Corny Casanovas (1952) - full transcript

♪ Oh, wedding bells ♪

Oh, boy, am I happy.

Just think, before we know it

we'll all three be married.

Yeah, we'll soon have wives

to do the housework

instead of us.

What gets me is how you two

ever found anyone

who'd marry such house-hunters.

Quiet, titmouse,

and finish your work.

All right.

♪ The wedding bells

Will ring ♪

♪ Ding-dong ♪

♪ The wedding bells

Will ring ♪

Gesundheit.

♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,

Ding-dong ♪

♪ Ding-dong, ding... ♪

Moe! Moe. Moe.

Ooh.

Oh.

Gee, Moe, I'm sorry, Moe.

What mo' can a fellow say?

That's all there is,

there ain't no mo'.

You're only nervous.

You were just careless.

Yeah. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Get out of here.

Go on! Get to work.

You, fix the bed.

Who's going to make me?

He is.

He is?

Stupid old buzzard.

Fix the bed.

Sloppy housekeepers.

Oh.

Ooh. Ow. Ow.

Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow! Hey, you, get...

Sorry, Moe, the mop did it.

Well, so it did.

Get out of here.

There.

Oh! Oh.

Oh, where did I put that? Hm.

I got to get something

to pound with.

Oh, yeah.

No. Oh, yeah,

it's down here.

Oh, this has got it.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, my head.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ow! Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, I'm scalped!

Oh, my head!

Well, soon as we get

this davenport recovered,

the place will be more

present-a-mental

to the new bribes.

Bribes?

You mean "brides."

Uh-uh. Anybody who'd marry

you two buzzards

would have to be bribed.

Yeah? Shut up.

Oh!

Now, for your information

it was love at first sight.

My girl proposed to me

the minute we met.

Yeah? My girl did too.

Well, that's a coincidental.

That's exactly what my

future wife did to me.

Oh, come on, come on,

cut this material.

All right.

Hold it up there.

There you go.

Right.

How are you coming?

All right, all right.

It's on the bias here.

I must be going

against the grain.

Come on.

All right.

There.

Okay.

Oh.

You stupid idiot.

Wait a minute, I can explain it.

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, my nose,

my poor, poor little cute,

lovable nose.

Oh, there, there, kid.

I was a little bit excited.

Oh.

Come on, you,

fix this material out.

All right.

Get a hammer and some tacks.

Just my luck.

I buy a two-pant suit

and he ruins the coat.

All right, come on,

right here on the end.

Wait a minute,

I got to do this right.

I don't want to miss.

Right. Close to the end.

All right.

Sorry, Moe, I can't get used

to these bicycle focals.

Why you cement-head.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, look.

You wrecked the hammer,

you idiot.

Come on, get busy.

Hold it, fellas,

I've got an idea.

Stretch out the cloth.

I'll take care of everything.

Okay.

Now, level it off

nice and tight.

I'll get it.

There you are.

What's the idea of the rifle?

That's a continuous-shooting

automatic.

I figured if a rivet gun

can shoot rivets,

this can shoot tacks.

You're getting to be a smart

little imbecile.

Thank you.

Here we are. Funnel.

Plenty of tacks.

Ready?

Ready, aim, fire.

Ain't bad.

That's nice work,

but we better hurry up

and finish it,

because I got a date

with my girl.

Me too.

Me, three.

Funnel.

More tacks.

Here, let me try it.

Wait...

Hold it. Tacks are here

to hold it up.

- Here, let me try it.

- Wait a minute,

I... I saw it first.

Aw, let me...

Ouch! Ouch, ouch.

Oh, I'm losing my mind.

Hey, fellas!

Oh. We'd better do something.

Come on.

Hold still, hold still.

Hold still.

Ow!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

Take it easy,

you're tearing my heart out.

How do you feel, Moe?

How do I feel?

I'll probably have to eat

all my meals standing up.

Why, you... You missed me.

Did I?

I'll tack the thing myself.

You couldn't let me do it.

You had to gum up the works.

Aw, go stick your

head in a bucket

and see if your nose

will write under water.

Oh, yeah? Why...

Yeah.

He swallowed the tacks,

get him over here.

Hurry up. There we go.

The tacks won't come out.

They went in,

maybe they're income tax.

I got an idea.

Roll him on his back.

All right.

Hold steady there.

Come on there, hold steady.

Right over there. Come on.

Here we are.

Take it easy.

Move it.

Here, I got a magnet.

Open your mouth, Moe.

That's it.

Here we go. Here.

There we are.

Move your tonsils. That way.

That's it, that's it.

Cough 'em up.

Cough 'em up!

Hold it.

Are you okay now, Moe?

Take it easy.

Don't worry. Don't worry, Moe.

These tacks will never

attack you again.

But I will.

Wait a minute.

Let him alone.

Quiet, you guys.

Have an apple.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'll be right over.

Are you sure you love me,

cutie-pie?

Of course I do, darling.

Mm, mm, she loves me!

She loves me!

She loves me! Oh.

But she loves me..

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.

Oh, boy,

now I'll polish my shoes.

Where's the dabber?

Well, I got to give myself

a good shine here.

Hey, where's Larry?

Phoning his girlfriend.

Wonder what she looks like.

So do I. For that matter,

I wonder what your girl

looks like. You never told me.

Well, that makes us even.

You never told me

what your girl looks like.

Probably a goon.

Yeah.

Give me that brush.

Put that brush down.

Oh, all right.

Now get out of here.

You're always picking on me.

Yeah. I'm going to catch up

with you, brother,

you keep talking about my girl.

That's a good way to get your

head busted, remember that now.

Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

There.

Hey, kid, forget it.

Forget it.

I lost my head.

Here, rinse your mouth.

There you are.

Hold it, Moe.

I'll fix it.

I'll fix you up.

Just take it easy, kid.

Wait a minute, kid,

just a little more.

Just right here.

I gotta put it on.

Oh, come in.

I knew you were coming

so I baked a cake.

Oh, thank you.

And I've got something

for my little cutie-pie too.

Oh!

Close your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Oh.

There. Now,

how about a little kiss?

Oh, i-it's... It's mama.

I want to break the news

to her gently about us.

Would you mind waiting

in the left bedroom?

The left bedroom. Yes.

Hurry up, Larry.

Darling, come in.

I knew you were coming

so I baked a cake.

Oh, fancy that.

You're a hunny-bunny.

Hey, what's... What's...?

Oh, this.

I have bells

on my fingers and...

rings on my toe.

Oh.

How about a kiss?

It's mama. I want to break

the news to her gently about us.

Would you mind waiting

in the right bedroom?

The right bedroom. Yes.

Hey.

Oh. Oh, darling.

Darling, come in.

I knew you were coming

so I baked a cake.

Oh, you shouldn't

ought to done it,

but I didn't forget you either.

Close your eyes.

Won't you come and sit down?

I have something else for you.

And now, honey,

you can have me with you

all the time.

That's me, honey.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

What are you doing

in my girl's house?

Your girl?

She's my girl.

We'll see about that.

Come on.

Yeah, all right, I'm with you,

don't worry.

Hey, what are you doing

in my girl's house?

She's my girl.

You're both double-crossers.

I'll tear you apart.

Come on, get out of here.

You.

You muscling in on my girl.

I'll tear your tonsils out.

Oh, you will, eh?

Don't you dare!

Look what you did?

Quiet.

Put up your hands.

Come on, get out of here.

Oh, so you want to fight, eh?

I'll give it to you.

What do you know about that?

Yeah?

I'm a little too speedy for you,

eh?

Go ahead.

Why, I'll dust you off.

Wait'll I get through

a little skippin' here.

Now I'm ready for you, kid.

Go ahead.

Come on.

Can you take it?

Yeah.

Can you take it?

Yeah.

All right.

I can take it.

Get out of here.

Steal my girl, eh?

Ah.

Do that to me, will you?

Larry, I'll murder you!

Larry, I tell you I'll...

Quiet.

Why you...

Sweetheart.

Hm. So long, suckers.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.