Crash My Funeral (1999) - full transcript

CRASH MY FUNERAL is a surreal comedy about a scriptwriter's block. In an attempt to pull his movie back on track he employs drastic measures; trying out impossible dialogue on a pizza delivery man, wandering around the neighborhood to scare up new characters and scenes, hoping for inspiration from every pretty girl that passes his way. In the end he realizes that the creation of art, for him, isn't fictional at all, but merely a collage of real-life moments in which he finds meaning and delight. Produced as part of Rick Schmidt Workshop.

- When I was about
eight years old

my parents wanted
to go to Florida,

and I'm goin', "Oh
boy, goin' to Florida,"

they're sayin', "No, you're
not goin' to Florida,

"you're gonna go to
camp this summer."

And I go, "Okay," and
when the brochure came

in the mail it looked
pretty good, you know,

it had guys in canoes,
there was a lake there,

and there was horseback
riding, archery,

you know, bows and
arrows, you like

bow and arrows, right, Billy?

Yeah, I like bow and arrows.

Rifle range, get
to shoot the guns.

Arts and crafts.

Being there with the
guys your age, you know.

So, of course we
had to get the big

trunk, shop for that
and put your name

in your socks and
your underwear,

and all your clothes,
your little polo shirts,

your bathing suits,
all that camp stuff,

your little supplies,
your soap, your towels.

And this was nice,
havin' a foot locker,

you know, you're in the army now

kinda thing, but
for summer camp,

never been to summer camp.

So of course they drive
up there somewhere,

Pennsylvania, and
we're from New Jersey,

so it's a couple hours,
two, three hours,

I don't know, driving someplace

that was a Catholic deal.

I guess the brothers
or the monks of

some order were
babysittin' all these,

and counseling these camp kids.

And on the other
side of the lake was

the girl's side of the lake.

I guess they stayed over there.

But I didn't know
anything drivin' up there,

my new little trunk,
lookin' at the scenery.

Pull up off this road
that's like a dirt

road, and it gets
smaller and smaller,

hillier, it's goin' up and down,

'til we finally get
to this clearing,

it must have been the size of a

baseball field or
something, and all

around this big
opening area were

these little cabins
stuck into the side

of the hill, and
right there when we

pull in with the station
wagon, parents pull...

My foot locker out
of the trunk of

the car and I get
out of the car and

we start walkin' over
towards this crowd of

people, you know, it
was like all these

kids, a big circle
of kids, and they

were like, three, three
thick, and in the middle

of this circle, I
couldn't see what it was,

all I could see was
all this dust goin'

up in the air, and then all of

a sudden it just
stopped, all the yelling

and everything and
screaming just stopped,

and then it opened up
into like a horseshoe

kinda thing, and they
all said, "Here's the

"new kid, another new kid."

That was me, and
one kid grabs me

and just throws
me in the middle,

I don't know who's
in there, but some

guy named Spike or
Duke or something,

he had the gloves on,
and I could always

remember, he had
like this little snot

comin' out of his nose,
with dirt all around

his mouth, and his
eyes were all sweaty,

and his tongue was
hangin' out of his mouth,

and he was just
beatin' the shit out of

any new kid that
came in, and that's

what I got right away.

Boom, boom, boom,
and they were all

yelling and screaming,
and where are

my parents, ther've
already gone,

they just left me with
my trunk and took off.

[intense music]



What're you doin', somethin'
wrong with the creek?

Hey, you!

- [Yahn] Yeah?
- [Willie] What're you doin'?

- What, is this your creek?

- Yeah, yeah, do
you work with the

city or something?

- You own this whole creek?

- Well, up to this point
and under here, yeah.

- All right.

I'm just checkin' it out.

You might got gold, I dunno.

- Yeah, okay. Whatever.

Don't stay too long.

What're you doin'?
Where you goin?

Now you're on my property.

Now you're on my property.

Are you with the
city or somethin'?


- [Yahn] No.

- Hey, okay, put that
shovel down, huh?

You're on my property
now, and I don't

want anybody talkin'
to me on my property

with somethin' in their hands.

Okay, could be a
machete for all I know.

What're you doin' here?


- I really need to, I
need to use your bathroom.

- You wanna use my bathroom?

Okay, I got an idea,
I know what that's

like to use the bathroom.

You can use my bathroom,
but you're gonna

have to do me a favor, okay?

Can you take about 15
minutes to help me out?

- Maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Maybe you wanna
use the bathroom.

Gonna have to take those
shoes off, you're all wet.

I got new carpeting
in here, and I don't

want it all messed up.

So all of a sudden,
I guess the monks or

the brothers come,
and the counselors,

the older guys, they
come and break this

whole little scene
up and say, "I guess

"everybody's here, so
everybody, we're gonna

"do the buddy system,
everybody pair up

"in size," you know,
so I was one of the

smaller kids, younger
kids, and I was

paired up with some guy
named Theodore Slezak.

They called him Fleabag
after a couple weeks.

So he was my buddy,
he was supposed to

be my bunk mate,
and we all line up.

Smallest to the tallest.

Might've been a hundred people.

And he says, "We're
all gonna go down to

"the mess hall now for lunch."

And all of a sudden
these guys come up

with shovels, you know,
big spade shovels,

and they had these
boulders in their

other hand, they were
just, there was one

in the front, one guy
in the middle with

the shovel and a
rock, and another guy

at the end back by me.

Well, we start goin'
down this narrow path

towards the lake,
and we're windin'

through this wooded area,
in this high grass area,

and all of a sudden,
[screeches] it just stopped,

the whole line
stopped, and then you

hear this thump,
clank clank clank,

you know, and then
the line would

move along, and by
the time we got past

where that noise was,
I looked down and

go, "What is that,"
it's like a big,

you know, pile of rocks
on top of this snake.

It was a snake they had killed.

I guess this is the
procedure they have

everywhere you go,
buddy system, if a snake

happens to be in the
path, you kill it.

Hold up.

Here, one more thing.

Here, put this down.

[clears throat] Okay.

Here, now I just
want you to shoot

one more thing, is that okay?

- Um, what--

- I think, you know,
about a half hour more,

can you stay?

- You said 15 minutes.

- I know, can you do it, though?

No more than an hour.

- An hour?

Like, you know, I got--

- How 'bout, could
you come back again?

I need some help, could
you help me again?

Would you?

- I could help you, I
could come back again.

- Yeah, what,
Tuesday, Wednesday?

- Um, Tuesday or Wednesday.

- Okay, you got
my, I gave you the

phone number downstairs?

- No, no.

- I'll give it to you, come on,

I'll walk you out of here.

Okay, if you come
back I'll be ready

for you, just let
me know, I just need

about an hour of
your time, maybe two.

Maybe, I might...

- [Yahn] Have you
died today yet?

Have you died today yet?

Have you died today yet?

[doorbell buzzing]

Oh, come on in.

How's it goin'?

- All right, nine bucks.

- Nine bucks.

Hey, have you died today yet?

- What?

- I'm writin' this
screenplay, and there's this

line that just, I don't
know if it's working

for me, but I can't
tell 'cause I'm never

good at reading this
stuff, could you,

could you, could
you just say that

line for me, could you say--

- Have you died for me--

- Not have you died for me,

have you died today yet?

Take a second, just
kind of close your

eyes and then open
them and say it to me.

- Have you died today yet?

- Okay, little more angrier.

- Have you died today yet?

- All right, how
'bout, that's good,

how 'bout sad?

- Have you died today yet?

Was it cool?

- Yeah, no, no, no,
that's good, that's good.

How 'bout...

- What're you writin' it for?

- It's just a
movie, just a movie,

it's just a screenplay
that I'm workin' on,

and it's just still
in the early stages,

I don't know.

But thanks, thanks
for helpin' me out,

and thanks for everything.

- Yeah, take it easy,
thanks for the tip, man.

[funky music]

- You know, the few
times that it's been

working for me is
when I realize that

art is not fiction.

Like, there's nothing
fictional about art for me.

- Being human is the
hardest thing to do.

Being honest and
truthful with yourself,

for other people,
to other people,

it's the hardest thing to do.

[funky music]

I grew up down on 55th Street.

- [Shouting Woman] Huh?

- I grew up down on 55th Street.

[woman shouts]


They taught me how
to dance like that!

[soft guitar music]

♪ I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ Yes, I will face the day

♪ I will face the day

♪ Yes, I will face the day

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world

♪ To win

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world

♪ To win

♪ I want the world to win

♪ I want the world to win

- I do remember
one distinct time

when I died.

I was, um, in this
house in Lake Tahoe

about two years
ago, it was during

the summer, and Lake Tahoe was

just surrounded by
forest, it's this house

in the forest, and
I'd kinda gone there

for about a week to just...

Be alone, and I
stopped eating...

For a while, I was
just drinking water

and some juice and stuff,

and watching a lot of movies.

Watching a lot of
movies, and I rented

one movie which ended up just

being perfect for me
at that moment because

I'd been spending a lot of time

deciding what was...

What I was doing in terms of how

I wanted to live
my life, and I was

really stressing very
hard for a very long

time to live a very
pious, you know,

righteous life, doing
everything that was,

you know, possible,
that was right

that a human could do.

And I saw this movie that I...

It was one man's
struggle between

trying to live the
most spiritual life

possible and being a human.

And, 'cause the
two were just so...

So opposite.

The human wanted to
love and be hurt,

and to live every
day just enjoying

a family, and a woman, and the

spiritual side wanted to...

You know, do what
was right for the

greater majority of
people, which meant

a lot of cleaning
the body, and anyway,

the movie just hit me hard.

It was like an afternoon,
it just hit me hard,

and I remember weeping
through the last

half hour of the movie,
just uncontrollably, and...

And it finished, and
I was just still,

just crying, 'cause I
realized I'd spent the

last year trying to
live something that

wasn't me, maybe, I don't know.

I wasn't, I hadn't
attained whatever it was

I obviously had wanted,
and so I sat down,

and I realized well,
now's a good time

for a tarot card
reading or something,

so I sat down and I
started throwin' out

some cards, and I
don't remember exactly

all the cards that I
got, but one of them was

this one, was the
Hangman, which is

an upside down, you
know, crucifixion,

and it's the 12th card to
the tarot, which correlates

with my birthday, which
is on the 12th day

of the month, and it's a
card that I pretty much...

Always get, every time
I do a tarot reading,

whether it's three cards
or 10 cards or whatever,

I always get this card.

And there was other
cards, like the Sun,

and another one was
Sorrow, another one was...

I don't even remember,
but whatever,

like, all the cards
fell into place, and it

was this exact mirror
of who I was, and so

I started weeping
again, uncontrollably,

like, something was happening,
like something was...

Either wrapping itself,
wrapping its arms

around me or tearing me apart.

And I remember it
was, like, the same

feeling all at once,
and so, and also,

I had this friend
who'd given me these

little wooden dolls,
those little yogi dolls

that are like these guys goin',

in a little ball,
and I remember like,

and I had placed it on
this, like, you know,

fireplace, facing
near me, I guess,

and I remember when
I did this tarot card

I was just sitting
there weeping, and I'm

in this little ball, and
I look up and it's just,

you know, and it's just this
mirror of me right there,

which felt like some sort
of validation, too, so...

I kinda regrouped
for a minute and I

went outside, out
into the backyard,

which was all
trees, and I started

walking around, and
I was walking around

all these trees, just
kinda, I don't know,

I wasn't even thinking,
I wasn't even like,

I was just so drained
at this point, and

from like, I don't
know, 20 feet away,

this big pine cone just
dropped out of the sky.

And then I looked at
it, and I looked up

at the tree above
me and I thought,

"I want a pinecone,
I want a pinecone,"

so I looked up, and I just kinda

held my arm up to this
tree, and I sat there,

and I said, "I
want this pinecone,

"I want this pinecone,"
and if it got to

the point where I was
thinking, "Well, it's not

"gonna happen," I didn't
even, I would just

squelch it, and I just
said, "No, I am staying

"here until I get a
pinecone," and I sat

there for at least
45, I stood there for

about 45 seconds
waiting for a pinecone,

and all of a sudden
I hear this little

[cracking noise] little
snap in the trees,

and I'm like, "Oh
my God," like I'm

shaking all of a
sudden, and like,

some branch kind of
breaks off and starts,

you know, all this little
debris starts comin' in,

and this little tiny like,
this twig, maybe about

this long or whatever,
starts sailing down,

and seriously, like
maybe I move my hand

like, two inches, and
it drops into my hand,

and I pull it down, and
it's this little twig,

but it's got this little,
almost like a bouquet of

baby pinecones, little
rosebud pinecones.


It wasn't even, didn't
need to think about it,

it was just like, "Yeah,
I got the pinecones,

"this is what I
wanted," and it wasn't

until I had just gotten rid of

all of the shit, all
of the shit that was

in my head for the
last year or so,

you know, I had to
really just purge it all,

that I could go
out into the forest

and ask for what I deserved.

What I wanted.

And I got it.

And I remember walking
back into the house

and opening up this
book that I had.

I think it was, I don't
know, I think it was

Finnegan's Wake, and
I wrote in the back,

like, you know, "If this
is what it feels like

"dying, then let
me die every day,"

'cause I really felt
like I'd died that day.

And I'll never forget that.

And I really think it's
important that people die.

And that you...

Get through that.

And you learn something from it.

'Cause it can be the
most beautiful thing

that happens to you.

- [Willie] I had a
dream just like that.

I didn't die or anything,
it was just sorta like...

You know, it was sorta
like you wanted somethin',

and that was their
reality, and then you dream

that it went
somewhere, and it was

actually there next day.

[newspaper machine banging]

[funky samba music]

- [Voiceover] Love
at first sight.

Like, seeing somebody from afar,

maybe not even ever
talking to them,

but like, boom, it's
there, or, you know,

maybe that's like
a one night thing

that has happened that
just so consumed you

that you had to think
about it for the

rest of your life.

- All the time,
all the time, too.

- Or looks that you've seen.

- You know it, you
know it, you feel it,

it's like magnet.

- [Yahn] But it doesn't
happen all the time,

does that mean, like,
what, once every

three years, or is it like--

- No, I mean,
maybe if I'm lucky,

twice or three times
in my whole life.

- [Yahn] Wow.

- I mean, I don't count
just catching eyes

with someone on the
street as being--

- [Yahn] Yeah, I guess
maybe that's what I'm,

I'm thinking about, like,
kind of that mystery of

like, seeing someone
and it's like,

"Oh, why couldn't I just
go back and like..."

- There's no question
that I see beautiful

people and I'm immediately
attracted to them,

but love at first sight is--

- So maybe we're taking
love too lightly.

- It happens to my all the time,

moment to moment, that's how I--

- Maybe it's a guy thing.

- I think that's more
of a little spark

that's like, "Okay,
should I make the choice

"to go there," and then
your body, or your mind,

or something clicks
in and it's like,

"I'm not gonna make the choice,"

or "I am gonna make the choice."

- Yeah, I went after it
and it fell flat on its

face in two weeks,
and I never talked to

that person again.

- But is that love, or is that--

- I don't know, but
you gotta, you see it

and you gotta, like,
you know, go after it

and say, "Well, is
this the real spark?"

- [Muse] Was it love?

- It was in the
moment when we were,

you know, I don't
know, spending time

together, high on
mushrooms underneath

the full moon, looking
into each other's eyes.

Our third eyes were,
you know, [buzzing].

Electricity between, you know.

I would do it again.

- [Muse] So in hindsight,
do you think it was love?

- No. Yes!

- This is what Yahn
wears in the forest.

You are homeless, you
live in the hills.

You guys live in, well,
actually, you're not like,

well, see, you used
to have, you know,

you're a city girl who's
followed this homeless

guy into the forest
to live with him,

and this scene is
like, you've got,

there's other homeless
guys in the hills, too,

you have friends,
you have friends,

you know, buddies,
so you go off,

and you wanna go hang
out with these guys,

and you've got a secret
that you haven't really,

or actually no, it's not
a secret 'cause you told

him once, but he doesn't
know it's your birthday.

- Cassandra, I'm goin'
out to collect some wood.

- I can't believe you forgot.

- [Knox] What?
- [Cassandra] Whatever.

Go into the forest.

- What?

- I'm 25! It's my birthday!

I just think it needs
a little more, I mean,

this is only the
first draft, right?

- [Yahn] The fifth draft.

- First, fifth, same thing.

- You're this, you're
like this middle-aged

guy who, his
daughter, Cassandra,

he found out she
died a week earlier,

and he had this really
bad relationship

with her, and she was
into rock and roll

and drugs and stuff
like that, you know,

and so she dies and then he had,

you know, it was
bad, but now we're

seeing this pivotal moment.

[muffled kissing noises]

- [Voiceover] You would
never guess they'd

just had a wedding anniversary.

Or they're married 60 years.

- I've been married!

- [Voiceover] And
he's 90 years old.

- Yeah, [mumbles].

- [Voiceover] [mumbles]
and she's still alive, too.

- Hey, come on up!

Come on, hurry up!

- [Voiceover] And
she's still alive, too.

- [Voiceover] Well, she
was havin' the program

on television, but he wasn't--

- Hey, Willie.

- [Willie] Yahn, how you doin'?

- Good, good, good.

- [Willie] Who's this?

- This is Cassandra.

- [Willie] How you
doin', Cassandra?

Yahn, you didn't
take the shoes off.

You took yours off.

Did you wipe your
feet, at least?

Okay, new carpeting,
you understand?

All right, look, I
need you to shoot

me doin' somethin' in
front of this TV, okay?

Okay, I got the
camera, it's all set,

it's already been
balanced and everything,

so I want you to
stand over here and

keep me in frame,
sort of like from here

to here, 'cause I'm
gonna be right here.

And you, Cassandra,
you can sit right

over here, be out of
the way a little bit.

Not a lot of
chairs, right there.


I gotta change my outfit
here a little bit,

hold on, have patience.


This is, like, my
father's shirt.

The same shirt, I
think it even had a few

of the same stains on
it if you look closely.

So anyway, you see
this section here,

I'm gonna be right here.

As I play this, I'm not gonna,

you gotta be quiet, 'cause
you wanna hear what's

on here, and I'm gonna
animate to him, okay?

You all focused?

- [Yahn] Uh, yeah.

- I'm gonna be here
in frame, okay.

[couple talking]

Not yet.

Hold on, watch this,
watch this, stop.

Little more, hold it,
hold it, hold it, there!

Uh oh. There it is.

Here it is, here it is.

Okay, he's gonna tell a joke.

I look just real like him, now.

- Yeah, I get that a bunch.

And he's ridin' along,
and then the bus stops,

then a woman gets
on the bus, and she

goes up to the bus
driver and she goes...

And he turns around
to her and he goes...

And she goes...

And then she faces him, and...

And she goes...

So, guy gets off at
the station and says,

"What the heck was
all this about?

"First she went like
this, then she goes

"like that to you,
then she goes like this

"and you go like that."

He says, "She's a mute!"

He says, "What do
you mean, a mute,"

he says, "She can't talk,
she uses sign language."

"Well, what was all this about?"

He says, "Well, she
got on, she says,

the fare five cents?, he
says no its ten cents.

He says, "are you goin' uptown?"

She says, "no, I'm
goin' downtown."

He says, "Do you go
past the milk farm,"

and she says, "No, we go
down to the ballpark,"

and she went like this and said,

"Shit, I'm on the wrong bus!"

- Okay, that's it.

Okay? [coughs]

Did you get it good?

- [Yahn] Um, I got it.

I don't know if it was
good, but you know.

- [Willie] Okay, is
it turned on or off?

- [Yahn] I can, want
me to turn it off?

- Let me see if I can find it.

Now, a little bit more,
let's do somethin'

else now, maybe.

Let me find somethin' here.

- [Yahn] Is your
father still alive?

- No, that's the
whole deal, he's been

dead for about 15
years, so I'm goin',

we got a bunch of home movies,

and this is just one
little joke that he told,

it's probably the only
joke I have on record

that he ever told, you
know, on tape, so...

- What is this for?

- Just for my own family ideas,

you know, just sharing.

- [Yahn] This is
the guy that I met--

- In the creek.

- [Yahn] Yeah, couple weeks ago.

- [Willie] Yeah, he was
nice enough to help me out.

You have to go
somewhere or anything?

Uh, yeah, I think we gotta,

we do have to get
goin' pretty soon.

She's got...

Band practice.

- Band?

- [Yahn] Well,
it's not her band.

- No?

- [Yahn] I don't
really know, so...

- Well, I think,
well that's done.

- Do you have a bathroom?

- You need a
bathroom, now? Yeah.

Yeah, there's, you can go out,

here, I'll show you.

- No, it's okay.

- No? Okay.

You don't have to go now?

- It's out here?

- Yeah, it's out
and then to the left

and then to the right.

- [Yahn] Thanks, Willie.

- Yeah, you got the
number, you know,

from last time.

And yeah, you don't need money?

You have time, though, right?

[Cassandra screams]

- What?

The fuck was that?

I'm not goin' in there.

There might be a
rat or somethin'.

Or a snake.

You leave the door open?

- [Yahn] We gotta go,
see you later! Bye!

- So anyway, they
get us all back,

and now we're getting
to see where we sleep,

and it was these
cabins that were

right in the side of the hill.

So the back of the
hill would come up to

the back of the window,
the back window,

and the double bunks
were one bunk on

the bottom, one bunk on the top,

and I picked the top, you know,

and I put my foot
locker down on the

bottom there, and
then all of a sudden,

you gotta go to the
bathroom, so I'm thinkin',

"I have to go to the bathroom.

"Where do you go
to the bathroom,"

they say, "Well,
it's an outhouse."

So the outhouse...

Is like the same deal,
it's like this little

green path, and then
there's the outhouse,

so I walk there, me and
a friend walk there,

me and by Teddy
Slezak, you know,

Fleabag, we call
him, down this path,

and I was worried
about snakes, so I had

this stick with me.

And then you open this
door, it's an outhouse,

and there's all
these flies in there.

It was just like a
piece of wood with

a hole in it, and
it smelled terrible.

So I said, "Geez, I'm
not goin' in there."

Plus, I was still afraid
of snakes and stuff,

so I would hold it.

But after about
three or four days,

you can't hold it
that much more,

it starts to hurt,
so I would probably

just go in my pants for a while.

And then change the
pants and hide 'em

outside behind the cabin.

But pretty soon you'll
run out of underwear, too,

don't forget that, so then
I stopped wearin' underwear.


- All right, so this
is a scene between

Cassandra and Knox.

And you're Cassandra.

It's the day of your
birthday, but he's forgotten.

If it says, just don't
worry about the things

that I had written,
just read the,

Cassandra is, she's
living with Knox,

who's in a band.

- I can't believe you forgot.

Whatever, whatever,
just go to your gig.

It's my birthday,
I'm 25 years old!

- I'm a jerk.

But hey, I always forget things.

My mom's birthday, I
never remember that.

I always forget.

Oh yeah, I always forget.

That's how artists are, baby.

- I'm trying to balance
some things right here

that are kind of
difficult to balance and

I feel like you're
not working with me,

you're working against me.

Do you know what
I'm saying, I mean,

why does it always
seem like that?

Like, you know, I mean, I'm...

I'm not the great communicator,

but you don't even
make one little effort

to communicate
sometimes, you know,

I mean, you just sit
there with a blank look

on your face and it's
like, I'm supposed to...

Fill in all the information
that's not there,

and I gotta admit,
it leaves me kind of

feeling, like, helpless.

I mean, do you feel
as helpless as I do?

Wow, I think we actually just
communicated right there.

- It's my birthday!


I'm 25 years old!

- Listen...

I'm really sorry, Cass.

Jesus, what an asshole.

I fucked up.

I'm really sorry...

Do you want me to
cancel this gig tonight?

- I'll go if you want me to.

- How...

How can you go and genuinely

have a good time, and how can I,

I don't know how
I can make this up

to you right now, I mean, we...


You know, I've been
forgetting my mom's

birthday all my life,
I mean, I hope--

- I don't think that's
supposed to make

me feel better. [chuckles]

- I'm serious!

I'm just, I forget
my own birthday,

I do, seriously.

If it wasn't for Matt
reminding me about

the gigs, I'd forget the gigs.

- [laughs] Stop it, just go.

- I'm serious!

And I want you to come, okay?

I want you to come,
and I want you to

be happy, and I want
us to talk tomorrow,

I mean, really talk,
like remember a couple

minutes ago when
you said you felt

helpless and I feel
helpless, I mean,

maybe that's a little
starting point or

something, anything, okay?

- Okay, one thing.

- What?

- Can...

Can I have a birthday
kiss before we go?


All right, go, I'll get ready.

- Okay, I'll be back.


- Could I...

Could I have a birthday kiss?

- I don't know
about that. [laughs]

- Was it too quick?

- [Yahn] I mean--
- [Actress] Yeah, if she's,

like, upset about it
being her birthday

and then all of a
sudden she's like,

"Oh yeah, you're an
artist, all is forgiven,

"I love you," you know.

- Happy birthday.

- What?

- I got you a little
necklace here.

- Oh my God.

- Just something to
brighten up the day.

- You remembered?

[clearing throat]

- [Knox] What's up?

- Hey Knox, how's it goin'?

Glad to see you're back.

- Oh, this is so cool.

- What'd I miss?

- It's just a little sort
of a token I got her.

- Isn't that beautiful?

- So you guys are just
chillin', just kind of,

like, cozyin' up, just kind of--

- What took you so long?

- What?

- I said what took you so long?

- What do you mean
what took me so long,

I had to park, like,
five blocks away.

What is, like, the
guilty faces and--

- Hey man, there's
no guilty faces

goin' on here, I'm
just sittin' here,

we're waitin' for you,
I'm tired, I've been

up for the last 14 hours
playin', I mean, you know.

- The fuck is this shit?

What is your problem, Knox?

- Yeah, this is,
yeah, it's probably

something he knows--

- Oh man, I hate
being, I feel like I'm

gonna have a heart
attack right now, Jesus.

- Oh my God, you are
always so overreacting.


- Listen, I'm just--

- Work out between
the two of you--

- No no no, why don't you stay,

because it seems like--

- Oh no no no, oh no.

- No no no, you're...

- We're just sittin'
here, we're just talkin'.

- Good night, Matt.

You just need to
get over yourself.

- What are you talking
about, I walk in here--

- He remembered my
birthday, got me a gift,

which is something--

- Like, just cozy with
each other, just like,

you can't communicate
with me at all,

like, three hours ago,
and then I come in

and it's like...

It's like you guys
are just, maybe you

guys are soul mates,
you know, maybe,

God, I don't know, I probably
just overlooked that,

I mean, maybe--

- No, you're probably
just overreacting again.

- No no no, I think
that I'm probably

the vehicle to bring
you two together,

you know, that's probably
what, Jesus Christ,

I can't believe that I--

- Knox, why do you
always do this?

- Why am I always
put in a position to

do this, is probably
the better question.

I mean, am I, you know...

I'm trying to find
the words to explain--

- Yeah well, find them,
'cause I'm getting tired.

- Of miscommunication?
Miss, like...

Miss Fairy Angels,
and all this bullshit,

and like all this, like, like...

I can't talk to you,
and I'm just gonna

keep my mouth shut
and just give you this

pouty little look and
kind of expect you to

read my mind, 'cause
I mean, I think it's

probably pretty clear how
I'm feeling right now,

I'm feeling kind of frustrated--

- No, you are
coming off as being

very insecure, very confused,

very insensitive.

- Nobody was likin' me too much,

'cause there was this
horrible smell about me.

You know, it was
just, when you poop

in your pants
people say, "Did you

"poop in your pants
today," I'd go, "No."

They look at you
funny, and to myself

I say, "That was yesterday."

♪ Walkin' on your own

♪ Trying to be your
own best friend

♪ I don't know why I'm here

♪ I'm just here

♪ Not every day

♪ Wake up and get your highs

♪ Go down, I go tonight

♪ Not every day

♪ Feel good, get your own

♪ Why you would care
and you're born here

♪ Say I don't know

- It just keeps goin'
like that, but there's

a harmony in that
chorus that's like...


- So you're really after
a pretty straightforward

kind of pop, ear candy
kind of thing here,

and there's no problem
with that in terms of,

you know, our
audience or, you know,

at a club type situation
where we're gonna

be ending up doing
sort of a three minute

song for people, I
don't know, with the

dancers there, you're sort
of focused on the radio.

- Yeah, I mean, I'm
not fighting it,

I mean, this song,
it feels good.

You know, it's just,
it seems to work,

I think it fits in with
everything else we're doing.

- Okay. Where's the hook?

You know, it's like...

[snapping fingers]

It's got me in an
epic, but I don't have

time to see Braveheart,
you know what I mean?

Where's the quick
candy, where's the hit,

where's the rent?

- Well, hopefully those
elements are gonna

be brought in by
the production and--

- Where's the chorus,
you know, I mean,

that's the problem is that
I'm not really identifying--

- The chorus is
in the harmonies.

- Chorus is in the harmonies.

- I mean, I admit it's
not, like, the most

sugar candy top 10 hit
you over the head hit,

but I think that there's
something redeeming to it.

But I mean, I can throw
it on a four track

and just let you judge
it from hearing it

from beginning to end.

I could put my guitar
parts on there, I could

put the harmonies on there.

'Cause obviously
it's not hitting you,

and right now it's
something that is speaking

to me, so instead of
wasting time like this,

'cause I mean, it's pretty
clear, if you like it,

you usually like it after
hearing 30 seconds of

something, you like it.

Would that be, I mean...

[soft guitar music]

- [Mandeep] Hey,Yahn,
how's it goin'?

- How you doin'?

- Good, good, how are you?

- Mandeep, this is
Jyota. This is Jyota.

- Hi, Jyota.

- Hey, nice to meet you.

- Mandeep is my neighbor,
and he's actually,

he's a marketing guy
for this software

guy on the, whatever.

- I try to be.

- Try to be, yeah, but
I've been talking to

him about my
screenplay, and he's

gonna help me figure out ways to

market it, or make it, like...

- It's good, it's good.

- What's this going on, man?

This is really creative.

- This is, right now
this is the screenplay.

I've just been, you
know, I've been kinda

stuck, but this is
beginning to embody

at least, you know,
the themes that

I want to address.

- So where are we
going with this?

- Well, you know, it's
kind of, at this point

it's a collage, and I think

that's what we need.

- But you have to give
me the script, man,

because I need to
help you sell it.

You gotta earn a living.

- I don't know if, I don't know,

the script's not working.

- How are you gonna
pay your rent?

- Well, you know, I'll
keep doing what I do,

you know, substitute teaching.

- Well, but you gotta
get your script out,

man, you have some
really good ideas.

- [Yahn] Yeah, you think so?

- Yeah, but you gotta
get it on the print.

Give it to me, man.
I'll sell it for you.

- [Yahn] All right.
- [Mandeep] All right?

- [Yahn] All right.

- Can I pick it up tomorrow?

- [Yahn] What, tomorrow?
Maybe next week.

- Okay, next week.

- Well, I'm liking the
music that I'm hearing,

but I'm not hearing
something that has the

potential to land on
the radio and sort of

achieve the objective
we've both been

working pretty hard
for in the past two

and a half years here
to do, and that's

the main thing that
sort of is concerning

me about the song.

I don't know, you
seemed to have said

you were gonna pay a
lot more attention to

coming up with choruses
that instantaneously

sort of ring in the
ears of the listener,

and what I feel is like
I'm hearing you get

much more into the
musicality and the enchanting

melodies, but I'm not
hearing that thing,

it's not coming quick enough.

And I don't know if you just
basically neglected that,

or were you comin' on
it, or are you just gonna

wait for it, or this isn't--

- I think there's something
really dangerous about,

if we're that
single-minded, I just,

maybe I'm superstitious,
but I feel like if

we're that, you know,

if we're just psychos
about getting the hit

then I feel like that's--

- Yeah, but I mean,
but we need to be,

because we're goin' crazy
being here, we're goin'

crazy here day in
day out, working,

taking the time of all
of our people in our band

to work on this material,
we all need to pay

our rent, you know, and
we all basically wanna

get on the map,
that's why everybody's

involved with the process.

- All you need is
to express yourself,

who gives a shit how
much money someone's

paying you for?

That's the way I see it,
dude, and you are good,

and your script is good.

- [Yahn] Thanks.

- So if they buy it 'cause
it's good, that's good, but...

[bongo drumming]

- You know, it's
okay to be an artist,

but how are you
gonna make a living?

I mean, how are you
gonna feed yourself?

I mean, I understand
your arty thing,

I mean, I understand
this, or maybe I don't,

but I understand where
you're coming from,

but, you know, you
gotta feed yourself,

I mean, how are
you gonna do that?

I mean, you have to
strike a balance.

- But when you, you
know, but when you

market the hell out
of stuff, it's like,

you know, it becomes
this brand name

generic thing, it's
like, how many people

can we get to enjoy this?

I don't think we're
giving people options

anymore as to what
they might like,

I think we're giving
them cookie cutted

things, it's like,
this is what you liked

last year, we'll give
you, you know, we'll add

sprinkles this time,
but that's about it.

- You can still give them
this customized thing,

but as long as there's
something to it that

people wanna watch or
see or use, you know,

you have to strike a balance.

Anyway, man, but that's--

- Well, maybe people
will pay for, you know,

maybe people will pay
for the art's sake.

- Maybe they will,
maybe they won't.

- I hope art doesn't
have to somehow--

- See, you have to decide
what your objective is,

I mean, either you do
the art and put it in,

hang it in your room,
and that's enough,

and then enjoy it, and I
have nothing against that,

I do that all the
time, but if you wanna

sell something, you've
gotta sell something

what people want,
that's the difference.

Art for yourself
or art for others.

[Jyota moans]

- So it's kind of like
you're taking on your

creative little
jaunt, yet sometimes,

for whatever reason,
maybe your headspace,

I don't know, if there's
some sort of thing

going on with Cass or
there's some sort of,

like, somethin' you're
workin' out that you

need to go here to
solve some problem--

- Cass, since when you
been callin' her Cass?

- Your girlfriend,
your girlfriend,

the woman who lives
here, all right?

You're trying to
solve some problems,

you're taking that
journey, but you're

taking us along with
it, and it's really

not our role, we never
signed up for that,

you know, and that's
what I'm sort of

concerned about.

- Is this, are you
trying to stir things,

is this where the
whole you and Cass

kind of flirting more
and getting closer,

is that what this is?

- No, no, no, if you
really wanna know

the frustration I'm having,
it's that, you know,

things are starting to
go missing around here.

[downbeat rock music]

- You know, there's
still a lot of people

who don't believe
in life after death

or spirits, and I used to be

a disbeliever myself
until I heard of an

incident that took
place in my family.

The story goes
back about 40 or 50

years ago, this
was my mom's aunt.

This was back in a
small town in India,

and she was essentially
a local town girl,

she woke up one
day and there were

different voices that
were not hers coming

out of her mouth, and
one was a man's voice,

and another one was
a female's voice.

Obviously there was a
lot of scare initially,

because it was a fear
of unknown, a local

priest was called
who set up a meeting

with this individual.

Some other people
were called as well,

there was like a
community meeting,

and the priest started
asking questions to,

not to my mom's aunt,
but to the spirits

that were inside her.

And those spirits,
essentially, were giving

answers back like
they were having

a full conversation,
and it turned out that

those spirits belonged
to a couple who

had died just about
a month before,

and they felt they could
not leave the earth

because they had some
unfinished business.

And that's why they
were going to stay in

a body that they
felt was very pure

for a while before they left.

And after that, more
meetings were held

almost on a weekly
basis, more community

town hall type of
meetings where my mom's

aunt will sit and there'll
be people surrounding her,

and different people
will ask these spirits

different questions,
and obviously they were

friendly spirits, and
they were giving advices

on what types of
investments to make,

what types of stocks
to buy, what was

happening all around the world.

So slowly, the fear
left everyone and

people knew that
these spirits were

harmless, and they
were going to leave

in due course, and
they did, about after

eight or nine months
they just disappeared

when their job was finished.

Whatever that was, they
never mentioned that,

and so I think, there
were a lot of people

who were skeptical,
said, "She could be

"making all these
stories up," but it

turned out that she
was just a local

town girl, had
never left the town,

never even had gone
to high school,

so there was no way
she could be telling

stories about Russia
or China, or giving

stock advices on
different companies.

So after that I've started
believing in spirits

and obviously in life
after death as well,

and I think if there are
any disbelievers still,

there are a number
of these types of

stories existing out
there that they can use.

[car door slams]

- Willie?

- [Willie] Yeah, hi, what's up?

- I think we should sit down.

Come on.

- [Willie] Sit down?
- [Red-Haired Woman] Yeah.

- [Willie] What, did
I give you some money?

I can't give you any more money.

- It's not about
money this time.

- [Willie] Yeah?

- I have some news for you.

It's bad news, I need
you to be ready for it.

I just got a call
about an hour ago.

It's about Cassandra.

- What, is she like--

- Willie, she died.

- Died? Just died, what?

From what?

- They're not sure yet.

The call just came
in an hour ago.

She took a walk, she
was near a cliff.

They don't know if she
fell or she jumped.

- [Willie] Drinkin',
was she drinkin'?

- I don't know.

I don't know.


You have to take care of this.

- Well, maybe I will
have to make some calls,

why don't you make
some calls too,

you wanna help me out with this,

I mean, with the money, I don't

have that kind of money.

She's nowhere to be
seen for two years,

I don't see her, hear
from her, or anything,

and then all of a
sudden I have to go

take care of things
when she's dead,

is this the deal we're going?

- Is this a big
inconvenience for you?

- Well yes, I'm
not used to this,

these things don't
happen like this.

She's gone for all of
two years or something,

and all of a sudden
I'm supposed to jump

when she's dead?

What is this?

- Your daughter has died!

- [Willie] So, she's dead.

You're dead too, as
far as I'm concerned.

Anybody who doesn't
come back and

see me, they only come
back with the bad news--

- You need to take
care of this, okay?

I can't help you anymore.

- [Willie] Just get
the fuck outta here.

- You need to do this.

It's important this time--

- [Willie] Get the
fuck outta here!

- Listen to me, it's important!

- Just get the fuck
outta here, then, go on!

Get the fuck outta here!

Son of a bitch! Out, out, out!

[door slams]

[soft guitar music]

♪ And I say

♪ Go away

♪ Come back for

♪ Another day

♪ And I'll sing

♪ Patiently

♪ 'Cause sometimes it's better

♪ To wait

♪ Only you

♪ Know the words

♪ And only I

♪ Can make you hurt, oh well

♪ Who cares 'cause
talking's overrated

♪ Sometimes I think

♪ Silence is the key

♪ Sometimes I just

♪ Let my belly ache

♪ Feel the way it
strips and takes away ♪

[Willie sighs]

What a pretty
little girl you are!

Remember these little
buttons, how you

loved these little
heart buttons?

I made these buttons.

They're little wooden hearts.

For my pretty little girl.

And you had teddy
bears like this,

remember the teddy bears?

They matched your dress.

Your favorite one
was Little Patch.

He was a puppet, a
little teddy bear puppet.

- [Voiceover] I loved
you so much, Papa.

And you loved me.

You loved your little girl.

You just couldn't stand it when

I started growing up.

[Willie cries]

- Where were we?

I think we took a
wrong turn, man.

I don't like this, man.

I got a weird vibe
about this place.

[cars passing]

- Is this the right side
or is this the left side?

Is this the right side
or is this the left side?

[funky hip hop music]

See, I'm walkin' down
this creek, and that's

when I see Willie boy.

But I don't think
I'm, I don't think...

[Yahn stammers]

I'm not an angel.


I'm like this big,
burly, rugged man.

This is [mumbles].

- Okay.

- And let's do that thing
that I was telling you,

but I'm not gonna
preface it, we'll just go

with the flow of it.

- Okay.

- This is almost
like a morning coffee

kinda outside in a
cafe, or something.

- Do you want a section?

- Could I?

- Yeah.

- All right. Local news.

So, I mean, do you
have a boyfriend?

- Yeah, sort of.

Kind of, we're both
pursuing things at

the moment, so it's
kind of like up in

the air, when we have time.

- Is he acting, too, or is he--

- [Muse] Yeah.
- [Yahn] Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- Actors and writers,
that works, but--

- Really? You think?

- That's what I've heard, but--

- Oh, okay.

- But the actor-actor
thing is not...

- So, say, for
instance, this were to

be in your script, like,

how would I fit into that?

- Well, you would
probably be the...

Pretty girl, the muse.

You'd be the muse.
The inspiration.

Kind of the ball that
gets everything rolling.

- Does that mean that I'm
providing inspiration right now?

- You might be.

[soft, pleasant music]

- Anyway, the time is
up, it's time to go,

I can't take it
anymore, I'm packin' up

my stuff and my parents
are comin' to get me.

It wasn't about an hour
later, we're drivin'

home, and my father's
goin', "What is

"that stink in the car?"

You know, I go, "I don't know."

"It's just horrible,"
the windows are goin' up,

he's lightin' up his pipe,
"Let me smoke a cigar,"

they'll do anything to
get rid of the smell.

We finally get on the
trunks, comes out of

the thing and my
mom opens it up and

she said, "Look at that,
this is the stink,"

and I'd packed all my
underwear and socks

with a poop, a load
in each one of 'em,

they were all stacked,
there must have

been about two weeks
worth, at least

10 or 12 poops in
my socks and stuff,

and it was just in there
with maggots and...

Not a pretty sight.

So that's campin', I
never went campin' again,

they never sent me campin'.

I went on vacation
with them after this.


[upbeat rock music]