now I just

want you to shoot

one more thing, is that okay?

- Um, what--

- I think, you know,

about a half hour more,

can you stay?

- You said 15 minutes.

- I know, can you do it, though?

No more than an hour.

- An hour?

Like, you know, I got--

- How 'bout, could

you come back again?

I need some help, could

you help me again?

Would you?

- I could help you, I

could come back again.

- Yeah, what,

Tuesday, Wednesday?

- Um, Tuesday or Wednesday.

- Okay, you got

my, I gave you the

phone number downstairs?

- No, no.

- I'll give it to you, come on,

I'll walk you out of here.

Okay, if you come

back I'll be ready

for you, just let

me know, I just need

about an hour of

your time, maybe two.

Maybe, I might...

- [Yahn] Have you

died today yet?

Have you died today yet?

Have you died today yet?

[doorbell buzzing]

Oh, come on in.

How's it goin'?

- All right, nine bucks.

- Nine bucks.

Hey, have you died today yet?

- What?

- I'm writin' this

screenplay, and there's this

line that just, I don't

know if it's working

for me, but I can't

tell 'cause I'm never

good at reading this

stuff, could you,

could you, could

you just say that

line for me, could you say--

- Have you died for me--

- Not have you died for me,

have you died today yet?

Take a second, just

kind of close your

eyes and then open

them and say it to me.

- Have you died today yet?

- Okay, little more angrier.

- Have you died today yet?

- All right, how

'bout, that's good,

how 'bout sad?

- Have you died today yet?

Was it cool?

- Yeah, no, no, no,

that's good, that's good.

How 'bout...

- What're you writin' it for?

- It's just a

movie, just a movie,

it's just a screenplay

that I'm workin' on,

and it's just still

in the early stages,

I don't know.

But thanks, thanks

for helpin' me out,

and thanks for everything.

- Yeah, take it easy,

thanks for the tip, man.

[funky music]

- You know, the few

times that it's been

working for me is

when I realize that

art is not fiction.

Like, there's nothing

fictional about art for me.

- Being human is the

hardest thing to do.

Being honest and

truthful with yourself,

for other people,

to other people,

it's the hardest thing to do.

[funky music]

I grew up down on 55th Street.

- [Shouting Woman] Huh?

- I grew up down on 55th Street.

[woman shouts]

Catskills.

They taught me how

to dance like that!

[soft guitar music]

♪ I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ Yes, I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ Yes, I will face the day

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world

♪ To win

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world

♪ To win

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world to win

- I do remember

one distinct time

when I died.

I was, um, in this

house in Lake Tahoe

about two years

ago, it was during

the summer, and Lake Tahoe was

just surrounded by

forest, it's this house

in the forest, and

I'd kinda gone there

for about a week to just...

Be alone, and I

stopped eating...

For a while, I was

just drinking water

and some juice and stuff,

and watching a lot of movies.

Watching a lot of

movies, and I rented

one movie which ended up just

being perfect for me

at that moment because

I'd been spending a lot of time

deciding what was...

What I was doing in terms of how

I wanted to live

my life, and I was

really stressing very

hard for a very long

time to live a very

pious, you know,

righteous life, doing

everything that was,

you know, possible,

that was right

that a human could do.

And I saw this movie that I...

It was one man's

struggle between

trying to live the

most spiritual life

possible and being a human.

And, 'cause the

two were just so...

So opposite.

The human wanted to

love and be hurt,

and to live every

day just enjoying

a family, and a woman, and the

spiritual side wanted to...

You know, do what

was right for the

greater majority of

people, which meant

a lot of cleaning

the body, and anyway,

the movie just hit me hard.

It was like an afternoon,

it just hit me hard,

and I remember weeping

through the last

half hour of the movie,

just uncontrollably, and...

And it finished, and

I was just still,

just crying, 'cause I

realized I'd spent the

last year trying to

live something that

wasn't me, maybe, I don't know.

I wasn't, I hadn't

attained whatever it was

I obviously had wanted,

and so I sat down,

and I realized well,

now's a good time

for a tarot card

reading or something,

so I sat down and I

started throwin' out

some cards, and I

don't remember exactly

all the cards that I

got, but one of them was

this one, was the

Hangman, which is

an upside down, you

know, crucifixion,

and it's the 12th card to

the tarot, which correlates

with my birthday, which

is on the 12th day

of the month, and it's a

card that I pretty much...

Always get, every time

I do a tarot reading,

whether it's three cards

or 10 cards or whatever,

I always get this card.

And there was other

cards, like the Sun,

and another one was

Sorrow, another one was...

I don't even remember,

but whatever,

like, all the cards

fell into place, and it

was this exact mirror

of who I was, and so

I started weeping

again, uncontrollably,

like, something was happening,

like something was...

Either wrapping itself,

wrapping its arms

around me or tearing me apart.

And I remember it

was, like, the same

feeling all at once,

and so, and also,

I had this friend

who'd given me these

little wooden dolls,

those little yogi dolls

that are like these guys goin',

in a little ball,

and I remember like,

and I had placed it on

this, like, you know,

fireplace, facing

near me, I guess,

and I remember when

I did this tarot card

I was just sitting

there weeping, and I'm

in this little ball, and

I look up and it's just,

you know, and it's just this

mirror of me right there,

which felt like some sort

of validation, too, so...

I kinda regrouped

for a minute and I

went outside, out

into the backyard,

which was all

trees, and I started

walking around, and

I was walking around

all these trees, just

kinda, I don't know,

I wasn't even thinking,

I wasn't even like,

I was just so drained

at this point, and

from like, I don't

know, 20 feet away,

this big pine cone just

dropped out of the sky.

And then I looked at

it, and I looked up

at the tree above

me and I thought,

"I want a pinecone,

I want a pinecone,"

so I looked up, and I just kinda

held my arm up to this

tree, and I sat there,

and I said, "I

want this pinecone,

"I want this pinecone,"

and if it got to

the point where I was

thinking, "Well, it's not

"gonna happen," I didn't

even, I would just

squelch it, and I just

said, "No, I am staying

"here until I get a

pinecone," and I sat

there for at least

45, I stood there for

about 45 seconds

waiting for a pinecone,

and all of a sudden

I hear this little

[cracking noise] little

snap in the trees,

and I'm like, "Oh

my God," like I'm

shaking all of a

sudden, and like,

some branch kind of

breaks off and starts,

you know, all this little

debris starts comin' in,

and this little tiny like,

this twig, maybe about

this long or whatever,

starts sailing down,

and seriously, like

maybe I move my hand

like, two inches, and

it drops into my hand,

and I pull it down, and

it's this little twig,

but it's got this little,

almost like a bouquet of

baby pinecones, little

rosebud pinecones.

And...

It wasn't even, didn't

need to think about it,

it was just like, "Yeah,

I got the pinecones,

"this is what I

wanted," and it wasn't

until I had just gotten rid of

all of the shit, all

of the shit that was

in my head for the

last year or so,

you know, I had to

really just purge it all,

that I could go

out into the forest

and ask for what I deserved.

What I wanted.

And I got it.

And I remember walking

back into the house

and opening up this

book that I had.

I think it was, I don't

know, I think it was

Finnegan's Wake, and

I wrote in the back,

like, you know, "If this

is what it feels like

"dying, then let

me die every day,"

'cause I really felt

like I'd died that day.

And I'll never forget that.

And I really think it's

important that people die.

And that you...

Get through that.

And you learn something from it.

'Cause it can be the

most beautiful thing

that happens to you.

- [Willie] I had a

dream just like that.

I didn't die or anything,

it was just sorta like...

You know, it was sorta

like you wanted somethin',

and that was their

reality, and then you dream

that it went

somewhere, and it was

actually there next day.

[newspaper machine banging]

[funky samba music]

- [Voiceover] Love

at first sight.

Like, seeing somebody from afar,

maybe not even ever

talking to them,

but like, boom, it's

there, or, you know,

maybe that's like

a one night thing

that has happened that

just so consumed you

that you had to think

about it for the

rest of your life.

- All the time,

all the time, too.

- Or looks that you've seen.

- You know it, you

know it, you feel it,

it's like magnet.

- [Yahn] But it doesn't

happen all the time,

does that mean, like,

what, once every

three years, or is it like--

- No, I mean,

maybe if I'm lucky,

twice or three times

in my whole life.

- [Yahn] Wow.

- I mean, I don't count

just catching eyes

with someone on the

street as being--

- [Yahn] Yeah, I guess

maybe that's what I'm,

I'm thinking about, like,

kind of that mystery of

like, seeing someone

and it's like,

"Oh, why couldn't I just

go back and like..."

- There's no question

that I see beautiful

people and I'm immediately

attracted to them,

but love at first sight is--

- So maybe we're taking

love too lightly.

- It happens to my all the time,

moment to moment, that's how I--

- Maybe it's a guy thing.

- I think that's more

of a little spark

that's like, "Okay,

should I make the choice

"to go there," and then

your body, or your mind,

or something clicks

in and it's like,

"I'm not gonna make the choice,"

or "I am gonna make the choice."

- Yeah, I went after it

and it fell flat on its

face in two weeks,

and I never talked to

that person again.

- But is that love, or is that--

- I don't know, but

you gotta, you see it

and you gotta, like,

you know, go after it

and say, "Well, is

this the real spark?"

- [Muse] Was it love?

- It was in the

moment when we were,

you know, I don't

know, spending time

together, high on

mushrooms underneath

the full moon, looking

into each other's eyes.

Our third eyes were,

you know, [buzzing].

Electricity between, you know.

I would do it again.

- [Muse] So in hindsight,

do you think it was love?

- No. Yes!

- This is what Yahn

wears in the forest.

You are homeless, you

live in the hills.

You guys live in, well,

actually, you're not like,

well, see, you used

to have, you know,

you're a city girl who's

followed this homeless

guy into the forest

to live with him,

and this scene is

like, you've got,

there's other homeless

guys in the hills, too,

you have friends,

you have friends,

you know, buddies,

so you go off,

and you wanna go hang

out with these guys,

and you've got a secret

that you haven't really,

or actually no, it's not

a secret 'cause you told

him once, but he doesn't

know it's your birthday.

- Cassandra, I'm goin'

out to collect some wood.

- I can't believe you forgot.

- [Knox] What?

- [Cassandra] Whatever.

Go into the forest.

- What?

- I'm 25! It's my birthday!

I just think it needs

a little more, I mean,

this is only the

first draft, right?

- [Yahn] The fifth draft.

- First, fifth, same thing.

- You're this, you're

like this middle-aged

guy who, his

daughter, Cassandra,

he found out she

died a week earlier,

and he had this really

bad relationship

with her, and she was

into rock and roll

and drugs and stuff

like that, you know,

and so she dies and then he had,

you know, it was

bad, but now we're

seeing this pivotal moment.

[muffled kissing noises]

- [Voiceover] You would

never guess they'd

just had a wedding anniversary.

Or they're married 60 years.

- I've been married!

- [Voiceover] And

he's 90 years old.

- Yeah, [mumbles].

- [Voiceover] [mumbles]

and she's still alive, too.

- Hey, come on up!

Come on, hurry up!

- [Voiceover] And

she's still alive, too.

- [Voiceover] Well, she

was havin' the program

on television, but he wasn't--

- Hey, Willie.

- [Willie] Yahn, how you doin'?

- Good, good, good.

- [Willie] Who's this?

- This is Cassandra.

- [Willie] How you

doin', Cassandra?

Yahn, you didn't

take the shoes off.

You took yours off.

Did you wipe your

feet, at least?

Okay, new carpeting,

you understand?

All right, look, I

need you to shoot

me doin' somethin' in

front of this TV, okay?

Okay, I got the

camera, it's all set,

it's already been

balanced and everything,

so I want you to

stand over here and

keep me in frame,

sort of like from here

to here, 'cause I'm

gonna be right here.

And you, Cassandra,

you can sit right

over here, be out of

the way a little bit.

Not a lot of

chairs, right there.

Okay.

I gotta change my outfit

here a little bit,

hold on, have patience.

[coughs]

This is, like, my

father's shirt.

The same shirt, I

think it even had a few

of the same stains on

it if you look closely.

So anyway, you see

this section here,

I'm gonna be right here.

As I play this, I'm not gonna,

you gotta be quiet, 'cause

you wanna hear what's

on here, and I'm gonna

animate to him, okay?

You all focused?

- [Yahn] Uh, yeah.

- I'm gonna be here

in frame, okay.

[couple talking]

Not yet.

Hold on, watch this,

watch this, stop.

Little more, hold it,

hold it, hold it, there!

Uh oh. There it is.

Here it is, here it is.

Okay, he's gonna tell a joke.

I look just real like him, now.

- Yeah, I get that a bunch.

And he's ridin' along,

and then the bus stops,

then a woman gets

on the bus, and she

goes up to the bus

driver and she goes...

And he turns around

to her and he goes...

And she goes...

And then she faces him, and...

And she goes...

So, guy gets off at

the station and says,

"What the heck was

all this about?

"First she went like

this, then she goes

"like that to you,

then she goes like this

"and you go like that."

He says, "She's a mute!"

He says, "What do

you mean, a mute,"

he says, "She can't talk,

she uses sign language."

"Well, what was all this about?"

He says, "Well, she

got on, she says,

the fare five cents?, he

says no its ten cents.

He says, "are you goin' uptown?"

She says, "no, I'm

goin' downtown."

He says, "Do you go

past the milk farm,"

and she says, "No, we go

down to the ballpark,"

and she went like this and said,

"Shit, I'm on the wrong bus!"

- Okay, that's it.

Okay? [coughs]

Did you get it good?

- [Yahn] Um, I got it.

I don't know if it was

good, but you know.

- [Willie] Okay, is

it turned on or off?

- [Yahn] I can, want

me to turn it off?

- Let me see if I can find it.

Now, a little bit more,

let's do somethin'

else now, maybe.

Let me find somethin' here.

- [Yahn] Is your

father still alive?

- No, that's the

whole deal, he's been

dead for about 15

years, so I'm goin',

we got a bunch of home movies,

and this is just one

little joke that he told,

it's probably the only

joke I have on record

that he ever told, you

know, on tape, so...

- What is this for?

- Just for my own family ideas,

you know, just sharing.

- [Yahn] This is

the guy that I met--

- In the creek.

- [Yahn] Yeah, couple weeks ago.

- [Willie] Yeah, he was

nice enough to help me out.

You have to go

somewhere or anything?

Uh, yeah, I think we gotta,

we do have to get

goin' pretty soon.

She's got...

Band practice.

- Band?

- [Yahn] Well,

it's not her band.

- No?

- [Yahn] I don't

really know, so...

- Well, I think,

well that's done.

- Do you have a bathroom?

- You need a

bathroom, now? Yeah.

Yeah, there's, you can go out,

here, I'll show you.

- No, it's okay.

- No? Okay.

You don't have to go now?

- It's out here?

- Yeah, it's out

and then to the left

and then to the right.

- [Yahn] Thanks, Willie.

- Yeah, you got the

number, you know,

from last time.

And yeah, you don't need money?

You have time, though, right?

[Cassandra screams]

- What?

The fuck was that?

I'm not goin' in there.

There might be a

rat or somethin'.

Or a snake.

You leave the door open?

- [Yahn] We gotta go,

see you later! Bye!

- So anyway, they

get us all back,

and now we're getting

to see where we sleep,

and it was these

cabins that were

right in the side of the hill.

So the back of the

hill would come up to

the back of the window,

the back window,

and the double bunks

were one bunk on

the bottom, one bunk on the top,

and I picked the top, you know,

and I put my foot

locker down on the

bottom there, and

then all of a sudden,

you gotta go to the

bathroom, so I'm thinkin',

"I have to go to the bathroom.

"Where do you go

to the bathroom,"

they say, "Well,

it's an outhouse."

So the outhouse...

Is like the same deal,

it's like this little

green path, and then

there's the outhouse,

so I walk there, me and

a friend walk there,

me and by Teddy

Slezak, you know,

Fleabag, we call

him, down this path,

and I was worried

about snakes, so I had

this stick with me.

And then you open this

door, it's an outhouse,

and there's all

these flies in there.

It was just like a

piece of wood with

a hole in it, and

it smelled terrible.

So I said, "Geez, I'm

not goin' in there."

Plus, I was still afraid

of snakes and stuff,

so I would hold it.

But after about

three or four days,

you can't hold it

that much more,

it starts to hurt,

so I would probably

just go in my pants for a while.

And then change the

pants and hide 'em

outside behind the cabin.

But pretty soon you'll

run out of underwear, too,

don't forget that, so then

I stopped wearin' underwear.

[sighs]

- All right, so this

is a scene between

Cassandra and Knox.

And you're Cassandra.

It's the day of your

birthday, but he's forgotten.

If it says, just don't

worry about the things

that I had written,

just read the,

Cassandra is, she's

living with Knox,

who's in a band.

- I can't believe you forgot.

Whatever, whatever,

just go to your gig.

It's my birthday,

I'm 25 years old!

- I'm a jerk.

But hey, I always forget things.

My mom's birthday, I

never remember that.

I always forget.

Oh yeah, I always forget.

That's how artists are, baby.

- I'm trying to balance

some things right here

that are kind of

difficult to balance and

I feel like you're

not working with me,

you're working against me.

Do you know what

I'm saying, I mean,

why does it always

seem like that?

Like, you know, I mean, I'm...

I'm not the great communicator,

but you don't even

make one little effort

to communicate

sometimes, you know,

I mean, you just sit

there with a blank look

on your face and it's

like, I'm supposed to...

Fill in all the information

that's not there,

and I gotta admit,

it leaves me kind of

feeling, like, helpless.

I mean, do you feel

as helpless as I do?

Wow, I think we actually just

communicated right there.

- It's my birthday!

[cries]

I'm 25 years old!

- Listen...

I'm really sorry, Cass.

Jesus, what an asshole.

I fucked up.

I'm really sorry...

Do you want me to

cancel this gig tonight?

- I'll go if you want me to.

- How...

How can you go and genuinely

have a good time, and how can I,

I don't know how

I can make this up

to you right now, I mean, we...

Jesus.

You know, I've been

forgetting my mom's

birthday all my life,

I mean, I hope--

- I don't think that's

supposed to make

me feel better. [chuckles]

- I'm serious!

I'm just, I forget

my own birthday,

I do, seriously.

If it wasn't for Matt

reminding me about

the gigs, I'd forget the gigs.

- [laughs] Stop it, just go.

- I'm serious!

And I want you to come, okay?

I want you to come,

and I want you to

be happy, and I want

us to talk tomorrow,

I mean, really talk,

like remember a couple

minutes ago when

you said you felt

helpless and I feel

helpless, I mean,

maybe that's a little

starting point or

something, anything, okay?

- Okay, one thing.

- What?

- Can...

Can I have a birthday

kiss before we go?

[kissing]

All right, go, I'll get ready.

- Okay, I'll be back.

[sighing]

- Could I...

Could I have a birthday kiss?

- I don't know

about that. [laughs]

- Was it too quick?

- [Yahn] I mean--

- [Actress] Yeah, if she's,

like, upset about it

being her birthday

and then all of a

sudden she's like,

"Oh yeah, you're an

artist, all is forgiven,

"I love you," you know.

- Happy birthday.

- What?

- I got you a little

necklace here.

- Oh my God.

- Just something to

brighten up the day.

- You remembered?

[clearing throat]

- [Knox] What's up?

- Hey Knox, how's it goin'?

Glad to see you're back.

- Oh, this is so cool.

- What'd I miss?

- It's just a little sort

of a token I got her.

- Isn't that beautiful?

- So you guys are just

chillin', just kind of,

like, cozyin' up, just kind of--

- What took you so long?

- What?

- I said what took you so long?

- What do you mean

what took me so long,

I had to park, like,

five blocks away.

What is, like, the

guilty faces and--

- Hey man, there's

no guilty faces

goin' on here, I'm

just sittin' here,

we're waitin' for you,

I'm tired, I've been

up for the last 14 hours

playin', I mean, you know.

- The fuck is this shit?

What is your problem, Knox?

- Yeah, this is,

yeah, it's probably

something he knows--

- Oh man, I hate

being, I feel like I'm

gonna have a heart

attack right now, Jesus.

- Oh my God, you are

always so overreacting.

Let's--

- Listen, I'm just--

- Work out between

the two of you--

- No no no, why don't you stay,

because it seems like--

- Oh no no no, oh no.

- No no no, you're...

- We're just sittin'

here, we're just talkin'.

- Good night, Matt.

You just need to

get over yourself.

- What are you talking

about, I walk in here--

- He remembered my

birthday, got me a gift,

which is something--

- Like, just cozy with

each other, just like,

you can't communicate

with me at all,

like, three hours ago,

and then I come in

and it's like...

It's like you guys

are just, maybe you

guys are soul mates,

you know, maybe,

God, I don't know, I probably

just overlooked that,

I mean, maybe--

- No, you're probably

just overreacting again.

- No no no, I think

that I'm probably

the vehicle to bring

you two together,

you know, that's probably

what, Jesus Christ,

I can't believe that I--

- Knox, why do you

always do this?

- Why am I always

put in a position to

do this, is probably

the better question.

I mean, am I, you know...

I'm trying to find

the words to explain--

- Yeah well, find them,

'cause I'm getting tired.

- Of miscommunication?

Miss, like...

Miss Fairy Angels,

and all this bullshit,

and like all this, like, like...

I can't talk to you,

and I'm just gonna

keep my mouth shut

and just give you this

pouty little look and

kind of expect you to

read my mind, 'cause

I mean, I think it's

probably pretty clear how

I'm feeling right now,

I'm feeling kind of frustrated--

- No, you are

coming off as being

very insecure, very confused,

very insensitive.

- Nobody was likin' me too much,

'cause there was this

horrible smell about me.

You know, it was

just, when you poop

in your pants

people say, "Did you

"poop in your pants

today," I'd go, "No."

They look at you

funny, and to myself

I say, "That was yesterday."

♪ Walkin' on your own

♪ Trying to be your

own best friend

♪ I don't know why I'm here

♪ I'm just here

♪ Not every day

♪ Wake up and get your highs

♪ Go down, I go tonight

♪ Not every day

♪ Feel good, get your own

♪ Why you would care

and you're born here

♪ Say I don't know

- It just keeps goin'

like that, but there's

a harmony in that

chorus that's like...

[singing]

- So you're really after

a pretty straightforward

kind of pop, ear candy

kind of thing here,

and there's no problem

with that in terms of,

you know, our

audience or, you know,

at a club type situation

where we're gonna

be ending up doing

sort of a three minute

song for people, I

don't know, with the

dancers there, you're sort

of focused on the radio.

- Yeah, I mean, I'm

not fighting it,

I mean, this song,

it feels good.

You know, it's just,

it seems to work,

I think it fits in with

everything else we're doing.

- Okay. Where's the hook?

You know, it's like...

[snapping fingers]

It's got me in an

epic, but I don't have

time to see Braveheart,

you know what I mean?

Where's the quick

candy, where's the hit,

where's the rent?

- Well, hopefully those

elements are gonna

be brought in by

the production and--

- Where's the chorus,

you know, I mean,

that's the problem is that

I'm not really identifying--

- The chorus is

in the harmonies.

- Chorus is in the harmonies.

- I mean, I admit it's

not, like, the most

sugar candy top 10 hit

you over the head hit,

but I think that there's

something redeeming to it.

But I mean, I can throw

it on a four track

and just let you judge

it from hearing it

from beginning to end.

I could put my guitar

parts on there, I could

put the harmonies on there.

'Cause obviously

it's not hitting you,

and right now it's

something that is speaking

to me, so instead of

wasting time like this,

'cause I mean, it's pretty

clear, if you like it,

you usually like it after

hearing 30 seconds of

something, you like it.

Would that be, I mean...

[soft guitar music]

- [Mandeep] Hey,Yahn,

how's it goin'?

- How you doin'?

- Good, good, how are you?

- Mandeep, this is

Jyota. This is Jyota.

- Hi, Jyota.

- Hey, nice to meet you.

- Mandeep is my neighbor,

and he's actually,

he's a marketing guy

for this software

guy on the, whatever.

- I try to be.

- Try to be, yeah, but

I've been talking to

him about my

screenplay, and he's

gonna help me figure out ways to

market it, or make it, like...

- It's good, it's good.

- What's this going on, man?

This is really creative.

- This is, right now

this is the screenplay.

I've just been, you

know, I've been kinda

stuck, but this is

beginning to embody

at least, you know,

the themes that

I want to address.

- So where are we

going with this?

- Well, you know, it's

kind of, at this point

it's a collage, and I think

that's what we need.

- But you have to give

me the script, man,

because I need to

help you sell it.

You gotta earn a living.

- I don't know if, I don't know,

the script's not working.

- How are you gonna

pay your rent?

- Well, you know, I'll

keep doing what I do,

you know, substitute teaching.

- Well, but you gotta

get your script out,

man, you have some

really good ideas.

- [Yahn] Yeah, you think so?

- Yeah, but you gotta

get it on the print.

Give it to me, man.

I'll sell it for you.

- [Yahn] All right.

- [Mandeep] All right?

- [Yahn] All right.

- Can I pick it up tomorrow?

- [Yahn] What, tomorrow?

Maybe next week.

- Okay, next week.

- Well, I'm liking the

music that I'm hearing,

but I'm not hearing

something that has the

potential to land on

the radio and sort of

achieve the objective

we've both been

working pretty hard

for in the past two

and a half years here

to do, and that's

the main thing that

sort of is concerning

me about the song.

I don't know, you

seemed to have said

you were gonna pay a

lot more attention to

coming up with choruses

that instantaneously

sort of ring in the

ears of the listener,

and what I feel is like

I'm hearing you get

much more into the

musicality and the enchanting

melodies, but I'm not

hearing that thing,

it's not coming quick enough.

And I don't know if you just

basically neglected that,

or were you comin' on

it, or are you just gonna

wait for it, or this isn't--

- I think there's something

really dangerous about,

if we're that

single-minded, I just,

maybe I'm superstitious,

but I feel like if

we're that, you know,

if we're just psychos

about getting the hit

then I feel like that's--

- Yeah, but I mean,

but we need to be,

because we're goin' crazy

being here, we're goin'

crazy here day in

day out, working,

taking the time of all

of our people in our band

to work on this material,

we all need to pay

our rent, you know, and

we all basically wanna

get on the map,

that's why everybody's

involved with the process.

- All you need is

to express yourself,

who gives a shit how

much money someone's

paying you for?

That's the way I see it,

dude, and you are good,

and your script is good.

- [Yahn] Thanks.

- So if they buy it 'cause

it's good, that's good, but...

[bongo drumming]

- You know, it's

okay to be an artist,

but how are you

gonna make a living?

I mean, how are you

gonna feed yourself?

I mean, I understand

your arty thing,

I mean, I understand

this, or maybe I don't,

but I understand where

you're coming from,

but, you know, you

gotta feed yourself,

I mean, how are

you gonna do that?

I mean, you have to

strike a balance.

- But when you, you

know, but when you

market the hell out

of stuff, it's like,

you know, it becomes

this brand name

generic thing, it's

like, how many people

can we get to enjoy this?

I don't think we're

giving people options

anymore as to what

they might like,

I think we're giving

them cookie cutted

things, it's like,

this is what you liked

last year, we'll give

you, you know, we'll add

sprinkles this time,

but that's about it.

- You can still give them

this customized thing,

but as long as there's

something to it that

people wanna watch or

see or use, you know,

you have to strike a balance.

Anyway, man, but that's--

- Well, maybe people

will pay for, you know,

maybe people will pay

for the art's sake.

- Maybe they will,

maybe they won't.

- I hope art doesn't

have to somehow--

- See, you have to decide

what your objective is,

I mean, either you do

the art and put it in,

hang it in your room,

and that's enough,

and then enjoy it, and I

have nothing against that,

I do that all the

time, but if you wanna

sell something, you've

gotta sell something

what people want,

that's the difference.

Art for yourself

or art for others.

[Jyota moans]

- So it's kind of like

you're taking on your

creative little

jaunt, yet sometimes,

for whatever reason,

maybe your headspace,

I don't know, if there's

some sort of thing

going on with Cass or

there's some sort of,

like, somethin' you're

workin' out that you

need to go here to

solve some problem--

- Cass, since when you

been callin' her Cass?

- Your girlfriend,

your girlfriend,

the woman who lives

here, all right?

You're trying to

solve some problems,

you're taking that

journey, but you're

taking us along with

it, and it's really

not our role, we never

signed up for that,

you know, and that's

what I'm sort of

concerned about.

- Is this, are you

trying to stir things,

is this where the

whole you and Cass

kind of flirting more

and getting closer,

is that what this is?

- No, no, no, if you

really wanna know

the frustration I'm having,

it's that, you know,

things are starting to

go missing around here.

[downbeat rock music]

- You know, there's

still a lot of people

who don't believe

in life after death

or spirits, and I used to be

a disbeliever myself

until I heard of an

incident that took

place in my family.

The story goes

back about 40 or 50

years ago, this

was my mom's aunt.

This was back in a

small town in India,

and she was essentially

a local town girl,

she woke up one

day and there were

different voices that

were not hers coming

out of her mouth, and

one was a man's voice,

and another one was

a female's voice.

Obviously there was a

lot of scare initially,

because it was a fear

of unknown, a local

priest was called

who set up a meeting

with this individual.

Some other people

were called as well,

there was like a

community meeting,

and the priest started

asking questions to,

not to my mom's aunt,

but to the spirits

that were inside her.

And those spirits,

essentially, were giving

answers back like

they were having

a full conversation,

and it turned out that

those spirits belonged

to a couple who

had died just about

a month before,

and they felt they could

not leave the earth

because they had some

unfinished business.

And that's why they

were going to stay in

a body that they

felt was very pure

for a while before they left.

And after that, more

meetings were held

almost on a weekly

basis, more community

town hall type of

meetings where my mom's

aunt will sit and there'll

be people surrounding her,

and different people

will ask these spirits

different questions,

and obviously they were

friendly spirits, and

they were giving advices

on what types of

investments to make,

what types of stocks

to buy, what was

happening all around the world.

So slowly, the fear

left everyone and

people knew that

these spirits were

harmless, and they

were going to leave

in due course, and

they did, about after

eight or nine months

they just disappeared

when their job was finished.

Whatever that was, they

never mentioned that,

and so I think, there

were a lot of people

who were skeptical,

said, "She could be

"making all these

stories up," but it

turned out that she

was just a local

town girl, had

never left the town,

never even had gone

to high school,

so there was no way

she could be telling

stories about Russia

or China, or giving

stock advices on

different companies.

So after that I've started

believing in spirits

and obviously in life

after death as well,

and I think if there are

any disbelievers still,

there are a number

of these types of

stories existing out

there that they can use.

[car door slams]

- Willie?

- [Willie] Yeah, hi, what's up?

- I think we should sit down.

Come on.

- [Willie] Sit down?

- [Red-Haired Woman] Yeah.

- [Willie] What, did

I give you some money?

I can't give you any more money.

- It's not about

money this time.

- [Willie] Yeah?

- I have some news for you.

It's bad news, I need

you to be ready for it.

I just got a call

about an hour ago.

It's about Cassandra.

- What, is she like--

- Willie, she died.

- Died? Just died, what?

From what?

- They're not sure yet.

The call just came

in an hour ago.

She took a walk, she

was near a cliff.

They don't know if she

fell or she jumped.

- [Willie] Drinkin',

was she drinkin'?

- I don't know.

I don't know.

But...

You have to take care of this.

- Well, maybe I will

have to make some calls,

why don't you make

some calls too,

you wanna help me out with this,

I mean, with the money, I don't

have that kind of money.

She's nowhere to be

seen for two years,

I don't see her, hear

from her, or anything,

and then all of a

sudden I have to go

take care of things

when she's dead,

is this the deal we're going?

- Is this a big

inconvenience for you?

- Well yes, I'm

not used to this,

these things don't

happen like this.

She's gone for all of

two years or something,

and all of a sudden

I'm supposed to jump

when she's dead?

What is this?

- Your daughter has died!

- [Willie] So, she's dead.

You're dead too, as

far as I'm concerned.

Anybody who doesn't

come back and

see me, they only come

back with the bad news--

- You need to take

care of this, okay?

I can't help you anymore.

- [Willie] Just get

the fuck outta here.

- You need to do this.

It's important this time--

- [Willie] Get the

fuck outta here!

- Listen to me, it's important!

- Just get the fuck

outta here, then, go on!

Get the fuck outta here!

Son of a bitch! Out, out, out!

[door slams]

[soft guitar music]

♪ And I say

♪ Go away

♪ Come back for

♪ Another day

♪ And I'll sing

♪ Patiently

♪ 'Cause sometimes it's better

♪ To wait

♪ Only you

♪ Know the words

♪ And only I

♪ Can make you hurt, oh well

♪ Who cares 'cause

talking's overrated

♪ Sometimes I think

♪ Silence is the key

♪ Sometimes I just

♪ Let my belly ache

♪ Feel the way it

strips and takes away ♪

[Willie sighs]

What a pretty

little girl you are!

Remember these little

buttons, how you

loved these little

heart buttons?

I made these buttons.

They're little wooden hearts.

For my pretty little girl.

And you had teddy

bears like this,

remember the teddy bears?

They matched your dress.

Your favorite one

was Little Patch.

He was a puppet, a

little teddy bear puppet.

- [Voiceover] I loved

you so much, Papa.

And you loved me.

You loved your little girl.

You just couldn't stand it when

I started growing up.

[Willie cries]

- Where were we?

I think we took a

wrong turn, man.

I don't like this, man.

I got a weird vibe

about this place.

[cars passing]

- Is this the right side

or is this the left side?

Is this the right side

or is this the left side?

[funky hip hop music]

See, I'm walkin' down

this creek, and that's

when I see Willie boy.

But I don't think

I'm, I don't think...

[Yahn stammers]

I'm not an angel.

No.

I'm like this big,

burly, rugged man.

This is [mumbles].

- Okay.

- And let's do that thing

that I was telling you,

but I'm not gonna

preface it, we'll just go

with the flow of it.

- Okay.

- This is almost

like a morning coffee

kinda outside in a

cafe, or something.

- Do you want a section?

- Could I?

- Yeah.

- All right. Local news.

So, I mean, do you

have a boyfriend?

- Yeah, sort of.

Kind of, we're both

pursuing things at

the moment, so it's

kind of like up in

the air, when we have time.

- Is he acting, too, or is he--

- [Muse] Yeah.

- [Yahn] Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- Actors and writers,

that works, but--

- Really? You think?

- That's what I've heard, but--

- Oh, okay.

- But the actor-actor

thing is not...

- So, say, for

instance, this were to

be in your script, like,

how would I fit into that?

- Well, you would

probably be the...

Pretty girl, the muse.

You'd be the muse.

The inspiration.

Kind of the ball that

gets everything rolling.

- Does that mean that I'm

providing inspiration right now?

- You might be.

[soft, pleasant music]

- Anyway, the time is

up, it's time to go,

I can't take it

anymore, I'm packin' up

my stuff and my parents

are comin' to get me.

It wasn't about an hour

later, we're drivin'

home, and my father's

goin', "What is

"that stink in the car?"

You know, I go, "I don't know."

"It's just horrible,"

the windows are goin' up,

he's lightin' up his pipe,

"Let me smoke a cigar,"

they'll do anything to

get rid of the smell.

We finally get on the

trunks, comes out of

the thing and my

mom opens it up and

she said, "Look at that,

this is the stink,"

and I'd packed all my

underwear and socks

with a poop, a load

in each one of 'em,

they were all stacked,

there must have

been about two weeks

worth, at least

10 or 12 poops in

my socks and stuff,

and it was just in there

with maggots and...

Not a pretty sight.

So that's campin', I

never went campin' again,

they never sent me campin'.

I went on vacation

with them after this.

[sighs]

[upbeat rock music]