Cats & Dogs (2001) - full transcript
A secret war between cats and dogs quickly peaks as Professor Brody a scientist tries to create a serum to cure dog allergies in humans. As the unsuspecting humans go through their busy lives, the cats make several attempts to possess the formula, as their canine foes try tirelessly to stop them. Caught in the crossfire, a young beagle named Lou, adopted by the Brody family, tries hard to succeed as a secret agent, and in being a friend to the young Scotty Brody. A evil snow white cat named Mr. Tinkles is planning to sabotage the efforts of Professor Brody to discover a cure for human allergies to dogs. And he'll even make every person on Earth allergic to dogs so that he can take over the world with his army of evil cats!
-Morning, Mr. Clark.
-Morning, Hunter.
Hi, Carolyn.
-Morning.
Scotty, get the door.
Don't drop the eggs.
-They're for your dad's experiments.
-Okay, Mom.
Calm down, Buddy. lt's just me.
Buddy, we're home.
Calm down, Buddy. lt's just me.
Buddy!
-Oh, Buddy! Oh!
-Buddy!
Buddy!
Oh!
My beautiful pie.
Bad dog!
Get out, get out, get out!
Out, you animal!
-Control here.
-We've got a serious problem.
My God. Get the best
doggone agent you can in there. Go!
Gentlemen, a few moments ago
I received word of the gravest nature.
A key agent working the Brody case
has been catnapped.
Although he is safe, we must
replace him as soon as possible.
Once again, we find
ourselves threatened...
...by the great cat menace.
We suspect that a rogue feline
is involved in a conspiracy...
...to destroy all we dogs
have worked so hard to achieve.
Therefore, in accordance
with Plan Delta...
...we have an elite team of agents...
...trained to replace
our catnapped comrade.
Right now, replacements
are flying in from London.
One will take his place
as the Brodys' pet...
...and guard their home
from cat invasion.
I need not remind you that
the future of man and dog alike...
...depends on the success
of this mission.
Failure is not an option.
The stakes are high.
We have everything to lose.
One hundred million dogs
have placed their destiny...
...squarely in our paws.
- l'll bite your ear.
- Get off me!
That's my eye you're poking.
Step aside. Coming through.
Out of the way. Clear the area.
-Not again.
-What is it this time?
I don't think this is a good idea.
-l can't believe this guy.
-When l pull this rope...
-What's he doing?
-...the sack falls on the pitchfork.
It'll send me out the window
and on the way to freedom!
-What is it with you?
-Me? What's with you?
I want adventure. Not wait
to be taken to some boring house.
-What's wrong with a family loving you?
-Free food, a warm place to sleep.
And you could go to the bathroom
wherever you want.
Don't you want to do something
exciting? Like be a police dog!
Or a Russian space dog!
Or sample the great bones of Europe!
Come on, guys.
Oh, forget it.
See you puppies later.
-Oh, boy, l can't watch.
-This ought to be good.
World, here l come!
Look, he's flying.
No, he's not.
Back from your adventure so soon,
Scooby-Doofus?
Where am i?
What's that?
-Somebody go look.
-You go.
Huh?
All right! into the hole!
Let's move it! Top-secret operation!
Into the hole! Double-time!
I've seen better hustle
on a dashboard Chihuahua.
Howdy. Over here!
Down, Clucky!
That's one angry chicken.
Front and center, agents!
Go! Let's go, ladies!
Straight line! Ears up! Don't make me
muzzle you! Want a chew toy?
-You wanted excitement?
-Sir, yes, sir!
-You wanted adventure?
-Sir, yes, sir!
If you are chosen, you will be
briefed on arrival. Are you ready?
-Sir, yes, sir!
-Good luck, men.
These are the cutest beagles
you've ever seen.
Over here.
For God's sake,
don't forget to wag those tails!
They sound perfect from what you said.
They're so cute.
They've really changed in size...
...and color.
And breed.
Oh.
He is adorable.
Hello!
And you're going to come home with me.
Hmph.
Not good!
I'll be right there. Ow!
-Hi, sweetheart.
-Hey.
I have a surprise for you.
A new Puppy!
But, Mom, Buddy may still come back.
I'm sorry, hon.
I know it's been a month.
But remember how happy we were
when we found Buddy?
I bet he's making a new family
just as happy right now.
Look at him. And your father
does need him for work.
Hm?
You could play Frisbee
and hide-and-seek.
Yes. Perfect.
Let me see.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me see.
Dander. Standard composition.
Retinal response....
Normal. Proboscis viscosity....
Not too acid, not too alkaline.
All right, immune response.
That's excellent!
That's good!
Now, a little protein synthesis
and an electrostatic....
So....
I know. Why don't you name him?
Okay. How about "Loser"?
Aw!
It's a dog, Mom.
You're not a loser, are you?
"No, l'm not a loser."
Wait. Lou.
We'll call you Lou.
--ser.
No playing in the good living room.
That carpet is Uzbekistani.
Ten thousand thread count.
What?
Loser.
Cat person.
Get off this patio,
get back to the barn...
...get a better pitchfork.
Huh?
Cool.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
I like your spirit,
but do me a favor and stand back.
That's my biscuit.
That would've been a short assignment.
-Where you going?
-HQ ain't training how they used to.
-Who exactly are you?
-Name's Butch.
What dumb name did the bipeds
saddle you with? Spot? Fifi? Rover?
-Lou.
-God forbid.
Oh. Lou. Sorry.
Is that boy always grumpy?
They should switch his food.
Humans can get a little emotional.
You'll get used to it. Come on.
Where's that coming from?
Whoa!
-Cool.
-What? lt's standard equipment.
Vid-phone, research archive
database, cipher charts, Snausages.
-Hey, what's this?
-Heel!
The big button.
You don't just press the big button.
-Jeez.
-Sorry.
Just try to remember your training.
Let's start.
Your new master's a scientist...
...working on a cure
for dog allergies.
It's big. If no one's allergic
to dogs, we'll have the advantage.
Agent 1 364, AKA Buddy.
He was catnapped. Wasn't on top
of his game, so he had to retire.
He got a condo in Boca. Lucky dog.
You're to replace him and keep
the cats away from the formula.
Can't let them near that.
Now, come on.
All right, agent, let's meet the team.
"Agent"! Whoa!
Kid, look over there.
-That's Peek.
-Peek?
I don't get it.
Peek, show yourself.
We got a calico on
the corner of Center and Main....
Oh, my God!
Peek's early warning.
He's got it all. Radar, sonar,
thermo-imaging, odor-matrixing...
...to detect a non-residential cat
from three blocks away.
-Peek, fall in.
-Roger that.
-Sam, what's your 20?
1/1 8 of a klick east.
I'm going to backtrack using
a delta approach in three...
...two...one.
Hey, guys.
Oh, no, not again.
Where am l?
-Over here, Sam.
-Oh!
Request permission
to pant heavily, sir.
Granted.
-Boys, l want you to meet Lou.
-Hey, Louie.
- Hey, Lou.
- Human!
He's taking Buddy's place
in the hot seat.
Being fresh from the academy, he's
current on the new techniques, right?
You know this one?
I got you! Oh, l just missed you.
Holy Chihuahua.
-How did this happen?
-He slipped through.
You promised me a pro! I get a Puppy!
He's still got his you-know-whats!
There's no time. He stays.
End of discussion. Out.
So tell me, one of you...
...is the dog out of the way?
Did the Puppy fall for my clever trap?
None of you have a tale to tell?
A little story for me, perhaps?
You! Tell me, is the game afoot?
Yes?
-Why is the game afoot?
-l mean, no.
Excellent. So the Puppy is dead.
Now we can move on to--
Wait, wait.
-Can l change my answer?
-ls the Puppy alive or not?
Another dog told him it was a bomb.
Another dog?
Anyway, I am sure we'll get into the
basement lab just fine. Right, guys?
-Guys!
-Oh, yeah, absolutely.
-Absolutely. Uh-huh.
-See?
Project Dark Cloud will go
without a hitch.
Dark Cloud?
Is that what l'm calling my plan?
No, you're calling it....
How about Storm?
-Storm.
Dark Storm, yes.
Like a powerful, dark storm, I will
make my presence known to the world.
Like a seeping mist, I will creep
into the dogs' center of power...
...and make them quake in fear
at the very mention of my name!
Mr. Tinkles!
-Hide!
-Quickly!
-Where are you?
-Quickly!
There you are, Mr. Tinkles.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Where have you been?
Mr. Mason will be so pleased
to see you.
I'll take you to him.
You're a stinky kitty.
First you have to have a bath.
Mr. Tinkles, remember
to wash behind the ears!
If l'm going to be a secret agent,
I should have a better name.
I was thinking "Total Annihilation."
He's a pro wrestler.
That name's taken.
Then "Doom Machine" it is.
You call yourself
Squicky the Space Dog for all l care.
That don't make your behind a rocket.
You are not an agent,
but you are going to help us.
So first things first.
Kid, pay attention.
We have always been man's best
friend. Even you know that.
But cats, they're another story.
-Start with ancient Egypt.
-We've seen that 5 billion times.
Never mind. Sorry. Here goes.
Ancient Egypt.
See these hieroglyphics?
Humans think it says
ancient people worshiped cats.
But in reality,
they were ruled by them.
An evil cat named Shen-Akh-Akumon
made them build pyramids, monuments.
He treated them like they
were his litter box.
-Things were terrible.
-This is the best part.
So the dogs,
being man's best friend, rose up.
And put them down.
With humans back on top, we took
our natural place at their side.
The people just forgot?
Remember, they're a primitive species.
Can't sense earthquakes, smell fear.
They can't even take
responsibility for their own farts.
Gross.
Guilty.
I'll get the fence.
That's how our outfit got started.
Sometimes a cat gets too big
for his coat and tries to take over.
We must keep cats from the lab
till the formula's done.
Yes, sir!
-Anything weird, call us.
-Yes, sir!
-Any questions?
-Just one, sir.
-Shoot.
-What's ancient Egypt?
Freeze, cat.
I'm an agent.
I'm so fast, l can't see myself.
Agent Doom Machine. You see that?
Watch out, cat.
I couldn't even see it.
There's a good Puppy. Hello!
Don't get scared. Don't get scared.
Look how good you're being.
Look how good--
Where's that--? There. l got it.
This won't hurt a bit.
Ow!
Let's see. Let's see.
Hey, that's good.
Hey, Dad!
-Boils.
Want to help me practice?
No, no, I--
I'll play later. I promise.
Oh! l forgot your bow.
Your pretty bow.
When I rule the Earth,
you will be the first...
...on my list.
Keep the hairdo. lt's slimming.
-There's room on that list for you.
-No, I mean it.
We only have a few days.
Although playing pet for that old man
upstairs is key to my scheme...
...l cannot stand this humiliation
any longer. Am I clear?
Never mind. The Puppy won't survive
the night. Send in the ninjas.
Nervous about the tryouts?
-No.
-lt's okay to be nervous.
-l'm not nervous.
I stink, but I'm not nervous.
Is he saying that because
he needs me to reassure him?
Yes. Reassure him.
You're the most wonderful,
bright, charming, good-looking...
...boy in the whole wide world.
-Maybe your dad could help you.
-l'm pretty sure he stinks too.
I'm gonna talk to him.
-Time for bed. TV off. Five minutes.
-Seven.
-Six.
-Deal.
-Love you.
-l love you too.
Well? Hand it over.
What?! No gravy?
Next time remember the gravy.
Dogs rule.
Going someplace?
Now, let's see.
Ooh, yeah. 1 409 Maple Terrace.
I got him.
Total covert operation.
Got to be like a Stealth.
Hey, Sam.
On my mark. Three, two, one.
Banzai!
Dogs must die!
Lou. Lou, it's Peek.
Are you there? It's Peek.
-Lou!
-What? What? Where?
I'm picking up a faint signal. Maybe
it's a glitch. You better check it.
Okay. l'll go look.
Be careful, kid.
I'm an agent.
I'm a secret agent.
I'm a one-dog army.
Stop!
Turn over.
Bug activated.
Peek? Hello? Peek?
Seems clear.
Probably just a squirrel.
I'll let Butch know.
Behind you!
Sorry!
Wha-ah, doggie!
-What do I do?
-Bite them.
Oh!
What?
Butch!
What? Hm?
Just do as l say.
Left! Right paw! Again!
Roll over!
That's a good doggy. Paws up!
Donkey kick!
Come on, kid, give them the haymaker!
I changed my mind.
Call me the Claw of Ling Chow!
Ling Chow this!
Clean up on aisle 7.
-Humans!
-Retreat with honor.
I have a bat.
I have a mitt,
and l'm not afraid to use it.
Lou!
Bad dog.
You're lucky you're so cute.
-Doom Machine.
-Hey, guys.
-You're still alive.
-Yep. All five limbs.
You owe me five smoked pig ears.
You're still standing. You okay?
Did you see me?
Right, left and right and left--
You got cocky.
You think this is a game?
This isn't about code names,
boys or friends.
It's about guarding that lab.
Nothing else.
Sam, Peek, seal the chimney.
-Right, boss.
-You got it, skip.
Cats.
Don't they ever quit?
-Hey!
-Hey.
Can l show you something?
The Brodys have the best garbage.
-Go on. Take a bite.
-Oh, my.
This is what they get to eat?
What a gyp.
I'm glad you liked it.
-l thought l was a stray too long.
-Stray? Cool.
-l've never met a stray.
-l prefer "domestically challenged."
Miss Challenged, sorry,
but you gotta leave.
-My orders are clear. I can't--
-Orders?
-That's right. l'm a secret agent.
-An agent?
You're small for an agent.
Shouldn't you be having fun?
I don't have time.
Tough guy.
Stop with the agent stuff. Okay?
You have your own kid to play with.
Don't take it for granted.
Whoa. Hey. Where you going?
Could you do that again?
Next time he talks to you,
tilt your head and perk your ears.
You'll see what l'm talking about.
And do me a favor.
Tell Butch lvy's back in town.
What are you looking at?
Well, l guess you're kind of cute.
Look who it is. l got you.
-Hey!
-Hey.
Last night your mother and I
had a conversation...
...that made me think that maybe...
...you and l should talk...
...about you and me
and my big project.
You want to sit down?
Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.
Your mom made me think that....
Well, l'm coming to your
soccer tryout this afternoon.
You don't have to.
But....
-Here I come.
-Really?
Okay. Yeah, okay.
-Oh, good. Cool. Cool.
-Cool.
You don't want to be late for school.
-Yeah, I am.
-Okay.
-See you, Dad.
-See you.
Go, go, go! l'll be cheering for you!
Our team is red-hot
Your team ain't doodly-squat
I stunk. Worse than stunk.
Scotty? Have you seen
this little-- Tryouts!
Wow. He really does stink.
Oh. Guess it didn't go so well, huh?
What did the coach say?
He said tryouts for
the girls' team are on Monday.
What about your father?
-Soccer.
-l'm in the middle--
-Soccer.
-No, thank you. I must get--
Soccer.
Oh! Oh.
-l forgot. l had a breakthrough--
-l know you're busy....
He is your son.
I was in the middle--
I had a breakthrough.
I know. I know. I'm sorry.
Good boy.
-A beautiful sight.
-You said we wouldn't talk again.
-Now l have a reason.
-Spare me the lecture.
He's a Puppy. He doesn't
know what he's getting into.
Forgive me for not teaching him
the finer points of scratching.
Now, l have a job to do.
You never complained
when your belly was scratched.
Under the moon? Before a mission?
You'd call me Lamb Chop and blush...
...whenever I called you Liver Snap.
Bringing up history...
...is barking up the wrong tree.
Stay away from the kid.
Mr. Mason, I have someone to see you.
It's Mr. Tinkles time, Mr. Mason.
Tonight, he's wearing something
very special for you.
There.
Does that make you happy, Mr. Mason?
Are you happy now?
See how happy you make him?
You make his heart go "boop."
I leave you two young things together.
Evil does not wear a bonnet!
Coming out. ls she gone?
Did Genghis Khan wear a bonnet?
Attila the Hun? No.
He wore a furry hat. Maybe
a black bonnet? Yes. Huh? No? Okay.
The ninjas failed.
Failure is unacceptable.
If they show their faces,
you know what to do.
Tell them to wash with
a loofah sponge. Kidding.
This can't be happening.
I want them eliminated!
But they did bug the phone.
Maybe we can look at the glass
as half-full.
Ow! That's what I like to do.
Putting a happy face on things.
Interesting philosophy.
Did you forget we're
trying to take over the world?!
The clock is ticking.
We've a small margin for error.
Tomorrow, you will send in
the Russian.
I'll call you back.
Oh!
A disturbance occurred
at a top-secret allergy research lab.
Oh, no! Bogey in the wire.
-You got him?
-No.
-Closing fast.
-l can't see. There's a fog.
It's your hair, Sam. Blow up.
Hold on. Mom's back.
Oh, no.
Look at the little kitty.
Look at the kitty. Oh, yeah.
That's a good boy.
He's just a poor little lost kitty.
And we're going to keep him.
Yes, we are.
Don't eat her.
Oh, look. See?
Look how much she likes you.
Dave, l've run into a bit of a snag.
You'll have to show the house
without me. Oh, hang on.
What is that? Is that a hairball?
I'll get you some water.
Not you, Dave. l'll be there soon.
Hang on. Okay.
I'm on to you. You're in trouble.
I think not, baby Puppy.
It is you who is in trouble.
Yuck!
-From Russia with love.
-Uh-oh.
Stealth poop.
Lou!
I don't have time for this.
Bad dog.
What do we got?
-A Russian Blue.
-And a number 2 in sector 3.
That steamer was bigger than me.
Nice work. Sit this one out.
-ls she gone?
-l don't see her.
But l was framed! That cat--
Wait up.
- Look out. Code 4.
- Quick, smell my butt.
All right, break it up.
-Cold nose!
-Go!
Hmph. Piece ofjunk American door.
I cannot believe l do this job
for half price.
And this Tinkles, he is jerk.
He talk too much and shed all over.
West-east.
-On her way to the corner.
-And she's out.
-And she's out.
Oh, man, it's locked.
What do they know? I work hard,
bring home the Meow Mix.
Boom-boom!
-What's he doing?
-Kid!
What? Dogs!
Take this!
Missed.
Run! Come on, kid. Hurry!
Watch it, fellas! He's coming in!
- There's a bomb at the lab door.
- We're on it.
Doggies, why not come out and play?
- Guys!
- Come on, man!
- The bomb. The bomb!
- Kid, I'm going for the bomb.
Come on! Hurry! The bomb!
Whoa!
-You distract him.
-Why me?
-You wanted to help.
Come on! Come on!
-Stupid cat!
-That'll get his attention.
Huh?
Whoa!
The dresser's coming down.
The bomb. You got 45 seconds.
-l said we're on it.
You need anger management.
Boomerang!
Look out, kid!
Nice catch.
Human!
Hm.
Phone.
-Hang on, Butch!
-Huh?
-Puppy, fetch.
-Huh?
No! Wait!
All right!
A flying dog.
Hold on, kid.
Hurry! The bomb!
-Get off me, furball!
-Fight!
Take him. l'll go for the bomb.
Ten seconds.
You fight like a poodle.
-The book says cut the red wire.
-We're dogs. We're colorblind!
Right. The dark gray one! Oh, no.
Don't touch it!
-Come on.
-Please!
That's the one!
It's-- Wha--
Whew!
You think you have won?
Remote detonator!
Hello?
Hello, dog-- Oh, good.
Come here, Lou.
-Nice outfit.
-Come here. Okay.
Ouch!
Hang on. Good dog.
Bulbous. It's a breakthrough.
If l can only find...
...a little protein synthesis
and an electrostatic charge...
...it'll sustain the compound....
Good job with the boomerang.
You're acting like an agent.
-Was that a compliment?
-He never compliments me.
Call in a clean-up crew.
Hello? Here, kitty, kitty.
Here, little kitty, kitty.
I have a treat for you.
Here, kitty, kitty--
Oh, my God.
Who left the window open?
Here, kitty.
I will tell you nothing!
I may look cute and cuddly...
...but inside, granite!
We can't get anything else out of him.
We pumped a few things from
his stomach.
Grenade, pick, dynamite,
squeaky mouse and this.
"This is where you are
to enact my fiendish plan.
Eat this after you read it
so no one will find it."
Look here. A Christmas tree.
Research is trying to place it.
Ring any bells?
Nah.
What's next?
You heard her, boys.
Focus on the mission.
Full scans every 20 minutes.
-Roger that.
-Sam, trim your bangs.
-Sorry.
Kid, keep up the good work.
Remember to stay away from the boy.
Keep your eye on the ball.
Come on, Lou!
Come on, bring me the ball.
Come on over here.
Come on, Lou.
Come on!
I have the ball now!
You can't get it from me!
How do you always find me? Tell me.
Let's hear it. Woof-woof.
Belly rub!
I'll race you across the yard!
What's the matter? Too slow?
Come on! You can't catch me!
Try and get it.
Whoa! Oh, no!
Whoa.
Uh-oh.
No! Lou!
Negative. Non-reactive.
-What--
-Serum sample 1 -5-4-3...
-Dad.
-...negative. Non-reactive.
My work.
It was an accident. I was playing
with the dog-- The door was open!
Then l was just playing....
I didn't mean to.
-l'm so sorry.
-You should just go to school.
Sample 1 -5-4-6, negative.
Non-reactive.
Butch will kill me.
1 -5-4-7, negative. Non-reactive.
Serum sample 1-5-4-8...
...negative. Non-reactive.
Serum sample 1-5-4-9...
...positive. Pro-reactive.
Molecular structure resolved.
Allergy formula complete.
I did it.
We did it.
Doctor, the cure for
dog allergies? Success. Done.
Fantastic. Send it
and we'll verify it.
- Tomorrow morning, then.
- Unacceptable.
We must act now
or the work will be out of reach.
-Do you know what that means?
-Oh, who? Me?
Weren't you paying attention?
-Not really. Are you mad?
-Yes! I am mad!
-You bug of an imbecile--
-Mr. Tinkles!
Guess what I made for you!
Now you can look just like me.
No, I think not, Sophie.
Those days are through.
What's the matter, Large Marge?
Cat got your tongue?
-Boo!
-Oh!
Oh, my! A talking cat?
Scary, isn't it?
Lock her in the closet. We must remain
on schedule. Our day has come!
Brake!
Gas!
Brake!
- We gonna get away with this?
- Watch me.
Mr. Mason. What a surprise, sir.
Good morning, human guard.
Let us in. That is all.
Of course, sir.
Gas it up! Step on it.
Get off the brake!
Brake!
Brake! Hit the brake!
Gas!
Get out of the road!
Brake!
-Gas!
What are you doing?
Can't you drive, you imbecile?
Don't make me come up there--
Where'd you get licensed?
Hello. Out of my way.
Attention, employees.
Work quickly.
Only seven months until Christmas.
-Mr. Mason!
-Move. Back to work.
-Sir.
-Get a life.
-Out of my way. No lunch for you.
-Mr. Mason!
-Morning, sir.
-Nice hat.
-How are you feeling?
-None of your business.
Yes, that's me. Not an evil cat
bent on taking over the world.
Out of my way.
Factory employees, congratulations.
This factory has been
accident-free for 45 minutes.
Sir! Mr. Mason.
-Sir.
-Get the door.
Nice dress.
-Can l get you anything?
-Sushi and cream. Close the door.
Attention--
Ow! Attention, human worker.
This is your employer, Mr. Mason.
Effective immediately,
you are all fired.
That's right. Fired!
Go home now. Do not ask why.
You have only yourself to blame.
Unless you have a dog.
Then blame him.
In fact, kick him when you get home.
That is all.
Cats rule.
Now, the next phase of my plan.
Scotty?
-Yeah?
I have a package for you.
Whoa!
Oh, Caroline-- Wait. Where'd she go?
In or out? ln or out?
Honey, honey.
-You won't believe it. A breakthrough.
-All right!
-l am just hours away from--
-Whoa!
Mom, Dad! Check it out!
I won free tickets to a game tonight.
-What?
-That is so great.
-Uruguay versus Chad.
-You never entered a contest.
Can we go? Please, can we go?
Um, oh-- Me?
-Please, l really want to go. Come on.
-Yeah.
Hurry, buckle up!
We don't want to be late!
-The birds have left the nest.
Go again.
The jelly is out of the donut.
-What are you saying?
-The family has gone.
Hey, Lou.
Hey! It's you. Where have you been?
Around.
This week's been amazing. l beat up
a kitten, I'm on wet food....
-...and Scott says l'm his best friend.
-Terrific.
Don't tell anyone. Butch won't
like it. He gets mad about that stuff.
Yeah, l know. But he's not mad.
Sometimes mad is a way of hiding...
-...how sad you are.
-What? Why would he be sad?
It's not my place to say.
But a person really hurt him once.
Poor Butch.
Here we are. I said l'd get us here.
l hope Mbuto plays.
He's the best one-legged forward ever.
- ls this the right place?
- Where are the tailgaters?
Dad, it's an exhibition game.
Are we early? Nobody around.
That'll make us first in line
for chili dogs.
Oh, goody!
Chili dog! Chili dog!
How much do I owe?
I'm sorry. Didn't catch it.
-Hello.
-No charge for you!
-What?
-What is it?
-Oh, my God!
-Take it back.
-Oh-ho!
-Oh, boy!
Cats rule, cats rule
Yeah, we kick butt
Kid.
-Lou!
-Oh.
Butch.
What's up?
Professor's done,
I filed my report and....
Kid...
...they're impressed with you.
They wanted me to give you this.
But this is for....
When this job ends,
you've a spot at the academy.
You pulled it off. Good work.
-l get to be a real agent like you?
-Well, you can try.
-Partners!
-Don't wet the paper yet.
But if you make it,
think of all the places you'll see.
Maybe Burma. Yeah.
Or Denmark. What was her name?
Or Pasadena.
Oh. Wait. So l wouldn't stay here.
You go where they need you.
Bogey in the wire.
-Where?
-47-B.
lt's a calico. Should I take him?
-Negative. Me and the kid got it.
Yeah!
This is my last job. Deliver this
tape, and l'm off to Jamaica.
Ow!
-What's this?
-Get off me. Okay.
All right, you got me. Ow!
Stop. Please don't pull
on the duct tape!
ls this on? Closer! Turn the camera over!
Where did you come from?
Hello, my puny-minded
dog-faced opponents.
What? Yes, it's on.
Because the red light's blinking.
Start over.
Hello, my puny-minded
dog-faced opponents.
I'm sure you've wondered...
...about the identity of who it is
that'll defeat you.
Who it is that possesses
the intellect to win...
...in this chess game
of wits and might.
It is l!
Recognize these humans?
If you want to see them alive again...
...bring the formula and all notes...
...regarding Mr. Brody's research
to the 9th Street Pier at midnight.
If you refuse, well,
they will be put to sleep!
Still the camera!
You have until midnight to comply.
-We're gonna save them, right?
-This is over our heads.
-You calling headquarters?
-No, we're going there.
Now, we can push the big button.
Hang on! Yeehaw!
- Nav systems.
- Check.
-GPS.
-Check.
Raising anchors. We're go for launch.
Hold onto your tail, kid!
Velocity at 625 feet per second.
You are clear for EVA.
Canine transport loading at platform 2.
282nd Airborne
Chihuahuas, report to your briefing.
This is it, kid. Welcome to HQ.
Roll over! Sit! Lie down!
Roll over!
Spaying and
neutering reversals on level 3.
-For defensive purposes, of course.
-Oh.
Of course.
Personnel
are required to curb themselves.
Remember to scoop your poop.
Testing, testing. You've reached
headquarters. Please log in.
Tiger, what are you doing?
Bad dog!
Recognize these humans?
If you want to see them alive again...
...bring the formula and all notes...
... regarding Mr. Brody's research
to the 9th Street Pier at midnight.
If you refuse, well,
they will be put to sleep.
Assemble the delegates.
Order! Order, please.
Delegates. Delegates, please! Order!
We cannot give up the formula.
Sacrifice the Brody family.
Nein! Lives are at stake.
We cannot deem them expendable.
Delegates, please! Order!
I must have order!
Please, no Frisbee!
Steve, crowd control.
Sit!
Now then, delegates.
It's time to vote.
-Wait! Can l say something first?
-Kid, quiet!
I was told it was an agent's job
to protect people.
-They're my family!
-Enough!
Delegates, it's time.
Family or formula?
-No! Wait. Wait!
Just minutes ago...
...in a dramatic late-night session,
the council voted to sacrifice the Brodys...
...to safeguard humanity
against the cat threat forever.
For Canine News Network,
this is Wolf Blitzer.
-Poor kid.
-Yeah.
I need some equipment, guys.
-Hold on a second, kid.
-No!
-Hold it.
-They can't do this.
-You should've fought for me!
-What good would it do?
What about "Man's best friend"?
History 1 01 .
Lesson two.
We protect and work for them.
We tolerate that stupid
baby-talk crap.
Then they go to college...
...and dump you with an old lady
who can't throw a ball!
Is that what happened to you?
You're gonna blame my family
for what some boy did to you?
Look, kid. I'm sorry
it played out like this...
...but it's over. We're shut down.
Don't be scared, Scotty.
Everything will be okay.
-l'm not scared, Mom.
-lt's all right. Only natural.
-We'll be okay.
-Mom, really, l'm okay.
-l can tell you're trying to be brave.
-Mom--
Darn it! Don't be scared!
-l am your rock!
-Caroline, sh! Please.
Who kidnapped us, Uruguay or Chad?
-l heard the news. How's Lou?
-l told him not to get attached.
Sure, "An agent focuses
only on the mission.
-That's why my family didn't love me."
-We all have sob stories.
Now he has his.
Hmm.
-l have to go.
-l said to go before we left.
So you brought the research.
Foolish Puppy.
He took the research.
Lou.
Butch, you there?
Lou's in trouble at the pier!
Dock 1 4. Hurry!
Lou!
Lou.
Lou!
Lou.
-They tricked me.
-They took the formula?
I thought they would let my family go.
How many dogs does it take
to overthrow mankind?
Just one stupid Puppy.
Where is my family?!
Oh, they're alive.
For now. But it won't matter.
You see, I've--
Oh, my--
This isn't NASCAR!
I've seized the formula,
and in hours, l'll reverse it...
...giving me the power
to make humans...
-...allergic to dogs.
-What?!
How can I gloat gleefully
when you drive like a chimpanzee?!
I will make all of humanity
violently allergic to your kind.
When you're all despised
by those you protect...
...you will be cast out, leaving me to
lead cats in a glorious revolution...
...to conquer the world!
-What will we do?
-"We"?
You doomed the human race forever.
There's nothing to do.
You always give up too easy, Butch.
-ls that what l think it is?
-What?
Yep, it's the Cat Tracker 2000.
Those fleabags must be
running for the hills.
That's what l was thinking.
Faster. I thought you were union!
I got a bonus for the guy....
That's it.
The Christmas tree from the note.
What the heck are they up to?
That's enough mice to feed an army.
-Hello, Professor Brody.
-Who are you?
-Huh?
-Sorry about the wait...
-...but we had tests to run.
-Who's that? Who are you?
Is this about my work?
You're from one of those multinational,
corporate, profit-mongering...
...pharmaceutical companies stealing--
Pharmaceutical company?
I'm afraid you misunderstand me.
What's going on? Hello?
Where'd you go?
That smell. A feline essence--
Where are you?
Show yourself.
You can't hide forever.
But l've nothing to hide.
Cool!
Will someone please shut her up?!
I have an ingenious test to perform.
Are you mutants?
I read this comic book--
"I read this in a comic book."
You make me sick!
Calm down, honey. Calm down.
It's an experiment gone awry.
You're turning blue!
Oh.
It's about time.
My captive audience...
...shall we play a little game,
young Brody? Excuse me.
The vial! The green one!
Here, boss.
Oh, hello, Mr. Sinister Serum.
-What's in that?
-My quote-unquote master's fake snow...
...is the perfect medium
for carrying...
...your disease.
Ah, yes. Thereby breaking the bond
between a boy and his dog.
No, wait.
Bad. Bad talking cat.
Scat.
Lower the cage!
Ha ha! Success!
-You! Go assemble the troops.
-Yes, sir.
As for you, Brody herd...
...l have a very...
...very special...
...gift! What?!
Whoa!
I said buy a real gun!
-That's what I was thinking.
-What use can l have for this?!
Hey! I'm so clever.
This here is just plain fun.
-Stay here.
-Why?
-Because I hate you.
-No. No!
No! Help! Let me out!
In just hours, every human in the world
will be allergic to dogs.
But such a mammoth plot
requires brothers-in-arms.
And this...
...is where my genius
truly comes to pass.
For l have chosen a comrade that can
invade every home in the world.
Because it's already
in every home in the world!
Mice!
Son of my mom!
Mice! The unlikeliest of allies.
Thousands of you covered
in dog allergy.
"How can he spread the allergy
to the world?"
Open your World Domination pamphlets
and l'll show you.
Enter the sewers and with the maps
in appendix B...
...you'll cross the nation.
Half go to homes...
...infecting every human,
while the rest--
Turn the page.
--will stow away
on planes and boats...
...to infect the world.
With the dogs gone...
...cats will overthrow the humans
1 6 pounds of Monterey Jack...
...and the continent of Australia!
-Australia!
-Yeah!
Open the sewer hatch!
Okay, here's the plan.
Flee across the world!
Go forth and infect everyone!
Be all you can be!
My plan has come full circle!
You have nothing to fear but
mousetraps...
...and, well, me.
Woo-hoo! Yeah!
He ate Gary!
Run!
What's that?
Am-scray!
It's over, Tinkles!
Dogs. Where are they?
Lou, the hatch. Close the hatch.
Ivy, now!
Bath time!
Surrender, you're finished!
Let's go!
I have a plane to catch.
Lou? Lou!
Ivy, go find Peek and Sam.
I've got to find Lou.
Good boy.
Hey! Stop!
Stop. I need to crush you.
I'll get you.
How did you find us?
Come on, we have to go.
-Can you talk too?
Scotty!
I'll scratch that for you!
I'll squeeze you like a tick!
Come on, honey!
Come here. l got a Milk-Bone for you.
Ha!
I've got you now.
-Put me down, hairball!
-l just want a hug!
I'm coming, Butch!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
You're too late, Puppy.
I'm king of the world!
Get him, Lou!
I give up. Please don't hurt me.
Get your butt off my face,
Tinkles!
Now, where was I? Oh, yes.
Now the final crushing.
-Hey!
-What--?!
Dogs rule!
This is a minor setback.
You're finished, Fluffy!
Butch! We did it!
-Come on, Scotty!
Come on! Quickly!
Lou!
Come on!
Lou!
Wait. Where's Lou?!
Lou!
Kid, we did it.
We saved them like you said.
You were right.
And you were right about me.
Kid?
Lou?
Oh, no.
Lou?
Lou.
Lou?
Come on, Lou, wake up.
You're not a loser, Lou.
You're my best friend.
Wake up.
And you're my best friend too.
Lou?
Lou? Lou!
Mom, Dad, he's alive!
Mom, Dad, he's alive!
Come quick!
He came back!
You have the right to--
You have the right...
-...to remain silent.
-Anything you say can be used....
Oh, my God!
And the right to a dog attorney.
He's fine!
Whoa!
-Try this again.
-Athletic.
Get it, Lou! Come on!
Nice! You're getting good.
Oh, no. Ow.
Put your head forward.
-Oh! Hey! Ooh!
-Ooh!
All right, Dad!
-Lou, go get it.
-That's a triple.
Hey, kid.
Hey! Everything go okay at HQ?
They're eating out of my paw.
How's things?
-Great. Want to play some ball?
-No, I gotta get back to work.
Bring it here. Find the ball.
Come on! Go get it! Come on!
He's got it! He's got it!
Bring that ball!
Bring that ball back!
He would've made a great agent.
That's right, Mr. Tinkles.
You have been a very bad kitty.
I'm just going to have to
teach you how to behave.
Now you're going to have to live
with me and my sisters!
Mr. Tinkles!!!
Look what we made for you!
Yes!
-I could eat you with a spoon!
I can't take it!
This can't be happening.