Central Bazaar (1976) - full transcript

Once upon a time...

there were three little pigs

who all lived together in a forest.

Now, those three little pigs

had nowhere to live

and they really wanted

somewhere to live

because they didn't like

sleeping under trees and in bushes

and it got very cold when it rained.

One day, their old aunt

left them some money

so that they could build

themselves a house.

She left them enough money

that they could build themselves

a house each.

"I know what I'm going to do,"

said the first little pig.

"I'm going to build

myself a house of straw.

That way I can get it done in a day

and go off and spend the rest of the money

and have a good time."

So he went off to the farmer

and he bought some straw

and he quickly made himself

a straw house shaped like that.

Once he'd done that,

he went off and played.

"Ha!" said the third little pig,

"that's no good!

What'll you do if

the Big Bad Wolf comes along?"

"I don't care,"

said the first little pig,

"I'm gonna go off

and have a good time."

And he went off down the road,

dancing and singing,

"Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!

The Big Bad Wolf!

The Big Bad Wolf!

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!

Not me, me, me, me, me."

Second little pig said,

"I'm going to build

my house of wood,

that way it'll be safe

but it'll also be cheap

then I can spend lots of money

on good food."

So, he went to the woodsman

and he bought lots of wood

and he built himself a little shack

that was one floor

and shaped like that.

That only took him

a couple of days to build

and then he went off to market

and he bought himself

lots of good things to eat.

"Ha!" said the third little pig,

"You are a lazy bunch, aren't you?

I'm going to build a proper house

with bricks and mortar

and a roof

and a chimney

and windows with shutters

and a big strong door.

So that if

the Big Bad Wolf comes,

he won't be able

to get into my house."

And he set to work.

First of all he went

to the brick makers

and he bought lots of bricks

and lots of mortar

and then he spent the next month

building his big brick house.

It was a beautiful house.

The bricks were red and blue

and the roof was green

and he had a lovely chimney

and he painted the shutters red

and the door green

to match the roof

and he put flower pots

outside the windows

and it was a beautiful house

although it took him

a long time to finish it.

First little pig

and the second little pig

thought he was very stupid,

very stupid indeed

because he took so long

and he was so careful.

"Ha!" said the first little pig,

"I don't know

what you're bothering with,

doing all that and taking all that time.

Here you are still sleeping

out in the rain having a...

"Ha!" said the second little pig,

"I think you're very very silly!"

"Why?" said the third little pig.

"I think you're silly

because I'm perfectly safe

and all right in my wooden hut

and nobody will be able

to get into it

and I've brought

all that money left over

from great heart

and I've been able

to go to the market

three times this week

and buy lots of lovely food."

But the third little pig wasn't bothered

one way or the other

and just went on very quietly

building his house

and having a lovely time doing it.

It hadn't been long

when he'd finished it

when the Big Bad Wolf arrived.

He sniffed, "I smell a little pig!"

And he strolled along

very quietly indeed

until he saw the three little pigs

sitting together

talking to each other.

"Aha!"

said the Big Bad Wolf,

"If I creep up very quietly indeed

I'll be able to catch them."

So he crept up

very quietly indeed

but just before he got up

to the three little pigs,

third little pig said

"Shhh! I hear something!"

And they all stopped

and they all listened.

And then first little pig said,

"It's the Big Bad Wolf!

Run everybody! Run!"

So they all ran to their homes

as quickly as possible.

First little pig ran to his straw house

and shut the door.

Second little pig ran to his wood house

and closed the door.

The third little pig ran

to his brick house,

slammed the door, pushed the bolt shut

and felt safe.

The wolf very slowly walked up

to the first little pig's house

and he knocked on the door.

"Let me in, little pig!"

he said.

"No, no! Go away!

I don't want anything

to do with you!"

said the first little pig.

"Let me in little pig

or I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house down."

The first little pig said,

"No, you're can't!

I've got my own home now,

I'm perfectly safe!"

"Aha!"

said the Big Bad Wolf,

"I'll blow your house down

in no time at all!"

And he took a big breath

and he went...

The straw house shook

and it trembled

and it blew away,

far far away,

leaving the first little pig

shaking in his shoes

and he looked at the wolf

and he went "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

And he ran as fast as he could

to the second little pig's

wooden house

and he knocked on the door

and said

"Let me in! Let me in,

as quickly as you can!"

And the second little pig

opened the door,

let him in

and slammed it shut.

"Ha!"

said the first little pig.

"I'll be all right here."

Then the wolf walked up

to the second little pig's door.

"Let me in,

or I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house in!"

"Oh no, you won't"

said the second little pig.

"No you won't.

This is a wood house,

I'm perfectly safe."

"Oh, yes?"

said the Big Bad Wolf

and he took a deep breath

and he...

Blew as hard as he could

but because

it was a wooden house

the house just shook

very very hard

but it didn't go down.

"Aha!"

said the second little pig,

"I told you!"

"Ha!" said the wolf,

"Just you wait and see!"

And he took another

big breath...

and this time

the wood house fell in pieces.

Clunk!

Leaving the first

and the second little pig

hanging onto each other

absolutely terrified.

"Quick! Quick!"

said the second little pig,

"Let's run as quickly

to the third little pig's house

and maybe we'll be

all right there."

So they ran and they ran

as quickly

and they knocked

on the door and said

"Let us in! Let us in!

We're being chased

by the Big Bad Wolf."

"Hmm!"

said the third little pig,

"All right!"

And he opened the door

"but didn't I tell you so!

I told you those houses

weren't safe!"

And then he slammed

the door shut

and shut the bolt...

Isn't that more...

I mean...

wouldn't you think

that would be more exciting

than staying in the same place

all the time

doing the same thing.

I mean, that -

to me that would be

a safe situation...

always in the same...

Oh sure I couldn't get into that.

I mean that's really like terrible.

Yeah, yeah.

Um I think because -

I mean in a way I...

see it's...

I mean it's not that I objecti -

In a way I do objectify.

I mean I'm more happy

when I am with people

than I am with myself.

Well, I find concentration

pretty hard.

Like if you're a kid

and you're given homework

you um that develops -

I mean that may not be

a very good thing

but it nevertheless...

Because I think people

really turn me on.

I mean I really like people.

People are

so highly conditioned...

to uh behave -

you know, to...

be told what to do.

At least in public you're told

where to walk and you know.

It was a bit like that, yeah.

It was like showing off, you know.

It was - I liked

that aspect to it...

and uh... and butterflies

in the stomach, you know.

I mean I would have applied

to be a samurai maybe,

a bit like that you know.

That, sort of, shadowboxing

where in a way you sort of

access one another

and you sort of in a way you kind of

get it out of the way.

I mean, the problem with that

really is that it -

it's gotta be a person

who's quite in tune with me.

I mean I really got

sort of hung up

about my parents

you know.

But that's the sort

of the street thing, isn't it?

- Uh-huh.

- You know?

Like going to the fun fair

you sort of go -

I mean I could never

make my mind up what to go on

if I only had

a small amount of money to spend

and you just end up...

looking uptight -

I can't go on that because maybe

that's better you know.

So you're shooting all around.

Daydream and fantasise

you know.

Which you're gay,

I mean, that could bring us back

to what's happening here.

I just told some things...

I don't know

what I did enjoy but...

I think

it's the kind of thing that...

it's nice to have behind you,

you know.

I think I've done a lot of things

like that,

that I've never really enjoyed

but I sort of thought

well get this one behind me.

I don't know,

I just can't work in a vacuum.

I'll do another one.

Umm...

I'll do - uh...

Greensleeves...

Alas, my -

that's wrong again...

Alas, my love,

you do me wrong

To cast me off

discourteously

No, that's wrong.

Alas, my love,

you do me wrong

To cast me off

discourteously

When I have loved you

so long

Delighting in your company

Greensleeves was all my -

I can't do it.

Greensleeves was all my joys

And greensleeves

my heart of gold

Greensleeves was my delight

And who but

my lady greensleeves

Another one now...

How should I

my true love know

From another one?

No, wait.

I started it wrong. Fuck!

Well, that was right.

How should I

my true love know

From another one?

By his cockle hat and staff

and his sandal shoon

I can't do it, it's wrong!

Wait!

He is dead -

I gotta start again.

Alright - um -

He is dead and gone, lady

He is dead and gone

At his head a grass-green turf

At his heels a stone

How should I

my true love know

From another one?

By his cockle hat and staff

And his sandal shoon

He is dead and gone, lady

He is dead and gone

At his heels

a grass-green turf

At his head a stone

White his shroud

like the mountain snow

Larded with green flowers

Which bewept

to the grave did go

With true love showers

I can't do that one anymore.

Um, I'll sing...

Should I sing

one of my brother's songs?

He'll kill me for this.

And if you want me

You'll know where I'll be

Right here in the kitchen

where you left me

I haven't stirred

since I heard your last word

"Goodbye"

And I want you

ever before me...

I can't sing that...

It's too hard.