Colin Fitz Lives! (1997) - full transcript

[projector clicking, ♪]

[crowd cheering]

[man with mic]
Man, you guys are awesome!

Now the man we've all
been waiting for...

Give it up for Colin Fitz!

[cheers and applause]

[Colin Fitz] Thank you.

Yeah, I like that.

Take your shirts off.

♪

These cats are ready now.



These cats are ready.

So, this--this song is called,
"What If There Was No Love?"

Just think about that.
All right, here we go.

♪ What if there was no love?

♪ Yeah, baby

♪ What if there was no
Such thing as love at all? ♪

♪ Baby, I just don't know

♪ Baby, I just don't know

I mean, Colin Fitz's music
brings people together.

If he was alive today,
he could totally stop the war

between the Israelis
and the Jews.

[interviewer] Do you think so?

I know so.

[Colin] ♪ What if there was
No such... ♪



[interviewer] Do you think he's
gonna come back to life?

Well, if anyone could do it,
it would be him.

-[interviewer] Really?
-He's--he's magical.

♪

[Colin] ♪ Baby,
I just don't know ♪

So, he actually predicted
this whole "death" thing.

I mean, he knew
it was happening.

He wrote about it in his songs.

He has got this one
Swedish single.

When you play it backwards,
it's in English,

and he's saying, "I'm not dead.

I'm coming back."

♪

[interviewer] Do you miss him?

Yeah, I do.

[Colin] ♪ What if there was
No love? ♪

[interviewer] Do you miss him?

Yeah.

[Colin] ♪ What if there was
No love? ♪

-[interviewer] Do you miss him?
-Fuck no.

[Colin] Here we go.

♪ Baby, I can
Remember your song ♪

♪ If I recall,
It was a good one ♪

♪ But come to think of it now

♪ It's been a long time
Since I called you ♪

♪ She was a one-
Or two-hit wonder ♪

♪ It was the best
That we could do ♪

[weed-eater buzzing]

♪ She was a one-
Or two-hit wonder ♪

♪ But sometimes I wonder, baby,
What the hell happened to you ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you? ♪

[Colin] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you? ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you? ♪

[Colin] ♪ I say what the hell
Happened to you? ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you? ♪

[Colin] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you? ♪

♪ I say what the hell happened
To you? ♪

[music fading]

[engine stops]

[man speaking indistinctly
in headphones]

[man in headphones]
Two glass doors that part
as they watch the night.

Watch the night watchman
do the changing of the guard.

[man continues
speaking indistinctly ]

[man] Mr. O'Day?

[Mr. O'Day] Be right out!

[toilet flushing]

[door creaking]

So how you like the job
so far, kid?

I've been hearing good things
about you, you know?

-What?
-[Mr. O'Day] Ooh, yeah,

like the other day
at the basketball game,

when those punk teenagers
tried to pull the fire alarm,

you prevented mass hysteria.

Oh, well,
that was only one kid.

-Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh.
-And he was about 5.

You spotted it.
Don't you be modest.

You're like me.
You got the eye of the cyclops.

Only you got two of 'em.

Thanks?

I see big things for you
around here.

I'm not sure I'm gonna
be here that long.

I understand.

I had that old travel bug
when I was your age.

I moved from Braintree
to Norwood.

And you want to know what?

It didn't solve a damn thing.

You can't be someplace
you're not supposed to be.

Listen.

Someday, I'm gonna
have to slow down.

You stick around,
who knows what could happen?

So far, me likes what me sees.

Huh?

-Have a cupcake.
-Um...

I think I'm gonna go see
what's keeping Grady.

[whimsical melody]

Yeah!

[children chattering]

You're a little late.

[chattering continues]

Paul! Paul, you want
to step in here, please?

So you finally made it,
huh, Ponyboy?

Ah, I had a personal situation

required my full attention,
Mr. O'Day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get here on time, shithead.

He got here on time.

Hey, hey!

-Can I have one?
-Well, ask!

-I just did.
-Yeah, after you palmed it.

-Sorry.
-Well, eat it now.

Christ's sake.

Why is the frosting all green?

St. Patrick's Day.

Oh.

But that was,
like, three months ago.

They're fine if you
freeze them. Sit down.

Got a lot of meat
in your freezer, don't you?

Will you sit down?

Smell that.
Smells wicked beefy, doesn't it?

-God!
-Oh, will you--

-[Grady] Can I have another one?
-No! Sit down!

Do you ever sweep this floor?

Tonight, you guys are gonna
be in Haywood Lawns.

The cemetery?
What?

Cemetery what?
What'd you say?

I want you two to go
to Haywood Lawns.

You're gonna spend the night
guarding Colin Fitz.

[chuckles]
What?

-[Mr. O'Day] Get off the floor.
-You want us to sit around

a dead rock star's grave
all night?

No.
His wife does.

Why doesn't she do it?

This is bullshit!
Tell him.

What are we afraid of, exactly?

It's the fifth anniversary
of his death.

Every year,
somebody does something stupid.

It's nothing. The guy attracted
a lot of weirdos.

Like last year.

-What?
-Just more weirdos.

Now, Grady, the senior man,

I want you to act
a lot more professional.

Tonight, I want--

will you get off the floor?

Fuck that!
We're not going to a cemetery.

Yes, you are, Scooby-Doo,

and you guys are getting
time and a half for this.

We want to do
the basketball game.

The cops are doing
the basketball game.

Why don't the cops sit up
all night in the cemetery?

Shut up!
Will you get off the fl--

[engine rumbling]

That's her.

Here she is.
Get up, get up, get up!

Just--get up.
Will you get up?

Over there.

[rock music]

Uh, this is Justice Fitz,
the wife--well, you know.

Mrs. Fitz, these are the boys
I was telling you about.

That's Paul.

And, uh, the other one...

-That's him.
-♪ Pussy time

Um, Mrs. Fitz?

-He's perfect.
-♪ Pussy time

Meet me there.

-♪ P-P-P-Pussy!
-Let's go.

Follow me in Paul's car.

-Can we put this to a vote?
-No, you cannot.

Do not stop for beer.

[upbeat acoustic music]

[interviewer] Do you believe
he's still alive?

I don't think it's so much
as believing he's alive

as--as just hoping.

Yeah, hoping
that he's out there.

That's--it gives you something
to think about at night.

You should've said something
in there, man.

-Like what?
-Like, "This sucks!

I don't want to do it!"

Friggin' shoemaker
only put out two albums.

-Who?
-Colin Fitz.

You've heard of him,
right, space boy?

Of him, but I don't think
I ever heard him.

Where you been?

I'm not really into music.

What are you listening to?

Oh, nothing.

You wouldn't understand.

What do you mean
"I wouldn't understand?"

You wouldn't.

Fuck you, man!

It's poetry.

Oh.
[chuckles]

Queer.

That chick
really liked you, huh?

She was wicked weird.

I got to get something to eat.
What do you want?

-Nothing. Hurry up.
-It's gonna be a long night.

-How about a burrito?
-I'll take some water.

-What do you want water for?
-To drink.

Wait, I'll give you some money.

You spend money on water?

-It's fucking free.
-Here, take it.

Don't embarrass me, huh?

How about a Mountain Dew
or something like that?

Come on!
Can you just buy me the water?

Didn't you ever
see that investigation

they did on TV
about bottled water?

I don't own a TV.

[Grady exhales judgingly]

Yo, Grady, what's up?

What's up, Pepe, man?

Dude, Friday night,
what happened?

Oh, I had to work, man.

-Wicked apologize.
-No worries. No biggie.

-[doorbell chimes]
-Kind of sucked.

-Who was there?
-Oh, nobody you'd know.

Was Moira there?

Hey, y--you're not
working here, are you?

No.
Was Moira there?

Was Moira where?

Was Moira at the party?

Oh, yeah, man,
but, you know, not for long.

-She left early.
-Yeah, who drove her?

-Who drove her where?
-Who drove Moira home?

Oh, I don't recollect.

-Who?!
-Shh, shh!

I think Tony drove her home.

Tony Baby Shark?

Yeah, but don't
call him that anymore.

The baby shark died.
Got too big for the tank

before he had a chance
to get a bigger one.

It's really sad, man.

♪

[interviewer] Some people think
he's still alive.

-Do you believe that?
-What do you mean?

I don't believe
that Elvis is dead.

-[interviewer] You don't?
-No, I--I don't.

I wouldn't put it past him
to fake it.

I don't believe that,
um, Kennedy's dead.

And I don't believe
that Princess Diana is dead.

I think it's a big ruse so
he didn't have to call me back.

Some people say he's--
he's still with us, you know?

Like, like, uh, like a spirit.

[interviewer] You mean
in his music?

No, no.

Like--like he's
floating over us

in a body of a stray animal,
like a dog or a squirrel,

watching over us.

[Colin] Alright, so, this is
a little song called "Venus."

I don't know if you guys
know it or not.

What?

[Colin] I don't know if you have
ever felt like...

Well, we're here.

[Colin] ...you ever been alone.

No shit.
Let's go.

-Right.
-[Colin] Anybody ever feel like

they've been alone out there?

Right.
[sighs]

♪

Today!

I, um...

I don't feel comfortable
all of a sudden.

Oh, now you've got a problem.

You should've said
something earlier, dopey.

We could've gotten out
of this whole thing

if you said you had
a prejudice against dead people.

I'm not prejudiced.
I just--

it's a general discomfort;
that's all.

Discomfort, "dishmomfort."

-You're scared.
-No, I'm not.

Why don't you pretend
you're at a wicked long funeral?

What are the first three letters
of "funeral"?

[Paul] I've never been
to a funeral.

[Grady] You don't even know
dead people!

-How can you fear 'em?
-[Paul] Well, I know
dead people.

-[Grady] Where?
-[Paul] Texas.

[Colin] ♪ Send a message
Out to Venus, oh ♪

♪ She ran far away from home

♪

♪ Yeah♪

Yeah, I can feel you.
I can feel you.

You're out there.
You're out there.

You're, like, way out there.

This is for you.

And this is for you.

I don't know who you are, but--

♪ Everything you tell me
Is a lie ♪

♪ Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie

♪ Send a message
Out to Venus, oh ♪

♪ It's where you told me
I should go ♪

♪ Send a message out
To Venus, whoa ♪

♪ She ran far away from

♪ Home

[music ends]

[birds chirping]

Where the hell have you been?

[Paul] Sorry.

Did you buy beer?

No.

Let me see.

[Justice] It's you.

[Mr. O'Day] Uh-oh.

If there's beer in here,
you should tell me now.

[sniffs deeply]

Mmm.

You smell like him.

[soft rock music]

Oh, my God.

What?

I didn't say anything.

You're right.
It isa blue moon.

You're so right.

Beef jerky?

Not now, baby, but soon.

Soon, baby.

What the hell is this?

It's his.

Peek-a-boo.

[rock music]

She give you a woody?

You see how good he is
at customer relations?

-Why can't you pay attention?
-[engine revving]

Instead of not paying attention.

♪

I heard a rumor
that he lives in France.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's dead, believe me.

How do you know?

I know one of the cops
who discovered the body.

He described it pretty good,
believe me.

-He's dead.
-[Paul] How did he die?

[Grady] He offed himself,
didn't he?

[Mr. O'Day] Maybe.
Probably.

Yeah.
Most likely.

-[Paul] What happened?
-[Mr. O'Day] He ate bad clams.

Clams?

That's what the coroner said.

How is that suicide?

He ate a lot of them.

Over 100.

And there were red-tide warnings
that summer.

He knew what he was doing.

Okay, I'll check in
with you guys later.

Say, do you really think
you need two of us here?

'Cause I--I was thinking
maybe I could--

You yellabelly!

Look at him.

Nerves of steel, but you?

I am deeply, deeply ashamed.

Well, what are
we supposed to do?

Make sure he's still here
in the morning.

-But it's gonna rain.
-[Mr. O'Day]
Stay under the trees!

You'll be fine, you wuss!

Sissy!
Nancy boy!

There's nothing to do.

You got your little poetry
to listen to, at least.

You're welcome to listen to it.

Please!

Poetry.

Ha!

"Look at me, everyone.

I can rhyme the last word
of every sentence.

I wear a beret.

I like drinking tea.

I'd rather talk than fuck!"

Losers!

I only like that one guy,

that guy that wrote that thing
about the stone wall.

Robert Frost?

Yeah.

Him.

♪

I like poems about rocks.

He was a poet
of our generation, yeah.

Like, for instance,

"The Incredible
Inequity of Love."

You know?

I mean, the lyrics
are incredibly poetic.

They're really deep, that
"Ooh, baby, baby, I love you."

You know,
"Oh, baby, baby, it's true."

And it was true.
He loved everyone.

"Oh, baby, baby, baby,
you know I do."

"Ooh, baby, baby,
you know it's you."

-And then he just repeats it.
-Then he just repeats it.

Then he repeats it.

[Colin] ♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

♪

Comfortable?

No, thanks.

Why don't you go
and take a look

around the immediate area?

Me?

Why?

[Grady] For security reasons.

-Well, I'm sure that everyth--
-Why don't you go and--

Okay!
Okay.

I'll take a look
around the immediate area.

♪

[bird cawing]

♪

[dog barking, growling]

Shit!
Did you hear that?

There's a dog, a wolf!

And it barked at me!

And it tried to kill me!

And it's running around in here!

Get the fuck outta here.

Have you been crying?

No.

[sniffles]

Stay here and listen
to your little poetry.

♪

I'll go kill the dog.

♪

[siren wailing]

[Colin] ♪ I wanna get
To know you ♪

♪ So spend another night

♪

♪ I love you for your body

[phone line ringing]

♪ In the morning light

Hi. This is Moira.
I'm not home.

If you leave me a m--

[Colin] ♪ What will
Your answer be? ♪

♪ Or did you ever have it?

♪ And are you giving...

[interviewer] Do you miss him?

I mean, I--I have.

I have missed him.

[telephone ringing]

[interviewer] Do you think
that's him, maybe?

What do you mean?

[interviewer] Do you think that
he's trying to reach you?

That was the phone.

[Colin] ♪ Just give me
Some protection ♪

♪ From all those
Other guys you do ♪

♪

[groundskeeper]
Hey, I remember beer.

-[Grady] You want one?
-Me?

[laughing] No, I--

I--I haven't had a beer
since the intervention.

-Right, everyone?!
-[wings flapping]

Oh, they can hear.

[chuckles]

You be careful with that stuff.

It'll kill you slowly.

[chuckles]

♪

Molasses.

[metal clangs]

Ouch.
[chuckles]

[man speaking indistinctly
in headphones]

-Shit.
-[tape shuts off]

Where did you go?

-Want one?
-No, thanks.

Tony Baby Shark.

Scumbag.

Tony what?

Where'd you get the beer?

Someone left it
on someone's grave.

He must've been a bowler.

Are you okay?

Fucking great.

Here, have a party snack.

No, thanks.
I'm not eating right now.

It's gonna be gone
later, buddy.

Well, I'm fasting.

-What?
-I'm fasting.

I haven't eaten in three days.

I'm cleaning out my system.

What's the matter
with your system?

-[laughs] Nothing.
-Listen, liberal,

eat some fucking potato chips,

or I'll clean out your system
with my flashlight!

What the hell's
the matter with you?

[can hisses]

How's the patient?

He's dead.

♪

What was the big deal
about this guy anyway?

[scoffs]
He was overrated.

Only reason he sold a million
copies of his first album

was his stupid video he did.

It was on all the friggin' time.

The second album
wouldn't have sold that well

if he hadn't have died
a week after it was released.

-The Swedes really liked him.
-Well, what did he sing about?

What else?
Himself.

Always whining about something.

Real mopey-ass chick stuff.

You'd probably like him.

Oh, but I forgot--
you don't listen to music.

Well, that's not true.

Oh, yeah?
Who do you like?

I used to like, you know--

Who?

-Joni Mitchell.
-[chuckling] Oh, God.

-And, like, Dylan, I guess.
-Uh-huh, yeah.

And the Beatles.

I have a theory
about the Beatles.

In 400 years,
people won't believe

that they wrote
and recorded all that music.

Like Shakespeare, they'll say,
"There's no way

these guys could've done it
all by themselves."

They'll say, "Oh, there's
some guy named Donovan

who wrote
half their songs, man."

That's one part of the theory.

The other part is that
an entire religion

will spring up that teaches
the writings of John Lennon.

-"I want to hold your hand."
-That gets more profound

the further away
you move from it, pal.

Believe me, it'll happen.

So there are some people who
feel that way about this guy?

Ah, they're just kids.
They'll grow out of it.

I mean, I was bummed
when The Cars broke up,

but look at me now.

What happened last year?

[Grady] Ah, just more
stupid kids.

♪

I felt like Colin was--
was my--my dad, my papa,

my brother, my lover,
all those things.

You know, when you're
standing there in the mosh pit,

and you just know that
he's talking right to you--

I mean, it's almost like
he looked right at me.

And I felt like maybe I was
just another face in the crowd,

but he loved everyone, you know?

He, like, singled out everyone
in his own way.

He's everywhere.
He's everything.

He's--he's in the wind.

He's very powerful.

And that is so fucking cool.

And whether he's alive or dead
doesn't matter

because he's everywhere.

[Colin] ♪ Love

♪ What if there was no love?

Must get wicked boring.

What?

Being dead.

I oughta know.

I was operated on for a hernia
when I was a kid.

They put me under
for, like, four hours.

I got no memory of it.

Just black.
No dreams.

And then I woke up in the hall.

That's what death is.

A big nothing.

I've been there.

This is all you get right here.

You sure you don't want a beer?

What about all those people
who have near-death experiences?

They see, like, a light.

Ah, the key word there
is "near-death."

What do you think?
There's someplace you go to

where free mineral water
comes out of the ground

and everyone's a poet?

God created this planet
and then said, "See ya."

We better hope
He doesn't come back,

or He might be pissed.

So you believe in God
but not an afterlife?

What's wrong with that?

It's just that you subscribe
to the Judeo-Christian belief

in an all-knowing Creator

while denying the soul's
potential for life everlasting.

Shut up.

How'd you get the hernia?

-I don't know.
-You don't know?

Could've been anything--
soccer, hockey.

They didn't know for sure.

[Paul] How did they find out?

What do you mean
"How'd they find out?"

How did you know
that you had a hernia?

During the physical, when
the doctor grabbed my balls

and told me to cough.

Didn't they ever do that
to you?

Yeah.

Well, didn't you know
what that was for?

No.

I mean, I think now, I--

So you just let some guy grab
your balls without knowing why?

-Well, he was a doctor.
-So what?

You didn't ask him
what he was doing that for?

-I was 10.
-You shoulda asked!

You shoulda said,
"What the fuck are you doing?"

I was 10!

♪

You're not supposed
to be here, dude!

-I just came to see--
-Take off, Tiger Beat.

♪

Who was that?

It was the ghost
of Ritchie Valens.

How do I know who it was?

♪

So, what other things
do you let doctors do to you

that you didn't know
why they were doing them?

[chuckles]

[interviewer]
There's a candlelight vigil.

Are you gonna go to that?

I didn't get invited.

-Everyone's going.
-[interviewer] Really?

There's, like, hundreds
of people going.

-Hundreds.
-Hundreds, probably.

-[interviewer] Really?
-Yeah, I mean--

-A thousand people are going.
-Thousands, I think.

We're all coming
from different cities.

We're gonna go,
and we're gonna, like,

have our own outfits,
and we're just gonna

set everything out
and just, like, camp out there.

-We're camping out there.
-[interviewer] Right.

We want to be next to him.

Pandemonium.

[crowd cheering, man howling]

♪

[snoring]

[man in headphones]
...the changing of the guard

as the neon throbs in purple,
timed to the music.

[dog barking]

[owl hooting]

[snoring continues]

You're not supposed
to be here, man.

Um, my name's Dean.
I--I just came to look.

Yeah? Well, well, there's
nothing to see, Dean.

Hey, what happened to him?

[snoring]

Nothing. Really--
you're not supposed to be here.

All right, that's cool.
I'm going.

Hey, it's pretty awesome, huh?

-What is?
-Um, you know, getting to be

so close to Colin all night
and everything.

[Paul] Not really.
I didn't really know him.

Oh, oh, man,
he--he was like, um,

well, you know...

-I met him once.
-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he'd just gotten
offstage, and I said to him,

I said to him, I said,
"Party time," you know?

Because that's one of his songs,
you know, "Party Time."

Well, I guess that wasn't the
right time to say "party time,"

you know, because
he'd gotten just offstage,

and that's more downtime
than anything,

not party time,
so he kicked me.

-He kicked you?
-Oh, not hard, you know,

just in the side of my face,
you know?

I--I deserved it.

I shouldn't have said
"party time."

It was so stupid!

You know, I shoulda said
something like, um,

"Good show, man," you know,
or something like that.

-Maybe.
-Yeah.

I guess that's why I came,
you know?

Just so I could say
"Good show, man."

-Is that cool?
-Okay.

But just--well--

do it from here.

Good show, man.

[snoring]

God.

Okay.

This is his story

told in comic-book form.

Okay, now, this--
this is how he learned

to play the guitar
when he was only three.

His aunt had one made
for his tiny, little hands.

Oh, wow.
This--this here,

this is his first concert.

He got booed because he wore
this T-shirt, right, that said

"Stop harvesting the ocean,"

you know, which was a mistake
in New Bedford, right,

so these two guys,
they came up onstage,

and they threw him
into the crowd!

You know.
Now, fortunately for him,

though, he--
he lands on this guy, right,

from this big record company,
right?

He liked Colin
right off the bat.

He signs him
to a three-record deal.

Then...he went to Sweden.

He's wicked big in Sweden.

Every household in Sweden
has a copy of his first album.

Do you know what the number-one
name for boys in Sweden is?

It's Colin.

Wait.

What about Sweden?

They really like him.

-[imitates drums]
-[rock music enters]

-What the fuck are you doing?
-Hey, man, don't ruin my book.

-Ow, ow, ow, ow!
-Hey, don't hurt him.

[Grady] Get outta here!

♪

Should we kill him?

[interviewer] Have you been
to his grave since he died?

Yeah.

It was kind of cathartic, but--

[interviewer] Why is that?

Uh, 'cause I felt an emotion.

[owl hooting]

[crunching]

Sorry about your cat.

What cat?

-The one you're looking for.
-I'm not looking for a cat.

What about the flyer
you put up?

Oh!
Did you like that?

-Did I like what?
-[Grady] What'd you think?

I don't understand.
You lost a cat?

I hate cats.
I made that shit up.

You don't have a cat?

[Grady] No.

You invent lost animals?

Yeah.
Why?

Gro--that's sick.

Why would you do that?

-I don't know.
-[Paul] That's stupid!

How's it any different
than what he did?

Wait, wait, you--

you're not comparing yourself
to Colin Fitz, are you?

I mean, that's just ridiculous!

Come on!
He was an artist!

I give people
something to look for.

-Imaginary animals?
-Whatever.

That's something.
And who knows?

Maybe while they're looking for
the little kitten or the bunny,

they find something else,
like...

-Themselves?
-What do you mean?

[laughing]
You are no Colin Fitz.

-[Grady] He sucked!
-He changed lives!

Rock music is just music.

It's not something to get your
panties all bunched up over.

In the history of rock music,

there's only been one major
result of a particular song.

Neil Young's "Keep On Rockin'
in the Free World"

was responsible
for the collapse of communism.

Everything else,
it's just driving music.

Neil Young was responsible
for the fall of communism?

Yeah, 1989.

That song got over
the Berlin Wall.

There was no taking it back.

What about Woodstock, Live Aid?

All of that had no impact?

[Grady] On record sales, sure.

But do you think that, to this
day, the people of Ethiopia

are saying,
"Thank God for Bananarama"?

Are there Haircut
One Hundred statues?

I don't think so.

But they made
young people aware

-of the problems in the world.
-So?

I'm aware that people
are starving.

I'm aware that people
are killing other people.

I'm aware that people
are selling cigarettes

to underage minors.

And what am I doing, huh?

That's up to you!

-Give me your keys.
-What?

Give me your keys.
I gotta go do something.

What are you gonna do?
Feed people?

Just give me your keys.
I'll be right back.

What if Mr. O'Day shows up?

Tell him I chased someone away.

And how far were you planning
on chasing this person?

Until I catch 'em.
Give me your keys.

[rock music]

[keys jangle]

[Colin] ♪ I've got to find
Some peace of mind ♪

♪ Teach me how to release
My time ♪

♪ I've got to get
My piece of cake ♪

♪ I've got to make
A clean break ♪

♪ I said shoot,
Shoot for the moon ♪

♪ Come on, baby,
Don't you come too soon ♪

♪ Sing along
'Cause you know the tune ♪

♪ I won't stop moving
Till I touch the moon ♪

♪ I said shoot,
Shoot for the moon ♪

♪ Come on, baby,
Don't you come too soon ♪

♪ Sing along
'Cause you know the tune ♪

Oooooooooh.

Ooooooh.

[laughs evilly]

[growling]

Shit.

[both chuckle]

Did I scare you?

Did I scare you?
[chuckles]

When?

With the flashlight
under my face.

I guess not.

Are you a policeman?

Um, oh, no.

I was hired to guard, um...

this place.

You--you're not really
supposed to be here.

Because of last year?

What?

Last year.

That's why you're here,
isn't it?

Oh, um...

I don't know.
[chuckles]

I was here.

When?

-Last year.
-Oh.

Yeah.

♪

Right where you're standing.

♪

[crickets chirping]

[car approaching]

[engine turns off]

♪

[car door shuts]

-Do you want to come in?
-Yeah.

[Grady] Well, well, well,
hello, Moira.

Grady, what are you doing here?

[Grady] Yeah, yeah.

-Oh, yeah.
-What's up, Grady?

-Tony, come inside.
-Go ahead, babycakes.

I'll be right in.

How's the baby shark, Tony?

-He's dead, man.
-Oh.

-Can I have him?
-What?

Well, since you got my woman,
maybe you could--

I told you he's dead, man.

Yeah, well,
what'd you do with him?

You didn't eat him, did ya?

Why don't you go now,
rent-a-cop?

Too big to flush down
the toilet, I bet, yeah.

Did ya bury him in the backyard?

Why don't you go back
to the mall, mall cop?

Can I have the tank?

The little, baby, teeny tank

for the little dead baby shark?

Why don't you get outta here
now, rent-a-mall-cop?

Yeah, well, I'd like to use it
to raise my own deadbaby shark.

♪

There was an ad posted
in the record store.

It was for a thing
called toy piano lessons.

Now, if you just bought
Colin Fitz's albums,

that wouldn't mean
anything to you, 'kay?

But if you listen to all
his import singles, like I did,

then you would know
that "Toy Piano Lessons"

is one of the songs
off a Swedish bootleg CD.

He's very big in Sweden.

So, there was a number
on the flyer, so I called it.

And a guy said there'd be
a meeting in the park.

So I went.

There was a bunch
of other people there,

but nobody talked
except this one guy.

He was dressed
just like Colin Fitz.

-He wore his hair just like him.
-[Colin singing indistinctly]

He mentioned Colin Fitz
in just about every sentence.

He was singing all
of Colin Fitz's songs.

He sounded exactly like him.

It was weird.

He said he was possessed
by Colin Fitz,

that Colin Fitz
was singing through him.

I don't know what I believed,

but everyone else
seemed to believe him,

so I went to
a couple more meetings.

They got more and more...

believable.

♪

He started talking
about the anniversary.

It was coming up,

and how we should all
join him at the cemetery.

We all sat around the grave,

and we listened to him
play some songs.

It was really beautiful.

Then he told us
to bow our heads

and think of
a positive memory of Colin.

Like...

the first time
we heard his voice.

♪

He was handing out paper cups
filled with grape juice.

Everybody got one,
but nobody drank right away.

We all looked to the leader.

♪

Then he said a prayer,
and he took a sip from his cup.

He smiled at all of us

and laid down
right by the grave.

Then everyone took a sip
from their cup

and laid down
on top of the grave.

I watched them.

I looked at my cup.

♪

I took a sip.

I tried to swallow,
but I couldn't.

♪

I went home and stayed
in my room for two days.

I heard about the others
on the radio.

♪

No one ever came looking for me.

No one knew I was there.

Everyone else was dead, so...

[crying]

Sometimes, when the wind blows,

he sings,
and he tells me things.

[interviewer]
What does he tell you?

He tells me sometimes,
um, that--

things--like, important
things, like, real things

like I'm out of, like, bread.

He'll say, "You need to go
to the grocery store."

And I go.

[Tony, Grady grunting]

Tony, go inside and dry off.
Now!

Dirty.

Just go, Grady, please.

So this means
I don't have to get you

a birthday present
this year, right?

Only if you want to.

Well, I wanted
to get you something. I--

I had something all picked out.

Maybe I'll get it
for someone else.

I hope you do.

Maybe I'll get one for myself.

Good.
You should.

You should
take care of yourself.

[Grady] I can take care
of myself.

-I hope so.
-You don't think I can?

You can.
You can if you try.

You know, maybe if you would
do something productive

instead of those
stupid animal posters.

-You like those.
-The first one, yeah.

You know, now, it's--
it's just wrong.

-You're leading people on.
-Come on.

Did you put the one about
the pony up at the laundromat?

Yeah.

See, even I'm starting
to believe them.

You broke my heart.

Ah, man.

-Moira?
-What?

If you and Tony
don't work out--

-I will.
-You will what?

I will what what?

If you and Tony
don't work out, you will?

-I don't know.
-What were you gonna say?

-Nothing.
-Well, I was gonna say,

if you and Tony don't work out,
I won't be at all surprised.

-Oh, just go.
-And if you need someone

to cheat on him with,
give me a call.

That way, you don't have to
interview a bunch of guys

since I've had the job before.

♪

[Colin]
♪ She's a pretty alligator

♪ I know I won't escape her

♪ A pretty alligator

♪ She gonna eat me alive

♪ I know I won't
survi-ai-ai-ai-ai-oh! ♪

♪

♪ Pretty alligator

♪ She gonna eat me alive

♪ I know I won't
survi-ai-ai-ai-ai-oh! ♪

♪ Oww!

♪

♪ I'm gonna die, die,
Die, die ♪

[tires squealing]

♪ Die-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-oww!

♪ I'm gonna die

[Colin fan] You never thought
of killing yourself?

Come on.

You're a security guard.

Hey.

This is not my career, you know?

I mean, I do other things.

Like what?

Uh, I write poetry.

♪

Go ahead.
Make fun of that.

No.
Can I hear one?

No.

You're not from here, are you?

No.

Where you from?

I move around a lot.

Where were you a year ago?

A year ago today?

-Mm-hmm.
-Um...

Texas.

No.
I don't know.

[chuckles]

What's in Texas?

Less people.

Less questions.

Am I asking too many questions?

No.

I'm just kidding.

Did you ever know anybody
that killed themselves?

I went out with a girl
who had problems.

What kind of problems?

You know.

No.
What?

Well, I had to keep, like,
scissors away from her.

Or else what?

She'd hurt herself?

Or me.

She stabbed you?

Not so you'd notice.

Where did she stab you?

[wind rustling]

In Texas.

So what happened to her?

I'm sorry.

Can I hear a poem?

♪

The light under your door

made you alive once again there.

♪

Although you're not there.

♪ I was a child

You're miles gone.

♪ You were a child to me

But you were ever present.

♪ For it taught me

Just a knock away.

♪ I never knew

-What's that about?
-♪ God, I miss you

♪

Nothing.

♪ Oh, I miss you

You shouldn't be here.

Can I stay a little longer?

Please?
I need to be here.

Please, don't make me go.

♪ Toy piano lessons

♪

I guess, you know,
I was pretty pissed off

when he kicked me
down the stairs,

but after,
when he came into the hospital

and he dressed up like a clown
and shit, that was pretty funny.

[interviewer] Is that how
you got the neck brace?

Yeah, like six years ago.

We got in a fight.

I mean,
I kind of half-fell, kinda.

He shoved, but, you know,
I--I forgave him.

It's cool.

Now, I just feel like
it's something

I have to remember him by.

♪

You want me to take off?

Shh!

Dude, awesome!

♪

It is a chick, right?

-Yes.
-[laughing]

Wicked!

You're soaking wet.

Oh, uh, I fall down.

So, who is she?
Some hippie chick?

You knew about this,
the suicides?

Uh, vaguely.

Why didn't you tell me?

So, you, uh...

She stoned or was it talking
to you that knocked her out?

Can I have a beer?

Ah, sure.

Uh, you should be going.

No, no, no.
She can stay.

Here's to Colin Fitz, huh?

-You like Colin Fitz?
-Oh-ho!

I don't think "like" is
a strong-enough term.

He was wicked fuckin' pissah.

Didn't I see you
at the concert

for battered women and children?

Probably, yeah.

I was at the Hugs,
Not Drugs booth.

Oh.
I don't remember that.

What's your favorite song?

Fitzy Witzy?

Oh, gee.

Probably that one, uh...

you know that one,
the one I'm thinking of. Uh--

[woman] "Finger Painting Myself
Into a Corner."

That's it.

♪ Finger-painting myself
Into a corner ♪

[both] ♪ Finger-painting myself
Into a corner ♪

All right, yeah.

Wow!
Awesome!

[both chuckle]

Mm-mm.

So, are you a security guard,
too?

Yeah, just until I get
my pilot's license.

[woman] Mm.

-Paul's a poet.
-Oh, yeah.

Well--
[chuckles]

him and me were just talking
about Robert Frost

and his use of rocks
in his poems

to make a point about,

you know, man's fascination
with heavy shit.

Hey, Paul, how about a poem?

Yeah, Paul,
let's hear another one.

That's all right.
I should get you home.

What's the rush?
Come on, let me hear a poem.

Yeah.
Paul, please?

No.

Hey, do you know how they tell
if a guy's got a hernia?

-[woman] Huh?
-Okay, alright.

Here's a poem.

♪

Nature's first green is gold.

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower.

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief.

So dawn goes down to day.

♪

Nothing gold can stay.

♪

[laughs]

Lo-oser!

I liked that.

That's my favorite
Robert Frost poem.

That's Robert Frost?

Yes, Robert Frost, the loser.

Come on, finish your beer,
and I'll drive you home.

-Goodbye.
-Yeah.

See ya, Candy.

[Paul] Grady, my keys.

Seat's a little wet.

What did you do?

Broke up with my girlfriend.

Yeah?

Are you okay?

Like a champion.

-Do you want me to--
-Get out of here.

Hey.
Bring me back a sandwich.

What kind?

Meat.

♪

[Colin] ♪ The cowboys
And Indians ♪

♪

♪ Here we go again

♪

♪ I can't help thinking
That it's all my fault ♪

-What?
-♪ The incredible

-The moon.
-♪ Inequity of love

♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

♪ Why can't we all
Just get along? ♪

♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

[shivers]

I got a lot of my moves
from him.

We were lovers.

I mean, everyone said
they slept with him.

Yeah, but you never--
I mean, you never know

if they're
telling the truth or not.

He made a lot of faces
when he was doing it.

Like, he'd kind of do
that thing.

I had an ex-girlfriend
who met him once.

It's--well, it's kind of why
she's my ex-girlfriend.

I didn't sleep with him.

-I--I feel better knowing that.
-Yeah.

♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

[kissing, vehicle passes]

♪ Why can't we all
Just get along? ♪

-Did you hear that?
-[woman] Hear what?

♪

-Oh, shit. Mr. O'Day.
-[woman] Who?

♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

-I got to go.
-You're leaving?!

I--I can't stay.

♪ The incredible
Inequity of love ♪

[scoffs]

-Don't leave me.
-I'm sorry.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

[scoffs]

Grady!
Grady!

Grady!

What are you doing?

-Where are your clothes?
-Drying on a branch.

I'm not done
with those pretzels.

[Mr. O'Day] What the hell
are you guys doing?

Making love.

No, we are not.

Oh.

Then I better
put my clothes back on.

[Paul laughs]
He's only kidding.

His clothes got wet,

and he's drying them
on a branch.

How did his clothes get wet?

Uh, he stepped out
from under the trees.

-Why did he do that?
-We heard a noise.

-What noise did he hear?
-Uh, I think it was a dog.

I saw one, and I think
that's probably what it was.

So, has anyone been here?

Hmm.

Well, I brought you
some sandwiches.

Oh, thanks.

-What kind?
-Jelly.

Jelly and what?

Just jelly.

-Just jelly?
-Yeah, just jelly.

No, like, peanut butter?

No.

I like jelly sandwiches.

We all do.

Thanks a lot.

Just jelly.

So, everything's alright?

It's fine.
There's no problems.

Alright.
Oh.

I almost forgot.

I, uh...

I want you to have this.

I hope you never have to use it.

This was Phil Bielecki's
whistle.

He was the best there ever was.

He blew this whistle
just before he collapsed

in Mr. Doughnut out on 138.

[pats shoulder]

I know he'd want a true
security guard to have it.

Well, need anything else?

Peanut butter.

We're fine.

Thanks.

All right.

I'll see you guys later on.

[sighs]

Toss me a jelly sandwich.

♪

Nice whistle.

[Colin] ♪ What if there was
No love? ♪

-♪ Yeah, baby
-[Paul] Hey!

♪ What if there was no
Such thing as love at all? ♪

What's her name?

♪ Baby, I just don't know

You!

Person!

♪ Baby, I just don't know

Woman!
"Woman."

♪ What if there was no love?

Woman-person!

♪

In high school, I remember
I went on this date

with this girl, and, you know,

I was a virgin, small dick,

never thought I'd ever get laid.

And a song started playing.

It was, um, "O Honey, O Honey."

And it--it just--

it touched this girl
so much that--

well, she just let me have it
and changed my life.

[interviewer]
Really changed your life.

Yeah.
It sure did.

♪

Where's your little
Cherry Garcia friend?

I lost her.

Why don't you
blow your whistle?

-You want it?
-No.

No.
He gave it to you.

Phil Bielecki.

Pff!

Guy was a drunk.

[sighs contentedly]

♪

Suppose Buddy Holly hadn't died.

He died in like '59
or something.

Had he lived,
there's a good chance

he would have come in contact
with LSD at some point.

Right there, the history of rock
is irrevocably altered.

They always speculate about
how much different the '70s

would have been
if Kennedy had lived.

That's nothing compared
to what if Buddy Holly

had gotten into hallucinogenics.

But things that were going on
in 1974

would have been over
and done with by '62.

Disco comes and goes in '64.

Grunge lasts from '70 to '71.

All because Buddy Holly
dropped acid?

Yes.

CDs are obsolete by '75.

I see.
Then what is music recorded on?

Roast beef.

How do I know?
I'm not a scientist.

No.

What happened with you
and your girlfriend?

I told you.

What was her name,
your girlfriend?

Leslie Uggams.

[sighs]

So...

if Buddy Holly had lived,

who would be president now?

[belches]

My dick.

Okay.

I tried.

Oh, well.

[sighs]

I like beer.

That's nice.

♪

Remember when the pope
came to America?

♪

Huh?

Do you remember that?

I went to his parade route,
and I waited

with everyone else to see him.

I stood there
for three hours waiting.

And, finally, everyone started
getting excited, going,

"Here he comes!"

So I stood on my tiptoes and
strained to get a better look.

And he drove by so fast.

He must have been doing about 65
in that little Popemobile.

He just--"choo!"--blew by.

But I swear, in that
split second that he passed,

that little, tiny moment,
I swear that he,

the Holy Father, the pope guy,

he locked eyes with mine.

It was like a laser.

He looked right at me.

We bonded.

I couldn't breathe.

I stopped breathing.

I must have been turning blue.

I was starting to black out
when this woman behind me--

she must have sensed
that I was choking.

She hit me in the back
real hard,

and I gasped, and I
started breathing again.

She saved my life.

The pope was probably
looking at her.

-Who?
-Did she have big cans?

Big cans?

What?

No!
He was looking at me.

And he almost killed you?

No.
Not intentionally.

-He--
-You're calling him a hypnotist.

-[Grady] Who?
-The pope.

I didn't call him a hypnotist.

The pope doesn't
hypnotize people.

-Sounds like he hypnotized you.
-No, he didn't.

-I can't be hypnotized.
-How do you know?

-Because people have tried.
-[Paul] Who?

That guy on TV with the hair.
He tried.

You can't be hypnotized
over the TV.

You want to bet?
What about that weatherman?

What weatherman?

The one who convinced the
ladies to take their clothes off

and walk around town naked.

Well, I never heard of that.

[Grady] 'Cause you don't own
a TV, that's why.

How do you know
that I didn't hypnotize you?

When?

-Just now.
-What'd you just do?

-Nothing.
-Did you just fucking

-hypnotize me?
-No.

Snap your finger,
unhypnotize me.

-I didn't hypnotize you.
-[Grady] Snap your finger!

No!

Snap your fucking finger,
or I'll break it!

[snaps]

I said one snap.

Sorry.

Why don't you eat something,
douchebag Gandhi?

No, thanks!

Eat it, loser!

Oh, I'm a loser?!

Mr. Social Historian over there
with your stupid theories?!

Donovan, my ass!

The Soviet Union did not disband
because of Neil Young!

I think the fact that they had
no fucking money

might have had something
to do with it!

And do you know
what would be different

if Buddy Holly had lived
long enough to drop acid?

You would have one less idiotic
theory to bore people with!

Oh, I'm boring you, am I?

-Yes!
-Oh, I'm sorry.

I guess if I was some hippie
chick, you'd talk to me,

'cause God knows
you wouldn't want to fuck me!

"I think I'll put my headphones
on and run away.

-I'm scared."
-Shut up!

"I'm scared of cemeteries.

I'm scared of dogs.

I'm scared of water.

I'm scared of food!"

Shut up!

♪

What are you gonna do?

Huh?

What are you doing?

[blows whistle]

Is this what you want?

You want to see me eat this?

Because if that's what you want,
I will do it.

Is that what you want?

Yeah.

Are you happy now?

Yes.

It needs peanut butter.

♪

We read that Colin believed
in reincarnation.

He may just come back
and be somebody's--

-somebody's beautiful baby.
-My dog.

That flower that's placed
on that grave.

If I'm alone and I'm crying,

she'll look at me and judge me,

and it just looks
so much like Colin.

The dog that's
barking next door.

That's Colin.

-That could be him.
-That is him.

'Cause sometimes when that dog
would bark,

it would be like Colin's voice.

-[interviewer] Really?
-Really.

[Colin] ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Ohhh ♪

[snoring]

[tuning radio]

[man on radio] Here all night
with the J-Man.

[rustling]

Tonight, uh,
marks the fifth anniversary

of our good friend Colin Fitz
passed away

at a very untimely,
young age...

So here's some stuff
coming back at ya

-before a while ago.
-[rustling continues]

-[continues indistinctly]
-[footsteps approach]

So give a listen, sit back,
relax, and enjoy.

[radio clicks off]

-[groundskeeper] He's drunk.
-Can I help you?

I warned him about drinking
too much of that stuff.

-He doesn't listen.
-I think he's just asleep.

-I can wake him if you want.
-No, no.

I just, uh...

I wish I'd have been there
to raise him.

That's all.

A guy like this looks like
he could have used

a--a swift kick in the ass
when he was growing up.

[chuckles]

-Are you his father?
-Are you his friend?

That's the question.

Me?
I, um...

Well, I work with him.

Yeah.

'Cause if you were his friend,

you'd give him a hand.

Yeah.
Intervene, as it were.

Oh, well, I don't think
that he'd want my help.

So what?

Maybe that's his problem.

You know, I can wake him
if you want.

Just looks so much
like my brother.

T--tell him something for me,
will you?

Sure.

What?

Never stand behind a horse.

Um, okay.

You gamble?

Me?
Not really, no.

Those Patriots are
a good bet this year.

Oh.

-Oh, okay.
-Yeah.

See, I can't--
I can't gamble anymore.

I mean, uh...

[chuckles]

[whispers] I'm not allowed to.
[laughs]

Oh.
[chuckles]

Well, thanks.

♪

[man speaking indistinctly
on radio]

[snoring]

[man on radio] Please don't ask
us how much our video cost.

That's a hell
of an embarrassment.

We definitely could have used
some film student or some shit.

[radio clicks off]

Hey.

It's my turn to sleep.

Hey, wake up.

I think your dad stopped by.

♪

That's not funny, dick.

What?
He told me not to wake you.

♪

What?

Where?

It was a little while ago,
and he left.

What's your problem?

My father's dead.

♪

Tell me what you saw.

Just some guy--
he said he was your dad.

What'd he look like?

-Like a guy.
-What was he wearing?

I don't know.
Um, pants and a shirt?

-He said he was my dad?
-I'm not sure now.

-I thought that he did.
-What'd he say?

Well, something
about the Patriots.

What about the Patriots?

That they were
a good bet this year.

He came back from the dead
to give you gambling tips?

-What else did he say?
-Is your father really dead?

As far as I know.

I haven't seen him
since I was 6.

He split.

Last I heard,
he was killed by a horse.

-A horse?
-He traveled with the fair.

He got kicked in the head.

That's what my uncle told me.

-Oh, shit.
-What?

-Oh, God.
-What?

Well, he said,
"Never stand behind a horse."

He told you to never
stand behind a horse?

Well, I think that
it was advice for you,

but I will take it, too.

-What else?
-Oh, he mentioned your uncle.

He said that you looked
just like his brother.

Why didn't you wake me up?

-Well, he told me not to.
-But I--I don't understand.

You didn't--he comes back
from wherever he is,

and you didn't wake me up.

I didn't know he was dead.

-Why didn't he wake me up?
-I don't know!

Did he say anything else?

Did he say he was sorry?

-For what?
-For leaving.

Uh, yeah.

He did?

Well, he looked
like he wanted to.

But he didn't.

Motherfucker.

Maybe that was someone
pretending to be him.

Um, someone is yanking our puds.

I can't believe
you didn't wake me up.

Listen, I told you
I didn't know that he was dead.

Besides, how do you think
I feel?

My father and I haven't spoken
in three years.

I'm on better terms
with your dad, the spook.

Don't call my dad a spook.

[owl hooting]

What else did he say?

He said that I should
watch out for you.

What?

Something like that,
that I should look out for you.

Great.

He left you in charge of me.

-I'm so lucky.
-Hey, I resent that.

And that's not what happened.

Besides, if you hadn't been
drinking so much,

maybe you would have
been awake when he came here.

-What are you doing?
-Nothing.

I'm just saying that it's
your fault you passed out.

-I didn't pass out.
-You drank too much.

You drink beer too fast.

You got to drink in moderation.

What are you doing?

Are you watching out
for me right now?

-Where?
-Here.

Telling me how much I can drink.

No!

Your shoe's untied.

What?!
You could trip and fall.

I'm going to take a look
around the area,

make sure everything's okay.

[breathing heavily]

[dog whines]

[Paul] Hey, you, get over here.

Hey, come here.

I thought you were someone else.

You're not someone else,
are you?

Bark if you're someone else.

-Hey!
-[dog barking]

[raunchy rock music]

-[Justice moaning]
-Oh!

Mrs. Fitz, what are you doing?

Cheers, moon!

-So romantic.
-Wait.

-Mrs. Fitz--
-Mmm!

You taste like jelly.

-Please, Mrs. Fitz.
-Call me Justice.

Well, Justice,
we should talk about this.

There's no time to talk.

The moon is right,
and Colin is here.

-Colin is here?
-Can't you feel him?

Drop your drawers.

Want to let Little Colin
come out and play?

Wait.
What?

'Cause he's inside of you,
and I want you inside of me.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, man.

♪

-[Paul] Wait.
-[Justice] Come back here!

You have my baby!

[Paul] You saved me back there.

You're doing pretty good
for yourself tonight.

I--I am not.

No, I'm not.
I'm not doing good at all.

I was for about five seconds,
and then you left.

I left? Excuse me.
You ran off.

I'm sorry I left.

-You should be.
-My boss was coming.

Is that the only
reason you left?

Of course.
Why?

Maybe you're scared of me.

I'm not.

♪

It's alright if you're
a little scared.

I'm not.

This isn't Texas.

Whatever you did--

I didn't do anything
to save her.

-Maybe I could--
-Whatever you did
or did not do...

this is where we are now.

-[Colin] ♪ You and me
-[woman] ♪ You and me

[Colin] ♪ Should live forever

♪ Because you and me

-So?
-So.

♪ Are such good lovers

What do you want to do?

Not talk.

[woman] ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ You and me

♪ You and me

-The music--
-Right.

-Brought us together.
-Together.

We met at a Colin Fitz concert.

-[woman] ♪ You and me
-Colin was singing--

-what was the song?
-"Two Hit Wonder."

I got that, uh, big velvet
Colin Fitz hanging above my bed.

We were, uh, pretty wasted.

But so was Colin.
Yeah.

It just goes good
with the girls.

I can get laid easy
with Colin Fitz above my bed.

I looked across the room,
and I saw him, and our eyes met.

They just see him, and--
and their juices start flowing.

It's great.

[woman] ♪ You and me

-[Colin] ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
-[woman] ♪ You and me

I'll never look at a headstone
the same again.

[woman laughs]

Mm-hmm.

You sure I can't drive you?

Oh, I'm gonna walk.

I'm not too far from here.

-[birds chirping]
-[cars passing]

♪

You're the exact same size
as him.

Of who?

Colin.

-[Colin] ♪ Hug me, touch me
-You really did?

♪ Squeeze me tight

You and--you met him?

Just the one time.

You and he...

I don't think
he'd even remember me.

-Probably not.
-He was pretty drunk.

You're supposed to say that
"I was drunk," aren't you?

No, I wasn't drunk.

Oh.

Well, at least one of you was.
[chuckles]

-You jealous?
-N--no.

I'm just--
-What?

Well, I've got to go
face him now, and...

[both laugh]

Mm.

I had fun.

-With Colin?
-With you.

Oh, yeah, me too.

♪

Maybe next time, we can meet
at the dump or something.

-[woman laughs]
-♪ If I could

Are you gonna stick
around town for a while?

-Mr. Security.
-For a while, yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't want
to die here.

♪ Into a corner

-It's a nice place to live.
-♪ Into a corner

♪ Oh, into a corner

♪

-You're sure I can't drive you?
-I'm fine.

Mm-hmm.

[both laugh]

-Hey.
-What?

Stop listening to rock music.

[Grady] I can't believe you want
to kill yourself

because of rock music.

♪

There are other things you could
be listening to, you know?

You ever listen to
"The Star-Spangled Banner"?

I mean, out of its original
context of baseball.

It's a pretty good song.

You listen to that, you wouldn't
want to kill yourself.

My advice to you,
get rid of the gun.

Learn how to play the guitar.

Chicks go nuts over guitars.

You know how many girls
this guy boned?

They were lining up
around the block, and he sucked.

What?
What's the matter?

I can't say anything bad
about him?

He ate bad clams.

He was a fucking loser.

♪

Where were you?

I was, uh,
just walking around.

Did you see any
of my ancestors?

How you doing?

[Grady] How's it look like
he's doing?

You liked Colin Fitz, huh?

What ever gave you that idea?

Grady, please?

I don't know much about him,
Colin Fitz,

but I have seen

that he definitely
touched a lot of people.

What is it for you?

Is it the music?

The words?

Because...

Well, I write poetry.

Oh, God!

And I know...

♪

I know it's a good way
for me to get stuff out.

Have you ever tried to express

what's going on,
you know, inside you?

Because it's in all of us.

Everyone has stuff.

I do.

Colin Fitz did.

♪

We all do.

And it's not anything
to be ashamed about.

What?
Asking for help?

We all need someone.

Colin Fitz was good,
but he needed help, I bet.

♪

And I know that this
sounds terrible,

but he can't help anyone now.

So there are people who will
listen to what you have to say.

I will.
We will.

Whatever it is.

I don't have anything to say.

Well, that's not true.

You just said something,
didn't you?

He said, "I don't have
anything to say."

That's all right.

Isn't that a line
in a Beatles song?

"I've got nothing to say,
but it's okay."

-[Grady] See?
-What?

You're quoting John Lennon.

This world sucks.

What?

The cruelty, the awful people
who kidnap animals

and do horrible things to them.

This town has so many
missing animals!

There are some sick people
out there!

How can you accept that?

How?!

I'll let you handle that one.

[Grady] Oh, no, no.

No one hurts those animals.

No, I'm sure they all end up
in loving homes

with little children
who love them

and feed them with love.

And they all sleep
in those little, cozy beds.

And that's a good thing
because love is good.

I--I like love. Paul,
wouldn't you agree with me?

-Love is nice.
-Love is wicked-nice.

Yeah, but there's
so many of them.

They're all so defenseless.

Oh, I disagree.
[laughs]

Cats have the claws.

Dogs have teeth.

Parrots can talk.

Ponies...

All right, ponies are
pretty defenseless.

But, you know, they grow up
to be horses,

they can get jobs
at the track, you know?

I--I don't think you're giving
these animals enough credit.

I'm tired.

Maybe you could give me the gun.

I can't.

-Please?
-I can't.

It's my father's.
I took it out of his drawer.

He'd kill me.

♪

You know, I haven't talked
to my father in a long time.

It's so stupid.
You know why?

I wouldn't give him
one of my kidneys.

You wouldn't give your father
a kidney?

It was a hypothetical question

that got blown way
out of proportion.

You should give your dad
a kidney.

He doesn't need it!

He's obsessed
with organ donation.

I'm his only son,
so he's worried

that he'll need something,
and I'll be the only match.

You know, "So can
I have your eyes?

Do you have any plans
for your spleen?"

The last straw
was at Thanksgiving,

when he said, at the table,
"Come on.

What's three feet of intestine

between a father
and his only son?"

-A yard.
-Grady.

[Grady] Huh?

This is not a word problem.

I like math.

Maybe I should give him
a kidney.

Maybe you could give me
the bullets.

There's only one.

Okay.

Here, I'll trade you.

I will give you this whistle
for that bullet.

Someone gave this to me.

They said it belonged
to Colin Fitz.

I don't know.

You want it?

Thanks.

Do you want something to eat?

No.

-You want to hang out with us?
-No, definitely not.

Promise me you'll put the gun
back in your dad's drawer.

Yeah.
Okay.

Yeah?

[bird chirping]

[wind blowing]

[exhales]

I'm hungry.

Me too.

[indistinct shouting, cheering]

Hello.
My name is Mats.

We are late, but we have come
from Sweden to be here.

You want some pretzels?

[Colin] ♪ Afraid I couldn't
Remember your song ♪

♪ If I recall,
It was a good one ♪

♪ Come to think of it now

♪ It's been a long time
Since I called you ♪

♪ She was a one-,
Two-hit wonder ♪

♪ It was the best
That we could do ♪

♪ She was a one-,
Two-hit wonder ♪

♪ And sometimes I wonder, baby,
What the hell happened to you ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you ♪

[Colin] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you ♪

[Colin] ♪ I said, what the hell
Happened to you ♪

[chorus] ♪ What the hell
Happened to you ♪

-Mats wants to go to breakfast.
-Huh?

Mats wants us to go
to breakfast with him.

-Now?
-I think we should go.

I think you should go.

Colin's staying.

Are you gonna eat?

Like a pig.

Okay.

♪

You're gonna scare the Swedes.

I need to know if they love me
for me or the uniform.

[♪, crowd cheering]

[Colin] ♪ I--I think it might

♪ I think it might be
Party time, man ♪

♪

♪ It's party time
In the morning ♪

♪ When the sun comes up

♪ Pour some wine,
And by lunchtime ♪

♪ We'll be falling down drunk

♪ Party time in the evening
Till I finally throw up ♪

♪ It's party time
All the time ♪

♪ When you don't give a damn
About the time ♪

♪ I don't give a damn
About the time ♪

♪ And I'm the only
One who knows ♪

♪ Time,
I'm the only one who knows ♪

[dog barking]

-He looks hungry.
-Yeah, he does.

Come here.

Do you want to come with us?

Do you want to come with us,
huh?

Come on.
[whistles]

I think maybe I'll have a kid
one day, and when I do,

I'm gonna name him Next.

So that way, he'll always
be first in line.

The bank teller will say,
"Next,"

and he'll just walk right
by everyone going, "That's me.

I'm Next."

Pretty smart, huh?
My boy Next.

[Paul laughs] That's good,
Grady; that's really good.

[Colin] ♪ I don't give a damn
about the time ♪

♪ And I'm the only
One who knows ♪

♪ Time

♪ And I'm the only
One who knows ♪

My favorite Colin Fitz song
is that, you know,

"Spider monkeys on,
you know, bongos."

-♪ Hooked on me
-Dum!

Da-da-da-da, da-da, dum.

♪ When you casted
And you got hooked on me ♪

There's something about that
song "Woolly" that speaks to me.

When Colin sings,
"Blinded sheep sniffing around.

Just can't see.

I count you when I sleep."

It speaks to me, man.

[Colin] Uh, check this out.

I think that, um, it goes
something like this, all right?

♪

Colin Fitz's greatest
achievement, I guess,

would be that concept album
he was working on when he died,

um, "Vics and Tims."

And on it, he said the world
was divided into two groups,

the Vics and the Tims.

The Vics are people whose names
begin with V-I-C,

like, you know, Victor or Vicky.

And then the Tims are people
whose names begin with T-I-M,

like Timothy or--

♪ Never had the pleasure
Of feeling you against me ♪

Timmy, I guess.

Yeah.

[interviewer] "Vics and Tims."

Do you mean, like, victims?

-♪ Never had the pleasure
Of kissing you ♪

What do you mean?

And it goes like this--

♪ And I hope I never do

♪ Sweaty balls

♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Sweaty balls

[interviewer] Did you ever
meet him?

I didn't actually
get to meet --

I mean, I feel like I know him.

I knew him as well as any fan
can know him, you know?

But I was never lucky enough
to be able

to actually
shake hands with the guy.

I wish I knew him
like I know my best friend.

His lyrics--
they just, like--

they talk to the man.

I don't even know
what that means.

I don't even know
why I said that.

[Colin] You guys--
you guys could,

you know, make up a verse, too.

[interviewer]
Where is he buried?

Um, in a grave.

I think he's buried in Texas.

Seattle, right?

St. Louis. That's--
that's where we're going.

-♪ Sweaty balls
-St. Louis.

-In France.
-[interviewer] France?

-Yeah, in Paris.
-♪ Sweaty balls

I don't know.

I don't know.

But wherever it is, I'm going.
[laughs]

[Colin] Yeah, we'll lay it down
for real now.

♪

Thank you, man.
Anything to, you know,

keep the memory of Colin alive.

People need to know
how amazing he was.

I only miss the fact
that I never got to have

that last moment with him

to tell him
how much I hated him.

He died long
before he ever died.

Do you know what I mean?

[sniffling]

He was taken from us too soon.

♪

[sobbing]

He lives on in our hearts.

♪

This is, um, Colin Fitz,
and I channeled this.

And this is him.

He's here.

♪