Cats on a Pedal Boat (2011) Movie Script

Gimme a pound

of ribeye steak.

What does a cow say?

-What?

It says "Moo!"

And then it gets

its head blown off.

Go home, kid.

Fuck you.

Go home.

You're fucked up!

Hey, you assholes!

Go home, kid.

-Beat it, fatso.

You're fat!

Your mom's fat!

Nice skateboard you got.

Cut it out!

-Give me the skateboard!

Let me see your skateboard!

-C'mere a second!

Shut up!

You know what I like

about this skateboard?

I like this cheese here.

-You like the cheese...

What's going on here?

Are you guys crazy?

What's going on here?

Nothing, it's nothing-

Just talking to a kid from the

neighborhood. About this and that.

Nice kid.

I know his mom. Right?

Are you OK?

Did they do anything to you?

We didn't do anything to him.

It's OK.

Your wheels are worn out,

but your board's awesome.

Vamos.

You're such a schnozz!

What's your name?

Yotam.

-Hi, Yotam.

I'm Mili, and this is Noam.

And those four morons

are a bunch of idiots.

I know them from middle school.

Great kids, but up to no good.

Yeah, because they're idiots.

-Yeah.

So we...

Apologize on their behalf.

Do you forgive us?

Bye, Yotami.

CATS ON A PEDAL BOAT

A Film by Yuval Mendelson,

Nadav Hollander, Yonatan Bar Ilan

Two salami sandwiches,

one for me and one for you.

Thanks.

What are you playing?

What kind of music are you playing?

-Thrash metal. You know it?

I don't know it.

I know Schubert, Brahms,

I know Stravinsky...

Did I ever tell you

about the concert in Vienna?

When I sat in for the trombone player...

-And you couldn't play a note.

Gramps, I know that one by heart.

-That was really something.

Afterwards, he took me

to a restaurant. I had...

The best strudel

you ever had.

Aren't you sick of repeating

the same shitty story?

Yotam, kindly

mind your language.

And you, kindly shut up

about that goddamn strudel!

If Grandma could hear you now...

I couldn't give a shit.

Tell you what:

maybe I'll tell you

a story, for a change?

I'll tell you a story about...

Cats, and a pedal boat,

and...

And Noam and Mili.

And today is their

six month anniversary.

Six months into a lively,

yet unconsummated relationship.

What?

-He hasn't nailed her yet.

Hasn't nailed what?

-Hasn't nailed her.

Gramps, don't interrupt.

But Mili is worth waiting for.

But Noam doesn't want

to wait too long,

so he takes her on

a romantic pedal boat ride,

on a quiet, placid lake.

Mili's beloved cat, Dixie,

joins in on the fun.

Dixie, no!

Besides her fat, orange cat,

Mili also has a big fat secret.

What's with the suitcase?

Mili and us... -We'rejust

cleaning out our storage space.

But we'll get to that later.

-Are we going or what?

Hello.

How much is a boat

for an hour?

NO ANIMALS ALLOWED

Hi, What did you say

your name was?

Bill.

If you think Mili's about to give up

on Dixie, you're dead wrong.

And she wants the mouse too,

to give him something to play with.

OK?

Dixie, what is it?

It's nothing.

Forget it.

Wait, Noam.

Dixie...

Dixie, come to mama.

-Tell him mama's busy.

Cut it out, Noam.

Can't you hear him yowl?

Yeah, he's doing that to spite me.

-Come on...

Seriously. Ever since I've known

your spoiled cat,

all he wants to do

is to interrupt us.

Because he doesn't even know you.

Try playing with him.

Dixie, little kitty...

-You see? He's not that bad.

Fat cat.

Who's orange and fat?

What's up, fatso friendo?

You want this?

Huh, Dixie? Huh, fatty?

Whoop, there it is!

Shit.

Why "shit"?

What happened?

Dixie!

Jump in there, now!

-I don't have spare underpants!

Who gives a shit? Jump in there!

-Wait!

OK, I'm gonna do it.

Cold, huh?

Serves you right, shit face!

Do you hear

the classical music score?

That means

the Admiral's around.

The Admiral manages

the boathouse,

and he's the biggest

asshole in the park.

Hey, whacko!

OK, seriously, Mili.

There's nothing we can do right now.

It's not gonna help us,

to rag on each other all day.

Besides, we're going to find him.

Are you listening?

Listen to me. I'm telling you,

we're going to find him.

Cats don't just disappear

in the middle of the day.

We shouldn't let it ruin everything.

C'mon, what do you say?

Listen up now, dumb kid.

There was a toy mouse here,

that's very important to me.

You have 4 seconds to tell me where

it is, before I make soup out of you.

You want me to drink you, Billy?

-No.

Talk!

OK, I know that...

we got off on the...

wrong foot.

I thought it over, and...

We have all night.

And I thought that tonight...

Stop it, Noam.

Not now.

What do you mean, "not now"?

If not now, when?

Is that all you ever think about?

-So what? It's not something bad.

What am I asking for?

I'm not asking to shave your head.

I want to be with you.

Did you hear that?

Noam, do you hear that?

-Yeah, I hear it.

Where's it coming from?

-There!

Pedal, already!

-I'm pedaling!

It's Dixie, I feel it!

-That didn't sound like Dixie.

It's barely moving, huh?

-That's what we got.

Did you fart?

Come on, Mili.

It wasn't me.

Did you fart or didn't you?

-I did, OK? Happy now?

But it's something else.

I can't believe it.

OK, I'm going to check...

Where are you?

Are you OK?

Don't move, I'm coming.

Are you OK?

I'm coming down.

Careful, Noam.

Are you OK?

What is that?

What's that rotten smell?

What have we here?

Don't touch that.

-Wait.

Help me.

Noam.

-What?

It's radioactive.

Radioactive?

Those barrels contained

radioactive material,

or still do...

What do you mean, radioactive?

Like Chernobyl?

Sort of. What's the difference?

Noam, get me out of here.

OK, let's get you out of here.

What are you, Nike Air Jordan?

-Wait.

OK, come.

What, like a boost?

-Why not?

This shit keeps slipping.

Keep trying!

Grab something!

Shit.

Sea scouts, this is Bill.

Do you read? Over.

"Tel Aviv Sea Scouts"

Not quite the way

we planned it, huh?

What's the deal

with this rotten smell?

Is that better?

A little bit.

"A little bit."

I'm really sorry

it turned out this way, Mili.

Sea scouts, this is Bill.

Do you read? Over.

Sea scouts, this is Bill.

What do you want?

-Routine update. Over.

Here's your update: Over the

walkie talkie we hear the voice

of the loser from the front desk

who answers to "Bill".

Bill is a skinny, white,

zit-faced little punk,

with no charisma

and no friends.

Bill's mom needs no introduction.

We all know the filthy little...

Slut.

Lastly, everyone here

wants you to die.

Over, do you coPY?

Yeah!

Wow, Mili...

It's really happening!

It's going to be so much fun,

we'll do it a thousand times.

A million times.

We can do it our whole lives.

Wait, Noam.

-What do you mean, "wait"?

Wait a second...

Listen for a second.

What do you mean, "listen"?

Noam.

-What?

What the fuck is going on?

Can't I get 5 minutes of quiet?

Fuck this pit,

fuck these barrels,

fuck all this shit!

Why didn't I think of this before?

What are you doing?

What am I doing? Building a

tower out of radioactive barrels.

An amazing tower.

-I need you to know something.

An Eiffel Tower. Oh what a tower...

Noam...

One minute you're in a pit,

and the next...

You're not.

Noam, could you cut it out

and listen to me for one second?

Never mind, Mili. Give me your

hand and say whatever you want.

Noam.

-What?

I'm leaving the country.

What?

My parents are leaving

for Budapest, and so am I.

You're nuts, Mili.

Noam, I'm falling! Noam!

You're leaving me? -Noam,

my whole family is leaving.

Noam, don't let go of me!

-I won't if you won't leave.

Noam, I'm falling! Don't let go!

Don't leave me, Mili.

-Noam, I'm falling! Noam!

What did you do? What?

I almost fell, you idiot!

Yeah, right... now you're telling me

you're going to Budapest?

To Budapest? Are you a moron?

Who ever heard of that shithole?

It's the capital of Hungary,

you know. It's not a shithole.

The Danube, Goulash,

Blintzes, Rubik's cube...

You're not going, you hear me?

-I am.

So you want to go!

-Noam, I have no choice.

Don't lie to me.

You want to go.

I'm going to

study medicine there.

Go fuck some Hungarian doctor

and choke on his blintzes.

And I don't care, you hear me?

I don't care.

"A residue of cowards",

that's what you are.

Where did you dig that one up?

-Yitzhak Rabin, ring a bell?

Are you hungry?

I brought oranges, jerky,

ding dongs, water, oranges...

And some more oranges.

I love oranges.

Would you like me to peel

you one, or you'll eat it as it is...

Mili, if you keep nagging me,

I'll shove an orange up your ass.

L'll peel you an orange.

Mommy!

What was that? -I don't know,

maybe we hit something.

Maybe it's the wind.

-What wind, Mili? There is no wind.

That's true.

Never mind. What we have

to do now is return the boat

and get the hell out of here.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Mili, it won't move.

Mili, this piece of shit

fucking boat won't move!

Do you hear me?

-Of course I can hear you!

I'm 10 inches away,

how could I not hear you? I hear you!

It won't move, I get it.

Can't you fix it?

I can't fix a flat tire on a bike.

You want me to fix a pedal boat?

OK, I'm sick of this.

I'm going to swim back.

Noam, don't swim back.

Noam!

Noam, Noam...

If you swim back,

I'll kill myself.

What happened?

It bit me!

-What bit you? -I don't know.

How can you not know

what bit you?

You want to know?

Stick your fucking hand in.

What's your problem?

-Stick it in already!

I am!

My hand's in the water,

it feels great in the water...

It's Dixie!

I know it!

Dixie? Chooki-chook..

Dixie... Dixie, come to mama.

-Mili, stop acting retarded.

Dixie, come home!

Dixie, come to mama.

What do you think you're doing?

Why are you acting like a little girl?

What's the deal?

-What's the deal?

You're talking to your missing cat,

sticking your hand where you shouldn't!

At least I don't whine like a bitch

making up stories about biting lakes.

-You're annoying. -Really?

I didn't realize. I thought

the whole point was to annoy...

I'm not staying here

for one more second.

What are you doing?

-We're going to row away.

Row where?

-Row there.

What now?

-Now it's up to you.

Either you find

a quiet corner in the shade,

or you take this fucking

umbrella and start rowing!

Row! Row!

Row! Row already!

Things look hopeless

for our stubborn duo, Gramps.

The boat's stuck, the lake's

making noises and biting people,

Mili's leaving, and Noam's

looking like a stale cookie.

It's all going to shit, Gramps.

It's all going to shit.

OK, Mili...

Now's not the time.

Get up and help me get help.

-Help from who?

Hello there.

Mommy!

Mili!

You fuckhead!

Please, let's keep our sanity.

-What do you want?

There seems to have been

a misunderstanding earlier.

My zit-faced moron employee

gave you something precious.

If you give it back,

I'll take you to the other side,

and we'll all be happy.

What?! -He didn't give us

anything. -Mili...

She's a wild one, huh?

-Leave her alone.

A mouse.

Who are you,

and what the hell do you want?

I want my mouse back.

The mouse you took earlier.

We didn't take any mouse,

and if we had seen one,

we wouldn't have taken it.

I didn't see any mouse.

I want my mouse back!

Enough already!

Mili, stop.

-Listen, buddy,

I know I had a mouse.

A toy mouse, but a mouse.

And I also know she took it.

Now listen:

either you give me the mouse,

or I take it.

Got it?

-Nope.

No mouse.

No mouse?

No girl.

Don't call me a girl. -OK,

but we don't have it anymore.

Wow. That means

we've got a problem.

No problem.

Just step aside and let us go.

Noam!

Noam, get up!

-Don't yell!

Good boy. Want your girlfriend

back? Get me the mouse.

OK, there is no mouse.

OK? No mouse.

It's in there, in the lake,

with all the crazy crap in it.

It's just a toy mouse. What's so

important about a toy mouse?

None of your business.

But if it's in the water, friendo,

looks like you're going diving.

-Let her go, she's choking!

So you better come back soon,

before she runs out of air!

Which part didn't you get?

Stop it, please!

Get it!

G° awa I

Go! y.

Noam, don't go, please!

Noam! Noam!

Noam, come back!

-Go already!

Noam! Noam!

Noam, don't leave me!

Go!

Noam!

Noam, don't leave me!

Noam!

Let me tell you about

the Admiral. OK, Gramps?

Each morning, after

the Admiral makes his money,

he stashes it in the safe.

But in order to open a safe,

Gramps... -You need a key.

And where's the key?

Inside the mouse?

2 points, Gramps.

2 points.

Quiet!

What am I doing?

What the fuck am I doing?

Fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck!

What am I doing?

Wait, wait a minute..

Wow, fuck! Fuckin' A!

Shit! Shit!

Come on, you fucker!

Shit!

Simon!

Come out, Simon!

Simon! Simon!

Who's Simon?

-Simon!

Don't be scared!

Answer me, Simon!

Simon, I can see you!

Come out!

Me? -No, Barbara Walters.

Of course, you!

Come out already!

Simon!

I'm not Simon!

Simon, you have to get help!

Mili got kidnapped,

the boat's stuck, and I'm being

attacked by some fucking cat!

You gotta help me

before Mili gets it!

What cat? Who kidnapped her?

-Who cares?

Some idiot with military stripes

and a mustache!

Oh no.

-What?

Oh no!

-Fuck you!

Get help already!

Sea scouts,

do you read me? Over.

Sea scouts,

this is an emergency. Over.

Dovik

In his mother's womb,

Dovik already knew he belonged

to the bubbling brooks,

the gushing waterfalls.

At the age of 6,

he swam the Kinneret solo.

At 8, he kayaked on the Amazon.

At 11, he swam the Nile with

one hand tied behind his back.

Dubi

This is Dubi,

and this is Haya Halperin.

And this is Dubi,

and this is Haya Halperin.

Dubi again.

Haya Halperin again.

That's it. No more.

Dovale

Gluttony is

an addiction to eating,

typified by exaggerated, wasteful

consumption of food and drink.

That's our Dovale, an obsessive

consumer of sweets and treats.

In Christianity, gluttony is

one of the seven deadly sins.

Gluttons are condemned

to the third circle of hell,

where, as punishment,

they must eat mud and filth.

Dov-Dov

Must you do that?

Do you absolutely have to

sit here and make mouth noises?

Because I'm trying to draw,

and it's a little distracting.

Thank you.

Was I being unclear? Is

something wrong with my diction?

What makes you think you can

sit here and shit on my head?

That's what you're doing,

shitting on my head. And why?

Why? Because you're pretty?

You think you're pretty?

You think your poop is pretty?

It tastes like ice cream?

Let me tell you something.

Hey, baby.

I look in your eyes

and I feel sick.

Your eyes are cold.

Your stare is stupid.

And your nose bores me.

Yeah, that's right.

Your face is so symmetrical

that it depresses me.

It's like looking at a museum

exhibit of nothing but squares.

All equal sides and right angles...

It makes me vomit.

You make me vomit.

You're not pretty.

You're ugly.

You're so ugly.

Give me the gum.

Give me the gum!

Put it here!

Put it!

Yeah, baby.

That's right.

It's as if we kissed.

And this is Dov-Dov. Prick.

Enough, enough.

"To the one & only Admiral, Mama"?

- Did you say something?

Who puts that in their room?

That's so gay.

Quiet!

Quiet.

What happened?

Did I step on your toe?

Your mother died

and you miss her?

My mother didn't die.

I couldn't give a shit.

-No!

No, no, no!

You will not talk about my mom,

and you will not... -I didn't...

Shut your mouth!

You see a picture on the wall,

and think you know something?

You try to analyze me?

Talk about my mom? Who

are you to talk about my mom?

Talk to me about my mom...

Psycho.

Sea scouts, do you read me?

Sea scouts,

this is an emergency. Over.

Sea scouts, do you read me?

Sea scouts,

this is an emergency. Over.

Sea scouts, do you read me?

Sea scouts, do you read?

Sea scouts.

Bill here.

You're 93)'-

Sea scouts, do you read?

Die already...

Your mom% a whore... Die.

Fuck you.

Sea scouts.

-Hello, sea scouts?

That's what I meant

when I said "sea scouts".

This is Bill.

Bill from the boathouse.

A pedal boat's stuck. It had two

passengers, a boy and a girl.

The girl was kidnapped, and the

boy said something about cats.

Cats?

-Yeah, on the boat.

What boat? -A pedal boat!

Come on, there's no time!

I don't get it. -Cats on a pedal boat!

What's not to get?

Sorry?

-Cats on a pedal boat.

Could you repeat that?

Cats on a pedal boat!

That sounds really stupid,

what you just said.

I know, but there you have it.

He's in trouble, come quick!

That was the pedal boat house.

What does he want?

I dunno, some boat got stuck.

He said it's urgent.

Sorry for snapping at you

like that.

I don't know what came over me.

So what's going on

with you and... that kid?

Noam.

-Don't say his name!

He's a good boy.

But you're like

a hard-boiled egg.

What?

Could you stop being like

a hard-boiled egg? Huh?

For Noam?

Could you try?

I hope you die.

You hear me?

Die!

"I hope you die."

You hope who dies?

Huh? You hope who dies?

Listen good,

if your lame boyfriend

doesn't get here with my mouse,

I swear,

I'll chop your head off.

Fuck your mouse.

Mind your language, Mili.

I can tell you

that my cat enjoyed

torturing your fucking mouse.

Excuse me?

Cat?

Which cat?

Dixie.

I swear to God,

l'll rip your head off

if you don't tell me

which cat you're talking about.

My cat.

He fell in the water!

Scouts, gather.

"Thanks for the rescue.

Good job. 1988."

"Rowing contest,

1st place, Tiberias, '94."

You already know

our goals and our principles.

You're familiar

with our history.

The battles.

The immigrants.

Enough with the immigrants!

Bunch of wankers. -Yotam,

I was one of those immigrants!

Bunch of wankers, I said!

That was history.

We're here to change history.

And I want to tell you a story

about guts, heroism & sacrifice.

Because wherever there's a stuck

boat that can't return to shore,

we'll be there.

Wherever there's a deadly

whirlpool and a raging storm,

we'll be there.

Wherever an 8 year old swallows

salt water, we'll be there.

Wherever an old lady in a cap

swims with her head sticking out,

we'll... -Sorry to interrupt,

but he said it's urgent.

We'll be...

You know...

Of course.

Of course it's urgent.

Let's go!

What's up, Dovale?

-What's up?

What's up? -Tell me,

is that a new hairstyle?

New haircut? New shampoo?

-No. -New flip flops?

No. What's with you? -I dunno.

I dunno what's with me today.

But I sense something different

about you. Huh?

And I'm usually not wrong.

So if it's not the hair,

and not the flip flops,

and definitely not new pants,

then it must be...

-What? -What?

Spill it, you.

-The bow tie? -Bingo.

The bow tie.

-Cool, huh? -Yeah.

Take it off.

-What?

You heard me. Take the bow tie off.

-What's with you?

What's this?

A bow tie.

What's this?

Also a bow tie.

-Right, Dovale!

How many does that make?

-Two. -One. Just one.

I'm the only one here with

a bow tie. -But I also want...

I also want a bow tie!

I'm not even arguing with you.

Take it off and that's it.

I'm not taking it off.

-You're not taking it off? -No!

Not taking it off.

-No.

Don't take it off. -OK.

-My mistake. -What's with you.

Don't know what came over me.

-What's with you? -I went nuts.

We're also... -Friends.

-For years. -So lay one on me.

Here it is.

-OK.

Take the bow tie offl

You asshole!

I'm gonna kill you!

Hey, hey, kiddies...

Calm down.

Dovale.

One bow tie...

is already too much.

-Aw!

Hand it over.

Say "confiscated".

Confiscated.

That's it?

Only four?

Shut your ass.

OK.

Take care, and...

Good luck.

Why?

-Why?

Like a pussy,

you're asking me why?

Help!

Anyone!

Noam!

What?

Am I seeing double, man?

And he knocks them

over the head with the bottle!

Yotam, clean that up please.

Don't be a drag, Gramps.

Double trouble.

But Noam saves the day.

Meanwhile,

the scouts are on their way.

H3)'-

Knock knock.

Anybody home?

Hello.

You OK, pal?

You OK?

Bro, he's wasted.

Totally pissed.

Hey, man.

Listen, I'm Dovik,

and these are Dov-Dov, Dovale,

and in the back, that's Dubi.

We're here to save you.

Don't put your hand in the water!

Never put your hand in the water.

Why's that?

Bro, it's OK.

It's OK.

It's OK, pal.

What's the deal?

No deal.

The water's fine.

-No.

Listen, man... That's not

what we're here for, OK?

We're telling you the water's

fine, so the water's fine.

Water...

Everything's fine.

OK, crazy?

OK?

Just water.

-Just water!

Just water!

No! Fuck!

Mommy!

Shit.

Why did it only happen to him?

Coincidence!

Hey, hey!

Stop crying like a bitch, OK?

It's OK, we'll take care of you.

You'll see.

We'll take care of you.

It's OK. It'll be OK!

It'll be OK!

Hey, Billy boy...

Don't cry.

We'll win, you'll see.

We won't!

We will.

Sure we will.

You don't get it.

The Admiral gets paid to dump

stuff in the lake...

Radioactive stuff.

Son of a bitch, that's what all

the madness is about. -Huh?

Slap him.

Maybe that'll calm him down.

It burns!

-Here, we brought beer.

Beer...

Dubi, throw me the scout's arm!

What? -The scout's arm!

Throw it to me!

What? -Throw him the statue's

arm already, you asshole!

Hey, man.

Listen,

what did you say

your name was?

Noam.

Noam, I have

something to tell you.

The thing is that...

Remember you put your...

Into the...

Your arm came off, man.

We made you a new one.

"Be prepared", man.

-Totally.

We came to help you.

We heard you were in trouble,

some girl disappeared, and your

life is generally shitty lately,

so we got here right away.

Amazing crew.

Amazing.

First of all,

my girlfriend got kidnapped

by a big guy with a mustache

and military stripes.

Secondly, we had a cat,

but it fell in the water.

I don't know why,

but ever since, these creatures,

kinda like cats, but real strange,

have been trying to eat me.

Thirdly, and this is

the most fucked up part:

they multiply when they

come in contact with the water.

So I say:

Let's pedal to the other side,

rescue my girlfriend, fuck up

the son of a bitch who took her,

and get rid of all these

assholes in the water.

You see, Gramps?

Noam decided to grab

his balls with both hands

and save his girl, not whine

like a bitch about his arm.

That's the only way to get a girl

to take her panties off.

She'll only do it for a man, and

that's what Noam has become.

A man with balls.

What's up, shit face,

That's what happens when you dump

radioactive stuff in the water.

You think everybody's life

looks like yours?

Money, food, a big house

and pink goddamn shoes?

And parents who can get on a plane

and fuck off anytime they like?

I don't have that!

I don't have it and I never had it!

It's just me and my mom!

And she makes me miserable!

There's nothing in this like,

so I dump stuff in it. That's all.

You think I wanted

to harm anyone?

Look at me.

What does that have

to do with anything?

Every morning,

when I wake up,

I roll around to the other side

to check

if my mom is still breathing.

We sleep together at night,

because she gets cold.

And each morning,

when I see she's still breathing,

I want to commit harakiri!

I've got enough money to stick

her in an old folks home

and disappear!

Dovik.

What?

What time do you think

we'll get back home?

How should I know?

That's not OK, Dovik.

"Knots Landing" is on at 21 :00.

So you'll miss one episode.

Big deal.

That sucks, Dovik.

If I knew,

I'd tell my mom to tape it.

Fuck!

Sharp-toothed

motherfuckers!

At ease.

Ten-hut!

At ease.

Ten-hut!

Scouts, attention!

Attention.

"Be prepared to do your duty

"Loyal to your country

and your people

"Always help your fellow man

"Scout, remember your code

"Always be prepared

"Be prepared

and remember your code

"Always be prepared

"Be prepared

and remember your code."

Dovale was...

Fuck! What are you doing?

Why did you dump him?

There's no time. -What?!

I wanted to say a few words...

No...

A few words in honor of the guy!

Time.

Fuck, man.

He was your friend.

The Admiral realized that if

he keeps waiting for Noam,

he won't get the mouse,

or anything else.

So he came up with plan B:

There's bleach in the cabinet.

He'll dump it in the lake

and send in Bill, the diver.

But what about the cats?

-That's what the bleach is for.

That's the whole point of the bleach.

-And what about Bill?

Can he even swim?

-I hope so, Gramps.

I sure hope so.

Let's wipe this clean

and get going.

I don't think we can handle it.

Dovale's dead, so maybe

we can't handle it, that's all.

Dovale's dead!

It's so fucked up! -I know,

Dov-Dov. It's sad for everyone.

I didn't plan this.

I didn't plan this, I...

I thought we would come,

save someone on the boat...

I didn't know

it would be like this.

I'm so...

I loved him so much, I...

I don't want to...

I don't want to do this.

Folks, I gotta tell you...

We have to get to Mili.

I'm sorry about Dovale, really.

I'm sorry I got you

into this shit, but...

I have to get to Mili.

I'm worried about her.

You're the only ones

who can help me.

The only ones

who can help her.

She won't survive there

on her own.

We must get to Mili.

Dubi.

We must get to Mili.

That Mili of yours...

She any good?

You're asking

if she's any good?

Police.

It'll be fine, I'm telling you.

Budapest is cool.

What does that mean?

-"A horse cock in your ear".

Dubi!

Quiet!

Or "a horse cock with horseradish

in your ear" maybe.

Quiet!

There he is.

That's the motherfucker.

Is that your girlfriend?

Move it!

She is really hot.

What are these

little shits doing here?

Come on, come on...

Fuck my mom.

Move over there!

Quick!

We'll teach him a lesson..

-Mili, are you OK?

No, she's not!

-Noam!

Nobody comes on board!

I'll throw her in the water!

Faster!

-Let's get him!

Over there!

-No time!

L'll cut your face!

Faster!

We gotta take over his boat.

-Talk to me. What's the plan?

Dov-Dov, you jump first.

Noam and I will keep pedaling.

OK. What'll Dubi do?

I'm here with the ropes.

It's a total mess.

You don't want to be

in my place, believe me.

Fucking chicken... OK!

OK!

This one's for Dovale!

Shit!

Take my hand!

L'm trying!

Is it the cats?

-What? -Is it the cats?

No, it's freezing here, man!

What now?

-Now it's the cats!

Throw the rope.

What's that?

You're finished!

Shit!

OK, it ain't over till it's over.

Let's catch the motherfucker.

This is our time! Now!

OK, OK!

Time out.

Noam, nice to see you.

Love the prosthetic.

I just want to dump this pee in,

and get my little Mickey Mouse.

Give Mili back

and do what you like, Shredder.

Again with the Mili.

Haven't we been over this?

No mouse - no Mili!

I'm insane, OK?

I'm crazy in the head.

Yeah, Dubi!

Shoot him in the face!

You're holding it backwards.

What?

No way.

I'll look down to check,

and you'll grab it away from me.

You think I'm stupid?

No, really,

you're holding it backwards.

No, I don't think so.

Have it your way.

Dubi, you're really

holding it backwards. -Quiet.

I don't want to hear anything!

We're going to fuck him

in the ass! In the ass!

In the ass!

I told him...

No, Dubi!

Dubi!

What did you do, Dubi?

Dubi, don't move.

I'll get it out.

Dubi, what is this?

What did you do, Dubi?

I'll put it back.

I'm putting it in. Don't move.

L'm putting...

Dubi, what did you do?

Dubi!

We're going...

to fuck...

him...

in the...

Ass, Dubi. I know.

I'm putting it back in.

In the ass.

Jesus...

Dubi!

Dubi, Dubi...

What did you do, Dubi?

You're brave.

You're brave, Dubi.

L'll fix you.

I'll fix you, Dubi.

I'll put it in...

Come, cats!!!

Dovik 1972- 1994

Dovi 1978- 1994

Dov-Dov 1976- 1994

Dovale 1976- 1994

In an exciting, yet low-budget,

action sequence,

Mili and Noam battle

the mutant cats,

of which there are 10 at least.

Punching, tail-pulling,

kicking, stabbing,

head-cracking, choking...

And much more, Gramps.

Much more.

It was hard, but Noam and Mili

kicked all the cats' asses.

Do you get what I'm telling you,

Gramps? Do you?

Do you get it?

Gramps!

-What?

Don't be an asshole!

-What?

What happened to your arm?

This is...

A souvenir from the sea scouts.

But you kept on anyway.

Yotami, what's with you?

Don't interrupt, Gramps.

Noam and Mili are doing at it.

But what are they going to do?

-Fuck, of course!

But it's not the right time yet!

-Shut up, this is my story!

So tell it properly!

First of all, they have to

catch the Admiral and save Bill.

Oh Yeah?

How?

They have to throw

the oranges at him!

Besides, you said

she called the cops.

But when will they...?

It'll happen when the time

comes. When the time comes.

Hey, asshole!

Stop the boat!

Stop it!

-Release Billy!

Now!

Go!

Freeze, little shits!

One move and the kid gets it!

-What do you want?

What do I want?

Turn back!

Get on your boat

and turn back, Mili!

Get out of here!

I'm not letting him get away.

I don't really care about the kid.

Noam, that's not fair.

He tried to help us.

What's going on?

-Wait, we're debating!

So? What do you say?

Forget Billy.

Set him aside.

He'll kill him later anyway.

I say, let's get the Admiral.

Yeah, huh?

-What do you say?

Let's get the Admiral.

Look, we thought it over, and we

don't really care about the kid.

I'm not kidding!

I'm gonna kill him!

If that's what you mean.

-Stop, he'll really do it!

Sorry, Simon.

It's nothing personal. -Bill!

What? -Bill!

My name's Bill, not Simon!

OK, Bill. Bill.

-I'm going to count to 3.

You can count to 100.

We're not going away, sucker!

1...

-Do something!

Be strong, Simon!

-Bill! His name's Bill!

2... -What is it

with me and "Simon"?

Think of somewhere nice...

3! -Amos Calipso,

you're surrounded!

Lay down your weapon

and put your hands in the air.

Amos Calipso?

That's your name?

This is private property!

Get out of here!

You're trespassing!

-Our snipers are aiming at you.

Let the boy go.

Mili!

Come here, Mili!

Mili! Come here!

Mili!

What?

So?

The good guys won?

Something like that.

They're going to

put me in the slammer.

Great. At least

you got rid of your mother.

Don't you talk

about my mother!

Bye, Mili.

Bye, Mili!

Mili Vanilli!

Mili, have sex with me!

Mili!

What about you two?

Are you OK?

Yes. I think.

The important thing

is you caught him.

I can't believe this nut job

did all this right under our noses.

You should be proud.

You did a very brave thing.

All we wanted

was to get back to the pier.

In one piece.

Need a ride?

Anywhere you want.

No, man.

We'll be alright.

Let's go.

Wait.

What now?

There's one last thing

I have to do.

Hi.

Listen, we didn't mean

what we said at the lake.

We were just stalling him.

-He could have killed me.

He wouldn't have killed you.

We wouldn't have let him.

I think you should be

very proud of yourself.

What you did today

was very brave.

Anyone would have done it.

-No.

You could have left us there,

or run away.

You were great, Bill.

Really?

-Really.

Talk to me if you need help

with a crossword or something.

Bye, Mili!

Congratulations, Billy boy!

You're the boss now!

Mili, I...

want you to know that I...

I understand you have to go.

It probably wasn't

an easy decision.

I was such a prick about it.

No, you weren't a prick.

Mili, I...

I love you.

I love you, OK?

How far away

is this Budapest anyway?

I'll come visit. We'll go on

a pedal boat in the Danube.

Do we have to?

Are you sure?

-Shhh...

You do realize he's finally

going to do her. Right, Gramps?

Do what?

Yotami,

your story's very nice.

Thanks, bro.

It was scary,

but not as scary as...

As what?

As this!

CATS ON A PEDAL BOAT

English: Yaniv Eidelstein

Subtitles: Cinematyp Studios Ltd.

Cats on a Pedal Boat (2011) - full transcript