Crash Course (1988) - full transcript

[MANIC MONDAYPLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

It's summertime,
isn't it? Beachtime!

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

♪ I was kissing Valentino

♪ By a crystal-clear
Italian stream

[ALL WHOOPING]

♪ But I can't be late

♪ 'Cause then I guess
I just won't get paid

♪ These are the days

♪ When you wish
your bed was already made



♪ It's just another
manic Monday

♪ Whoa-oh

♪ I wish it were Sunday

♪ Whoa-oh

♪ 'Cause that's my fun day

♪ Oh-whoa

♪ My I-don't-
have-to-run day ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

[CLUCKING]

No matter if you smash 'em,

bash 'em, or crash 'em,

Old Smilin' Ed's Body Shop

will put them
back together again

[BELL RINGS]just like that!



When your car
takes a lickin',

call the big chicken,
Smilin' Ed!

What a dweeb.

Call 555-TOTL!

[CLUCKING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Get your butt
moving, Riko.

It's the first day
of the last chance

to graduate
with your class.

Give me a break.

I didn't make something
of myself

by partying all night,
and neither will you.

How do you think
I got my own truck fleet

and chicken suit?

Work, boy, work!

Chicken suits
aren't just hatched.

Now, either shape up
or ship out.

Okay, okay.

Your mother
will have breakfast
in 15 minutes.

If you're not down
by then,

forget about dinner.

You mean breakfast.

That, too!

These citywide
test scores

are an embarrassment.

You're absolutely right,
Mr. Paulson.

Shut up, Fraser.Sorry.

You know
where your last semester's
students scored

in driver's education?

In the root cellar!

Lower
than a snail's tail!

Howard Evans from JFK High

actually calls me
on the phone

and cackles at me
like some demented loon.

Right on, Mr. P.Shut up, Fraser.

[STUTTERING]
I'm having a bad year.

It could get worse, Pearle.

You're pulling
my school's
average down.

The school superintendent
isn't happy.

When he's not happy,

he takes away
my sports program.

That makes me very unhappy.

When I'm unhappy,

you know
what that makes you?

M-M-Miserable?

I ask you,

is this
a sports nut's office?

No, no, no, no.

It is the office
of a principal

who happens to understand

the proper balance
between athletics
and education.

Now, the fact is

that sports are
very, very,
very important.

They teach
our young people
positive lessons,

like the importance
of physical fitness,

the thrill of competition,

the elation of winning,

combativeness,
aggressiveness...

The values
they need to know

when they get
on that freeway.

Exactly.

Fraser?Yes?

You are a twit.

Absolutely right,
Mr. Paulson.

Twit. That's cute.

WOMAN: Wipe that off.

Mom, I'm 16 years old.

You don't have
to remind me.

Other girls wear makeup.

Other girls are not
as pretty as you are.

You'll have plenty of time
to cover your face
when you're older.

[GRUNTS]

Why are you rough
on him?

ED: What do you mean rough?

If you're not careful,
he'll turn out like you.

I'm warning you, Maxine.

You'll be wearing
this grapefruit.

Oh, yeah? Where?

You think
I'm overprotective,
don't you?

Mom, you're driving me
to school

and we only live
four blocks away.

What do you think?

I think you don't know
the neighborhood yet.

You've got to sign this.

What is it?

Permission
to take driver's ed.

Vanessa, we've been
through all this before.

I am not a child!

We'll talk
about it tomorrow!

Pass this course
and you'll drive

to Princeton
in a new convertible.

Dad, do you know
the stats?

People get killed
driving. I'll walk.

If you don't pass driver's ed,
you can't go to college.

That's not fair!
I'm an all-"A" student!

Doesn't that count
for anything?

I don't make
the rules, Chad.

You need driver's ed
to graduate.

Besides, a new car will...

certainly help you
with the ladies.

Face it, Dad.

We just have
different priorities.

At this juncture in my life,

ladies are not
that important to me.

You've got
one last chance.

Who, me?No, him.

Shape up
your driver's ed scores

No, no, him!

This is a serious matter!

Careers are at stake,

reputations,

and more importantly,
my pension.

Uh, Wendell...

Larry, never interrupt
a tirade.

I lose my train
of thought.

Now, where was I?Him.

Listen. I want you
to know something.

I consider you a friend.

But I've fired friends before,
and I'll do it again.

[STUTTERING]
I need an advance
on next month's pay.

You have
a rotten sense of timing.

You're this close
to being fired

and you have the nerve
to ask for an advance?

You can't fire me!

I'm under enormous pressure!

My ex-wife needs
new clothes.

The divorce took
a lot out of her.

I'm sending her
to Hawaii.

I thought
she divorced you?

Well, just because
you divorce somebody

doesn't mean
you don't love them.

I guess
I just don't understand
modern romance.

Now, look here, Larry.

I like you as a person,

as a teacher,
that's a different story.

But I'd like you
to stay at Hamilton.

Oh, I'm sure
we can trust Larry

to get back on the team.

Sure, Abner.

The problem is,
the superintendent insists

that I attend
some cockamamie conference.

I won't be here
to check up on you, Pearle.

Abner will be
acting principal
while I'm gone.

However, I'm bringing in

a heavy hitter
for driver's education.

Who, Mario Andretti?

E.W. Savage.

E.W. Savage?E.W. Savage?

Attila the Hun
behind a steering wheel.

We don't need Savage.

I can handle it!

You've got six weeks
to save your job
and my sports program.

You teach those kids
how to drive
and pass with high scores,

or out you go.

I think these
little faculty chats

are really great
for morale, Mr. P.

How's your eggs?Fine, Mom.

ED: How's it look,

the son of Smilin' Ed
failing driver's ed twice?

He couldn't pass his exam
without smashing up his car.

If you don't pass,
you won't graduate.

Bummer.

You won't get
your license.

Never stopped
his driving before.

Get him off my back.

As long as your father
is putting a roof
over your head

and feeding your face,

you'll play by his rules.

If you're not gonna
eat the eggs

come here.

I got something
to show you.

Come on.

Smilin' Ed's
Perfect Body shop.

It's our new ad campaign.

It kind of grabs you,
don't it?

I thought of it myself.

Hey, come on.

I'll drive you to school.

Dad, do you have
any idea

how difficult it is
to be your son?

Get in the truck.

The crowd's counting
on us!

We're going to get 'em!

Are we ready?

Are we ready?

[YELLING] Yeah!

[GRUNTING]

MR. SANTINI:
I don't get it.

Driver's ed should have been
a piece of cake for a Santini.

Motor oil runs
in our veins.

You're right, Pop.

You've got
to pass this time.

I'm depending on you,
toothpick.

Someday Santini and Son
will be yours.

Easy. I'm still a lady.

That's right, you are.

Someday, you'll bring class
to Santini and Son.

[SIGHS]

Hey, get out of the way!

[HONKING]

Alice!

Hey, hey!

[HORN HONKING]

Why does Maslanski
have to repeat English Lit?

Try, he's illiterate.

Without compromising
your principles,
could you forget it?

He'll have his hands full
passing driver's ed.

You're asking a man
who worships Shakespeare

to let a football player
slide through school

without knowing
how to read See Jane Run?

How many times in a life
does See Jane Runcome up?

Maslanski has
a full scholarship
to Michigan state.

Who are we to judge?

Just think, the next
Heisman Trophy winner

right here at Hamilton High.

[EXCLAIMING]

I'll bet he even invites us
to the testimonial dinner.

And who is going
to address his envelopes?

Leave him alone, Fraser,

and that's an order.

An order.

♪ On the way
to Cal-i-for-ni-ay

♪ Came a fellow
from a foreign land

♪ He's the baddest dude,
has a funky attitude

♪ This boy
from Na-ga-sa-ki, Japan

♪ Just hear me now
you've come here

♪ For the season
take a hike

♪ If you're teasin'
foxy ladies wait in line

♪ He's the catch, no jive,
just keeps the fire alive

♪ Before he'll take you out

♪ He's gotta learn to drive

Ow!

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

♪ I say, hey, hey, whoa

♪ Now where
you tryin' to go?

♪ I think
today's your lucky day

♪ Let's have a burger
at the mall

♪ I think you're goin'
to have to fall

♪ In love with
Kichi Chong today ♪

Hey, big guy.
You're not my type.

Hi, my name's
Vanessa Crawford.

I hope this
doesn't sound weird,

I just moved here,
and I don't know anybody.

Could you
show me around?

The corner drugstore
having a sale on makeup
this week?

Hey, Alice.

When are you
going out with me?

When you learn
that a pigskin

isn't one of the seven
basic food groups.

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Hey, Mr. Pearle.

You know,
I want to thank those

who are taking this class

for the second and third time.

You have successfully
ruined my summer.

BOY 1: Ah, come on.BOY 2: Be real.

I want to thank you
for endangering my job,

my career,

my financial future...

[STUTTERING] And--And now
that the divorce completed...

Are you all right, Mr. Pearle?

You kids are too young

to understand what it's like

when the only one
you ever loved

turns and says,

"Get out of my house
before I call the cops."

[RAPPING] Come back to Earth,
Mr. Outerspace.

This class be as boring
as you face.

The rapper is here to say,

your wife would have
ditched you anyway.

Okay, okay.
Pass your permission
slips up this way.

So, anyway,

my ex-wife
sends me a note this morning

with the latest bunch
of bills.

It started out,

"Dear worm..."

I don't believe
this is happening.

Mr. Pearle,
may I be excused?

Me, too. I need to go
to the bathroom.

What is this?

"My name is Ki-Ki
and I come from Japan..."

No!
♪ My name Is Kichi

♪ And I'm from Japan,
Kichi, Kichi

♪ Just call me Kichi,
Kichi, Kichi

ALL: ♪ Just call me Kichi

♪ My name is Kichi
and I'm from Japan

♪ Just be my woman
and I'll be your man

♪ Just wrap our love
around each other

♪ Stop breakin' my heart
and be my lover

My marriage is over.
My career is ruined.

My stomach feels like
it's got a basketball in it,

and all this rapping.

♪ Just call me Kichi

♪ Kichi, Kichi

♪ Just call me Kichi,
Kichi, Kichi

♪ Just call me Kichi

Quiet!

This is supposed
to be driver's ed,

not an audition
for Bananarama!

Class, this is...

I said quiet!

My name is
Edna Winnifred Savage.
Miss Savage to you.

You can take your seats.

I've been given the mandate
to make drivers
out of you misfits.

Hey, if it isn't
crash 'em, bash 'em,
smash 'em Riko Konner!

[ALL LAUGHING]

[CLUCKING]

Quiet!

Quiet!

I see your reputation
has preceded you.

I'm a legend.

You'll be history
if you don't sit down.

Jock strap.EDNA: Now, Mr. Konner!

This is how I eliminate

smart-mouthed students
like you.

From now on, if you're
even one minute late,

you will receive a demerit
on your permanent record.

[ALL GASP]

If you mouth off,

you will receive
another demerit.

[BOY EXCLAIMS]

Accumulate sufficient demerits
and you fail.

BOY: No way!

Sounds like she's got
your number, Riko.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

Um, perhaps the class...

Let's see what we have
to work with.

Anyone know why we're here?

To develop
sufficient expertise

in order to qualify
for our provisional license.

Excellent answer,
Mr. Bennett,

but insufficient.

We're here to learn
how to stay alive

behind the wheel
of a 3-ton killing machine.

Okay, class, let's begin.

Mr. Konner,
what's the first thing you do
when you get into a car?

Hot-wire it.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Demerit.
Take it, Mr. Bennett.

You put on your seatbelt.

Good.

Miss Abea,

what vehicle
always has the right of way?

My father's limo.

[BOY LAUGHING]

Demerit.
Take it, Mr. Bennett.

An emergency vehicle
such as an ambulance,

police car, or fire engine.

If Miss Savage
is finished

with her classroom edition
of--of--of Jeopardy,

I'd like to teach the class
something about driving.

If you'd done that,
we wouldn't be here.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Let's not waste
anymore time.

Mr. Maslanski,
you're on a two-lane highway
with a broken white line.

You begin passing a car.

Give me three reasons
why you might not continue?

You're going too fast.

Exceeding the speed limit,
that's one.

I don't see
where you're coming from.

Yeah, an oncoming vehicle.

Come on, Maslanski,

a third reason why
you can't complete your pass?

[LAUGHING]

My receivers
are all covered.

Cute, Maslanski.

You'll be happy to know
that your teacher
does have a sense of humor.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

Demerit. Bennett!

You can't pass
if the broken line
turns solid.

Very good, Mr. Bennett.

You do well
on written material.

It's a shame
about your hand-eye
coordination

when you're behind
the wheel.

Chadley, the teacher's
calling you spaz.

Mr. Konner, do you know
the meaning of "symbiosis"?

No, sir.

I thought not.
Mr. Bennett?

The living together
of two dissimilar organisms
in association,

especially where this
is advantageous to both.

Genius, absolute genius.

Mr. Konner,
you could learn something

from Mr. Bennett.

You two will be a team,

a symbiosis.

I'm not associating
with a geek.

You will!

You will all work together
and be responsible
for each other.

Consequently,
you will report here,

Saturday, 9:00 a.m. sharp.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Oh, great.

Having a bad day,
are we?

What is this we stuff?

You hurt my feelings
when you talk like that.

Your problems
are my problems.

After all, I am
your acting principal.

Stop acting like one
and start being one.

That woman is a witch.

How quick we are to judge.

Do I sense envy creeping in?

What am I going to do?

She'll take my job.

Pearle, don't worry.

She'd never take
your job.

No?

No.

But Paulson might.

It's bogus, man,

wasting the whole damn summer
in this symbiosis stuff.

♪ I got your sym-bi-os-is
it's getting me down

♪ It's giving me psychosis
and pushin' me around

♪ I got the diag-nosis
from my doctor on the phone

♪ He says,
"You take a small dose"

♪ "And don't be
callin' me at home" ♪

Mrs. Savage is right.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Mutual support.
One hand washes the other.

Nobody's washing
my hands but me.

Maria Margarita can wash
my hand anytime.

Oh, that's sick.
That is disgusting.

Obviously,
low S.A.T. scores.

Okay, everybody,
let's be careful out there.

Okay, everybody
into two groups.

A through J
and K through Z.

I can't drive
without a tape deck.

My patience
is wearing thin.

That makes two of us.

There's going to be
four of us,

me, you, and your two legs
separated from your body.

Now, move it!

Alice.
We're going to be
in the same car,

so I was thinking,

we should
get to know each other.

Okay.

Play a little football
or something.

Look, J.J., I don't have time.

Why?

Because I work
for my father.

I can't see you
hauling concrete.

That's what I want to do.

And I need my license
to do it.

I won't have time
for football.

How about basketball,
a little one on one?

Loser out.

Thanks anyway, J.J.

[EXCLAIMS]

BOTH: Are you okay?

We haven't met.
I'm Chad Bennett.

I'm an A through K.
Are you?

Crawford.
Vanessa Crawford.

Must be fate.
We're in the same
part of the alphabet.

Along with
half the class.Yeah.

Yeah.

We're in the same
part of the alphabet.

That's totally impossible

because my last name,
it start with an A. Abea.

Your last name,
it starts with S.

Shuganoy, whatever
it is called.

I forgot to tell you.

I'm Americanizing it
to Wang Chung.

I haven't really
seen you around
here before.

Oh, I just transferred.

My parents divorced
and we moved here last month.

Oh, then you don't really
know anybody, huh?

I do now.

Yeah.

Let's move
these babies out.

Before you engage
the two liter, twin cam,

16 valve,
135 horsepower engine,
don't forget the BMPBs.

Four point standard
operating procedure, right?

ALL: Right.

Okay, what's this?

You're the professor.
You should know.

Just answer the questions!

Chad.

The steering column, sir.

Now, what's this?

That's where
they keep the guns.

PEARLE: Guns?

[IN SPANISH ACCENT]
To kill people
who try to kidnap you.

It's no very funny,
Vanessa.

We move here to escape
the Comunistas

who raped
my beloved homeland

and tried to take
our servants away.

That's commonly known
as a glove compartment,

convenient for the storage
of tissues, road maps,
pencils, and pantyhose.

My wife

used to keep her pantyhose
in the glove compartment.

With her lipstick,
makeup, and perfume.

It would smell like
a garden of orchids...

Listen up, people. I'm talking
major safety here.

B-M-P-Bs!

Belts, mirrors,
park, and brakes!

Now remember it!
Use it! Live it!

Let's roll.

PEARLE: Santini,
are you ready?

Yes, I think so.

Start your engine.

[CAR ENGINE STARTING]Take a couple
deep breaths.

That always help me out
before I punt.

Mr. Maslanski,
distractions cause accidents.

Shift into drive.

Yo, teach...Quiet, Maslanski!

Step on it!

Hit the brake!
Hit the brake!

[ALL SCREAMING]

On roads like this,
be very careful.

So much to think about.

If you can't handle this,

how will you
handle the freeway?

I memorized
the driver's manual

and the aerodynamic
coefficients of this vehicle.

Careful, or we'll study
the aerodynamics of that tree!

PEARLE: [STUTTERING]
Watch the truck.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[HORN HONKING]

Don't wreck!

Hold it!Go back!

[ALL CLAMORING]

CHAD: Help me!

MAN ON TV: 1 and 2 and 3...

Is that my headband?

Yeah. Looks good,
doesn't it?

So how was your big date
with the dentist?

Not a dentist.
He's a periodontist.

Great. So?

Every time I smiled,
I felt he was
assessing my gums.

Like a horse.

Once we'd exhausted
the joys of flossing,

there wasn't
much else to say

except "spit."

[EXCLAIMS]

Oh.

FRASER ON PA: Maslanski!

Maslanski!

To the principal's office!

Run!

Now!

[KNOCKING]

Yo, Mr. Fraser.

Sit down, Maslanski.

How did a smart guy
like you

get caught a credit short?

Driver's ed's supposed
to be a gut course,

so who studied?
Don't worry, I'll pass.

Maybe, but what
about English Lit?

Did you forget?
You gave me an A.

No, uh... I'm afraid I, uh...

I gave you an F.

Your buddy Mr. Paulson
changed your grade.

You'll have to take
that English Lit final again.

You can't do that!

Who's going to stop me?

[STUTTERING]

Mr. Maslanski, you move me.

Your grasp of English
is absolutely stunning.

I have chills.

You, you...

No, you'll take
that Lit final again.

So you better
read your Frost,
Mr. Neanderthal,

and your Byron,
and your Shelley.

Otherwise, it's bye-bye
Michigan state,

hello, hamburger heaven.

And when
Mr. Paulson returns?

[IMITATING MASLANSKI]
Well, suppose
he doesn't return.

Get out of here. Move it!

"When threatened with
a head-on collision.

ALL: "Number one,
keep driving.

BOTH: "Slow down
as much as possible,

"but do not lock the wheels.

"Slowing down
lessens the force..."

Fraser's making me take
the English Lit exam again.

Well, that's not fair!Fraser doesn't
know from fair.

The guy's a slime.

What am I gonna do?

That's all I want to know.

Well, razor lips,
you've got the brains.
What do you think?

Well, I know this might
sound a little radical,

but have you
ever considered

studying?Get out of here.

That is sick.
You're sick.It's just an idea...

Guys.

Superintendent Shriver?

Acting Principal
Abner T. Fraser here, sir,

calling to let you know
everything's under control.

Uh, Abner Fraser.

I replaced Principal Paulson.

Yes, sir,
I'm glad you asked.

I'm a little concerned

about how Paulson's
running things here.

Well, he brought in this
maverick driving instructor.

I'm watching her very closely,
I can tell you that, sir.

That's not what I mean.

She is attractive, but...

[DIAL TONE]Hello?

Hello? Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Edna, we're gonna talk.

You can talk.
But I'm not listening.

I'm busy.
Got no time for chit-chat.

Then make the time.

I have got myself
a career here.

It took me 10 long years
to reach this pinnacle
of achievement.

Who are you to
take over my office
like I don't exist?

You don't scare me.
I know your type.

I had a wife like you once.
She took advantage of me,

but I was naive then.

But I've learned,
I have grown,

and I am onto you!

So don't play games
with me, woman!

I have been taught
by the best!

If you're so smart,
you'd watch your step.

I forgot to tell her to
get out of my office!

Okay, Kichisaburo.

Drive.

PEARLE: What the heck
are you doing?

You're on the wrong side.

[STUTTERING]
Move to the right!

Right? Now?

No, no, no! Move.

The truck!

Here, let me have it!

[ALL CLAMORING]

Let me have it!

Why you drive
on the wrong side
of the street in America?

Ah, come in. Come in.

Mr. Fraser.

Oh, please,
call me Abner, Edna.

Miss Savage, Abner.

Please, sit down.

Now let's see,
where do I start?

Get to it. I'm busy.

Of course, Miss savage.

You're a very
attractive woman,

a woman who's going places.

I think you'll understand
what I want.

Yeah, you want
Paulson's job.

You'd like a BMW 635

and some bimbo sitting
in the passenger seat.

All right,
let's be honest.

Pearle is a fool

who doesn't know
cigarette lighters
from turn signals.

So let him do his
incompetent best.

Paulson will be out
and the school will be mine.

Ours.

I don't like you, Fraser.That hurts.

I'll make sure

this driver's ed course
is a success.

As for Pearle's
incompetent best,
well, we'll see about that.

Abner.

World's perfect
today, huh?

We in America.
It's a perfect country.

The sun is shining.
It's perfect weather,

and I am here.
The perfect man.

Oh!

Two out of three's not bad.

[EXCLAIMS]

Concentrate.
You're on a highway...

You're driving me crazy.
Stop it.

We have a mutual
responsibility here.

I don't care about
responsibility or symbiosis.

I'm a loner.
That's how I like it.

All right, look, look, look,

You're passing
and the accelerator

sticks to the floor.
What do you do?

A: You pump the footbrake.

B: Apply
the emergency brake.

C: Slam your foot down
on the accelerator.

What are you laughing at?
That's the answer.

That's the only way
to get it unstuck.

I didn't know that.There's a lot you don't know,
diaper head.

Okay, you're
in an intersection...Stop it!

We're making progress.What's the matter with you?

Mom, calm down
and listen.

The whole class
is staying late.

We're practicing
Castilian dialect.
I will see you later.

[GRUNTS]

What was that
all about?

Don't tell anybody,

but my mother
doesn't know
I'm taking driver's ed.

You're not serious?

She doesn't want to admit
that I've grown up.

If your mother doesn't know,
who signed
your permission slip?

It was incredible.
This huge bird came down

and just handed me this
signed permission slip.

I think it was an eagle.

Birds don't write.This one did.

You wanted to see me?

Sit down, Larry.
Get comfortable.

It's time you put
your ex-wife behind you.

Get on with your life.

Whoa! Wait a minute.

Is this some sort of ploy
of yours?

You sound like
you don't trust me.

What could little old me
do to big bad you?

[STUTTERING] Everything.

That's my plan.

You know, Lar,

you're a nice-looking man.

You're still young,
you're moderately intelligent,

and besides,
you're not the only one
who's been hurt by love.

What would you know?

You've never had
a wife leave you.

No, but I had a fiance.

Oh, yeah?

How close did you two
come to getting married?

About 50 feet.

He came to the church door,
opened it,

saw me in that white gown,

turned around,
and started running.

That's been hurtin'
from since.

No! You mean he left you
at the altar?

Oh, that is...
That's terrible!

It could've been worse.

The gown wasn't paid for.
But my point is, Larry,

people have to move on
in this life.

You want to move on
together?

Want to get started
next Friday night?

Now, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

You are asking m-me
out on a date?

[STUTTERING]
Under one condition.

What's that?

No more darts, please.

I love a forceful man.

No, this time it is serious.

I know I promised, sir.

Sir, I've run across
some rot here.

No, I'm not talking termites.

I'm talking rot
like in bad fruit,
like in fungus.

No, we don't need
an exterminator.
I'm talking scandal.

No, this is bigger
than low attendance.

I'm talking Watergate, sir.
Contragate.

We have footballgate
here, sir.

Footballgate.

Don't worry, I'm on top of it.
I'll file a complete report,

full documentation,

with photos, I might add.
I'm an amateur...

[DIAL TONE]Hello? Hello?

['80s MUSIC PLAYING]

This is a warm-up.

Come on, let's dance.

Of course,
if you're eating now...

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[GROANING]

♪ Each hurt makes my love

♪ Stronger than before

Well?

♪ Flowers grow with rain

♪ But how can love grow
through pain?

♪ Ain't that peculiar?

♪ Peculiarity

♪ Ain't it peculiar?

♪ Peculiar as can be

♪ Ain't it peculiar?

♪ Peculiarity

Come on! Go!

Oh, no, no, no!

I think Fraser's
being sleazy to J.J.

I know. It's twisted.

Wish we could help him.

He's really cute.

Dumb, but cute.

He's not dumb.

Yo, come on!

Oh, Alice, please.

Okay, I guess
he is a little slow.

Thank you.

He's very cute.

You like him, don't you?

It doesn't matter.
He doesn't think
of me in that way.

What way?

As a girl.

He just needs to be
helped along, that's all.

You know,
with different clothes
and some makeup,

you've got
real possibilities.

Hey, yo, Vanessa.

We'd make a sharp
couple coconuts.

What do you think, huh?

No, that's too cool.

Hey, Vanessa, hi.

Where'd you get
that nifty sweater?

'Cause, you know...

Forget it.

Hi, Vanessa.
Want to go out
Saturday night?

[LAUGHING]

Oh, no. How long
have you been there?

Long enough.
You're practicing,
aren't you?

You're trying to figure out
what you're gonna say
to ask the girl out.

Keep it down, all right?This girl is very, very easy.

Watch a pro show you
how it's done.

No, you don't
have to do that.

So?

What do you think?

It's not bad
for a trucker, huh?

Do you really
want to drive
a cement truck?

Well, it's important
to my pop.

You know the sign
"Santini and Son"
on my father's cement truck?

Yeah.

Well...

I'm the son.

Better to have a father
thinking of you as a son

than to have a father
who doesn't think of you
at all.

What happened?

J.J. give you two black eyes?

No, J.J. didn't give me
two black eyes.

Vanessa did it.

Vanessa give you
two black eyes?

Oh, boy.

['80s MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, remember
what to do?

I'm right behind you.

Yo, Alice,
you look great!

What happened?

Nothing.

You know,
I think I'm psychic.

I can see you and I
going out tonight.

I have to work
after class. I can't go.

You're too pretty
to be driving
a cement truck.

You should be dating me.

After work, all I want
is a bath and a book.

You read books?

Does that make me a geek?

It means you must
be pretty smart.

I don't know.

I bet you're good
in English Lit.

I get A's in it.

Would you help
a guy in trouble?

Coach me in English.

Get me ready
for the exam.

Are you serious?

Yeah, like a symbiosis.

I coach you in English Lit.
What do you do?

I'll coach you
in the finer points
of forward and reverse.

We could start tonight.

Okay.

My phone number's in the book.

Bye.

All right!

In this light,
you're a goddess.

Please save your breath.

You're slime.
I won't date you.

But tonight, I got wheels.

Oh, what a waste.

I'm washing the dog tonight.

We could have
a heart-to-heart,

get to know
each other better,

discuss a little
family business.

What kind of family business?

Maybe you forging
your old lady's John Hancock.

Who told you that?I overheard it.

Let me get this straight.

First, you eavesdrop,

and now you're blackmailing me
into dating you?

I'll pick you up
at 8:00 tonight.

Bye.

♪ Come on,
stop playin' the game

♪ You know
how it's gonna end ♪

[WHISTLING]

How could you be whistling
when Vanessa's driving?

It's easy.
He has a death wish.

Wait. Is it a crime
to be happy?

Mr. Pearle,
you have an ex-wife
who's a witch,

a horrible job,
the principal hates you,

and you talk
like broken jukebox.

Why should you
be happy?

I'm alive.

KICHI: For the time being.

Oh, thank you.

You have a new girlfriend,
don't you?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Watch the road, Vanessa.
Watch the road, Vanessa.

Okay.

Oh! Oh!
There's my mother!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Wave.

She can't see me
like this!

Don't do that!

Put your hands...
Put your hands back on!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[ALL YELLING]

[HISSING]

Drive, Vanessa, drive.

MARIA: To the left.
To the right.

You're confusing me,
Mr. Pearle!

PEARLE: Watch it!

Just a minute!

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

What did you say?

That my father own the company
that grows his food.

So he wouldn't lose
his job,

I wouldn't report
his carelessness.

Maria, that wasn't right.

You're correct.
I should to have him fired.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

MR. BENNETT: Want to take her
out for a spin?

Come on,
I can't drive.

Of course you can drive.
Everybody can drive.

Mr. Pearle thought that
till he met me.

All it takes
is a little practice,
a little confidence.

[SIGHING]

Can't let the car
intimidate you.

Forget this is a $60,000
precision driving machine.

That's supposed
to make me feel
more confident?

I know how you feel.

I felt the same way
the first time I drove.

You?

Yeah, me, Mr. Cool,

Mr. Know-it-all.
I was scared.

My father taught me
to drive.

It wasn't in anything
as nice as this.

I learned the hard way,
in an old Mercedes 280 SL.

Didn't even have
cruise control,

but I did it,
and you can do it, too.

You really think so?

You're a Bennett,
aren't you?

Well, then, drive!

Gosh, no cruise control.

Wow, Dad,
you really had it rough.

What a rad car!

I can't believe some college
alumni association actually
gave this to you.

Yeah, they were
pretty bummed

when I decided to go
to Michigan State instead.

[LAUGHING]

Go ahead
and start her up.

Are you sure it's okay?Yeah.

Okay.

[ENGINE REVVING]

So, Hamlet, "The play's..."

"The play's the thing
where I'll catch a..."

"I'll catch..."

"I'll catch a bomber pass!"

[LAUGHING]

J.J.

Shift into forward.

[CLICKING]

"Wherein I'll catch
the conscience of the King."

Hamlet's proving that
his uncle offed his father

to hitch up
with his mother.

That's some wicked family!

You're not taking
this seriously.

I'm taking
one thing seriously.

If you hit
the accelerator,

you'll off the car and garage
because you're in reverse.

Why can't I
get that straight?

I can't tell left from right
and forward from reverse.

It don't matter why.
I'm here to help you.

Doesn't matter why.

[SCREECHING]

Time to learn
to change lanes.

[TRUCK HONKING]

There's an 18-wheeler
behind me.

I'm afraid.

When there's an 18-wheeler
behind you,

you're supposed
to be afraid.
Turn anyway.

But, Dad...Don't think about it.
Just turn.

Okay.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Son, slow down!

The accelerator's stuck!

I can't slow down!

This is a $60,000
driving machine!
It can't be stuck!

You got the dealer's
discount!
What do I do?

Pump the brakes.
Pump the brakes!

Dad, it's not working!

"C: Slam the foot down
on the accelerator."

No! No! No! No!

No! No!

It worked!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, you're right.

All it takes is
a little confidence.

Thanks.

[DOG BARKING]

Hi, Bambi. Hi.

Here you go.

There you go.

Ok, good.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Don't come in yet!

I can't believe it.

When I won't go out
with that louse,

he charges me $1,500
for my gum work.

Then some idiot
in a car of teenagers

tries to run me down,
and then I destroy
this lady's front yard

and get a dent
in my fender.

How was your day?

I can't believe it.

What?

Have you got a TV camera
in here?

Is that how you know
what I'm wearing so you can
wear the same thing?

What's the matter?

Look!

No matter what I wear,

you're wearing
the same thing,

and it's driving me crazy!

Vanessa?

Vanessa, what
are you doing?

Putting on makeup,
mother.

What girls usually do
before dates.

Date?

Mom,

look.

You can't stop time.

You have to face it.
I'm growing up.

And, Mom, you're not
my best buddy.

You're my mother.

So, does this boy
have a name?

Riko Konner.

Chicken-man's son?

Where did you meet him?

Driver... Um,

school.

We take a class together.

Which one?

Sex.

What?

We take human sexuality lab
together.

It's mandatory
for health.

I don't know, Vanessa.

Should I show you
the boy's report card?

Come on, please?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

That's him.

I'll tell him
you'll be right down.

That's a tow truck.

Yeah.

Vanessa tells me
you're in the same class.

Uh, yeah, we are.

Your daughter's
gonna do very well

when I show her
better moves.

I beg your pardon.

She's having a little problem
with the teacher,

so I figured I'd show her
how to park.

Park?

The ins and outs
of the whole thing.

Not with my daughter,
you won't!

My Vanessa has always
been a good girl,

and she is going
to stay that way,

or her father will have
something to say!

Nice night.

Mmm-hmm.

Nice evening.

Look, Edna...

To tell the truth,
it's been seven years

since I've been on a date.

I'm a little
out of practice.

Miniature golf
could be fun,

but there's a great movie
at the drive-in tonight.

Really?Uh-huh.

The Tomato Who Ate Cleveland.

Who'd watch
a movie like that?

Precisely.

Now, I mustn't
sound anxious.

Just be calm
and natural.

Open up with some chitchat.
"How's the wife?
How's the children?"

Superintendent Shriver?
Abner Fraser here.
How's the...

[DIAL TONE]

[WHISTLING]

You really know
how to treat a girl.

Colors are gruesome,
but it's wheels.

I can't believe
I'm doing this.

I've got to be
a total waste case.

Let me ask you
something.

Is your dad
really a cop?

Who told you that?

Your mother.

She'll do anything
to keep guys from me.
Don't listen to her.

That's a relief.

Actually, he's FBI.

[VANESSA LAUGHING
SARCASTICALLY]

Watch this.

Hold on.

Let me show you
what these lights do.

You're going too fast.
You'd better slow down.

Nah.

Yeah.

Nah. Come on.
Come on!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Do you know
what you just did?Yes. Everything's fine.

It's very cool
right now.

No, it's not.
Are you a total lunatic?

I can lose them!

It's over!

Relax!
What are you doing?

Everything
will be fine!

Stop it!
I got to drive!

Get over here!

Everything's fine.
Stop it!

Let me out!
Let me get out!

See? And you thought
we weren't gonna
get along!

Somebody was driving
one of your tow trucks

in more than
a reckless manner,
Mr. Konner.

Officers, I don't know
what to tell you.

All my tow trucks
are here.

We've been closed
since 3:00 p.m.

Come on. This is
leading nowhere.

I'm telling you,
Mr. Konner,

if this ever
happens again,

someone's going
to pay for it.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

Dad, thanks
for covering for me.

I warned you, Riko.

You're out of
the house tonight!

Maybe if you're
on your own,
you'll grow up.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

♪ All the old paintings
on the tombs

♪ They do the sun dance,
don't you know?

♪ If you move too quick

♪ Oh ay oh

♪ They're falling down
like a domino

♪ All the boys are men
by the knob

♪ They got the money
on the bet

♪ The crocodiles

♪ Oh ay oh

♪ They snap their teeth
on the cigarette

♪ Foreign guys
with the hookah pipes

"Let me clutch thee.

"Art thou not,
fatal vision..."

"Sensible to feeling."

"Sensible
To feeling as to sight?

"Or art thou
A dagger of the mind,

"a false creation.

"Proceeding from this
heat-oppressed brain?"

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

King Macbeth I.

♪ All the school kids
so sick of books

♪ They like the punk
and the metal bands

Hey, Maria.

♪ They're walking
like an Egyptian

♪ All the kids
in the marketplace say... ♪

Excuse me.

You better keep your eyes
in your sockets

or you'll lose them!

You threaten me,
Maria Margarita Consuela Abea?

Are you wearing his ring?

No. Then senoris fair game.

Come on, you weren't
interested in J.J.

until he got interested
in me!

I know.
That's what make it fun.

Keep your maracas
to yourself!

Maracas?

If you know
what's good for you.

[SIGHING]

He's good for me.

Riko.Yeah?

Where did you
come from?

I came from
the classroom.

You slept there
all night?

So? He sleeps
in the classroom all day.

Smilin' Ed
threw me out.

I'm sure
you're completely innocent.

I borrowed his tow truck
for a couple hours.

Here comes Vanessa.

How was it?It was great.

Hi, Vanessa.
What's up?

Drop dead,
squid face!

[LAUGHING]

What's so funny?
She loves me.

What's that all about?I hate him.

Chad?

Huh!Huh!

That's not Chad.

That's Chad.That's Chad.

What happened
to you?

The sprinkler...

This man had
a total experience.

The all-new, improved
Mr. Chad Bennett

z-z-zoomed
out of the '80s,

blasted past the '90s,

and is in
the 21st century.

Thanks.

I'm so proud.

Huh!Huh!

Chad, let me
talk to you.

Chad?Yes.

Look, I know
that you think

that I've been
a goober, right?

Oh, no, no.

A diaper head.

[LAUGHS]

Right.

Look, I got to ask you
for a favor

because I had
this misunderstanding
with my old man

so I need a place
to crash.

Uh-huh.

Right.

So we're supposed
to be responsible
for each other,

and the whole symbiosis thing,
all that stuff, right?

Let me think
about it, okay?

What?

Flyspeck.

[BELL RINGING]

Flyspeck?

"The bell invites me.

"Hear it not, Duncan,
for it is a knell

"That summons me to heaven
or to hell."

Or to the freeway.

I am ready, dudes!

[WHISTLING]

How am I doing, Teach?

Amazingly well.

[LAUGHING]

Two hands, please.

Just a little joke,
Mr. Pearle.

No joking
while you're driving.

Sorry.

What's this
with the joking?

Ow!

My contact lens.
I can't see.

Stop joking.

No, I swear...

Put your hands back...

CHAD: I can't see!

RIKO: Take it easy.

You've got to
keep it straight.

All right.

I'm trying!

We're going to crash!

I can't open my eye.

[HORNS HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

I got it.

Grab the wheel!

No brakes!

RIKO: Hold it! Hold it!

[SIGHING]

Hey, my contact
went back in my eye.

It must have been there
all the time.

I'll tell you
the truth, Edna.
I'm still a little shaky.

I thought we were goners
on that freeway.

Forget about
that freeway.

Just think about the freeway
you and I will be on tonight.

Which freeway is that?

The freeway of love.

No brakes and
all green lights.

Hey, thanks.
Thanks a lot.

Good job.Thanks.

Hey. Mr. Chad.

Hey.

What are
you doing, bud?

I got lucky.

CHAD: Thanks a lot.

I taught you good,
right?

You saved our lives,
partner.

So listen, Riko,

you still need
a place to stay?

Yes, I do.

As long as you lay off
the symbiosis stuff.

I'll lay off
the symbiosis stuff,

but it's Chad,
not Diaper Head,
not Needle Nose.

Richard.

You need a place
to stay?

You can stay
at my place anytime.

You're moving out?

You know,

you are going to beg
to be with me someday.

Maybe.

You know, Riko,

you seem to know
a lot about women.

I know everything
there is to know.

I'd really like
to ask Vanessa out.

Oh, that's easy.

You got to act confident
and ask this girl out.

Act confident.
Okay, thanks.

Wait!

Yeah?

There is a chance, Chad,

Hmm?

that this girl
could turn you down.

I'd be destroyed.

She likes guys
who live on the edge.

And you, you're still
a babe in the woods.

What are you...

I live on the edge!

Didn't you see me
back there?

There's more
to living dangerously
than driving on the freeway.

You've got to do some
dangerous stuff or this girl
is gonna lose interest in you.

So what do I do?

Do something romantic.Romantic, yeah.

You wanna set up
something really nice,
like a mountain scene

with a nice beautiful day
at a lake.

Romance, yeah.

So you take her
to an adult motel.

I couldn't! I have
too much respect for her!

Respect has nothing
to do with it.

My parents have
a house at the lake.

Okay.

No, forget it. I have no way
of getting her there.

What are you saying?
Of course, you do.
Borrow a car.

Borrow...
You're talking
about stealing!

These are the pro moves
and that is living
dangerously, okay?

Here, wear these.
It will increase
your cool quotient.

Remember, pro moves
and confidence.

You're a dangerous man
and an animal.

Get this girl!
All right!

[CHUCKLING]

Oh.

I swear, Alice,
there's nothing
between Maria and me.

Yeah?

Well, where did
this come from?

Tough scrimmage
down at the barbershop?

Alice.

Oh, man.

Alice, calm down.

J.J. does not
like Maria.

Sure could have fooled me.

Okay, so maybe he finds
her body interesting.

Gee, thanks.

No, he needs you.

Sure he does.

Alice, he's studying
with you.

No other girl
has ever gotten J.J.

to quote Shakespeare.

Trust me.

Once he passes
that English test,

he'll know
who to thank.

I hope so.

Get out of here.

See you.

Hi there.Hello!

The name's Bennett,
Chad Bennett.

Excuse me?

Vanessa, it's time
to show the world
the real me.

I thought
we ought to start
from scratch.

Chad Bennett,
it's very nice to meet you.

It's mutual.

I was thinking

maybe you and I
could go out sometime.

Like Sunday afternoon.

If you're not busy,
that is.

You aren't busy, are you?

I've got a date.

With you.

Chad, this car is
school board property.

We could get
into trouble.

Not to worry.
Come on, relax.

I got them now!

Wait till the superintendent
hears about this!

You don't have
a license.

Or a car, but that's
not stopping me!

What if Savage finds out?

Hey, come on, I thought
you liked to live on the edge.

There's a difference
between living on the edge

and driving
off of the edge.

Riko said you liked guys
who live dangerously.

I don't want
to go out with Riko.

I want to go out with you.

[POLICE SIREN WAILING]

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to spend
a romantic day with you.

That sounds
real nice to me.

I'm just worried,
that's all.

What's to worry about?

It's no problem.

I just wanna tell you
what these past weeks
have meant to me.

Well, don't tell me.
Show me!

All right!

Looks like we both
could use this workout.

I got them both!
Thank you.

I can't follow him
and I can't...

I'll follow them.

I can't follow them.
I'll follow them.

Why do you do things
like this to me?

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

What did I tell you?
Isn't this nice up here?

Beautiful.

You still think
this was a lousy idea?

I'm beginning to like it
more and more.

I'm beginning
to really like
living dangerously.

Me, too.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

VANESSA:
What's wrong with him?CHAD: He looks drunk.

He's going to hit us!

[VANESSA GROANING]

No!

WOMAN ON TV: If we set off
this atom bomb...

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

This better be good
because you're interrupting
Zombie Death.

Chadley, did you know
your remote control
was broken?

You what?

[GROANING]

Look, J.J., you have
until tomorrow morning.

Do you want
this football career or not?

I'm tired
of geeky poetry.

My brain is fried!

[DOG BARKING]

I got an idea.

I'll just take your notes
to the test.

You even think of that,
and you can find
another girl.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Hi, Riko.

What?

My old man will slice me,
but we got to.

Because Chad and Vanessa
are our friends.

Dynamite!

[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV]Bye. I'll call the others.

J.J., we're going
to the lake.

Now that's more like it.

If Smilin' Ed
catches me this time,

I can reserve a room
at Leavenworth.

Could you back away
from the truck, please?

Where did you learn
how to do that?

Girl scouts.

I sold the most cookies
in my country.

You learn a lot
in the middle of a revolution.

How does it feel?

Like I'm the stupidest jerk
on the face of the earth.

You'll feel worse
when Miss Savage
gets you.

Tell me about it.
Is Vanessa all right?

He's going to love this.
This is hot!

Superintendent?
This is Abner...

[DIAL TONE]

Oh, phew!

I can't believe
the difference one
session made for you.

I'm a mess,
a physical wreck.

I'm falling apart.

You're just
getting ready for
the ultimate workout.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Me.

Whoa!

Hey, there goes my baby!

There goes my job!

Oh, I got them now!

I'm going to exceed
the speed limit!

What?Look.

The teacher's behind us!

[ALL YELLING]

Faster, Pearle.
Nobody steals
one of my cars!

It's mine.

A shortcut.

[HONKING]

♪ And if you drop in there

Let me handle this.Let me drive!

Go left.
Turn left.

Hold on!

[HORN HONKS]

[ALL YELLING]

RIKO: Okay, all right!

♪ A one more time, yeah

Guys, I can handle it.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Give me that!
Give it to me!

♪ A go-go can't be far

♪ You'll see the people
from your block

Oh!

♪ You can see
your favorite star

♪ Goin' to a go-go

♪ 'Cause everybody's
goin' to a go-go

Whoa!

♪ Don't you want to go?

♪ Yeah, people

♪ Come on, now

♪ Come on, now,
now, now, yeah, yeah

♪ Ooh

♪ Tell me, now,
don't you want to go?

♪ Yeah

♪ Now it's all right

[SCREAMING]

Oh!

♪ Yes, I am, now

♪ Goin' to a go-go

♪ Oh, come on, now

♪ It doesn't matter
if you go stag

♪ It never matters
if you don't drag

[ALL YELLING]

♪ You're sure to
have some fun ♪

Look, he's crazy!

Abner, Abner,
you messed up my car!

My new car!

Look at this.
We'll never finish this
before exams.

You're wrong, you guys.

We can, but it'll take
14 hours of blood,
sweat, and tears.

I think we work
much faster
to Beastie Boys.

[ALL COMPLAINING]

Come on, let's go.
Everyone, come on.

What are we
going to do first?

Start on the windshield
over there.

[CRASHING]

Shh!

[WHISPERING] Ow!
Stay off my foot!

[WHISPERING]
Well, move it!

Shut up!

[CRASHING]

I want to see!

[TOOLS WHIRRING]

Ah!Oh ho!

Ah ha!

Come on, Fraser.

Ha!

Let's leave them
alone, Fraser.

No! You're as crazy
as them!

Those fools
just destroyed my car!

Let them be.
They're learning
to be responsible.

Poopycock! I'll prove
once and for all

Paulson's running
a slack ship
at Hamilton High.

Get over here!

Come on.
Hey, come here, Fraser.

Fraser! Hey, listen.

Would you...
Look, they're trying
to make things right.

Those criminals
stole private property.
I'm going to prove it.

You coming,
Miss Savage?

Edna!

They're working together.
Give them a break.

Sorry, Abner.

You know,
Pearle's right.

That body shop
is private property.

You know your problem,
MissSavage?

You care more
about those kids

than what's good
for this high school.

Not me.

[GROANING]

No!

Oh, my God...

Cowards.

[GASPING]

[BARKING]

[SCREAMING]

Help! Help me...

Don't leave me, Pearle!
Miss...

How's she doing?

Back away, over there.

Ready?

♪ Well, I was only out
tryin' to have a good time

♪ So I took the school car

♪ Must've lost my mind

♪ I wasn't really stealin'

♪ I was just chillin'

♪ With my newfound girlfriend

♪ It was goin' so, so well

♪ I don't know
what went wrong

♪ Now, just when I leaned
to get the first kiss

♪ A fellow in a truck
took a broadside hit

♪ We wrecked the car

♪ We wrecked the car!

♪ We wrecked the car!

♪ Savage's goin' to fry us
for this one

♪ Oh, before I could show
my face at the school

♪ I had to straighten
out the mess

♪ That I'd gotten into

♪ I had trouble
on my hands

♪ Didn't know what to do

♪ But I got the help I needed
from this motley crew, yeah

♪ We wrecked the car

♪ We wrecked the car!

RIKO: Wait a minute.
What's this "we" stuff?

CHAD: We're in this
together. What about
symbiosis?

[TICKING]

Beep, beep.

All right!

[ALL CHEERING]

Guys, relax!
Relax!

Relax! Calm down.

It just takes
a little bit of confidence.
Think it looks okay, though?

Okay? It looks incredible.
The chicken would be proud.

[ALL CLUCKING]

Whoo! You're an artist.

Artist.

More like con artists.

Dad, I can explain.

I got a better one.

I found Mr. Fraser
trapped by Bambi
on the roof.

He kept swearing
that kids were
vandalizing the place.

That's obviously
not true, Mr. Konner.

Oh, spare me, okay?

You took the truck,
didn't you?

Yeah, but I didn't
take it for myself.

I've had it, Riko. Now,
this is what you're gonna do.

You're gonna make a list
of the parts you took,

because you're
gonna pay me back.

Fine, no problem.

Then, you'll pack
and move out permanently.

You don't have an ounce
of responsibility
in your entire body!

You're wrong!
Riko's very responsible!

He did this
to help us!

It's never Riko's fault.
He's the perfect kid.

You don't
give him credit.

Listen, Chad and I got
into trouble last night.

Riko knew
you'd give him hell
if he helped us.

He was unselfish.

He organized everything.

That is all Riko's work.

It is true!

Riko turned out to be
someone you can count on.

A good friend.

Come on, guys.
Let's take it
back to school.

You can stay
at my place.

Hi, Mom.

Did you have fun
at Alice's last night?
Did you guys study?

Baby, what happened?

I had a little accident.
It's nothing serious.

Nothing serious?

I've been taking
driver's ed
behind your back.

It was wrong, but, Mom,
you wouldn't let me,
but I had to do it.

I'm sorry.

Sorry just isn't
going to cover it,
young lady.

At least you finally
owned up to it.

You mean you knew?

Well, I may be naive,
but I'm not stupid.

There's a lot more
to tell you,

but I have to go upstairs
and get washed up.

I have
a driver's ed final.

Vanessa?Yeah?

Good luck, honey.

Thank you.

You look
beautiful today, Mom.

Won't work.

Right.

Right here after school.

Okay.

I'm too tired
to have a fight.

Riko, I came
to tell you something.

You did the right thing
helping your friends,

and I'm proud
of you, Son.

I want you to come home.

Now, get your butt
over to school.

You got a final to pass.

If they let me take
the test.

Well?

Go for it.

Thanks.

There's J.J.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Hey, J.J.
Are you ready for the test?

Yeah, as ready
as I hope to be.

What's that noise?

Crib notes.

Alice.

Wait a minute.
I want to talk to you.

About what, cheating?

Alice is right, J.J.

All right!

Um, Miss Savage,
Mr. Pearle,

I'm really sorry
I stole the driver's ed car.

It was completely
irresponsible on my part...

I told Chad to steal
the driver's ed car.

I told him
he should live dangerously.

I didn't think
he was going to do it.

I guess I took
the symbiosis thing too far.

Well, you two,

I respect your honesty.

Riko, you've taken
a giant step

in your relationship
with your father.

Congratulations.

But what you two did
was wrong.

Very wrong.

There are rules.

Gentlemen, we have got
to live by the rules,
symbiosis or no symbiosis.

Yeah, I get it,
flunk city.

[SIGHING] Come on.

EDNA: Sit down!

I make the rules,
and I rule that since
both of you...

Sit down!

This is my department,
and I make the rules.

And I say that since
both of you have shown

that you are able
to take responsibility,

you should take the test
with the rest of the class.

All right, sugarplum?

Whatever you say,
sweet lips.

Now, get your symbiosis
out of this office!

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[LAUGHING] Yeah!

We worked
everything out.

MASLANSKI: I'm happy.

I hope everyone
who was responsible

for Mr. Pearle's
and my little accident
last night

has studied for
their driver's ed final,

or none of you
will graduate.

Come on, let's go.

FRASER: Miss Savage?

Miss Savage?

Before you wear
Maslanski out,

he's mine.

♪ I know you wanna leave me

♪ But I refuse to let you go

♪ If I have to beg and plead
for your sympathy

♪ I don't mind

♪ 'Cause you mean
that much to me

♪ Ain't too proud to beg

♪ And you know it

♪ Please don't leave me, girl

♪ Don't you go

♪ Ain't too proud to plead

♪ Baby, baby

♪ Please don't leave me, girl

♪ Don't you go

♪ Now, I've heard a cryin' man
is half a man

♪ With no sense of pride

♪ But if I have to cry
to keep you

♪ I don't mind weepin'

♪ If it'll keep you by my side

♪ Ain't too proud to beg

♪ Sweet darlin'

♪ Please don't leave me, girl

♪ Don't you go

♪ Ain't too proud to plead

♪ Baby, baby

♪ Please don't leave me, girl

♪ Don't you go

♪ If I have to sleep
on your doorstep

♪ All night and day

♪ Just to keep you
from walkin' away

♪ Let your friends laugh

♪ Even this I can stand

♪ 'Cause I wanna keep you

♪ Any way I can

[WHISTLING] ♪ Ain't too proud to beg

♪ Sweet darlin'

♪ Ooh-ooh,
don't leave me, girl

♪ Don't you go

♪ Ain't to proud to plead

♪ Baby, baby

♪ Please don't
leave me, girl ♪

[SNEEZES]

Three weeks ago,
I marched into this classroom

and saw the most
helpless group

of future drivers
I've ever seen.

I took one look
and said to myself,

"No way, no way, no way."

Two weeks ago,
I took another look.

I said to myself,

"Edna, you were right
the first time.

No way, no way, no way!

One week ago,
I took another look,

and I said to myself,

"Well, maybe."

And now I stand up here
for the last time

looking at you,

and I say to myself,

"I don't believe it!"

Every one of you
has passed driver's ed.

VANESSA: What?

[ALL CHEERING]

All right!
We did it!

I am most proud of you,
the students.

All right!

Maslanski.

I can't believe this.

You passed.

Better than passed.
You got 95 out of 100.

RIKO: All right!

[ALL CHEERING]

It was fixed,
wasn't it?

That's it.
It was fixed!

I'll fix you, and so will
my brother-in-law,

the superintendent
of schools.

I didn't know he was
your brother-in-law.

[GROANS]

RIKO: Oh, great!
Mr. Pearle, great!

Yeah, all right!

[WHOOPING]

CHAD: All right. Yeah!

♪ So the class is over

♪ And we're all still alive

♪ We be cruisin'
down the highway
but not more than 55

♪ Miss Vanessa be a senior

♪ Chad be movin' to a dorm

♪ But she'll visit him
and kiss him

♪ He ain't a geek no more

♪ And J.J.'s goin'
to Michigan State

♪ To be a football hero

♪ We can hardly wait

♪ Make us proud, Dr. J.J.

♪ We will watch you on TV
scoring touchdowns

♪ Or saying,
"To be or not to be"

ALL: ♪ We be drivin'

♪ No more bus stops
in the dark

♪ We be drivin'

♪ We can parallel park

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Watch out, world,
here we come

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Fraser man, we ain't dumb

♪ Santini and daughter
be doin' not too shab

♪ She be mixin' cement
and catchin' rays in the cab

♪ My buddy Riko, you see
gonna make so much loot

♪ 'Cause he got
the future sewn up
in that stupid chicken suit

♪ Mr. Pearle and Miss Savage
are joined at the heart

♪ But watch out
for those antacids

♪ And watch out
for those darts

♪ And if a certain senorita
will be my girl

♪ If she will wear my ring
I'll take her limo
for a whirl

♪ And if he takes my rap,
will her papa buy us a car

♪ With a moonroof, a bar,
color TV, and VCR?

♪ We be drivin'

KICHI: ♪ Come and go
as we please

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Give me that set
of spare keys♪ We be drivin'

♪ We got nothin' to fear♪ We be drivin'

♪ Let's get the heck
out of here♪ We be drivin'

♪ But enough of this crap♪ We be drivin'

♪ 'Cause that's the end
of Kichi's rap ♪

ALL: Whoo!

♪ We can parallel park

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Watch out, world,
here we come

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Fraser man, we ain't dumb

♪ Santini and daughter
be doin' not too shab

♪ She be mixin' cement
and catchin' rays in the cab

♪ My buddy Riko, you see,
gonna make so much loot

♪ 'Cause he got
the future sewn up
in that stupid chicken suit

♪ Mr. Pearle and Miss Savage
are joined at the heart

♪ But watch out
for those antacids

♪ And watch out
for those darts

♪ And if a certain senorita
will be my girl

♪ If she will wear my ring,
I'll take her limo for a whirl

♪ And if he takes my rap,
will her papa buy us a car

♪ With a moonroof, a bar,
color TV, and VCR?

♪ We be drivin'

♪ Come and go as we please
We be drivin'

♪ Give me that set
of spare keys
We be drivin'

♪ We got nothin' to fear
We be drivin'

♪ Let's get the heck
out of here
We be drivin'

♪ But enough of this crap
We be drivin'

♪ 'Cause that's the end
of Kichi's rap ♪