Christmas on Chestnut Street (2006) - full transcript

[♪♪]

[Woman on radio]:
It's trying to snow

in the pacific northwest,

but it's going to warm up
later today.

News and traffic
coming up at 7:00.

Have a great day.

Waiter, this coffee
is hot as blazes.

Would you bring me
an ice cube?

Let it cool, dear.

I haven't got time

for any "let it cool"
nonsense.



I've got to put up
the decorations.

Lou, it's
almost Christmas.

I know, mom.

Well, of course
it is.

I love
Christmas lights.

Where's that
waiter?

That's not a waiter,
Carl, dear.

That's Lou.

He's our son.

If he's not
the waiter,

why the did
he bring me ice?

Everybody's lights
are up already.

Mom, the store
is so crazy,

I take a deep breath
before I go in,



and I don't exhale
until I leave.

Breathing is
good for you, Louis.

I highly
recommend it.

Well, I'll ask
Mr. Crouch for permission.

Will he make you work
all weekend?

No, not all of it.

Don't worry,
I'll put them up.

Do-- do I like
pancakes?

You love them, pop.

I've got to go.

[Door opens]

[Sniffs]

[Door closes]

[♪♪]

All right, look lively, folks.

Gather around.

Now, somebody ask me,

"is the great American store
really visible from space?"

Hey, Santa, wake up.

Move.

Is the great American store
really visible from space?

Who the knows?

Who the cares?

It sounds good.

Sounds big.

It's marketing,
and that means sales.

Yeah.

Now, somebody ask me
how much money we'll make

in the two weeks
before Christmas.

[Quietly]: Oh,
this should be good.

Today.

How much money
are we going to make

in the two weeks before
Christmas, Mr. Crouch?

A lot.

Mr. Crouch...

Boyd?

Are you going to
want US to work

on Christmas day this year?

What?

What?

Hey, folks,
this is al t. Crouch

of the great American store,

and I'd just like to say
on behalf of my family

to your family,

merry Christmas
and a happy new year.

But hey,
it's still not too late

to come down and do
some last-minute shopping.

We've got some smokin' deals
for you.

So come on down
to the great American store.

The biggest, best,
and brightest store

in the town of pinenut.

Hey, you can
see US from space!

The Heather Locklear dolls
haven't arrived yet.

Oh, what a tragedy.

Christmas is ruined!

We have to
call them.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't we
call Heather,

because
guess what--

she's still single.

Ms. Locklear
can wait.

It's Christmas.
Retail.

No time for
chit-chat, boys.

Can I help you?

I sure hope so.

I-I'm Lou Boyd,

manager of the
ordering department.

Dianne crouch.

I'm the owner
after my father retires.

Do you know
how many items

you're tracking
for US, Mr. Boyd?

For-- for the whole store?

Yes.

A lot?

94,672--

correction, 71,

being that
the Heather Locklear dolls

haven't come in.

See?
That's a lot.

I would like a report
on my desk after lunch

detailing your
inventory systems,

department
by department,

cross-referencing
all vendor commonality,

of course,

and any interfacing
analysis

and parallel
backup.

We're going to
streamline the system

and stabilize the foundations

and shift this store
into a higher gear.

How long have you been here?

Hmm.

45 minutes.

I was in school.

Just graduated.
Ah...

Uh, I just
graduated.

The Bergen
community college.

Got a business
certificate

in 14 weeks.

What kind of degree
have you got?

I'm a Cornell attorney,
Harvard mba,

wharton cpa, Columbia ph.D,

and an nyu mfa.

Mfa?

I think
a well-rounded character

is important for a person
in a leadership position.

[Laughs]

If I wanted
a rounded character,

I'd just
keep eating.

The future of
the great American store

is in my hands.

I have plans.

Big plans.

We need to
set this house in order,

so I want that report
on my desk after lunch.

Thank you.

How did this happen?

I don't know.
I was so careful.

Well, I thought
I was so careful.

How many are there?

6,000 cases.

How many
should there be?

You know, 60.

Oh, Ron!

6,000 cases
of Christmas lights?

No, we had plenty,

but two weeks to Christmas,

sales decided they
wanted a little cushion,

so I figured, better safe,
better safe, right?

Well, can't we
send them back?

It's liquidation
stock.

The company's gone.

Perfect.

Janey's a sophomore
at rutgers.

Eric's a junior
at lehigh.

The twins are starting
glassboro in the fall.

I took a second
mortgage out

on the house,

and I'm behind already.

God, my credit cards
are maxed.

The bank's after me.

I'm ruined, Lou.

Christmas
has ruined me!

It's okay, Ron.

It's not personal, Mr. Boyd.

It's business.

Internal policy.

Mr. Eisely pays

for his
overstock mistake.

Paychecks are reduced
on a sliding scale

as or until
overstock is sold.

You signed
the same contract.

And for three truckloads.

Three truckloads!

The contract wasn't meant
to include something like this.

Regardless
of scope,

the financial
responsibility

is Mr. Eisely's.

Eisely pays, Boyd.

Man, that's a load
of lights.

It was--
it was my mistake, not Ron's.

I'm responsible.

I mean, what
was he thinking?

I mean,
that's enough lights

to decorate
the whole town.

It's his signature
on the order form.

His authorization.

He did that for me, you see.

Um, it was my order, and, uh...

I forgot to sign it.

And he remembered.

Too bad for him.

He should've
checked the order.

I mean, come on!

6,000 cases
of lights?

I know what you're
trying to do, Mr. Boyd,

and we can't
allow it.

He's a single father.

He's got four kids
going to college next year.

He's mortgaged everything.

He's counting pennies as it is.

If he has to pay for this,
he will lose his house.

Oh, where's
my violin?

Eisely pays!

That's the end!

[Sighs]

If Ron loses his house,

and it gets out

that the great American store
had no heart during Christmas,

how do you think
that's going to affect sales?

We have a bull's eye
on our back already.

We got reporters
waiting in the wings

to take a shot at US.

There is a lot more
at stake here, Mr. Crouch,

than just a few cases
of lights.

I don't like you, Boyd.

I never liked you.

What if it's not a mistake?

Not a mistake?

An extra 5,940 cases

of Christmas
lights?

What if...
What if it's an event?

You said yourself, Mr. Crouch,

that we have enough lights

to light every house
on every street.

Every house
for miles.

Well, that's
a start.

It's a lot of houses.

Okay, I admit

that it's going to take
some imagination--

it's a heck
of a lot of people.

I have an mfa in art history.

I have an imagination.

Then why aren't those
lights overstock, Ms. Crouch?

A lot
of customers...

Because they're part
of a strategy.

Right, a strategic event.

We've got to
make 'em want lights.

Designed to bring people
into the store.

To buy lights.

We got to make 'em
need lights.

Okay, what about--

I've got an idea.

I've got it.

A contest!
A contest!
A contest!

We'll have
the biggest

Christmas light contest
in the country.

We'll call it
"light the night."

Light the night...

Light the night.
I'm brilliant!

[Laughs triumphantly]

Light the night...

Yes...

No, no, we need the big box
on the left.

No, no, not that one,
the other one.

This one?

Yes.

That's the right, pop.
Right. Left.

Careful with those.

These decorations
have been in my family

for a hundred years.

Great-great-granddad
Edward Boyd

started
the whole thing.

Passed them down
all the way to you.

Do you remember that?

Yeah, I know that.

All right. Which box
do you want next?

Those were the days, eh, pop?

You sold
a lot of shoes.

I guess i-I'm just looking

to boss somebody around.

You spend
your whole life

being the boss,

you can't just turn it off.

[Chuckles]

You want to
keep on bossing.

That's okay, pop.

You can boss me around.

You're a good boy.

You've always been a good boy.

Say...

I had children,

didn't I?

Yeah, uh...

Yeah, three of them.

Two girls and one boy.

Come on.

Let's finish this up
before lunch, pop.

I've got to work
this afternoon.

We've got this
Christmas lights contest

starting on Monday,

and I'm on
the planning committee.

Hey, Lou!

Carl...

Got a minute?

Hey, Gary.
What's up?

I want to ask you
about this contest,

"light the night"?

When crouch says,

"one hour of free shopping,"
what does he mean, exactly?

Well, it says--

I know what it says.

I want to know what it means.

It means that crouch
is going to open the store

on Christmas day,

and the winner gets one hour
to fill a shopping skid

with anything in the store.

How about
a washing machine?

Anything in the store, Gary.

How about
a big-screen TV?

Anything in the--

how about a John deere
lx-289 premium lawn tractor

with cruise control,
automatic transmission,

liquid-cooled
twin cylinder engine,

and a three-blade 48-inch deck

that'll mulch, bag,
and discharge?

Anything, Gary,

except for that.

I'm joking, Gary.

Anything.

Not bad.

Are you
going to enter?

Are you talking
about the contest?

Hey, Eileen.

It doesn't say
anything here

about Jews entering.

It's a Christmas lights
contest, Eileen.

So? Hanukkah has lights.

It's the festival
of lights.

Lou, you've got to
talk to Mr. Crouch.

If Jews can't enter,
that's a problem.

A lawsuit
waiting to happen.

The only requirement

is that you be
a resident of the county.

Jews can definitely enter,
Eileen.

Good. I'm entering.

I see they got a sale going

with the lights, too,
you know.

That crouch
is no dummy.

Dad...

You put everything away.

We were taking this stuff out.

Come on.

Here.

There you go.

Two weeks to Christmas.

Oh, man, it's cold.

You'd think it would snow.

My neighbors
are all entering.

Yeah, so are mine.

Maybe it'll work.

Yeah, if we can sell
just one truckload

before Christmas,

that's all I ask.

I'm entering.

You are?

Employees can enter.

I'm an employee.

I have a house.

I have decorations.

I like
free shopping.

All right.

Good morning.

First day
of the contest.

Yeah,
Ron's entering.

Excellent.

Well, we have enough
lights for everyone,

don't we,
Mr. Eisely?

Could I see you
for a minute, Mr. Boyd?

I have good news.

Oh?

I'm taking you off

the contest
planning committee.

That is good news.

That's not it.

It gets better?

You're entering
the contest instead.

I am?

Yes, you are.

No, I meant,
"no, I'm not."

"I am?" Was
a rhetorical question.

They didn't teach you
rhetoric at Harvard?

You're entering
the contest,

and you
are going to win.

It's rigged?

No, of course not.

You're going to win

because your house is
going to be the best,

and because I am
designing your decorations.

Oh, you got an mfa
in the art history

of Christmas
lights design?

And when you win,

you'll agree to accept
the shopping spree

as long as you can
donate the time

to charity

so that we can take
the deduction.

Shopping for charity.

An event strategy.

Exactly.

Uh-huh. No.

My parents, you see,
it's their house.

And they have
their own decorations.

They won't like it.

Well, I'll talk to them.

I thought you said
there was good news.

Oh, yes, we're giving
holiday consideration

to Mr. Eisely.

He's off the hook.

Oh, that-- that's great news.

And if this contest fails,
we're garnishing your wages.

[Telephone rings]

[Jazzy "deck the halls" plays
on headphones]

[Telephone rings]

[Ringing]

Lou...

Oh, god...

Lou!

Line five.

Lou Boyd.

[Woman]: Mr. Boyd?

What's happening?

It's completely
out of hand up here.

Lou, it's crazy
up in Christmas!

Okay, I'll be
right there.

Merry Christmas.
How's everybody doing?

Watch it.

I don't think we should be

throwing in this store,
now, people.

Don't worry,
there's plenty for everyone.

How you doing?
Can I help you?

Do you need more?

Hi. Do you...

We're all
out of angels,

but we have
plenty of lights.

I'm just saying,

if you run out
of stock

while you're
simultaneously

running a contest
and a sale,

someone's
going to sue.

Not that it's
going to happen.

I'm just saying.

Okay, we're going to
need more decorations,

more-- more stuff.

Order anything you can.
Go.

We're all
out of stars.

Can I help you
get anything?

I'm going to get
oh, hey...
More stuff, okay?

I'm going to get more stuff,

and I'm going to get somebody
to help me get it, okay?

Okay, well, go,
go, go, go, go!

All right,
all right!

Okay, no throwing,
all right, people?

There's plenty for everybody.

It's good.

Hmm?

[♪♪]

It's perfect.

You'll call it
"a perfect Christmas."

Of course I will.

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

I love it.

Oh!

Hello, hello!

Hello.

Welcome.

Uh, mom,
this is dianne crouch.

Dianne, this is my mother,
Juliette Boyd.

Very nice
to meet you.

It's a pleasure.

Can I take
your coat?

Oh, yes.

Carl... Carl?

Yes?

Lou's brought
a girl home.

Dianne crouch.

Mr. Crouch's
daughter.

He owns the store
where Lou works.

She's going to
tell US

about the Christmas
lights contest.

Oh, good.

Very nice
to meet you.

Hello.

It's very nice
to meet you as well.

Come on in.

Who's Lou?

Participating
in the contest

is an important
career move

for Mr. Boyd,

and it demonstrates
company loyalty,

and his willingness
to go the extra mile.

Plus, it is
a great example

for our staff
to emulate.

Will we be able to use
our own decorations?

Honestly,
Mrs. Boyd,

I don't think so.

You see,
your house

can't just
win the contest.

Your house has to win
clearly and easily.

There can't be any question

that the decorations
in this house

aren't by far the very best.

But our decorations
are special.

Oh, yes, no,

absolutely, they are.

It's just that...

As an artist,

to create
the strongest

and most cohesive theme,

I feel that it is critical

that I start
with a clean canvas,

but thank you

for putting it
on the table,

so to speak.

I'm glad
we were able to talk.

Is that you in that picture?

Yes.

That's our
wedding picture.

Carl and I
have been married

52 years.

Oh...

I still
think of myself

like this.

I'm always startled

when I look
in the mirror.

Are you married?

Not yet,

but my strategy was,

and still is,

to finish school,
spend two years,

and maybe the first quarter
of the third year,

settling
into store management,

finish out year's end,
get engaged,

then spend
two quarters

planning the wedding,

and get married in June
of year four.

I'll be 38.

Is it going well?

Mm.

Right on schedule,

as it should be.

Oh...

Is that Mr. Boyd?

That's Louis,
yes,

and his sisters.

He was a bit of a surprise.

Are, uh, children
part of your strategy?

Mm-hmm. Two.

Girls.

One at 40, the other at 42,

and I'm very flexible
about their names.

Actually, I'm not.

I have several
under consideration.

Well, I'm sorry, dear.

I must have missed it,

but, um, at what point
in the schedule

do you meet the man
you're going to marry?

By my
calculations,

you've only left
the second quarter

of the third year

to play the field.

Now, assuming it takes
the third quarter

to date and determine
whether or not he's the one,

you've only left
the fourth quarter

to fall in love

before
the engagement.

Do you think
that's enough time?

Oh, yes, more than enough.

Don't you?

You can't plan
a relationship

in your day-timer,
Ms. Crouch.

"Fourth quarter,
fall in love,

get engaged."

It's not
a scheduling issue.

No, it's not.

It's a management issue.

It's not
a management issue.

Would you say

that all broken
relationships

suffer from some form
of mismanagement?

No.

Financial issues,

timing issues,

commitment issues,

loyalty issues?

Okay, I guess
you could look at it that way,

but love is so much more
than that.

Then it
logically follows

that all
good relationships,

including the creation
of good relationships,

benefit greatly from,
and are, in fact,

a direct function
of good management,

people fall in love,
Ms. Crouch.

They don't manage
themselves into love.

They do if they're smart.

[Laughs]

What about
the intangibles?

Fate, chemistry, romance?

Flowers, chocolates?

No, all manageable
line item details.

[Scoffs]

I'm not saying
that love isn't real,

or important,

or the end game objective.

I'm just saying,
the better the management,

the faster the success.

You can't manage

a fourth quarter
engagement, Ms. Crouch.

Well, maybe you can,
but I couldn't.

That's because I'm a more
accomplished manager

than you are.

[Sighs]

The fourth quarter's
all the time I'll need.

Well, remind me

not to show up
at your door

with a dozen roses
and a box of truffles.

Fine.

Don't show up at my door
with a dozen roses

and a box of
chocolate truffles.

Fine!

Fine!

You can't manage love,
Ms. Crouch.

Watch me, Mr. Boyd.

[♪♪]

Hold the ladder here?

Yeah, I got it,
I got it.

Now, somebody ask me,

"what is wrong
with this picture?"

Mr. Crouch,

what's wrong with this picture?

Well, look around you, people.

The answer's on the shelves,

or what's not on them,
is what I'm getting at.

In the whole history
of Christmas light sales,

we have never, ever sold
two truckloads of lights.

Now, that's got
to be a record.

Now, let's talk
toys,

and other
kinds of gifts.

Add in
the ancillaries,

like food, clothing,
all the rest...

The bottom line, people,

is that sales are way up
all across the store,

but you know what?

We can sell more.

Yesterday was
the largest grossing day

in the history of
the great American store.

Oh, yeah!

[Applause]

And we're
going to ride

that hot horse,
people!

It's no accident

that this store
can be seen from space.

Boyd, I want you to order three
more truckloads of lights,

and I'm upping
the ante.

As of today,

the prize will be not one
but two free hours of shopping.

Let's show 'em

what "double the fun"
really means, huh?

What?

So you really can

see the store
from space?

Oh, absolutely.

Hey, Santa,
you're late.

Look sharp, people.

Look sharp.

Come on!

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho...

Oh...

[Grunts sleepily]

Where are you
putting it, honey?

Uh, turret one
or turret two.

What do you think?

That's a good idea.

Okay,
that helps.

Working
overtime, Gary?

Keep the kid home
from school, Eileen?

As a matter of fact,
I did.

Didn't even
have to ask twice.

He volunteered.

How many lights
you got going up?

Enough. Uh...

Are those jumbo leds?

They might be.

What does he think
he's doing?

Oh, that
isn't right.

Fantastique.

Jack?

It is Jacques, not Jack.

Eastern star electric's
out of the county.

You can't use them.

I did not read that
in the rules.

Did you read that, Eileen?

You hired a designer?

You can't use
easter star electrics.

I can't believe
you hired a designer.

Who is she? Who's the designer?

She is French.

She works for Pierre dome,

but for me, she is doing me
a special favor.

You can't cheat, Jack.

It's Christmas.

I am not cheating.

I can't believe
you hired

a professional
designer.

And electricians
from out of the county.

It is all
within the rules, huh?

You have an eskimo house
on your lawn.

An eskimo house
is not fair.

It's Christmas.

Winter, snow?

We're being
inventive.

At least
it's our own idea.

It is
a lights competition,

a Christmas lights
competition,

not a theme park.

Read the fine print,
mon ami.

"Lights,
decorative lights,

"specialty lights,

and other
decorations."

The eskimo is in.

North pole,
get it?

You know,
I think this eskimo house

is ridiculous,

stupid!

Goofy, huh, Gary?

Too bad!

You're really going to hate
the polar bear on my garage.

Oh, relax!

It's a friendly
neighborhood contest!

Americans...

So competitive!

Cherie! Cherie, huh?

What, do I have to do it all
myself?

Like usual!

Just don't
... this up.

This could really
cost me.

I mean, we're getting
a lot of attention here.

All eyes are on me.

It's my store,
my contest.

Yes, daddy.

If there's even a hint
of impropriety,

sales will be
adversely affected.

Huh!

We'd be the great
American ghost town

in five seconds flat.

I mean, as much
as you want you,

you can't ...
On Christmas.

Hey, that's got a nice
ring to it, Mr. Crouch.

You should call
hallmark.

I don't
like you, Boyd.

Have I
told you that?

Yes, sir.

Good, because
the point is,

you can't
just win.

You've got to
win big.

It's got to be
clear as day

that your lights
are number one.

No matter what,
whatever it takes.

You keep an eye
on the competition.

Whatever they do,
you do it better.

You just
blow 'em away.

You know why?

Uh, because you can't
... on Christmas?

Bingo.

Be careful with that.
It's fragile.

Hey, folks,
al t. Crouch here,

and I got
some great news for you

from the great American store.

Right now, if you come down
and make a purchase,

you are eligible to enter
our "light the night" contest

where could win a grand prize

of two free hours of shopping
in the store.

That's right.
You heard it right, folks.

Two free hours of shopping
in the great American store,

the biggest,
busiest store in town.

Hey, you can see US from
space!

[Juliette humming softly]

[Dianne barking orders
outside]

Careful.

All right,
bring it over here.

All right,

and I'll tell you
where to put it.

Careful.
Careful, I said.

[Lou grunting
with effort]

[Grunting]

I thought we were
calling this

"the perfect
Christmas"?

You changed your mind.

Now you're calling it...

"Santa's workshop."

And this plan involves
lights at some point?

You don't build
before you design.

Oh, well, everybody else
is putting up lights.

You don't know anything about
contest strategy, do you?

You know what?

I'm going to need you
to move him to your left

about four feet.

I know that if we don't start
putting up lights,

we're not going to win.

It's not just about the lights,

and so you know, I hired
a construction crew,

and they're going to
put up the house lights,

the garage lights,

and all the yard lights
in one day

so then we can just focus
on center stage.

Santa's workshop.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to need you
to bring him forward.

When I was a kid,

my dad told me

that all the presents
under the tree were...

[Grunting]

Made by elves
in Santa's workshop

in the north pole.

Huh.

We'd spend all morning

unwrapping Christmas presents,

and then we'd eat pancakes.

Once, we rented the ballroom
at the Carlyle,

and we had a winter banquet.

We turned down the heat

so that we could all wear
hats and coats

and mittens and scarves.

There was a huge tree.

Ah...

One-- one Christmas,
we had French toast.

Okay, he needs to go
back further

and to your left.

One year, we went
to radio city music hall,

and we had a private
showing of the rockettes.

Oh.

All right, to the left.

More to the left.

And one year,

we rented
Madison square garden

and ringling brothers
did a special Christmas circus.

That was just
you and your family?

Yeah, it was me and my dad,

and about 1,300
of his closest friends.

[Chuckles]

Oh, okay.

Now, I'm sure

that your christmases
were very nice and quaint.

Well, I bet your christmases
were very...

Not so quaint.

And I'm sure yours had
hot chocolate by the fireplace.

And I'll bet you had eggnog
in the limousine.

And I'm sure that yours
had Christmas Carols

playing on the stereo.

And I bet you had
the mormon tabernacle choir

singing in your living room.

And I'm sure
that you had

a brand new
red bicycle

with a bell on it,

and you drove
up and down the street,

ringing the bell
and ringing the bell,

just so everyone would notice.

Of course I rang that bell!

It was Christmas,
and I loved that bike,

and I wanted
everybody to see it,

and if you'd ever gotten
a red bike,

you'd understand that.

Maybe.

Yeah.

So, uh...

So, what do you think?

About?

Santa.

Should we
turn him on?

Try him out?

Not yet.

It's-- it's not the right time.

[Clamoring]

All right, morning, folks.

Take it easy.

No need to push.

Plenty of time.

Good morning.

Welcome.

Boyd, I have made more money
in the last two days

than I've made
in the last two weeks,

and I have made
plenty of money

in the last two weeks,
so believe me,

one person shopping
for a couple of hours

is a drop in the bucket.

A flea on my back.

No risk, no glory, Boyd!

You got to grab
every opportunity

while you can.

Oof!

We have hooked 'em.

This is probably
the greatest idea

I have ever had.

Maybe we should
raise the stakes.

What do you think?

Oh, go big
or go home.

Life is short.

Grab what you can,
like you say.

I don't want you
dating my daughter.

You're not,
are you?

No!

No, definitely
not dating.

Well, that's good,

because she is way
out of your league.

It's business.

Let's keep it
that way.

She is not
out of my league.

You're funny.

I never knew that
about you.

You're a real comedian.

No, she is not
out of my league.

Who's not
out of your league?

You.

I want
to make sure

that your not
dating hime.

Me?

I'm not dating Mr. Boyd.

We are not dating.

No, because I'm way
out of his league.

Oh, not even close!

If anything,
you're out of my league.

Oh, that's a joke.

He's a comedian,
I'm telling you.

I know.

I am so far
out of your league,

it's not...

I'm in an entirely
different...

[Honks]

It's immeasurable.

You can measure it.

How?

Go on a date.

Oh, no, I am not going
on a date with you.

Why not?
You scared?

No! No--

you sound like it.

I'm not scared.

You know what?

You and me,

we are going
on a date.

Okay,
fine, fine.

How about tonight?

The sooner
the better.

Great.

Come on, dianne,
let's go.

All right, I've decided.

The winner now gets
three hours of shopping.

Three free hours, Boyd.

Three hours?

Hey, hey,
go big or go home!

Uh, sir, do you
have any idea

how much merchandise

somebody can pull
off the shelves

in three hours
of shopping?

La Maison! La Maison!

Huh?

Et les...

Les drum.

Ah, oui, oui, oui.

Alors, le neige, le neige!

Le neige, huh?

Yeah, there's one
burned out--

okay, I'll get that.
I'll get that.

Over here. Come here.

After lunch, okay?

Okay, that's good.

Let's have a look.

Oh, yeah, nice.

That's great.
With the menorah...

Ooh, nice.

All right,
[Groaning]

Heavy!
Help! Help me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, honey!

Heavy!

[♪♪]

More of the white
sheeting!

[♪♪]

A little bit
more ice!

A little bit more ice.

[♪♪]

[Panting]

No, we need
more gack.

We need
more animals.

Nobody else
is doing animals.

Le nutcracker, huh?

Oui, oui!

"Candyland."
that's what he's calling it.

What?
"Candyland"?

Has a friend
in showbiz.

He's shipping in
parts of a set.

Even flew
to Los Angeles.

L.A.?
Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's
going too far.

Bleu et Rouge, bleu et Rouge,
bleu...

Ah! C'est bon.

Equipe! Equipe!

Look at what
they're doing over there.

Forget about the cost.

We can't
let them win.

We can't
let anybody win.

Yeah, but they
don't have a theme.

How about
Gary's place?

Oh, yeah.

No, we have
"winter wonderland."

Igloos? Penguins?

I mean-- I tell you,
these ...

Oy vey.

Yeah, it doesn't
matter what they do.

They don't
stand a chance.

It's Boyd
I'm worried about.

Yeah, what's he
waiting for, anyway?

Well, Lou's patient,
I'll give him that.

He's like
a rattlesnake,

biding his time,
lulling you to sleep,

then biting you
on the ...

And taking
your free shopping.

We got to keep
our eye on him.

And look at
our French guy

over there, huh?

Oh, yeah, look
at all those lights.

Nobody knows what
he's doing with them.

He's sneaky.
Never liked him.

Yeah, we've got to
watch them.

Yeah, we've got to
watch all of them.

Yeah...
Yeah.

Okay. Let's go.

We've got more decorations
in the basement.

In the basement.

All right, everyone.

Magic time!

Okay.
Break's over.

What,
are you napping?

Come on, boy.

Come on.

I'm still uncomfortable

with entering the contest
myself.

People are going to think
something's fishy if I win.

We've been over this,
you know,

and quite frankly,
I'm getting offended.

You've predetermined
that I'm going to win,

and you're offended?

No, nothing
is predetermined.

You're going to win
this contest

because your house

is going to be
the strongest competitor.

"Something fishy"

implies that my father
is a cheater.

Well, isn't he?

No.

You don't build
the great American store

from the ground up
by being dishonest.

You do it by being

a stubborn, relentless,
know-it-all,

difficult
workaholic.

Yeah, well,
you got that right.

And by being
honest.

He's your boss
and my father,

and I would
appreciate it

if you would
stop insinuating

that this contest
isn't fair.

Oh, so it's okay
if I don't win?

No, it's critical
that you do win.

Your winning
is the linchpin

of my overall
marketing strategy.

Uh-huh.

Why do you think
I'm personally

overseeing
the decorations?

[Toots]

Because
you like me?

Trust me,
Mr. Boyd,

that is not it.

Uh-huh.

[Playing bluesy tune]

[Continues playing]

So, when did you
move back home?

Eight years ago.

I was living in Chicago,
running a jazz club,

and my dad got sick.

My mom couldn't
look after him alone.

There was nobody else.

What about
your sisters?

They're much older
than I am.

I was the only one
who wasn't married

and didn't have kids,

so I packed up
and I moved home.

And went to work
for my father.

Yeah, started
on the loading dock.

Eight years later,
here I am--

ordering department
manager.

Were you
ever married?

Almost.

She didn't show up
at the church.

Everyone else
was there but her.

When was that?

Long time ago,
before I moved to Chicago.

So instead of
dusting yourself off,

getting back up
on that horse,

and charging into battle
with your chin held high,

yelling,
"you can't stop me,

here I come again,"

you spent most of your adult
life building a wall around

your broken heart
so that you wouldn't fall in

love and get hurt
again?

Probably not
such a good idea

in the end,
Mr. Boyd.

It's chilly out here,
isn't it?

[Exhaling]

You're not really
a people person, are you?

I'm right, aren't I?

[Engine turns over]

It'll, uh...

It'll take a minute to warm up.

So...

What about you?

One of a kind.

Dad said they broke the mold.

My parents got divorced
when I was three,

and I haven't seen my mother
since.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Dad had thousands of friends.

It's fine.

Nice car.

Am I still out of your league?

Definitely.

Don't get all confident

just because
we're on your turf.

It's not fair.

Tonight was not a date.

You committed to a date.

Fine.

We'll have lunch tomorrow.

Fine.

Fine.

This time I'll drive.

All right.

[♪♪]

[Shivering]

[Car approaching]

It's kind of late
to be out in pajamas.

Your father wanted me
to introduce him

to the big man
in our yard.

He's not real.

No, pop.

No, no, I mean
Santa claus is not real.

Does everybody know that?

I-I think
they do.

How was your date?

What date?

Lou went on a date
with dianne crouch.

Mr. Crouch's
daughter--

no, it wasn't
really a date.

We just stayed
and worked overtime.

Who is she?

Does she have
a family?

Her parents
divorced

when she was
little.

Her mom left
and never came back.

She doesn't really
have a family.

Just her dad

and a thousand
strangers.

Find a girl
that's feisty.

[Chuckling]

My girl was feisty.

I'm still feisty.

Like a fast train!

[Chuckling]

And you'd better be
on your toes.

These women,

if you're not on your toes,

the train will
leave the station without you,

and you'll be
standing there

with your hot dog and a soda,
thank you very much.

Come on.

It's sad.

What's that, pop?

If there really was
a Santa claus,

we would all
have been

a lot happier
about things.

Come on,
let's get you inside.

Okay, up, up, over.

Over.

Okay, there you go.

I got it.

Okay, where...
Okay, that's good.

Yeah,
right there.

[Laughing]

Whoa...
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

All right,
bring this up here.

Okay, let's move it...

Where?

The other way.

Huh?

Yes.

Go put this
on the sleigh.

All right.

Whoa! Hey!

Ah, all right.

Two, three,
all right...

Okay, just lift.

Who is that?

My neighbor.

I know that.

Who's the big guy
with the sword?

Hey, goldberg!

Who is that?

It's mattathias.

Hasmonean.

He was a maccabee.

Of course.

Check it out.

Testing, testing.

Ahem.

[Deep voice]:
My name is mattathias.

I stand upon mount Moriah.

My lamp is bright!

You've written
a whole script?

Aren't you smart, Lou.

I always knew that
about you.

Hey, goldberg!

Who said you could
go stereo?

It's too loud.
I got music.

I want to hear my music.

Yeah!

This is
within the rules.

[Terrified shrieking]

[Air hissing]

Homme neige!
Homme neige!

Mon dieu!

[Cackling]

Where is your leak?

Ah, mon homme
de neige!

What is happening
to you?

Homme...

Oh, mon dieu, mon dieu!

Ah...

Aha!

There is a half-inch slice

just below
the left shoulder blade

of mon homme de neige.

It is smooth,

not jagged!

The smooth, deliberate
thrust of a blade, huh?

I know this.
I am a chef!

It is sabotage!

The question is...

Who?

Which one of you cowards
did this, huh?

Well, did you?

How about you,
Aaron, huh?

Did you send your warrior
with his sword

down to a midnight
assassination, eh?

Come on, Jacques.

Or what about you, Gary, huh?

Things not
so wonderful

in winter wonderland, huh?

You're a lawyer, Gary.

Huh? Back-stabbing
is right up your alley!

Hey!
Hey, hey, hey!

Or maybe it was Lou.

Yeah,
that's right.

Sweet Lou Boyd,

who never hurt a soul
his whole life, huh?

Things a little quiet
in the workshop?

Come on, Jacques,
you're a chef.

Why don't you
just sew him up

like a Turkey?

[All snickering]

I will fix him.

Don't you worry about that.

He will be as good as new,

which is more than I can say
for the rest of you!

What's that
supposed to mean, Jack?

It is Jacques!

Oh, mon homme.

Mon homme!

That's weird.

I will fix you.

You will be
as new.

No one
will ever know.

Come on.

We will find out
who did this.

Well, we have to
get back to work.

Yeah,
you're the boss.

Aah!

Moron.

Ow.
Whoop!

Poked me in the head,
you goof.

We're in the paper every day.

I like the balloon man.

You got to love
inflatables.

He won't win.

Oh, you think
Boyd will?

He has to, so he will.

You trust him,
do you?

Yes.

Well, I don't.

I don't like him,
either.

You don't
know him, daddy.

Oh, you do, huh?

I knew his father,
you know.

Had a shoe factory
up in Patterson.

There was a time

I used to buy
from him directly.

[Chuckling]

Stubborn old coot.

Sold it years ago,
made a pile of money.

He's losing his marbles
now, I heard.

Well, that's why Lou--

I mean, Mr. Boyd--
moved home,

to take care
of his parents.

You know,
he was engaged.

She left him
at the altar.

Just didn't show up.

Can you imagine?

You got to keep
a level head, dianne.

I mean, come on,
you're on a jet plane

to the top of the world.

Boyd's on a slow boat
to nowhere.

He's an employee.

You're his boss.

Now, this contest
is one thing,

and one thing only.

You know what
that is, don't you?

Yes, daddy.

Business.

That's my girl.

Hey, don't we need
more snow?

Ooh, yeah.

A little bit
more snow.

Hey, hey,
hey, hey!

Hey, that's mine!

I saw it first!

Oh, prove it!

She doesn't have to
prove it, Gary.

It's a fact,
like the air.

Drop the snow!

Not today!

I've had it

with your idiosyncratic
legalese dogma.

Who's responsible
in a court of law

for the fertilizer
on the grass

between the driveways...

Yeah!

Who's liable
for what trees

hang over whose
property line,

or the legally
incurred costs

of crabapple cleanup!

I'm sick of it,
and I'm sick of you!

I'm sick of you!

While drinking
your watered-down cocktails

at your stupid barbecues!

Stupid?

Nobody serves latkas
at a barbecue!

They are delicious
on the grill.

They are wrong
and stupid!

Now, let go of the snow!

No, you drop it!

You should both
drop it, huh?

Oh, mind your own
business, Jacques!

Why don't you, huh?

After all,
it was my bonhomme de neige

which was sabotaged--

aw, shut up!

Hey, there's no reason for you
to be so mean to me, Gary.

Jack!

Come on!
Get it!

Watch your language.

Your verbal abuse
will hold up in court.

What the heck
is the designer for, huh?

The whole thing's a complete
fraud, just like you are--

[screams]

You bit him!

That's self-defense!

Let go of it,
you imbeciles!

It's mine!

See how it feels,
Jacques?

Just like ants
at a picnic!

I have no idea
what that means.

Get it, get it,
get it!

Get it, get it!
Get it!

Stop it, you guys!
Stop it!

Now, come on!
You're embarrassing me!

I work here!

Yeah, we know
you work here, Lou.

That's why you always get
the best lights first.

At a big,
fat discount.

I pay the same
as everybody else.

[All scoffing]

Oof!

Ah!

[Grunts]

Ah-ha-ha!

I got it! I got it!

Ha, ha!

Go, baby!
Go, baby!

You bit my leg!

Where's the snow?
I want the snow!

Stop it!
Stop it!

What are you looking at?

The snow!

I'm going to sue you,
you son of a...

[Onlookers applauding]

Hi!

Wow.

[Gasping]

It's still bleeding.

I haven't had
a bleeding nose

since I was
in grade six.

Okay, stop
complaining.

Sit down.

Lean back
and pinch it.

No, no,
it's lean forward,

and head
between the knees.

No, it's lean back.

No, no,
I'm sure of it.

It's lean forward.

Lean back,
and breathe into this.

That's a cure
for the hiccups.

Yes, and it's also a cure
for lots of things.

Bloody noses
and hyperventilation.

Oh...

I can't believe
they were arguing

over Christmas
decorations.

I know,
they were like

hockey players
off the bench.

You know what?

They're going to
lick their wounds

and then
they're going to

come back stronger
and meaner.

And hungrier.

We can't
let them win.

We got to keep
our eye on the prize.

You know what?
We have to fight back.

Whatever they do,
we'll do more.

Yeah. Oh, uh, Ron
wants to join our team.

He's going to give US
his lights and his Christmas

decorations, and I'll
do some shopping for him,

and we'll give the rest
to charity when we win.

Tell him to make a list,
and we'll reconvene later.

Sit down.

I like this team-building,

and it's less expensive
than a wilderness adventure.

[Chuckles]

Oh, look at you.

Oh, hey, it stopped bleeding.

Ow.

Ow! Ah...

You look terrible.

I gave back as good as I got.

I saw you.

It was reckless behavior,

and it was immature
and ridiculously macho,

which is redundant,
I know, but...

You could have gotten hurt.

I did get hurt.

You have an obligation
to compete in this contest,

and I can't have you
in traction

in some hospital

in chillybrook.

This wasn't part
of your strategy, was it?

What?

Falling for me.

I'm not falling for you,
Mr. Boyd.

Call me Lou.

Well, I'm not falling
for you, Lou.

You sure about that...
Dianne?

Under no circumstances
am I falling for you.

Oh, well, good, because I'm not
falling for you.

You're...

Perfect.

Well, we're not
being sued!

That's
the good news.

I took 15% off all sale items
on the floor,

and people are going home
happy as pigs in mud.

What's
the bad news?

Bad news?

There is no bad news.

It's not bad
that you took 15%

off your sales price?

The Mark-up's
off the charts.

We made a fortune
off that fight.

I mean, talk about
getting into

your Christmas
spirit, huh?

That wasn't
the Christmas spirit.

That was more like
a barroom brawl.

Wrong-o, Boyd.

That was the mother
of all clearance sales.

Now, listen to me.

I want you to order
more lights.

More decorations.

More everything!

I want to see trucks here
first thing in the morning,

because it's going to be
a madhouse

when I announce another hour.

Uh, sorry, sir.

I just had my bell rung.

Uh...

You said you're going to
announce another hour?

Four free hours
of shopping.

Hey, when you're
in the turn,

you got to
hit the gas.

You're using
a driving analogy?

I want full page ads.

Get the word out.

You can't use
a driving analogy.

TV, radio, flyers,
magazines.

You drive
with your knees.

Hey!

If three hours are good, four
hours have gotta be better.

Now, come on, dianne.
Pedal to the metal.

Let's go!

I'm going, daddy.

Oh, Boyd...

I saw you and dianne
when I walked in here.

Now, that didn't look like
store business to me.

Now, the bottom
line is,

I got just two things
to say to you--

you don't like me,
and you never have.

I want trucks here

first thing
Monday morning, okay?

Y-Yeah. Yes, sir.

Good boy.

And comb that hair.

[Pops bag]

Ready?

Absolutely.

Well, get in.

I know I promised you
an expensive lunch

at a fancy restaurant

to prove that I am

way out of your league,

but there is something
that you have to see.

I got you a, uh...

Pastrami on rye...

And a lemonade.

I'm sure
you're used to that.

You... you drive
with your knees?

Yeah,
my dad taught me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Tires squeal]

Listen to this.

"In one week,

"the families
of Chestnut street

"in the township
of pinenut

"have taken the contest
to uncharted waters.

"Add up the addition

"of another hour
of free shopping,

"the documented report
of sabotage,

"and the holiday
aisle brawl,

"and there's no telling
what kind of explosions

are still to come
from Chestnut street."

There's...

"The hard truth is

"that this four-hour
free shopping spree...

[Tires squealing]

"Might just have
already have sailed.

"It seems clear

"that someone
on Chestnut street

"is poised
to claim victory.

The only question left,
who will it be?"

[Brakes screech]

There they are.

How's the nose, Lou?

Fine, Gary.

How's the jaw?

Is that a map
you have there?

Just getting
organized.

It's a big store,

and Gary's going to be
shopping

four straight hours.

We have to make
every millisecond count.

This your little,
uh...

Your, uh, fan club?

They're members
of the team.

They know a winner
when they see one.

They threw their hats,

not to mention
lights and decorations,

into my ring.

Not too late
for you, Lou.

What do you say?

Do you want to join

the winter wonderland
express?

Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga...
Whoo! Whoo!

[Chuckles]

All aboard.

We're going to
make a killing.

[Tires squealing]

Whoa! Careful!

New strategies.

Surprise tactics.

A take-no-prisoners approach
from an unexpected angle.

Something with panache,
finesse.

A level of expertise

that your neighbors
can't comprehend.

Are you still feeling nauseous?

No. I'm better.

It was important
seeing them out there,

planning and training.

Turned out to be
a very nice lunch.

I didn't even get to eat.

Well, who can eat?

But it, uh, looks like

your shirt
had a good time.

You made its day.

So I guess we know

who's in and out
of whose league.

Oh, that was not a date.

Oh, it was a date.

I asked you to lunch.

It was a date.

But that wasn't fair.

We were on your turf.

It's your turf, too.

Well, yeah, but you drive
with your knees.

You looking
for a tiebreaker?

Anytime, anywhere.

Huh...

Game on.

[Grunts]

They're out there
right now,

cruising the aisles,

drawing maps,
planning strategies.

And maximizing their four hours
of shopping

as a logistical
contest tactic.

We should have
seen it coming.

I did.

You did?

Oh, yeah, I've got spies
all over the place.

Look at this.

It's a projection chart
of the dropout rate.

Go to the summary.

Actuarial did this?

Yeah, I put
Johnson on it.

[Chuckling]:
Guy's an absolute whiz

with numbers.

"Current rate
of attrition,

"due in equal parts
to contest fatigue,

"financial limitations--
blah, blah, blah, blah.

Cut to the chase.

Okay, dah, dah,
dah, dah, dah...

"Contestants will
most likely be limited

"to Chestnut street
in pinenut

"with non-competitive
pockets

"in bubbleton,
chillybrook,

and fitzberg."

You see?

We sold 'em
all those lights,

and they're dropping
like flies.

Retail equals irony,
dianne.

Greed.

Never forget it.

I have to tell Lou.

You're wasting
your time.

Only a handful
of families

will be left at the end
of the contest.

The winner will be
shopping for his team,

not just his family.

One plasma screen TV
will not be enough.

Soon, they'll want
six, eight, a dozen.

Multiply that over a host
of high-end products,

like phones, cameras,
jewelry...

And four hours
of free shopping

loses
its small-town charm.

More than ever,

we need to win
this contest.

It's not about
the contest.

I'm talking
about Boyd.

He's soft.

Soft?

Well, he's got
no drive, no edge.

He's just not
like you.

Like me?

Oh, come on, dianne.

It's no accident

you're an executive
high-powered superstar.

I mean,
look in the mirror.

You don't see

picket fences
and block parties,

do you?

No.

Neither do I.

I see empires,

I see executive
boardrooms,

employees
all over the world,

and Boyd is just...

Ah, he'll
let you down.

You don't
know him, daddy.

Does he shop?

Yes, he shops.

Then I know him.

Oh...

This is half-naked.

I need more lights.

More snow.

[Shrieks]

Oh!

Oh, no.

This will not happen.

No, no, no, no, no.

You won't be lucky twice, huh?

[Train whistle toots]

What do you
think, dear?

It's Santa's
workshop.

Those are elves
fixing toys,

and that's Santa.

It's Christmas.

Not to me.

Well, we haven't finished yet.

Something's changed.

I can feel it.

What?
What do you mean?

This isn't
about Christmas.

[Laughing]

There you go.

It's good as new, huh?

Ah, c'est bon, c'est bon.

[Chortling]

He calls it
"wonderland"?

Ha!

What's it about?

War.

[Scoffs]

Ah, la Maison de gingembre.

All right,
these go to housewares.

These two bicycles,
they go to linens, yeah?

What are you doing?

I'm getting ready
for spring.

But it's still
Christmas.

Christmas
is over.

What, are you going to
move everything?

Well...

Except food.

I mean,
food is still food.

Yeah, but what about
the contest?

The four free hours
of shopping?

Yeah, I know,
bad timing

for the winner,
but, hey,

we move everything
in the store every year,

so people have to go through
the whole store

to find out what's where.

I mean, impulse shopping
is up 32%.

You don't believe me,
ask Johnson.

He's got the numbers.

This isn't about
numbers, daddy.

You are spending too much time
with Boyd.

No, she's not.

I'm not?

Are you?

No, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

I told you two
not to get involved.

Well, it's too late
for that, daddy.

We are involved.

These people aren't
just contestants,

they're shoppers.

They've drawn maps.

They've planned
strategies.

They'll be disappointed,
even angry.

They might not
shop here anymore.

We'll get 'em off that dime,
no problem.

When I announce the winner,

I'll announce
the next contest.

The next contest?

The great American store
easter egg hunt.

I mean, picture it.

Baskets and bonnets,
and bunnies

and dresses and hats

and truckloads of eggs.

Green grass, house paint,
new shrubs...

I'm telling you,
it's going to be a grand slam.

They won't
forget Christmas.

Oh, dianne,

retail has no memory.

No feelings.

It's like a great white shark

moving through
the deep, dark ocean.

Nothing behind it.

Nothing on its mind
but its next meal,

and its
next meal only.

What about
the people?

Little fish.

Find out what,
where, and when

they like to eat,

and feed 'em to the shark.

It's the shark
you got to worry about.

Now, you two better figure out
what you're doing,

because once this contest ends

you get uninvolved.

Don't listen to him.

And you call these Santa boots?

Can you re-stock the tinsel?

Aisle five, please.

Ah!
Sorry.

Merry Christmas,
buddy boy.

We'll do a walk-through
this afternoon.

Tomorrow,
we'll do a dress rehearsal,

and then, on Sunday,
showtime.

You guys are going to
be fabulous.

For a second there,

I thought that
Santa claus was real.

I was going over
Ron's lists.

"Lists"? Plural?

Yes,
he's teamed up

with some
of his neighbors,

and now they're part

of our subset
shopping strategy.

Do they understand

that most of it
is going to charity?

Ron has friends
from all over the place

and they've kicked in
decorations.

Mostly lower-tier--
clothes, tools--

but they're definitely
on the list.

Uh, I'd really
love to discuss

the underlying complexities
in contest shopping strategy,

but I'm concerned
about dwarves right now.

How much do they cost,
and who's going to pay?

Do you even know

what your neighbors
have been up to

for the last
four days?

No. Do you?

Yes, Eileen
and her husband

were in Los Angeles.

Who knows what deals
they've been making.

Live orchestra?

We're spying
on them?

Don't you think
they're spying on US?

And the chef,

he chartered
a flight from Europe.

On the 24th,
it's arriving.

What do you think

is going to be
on that flight?

I don't know.

A partridge
in a pear tree?

And the lawyer's wife
was in New York

and had
a lunch meeting

with the people from
the Macy's day parade,

and on her way home

went to
cirque de soleil.

Oh, well, you see,
that makes sense,

because rumor has it
they're ...

If you want to run
with the big dogs,

you've got to get up
off the porch.

Because it's
a dog-eat-dog world?

[Groaning]:
You're impossible.

Do you want to win
this thing or not?

Sure.

[♪♪]

All right, everybody,
get ready, huh?

Shall we have a look?

Oh, Gary,
the big moment!

Okay, baby,
ready?

The lights!

UN!

One!

Oh!

Deux!

Two!

Beautiful!

Trois!

Three!
Oh, Gary!

Fantastic!

Gorgeous.

C'est fantastique!

Oh, okay.

No, I-I don't want you
to think that either.

Oh, well, good--

[muffled cry]

Are you okay
in there, al?

Don't call me al!

Call me Santa!

I put on the red suit,
I become the man!

Well, are you okay
in there, Santa?

No, I'm going to have
a heart attack

and die out there!

Please don't
do that!

I'll admit,

this is way ahead
of schedule for me.

Well, and I was so far
behind schedule,

I never thought
I'd get back.

Second half
of the third year,

I was thinking,

and here I am,

not even settled
into management,

and I've already
met someone.

You-- you've
met someone?

No, not someone.

You. I met you.

I want to
renegotiate

my contract.

And I've met you.

Can we talk
later, Santa?

Anytime
you want,

but no dough,
no show.

Yah, maybe that's the
way they do it in the
norht pole, Santa

but here in pinenut
it's "no show, no dough!"

I hate pinenut!

And you know what?

I didn't even manage anything.

It just happened.

Listen,

I got bad asthma.
Did I tell you that?

Yeah, only about
a hundred times

since we first met.

You know, I know
what you mean.

I never thought
this would happen again.

It turns out,

you can't manage
the intangibles,

and you know what?

The intangibles
are the best part.

[Giggling]

So, what
about lunch?

I'm allergic to peanuts
and shellfish.

You're not serving
shrimp, are you?

Yeah, shrimp stir-fry
with peanuts.

I love the intangibles.

You want me
to turn green,

die right in front
of the little kids?

You know what?

We'll work it
into the act, Santa.

What, is that a joke?

Yeah, ho, ho, ho, al.

I told you.

When I'm in costume,
you call me Santa!

I love them, too.

You know, like
the sound of your laughter,

and like the color
of your eyes...

I mean, who knew?

Forget what I said
about flowers and chocolates.

More than anything,

I want you to
show up at my door

with a dozen roses
and a box of truffles.

I'll be there.

Promise?

[Santa chuckles]

See you
on set, Santa.

All right,
think jolly.

Break a leg.

Boots are so tight,
I'm sure I will!

I hope you're insured!

Oh, god,
I'm worried.

So, uh...

Does this mean
that you and me...

We're official?

Well, do we have to
put a label on it?

I like things to be official.

Yeah, I know,

but maybe
this time we can--

Mmm...

Okay, you win.

It's official.

We're together.

What time is it
exactly?

I want to remember
this moment forever.

Mm...

[Sighs]

Here they come.

[Jacques]: Get up your ladder,
for the snow!

Okay, here comes
the judges.

All right, fix my hat,
put this on, get the lights.

Come on,
come on, come on.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.
You look great.

That looks great.
I love that.

Okay, forgot to turn on
this string.

Are they coming?

Here we go.

How's everything?
Is it good?

Yeah?
Oh, fantastic.

All right,
Jack-in-the-box.

Oh, I got it.

No, no, no, no, no.

Where's Santa going?

Santa?
He can't go.

Go get him
and bring him back.

Santa! Santa!

Le musique!

[Christmas music playing]

C'est tres bon.
C'est sweet, sweet.

All right,
smile, smile!

Happy! Happy!
Oui...

Tres, tres bon.

Okay, all right.

[Snare drum beating]

Hurry, hurry,
get them lit.

Showtime.
Let's turn it on.

Let's go!

Okay, come on.

Okay, get back,
get back.

My name is mattathias,
and I will defend our faith...

Ah...

Look at that.

Oh, that looks nice.

All right, where is--

Santa's not ready.

Not ready?

Well, he's in
the bathroom.

He's got, um...

Complications.

Santa is a whiner.

Okay...

Look at
the other houses.

We have to
make it bigger,

but we just need to get
on the short list

so that we can
make the finals, okay?

But, you know,
to do that, we need...

Santa.
Santa.

Okay, the snow!

More snow!

Falling snow, huh?

Happy, happy! Stay happy!

Smile a little,
gingerbread people, huh?

All right...

No, I mean,
look at...

No, yours is better,
really--

oh, I got
a tummy ache.

Yeah, well,
it's Christmas, Santa.

Everybody gets
a tummy ache.

No tummy aches for Santa.

Just stand there
like we rehearsed,

fill up the sleigh
with the gifts,

box by box,
remember?

Okay, and...

Action!

[Whispering]: Not you.

You, come on,
get out of the way.

They're coming.

Okay, more snow!

More snow,
yes.

[Wolves howl]

...and will defend
the temple...

Ow!

Oh, I think I pulled something.

No...

No, no, no,
you didn't pull anything.

No, no, no.

Action, action!

Ow!

[Wolves howl]

I like the igloo
with the snowman.

Oh, how wonderful.

Very nice,
very nice.

And it will
come to pass...

This one is a Jewish theme.

Oh...

...my son, Judas,
will return to this place

and rededicate it
to our god...

Tres bon, tres bon, huh?

Good, good.
What's next?

The French guy's house
looks great.

You know what?

We just need to have
more action.

More lights,
more...

More stuff.

M-More?
More.

Just more.

More, exactly.
More.

Oh, here they come.

Oh, look at this.
Lots of activity.

Very good.

Santa with elves.

[People murmuring]

Oh, that's
gorgeous, yeah.

Very nice, very nice.

No, no.
Where are they going?

They can't go--

don't drop
the presents, Santa!

Where did they go?
They can't go.

Are they leaving?

I mean, are they just
going to look

at another house?

I don't know.

Les bon-bon.

Les bon-bon, ah...

Vite, vite, vite, vite.

Bon-bon...

Merci beaucoup.

Ah... ah...

[Chuckling gleefully]

...and though the fight
will be long and hard

okay, they got it.
Let's go.

Good.

What's Jack doing
over there?

I don't know.

What is that?

Merci beaucoup.

For you, monsieur?

A lollipop, huh?

A little candy for you?

For you, monsieur?

[Man]: Thanks.
I love lollipops.

What's he doing?

He's giving out candies.

That's against
the rules.

He should be
disqualified.

He can't do
candies!

Jacques...

Forget him.

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

No problem.

No problem.

Let's get some
more decorations.

This is
my house!

I own it!

Everybody out!

Okay, okay--

get out of here!

Take these lights down!

Get off my property!

Carl, please!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
pop, pop, calm down.

Don't you tell me
to calm down!

Who are you

to tell me
to calm down?

No, pop, don't!

I don't want to calm down!

Pop...

Pop, no, don't!

Carl,
please stop!

You stop!

All of you, stop this!

[Decorations crashing]

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay, pop.

[Sobbing]

I don't have...

A lot of things that I remember

anymore.

Oh...

Most of the time,

I think
I don't remember you, Lou,

but I remember
Christmas!

When I was a boy,

when you were a boy,

our traditions,

the decorations,
and the...

The...

You playing
the trumpet.

I remembered that!

I just want...

One more Christmas to remember

before I don't remember
anything anymore.

Go back to your contest, Louis.

There's always next year.

It's all right.

No, mom,
it's not all right.

He won't remember this
in the morning--

but I will.

That's it.

Show's over.

We're out.

We're taking everything down.

What?

We're
taking it down.

We have contracts

with Santa
and the elves.

Well, we can...
We can...

Pay them
for the day.

You cannot take this down.

Can I keep
the boots?

They're
growing on me.

I'm sorry, dianne,

but we're taking it
all down.

The lights, the toys, the
tools,

everything, okay?

Take it all down.

Now.

Get it into the garage
and out of my father's yard!

Mom, take him inside, okay?

I'll deal with this.

You do
what he says!

That's my son!

My son Louis!

All right, just
hold it right there.

Don't move.
You can't do this.

This was a terrible idea

from the beginning.

Well, then I can
keep the boots?

Huh?

The workshop?

No, the contest.

Putting me in it,

it was too much
for my father.

Well, we'll send him
to The Bahamas.

Put him in a hotel.

He doesn't know
if he's coming or going

most of the time.

Don't let him do this to US.

Please, do something with him.

Like what?

Have him rearrange
the entire store

two days before
the winner is announced?

I thought
they were too tight,

but they're
just snug,

and I think
they'll stretch.

You can't quit the contest.

Yes, I can.

I mean,

I'm not giving you
permission to quit!

I think it'll
look smart

with levis
and a flannel shirt--

I don't need
your permission.

You do
if you want to keep your job.

I don't want the job.

If you do this...

If you do this...

If you do this,
we're breaking up.

Officially?

Yeah, officially.

I'm sorry, dianne.

[Sighs]

Shortest official
relationship on record.

You should
call guinness,

because they can
help with that.

[Roars]

[Chuckling]

What?

So about
these boots--

go home!

What about--

[growls]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Whispering]: Okay.

Shh, shh, shh!

Let's go.

All right?

Shh, shh, shh!

[Whispering]:
Do you need some help?

No, I'm fine.

You put them-- ugh.

[Panting]

[Thud, smash]

[Groans quietly]

We're going to fire up
all of these.

And the thing to remember
about the pieces

is that they mustn't be
too close together.

Right,
not too close.

And they can't be
too far apart either.

Okay, pop,
not too far.

There's a drawing

in a little box.

Right.

My great-great-
grandfather,

Edward Boyd,

drew it himself.

It's how it's all
to be laid out,

how it has to look.

Here it is, pop.

Yes.

Yes...
Okay...

Oh, we mustn't
forget the song.

No, I won't
forget, pop.

In the old days,
we all sang it together.

Yeah, we were

the Boyd family
chorus, huh?

Music! Music...

Get that case.

Get that case.

Now we're talking.

Yes.

In the old days,
I played the trumpet,

and people came
from all over town

to join in.

That was really
Christmas,

wasn't it, pop?

Oh...

I don't remember how to play.

What are we going to do?

We need music.

For the song.

Can you play?

Nah, I don't
remember.

Sure you do.

Hey, what...

Whatever happened
to that nice girl

you had here?

That was
a nice girl.

Did you stay
on your toes?

Did I tell you
stay on your toes?

Yeah, you did, dad,

but, uh...

That train left the station
without me.

You're a good boy.

I wish I had a son like you.

Thanks, pop.

[Laughs]

I got you good there,
didn't I, Sonny?

[Both laughing]

Yeah, you got me, pop.

Good evening, shoppers!

And welcome to the final
moments

of the great American store
Christmas lights contest.

Now, I just got to
ask you this...

Are you all ready for
Christmas?

[Cheering]

[Chuckling]

Earlier today,

the judges have done
some preliminary reviews

and have determined

that the final
three contestants

from fitzberg

have dropped out.

Now, I know that's sad,

but it guarantees
that the winner will come

from the township
of pinenut,

right here
on Chestnut street,

which, as we all know,

is visible from space!

[Crowd applauding]

Now, lookit, folks,

you've all read the papers,

you know all the players.

Let's count this thing down,

and flick
the switch,

and get this show
on the road.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

All right.

In ten, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three...
Trois!

Two...
Deux!

One!

UN!

Let there be light!

Oh, ho, ho,
look at that!

My name
is mattathias,

and I will defend our faith
in our temple...

Bravo!

C'est magnifique!

Oh...

Whoa-ho,
look at that.

Wow, you've really
outdone yourselves.

[Electricity crackling]

[Crowd gasps]

Whoa!

[Electricity fizzles]

What?

[Crackling]

Qu'est-ce que se passe?

[Air hissing]

[Crowd shouting in panic]

[Sparking and fizzing]

What
happened?

Over here.

Oh!

Mon homme de neige!

[Crowd murmuring in surprise]

Oh, um, uh...

Well, uh...

A power surge.

They overloaded
the city's power supply.

[Laughs]

Talk about lucky.

How lucky
can we get?

[Giggling]

What?

The entire street
is dark.

Yeah, but don't you see?
That's it!

No winner.

Talk about a merry Christmas!

[Chuckles]

[Whispering]:
All right, you guys,

there'll be no winner.

[Clears throat]

Ladies and gentlemen,

now, the judges,

after considerable review,

have determined
that there, uh...

[Clears throat]

Are no houses
left to judge.

So good news and bad news.

What do you want to hear first?

Bad news!

Okay, well,

the bad news is...

[Clears throat]

There's not
going to be a winner.

What did he say?

[Crowd murmuring]

Now, now,
but the good news is...

We're having
an easter egg contest!

Right,

what are the Jews
supposed to do?

So, uh, as you can see,
there are no more lights.

So if you want to wrap it up,
we'll--

not true.

What?

There is one more house
with a light.

What...

Whose?

Lou Boyd.

But--

but he quit.

Y-You told me
he quit.

He's a loser.
He quit!

He did,

but I never withdrew his name
from the contest,

and as you can see,
there is light at his house.

[Whispering]: I told you
not to get involved with him.

You know,
you can't help it sometimes.

You can't help it,

and you just can't stop it.

It just happens.

Love is bigger than retail,
daddy.

Don't you
know that?

Here you are.

[Crowd murmuring]

Pass these
around.

What are you gonna do?

Oh, yeah...

[People begin to hum along]

What do you think?

Yeah.
Not bad.

♪ Silent night

♪ holy night

♪ all is calm

♪ all is bright

♪ round yon virgin

♪ mother and child

♪ holy infant

♪ so tender and mild

♪ sleep in heavenly peace

♪ sleep in heavenly peace

this is Christmas.

Now it's Christmas.

Of course
it is, dear.

You play that thing
pretty darn good.

Thanks, pop.

You were right. I remembered.

[Sniffling]

You won.

You never took me
out of the contest?

No.

I...

I didn't fire you, either.

Did we break up?

Officially?

Of course.

I don't know.

I don't know the rules.

I hope not.

Me too.

Don't stop for US.

We just wanted to wish you
a merry Christmas.

[Chuckling]

We're having
pancakes

in the morning,

and it would be very nice
if you would join US.

Yeah.

Thank you.

That'd be great.

Hot dog
and a soda, boy.

There's not many stations

that pass
through the train twice.

[Laughs]

Try not to miss it this time.

I won't, pop.

Not this time.

[Groans]

Okay, Boyd...

You win.

Four hours of free shopping.

I'm donating it to charity.

[Chuckles]

Right you are.

Excuse me.

Got to make
an announcement.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to make
an announcement.

I would like to invite
all of the contestants

and their families

to join me and my staff
aboard the q.E. 2

for an evening of dining,
dancing, music,

and fun!

[Gasping]

Wow...

Because
at the great American store...

We're all winners.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Whoo-hoo!

Merry Christmas.

[Laughing]

Now, uh, Boyd...

Lou...

You're welcome to join US
if you wish

as, uh, part of the family.

I'd like that,
Mr. Crouch.

I love you, daddy.

I love you, too,
honey.

Okay, let's go.

Come on over.

You guys
are great.

Great neighbors.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

It looks beautiful.

Yeah, it does.