Cherokee Creek (2017) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull


Hey, you motherfuckers
out there.

- Yeah, there they are.
- That's right.

If you don't know who we are,

you ain't been watching
the fuckin' Facebook page.

But this is, I'm
Kidnap number one,

this is Kidnap number two, okay?

And we're here to tell
you motherfuckers...


Thank you for
purchasing the movie

on VOD, DVD or whatever
the fuck format

you're watching it
on but if you're

not watching it on
one of those formats

and you're a cheap ass, no
good, dick suckin' motherfucker

it means that you are
pirating the fuckin' movie

- and you are, my friend...
- Dicks.

- Piece of shit.
- Yes.

- Piece of shit dicks.
- Dicks, yeah.

Yeah, you're a piece
of shit dick, so.


You need to not pirate
this motherfucker, okay?

We all busted our
fuckin' ass on this movie

for three fuckin'
years so you guys

could fuckin' enjoy
this motherfucker.

- All yous.
- And after you get done

watching it, you're
gonna agree with us

that this a good
fuckin' movie, so...

- They're gonna like it.
- So if you did pirate

the motherfucker, you
know, if you're a fuckin'

butt pirate or whatever the
fuck you wanna call yourself.

- One of these.
- Watch the fuckin' movie

and when it's done, then go buy

the motherfuckin' movie, okay?

Buy it!

Cause if you're pirating it,

you're gonna know it's
a good fuckin' movie

and if you're not pirating it,
we wanna thank yous because...

All of yous.

Yous are some
cool motherfuckers

- and we's appreciate you.
- We's.

- We's appreciate yous, okay?
- Him and me.

- So thank you very much.
- Yeah.

- Enjoy the fuckin' movie.
- Enjoy it, dicks!

- Peace out.
- Peace!

Hey, Rowdy.

Yeah, Cletus?

How much you think we're gonna
get for killin' this thing?

About a million dollars.

And we're gonna split
that like 50/50, right?


400 thousand each?

You lost your goddamn mind?

We not splittin' it 50/50.

Hell, I got the
weapons, the traps,

even brought the goddamn beer.

Only thing I brought
your ass along for

is so you could help
me drag the body

out of the goddamn woods.


I was just hoping to
get enough, you know,

to help me get a
new double wide.

Gonna need a huntin' dog.

Maybe get a bass boat.

Yeah, that oughta be
enough for all that.

You don't think real
big do you, Cletus?

I figure about 20 percent.

Like a hundred Benjamins?

Aw, man, that'd be awesome!

That works for me!

Sure, Cletus,
whatever you say.

Let's just

be quiet so's we can

sneak up on this thing.

I'm ready to get out
of this damn canoe.

Come on.

Here, take this damn paddle
and stick in the boat for me.

God, damn.

I'll get you a gun.

Thanks, Rowdy.

I shoulda brought my sister.

Why, is she hot?

Rowdy, dude, Rowdy.

Look, restricted
area, do not enter.

Well, hell yeah it's
a restricted area.

You think they just
gonna invite people

up here to kill things?

Come on, damn it,
get in front of me.

But that movie with the
kids and the witch thing,

- they all died!
- I wanna see you

at all times, march.

And be quiet, damn it.

You did take a look at
all that information

I sent you and study all
those pictures, right?

Well, of course, I did.

Good, cause there was
a shit ton of important

information in there and
if you don't know it,

you're gonna get us both killed.

Maybe we should review
it just to make sure

- I didn't forget anything.
- God damn it, Cletus.

You didn't look at one
damn thing, did you?

Alright, fine, you caught me.

But, come on, what's the
worst thing that could happen?

What's the worst
thing that could happen?

Are you kidding me?

Let's take a second here to
review the rules, alright?

Rule one: absolutely
no pissin' or shittin'

of any kind out
here in the woods.

If you're gonna do
it, you gotta do it

in a bag or in a bottle
cause if this thing

gets one scent of
you, he'll be down

on top of us in a few seconds
and he'll kill us both.

Number two: no loud noises,
keep your voice down.

I been telling you that.

And number three: absolutely
no fornification of any kind.


You mean, like, getting it on?

Man, I don't know what you got

planned for out here
but I'm not like that.

It's okay if you are.

Cletus, I ain't gay

and I sure as hell wouldn't
be gay with you if I was.

I'm just trying to tell you
this thing is territorial

and it's very important
that you follow the rules.

The thing it hates most in
the world is male ejaculate.

So you just keep it zipped up.

Keep your tally
whacker in your pants

and we'll be just fine.

Now come on.

I actually got
buttons not a zipper.

Well, really, Rowdy.

- Why wouldn't you like me...
- Watch the tree.

It's slippery down here.



Looks like a football.

It's got the toes.

And a heel!


Could we set the trap now?


Not yet.

He's out there.

Let's go.

I'll spread around
here, help me out.

You and I are gonna split up.

I'm gonna take a spot up
over there in the woods,

you're gonna take
a spot over here.

If you need
anything, don't yell.

Alright, you just make a whistle
sound like a little bird.

- Alright?
- Okay, okay.

- Got it?
- Okay.

Let's go.

- Hey, Rowdy?
- Yeah?

You know, ever since
you brought it up,

I kinda gotta pee.

Okay, take this jug with you

and you piss in that.

If you fill it up, you drink it.

Of course I ain't doing that.

Yeah, they do it on the
survival shows all the time.

This ain't no survival show!

If you pour that
out on the ground,

then this thing's
gonna smell that.

It's gonna be on top
of us in no time.

Now, look, they say
it's good for you.

They even cook with
it, now come on.

Let's get this son of a bitch.

Go take your spot.

Fucking kidding.

Oh, gross, man!

I ain't drinkin'
that shit anyhow.

Oh, gross.

Hey, Rowdy, I think I hear it!

- I think I hear him!
- Cletus!

I told you to whistle!

Well, I got pee on my hands.

I ain't got no hand sanitizer.

Cletus, you're
gonna get us killed!

I think he's coming!

Stay away!

Stay away!

Pull it together, pull
it together, Cletus.

He's coming, Rowdy!


Hey, you're gonna get us killed!

I don't know where to go!

I don't know what to do!

I don't know where he's at!

Oh shit.

Hey, hey!

He's behind you!

He's behind you!

Oh, shit!

- I stepped in the pee again!
- Turn around, shoot it!

Shoot it!

Come over here
or I'll come there!

No, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!



The fuck are you
watching up there, man?

Stay focused.


- Fuckin' kid.
- Oh, shit.

Hey, man.

What's the craziest thing
you done with a chick?

There's this
one chick at work,

she used to love to come
down and suck my dick.

Every morning before
anybody else got to work.


But I tried to fuck
her this one time

in this bathroom that
was under construction,

she fucking totally
freaked out on me.

It's like she'd
rather get caught

with my dick in her mouth.

Made no sense.

That's pretty hot, though.

- It was pretty hot.
- Ah, but I got something

that'll blow your minds.

Happened to me last night.

Wait a second,
you're telling me

you got your dick
sucked every single day

at work and you
never got caught?

Not every day, but

I got it sucked several
times a week, yeah.

You weren't afraid
of getting fired?

Not really, I
mean, shit we were

going through layoffs anyway.

But the chick did tell the boss.

- I didn't give a fuck.
- Wait, wait, wait.

So he wasn't pissed about it?

Not really.

He just called me to
his office and said,

if you get caught getting
your dick sucked at work,

I'ma have to fire your ass

but until then, have fun.

Alright, alright,
enough already.

Can I tell you my story?

Yeah, tell your
fuckin' story, man.

It's a good story!

So last night I'm fuckin'
this super hot chick.

- Wow.
- And she was a squirter.


It's not a myth!

She shat out diarrhea on you?

Her pussy shot out
shit on him, man.

Yeah, that's what I said.

What he meant was,
she shot pussy juice

out of her vag, dude.

So you're serious, man?

You actually fucked a squirter?

The myth?

I assure you, it was real.

Freaked me the fuck
out, but it was so hot.

Oh shit, she just left.

Get ready, guys.

Fuck, man!

I told you to keep
an eye out, man.

What the fuck were you doin'?

Only got a few seconds
to make this shit happen.

How am I lookin', we good?

Yeah, got it
inside out but fuck it.

Fuck it.

Alright, brother, this
is what we planned.

Alright, ready.

Let's do this, man.

Let's fucking do it.

- Here.
- One, two.

Hey, man, don't
leave me hanging.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuckin' A, man.

- Ready?
- One, two.

Oh my God.

This is crazy, this is
crazy, this is crazy.

It's crazy!

It's unlocked, let's go.

Go, go, go, go!

Okay, whoo.

Freeze, motherfucker!

What the fuck?

What the?

He fucking fainted.

Well, that wasn't
supposed to happen.

Oh, shit.

What the?

Oh, shit.

What the fuck?

Ah, fuck, it didn't flush.

Oh, disgusting.

I gotta get something
for his head.

We can't carry
him out like that.

I can see his ball sac, man.

Are we gonna wipe his ass?

You shitting me?

Do we need to wipe his ass?

I don't know.

Let's just hope
it was a clean shit.

Am I gonna pull up his pants?

I'll do it if you
do the head, man.

Jesus Christ.

It's your
idea, so fuck it.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

I think that's gonna
have to work, man.

I can't really touch
all this, you know?

I touched enough for me.

We'll fix him when
he gets in the van.

Oh, fuck, he's heavy.

Oh, dude, farting!


- What the?
- Watch where you're going.

Kiss my ass, lady.

Kissin' ass is out of style.

Lay down and I'll
shit in your mouth.


You better be nice, lady,

or I'll come back and
steal your scooter.

You're not
stealin' my scooter,

you motherfuckin'
son of a bitch.

What the fuck?

Ah, fuck it, dude,
come on, let's go.

Let's get outta here.

Hey, assholes, where
are you taking him?

I'm calling the cops.

- What the hell, man?
- Unlock!

- You're supposed to help us.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Don't you know how
to fuckin' knock?

What the fuck
were you doing, man?

Oh, fuck!

Jesus Christ,
okay, okay, alright.

- I told you to stay focused.
- Go, go!

How do I fuckin' turn
the emergency brake off?

Fuck, how do I?

Why'd you set the
emergency brake?

It's for fucking safety!

- Jesus Christ!
- Man, go!

The old lady is gonna
get our license plate!

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck, rag okay.

Cum everywhere, fuck!

Okay, oh, shit.

Alright, we're set!

He's okay, that
was fucking fast.

Okay, tape his hands.

- Alright, alright.
- I think that's good enough.

That works.

What a rush, huh?

I did not expect that.

I'm gonna lay down.


Oh, man.

The fuck you doing, man?

Fuckin' hornball.

Hey, what are you listening to?

It's my song.

That's your song?

It's my jam.

It fucking sucks.

That's rock n' roll, man!



You are following the
directions, right?

Yeah, I'm followin' the GPS.

Not the
GPS, the directions

that I gave you to follow!

The GPS is gonna get us lost!

Let me out or I'll
pop you full of lead!

What the fuck?

Get him, get the gun!

My fucking ear, man.

What the fuck?

What the, what the fuck?

Oh my God.

Can I get the shit?

- Get that shit?
- Just stop pulling it,

put him out!

Get the cum rag!

Jarrett, the cum rag!

Fuck, fuck!

Just fucking pour it on there.

Pour it on the cum rag.

Holy shit.

Put it on his fucking face.

Where is it, right there?

Oh, oh my God.

Is it working?

I think it worked.

I think it worked.

Oh, God.

Who the fuck
carries an ankle gun?

Well, this dude does.

Well, next time
we'll check but.

That was so
fucking close, huh?

Shot up on the fuckin', huh.

Oh, that was close, oh my god.


Get some more tape.

We need more tape
for this fucker.

I'll tape him this time, shit.

Hey, uncle, we're here.


- We're here, we made it.
- It's dark.

Yeah, it's 8:50.

We lost a few hours,
but we got here!

We're so late.

This was supposed to
be done hours ago.

Where the fuck are we, man?

In the woods.

- There's no road.
- Yeah.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

Jarrett, go make sure

- everything is taken care of.
- Alright, you got it.

Let me grab this.

Take the
lantern with you.

It's bright.

Oh, oh!

- I'm gonna leave the key, you...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just, just go, go.


Thought we'd never make it.


It's time to wake this
son of a bitch up.

Let's do it.

Look, I'm supposed to be

at my wedding rehearsal
dinner right now.

- Hey!
- What?

Calm the fuck down
and keep walking.

Look, guys, if I
don't make that dinner,

my fiancee's gonna kill me.

Let me get this straight,

we're about to blow
your fuckin' brains out

and you're worried about
what your woman might think.

This dude has
some major problems,

he deserves to fuckin' die.

Get down here.

Anybody that's this pathetic,
pussy whipped is pathetic.

I'm not pussy whipped!

I just love my fiancee.



Any last words before
we end your pathetic

miserable pussy whipped life?

Please, please don't kill me.

Shut the fuck up.

Go out with some fucking
balls, for God's sakes.

Have a little dignity!

I'll, I'll do anything.


You'll do anything?

You hear that?

He'll do anything.

He ain't got
nothing that we want.

That's right.

We're not gay.

You can't suck our
fucking dicks off.


Yeah, we're not.

We're not gay.

I'm not, I'm not gay.

Nothing against gay people
but I'm not, you know?

I just, I just don't
wanna suck a dick.

Yeah, well.

I say we kill him like they did

in that movie we like so much.

- Fuckin' Boondocks style.
- Ah, hell yeah!

Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about.

- Oh, god.
- On the count of three.



Oh, hold on a sec.

I think we should
show him who we are

before we blow his
fuckin' head off.

What do you say?

- Oh, yeah.
- Let's do it.

Let's take this fuckin'
thing off his head.



Turn the fuck around.

Turn around!

That's right.

You ready?






Are you fucking kidding me?

Hey, man, calm the fuck down.

Chill out.


Did we get you
good or what, huh?

No, you're a sick fuck!

Calm down, man, it's just
a fuckin' bachelor party.

Surprise bachelor party for you.

This is great, Jinx.

You made me miss my
rehearsal dinner.

You know Caroline's
gonna kill me for this.

The whole family came into
town tonight for this.

Listen, man.

How do you think
we pulled this off?

Caroline knew about
it the entire time.

She helped us.

No, you're lying, okay?

Caroline would never
be in on pranks.

Especially something like this.

How do you think that we knew

the exact time that you
take a shit every day?

She told us.

You can call her if you want.

Yeah, I will call her.


Do you have mine?

Oh yeah, I do, don't I?

Go for it.

You wanna get
this shit off of me?

I guess that might
help a little bit, huh?

Come on!

Give me a second,
I gotta get my knife.


Sorry about that, bro.

I'll buy you a new shirt.

Hi, baby.

How's it goin'?

Hey, sweetie.

I'm so sorry I'm not
home for dinner tonight.

Jinx and a couple of assholes
busted on me this morning

with guns and masks, I fainted,

and drug me out in the
middle of the woods.

Oh, I did wake up at one point

and Jinx fucking
chloroformed me!

Well, yeah, because
you tried to kill us.

He chloroformed
you and you fainted?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Look, did you know
anything about this?

Just calm down, baby.

I knew everything.

Jinx and I have been
planning this for months.

But you gotta admit, we got
you pretty good, didn't we?


So there is no rehearsal
dinner tonight?


That's gonna be next
Friday before the wedding.

Both of our families
were in on it, too.

Now don't worry
about anything else

and just have some
fun with the boys.

For Christ's sake.

And, well, what are
you gonna do tonight?

I mean, I don't like
the idea of you home

all alone without
me all night long.

I'm not home by myself.

I'm over at Cameron's
and Callie's here

and she's helping
me put my makeup on

which is so sweet of her.

It's all good.

Hey, babe, would you put
Jinx on the phone for me?

Okay, honey.

Plan was awesome, scared
the shit out of him.

You should've seen his face.

Yeah, we couldn't have
done it without you.

Jinx, you motherfucker,

you better stick to the plan.

I'm serious.

No booze, no titty
bitches, nothing.

If I find out any
of this is going on,

you will experience
a wrath that you have

never experienced before,
do you understand?

I know, I know.

You've told me a million times.

No alcohol and no
strippers, I got it.

Alright, well you go have some
fun and we'll see you later.

Alright, good night.

This is bullshit, Jinx.

You know what, no.

I'm not doing any of this, okay?

I got some guy I
don't know humping me.


You got fuckin' Chad here,

you know how I feel about Chad.

Hey, Pat, what's up, man?

Long time, no talk!

It's fucking freezing.

I have no coat, I
have nothing, no.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Pat, this party
is for you, man.

Just calm down, what the fuck?

Where you goin'?

Guess he didn't like
the surprise, boys.

J-man, hit me that lantern.

Let's get the food started,

I'm gonna have to go chase
after his ass, I guess.

Be back in a few, boys.

That Pat guy's gonna be
high maintenance, ain't he?

Oh, yeah, man.

Some good fire.

Hey, man.



Dude, I am like
your biggest fan.

I've seen all of your movies.

I have every last one
of them on Blu-ray.

I've seen 'em all,
like, ten times.

Some even 20 times.



Glad, glad you do.

Do you think that
I could get like a,

like an autograph and
a picture with you?

Pat, Pat, wait up!

- Just calm down, man.
- No, man.

Pat, come on, man.

Dude, we are four hours
away from anywhere.

I don't care!

And you don't have a
car here, where you goin'?

Okay, Jinx, you came
into my house today

and put guns, guns to my head.

And then you got me out
here and who do I see?

Chad and I hate that asshole.

Okay, first of all, those
guns weren't real, man.

They're just movie props that
we used for one of our movies.

They're fake.

And Chad's cool, man.

You guys used to
be best friends.

No, he's a raging atheist.

You know that, right?

Like you can't take
him around anybody

without him trying
to convert you

or he wants you to smoke his pot

or take his ecstasy.

Dude, he's not
like that anymore.

I'm telling you,
I've been hanging out

with him for the last year,

he talks about these
cool restaurants

that he eats at in
Austin and, you know,

we have a lot in common
with independent films.

He tells me about
all these films

I've never heard of and
they're, they're cool, man.

He's cool.

Mmhmm, that's great.

Well, he better not
start anything, okay?

40 bucks for both.


I'm an actor, that's
why I get paid.

Well, yeah, like I said
I'm your biggest fan, I,

and I bought all your movies.


I mean, I hear all that but
that doesn't mean shit to me.

See, I don't make a dime

out of those things
that you buy.

See they cook the
fucking books so bad,

my last check was
almost a nickel.

You know?


Do you want that
autograph and pic or what?

Oh yeah, yeah, uh.

Yeah, hold on.

Yeah, let me.

I think I, I think I
got the cash somewhere.

There's one, it's
ripped but it's still

like it'll, yeah.

I think it's the serial numbers.

What you got there?

I just, that's,
I think that's two.

That's three, that's three!


Good start.

What else you got?

You know what?

I'm just gonna
look in my wallet.

I need just 20 more bucks.

- You got 20 more?
- Yeah, I usually

keep money in here, I think.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I have some.

Yeah, hold on, let me.


It's just 20
bucks right there.

- Just right there.
- Just looked in the wallet.

Alright, you got it,
thank you very much.

- Um, I'll keep this one.
- Mmhmm.

There you go, yeah, hold that.

There you go.

Alright, there you go.

Here's your Sharpie.

Here's your DVD.

Yeah, Vinny, thanks.

Um, is, uh?

What does it?

What does it say?

Vinny Blades.

Well, it just
looks like a line.


- It's, yeah.
- Hey.

- There's more there.
- How about that pic?


Oh yeah, I gotta
switch it around.

Okay, alright.


Here we go.

Here we go.


- Good job, alright, man.
- Uh.

- Wait, wait, Mr, Mr. Blades?
- Blades.

Blades, um.

Well, you walked
away right as I was

pushing the button so it's,

I mean, it's just
a picture of me.

So, like, you went away
and then it flashed

a picture and so, you see,
it's just a picture of me.

And you're gone out of it.

That's unfortunate.

Yeah, um.

So do you mind if
we take another one?

So I can get you in there?

Hey, not at all.

20 more dollars.


Look, I'm not into it, okay?

It's freezing out here.

I have no jacket.

I mean, I still don't
feel very well either.

You wanna know why?

Because you chloroformed
me, remember?

That was chloroform, right?

To be honest, man,
I'm not really sure.

Are you kidding me?

But Vinny wouldn't do
anything that was dangerous

to hurt you, he
wouldn't do that, man.

You probably just
feel a little weird

'cause you didn't have

anything to eat for
breakfast, obviously.

Let's just get some food in you

and come back over, we
got a jacket for you.

- Come on.
- You're a dick.

Come on.

So this spot is
actually the first spot

that they ever saw
Bigfoot in North America

back in, like, the
1800s, I think?

It was supposed to be
like a hoax at first,

everybody thought it'd be a hoax

but all these accounts
started coming in after that,

like just one after
another and another.

There was this one
story of a lumberjack

who got, basically,
just like captured

- by a whole family of Bigfoot.
- Bigfeet.

- What?
- Bigfeet.

Family of Bigfeet,
you said Bigfoot, but.

It's plural, so Bigfeet.

Like when you don't
say a bunch of mouses,

you say a bunch of mice.

Are you sure
that's the same thing

with Bigfoot as it is with that?

Yeah, it's plural, right?

Moose, Meeses?

Guys, alright.

He got captured by
more than one Bigfoot.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

So anyways, um.

He said that they were actually

peaceful creatures, you know?

And vegetarians.

I always thought that was funny.

Anyways, so yeah, so
they kept him captive

for like a week before
he managed to escape.

I mean, you know, with
all the Bigfoot stories

- and what not, I guess.
- Are you serious?


I mean.

Nobody's seriously gonna
fucking talk about this?


Dude, don't start any
shit tonight, okay?

Dude, you promised me, okay?

Just shh, be cool, be cool.

I mean, do you
really believe that?



Can't we have an intelligent

conversation about
something else?

No, we cannot have an intelligent
conversation tonight.

Okay, this is just
about kicking back,

having a good time
and shootin' the shit.

Just having fun, okay?

We don't have to
have talk science

and all that bullshit, okay?

So just, just let him talk.


So, yeah, you know there's
been thousands of accounts,

you know, over time, I mean,
the miners up in the mines.

Uh, stories of, you know,
people just like us,

just sittin' around
the campfire,

hearing weird shit in the woods

and, you know, like
rocks and sticks

getting thrown at
their tents and stuff.

I mean, it's just.

Yeah, those
people are lying.

- Whatever, Chad.
- No, I mean, come on.

I mean, think about it.

Out of thousands of sightings,

the only proof we have out
of thousands of sightings

is some blurry
photographs and one video

of Bigfoot, you know,
walking all retarded.

Not retarded.

My sister is autistic.

Mentally handicapped, please.

Yeah, man.

My niece, his sister.

- What the fuck?
- Okay, yes,

but regardless, it's one video

of Bigfoot, you know.

I mean that shit looks so fake!


I am fucking serious, man!

Just keep your
opinions to yourself.

Yeah, man, just let
him talk, alright?

We're just chilling, alright?

Having a good time, alright?

I mean, I love Bigfoot.

Thanks, man.

And aliens and ghosts, I mean.

As a matter of
fact, I got a ghost

living in my house right now.

Uncle does, too!

Tell 'em about it.

Yeah, that's right.

I do have a ghost.

It was about three
o'clock in the afternoon

and I was taking a nap.

All of a sudden the bedroom door

- just swung right open.
- Wow.

I thought at first
it must be the cat

or, you know, my wife playing
a joke on me or something.

But the wife wasn't
home and the cat

was sleeping right next to me.

So I thought, well,
maybe a breeze came in,

maybe the door was open
or something or a window.

Checked all the
windows, doors, nope.

There was no fucking
explanation of what it was.

I'm tellin' you, man.

Fuckin' ghost.

You're lucky, man,
because my ghost

scared the shit out of me.

It would, like, turn on
appliances around the house,

knock shit off the
walls, move furniture.

As a matter of fact, I think
one time it tried to kill me.

- I swear to God.
- What?


- I went out...
- Some heavy shit.

No, I went outside
to go check the mail,

I come right back the
house smells like gas.

So sure enough, I
go to the kitchen

and gas stove right
there and the knob

is slightly turned
releasing gas.

And you couldn't
have done that?


Yeah, but you couldn't
have accidentally

- brushed the knob?
- No.

I was not in the kitchen.

That's not the point.

Well, maybe you didn't
turn it off all the way

and then you didn't
notice until it started

filling up with gas over time...



Regardless, I got
rid of the ghost.

So how'd you get rid of it?

You wanna know
how I got rid of it?

Well, yeah.

It's like a scene
in one of my movies.

I looked at it right
in its ghostly eyes

and I said,

- get the fuck out.
- Shit!

Awesome, awesome!

That's cool.

That's what I'm talking about.

I mean, I didn't
get rid of it but

it sure shut the
fuck up for awhile.

Wow, nice.

Yeah, man, I believe in UFOs.

I've seen a UFO.

Unidentified Flying Objects.

No shit, I really saw it.

I really did.


- Very good.
- Saw it.

And, uh, I could tell you,

it made me realize there's
something bigger out there.


And I believe in Bigfoot.

There you go.

You don't seriously
believe in this shit.

I mean use your fuckin' brains.

Are none of you educated?

I mean, what the fuck is
wrong with you people?

I'm educated.

It doesn't take a
scientist to know

that the gravitational
pull could

cause some crazy
mutations on our planet.

Could explain things
like the chupacabra,

loch ness monster,
vampires, werewolves.

- Kim Kardashian's ass.
- Yeah!

That's unreal.

Okay, you know what?

That's it, that's it.

I can't take any more of this.

Alright, I mean you
people can't tell me

you actually believe what
the fuck you're saying

because science has
proven you wrong over,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because science has proven
you wrong over and over

and over and there's
not one ounce,

not one fucking shred of proof

that any of you have
any fucking idea

about what you're talking about.

Dude, shut the fuck up, okay?

Just shut the fuck up.

I mean if it wasn't for my ghost

to scare off the wrong woman,

I could've married
the fucking bitch

and that would've
been the death of me.

- So calm down.
- Guys!

That is enough, okay?

Now I told you, you could come
if you didn't start any shit

and that's all you've
been doing all night.

This is Pat's bachelor party.

You gave me your word, man.

And all you're doing is
pissing everybody off.

You're pissin' off Vinny,
you're pissin' off Pat.

You're pissin' off my
nephew, Jarrett, and me!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Just sit the fuck down.

Just sit the fuck down,
sit the fuck down, man.

Jesus Christ, what's
wrong with you?

No, no, I'm not gonna do that

because I'm not gonna let you
do that to yourselves, okay?

Because, you know, get your

fuckin' head out of
the clouds, people.

Let me do you a
favor here, okay?

There is no fucking Santa Claus,

there's not fucking
Easter Bunny.

- There's no Tooth Fairy...
- Chad, I swear to God,

you better quit
while you're ahead

because if the next
word out of your mouth

- is God...
- There's no God either,

you fuckin' Jesus freak.

- Ooh!
- Ooh, shit.

- It's about time!
- It's a great party, Jinx.

Man, he gave me
his word, okay?

I'm sorry, I didn't know he
was gonna be a fuckin' dick.

It's a good thing I took 60
bucks off that motherfucker.


Help me get this asshole.


You get his legs and
I'll get his upper body.

- Okay.
- Then we turn him over.

Oh shit, give me a second.

Oh yeah, he's real light.

Yeah, of course he is, cause
you've got the fuckin' legs.

God damn, it's heavy for me.

I need to workout, fuck.

- Freeze!
- Oh, shit!

What the hell are you
boys doing out here?

And what the hell
happened to him?


Hi, officer, I think
everything's alright here.

Nothing to worry about.

This guy, he's just had a
little too much to drink.

He's a friend of ours.

Just, just wanted to let
him sleep it off, okay?

We were just about to
put him in the tent

and I can vouch for
his health totally,

I used to be a medic
in Afghanistan.

Yeah, well, you're in
a No Trespassing zone

and that's a 300 dollar
fine for each of you.

And that doesn't even include

what the sheriff will do
if he catches you out here.

He will lock you up in
jail until the judge

comes in on Monday morning.

Uh, ma'am, can I
just come over there

and talk to you for a second?

Vinny, can Vinny and
this guy just put

Chad in his tent so he can rest?

He needs to go in the tent.

Yeah, I just wanna have a
quick word with you, ma'am.

Okay, but don't touch me.

Okay, don't touch me.

Ma'am, I'm over here.

My hands are right here,
I'm not gonna touch you.

How's that?

- That work?
- Alright.

Don't touch her, Uncle.

Do you want 'em behind
my head, is that okay?

Don't touch me!

Okay, hands are
behind my head.

I'm coming.

Could you, could you maybe turn
off the light a little bit?

It's really bright, I can't.

It's blinding me, ma'am.

Okay, but I got a gun.

Yeah, I can see that gun,

I'm not gonna, I'm
not gonna do anything.

- Still got my gun.
- Thank you.

Yeah, hi.

I can see you got the gun there.

Would you mind lowering that?


Thank you.

Can I lower my hands?


Alright, just wanna grab
my wallet here real quick.

I was thinking, we
could, you know, we could

- maybe work something out.
- Oh no, I don't take bribes.

- You sure?
- Mmhmm.

Maybe we could just talk then?

Oh, you're not talking
yourself out of this.

This is a No Trespassing zone.

Restricted Area, it
says right there.

Do not enter.

Oh, it sure as hell does.

You know, we came
in over there, so.

We didn't see that sign.

My buddy over there, Pat, he's,

he's about to make the
biggest mistake of his life

and he's gonna marry
the wrong woman

and I just thought
I'd bring him out here

and show him one last good time

before his, you
know, his funeral.

It's kind of a
bachelor party for him.

A bachelor party?

In the middle of the woods?

Fuckin' Jinx.

You better get us out of this.

Don't worry about it.

This will be fine.

Pussy whipped.

I mean, uh, he's so whipped.

Well, she's kind of controlling

and doesn't really
let him do much

and the only thing
that she would allow

me to do for the bachelor party

was to, you know, bring
him out here camping.

Uncle will get us
out of this, okay?

Uncle's, Uncle knows
what he's doing.

Just, you know
take him out here.

Oh, uh.

You happen to know that
actor, Vinny Blades?

You know that guy that stars

in all those Switchblade movies?

They're kind of goofy but
have you ever seen 'em?

Vinny Blades?

Oh my God, he's like my

most favorite actor
in the whole world.

He's got those bedroom eyes.

That's the guy
I'm talking about.

Well, if you look
right over there.

- That's him.
- Oh my God!

Do you think I could
get his autograph?

I could probably arrange that

if you wanna work something out.

What I was thinking is,
you let us stay all night

and we'll leave in the morning.

First light, what do you say?

Well, as long as you swear

you'll be gone in the morning,

I don't see how it
would be a problem.

- So we got a deal?
- Deal.


Very good.

Hey, uh, Vinny.

Could you come over here
and meet a superfan?

She's a superfan of
yours and, if you could,

bring one of those
super delicious brownies

that you make homemade.

Yeah, that is Vinny Blades.

Vinny Blades!


Howdy, ma'am.

Always good to meet a fan.


I got this, uh, homemade
brownie just for you.

Vinny, that is the extra
extra special brownie, right?


Hey, it's not my first rodeo.

This is one tasty brownie.

This is one of the
best I've ever eaten.

Mm, mmhmm.

Uh, listen, Vinny,
I was kinda thinking

that maybe you
could, uh, you know

take a couple pics with her
and give her an autograph.

What do you say?

Aw, come on, man.

You know, it's for me.

You know.

Special favor.

I owe you one, okay?

Why not?


Would you sign my chest?

It is my specialty.


Fucking fans of his.



Oh, when I get
off in the morning,

I am so getting this permanently
tattooed on my breasts.

We're in the
same fuckin' movie,

I don't get to sign
no fuckin' titties.

Hell yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

A true fan.

Of course, of course.

Hey, why don't you come by
the fire over there with us?

It's nice and toasty.

What a fuckin' douchebag.

Jesus Christ.

Do you got anything to drink?

Got this awesome sauce.


Caroline doesn't let me,

like it when I drink.


How's that brownie?


It's great brownie.

- Vinny.
- Right.


- Just have a beer, bro.
- Yeah.

- Thanks, man.
- Nice catch.

Would you like a beer to
wash down that tasty brownie?

No, I'm on duty.

Have you ever seen a Bigfoot?

Or like a family of Bigfeet?

No, it's Bigfoot.


And, bro, she can't
tell you that.

It's top secret.

It's not top secret.

Then why are there all
these signs around here

that say Restricted
Area: Do Not Enter?

Because all these
redneck hunters

are coming around here
trying to kill Bigfoot

for a million dollars
and they're putting

bear traps out and
hurting people.


There's fuckin'
bear traps out here?


What the fuck is that?

What is that?

Sounds like fuckin'
chimp sounds or something.

You don't have monkeys
out here, do you?


No monkeys.

Shh, shh.



It's wolves.


No, no werewolves, no Bigfoot,

it's probably just
a couple of coyotes.

It's cay-oats.

It's cay-oats not coyotes,
it's cay-oat country.

Cay-oat country.

Whatever the fuck it
is, it's getting closer.


He's right.

It's right there.

What the fuck is that?

Who's out there?

You better show yourself cause
I'm a badass park ranger.

- She's a badass.
- Shh!

What is that?

What the fuck is that light?

It's fuckin' glowing
in the dark, man.

It might be one of
those fuckin' aliens,

y'all were talking
about earlier.

Switchblade your ass.

Fucking put a curse
on this fucking thing.

Whatever it is,
it's getting closer.

Alright, boys, get ready.

Or we'll fuck your alien ass up!

She's got the gun.

She goes first.

You, you shoot that
son of a bitch, alright?

Mmhmm, mmhmm, mmhmm.


I got you, boys!

It was the strippers.

- Oh.
- Oh my God.

Yeah, whoo!

The strippers.

- Fucking party time!
- You have strippers?

Yes, time to get
this party started.

No, you told me this was
just a party in the woods.

I said bachelor party for
my pussy whipped friend.


It wouldn't be a bachelor
party if we didn't

have some strippers, right?

I'm gonna get in
so much trouble.

You're not gonna
get in any trouble.

Just hang out with us.

Eat another brownie, you know?

Vinny's got some more
of those brownies

- and you love that brownie.
- I like those brownies.

- Right.
- Okay, okay.

But everything has to be
cleaned out by the morning.


- Hey.
- You got me?

Scout's honor.

Whatever that shit is, right?

- We give our word, right?
- Alright.


We will be off first light.

Alright, so, let's get
the party started, right?

You girls, ready?

Not yet.

What do you mean?

You have
to pay our boss.

You brought your
boss out here?

Why would, why would you
bring your boss out here?

To make sure you guys
don't get too out of hand.

To make sure you
pay before you play.


Well, where is your boss?

Back there.


I'll go pay your boss.

- Take care of him.
- So who's ready

- for a good time?
- Well, hell yeah!

Let's do it, man.

Who's ready for a good time?


What's up, my man?

My friends call me
Jinx, what's your name?


Brick, is that cause you're
built like a shit brickhouse?



So is everything,
everything's good?

We're good, we're good to go?

You got the cash?

Uh, yeah, yeah,
I got the cash.

600 bucks, right?

For two hours?

I got, uh, a few, some
20s and fives in there,

is that alright?

But, man, I assure you,
all 600 bucks is there.

You can count it if you like.

Same rules apply out here
as they do at the club.

Girls are topless
only, no touching.


When you say no touching,

that just means that we
can't touch the girls

but, I mean, the girls can
touch us if they want to, right?

If they really want to, yes.

But that ain't
fittin' to happen.

And don't be forcing
yourself on 'em either

or you gonna have a
major fuckin' problem.

Well, we don't any major

fuckin' problems
with you, alright?

We're just a cool group
of guys over there.

Everything's gonna be
cool, I promise you.

It's all good.

No problems.

Look, I'll be chillin'
over here from a distance

but I could still see what's up.

Don't make me go over there.

Okay, bro.

We're good!

You got an hour
and 55 minutes left.

Bring 'em back to this
spot and don't be late.

If you do, I'ma charge
you another 600 dollars.

Alright, well, we
will not be late.

- I will see you then.
- Hey, Jinx.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Jinx, man, hey.

Fuck, you're big!

So I don't know if
you remember this,

but you made a promise
to Caroline and me

that there'd be no strippers.

There's two of 'em.

Yeah, that's right.

You know why I
made that promise?

Cause you wanted to bitch out
and leave earlier, remember?

And if I told
Caroline the truth,

you wouldn't be here right now.

And also the bachelor
party's not for you, bro.

They're for guys like me.

Miserable bastards who hate
fucking being married, okay?

And single dudes.

So we're gonna go have
a good fuckin' time

and if you don't wanna
have fun, man, that's okay.

You can just sit
back and watch, okay?

What's that
supposed to mean?

Dude, I'm telling you.

Once you fuckin' put
that ring on that finger

your whole life's gonna change.

All those good times
you're having right now,

you can kiss that shit goodbye.

You're gonna sit
here and tell me,

oh, I'm so in love with Caroline

and I can't cheat,
looking at titties

and strippers is
cheating on her.

You know what I don't
understand about you, Jinx?

Is why you always gotta
be so fuckin' negative?

- Yeah, why you...
- Look, Caroline and I,

we love each other,
you've seen us together.

We never argue and we
have plenty of sex.


The good
times are over, bro.

What the fuck
are you talking about?

I'm talkin' about
all that wild sex

you're talkin'
about you have now

and you're soulmates
and she sucks your cock

and swallows and
all that, right?

- Uh huh.
- Uh huh.

Put the ring on her finger
and then talk to me.

You're gonna be watching
that reality TV bullshit,

- Housewives, fuckin'...
- Oh, we love that show.

Of course, see?

It's already started.

How 'bout Vanderpump Rules, man?

You know Vanderpump,
Vanderpump Rules, huh?

Yeah, that's fucking
crazy, too, man.

My life is fuckin' miserable!

It fucking sucks!


I just wanna see
some new titties.

I just want 'em to,
like, poke their nipples

around my face and
they might do it

around my mouth cause
I remember that once.

They kinda, mm, you know?

Maybe something
like that'll happen.

Look, I'm just gonna.

Alright, let me
just say this, okay?

It's just not a good idea, man.

It's really not and I'm
gonna go on the record

and I'm gonna say, this
isn't gonna end well.

It's not.

I'm tellin' you.

It's gonna be just fine

because you're gonna keep
your fuckin' mouth shut

and have a good time.

Okay, both of y'all sound
like two bitches right now.

This one's pussy whipped.

I'm not pussy whipped!

Why does everybody
keep saying that to me?

Because you're fucking
pussy whipped, man.

Even he, he doesn't
even fucking know you

and he knows you're
pussy whipped.

You're pussy whipped.

- Okay, here's the deal.
- Listen, dude.

Hey, hey, hey,
that's enough, okay?

He said we had an
hour and 50 minutes,

we've already spent what?

Five, what time is it?

Oh yeah, you got an
hour and 40 minutes left.

Alright, that's
it, we're going.

Go back to the fuckin' camp,

- we're going.
- Just don't let.

Hey, I don't want
'em dancin' on me.

Brick, we're goin'.

Brick, don't let
'em dance on me.

So where is the lucky
bachelor for the night tonight?

Okay, so, who's up first?

Well, he should be first
cause he's the bachelor

but he's pussy whipped

and his woman doesn't
want him to have any fun

at his bachelor party cause
he's not allowed to have one.


I'm goin' first.

Hey, why can't I go first?

You're not goin', man.

You wouldn't even
know what to do.

Just chill out.

Watch and learn.

Let your uncle show you
how it's done, okay?

No, I'm goin' first.


You wanna go first?

You hear that boys?

Tell you what,

you dance on her and
you can dance on me.

Bring it in.

Oh, yes.


Oh, motherfucker, I'm putting
this shit on the internet

and then we'll see who's getting
married now, motherfucker.

That's right, I'm
getting the last laugh.

Oh, yeah.

Grind it up.

That's it.

Fuck every branch on the
way down the breakup tree.

Fuckin' hate spiders.

The fuck?

Got, shit.

Oh, damn.


Keep your hands to yourself!


Damn, I swear they
act like they ain't

never seen no pussy before.

Look at that, it don't
make no damn sense.

I swear on my life,
what the fuck?

Okay, she's like
getting loose.

Get it!

I wish that was me.

Yes, look at her go.

Oh my God.

- Oh my God.
- Yeah, I cannot believe

she just put her hand there.

Knock, knock.

Are you ready for my cock?


Yeah, I am.

Oh my God, I can't believe

she's getting
married in one week.

Me either.

I don't know how she's gonna
give up girls' night out.

I don't think
she will, I mean,

seriously I don't think
she's gonna give it up

just because she's
getting married.

Oh my God, y'all,
look at Caroline's page.

What is it?

It's Pat dancing with two
naked chicks in the woods.

Oh shit, she's
gonna freak the fuck out!

I know, she doesn't
even allow him to drink.

Should we tell her?

No, no, no, no.

She'll flip the fuck out
and ruin the night, don't.

Ten thousand views
in five minutes?

Caroline, where are you going?

Watch where the
fuck you're goin'.

Fuck you, you don't
wanna fuck with me tonight.

- Break it up, break it up.
- Really?

You better take your ass off.

Yeah, good idea,
you fucking cunt.

- Should we go get her?
- No, no, no, leave it.

Leave it.

Get it, get it!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

Have a great night!




Shut up!


Everybody, cool, cool.

- What's up?
- Shh.

Bates, where are you?

Officer Bates.

How's everything
going at Cherokee Creek?

You never checked in.

Oh, that was
just a false alarm.

Everything looks
good, it's all fine.

I checked out the north side,

I'm gonna go check
out the east side now.

good, ten-four.


- Alright.
- Alright!

Everybody, clean
up this crap, okay?

All of it!

Or I'm gonna find
you in the morning.

- Hey.
- Everything.

We're good, we're
good, we're good.

I'm talking the plates, the
cups, everything else, okay?

There's beer everywhere.

We don't need a fire.

Give me my hat.

Alright, we will
clean it up right now.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Jarrett, pick up all this
shit and throw it in the tent.


Get that for me,
man, I gotta take a leak.

I saw these titty
bitches all over you

in the woods and you promised me

there wouldn't be
strippers and now

you're not picking up
your phone, I wonder why.

I wonder why, Pat.

I am going to keep calling you

until I find you in
those fucking woods

and I'm going to sit you down.

Roll the window down.

Have one hell of a talk

because right now I am
questioning everything.

Everything, Pat.

Call me back.


You owe me for two
dances and three drinks.

What are you talking about?

No, it's my bachelorette party.

My friends are in
there, they've got me,

go talk to them.

Listen, there's no way
you're getting married.

No dude would marry some chick

that's hanging out at a dick bar

every weekend with a life
filled with such debauchery.

There's no bachelorette party,

you don't have any friends,

you're going home
to feed your cats.


What the fuck does that
have to do with anything?

I don't owe you
shit, okay, dimwit?

Listen, there's no
need to be a bitch.

I need you to pay for
two dances, three drinks.

I see you in here every weekend

spending money on them
dicks like it's crack.

So I need you to go ahead
and crack open that purse

and pay for the two dances
and three drinks that you got.

Okay, fine, don't be such
a fucking dick about it.

Jesus Christ.

Two dances, three
drinks, pay up.


Little chickee, eat a banana.

And I'll show you a big daddy.

That's right.

You gonna get a
workout tonight, Bubba.

That's right.

Big time.

Ooh, that bitch is hot.


What the fuck?

Hey, man.

You must be the producer
that Jinx told me about.


Oh yeah, you must be
the aspiring actor, Dusty.

How tall are you?

How tall do you want me to be?

Well, the job posting said
you had to be at least 6'5

or taller, you look
like you're barely 5'11.

Well, hey man,
don't worry about it

because between you and
me, I have some KISS boots

back in my car that
are ready to strap on.

Well, we got bigger problems.

What the fuck are you wearing?

What happened to the costume
we gave you at the studio?

This looks like some
cheap piece of shit

you'd get at a local retail
outlet for a Halloween party.

Well, here's the thing, man.

That suit that you guys gave me

was so fucking hot and it
smelled like absolute shit

whenever I got into it, man.

I picked this up for
50 dollars at the store

and it works just as good
and it looks fucking cool.

Please tell me you know
what method acting is.

Well, here's the thing,

I haven't been
doing this that long

but I'm a really quick learner

and as long as you tell me
what to do, I can do it.

I watch a lot of movies

and it really can't be
that hard to pick up.

Oh, we are so fucked.

Alright, listen.

Method acting is committing
to the part 100 percent, okay?

You don't even know
where you begin

- and the character ends.
- Yeah.

Basically, you cease
to exist as a person.

Now listen to me, I
want you to be Bigfoot.

Alright, so go and
be Bigfoot, alright?

Get your KISS boots, put 'em
on and put on the costume

that we gave you
originally to wear.

Okay, yeah, I
think I can do that.

No, don't think
you could do it.

You either do it
or you don't do it.

Okay, man, I can do it.

I just, just relax a little bit.

I want a hundred
percent method.

Get in there and fucking growl,

fucking thrash shit
around, alright?

Bigfoot's not a pussy, so
quit acting like a pussy.

- No more pussy talk!
- So don't be a pussy.

I won't!

Oh my God, I cannot believe
Vinny Blades is out here.

I've seen all his movies and
his music is badass, too.

I know.

I love 80s rock.

Maybe later we can
double team him.

I'm all for that.

I mean, shit, and
those eyes, oh my God.

I know.

All his friends are such dorks.

How do you think
they know him?

They probably work
for him or something.

Part of his entourage.

I don't think he could
actually be friends with them.

Me either.

Oh my God.

Please tell me that was you.

What do you mean?

Please, tell me you put
a bloody hand out there

for them to find.

Uh, oh, oh yeah.

No, no, no, that was me.

I put a bloody hand and
some other stuff out there.

No, yeah, that was all me.

Okay, okay.

And you took care
of the vehicles?

And the cell phones?

Well, the vehicles, yes,
but the cell phones, no.

Oh, fuck, alright, look.

Gonna have to haul
ass in the camp

while they're all
out checking out

what the girls are
freaking out about.

Alright, all the cell
phones they're in

the tent Chad's in, alright?

And don't fuck this up if you
wanna be in one of my movies.

You got it, I won't.

- No, no, no, I got it.
- Go now.

Get the fuck outta here, Chaka.

Yeah, I got it, man!

I won't let you down, sir!



What's goin' on?

I, I don't know,
there's like something

over here that's
dead, I don't know.

Shit, is that a bloody skull?

A bloody foot?

And some, something or
someone must've killed it.

Why didn't you call me
to come and protect you?

I could've done that.

What the hell is that?

Did some sort of animal attack?

Well, it could
be, I mean shit.

They've had a lot of
Bigfoot sightings out here,

that's why we brought Pat
here in the first place.

Whoa, you think
there's a Bigfoot

running around here
killing people?

Well, yeah, why wouldn't it?

No, no, no, you
guys Bigfoot wouldn't,

Bigfoot wouldn't hurt
anybody, you know,

unless you're fuckin'
with his territory.

Or him.

You know?

Come on, you know,
you know the rules.

I told y'all.

- Rules?
- I don't know.

I ain't never heard of
no fucking Bigfoot rules.

Did you guys?

I don't know what
the fucking rules are.

Did you tell me some rules?

Dude, I ain't never
heard no fucking rules.




Alright, fine,
what are the rules?

You don't piss or shit
or fornicate in his area.

His territory.

What, out here?


Cause it's just
disrespectful, man.

Like, he's an animal just
like all the other animals.


Yeah, he's just
bigger and scarier.

That's all people do is piss

and shit and fornicate
in the woods.

Um, okay, so I just
pissed in the woods,

is he gonna come kill me now?

- Yeah, so did I.
- Uh.

Yeah, what's the
rules with the women?

I don't know, I
mean they're female so

you might be alright but
I'm not a hundred percent.

You don't really believe
in Bigfoot, do you?

It had to have been
another human, a bear,

some other animal, I don't
believe that nonsense.

Um, I'm sure
you're right, Bambi.

I mean, after all we do
have these, you know,

handsome strong men
to come protect us.

Well, of course.

That's right.

I would never let anything
happen to you girls.

Not as long as I'm here.

Hey, Bambi.

Thanks for making this
the best night of my life.

Could I maybe get your
e-mail or your phone number?

Maybe your Instagram handle?

You're so sweet.

You can look me up on
Facebook and add me

and after we're friends,
you can see when I'm working

and come get some
dances at the club.


That sounds great,
yeah, I'll see you soon.


Get back over here, man.


Yeah, yeah, go to the club
and spend all your money.

Smart man.

Good job.

What the hell, man, you alright?

- You alright?
- You okay?

What the fuck, man?

That hit me!


Oh, dude, dude, you okay?

What the fuck?

What the fuck's going on?

I, I don't think, I don't
think I feel very good.

Think it hit me
in the eye, dude.


You smell like shit, man.

Hey, you know what, guys?

I think we need to
get him back to camp.

Yeah, I can't
party with you guys.

Get him outta here, man.

Alright, guys, I think
I was drugged, you know?

Hey, uh, me and Vinny
are gonna take care

of the girls, we'll
get 'em back to Brick.

- Bye, girls.
- What?

We'll catch up with
y'all later, alright?

Fucking party with
fuckin' harlots without me?

I'm pissing in the
fucking cooler.



Ah, yeah.

Wait, that's my
tent, that's my tent.

Taste the rainbow.

I get the best seat in town.



Fucking watch out, you
almost hit my dick!

Ah, guys, fuckin' stop.

Ah, fucking dickhead.

Fucking shit, fucking cut it,

ah, fuck you!


You fuckin' asshole.




Stop, guys!

Guys, fucking stop!

Stop, okay, I'm sorry I
peed on the camp, okay?

Just fucking cut it out.

Who's fucking doing that?

Stop that shit.

That fucking.

Fucking God, please.

I don't, thou.

Thou art the father in Heaven,

in Heaven, come unto
glory for fucking, think,

and break the trespassers.

What the fuck?

Oh my fucking God.

Oh, straight to voicemail?

You turned your phone off?

Motherfucker, I'm
gonna embarrass you

in front of all of your friends,

how does that sound?

Yeah, that's right,

I put a tracker on your phone.

Fuck, stop, fuck, I'm awake.

You fucking noise, fuck!



Shit every fucking where.



- Oh, oh, oh.
- Uh oh.

- Oh, he's gonna blow.
- Oh, oh, oh.


- Aww.
- Dude.

Oh, I'm not
lookin' over there.

I'm okay.

Hey, where is it?

- Where's my phone?
- Okay, it's over here.

- Find my phone.
- We'll get it.

- Okay, okay, alright.
- Watch your step.

Oh, log, log, log.

There's a log there,
there's a log.

Okay, log, log, yep.

- Is it in here?
- Yeah, can you get in there?

Oh, easy, easy, easy!

You can

check that out, I'm not.

He's okay.


- He's okay.
- Okay.

Hey, listen, speaking
of cell phones,

my portable cell phone charger,

I left it in the car.

I'ma have to go get it, man.

- What?
- Yeah.

I can't be without a cellphone.

Hey, you take care of him,
I'll be back in a few.

- You got this.
- What?

No, you can't leave me with him!

- Jarrett!
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey, hey, there's a lantern.

- There you go.
- I have to call Caroline.

- Hey, Pat!
- What?

Uh, Chad's gone.

Who gives a shit?

I should've knocked
him out years ago

for his shit mouth tying.

Go get my phone!

I gotta call Caroline.

- Uh, Pat?
- Huh?

Uh, phone is broke
into a bunch of pieces.

What do you mean
broke into pieces?

I guess when Chad woke
up from being knocked out,

he got really pissed and
smashed up our phones

and then he left.

You know it sounds
just like something

that asshole would
do, you know that?

Oh, I'm fucked up.

I'm pretty, I'm
fading fast, man.

I can't.

I can't deal with
this right now, okay?

I'll find him in the morning.

I'll give him a sandwich.

I'll give him a
knuckle sandwich.

What am I supposed to do?

Shut up and go to sleep.

I can't go to sleep!

I slept for 16 hours straight
for this badass party,

I wanna get some action!

Plus I need somebody
cool to hang out with.

Oh my God, just stop talking.

Leave me alone, go
sleep in Chad's tent.


Now fuck off!

Hey, Pat.

You're a real dick.

Shit, fucking fuck,
fuck, shit, shit.

Fucking fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh
shit, fucking please.

Fuck, fuck, please, please.

Holy shit.

Pat was right.

Ooh, I gotta take a shit.


Mm, oh shouldn't have
had that hot dog.

Oh, God.



Ooh, that is rancid.


Is that you?

Oh, how am I gonna wipe this up?


Some leaves, leaves.

Oh, that's not gonna work.

Oh, shit, I gotta get the sock.

Gotta get a sock.

Take off my sock.

Oh, shit.


Oh, yeah.


Oh, good lord.

Oh, that stinks.

Oh, yeah, that's
gonna clean up nice.

What the fuck?

God damn it.


I'm, shit!

Fucking shit everywhere!

God damn it!

Fuck it.

I'll shower it off
when I get home.

What the fuck is that?




Dude, is that you?

Now that's the fucking Bigfoot

costume you're supposed to wear.


Hey, let's hug it out, bitch.


Jesus, you're strong!

Hey, man, I can't breathe.

Motherfucker, I can't breathe!

You win!

No more, man, no more, man.

This is the spot
that that dude, Brick,

told me to meet him at.

He said if the
girls weren't here

at this exact fucking moment,

he was gonna charge
me an extra 600 bucks.

I don't know, it went
straight to voicemail.

Hey, man, look, relax,
we got here early.


So let's just enjoy the night.


Maybe he's out
there taking a shit.

I think he's trying to gip me.

He's trying to
fucking rip me off.

So what do you do?

He decides he's gonna disappear

and then charge me because
I can't find his ass.

I think it's gonna be alright.


Let's just go out
and enjoy our night.

Let's go for a walk.

So how do you guys
know each other?

You talking about me
and Pat or me and Vinny?

You and Vinny.

Like, I mean, I know
Vinny, he's a celebrity,

but like where do you?

Where do you fit into all this?


Are you fucking
serious right now?

You're fucking kidding
with me, right?

I've seen all
of Vinny's movies

and I've never seen you.

- Really?
- Mm mm.

You're full of shit because
if you know how to read

fucking credits, where
it says produced by,

it says produced by me.

And also it has my name as
one of the co-leads with him.

I saved his ass on that
fucking Switchblade movie.

That's why he changed his
fucking name to Vinny Blades

and he has a whole
fucking franchise.

Because of me.

Fuck you!

How dare you make
me drive all the way

to the woods in the
middle of the night

when all I wanted was
just one simple night

out with the girls
before I get married?

That's literally all
I wanted, but no.

You had to post this
fucking video online

with these, these, these,
these, these fucking

like titty out, fucking
witch women, bitches, cunts,

whatever the fuck
they are all over you.

So now I've gotta come
sort that shit out.

You spread your
fucking seed too much.

You're with a fucking
different girl every night.

Dude, just, you know
what you should do?

You should take a
little responsibility

and wrap that motherfucker
up every once in awhile.

That's not rock n' roll.

I like to feel skin on skin.

Condoms suck.

You don't feel shit.

Those chicks thought
you wearing a condom

and you just fucking took it off

and planted your fucking
seed in 'em, man.

Without 'em even knowing.

That's not cool.

It's quite obvious you're
fuckin' jealous, man.

Just because nobody
recognizes you from shit.

Oh yeah, they recognize me.

Is that my fault?


And by the way, let me tell you,

is it my fault,
it's not my fault,

that these women
that are accusing me

of fathering their child and
not paying child support,

that's not my responsibility.

They make a pill for that.

They should be taking that.

It's not your responsibility?

It's not your responsibility?

That's why you couldn't

get a fuckin'
passport, motherfucker.

When you promised me
you were gonna take me

to the Toronto Film
Festival to introduce me

to those guys that made
that shitty vampire movie.

You told me you
were gonna take me

to introduce me to those guys

and you told me to go
get a fucking passport.

I spent 300 dollars getting
a rush on that motherfucker.

And then I said, hey,
dude, are we going?

And you're like,
dude, I can't go.

I can't get a passport.

You know why?

Cause of your fucking
cock and your fucking seed

spreading that you gotta go

all over the fucking
place spreading around.

That's why.

Maybe if you weren't
such an asshole

and stopped being so jealous

and you didn't
cockblock all the time,

then you might actually
get some pussy, too.


Quit cockblocking, man.

You doin' these pop shots again.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'm the asshole here tonight?

I'm the cockblocker?

I'm the fucking
asshole here tonight?

Because I'm trying
to save your asses

from getting knocked
up by his fucking seed?

Or catching an STD or something?

I've done nothing but
try to show all of you

a fucking good time!

I've been spending all my money

on getting us all this fucking
bullshit for your guys.

Then what the fuck
are you arguing about?

Oh my God.

are you ready to go?


- Yeah.
- Oh no, no, no, no, no.

- Yeah, you know what?
- What's happening?

What's happening here?

We're gonna go for a walk.

I don't think so.

You're not going
anywhere with this guy.

Not the two of you, one
of you is coming with me.

Now you can decide now

or I'm gonna take the
matters into my hands.

Yeah, I'm not going with you.


I'm trying to save
your life here

and you're gonna
take this guy's word?

Even though he said all
this bullshit to you?

He just admitted it to you

and you're still
gonna go with him?

I don't wanna go.

Here's the deal, I'm
gonna flip this quarter.

One of you is heads,
one of you tails.

You know what?

You're gonna be heads,
you're gonna be tails.

And this fucking quarter
is gonna save your life.

You know why?

Because whoever comes with
me, doesn't get a fucking STD

and doesn't get knocked up
by this motherfucker, okay?

And you're gonna get a big
fucking bonus for the night.

A little extra tip for
coming with me, okay?

So here we go.

Oh, it's heads.

Looks like Bambi's
the big winner.

Let's go.

you know what?

You better just call me back.

You got, you have two
minutes to call me back.

Two minutes.

Call me the fuck back.

Fuck you, Pat!

Call me back.

Why don't you, uh,
turn around here.

I got this thing I've been
wanting to always try.

Yeah, stay there.

Yeah, this is it.

This is it!

Don't turn around now,

I'm getting in the moment here.


Ah, yeah.

Yeah, alright.

Oh, shit, I'm gonna fall over.

Now when I give you the sign,

- you turn around, okay?
- Okay.

Alright, but you
gotta wait for the sign.

Ready boy, here we go.


What do you think?

You're ready, right?

I am so ready, come on.

Let's get this party started.

This is what I've
been waiting for.

I think that's good enough.

I'm worked up.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Suck that dick.

Why are your nipples so small?

Are you fucking
serious right now?

I don't fucking know.

I guess because my nipples
didn't go through puberty.

What do you want
me to do about it?

Fucking get a nipple
job or something?

Jesus Christ, just.

Focus on what you're
doing, let's go.

Just make sure you
use this and pull out.

Super paranoid about
getting pregnant, okay?



Oh, I'm opening it.

Can I take this off?


Oh, yeah.

Alright, you ready?


I'm ready.



Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah.


Oh yeah.

Why did
you shave like that?


My pubic region looked even
worse than my face, okay?

So I thought you
might appreciate it

if I cleaned up a little bit

if something like
this was to happen.

And when I tried to shave it,

I fucked up so I had to
shave the whole thing.

Any more questions?

Are we good?

Alright, let's keep this going.

God, I can't believe
it's been 10 years

since I had a fucking
blowjob like this.

Oh, shit, look
at those titties.

Oh my God.

Oh yeah.

- You gonna cum?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Almost.


Well, let's cum together.

- Okay.
- Alright?

I'm serious, pull out, though.

I know!

I'm next, we're gonna keep
it in the fucking family.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I'm gonna cum.

Okay, you ready?

- Yeah.
- Together.

Alright, here I cum.

Who's your daddy?

I'm your fucking daddy.

I'm your fucking daddy.

Oh my God.

What was that?

- What was what?
- That sound.

I thought, I said
don't stop again.

We told you about the
Bigfoot actor, right?

That we hired a Bigfoot
actor to come out

and scare fucking Pat tonight
for his bachelor party?

It's just that actor
fucking around over there.

Just fucking with Pat.

Don't worry about it, okay?

Can we, can we just

get this done?

I paid you 600 bucks, okay?

You said you would swallow, so.

No more interruptions, I
don't care what happens,

what noises you hear,
no more questions.

You finish me off
and swallow, okay?

We good?

Awesome, let's do that.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, that's so good.


That's what I'm talkin' about.

- Whoa!
- Your dick!

- Help me!
- It's gone!

Holy shit, you been Bobbited.

She bit my fucking
nut off, Vinny!

She bit my fucking nut off!

Alright, man.

We're gonna fix you up, hold on.

- Oh, fuck man.
- You killed my friend!

- I got it, buddy.
- Oh, she bit,

my fucking God!

Help me, man!

Help me, man, she bit
my dick off, Vinny!

I got it.

Hey, it's not the
fucking actor, man!

It's not the fucking
actor, it's a real one.

Oh my God!

Help me!

See, I got it!

- I got it!
- You got it!

Let's go, come on!

Let's fucking go!

Vinny, help!

We'll fix you up, man.

Holy shit!


- Oh, shit.
- It's a fucking bear trap!

Oh, it's a bear trap.

It's exactly what the park
ranger was telling us about!


- Oh, oh, get it off!
- Oh god!

Where am I gonna put this down?

- Get it off!
- Yes, I know.

One, two, three!

Pull it, fucking do it!


Shit, we fucking pulled
my hand off, man.

Oh, shit!

- Oh, shit!
- Oh, fuck!

We pulled it off, man.

We pulled my fucking hand off!

- Shit, man.
- Oh my God.

Just fuckin' leave me, man.

Just fuckin' leave me, bro.

We're gonna fix you,
we're gonna fix you

- and then we can go.
- Just leave me, dude.

Come on!

I fucking ain't got no arm

and I got no hand
and oh, my dick, man.

It's fucking over.

I'm not gonna leave
you, man, come on.

- Come on.
- It's over, bro.

Man, we gotta
do Switchblade 5.

- Remember that!
- I can't, man.

I got you a lead
role in that this time.

I can't do it, man.

Dude, we gotta do it.

We could fix you!

Man, I'm fucked up bad, man.

That Bigfoot actor I hired,

I thought that was him but that

was a real fuckin' Bigfoot, man.

He was fuckin' a real one, dude.

He fuckin' knocked that fucking

Bambi's head right off
with my cock in it, bro.

I'm telling you, man.

I fucked up, man, the actor
fucking was supposed to,

the actor Bigfoot he
was supposed to go

and fuck up all
the vehicles, bro.

He's supposed to fuck up
all of our cellphones, dude.

Oh my God, man.

He's supposed to
fuck up everything.

There's no fucking way out, man.

There's no way out.

I'm gonna bleed out, man.

I got no hand, no dick,

I can't even fucking
jack off anymore!

What'll I do?

We'll make it work, okay?

Let's get out of here, alright?


- Just go, man.
- No!

Just get to the,
gotta get to the.



Come on, bro!

We're gonna make it work.

We're gonna make it work.

Get your fucking
cock and your hand.

We're gonna fix you, brother.


We're gonna do
Switchblade 5, alright?

I promise you!

You're the lead!

We're gonna do it!

Oh God, man.

Dude, wake up!

- Wake up!
- What?

- Wake up!
- What?

What the fuck?


Where, what, what's going?

What the fuck?

Hey, wake up!

Wake up, man!

Is that?

Vinny, why do you have
a dick in your hand?

Why is there a dick
and hand in your hands?

Dude, I was getting laid, man.

Jinx was getting his
fucking dick sucked

but the fuckin' Bigfoot
was a real Bigfoot.

Not the fucking actor
that he fuckin' hired.

Bigfoot came and killed
both fuckin' strippers.

Knocked one of their
fuckin' heads off.

Fuckin' Jinx's junk
was in her fuckin'...


And then Jinx passed
out, so I went over to him

and he said something to me

and we gotta go to a fucking,

we gotta go to the van, but
he said the fucking car,

all the phones are
gone and the Bigfoot

fucking actor fucked
all the cars up, man.

Do you know what I'm sayin'?

- No!
- What?

Dude, you're not
making any fucking sense!

Wait, okay, okay,
okay, first of all,

are you high?

Are you on drugs right now?


We gotta find the phones,
we're gonna find the phones.

He said something that.

We gotta, we gotta get
something in the van.


There's, uh, Chad
smashed all the phones!

- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, they're in his

fucking tent right now,
they're in a million pieces.

Oh, God.

All of 'em?


What are we gonna do, man?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, dude, what'd you
guys give me, man?

Dude, don't worry, man.

We just gave you
fuckin' pot brownies

and some beer so you
could chill the fuck out.

Now listen to me, listen!

It's just you and me.

We gotta get outta here
before that thing gets here.

- Yeah, let's go!
- So we gotta go now.

- Now!
- Now!

- Let's go!
- Alright!

I gotta put this
shit on ice, man.

We gotta go!

I gotta
put this on ice.

Okay, what are you doing?

- I gotta wash my hands.
- Come on, man!

I gotta wash my hands!

I'll be right there.


- Oh, fuck!
- Where are you going?

The lantern!

Oh, there!

Come on!


We're comin', baby!


- Where is he?
- Oh, shit.

Where is he?

Oh my God.

Is he dead?

Oh, shit, Jinx.

Oh, God.

- Ooh, God.
- What?

- Yeah, he's dead, man.
- What?

That's gross.


Oh, fuck, what do we?

Vinny, what do we do now?

I told him this was
a bad idea, man.

We'll have to kill him
off for Switchblade 5.


I had a big part for you, bro.

I was gonna give it to you.

Give you the fuckin' lead.

What are you talking about?

Our movie, Switchblade 5.

Have you not seen it?

You're in a movie?

What kind of friend are you?

Wait, did you?

Did you say Switchblade 5?

I haven't seen
four of his movies?

Man, I'm sorry, Jinx.

It's right here.

What are you doing?

Taking a piss.

Haven't you heard
anything I've said?

I don't give a shit, man.

Pissing all over your fuckin'
trees, fuckin' Sasquatch!

Fuckin' skunk-ape!

Fuckin' Harry and the
Andersons bullshit.

Oh, man.


He's coming back.

We gotta get to the van, man.

- Let's get it.
- Go, go!

Sorry, Jinx, ew.

Hope the van is
still around here.

Where are we going?

Oh shit,.

Do you remember
where that van's at?

What van?

The van.

What, the van
you brought me in?


When I had the
hood on my head?

Oh, yeah.

Fuck, we're fucked.


- Go, we should go.
- Yeah, let's go.

- Come on, we gotta find it.
- Go, go!

- Oh, go, man!
- Come on, come on.

- Go!
- Yeah, I know!

I think it's this way!

- Go.
- I'm runnin', man!

Oh, God.

Come on, get up and run!


- Go on the other...
- Tires, get down.

Oh, this tire's flat!

Is that one flat, too?

Yes, fuck!

This is all your fuckin' fault!

- My fault?
- Yes, your fault.

You took a piss.

I told you not to take a piss!

He's got your fuckin' scent.

Don't worry about that, man.

That's all a myth.

A myth?

It's not a fuckin' myth.

That thing is not gonna stop

until it fuckin' finds you, man.

Hey, we got this
under control.

Oh, do we?

Do we really?

I'll tell you
one thing, though.

Just like Switchblade 3.

I drove a van just like
this with no tires,

I'll get us out of
here in no time.

Shut up, shut up!

This isn't a fuckin' movie!

This is real life
and that thing's

is gonna fucking kill us!

Don't, don't!

He's there?

Oh, fuck, it's coming.

- What?
- It's coming, go, go.

Get in the van.

Get in!

- Got the keys?
- Yeah.

Key, where's the fuckin' key?

Where's the fuckin' keys?

Damn, fuck!

- He fuckin' took the key.
- Who?

The fuckin' Bigfoot actor guy

that we fuckin' hired for this.

He messed up all the cars,

now he took the fuckin' keys.

- Fuck!
- Son of a bitch.

- Betsy!
- What?

Oh, yes!


That's what he
was talking about.

- Who?
- Jinx!

That's why he wanted
us to come to the van.

- To get the gun.
- Yes, yeah!

- Oh.
- Shh.

I think he's still
here, get down.

- Get down.
- Oh, dude.

Oh, God, holy shit.

Look at that.

That's the real one, right.

Oh, fuck, we're gonna die.

We're gonna die.

Where'd he go?

Is it gone?

I hope it's gone.

Fuck, okay.

- Think he's gone?
- Is he gone?


He's not gone!
(Pat and Vinny scream

Go away!

Oh, God!

- Oh, shit!
- Vinny!

Where is he?

Where is he?



Patrick Anthony Taylor!




What the hell is that?


Oh nice, you broke your phone.

Still found you, motherfucker.

What is this?




Jinx, you lying
motherfucker, I knew it!

What is this?

Oh, that's cute.

That's cute, guys.

Nice little Halloween
party, adorable.




Is this your little
bromance souvenir?

That's great, that's
oh my god, it's real!


Oh my God!

Oh my God, oh my God!

what's your emergency?

Yes, hello, I'm
in Cherokee Creek

and there's a fucking cooler
with a hand and a penis in it.

And there's beer in it!

And my boyfriend
was supposed to be

at the bachelor party,
I can't find him

or his friends anywhere.

Please, you gotta
get here quick!

Cherokee Creek!

Get here quick!

Oh, God.





Where are you?





Where is it?

What is it doing?

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- I'm alright.

- It's okay.
- I'm alright.

I mean it just come and play...

Yeah, we're alright.

- We're alright.
- We're good.

We're good.

Do you see it?

No, come on.


Okay, let's go.

What the fuck?

Oh, come on!

- Of course.
- Fuck!

Fucking tires are flat.


Alright, locked?

It's locked.

Maybe this side.


Locked, God damn it.

Hey, man, these aren't flat.

Hey, check the other side.

- No.
- Really?

- Uh huh.
- Fuckin' hot.

- Ah!
- Shit.

- Of course.
- Keys.

We need keys.

Whose car is this?

Oh, I bet it's
the stripper's car!

Oh, yeah.

Uh, Brick!

Brick probably has the keys!


Uh, yeah, you know
like the bouncer.

- Oh.
- Come on.

Let's go check on that.

What the fuck is that?

It's the tree.

Past the tree.

What is that?

Shh, get down.

That's, oh my God.

- Is that him?
- I don't fucking know.

What do you mean you
don't fucking know?

You're the fuckin' expert.

Dude, there's a real one,
there's a fuckin' fake one.

How am I supposed to
know the difference?

Well, fuckin' shoot it.

You got the gun.

You shoot it.


I never shot one before.

You fuckin' kidding me?

You're in all those
action movies.

Yeah, but I gotta use a knife.


Just fucking
shoot it, come on.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

Come on, man, I'm
still pretty fucked up

off that thing you gave me.

I don't like it,
man, I don't like it.

Let's just, let's
just find the keys.

Let's find the
dude that's got 'em

and get the fuck outta here.

Cause what if I miss?

I just piss it off.

- Alright, alright.
- Yeah.

Just wait till, just
wait till it leaves.


- There it goes.
- There it goes.

There it goes.

- Hey, let's go that way.
- Alright.

Go, go.

What the fuck?

Get the fuck...

oh, oh, it's Brick!

Hey, oh, fuckin'.

Oh, Jesus.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, shit.


Check him for keys.



Man, there's nothing.



The strippers.

The strippers gotta have 'em.

I know where
they're at, come on.

Come on.

There they are.

- Oh, yes.
- Oh my God.

They gotta have it, man.

Go check her.

I'll check this one.


Um, okay.





Fuck yeah!

I got it!

Oh, shit.

Vinny, behind you!

Holy shit.


I got it.

Fuck you, man!

Fuck, Vinny.

What the fuck?

Gotta get the key.

I need the key.


It was supposed to
be you and me, man.

Oh, fuck, where is it?



Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Thanks, man.

You son of a bitch!

Oh my God!

Oh my God, I'm so
glad to see you.

Look at you.

Why the hell were
you shooting at me?

Are you crazy?

I wasn't shooting at you,

I was shooting at that
bear or whatever it was.

It was attacking you!

It was behind you!


- What was that?
- You killed it!

That's Bigfoot!

That is fuckin' Bigfoot.

And you killed it.

He killed everybody.

Everybody's dead.

Almost got me.

- But I made it.
- Mmhmm.

And you're lucky
I didn't kill you

for everything you have
put me through tonight.

You betrayed me!

You put all those videos
all over my social media

accounts of those
strippers all over you.

Why would you do that?

Are you fuckin' serious?

Did you hear me?

- Everybody's dead!
- Yes, I heard you!

I almost died!

But you broke
your promise to me.

Everybody that
I came here with,

Jinx, they're all dead.

- I heard you.
- I am done.

You hear me?

Done being your pussy
whipped little bitch.

I didn't put any videos on
your social media account.

Okay, so I'd appreciate
it if you cutted me

a little fuckin' slack.

And to top it all off,

I don't know what happened.

The last thing
that I can remember

is I was arguing with
Jinx about the strippers

you're so concerned with.

Next thing I know, I
get woken up by Vinny

and he's got a
fucking severed dick

and another ripped off
hand just in his hands.

How do you know this
wasn't one of Jinx's pranks?


He's friends with all of
the special effects people,

he does this stuff all the time,

I've personally
never trusted him

and because he promised
nobody would get hurt,

- I said, okay, fine.
- Okay, stop.

And he promised
there'd be no strippers!

And what was there?


Well, you're worried
about strippers?

What you think I'm doing
something out here?

Besides fighting for
my own fuckin' life?

And if you're so worried
about what I'm doing, what?

You're insecure?

You think I was doing
something wrong?

What about you?

Feel like you're
missing something.

So where were you at tonight?

While I was trying to not die?

Do you hear that?

It's sirens.

I called the sheriff
at the camp site!

Let's go, let's get him!

I killed him!

I shot him, he's back there.

Drop your weapon!

- No, no, you gotta go see.
- Drop that weapon.

- I'm sorry.
- Up here.

Oh, I'd love to get

and smell like beef
in the morning.

Makes me horny.


- What have we got here?
- Oh my goodness,

- what is this?
- I don't know.

But it's not.

- He's dead.
- Throw him over.

On my count, one, two, three.

God, he stinks.

You gotta be kidding me.

No, I'm serious.

That's the story you
expect us to believe?

Another Bigfoot story?

He's right there.

You know how many times
we get pulled out here

for these Bigfoot stories?

I just shot him,
he's right there

if you just please come
with us, you will see him!

First of all, son, you're
on restricted property.

That's a 300 dollar
fine per person.

Second, why didn't you
just go to a titty bar

like anybody else?

I mean, who comes out in the
woods for a bachelor party?


Doesn't make sense.


With all due respect,
I am vehemently opposed

to titty bars and camping is
all I would allow him to do.

All you would allow him to do?

Well, you're cool
with him coming out

with his friends into
a restricted area

and getting 'em all killed?

That doesn't make sense, ma'am.

I didn't know they
would be trespassing.

I didn't know this would
be a restricted area.

I didn't know
there'd be strippers,

I didn't know there'd be an
actor in a Bigfoot costume!

Of course there's
gonna be strippers,

he's a man, isn't he?

What kind of controlling
woman are you?

There he is!

- Have a look for yourself.
- That's him!

Oh God, that's him.

Let's take a
look at this thing.

Here's your Bigfoot, lady.

Looks like you killed this
nice young man for no reason.

- No, I, no.
- No!

Stop, that is not what it was.

Okay, that, no, no, no.

You said you knew
about the party...

That's not what I shot!

- I shot, I shot a Bigfoot!
- You said you knew

about the party and the plan.

Why didn't you check it out

before you opened fire
and killed this poor kid?

I don't know,
I didn't mean to!

You think a kid did all this?

We're gonna cuff 'em.

We're gonna take you in
for more questioning.

We'll get to the bottom of this.

It's alright, it'll be good.

We'll find out exactly
what happened out here.

Remain calm, okay?

We're innocent.

We didn't do anything!

We're innocent!

We need to reduce
the drama, okay?

- Everyone just calm down.
- What drama?

You are arresting
us for no reason.

You think I did this?

You think I did this?

We're innocent!

Have the
right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be

used against you in
the court of law.

Get off, we're innocent!

We're innocent!

Sir, sir!

We are innocent, please.


Get in the damn car.

This is bullshit.


Hey, that's her!

- Hey, that's her!
- Let's go.

That's the park ranger.

Son, you're just diggin'
a deeper hole with the lies.

Just be quiet, okay?

Tell it to the
judge, if you want.

- Let's go.
- Come on!

- Get in the car!
- Look at her boobs!

- Get in the car.
- Get him in the car, deputy.

Let's go!

Get him outta here.

No, no, no!

- No, no!
- Let's go.

Come on.

Let go!

Look, we're innocent!

Sheriff, I don't know
what he's talking about.

I've never seen that
man in my entire life.

Let me see it.

Vinny Blades.

What did I tell you about

hanging out with
these damn campers?

They get you in
trouble every time.

God, a hand and a cock.


How about a handjob, buddy, huh?

What'd you do, little lady?

What'd you do to get
your head knocked off?

I found another one!

What the fuck?

- Yeah!
- Alright!

Look at these motherfuckers!

Look at these guys.

You fuckin' made it
through the fuckin' movie!

Cherokee Creek!

Creek, Cherokee Creek!

Cherokee Creek, Cherokee Creek!

Oh, shit, hey.

Kids, if you're watching this,

don't fuckin' play
with guns, okay?

But you do need to
say Cherokee Creek

and, you know, you can come
up with your own dance.

You don't have to
do this one but,

come up with some kind
of Cherokee Creek dance

- and put that shit online.
- Yeah, you could do a dance!

I want you to tell every
motherfucker out there.

- Motherfucker!
- Motherfucker about our movie

Cherokee Creek
because we made this

fucking movie for you guys.

We wanted to see a
kickass Bigfoot movie

that had the tits and
the ass and everything.


And we didn't necessarily
wanna see a dick

in there but everybody else
was putting dicks in movies

and we did our research,
so we're like, fuck it.

I'll put a dick in there
and the dick is funny.

I think the dick's pretty funny.

I think the dicks
are funny, yeah.

The dick in the
movie was funny.

You get a great laugh
out of the motherfucker.

- Hey, you get...
- Anyway.

You get a laugh
with the dicks.

I laughed.

Anyway, so get down
to some business.

- You motherfuckers.
- Yous.

You cool
motherfuckers out there,

all of yous, what
we need for y'all

to fuckin' do is tell everybody

about this motherfucking movie.

Get on the Facebook,
the Twitter.

That's the like.

Shit, the Facebook, the Twitter,

whatever the fuck
it is you're on.

- The Instagram.
- Yes!

What's those other ones?


We said that one
already, didn't we?


We said that, too.

Anyway, get on all
the fuckin' formats

and whatever format
comes out at the time

and tell them about this
movie, Cherokee Creek

because we're a 100
percent independent film

and we did not take
shit from nobody.

And we didn't change
shit in this movie.

Because we delivered
what we wanna do

and I know you fucking loved it

and if you did love it,
the way we fucking love it,

tell some
motherfuckers about it.

Hey, we did it the way
we wanted to do it, right?

We did it the
way we wanted to.

- That's right.
- Yeah.

So fucking tell everybody.

Tell everybody.

Hey, don't leave.

Just stay there and keep an
eye on them motherfuckers.

What do I do with this?

Man, hold it at the
camera, make sure they do it.

- Hey!
- Tell everybody.

Don't do anything wrong!

You're not
stealin' my scooter,

you son of a bitch.

You're not stealin'
my scooter, you motherfucker!

Okay, ready?

Set, looking right
here at my hand, mom.

You're doing good, don't worry.

And action!

You're not
stealin' my scooter,

you motherfuckin'
son of a bitch.

Oh boy, guys!

That's the first time
she got it right.

Nailed it!

Alright, come
on, come on, come on.

Subtitles by explosiveskull