Cast a Deadly Spell (1991) - full transcript

In 1948 Los Angeles, everyone uses magic- everyone except hard-boiled private detective H. Phillip Lovecraft, who refuses for "personal reasons." Lovecraft is hired by a mysterious rich man to recover a stolen book, the Necronomicon. Investigating, he finds that the book holds the key to taking over the world by magical means, releasing the "Old Ones".

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It's very bad,
Nikolai.

You can feel
the push

like something leaning
on the screen door
trying to get in.

Mischief, mischief.

If I had the money

I'd surely be
in Miami.

Sorry, angel,
but I don't play
the sap for anybody.

- Bad for business.
- Hey Lovecraft, too bad
you're losing out on your fee.

With a client
like this, maybe
you already collected...

up front...
if you know
what I mean.

Get up, Grimaldi.
People'll think you never
been socked by a dame before.



Evening, Lieutenant.

- What's this?
- It's the murder weapon.

Well, Bradbury,
at least she found

a nice, clean way
to bump him off.

Time was you had to
look a man in the eye
before you could kill him.

- You owed him that.
- Yeah, now with the nerve
and a little know-how,

you can do it
by tying six knots
in a piece of string.

Ain't modern living
grand?

Magic. Gives me the shakes
what you can buy in this town.

- Well, they said
it'd make things easier.
- And it has.

Lovecraft:
Lots of things.

How is it?

- Bad.
- It's always bad.

There's bad
and there's bad.



Something's comin'.
Something ugly.

And it's guys like me
gotta clean up the mess.

Now, I got enough
to worry about, Phil,
so do us both a favor...

Watch your back.

Thanks.

You too, huh?

Not all the time.
Just some of the time.

- You know, it, uh...
- Makes things easier.

See ya, Grimaldi.

Same old "Shlubcraft."

Same sour outlook.
Same stubborn streak.

And you still wear
that dog-puke tie!

Phil:
Bradbury was right.

There's bad
and there's bad.

But what I walked into
after I left that night

made all the magic
and witchcraft I'd seen
up to then

look like a sideshow.

My name's Lovecraft
and I'm the guy who knows.

Just about the only guy
who knows it all...

who's still breathing.

It started that night
and it started
with a woman.

It always starts
with a woman.

Mickey!

For a minute,
I didn't think
you were gonna show.

Yeah. Just took
a little longer,
that's all.

Sorry.

Thank you.
Can I buy you a drink?

Oh, thanks, Mr. Bordon,
but I-I gotta run.

- Mick. Mickey. Mickey.
- Busy. You know...

Aren't you forgetting
a little somethin'?

Mr. Tugwell.

Bordon:
Okay, I understand
you're in a hurry,

but I thought
you'd wanna get
paid for this job.

Oh, yeah.

Sure, Mr. Bordon.

I'd really like
to stay for that drink,

but you gotta
understand
my position.

Bordon: Oh, I understand.

Just fine.

Good night, Mickey.

I think I'll take
some air.

Tugwell!

Announcer on P.A.:
Announcing the
1:30 departure

of the Grand San Diegan,
now boarding on track six.

Stopping in Long Beach,
San Clemente,

La Jolla
and San Diego,

departing
in eight minutes.
All aboard.

Announcer:
Final call for the Grand
San Diegan,

service to Long Beach,
San Juan Capistrano...

I had a deal!

I held up my end!
Let me go!

Tell 'em you lost me.
Tell 'em I got on the train
before you could stop me.

Just let me go, okay?

I'll share the money
with you.

You can have all of it.
Just let me walk out
of here.

That's fair.
That's more than fair.

Take it!

Boo.

- Good morning, Mr. Lovecraft.
- Good morning, Mrs. Kropotkin.

I was wondering,
with your attractive
desk calendar,

if you could tell me
today's date?

Yeah, it's, uh,
Tuesday, April 28th.

And does this date
hold any special
significance for you?

Can't say that it does.

It is the third
anniversary of the
death of my husband,

Nikolai Kropotkin,
who, when he died,

blackbirds fell down
from the trees
for 10 miles

- around our house.
- Sorry.

It is also 28 days
after the first
of the month,

which is the day
that you are obliged
to pay me rent

for the space I graciously
allow you to share
with the Kropotkin Academy.

- Ah?
- You'll get your dough
this afternoon.

I'm on my way
to see a new client.

Say that to my face,

remembering that people
who lie to witches

have been known to have
their eyes shrink up into
little black raisins.

I'm on my way
out there now.

I get a retainer,
you get your rent.

I had better, Lovecraft,
or else I will call
my very large

and unsympathetic brothers,
who enjoy nothing more

than the throwing
of other people's
furniture out of windows.

Lovecraft! Here.

Give these to your
new client.

Look, I'm not going
out there to drum up
business for you.

28 days in arrears,
Lovecraft.

A lesser woman would've
called her brothers
weeks ago.

And get them
to give you cash.

Yes?

"Tap and Ballroom"?

Mr. Lovecraft,
good morning.

I am Amos Hackshaw.
Empty your pockets, please.

- Do what?
- Empty your pockets
onto the desk, please.

- Why?
- Humor a middle-aged man,
Mr. Lovecraft.

- Open your shirt, please.
- Listen...

Just one button.
One behind that tie.

You go any further,
there's gotta be a nurse
in the room.

It's true...
no tokens, no talismans,

no fetishes, nothing.

You really don't
use anything.

- Any magic, that is.
- Just like I told you
on the phone.

- You don't believe
in magic?
- I believe it.

- Just don't use it.
- Why?

- Got personal reasons.
- And they are?

Personal.

There was a chauffeur.
His name is Larry Willis.
I fired him.

Why?

I have a young daughter,
Mr. Lovecraft.

She's all I have now.
I loved her mother
very much.

She wasn't a strong woman,
so we moved her to California
for the climate.

We thought it would help.
It did not.

Olivia's mother
died bringing her
into this sorry world

and I've dedicated myself
to protecting her

from its more
unfortunate realities.

She's only 16 years of age,
Mr. Lovecraft,

which makes her
quite vulnerable.

So she's, uh...
inexperienced.

I prefer
the word "pure."

A purity
that charms all things

and blinds them
to the trap and the bow.

Didn't like the way
Willis was looking at her.

I thought removing him
from the property
would be enough,

but I underestimated
the young man.

He took something
with him when he left.

- What?
- The book.

- An old book.
- Valuable?

Oh, the fittings
and bindings might be
worth a few thousand.

It does, however,
hold great sentimental
value for me.

Uh, what kind
of book was it?

A treatise
on certain kinds
of esoteric magic.

It's called
"The Necronomicon."

It's about the same
size as a large
photograph album,

bound in leather,
finished in gold,

and I want it
returned quickly.

- How quickly?
- I want it in
my hands by Thursday.

I'm attending a conference
and this volume is the key
to my presentation.

- That's the day
after tomorrow.
- No later than midnight.

The conference,
it starts at midnight?

Look, if you
don't think you're the
right man for the job...

No.

- Now, what's
this Willis look like?
- Thin. 5'10, 5'11.

- Sandy hair.
- How old?

- Not old. 26.
- He live here?

No. Meadows can
give you his address

but, according to his
landlord, he hasn't
been there for days.

Well, it's
a place to start.

What are you gonna
cost me, Lovecraft?

$40 a day plus gas
and reasonable expenses.

Yeah, you can get cheaper,
but you can't get better.

If you're lookin'
for someone with an edge,

the phone book's
full of detectives

who use magic
and witchcraft.

No, no.
You're the man
for the job.

Retainer's customary.
100 will do.

Probably spend
more than that

on goldfish
for your squid.

It is not a squid.

Uh, take the rest
of the afternoon,
Jeeves.

- I can find
my own way out.
- Humph.

May I offer you
a drink, Mr. Lovecraft?

I looked at the registration
on the steering column
of your car.

- Brandy?
- Uh, no. It's a little
early for me.

Oh. That's quite
a tie.

Oh. Thanks.

- Put up much of a fight?
- No, I snuck up
behind it.

Now, what does my
dried-up old walnut
of a father

want with a private
detective?

It doesn't say
"detective" on
my registration.

It does on the business
cards in your glove
compartment.

Huh, you didn't rotate
my tires while you were
at it, did ya?

Maybe later.
What's your birth date?

December 5th,
same as Walt Disney
and Martin Van Buren.

Sagittarius. With
16 letters to your name.

Not bad.
Not perfect,
but not bad.

Yeah? What sign
was Larry Willis
born under?

- Gemini.
- Twins. Maybe I ought to
charge your old man double

- for taking care of him.
- Is that why my father
hired you?

To defend my honor?
Oh, Lovecraft,

this is gonna be
the easiest money
you ever made.

How come?

No, I don't think so.

You wouldn't want me
to make it too easy
for you, would you?

You don't look
like the kind.

If you want something,
I bet you'd be willing
to work for it.

Work hard,
really crack a sweat.
Know what I mean?

You better take
that blouse off.

Oh. Why?

You can't get
blood stains like that
out after they set.

After the hunt,
I usually

just take
all my clothes off
and burn them.

You have to be naked
for the ceremony.

Oh, yeah?
What ceremony's that?

Tribute to Diana,
goddess of the hunt.

- Oh.
- Would you like to watch?

Thanks, but I was supposed
to get my teeth cleaned
this afternoon.

Well, you're different,
Lovecraft.

- I'll give you that.
- You're sort of something
different yourself.

- Am I?
- Mm-hmm.

All that smoke
and not a lick of flame

- to back it up.
- What makes you say that?

Well, only virgins can catch
unicorns, isn't that right?

Just what I thought.

And the radio said
it's gonna be clear all day.

- Here we go.
- Sounds like
the choke's stuck.

Ain't neither
no gol-dern choke.

I know what it is.

Bastards!

After World War I,
the only thing we brought
back from France

was the clap.

This war, they go off
to the Pacific

and bring back
these damn gremlins.

Little bastards
get into everything.

You live here?

I own it.
Used to run it
with my wife.

She died eight years ago.
Run over by a pie wagon.

Somebody live here
by the name
of Larry Willis?

This the part where I ask
who wants to know?

Oh, I don't care much
for dancin'.

- I got veins in my legs.
- Here.

- Wouldn't be no kind
of reward, would there?
- No reward.

Then he ain't here.
Moved out a couple,
three days ago.

- Packed up and left.
- Can I look in his room?

This is a rooming house.
Ain't a museum.

How 'bout you rent
it to me for, say,
five minutes?

Ever have
any visitors?

Everybody
I know's dead.

- I meant Willis.
- Oh, not that I ever saw.

- Suppose he had any
when you were out.
- I don't go out.

- No ladies?
- I'd have heard.

Son of a bitch.

- That's it.
- That's it right there!

That's enough. I've had it.
I've gone along with this
long enough.

Invade the sanctity
of my home!

Landlord:
This is my home,
my castle.

I'm the king
of this castle.

Eliminate 'em
one by one.

One by one!

I'm gonna
exterminate 'em!

Huh.

I'm gonna get you now!

Know anybody by the name
of "Mickey"?

Mickey Mouse!

And I didn't think
you were gonna be any help.

Take it!

Man:
I love parties.

Bourbon.
Show it some water,
but be discreet.

Like an orchid
in the moonlight.

All right!
Thank you!
Thank you!

- Larry Willis
been in tonight?
- Who?

- Larry Willis.
- Don't know the gent.

Thought I heard him
say he was meeting
Mickey here.

Don't know any Mickey.
Maybe you got
the wrong joint.

You sure you don't
know Larry Willis?

You're barking up
the wrong bartender, pal.

I don't know the gent.

- Like you said.
- Ladies and gentlemen!

Harry Bordon's
Dunwich Room

is pleased to present
the singular song styling

of the one and only
Miss Connie Stone!

You still know how
to wrap yourself
around a song.

- Phil.
- Buy you a drink?

Why not?

Drinkin' bourbon and water.
The lady will have
a scotch sour.

- Yes, sir.
- Suppose somewhere
along the line

I'd changed
my drinking habits?

I'd have ordered you
a sour anyway

just to watch you
eat the fruit.

Sweet old Phil.
Subtle as a flagpole.

You still cleanin'
other people's
dirty laundry?

No, I'm a private eye now.

- You still with Bordon?
- Was that a question?

Not really.

- What brings you
out here?
- Lookin' for someone.

Anyone
in particular?

Just a chauffeur
with delusions
of grandeur.

I've been hired
to put him in his place.

Sounds like neither
one of us should be
throwin' rocks

as far
as our careers go.

Here's to the job
at hand.

Does the upstart
chauffeur have
a name?

Larry Willis.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Anybody running around here
by the name of "Mickey"?

Mickey who?

Someone put up
an office building
behind me?

- Harry wants to see you.
- Harry wants to see me.

Harry wants
to see you now.

Johnny, we shook hands.

Show me a piece of paper
says we shook hands.

Come in!

Okay, I'm not the type
of man that's gonna
stand in somebody's way.

You go ahead
and sign your
record deal.

- I wish you nothing
but the best.
- Thanks.

Maledicta.

You go sign your record
deal now, chump.

- Been a long time,
partner.
- You're in a good mood.

Why shouldn't I be?
Everything's cream
for me these days.

Strictly cream.

Have a seat.

- So, how's by you?
- Surviving.

Still a nickel-and-dimer,
huh?

Tell me, aren't you
sick of the small time?

It's got its
special charms.

Hey, what happened
to your regular
legbreakers?

- Progress.
- Zombies don't eat,
don't complain.

- Don't get ideas.
- Don't they start to smell
after a while?

They're good
for three months,
depending on the weather.

- Then they begin to rot.
- Then what?

You get some more.
30 bucks a head.

Fresh from
the West Indies,
six to a box.

Like bonbons.

So, how you doin',
Phil?

I mean, really?

Could I stand you
a couple bucks
just to see you through?

I'm overpowered
by your generosity.

Nickel-and-dime, friend.

You got a nickel-and-dime
outlook.

That's why you can't
see the big picture.

You never could.
Word is on the street
you don't even use magic.

- Word's right.
- You're a schmuck.

Everybody uses magic.
It's 1948.

The future is here.
You don't wise up,

you're gonna be left
so far behind,

it'll cost 30 cents
just to send you
a postcard.

I didn't know
you cared.

We go back,
you and me.

So, Harry.

Read any good books
lately?

Am I supposed to know
what you're talkin' about?

I'm lookin' for a cut-rate
punk with a hot book

and the first rock
I look under, I find you

- tellin' me
the way of the world.
- Trying to be a gracious host.

That's great,
but I've got better
things to do

than listen to you sound off
and suck on a smoldering
chair leg.

Maybe you better be careful
how you spend your time, Phil.

You never know how much
of it you got left.

Mr. Tugwell...

show my guest
the way out.

Hey, Lovecraft!

Connie's lookin' good,
isn't she?

He knows
about the book.

- Maybe.
- What's to do?

Think I'll get
some air.

Connie!

Who's Connie?

Nobody you need
to worry about.

Man like you shouldn't
have to drink alone.

Just worked out
that way.

My, don't we look
grown up today?

I wanted to apologize
for slapping you yesterday.

Apologize for slapping

or not putting on
your brass knuckles first?

- I'm serious.
- Then why are you
wearin' that hat?

Is this something
I should know about?

Just having
a conference with
a client, Mrs. Kropotkin.

You don't suppose
that as long as there's
such a thing as a vice squad

that you could
hold a conference
of a lesser

bohemian nature?
Eh?

- How 'bout some breakfast?
- Isn't it a little
late for breakfast?

It's gotta be morning
some place in the world.

Mmm. This is
delightful.

Probably doesn't rate much
next to the Brown Derby

and the places
you're used to.

What makes you
think I've been
to the Brown Derby?

My father keeps me
cooped up in that
dreary house

with all
his foul books
and chemicals.

I never have
any fun.

I had to sneak out
to see you.

It's so grim.
I never even get
to go to the movies.

Thank you.

Daddy gets the films for me
and I watch them

in the library
all by myself.

Olivia:
I never get to go
anyplace exciting.

Lonely,
lonely, lonely.

- Sometimes I feel
like Rapunzel.
- Who?

Rapunzel. "Rapunzel,
Rapunzel, let down
your hair."

Like in the story.

Beautiful girl
sits in a lonely tower

waiting to be rescued
by a handsome prince.

Just when the prince
shows up,

this terrible witch
strikes him blind

and he spends most
of the rest of the book

just walking into things.

It's really
sort of an awful story
to tell a child.

It takes all kinds.
My old man used to read
to me from the racing form.

- It brought him luck.
- Olivia: Did it?

Phil:
Not that I ever saw.

What do you know
about this book boosted
from the old man?

It's the "shimmering
black diamond"
of my collection.

All he ever talks
about is his
collection of books.

Wish I were a book.

Maybe then he'd pay
more attention to me.

He have this
"Necronomicon" long?

No, he brought it
back from Egypt

or some place like that
last winter.

- Everything okay, folks?
- Phil: Dandy.

Can I get you somethin' else?
More coffee or somethin'?

- No, we're jake.
- Okay, then.

Okay. Thanks.

My compliments
to the chef.

It's just terribly good.
A little greasy,

but much better
than I expected.

- Can we come back?
- Phil: Stay put.

- Stay put?
- Anything happens,
jump under a table.

Under a table?
Lovecraft!

- Off limits, pal.
- Just lookin'
for somebody, pal.

- What's the rush?
- You shouldn't
be back here.

Got a little
problem with the check.
You better take a look.

Well, that happens
sometimes. Sorry.
You just pay

whatever
you think you owe
and we'll be square.

- Really think you ought
to take a look at it.
- I don't wanna take a look.

You can't make me!

You think I just
fell off a turnip truck?

- Who paid you
to finger me?
- Nuts.

- What's this?
- What's what?

- This right here.
- I don't know.

- Why don't you touch it?
- Don't just stand there!

You better
just stand there,
if you wanna stay alive.

You fingered me
for a hit.

- You cast runes at me.
- No.

- Who put you up to it?
- I don't know what
you're talking about!

If I stand this close,
what happens to me
happens to you.

Let me go!

Get away from me!

Henry, don't.
Don't touch it!

Take it back.
You gotta take it back!

Oof!

Eh...?

Open the freezer door!
Open it!

I didn't know
the outside world
could be so fascinating.

Do all police stations
have the same smell?

- All the ones I know.
- You're up.

- It's about time.
- Hurry up and wait.

Remember,
"Shlubcraft"?

Old man wants
to talk to you
personally,

but I thought I might
have a few words
with the young lady.

Miss.

Bradbury:
Wait!

Bradbury:
I've got your ass,
punk.

I've got it tied up
with a nice Christmas ribbon

and I don't care
how long it takes,

so why don't you
be smarter than you look
and spill it?

Oh, save it, pal.

That doesn't buy
nothin' with me.

You're goin' over.

Your buddies
can't hear you now.

If you think they'd
lift a paw to help you,

you're an even bigger chump
than I figured.

Throw him in the cage.
Let him sweat a while.

God, I hate full moons.

Plant it.

Not there.
You'll get hair
all over your suit.

- What are we drinkin' to?
- Nothin'.

We're just drinkin'.

I used to hate your guts.
You know that, don't you?

- You told me often enough.
- Now you're about the only man
in this town I can trust.

Gosh, Bradbury.
I didn't know you cared.

It's just you're
the only guy I know
walkin' around

without a magic wand
up his ass.

I got vampires
in West Hollywood,

salamanders coming out
of the fire hydrants
in Santa Monica.

Black rain, red rain.
Hail the size
of your fist.

Magic is the way
of the future.

Wouldn't want
to buck the future,
would ya, Bradbury?

If this is the future,
I'll take vanilla.

- I could use some help.
- I'm an independent
contractor now.

You could come back.
The department has got
no beef with you.

Never had.

Sorry. I like
bein' my own boss.

You got any
dissatisfied
customers?

Some people like me
better than other people.

But who doesn't
like you enough

to cast runes
in your direction?

- Haven't a clue.
- Grimaldi says
you were with a skirt.

Daughter of
a client of mine.

Client got
a name?

Yes.

Phil, this doesn't
have to be a trip
to the dentist.

Like I say,
we got no beef
with you.

Fella's partner
goes bad, goes
on the take,

that happens.
You are square
with us.

- Just because Harry...
- I don't need
a history lesson.

Someone's throwin'
lesser demons at you.

Black magic from the pit
of Azagoth and you don't even
carry a rabbit's foot.

- I can handle it.
- I'm not worried
about you, Phil.

I'm worried about
the people who might
get in the way.

All right.

Have it your way.
I can use the overtime.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

We have to take
my fingerprints?

No need to get
your hands dirty,
cupcake.

Oh. I thought
you might.

I've never had
my fingerprints taken.

Mm-hmm.

I've never been
in a police station before.

I've never spoken
to an actual police officer

- until now.
- How's the experience
shaping up for you so far?

Very stimulating.

You'll get used to it.

What did you see
in that owl wagon

before the runes
got there?

Two eggs over easy
and a side of toast.

Phil, nothin' in life's
as funny as you think.

Yeah.

Who?

All right.

Your lawyer's here.

Lawyer?
I don't have
a lawyer.

You do now.

A pleasant evening
to this fine and
good company.

I am Thadius Pilgrim,
Mr. Lovecraft's
legal advisor.

Please accept
my apologies
for being so late,

but I'm afraid my client
failed to notify me

of his decision to
voluntarily assist the police
in their investigations.

Often our courageous
public servants neglect...

With not a molecule
of malice...

Certain constitutional
boilerplate.

It is, then,
the humble role
of men such as myself

to point out the potential
repercussions

of their well-intentioned,
but nonetheless illegal
actions.

I'm gettin' a headache
just listenin' to this.

How'd you know
where to find me?

You give off vibrations,
Lovecraft,

- like a cheap radio.
- Miss Hackshaw!

Yes, Officer
Grimaldi?

Don't want you
running off without
signing your statement.

Silly me.

Still planning
to leave town,
Cousin Hypolite?

- As soon as possible.
- Good. I'll fetch
the car.

- Leaving town.
- And I suggest
that you do the same.

- I've got a job to do.
- Do it somewhere else.

The signs here are bad.
Tomorrow night,
there will be an alignment.

All of the wrong planets
will be in the right place
at the wrong time.

If you are
sensitive at all,

the air would crackle
in your ears
like wax paper.

Things are in flux.
The auras are bad.

Me? I'm going
to Florida.

Nasty. Very nasty.

"The Necronomicon."

I guess you've
heard of it.

What have you
stepped in?

Must be some book.

Revelations 5.

"And I saw in the right hand
of him that sat on the throne

a book written within.
And on the back side,

sealed with seven seals

and I saw a strong angel
proclaiming in a loud voice,

'Who is worthy to open
the book and loose
the seals thereof?'

And no man in heaven
nor earth

"neither under the earth
was able to open the book
neither to look thereon."

They talk about
"The Necronomicon"
in the Bible?

The end will come
with the opening
of a door.

"The Necronomicon"
is the key to that door.

Can't tell you
when I've had
a lovelier time.

Maybe next time
I'll take you
to the morgue.

- Could we?
- Skip it.

Uh-oh.

- Hello, Daddy.
- Inside! To your room!

I'll be with you
when I'm finished here.

Thank you for a very
educational day,
Mr. Lovecraft.

Don't mention it.

I hired you
to remove a threat
to my daughter's honor,

- not to replace it.
- Wasting your wind.

I'm distressed.
Time's running out

and I find this is
how you're pursuing
your investigation.

Do I come over
and tell you how
to abuse the servants?

I've had about all
I intend to take from you.

Willis stole
the book for a man
named "Bordon."

- He did what?
- There's a link between
a hood named Bordon

and a middleman
by the name of
Mickey Locksteader.

I figured Mickey
works with Willis.

Still don't think
you're gettin'
your money's worth?

No, not at all.

This has been
most enlightening.

Carry on
with your inquiries.

I have every
confidence in you.

"The Necronomicon"
must be in my hands
by tomorrow midnight.

- I know.
- Good.

Good. Well, I'll
leave it to you, then.

Good night.

Grimaldi, your
technique stinks.

Bradbury said I was
to follow you.

He didn't say anything
about you knowing it or not.

Do me a favor.

Now why should I do you
any favors, "Shlubcraft"?

'Cause it involves
that cute tomato
I was with today.

- It does, does it?
- It does.

- What's to do?
- Keep an eye on her.

- That's it?
- That's it.

What do ya say?

I'll think about it.

You do that.

Stick 'em up.

Suppose I'd been
a bad guy?

I knew it was you.

- How?
- I recognized the sound
of your breathing.

You haven't changed,
not a slice.

- Hey, it's a new suit.
- Yeah, but you kept
that tie.

- What's wrong
with my tie?
- Nothin'...

- if you like vertigo.
- You look good.

So do you.

You had your
outings with Harry
last night.

- Yes.
- He say anything
interesting?

I've heard more intelligent
sounds coming out of a pair
of corduroy pants.

- Want a drink?
- Sure.

To the good ol' days.

Whenever the hell
they are.

I heard somethin'
about you...

- at the club.
- Such as?

- You don't use magic.
- You heard right.

How do you expect
to get out of dumps
like this

if you don't start
playin' the game?

We've already had this
discussion.

- Everybody uses magic.
- I don't.

And what do you got
to show for it?
Flyspeck office,

a broken-down car,
and an ugly necktie.

That's what all this
integrity buys you.

Damn it, Phil.
Everybody's gotta
compromise.

That's what
I keep hearing.

And what makes you
so special?

What makes me special
is I'm my own man.

When I started out,
I said there were things
I would do

and things
I wouldn't do.

A lot of guys
start like that
and a lot of them

sell out along the way,
but the more you fall,

the easier it gets.
See? Look.

Everybody compromises,
everybody cheats,

everybody uses magic.

They empty ideals
out of their pockets

and get down to
stickin' it to
the neighbor

before they stick
it to them.

'Cause that's the way
it's done.
I say "nuts."

My collar might
be a little frayed,
maybe I need a shoeshine,

but nobody's got
a mortgage on my soul.

I own it,
free and clear.

I'm not
going to apologize
for my life.

- Didn't ask you to.
- I'm happy the way
things are.

- Glad to hear it.
- Gotta look ahead.

You can't drag around
the past. There's nothin'
you can do about it.

Sounds like you got
a real good grip
on things.

Why'd you have to
walk back into my life?

Why'd you walk out
of mine?

Because you're
a wiseacre son of a bitch

who doesn't know
which way the wind
is blowin'.

And?

And did you really
remember the sound
of my breathing?

Good morning.

You weren't this
organized when you
had an apartment.

A guy on his own
learns to adapt.

Phil, the other
night at the club,

you started to ask me
if I knew somebody

named "Mickey."

- Yeah?
- Kind of a fat guy?

Nervous around the edges?

- Could be.
- There was a guy I saw
at the club sometimes.

His name was Mickey,
worked for Harry.

- Doing what?
- Harry doesn't tell,
so I don't ask.

If you're lookin' for him,
I think you're lookin'
for a dead man.

He came to the club
the other night
with a package for Harry.

A book... old leather
with gold clasps and things.

Whatever it was,
it was the wrong one.

What do you mean
it was the wrong one?

Harry sent Tugwell
after this guy Mickey

- to kill him.
- How do you figure that?

You don't send Tugwell
to fetch the evening paper.

Take a whiff.

- What is it?
- I think it's called
"Grand Illusion."

- Cheap or expensive?
- A real lady wouldn't
wear it.

- Is this Mickey?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, who's the skirt?
- I think her name's Lilly.

- Seen her at the club
with him.
- You ever talk to her?

Traded lipsticks once
in the powder room.

Dished about
what rats men are.

You know, girl talk.

Why'd you come here
last night?

I'm pretty good
at lookin' the other way.

I've been doin' it
most of my life.

Can walk into
a lot of brick walls
doin' that.

Maybe I got tired
of smashin' my nose,
maybe I'm just too proud.

It takes me this long
to admit I've made a mistake.

Anyway...

- Where do you
go from here?
- I have an apartment.

- Whose apartment?
- Mine.

There's more we have
to talk about.

Lots more.

If you need me,
I wrote down my number.

It's on the desk.

Careful.

Don't get burned.

Lovecraft!
A moment!

- Hey, goin' some place?
- The "Dixie Queen"
out of Union Station.

- Miami.
- There's something
I must do before I go.

Yeah?

- Hey, what's this?
- The left arm.

The one
that's attached
to the heart.

Get this thing off me.
You know I don't use
this stuff.

- Which is why
I locked it on.
- Mrs. Kropotkin...

You are a fool,
but you are
a goodhearted fool.

I said you deserve
white magic, even
if you spurn it.

- I don't need this.
- You seek "The Necronomicon"?

- Yeah.
- Keep the bracelet,
Lovecraft.

You'll need it.
I'll add it to
next month's rent.

If we're lucky.

You could've killed me!

Detective Grimaldi!
Did I hurt you?

Uh, uh, I'm okay.

Come into the house.
I'll fix you a brandy.

Then you can tell me
why you were lurking
behind my mulberry bush.

- Detective Grimaldi...
- Otto.

Otto, what is
your date of birth?

Welcome! Welcome
to Vista Bonita!

Welcome, welcome,
welcome.

I'm Amber Peru,
but I want you
to call me Amber.

- Might I know your name?
- Phil Lovecraft.

Well, Phil, if I may,
I just know it's going
to be a pleasure

Excuse me
just a second.

Please forgive
the interruption,

but I'm here
alone today.

Vista Bonita is
the community of the future
ready for living today.

The first planned
housing tract

designed and built
through applied
industrial thaumaturgy.

- What?
- By magic!

And so very peaceful.

Peaceful like
a graveyard.

How awfully droll.

Somebody told me
an old pal of mine
worked here.

A guy by the name
of Locksteader,
Mickey Locksteader.

You're a friend
of Mr. Locksteader?

Mickey and I
go way back.

Mr. Locksteader
is the man behind
Vista Bonita.

He's the guiding light
of the entire project.

- Well, is he here?
- He left suddenly.
Business in the north.

But don't worry,
I am sure that we can find

something special
and affordable

for a friend
of Mr. Locksteader's.
In fact,

I think I can
make you the same
irresistible offer

- I made his sister.
- Mickey's sister?

- Yes.
- Lilly was here?

- Yes, Lilly Sirwar.
- Sirwar.

A widow. Poor dear.

She married an Indian
gentleman

who died tragically
in an attempt

to levitate
the Woolworth Building.

- Oh, what happened?
- It fell on him.

Tsk.
Aw, poor kid.
Must be tough.

Say, as long as
I'm in town, I'd
love to look her up.

I haven't seen little Lil'
since Hector was a pup.

Oh, well, she's staying
at the Hotel Ashcroft.

I have the number
in the office.

While we're inside,
I'll point
out a wide range

of modern,
time-saving advances

which add up
to life in
Vista Bonita

where our motto is,
"Built by magic,
built to last."

- Hello.
- Phil: Hello, baby.

- Hello, Phil.
- Is that offer of help
still open?

What did you
have in mind?

It's all set.
She's remembered me
and she'll meet me

- in the Kasbah Room
in 10 minutes.
- Good. You got cab fare?

- Why do I need cab fare?
- 'Cause I want you
outta here.

I've been away too long
for you to get rid of me
that quickly.

I'm staying.

Okay, but stay down here
in the lobby. Don't
let her see you.

I wanna have
a private conversation.

- Who asked you
to sit down?
- My feet.

Snappy comebacks.
I like that.

That's one
of the things
I do best.

I bet it is.

Listen, under
different circumstances,

I'd, um...

But I'm meeting
someone, okay?

You've got time
for me, don't ya,
Lilly?

Who the hell
are you?

You and I
are gonna have
a private chat.

Okay, what gives?

Mmm, what's the name
of that perfume
you're wearing?

It's "Grand Illusion."
What's it to you?

That'll teach ya
not to pick up strange men
in bars.

Who the hell
are you?

Why don't we
let our hair down
and talk things over?

No!

I've been lookin'
for you, Willis.

- Who told you?
- Hey, I'm just
addin' things up.

That's what
people pay me for.
"Love, Mickey"...

Why you're the only man
in town Olivia Hackshaw
doesn't have the hots for.

And it doesn't take
a scientist to figure out

that "Lilly Sirwar"
is an anagram
for "Larry Willis."

So, loosen your girdle
and lets talk.

- I don't need a girdle.
- Mm.

So, what have
you and Mickey
been up to, huh?

Have you seen Mickey?
Is he all right?

I'll give it to you
straight, Larry.

I figure he's dead.

- Dead.
- Have a shot.

I guess
I knew that.

I didn't wanna
believe it.

Never should've
crossed Harry Bordon.

Look, I gotta
get outta town.
You gotta help me.

- Take me
to Tijuana, please.
- Tijuana?

Long drive on a bad night.

- What's in it for me?
- Don't play dumb.

This is the biggest thing
you ever got close to.

- Is it a deal?
- Okay, got your ride.
Start talkin'.

First, gimme back
my hair.

So, how do you
fit in with Mickey?

We met at a party
about six months ago.

- Fag party?
- No, Knights of Columbus.
What do you think?

Okay, so he swept you
off your feet.

He may not have
looked like much
to you,

but he had a heart
as big as all
outdoors.

What's Harry Bordon
gotta do with Vista Bonita?

Well, he owns it,
doesn't he?

Through a half dozen
different corporations
and fronts,

but it's his,
all right.

How'd you end up
driving for Hackshaw?

Bordon told Mickey
he wanted someone

inside the Hackshaw
place he could trust.

Hackshaw had been
asking around about
Vista Bonita

offering to buy it
for way more than
it was worth.

Bordon wanted
to know why.

So you traded in
your French knickers
for a chauffeur's uniform

made like Mata Hari.

- I found out plenty.
- You found out something

about Vista Bonita
and "The Necronomicon"

and Bordon told
Mickey he wanted you
to steal the book.

- Huh?
- Which I did.

Along with a fake copy
the old man made
for the insurance company.

Then you tried
to double-cross Bordon

and sell the real book
back to Hackshaw,

but before Harry tumbled,
he made the mistake

of having Mickey killed.

All we wanted
was a little nest egg

so we could go some place
and settle down.

They're gonna have
the whole world.

Wait a minute.
Who's gonna have
the whole world?

Have you heard
of the "Old Ones,"

"The Outsiders"
of Yog-Sothoth,
Cthulhu?

They're out there,
shamus.

They've always
been out there

waiting for someone
to unlock the door.

It's in the book,
all right here.

The promise,
power and the price.

What price?

The virgin,
Lovecraft.

The last of the
unicorn hunters.

- Olivia...
- What about Olivia?

Hold it right there,
"Lon Chaney"!

Move away from the fairy
and keep those meat hooks

where I can see them.

Yeah, you and the horse
you rode in on.

Phil?

- Phil: Thought I told ya
to stay in the lobby.
- I got bored.

You could've
bought a magazine,
done a crossword.

Come here.

- Thanks for saving my life.
- I'll put it on your tab.

- What'll we do now?
- Need a place to think.

I know a place.

I don't know about you,

but I could use
a drink.

I'll fix them.
You've done enough
for the day.

- Sour?
- Sour.

Those things always
made my teeth hurt.

Cozy little pad, huh?

Yeah, as far
as I can see.

Oh, well, take it
from me. I've seen
the whole spread.

Know it like
the back of my hand.

Why don't you
freshen up, doll?

Take a nice
bubble bath.

I'll run the water
for you and everything.

- I don't wanna
take a bath.
- Take one.

She called me
from the hotel.

Come on!
Don't tell me you're
outta wisecracks.

- It's not the way
I had it pegged.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I bet it's not.
You should be grateful,
Lovecraft.

Wasn't for her,
you'd be dead
right now.

She convinced me that
if anybody was gonna
find that book, you would.

She's smart
and I'm smart
for listenin' to her.

You on
the other hand...
hmm.

Hand it over.

Come on, Phil!
I said hand it over!

Thanks, Mr. Tugwell.
Thanks a million.

You know, I went
through a lotta trouble
to find this book.

A lotta trouble.
Of course, it would've been
a lot less trouble

if you hadn't have killed
Mickey before he led us
to Willis

like you were
supposed to, huh?

- Yeah, but...
- Yeah, but what?

Wait a minute.
Boss...

Wait!
Fair is fair!

I've been in your corner
the whole time.

You say something,
it happens, right?

- That's how it works!
- Excuse me, partner.

- Boss?
- Yeah.

Can we discuss this?

No.

I'm very disappointed.

Can't trust
anybody anymore.

Trust is for suckers.

Nickel and dime,
nickel and dime.

You takin' us to the beach
or a weenie roast?

You're
a funny guy,
Phil.

I bet your dyin'
words are gonna be
a scream.

Here, take
a look at this.

She's a beauty,
isn't she?

See these
clasps and things?
Those are solid gold.

Gonna melt them down
for cufflinks?

I'm gonna be able to
melt down Fort Knox
if I want to.

- Sounds great.
- Oh, you don't believe me?

- Maybe you don't know
what this thing is.
- I've got an idea.

- How close are we
to Vista Bonita?
- Yeah.

You're always good
at jigsaw puzzles.

Lousy at livin',
but great with games.

That's where it has
to happen.

Hackshaw's special
midnight conference.

What a smart guy
my old partner is.

Yeah. Your land,
his book, huh?

Don't forget
the girl.

Wrong tomato,
partner.

Right! Olivia.
Last of the unicorn hunters.

Hey, do you have any idea
how hard it is to find
a virgin in Hollywood?

You gotta have one.
That's why Hackshaw
kept her so close.

The thing won't work
if you don't have a virgin.

Try it with somethin' else,
it'll blow up right
in your face.

Yeah?
Did you call Hackshaw
or he call you?

I'm a sport.
It was my nickel.

Called him
while you were nappin'.
Sounds like a great guy.

Can hardly wait
to meet him.

You're way
outta your class.

Well, it's no time
to be particular, Philip.

See, if it
doesn't happen tonight,
it can't happen again

for another 666 years.

So, I gave him
a choice...

Either he cuts me in,
or Olivia's gonna go

a long time
before her
first poke.

But you know the thing
that kills me?

Is how out of the whole
phone book

he had the dumb luck
to pick you.

Maybe it wasn't
luck, partner.
Maybe it's fate.

Thought you didn't
believe in that stuff.

What I don't believe in
is unfinished business.

Took this to get us
face-to-face

- so we could
settle accounts.
- We'll settle up.

You bet we will.
No more Lovecraft.

No more wakin' up
with the shakes

thinkin' about you
hoverin' over me like
some goldarn angel.

No more!
You're gonna be dead,
Lovecraft,

and I'm gonna be
on top of the world.

That should settle things
once and for all

about who was smart
and who was a chump.

I'm gonna be immortal
and I'm gonna wear your head
for a watch fob.

What's your split?

All right, let's get
the rag up on this cantata.

Don't fidget, Olivia.

Good evening,
Mr. Lovecraft!

You know,
in the light
of things, Mr. H,

I really don't think
I can keep workin' for ya.

Too bad.
You've been most
effective up until now,

leading me to the book,
helping us to come
together tonight.

The ugly at the hotel
was your muscle.

- You tailed me.
- Nothing must stand
in the way.

I've spent my life
in expectation
of this night.

Studying...

Preparing,
living with
Olivia's mother,

protecting the girl
from this town
and her own hormones.

It's been
a lifelong struggle,

but one human lifetime
shrinks to invisibility

compared to the span
of The Old Ones.

Do you realize how long
they've waited for me?

Centuries.
Millennia.

- How long is that
in dog years?
- The wheel has turned.

Yog-Sothoth
knows the gate.

That's the promise
of "The Necronomicon."

Open the gates,
let the Old Ones
back in,

and they will
make you a god.

- Oh, you get to be a god?
What does Harry get?
- Tell him.

For services rendered,
Mr. Bordon gets
to rule the world.

- What kind of world?
- The world of the
unburied dead

in a sky
dark with ashes.

It'll be a blasted,
maimed planet,

but he'll be
the most important
person in it.

How you like
them apples,
partner, huh?

All right, enough
of your flappin'.

I thought this shindig
had to start dead
at midnight.

Quite right.
Now if you'll
give me the book.

Nothing happens without
the book, Mr. Bordon.

Here we go, baby.
How 'bout a kiss
for good luck, eh?

Sure.

Good luck, Harry.

Couldn't
lay off, could ya?
You couldn't take the hint.

No, not you,
not "Public Conscience
Number One."

- Who died and made you
Jiminy Cricket?
- What was I supposed to do?

- Go to the movies?
- Hackshaw: Excuse me.

- We're on something
of a tight schedule here.
- Shut up, rich man!

- I'll deal
with you in a minute.
- Phil: Don't do it, Connie.

Whatever you think
it's gonna be, it'll
end up something else.

We could've gone
to the top, you and me,

but you never accepted
the reality of things.

- And Harry could.
- At least he knew

that an honest cop
and a poor cop
are the same thing.

You talked him
into goin'
on the take.

I didn't do it
with talk.

Now push comes to shove,
you double-cross him.

You think I came this far
just to be Harry Bordon's pet?

God, Phil.

There's so much
you don't know about women.

Last chance.
You can still sign on.

- Sorry, Connie.
- Me too.

Goodbye, Phil.

- Hackshaw: That's enough.
- Amateur Night is over.

Sorry about the hand,
my dear.

We couldn't have you
killing our friend.

I want him
to see this.

Thank you for killing
that, though...

Tiny minds
with stunted dreams.

Pathetic.

Come along, Olivia!
Time to fulfill
your destiny

like a good girl.

Be still.

Hackshaw:
From the wells of night
to the gulfs of space.

Ever the praises
of great Cthulhu
and Tsathoggua

and of Him
who is not named.

Ever praises
and abundance to the
Black Goat of the Woods,

Ila-Niggurath, the Goat
with a Thousand Young.

For thou hast seen
the dark universe
yawning,

the lost place where black
planets roam without aim.

Too long have thou dwelt
in that cold captivity

beyond the mercy of time.

The way is clear.

Return...

and rule.

Yog-Sothoth is the key
and the guardian
of the gates.

He knows where The Old Ones
have trod Earth's fields

and that they will
tread once more.

Sorcerer, emissary,
changeling, outsider,

thou art the whisper
in the dark,

for a million years,
the voice in man's ear,

seducer, shaper
of foul deed and betrayal.

All was prelude
and preparation.

We empty our hearts
in your name.

Teacher, master,
complete us.

The things outside
become the things inside.

The waiting ends
and the journey begins.

Consume the darkness
between the dimensions.

Cross the gulf
with a single stride.

Here, on this threshold,
is placed a gift.

This is my gift.

Come forth and receive it.

Stars align.
Space folds.

A thousand worlds merge
in a single instant.

Crack the band
of formlessness!

Take shape
and come forth!

No! Look!

This is what
you wanted,
so look at it!

No, look!

Hold on!

Lovecraft, don't
let me go, please!

Help me! Help me,
Lovecraft!

No! No, Lovecraft!

It's okay.
It's all right!

It's all right!
It's okay!

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.
It's all right.

The thing's gone.
It's gone.

Where...
where's Daddy?

Sorry, kid.

- What? Where?
- Mr. Grimaldi's in
the back of the car!

- Grimaldi?
- Daddy hit him with a doorstop
and threw him in the back.

Oh, Otto!

Oh, are you all right?

Grimaldi, you shouldn't
ride like this in cars,
it's dangerous.

What the hell happened?

You sure you're
all right?

Grimaldi,
you son of a bitch!

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
Nix it, kid. Nix it!

- She's only 16 years old.
- Cleopatra was only 14

- when she surrendered
to passion.
- Listen...

- you wouldn't tell
anybody, now would ya?
- Grimaldi, you poor sap!

Don't ya get it?
You saved the world!

They'll put up
a monument to ya!

You could have lunch
at the White House,

your picture
on the cover of "Look,"

and all you're worried
about is your wife

finding out
that you... that you screwed
a 16-year-old virgin?!

You're married?

Uh, listen, you
wouldn't tell anybody,
now would ya, Phil?

Come on, give me
a break, huh?

- Olivia: Otto?
- Grimaldi: Cupcake.

I'm as surprised
as you are.

Surprised that
you're married?

No, honey,
surprised by you.

- How's the hand?
- Broken.

What's goin' on?

Just missed the screw
that saved the world.

I miss everything.

I even missed being a god.

What happens now?

Grimaldi takes you in
for killing Bordon.

We were a hell of
a team, you and me.

We still could be.

Maybe someday.

- Phil?
- Yeah.

Kiss me
before I faint.

Lovecraft...?

Are you all right?

Sorta.

Hey, I thought
you were going to Miami.

There's
no need to now.

Is there?

I guess not.

Hmm.

- What's this stuff?
- Just some leaves
of the adder's tongue

with distilled water
of horsetail
and a pinch of mugwort.

- And that?
- Mercurochrome.

I'm a witch,
but I'm not a fanatic.

Bandages I have
in my office.

Kropotkin?

- Thanks.
- For what?

It's a long story.

I'll get
the piroshkies.

Phil:
I was tired as hell
but I could afford

to be tired now...
now that it was over.

Over for a lot
of people...

For Locksteader and Willis,
Hackshaw and Bordon...

and all over
for Connie.

I needed it
to be morning.

I wanted to hear doors open
and cars start,

human voices talking
about baseball and
the weather.

I wanna make sure
that there were still
folks out there

facing life with
nothing up their sleeves
but their arms.

They didn't
know it yet,

but they had a better
shot at happiness

and a fairer shake
today than they did
yesterday,

'cause today...
I've got the book.