Come Clean (1931) - full transcript
The Hardys, hoping to avoid having the Laurels drop in and spoil their quiet evening, pretend not to be home when the couple inevitably call. But their subterfuge is discovered, and to make the best of it, Stanley and Oliver go out to buy ice cream. On the way, they spot Kate, a woman wanted by the police, jump in the river. They save her, only to have her blackmail them into supporting her, or else she'll claim they tried to kill her. Back home, troubles ensue when the boys try to keep their wives from learning what they've brought home instead of ice cream.
Darling, isn't it wonderful to be alone?
Oh, it certainly is, honey.
And what a relief not to be
bothered with those Laurels tonight.
Now we can have a nice, quiet evening.
Nothing to mar our happiness.
Oh! Papa!
It's the Laurels.
- What did you ask them here for tonight?
- I didn't! I haven't seen them for two weeks.
- They wouldn't come here uninvited.
- I didn't invite them here!
Don't lie to me, you big lunk.
Don't you call me a lunk!
Why, for two pence I'd...
We'll pretend we're not home.
Come on, can't you see they're not home?
It's just as well,
I didn't want to come anyway.
Wait a minute.
Better leave him a note.
...
...
It's all right, they've gone.
Now you've done it, you big sap.
Who's a sap? Don't call me a sap. You...
Well, well, well, well, well!
- Hello!
- Darling!
I'm so glad to see you!
Sit down.
We've had dinner but
perhaps I could get you something?
- No, thanks.
- How about you, Mr Laurel?
I could go for a dish of ice cream.
We haven't got any ice cream.
Well, you could get some ice cream.
Yes, deary, you could get some ice cream.
Get me my new hat, dear,
and I'll get some ice cream.
- Pardon me, please.
- Yes.
Are you gonna get it in your hat?
No, I'm not going to get it in my hat!
Go in the kitchen and get me a pitcher.
- What's that?
- A picture.
What's going on here?
Get up from there, you big chump.
- Don't you call...
- Don't argue with me. Get that ice cream.
Never mind, I don't think I want any.
You'll have ice cream
if it's the last thing I do.
- Where'd he go?
- Out.
We won't be long.
Ooh! Will you come on?!
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
- What can I do for you?
- We'd like a quart of your best ice cream.
- Yes, sir. What flavour?
- What flavours have you?
Strawberry, pineapple and vanilla.
What flavour do you want?
- I'll have chocolate.
- Sorry, we're out of chocolate.
Have you any mustachio?
No, we're out of mustachio.
- You're out of mustachio?
- Yes!
- He's out of mustachio.
- Mm-hm.
What other flavours are you out of?
Strawberry... We're out of orange,
gooseberry and chocolate.
I'll have it without chocolate.
Didn't the gentleman just tell you
he didn't have any chocolate?
I just told the gentleman...
Just give us a quart
of any kind that's handy, please.
Yes.
- What flavour's that?
- Chocolate!
I just told him he didn't have...
I'm sorry, but a five's the smallest I have, sir.
Thank you.
Goodbye, old world, I'm leaving you flat.
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Ooh! Wait!
She's committing suicide!
- What for?
- I don't know! We've got to save her!
Get out of my way.
Do... Do something to help me!
Help me!
He... Help me!
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Do something to help me! Throw me a rope.
Throw me the rope!
Where were you?
Where am I?
- What happened?
- We saved your life.
You've got a nerve
butting into other people's affairs.
Well... now that you've saved me,
you can take care of me.
I'm sorry, lady, but we've got
a couple of wives we've got to take care of.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Just a minute there! Hey, wait a minute!
Just a minute!
If you move, I'll start screaming.
I'll tell the world that you pushed me
in the water, that you tried to murder me.
Come on, let's go home.
I wanna get out of these wet clothes.
Where do you live?
- Over there.
- Oh, fine.
Well, make it snappy. Come on.
Say listen, you can't scare us by screaming.
- No?
- No. Go ahead and scream.
Get out of my way!
Get me the police.
You hear me tell her where to get off?
It takes me to handle these dumb dames.
Trying to give me the slip, were you?
Why don't you let us alone?
For a consideration, I might.
Oh! Money, huh?
I should say not.
This has gone far enough.
We'll go and tell our wives
just what happened.
We'll lay our cards right on the table.
We'll tell the truth about this woman.
We'll come clean.
Now you go in and tell them.
- What about you?
- He won't go, he's bluffing.
Oh, is that so? Bluffing, huh?
Well, I'll show you
whether I'm bluffing or not!
Good evening.
Where's Stanley?
Er... he's out in the hall.
Stanley!
Stanley!
Just a moment! I'll go and get him.
Good night. I mean, goodbye.
I'll drop you a line... I mean, I'll be right back.
- Where is she?
- I got her in this apartment.
Ooh! That's my bedroom, you fool!
Come out of there. Come out of there!
You'd better come out of there now!
What? Ooh.
There you are!
I thought you were in the bedroom.
There he is, honey.
- Here we are again.
- What's the matter with you?
Nothing, dear. Nothing at all.
- Where's that ice cream?
- Is that so?
Er... Oh, I ate it. Yeah.
Yes, he couldn't wait.
- What about a little hot coffee?
- Help yourselves. We've had ours.
Sit down, Stanley.
What are you doing?
Just playing.
I believe you're going cuckoo.
Just because you have the mind of
a four-year-old, you don't need to display it.
Remember we have company.
Come, Mrs Laurel.
Yes, remember
you have company.
Go and keep them entertained
while I get rid of her.
- What'll I say?
- Tell them a story. Be sure it's funny.
This has gone far enough.
You've got to do something... Oh!
Won't you...
- That's my wife's!
- What about it?
Nothing, if you'll just get out of here, please!
And don't come back. Oh!
.. then the farmer came in
and he shot the travelling salesman.
Oh! How dare you?
I'm sorry.
What happened?
I must have told them the wrong story.
- You sure it's her?
- Never more sure of anything in my life.
- There!
- That's her all right. Watch the door.
She's gone!
I won't!
Open the door, Stanley!
I will not!
Don't bring me out here!
I won't!
What do we do?
- Where is that woman?
- What woman?
- Where's Stanley?
- He's in the bathroom, taking a bath.
- Taking a bath?!
- He couldn't wait till Saturday.
Let me in!
Stanley!
Stanley, let me in.
- What's the trouble?
- There's a strange woman in there.
Probably the woman I want.
Stanley!
- Come on, open up.
- Oliver! Come here.
Stanley! Let me in.
Stanley! Stanley!
If you don't open that door, I'll break it in.
- What are you doing in there?
- I was looking for the soap.
Who brought this woman in here?
He did!
Come to the station. There's
a thousand dollars reward waiting for you.
Come on.
That woman has on my coat!
How dare you?
Take it off!
That was a lucky break. What are you
gonna do with your thousand dollars?
I'm going to buy a thousand dollars' worth
of chocolate ice cream.
Where's Stanley?
He's gone to the beach.
Oh, it certainly is, honey.
And what a relief not to be
bothered with those Laurels tonight.
Now we can have a nice, quiet evening.
Nothing to mar our happiness.
Oh! Papa!
It's the Laurels.
- What did you ask them here for tonight?
- I didn't! I haven't seen them for two weeks.
- They wouldn't come here uninvited.
- I didn't invite them here!
Don't lie to me, you big lunk.
Don't you call me a lunk!
Why, for two pence I'd...
We'll pretend we're not home.
Come on, can't you see they're not home?
It's just as well,
I didn't want to come anyway.
Wait a minute.
Better leave him a note.
...
...
It's all right, they've gone.
Now you've done it, you big sap.
Who's a sap? Don't call me a sap. You...
Well, well, well, well, well!
- Hello!
- Darling!
I'm so glad to see you!
Sit down.
We've had dinner but
perhaps I could get you something?
- No, thanks.
- How about you, Mr Laurel?
I could go for a dish of ice cream.
We haven't got any ice cream.
Well, you could get some ice cream.
Yes, deary, you could get some ice cream.
Get me my new hat, dear,
and I'll get some ice cream.
- Pardon me, please.
- Yes.
Are you gonna get it in your hat?
No, I'm not going to get it in my hat!
Go in the kitchen and get me a pitcher.
- What's that?
- A picture.
What's going on here?
Get up from there, you big chump.
- Don't you call...
- Don't argue with me. Get that ice cream.
Never mind, I don't think I want any.
You'll have ice cream
if it's the last thing I do.
- Where'd he go?
- Out.
We won't be long.
Ooh! Will you come on?!
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
- What can I do for you?
- We'd like a quart of your best ice cream.
- Yes, sir. What flavour?
- What flavours have you?
Strawberry, pineapple and vanilla.
What flavour do you want?
- I'll have chocolate.
- Sorry, we're out of chocolate.
Have you any mustachio?
No, we're out of mustachio.
- You're out of mustachio?
- Yes!
- He's out of mustachio.
- Mm-hm.
What other flavours are you out of?
Strawberry... We're out of orange,
gooseberry and chocolate.
I'll have it without chocolate.
Didn't the gentleman just tell you
he didn't have any chocolate?
I just told the gentleman...
Just give us a quart
of any kind that's handy, please.
Yes.
- What flavour's that?
- Chocolate!
I just told him he didn't have...
I'm sorry, but a five's the smallest I have, sir.
Thank you.
Goodbye, old world, I'm leaving you flat.
Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Ooh! Wait!
She's committing suicide!
- What for?
- I don't know! We've got to save her!
Get out of my way.
Do... Do something to help me!
Help me!
He... Help me!
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Do something to help me! Throw me a rope.
Throw me the rope!
Where were you?
Where am I?
- What happened?
- We saved your life.
You've got a nerve
butting into other people's affairs.
Well... now that you've saved me,
you can take care of me.
I'm sorry, lady, but we've got
a couple of wives we've got to take care of.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Just a minute there! Hey, wait a minute!
Just a minute!
If you move, I'll start screaming.
I'll tell the world that you pushed me
in the water, that you tried to murder me.
Come on, let's go home.
I wanna get out of these wet clothes.
Where do you live?
- Over there.
- Oh, fine.
Well, make it snappy. Come on.
Say listen, you can't scare us by screaming.
- No?
- No. Go ahead and scream.
Get out of my way!
Get me the police.
You hear me tell her where to get off?
It takes me to handle these dumb dames.
Trying to give me the slip, were you?
Why don't you let us alone?
For a consideration, I might.
Oh! Money, huh?
I should say not.
This has gone far enough.
We'll go and tell our wives
just what happened.
We'll lay our cards right on the table.
We'll tell the truth about this woman.
We'll come clean.
Now you go in and tell them.
- What about you?
- He won't go, he's bluffing.
Oh, is that so? Bluffing, huh?
Well, I'll show you
whether I'm bluffing or not!
Good evening.
Where's Stanley?
Er... he's out in the hall.
Stanley!
Stanley!
Just a moment! I'll go and get him.
Good night. I mean, goodbye.
I'll drop you a line... I mean, I'll be right back.
- Where is she?
- I got her in this apartment.
Ooh! That's my bedroom, you fool!
Come out of there. Come out of there!
You'd better come out of there now!
What? Ooh.
There you are!
I thought you were in the bedroom.
There he is, honey.
- Here we are again.
- What's the matter with you?
Nothing, dear. Nothing at all.
- Where's that ice cream?
- Is that so?
Er... Oh, I ate it. Yeah.
Yes, he couldn't wait.
- What about a little hot coffee?
- Help yourselves. We've had ours.
Sit down, Stanley.
What are you doing?
Just playing.
I believe you're going cuckoo.
Just because you have the mind of
a four-year-old, you don't need to display it.
Remember we have company.
Come, Mrs Laurel.
Yes, remember
you have company.
Go and keep them entertained
while I get rid of her.
- What'll I say?
- Tell them a story. Be sure it's funny.
This has gone far enough.
You've got to do something... Oh!
Won't you...
- That's my wife's!
- What about it?
Nothing, if you'll just get out of here, please!
And don't come back. Oh!
.. then the farmer came in
and he shot the travelling salesman.
Oh! How dare you?
I'm sorry.
What happened?
I must have told them the wrong story.
- You sure it's her?
- Never more sure of anything in my life.
- There!
- That's her all right. Watch the door.
She's gone!
I won't!
Open the door, Stanley!
I will not!
Don't bring me out here!
I won't!
What do we do?
- Where is that woman?
- What woman?
- Where's Stanley?
- He's in the bathroom, taking a bath.
- Taking a bath?!
- He couldn't wait till Saturday.
Let me in!
Stanley!
Stanley, let me in.
- What's the trouble?
- There's a strange woman in there.
Probably the woman I want.
Stanley!
- Come on, open up.
- Oliver! Come here.
Stanley! Let me in.
Stanley! Stanley!
If you don't open that door, I'll break it in.
- What are you doing in there?
- I was looking for the soap.
Who brought this woman in here?
He did!
Come to the station. There's
a thousand dollars reward waiting for you.
Come on.
That woman has on my coat!
How dare you?
Take it off!
That was a lucky break. What are you
gonna do with your thousand dollars?
I'm going to buy a thousand dollars' worth
of chocolate ice cream.
Where's Stanley?
He's gone to the beach.