Celebrity Crush (2019) - full transcript

- Let me out, please!
- Go in there!

- Wait for your mommy, okay?
- Just let me out!

- Wait for your mommy!
- Let me out!

- No!
- Why?

Are you gonna cry, Bobby?

Let me out, now!

- Are those tears, Bobby?
- Let me out!

He's
crying real tears!

- Wait for your mom.
- I'm gonna scream!

Bobby.

No!



I'll let you out.

Scream for your mommy.

- Come on, scream, scream!
- Let me out!

Scream for your mommy!

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh, that is not nice, boys.

Here's Chain-Face.

Where could they be?

Hi kid!

Ah, made in the USA.

Bobby.

Chain-Face!

Chain-Face!

Chain-Face, come back!



- Chain-Face Clown.
- Chain-Face!

Chain-Face Clown.

- Chain-Face!
- Chain-Face Clown.

Chain-Face, come back!

Hey everybody, welcome
back to the Pete O'Shea Show

right here for you on
the Choice Radio Network.

I'm your buddy Pete.

Hey, and the good news, the
intervention worked, everybody.

Yes, the beard dandruff
is down significantly.

I know everybody's
excited about that.

I was doing a snow
globe yesterday.

But whatever, that's
here nor there

because I'm excited
right now, alright?

I just turned into Regis!

Jonathan Blaklee is her.

Star of the cult classic
"Chain-Face CloWn."

You guys remember it.

It was one of the all-time
classics, out in 1985.

Well guess what.

The Blu-Ray rerelease is now.

Hey, if you're in the
Clearwater area today,

you have got to make it
over to Emerald City Comics,

'cause Jonathan a
Peter are gonna be

signing "Chain-Face Clown,"
the Blu-Ray rerelease.

Go see him today!

This is one of the all-time
classic horror films,

and you're in it.

How does that make you feel?

You know at the
time we had no idea

it was gonna be the
movie that it is today.

It's a classic.

If you're a fan, I know you are,

stop everything you're doing.

You're gonna kill yourself
if you don't go today.

Oh, sorry, I probably
should have said kill them.

- No.
- But whatever.

You know what I mean.

They need to go see
you today, Jonathan.

They definitely do.

I've really been looking forward

to meeting all my fans.

Alright everybody,
we'll take a break.

We'll be back with more
of the Pete O'Shea Show

right after this,
don't go anywhere.

Right here on The
Choice Radio Network.

I love Chain-Face Clown.

I love your movie.

- Okay thanks so much.
- Thank you.

Thanks for making it here.

I loved you in the movie.

What's your name,
what's your name?

Have you seen
"Chain-Face Clown?"

- Mm-hmm.
- Really, did it scare you?

Not really.

You were awesome
in this movie.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- What are you doing?

Are you doing any more movies?

Well, I'm moving
behind the camera now.

I'm not really acting anymore.

Hi, Peter.

Hello gorgeous.

I love to see the
"Chain-Face Clown."

Oh my God, yeah.

Thank you, Peter.

You're the most welcome.

- God I love my fans.
- Let's go.

Dude, this is
how it works here.

They come to the show to sleep

with their favorite horror star.

Which is you.

They expect you to
screw their brains out.

- What's your name?
- Dave.

To Dave.

And do you want me to say
anything in particular?

Oh, die.

Die.

I can do that.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

Hey buddy!

- Hey.
- I need your room, man.

Peter, you have your own room.

No man, my wife, man.

I can't go into it.

Come on, man.

Woo!

Yeah!

They served us a
really good lunch,

and I met a lot of the fans,

and they seemed to be
really into the movie.

Yeah, it was alright.

Don't lie, you love having
your fans fawn over you.

Okay I admit.

It was kind of awesome.

Actually seeing everyone there.

And you know, it was
like total ego food.

See, aren't you glad you went?

You know, maybe I'll
go to another one again.

I'd really like that,
if they want me.

Are you back at the hotel?

How would you know that?

'Cause I can see where
you are on my phone.

That's so big brother of you.

It's modern technology, babe.

Okay, I feel good
knowing where you are.

Oh I'm sure you do.

Hey, you know, could I
call you back tonight?

Yeah, sure.

Alright, bye.

Hey.

Weren't you at the
"Chain-Face Clown" signing?

Yeah.

Are you a fan of the movie?

No, no, I didn't see it.

I thought I saw you there,

and I was the star of the movie.

I'm Jonathan Blaklee.

What's your name?

My name's Emily.

Well nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

Well, I don't know, I
don't know what I'm doing.

Do you want to like, hang
out later or something?

Well, I'm supposed
to go meet my friends.

We're all going to
the 49th Street Pub.

And it's like this
really cool chill bar.

Cool, you know, so.

Can I give you a
call or something,

and we could like make plans?

Well, maybe I'll
see you later,

but I have to go now 'cause
they're waiting for me.

Well what's your number?

I can give you a call.

We can hang out, we could
get a bottle of wine.

Okay, bye.

Hey there.

Hi.

What can I do for you?

Have you seen a girl?

She has blonde hair,
she's around this high.

She has these really
big brown eyes.

Yeah, you pretty
much just described

every woman in St. Pete.

I'll keep a lookout for her.

- How you doing?
- What's up man?

Yeah.

Can I get a glass
of your house red?

House red, you've got it.

Thank you.

Hey there.

I didn't think you were
gonna like show up.

I never took you for
a red wine kind of guy.

I love red wine.

Good wines, you know.

Yeah, so you like frou
frou drinks, I get it.

- No.
- Maybe a banana daiquiri

is next on the menu.

No, I'm not really
into anything that sweet.

So, you don't
like sweet things?

Well not super like
sugary sweet kind of things.

Oh, so your
girlfriend isn't sweet?

Well, I mean,
she's my fiancee.

But not lovey dovey
sweet where she wants

to cuddle and spoon all night.

I mean, not everyone
likes to cuddle.

She probably wears PJs too.

Not all the time.

Well, I definitely
am a cuddler,

and I always sleep in the buff.

Underwear is just
too constricting.

I think so too.

I don't like underwear at all.

You know, you're not really
good at this whole thing.

What's that?

When a girl says she
doesn't wear undergarments,

that's a cue she's
interested in you.

Are you interested in me?

I'm gonna get us
some frou frou drinks.

Let me show you how
you have to do it.

Okay.

Nice try.

Thank you.

You know, you know what
I just can't believe?

Hm?

That you have never
seen "Chain-Face Clown."

It's not like I don't like
horror films or anything.

They just don't do
anything for me.

Come on, can you just
see it once for me?

Oh, you look disappointed.

No, I'm just really surprised
you've never seen my film.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Everyone's seen it.

It's like a classic.

It's a really good one.

I mean, it's old, but
it really stands up.

- It really does.
- Look.

I will see tour de
force "Chain-Face Clown"

if you promise me one thing.

Okay what's that?

Just extend your
stay a couple days.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I really have, I have
to get back to LA.

I have my ticket,
and no, well, no.

No, no.

God, I'm so bad at
this pickup thing.

Is that what you
were trying to do?

I have a fiancee.

You just don't
really love her,

because if you did,

you'd just run off to Las
Vegas and get married.

No, I do love her.

I love her very much,
and uh huh, yeah.

So again, why are
you dancing with me?

I don't know.

I just thought we could
have fun together.

Fun, fun shmun.

Yeah, it's fun.

We're having a really good time.

Fun.

You're so fun.

You're fun too.

- You're really fun actually.
- You're fun.

I could dance here all night.

The whole night,
all night long.

Can we just stay at this bar?

- Yes.
- Until I have to leave

on a plane tomorrow.

No, but you're
gonna stay, right?

- Remember, you're gonna stay.
- I wish I could stay.

That was amazing.

That's right.

- Hey gorgeous.
- Hey.

Wasn't that so fun?

It was.

What time is it?

I don't know.

I gotta get going.

I'm not done with you yet.

Not at all.

There's a tattoo of
my face on your leg.

Yeah, it's my Bobby
Hader Chain-Face tat.

I'm gonna get another
one right here.

Is this some kind of prank?

No, it's not a prank at all.

It's a real tat.

Are you freaked out?

I really have to get going.

And my plane leaves
in like two hours.

Are you freaked out?

No, no no, I'm fine.

Did anyone ever tell
you you have one cute ass?

Yeah, can you give me
a lift back to the hotel?

First, I have to make you
breakfast, Emily's breakfast.

I'm really not a breakfast
kind of guy, actually.

But breakfast is the
most important meal, so.

I really just
need a lift back,

and I'd really appreciate
it if you could do it, okay.

Oh yeah.

This song is hot!

- Yeah.
- Oh yeah, woo!

It's the tat, right?

No, it's not the tat.

It's the tat, I
knew it was the tat.

- No no.
- Let's dance.

- Yeah.
- Woo!

Come on, woo-ha.

Woo, round two!

I just need a lift
back to the hotel.

Round three!

Okay, I'm gonna head on
out, alright, okay okay?

Uh huh.

I've been planning on meeting
you for the last year,

ever since they announced the
DVD signing back in August.

I just knew we would hang out.

And it was even better than
I could have ever imagined.

I mean, you and I were
just so good together.

I was like I finally
met my soul mate.

It had to have been kismet.

I mean, have you ever
dreamt about something,

and then it comes true?

Well that's what
happened with me and you.

I mean, I don't know if
there's anyone in the world

out there that's
meant to be for me

because you and I had
such a special connection.

It was so good, and to deny that

is to deny us, and
to deny everything.

I mean, didn't you
feel the same way?

Yeah, we had a great time.

Is that all it was
to you, a great time?

It was fun.

And and...

And what?

And we should just
keep in touch online.

After what we shared?

Jonathan, I thought
you were different.

You're not a typical
ex-child actor fuck up.

You have depth.

Can you drive me
back to the hotel?

Please?

Okay, I will, but I want
you to promise me one thing

'cause I've been waiting
a really long time

for this moment.

Can you just sign
something for me?

Sure.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Great.

I'll go get it,
don't go anywhere.

Jonathan.

Hi Jonathan.

Where, where am I right now?

How's your head, sweetie?

- It's okay.
- Emily, Emily.

Yes, it's okay.

Emily, Emily, what's going on?

What are you, what
are you doing?

Oh no, sorry.

I can't have you
making phone calls.

It's not good for both of us.

Emily, give me
the phone right now.

You're making a mountain
out of a mole hill.

Open up this fucking lock.

- Open up this fucking lock now!
- Jonathan.

- Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan!
- Help, help, help!

You bitch, you let
me out of here now!

I'm gonna let that one go.

I know this is all very sudden.

I'm warning you!

If you don't let me out
of here, I'm warning you!

- Emily, Emily!
- Shut up Jonathan!

- Shut up Jonathan!
- I'm warning you!

- I'm warning you!
- Jonathan, Jonathan!

- Jonathan!
- I'm warning you, Emily!

- Jonathan!
- Oh no!

- Emily, Emily, stop!
- Jonathan,

let's get one thing
straight here.

Your life can be very
miserable, or very nice.

And it's up to you to decide.

Listen to me.

This little tantrum
is doing nothing.

You and I, we're gonna finally
get to know each other here.

It's peaceful and quiet,
and is your new home.

Do you want to know
what the best part is?

We have our very own
1952 Plymouth Cranbrook.

One day, we're
gonna get married,

and we're gonna
drive by the water,

and it's gonna be so wonderful.

Emily, I just want to go home.

We are home.

Home is where the heart is.

And this is the key to my heart.

Everywhere I go, I can
think of you and your movie.

I forgot, I have
a present for you.

It's gonna turn your
frown into a smile.

- Open it up.
- What is it?

Open it Jonathan.

It's the exact same thing
you wore in Chain-Face.

Maybe just a little bit bigger.

You're gonna look
so handsome in it.

Emily, I don't
want to do this.

Jonathan!

Put on the shirt!

Put it on.

- Emily, listen to me.
- Jonathan, I don't care.

This is crazy, this is crazy.

- Take off your shirt.
- No no no, this is crazy!

- Put the shirt on.
- This is crazy!

I want to see you put on
this "Chain-Face Clown" shirt!

Well hello there.

You're Peter Norvis,
star of "Chain-Face Clown."

How may I be of service?

I made you my very own cake.

Ooh.

Peter do you like your cake?

Mm, do you like your cake?

Are you enjoying your cake?

You're a liar and this is
what you get for lying.

You're not the real Chain-Face.

Chain-Face would never
do this to Jonathan.

Chain-Face loved Jonathan,

and Jonathan needs to
love me and will love me!

Jonathan.

I've read all of your articles.

There was the article
in Starstruck Magazine,

"Where Are They Now?"

And you said, and I quote,

"I value the little
things in life.

"Because those are the things
that are most important."

That rings so true
to me, Jonathan.

But the way you're acting,

doesn't seem like you.

So either you're lying,
or I don't understand.

Am I wrong, Jonathan, am I?

No.

Good.

Because I value the little
things in life, too.

Like how was your day?

I'm willing to bet that one day

we'll laugh about this in years.

This is my favorite
picture of you.

It gives me chills.

Were you scared
when you shot this?

Emily, people are
gonna know I'm missing.

What people?

My friends.

I am the only one that
treasures you, Jonathan.

My fiancee's
gonna know I'm gone.

Oh yeah, but she'll
probably just think

you ran off with someone
like most ex-child actors do.

It's getting late, sweetheart.

So I'm beat.

I'll see you tomorrow.

If you let me go,

I won't tell anyone about
what happened, okay?

- Just let me go.
- Jonathan,

it's getting so late.

And I'll be back tomorrow.

And we will have
a lifetime to get

- to know each other.
- Emily, Emily.

And to talk
about everything.

Emily, let's just
talk about this, Emily.

I'm gonna take
my diamonds together.

Goodnight, Jonathan.

Sleep tight.

Emily, Emily, Emily!

Emily!

I've gotta
go see Peter now.

Hello, did you
find everything okay?

I did!

I am gonna make dinner
for my boyfriend and I,

and we're gonna watch
"Chain-Face Clown."

Oh, what's "Chain-Face?"

You don't know what
"Chain-Face Clown" is?

You don't know what "Chain-Face
Clown" the movie is?

"Chain-Face Clown"
is the number one

horror movie of all time.

It was made in 1985 with Jonathan
Blaklee and Peter Norvis.

You don't know what
"Chain-Face Clown" is?

How do you not know what
"Chain-Face Clown" is?

Why aren't you answering me?

What is wrong with you?

Answer me!

How do you now know who
"Chain-Face Clown" is?

How do you not know who
Jonathan Blaklee is?

How do you not know
who Peter Norvis is?

How do you not know
who Peter Norvis is?

Your total is $30.28.

This is the worst day.

Jonathan and I have a
romantic date tonight.

And you're invited.

You're the main course.

With this being our first
night living together,

I wanted it to be special.

So I made your favorite
dish, chicken piccata.

And I got us a
bottle of red wine.

That's what you said you wanted

when you texted Michelle.

You have to try Emily's
chicken piccata.

It's the first time I made
it, so I hope you like it.

And I even made the
sauce from scratch.

Take a bite, tell
me what you think.

Try it.

Try it.

Do you like it?

Just be honest.

It's very good.

I'm so sorry.

Emily, it's very good.

- You hate it.
- No, I don't hate it.

Jonathan, you hate
my chicken piccata.

I really like it.

Jonathan, you're
being very rude.

We have to figure this
out if this is gonna work.

And until you can find
it within yourself

to show me some respect,

I'm not gonna show
you any either.

I'm gonna give you some time
to think about your actions.

Because as my ninth grade
physics teacher once told me.

For every action
there's a reaction.

Can you see me, Peter?

I can see you.

Are you awake?

I've been thinking about
our fight last night.

I couldn't sleep.

Couples bicker all
the time, right?

And then they work things out.

Are you mad at me?

No I'm not mad.

Emily, could you
just let me out?

I don't think that that's
a good idea right now.

Well how long
do I have to wait?

It's not up to
me, it's up to you.

I promise I won't leave.

Please don't lie to me.

I'd rather you just
call me a fucking bitch.

I know that's what you're
thinking, so just tell me it.

Just say it, it'll make
you feel so much better.

Emily, you're a bitch.

I don't believe it, mean it.

Emily, you're a
bitch and I hate you.

Say it like you're gonna give

an Academy Award performance.

Emily, you're a
bitch and I hate you!

I believed that.

In due time, our love will
make everything better.

So let's not go to sleep upset.

Tomorrow is a new day.

And I love you.

Goodnight, Prince Charming.

Sleep well.

Guess what!

It's Thursday fun day.

And I have some fun
stuff for us today.

We are going to do a read-along
from "Chain-Face Clown."

Your movie.

You're gonna get
to read your part,

and I'm gonna read
everybody else.

Jonathan, doesn't
that sound fun?

Yeah, yeah it's fun.

Fade in.

The sun burns red over
the suburban neighborhood

of Clarksville, Illinois.

Riding his bike on the
manicured tree-lined street

is Bobby Hader.

Hader, 11 years old,
cuter than cute.

He cruises up past
the postman and waves.

He pedals up to an
old person home,

the last of its kind in an
encroaching suburban sprawl.

He quickly steps off his bike.

Bobby walks to the
front door of Mr. Parker

and knocks on the door.

A moment passes and
the front door opens,

revealing the kind face of
Mr. Parker, Bobby's neighbor.

That's your line, Jonathan.

My mom made some macadamia
nut cookies for you.

Say it like you mean it.

My mom made some macadamia
nut cookies for you.

Thanks Bobby, you know how
much I love those cookies.

Jonathan!

Oh.

Well, I gotta go.

See ya later.

Bobby races through
the neighborhood.

He makes his way to the front

of an old, abandoned
home that looks like

no one has lived
there for some time.

He skids to a stop in the
front of the foreboding house.

Bobby stares up at the house.

Paint peels from the shingles

and the once
magnificent property.

He nervously gets off his bike.

He will prove to everyone
that he is not afraid

to enter the cursed mansion.

Bobby walks slowly
inside the house

and takes a look around.

The house walls are
covered with scary cobwebs,

and the roof is falling in.

The floor creaks
with every step.

He climbs the staircase,
heading upstairs.

Bobby hides in the old
oak tree in the backyard.

Then, Chain-Face, with
his trademark hatchet,

marches around the
side of the house.

The grisly killer

looks in the window of the home,

knowing his next victim
is just inside the house.

Bobby will be spared.

Covered in blood and dirt,

Bobby lifts himself
out of the ditch

and shakes himself off.

He is one tough kid.

Bobby is not afraid.

He is now almost content.

Maybe for the first
time in his life.

Could it be that
Chain-Face is really gone?

Almost in a trance,
Bobby ponders the future.

This is a night Bobby
will never forget.

And it will haunt him
for the rest of his days.

Bobby's mother spots her
son sitting almost comatose

on the cold Earth in
front of the house.

Bobby stares at the
rubber clown ball

that was once Chain-Face's
prized possession.

Chain-Face must have left
it as a gift for Bobby.

It is all over now, honey.

It is now over.

As the mother and son embrace,

we fade to black.

The end.

You did so good!

You still have it in you!

Thank you.

Have you ever
considered acting again?

I just kind of, I
don't do that anymore.

You should be acting again,

'cause you were so
much better than

- all of those reality stars.
- Would you stop this?

We don't have to go on
with this anymore, okay?

Jonathan,
I want you to scream.

You want me to scream?

Yes.

Jonathan, scream!

Scream, baby!

I'm telling you,
scream, now, for, me.

Scream!

Scream!

Yeah, yeah!

Ah.

So blissful.

I did something and I
hope you're not mad.

I had a long text message
chat with Michelle.

What did you text?

Well, I don't want to bore you

with the mundane details.

But basically I told her
that you broke up with her,

and then you found someone else,

and you really love them.

That was the gist of it.

She'd never believe it's me.

I thought of that.

And she needed proof.

That's why I sent her this.

I hid a camera in
the room that night.

I hope you're not
mad at me for it.

I just wanted something
to remember our night by.

By the way, you look super hot.

Now Michelle knows what
real love looks like.

Oh and by the way, I looked
at her Facebook profile.

And she's boring.

Super boring.

You need someone fun and
exciting and sexy, Jonathan.

You're really crazy.

Aren't all artists
a little crazy?

Right now you're being eaten
up in this film business.

I think I can be there to
guide you and protect you.

I'm going to be
gone until tomorrow.

But don't worry.

All will be well in the
universe soon enough.

I want to leave you
with some company.

Bye sweet boy.

Here I am.

Did you miss me?

I come bearing gifts.

Behold!

- Alan Goodman.
- What the fuck is this?

And David Christensen.

Hey freak.

For your viewing pleasure.

Emily, you have
to let them go.

I did good, right?

Emily.

Gentlemen, I'll be right back.

Please don't go anywhere.

Oh that's right,
I guess you can't.

Emily, Emily, you've
got to let them go!

Emily!

No, I'm telling you.

I can't promise you
that me and Alan

can get this thing
out of turn-around.

But I've seen him
ecstatic on some projects,

and everything he likes,
he makes it happen.

I can't tell you how.

Jonathan?

Emily, you can't do this!

Emily, Emily!

Ah, what the fuck is going on?

These two guys
thought I was gonna

perform some oral pleasure.

But as you can see, you
guys were wrong, right?

So which one of you hot
dogs want to go first?

Oh yeah.

You tell this
fucking crazy bitch

to get us the fuck out of here!

Or what?

When I get out of here,
I'm gonna kick your ass,

and then I'm gonna kick yours.

You actually liked
working for this guy?

Jonathan.

Good morning, Alan.

Good morning.

Did you have a chance to
look at my pages I sent you?

I did, I did have a
chance to look at this.

And, what the fuck is this?

What the fuck is it?

I said to write a
fucking horror movie!

This isn't a horror movie,
it's a giant pile of garbage!

I don't know what
the fuck it is.

Is it a comedy, is it a drama?

I don't fucking know!

Tell me what it is!

It was a horror.

I mean, I followed
all your notes.

It has all the tropes
of a horror film.

Shut up, just shut up!

Shut up!

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna hire my
five year old son

to write this fucking thing.

Because he can write
circles around you Jonathan.

I just was trying to
follow all your notes on it.

You told me in that note that...

Oh, no, no, shut
up for a second.

Shut up for a second.

I tried to add...

Learn to fucking write!

Jesus Christ!

I really thought
I was giving you

everything that you wanted.

I was think...

You think, you think.

See that's the fucking problem.

You're thinking again.

Holy shit, I made a huge mistake

giving you another chance.

I'm Jonathan Blaklee.

I was in a movie
when I was a baby.

I was a big fucking movie star,

blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah.

You're fucking washed up!

It's a good God damn thing

you were in a big movie
when you were a kid,

'cause that's the last God damn
good work you've ever done.

Alan, if you give
me another chance,

I really think I
know what you want.

I'll tell you what I want.

Jonathan, Jonathan, I
want a good fucking story!

I want a good fucking script!

I want to be able to film
something that's good!

I have an idea, wait, wait.

Wait.

Oh my God, I have an idea.

Jonathan, listen, okay.

You're gonna get out
a piece of paper,

and you're gonna write
on the piece of paper

like a thousand times,

"I am washed up, I'm
out of work, I suck."

A thousand times.

Can you do that for me?

You're firing me?

Now you're getting it!

Yes, you're fired!

Oh.

Alan.

I just want to do one
more draft for you,

and I know we can nail it down.

I'm sorry, who's that talking?

Who's speaking?

Can you hear me?

Oh you?

I'm sorry, I don't
recognize you,

because you don't
work for me anymore!

Alan.

Jonathan.

Tell her to let us go please.

No more clowning around!

It's dying time!

What are you doing?

Emily, Emily!

Emily, Emily, stop it!

Emily, Emily, Emily,
Emily, Emily, Emily!

Emily, Emily, Emily!

Tell her to fucking stop.

We've been friends
forever and I apologize

if I caused anything
that might have hurt us.

Hear me out, please.

I don't want to
talk to you anymore.

I want you out of my life.

- At least hear me out.
- I don't want

to deal with you.

Okay, I'm gonna hear you out,

then you're getting the
fuck out of here, okay?

- Okay, okay.
- Okay talk.

Picture this.

You are an ex-child star.

Of the "Chain-Face
Clown" series.

You're looking for a comeback.

"Chain-Face Clown"
was done 30 years ago.

- And...
- Get the fuck out of here.

We could all be
making money again.

- Come on, man.
- I don't have any

money for you guys.

You guys are assholes.

I apologize for having caused

anything that
might have hurt us.

Please know that.

See that was a
heartfelt thing,

but as they say, too
little, too late.

That was my favorite
death in the movie.

Roses are red,
violets are blue.

Chain-Face is hot,
and so are you.

Honey, you think I
did an awful thing,

but I did the world a favor.

No, no, you were right
to do what you did.

You probably
think I'm a monster.

No, I don't.

Jonathan, I see
it in your eyes.

You don't like what I did.

Couples don't always see
eye to eye on everything.

We'll just have to
agree to disagree.

I know, I get it,
they were jerks.

Right?

You know, I've
never seen David

- so scared in his life.
- I know.

He was trembling.

It was basically
laugh-out-loud funny.

I was thinking of burning
them alive with gasoline.

Then I realized, it probably
would make too much of a mess.

So, I decided to go this route.

You definitely made
the right choice.

I think so too,
clean and easy.

In the morning,
I'm going to plant

those two dweebs as carnations.

Finally they'll give back
something to the world.

Even if it's just as fertilizer.

You know, did you ever
think we should plant roses?

Roses are so hard
to grow year round,

but if that's what you'd like,

I'll do what you prefer.

You ask me nicely for
anything, and I'll deliver.

Thank you Emily.

It's been a long day.

Goodnight, my sweet boy.

I'll see you in the morning.

When you're done cleaning
up, you can go to sleep.

This is where you belong.

Jonathan.

I have a feeling you're
hiding something from me.

Do you promise me that you will

tell me everything, Jonathan?

Because I want this to be a
healthy relationship, don't you?

We do have a
healthy relationship.

You know Emily, I'm
so glad I met you.

And I got to know you.

I love you so much.

You're wonderful, do
you really know that?

You know what
would be amazing?

If you and I could
write a prequel

to "Chain-Face Clown"

to show how that
killer came to life.

Let's just do it!

Jonathan, that would
be the most amazing thing

in the world for me.

People wouldn't even believe

that I was working
on this with you.

We could write it as a team.

This would be the
best day of my life

if we could write
a script together.

Not only could we
write it together,

we could make it and shoot it,

and we'll show it
to the whole world.

Jonathan, this is amazing.

You know so much
about "Chain-Face Clown"

that you'd be the perfect
person to write it with.

This is music to my ears.

I can't believe you're
telling me this.

Jonathan, I'm falling
for you even more.

Thank you for being you.

And Harold, using
all his might,

shoves the clown creature
down to the well.

He disappears for all good.

Harold rolls on his side
and takes a sigh of relief.

Fade out, the end.

Awesome job, partner.

Not too shabby for my
first screenplay, huh?

Yep, it's pretty damn good.

I'm really excited about this.

You know something?

I am too.

Are you still mad
at me for all this?

No.

Well, maybe a little.

At first I was a little upset,

but we did something
kind of magical.

You think so?

Yeah, I really do.

It's definitely worth it.

Look what we accomplished.

It was brilliant.

It's like a movie
within a movie.

Mm-hmm.

What's the term
for that again?

Self-reflexive.

Yes, self-reflexive.

Ooh, I feel so professional
using that term.

Can I confess something to you?

Yeah, sure.

I liked you because
you were a movie star,

but now, I have fallen
for the true Jonathan.

You know something,
I like you too.

Do you think you can ever
forgive me for all of this?

It's not so bad.

You know, and I totally get it.

You do?

I do.

I mean, we all do crazy
things in life sometimes.

I just feel so guilty.

So guilty.

Don't.

I've really enjoyed
working with you.

Me too.

Most people think I'm a freak,

but you really get me.

It's like we were made from
the same cloth, Jonathan.

Yeah we are.

It's my birthday, and I made
something special for you.

It's kind of
finishing our script

and birthday present
from me to you.

What is it?

You'll have to
open it and find out.

You're so sweet.

Thank you.

Oh my God, I love it.

You love it?

Yes, I do.

Tell me you like it again.

I love it.

I wish I could
bottle up this moment

and keep it forever.

Jonathan, I'm gonna
sleep so great tonight.

See you in the morning.

Sleep well.

Yes, Jonathan Blaklee.

I will be your wife.

Oh, look at that
ring you got me.

Of course I'll marry you.

Mm, Chain-Face and Jonathan
are going to love this.

Maybe I should dress
up as Chain-Face Clown

while we eat this cake together.

Jonathan!

Bitch!

Bitch.

You can't do this Jonathan.

I just did, and it feels
pretty fucking damn good.

Is this some
sort of sick joke?

Let me go, Jonathan!

Would you have
ever let me leave?

Of course I would, I love you.

Yeah, yeah, when
was that gonna happen?

Soon.

I just needed to
know that you were

gonna stay with me, Jonathan.

You're sick in the head!

What the fuck were you thinking?

Did you ever think I was
gonna fall in love with you?

Did you ever think anyone
could fall in love with you?

A maniac like you doesn't
even know what love is!

I love you, I really do.

Apologize to me for
everything you did.

I won't.

You will, you're
gonna apologize.

Apologize to me!

I'm only sorry for
loving you so much.

No no no, you're
going to apologize.

I want you to say, you know,

I'm fucked in the
head, Jonathan.

And I'm sorry for
everything you did to me.

It's not gonna happen
ever, 'cause it's not true!

It's not true!

Say it, say it, say it!

It's not true.

You're acting crazy, Jonathan.

I'm not the one
who's certifiable.

You're crazy, Jonathan.

You have to calm down.

I don't have to do anything.

Jonathan, we need
to talk about this

like two grown adults.

You know, I'm gonna let
you sit there for a while,

you know, and then I'm
gonna call the police,

and you can think of everything

that's gonna happen to you

when you're in prison for
the rest of your life.

I'm not listening
to you, Jonathan.

I'm not listening to you.

Will you stop using my name

at the end of every sentence?

That is your name, and
I like the way it sounds.

What is it with you?

What is it with you?

Stop being silly,
you silly head.

I hate you, I
hate you so much!

Don't you fucking get it?

You're so adorable
when you're mad.

I can see why you got the
part in "Chain-Face Clown."

Your eyes just bulge out.

You're not acting
rational, Jonathan.

I told you to
stop using my name!

Jonathan, Jonathan,
Jonathan, Jonathan,

Jonathan, Jonathan!

You fucking bitch,
you're gonna rot in hell!

What did you do, bitch?

Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter!

Peter, Peter, Peter
where are you?

Peter where are you?

Peter!

Where are you?

Where is she?

Where did she put you?

Peter, talk to me, Peter!

Do you hear me?

Where could they be?

- Peter, Peter!
- Here's Chain-Face.

Hi Jack!

Jonathan.

Jonathan, why?

Why, why?

Hello, can I help you?

I'm looking for Jonathan.

Sorry, who are you?

I'm Michelle, his fiancee.

Yes, he told me about you.

If he's here, I'd really
like to talk to him.

He doesn't want
to talk to you.

I want to talk to Jonathan.

Don't you get it?

He doesn't want to
be with you anymore.

He never loved you.

He loves me, and we're
gonna get married.

He didn't tell you?

No, he didn't.

It just hasn't been
officially announced yet.

I want to talk to
Jonathan, is he here?

He doesn't want
to be with you!

He wants to be with me.

- We're engaged.
- Jonathan!

Jonathan, I want to talk to you!

If you don't leave,

- I'm gonna call the cops.
- Jonathan!

Jonathan!

Jonathan, where are you?

Jonathan, can you hear me?

Jonathan!

Jonathan, where are you?

Jonathan!

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!

Jonathan, can you hear me?

Jonathan!

Michelle, I'm down here!

Michelle, Michelle, I'm in here!

Michelle!

Michelle, Michelle!

Michelle!

No no no, no.

No, you gotta call
the police right now.

Call them now.

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!

Michelle!

Goodbye, Michelle.

You're going to
starve here, Jonathan.

This is where you die.

Goodbye, Jonathan.

Emily, Emily, Emily!

- Nathan!
- Emily!

- Nathan!
- Emily!

- Emily, Emily!
- Nathan, Nathan!

- Emily, Emily, Emily!
- Nathan, Nathan, Nathan!

Emily, Emily!

Please come back,
please come back.

Please, Emily.

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

You're so precious.

If your daddy could
see you from heaven,

he'd say how handsome you are.

And one day, you're going
to act in big movies.

You're gonna be a star
just like your daddy was.

And then we can do a remake
of "Chain-Face Clown."

Would you like that?

Of course you would.

'Cause you're my little star.

This is Chain-Face,
and this is me.