College Swing (1938) - full transcript
Gracie Alden tries to graduate on college to get an inheritance.
COLLEGE SWING
What diabolical invention
is it that insults our ears?
What is your name?
Benny Goodman.
You will never achieve anything.
It is a pleasure to deliver diplomas
to graduates.
They will form a line
to my left.
Mr. Jenkins
will remove his chair.
Mr. Webster will stop crossing
his legs ... limbs.
I don't want any kind
of demonstration.
Remember:
It is a solemn occasion.
First of all,
Miss Dorothea Rutledge.
And then
Mr. Francis de León ...
Mr. Walter Martín ...
Miss Fifi Booth ...
Mr. Wellington Smith.
My friends,
graduation ends here ...
highest grade
in Aldentown village ...
in the year of our Lord, 1738.
Therefore,
I will tell parents ...
Come on, girl.
I told you not to come up here.
- You will not receive your diploma.
- Why?
Because this is the ninth year
you have failed the exams.
- Why?
- Why did you fail?
Yes because?
Because in every area
of school work ...
You are always puzzled
by questions.
Oh no. They are not the questions.
The answers baffle me.
Silence!
However, I can only repeat
that you will not have a diploma.
Therefore, parents ...
May I suggest a suggestion?
Yes. It won't make any sense,
but go ahead, girl. That?
Instead of sitting at my desk
year after year ...
Wouldn't it be better if I
started making paper ...
to be able to do my diploma?
Even if you were lucky enough
to manage to make paper ...
your diploma would be blank
because you can't write.
True, but it would be silly to have
a diploma with letters on it ...
because I couldn't read it.
Silence!
Or could you read it?
Shut up, impossible girl,
and listen to your grandfather.
Your grandmother and I met
in this classroom.
We send our children here ...
and they sent their children here.
I see.
So if I have children ...
Do you want me to bring them
to this school with me?
Silly stuff!
You should be thinking about
your diploma.
Your grandfather knows what he's saying.
It would be nice to have a diploma
before having children.
It would be better to have a husband.
Stop it, no more chattering!
If Gracie Alden, my granddaughter,
never graduates ...
I will leave all my money
to this school ...
until some Alden woman
graduates from her.
If no Alden woman
graduated ...
the money would be the property
of the school.
Oh! Oh!
But when?
In accordance with
her majesty's law , there must be a date.
How long do you think it will take
for an Alden woman to graduate?
In all honesty,
sir, I think ...
that a girl
like her little Gracie ...
He couldn't graduate
in 100 years.
Maybe not so soon, but I bet
he would make it in 200 years.
Well, so be it.
200 years.
That would be the year 1938.
How good!
THE PREFERRED LOCATION
- Hello Betty.
- Hi, Jackie.
- Hi, Skinnay.
- What's up, Jackson?
Come up.
You, linda, canta.
Teacher, teacher
I like to dance the swing
Ho ho, look how I dance
Teacher, teacher
This is a special feature
Still don't believe too much
You will not be the
master's favorite
You won't have the beat
until you dance the College Swing
- Tell me what they called it
- University Swing
- I don't have the rhythm
- No, you don't
- I won't stay with him
- You won't
- Didn't I impress them
- No, sir
Oh poor me
Oh teacher, teacher
show this fool
Oh tell him what's good
When he dances the University Swing
- University Swing
- Tell me what you call it
They don't serve jelly
at Notre Dame
Not even in the
Army vs. Navy game
It is part of education
College Swing
You heard
the teacher sing and shout
You know the lesson
So let's go
with the musical group
College Swing
Listen to the University Swing
"If I don't answer, it
's because I'm studying ...
"If I don't answer, it
's because I'm studying ...
So please come in
and wake me up
Thanks, Gracie Alden. "
My, my,
students come and go ...
but the Aldens
stay forever.
- Hi, Gracie.
- Hi, Bud. This is hard.
Yes. I bet between the pages
of these old books ...
You find many bones
hard to crack.
You will say nuts!
And some nuts don't even
break.
Don't worry, Gracie,
the main bone is gnawed.
Forget the fun,
I came on business.
- You didn't sign our contract.
- How do you know?
How?
Well, it doesn't have a signature.
How do you know that it was me
who didn't sign?
Perhaps it was someone else
who did not sign.
Gracie, this contract must be signed
for me to show my good faith.
Neglect.
Your word is enough for me.
Yes, but the Trust Company will
not do.
¿No?
Be nice and sign here.
I don't like to sign things
that I didn't write.
If you want me to write you a poem,
I'll sign it.
Thanks, but it's a contract.
I will explain it to you.
For $ 10,000, I'll teach
you and guarantee you'll graduate.
Do not be silly.
If you give me $ 10,000 ...
I don't care if I graduate or not.
I'm not the one who will give you
$ 10,000 ; you will give them to me.
So
the deal is $ 20,000.
Yes. I knew you would understand.
Now when the college
and the money are yours ...
you will hire me
as your manager and advisor ...
for a salary of 25 thousand per year
plus the usual benefits.
The usual benefits?
Don't change the subject.
Will you sign this contract
or will I sign this contract?
- Your.
- Well, don't pretend I'll do it.
Gracie, whatever you say.
Here's my pen. Sign there.
Wait. Will this be legal
if I sign with your pen?
Could you keep a secret?
Sure!
It's not actually my pen.
That is even better.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Do you want a drink?
- Of course.
I am inclined to doubt whether
Mr. Brady's request is correct.
It is totally correct.
I do not ask the questions
that will be in the final exam.
I never would.
As your teacher, I am interested in
what will be covered in general.
I try to protect my ten thousand dollars ...
to my delicate client.
We have a letter
from Mr. Hubert Dash ...
a descendant of the founder
of this school ...
and an outstanding student
of this university.
Hey, this Hubert Dash
is kind of wacky ...
It's a bit eccentric, isn't it?
He has, or at least had,
a marked phobia of women.
His fear of women led him
to the jungle of South America.
And there he consoled himself when he discovered a
gold mine worth 25 million.
He came back recently
and I asked him ...
to prepare and carry out
Alden's graduation exam.
Here is your acceptance.
You see, Mr. Brady ...
none of us know
what your exam will contain.
- Sorry. GeorgeJonas.
- Yes, Mr. Dash's assistant.
- Mr. Ashburn?
- Yes. How are you doing?
Professor Brisa,
Dean Sleet ...
Dr. Lluvia,
Professor Storm.
Is this a university
or the meteorologist?
And Mr. Brady,
Ms. Alden's teacher.
Where is Mr. Dash?
Send your apologies.
You know, women.
- Women?
- The usual phobia.
It got worse after being away
from them for 20 years.
Mr. Dash needs bodyguards
to keep the women away.
That's more or less my job.
And pushing women away
seems very enjoyable.
And
Ms. Alden's final exam ?
Mr. Dash prepared
a list of questions.
- I'm dying to see them.
- I made several copies.
- There you have them?
-Yes.
How annoying these flies!
Pick up the phone,
President Ashburn.
I didn't hear it ring.
Well, don't wait
until the last minute.
Well, thank you, a thousand thanks.
It will not be easy.
"What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?"
What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
I'll let you find out.
Goodbye.
Geez, guys.
Any girl but this one.
Virginia Ashburn no.
I have ... I have a personal motive.
Ómicron Tau ignores
personal reasons.
Your initiation dictates that you
serenade the president's daughter.
Please, guys.
I am in love with her.
Oh no, brother Bates.
You haven't even dated her.
I know, Skinnay,
but that's why.
How can I enter your life
looking like this?
- We can do this?
- Sure.
My friends!
Come out from behind
your window
Go for a walk
along the Path of Lovers
Beautiful lady
I would like to talk to you
Do you want to talk to me?
With you
There you are, radiant
Tan some flower, tan always me
tan Christmas night, Chanel Número 5
So amazing
How am I doing, boys?
Beautiful lady
I feel the need to quote
Everything Shakespeare wrote
But oh
I can not remember anything
Oh what's as rare
as a talán, talán
To be, to be or not to be
The Merchant of Venice in a tree
Friends, Romans
Poor Yorick, I missed my ticket
Oh tell me what am I trying to do
I don't know, and you?
What did romeo say
To Juliet
You excite me so much
that I forget
What did Juliet say
To romeo
I am so captivated
that I don't know
Oh i wish
Having studied Shakespeare
for occasions like this
And I wish I had rehearsed
a scene or two
Because what Romeo
He told Juliet
I could not tell
Oh, speak again.
Speak again, bright angel.
You do not hear me? Listens.
What did Juliet say
To romeo
Oh Romeo, Romeo.
Why is it you, Romeo?
I'm here.
Oh a tender sonnet
Get a kiss
So you better go
home study two or three
Because what Romeo
He told Juliet
You couldn't tell me
It's Dean Sleet!
Let's go!
Young man,
do you consider this a joke?
No, Dean Sleet. It is...
It's ironic, it's tragic, it's strange.
He is drunk.
Nerd. No!
Good evening, Dean Sleet.
An intoxicated jester!
- Young man, your name.
- What does it matter now?
His name is Martín Bates, and this is
his initiation in Ómicron Tau.
His uncle is Hubert Dash ...
and his guardian is
the Trust Company.
She knows me.
Oh, I remember.
I'm afraid Mr. Bates is a little ...
We'll skip it this time ...
but you better go back
to your fraternity.
Yes ma'am.
I still believe that these initiations
that include semi-nudity ...
they are definitely indecent.
Thank you dear.
The air currents affect me .
- Here you have.
- You stuck your thumb in the soup.
Do not worry.
The soup is not hot.
Don't worry me?
Can't they do better
than being waiters?
So is.
With this we pay for the university.
They are the worst waiters
I have ever seen.
- You heard me!
- What do you think? I quit.
I'm sick of carrying trays
and taking orders
To serve potatoes, pork and beans
to what they call me slow
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
He's sick of lugging trays
in this place
I'm sick of waiting tables
and serving food
Ham, bacon, fried chicken
No more knives and forks
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
I don't like fried chicken
Hallelujah
I don't care if the students
keep kicking
- Oh Lord
- Shut up.
Let them keep their fried chicken
Let them kick
Let them keep their fried chicken
Let them kick
I'm sick of being asked
about the menu
Bring me the soup, bring me the meat
I'm getting bunions
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
I'm tired!
How about?
Is tired.
Oh yeah? Jack, play some
of that good swing.
That will lift it.
That's enough!
I'm sick of these tunes
that make them dance
You try to make an effort
And I'm going to tell you
- That?
- I'm a freelance waiter.
- What do you mean?
- Nobody gives me orders!
- You want to play, huh?
- Want to play.
How are you?
Wow!
That is wonderful, wonderful.
I like it.
Do you like it
What are you laughing at?
Do this.
- That?
- Do this.
Wait.
- You kicked my ...
- This is not my cap.
- Take that.
- That one is very dirty.
- Ready. That's mine.
- Is it your cap?
- Give it to me.
- Take it.
- That's my cap.
- Is it your cap?
- Yes.
- Well, gosh.
Do you want to hit my face?
Friend.
FINAL EXAM FOR MISS. ALDEN
GENERAL INFORMATION
FINAL EXAM FOR MISS. ALDEN
GENERAL INFORMATION
UNIVERSITY LAUNDRY
"What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
Starch: In the digestive process
it turns into sugar ... ".
Boys! Girls!
News.
The future of Alden University is
going to be decided.
Gracie will take
her final exam.
Look at the pole
and you will know the result.
A white flag means
it passed, and a black one ...
Well, he failed again.
That is all.
We can not wait...
answer all these questions.
Impossible.
Hi.
They are talking about me?
Miss Alden, I warn you that this
is your last chance.
Don't worry
and don't respond rashly ...
to Mr. Jonas's questions.
Mr. Jonas, please start.
Thank you.
The first questions:
"General information".
The only general I know
is General Motors.
And I couldn't give you any
information about him.
Srta. Alden,
"general" significa "variada".
Oh It was general the "varied"
and also the "holidays".
Holidays?
Yes.
The first question.
What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
Let me see.
STARCH
Starch.
Right.
The next.
What is the average mental age
of the US population?
Do you want the person's age
before or after birth?
For example, there are 120 million
men and women in the US.
What would your average age be?
SCARVES - 14
14.
Right.
Sure, and that doesn't include
hand embroidery.
Hand embroidery?
People or mental age?
- The tissues.
- Handkerchiefs?
It will be better...
You restrict your comments
to questions.
Agree.
The next. How many degrees
in longitude make one hour?
According to your watch or mine?
- Whichever.
- Late or early?
Does it matter if the clock
is late or early?
It matters and it does not matter.
Does it matter and does it matter?
It matters if you are taking a train ...
but it doesn't matter
if you cook an egg.
I do not know.
Could you answer the question
please?
The next. How many degrees
in longitude make one hour?
15.
Right.
It surprises me too.
The next.
Where should I travel
from the Greenwich Meridian ...
to arrive an hour
earlier?
Let me see.
Vests
Vest.
Vest?
Do you mean west?
Oh, how cute. Say it again.
I love his accent.
- My accent?
-Yes.
You say vest
and I say west.
What silly things they say
when they become teachers.
We can give the answer
as good.
Four correct answers in a
row.
It hasn't happened in 200 years.
It can't go on like this.
- Thank you.
- Proceed.
I bet Gracie will say
all the wrong answers.
It's white! Approved!
Congratulations, Miss Alden.
The university, after 200 years,
belongs to the Alden family.
It's a bit premature
for me to ask you if you will make changes.
No, it is not premature.
It's barely 2:45.
What changes?
I will make some changes that will not only
revolutionize this university ...
but the entire
university industry .
It could end universities.
That is all.
- That's it?
- Yes, that's it.
In other words, did
you expect to pass this test?
Been here 9 years
and had never approved ...
And did you expect to pass this time?
Of course.
Do you think me silly?
Why is this time
the exception?
Because for the first time he
knew all the questions.
You mean you knew
the answers.
You have said it.
Very well.
What will the changes be?
The first thing I will do is make myself
Dean of Men.
You mean:
Dean of Women.
That is what you believe.
The dean of men
is the one who cares for men.
Yes I know.
GRACIE ALDEN HEREDA UNIVERSITY
START LOOKING FOR A
NEW TEACHING STAFF
Hi there?
The Morning Times newspaper?
Yes, I prepared a statement.
"Miss Alden was always annoyed
that the boys ...
denied
a college education ...
for not graduating from high school
with enough credits.
It suppressed the entrance exams
to this university. "
You heard me. And consider
dropping the rest of the exams.
Ahead.
The most important is...
Oh, forgive me, sir ...
but they told me
you were alone.
The most important thing is
that you have ...
I will call later.
The Normandie just docked.
How are you?
Do you want a cigar?
I mean,
how can I help you, Countess?
Nerd. I am not a countess.
I am an ordinary woman.
Nerd. She is too charming
to be ordinary.
- But no.
- But yes.
But no no no no
But yeah yeah yeah yeah
Monsieur, how gallant you are.
I kiss her hand for that.
- No, let me kiss your hand.
- I should kiss her.
- But no.
- But yes.
No, let me do it first.
Do you wash your clothes?
Sir, qué "grrraziozo" es.
- How do you spell that?
- Forget it.
- No.
- But yes.
- No no no.
- But yes, yes, yes.
Again with that.
Now, miss ...
I am Mademoiselle Therese.
Would you like to sit down, Therese?
My full name is
Mademoiselle Theresa Therese.
So, sit down twice.
Why did you want to see me?
Monsieur, I heard you hire
professors for the university.
Teaches?
Monsieur, I teach love.
Love?
I have
Theresa Therese's love system .
Interesting.
I can't hire you
just because you say so.
What is it qualified for?
As if I don't know.
Is your love system good?
And if so,
would you try it on me?
Muy well, sir.
- Answer the second question.
- Very well.
Stand right here. Oui?
I'll show you
Theresa Therese's system.
Ahead.
¡On guard!
Contact!
How close.
Sorry, masseuse ... Monsieur.
What are you trying to do?
It is my own idea.
But I'm the one who teaches the lesson.
Oui?
Ah, why not "zienta"?
Come back soon.
Hey, fool!
Are you okay?
Dupe?
Hey, raise that curtain.
What part of Iowa are you from?
I'm from Oklahoma.
You hired so much loon
that I thought of getting a job.
Why not?
Mademoiselle Theresa Therese,
practical romance teacher.
- Do you hire me?
- Of course.
I plan to be the
teacher's favorite . And I already know that it will.
I get it.
You are just a donjuán
You are just a pirate
But I like risks
So come hold me
You got the same old answer
For every girl you meet
But here's one, cute
that you haven't answered yet
Oh, how cute.
How would you like to love me?
How would you like
How would you like to kiss me
?
Tell me if you could learn
to split your hair like me
How about loving me
cleanly
How would you like to miss me a
lot
Tell me if you could spend the day
thinking of me
I asked my doctor
and my lawyer
Your opinion
The moment they saw you
they were overjoyed
How would you like to love
me and no one else
How about going to my house
to meet my mother
How about having
your toothbrush next to mine
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
Take dictation.
How would you like to love me?
There is the question
Tell me if you would like to improve
my digestion
Would you dare to take care
of me from a cold in May
How would you like to love me?
That would be divine
Choose my ties
Save my money
Tell me if it would make you angry if I
won you the bathroom every day
I need a doctor, a lawyer
An accountant
A bridge couple, a babysitter
and an angel who knows how to cook
How would you like to love me?
It's a good idea
How about a little house
by the ocean
I could let my hair down
and you would use cleansing cream
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
Take dictation.
- How would you like to love me
- Does he mean it?
- How about kissing me?
- What a mess.
You could manage to hang my photograph
on your wall and leave it there
- How would you like to love me
- Geez.
- How would you like to miss me
- What happiness.
Would you accept to be
the star that guides me
Yes!
How would you like to love me?
Tell me if you listen to me
How about a license
and a baptism
- A son with my mind
- A daughter with a mouth like mine
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
- Watch out the time!
- Lunch time.
- It's eight thirty.
- How good. Lunch with you?
I'll open this. I know the combination.
Let me see.
- Sorry, man.
- Do you know this?
Wonderful.
I'm not hungry at all.
No hunger.
Hi there? If that?
Is for you.
For me?
Wrong number.
- What was that?
- I didn't hear anything.
STAFF REORGANIZATION
AT ALDEN UNIVERSITY
GRACIE ALDEN
DEAN OF MEN NEW
NEW TEACHING STAFF WILL
START WORK TODAY
Girls and boys, your
new economics teacher : Jasper Chinn.
Professor Chinn studied
at Harvard, Princeton, Pitt ...
Notre Dame, the Southern Methodist
and the Texas Christian.
- Wake up, professor.
- Boys and girls...
Wait.
I keep talking about you.
Professor Chinn is a
very well educated gentleman .
I know we will enjoy
if he talks to us ...
of everything he studied
in those universities.
- I did not study anything.
- How do you say?
All my life
I've been in college.
I attended like everyone else.
Your children will do it just like
their mothers and fathers ...
But I want to say one thing ...
The situation has ...
I couldn't understand why.
So Washington would be
proud that I, by myself ...
Girls and boys, I present to you another
new teacher from Ms. Alden:
The doctor of music,
Yascha Koloski.
As an encore, I would like to offer you
my interpretation of a classic.
Please
Listen to me
please
Make me happy
please
Tell me that you love me too
Please
Let me hold
hard
I could delight
in your charms
Every night
for the rest of my life
Your eyes show you have
the soul of an angel
White as snow
but
How long
should I play the role
Of the gloomy Romeo
Please
Tell me you don't mean to make
fun of me
Hasten the happy ending
and please
Tell me that you too
Me
You love
Ms. Alden appointed a new
physical education instructor.
A gentleman named Ben Volt.
Of course, I will stay here
for the first session ...
just in case.
Young ladies, Professor Volt.
- How are you?
- Professor Volt?
Professor, why the marathon?
It was just warming up.
Professor Volt, did
you lose control?
Oh, I'll go get it.
Oh, here it is!
I design a device
to answer the announcers.
I always want to contradict
the announcers ...
after they make
some egregious comment.
How vegetarian.
It would be very helpful to be able to answer
the radio announcers ...
after a sales pitch.
How much do you plan to charge
for your invention?
Oh, $ 49 cash ...
or in weekly payments.
How much weekly?
Well, that ...
I'll calculate it.
They should put light in here.
Now, let me see.
It would be seven payments.
49 out of seven are ...
Nine out of seven: One; I take two.
42 times seven is six.
It would be seven payments
of $ 61 each.
That doesn't seem right.
Multiply 61 by seven
and see if you get 49.
You are skeptical, right?
Seven by one: Seven.
Seven sixes is 42.
Seven plus two equals nine.
Forty nine.
To clarify this, can I write
61 seven times and add them up?
On the contrary, go ahead.
My father used to say:
"The figures don't lie ...
but liars can encrypt. "
You add them.
Sure.
Seven sixes is 42.
43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49.
Forty-nine in a straight line.
Young man, are you mastering calisthenics
as well as math?
Calisthenics? Hold this.
Before starting to exercise, he
was a weak man.
And now look at me.
Pure muscle.
Girls, come on.
Hurry up.
Exercise, girls.
That.
Now, girls, follow me.
And one and two.
Very well. And one and two.
Here I go.
The next exercise:
Weightlifting.
The most important thing about the lift
is the rhythm ...
muscular.
So...
The next exercise
will be with these pulleys.
Everybody grab a pulley.
Take a pulley.
Very well. Pull it up.
Very well.
First, build
your back muscles.
Open them like this.
Very well.
Second, build
your shoulder muscles.
I'll show you. So.
Now back up.
Now let go.
Come on, girls.
Young man, do you know anything about calisthenics?
About boxing?
- Fencing? Wrestling?
- Oh yeah.
What wrestling school do you
prefer?
Simple wrestling.
- Which girl do you prefer?
- The blonde.
She. Wrestling is the
manly art of self defense.
Protects.
Here I go.
I better teach you jiu-jitsu.
This is called
the arm lock.
Nobody can get away.
That. You see?
I've been robbed.
- Is this what you mean?
- Ahead. Do it.
You better fight, professor.
Who's next?
I will fight with whatever.
Enough wrestling.
Now, fencing.
Professor Volt, choose your weapon.
I win?
I'll take the one that's left-handed.
Thank you. Cute gift.
- En garde.
- What happened?
Do I owe you money or something?
Should you drop out of college?
Why do you have to go?
It's horrible, isn't it?
What if you
told the Trust Company ...
that you will stay here?
They are my tutors. If they tell me
I have to go to Oxford ...
What else can I do?
Well, Leandro crossed the Hellespont.
I know, but I can't swim
in the Atlantic on a daily basis.
I'll never forget this day.
This day is not
the one I will never forget.
I fall in love with you
Everyday
I fall in love with you
In the same way
That in that first moment
A long time ago
I feel the same emotion
The same happiness
Your kiss always seems to me
Something new
And I rediscover
Your charm
And every day
Like on our first date
I fall in love
De ti
I fall in love with you
Everyday
I fall in love with you
In the same way
That in that first moment
A long time ago
I feel the same emotion
The same happiness
Your kiss always seems to me
Something new
And I rediscover
your charm
And every day
Like on our first date
I fall in love
De ti
- Goodnight Mr.
- Hi, Bates.
Ginna, could you put this
in the mail?
I guess it's a love letter.
It's my letter of resignation.
Resignation? Dad, you can't
do that. You must not.
Conditions under the authority
of our crazy friend ...
they are too dangerous
and humiliating for me.
It takes a
tougher hand than mine.
That gives me an idea.
My uncle Hubert ...
- Who?
- My uncle from the gold mines.
It has millions. Promise not to quit
until you talk to him.
- I don't know how ...
- You're right. Promise not to quit.
I haven't spoken to Hubert Dash
since I was a student.
Even so...
- Very good, young man.
- Thank my Lord.
Henceforth, I will dedicate my life
to protecting Virginia and you ...
Sorry. It was not my intention.
I'm sorry.
Nothing happened.
It's still on.
Well, good night.
I'm sorry. Goodnight.
Wow. There is nothing so refreshing
and so stimulating ...
like a cup of tea
after exercise.
- Another cup?
- No thanks.
No? It is my favorite tea.
Chinese black tea ...
- No thanks.
- You don't want tea.
Yeast rolls?
I remember my days at Twickenham.
You will enjoy them
in England.
I don't want to go to England, man.
I love Alden University.
Do you love her?
That sounds like romance.
Who is the woman after you?
- No woman is chasing me.
- They all do.
They are like felines in the jungle.
They sniff at a man and harass him.
They prowl,
sharpen their claws and jump.
If you went to Alden,
you would see that the university ...
I have no reason to go.
It is full of women.
Many college girls
who always cheat me.
When I least expect it, one of
them will cajole me and ruin me.
I know, I'm unpacking.
- Well. I will not go.
- You will not go?
Sure, if you prefer to be
the laughingstock of the country ...
The laughing stock of the country?
Why would they laugh at me?
For designing an exam that even
silly Gracie Alden passed.
Never talk about it.
Do not you dare.
I have never understood
how Gracie Alden approved it.
There were goings-on.
I see cunning in the air.
It is a ruse.
All women are crafty.
Gracie is a woman,
and therefore she is crafty.
I will face it.
I will baffle her.
I will confuse her!
Jonas!
Pack my suitcase. I will go.
GRACIE'S UNIVERSITY DEED IS DENIED
PROPERTY HOLDS
WAITING FOR A NEW EXAM
- FRAUD SUSPECTED
What is this? Here we get off?
Where we are?
In his nephew's fraternity.
Here it is safe.
Women are not allowed.
- How good.
- Officially.
- Officially? Do they get in?
- No.
- You just said ...
- I was joking.
- A slight attempt to be funny.
- Yes, very slight.
There is no time to be funny.
If I run into a woman,
I'll get out of here.
Uncle Hubert!
- What happen?
- Inside the house, quick!
With everything and the phobia, I won't go
into a man's bedroom.
You are a teacher of practical romance.
Can't you be practical?
What if you went
into a bedroom?
It depends on the girl.
Don't change the subject.
If Hubert Dash sees you,
there will be no exam.
- Explain the joke.
- Wait, Snow White.
If Gracie fails,
we will all be unemployed.
I think someone told you
about the laundry list.
I get it.
They would never have that list
if I had washed my clothes by hand.
What is this goofy thing you're planning?
Tejemaneje?
Tonight, go to
Omicron Tau's house . Dash will be there.
In which bedroom?
The one on the corner,
the one with the pergola.
Say no more, Svengali.
You have to scare him so much
that he flies to South America.
You put me up on that pergola
and I'll do the rest.
Baby, come get your reward.
En garde.
- Contact.
- Yes, man.
You are very advanced
in your lessons, eh?
- I have taken private lessons.
- I get it.
- You asked for it.
- Well said. Hold on.
That kiss made you swoon.
Sure.
You kiss like a vacuum cleaner.
I don't like this room.
I don't like this room.
Where is my nephew?
This room is not safe. All
the windows face the roof of that ...
- Pergola.
- Don't tell me what it is.
Any desperate woman
could get in there.
Why don't you use my room?
But if it is full
of photographs of artists.
I'll keep that room.
Stop smiling like that.
They don't take me seriously.
Don't answer me like that.
Where is my nephew?
Hi.
- And my nephew? Ah, Martin.
- What happen?
I want a safe room
or I'll go.
- Use mine down the hall.
- On this floor?
In a corner? I will use it.
Wait!
- Do you have one of those ...
- Pergola.
Don't tell me what it is.
Do you have it?
Let's go to see her.
- How are you?
- How is it going?
What time is it? A woman
in this room at this hour?
It's ridiculous! It is impossible!
It is a dream.
You are adorable too,
but I didn't come to tell you that.
It's Gracie Alden.
Do not tell me.
Why are you here at this hour?
- I couldn't get there earlier.
- You must leave immediately.
Go away!
How do you think of it?
What an occurrence.
A woman in my room.
What will people say?
How does this look?
- Very cute. Was a present?
- It's silk. I ...
A woman in my room.
How awful.
That's what I came to warn you.
- It will arrive at any moment.
- Who?
The woman they will send to make
love to him and to commit him.
That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows what I think about that.
I hate women!
I do not like them.
Well, you won't like the one to come ...
because men like it
whether they like it or not.
Professor Theresa!
Have you been drinking?
You like tricks, don't you?
Silence. Do you want us to be thrown out
of here? Expel us?
Who is going to expel me?
Tell me!
Silence. Silence.
- Close the door.
- It's already closed.
Yes? Hide the key.
It would be foolish to hide
her because she would only have ...
to enter,
find the key and open.
Yes? Sure.
You think of everything.
- Get rid of the key.
- That's much better.
- Now you will feel safe.
- In this emotional turmoil?
I will never be the same.
Look at that face. Look at those eyes.
I am changed,
and it was thanks to you, Gracie Alden.
You're welcome, Hubie. You can do
something for me one day.
If a woman walked in,
think what a disgrace it would be ...
for people to hear her scream,
"I love you! I love you!"
- Full throttle.
- I have chills thinking about it.
And then, get that door slammed ...
and they will find her hugging him ...
and covering him with kisses, like this.
- How?
- So.
Kiss Fifi goodbye.
Please. Monsieur, I ...
¡Betty!
Please! Please!
He likes to play, huh?
Monsieur, how shameful this is.
You cannot do this.
Where does it take me?
Silence.
- Hi there? It's Martin.
- That?
Do you want to talk to Ginna
after what you did?
Ginna doesn't want to talk to you!
Hi there? Hi there?
Monsieur, give
me a call sometime.
I will call you!
¡Caray!
Hi. Yes, this is George Jonas.
Who? The manager
of the Cafe La Pantufla Azul?
That? He is mad. Mr. Dash
never goes to nightclubs.
Seriously?
And is a woman with him?
They left 5 minutes ago.
Yes, without paying the bill.
He told me that you would pay for it.
The bill is $ 85.
¿Hubert?
- Don't you think I am pretty?
- Yes, Gracie.
You're right.
You know?
Your shoulder is nice, comfortable and wide.
Did the car include it or was it separate?
Gracie, let's not talk.
Let's not say anything.
Let's sit here to drink
the morning air.
You drank it too fast, Hubie.
Look at that sky, look at the sun,
and those trees and flowers.
Why
is nature so beautiful at this hour?
Everything makes me think of love,
Gracie.
What are you thinking about?
In clams.
Are they not beautiful?
I hope I didn't remind you.
No. I was just thinking that ...
if we were clams,
we wouldn't take our shoes off.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Yes, I guess so.
But, Gracie,
leave the clams for a minute ...
I want to ask you for something.
Something that I have never asked
of any woman.
- Gracie, would you accept ...
- Yes, Hubert.
- Could you ...
- Yes, Hubert.
- You think you could ...
- It would be my pleasure, Hubert.
Sing me a love song?
You have an innate talent
You definitely own it
In a world ...
Please wait. I forgot the lyrics.
Please start over.
You have an innate talent
You definitely own it
In a Clark Gables world
I found you
You came straight from the sky
Like a lucky number
In a world full of fables
you became reality
The moment
you passed me
I told myself, I told myself
He is the man
who qualifies
Satisfies the conditions
Fills my eye
Because you have an innate talent
An innate talent
So naturally
I would like to reach
To the altar
just one more risk
Naturally with you
To!
They applaud.
BOBA IN CHAIN
GRACIE'S EXAM
IN NATIONAL CHAIN
Good Morning.
I'm surprised to see it here.
Naturally.
It's my office.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Good Morning.
Number, please.
It is haunted.
What did I come for?
Oh yeah.
Look at my latest invention.
A combination of handbag
and radio.
Have you ever heard of Marconi?
From Marconi?
Yes, but the bag was my idea.
Put your feet up.
Long.
Go west, young man, go west.
- Where did that come from?
- It's my invention.
- This thing?
-Yes.
A difficult step, right?
Good.
The new models
in women's underwear ...
... should be changed
every 1500 km.
- It's a little crazy.
- And it's still missing. Wait.
These are hearing aids,
designed to be worn on your face.
Here you go.
- Tell me, do you hear something?
- Hey, it's very good.
I really think ...
Wait.
This could help me!
- Professor, he's a genius.
- You can tell me "Geni".
Ms. Gracie Alden organized
some of the staff ...
to demonstrate
your ideas in education.
The first demonstration will be
the practical romance ...
de Mademoiselle Theresa Therese...
and the physical education teacher ...
Ben Volt.
We were a very caramel couple
We danced very intimately
But since we started dancing
that thing called Rumba
In a way, I lost you
I knew as soon as that rhythm started
That soon we would part
And now look at us
I am here
You are there
You never hold me for a second
Why did
the Cubans come up with
See what a Rumba
does to romance
I go north
you go south
But don't forget to write
and tell me how the weather is
I understand that we dance together
See what a Rumba
does to romance
Ay, tell me why can't they play
a fox-trot
A good fox-trot
This dance is the loneliest
I am here
You are there
We have to scream
the tender words
It's like you're my little brother
It's like I'm in France
That's what a Rumba
does to romance
Come here!
That's what a Rumba
does to romance
- You wanted to see me?
- What if I want to see you?
More than anyone in the whole world.
And I thought
you didn't even care.
Linda, this is important.
See this bag and these glasses?
You know that they are?
I'd say this is a bag
and those are glasses.
They are for the exam tonight.
This is a radio.
These are headphones
and this is a microphone.
All you have to do
is wear the glasses ...
and I will transmit the answers
to you through this microphone.
Now ladies and gentlemen ...
Miss Alden's all- important exam .
Miss Alden, this
is Mr. Hubert Dash.
Wow.
Hi, Hubie.
Now, we will begin.
It will be an oral exam.
You will not need glasses.
If I didn't have
these glasses on ...
I couldn't see anything
you say.
It could be that he saw with his nose.
So is.
- See with your nose?
- I see what perfume I like.
Miss Alden?
That is an easy question.
I'm Miss Alden.
Ask me a more difficult one.
In literature, who spearheaded
transcendentalism?
Theodore Parker,
Bronson Alcott...
Theodore Parker...
Bronson Alcott,
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Right.
We get
many of our words from Danish .
Name six.
Watch out. To call. Boy.
Husband. Sister. To die.
Right.
I am correct
because I gave the appropriate answer.
If I was wrong, it
would be wrong.
Did you hear that?
He answered the other two
correctly.
I doubt I can write "cat."
Oh yeah? So,
you ask him some questions.
Of course,
if that's okay with you.
Of course.
Ask me anything.
Why don't you ask me
about the laws of gravity?
What does vitamin C contain?
What runs on the ground
like a little fish?
Wait!
What runs on the ground
like a little fish?
It has feathers?
What if it has feathers?
Does it hang from the ceiling and whistle?
What hangs from the ceiling and whistles?
- I give up.
- Do you give up?
You have the
most difficult riddles of all.
I give up.
I do not want to play.
A few questions
on US history.
In what year
did the state of Texas ...
By the way,
say the capital of Texas.
Austin.
In what year was Texas
admitted to the Union?
1845.
Miss Alden,
you're getting hoarse.
Take a
throat lozenge .
- Mr. Dash, can I have one?
- Of course.
Oh, it's the last one in the box.
- You can take this one.
- Thank you. What is it from?
It is menthol.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Miss Alden,
I want you to pay close attention.
I'll ask you
about natural sciences.
Say the three divisions
of the Earth ...
according to physiography.
Lithosphere ...
Right. The next.
Mineralogy, oceanography,
petrology and meteorology ...
are the divisions
of what general science?
Right.
She did not say anything.
Don't tell me you didn't say anything.
- I did not say that.
- Of course.
And it bothers me.
I have a very good ear.
I heard her clearly
with a hoarse voice.
Did you say something in a hoarse voice?
No, because I couldn't hear
the answers.
The glasses!
Gracie, put your glasses on.
- That?
- The glasses.
Ah, my glasses. Yes.
Something extraordinary happened.
I still don't know what it is ...
- I know it.
- Inform the public.
I'm too busy to
take over a university.
It interferes with my education.
I know Alden University
is a beauty ...
But I can't wear it
to a dance, can I?
Answer me. Or if?
- I do not know what is he talking about.
- Sure, anyway.
Alden University
has always been a burden to me.
The only thing I want to carry
is a pearl necklace.
I've been here for many years.
An ancestor of mine
founded the university.
She established? Well, you can
keep her for being honest.
- Keep it?
- Whoever covers it, keeps it.
Silence please!
Sr. Dash, ¿me permite?
No more questions, professor.
And it's not that I'm worried about the exam.
I can answer any question
Bud might hear.
You see, this is a radio
and these are the headphones.
Bud has many books
in his office.
Every time you ask a question,
he looks for it ...
and transmits the answer to me.
It is a wonderful system.
They will use it soon
in all the good universities.
There is Bud.
Oh no. You will not leave.
Come here, duckling.
Gracie's comments
sure gave them the impression ...
that there was a hoax.
And he would like to explain ...
if possible.
We don't need explanations.
Miss Alden ...
He gave the university back
to those of us who worship it.
- Thank you.
- Thanks to you.
But what about the monetary promise
you made me?
Monetary promise?
Yes. How I pay for my services ...
You promised me a
fairly large amount .
Of course not. I promised you
25 thousand dollars. Here's the check.
- It's good?
- I think so.
Not every day
you get $ 25,000.
Wait.
Here's a bug.
This check is
for Mrs. Mabel Brady.
25 thousand dollars!
This is wonderful!
Let's go!
Ginna, let me explain.
Would you leave me ...
Ginna, we can tell you now.
I went up to Martín's bedroom
by mistake.
He wanted to get into Hubert Dash's.
And if you don't believe me,
ask George Washington.
Ask me anything.
- Bobo.
- You think much.
- Contact.
- En garde.
- That's. Come, princess of the jungle.
- I'm coming, Turangi.
From now on, no matter
what they say, I will be authentic ...
because when I am,
I look more like myself than anyone.
But if you are
half as cute as you are ...
you'll be twice as cute
as who you are ...
when you're not authentic
Hubie, were you serious
what you said last night?
Last night?
What happened last night?
- It was before we were married.
- We married?
Of course.
Do you think this is candy?
Of course!
Sure, Jonas.
That's right, we got married.
That's what he couldn't remember.
Mrs. Dash.
Dime Gracie.
They don't serve jelly
at Notre Dame
Not even in the
Army vs. Navy game
It is part of the
Swing University education
Oh dance the College Swing
You heard
the teacher sing and shout
You know the lesson
So let's go
with the musical group
College Swing
Listen to the University Swing
END
What diabolical invention
is it that insults our ears?
What is your name?
Benny Goodman.
You will never achieve anything.
It is a pleasure to deliver diplomas
to graduates.
They will form a line
to my left.
Mr. Jenkins
will remove his chair.
Mr. Webster will stop crossing
his legs ... limbs.
I don't want any kind
of demonstration.
Remember:
It is a solemn occasion.
First of all,
Miss Dorothea Rutledge.
And then
Mr. Francis de León ...
Mr. Walter Martín ...
Miss Fifi Booth ...
Mr. Wellington Smith.
My friends,
graduation ends here ...
highest grade
in Aldentown village ...
in the year of our Lord, 1738.
Therefore,
I will tell parents ...
Come on, girl.
I told you not to come up here.
- You will not receive your diploma.
- Why?
Because this is the ninth year
you have failed the exams.
- Why?
- Why did you fail?
Yes because?
Because in every area
of school work ...
You are always puzzled
by questions.
Oh no. They are not the questions.
The answers baffle me.
Silence!
However, I can only repeat
that you will not have a diploma.
Therefore, parents ...
May I suggest a suggestion?
Yes. It won't make any sense,
but go ahead, girl. That?
Instead of sitting at my desk
year after year ...
Wouldn't it be better if I
started making paper ...
to be able to do my diploma?
Even if you were lucky enough
to manage to make paper ...
your diploma would be blank
because you can't write.
True, but it would be silly to have
a diploma with letters on it ...
because I couldn't read it.
Silence!
Or could you read it?
Shut up, impossible girl,
and listen to your grandfather.
Your grandmother and I met
in this classroom.
We send our children here ...
and they sent their children here.
I see.
So if I have children ...
Do you want me to bring them
to this school with me?
Silly stuff!
You should be thinking about
your diploma.
Your grandfather knows what he's saying.
It would be nice to have a diploma
before having children.
It would be better to have a husband.
Stop it, no more chattering!
If Gracie Alden, my granddaughter,
never graduates ...
I will leave all my money
to this school ...
until some Alden woman
graduates from her.
If no Alden woman
graduated ...
the money would be the property
of the school.
Oh! Oh!
But when?
In accordance with
her majesty's law , there must be a date.
How long do you think it will take
for an Alden woman to graduate?
In all honesty,
sir, I think ...
that a girl
like her little Gracie ...
He couldn't graduate
in 100 years.
Maybe not so soon, but I bet
he would make it in 200 years.
Well, so be it.
200 years.
That would be the year 1938.
How good!
THE PREFERRED LOCATION
- Hello Betty.
- Hi, Jackie.
- Hi, Skinnay.
- What's up, Jackson?
Come up.
You, linda, canta.
Teacher, teacher
I like to dance the swing
Ho ho, look how I dance
Teacher, teacher
This is a special feature
Still don't believe too much
You will not be the
master's favorite
You won't have the beat
until you dance the College Swing
- Tell me what they called it
- University Swing
- I don't have the rhythm
- No, you don't
- I won't stay with him
- You won't
- Didn't I impress them
- No, sir
Oh poor me
Oh teacher, teacher
show this fool
Oh tell him what's good
When he dances the University Swing
- University Swing
- Tell me what you call it
They don't serve jelly
at Notre Dame
Not even in the
Army vs. Navy game
It is part of education
College Swing
You heard
the teacher sing and shout
You know the lesson
So let's go
with the musical group
College Swing
Listen to the University Swing
"If I don't answer, it
's because I'm studying ...
"If I don't answer, it
's because I'm studying ...
So please come in
and wake me up
Thanks, Gracie Alden. "
My, my,
students come and go ...
but the Aldens
stay forever.
- Hi, Gracie.
- Hi, Bud. This is hard.
Yes. I bet between the pages
of these old books ...
You find many bones
hard to crack.
You will say nuts!
And some nuts don't even
break.
Don't worry, Gracie,
the main bone is gnawed.
Forget the fun,
I came on business.
- You didn't sign our contract.
- How do you know?
How?
Well, it doesn't have a signature.
How do you know that it was me
who didn't sign?
Perhaps it was someone else
who did not sign.
Gracie, this contract must be signed
for me to show my good faith.
Neglect.
Your word is enough for me.
Yes, but the Trust Company will
not do.
¿No?
Be nice and sign here.
I don't like to sign things
that I didn't write.
If you want me to write you a poem,
I'll sign it.
Thanks, but it's a contract.
I will explain it to you.
For $ 10,000, I'll teach
you and guarantee you'll graduate.
Do not be silly.
If you give me $ 10,000 ...
I don't care if I graduate or not.
I'm not the one who will give you
$ 10,000 ; you will give them to me.
So
the deal is $ 20,000.
Yes. I knew you would understand.
Now when the college
and the money are yours ...
you will hire me
as your manager and advisor ...
for a salary of 25 thousand per year
plus the usual benefits.
The usual benefits?
Don't change the subject.
Will you sign this contract
or will I sign this contract?
- Your.
- Well, don't pretend I'll do it.
Gracie, whatever you say.
Here's my pen. Sign there.
Wait. Will this be legal
if I sign with your pen?
Could you keep a secret?
Sure!
It's not actually my pen.
That is even better.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Do you want a drink?
- Of course.
I am inclined to doubt whether
Mr. Brady's request is correct.
It is totally correct.
I do not ask the questions
that will be in the final exam.
I never would.
As your teacher, I am interested in
what will be covered in general.
I try to protect my ten thousand dollars ...
to my delicate client.
We have a letter
from Mr. Hubert Dash ...
a descendant of the founder
of this school ...
and an outstanding student
of this university.
Hey, this Hubert Dash
is kind of wacky ...
It's a bit eccentric, isn't it?
He has, or at least had,
a marked phobia of women.
His fear of women led him
to the jungle of South America.
And there he consoled himself when he discovered a
gold mine worth 25 million.
He came back recently
and I asked him ...
to prepare and carry out
Alden's graduation exam.
Here is your acceptance.
You see, Mr. Brady ...
none of us know
what your exam will contain.
- Sorry. GeorgeJonas.
- Yes, Mr. Dash's assistant.
- Mr. Ashburn?
- Yes. How are you doing?
Professor Brisa,
Dean Sleet ...
Dr. Lluvia,
Professor Storm.
Is this a university
or the meteorologist?
And Mr. Brady,
Ms. Alden's teacher.
Where is Mr. Dash?
Send your apologies.
You know, women.
- Women?
- The usual phobia.
It got worse after being away
from them for 20 years.
Mr. Dash needs bodyguards
to keep the women away.
That's more or less my job.
And pushing women away
seems very enjoyable.
And
Ms. Alden's final exam ?
Mr. Dash prepared
a list of questions.
- I'm dying to see them.
- I made several copies.
- There you have them?
-Yes.
How annoying these flies!
Pick up the phone,
President Ashburn.
I didn't hear it ring.
Well, don't wait
until the last minute.
Well, thank you, a thousand thanks.
It will not be easy.
"What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?"
What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
I'll let you find out.
Goodbye.
Geez, guys.
Any girl but this one.
Virginia Ashburn no.
I have ... I have a personal motive.
Ómicron Tau ignores
personal reasons.
Your initiation dictates that you
serenade the president's daughter.
Please, guys.
I am in love with her.
Oh no, brother Bates.
You haven't even dated her.
I know, Skinnay,
but that's why.
How can I enter your life
looking like this?
- We can do this?
- Sure.
My friends!
Come out from behind
your window
Go for a walk
along the Path of Lovers
Beautiful lady
I would like to talk to you
Do you want to talk to me?
With you
There you are, radiant
Tan some flower, tan always me
tan Christmas night, Chanel Número 5
So amazing
How am I doing, boys?
Beautiful lady
I feel the need to quote
Everything Shakespeare wrote
But oh
I can not remember anything
Oh what's as rare
as a talán, talán
To be, to be or not to be
The Merchant of Venice in a tree
Friends, Romans
Poor Yorick, I missed my ticket
Oh tell me what am I trying to do
I don't know, and you?
What did romeo say
To Juliet
You excite me so much
that I forget
What did Juliet say
To romeo
I am so captivated
that I don't know
Oh i wish
Having studied Shakespeare
for occasions like this
And I wish I had rehearsed
a scene or two
Because what Romeo
He told Juliet
I could not tell
Oh, speak again.
Speak again, bright angel.
You do not hear me? Listens.
What did Juliet say
To romeo
Oh Romeo, Romeo.
Why is it you, Romeo?
I'm here.
Oh a tender sonnet
Get a kiss
So you better go
home study two or three
Because what Romeo
He told Juliet
You couldn't tell me
It's Dean Sleet!
Let's go!
Young man,
do you consider this a joke?
No, Dean Sleet. It is...
It's ironic, it's tragic, it's strange.
He is drunk.
Nerd. No!
Good evening, Dean Sleet.
An intoxicated jester!
- Young man, your name.
- What does it matter now?
His name is Martín Bates, and this is
his initiation in Ómicron Tau.
His uncle is Hubert Dash ...
and his guardian is
the Trust Company.
She knows me.
Oh, I remember.
I'm afraid Mr. Bates is a little ...
We'll skip it this time ...
but you better go back
to your fraternity.
Yes ma'am.
I still believe that these initiations
that include semi-nudity ...
they are definitely indecent.
Thank you dear.
The air currents affect me .
- Here you have.
- You stuck your thumb in the soup.
Do not worry.
The soup is not hot.
Don't worry me?
Can't they do better
than being waiters?
So is.
With this we pay for the university.
They are the worst waiters
I have ever seen.
- You heard me!
- What do you think? I quit.
I'm sick of carrying trays
and taking orders
To serve potatoes, pork and beans
to what they call me slow
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
He's sick of lugging trays
in this place
I'm sick of waiting tables
and serving food
Ham, bacon, fried chicken
No more knives and forks
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
I don't like fried chicken
Hallelujah
I don't care if the students
keep kicking
- Oh Lord
- Shut up.
Let them keep their fried chicken
Let them kick
Let them keep their fried chicken
Let them kick
I'm sick of being asked
about the menu
Bring me the soup, bring me the meat
I'm getting bunions
I'm sick of carrying trays
in this place
I'm tired!
How about?
Is tired.
Oh yeah? Jack, play some
of that good swing.
That will lift it.
That's enough!
I'm sick of these tunes
that make them dance
You try to make an effort
And I'm going to tell you
- That?
- I'm a freelance waiter.
- What do you mean?
- Nobody gives me orders!
- You want to play, huh?
- Want to play.
How are you?
Wow!
That is wonderful, wonderful.
I like it.
Do you like it
What are you laughing at?
Do this.
- That?
- Do this.
Wait.
- You kicked my ...
- This is not my cap.
- Take that.
- That one is very dirty.
- Ready. That's mine.
- Is it your cap?
- Give it to me.
- Take it.
- That's my cap.
- Is it your cap?
- Yes.
- Well, gosh.
Do you want to hit my face?
Friend.
FINAL EXAM FOR MISS. ALDEN
GENERAL INFORMATION
FINAL EXAM FOR MISS. ALDEN
GENERAL INFORMATION
UNIVERSITY LAUNDRY
"What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
Starch: In the digestive process
it turns into sugar ... ".
Boys! Girls!
News.
The future of Alden University is
going to be decided.
Gracie will take
her final exam.
Look at the pole
and you will know the result.
A white flag means
it passed, and a black one ...
Well, he failed again.
That is all.
We can not wait...
answer all these questions.
Impossible.
Hi.
They are talking about me?
Miss Alden, I warn you that this
is your last chance.
Don't worry
and don't respond rashly ...
to Mr. Jonas's questions.
Mr. Jonas, please start.
Thank you.
The first questions:
"General information".
The only general I know
is General Motors.
And I couldn't give you any
information about him.
Srta. Alden,
"general" significa "variada".
Oh It was general the "varied"
and also the "holidays".
Holidays?
Yes.
The first question.
What element does bread contain
that provides heat to the body?
Let me see.
STARCH
Starch.
Right.
The next.
What is the average mental age
of the US population?
Do you want the person's age
before or after birth?
For example, there are 120 million
men and women in the US.
What would your average age be?
SCARVES - 14
14.
Right.
Sure, and that doesn't include
hand embroidery.
Hand embroidery?
People or mental age?
- The tissues.
- Handkerchiefs?
It will be better...
You restrict your comments
to questions.
Agree.
The next. How many degrees
in longitude make one hour?
According to your watch or mine?
- Whichever.
- Late or early?
Does it matter if the clock
is late or early?
It matters and it does not matter.
Does it matter and does it matter?
It matters if you are taking a train ...
but it doesn't matter
if you cook an egg.
I do not know.
Could you answer the question
please?
The next. How many degrees
in longitude make one hour?
15.
Right.
It surprises me too.
The next.
Where should I travel
from the Greenwich Meridian ...
to arrive an hour
earlier?
Let me see.
Vests
Vest.
Vest?
Do you mean west?
Oh, how cute. Say it again.
I love his accent.
- My accent?
-Yes.
You say vest
and I say west.
What silly things they say
when they become teachers.
We can give the answer
as good.
Four correct answers in a
row.
It hasn't happened in 200 years.
It can't go on like this.
- Thank you.
- Proceed.
I bet Gracie will say
all the wrong answers.
It's white! Approved!
Congratulations, Miss Alden.
The university, after 200 years,
belongs to the Alden family.
It's a bit premature
for me to ask you if you will make changes.
No, it is not premature.
It's barely 2:45.
What changes?
I will make some changes that will not only
revolutionize this university ...
but the entire
university industry .
It could end universities.
That is all.
- That's it?
- Yes, that's it.
In other words, did
you expect to pass this test?
Been here 9 years
and had never approved ...
And did you expect to pass this time?
Of course.
Do you think me silly?
Why is this time
the exception?
Because for the first time he
knew all the questions.
You mean you knew
the answers.
You have said it.
Very well.
What will the changes be?
The first thing I will do is make myself
Dean of Men.
You mean:
Dean of Women.
That is what you believe.
The dean of men
is the one who cares for men.
Yes I know.
GRACIE ALDEN HEREDA UNIVERSITY
START LOOKING FOR A
NEW TEACHING STAFF
Hi there?
The Morning Times newspaper?
Yes, I prepared a statement.
"Miss Alden was always annoyed
that the boys ...
denied
a college education ...
for not graduating from high school
with enough credits.
It suppressed the entrance exams
to this university. "
You heard me. And consider
dropping the rest of the exams.
Ahead.
The most important is...
Oh, forgive me, sir ...
but they told me
you were alone.
The most important thing is
that you have ...
I will call later.
The Normandie just docked.
How are you?
Do you want a cigar?
I mean,
how can I help you, Countess?
Nerd. I am not a countess.
I am an ordinary woman.
Nerd. She is too charming
to be ordinary.
- But no.
- But yes.
But no no no no
But yeah yeah yeah yeah
Monsieur, how gallant you are.
I kiss her hand for that.
- No, let me kiss your hand.
- I should kiss her.
- But no.
- But yes.
No, let me do it first.
Do you wash your clothes?
Sir, qué "grrraziozo" es.
- How do you spell that?
- Forget it.
- No.
- But yes.
- No no no.
- But yes, yes, yes.
Again with that.
Now, miss ...
I am Mademoiselle Therese.
Would you like to sit down, Therese?
My full name is
Mademoiselle Theresa Therese.
So, sit down twice.
Why did you want to see me?
Monsieur, I heard you hire
professors for the university.
Teaches?
Monsieur, I teach love.
Love?
I have
Theresa Therese's love system .
Interesting.
I can't hire you
just because you say so.
What is it qualified for?
As if I don't know.
Is your love system good?
And if so,
would you try it on me?
Muy well, sir.
- Answer the second question.
- Very well.
Stand right here. Oui?
I'll show you
Theresa Therese's system.
Ahead.
¡On guard!
Contact!
How close.
Sorry, masseuse ... Monsieur.
What are you trying to do?
It is my own idea.
But I'm the one who teaches the lesson.
Oui?
Ah, why not "zienta"?
Come back soon.
Hey, fool!
Are you okay?
Dupe?
Hey, raise that curtain.
What part of Iowa are you from?
I'm from Oklahoma.
You hired so much loon
that I thought of getting a job.
Why not?
Mademoiselle Theresa Therese,
practical romance teacher.
- Do you hire me?
- Of course.
I plan to be the
teacher's favorite . And I already know that it will.
I get it.
You are just a donjuán
You are just a pirate
But I like risks
So come hold me
You got the same old answer
For every girl you meet
But here's one, cute
that you haven't answered yet
Oh, how cute.
How would you like to love me?
How would you like
How would you like to kiss me
?
Tell me if you could learn
to split your hair like me
How about loving me
cleanly
How would you like to miss me a
lot
Tell me if you could spend the day
thinking of me
I asked my doctor
and my lawyer
Your opinion
The moment they saw you
they were overjoyed
How would you like to love
me and no one else
How about going to my house
to meet my mother
How about having
your toothbrush next to mine
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
Take dictation.
How would you like to love me?
There is the question
Tell me if you would like to improve
my digestion
Would you dare to take care
of me from a cold in May
How would you like to love me?
That would be divine
Choose my ties
Save my money
Tell me if it would make you angry if I
won you the bathroom every day
I need a doctor, a lawyer
An accountant
A bridge couple, a babysitter
and an angel who knows how to cook
How would you like to love me?
It's a good idea
How about a little house
by the ocean
I could let my hair down
and you would use cleansing cream
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
Take dictation.
- How would you like to love me
- Does he mean it?
- How about kissing me?
- What a mess.
You could manage to hang my photograph
on your wall and leave it there
- How would you like to love me
- Geez.
- How would you like to miss me
- What happiness.
Would you accept to be
the star that guides me
Yes!
How would you like to love me?
Tell me if you listen to me
How about a license
and a baptism
- A son with my mind
- A daughter with a mouth like mine
What would you think?
As for me, it seems fine to me
- Watch out the time!
- Lunch time.
- It's eight thirty.
- How good. Lunch with you?
I'll open this. I know the combination.
Let me see.
- Sorry, man.
- Do you know this?
Wonderful.
I'm not hungry at all.
No hunger.
Hi there? If that?
Is for you.
For me?
Wrong number.
- What was that?
- I didn't hear anything.
STAFF REORGANIZATION
AT ALDEN UNIVERSITY
GRACIE ALDEN
DEAN OF MEN NEW
NEW TEACHING STAFF WILL
START WORK TODAY
Girls and boys, your
new economics teacher : Jasper Chinn.
Professor Chinn studied
at Harvard, Princeton, Pitt ...
Notre Dame, the Southern Methodist
and the Texas Christian.
- Wake up, professor.
- Boys and girls...
Wait.
I keep talking about you.
Professor Chinn is a
very well educated gentleman .
I know we will enjoy
if he talks to us ...
of everything he studied
in those universities.
- I did not study anything.
- How do you say?
All my life
I've been in college.
I attended like everyone else.
Your children will do it just like
their mothers and fathers ...
But I want to say one thing ...
The situation has ...
I couldn't understand why.
So Washington would be
proud that I, by myself ...
Girls and boys, I present to you another
new teacher from Ms. Alden:
The doctor of music,
Yascha Koloski.
As an encore, I would like to offer you
my interpretation of a classic.
Please
Listen to me
please
Make me happy
please
Tell me that you love me too
Please
Let me hold
hard
I could delight
in your charms
Every night
for the rest of my life
Your eyes show you have
the soul of an angel
White as snow
but
How long
should I play the role
Of the gloomy Romeo
Please
Tell me you don't mean to make
fun of me
Hasten the happy ending
and please
Tell me that you too
Me
You love
Ms. Alden appointed a new
physical education instructor.
A gentleman named Ben Volt.
Of course, I will stay here
for the first session ...
just in case.
Young ladies, Professor Volt.
- How are you?
- Professor Volt?
Professor, why the marathon?
It was just warming up.
Professor Volt, did
you lose control?
Oh, I'll go get it.
Oh, here it is!
I design a device
to answer the announcers.
I always want to contradict
the announcers ...
after they make
some egregious comment.
How vegetarian.
It would be very helpful to be able to answer
the radio announcers ...
after a sales pitch.
How much do you plan to charge
for your invention?
Oh, $ 49 cash ...
or in weekly payments.
How much weekly?
Well, that ...
I'll calculate it.
They should put light in here.
Now, let me see.
It would be seven payments.
49 out of seven are ...
Nine out of seven: One; I take two.
42 times seven is six.
It would be seven payments
of $ 61 each.
That doesn't seem right.
Multiply 61 by seven
and see if you get 49.
You are skeptical, right?
Seven by one: Seven.
Seven sixes is 42.
Seven plus two equals nine.
Forty nine.
To clarify this, can I write
61 seven times and add them up?
On the contrary, go ahead.
My father used to say:
"The figures don't lie ...
but liars can encrypt. "
You add them.
Sure.
Seven sixes is 42.
43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49.
Forty-nine in a straight line.
Young man, are you mastering calisthenics
as well as math?
Calisthenics? Hold this.
Before starting to exercise, he
was a weak man.
And now look at me.
Pure muscle.
Girls, come on.
Hurry up.
Exercise, girls.
That.
Now, girls, follow me.
And one and two.
Very well. And one and two.
Here I go.
The next exercise:
Weightlifting.
The most important thing about the lift
is the rhythm ...
muscular.
So...
The next exercise
will be with these pulleys.
Everybody grab a pulley.
Take a pulley.
Very well. Pull it up.
Very well.
First, build
your back muscles.
Open them like this.
Very well.
Second, build
your shoulder muscles.
I'll show you. So.
Now back up.
Now let go.
Come on, girls.
Young man, do you know anything about calisthenics?
About boxing?
- Fencing? Wrestling?
- Oh yeah.
What wrestling school do you
prefer?
Simple wrestling.
- Which girl do you prefer?
- The blonde.
She. Wrestling is the
manly art of self defense.
Protects.
Here I go.
I better teach you jiu-jitsu.
This is called
the arm lock.
Nobody can get away.
That. You see?
I've been robbed.
- Is this what you mean?
- Ahead. Do it.
You better fight, professor.
Who's next?
I will fight with whatever.
Enough wrestling.
Now, fencing.
Professor Volt, choose your weapon.
I win?
I'll take the one that's left-handed.
Thank you. Cute gift.
- En garde.
- What happened?
Do I owe you money or something?
Should you drop out of college?
Why do you have to go?
It's horrible, isn't it?
What if you
told the Trust Company ...
that you will stay here?
They are my tutors. If they tell me
I have to go to Oxford ...
What else can I do?
Well, Leandro crossed the Hellespont.
I know, but I can't swim
in the Atlantic on a daily basis.
I'll never forget this day.
This day is not
the one I will never forget.
I fall in love with you
Everyday
I fall in love with you
In the same way
That in that first moment
A long time ago
I feel the same emotion
The same happiness
Your kiss always seems to me
Something new
And I rediscover
Your charm
And every day
Like on our first date
I fall in love
De ti
I fall in love with you
Everyday
I fall in love with you
In the same way
That in that first moment
A long time ago
I feel the same emotion
The same happiness
Your kiss always seems to me
Something new
And I rediscover
your charm
And every day
Like on our first date
I fall in love
De ti
- Goodnight Mr.
- Hi, Bates.
Ginna, could you put this
in the mail?
I guess it's a love letter.
It's my letter of resignation.
Resignation? Dad, you can't
do that. You must not.
Conditions under the authority
of our crazy friend ...
they are too dangerous
and humiliating for me.
It takes a
tougher hand than mine.
That gives me an idea.
My uncle Hubert ...
- Who?
- My uncle from the gold mines.
It has millions. Promise not to quit
until you talk to him.
- I don't know how ...
- You're right. Promise not to quit.
I haven't spoken to Hubert Dash
since I was a student.
Even so...
- Very good, young man.
- Thank my Lord.
Henceforth, I will dedicate my life
to protecting Virginia and you ...
Sorry. It was not my intention.
I'm sorry.
Nothing happened.
It's still on.
Well, good night.
I'm sorry. Goodnight.
Wow. There is nothing so refreshing
and so stimulating ...
like a cup of tea
after exercise.
- Another cup?
- No thanks.
No? It is my favorite tea.
Chinese black tea ...
- No thanks.
- You don't want tea.
Yeast rolls?
I remember my days at Twickenham.
You will enjoy them
in England.
I don't want to go to England, man.
I love Alden University.
Do you love her?
That sounds like romance.
Who is the woman after you?
- No woman is chasing me.
- They all do.
They are like felines in the jungle.
They sniff at a man and harass him.
They prowl,
sharpen their claws and jump.
If you went to Alden,
you would see that the university ...
I have no reason to go.
It is full of women.
Many college girls
who always cheat me.
When I least expect it, one of
them will cajole me and ruin me.
I know, I'm unpacking.
- Well. I will not go.
- You will not go?
Sure, if you prefer to be
the laughingstock of the country ...
The laughing stock of the country?
Why would they laugh at me?
For designing an exam that even
silly Gracie Alden passed.
Never talk about it.
Do not you dare.
I have never understood
how Gracie Alden approved it.
There were goings-on.
I see cunning in the air.
It is a ruse.
All women are crafty.
Gracie is a woman,
and therefore she is crafty.
I will face it.
I will baffle her.
I will confuse her!
Jonas!
Pack my suitcase. I will go.
GRACIE'S UNIVERSITY DEED IS DENIED
PROPERTY HOLDS
WAITING FOR A NEW EXAM
- FRAUD SUSPECTED
What is this? Here we get off?
Where we are?
In his nephew's fraternity.
Here it is safe.
Women are not allowed.
- How good.
- Officially.
- Officially? Do they get in?
- No.
- You just said ...
- I was joking.
- A slight attempt to be funny.
- Yes, very slight.
There is no time to be funny.
If I run into a woman,
I'll get out of here.
Uncle Hubert!
- What happen?
- Inside the house, quick!
With everything and the phobia, I won't go
into a man's bedroom.
You are a teacher of practical romance.
Can't you be practical?
What if you went
into a bedroom?
It depends on the girl.
Don't change the subject.
If Hubert Dash sees you,
there will be no exam.
- Explain the joke.
- Wait, Snow White.
If Gracie fails,
we will all be unemployed.
I think someone told you
about the laundry list.
I get it.
They would never have that list
if I had washed my clothes by hand.
What is this goofy thing you're planning?
Tejemaneje?
Tonight, go to
Omicron Tau's house . Dash will be there.
In which bedroom?
The one on the corner,
the one with the pergola.
Say no more, Svengali.
You have to scare him so much
that he flies to South America.
You put me up on that pergola
and I'll do the rest.
Baby, come get your reward.
En garde.
- Contact.
- Yes, man.
You are very advanced
in your lessons, eh?
- I have taken private lessons.
- I get it.
- You asked for it.
- Well said. Hold on.
That kiss made you swoon.
Sure.
You kiss like a vacuum cleaner.
I don't like this room.
I don't like this room.
Where is my nephew?
This room is not safe. All
the windows face the roof of that ...
- Pergola.
- Don't tell me what it is.
Any desperate woman
could get in there.
Why don't you use my room?
But if it is full
of photographs of artists.
I'll keep that room.
Stop smiling like that.
They don't take me seriously.
Don't answer me like that.
Where is my nephew?
Hi.
- And my nephew? Ah, Martin.
- What happen?
I want a safe room
or I'll go.
- Use mine down the hall.
- On this floor?
In a corner? I will use it.
Wait!
- Do you have one of those ...
- Pergola.
Don't tell me what it is.
Do you have it?
Let's go to see her.
- How are you?
- How is it going?
What time is it? A woman
in this room at this hour?
It's ridiculous! It is impossible!
It is a dream.
You are adorable too,
but I didn't come to tell you that.
It's Gracie Alden.
Do not tell me.
Why are you here at this hour?
- I couldn't get there earlier.
- You must leave immediately.
Go away!
How do you think of it?
What an occurrence.
A woman in my room.
What will people say?
How does this look?
- Very cute. Was a present?
- It's silk. I ...
A woman in my room.
How awful.
That's what I came to warn you.
- It will arrive at any moment.
- Who?
The woman they will send to make
love to him and to commit him.
That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows what I think about that.
I hate women!
I do not like them.
Well, you won't like the one to come ...
because men like it
whether they like it or not.
Professor Theresa!
Have you been drinking?
You like tricks, don't you?
Silence. Do you want us to be thrown out
of here? Expel us?
Who is going to expel me?
Tell me!
Silence. Silence.
- Close the door.
- It's already closed.
Yes? Hide the key.
It would be foolish to hide
her because she would only have ...
to enter,
find the key and open.
Yes? Sure.
You think of everything.
- Get rid of the key.
- That's much better.
- Now you will feel safe.
- In this emotional turmoil?
I will never be the same.
Look at that face. Look at those eyes.
I am changed,
and it was thanks to you, Gracie Alden.
You're welcome, Hubie. You can do
something for me one day.
If a woman walked in,
think what a disgrace it would be ...
for people to hear her scream,
"I love you! I love you!"
- Full throttle.
- I have chills thinking about it.
And then, get that door slammed ...
and they will find her hugging him ...
and covering him with kisses, like this.
- How?
- So.
Kiss Fifi goodbye.
Please. Monsieur, I ...
¡Betty!
Please! Please!
He likes to play, huh?
Monsieur, how shameful this is.
You cannot do this.
Where does it take me?
Silence.
- Hi there? It's Martin.
- That?
Do you want to talk to Ginna
after what you did?
Ginna doesn't want to talk to you!
Hi there? Hi there?
Monsieur, give
me a call sometime.
I will call you!
¡Caray!
Hi. Yes, this is George Jonas.
Who? The manager
of the Cafe La Pantufla Azul?
That? He is mad. Mr. Dash
never goes to nightclubs.
Seriously?
And is a woman with him?
They left 5 minutes ago.
Yes, without paying the bill.
He told me that you would pay for it.
The bill is $ 85.
¿Hubert?
- Don't you think I am pretty?
- Yes, Gracie.
You're right.
You know?
Your shoulder is nice, comfortable and wide.
Did the car include it or was it separate?
Gracie, let's not talk.
Let's not say anything.
Let's sit here to drink
the morning air.
You drank it too fast, Hubie.
Look at that sky, look at the sun,
and those trees and flowers.
Why
is nature so beautiful at this hour?
Everything makes me think of love,
Gracie.
What are you thinking about?
In clams.
Are they not beautiful?
I hope I didn't remind you.
No. I was just thinking that ...
if we were clams,
we wouldn't take our shoes off.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Yes, I guess so.
But, Gracie,
leave the clams for a minute ...
I want to ask you for something.
Something that I have never asked
of any woman.
- Gracie, would you accept ...
- Yes, Hubert.
- Could you ...
- Yes, Hubert.
- You think you could ...
- It would be my pleasure, Hubert.
Sing me a love song?
You have an innate talent
You definitely own it
In a world ...
Please wait. I forgot the lyrics.
Please start over.
You have an innate talent
You definitely own it
In a Clark Gables world
I found you
You came straight from the sky
Like a lucky number
In a world full of fables
you became reality
The moment
you passed me
I told myself, I told myself
He is the man
who qualifies
Satisfies the conditions
Fills my eye
Because you have an innate talent
An innate talent
So naturally
I would like to reach
To the altar
just one more risk
Naturally with you
To!
They applaud.
BOBA IN CHAIN
GRACIE'S EXAM
IN NATIONAL CHAIN
Good Morning.
I'm surprised to see it here.
Naturally.
It's my office.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Good Morning.
Number, please.
It is haunted.
What did I come for?
Oh yeah.
Look at my latest invention.
A combination of handbag
and radio.
Have you ever heard of Marconi?
From Marconi?
Yes, but the bag was my idea.
Put your feet up.
Long.
Go west, young man, go west.
- Where did that come from?
- It's my invention.
- This thing?
-Yes.
A difficult step, right?
Good.
The new models
in women's underwear ...
... should be changed
every 1500 km.
- It's a little crazy.
- And it's still missing. Wait.
These are hearing aids,
designed to be worn on your face.
Here you go.
- Tell me, do you hear something?
- Hey, it's very good.
I really think ...
Wait.
This could help me!
- Professor, he's a genius.
- You can tell me "Geni".
Ms. Gracie Alden organized
some of the staff ...
to demonstrate
your ideas in education.
The first demonstration will be
the practical romance ...
de Mademoiselle Theresa Therese...
and the physical education teacher ...
Ben Volt.
We were a very caramel couple
We danced very intimately
But since we started dancing
that thing called Rumba
In a way, I lost you
I knew as soon as that rhythm started
That soon we would part
And now look at us
I am here
You are there
You never hold me for a second
Why did
the Cubans come up with
See what a Rumba
does to romance
I go north
you go south
But don't forget to write
and tell me how the weather is
I understand that we dance together
See what a Rumba
does to romance
Ay, tell me why can't they play
a fox-trot
A good fox-trot
This dance is the loneliest
I am here
You are there
We have to scream
the tender words
It's like you're my little brother
It's like I'm in France
That's what a Rumba
does to romance
Come here!
That's what a Rumba
does to romance
- You wanted to see me?
- What if I want to see you?
More than anyone in the whole world.
And I thought
you didn't even care.
Linda, this is important.
See this bag and these glasses?
You know that they are?
I'd say this is a bag
and those are glasses.
They are for the exam tonight.
This is a radio.
These are headphones
and this is a microphone.
All you have to do
is wear the glasses ...
and I will transmit the answers
to you through this microphone.
Now ladies and gentlemen ...
Miss Alden's all- important exam .
Miss Alden, this
is Mr. Hubert Dash.
Wow.
Hi, Hubie.
Now, we will begin.
It will be an oral exam.
You will not need glasses.
If I didn't have
these glasses on ...
I couldn't see anything
you say.
It could be that he saw with his nose.
So is.
- See with your nose?
- I see what perfume I like.
Miss Alden?
That is an easy question.
I'm Miss Alden.
Ask me a more difficult one.
In literature, who spearheaded
transcendentalism?
Theodore Parker,
Bronson Alcott...
Theodore Parker...
Bronson Alcott,
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Right.
We get
many of our words from Danish .
Name six.
Watch out. To call. Boy.
Husband. Sister. To die.
Right.
I am correct
because I gave the appropriate answer.
If I was wrong, it
would be wrong.
Did you hear that?
He answered the other two
correctly.
I doubt I can write "cat."
Oh yeah? So,
you ask him some questions.
Of course,
if that's okay with you.
Of course.
Ask me anything.
Why don't you ask me
about the laws of gravity?
What does vitamin C contain?
What runs on the ground
like a little fish?
Wait!
What runs on the ground
like a little fish?
It has feathers?
What if it has feathers?
Does it hang from the ceiling and whistle?
What hangs from the ceiling and whistles?
- I give up.
- Do you give up?
You have the
most difficult riddles of all.
I give up.
I do not want to play.
A few questions
on US history.
In what year
did the state of Texas ...
By the way,
say the capital of Texas.
Austin.
In what year was Texas
admitted to the Union?
1845.
Miss Alden,
you're getting hoarse.
Take a
throat lozenge .
- Mr. Dash, can I have one?
- Of course.
Oh, it's the last one in the box.
- You can take this one.
- Thank you. What is it from?
It is menthol.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Miss Alden,
I want you to pay close attention.
I'll ask you
about natural sciences.
Say the three divisions
of the Earth ...
according to physiography.
Lithosphere ...
Right. The next.
Mineralogy, oceanography,
petrology and meteorology ...
are the divisions
of what general science?
Right.
She did not say anything.
Don't tell me you didn't say anything.
- I did not say that.
- Of course.
And it bothers me.
I have a very good ear.
I heard her clearly
with a hoarse voice.
Did you say something in a hoarse voice?
No, because I couldn't hear
the answers.
The glasses!
Gracie, put your glasses on.
- That?
- The glasses.
Ah, my glasses. Yes.
Something extraordinary happened.
I still don't know what it is ...
- I know it.
- Inform the public.
I'm too busy to
take over a university.
It interferes with my education.
I know Alden University
is a beauty ...
But I can't wear it
to a dance, can I?
Answer me. Or if?
- I do not know what is he talking about.
- Sure, anyway.
Alden University
has always been a burden to me.
The only thing I want to carry
is a pearl necklace.
I've been here for many years.
An ancestor of mine
founded the university.
She established? Well, you can
keep her for being honest.
- Keep it?
- Whoever covers it, keeps it.
Silence please!
Sr. Dash, ¿me permite?
No more questions, professor.
And it's not that I'm worried about the exam.
I can answer any question
Bud might hear.
You see, this is a radio
and these are the headphones.
Bud has many books
in his office.
Every time you ask a question,
he looks for it ...
and transmits the answer to me.
It is a wonderful system.
They will use it soon
in all the good universities.
There is Bud.
Oh no. You will not leave.
Come here, duckling.
Gracie's comments
sure gave them the impression ...
that there was a hoax.
And he would like to explain ...
if possible.
We don't need explanations.
Miss Alden ...
He gave the university back
to those of us who worship it.
- Thank you.
- Thanks to you.
But what about the monetary promise
you made me?
Monetary promise?
Yes. How I pay for my services ...
You promised me a
fairly large amount .
Of course not. I promised you
25 thousand dollars. Here's the check.
- It's good?
- I think so.
Not every day
you get $ 25,000.
Wait.
Here's a bug.
This check is
for Mrs. Mabel Brady.
25 thousand dollars!
This is wonderful!
Let's go!
Ginna, let me explain.
Would you leave me ...
Ginna, we can tell you now.
I went up to Martín's bedroom
by mistake.
He wanted to get into Hubert Dash's.
And if you don't believe me,
ask George Washington.
Ask me anything.
- Bobo.
- You think much.
- Contact.
- En garde.
- That's. Come, princess of the jungle.
- I'm coming, Turangi.
From now on, no matter
what they say, I will be authentic ...
because when I am,
I look more like myself than anyone.
But if you are
half as cute as you are ...
you'll be twice as cute
as who you are ...
when you're not authentic
Hubie, were you serious
what you said last night?
Last night?
What happened last night?
- It was before we were married.
- We married?
Of course.
Do you think this is candy?
Of course!
Sure, Jonas.
That's right, we got married.
That's what he couldn't remember.
Mrs. Dash.
Dime Gracie.
They don't serve jelly
at Notre Dame
Not even in the
Army vs. Navy game
It is part of the
Swing University education
Oh dance the College Swing
You heard
the teacher sing and shout
You know the lesson
So let's go
with the musical group
College Swing
Listen to the University Swing
END