Come Have Coffee with Us (1970) - full transcript
Emerenziano (Ugo Tognazzi) is the middle-aged tax inspector who is in search of a wealthy wife. He travels to northern Italy where he meets three sisters, who, though wealthy, are not by any stretch of the imagination young or beautiful. He decides to marry one of them and then takes the other two as mistresses. The virginal sisters are slowly transformed into man hungry mavens, each possessing their own individual sexual talents. It all seems to be work out fine for him until he meets a young waitress who he entangles himself with and as a result becomes a helpless prisoner subjected to the whims of the love starved females.
COME HAVE COFFEE WITH US
EXEMPLARY FATHER
AND TOWNS PERSON
EMINENT NATURALIST
LAID TO REST BY HIS
INCONSOLABLE DAUGHTERS
One year has already passed.
Yet it seems like yesterday.
Poor Father.
For a man,
a real man like me,
this is the perfect age.
No more searching for
adventures.
At my age,
as Mantegazza says,
a man needs three things:
caresses, warmth,
and comfort.
And ifs not easy.
A gentleman with the ladies.
Serious approach to work.
No compromises.
Not overly confidential with others.
Seldom but select public relations.
Broaden one's own horizons.
No bar.
No club.
A little church.
Good physical condition.
Good moral condition.
Within one month
PH get myself sorted out.
PAOLO MANTEGAZZA
THE PHYSIOLOGY OF PLEASURE
- Good Morning, ladies.
- Good morning.
Paolino, your shop is near
their house, tell us:
the mourning period is over.
What'll they do with all that money?
They definitely have a lot of it.
- Ladies.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, accountant.
- Good morning.
Even now that their father
isn't here to look out for them...
they're always alone,
always by themselves.
From house to church,
from church to house.
- Let's go for a coffee.
- Sure.
LEGAL COUNSEL
Chicken coup,
nice big trees in the garden.
They're wealthy all right.
I'll definitely find
warmth and comfort here.
We'll have to see
about everything else.
He just uses eggs
as an excuse to enjoy himself.
REGISTRY OFFICE
MEZZANINE
TAX OFFICE
FIRST FLOOR
- Good morning, accountant.
- Good morning, everyone.
- A model professional, isn't he?
- Yes. And very punctual.
Tons of smuggled cigarettes
pass through the Alpine valleys,
and I go to the smoke shop.
Some idiot!
Sure, reforms!
But first one must have
a political conscience.
What good are
the Cuirassiers' Regiment anyway?
Who knows if the Luino water
is infected or not?
Mazzola or Rivera?
A truly unsolvable problem.
Might as well get to work.
INHERITORS
May I?
Come in.
- Please, have a seat.
- Thank you.
I have a letter of recommendation
from Senator Ciappinelli.
A confidential letter.
I'll read it later.
Ciappinelli!
I understood.
Perhaps I'd better
come back another day.
Yes, you'd better, and without
a letter of recommendation.
Good bye.
They still don't know me here.
MINISTRY OF FINANCE
NOTIFICATION OF TAX INSPECTION
Miss?
Miss?
- What is it?
- Those vases there, you said...
- What did I say?
-Those up there.
You wanted them taken down.
- Wait. It's better if I get them.
-As you like.
Here.
Oh, yes.
Miss!
What's wrong, Miss?
Should I call your sisters?
You idiot, let go of me!
But what's wrong?
Les amoreux.
What's wrong, Miss?
What's happened?
Do you feel ill?
- Would you like a chamomile tea, Miss?
- No!
I don't know why
she's angry with me!
- What's wrong with her?
- I don't know.
Maybe she's in love, and why not?
Don't talk nonsense.
Les amoreux.
Hello?
Fr. Casimiro, it's Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
I want to confess.
Over the telephone?
It's very important. I want to confess
immediately, Fr. Casimiro.
I'm in my poor late father's study.
Nobody can hear me.
Now, I'm ready.
- You can't over the telephone.
- Father, I've sinned...
- No!
- I've had desires.
That's not so serious.
I think I'm having a strong
hormonal reawakening.
Men look at me.
I have to do something quickly,
punish myself.
Punish yourself, what? Why?
You haven't sinned.
I can only absolve sins,
not plans to sin!
But this is an exceptional case.
They all touch me.
I feel like I've got a body.
No, let me decide.
This is my field of work.
I mean, I've heard
a lot of confessions.
These things happen.
Take a sedative.
Drink some camomile tea.
The braised beef was made
with cheap wine...
and not with Gattinara.
Tell the cook.
All right, Mr. Paronzini,
I'll make sure to tell him.
Have a nice weekend, Mr. Paronzini.
- What a nice sunny day.
-Yes.
One can experience extremely
pleasurable sensations
by creating friction
between one object and another.
To this end, an infinity
of pleasure is to be had
by cutting the flesh of a pumpkin
into slices with a very sharp knife
or hammering a nail
into a metallic sheet.
Mantegazza was phenomenal.
Excuse me...
A box of lubricated condoms.
- Is the baby's bottle for you?
- No!
- Take off your knickers.
-Already?
Not the suspenders.
Slowly, slowly.
- You're so sensitive!
- That's it.
And dirty minded too!
What have you planned today?
Take off your tights.
Stay that way.
- Put one leg on the bed.
- You're so complicated.
Like that.
- Now turn over.
- No, not that.
- Lift one leg.
- Oh, all right then.
- Now lift the other one.
- How can I?
That's it.
I like everything about you
everything, everything, everything...
Who would have thought
that a love like this
ran out of time
still so strong...
I like everything about you
everything, everything, everything!
Everything!
Everything!
Excuse me, may I ask you?
I'm sorry, everyone's gone.
The office is closed.
I know I'm late...
but I received this notification
of tax inspection only yesterday.
Goodness, that's a fine sum.
Tettamanzi, Fortunata.
ls that you?
No, I'm Tettamanzi, Tarsilla.
I mean Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
- I'm Emerenziano Paronzini.
- Emerenziano?
Exactly.
Pleased to meet you.
It's for our inheritance.
An old house with a small garden.
We're three sisters who live
happily together.
- I could give you some advice.
- What did you say?
I said, I could give you
some advice.
But this isn't the place nor the time.
Come have coffee with us.
No. I can't today.
Perhaps Sunday, in the afternoon.
All right?
All right. I'll see you then.
- Caterina?
- Yes, Miss.
- Is this all right?
-Yes.
Take out the Baroque coffee set.
- The one that poor Father liked.
-Very well.
Look at how you're dressed.
Are you mad?
- All the girls her age dress like that.
- Not in our house.
Seven of hearts, ace of spades,
the king of diamonds...
and the three of clubs makes six.
I've got two hearts left...
- and the three of diamonds.
- Only one heart!
Anyway, three and two is five.
What does he think he's doing?
He's going to see
the Tettamanzi girls.
Sure, but there's someone else
after them,
and he's smarter than that idiot.
So that's the great bit of business
you were telling me about!
Such an idea,
having a man in the house!
Poor Father would never
have allowed it.
Poor Father is dead!
And we're alive.
- And they want to ruin us with taxes.
- Ruin us?
Don't you get it? They'll take
everything from us, and he can help.
Where's the fire?
Caterina, open the door.
Good afternoon.
Do the Tettamanzis live here?
Yes, they do.
- Please follow me.
- Thank you.
It's a nice big garden,
with good solid buildings.
Yes.
Cast iron steps.
- Nice to see you again.
- It's very kind of you to come.
Please come in and meet my sisters.
- Fortunata.
- It's a pleasure.
- Emerenziano Paronzini.
-And Camilla.
My pleasure.
- Give those to me.
- Thank you.
- Tarsilla told us how kind you were.
- It's just my nature.
Please don't fuss over me.
Thank you, I'll do it myself.
- This way please.
- Thank you very much.
- Please.
- Thank you.
It's difficult to find
a good maid these days.
It's true.
It's better not to need anyone, ever.
One should live in a hotel,
or in a residence like I do.
And the money, away to Switzerland.
We're lucky to have Caterina.
She was born in this house.
Her mother was our maid too.
At least she's trustworthy.
That's a good thing to have.
Lovely weather
for this time of the year.
Yes, but it won't last.
Water, rain, wind,
that's my forecast.
Coffee?
Thank you,
but I have one a day at most.
And this would be my second,
but I'll make an exception.
- Very good, Caterina.
- Here she is.
Place it here. I'll serve.
- Shall I help you, Camilla?
- No.
We make coffee in this pot that
Father bought in Turkey.
On one of his trips on the
Orient Express.
Father always went to Constantinople,
but we never understood why.
Who knows if you'll like this coffee,
it has a strange smell.
- I like it.
-So do I.
Another?
No coffee for you, Camilla.
You're too sensitive.
Let her have some.
Careful, it's very hot!
- A noble family?
-Yes, it's a three quarters.
Originally from Luino?
In truth poor Father
was originally from Cogliuno.
- Lower Cogliuno?
- Oh no, Upper Cogliuno!
Ah yes, the two Cogliuno. I see.
- And you, Mr. Paronzini?
- Me?
I'm from Galliate Lombardo.
My family originally came from
Buguggiate.
But because of work...
Well, I've moved about a bit.
Two years in Saronno. Three in
Arcumeggia. Four in Varese.
And now two months here in Luino.
- A nomadic life.
- One transfer after another.
Yes.
But I've decided,
no more traveling.
I can believe it.
After my last promotion,
I'm the vice head of the department,
I've decided to stop moving.
It's time to put down some roots,
cultivate myself,
and possibly bear some fruit.
Excuse me.
I suffer from a stiff leg.
However, if I'm not mistaken, you
need some help with your taxes?
- That's right.
-A little.
Let's see then.
- Please have a seat.
- A pastry?
No, thank you.
I've declared war on carbohydrates.
Let's have a look at the Tettamanzi
family's inherited estate.
Tarsilla, Camilla and Fortunata.
Let's get a pen.
There we are.
So, 123,000,000 plus the 7 percent,
equal to 8,610,000,
a tax rate of 12 percent...
15,793,200,
with 935,000 in deductions.
That's a total of 14,858,200...
divided by 2,
plus the additional 5 percent.
121,931,000 plus...
60,964,728...
12, 34, 6, 12...
Your debts are
increasing every day,
and they're due to be paid off
very soon.
You see, he's still in there.
- I'm off, goodbye.
- Bye.
Bloody hell!
The harp, a sublime instrument.
Who plays it?
- She does.
-Yes, I do.
- My compliments.
- Thank you.
- I must go now.
- Thank you for everything.
Mr. Paronzini.
It was very nice to meet you.
If you'd like to come back
next Sunday, perhaps for lunch?
We can show our appeal
and you can tell us if it's all right.
Yes, perhaps.
- I will accompany you.
-Thank you.
Don't worry about that,
I'll do it.
Your hat.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye once again.
This way.
What a distinguished man.
He seems like a Swiss man.
He has a bad leg.
- But he's a handsome man.
- Get lost.
Now that you've helped us,
I'm sure everything will change.
Miss Tarsilla...
When two people have
something in common...
Yes?
It's better to be careful.
Hello, Pozzi,
Let me have another three months.
I'll give you double interest.
Don't be an idiot,
this deal is going to happen.
A huge fortune.
When you understand,
you'll have a heart attack.
Goodbye, gorgeous.
I said goodbye, gorgeous.
- Good morning, Miss.
- Good morning.
Do you have any novels
by the Marquis de Sade?
- No!
- Or by Baron von Masoch?
No!
Well, then give me
the sexual hygiene manual.
All right.
- Is it illustrated?
- Scientifically.
Is there a chapter on the pill?
Yes, it even includes
a letter from the Pope.
- Goodbye, Miss.
- Good bye.
- So when will we read this Marcuse?
-I don't know. I heard he's boring.
"René punished her for some reason
he did not understand...
"but which Sir Stephen had immediately
discovered: her submissiveness.
"Or she was happy...
"that René whipped her...
"and prostituted her, because
her passionate submission...
"would have proven to her lover
that she belonged to him."
l like everything!
What are you doing here?
It's a public library
and I'm a member of the public.
You're a Catholic, aren't you?
So am I.
I was baptized
in St. Pancrazio's church.
Go away!
I've been watching you for two years.
Since I came back from France.
With those legs, those thighs...
The most beautiful thighs in Luino.
- Don't touch me.
- I'll touch you as much as I want.
I'll make love to you here, now.
And you won't say no to me.
I know what you're like.
You look all pious,
but you're on fire underneath.
No!
Let's tell the priest
that you're on fire underneath.
Listen, you're a devil.
You can do whatever you like to me,
but go away now.
Someone could come.
- Let them come.
- No, not here.
I'll leave a note in your shop
telling you where and when.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Can't you be a gentleman though?
Of course.
Machiavelli.
"The end justifies..."
I haven't eaten so well since I had
dinner with the head banker in Gavirate.
Imagine, an entire menu entirely
composed of mushrooms.
- No!
- How strange.
- Camilla?
- Just a drop.
- Good wine.
- That's enough.
With the last sip of wine wash your
mouth vigorously.
At the military hospital in Bologna...
...the medical officer gave me
that advice.
- Leave it there, I'll see to it.
-You won't believe me...
- but I've never been to the dentist.
- Goodness.
- May I?
- Please.
- Make some space for me, Tarsilla.
-Yes.
Oh, forgive us.
They're not from our orchard.
- Have a pear, Mr. Paronzini.
- No, why?
I was saying that military life doesn't
just have negative aspects.
It's a form of physical
and mental education.
- May I have another plate?
- Certainly.
- Thank you.
-You're welcome.
I eat the skin as well.
Vitamins.
There we go.
That one looks nice.
The war!
Perhaps you've noticed
a certain rigidity of movement in me.
A war injury, I imagine?
The Greek-Albanian front.
A grenade explosion.
The lower right...
- gluteus maximus.
- A delicate area.
- They had to remove a pan of it.
- No.
And deviate the rectum...
- which is now curved.
- How dreadful!
I can't claim to be lucky.
This one's rotten too.
- What are the consequences?
-The deviation is permanent...
but without any consequential effect
on my sexual functions.
See, one good apple from three
rotten ones? Never mind the waste.
This is poor Father's study.
Nice. Very nice.
Father was a legal counselor,
but he was also a naturalist.
- Really?
- He loved nature in all its forms.
- Even its strangest ones.
- A handsome man.
- A misunderstood genius.
- He looks intelligent.
The eagle owl...
also known as the "grand-due".
The king of the night.
Scientific experiments
were his passion.
These were all his.
- Really?
- And they're just zucchinis.
- No.
- Yes.
He'd say that both
the beautiful and the ugly...
are the results of an equal effort
and they are both equally precious.
It's true.
- And that?
- His masterpiece.
But...
But it's...
Orchidaceae vaginalis.
He almost always slept here
after poor Mother's death.
Over there?
Yes, it's a sofa bed.
- This way.
- Thank you.
I'll lead the way.
This is my little kingdom.
Father was a very orderly man.
So I can see.
I can see and I admire it.
Some white, some red.
A little wine cellar.
My compliments.
It's very impressive.
Thank you.
And all well-ordered.
When's this bottle from?
Please have a look.
Those are wines bottled by Father.
- 1955.
- Brachetto.
The very best.
Please come this way.
Since we're three orphans
and I'm the eldest sister
I'm responsible for the house.
This is our little reserve store.
Careful.
- There's a little of everything.
- You know how it is?
A violin too.
Pardon?
This...
Goat leg sun-dried at 2,000 meters
in the Gran Paradiso mountains.
Miss Fortunata...
I've reflected long and hard
about our friendship.
A chance acquaintance,
but perhaps predestined.
I've considered my own position
and that of your family.
I've met your sisters and had the chance
to appreciate their personalities.
So, I've made a decision.
Naturally, should you agree to it.
I've decided to marry
one of the three of you.
In particular you...
Miss Fortunata.
Thank you.
I knew it.
But I...
Oh, goodness...
I ask just that you have patience.
I'm not so young anymore.
I will.
Excuse me.
Why would I care about
Mr. Paronzini?
- Maybe you do.
-What?
You need more than just
a harp in your hands.
Misses Tettamanzi.
Before any erroneous gossip
begins to spread...
in the opinion of others,
or here in the family,
I want to clarify my intentions
before you.
From this moment onwards
you may consider me engaged...
to your sister Fortunata.
Congratulations.
It's so sudden!
Fortunata!
Where did he propose,
in the basement?
Feel how my heart is beating.
I'm so happy for you.
You're the first one...
and you're the eldest too.
You've always been a mother to us,
now we'll have a father too.
Not a father, a husband.
Finally a man in the Tettamanzi house.
The ice's broken, Camilla.
Now it's our turn.
- Yes, of course.
-Come on.
- They must have lots to talk about.
-No, wait.
- I...
- No.
Is it all yours,
or is it a chignon?
No.
It's all mine.
I've been letting it grow
for twenty years.
Don't be an idiot!
There are plenty of men.
No, no...
Tarsilla!
No, no, wait!
Come this way.
Come on.
Tarsilla.
Sit here.
There, like that.
No, no...
Be good.
- You were waiting for me, weren't you?
-Yes.
- But you must understand.
-I understand everything...
Now let me do it.
There we go.
You'll see howl understand you.
Not there!
- I'll scream.
- Scream then.
So you're sisters will come and see.
Good girl.
No, no...
Yes, yes...
No.
Promise me.
Don't think about anything.
Let yourself go.
- No!
-Yes.
Stop moving, or I can't do it.
Damn it!
Help!
Go. Quickly.
Damn it!
Help! Help!
Where are you? Quick!
Help! I saw him!
I saw him!
- Camilla, what are you doing?
- No. Don't close it.
You have to see as well.
What did you see? Who?
- A human form!
-Where?
- A monster, without arms!
- Calm down, Camilla.
Calm down.
He was alive!
- He was moving!
- Get the straight jacket.
No straightjacket!
- Get the valerian.
- I saw him.
I'll give you some valerian
to calm you down.
Here it is.
No, no, no...
Thank you, Tarsilla.
Don't go away.
No, we'll stay here
until you go back to sleep.
Wouldn't it have been nice
if we could have remained children.
Us three together.
Good morning, ladies.
Mr. Paronzini.
Good morning, I heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thank you very much.
Who's that lady?
- A dear friend of mine.
- I've never seen her before.
- She has a kind face.
- We must invite her over someday.
There's a lot of wind today.
No boat trip, I'm sorry.
As you wish, my dear.
Good morning, Miss.
Congratulations.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning. Congratulations.
I'd like to choose the invitations,
serious but elegant.
There you are!
What, afraid of waking the nuns?
No, the convent has been
deconsecrated for twenty years.
But it's better to be careful.
Come on.
We have until four, Paolino,
then I have to open the library.
- And until then...
- No, Paolino.
- Come on up.
- No, this way.
- What's in there?
- It's pan of the old convent.
When the library is closed,
no one can get in.
Go on in.
Pozzi was right:
"house to church, church to house".
- What do you mean?
- Nothing.
What a dump.
It's like a junk yard in here.
What a mess.
Come on, I'll hear your confession.
- Confess that you're a bad girl.
- It's not funny.
I don't want to joke
about these things.
I'm not joking.
I'll really hear your confession.
Who knows how many sins?
Have you never committed...
- an impure act?
- Really, Paolino!
What do you think I am,
one of your trollops!
Trollop? The word's "whore".
And you're a bigger whore
than all the others...
because you've waited until now.
But you can't wait any longer.
Hey, look.
They thought about us.
Here's our alcove...
our boudoir.
Maybe they knew that
we'd come here. Come on...
Be a good girl. Stay still.
Like that. Don't move.
There, like that.
There...
Let me do it.
You like it, don't you?
Oh, Paolino!
See how nice it is?
- No!
- What do you mean "no"?
- What a pain!
- Why isn't it open yet?
It's strange.
The lady's usually so punctual.
I'm a little late because
I had to sort some things out.
Thank you.
I like everything about you...
- I like everything about you...
- Tarsilla?
Do you like it?
Like in the movies.
Short is more comfortable.
Have you gone crazy?
Completely crazy!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla, what's going on?
A wonderful thing!
Stupendous!
I'll tell you now.
No, you have to guess.
Nothing. Nothing's happened.
I bought this nightdress, that's all.
A normal nightdress.
2,000 Lire.
Why, don't I look good?
There, it's fine like that.
You're a beautiful bride.
Let's go.
- It's useless, it keeps falling off.
- No, it's pinned on.
Did Dr. Raggi give you instructions?
Yes, he told me everything.
- I hope so anyway.
- Are you sure?
Don't worry, it's nothing.
I mean, it's a natural thing.
Hotel in Milan, first night.
Bologna. Culatello, tortellini,
double cream, Sangiovese.
Florence. Michelangelo,
Florentine Tripe, Montelupo Street.
Pompeii. forbidden sex, the Venus
of Gragnano. Capua, rest.
Rome, the Pope.
Perfect.
Now this side.
That's it.
Good. Very good, Caterina.
The two suitcases in the car.
- That one's mine. You can have it.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Fortunata, are you ready?
Look after the house, girls.
- Have a good time.
- Be good, Caterina.
- Goodbye, sisters.
- Goodbye, Emerenziano.
Goodbye, Emerenziano.
Let's watch them leave.
Have a good trip, newlyweds!
Remember to drive slowly.
Good bye, Fortunata.
- Have a good time.
- Write to us.
Good bye.
Congratulations.
Good bye!
You're a scoundrel.
A filthy animal.
Yes...
a beastly animal.
Yes, yes...
you were great.
You've made me a woman.
I've lost so much time.
But I'll make up for it now.
You're my pimp and I'm your whore.
Am I your whore?
Yes, you're my whore.
You're Popocatepetl...
- that's what you are.
- What's that?
Don't you know?
A volcano in Mexico.
It's cold in here.
I don't feel cold.
Get dressed or you'll catch
pneumonia like that.
I feel great.
What's he like, that chump
who married your sister?
He's not a chump.
We should have a bed too.
A nice big double bed.
Warm, comfortable.
We could go crazy in it.
It's more exciting like this.
It's not the same thing.
Now that your sister's married,
we should think about it too.
To be honest, my life was...
without focus before you.
Games, women...
this miserable town.
Either I'll settle down
or I'll emigrate.
- To be at ease with my conscience too.
- With what?
My conscience. I love you.
- Again?
-Yes. Again.
A telegram.
Why did Fortunata
want us to call Dr. Raggi?
They'll be here soon.
We'll see her, stay calm.
Is that all right?
Perfect.
We never cleaned this well,
not even for Easter.
- They've arrived already!
- Yes, it's them.
Hurry, Caterina, come on.
- Welcome back.
- Hello.
Caterina, bring the suitcases in.
- How are you?
- Fine. Slowly now.
- Welcome back.
- It's a little inflamed.
It's so nice to be home.
How are you?
- They're fine.
- What about you?
- How was the trip?
- Caterina, the coat.
Dr. Raggi is here.
You're very pale.
- It's not serious, is it?
- It's nothing.
- Did you see the Pope?
- No.
He had an audience with some
footballers.
- Mrs. Fortunata, here I am.
- Here's my wife.
- Good day, how are you?
- I'll leave her in your able hands.
- Excuse me one moment.
- Come with me.
- What's wrong, Emerenziano?
- It's nothing.
But I preferred Dr. Raggi
to take a look.
It's a delicate matter.
Caterina, get me a cigarette
from my jacket.
- Are her lungs and heart all right?
- Her liver too.
Oh, good!
There we go.
I don't know how to say...
We've never talked about
these things.
But, Dr. Raggi, I'm in pain.
I thought I'd die.
Will it get better, Doctor?
Straight to bed.
Complete rest, and light food only.
All right.
- Remember, plenty of rest.
- Of course.
- May I have a word?
- Of course, Doctor.
After you.
You'll have to be patient
for ten to fifteen days.
Do you understand?
No more!
I understand,
especially given her age.
- And her structure.
- Hers? Well I'd say...
- Goodbye, Mr. Paronzini.
- Goodbye.
- Caterina, show the Doctor out.
-Yes, sir.
- Caterina?
- Yes, sir.
Prepare the sofa bed for me.
I'll sleep here for a few weeks.
Very well, sir.
Such a honeymoon!
- Goodnight, Emerenziano.
- Goodnight.
The worst is over,
even if it was painful.
It's wonderful to feel
like a complete woman, but...
But?
- You must understand me.
-Yes.
Will you keep me company, my dear?
A nice chamomile is what you need.
Drink it while it's nice and hot,
and you'll sleep well all night.
Dr. Raggi told me that in two or three
weeks we can do it again.
He said...
we can also have children
if we want to.
I don't think so.
Didn't you say that
your uterus was twisted.
- These things are mysterious.
- Not so mysterious.
Drink, drink.
It'll do you good.
Thank you, my love.
I'll light the candle.
It's lovely.
- Goodnight, my dear.
- You're a wonderful husband.
I'm just a good husband.
Goodnight, my dear.
Go to your room.
I'll see you there at 1:15.
Oh, goodness!
Thieves.
What's he doing?
Off with this nightdress.
I don't like small talk.
I've never been one
for speaking a lot.
Nor have I.
In this house now
we hardly ever speak.
I prefer actions.
- Good morning. Mr. Paronzini.
- Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Paronzini.
Good morning.
Hey, look who it is.
There goes your great deal.
Isn't she the one that you...
I don't care about her.
Listen to a friend:
cut the cord.
Go to France, in America.
Where nobody knows you.
Travel the world.
What'll you do here?
Ferrari will get angry
with you someday...
- and he'll send in the debt collectors.
- This town is a shithole.
But I won't give anyone the pleasure of
seeing me run away, not even Ferrari.
Paolino's lazy.
Paolino doesn't have a job.
Paolino's full of debts.
But Paolino has
a trick card in his hand...
a secret infallible card.
Do you know what I mean?
Someday they'll be lining up
to kiss my ass.
Really, why's that?
- Because they will!
-Ah!
She's such a slut.
She was still a virgin.
I was her first,
and now she's crazy about me.
I'll marry Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
Then I'll sit in the garden
smoking a cigarette...
and spit on the heads
of the passersby.
- What do you say?
- It'd be a good move.
You can say that again.
But you better get a move on.
I'll give you more time
to pay your debts...
but Ferrari will bankrupt you.
- What'll we do now, my dear?
-A romantic lunch.
- We're crossing the border.
- How wonderful.
- Everybody to Lugano.
- To Lugano.
We'll have a great time!
Are all the doors closed?
It's closed from the inside.
It's the only way to get in
and surprise her.
- Surprise who?
- I'll explain now. Listen...
"Dear Father,
Miss Tarsilla Tettamanzi...
"every Thursday when the library
is stopped for the public
"closes herself inside and lets
her lover in through the garden...
- " and they have fun in the convent".
- Oh, God!
"Her lover enters at three through
the door on Crosa Street...
- "and leaves a few hours later".
- Lord Almighty!
- I thought she was a good girl.
- You can be my witness.
- No, I won't go to the court.
-What?
No courts or anything like that.
A person that we placed
our entire trust in.
Who influences the morals
of young girls in the parish...
the daughters of Mary!
The daughters of Mary!
Everyone chooses their own path.
- What do you mean?
- Let her be.
It's three o'clock.
- It's three o'clock.
- So what?
The lover enters through
the Crosa Street door at three.
We have to hide.
This way, quickly.
Quickly, Giacomo,
inside the wardrobe.
Quickly, get in!
I'm curious to see if her lover
is secular or religious?
Here or in the wardrobe?
Here, it's better here.
It's softer.
But listen, Paolino...
- this is definitely the last time.
- No, no, don't even joke about it.
- We're engaged now anyway.
-Wait.
Now they're getting undressed.
Now she's taking off her shin.
They're taking off their underwear.
Now they're starting!
Oh, yes...
Yes, like that.
Like that...
is wonderful.
My love.
Yes, yes...
Squeeze me. I like it.
Oh, yes.
My love!
My love! My love!
Enough!
Oh, God!
Heretics, sinners!
Come on, Giacomo, get out!
Move it!
Don't look, Giacomo! Don't look!
Shame on you, Miss Tettamanzi!
Lord forgive me.
You saw, didn't you?
Shame on you!
You're disgusting!
I saw nothing, I heard nothing
and I don't know anything.
Get dressed!
Explain yourself.
Father, I know it was wrong,
but I'm ready to marry her.
Marry her, if you think
that will make everything better.
Yes, I'm ready to marry her
straightaway.
- I'll marry Tarsilla.
- I'll talk with the young lady.
- Are you hurt?
-A little.
What happened?
Miss Tettamanzi, give me the key
to the library and get out.
With pleasure.
Do you realize how serious this is!
I realize that you're a priest
who hides and spies on things...
- he should never have seen.
- But you were doing those things!
I'm not a priest.
It was my duty.
I received this letter.
This is a nice business.
Luckily, some good has come
out of this badness.
Your friend...
has repented.
- He wants to make amends.
-An anonymous letter.
He said he wants to marry you.
Thank you, but no.
He wrote this letter.
"When the library
is stopped for the public."
That's how an idiot
who was in France writes.
Fr. Casimiro...
leave me be with my regrets.
Having to marry a blackguard
and support him all his life
would be too harsh a punishment.
Will you open
the door for me, please?
What's wrong with you, Tarsilla?
You haven't eaten anything.
- I've a headache.
- Too much time in the library.
Maybe that's it.
I'm somewhat exhausted.
In fact, I've quit.
- It's about time too.
-You've quit?
Well, of course.
It's so nice to be at home.
Well, I'm going for a walk.
To digest.
No, I'm not going.
Excuse me, but I'd rather go
straight to bed.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
I won't go either, I feel cold.
- I'll wait here for you, Emerenziano.
-Very well.
Just us two will go out together,
as if we were engaged.
Don't stay beside the fire too much.
You'll have a thermal imbalance.
- Goodnight, Fortunata.
- Goodnight, my dear.
- How romantic the lake is.
-Yes. It's beautiful like a postcard.
It's true!
Your hands...
Your hands have tormented
my dreams at night.
I knew it.
I've always known it.
We both knew it.
I had to go down Fonunata's road...
but it was a short cut to get to you.
- A short cut to get to me?
-Yes.
I won't sleep tonight.
I want to remember this moment
and relive it until tomorrow.
It's so beautiful to think
about these things...
in the warmth of bed.
We'll think about it together.
At 1:15 I'll come to your room.
- At 1:15.
-Yes.
He's like a clock!
Camilla!
Off with this nightdress.
Yes...
may...
Play the harp.
Hey, look who's coming.
Hey, he has three now.
Three, that's a nice harem!
And he's the pasha.
- Who would have thought?
- He's a great guy though.
And that makes
the bankruptcy official.
- See you around, Mr. Mentasti.
- Hopefully not.
Bloody hell!
Excuse me, can I have a word?
No.
Piece of shit!
Man consumes in the battle of love...
far greater energy than the woman.
Therefore, he must feed himself.
And if Mantegazza says so...
I can't go on anymore.
Am I still in Italy
or am I in Switzerland?
It's all the fault
of that bastard Paronzini.
Tarsilla is there now.
She's fantastic.
I was almost in love with her.
Where's the pine woods
near the border?
Here's a pine tree.
Shit country!
- You can all go and...
- Hey, there!
Which is the shit country?
- Switzerland.
- Welcome to Switzerland.
Come and repeat your words
before the public prosecutor.
They're all shit countries.
The skeleton of all civilization,
present and future...
can be reduced to this formula:
enjoy yourself and give pleasure.
Thank you.
My love.
It was...
...wonderful.
Goodnight.
The Greek-Albanian front.
Bitterly cold with shoes
made of cardboard.
Well, to work.
Camilla is like one of those
pickles in the vases.
Ifs true...
the beautiful and the ugly
are both equally precious.
A truly ugly thing is as exciting
to obtain as a beautiful one.
- Emerenziano, would you like a hand?
- Thank you.
Here you go, my dear.
They're very fresh.
I picked them.
- Pepper?
-A pinch.
Enough.
Good!
Are they nice?
Enjoy work, my dear.
- Bye, Emerenziano.
- Bye.
Everybody at the table at midday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...
Thursday, Friday, Saturday and...
Sunday, rest.
I won't happily eat a roast
without Cremona mustard,
so I'll eat it without anything.
Caterina, what day is it?
- Sunday.
- We all know that.
- I want to know the date.
- The 19th, Saint Prisca's day.
- And?
- The Anniversary of the Cross of War.
Well done.
Well done, Caterina.
Go to the cellar and get a bottle
of poor Mansueto's reserve stock.
- A Nebbiolo 19...?
- His favorite!
- I don't know.
- '55. Go!
Emerenziano!
Caterina looks good enough
to work for a priest nowadays!
And not just for a priest.
You three have really changed
as well. You seem like three whores.
Pardon, but it could be
a compliment in certain cases.
The Cross of War.
The delights of peace:
18,000 of a pension.
I'm not talking about myself though.
I wasn't happy just with that.
I worked, I felt obliged to.
I persevered
to make a career for myself.
But think about the others,
the mutilated.
A pension of 18,000.
One arm, both arms.
Both legs. And what remains?
The torso. And what do they do?
They go to the Minister's office.
And what do they do there?
Act as paperweights!
My dear Tettamanzi sisters...
War is a dreadful thing,
I'll tell you that.
It is the worst of evils.
It's worse than showing
a silent film to a blind person.
I can tell you that because
I did my duty and I received my prize.
And what a prize. Did I deserve it?
Of course I deserved it.
Private Paronzini?
What could I say
to the Lieutenant Colonel?
No, Sir.
I don't want any bread, Colonel.
No. I accept.
Yes, Sir!
Go and get some sleepers.
The Albanian front.
Mud! What could I say?
Shit up to here.
Shit, because our trench
was a sewer.
It was impossible to see the enemy
because even if you moved an inch...
you saw a piece of shit.
So I got a sleeper.
But these were no normal sleepers.
They were pieces of iron from here...
to the end of the room.
So I went with another soldier...
a sleeper up on our shoulders.
Once, twice, three times...
And then the Greek Albanian,
what does he do?
He shot at me, because he too
had the right to shoot!
And he hit me here,
with four pieces of lead.
Four pieces of lead.
We, excuse me, went to...
break...
break...
...the Greeks' backs.
But they broke my ass!
They broke me!
Carugati, Giovanni.
Sergeant Baronzi.
Minuti, Antonio.
Baroni, Ivo.
Corinto, Fabio.
Mezzanotte, Mario.
Sormeglio, Colitti.
All there, all there...
buried in the Albanian mud.
Here's to them.
- To them.
- To them.
And so...
Here's your Nebbiolo 1955.
Better a good '55 than a bad '44.
Am I wrong?
Look at that.
- Look at that splendor.
- This will be good.
Off with the nightdress.
Don't spill it on your pants.
War makes people live,
and war kills people.
- Unfortunately.
- But we're alive.
- And how!
- We're very alive.
Me, me!
To the Tettamanzi sisters.
Joy, love and great lunches!
Pour me some, Emerenziano.
Wait for Paronzini!
Sunday again!
Tarsilla, no!
He's crazy!
Caterina!
Caterina!
I'm coming to you!
Yes!
Stay there.
Caterina, wait.
Wait!
Oh, sir!
My goodness!
Help! Help!
Miss!
Quickly, Miss!
- What's happened?
- Tarsilla!
Why are you shouting?
He lean against the wall
and fell there.
- Who?
- Emerenziano.
Emerenziano, no!
- Oh, Emerenziano!
- No!
- What happened?
- I didn't see anything.
Call the doctor, quickly!
No, no, no.
Maybe he had too much to drink.
Try to sit him up.
He wants the newspaper.
Here you go, my dear.
He wants an ice-cream.
ANY SIMILARITIES TO ACTUAL PERSONS
OR EVENTS ARE PURELY COINCIDENTAL
EXEMPLARY FATHER
AND TOWNS PERSON
EMINENT NATURALIST
LAID TO REST BY HIS
INCONSOLABLE DAUGHTERS
One year has already passed.
Yet it seems like yesterday.
Poor Father.
For a man,
a real man like me,
this is the perfect age.
No more searching for
adventures.
At my age,
as Mantegazza says,
a man needs three things:
caresses, warmth,
and comfort.
And ifs not easy.
A gentleman with the ladies.
Serious approach to work.
No compromises.
Not overly confidential with others.
Seldom but select public relations.
Broaden one's own horizons.
No bar.
No club.
A little church.
Good physical condition.
Good moral condition.
Within one month
PH get myself sorted out.
PAOLO MANTEGAZZA
THE PHYSIOLOGY OF PLEASURE
- Good Morning, ladies.
- Good morning.
Paolino, your shop is near
their house, tell us:
the mourning period is over.
What'll they do with all that money?
They definitely have a lot of it.
- Ladies.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, accountant.
- Good morning.
Even now that their father
isn't here to look out for them...
they're always alone,
always by themselves.
From house to church,
from church to house.
- Let's go for a coffee.
- Sure.
LEGAL COUNSEL
Chicken coup,
nice big trees in the garden.
They're wealthy all right.
I'll definitely find
warmth and comfort here.
We'll have to see
about everything else.
He just uses eggs
as an excuse to enjoy himself.
REGISTRY OFFICE
MEZZANINE
TAX OFFICE
FIRST FLOOR
- Good morning, accountant.
- Good morning, everyone.
- A model professional, isn't he?
- Yes. And very punctual.
Tons of smuggled cigarettes
pass through the Alpine valleys,
and I go to the smoke shop.
Some idiot!
Sure, reforms!
But first one must have
a political conscience.
What good are
the Cuirassiers' Regiment anyway?
Who knows if the Luino water
is infected or not?
Mazzola or Rivera?
A truly unsolvable problem.
Might as well get to work.
INHERITORS
May I?
Come in.
- Please, have a seat.
- Thank you.
I have a letter of recommendation
from Senator Ciappinelli.
A confidential letter.
I'll read it later.
Ciappinelli!
I understood.
Perhaps I'd better
come back another day.
Yes, you'd better, and without
a letter of recommendation.
Good bye.
They still don't know me here.
MINISTRY OF FINANCE
NOTIFICATION OF TAX INSPECTION
Miss?
Miss?
- What is it?
- Those vases there, you said...
- What did I say?
-Those up there.
You wanted them taken down.
- Wait. It's better if I get them.
-As you like.
Here.
Oh, yes.
Miss!
What's wrong, Miss?
Should I call your sisters?
You idiot, let go of me!
But what's wrong?
Les amoreux.
What's wrong, Miss?
What's happened?
Do you feel ill?
- Would you like a chamomile tea, Miss?
- No!
I don't know why
she's angry with me!
- What's wrong with her?
- I don't know.
Maybe she's in love, and why not?
Don't talk nonsense.
Les amoreux.
Hello?
Fr. Casimiro, it's Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
I want to confess.
Over the telephone?
It's very important. I want to confess
immediately, Fr. Casimiro.
I'm in my poor late father's study.
Nobody can hear me.
Now, I'm ready.
- You can't over the telephone.
- Father, I've sinned...
- No!
- I've had desires.
That's not so serious.
I think I'm having a strong
hormonal reawakening.
Men look at me.
I have to do something quickly,
punish myself.
Punish yourself, what? Why?
You haven't sinned.
I can only absolve sins,
not plans to sin!
But this is an exceptional case.
They all touch me.
I feel like I've got a body.
No, let me decide.
This is my field of work.
I mean, I've heard
a lot of confessions.
These things happen.
Take a sedative.
Drink some camomile tea.
The braised beef was made
with cheap wine...
and not with Gattinara.
Tell the cook.
All right, Mr. Paronzini,
I'll make sure to tell him.
Have a nice weekend, Mr. Paronzini.
- What a nice sunny day.
-Yes.
One can experience extremely
pleasurable sensations
by creating friction
between one object and another.
To this end, an infinity
of pleasure is to be had
by cutting the flesh of a pumpkin
into slices with a very sharp knife
or hammering a nail
into a metallic sheet.
Mantegazza was phenomenal.
Excuse me...
A box of lubricated condoms.
- Is the baby's bottle for you?
- No!
- Take off your knickers.
-Already?
Not the suspenders.
Slowly, slowly.
- You're so sensitive!
- That's it.
And dirty minded too!
What have you planned today?
Take off your tights.
Stay that way.
- Put one leg on the bed.
- You're so complicated.
Like that.
- Now turn over.
- No, not that.
- Lift one leg.
- Oh, all right then.
- Now lift the other one.
- How can I?
That's it.
I like everything about you
everything, everything, everything...
Who would have thought
that a love like this
ran out of time
still so strong...
I like everything about you
everything, everything, everything!
Everything!
Everything!
Excuse me, may I ask you?
I'm sorry, everyone's gone.
The office is closed.
I know I'm late...
but I received this notification
of tax inspection only yesterday.
Goodness, that's a fine sum.
Tettamanzi, Fortunata.
ls that you?
No, I'm Tettamanzi, Tarsilla.
I mean Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
- I'm Emerenziano Paronzini.
- Emerenziano?
Exactly.
Pleased to meet you.
It's for our inheritance.
An old house with a small garden.
We're three sisters who live
happily together.
- I could give you some advice.
- What did you say?
I said, I could give you
some advice.
But this isn't the place nor the time.
Come have coffee with us.
No. I can't today.
Perhaps Sunday, in the afternoon.
All right?
All right. I'll see you then.
- Caterina?
- Yes, Miss.
- Is this all right?
-Yes.
Take out the Baroque coffee set.
- The one that poor Father liked.
-Very well.
Look at how you're dressed.
Are you mad?
- All the girls her age dress like that.
- Not in our house.
Seven of hearts, ace of spades,
the king of diamonds...
and the three of clubs makes six.
I've got two hearts left...
- and the three of diamonds.
- Only one heart!
Anyway, three and two is five.
What does he think he's doing?
He's going to see
the Tettamanzi girls.
Sure, but there's someone else
after them,
and he's smarter than that idiot.
So that's the great bit of business
you were telling me about!
Such an idea,
having a man in the house!
Poor Father would never
have allowed it.
Poor Father is dead!
And we're alive.
- And they want to ruin us with taxes.
- Ruin us?
Don't you get it? They'll take
everything from us, and he can help.
Where's the fire?
Caterina, open the door.
Good afternoon.
Do the Tettamanzis live here?
Yes, they do.
- Please follow me.
- Thank you.
It's a nice big garden,
with good solid buildings.
Yes.
Cast iron steps.
- Nice to see you again.
- It's very kind of you to come.
Please come in and meet my sisters.
- Fortunata.
- It's a pleasure.
- Emerenziano Paronzini.
-And Camilla.
My pleasure.
- Give those to me.
- Thank you.
- Tarsilla told us how kind you were.
- It's just my nature.
Please don't fuss over me.
Thank you, I'll do it myself.
- This way please.
- Thank you very much.
- Please.
- Thank you.
It's difficult to find
a good maid these days.
It's true.
It's better not to need anyone, ever.
One should live in a hotel,
or in a residence like I do.
And the money, away to Switzerland.
We're lucky to have Caterina.
She was born in this house.
Her mother was our maid too.
At least she's trustworthy.
That's a good thing to have.
Lovely weather
for this time of the year.
Yes, but it won't last.
Water, rain, wind,
that's my forecast.
Coffee?
Thank you,
but I have one a day at most.
And this would be my second,
but I'll make an exception.
- Very good, Caterina.
- Here she is.
Place it here. I'll serve.
- Shall I help you, Camilla?
- No.
We make coffee in this pot that
Father bought in Turkey.
On one of his trips on the
Orient Express.
Father always went to Constantinople,
but we never understood why.
Who knows if you'll like this coffee,
it has a strange smell.
- I like it.
-So do I.
Another?
No coffee for you, Camilla.
You're too sensitive.
Let her have some.
Careful, it's very hot!
- A noble family?
-Yes, it's a three quarters.
Originally from Luino?
In truth poor Father
was originally from Cogliuno.
- Lower Cogliuno?
- Oh no, Upper Cogliuno!
Ah yes, the two Cogliuno. I see.
- And you, Mr. Paronzini?
- Me?
I'm from Galliate Lombardo.
My family originally came from
Buguggiate.
But because of work...
Well, I've moved about a bit.
Two years in Saronno. Three in
Arcumeggia. Four in Varese.
And now two months here in Luino.
- A nomadic life.
- One transfer after another.
Yes.
But I've decided,
no more traveling.
I can believe it.
After my last promotion,
I'm the vice head of the department,
I've decided to stop moving.
It's time to put down some roots,
cultivate myself,
and possibly bear some fruit.
Excuse me.
I suffer from a stiff leg.
However, if I'm not mistaken, you
need some help with your taxes?
- That's right.
-A little.
Let's see then.
- Please have a seat.
- A pastry?
No, thank you.
I've declared war on carbohydrates.
Let's have a look at the Tettamanzi
family's inherited estate.
Tarsilla, Camilla and Fortunata.
Let's get a pen.
There we are.
So, 123,000,000 plus the 7 percent,
equal to 8,610,000,
a tax rate of 12 percent...
15,793,200,
with 935,000 in deductions.
That's a total of 14,858,200...
divided by 2,
plus the additional 5 percent.
121,931,000 plus...
60,964,728...
12, 34, 6, 12...
Your debts are
increasing every day,
and they're due to be paid off
very soon.
You see, he's still in there.
- I'm off, goodbye.
- Bye.
Bloody hell!
The harp, a sublime instrument.
Who plays it?
- She does.
-Yes, I do.
- My compliments.
- Thank you.
- I must go now.
- Thank you for everything.
Mr. Paronzini.
It was very nice to meet you.
If you'd like to come back
next Sunday, perhaps for lunch?
We can show our appeal
and you can tell us if it's all right.
Yes, perhaps.
- I will accompany you.
-Thank you.
Don't worry about that,
I'll do it.
Your hat.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye once again.
This way.
What a distinguished man.
He seems like a Swiss man.
He has a bad leg.
- But he's a handsome man.
- Get lost.
Now that you've helped us,
I'm sure everything will change.
Miss Tarsilla...
When two people have
something in common...
Yes?
It's better to be careful.
Hello, Pozzi,
Let me have another three months.
I'll give you double interest.
Don't be an idiot,
this deal is going to happen.
A huge fortune.
When you understand,
you'll have a heart attack.
Goodbye, gorgeous.
I said goodbye, gorgeous.
- Good morning, Miss.
- Good morning.
Do you have any novels
by the Marquis de Sade?
- No!
- Or by Baron von Masoch?
No!
Well, then give me
the sexual hygiene manual.
All right.
- Is it illustrated?
- Scientifically.
Is there a chapter on the pill?
Yes, it even includes
a letter from the Pope.
- Goodbye, Miss.
- Good bye.
- So when will we read this Marcuse?
-I don't know. I heard he's boring.
"René punished her for some reason
he did not understand...
"but which Sir Stephen had immediately
discovered: her submissiveness.
"Or she was happy...
"that René whipped her...
"and prostituted her, because
her passionate submission...
"would have proven to her lover
that she belonged to him."
l like everything!
What are you doing here?
It's a public library
and I'm a member of the public.
You're a Catholic, aren't you?
So am I.
I was baptized
in St. Pancrazio's church.
Go away!
I've been watching you for two years.
Since I came back from France.
With those legs, those thighs...
The most beautiful thighs in Luino.
- Don't touch me.
- I'll touch you as much as I want.
I'll make love to you here, now.
And you won't say no to me.
I know what you're like.
You look all pious,
but you're on fire underneath.
No!
Let's tell the priest
that you're on fire underneath.
Listen, you're a devil.
You can do whatever you like to me,
but go away now.
Someone could come.
- Let them come.
- No, not here.
I'll leave a note in your shop
telling you where and when.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Can't you be a gentleman though?
Of course.
Machiavelli.
"The end justifies..."
I haven't eaten so well since I had
dinner with the head banker in Gavirate.
Imagine, an entire menu entirely
composed of mushrooms.
- No!
- How strange.
- Camilla?
- Just a drop.
- Good wine.
- That's enough.
With the last sip of wine wash your
mouth vigorously.
At the military hospital in Bologna...
...the medical officer gave me
that advice.
- Leave it there, I'll see to it.
-You won't believe me...
- but I've never been to the dentist.
- Goodness.
- May I?
- Please.
- Make some space for me, Tarsilla.
-Yes.
Oh, forgive us.
They're not from our orchard.
- Have a pear, Mr. Paronzini.
- No, why?
I was saying that military life doesn't
just have negative aspects.
It's a form of physical
and mental education.
- May I have another plate?
- Certainly.
- Thank you.
-You're welcome.
I eat the skin as well.
Vitamins.
There we go.
That one looks nice.
The war!
Perhaps you've noticed
a certain rigidity of movement in me.
A war injury, I imagine?
The Greek-Albanian front.
A grenade explosion.
The lower right...
- gluteus maximus.
- A delicate area.
- They had to remove a pan of it.
- No.
And deviate the rectum...
- which is now curved.
- How dreadful!
I can't claim to be lucky.
This one's rotten too.
- What are the consequences?
-The deviation is permanent...
but without any consequential effect
on my sexual functions.
See, one good apple from three
rotten ones? Never mind the waste.
This is poor Father's study.
Nice. Very nice.
Father was a legal counselor,
but he was also a naturalist.
- Really?
- He loved nature in all its forms.
- Even its strangest ones.
- A handsome man.
- A misunderstood genius.
- He looks intelligent.
The eagle owl...
also known as the "grand-due".
The king of the night.
Scientific experiments
were his passion.
These were all his.
- Really?
- And they're just zucchinis.
- No.
- Yes.
He'd say that both
the beautiful and the ugly...
are the results of an equal effort
and they are both equally precious.
It's true.
- And that?
- His masterpiece.
But...
But it's...
Orchidaceae vaginalis.
He almost always slept here
after poor Mother's death.
Over there?
Yes, it's a sofa bed.
- This way.
- Thank you.
I'll lead the way.
This is my little kingdom.
Father was a very orderly man.
So I can see.
I can see and I admire it.
Some white, some red.
A little wine cellar.
My compliments.
It's very impressive.
Thank you.
And all well-ordered.
When's this bottle from?
Please have a look.
Those are wines bottled by Father.
- 1955.
- Brachetto.
The very best.
Please come this way.
Since we're three orphans
and I'm the eldest sister
I'm responsible for the house.
This is our little reserve store.
Careful.
- There's a little of everything.
- You know how it is?
A violin too.
Pardon?
This...
Goat leg sun-dried at 2,000 meters
in the Gran Paradiso mountains.
Miss Fortunata...
I've reflected long and hard
about our friendship.
A chance acquaintance,
but perhaps predestined.
I've considered my own position
and that of your family.
I've met your sisters and had the chance
to appreciate their personalities.
So, I've made a decision.
Naturally, should you agree to it.
I've decided to marry
one of the three of you.
In particular you...
Miss Fortunata.
Thank you.
I knew it.
But I...
Oh, goodness...
I ask just that you have patience.
I'm not so young anymore.
I will.
Excuse me.
Why would I care about
Mr. Paronzini?
- Maybe you do.
-What?
You need more than just
a harp in your hands.
Misses Tettamanzi.
Before any erroneous gossip
begins to spread...
in the opinion of others,
or here in the family,
I want to clarify my intentions
before you.
From this moment onwards
you may consider me engaged...
to your sister Fortunata.
Congratulations.
It's so sudden!
Fortunata!
Where did he propose,
in the basement?
Feel how my heart is beating.
I'm so happy for you.
You're the first one...
and you're the eldest too.
You've always been a mother to us,
now we'll have a father too.
Not a father, a husband.
Finally a man in the Tettamanzi house.
The ice's broken, Camilla.
Now it's our turn.
- Yes, of course.
-Come on.
- They must have lots to talk about.
-No, wait.
- I...
- No.
Is it all yours,
or is it a chignon?
No.
It's all mine.
I've been letting it grow
for twenty years.
Don't be an idiot!
There are plenty of men.
No, no...
Tarsilla!
No, no, wait!
Come this way.
Come on.
Tarsilla.
Sit here.
There, like that.
No, no...
Be good.
- You were waiting for me, weren't you?
-Yes.
- But you must understand.
-I understand everything...
Now let me do it.
There we go.
You'll see howl understand you.
Not there!
- I'll scream.
- Scream then.
So you're sisters will come and see.
Good girl.
No, no...
Yes, yes...
No.
Promise me.
Don't think about anything.
Let yourself go.
- No!
-Yes.
Stop moving, or I can't do it.
Damn it!
Help!
Go. Quickly.
Damn it!
Help! Help!
Where are you? Quick!
Help! I saw him!
I saw him!
- Camilla, what are you doing?
- No. Don't close it.
You have to see as well.
What did you see? Who?
- A human form!
-Where?
- A monster, without arms!
- Calm down, Camilla.
Calm down.
He was alive!
- He was moving!
- Get the straight jacket.
No straightjacket!
- Get the valerian.
- I saw him.
I'll give you some valerian
to calm you down.
Here it is.
No, no, no...
Thank you, Tarsilla.
Don't go away.
No, we'll stay here
until you go back to sleep.
Wouldn't it have been nice
if we could have remained children.
Us three together.
Good morning, ladies.
Mr. Paronzini.
Good morning, I heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thank you very much.
Who's that lady?
- A dear friend of mine.
- I've never seen her before.
- She has a kind face.
- We must invite her over someday.
There's a lot of wind today.
No boat trip, I'm sorry.
As you wish, my dear.
Good morning, Miss.
Congratulations.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning. Congratulations.
I'd like to choose the invitations,
serious but elegant.
There you are!
What, afraid of waking the nuns?
No, the convent has been
deconsecrated for twenty years.
But it's better to be careful.
Come on.
We have until four, Paolino,
then I have to open the library.
- And until then...
- No, Paolino.
- Come on up.
- No, this way.
- What's in there?
- It's pan of the old convent.
When the library is closed,
no one can get in.
Go on in.
Pozzi was right:
"house to church, church to house".
- What do you mean?
- Nothing.
What a dump.
It's like a junk yard in here.
What a mess.
Come on, I'll hear your confession.
- Confess that you're a bad girl.
- It's not funny.
I don't want to joke
about these things.
I'm not joking.
I'll really hear your confession.
Who knows how many sins?
Have you never committed...
- an impure act?
- Really, Paolino!
What do you think I am,
one of your trollops!
Trollop? The word's "whore".
And you're a bigger whore
than all the others...
because you've waited until now.
But you can't wait any longer.
Hey, look.
They thought about us.
Here's our alcove...
our boudoir.
Maybe they knew that
we'd come here. Come on...
Be a good girl. Stay still.
Like that. Don't move.
There, like that.
There...
Let me do it.
You like it, don't you?
Oh, Paolino!
See how nice it is?
- No!
- What do you mean "no"?
- What a pain!
- Why isn't it open yet?
It's strange.
The lady's usually so punctual.
I'm a little late because
I had to sort some things out.
Thank you.
I like everything about you...
- I like everything about you...
- Tarsilla?
Do you like it?
Like in the movies.
Short is more comfortable.
Have you gone crazy?
Completely crazy!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla Tettamanzi,
crazy as a bumble bee!
Tarsilla, what's going on?
A wonderful thing!
Stupendous!
I'll tell you now.
No, you have to guess.
Nothing. Nothing's happened.
I bought this nightdress, that's all.
A normal nightdress.
2,000 Lire.
Why, don't I look good?
There, it's fine like that.
You're a beautiful bride.
Let's go.
- It's useless, it keeps falling off.
- No, it's pinned on.
Did Dr. Raggi give you instructions?
Yes, he told me everything.
- I hope so anyway.
- Are you sure?
Don't worry, it's nothing.
I mean, it's a natural thing.
Hotel in Milan, first night.
Bologna. Culatello, tortellini,
double cream, Sangiovese.
Florence. Michelangelo,
Florentine Tripe, Montelupo Street.
Pompeii. forbidden sex, the Venus
of Gragnano. Capua, rest.
Rome, the Pope.
Perfect.
Now this side.
That's it.
Good. Very good, Caterina.
The two suitcases in the car.
- That one's mine. You can have it.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Fortunata, are you ready?
Look after the house, girls.
- Have a good time.
- Be good, Caterina.
- Goodbye, sisters.
- Goodbye, Emerenziano.
Goodbye, Emerenziano.
Let's watch them leave.
Have a good trip, newlyweds!
Remember to drive slowly.
Good bye, Fortunata.
- Have a good time.
- Write to us.
Good bye.
Congratulations.
Good bye!
You're a scoundrel.
A filthy animal.
Yes...
a beastly animal.
Yes, yes...
you were great.
You've made me a woman.
I've lost so much time.
But I'll make up for it now.
You're my pimp and I'm your whore.
Am I your whore?
Yes, you're my whore.
You're Popocatepetl...
- that's what you are.
- What's that?
Don't you know?
A volcano in Mexico.
It's cold in here.
I don't feel cold.
Get dressed or you'll catch
pneumonia like that.
I feel great.
What's he like, that chump
who married your sister?
He's not a chump.
We should have a bed too.
A nice big double bed.
Warm, comfortable.
We could go crazy in it.
It's more exciting like this.
It's not the same thing.
Now that your sister's married,
we should think about it too.
To be honest, my life was...
without focus before you.
Games, women...
this miserable town.
Either I'll settle down
or I'll emigrate.
- To be at ease with my conscience too.
- With what?
My conscience. I love you.
- Again?
-Yes. Again.
A telegram.
Why did Fortunata
want us to call Dr. Raggi?
They'll be here soon.
We'll see her, stay calm.
Is that all right?
Perfect.
We never cleaned this well,
not even for Easter.
- They've arrived already!
- Yes, it's them.
Hurry, Caterina, come on.
- Welcome back.
- Hello.
Caterina, bring the suitcases in.
- How are you?
- Fine. Slowly now.
- Welcome back.
- It's a little inflamed.
It's so nice to be home.
How are you?
- They're fine.
- What about you?
- How was the trip?
- Caterina, the coat.
Dr. Raggi is here.
You're very pale.
- It's not serious, is it?
- It's nothing.
- Did you see the Pope?
- No.
He had an audience with some
footballers.
- Mrs. Fortunata, here I am.
- Here's my wife.
- Good day, how are you?
- I'll leave her in your able hands.
- Excuse me one moment.
- Come with me.
- What's wrong, Emerenziano?
- It's nothing.
But I preferred Dr. Raggi
to take a look.
It's a delicate matter.
Caterina, get me a cigarette
from my jacket.
- Are her lungs and heart all right?
- Her liver too.
Oh, good!
There we go.
I don't know how to say...
We've never talked about
these things.
But, Dr. Raggi, I'm in pain.
I thought I'd die.
Will it get better, Doctor?
Straight to bed.
Complete rest, and light food only.
All right.
- Remember, plenty of rest.
- Of course.
- May I have a word?
- Of course, Doctor.
After you.
You'll have to be patient
for ten to fifteen days.
Do you understand?
No more!
I understand,
especially given her age.
- And her structure.
- Hers? Well I'd say...
- Goodbye, Mr. Paronzini.
- Goodbye.
- Caterina, show the Doctor out.
-Yes, sir.
- Caterina?
- Yes, sir.
Prepare the sofa bed for me.
I'll sleep here for a few weeks.
Very well, sir.
Such a honeymoon!
- Goodnight, Emerenziano.
- Goodnight.
The worst is over,
even if it was painful.
It's wonderful to feel
like a complete woman, but...
But?
- You must understand me.
-Yes.
Will you keep me company, my dear?
A nice chamomile is what you need.
Drink it while it's nice and hot,
and you'll sleep well all night.
Dr. Raggi told me that in two or three
weeks we can do it again.
He said...
we can also have children
if we want to.
I don't think so.
Didn't you say that
your uterus was twisted.
- These things are mysterious.
- Not so mysterious.
Drink, drink.
It'll do you good.
Thank you, my love.
I'll light the candle.
It's lovely.
- Goodnight, my dear.
- You're a wonderful husband.
I'm just a good husband.
Goodnight, my dear.
Go to your room.
I'll see you there at 1:15.
Oh, goodness!
Thieves.
What's he doing?
Off with this nightdress.
I don't like small talk.
I've never been one
for speaking a lot.
Nor have I.
In this house now
we hardly ever speak.
I prefer actions.
- Good morning. Mr. Paronzini.
- Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Paronzini.
Good morning.
Hey, look who it is.
There goes your great deal.
Isn't she the one that you...
I don't care about her.
Listen to a friend:
cut the cord.
Go to France, in America.
Where nobody knows you.
Travel the world.
What'll you do here?
Ferrari will get angry
with you someday...
- and he'll send in the debt collectors.
- This town is a shithole.
But I won't give anyone the pleasure of
seeing me run away, not even Ferrari.
Paolino's lazy.
Paolino doesn't have a job.
Paolino's full of debts.
But Paolino has
a trick card in his hand...
a secret infallible card.
Do you know what I mean?
Someday they'll be lining up
to kiss my ass.
Really, why's that?
- Because they will!
-Ah!
She's such a slut.
She was still a virgin.
I was her first,
and now she's crazy about me.
I'll marry Tarsilla Tettamanzi.
Then I'll sit in the garden
smoking a cigarette...
and spit on the heads
of the passersby.
- What do you say?
- It'd be a good move.
You can say that again.
But you better get a move on.
I'll give you more time
to pay your debts...
but Ferrari will bankrupt you.
- What'll we do now, my dear?
-A romantic lunch.
- We're crossing the border.
- How wonderful.
- Everybody to Lugano.
- To Lugano.
We'll have a great time!
Are all the doors closed?
It's closed from the inside.
It's the only way to get in
and surprise her.
- Surprise who?
- I'll explain now. Listen...
"Dear Father,
Miss Tarsilla Tettamanzi...
"every Thursday when the library
is stopped for the public
"closes herself inside and lets
her lover in through the garden...
- " and they have fun in the convent".
- Oh, God!
"Her lover enters at three through
the door on Crosa Street...
- "and leaves a few hours later".
- Lord Almighty!
- I thought she was a good girl.
- You can be my witness.
- No, I won't go to the court.
-What?
No courts or anything like that.
A person that we placed
our entire trust in.
Who influences the morals
of young girls in the parish...
the daughters of Mary!
The daughters of Mary!
Everyone chooses their own path.
- What do you mean?
- Let her be.
It's three o'clock.
- It's three o'clock.
- So what?
The lover enters through
the Crosa Street door at three.
We have to hide.
This way, quickly.
Quickly, Giacomo,
inside the wardrobe.
Quickly, get in!
I'm curious to see if her lover
is secular or religious?
Here or in the wardrobe?
Here, it's better here.
It's softer.
But listen, Paolino...
- this is definitely the last time.
- No, no, don't even joke about it.
- We're engaged now anyway.
-Wait.
Now they're getting undressed.
Now she's taking off her shin.
They're taking off their underwear.
Now they're starting!
Oh, yes...
Yes, like that.
Like that...
is wonderful.
My love.
Yes, yes...
Squeeze me. I like it.
Oh, yes.
My love!
My love! My love!
Enough!
Oh, God!
Heretics, sinners!
Come on, Giacomo, get out!
Move it!
Don't look, Giacomo! Don't look!
Shame on you, Miss Tettamanzi!
Lord forgive me.
You saw, didn't you?
Shame on you!
You're disgusting!
I saw nothing, I heard nothing
and I don't know anything.
Get dressed!
Explain yourself.
Father, I know it was wrong,
but I'm ready to marry her.
Marry her, if you think
that will make everything better.
Yes, I'm ready to marry her
straightaway.
- I'll marry Tarsilla.
- I'll talk with the young lady.
- Are you hurt?
-A little.
What happened?
Miss Tettamanzi, give me the key
to the library and get out.
With pleasure.
Do you realize how serious this is!
I realize that you're a priest
who hides and spies on things...
- he should never have seen.
- But you were doing those things!
I'm not a priest.
It was my duty.
I received this letter.
This is a nice business.
Luckily, some good has come
out of this badness.
Your friend...
has repented.
- He wants to make amends.
-An anonymous letter.
He said he wants to marry you.
Thank you, but no.
He wrote this letter.
"When the library
is stopped for the public."
That's how an idiot
who was in France writes.
Fr. Casimiro...
leave me be with my regrets.
Having to marry a blackguard
and support him all his life
would be too harsh a punishment.
Will you open
the door for me, please?
What's wrong with you, Tarsilla?
You haven't eaten anything.
- I've a headache.
- Too much time in the library.
Maybe that's it.
I'm somewhat exhausted.
In fact, I've quit.
- It's about time too.
-You've quit?
Well, of course.
It's so nice to be at home.
Well, I'm going for a walk.
To digest.
No, I'm not going.
Excuse me, but I'd rather go
straight to bed.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
I won't go either, I feel cold.
- I'll wait here for you, Emerenziano.
-Very well.
Just us two will go out together,
as if we were engaged.
Don't stay beside the fire too much.
You'll have a thermal imbalance.
- Goodnight, Fortunata.
- Goodnight, my dear.
- How romantic the lake is.
-Yes. It's beautiful like a postcard.
It's true!
Your hands...
Your hands have tormented
my dreams at night.
I knew it.
I've always known it.
We both knew it.
I had to go down Fonunata's road...
but it was a short cut to get to you.
- A short cut to get to me?
-Yes.
I won't sleep tonight.
I want to remember this moment
and relive it until tomorrow.
It's so beautiful to think
about these things...
in the warmth of bed.
We'll think about it together.
At 1:15 I'll come to your room.
- At 1:15.
-Yes.
He's like a clock!
Camilla!
Off with this nightdress.
Yes...
may...
Play the harp.
Hey, look who's coming.
Hey, he has three now.
Three, that's a nice harem!
And he's the pasha.
- Who would have thought?
- He's a great guy though.
And that makes
the bankruptcy official.
- See you around, Mr. Mentasti.
- Hopefully not.
Bloody hell!
Excuse me, can I have a word?
No.
Piece of shit!
Man consumes in the battle of love...
far greater energy than the woman.
Therefore, he must feed himself.
And if Mantegazza says so...
I can't go on anymore.
Am I still in Italy
or am I in Switzerland?
It's all the fault
of that bastard Paronzini.
Tarsilla is there now.
She's fantastic.
I was almost in love with her.
Where's the pine woods
near the border?
Here's a pine tree.
Shit country!
- You can all go and...
- Hey, there!
Which is the shit country?
- Switzerland.
- Welcome to Switzerland.
Come and repeat your words
before the public prosecutor.
They're all shit countries.
The skeleton of all civilization,
present and future...
can be reduced to this formula:
enjoy yourself and give pleasure.
Thank you.
My love.
It was...
...wonderful.
Goodnight.
The Greek-Albanian front.
Bitterly cold with shoes
made of cardboard.
Well, to work.
Camilla is like one of those
pickles in the vases.
Ifs true...
the beautiful and the ugly
are both equally precious.
A truly ugly thing is as exciting
to obtain as a beautiful one.
- Emerenziano, would you like a hand?
- Thank you.
Here you go, my dear.
They're very fresh.
I picked them.
- Pepper?
-A pinch.
Enough.
Good!
Are they nice?
Enjoy work, my dear.
- Bye, Emerenziano.
- Bye.
Everybody at the table at midday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...
Thursday, Friday, Saturday and...
Sunday, rest.
I won't happily eat a roast
without Cremona mustard,
so I'll eat it without anything.
Caterina, what day is it?
- Sunday.
- We all know that.
- I want to know the date.
- The 19th, Saint Prisca's day.
- And?
- The Anniversary of the Cross of War.
Well done.
Well done, Caterina.
Go to the cellar and get a bottle
of poor Mansueto's reserve stock.
- A Nebbiolo 19...?
- His favorite!
- I don't know.
- '55. Go!
Emerenziano!
Caterina looks good enough
to work for a priest nowadays!
And not just for a priest.
You three have really changed
as well. You seem like three whores.
Pardon, but it could be
a compliment in certain cases.
The Cross of War.
The delights of peace:
18,000 of a pension.
I'm not talking about myself though.
I wasn't happy just with that.
I worked, I felt obliged to.
I persevered
to make a career for myself.
But think about the others,
the mutilated.
A pension of 18,000.
One arm, both arms.
Both legs. And what remains?
The torso. And what do they do?
They go to the Minister's office.
And what do they do there?
Act as paperweights!
My dear Tettamanzi sisters...
War is a dreadful thing,
I'll tell you that.
It is the worst of evils.
It's worse than showing
a silent film to a blind person.
I can tell you that because
I did my duty and I received my prize.
And what a prize. Did I deserve it?
Of course I deserved it.
Private Paronzini?
What could I say
to the Lieutenant Colonel?
No, Sir.
I don't want any bread, Colonel.
No. I accept.
Yes, Sir!
Go and get some sleepers.
The Albanian front.
Mud! What could I say?
Shit up to here.
Shit, because our trench
was a sewer.
It was impossible to see the enemy
because even if you moved an inch...
you saw a piece of shit.
So I got a sleeper.
But these were no normal sleepers.
They were pieces of iron from here...
to the end of the room.
So I went with another soldier...
a sleeper up on our shoulders.
Once, twice, three times...
And then the Greek Albanian,
what does he do?
He shot at me, because he too
had the right to shoot!
And he hit me here,
with four pieces of lead.
Four pieces of lead.
We, excuse me, went to...
break...
break...
...the Greeks' backs.
But they broke my ass!
They broke me!
Carugati, Giovanni.
Sergeant Baronzi.
Minuti, Antonio.
Baroni, Ivo.
Corinto, Fabio.
Mezzanotte, Mario.
Sormeglio, Colitti.
All there, all there...
buried in the Albanian mud.
Here's to them.
- To them.
- To them.
And so...
Here's your Nebbiolo 1955.
Better a good '55 than a bad '44.
Am I wrong?
Look at that.
- Look at that splendor.
- This will be good.
Off with the nightdress.
Don't spill it on your pants.
War makes people live,
and war kills people.
- Unfortunately.
- But we're alive.
- And how!
- We're very alive.
Me, me!
To the Tettamanzi sisters.
Joy, love and great lunches!
Pour me some, Emerenziano.
Wait for Paronzini!
Sunday again!
Tarsilla, no!
He's crazy!
Caterina!
Caterina!
I'm coming to you!
Yes!
Stay there.
Caterina, wait.
Wait!
Oh, sir!
My goodness!
Help! Help!
Miss!
Quickly, Miss!
- What's happened?
- Tarsilla!
Why are you shouting?
He lean against the wall
and fell there.
- Who?
- Emerenziano.
Emerenziano, no!
- Oh, Emerenziano!
- No!
- What happened?
- I didn't see anything.
Call the doctor, quickly!
No, no, no.
Maybe he had too much to drink.
Try to sit him up.
He wants the newspaper.
Here you go, my dear.
He wants an ice-cream.
ANY SIMILARITIES TO ACTUAL PERSONS
OR EVENTS ARE PURELY COINCIDENTAL