Cold Ones (2007) - full transcript

(slow gentle music)

- I really am sorry, K.C.

- You know, it's kind of a cliche,

but I think it's for the best.

And you know, for the better.

- How?
- I mean I'm not dead, Rob.

I'm dry, but I can get it back.

I can do it again.

I mean, if you put me in
the right environment,

seriously with no distractions,

I could get it back.



I could.

- Are you talking about your writing?

- Yes, what else am I talking about?

You know what, I'm going to do that.

I'm gonna get the cabin
you were telling me about

up in the mountains, remember?

Last time Becky and I split up?

- I've known you for what,

25 years?

It's just been a long
time since you've known

what things cost.

- I don't want things.

Okay, I mean,

my instincts are telling me that



now's the time

for another book.

I mean the old fashioned way.

No things, no distractions.

Just, just grass and trees

and mountains.

Fresh air to breathe.

- So what's this book gonna be about?

- I haven't the slightest idea.

(gentle music)

(car engine clacking)

Come on, baby, come on.

You've gotta be kidding me.

(gentle country music)

- [Man] What the fuck is
this stupid fucker doing?

Is that your car back there?

- Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what's wrong with it.

I, I I'm looking for
somebody named Felton.

- Better get it off the road, man.

This semi inebriated son of a bitch here

almost hit it.

- You ignorant ass touron!

(suspenseful guitar music)

(softly tapping on door)

- Hello?

Hello?

- What do you think, Rugby?

If this guy doesn't know

that we're not gonna buy anything.

I think maybe I should give
him a lot of rock salt.

- Mr. Jones?

Hi, I'm K.C.

Well actually Kieran Corcoran.

I'm here to rent the cabin.

- Ah, oh yeah.

Well, I might have to shoot you anyway.

I never got no check.

- What, the deposit?

Oh, well my friend Rob Fox,

the lawyer, he said he
sent it a few days ago.

- That wasn't the agreement.

Now look, I know mail is slow up here

but I gotta have my
money before you move in.

I ran off the last dead beat.

I'm tired of being a monkey's uncle

and I'm not gonna do it again, all right?

- Boy, best laid plans.

I mean, my car broke down.

I mean, I could give you some cash now,

and I can have somebody

send some up here.
- That'll work.

- Does he bite?

- Does he bite?

Where is your stuff?

- Well, like I said, I mean my,

my car broke down, so...

Oh, I mean maybe you
could look at it for me.

- Do I look like a mechanic?

Look, I'll go get your stuff

but I'm going to need a saw buck.

- A saw buck, what is
that? Like 10 dollars?

- [Man] Used to be.

It's 20 now.

The man wants to know do you bite?

(dog whimpering)
(gentle banjo music)

Well, here she is.

It ain't got no telephone, you know.

- That's okay, I didn't want one.

I just want to focus on my work.

- Your work?

- Yeah, my novel.

- That qualifies as work?

Well, none of my business.

I told your friend it was nothing fancy.

- Yeah, I guess,

you know I imagined
furniture when I rented it.

- Furniture?

(slow serene music)

(truck engine roaring)

(moaning)

(slow gentle music)

Oh my God!

Is it always this cold out here?

I'm K.C., I just moved in last night.

I was kind of hoping you
might be able to point me

in the direction of a
convenience store or something

because I made the crazy assumption

that there would be a coffee
pot or a tea kettle inside.

But you know, no.

- Won't find anything
like that at Mickey's.

It's about a mile and
a half down that way.

You the writer?

- Yeah.

- It's a small town.

We've got an extra tea
kettle you can have.

It's gonna get colder
with each passing day.

I got to get off to work.

- Well, wait, wait.

I mean, can I just...

you don't mind if I just go in?

- I don't mind.

My old man would though.

He'd probably break both your arms

and one of your legs if
he caught you in there.

- Wow!

- Yeah, well he's off to
Portland for a two day run, so.

- I'll look out for him.

Hey, thank you.

(slow music)

You gotta be kidding me.

(jazzy music)

Excuse me.

Do you know where I might be able

to find a phone that works?

(gentle upbeat music)

I was looking for a phone or a place

maybe I can mail a letter?

- There used to be a
phone out front there,

but it didn't work.

You can try given Barbs
down there the letter

but I wouldn't, I wouldn't count on it

getting anywhere real quick,

or ever.

I mean, she's like the post office.

She got the keys,

but she gets on a bender like this.

Hell, there might not be
any mail coming or going

for a week or more.

- Wonderful.

- Yo!

Say, do I know you?

- I don't think so.

No.

Listen, a gentlemen and
Felton Jones sent me here.

He said I might be able to
find the local mechanic.

I think his name was Hud.

- He's Hud.

- Of course he is.

Sorry sir, that my car broke
down and blocked your way.

I can assure you that
was not my intention.

However, I would very much appreciate it

if you could maybe look at my car, please?

- Bullshit.
(chuckling)

- Hey, I'll get him to
take a look at it for you.

You know we're the ones that
ought to be apologizing.

I didn't realize you was a famous writer.

- This really is a small town.

- Be an honor for me to buy you a drink.

- Oh, that's okay.

I really should go dig up some groceries.

- No, no.

We'll swing you by Mickey's
and take you home after.

- Really?

- Sandy, shake your ass!

My name is Buddy.

I never met a famous writer before.

- K.C., and you still haven't.

That was just one novel.

And it was a long time ago.

- I know, I read it.

- Goddamn you, Buddy.

I told y'all to watch
your mouth in my place.

Where'd you come from?

- Here's that famous novelist.

Make him feel at home there.

Hustle him up a drink or something.

- Why don't you get off of my ass.

- That's the whole point.

I've been trying to get
on it all this time.

- What can I get you?

- Dry martini?

- Martini.

- Just a beer, whatever.

- Here.

I gotta finish up in the john.

Barb's let loose like the chick

in the goddamn Exorcist,

again, thanks.

- You know, I've really
been looking forward

to making your acquaintance, you know.

I, I I do quite a bit of reading myself.

A little bit of writing too, you know,

now and then mostly.

Mostly, mostly poetry.

- Poetry?

Roses is red and violets is blue.

Poems is for faggots.

And fuck both y'all.

- I wanna fix your hair now.

I think when it comes off
of your face like that,

off your face,

then everybody can see
how handsome you are.

Look at those eyes.

Let me see.

- Put it right there, my friend.

You are the only son of a bitch

that I have ever met on
this miserable mountain

that's actually read Eric Rouse.

It ain't like, you know,
we got cable TV up here

or nothing.

- Literature saved my life.

Been many a dark day where

a couple of perfect pages

and a great story just,

I don't know, made it all worthwhile.

- I'm closing up.

- It's like half past nine.

What the fuck are you talking about?

- Hey, if you're all done chatting

with your new boyfriend here,

I'd like to lay on him

what the fuck I think about English.

'Cause the way I see it

we don't really need it no more.

A man get him a DVD player.

You slide in a Star Wars,

a Charlie Bronson,

a Debbie Does Fucking Dallas,

and you ain't gotta work through all them

fancy words and no page.

So it seems to me

if you come all the fucking way up here

to write a book,

I think you're wasting your
time, Mr. Famous Writer.

- Well, you just may very
well be right about that

last part.

- But shit, what the fuck do I know?

You got any money?

I'll take a look at that car of yours.

I need 50 dollars for my time.

- 50 dollars.

I got 60.

- Well that'll do it.

That'll do it right there.

(crickets chirping)

- [K.C.] Good evening.

- Hey.

- I just wanted to thank
you for the tea kettle

and ask you if you knew
who might've left that beer

over in my cabin.

- Must be one of them wood
fairies we got up here.

You know, like in A
Midsummer Night's Dream?

(chuckling)

- You've been talking to Buddy?

Hey is that...

- You like some?

- Oh no thank you.

I've been drinking all day.

- No shit?

I left the beer.

I clean touron cabins.

What few are left of them

and they're always leaving stuff behind.

Fancy stuff.

Fancy beer, hard liquor.

Dirty magazines.

I usually give it to my old man

but he's been even
crazier than usual lately.

He don't need no more
inspiration by libation.

- Ha, the arm breaker.

- Yep, I gotta go to bed.

- Oh wait.

I don't even know your name.

- Juliet.

- Juliet.

Well, I couldn't help but
notice those sketches inside.

- I need to take some art classes.

- No, I think they're good.

- You know, it's my day off tomorrow.

I'm going to go for a hike
and you're welcome to come

if you want.

Catch a glimpse of how
beautiful it is up here.

- I was hoping to...

- I leave at eight.

Are you going to make it?
(panting)

- Yeah, it's just been awhile.

- You struck me as the type
to not know any better.

So I brought water for the both of us.

(chuckling)

(indistinct mumbling)

Gosh, this place is beautiful.

I should have come up here years ago.

- Come on.

- How high up are we?

- 6,500 feet.

- Well, no wonder I can't breathe.

- How old are you?

- Right now I feel like I'm 106.

- I bet you're 36.

- Oh, that's very nice of you.

Actually I'm 40.

- Wow, really?

A guy up here with all this hard living,

by the time he's 40 he
looks like he's 50 or more.

(chuckling)

- How old are you, 21?

- 24, actually.

- I see.

You're just reversing the trend.

- I believe this is why.

- Oh my God.

(gentle guitar music)

Wow!

I wasn't expecting this.

- Should see it when it snows.

It's quite ethereal, wouldn't you say?

- Yes I do.

Wow, you have quite the
vocabulary, don't you?

Ethereal?

Libation?

- Yeah, well I gotta do
something without a TV.

I learn two new words every day.

This morning they were itinerant,

which is both an adjective and a noun.

The latter being a traveler

which is you.

And the other was emancipated

which means set free,

which is me.

At least when I'm up here.

There's a natural spring up here, dummy.

- Yeah, you go ahead.

- [Juliet] And an itty bitty waterfall.

- Chicken shit.

I guess you're not so emancipated, huh?

I'm gonna believe you're
just afraid of Mac.

- The guy you live with?

Well, you haven't
exactly characterized him

as the Mahatma Gandhi type.

- I saw that movie,

and no you're right.

You're probably ain't going to like him.

He already don't like you.

- What do you mean he doesn't like me?

Where are you going?

Come here, hey!

Hey, wait a second.

Maybe we should catch a cab.

(laughing)

- A few more times and
you'll be in better shape.

Don't dehydrate, though.

You should drink a tall glass of agua.

- I need to get into better shape.

You know, that'd be good for my writing.

- Yeah, what's your
book going to be about?

- Oh, I don't know.

I'm hoping this place,

you know, these people inspire me.

- I think once you get to
know them a little better

you'll realize they ain't exactly

the stuff of literature.

- Yeah, well have you read Faulkner?

- No, but I've been meaning to.

- Don't get me wrong.

I mean, I couldn't do
half of what he can do

with his grocery list,

but I don't know,

this place, it's all familiar territory.

Well, you're quite the reader, huh?

- Yeah.

I have the distinction of
having more college credits

than any other local.

I've only got 12.

- Well, you're probably
still going, right?

- No.

Mac thought I was forming a thing

for my American Lit professor.

- Is that why he doesn't like me?

Can't wait to meet this guy.

- He doesn't know you're a teacher.

He was right.

I did have a thing for my professor.

I had this fantasy that
he was gonna fall for me.

Emancipate me from up here, you know.

Doesn't matter.

It's too expensive and too far to drive

and 40 miles on the bus
each way for two years.

I was pretty much sick of that,

so I can read on my own time, you know.

- I'm gonna go.

Get some water.

Thanks for taking me hiking.

(gentle guitar music)

(typewriter clicking)

- [Man] All right, where do you want this?

- [K.C.] Oh, the old Army cot.

Just put it down over there is fine.

(typewriter clicking)

- What do we say for this, 20?

- 20, yeah, yeah that's fine.

(dog barking)

- Also, I know that refrigerator
doesn't have any ice trays

so I brought you a cup of ice trays

We'll say three dollars.

- Fine, that's, that's good.

- And then I got you this

in case you get homesick.

- Oh, the Golden Gate Bridge.

- Yeah.

- Great.

Well I'm from L.A., but thank you.

- Now, so what have we got here?

We got 20.

We got three.

We got six.

Let's just make it an even 30.

- 30, okay.

I only have 40.

- Yeah, that'll work.

That'll work just fine.

Oh I see you got the words going, good?

- Yeah, well I'm...

(dog barking)

Did that check ever show up?

(laughing)

Yeah, I know why you're laughing.

I mean, I met the postmaster today.

- Don't talk to me about her.

I was married to her for 25 years.

- Really?

- Yes.

- Well, I mean I don't mean to pry

but are you aware of her drinking problem?

- You don't mean to pry?

- Howdy.

- Buddy, look at you.

It's the first time I've seen you

when you weren't drunk as a boiled owl.

Well it's early, Felton.

- Besides, it's a work day here, you know.

My buddy here look at these poems I wrote.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah right, workday.

You guys don't know what work is.

Work is work.
(dog whimpering)

I gotta say this about,

you guys are lazy.

You're nere-do-wells.

You're...

Come on Rugby.
(dog barking)

- I should have sued him
when I had the chance.

That monster took a hunk
out of my leg there.

Look at that.

- Ew!

- Let that flea sack cross
my path while I'm driving,

I mean...

Hey, I don't wanna chew into
your writing time or nothing.

Wanted to give you these.

Give them a quick look see, you know.

I just think it's important
to get a professional opinion,

you know?

I don't suppose you got
a brew I could suck on

while you're reading, do you?

(sighing)

You know, the way poetry sounds is

perhaps the best indicator
of whether or not

it's really working.

- So you gonna read it out loud then?

- No, no, no you are.

I mean, I don't want to misread it.

- All right.

Well to further the good professor there

I ain't no James Dickey or nothing.

This first one here is
called Sunken Bathtubs.

Like pigs in a trough

of soap sudsy mud

the yuppie scum splash and copulate.

Each tub more than a month's pay for me.

And yet not once

have I dipped my dust bay,
plebeian toes in a one.

A sorry nave to faux kings and queens.

I dream of electrocutions and piranas.

This one here,

this is called A Haiku.

Ah hem.

She pretends to hate.

Women here scarce as world peace.

For her heart I'll fight.

- That's pretty good.

- Bet you can get who
that ones about, huh?

Yeah, Sandy.

You know the bartender?

Candy's bought and sold.

You met her, right?

- Who?

- Your neighbor.

- Juliet?

(chuckling)

- Juliet.

She's Candy Parker to all of us.

Name her mama give her.

She's my niece, I ought to know.

I think me and old Sandy,

you know, we'd have
been real good together.

Well, that's beer o'clock my friend.

Suppose you'd want to
go over to the Roadhouse

and have a couple of cold ones?

(upbeat music)

- So he's looking at his
wife holding this duck

and he says, " This is the
pig that I've been fucking."

She looks down at him and
says, "That's a duck."

He says, "I was talking to the duck."

(laughing)

- You guys getting to be
a regular item, ain't you?

Say listen, I had to tow that
piece of shit car of yours.

You owe me 50 bucks.

- Oh, really?

Did you figure out what
was wrong with it yet?

- Not yet.

Gonna need another day or two.

- Here, I really appreciate it out here.

- Thank you.

- You live like a mile from there, man.

50 dollars, come on!

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Tend to.

Tend to your own goddamn business.

- Jesus.

(banging on bar)

- That's just Slim.

He wants his ginger ale.

- Hey Slim.

Here it is buddy.

Come on, come on.

Now go sit the fuck down
and be a good old boy.

- That's Barb's boy.

- Barb and Felton's kid?

- Rumor has it, although you ask me,

I think she might have fucked that wolf.

Hey Barb, is that right?

Don't Rugby get some doggy style?

Ah God.

- Hey, would you ask her if my check

has come yet, please?

- Hey, got a surprise for you.

Took a gander at an old bartender manual

lying around here.

Straight up and dry, right?

- That's right!

- Learned a whole bunch of new drinks.

- What hit my cockroach?

- [Sandy] What?

- The one that crawled up
your ass all them years ago.

- Ha ha, very funny.

I just felt bad is all.

Juliet said you was a stand up guy.

- Well, that's very nice of Juliet.

- Juliet.

If I hear that again

I'm gonna shit on top of this bar.

- Wouldn't be the first time.

- Candy, Candy is the name we give her.

- What, are you here dad?

- [Sandy] Stepdad.

- Yeah, she treats me like I'm from Mars.

- Well it is a small town.

- What'd you say?

- No, I just said that I
would buy the next round.

- That'll get her done.

- [K.C.] Thank you very much.

- Olives next week.

- Excellent.

- Three reels in the side there.

I ain't never missed this shot in my life.

Shit!
- Goddamn you almost made it.

See what you got, mister
big city book writer.

Make a hole, man.

(laughing)

What the fuck, I'll stick
this up your goddamn ass, man.

- I'm sorry.

- Let's see what you got.

(laughing)

- Okay, hey I've spent a few hours

in a place like this, my friend.

Let me see that, huh?

Okay, all right 12 ball.

(engine roaring)

- What's wrong, hot shot?

- What's the matter, man?

- Mister Mac Pitts.

- Hey hoss.

Got you any fresh yuppie
roadkill on your front grill?

Remind me to tell you that story.

- I don't feel so good.

- Fixing to get drunk.

- Welcome back.

- Elroy.

Da dum!

- What's you drinking, hon?

What's you drinking?

How's this look?

- I'd take a little sip.

Thank you.

You're so good to me.
(slow pop music)

- What I just can't figure out is

why in the fuck would a rich famous writer

choose to rent a shit
hole cabin like that?

- Well, you know, he claims
he ain't famous or rich.

- Must be some sort of hot shit something.

Unless you hiding out from the IRS.

I asked twice to move into that place.

- Well, I mean I'll trade you cabins.

Yeah, I mean I just need a
place to work in, that's all.

- Work on what?

These hands. I don't know
what kind of working man

can do with like baby's hands.

- I think he means writing.

- Writing.

Heard you met my old lady.

- Yeah.

I mean she took me hiking.

We looked at the mountains.

- That all she show you, boy?

Listen, you want to get on as neighbors?

Keep an eye on her.

You see any creeping going down

you let me know.

I'll chain him, I'll buckle his hand

on the back of my truck.

I'll drag his sorry ass around
these fucking back roads

for days, boy.

Enjoy every minute of it.

- [Man] By God he would, too.

- Hey, hey handsome.

Look at you.

I betcha I know what you want.

Come on.

- I think I'm gonna walk home.

- Hey, I give you a lift.

I've had enough of these rat
dick suckers for one night.

- I'll show you a rat dick.

- I knew it.

I had this dream

that

you were gonna come and take me home.

See everybody.

This is my Jesus.

He's gonna save me.

Thank you.

- You okay?

- [Buddy] Now supposedly this one works.

- Say, why don't you tell
your pal to send some

city gals this week.

Some big titty gals.

- Just let him make his
phone call, all right?

- Fuck you sideways.

You and your new boyfriend.

- Well, least he's got
intelligent shit to say.

(belching)
- How's that for intelligence?

- You dumb ass.

- I'm getting tired of
carting his ass around, too.

- Well then why don't you
fix his fucking car then?

- I made fucking 60 dollars
today not fixing his car.

- Rob?

- K.C.?

- I'm sorry for calling you so late.

It's just, you know
this is the first phone

I've even been able to
find up here that works.

You know how it is.

So, how are you?

- I'm fine.

Are you settling in okay?

- I am no shortage of fodder
for material, trust me.

With the crazy mountain people

for characters.

- Yeah, yeah, they're one of a kind.

- Yeah, well listen

you know that check never came.

The rent check for Felton.

And that school check
never showed up either,

but you know the mail
is kind of slow here.

It's defintely complicated.

Listen, have you heard from Becky?

Rob?

- I'm here, K.C.

- Becky?

- Look, we've discussed what I wanted.

I made it clear a thousand times.

- I've been gone a week!

How, was this happening before?

- No, no.

Yes, I mean but not like you think.

I mean it was just talking.

- No.

- Are you gonna be all right?

- I'm a big boy.

I mean we've all made our choices, right?

- Look, I'll send you
the money, okay K.C.?

- Look, just forget it, forget it.

No, no, no don't even send the money.

- [Buddy] Hey man, you
get through all right?

- I couldn't have had
a clearer connection.

(typewriter clicking)

(indistinct shouting)

- Fuck off, stay off!

And don't you come back here tonight!

You hear me?

- Mind your own business.

Mind your own business.
(indistinct shouting)

Just mind your own business.

(indistinct shouting)

(dog barking)

(knocking on door)

Yeah?

- Can I stay here?

- Do you know what he said to me tonight?

He'll kill me.

I mean, he'll kill us both.

- Is that a part of being a writer?

Predilection to a great husband?

Got a beer?

- Stay here, what do I care, right?

I'm practically broke.

My best friend is sleeping with my ex,

and I have no idea if this
shit I'm writing is any good.

God, what the hell, let him kill me.

- All you're missing is a
bit about your dead dog.

It seems like you need
this more than I do.

If it makes you feel any better,

shit head would never
expect me to come here.

I always go to Sandy's.

Oh shit, you can have this.

Floor can't be any worse.

Do you mind if I just crash out?

I've gotta work early.

You can keep the light on, though.

It won't bother me.

- No, it's...

I'm all done with work for today.

Are you sure you don't want the cot?

- Goodnight.

(slow music)
- Goodnight.

(car engine revving)
- [K.C.] Oh God!

(panting)

- Not bad.

- What are you doing here?

- But a bit familiar.

I really like Mandy.

She kind of sounds like, you know.

- Candy, no.

- So if she's me then Warren must be you?

- Come on, please, okay?

- So we uh...

We had sex, did we?

- That is fiction.

- It must be because

Juliet or Candy would not allow herself

to be seduced in such a manner.

(truck brakes squealing)

No.

See, she would do the seducing.

She sure would not be fucking on this

dirty ass floor.

That's gotta be some kind
of male fantasy thing.

'Cause she'd like to be comfortable.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm just trying to make
your story more believable.

- Well there are a lot of
ways to tell a story, okay?

And that very rough draft is just one.

- I'm not trying to pretend to be

a bona fide literary critic or nothing.

But, I think mine might be better.

See, Mandy as I see her

is into risk.

She wants to live life.

- Well, Warren wants to live life, too.

In other words, he doesn't wanna get shot

by her crazy boyfriend.

- Her boyfriend has a gun, yes?

But he's on his way to Sacramento.

- Well he's gonna be a
hell of a lot further away

than that when I'm done
rewriting the story.

What, he left it unlocked?

- I expect he wants me back.

(suspenseful music)

What's this?

Writer's block?

(chuckling)

- Very funny.

(giggling)

(gentle music)

♪ I feel most at ease ♪

♪ When I'm living ♪

♪ In the rhythm of the water ♪

- [K.C.] What's that?

- Want this?

See, Mandy is not abide morning power.

- Yummy, okay.

- Come on.

You see Mandy,

she wants to see how the writer

has been influenced by

say um...

Henry Miller.

(chuckling)

♪ Once you know these changes go ♪

♪ Once you know these changes go ♪

♪ Let me live ♪

♪ Let me live ♪

♪ With the ones I love the most ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ On a slow night ♪

- [K.C.] So why a black widow?

- [Candy] I got bitten
by one when I was a kid.

- Really?

Where?

I mean on the mountain.

- They're ubiquitous here.

It's rare to get bitten.

Even rarer to die.

(gentle music)

It's been a while for you.

I could tell.

- Spent the last three
months of my relationship

on the couch.

Trust me, things weren't really happening

in that department before that.

- Tell me about it.

All of Mac's driving gets him too sore

so he says.

Then he drinks so much whiskey

to alleviate the alleged soreness.

What was her name?

- Who, Mags?

Maggie.

That's kind of like Candy.

Oh I'm sorry, Juliet.

You know I changed my name once, too.

Well, sort of.

My real name's Kieran.

K-I-E-R-A-N.

It's Irish.

- I like it.

- Yeah, well you didn't
grow up just outside Boston

with a girly name.

Kids back there can be kind of ruthless.

By the time I was in middle school

it was the initials for me.

- You know, Mac's real name is Elroy.

He broke the nose of the last person

that called him that.

- Barbs called him that the other day.

- [Candy] Well, she's his favorite aunt.

You know, I really gotta go.

What was your book about?

Uncle Buddy said it wasn't bad.

- Well...

Believe it or not

I was brazen enough to
use this as my model.

You know, structurally.

I got these two friends.

One of them is kind of
wild like Dean, you know.

- And then you?

- Well, the other character Farrell

may or may not be like me.

I mean it's basically
about these wild adventures

that we had back in college, you know?

Crazy times.

- Tell me anymore about it.

Sounds like my kind of story.

- Yeah, well you said you
didn't like my writing.

- I gotta go.
(gentle guitar music)

♪ I hope that you'll forgive me please ♪

♪ If I take some time to share a dream ♪

♪ Though I can see that
you don't give a damn ♪

- Shut up!

♪ I took my boy on an ocean trip ♪

♪ We commandeered a pirate ship ♪

♪ We sowed in angst and
cannonball in shot ♪

♪ And my father he looked down on me ♪

♪ And he was finally proud of me ♪

♪ As I killed my enemies ♪

♪ With deadly rose ♪

♪ And them children singing ♪

♪ Hi ho ♪

♪ Nobody home ♪

♪ Love nor hope nor honor ♪

♪ Have I none ♪

♪ Yet I will ♪

♪ Be merry hi ho ♪

(gentle music)

(birds chirping)

(animal growing)
(upbeat gentle music)

(faint pop music)

- Hey!
- Hey man.

I was just about to
head out your direction.

You know I thought of
some new mountain tales

you might be able to use.

- What a coincidence

because I have a mountain tale for y'all.

Yes!
- Yeah right.

- You ain't been here long enough, son.

- Hello Hud, how's my car coming?

Don't tell me,

you need some more money, right?

- What the hell's that supposed to mean?

First off, you need a new alternator.

You smart ass.

And I'm gonna need some money

to send for 'cause I ain't
putting up my own damn money

for a damn ingrate.

- Just tell your story.

- Okay, listen listen.

This morning I couldn't
really write inside

so I figured, you know,

I'd go get down with nature.

So I must not have been
paying attention the other day

when Juliet took me
down to the waterfall...

- It's Candy.
- Fine, Candy

took me down to the waterfall

because like a metaphor to my writing

I sort of ended up down this other trail...

- You gotta watch out
for rattlers out there.

- But that's just it.

- I know, matter of fact

there's this old boy,

pretty good friend of ours actually.

You know, he's riding
around there one night

and we was having a few
cold ones, you know.

And he pulls over and gets out

to bleed the old lizard, you know,

and the old boy's name is Henry.

That's his real name, you know.

And he's taking a piss into this bush

and he just falls dick first
straight into that thing,

right on top of a three foot rattler.

That things bites him right on the head.

From then on

he was just know as R.D.

Rattler Dick.

- Can I finish?

- Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

- Okay.

I saw a cougar.

(chuckling)

- A cougar.

Ain't that goddamn precious?

He saw a cougar.

(laughing)

- I don't get it.

- That's what all the tourons
come up here to see, man.

We send them on plenty of wild
cougar slash goose chases,

you know.

Now you might have seen a,

a coyote, or maybe even a bobcat.

Now I did see a bobcat once.

- You didn't see no bobcat,
man. I've been up here 50 years.

I've seen one bobcat 25 years ago.

He saw him a goddamn,

he saw him a fucking house cat.

I bet he saw old Stinson's tabby

chasing after a field mouse.

Cougar.

- Look, if I saw a cat

it was as big as a German Shepherd.

- Stop it man, you're killing me!

A cougar!

- I know what the fuck I saw, okay?

- You're full of shit,
that's what you are.

- I will not have any fighting in here.

You just can't believe
that someone who's not

from up here

has experienced something that you ain't.

Why don't you just get over it.

- Why don't you do your damn job

and get me a beer.

- I think I'm just gonna leave.

- Hey hold up there.

I got, I got something I
wanna talk to you about.

I'll give you a ride.

- Yeah, why don't you just run off

with the lying sack of shit.

- [Buddy] I was gonna spin
a couple more yarns for you,

you know. I was gonna tell
you this thing about Mac.

You know he actually killed this old guy.

- [K.C.] Really?

Killed somebody?

Who was it?

- This old boy Mac knew
back in high school.

The brainiac type.

Had an attitude to boot.

His daddy was a district superintendent.

Had money,

wanted everybody to know about it.

So he ends up being like an
anthropologist or something.

He's always digging around up here

for arrowheads and shit,

and he'd bring them into the Roadhouse.

I mean he's like getting drunk,

flashing money in front of her,

trying to impress her.

And that's one thing
that'll set old Mac off

worse than anything.

Some guy trying to act
like he's a better man.

But this old boy,

he just never seemed to be around

when old Mac was in town from a run.

Til this one time.

- Well, you know I think I
can figure out the ending.

- Well technically it was
an accident, you know.

I mean the man got in
front of a speeding semi.

Old Mac, he tapped the brakes
a couple of times, you know.

Left a little skid mark
for the highway patrol,

you know for show.

(chuckling)

- Well, thanks for the lift.

- So anyway, the old boy's family

ends up suing anyways.

You know, wrongful death.

And they won.

Poor old Mac.

Gonna be paying out his
ass til he's about 103.

(chuckling)

- Thanks a lot.

- Hey, hold up a second.

I gotta proposition I
wanna talk to you about.

Come on.

- Come on in.

- So what I was thinking was I'd feed you

a couple of stories a day,

and you know you like my stories.

You said as much.

And then when you figure there's like

a book's worth of them

you know, you sit down and write a book.

- You know, Buddy,

I don't generally work like that.

That's not how I wrote my book.

- Well now, hey I would insist

that your name come
first on the dust jacket.

And I figure like a
straight down the middle

50, 50 split would be
the fairest way to go.

Movie sales, the whole deal.

Or maybe, you know, 55, 45.

You know, since you're the
more established writer

and everything.

Well you know, hell,

you know just think about it

and you know we'll talk about it later.

- All right, Buddy.
- Take care.

- Yeah,

just write them up and we'll get rich.

(slow music)
Ah, there she is.

- What are you doing up so late?

- I don't know.

Just kind of worried about you.

- Don't do that.

I already got an old man

who watches every move I make, remember?

- Well I mean, I didn't mean to,

you know, I just,

I thought we should talk.

- Goodnight.
(crickets chirping)

(knocking on glass)

Let's get a move on.

We're meeting Sandy for a picnic.

- Well, you know, actually I was

kind of hoping to get some,

some things done today.

- Forgot about this so soon?

- Actually, that's what I wanted

to talk to you about last night.

- Talk later, get ready!

- God dang it!

(giggling)

How much further?

- About two miles.

What are you worried about your cougar?

- Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me.

- Don't worry.

I'd rather die like that
than buy something stupid,

like run off the road drunk like my mama.

- Oh, spider web.

- Don't worry, I'll protect you.

- You know, I'm sorry about your mom.

- Ancient history.

Change the subject please.

- Well I've been trying to.

I mean maybe we should talk about

what happened last night, huh?

I don't want it to be weird.

I'm not exactly your contemporary.

- You baby.

I'm not 45!

You've seen anybody else up
here I wanna show my ass to?

- Well, what does that make
me? Like a default partner?

- God, would you quit
analyzing everything,

and being such a goddamn professor?

I mean ain't none of us immortal, K.C.

I don't think you'd have come up here

if you weren't into at
least some level of risk.

Could you just live?

- Just live, huh?

- Last one there's a sucker.

- Wait,

hold on, would you?

Hold on one second.

Just hold on, thanks.

- Ah stupid!

(gentle music)

Hey.

- Hey.

Guys are early.

I guess I'd better go back
and get lunch started.

- [Candy] Hey VooDoo.

- Come on, VooDoo.

Hey, why don't you show K.C. the boys?

(horse neighing)

- [Candy] They remind
me of the men up here.

Lazy and slow.

- Yeah, well after you've been in the city

for as long as I have

lazy and slow, that's not such a bad idea.

(chuckling)

That sounds ominous.

- Very good.

- We're all pretty much vegetarians here.

- What is that?

- That's a spicy eggplant dish,

compliments of Juliet.

(giggling)

You gonna be okay?

- Can I get some water, please?

- Despite owning a bar

Sandy only drinks wine.

- Wine is fine.

Wine is very good.

- Easy buzz.

- Is that marijuana?

(chuckling)

It's been a long time.

But I will tell you this.

That is the spiciest eggplant

I've ever had in my life.

(coughing)
(giggling)

- It's just, I'm tired
of feeling obligated.

I mean if I don't stay open,
they got no place to go.

I guess I feel like I owe it to my daddy.

Except when he was alive

this mountain was hopping.

Like jack rabbits in the brush fire.

Our place was always chockfull.

This is the first day in nearly
a year I haven't gone in.

Feels awfully damn good.

Might make a habit of it.

- Speaking of feeling awfully damn good.

- Little wine, little weed.

This gal's hornier than a billy goat.

- [Candy] Where are you going?

Call your boyfriend Buddy?

(laughing)

Just live.

- Been here before.

And I don't need any more

such complications in my life.

Y'all have fun.

- You can barely have me anyways.

(gentle bluesy music)

- Well here you go.

- Oh, will you stay?

- Is he...

- What do you think?

- I don't know.

I just live, right?

- Uh huh.
(chuckling)

(door slamming)

(truck engine humming)

- Oh God, you said he was gone!

You said he was gone!

What, where?

Oh God!

Jesus!

(door slamming)

Hi.

- How's your research going?

(loud thudding)

Well,

simple really.

A man gets tired of scraping by.

Got debts like nobody's business.

Happens every year, you know.

Two or three tourons get lost.

Maybe what's left gets found.

A few bones.

Everything else picked
clean by coyotes and birds.

Fact of mountain life.

Was she worth it?

Huh?

Been so long for us, I forgot.

(chuckling)

- I'm sorry.

You know, the whole third
person threat thing.

Now Mac, come on.

- Here.

You wanna kill a man in his own house?

Huh?

Man you're wrong boy!

Huh, come on!

(moaning)
(screaming)

Fucker!
(sobbing)

She says you're a real good writer.

Talent.

Seems you like to write about us.

So I just want my piece.

You're gonna keep writing about us.

We're gonna form a little partnership.

Fair is fair.

We're your story.

We deserve a little compensation.

Since you already had yours!

Huh?

Yeah, yours!

- What the hell is it with
you people around here, huh?

I mean I'm just gonna spell it out for you

one time really clear, okay?

Because I got no guarantees.

None!

That A, I can actually
even write a story up here

and B, I could get
somebody to read it if I do

in fact get it written

and C, that it would
even make one red cent

if I even got it published, man.

No guarantees!

- Oh you're gonna finish.

You ain't leaving this
mountain til you do.

You hear me?

Or you ain't leaving at all.

- Mac, you can't!

- Shut up!

Look at this fucking bitch.

I know your type.

I seen it up here all my life.

Wealthy touron.

Thinks he's better than us, huh?

Now,

we're gonna make contract.

Everyone's gonna pay for their pleasures.

One way or another!

Recognize these, huh?

You recognize these boy?

Huh?

You're gonna sign them over!

You're gonna consider a
down payment on your ass.

- [K.C.] Once upon a time
(typewriter clicking)

a redneck, pecker wood,
scum sucking piece of shit,

white trash, fuckball named Mac,

Elroy.

That's right, Elroy Pitts,

attempted to extort Kieran Corcoran,

threatening the latter with bodily harm.

Yeah, even death

if latter did not succumb
to former's demands

to write about his
pathetically, uninteresting

and wasted life.

It occurs to latter that
he's describing himself

and he is

and has been a chicken shit.

Chicken shit.

(typewriter clicking)

(truck engine humming)

- [Man] Give me a hand
over here, will you?

Grab one of them boxes, man.

- Hey!

Thought I'd invite you all to a barbecue.

Seeing as you're the
one who'll pay for it.

(chuckling)

I see you're working
like a good little boy.

Huh, you typing away?

(chuckling)

Well you keep plugging now, huh?

Keep plugging.

(chuckling)

- Get your smelly ass out of here.

They hate you.

Hate you.
- Boo!

(laughing)

- Get back to it now, boy.

Get back!
- Yeah, yeah.

(bell donging)

- I guess he's working, man.

- Dumb fucker.

You don't own nothing.

- Hey Buddy.

- Hey man.

You look like you could use a break.

- You're probably right.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

Just give me a second.

- Cougar!

Hey run, writer man, run!

- Moonshine?

(gentle guitar music)

- Hey man, come on.

- Hey Buddy.

- Come on here.

This is old R.D., man. He's
been dying to meet you.

- I'm honored, sir.

I hear you're quite the celebrity.

- R.D., is he the snake guy?

- Shit, I can never live that down.

But for two days or so

I had the biggest Johnson
in three counties.

- Hello handsome.

I don't think we've ever met.

- Oh not officially, I'm K.C.

- K.C.

It's nice to have a good
looking man around here

with all these old goats.

K.C. you say?
- Yeah.

- I think some mail came.

- I showed him, Auntie B.

- He certainly did.

Thank you though.

- She's ready, fetch some meat.

Move woman.

Don't you make me ask you twice.

- Are you sure you don't
want to sit in on a hand?

- Hey man, don't ask him.

- Oh now Hud, you be sweet
and civil, all right?

I need a ride back to Sandy's.

- I don't believe she's open.

- You want that, Slim?

- Ah, no, no, no.

Now he's gonna be your best friend.

- Three jacks, you fucking loser.

- Hey come back baby, hey come back.

Hey.
- Shit.

(chuckling)

Hey, you took over.

We got us a little appetizer
and hands again before dinner.

Come on baby.

Shut up!

(chuckling)

- No one told me you all

were gonna have fireworks here tonight.

- Hud, would you mind grabbing me a beer?

- I'll tell you what, hoss.

You fix me a plate of food,

and I'll get you a goddamn beer.

- You got yourself a deal.

I'm drinking my dinner tonight.

Help yourself there.

- Goddamn man!

Fucking thing's cooked
blacker than Idi Amin's dick!

You eat this shit!

I've had enough of this mother fucker.

- Hey, hey, hey man.

Just cool down.

- I'm gonna burn his goddamn car up.

I'm tired of that piece of shit

parked in my driveway.

(screaming)

- You're being rude to our guest!

Fuck you!

- He started it!

I'm gonna burn his goddamn car tonight.

You want to sit in it?

- Come on, settle down.

(groaning)

- You know what,

I don't want to be in the presence

of this skin flint asshole touron.

- All right, okay, come on.

- Leave me the fuck alone, man.

- I'll bring you back.

- He can just be awful sometimes.

Just like my ex.

It's all right.

- I don't know if this
is the best time or not

but did you have any time to think

about that deal we talked about or...

(Candy shouting)

- Better go ask fuckhead up there.

- Well, I guess the party's over.

Let's go, y'all.

- It's been real nice knowing you.

(Candy screaming)
(indistinct shouting)

- I'll fucking kill you!

- Fuck you!

- I'm gonna fucking kill you!

What the fuck you doing?

- Breaking our contract?

Ow.

- Okay boy.

Want a piece of me, huh, huh?

How's your boy now, huh?

How's your fucking boy now?

(groaning)

Want a fucking piece
of me, too, huh bitch?

(gun firing)

- Well, that ought to do it.

- What the fuck you doing here, Felton?

Huh?

(groaning)

- Look at this.

Not a beer left.

- [Man] I'm gonna fucking get you man.

- Well get in line.

And listen, if I have
to come back here again

I'm gonna give you your three day notice.

You still here?

- [Man] Felton!

(suspenseful music)

(truck engine humming)

(shouting)
(gun firing)

(shouting)
(gun firing)

(shouting)

(truck engine revving)

(suspenseful music)

(truck engine revving)

- I am not moving, okay?

I am not moving!

(truck engine humming)

(car engine revving)

(suspenseful music)

- What's going on?

- Mac's on a bit of a tear.

- Did he hurt you?

- No.

- Buddy dropped Barbs and
Slim off last night here.

And I guess Barbs

swore that,

that she called me at home.

That I would come down and open up.

She never called me.

(tires screeching)

- They got hit walking
back to Barbs's place.

- Are they?

- Barbs is free now.

Poor Slim.

Probably never knew what hit him.

Highway patrolman said
that it was instant.

Mac just plain gone crazy.

He really loved his auntie.

- I saved what I could for you

from the checks.

This is just something to remember me by.

Though I wasn't sure if you'd want it.

I drew it from a photo Sandy took.

- It's nice.

Are you leaving?

- Sandy's driving me.

I can't tell anyone where I'm going.

I just need, you know...

- Hey,

take this.

- I've been saving my own for years.

It was meant that we meet.

I truly believe that

but I gotta go.

I never read your book.

- That's okay, you can read the next one.

(slow somber music)

♪ I hope that you'll forgive me please ♪

♪ If I take some time to share a dream ♪

♪ Though I can see ♪

♪ That you don't give a damn ♪

♪ I took my boy on an ocean trip ♪

♪ We commandeered a navy ship ♪

♪ We slaughtered them like cattle ♪

♪ In their tracks ♪

♪ And my father he looked down on me ♪

♪ And he was finally proud of me ♪

♪ As I killed an enemy with every thrust ♪

♪ And there were children singing ♪

♪ Hi ho ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

♪ Love nor hope nor honor ♪

♪ Have I none ♪

♪ Yet I will ♪

♪ Be merry ♪

♪ Hi ho ♪

♪ It's a complicated
story of a simple man ♪

♪ Trying to do the best he can ♪

♪ In a world too strange to understand ♪

♪ Or even want to ♪

♪ My novels and plays were all the rage ♪

♪ I was up there center stage ♪

♪ My name became synonymous ♪

♪ With culture ♪

♪ And my sword was wet
with my victim's blood ♪

♪ And I looked at him down in the mud ♪

♪ With my knife I cut my wife's right ♪

♪ From his hand ♪

♪ And there were children singing ♪

♪ Hi ho ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

♪ Love nor hope nor honor have I none ♪

♪ Yet I will ♪

♪ Be merry ♪

♪ Hi ho ♪

♪ Life is still a masquerade ♪

♪ And time an ever sharper blade ♪

♪ What choices may remain ♪

♪ Mere shades of dreadful ♪

♪ I know I know more than a joke ♪

♪ You want fries with that ♪

♪ Or just a coke ♪

♪ Whichever pal ♪

♪ I hope you choke and die here ♪

♪ For once you peer behind the shades ♪

♪ Even past the cooks and serving maids ♪

♪ Dim visions of a
narrow grave await you ♪

♪ And there'll be children singing ♪