Conventional (2015) - full transcript

An aging scream queen deals with her insignificance.

Children - Trick Or Treat
Man - Sorry kids I'm all out of sweets

Man - [struggling]
Children - [laughing]

[Metal music]

[People laughing, rushing]

Rachel - 'And who is this one to?'

Stu Mac 1- 'Stu Mac'
Rachel - 'But what's your real name?'

Stu Mac 1- 'Stu Mac, I had it legally changed.'

Rachel - [stutters] 'Oh, oh, well Stu Mac,
can I interest you in one of my new shots?

Huh?

No?

This is a brand new one, nobody else has got
it yet.



No?'

Stu Mac 1- 'No thanks'
Rachel - '50% off, half price, c'mon.

No?

Okay okay.

To...

Stu Mac'
Stu Mac 1- 'Where's Stu Mac?'

Rachel - 'There, I wrote it.

Stu Mac.'

Stu Mac 1- 'No, why isn't he here?'

Rachel - 'Oh, he couldn't make it today.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alright.'

Rachel - 'Hahaha'

Rachel - 'Hi!



How are you?'

Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Camera click] 'Next!'

Rachel - 'Ow!

Ha ha.

Stu!

Thank you.

Thank you.'

Rachel - 'Hi!

How are you?'

Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Camera click] 'Next!'

Rachel - 'Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.'

Rachel - 'Hi!

How are you?'

Stu Mac - [screams]
Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Camera click] 'Next!'

Rachel - 'Thank you, Thank you so much.'

Rachel - 'Hi!'

Rachel - 'Well, working in horror is a challenging
genre for any actress it is physically and

emotionally demanding, because well there
is like a lot of, uh, screaming and you have

to be good at screaming.

I practiced my screams for a very long time
you wanna hear?

Yeah you wanna hear!

Okay here we go.'

[Screams] 'You know, and there's a lot of
screams, I have loads of screams there's like

a little one,' [screams] 'and then there is
like a long one,' [screams] 'you know, so

you gotta master the screams.'

'And also you have to master the crawling,
so it would go like a...

Let me show you.'

[Heavy breathing] 'You know?

And the stakes are always really high, it's
literally a life or death situation.'

'So um, the most challenging scene was probably
like when I was tied up, and like stripped

and feeling that blade run across my body
even though I knew it wasn't real that shit

was scary!

So yeah that would have to be the most challenging
part of playing Aubrey Beaver in Axe Wound

2.

Any more questions?

Yes, the Stu Mac in the back there?'

Stu Mac - 'What does horror mean to you?'

Rachel - 'Hm, that is a very good question
Stu Mac in the back there.

Uh, horror means adrenaline, fear, movies,
work, a pay check for me.

Hahaha, anyone else?

Any more questions?'

Stu Mac - 'Why weren't you in Axe Wound 3?'

Stu Mac - 'Miss Miligan, it would be an honour
for me to buy you that drink.'

Rachel - 'How big of a fan are you?'

Stu Mac - 'The biggest.'

Rachel - 'Stu!

Stu!

Your axe is so big!

Oh god.

Oh god.'

Rachel - 'Oh, you forgot your.'

Rachel - [screams]

Rachel - 'What does horror mean to me?

Losing elasticity in my skin.

Getting recast by younger actresses that's
pretty horrible.

Having tea with Wes Craven and then him not
remembering who the fuck I am a week later.

Knowing what it feels like to be a movie star,
then never starring in a movie again.

How am I supposed to go back to normal when
I was Bloody Disgusting magazine's Scream

Queen 2007?

Telling people at parties I have a few things
in the pipeline, sitting down to a blank page

desperately trying to find something to write
about to at least feel some control over my

non-existent career.

But the truth is I have nothing to write about,
I have nothing to say how tragic is that?

I have tasted the dream.

I know what it is like to have been somebody.

I can honestly say I wish I didn't because
now I am drowning in my insignificance.

I miss feeling make-up brushes against my
skin - it feels like affection.

I crave it so bad, that when I get it - it
turns me on.

I miss camera flashes, every click feels like
a compliment.

And let me tell you I will do anything for
a fucking compliment.

Are you horrified yet?

Coming to these conventions in a bid to get
relevant again, it's like how long before

I'm doing these things for free?

That day will be horrific.

Fucking random Stu Mac's for money - yes,
yes that happened last night, and yes, if

you see me afterwards I can probably work
out some arrangement for you.

Living out the rest of my meagre conventional
trivial little life - that is what horror

means to me.'

Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Camera click] 'Next!'

Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Camera click] 'Next!'

Photographer - 'Ready?'

[Stab]

Rachel - 'Thank you.'

[Camera click]