Colombian Love (2004) - full transcript

HOT, United King,
JCS Productions present:

A film by:
Shay Kanot, Reshef Levi

"Colombian Love"

Zidane!

You've forgotten your
Mantra again,

Sorry, Gamash, I'm in sort of
a crisis, it's the stress,,,

Zidane, you've got to
cut doWn on the drugs,

No, it's not that,

It all started with a joint
at Omer's wedding,

The first wedding
in the gang,

"You are invited to attend
the Wedding of Omer and Ya'el"



This is the story of me and
of my two best friends,

and how we learned that Woman
is always right and that Man,,,

is a moron,

T ali! -What's up?,

You Won't believe it,
yelloW floWers!

I told them not to skimp on
this, they make me look pale!

What Will our kids think?,
Mother Was anorexic?,!

Mom had hepatitis?,

You're just selling yourself short,
you look gorgeous,

That dress is beautiful on you,
the floWers are spectacular,

My mom says maybe l
should take a sedative,

Carmela!

Weddings!

Put a tranquilizer in this,



Do you know what the smallest hand
cuffs in the world look like?

Two rings on
a velvet cushion,

Solitude is the gravest of all
human illnesses, And I say:,

that's not a good enough reason
to get married,

This is a mistake, a mistake!

We've been together
since We Were 1 4,

High school, the army,
the War in Lebanon,

and I'm telling you, Ori, this is
the biggest mistake of my life,

Here, a little
something to relax you,

What're you doing, man?,
That's Samir's stuff,

You're out of focus!
You're not concentrating!

Man, man, relax, just
breathe,,, -Listen,

in our society, men hit puberty
at age 25,

If this is another
Colombian story, I'll kill you!

You take 3
leaps: Love, marriage, kids,

And that's all,
When you hit 30 your life is over,

and all you've got left is Waiting
for death or baldness,

You too, Ori,

There's no Way I'm getting
married in the next three years,

and Tali knoWs that,

Omer, What you're promising
Ya'el is

that you'll never touch
another girl's tits,

That's not a leap, that's
bunjy jumping Without the rope,

That's just What I'm trying
to tell Ori,

The only tit I've ever touched,
except my assistant at the army base,

and that stays here,

is Ya'el's,

Omer, What is a Wedding?,
It's just like going to jail

just so you can have sex
regularly With the Warden,

So your theory
is that We'll all have kids

by next year, -You tWo Will,

I've been sterilized by
excessive masturbation,

Are We starting?,
-You've got ten minutes,

try and make good use
of the time,

Do you happen to
have a cigarette?,

I don't smoke, -I've got one,

Hope you don't mind it's
hand rolled, -Thank God,

at least With cigarettes, any
shape and size is kosher,

None of us knew

that this would be the day our
lives will change forever,

Say, "Amen", -Amen,
-Amen,

Can you imagine me
standing there?,

In front of a million
strangers, I'd just die,

Don't Worry, I Won't
let'em force you,

Marriage, love
and family, A JeWish family,

A young
couple takes its first steps,

buys a house With a yard, a laWn
and a parking space,

Parking is very, very
important these days,

Especially if you're
really in a hurry,

Parking,,, is like,,,

An oasis
in the desert,

Omer, -Yes, Rabbi?,

Where are you parked?,

Just outside,
-Just outsiiiide,

And from today, all your
parking shall be Dvora's,,,

Ya'el's, -Who's Yael?, -I am,

Where's Dvora, then?, HoW many
brides are there?,

They'll take aWay my
License!!

I'm not going back to
selling vegetables, Rafi,

knoW What I'm saying?, -I'm Omer,
Omer, there's no Rafi,

Omer, sorry,

Did you buy the ring?,

Was I supposed to?,

Right, that's it, the Wedding is off,
everybody go home!

Why'd you drag
me out here, anyWay?,

Kidding, I'm just kidding,

Sorry, get over it,

OK, repeat
after me: You are hereby,,,

You are hereby,,,

Consecrated to me,

Consecrated to me,

By the laW of Moyshale
and lsrael,

By the laW of Moses and lsrael,

Mazal Tov, Mazal Tov,

Behold the glass, Omer,

Are you ready?,

Ready?,
-Ready,

Congratulations!

Medic! Medic!

It's amazing hoW cool
I Was, It Was nothing,

I'm totally cool, Believe me,

Ori, marriage is a cinch!
-I'm coming With you,

No!
We've got guests,

This Wedding's nothing!
-We Won't have another Wedding!

Statistics say that a third
of all married couples

divorce and then remarry,
-Shut up, I'll kill you!

That's hoW it goes,

you change the game plan,
if the enemy is too strong,

Zidane, tell the chief I'll be back
after they stop shooting,

What are you saying?,

Listen to the neWs tomorroW
I'll make you proud of me!

What's Wrong?,
-They gave him painkillers,

they must have kicked in,
-Ya'eli, be strong,

The bold shall triumph!
And Ori, don't Worry,

I Won't tell anybody
about Jessica!

Your secret dies With me!

Jessica?, Who's Jessica?,

Ah, Jessica, Medical
student by day,

bachelor party stripper by night,

We brought her to Omer's
party the night before,

Ori, how do I put this,

got a bit out of hand,

Let's make a baby!

YelloW is like the sun,
It's a neW beginning,

There'll be another party,
-Great,

Man, don't Worry
I explained everything to Tali,

she's cool With it,

You can count on me,

You talked to her?,

That Whole stripper thing?,
Ancient history to her,

I'm dead, All Worn out,
Tali, come here a sec,

I packed your clothes,

no time to fold them, Sorry,
I'm not your servant,

I Want you out of here noW,

I said "Let's talk", didn't l?,

I think this relationship
is over, Ori,

We're over,

It's like you're
six years old!

There Was a party, We danced,
We drank, We got a little crazy,

and Zidane brought in that
lousy stripper!

I didn't knoW she'd be there,

Omer danced With her
most of the night,

Omer, Who you think is so
serious!

All right, I touched
her breasts, So What?,

Can't you forgive that much?,

What Were you thinking,
at the Wedding?,

Why?,

AnsWer me,
-I dunno, about,,,

HoW the rabbi Was stoned,

about Jerusalem,
hoW Omer's dad Was crying,

I thought about you,

about us,
-Because you're a girl,

Wedding march comes on, you
start thinking about "us",

I didn't move in With you
on a Whim, it Was a big step,

I never saW a normal
relationship at home,

And I knoW that, logically,
We should be married by noW,

Married?,! I,,, Who said anything
about getting married?,!

Did I ever say I Wanted
to get married?,

I'll use a metaphor Which you
should be able to understand:

Soccer, At first, the girl is
at the bottom of the chart,

she comes after
friends, family, and soccer,

As time goes by
she starts climbing the chart

until, three and a half years
later, Where do I Wind up?,

Winning the World cup?,
-No, I'm Baghdad United!!

It's not you and me against
the World, Ori, it just isn't,

OK, OK, OK, you're right,
you're right, Starting today,

everything changes,
Come on, Tali, it's me,

people envy us, they call us
"The Dream Team",

We're "The Eternal Couple",

Enough,

All right, come to bed,

"What ails you, girl?,
What ails you, little one?,

"What is it you dream of?,
I dream of the same"

No place like home, eh?,
-Sure, dad,

I alWays told Eti
"it's just a phase",

That's it,

Kids never Want to move aWay
from home, Right, Eti?,

If Grandpa Avraham Was alive,
I'd move in With him,

Sure, dad,

Make him some chocolate milk,
Eti, -You Want cocoa, sWeetie?,

I'd love some cocoa, thanks,

Ori,,,

I've Wanted to say something
for a feW years noW, May l?,

Look, of all the girlfriends
you've ever had, not one

Was as good as Sara Baruchi,

She Was my girlfriend
in the fourth grade!

And she Was perfect,

Drink your chocolate milk
and off to bed,

As my friends discovered the
rigors of formal relations,

I was, as always, enjoying
the single life,

It's open!

Did you order
the Mexican shoW?,

Yeah,

HoW are you paying?,

Do you take Visa?, All I've got
is Nigerian money,

Ready?,

Just a reminder, the company
has also provided us With a Whip,

as Well as a vibrator,
Just say When,

Maybe We could Whip
the dog a bit later?,

I knoW you,

Get out,
-You lived in Jerusalem,

That Was Way back,

Your name is,,,

Don't tell me,,,

Eran, You've lost Weight,
you Were pretty chubby,

Was not, I Was stocky,

Don't you remember me?,

I'm Noga Kaplinski!
We Were in junior high together,

WoW, no Way, Noga,
that's crazy huh?,?,?,

Yuck! You disgust me!

I never thought
you'd sink this loW,

I disgust you?,!

You've hit rock bottom,
you pay for sex!

I've hit bottom?,!
You're a hooker!

And I'm the first to say that
We're all feathers in the Wind

and We land Wherever
the Wind takes us, but you,,,

It's not clean,

Well I don't see it that Way,

and if I'm unclean,
honey, just think about it -

You're What makes me dirty!

Wait, don't go,
you just got here,

What a storm!
Where are you going?,

We almost beat the dog
a minute ago I'm sorry l,,,

I'm supporting myself,

Money isn't everything,

I make 2,000 dollars a night,

Money isn't real,
it's an illusion,

2,000 dollars a night?,

I Wasn't born in a penthouse,
And everything's expensive,

you even have to pay for Yoga,

WoW, you've made it,
You can buy an apartment,

No, I've got lots of expenses,
clothes and all that,

but,,, I bought a jeep,

No kidding?, -Yeah,
come look,

AWesome,

Ori felt that particular
pain that floods you

when you've lost the love of
your life, He suddenly knew

that what he had told Tali
was also true,

They really did have something
special, and that something

had ended that very night,

"What ails you girl?,
What ails you little one?,

"What is it you dream of?,
I dream of the same,"

T ali, it's me, -Ori,,, You psycho,

I nearly had a stroke,
-I've got a surprise for you,

Who are these people?,

I'm here to propose,
Quiet!

What if I'd been naked?,
-I should be so lucky,

Ori, you're sick, retarded and
just plain stupid, You've got

no boundaries,,,
-I Want to marry you, Tali,

Tali, please marry me,
I love you,

You and I are like,,, lyrics
and music, -"What ails you",,,

Tali, I've thought this
through,

Go With the mood, the romance,
It's time, I really Was a jerk,

and don't say "No",

You're the Woman I love noW,
the one I Want to love tomorroW,

Want to groW old With,
Want to hug in a nursing home,

Forever, Marry me,
Should I say some more stuff,,,?,

We don't need to get married,
I just need you to be there,

so I knoW
it's forever,

Cut that "l don't believe
in ceremonies" crap,

You'll look dazzling
in a White dress,

your mom'll be glad,
my family'll be happy,

Besides, if We do this,
I'll get the chance to see

Jessica again,

Will you stop being a jerk
once We're married?,

"What ails you, girl?,
What ails you, little one?,

"What is it you dream of?,
I dream of the same,"

A little something I picked up
in Colombia, -Cool, What's this?,

This is Rectumezin, right?,
For hemorrhoids?,

I don't knoW, that's not mine!
but this,,,

This is the Black Rose
of San Pedro, Want some?,

No, I take very good care of my
body, But you go ahead,

Let's start,

Come here,
-Are you ready for this?,

You've gotta brace yourself,
'cause here I come,

and I'll rock your World!

Shit! Eran?, Eran?,!

What are you to him?, -Huh?,

What is your relationship
With him?,

The sound of waves breaking,
that wondrous sound

of the ocean at night, If you
hear it when you're on land,

that's a very, very bad sign,

Clear! -Death 's at your door,

and when he knocks, you
can 't pretend you're out,

Look, the Kleins only gave
us 300,

We gave them Way more,
-Did We?, Check the list,

Ori got us skydiving lessons,
-No kidding,

that's all that Was in there?,

Wonderful, You alWays
Wanted to try that out,

Ya'el, What's up?,
-Ginsburg, 700 shekels,

Not that, I mean What's
up With your hand?,

Just checking if all
of you Was injured,

Good morning!

I see the troops are lined up
to salute the commander,

Ready for the next mission?,

The guns are loaded,
The marines are in the house,

Let's make a baby,
Hila or Tom,

What?,

Like the 1 9th century,
virgin marriages,

It Will be so romantic!

Come again?, You're on
the pill, right?, -Not anymore,

You're not?, -Omer,
those pills are poison,

The body needs an occasional
break, -What's Wrong With you?,!

Why?, I'm 26,
you're nearly 30,

What's that got to do
With anything?,!

I figured if We Want to have
5 kids, eventually,,,

Five?,! -Four, five, six,
We talked about this,

Whatever you Want,

We said three,
and not in the next tWo years,

We agreed, I have 1 year
leave from the army,

then another year
With the troops,

and We agreed on tWo years,
remember?, When We Went skiing,

Wedding, tWo year leave, kid,

I thought We started counting
doWn from the ski trip,

including the pregnancy,
and including the leave,

Why Would anyone start
counting from the ski trip?,!

You start counting from the Wedding,
Not including the leave,

and you definitely don't count the
nine months pregnancy!

You disobeyed orders, you could
be court marshaled for this!

What Was I thinking,,,

I Was sure We started
counting from the ski trip,,,

What gave you this idea?,

What happened on that ski trip
that Was so special?,!

It Was a romantic ski trip, We
spent all three days in bed,

I had diarrhea! What's
romantic about that?,

Those SWiss poisoned me, And
it Was just a last minute deal,

That's When We Want
to start counting from?,!!

HoW can We even remember
When We Went on that trip?,

December 28th, 2:05 AM,,,

Omer, I'm sorry,

Everything's falling apart on us,
We didn't have a real Wedding,

the floWers Were yelloW, you Were
injured,

I Wasn't "injured", Don't
exaggerate, Do you knoW the injuries

I saW in Lebanon during the War?,

Did you knoW that Albarez

got a terrorist's hand transplanted
on him by mistake?,

I still have to Watch my
back around him,

Starting today,
We use condoms,

Starting tomorroW, you're on
the pill, Last thing We need

is an
unplanned child, Ya'el,

I Was unplanned, You knoW
What that did to me?,

Let's do it again, but
With a tWist,

Let's do anal, like you
alWays Wanted to,

I don't mind this time,

Hello?, -Mom, did I Wake you?,
-Who died?,! Tell me Who died,

I can take anything,

Who is it?,
-Mom, listen,

I'm getting married,
-To Whom?, -What do you mean,

"to Whom"?, To Ori! -She's
getting married! -To Whom?,

What do you mean, "to Whom"?,
To Ori,

You practically raised her,
and you don't knoW her!

What's With the craziness?,
I just Wanted to be sure,

Mom, are you there?,
-Right, Talinka,

Are you pregnant?, -No, mom,
We're in love, -You knoW,

pregnancy is never a good Way
to start a marriage,

it's better, you knoW,

to have an abortion,
just to be sure,

then marrying,
and then having a baby,

Great plan, mom,
but I'm not pregnant,

Well, I Was expecting a bit
more enthusiasm,,,

Not pregnant?, Then When Will
I be a grandma?, I'm so old,,,

Let me talk to her,
Hello, it's Eliyahu,

Tying the knot, huh?,
Give me Ori,

He can't right noW,
he's busy, -Yes! Yes! Yes!

She's getting married! you Were
all Worried over nothing!

Could you get a grip and
let me talk to her?,

Tali, could you please give me
Ori's parents' number?,

They Want your parents' number,

Not going to happen,
-What do you care?, -I care,

We'll tell them
at Friday night dinner, not noW,

What is it, Who died?,
-Your sister's getting married,

She calls here at this hour
for that?, -Shame on you!

It's a happy moment,
can't you see?,

You're a loser, Tali!

Hear that?,! Loser! -Get over
here, tell her you're happy,

Mom, lay off, I'm trying
to get some sleep,

I'll shoW you sleep! You're
not going to sleep,

nobody is going to sleep,
You're a selfish brat,

Be happy for her, -Be happy!

Come tell her, -Be happy!
-Come tell her!

Well, come tell her already!
-Do it!

Congratulations,
-Hey, sWeetie,

Hey, you think they'll give me
a Week off the army for this?,

Hear, O lsrael, the Lord
is our God, the Lord is one,,,

Pini, I see you're,,,

helping Eti out, -I age meat,

You should knoW, there're
strict rules to aging meat,

Too much time, it rots, Too little,,,
-And it's rock hard,

Right, -It's an art form,
-Cool,

My father Was a butcher,
like his father before him,

this skill is his legacy,
One Ori Won't inherit,

to his regret,
-Grandpa Avraham, -Cool,

You should knoW that all your
fancy education from all the

universities Will
never measure up

to the kind of knoWledge
passed on from father to son,

Lucky you Weren't here before,
There Was an Evil spirit,

I banished it from the house,
God be praised,

You Were so lucky,

Oranit was 26 when
she found God,

She had a job in a hotel in Eilat,

She was even dating a star player
for the Eilat basketball team,

The fans claimed that it
was her bad influence

that cut short his
winning streak,

You could say that one day,
she saw the light,

God! God! God!

There is a God!

Before We go in, I have
something to tell you,

I used to be secular, too,

a sinner, What can I say?,
I dealt drugs, set up orgies,

ate meat With dairy! Today, God
be praised, I'm past that,

But I remember hoW
you people think,

I ask that
you don't laugh,

and don't make fun of
my faith, in the hope that,

some day, Ori and maybe you,
too, Will repent,

I'd never insult someone's
religion,

Don't exhale!

I ask you, what would you
rather have your daughter do?

Date each and every player

from the Eilat basketball team,
one by one,

or build a monument of cards

bearing pictures of Rabbi
Caduri and Rabbi Ovadiah?

Well?,

It really shoWcases your,,,

faith,
-Thank you,

I'm glad you said that,

Oranit, come help With
the cooking, -Excuse me,

Tali! Come on!

Tali, come on,

I have an announcement,
-Eti, What's the meaning of this?,

What is it?,
-HoW many times have I asked you

to throW this fork aWay?,
-Oranit, Why is this here,

I put it aside for a reason,
-I don't Want it "aside",

I Want it gone, I shouldn't
have to sit through a meal

and have the fork
give me the finger,

But it's silver, I Wanted
to have it fixed,

But you didn't! No!

Just you look at this dad!

Do you knoW that my mother,
Would Walk 25 kilometers,

on foot to buy
father's tobacco?,

25 kilometers! On foot!

HoW the mighty
have fallen,

Dad, it's not our fault
We have a car,

Do you Want mom to Walk
for no reason?,

What Would that prove?,
-Oranit!

A fork making an obscene gesture!
Did I ask her to Walk?,!

Dad, Mom, Oranit,
I Wanted to tell you,

Tali and I decided We're,,,

Getting married,

Dad, if you'll give us your
blessing,

So,,,?, -It's great, Great,

Hey, that's great, -Yeah,
-Great, that's great,

I already said that, Great,
-Congratulations, -Yeah,

So, dad, are We finally going
to give you that grandson?,

The moment I'm through interning,

in tWo or three years, tops,
I promise,

"Blessed is the man that
Walk not in the counsel

"of the ungodly,,,nor sit
in the seat of the scornful,"

Excuse me,,,

"Blessed is the man,,,
the seat of the scornful,,,

"his delight is in the laW of
the Lord; "

No!

No! My toWer! My Rabbi Sali!
My Rabbi Ovadiah!

Murderer! Murderer!

After three days in the hospital
they released me

and sent me to some
500 different tests,

They said I had a cardiac
anomaly, probably nothing,

How could it be nothing, if
it's my own heart?

Your heart couldn't be better,
The doctors are mistaken,

Your problem is in your soul,

Your heart yearns
for a soul mate,

the Woman, the female,

Zidane, if you don't fall
in love, you'll die,

The time has come to make
the first great leap, -Leap?,

But on Whom?, -The ansWer
is around the bend,

and When you see her,,,

You'll knoW you've met before,

There Was this one girl
in Colombia,,,

Shame on you!
Shame on you!

Your mother is a Whore,

Why Won't you send her a letter?,

I'll dictate, you'll Write,

And from noW on, I Want you
to Wear only blue, -Blue?,

Clothes, underWear,
socks - everything,

But blue makes me look fat,

To my Colombian desert rose,
-What?, -Write this doWn,

I'll only say it once,

What good is a man's life
Without a Woman's love?,

I'm sending you a ticket,
come to me!

To the airport!

Thanks, Waiter
the restaurant is open,

the restaurant is closed,

I opened, they opened,
opening, Would be open,

It's never happened to me
before, -lt happens, honey,

Yeah?, HoW Would you knoW?,

You've only ever done it With
me, -Want me to pet it?,

No, I don't Want you
to pet it, -Why not?,

Because it's not a kitten,
-I could also,,, y'knoW,

even though
I don't really like it,

It's not a Popsicle, either,
It's supposed to Work on it's oWn,

it's supposed to Want it
more than I do,

Damn it! This is your fault,
-What did I do?,

Why did you have
to call my office?,

I just told Ruthi We Wanted
half a day to ourselves,

But Why'd you have
to call my office?,

This isn't the army anymore,

I can't accidentally cap civilians
and get off scot free,

This is the high tech industry,
and you're creating a threat!

These things are related,

it's all the same region
of the brain, Work and sex,

I'm sorry, I didn't knoW, Omer,

Where do you get the nerve
to call in late in my name?,

You're thinking like the army again,

they Won't punish you,
-Of course they Won't,

I've already been punished,

The next day, we met
at the beach,

Omer made good use of his
civilian privileges,

and decided to finally break
a 29 year fast, open his mind,

and sample Samir's goods,
-This isn't affecting me,

It alWays
takes a While the first time,

"Come in and close the door",

I'm telling you, Ori, I'm
getting nothing here,

Just let it take over,

It'll flush all that stress
right outta you, -What stress?,

I'm relaxed, Do I look
stressed to you?,

Did you and Tali ever do it
With one of those mini sponges?,

They're safe, right?, -Tali's
gone shopping for a Wedding dress,

She took my sister along,

to compensate her
for the toWer of cards,

"lsn't it getting hot?, I'm going
to remove my shirt,"

Zidane, you've got to move up
to a higher dating league,

girls like Tali's friends from
university, Cute, sexy,

I once saW this picture of
her friend Hila naked, Hot stuff,

My father told me
tWo things When I Was 1 0:

Say "No" to drugs,

and have sex With
at least one black Woman,

The only love that counts

is universal love, Without
language,

What Wisdom Will I give my kids?,
I've got nothing to tell them!

This shit just isn't
Working on me!

Maybe because I'm so stressed
It's not doing anything!

This stuff is shit, Ori! They
sold you oregano!

It's not doing nothing, Ori,

It doesn't effect me!

Francesa was on her way here,
and I was happy,

I had just one last thing to
wrap up before starting fresh,

Noga,
Noga,

Here's your stuff and here's
the money,

You saved my life, and
I'll never forget it, really,

What are you doing here?,
-I thought I Was dying, Noga,

I'm on duty in a feW more hours,
Will you be alive tomorroW?,

I'll be so alive!
I've changed, Noga,

I've managed to lose my fear,
-So, hoW are you?,

HoW'd you find me?, -Easy,
I just impersonated a cop,

questioned tWo co-Workers
of yours, I Was really good,

They have it in for you
already, Why make it Worse?,

Have it in for me?, Who does?,
-Didn't they speak With you?,

The guys at the office,

since I came back
Without any money,

they thought I'd given someone
a freebie, It's happened before,

They Wanted to send
Boris Kalganov in,

Boris Kalganov?, -Yeah, he Was
going to break your legs,

Boris Kalganov, sounds
like someone Wanted

for War crimes in Chechnya!

He Was there,
in the Russian commando,

Did they scratch your car yet?,

It's not enough they
Want to break my legs,

they have to scratch my car too?,!

What did my car do?, It's brand
neW With a year Warrantee!

I've gotta breathe,,, I'm in
a Wheat field, I'm dancing,,,

I Was so Worried about you,

Noga, you've got to break out
of this, You saved my life,

Iet me save yours,
-Zidane, no one's saving me,

I've got tWo clients
in an hour and a half,

and nobody's telling me What
to do,

Zidane, start Walking, Act
normal, don't look back,

Whatever you do, don't
look back,

This guy is the Black Death,
he's Worse than the plague,

Zidane, don't look back,
Hurry, hurry, go, hurry,

Everything all right With you?,
-Never been better,

Tali and Ori invited the whole
family to the Derby:,

the big meal where the sides
get to know each other,

Pass it, pass it,

Everybody's cheerful,
everybody's clean

and, above all, everybody's
smiling, The more the better,

I just love spicy food, We
took a trip to lndia, and

We ate this local dish, What
did they call it, Eliyahu?,

I ate it, right, and they
all stood there,

about 1 2 lndians, and
they Were just shocked,

They said I Was the first
Westerner they'd seen

eating that Rafiky Tika
Hot stuff, very hot,

Back home in Hungary, We'd
eat all sorts of spicy food,

Get her something, get her
something, -Water, Water,

Eliyahu, -Mom, mom,
just sit doWn, sit doWn!

Drink it, drink it, drink it,
-No, no, hold on,

Raise her hands,,, -Have her
say "Hear, O lsrael",

Hold on, one second,
-It's OK, she's still Warm,

Tali and Ori didn't realize

the spice was the least of
their problems, -Make room,

They'd spent the night prior
planning their dream wedding,

Something romantic,
not materialistic,

something innovative,

That sounds,,, interesting,
What do you think, Pini?,

What do you mean on the beach?,
On Friday afternoon?,

What are We, a Welfare case?, Don't
We have money like everyone else?,

Where did you get
all these ideas?,

Nothing's final,
it Was just our first thought,

But, excuse me, Talinka, but
What's the meaning of this?,

Have you forgotten my problem?,

What problem?, -Well,,, NoW
is the time to reveal that,,,

I'm actually a redhead, Don't
let this throW you off,

it's all artificial, -Mom,,,
-lf I'm not ashamed, it's OK,

I had therapy, -Let me tell
you, it really doesn't shoW,

Right, they're doing God's
holy Work on your hair,

It looks so natural,
not a hint of red, Right,

But I can't go to the beach,
because just a bit of sunlight

and I start peeling like
a snake in mating season,

Mom, you could just stay
in the shade that one day,

I suggest We just eat,
and talk about something else,

Honestly, the beach?,!

God have mercy, What are We,
Christians?,!

Eliyahu, Eliyahu,

Did you knoW my dad's
an expert at aging meat?,

Tell him, dad, -Forget it,
really, -Go on, tell him,

Tell him Pini, -You ever
aged some meat, Eliyahu?,

You should knoW there are
some sacred rules, When you

put the fillet in a boWl,
take your time, and remember:

too much time, it rots,
Too little, and it's rock hard,

Pardon, I'm a vegetarian,

Talking about meat
is sickening me,

Tali, understand
that your mother can't

invite the guests out
to the beach,

We Want something intimate,
modest,

We're not going to pose for the
camera at the altar, -Kishnir!

The High school principal,
I can't invite him to the beach!

Or ltzik,
from the housing bureau?,!

Either you do this right or,

as far as I'm concerned,
forget the Whole thing,

Just to remind you:
I'm the one getting married,

so you're in no position
to give anything up,

You don't have to come, mom,

Look What you've done!

Not enough that Pini's chili
nearly killed her, noW you?,!

We're only doing this stupid
ceremony for your sakes,

the rest is our decision,

We could just have kids
Without getting married,

God have mercy, -I'm not
saying you shouldn't be glad,

and it's great
that you're excited,

but you're still guests,

guests of honor,
but still just guests!

She's a bit sensitive right noW,
Don't Worry, I'll talk to her,

it'll be all right,

Look hoW loW We've sunk,
Waiting for a drug dealer,

Did you go a single night all Week
Without smoking?,

I had to clear my head,
Since the ambushes in Lebanon,

I haven't had a single night to
myself, to think,

Since you took up pot, you've
stopped sleeping With me,

and there's a connection,
-lt doesn't affect me,

hoW many times
do I have to tell you that?,

You're addicted to grass
and to the Fashion Channel,

So I take an interest in
the World of European fashion!

There, you're tWitchy again,

People Who smoke freak out,
I read about it online,

I am not freaking out! You're
pissing me off, -Me?,! -Yeah,

I'm pissing you off?, -Yeah,

You alWays Want kids, like I'm
some sort of sperm factory,

I Want to sleep With you for
fun, I'm attracted to you,

Is that a crime?, -No, but get
that I have my oWn rhythm,

We said tWo years,

not counting from
the ski trip!

We had sex once last month,
you came inside me once and,

What can I say, I don't really
enjoy it unless you come,

Call me stupid,,, -Maybe
noW's the time to admit it,

that one time,
I Was faking it,

What?, Come again?,

I faked an orgasm, I kneW you
Wanted it, so I faked it,

But you're a man, You can't
just grunt, or Whatever,

there's the squirting,

I've been through lnterrogation
resistance in the army, baby,

I can fake epileptic seizure,
I can stop my oWn heart,

and I can fake orgasm,

Orgasm is no longer
a goal in my life,

Well, here comes Samir,

Give me change for 200, l
don't Want him cheating me,

Love conquers all, I forgot
all about Kalganov,

my chest aches stopped, my
left arm stopped tingling,

I was suddenly free again,
I'd found my place,

I was in a state of pure Zen,

Are you Zidane?,
-Yes,

Before We go With you

I Want to say that if
you lay your hairy hands

On my niece Francesca,

I'll take a machete
and cut off your balls,

Understand?,
-Yes, yes,

Welcome my love,
The Weather is temperate

With a little humidity
from the ocean,

"You are invited to attend
the Wedding of Ori and Tali"

Thanks for coming, Thank you,

Hello, hello, -Thank you,
thank you, thank you,

I don't believe it,

See them?, Strolling about,
laughing?, What'd We agree on?,

Pini, you promised not to
get upset, -Hello, -Hello,

Congratulations, -Thanks,
-You look great,

When I promised that, did
I knoW they'd upset me?, No,

What'd We agree on?, AnsWer me!
-That We'd shake hands

at the entrance, I knoW,
Hello, thank you, -Thank you,

I'm no imbecile,
I knoW What We agreed on,

Look at them, laughing at me,
mocking me, and Ori With them,

He is not! -He is, We've
lost our Ori, Eti,

You look incredible!

I love you, my brother,
I love you, man,

This is it, huh?,

I brought you a personal
gift, -Really?, -Yeah,

I told you I've been Writing?,
I started a While ago,

These are five of my poems,

I Wrote one about the ocean,,,

It starts When your
hand's in the Water,

but it's not Wet, PoWerful
stuff, About emotions,

about the future, Without
forgetting the past,

You knoW,,, We all come from
the same mother, Eve,

Omer, civilian life's
done you good,

I've realized
that my soul Was locked,

I've opened up, You knoW,
I cried in a movie yesterday,

"Austin PoWers: The Spy
Who Shagged Me", Seen it?,

Sure, -Ori, you're the only
one I'm telling this to,

I'm leaving Ya'el,

I,,, Look, I've realized that
We're not right for each other,

What?, You've been together
nearly 1 5 years,

My mistake, I fucked up
and I take full responsibility,

But I've got no choice, I've got
to live my life, and she,,,

Being With her is like sitting
there, Waiting for death,

AnyWay, have fun
at the ceremony,

Pini,,, Pini,,,

Loser, loser,,,

It's dad,

They spit on you, Pini, they
piss on your name,

Wash your hands as hard
as you Want,

you'll never get the smell
of that garage out,

",,,hast created the fruit
of the vine," -Amen,

"Blessed art Thou, O Lord,,,
all things for his glory,

"Blessed art Thou, O Lord,,,
creator of man,,,

"Who hast made man in His
image, after His likeness,

"and has prepared for him
out of His very self,,,

"Blessed art Thou, O Lord
our god, king of the universe,

"Who hast created the
fruit of the vine,"

"lf I forget thee, O
Jerusalem, let my right hand

"forget her cunning, If I do
not remember thee,

"let my tongue cleave to
the roof of my mouth,"

You may noW break the glass,

Congratulations!

Put this on,
-No Way,

I don't folloW, could
you repeat that?,

I said, no Way no Way am l
putting that on,

You don't understand,
I'm the groom's father,

I paid for all this, -Pleased
to meet ya, I'm Damka,

Look,
the bride briefed me,

there's not going to be any
Arabic music on tonight,

no exceptions, Not Zohar,
Sarit, Zehava, and

definitely not "Samir al
Rantisi Love Songs", Here,

"Can you hear me?,
Father, I'm sorry,

"It's so hard here Without
you, please come back to me,

"to those happy days,
to those days so bright,,,"

Isn't that your father?,

Dad, What's Wrong?,

I Want you to divorce,
-What?,!

You damn Well heard me,
don't you play deaf With me,

Divorce, -Dad, you're drunk,
We just got married,

I'm drunk?, I barely had a coke,
She can't be your Wife,

It's her or me, -What?,

I love her, it's done,

What's she ever done to you?,
-She,,, That b,,,

Where do I begin?, -Go to bed,
We'll forget all about this,

OK?, Give it time,
-For us the family is

above all and she Won't
respect that, Not her,

or that family of hers,
She disrespects me,

she disrespects your mother,
and she ruined Oranit's toWer!!

That Was a gust of Wind,
-Shut your mouth, Shut it,

HoW long did the poor girl
slave over that thing?,

And her parents,,,!
-What about them?,

We agreed to stand at
the entrance,

You heard us agree on that,
Say you heard! Say you heard!,

Say you heard! -I heard!

With all the guests asking me
"Where's the bride's father?,

"Who's the bride's father?, ",
What Was I supposed to say?,!

And must she alWays talk about
us behind our backs?,

Dad, I sWear to God, she
hasn't said a Word about you,

Like she has to say anything!
Those dark looks she keeps

shooting our Way
say everything, Look at her,

that snake, she hates us
and you knoW that,

Ori, she's beWitched you,
BeWitched you,

Come here, What do you see?,
-Mom is crying, -And Why?,

Why?, -I slapped her,
that's Why,

You see What she's doing to
us?, She's tearing us apart,

she's tearing the family apart,

What is it?,

Ori,,,

Ori, What happened?,

At the same time, Francesa and I
were seeking to unite,

She asked me to find
her Inner Self,

I'll cut your balls off!

It Was consensual!!!

The girl kneW no man
before you!

Free love, and for free,

Marriage or death, Understood?,

And that was the end of
my Colombian love,

My ideal love,
which transcended words,

because all was so clear
at first sight,

A love which spanned
continents and cultures,

and let you send your
parents the hell away,

That was all over within 52 hours,

There could be no doubt now,
I had to find my true love,

and just as Gamash told me,
my solitude was killing me,

But hoW can something like
this happen?, Explain it to me,

pretend I'm an idiot, I'm
stupid, Explain it sloWly,

My dad's a bit short tempered,

Don't you think it is insane?,
If he'd just told us,

We don't mind shaking hands,

I never had a problem
With shaking hands,

I shake hands,
even With total strangers,

Let me talk to him,
-That's not a good idea,

Eliyahu, stay out of this,
-People,,,

I negotiated over a multistory
building in Uzbekistan

With 1 0 Georgian brothers,
Pini'll be a cinch, really,

You don't knoW my father, he's
touchy about this stuff,

I say We do nothing,
-Tell them about the supplier,

There Was,,, There Was this
supplier of mine, Who

set himself on fire because l
Wouldn't agree to his prices,

Burns over 1 00% of his body,
and it's all tactics,

Hello?, Hello, Pini?, HoW are you?,
-Fine, thank you,

Let me explain hoW We're going
to Work out this little hitch

in our neW family,,,

Eliyahu, my honor matters more
than anything to me,

More than my eyes,
more than my son's life, -Pini,

the kids are here, They've put
up one hell of a deal for you,

OK,

Just as I expected, you learn
this in negotiating basics,

He'll come craWling right
back, to me, you or Tali,

Try and be patient,

Nechama, put the tea on,

All normal families
are alike, and

all crazy families are demented
in their own special way,

I came here alone,
Ori doesn't knoW,

I knoW I've said some things
that offended you,

believe me, they Were
unintentional,

I also knoW you don't
like me, That's all right,

I don't mind, not for my sake,
but I married your son,

And I'll do anything for him,

Without him, I'd be,,,

Iike everyone else,

Miserable,

Tell me, What do I have to do to
turn over a neW leaf With you?,

You Want a neW leaf?,

No problem,

Get in touch With everyone Who
Was at the Wedding, Everyone,

my guests, yours, Ori's,
your family's,,, everyone,

Get all the Waiters together,

along With that bastard DJ,
Damka,

Rent a neW hall, of my choice,

Everyone sits doWn, you get
onstage in your Wedding dress,

face me, and say:

"Pini,

"Pini Cohen,

"l have insulted your honor,

"and today, I apologize",

Everyone applauds, then
has a good meal,

not that revolting asparagus
you served everyone,

And that's that, A brand neW,
factory fresh leaf,

HoW's that for ya?, -So What
did you tell him then?,

I said sure, let's rent
a hall, you tWisted fuck,

Iook What you're doing to your
son, -You said that?,

No, I didn't, But I Wanted to,

So,,,?,

I started crying and ran off,

There's no Way We're doing
this, -Obviously,

We've just got to carry on
With our lives, Right?,

If this Were Omer's dad,
Omer Would've

put a bomb in his car
by noW,

Go yell at him, hit him if
you have to, -Back off,

are you crazy?, -I'm not Omer,
and my dad's not Omer's dad,

They recreated the six day War
on its anniversary,

My dad played soccer
With me once,

I cherish that memory to this
very day, -lt'll be fine,

Where is Omer, anyWay?,

This is the living room,
-At that exact moment,

Omer was renting an apartment
in south Tel Aviv,

He hadn't found the courage to
tell Ya 'el it was over, but he

felt ready to start planning
his life as a bachelor,

Is this the kitchen?,
-For the first time, Omer

met a girl who left her thong
out to dry in the living room,

and his world was
changed forever,

I'm talking about orgies,

I'm talking about having sex

With total strangers,

Shirly, from the apartment,
I think she's got it bad for me,

She Was an army officer
in Golani,

she kept asking me When
I Was moving in,

Why don't
you tell Ya'el?,

You rented this place behind
her back! -I'm hammering out

an escape plan, When I strike,
she Won't have time to blink,

So When are you
going to break up?,

Not for the next month,,,

This is the holiday season,
We've been invited to meals,

I can't cancel,

Let's try,,,

Let's have a drill,

You'll be Ya'el, I'll be Omer,
I Want to break up With you,

You need professional help,

You need pills, maybe
Electric shock treatment,

maybe even put yourself
in a hospital for a While,

Try to understand,

She Wants a baby and she'll
stop at nothing,

I don't Want you to pull any
punches, Hiss and claW,

grab a knife and,,,
hold me hostage,

You don't knoW
What she's capable of,

Ya'el, We need to talk,

You're breaking up With me,
you maggot?,

Backstabbing son
of a bitch, men Want to "talk"

only When they Want to break up,
-I'm sorry, -Don't "sorry" me,

you've played me for a fool,

What am I supposed to do noW?,

Ori, I can't do this,

she'll kill herself,

and at her funeral

I'll have to look her mother
in the eyes and tell her

"Rivka, I took your daughter
at age fourteen,

"and brought her back in a box,

"l fucked up,
and I take full responsibility!"

I love you, Omer,

Omer, I love you,
Take me,

Take me, right here on this
couch, Take me, take me,

'scuse me,

It's just
so great to see people

expressing their sexuality
so naturally,

It's not What you think,
it's a drill,

It's OK, guys, I Watched
"The Bird Cage",

I'm straight!
Straight, Shirly!

It's not What you think,

Shirly, I'm not gay!
Never!

A month had passed
since Farncesa left,

and new love was
nowhere in sight,

Excuse me, is this Where you
take the endurance test?,

Oh, it's you,

Moran! I didn't knoW you
Were a nurse, -I'm not,

I'm in med school, this is
my day job, HoW are you?,

Turns out Moran's a good
friend of Tali's, who had

had a crush on me for years,
and I never noticed,

Getting tough?,

Give me a little credit,
I'm a panther,

As I ran for her, I thought,
maybe Ori was right,

maybe I should go for one
of Tali's friends,

Someone from the
higher league,

I decided to try love at
second sight,

try out the kind of love
that grows on you,

As we lay there in bed,
I knew I wasn 't going to die,

I was going to get
a 25 year mortgage,

Hello?, -It's me,

Hello, Yossi, -It's Noga,
-I knoW, Yossi, Where are you?,

Who's Yossi?,

I'm in jail, I Want you
to bail me out, -HoW come?,

They booked me for pandering,

Ok I'm coming, don't go anyWhere,

Moran, I've gotta run,
I gave Omer tWo pills,

and he's having flashbacks
of the War,,,

Really?, -He's convinced
he's on the Way to conquer Beirut,

I've gotta see him through,
Back When the War's over,

OK?, Don't Wait up,
get some sleep, all right?,

I told the people at
the office I quit,

said I needed to find
a normal job,

You knoW,
before the escort service,,,

I Worked as a Waitress,
That's What led to this,

What's so bad about Waiting
tables?, -It's slave labor,

Nobody treats a hooker half as
bad as they treat Waitresses,

I'd never have sex With
someone Who Went pstt pstt,,,

You're so pretty by moonlight,
-Thanks,

Did I say that?,

The moon's not out,
Thanks anyWay,

What's your girlfriend's name?,
-Moran, -D'you love her?,

Yeah, sure, We talk a lot,

She's,,, Serious about stuff,
she's going to be a doctor,

My boyfriend's a laWyer,
-You have a boyfriend?,

No, but I like to pretend
I have a laWyer for a boyfriend,

It makes things easier,

Hello, -Ori, hoW are you,
baby?, -Mom?,

Is everything OK With Dad?,
-Yes, it's fine, don't Worry,

I just Wanted to Wish you
a happy holiday, We all

think about you all the time,
Oranit sends her regards,

Mom, Where are you?,
-There's no time, Ori, I said I Was

at the grocery store,
Happy holidays, Bye,

I still don't get it, Why not
just try and talk to him?,

Tell him What you told me,
that's sure to persuade him,

I just don't understand,,,
-lt'll never Work, -Why?,

He Won't compromise,

We either do it his Way,
or We're dead to him,

It's been like that from day one,

He didn't speak to his mom
for 12 years, I had no grandma, Tali,

Let's go to Paris,

My uncle can get us jobs there,
Mom talked to him,,,

No, no!
I'm not going to Paris,

You can't escape from that man,
We've got no choice,

some problems can't be solved,
that's it,

What do you mean, "I'm sorry"?,
-I'm sorry, I'm leaving you,

I'm in love With someone else,
It happens, -lt does not,

Ya'el, I'd never even dream
of touching someone else,

I sit here and trust you,

and you go out and get
yourself someone else?,

One day, Ya'el went off to
buy Omer's weed for him,

Turns out his dealer, Samir,
is a Bedouin she met

five years ago, in Sinai,

Exactly during the week and a half
that she and Omer had split up,

HoW come a beauty queen like You

doesn't have
a big pregnant belly?,

You JeWs,,,

Gotta run, see you later!

They'd never stopped thinking
of one another,

He'd branched out his
operation over the years,

History teacher by day,
drug dealer by night,

This is for you,

It's quality stuff, post Ottoman era,

He was on top of the world,
which meant he had plenty of

time and cash to spend
on the woman he loved,

You go around sleeping
With terrorists

and all you have to say
is "sorry"?, -You knoW

We've been in a rut lately,
You keep complaining,

and I knoW you had
things on the side,

Don't ansWer me,
don't insult us,

You yourself said you
needed a change,

I Was on grass,

I took too much drugs,

I had no idea What I Was saying,

Fuck this! I love you, don't you
get that, you stupid bitch?,!

It's not you,
Women, even JeWish ones,

prefer a man With a profession,
NoW you, What's your profession?,

You deal drugs, I'm in high tech,
What are you saying?,!

You're comparing high tech
to drugs?,

My industry is alWays expanding,

Did you knoW that,
at any given time,

1 0,000 people are starting to
use cannabis for the first time?,

If you don't take off my
Golani robe right noW,,,

Omer! -I'll have to hurt you,
-Omer, you've gotta loosen up,

The War is over,
We're all just people noW,

Unless this place fills With
steamy free love,

We'll never have peace,,,

We haven't got another state,
We're all in this together,

there's no room for more than
one state, It's an illusion,

Listen, if I didn't
believe in fair play,

I'd kill you for
Wearing my robe!

NoW get out of my sight!!

Tali! -Oranit,

We need to talk,

Let's talk, then,
-Look, Tali, l,,, I don't mean to

take sides in this quarrel,

You come from your culture,

maybe you don't
respect your elders, -No,

it's not that, We do,,,
-That doesn't matter noW,

I heard that you've lost your
father, and I feel for you,

I hear he died
in the Lebanon War

and it Was a justified War

no matter What some people say,

But you just don't knoW What
it means to have a father,

A father is like,,,

Like a mother, except you
give him respect,

What about my respect?, Don't
I deserve any?, -Not With us,

You knoW that just last Week
I saW Ori pass our house?,

Pretended he just accidentally
passed by, -When Was this?,

Did you knoW Ori Wrote dad
five letters, and he

still hasn't read
a single one?,

Look, Tali, you've got to do
the math:

Either you apologize, or divorce,
if you Want to spare Ori,

If you Want my opinion, as far
as I'm concerned, divorce,

Ori,

I've decided to go through
With it, -With What?,

Your father's apology,
-You're serious?, -Yes,

What happened?, -I Want us to
be together, -We are together,

No, I feel as though We're
alWays Waiting for something

that never comes,

We've never kept secrets from
one another, -What secrets?,

What are you talking about?,
-The day We married,

I took responsibility for your
happiness, not just mine,

It's like We said,
We're tWo Who are one,

What do you say?, -Tali, yes
or no, that's your decision,

I'm not going to take that
out of your hands,

"You are invited to attend
an Apology Ceremony"

Bravo!
Bravo!

I hate this Whole
bridal goWn idea,

It'll be fine, By tonight,
We'll be in Paris, dancing,

We'll forget We Were ever here,

Testing, testing,

Good morning,

I'm glad all of you
could make it,

I feel as though I'm on
"This Is Your Life",

Well,,, We'll start eating
soon, but before that,

I'd like you to Welcome
the reason We're here today,

Tali, still Shalev,
soon to be Cohen,

if you please,,,

I'm here to apologize,

I'd like to apologize,,,

for occasionally disregarding
JeWish traditions,

as Well as Oranit's shoW of faith,
the toWer she built,

Which I toppled,

I'd also like to apologize in
my mother and Eliyahu's name,

I apologize for their not
shaking hands at the entrance,

I Would like to apologize
to Pini Cohen,

for offending him,

I didn't shoW him enough
respect,

And I ask that he forgive me,

I forgive you, Carry on,

For the food at the Wedding
being of inferior quality,

I apologize, and,,,

That's it, isn't it?,
-Close enough, Fine,

There, she's apologized,
it's over, Applause, please,

I invite you all to sample
the meat I aged myself,

I obeyed the golden rule:

Too much time, it rots,
Too little,,,

And it's rock hard, Daddy!
-Damn straight,

Enjoy,

We made it, huh?,

What matters is it's over,
We did it, Tali,

We can check my family's
issues off the "to do" list,

and just move on,

What did you say?,
-What?,

I'm your family,

You're my family, and so
are they, I didn't pick them,

But you chose me, At least,
I thought you did,

I'm going to Paris,
and you're not coming With me,

What could I do?,
-Since We got married

I've felt more alone
than I've ever felt before,

This Was your test, Ori,
Here Was supposed to

end their family,
and start ours,

Hold on, Why chase her?,
Let her run,

she's just put her foot in her
mouth again, Don't Worry,

We'll sue her for slander,
Sit doWn,

This sucks, -Hey, relationships
are all about compromise,

They'll end up back together,
and that's What counts,

What's the matter With you?,

Gamash told me if I don't find
my true love, I'll die,

I'm your true love, aren't l?,
-Well, obviously,

But hoW can I be sure?,
-Your tests came out OK,

Do you really believe that

if you don't find true love,
you'll die?,

Zidane! You Zidane?,
-Yeah, hang on,

I'm in the middle of
something, all right?,

This is from Boris Kalganov,
for stealing his girls!

And that was when
it all came together,

True love is love without rules,
-I'm sorry, Moran,

Zidane, don't speak,

It doesn't have to be
love at first sight

or second sight,

It's the kind of love that
is dictated by fate,,,

Noga,,,

I need Noga, -My Fate,,,

started with the Mexican show,

The more love warms you up,
the more it burns,

Forget about gravity
and electricity,

Iove 's what keeps the earth
and moon together,

You'd do anything
for true love,

Excuse me, excuse me,

I'd like
to say a feW Words, if I may,

Hello, everybody,

First of all, I'd like to
apologize to my mother,

and to my sister, Oranit,
What for?,

Not for What I've done, but
for What I'm about to do,

Something I should have done
a long time ago,

I'd like to tell my father
something,

Dad, you raised me,
I'll love you all my life,

It's a love you're born With,
and it's important,

But dad, one kind of love
is yet more important:

The love you give birth from,

the love for a Woman,

Enjoy your flight,

I ruined that,

and I have to apologize to her
for letting a man like you,

Who I love so much, even though
you're utterly insane,,,

So until you apologize to Tali,
You don't exist anymore, dad,

I've erased you, You knoW
Why I've done that?,

Because you taught me Well:
family does come first,

Way to go, Way to go! Love
Will triumph, God Willing!

Tali! Tali!
-You can't go through here,

It's a matter of life and
death, -Sure it is, no doubt,

Tali! -What do you Want?,
-You Were right, I'm nothing,

I'm scum,

I've made nothing but
mistakes since We got married,

Tali, you're right,
right, right,

But that doesn't mean you
should get on that plane,

If you do that, you'll be
as right as it gets,

but you'll be leaving
your heart behind,

I shouldn't even be listening
to this,

You should've seen
What I told my father,

He didn't take it all that
Well, In order to forgive me

he'll probably Want me to jump off
the top of a skyscraper,

Your Whole family's deranged!
I've been holding that back

for a While noW, but you're
all insane! -I knoW, I knoW,

I Want to run aWay With you
to Paris, Tali,

I thought you said running
Was never the solution,

It's often the solution,
That or denial,

those are the most reliable
ansWers to most problems,

Go on, on your knees,
make this a formal apology,

No more apologies,

I love you,,,

Before I passed out, I managed
to whisper Morane that it was over,

Poor girl,
dumped by a dying man,

She went back to the hall,

when all of a sudden she found

that life does, indeed, go on,

What bothered me most was that
nobody would care if I died,

Zidane?,

You probably hate me,

What're you talking about,

You Won't believe it,,,

My Whole life flashed
before my eyes,

Including bits I'd forgotten,

sexual abuse by
my old teacher, Shula,

I love you,

I kneW it,

Since that night at my place?,
-No,

since 8th grade, in Jerusalem,

We Women have intuition, you men,,,

It takes you time to understand,

All of a sudden, I was over
everything, I was healthy,

I was in love,

I was ready for the next step,

Okay, so I lost a kidney,
But there are two of them,

And when I don 't forget
to drink a lot of water

everything's fine,

And that's our story,
more or less as I remember it,

You think that was it?
Happily ever after?

Of course not, Love is
a very elusive thing,

even if you catch hold of it
for a second,

it's like a fly, always
trying to get away,

You must, you simply must,
keep pursuing it,