Carry On Nurse (1959) - full transcript

Set in Haven Hospital where a certain men's ward is causing more havoc than the whole hospital put together. The formidable Matron's debut gives the patients a chill every time she walks past, with only Reckitt standing up to her. There's a colonel who is a constant nuisance, a bumbling nurse, a romance between Ted York and Nurse Denton, and Bell who wants his bunion removed straight away, so after drinking alcohol, the men decide to remove the bunion themselves!

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
---
Silver Maid keeping ahead in
front of Dasher and Boy Blue.

But the favourite,
Red Dice, is now

lengths behind. He's
right out of it.

Inside the last furlong,
and Dasher's taken

it up. Moving through
very smoothly.

Silver Maid hanging on
to second place. And

at the post, it's Dasher
from Silver Maid...

Well, did it win?

That nag should be going
into hospital, not you.

Bad luck. I wonder who
won the baby stakes.

Oh.



Supposing I'd been on it.

Ah. Where do I go?

- Hey. I can walk, you know.
- Nobody walks in here.

- Any chance of walking out?
- We've got to do the job proper.

- Over here, Mr York.
- Right, nurse.

Thanks for the ride, boys.

Give us a write-up in the papers.

Will you get into bed, please?

I... didn't have time
to get my pyjamas.

Oh, that's all right. You
won't need any just now.

Thanks.

- What's he got, then, Mick?
- Appendicitis.

Ten days' job.

Cor blimey. Only ten days.



When I think how easily
that could have been

avoided, I could kick
myself, I tell you.

Did you hear what I said then?

I said I could kick myself.

Kick myself, with that on, I said.

I think that's very funny,
Mick. Don't you, Mick?

- Hello, Mick.
- Hello, Mr Able.

- There you are.
- What's that? A shroud?

No, an operating gown.

Your turn.

Yes, Colonel?

I want to see that ward
orderly chap - Mick.

You can't. It's our job to
answer the buzzer, not his.

You've only been here
half a day and you've

called us a dozen times
for no good reason.

Now, do try and remember the
buzzer's only for emergencies.

- This is an emergency.
- What kind of an emergency?

Every time Mick comes
in here, he stays too

long. I don't know what
you find to talk about.

I dare say you don't.
There's some things we men

talk about it's better
for women not to know.

I can imagine that.

I doubt it, young
lady. I doubt it.

Well, what do you want him for?

What can he do for you that
I can't? Tell me that.

Ho-ho-ho. Don't tempt
me, girl. Just

tell Mick I want him,
would you, please?

All right. Just this once.

Ah, Mick, my boy. That's
right, shut the door.

Now then, dictation.
Got your notebook?

Yes, sir.

Good. Here we are, then.

Bob each way, the Black Prince.

That's the 3:30 at Chepstow.

Black Prince, 3:30 at Chepstow.

Half a dollar to win, Rambler.

R-A-M-B-L-E-R.

Now that's the 4:15 at Redcar.

4:15, Redcar.

- That's all, I think.
- Right, Colonel.

Well, you just settle down,

Colonel. I'll wait
for the results.

Oh, get me 20 Player's,
would you, please?

Yes, sir.

Don't bother about that.

Good afternoon. Name?

Oh. Good afternoon.
York. Edward York.

- Address?
- 24 Passiondale Avenue.

- Age?
- 35.

- Occupation?
- News... paper reporter.

- Relax.
- I was covering the baby show.

- Next of kin?
- No.

Religion?

Which lot has the best
record of recovery?

I'm very busy. Come
along, now. C of E?

- False teeth?
- No.

- Glass eye?
- No.

And before you go any further,
the rest of me is my own.

Sign, please. Consent for
general anaesthetic.

- Ooh.
- Relax.

- Hello. I'm Mick.
- Hi, Mick.

- What's her trouble?
- Oh, night starvation.

- Going to shave you.
- Shave?

My appendix isn't on my face.

I'm not going to shave your face.

- Yes, Colonel?
- I'm all crumby.

If you will stuff yourself
with those crumbly biscuits...

Well, I have to have
some pleasure, damn it.

Hop out and I'll take
the crumbs away.

- Where's that fella Mick got to?
- He's doing something for Sister.

Can I help?

Not unless you know what won
the 4:15 at Redcar, you can't.

Oh, you and your racing.
All right, get in.

Thank you.

Oh, I wish you wouldn't
eat those biscuits.

I eat biscuits, my girl,
to calm my nerves.

Rambler won it. 3-1.

- Comfy now?
- Yes.

Rambler, do you say?

Hoo-hoo. Ha-ha-ha.
Good old Rambler.

Oh, we'll have a new one now.

- Ooph.
- I warned you.

Thank you.

Sister...

I'm not a sister,
I'm a staff nurse.

Oh? How do I tell the difference?

Student nurses wear big hats.
We call them butterflies.

- You call them what?
- Butterflies.

- Ah, I like that.
- They don't.

And staff nurses
wear these. Got it?

Yes. I think you're wonderful.

Relax, Mr York.

Oh.

Nurse Dawson. Is it your
intention to wreck my ward?

- Who are you?
- I'm a nurse.

You're in hospital,
but you're all right.

- Let's have a beer.
- You can't have a beer, Mr York.

She'll give me a beer. I'll go...

Cor.

Somebody stabbed me.

Lie still, you've
got a drain in you.

Now that you've made my
bed... you can lie on it.

Why, Mr York.

Mr York.

Oh, I'm sorry, Staff. I was just

trying to get Mr
York to settle down.

- For life?
- Lovely.

When you're on night
duty, nurse, always

carry a couple of
sleeping pills with you.

There isn't always time
to go and fetch them.

Yes, Staff. Thank you.

Buck up, there's another
patient coming in.

Cor, what a place.

Bath, sluice room,
sterili... Jane.

Look, my hand's all
right. I keep telling

everybody. I don't
have to come here.

All you need is just to rub it.

I don't like this
place at all. There's

lights, and bells, and buzzers...

Come on, babe.

Excuse me, miss. I think there's
been a bit of a mistake.

I don't have to
stay here, you see.

Through there, please.

I'm not going in. It's full of
sick people. I'll catch something.

You've already got
something. Go in.

Ah. Mr Bishop? Come
in, will you, please?

Now, will you please get into bed?

Look er... miss, I'm quite
all right, you see.

I've sprained my wrist
in a fight before.

All I need is a bit
of the old massage.

Your X-ray shows a
dislocation and fracture.

Well, the X-ray's wrong.

- It's just a sprain.
- Shall I give you a hand?

No, that won't be
necessary, thanks.

- Bernie, you do as you're told.
- Yeah, but the point is, all...

I don't know.

All right, darling.

Kiss the baby for me.

Now, Mr Bishop, will
you sit down, please?

Hey. Mr Hickson.

Mr Hickson.

What? What?

Bernie Bishop's just come in.
The boxer. He's hurt his hand.

What do you expect
me to do? Stand...

Ssh.

Stand up and cheer?

Do me a favour, will
you? Go to sleep.

Sorry. I thought you were a fan.

Let's all get a bit of peace.

This is a madhouse. I'll
be glad when I get home.

Bernie Bishop, he says. Bernie...

Cor. What a punch, though.

He landed in Row F.

Well, don't worry. They'll
soon fix that hand so

that you don't roll on
it when you're asleep.

- Stand up, please.
- Ok.

- There.
- Right.

- Now...
- What? What, what?

- Well, you can't sleep in those.
- That's quite all right.

- I can er... take 'em off.
- With one hand?

Yeah, I can manage. Thank you. You

two ladies, turn
your backs, please.

Good. Wait a... Hey, what's
going on? You can't do...

What a sauce. Nurse. Please.

Cor.

What a fuss about
such a little thing.

Come in.

- Good morning, Colonel.
- It's not. No racing.

What are we going to do
to amuse ourselves today?

I really don't know, sir.

Not unless you're interested in
a little private wager, sir.

- What are you talking about?
- With me, that is.

You see, it's
Matron's round today.

Well now, she usually
averages about 14

minutes 10 to about
16 minutes 30 seconds

from the top of the stairs
to the last bed in the ward.

Half a crown on the
nearest time to a second?

That's it.

- Are you on?
- I'm on, sir.

- Got a stopwatch?
- I'll get one.

Just a moment.
Don't... I want that.

I'm sorry, it's Matron's round.

- What's going on?
- Matron's round.

I don't care if she's triangular.

Mick.

Mick. Mick.

The veranda. Sweep
the veranda first.

Do you mind.

Oh, please. Let's get on.

I say. You don't know
what you've missed.

Don't I?

The most marvellous recipe.

Don't you worry, I
shall be at it the

moment I get out.
It's made in a flash.

Camper's Jamboree Folly.

I have it here.

You take a couple of red
raisins, two whites

of eggs, one grated
earphone... Earphones? Oh.

You wicked, bad girl. I shall
miss the next programme.

Feudal. That's what this place
is. Feudal. I could choke.

I'm studying nuclear physics,
the thing of the future.

I've got an examination to pass,

and I'm delayed because
a survival from

the surgical Stone
Age called a matron

is going to walk through here.

I could spit. I could scream.

My name's Oliver Reckitt.

You've made a mess of your
hand. Industrial injury?

Er... Pardon?

Hurt it at your work?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a boxer.

How savage.

It's no more savage than
what you're doing, mate.

Pressing buttons, making
explosions and giving

everybody horrible
weather in the summer.

Come along. Come along.
Come along, please.

- Yes?
- Ah, good morning.

My name's Perkins,
Ted York's editor.

I've just brought
some things along

from his digs. Can I see him?

Newspaper man, you
know. Very busy at

nights. I doubt if
he'll get anybody.

Go along in here
now, out of the way.

Ted'll never get a single visitor,
you know, unless I can...

- Oh, good morning, Matron.
- Good morning, Sister.

Come along, come along. We must be

quick. I'm due at
a meeting. Now...

- Good morning, Mr York.
- Good morning.

- Everything all right, I hope?
- Yes, thank you, Matron.

- Nurse?
- Ssh.

Good morning, Mr Hinton.

Mr Hinton, please.

Argh.

Beg pardon.

You're all right.

- Feeling all right today?
- As well as can be expected.

If that's all there is to it,
why all the fear and trembling?

You'll see. That wasn't typical.
Stick around a few days.

I haven't got much choice, have I?

- Carry on, Sister.
- Thank you, Matron.

Can I come out now?

Yes, Mr Perkins. But
be quick, please.

Thank you very much.

Come along, everybody.
Back to work.

Crikey, Colonel. She broke
an all-time record today.

12 minutes, 20 seconds.

Now, I said er...
14.2 You said 14.50.

You owe me half a crown, guv.

All right. There's the money
there. Help yourself.

- I'll toss you, double or quits.
- Well, I must fly, sir.

- I'm all of a rush this morning.
- Blast the matron.

Listen... Hospital life from
the patient's point of view.

Byline, Ted York -
dateline on the spot.

A series. It's sure-fire. Look,

everybody's interested
in hospitals.

Look, we can't miss.

I'll run special
supplements, special

advertising. I'll
give you a bonus.

- It's as good as written.
- That's my boy.

All you've got to
do is to sit here

and watch and listen and write.

- Now, don't forget the bonus.
- I won't.

I'm sorry, you must
go now, Mr Perkins.

Mr Stephens is making his
round a little earlier today.

Certainly.

Don't forget, Ted. Keep it
clean. Bye-bye. Bye, nurse.

What's all this about
an anaesthetic? I just

thought I needed a drop
of the old massage.

Well, we have to
manipulate your wrist,

set your hand in plaster of Paris.

- The pain would be too great.
- Oh, now, come on, doc, please.

I can bear any amount of pain. You

just do what you
have to right now.

I've read about your left hook, Mr
Bishop. I've no desire to feel it.

You'd be well advised to sign.

You'll be here a week. After
that, with a little luck,

you'll fight again in
about three months' time.

I'm sorry, there's no quicker way.

Being in a public ward is
quite an experience for me,

and a surprisingly pleasant
one, I must admit.

Mind you, of course,
coddling can go too far.

Definitely.

Private enterprise -
that's the ticket.

I mean, you take my
house, for instance,

on the er... the west
side of the common.

I saw it on a Monday, brought off
a deal in the City on Tuesday,

bought it on the Wednesday,
cash on the nail.

Private enterprise. There
is nothing like it.

Definitely. That's
how I got my house.

You... You've got your own place?

Yes. The manor. West
side of the common.

What, that lovely stately...?
But... But... You own that?

Rent it. 23 bob a...

No, no, no, I'm a liar.

22s 9d a week, from the council.

But... But... But how?

Well, they had to give us
somewhere. I've got 11 kids.

Private enterprise. Definitely.

- May I borrow your chair?
- Yes.

- All right?
- I was.

- I want to talk to you.
- I want to talk to you.

Oh? What about?

Yes or no today?

Well, as a matter of fact... no.

Drink it.

Urgh.

- Good evening, Mr York.
- Hello.

Would you like a hospital visitor?

A what?

A hospital visitor.
Someone who volunteers

to chat with patients
who have no visitors.

No, thank you.

- You visit me.
- You see enough of me all day.

Cor.

A lady referee.

Back in the land of the
living, Mr Bishop?

I got the compensation
form from the union, dear.

Well, it's about time.
Let's fill it in.

Take my glove off first.

How do you expect to fill that
thing in properly like that?

Why don't you find
something to lean on?

I'll take this book.

Take this book.

Full name.

Well, don't tell me you
don't know that by now.

No, it's all right, dear. I
was only thinking aloud.

Oh. Block letters.

- Now, date of accident.
- 27th.

- No, dear, it couldn't have been.
- Look, I ought to know.

No, dear, it couldn't have been.

Because the 27th I
went to see Grandma.

You came to fetch
me at the station.

You couldn't have done that with
a broken leg, dear, could you?

What difference does it make?

Well, it must have been
the next day, then.

Oh, right. So it was the next day.

What difference does it make?

Oh, Perc, do try
and be reasonable.

Ha. Reasonable.

Well, I mean, you've got to
be accurate on these things,

otherwise, well, anybody
could write in and claim.

Marge, look, just
you write it down,

girl? Just get it
down, that's all.

Now... Do you expect
this incapacity

to last more than a week?

No, I'm er... I'm going
to a dance tonight.

Oh, Perc, do help.

Well, it gives me the sick,
all these daft questions.

Well, they've got to
know these things, dear.

Look. I fell off a scaffolding.
I broke my perishing leg.

Now what more do
they want to know?

My father's chest measurements?

Oh, cor blimey. Now...
Now... Now, don't you start.

I can't help it.

It's too much.

You stuck in here, your leg stuck
up there, and I'm all alone.

I know. With three kids.

Oh, Perc, don't.

Marge. Marge, I'm sorry. Now,
don't go on like that, girl.

I get fed up, you see,
stuck in here like this.

Oh, I know, I know.

It's not very easy
for me, and now you

won't even help to
fill the form out.

It's too much, Percy.
It's too much for me.

Well... Well, look,
I'm sorry, girl.

I'm sorry. Percy'll
kiss it better?

Marge, I...

You'll have to come closer, girl.
You see, I can't move, you know.

Oh, untie my hand,
nurse, will you, please?

Not yet. You might
fall asleep again.

Oh, take all these
screens away, nurse.

I can't bear being
shut in. Please.

All right.

Oh, my little boy.

Cor, you should see his right
when he punches our cat.

Ooh.

Hello. I'm Jill Thompson.

Harry Thompson's sister.

Oh, yes, of course.

Do sit down, please.

Harry's sorry he couldn't get
here. Well, he sent some books.

Oh, thank you.

Problems Of Radiation.

Nuclear Physics Advanced
Theory. Oh, splendid.

What's this?

Wakefield's Practical Surgery?

Oh, Harry must have put
that in by mistake.

Never mind.

Yes. It looks absorbing enough.

Yes, indeed.

You look pale, though. There's
no getting away from it.

Ah, it's probably
cos I can't sleep.

- Being away from you, I expect.
- Ssh.

No, honest.

Well, you must sleep. Ask
the doctor for something.

Don't be silly. He can't
give me what I need.

Bert.

Well.

I'm awfully sorry. I do
appreciate your bringing them.

Harry told me you
live for your work.

Where have we met before?

I have a curious
feeling we've met.

At home, once.

Oh, yes.

- How are you getting on?
- All right, thank you.

That's good.

Is there anything
else I can bring you?

Oh, no. No, thanks.

Visiting time's nearly
over. I think I'll go.

Must you?

Perhaps I'll look
in again sometime.

You might want something.

Oh, do. It's most kind.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Cor.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Oliver.

Cor. What a way to treat
your nice girlfriend.

She is not my girlfriend.

Ooh.

She'd like to be, mate.

Yeah, you can take it from
me. She'd like to be.

Oh, Nurse Dawson. Visiting time's
over. Ring the bell, will you?

Yes, Sister.

All right, I'm coming.

Seconds out.

- Nurse Dawson.
- Yes, Sister?

I thought I told you
to ring the bell.

I did, Sister.

Then why are the
visitors still here?

Well, I don't know, I...

Oh, crikey.

What's the matter, Mr
York? Can't you sleep?

Wind?

Nurse.

- Staff?
- Yes?

Sorry about last night.
I was a bad boy.

Oh, I've seen worse.

- Do you like night work?
- Yes.

- Nice and peaceful?
- Sometimes.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Oh, thanks, nurse.

Oh, my gut.

Hello, you're early.

Sister told me to
sterilise these catheters

last night. It went
out of my head.

I've just got time.

You haven't. The
steriliser's full.

Oh, crikey.

Don't panic. I'll put them
in a kidney dish on the

gas stove for you, if
you'll see what he wants.

Ok, thanks.

- What is it, Colonel?
- Hello, you're early.

Well, anyone would think I
was always four hours late.

- What can I do for you?
- Dashed if I can remember.

Coming in early, you've put
it right out of my head.

Suppose you buzz again when you
remember. If it's important.

What do you mean, "if"? Of course
it's imp... Oh, I remember.

It's my pulse, it's racing.
Like I ought to be today.

- It's your imagination, Colonel.
- Positively pounding, I tell you.

You're feeling the wrong
place. Give it me.

- What did I tell you?
- Ssh.

- Quite normal.
- Impossible.

Patients aren't allowed
to contradict.

Hello. You're early.

The next person says that to me,
I'll spit right in their eye.

Good morning, Nurse
Dawson. You're early.

Yes, Sister. Morning, Sister.

Is it a matter of life
and death, Colonel?

No, but...

Well, then, please wait.

- Morning, Matron.
- Morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Matron.
- Good morning, Sister.

Those screens are untidy, Sister.

I'll see to them at once.

- Good morning, Mr Reckitt.
- Good morning, Matron.

Your temperature's behaving
very oddly, I see.

Perhaps it'll settle
down when I get up.

- Tomorrow, Mr Stephens said.
- Good.

Don't study too hard.

I don't know any other way
to absorb knowledge, Matron.

- Good morning, Mr Bishop.
- Good morning, Matron.

- Mr Bishop is a boxer, Matron.
- How interesting.

And how did this unfortunate
accident occur?

Oh, it was in a fight.

The fourth round of an eliminating
contest. I'm a contender, you see.

Well, the bell goes, so I comes
out my corner like the clappers.

The clappers?

That is a boxing term,
I believe, Matron.

How very interesting.

Yeah. Well, I gave him
a couple of lefts...

like that, you know.
Right in the gut.

I could have shook hands with
his spine. His guard dropped,

so I clocked him,
dead on the button.

That was the end of the bout.

Broke my hand.

Well, Mr Bishop, I hope you
recover like... the clappers.

Well, thanks very much, missus.
Er... Matron. Very nice.

Phwoo.

Cor. What a stink.

The cook appears to be improving.

- Sister, investigate that odour.
- Yes, certainly, Matron.

Ow. Ow.

You idiot.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Sister.

You really are a
complete fool, aren't

you? And during
Matron's round, too.

Go into my office and wait for me.

Oh.

Everything's quite all
right now, Matron.

Nurse Dawson, how dare
you burst in like that.

Oh, just a minute.

- Ruddy thing.
- It's Matron's round.

Well, mine's a pint.

Nurse, what is it? I told
you to wait in my office.

I did, Sister. There was a phone
call. Emergency admission.

Very well. Carry on, nurse.

We shall just have room. Mr
Jackson's going home today.

I wonder whether perhaps...

I'm quite capable of continuing
my round alone, Sister.

Oh, thank you very much, Matron.

Nurse Dawson.

Are you training for
nursing or demolition?

I'm sorry, Sister.

Yes, Colonel?

I heard a crash. What's going on?

- Oh, nothing.
- Staff Nurse.

Staff Nurse.

Oh, I can never find
you when I want you.

- What did you want, Sister?
- An emergency admission.

- Yes, Sister? What sort of case?
- What?

Stupid Nurse Dawson
didn't get the details.

Shall I telephone, Sister?

I'm quite capable of
making a telephone

call for myself, thank
you, Staff Nurse.

Please get Mr Jackson's bed
ready for the admission.

Yes, Sister.

Been starving yourself, Mr Grey?

Couldn't eat. Such
pain... last night.

Good. That means we
don't have to starve

you and I can operate
that much sooner.

Nurse. I'll operate tonight.

Yes, Mr Stephens.

What's all this in aid of, nurse?

Massage. To prevent bed sores.

Oh, yeah?

Getting to the bottom
of the trouble?

That's right.

Ooh.

Ah. Lovely.

Whoa.

Anything wrong?

Oh, no, no, no. Very
nice, thank you.

Whoo.

Phew.

Janey... Supposing I
couldn't ever fight again?

Just suppose.

Deep down, would you
really be pleased?

Well, I don't like you fighting.

Sometimes I can
hardly bear to look.

But you're happy
when you're pushing

someone's face into the
middle of next week.

And I like to see you happy.

So you get that hand better
and come out fighting.

I'm glad I married you, Jane.

I've got a surprise for you.

- Pickled red cabbage?
- It's not red, it's ginger.

- My manager.
- I'll send him along.

What a pity I'm not allowed
to bring the children.

Yes, it's allowed in
the private wards.

Oh, well, we couldn't afford that.

- Hush.
- What?

Oh, nothing.

Rhoda, dear, do try to
say pardon, not what.

Sorry, Henry. Do you like this?

What? I mean, pardon?

- Oh, yes. Oh, very nice. Yes.
- For when you come home.

I bought it with our
divvy from the Cop.

Rhoda, please.

- What's the matter, dear?
- Oh, never mind.

Any other news?

Ooh. We've had a letter
from the building society.

Rhoda.

- Ginge.
- Bernie.

Norm as well.

Come on in.

Well, how are you, Bernie boy?

You look great. Just
great, son. Great.

Well, give him the
flowers, then. You'll

choke 'em gripping 'em like that.

Ta. Ta, Norm, my old
sparring partner.

- How are you, mate?
- Yeah, fine.

Yeah, he's fine.

No one will ever know
how I suffered when

you busted your hand
like that, Bernie boy.

Hey, Ginger, why haven't you come
in here to see me before now?

Well, as it happens, I have got
a reason for coming to see you.

That is, a reason over and above
my natural, warm and human concern

as a manager for one of my boys.

I am a showman. But I have an
unpleasant duty to perform.

I have come here to
give you a thick ear.

I won, didn't I? This was an

accident, you know,
but I beat him.

Too true, you won. Too
flipping fast, you won.

But I had him beat.

What do you expect me to do? Dance
the cha-cha for five rounds?

You're being flippant,
but I'm glad

to see you've got the right idea.

- I don't understand.
- You don't understand.

I'm a showman. That's
what you've got to be.

You've reached the stage now where
you're right in the public eye.

What you need is a gimmick.

- Gimmick?
- Gimmick.

Belt up. Yeah, a gimmick.

Something the public
associates with you alone.

You remember Frisco Freddie.
You remember Frisco.

- Frisco, yeah.
- Yeah, that's right.

He was a boxer who used to
ride punches all the time.

Exactly. He used to ride 'em.
Ride 'em. The crowd loved it.

Yeah, well, look, I could do that.

Here, Norm. You used to train
with Frisco, didn't you?

You used to train with
Frisco, didn't you?

That's right.

Well, come on, then.
Let's show Bern

how you used to spar with Frisco.

Here. I tell you, it was Marv...
He was just like a ballet dancer.

And he used to punch...

Hold that. Right, easy now.

Punch, ride. Punch, ride.

Punch, ride. Punch, ride. He
used to ride the lot, he did.

Until he was ready,
and then... bosh.

Knocked 'em cold, it did.

- Nurse.
- Nurse.

Just a minute, Mr York.

Hello. What's that?

For your bowels. Sit down, please.

Have you... given one
of these before?

Oh, good gracious. Hundreds.

Get it down, now.

Other end, nurse.

Never mind. With a face like mine,
it's a mistake anyone might make.

Persecution. That's what
it is, persecution.

I shall write to the
Minister for Health.

Never mind, you'll
live through it.

It's a miracle you do.

You all ought to strike. One
day, that's all it would take.

One day, and the
nursing profession

would advance a hundred years.

Why don't you organise a
march to Downing Street?

And Sister Anna will
carry the banner.

Oh. The whole fat-headed
farce makes me puke.

There. That's you settled.

Settled? Huh. I feel about as
settled as an active volcano.

Please don't lie on top of the
bed clothes. Matron's rule.

- Oh, sorry.
- In bed or out, but never on.

- Do please try and remember.
- Ok, ok.

- Everything all right, Mr Bishop?
- Fine thanks, Matron.

My hand's getting better.
Sort of knitting.

Excellent. Keep up the good work.

Everything all right, Mr Reckitt?

Medically, yes, Matron.
Otherwise, no.

This is my first day out of bed.

I have to move about, I am
told, yet rest when tired.

As I have stitches in my stomach,
all movement is painful.

Oh, I'm afraid there's nothing I
can do about that, Mr Reckitt.

I realise that, Matron.

I wonder, though, if you could
satisfy my curiosity on one point.

I will try. What is the
point, Mr Reckitt?

Why must I endure the extra pain
of getting into and out of bed

when I can rest
just as effectively

lying on top of the bedclothes?

I don't like to see
men lying about.

It makes the ward look untidy.

I see. It isn't a medical rule.

I don't see what that
has to do with it.

I'll explain, Matron.

If a doctor asks me to hang
by one arm from the ceiling,

wearing an aqualung, with
my birthday tattooed

on my left buttock in
shorthand, I'll do it.

He aims to cure me.

Your rule has nothing
to do with my cure.

Therefore, it has
no meaning in here.

- Mr Reckitt...
- Excuse me.

I wish to rest.

Sorry, Matron. I thought
your round was over.

I'm so sorry...

Sister, this ward is the slackest

in the hospital.
And the untidiest.

Oh, but Matron...

See that all the beds
are remade at once.

All the beds?

I think you heard
what I said, Sister.

Good morning.

Staff Nurse, this
ward's a disgrace.

You have no control
over the nurses.

But, Sister.

It's time we had a
little discipline.

- Remake all the beds.
- The beds?

Beds, beds, beds. Are you deaf?

B-E-D-S. Go and do
it at once. Now.

Yes, Sister.

Nurse Axwell. Nurse Axwell.

- Yes, Staff?
- Come here.

Get new bedclothes
for the whole ward.

Today?

Not tomorrow, not
Christmas, but today.

T-O-D-A-Y. Today.

Nurse Dawson.

- Nurse Dawson.
- Yes?

- Yes what?
- Yes, nurse.

Get you.

Oh, you're so rude,
you student nurses.

Come and help me get fresh linen.

But this isn't the day for...

One more word out of you and
I'll report you. Now come along.

Yes, nurse.

- Ooh.
- Oh, you clumsy great oaf.

- Well, look who's talking.
- Oh.

- Ah, good morning.
- Good morning.

- Got any fruit bars?
- No. I've got a sliced nut.

Come to the right place
to have it mended.

Oh, dear.

- Sit down, Mr York.
- Ah, hello.

I wanted to a...

- How am I doing?
- Both up slightly.

Any idea why?

You know, nursing training
is right out of date.

What do you mean?

Well, they should have
taught you that there

isn't always a medical
reason for a fast pulse.

- Hello, chaps.
- Mr Bell?

Ding-dong, you're not wrong.

This way, please.

Hello. Hello.

Get into bed, Mr Bell.

I say, nurse. I'm going to be in
and out of here inside a few days.

Surely I don't have
to go to bye-byes.

In.

Oh, what a bore.

Oh, well, you're the governor.

- What's the matter with him?
- Mrs Dale's Diary.

Tails.

You lose.

Every five minutes. He's
becoming impossible.

Well?

There's a big, annoying
lump in my bed.

There is. I mean, there is?

Where's that fellow Mick?

He's not allowed in
here, and you know it.

If Sister catches him putting on
bets for you, we'll all be sacked.

Get a telephone installed in
here and I can do it myself.

What do you think
this is, an hotel?

- Hey... Oliver?
- Mm?

I've been meaning to ask you.

Was it the anaesthetic,
or did I really see a

real nice girl come to
visit you the other night?

A girl.

Did I see a girl come to see you?

Yes.

Very nice too?

You're a lucky fella.

- What?
- I said you're a lucky bloke.

What on earth are
you talking about?

Oh, never mind.

Urgh.

It's very kind of you to show
me the way, Mr Stephens.

Oh, I like to make newcomers
feel thoroughly at home.

Thank you again.

We must have a drink
together tonight.

To celebrate your first case.

- Must we?
- But of course.

We've a lot to talk about.

- Such as?
- Why, surgery, of course.

You're too kind. And optimistic.

- I might botch the case.
- Oh, you won't.

Good luck.

Good afternoon, Dr Winn.

Good afternoon, Staff Nurse.
Mr Bell's arrived, I believe?

This way, Doctor.

- Good afternoon, Mr Bell.
- Good afternoon.

Hallux valgus. Straight
out of the book, nurse.

Yes, Doctor.

I'll operate tomorrow morning.

Nothing to eat for
you today, Mr Bell.

Of course not,
darling. Er... doctor.

Thank you, nurse.

- Wow.
- Ravishing.

She can take out
my drain any time.

Phwoar. She's all the
compensation I'd want.

Cor. How about a couple
of rounds with her?

Winner take all.

The sex-mad fools.

Anyone for water?

Hey, Mick. Where have you
been hiding Dr Winn?

Yeah, why wasn't we
done by her, then?

Oh, she's new and junior. Only
handling simple cases for a while.

What have you got, Mr Bell?

- A hallux valgus.
- Oh, a bunion.

Cor blimey. Do you mean
he gets her for a bunion?

Yes, Colonel?

Sorry to be a nuisance, my dear,
but my bandage has slipped.

That's all right.

Well, I ought to
know. It's flapping

about like a flag at half-mast.

- Any idea what won the 2:30?
- None at all.

What? I thought you were
interested in racing.

All I'm interested in
is getting you settled

so I can get on with
something more important.

- Oh, dear. Aren't I important?
- As a patient, yes.

As a congenital gambler, no.

My dear girl, your
values are all wrong.

It ought to be the
other way round.

- What, the bandage?
- No, no. You know what I mean.

- Where's Mick?
- He's busy.

He won't be too busy
to come and see me.

If he's any sense, he will.

- There. Is that better?
- Yes. Thank you very much indeed.

Oh, nurse, don't forget
about Mick, will you?

I love 'em.

There you are,
poppet. To celebrate

tomorrow, when it's all over.

Oh, Megsy, you're a darling.

- Anything else I can bring you?
- Only yourself, sweetie.

Every single day.

- How's my car?
- Oh, not to worry, darling.

I took it in for
servicing and it'll be

all ready in time for
our little trip.

I booked secluded little
hotels all along our route.

- Separate rooms, of course.
- Oh, just think of it.

A whole week together in
er... separate rooms.

Oh, wacko.

Starting one week from now.

You're sure your silly old
bunion will be settled by then?

Megsy, darling, everything
will be settled by then.

Oh, Jack.

Hey, Janey, I wonder
if he'll forget me.

Of course not.

Oh, I don't know.
Kids do, you know.

- I heard of a case once.
- Not in these few days, silly.

- Is there anything you want?
- Yeah. Pickled red cabbage.

I don't know if you'd be allowed.

Of course I would.

My hand's got nothing to
do with my belly, has it?

Well, I'll ask the sister anyway.

Oh, don't go now.

I have to, darling. I've left
the baby with Mrs Williams.

Oh, yeah. Oh, well.

Give him a kiss from me, will you?

See you tomorrow.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

- Expecting her, Oliver?
- Of course not.

I've got far more important things
to worry about than entanglements.

It's so sensible having afternoon
visiting on half-day closing.

Mind you, I expect I could
get away from work anyway.

Rhoda, my dear, keep
your voice down, dear.

No need to let everyone
know you go to work.

Oh, really, Henry.
If I didn't know you

better, sometimes I'd
think you were a snob.

I really would.

You're sure you asked for
something to make you sleep?

Yes, love. Gonna have it tonight.

Senacol, or Sinacol, or something.

Oh, that's a relief.

I'd rather have a pint
of old and mild. I

told 'em too, but they
don't know anything.

- Oh, Bert.
- Well, they don't.

Miss Thompson. I was
just thinking about you.

Oh, were you?

I've been thinking
about you constantly.

Miss Thom... Jill,
tell me something.

I've been thinking of you too.

Ever since you came
to our house. But

Harry said you'd
no time for girls.

Your brother will be a
marvellous doctor someday,

but he knows very little
about the human heart.

- Oh, Oliver.
- Jill.

- I brought you some nougat.
- Nougat?

- Don't you like it?
- I love it.

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

We like the same things.

Oh, I hate to go. There's
so much I want to say.

Visit me again,
every day. Promise?

Promise.

- Jill.
- Oliver.

I told ya. She's stuck on ya.

Come in.

Nurse Nightingale
reporting, Staff.

I've been sent here
by Night Sister.

Oh, yes.

We have to special a
patient. Mr Mayhew.

Have you worked on a
surgical ward before?

No, Staff.

I'm on first-year
nights. I've only

been on Women's Medical so far.

Come with me.

Now, listen. This is a
gastrectomy patient.

He's lost a lot of blood and
he's having a blood transfusion.

While he's unconscious,
all you have to do

is see that the needle
doesn't come out.

- Yes, Staff.
- And don't leave him.

If there's anything
you want to know,

if you're in any sort of doubt,

just press that button and Nurse
James or I will be along.

I understand. Leave
it to me, Staff.

I thought you'd like some tea.
This is a very boring job.

Thanks, nurse.

Staff...

he's dead.

Stand by. It's going to
be that sort of a night.

Nurse.

I think I feel sick.

Hold it.

Now, sit up.

Staff, he opened his eyes.

Really?

Yes, opened and closed
them. Just like this.

Very interesting. If it
happens again, just call me.

- I'd like to see that.
- You would?

Oh, really.

What can you expect, eating
filthy stuff like this?

It wasn't that. It was that
compost heap we had for supper.

- I shall write to my MP.
- You do that.

Do you feel better now?

When are we going to get a new
sluice, Staff? That old thing...

Never mind about the sluice.
Go and have a look at Mr Able.

He's on Sinacol. One
never knows how

it's going to take some people.

I thought it only affected
old men peculiarly.

Well, in here, they age fast.

Mr Able.

Are you feeling all
right, Mr Able?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I'm going for a swim.

Oh, no, you settle down.
Get back into bed.

No, you settle down.

- Now where's the sea?
- Argh.

Ho, ho, ho, ho. Take
that. That's right.

Impertinence.

- What the devil's going on?
- Nothing.

- Mr Able.
- Get your clothes off, girl.

You can't swim with your
clothes on. Come along now.

Look. Look. Look.

Look there. A mermaid.

Ha-ha.

Look out, he's coming back.

Streamers.

Streamers.

Streamers.

Streamers. Streamers.

What the blue blazes is going on?

Nothing, Colonel.

Nothing, indeed. I'll jolly
well go and find out.

Ow.

Ooh, lovely, girls.

My leg. My flaming leg.

- No. No.
- Allow me, nurse, please.

- Mr Bishop.
- It's all right, I used my left.

What about my perishing leg?

- Are you all right?
- Yes, thank you.

Look, I hope I haven't hurt him.

- Go back to bed, Mr Bishop.
- Ok.

Nurse, call the houseman
to look at Mr Able's jaw.

Colonel, will you go
back to bed this minute.

I haven't had time
to lay the odds.

Now, then, Mr Hickson.
What's happened to you?

Nothing, nurse. I
always sleep like this.

I'll soon get you that meal.

He's fine. He'd like
some steak and chips.

You can have a little sterile
water... for breakfast.

Now, lie still and don't let
that needle slip. Understand?

Yes, nurse.

Come out of here now.

See that man over there
without any trousers?

Oh, yes.

Well, get some on him
and put him to bed.

Yes, Staff.

Fingers in ears.

- This is ridi... culous.
- Drink.

- I've done it, Staff.
- Good.

Take over here.

- Fingers in ears, please.
- I can't.

Come on, now.

I think I'm going
to be sick again.

- Is Mr Able's jaw broken?
- I hope not.

You said it was going to
be that kind of a night.

Excuse me. Oh, he's perfectly all
right, Staff. Just a drop or two.

Oh, good show.

- Argh.
- The daft old sluice.

Oh.

It's different from the one
in Women's Medical, Staff.

Wetter, would you
say? Go and change.

I can't, Staff.

I can't see to get
to the nurses' home.

My spectacles have
gone down the sluice.

Nurse, will you take Nurse
Nightingale to the nurses' home?

Yes, Staff.

Thank you.

Now, when do I have my injection?

Just as soon as they tell
me to give it to you.

Oh, the waiting. The
uncertainty. The starvation.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, don't be such a baby.

Your op's nothing to worry about.

My only worry is I won't get it.

Supposing I lose another day. Oh,
Jiminy, what a flaming muddle.

Ah, Mr Bell. Back
into bed at once.

You're on this afternoon's list.

Sister. I could kiss you.

Ho-ho.

- Mr Bell.
- Ding-dong, carry on.

I say, fellows. What do you know?

Tonight, they're talking about the

Health Service in
At Home And Abroad.

Oh, I say. What jolly fun.

Isn't it, Percival?
And guess what?

Last year, the whole thing
cost 585 million pounds.

Get out of it. I don't believe it.

The man just said so.

I tell you, it's impossible.

Ask him again.

I say, would you mind
repeating that...

You know, I nearly did.

Nurse. Oh, you haven't injected
Mr Bell. Thank goodness.

He can't be operated
on today. We have

eight emergencies
coming. Road smash.

Eight? That makes my
bunion look a bit silly.

Oh, you'd better put
your pyjamas back on.

Yes.

Well, no. I say, nurse,
can't they squeeze

me in? I've simply got
to be done today.

I'm surprised at you. I didn't
think you'd be so selfish.

Selfish? If you knew what
depended... Oh, by Jiminy.

Look, I've got a whole schedule.
The bunion can wait. I can't.

I'm going to discharge
myself. Ooh.

But you can't do that. If
anything happens to you...

- What could happen from a bunion?
- You never know.

An article in the
Nursing Mirror...

I don't want to hear.

Well, don't do anything
hasty. You think about it.

I say, nurse... could I
have something to eat?

Where do you think
you're going, Mr York?

America?

I'm applying for a job.
What's your problem?

Oh, I er... I want the bath.

Suppose you fall with the drain in

you. No, Mr York.
Back to bed, please.

But it's been six days now. I've
been picked up twice by radar.

Please let me have a
bath. I'll be careful.

Nurse Dawson.

America, that's...

Yes, Staff?

See that Mr York doesn't
fall over in the bath.

Look, I don't think I...

Not undressed yet?

I think I'll just
have a good wash.

If Staff says you're to have
a bath, you have a bath.

- Look, I...
- Oh, you baby.

- Shall I help you get undressed?
- No.

Oh, come along, come
along. We haven't all day.

Well?

Right?

To think I called you a baby.

For the first time in my life, I
can't think of anything to say.

Neither can I.

- Wonderful, isn't it?
- Yes.

Darling, why can't
you be done tonight?

I told you, darling. The
theatres are in use.

They're not. I just
passed them both.

Ah.

So they finished the emergencies
earlier? Well, bully for them.

Look, it's only a bunion. I'm
going to discharge myself.

No, I told you, I won't allow
that. Your health comes first.

I'd never forgive myself if
anything happened to you.

Besides, I shouldn't
enjoy our little

trip one little bit for the worry.

Now promise me.

Oh, all right, darling.

It's only one day, I
suppose. I'm being

done tomorrow. And
being starved today.

Oh, Megsy, darling.
Give me a bite.

Jack, whatever's come over you?

I'm just hungry, that's all.

Why, what's the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with
me, Jack. I'm all right.

Tell me. Are you serious
about going to America?

Is that really your
concern, Mr York?

Yes.

Let me warn you. Hospitals have
a strange effect on most men.

They imagine... well, they think
they're in love with the nurses.

It happens every
week to every nurse.

I don't think it's imagination.

You do.

We'll have to find
out who's right.

Before you go to America.

Right now, I'm going back inside.
I think you ought to do the same.

- Hello, what have you got there?
- What? Oh.

Hey, help me and the boys kill
these. I'm just in the mood.

It's no good, I've
simply got to dance.

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la ♪

Oh, shut up and sit down.

Do you want Sister to catch us?

Clumsy beast. Might
have broken my arm off.

I could have set it
for you, Mr Hinton.

It's easy.

All in this book.

Wakefield's Practical
Surgery. Fascinating.

That book. What's it
say about bunions?

Page 275.

It's as easy as winking.

Do-it-yourself surgery.

Easy as drinking. Winking.

Do mine.

What? Who? Me?

Well, you said you could do it.

I'm a nucl... A nu...

I'm not a doctor.

Look, it's all science.
You've got a book.

Surely a man of your
brains could knock off

a little elementary
thing like a bunion?

Well, supposing I did.

What would you tell the hospital
people, with your bunion gone?

Well, I'd just say it disappeared
in the middle of the night.

Pftt. Just like that.

They'd write you up in the Lancet.

I don't care if they stick me on
the cover of the Police Gazette,

so long as I get my
snogging in as planned.

But this loud-mouthed
windbag won't help me.

He drinks my bubbly, oh, yes,
but he won't remove my bunion.

How could I? What about
an operating theatre?

Both theatres are free.

All right. I'll try.

Oh, dear.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Hello, Mick, we're just
having a little party.

Well, make the most of it.

- Why? Is something up?
- Only Matron's blood pressure.

After last night's little riot.

Well, tonight she's posting
a nurse to sit in the ward.

All night.

Just to keep an eye on you lot.

- Good night.
- Good night, Mick.

Well, what a pity.

We won't be able to do it now.

Got to stay in the ward.

Wait a minute. Now listen, boys.

Strategy. Now, if
there's one thing I

did learn in the
ring, it's strategy.

How to turn a disadvantage
to your advantage.

Well, you're not in the
ring now, so shut up.

Oh, please. Do you mind, Oliver?

Now look. Gather round, lads.

You too, doc. Come over here.
Come on, come on, come on.

Now look, here's what
we do. This nurse

could be our strategic
opportunity.

- Nurse?
- Er... sir.

Right, wash his feet with ether
soap. That's the green liquid.

Now listen, chaps.

Antiseptic liquid soap,
green. There it is.

No, I wasn't serious. It
was only the champagne.

- No, really.
- Get on there.

This is the stuff. It's
all nicely labelled.

Very efficient in these
hospitals, aren't they?

- Oh, it's... it's freezing.
- And so it should be.

Ooh, it's freezing my foot off.

Wouldn't have to worry
about the bunion then.

Stop larking about, Bernie.

And go and get me some antiseptic.

Antiseptic, right.

It says here you should apply
it with a swab and forceps.

We don't have time for
all the trimmings.

- Such as an anaesthetic.
- Now look.

I don't want to go on with
this. I must have been mad.

When everything's going so well?

Don't be so ungrateful.

After all the trouble we've taken?

Antiseptic.

Ah, right. There
we are. That's it.

That should do. Now, what's next?

- Er... 5cc pentathol.
- Intravenous injection.

I wonder where they
keep the intravenous.

Now wait a minute.

Do you want this operation or not?

I don't want any of you
practising darts on me.

But you must have an anaesthetic.

There's always this.

Gas. I don't mind gas.

Ah. Gas. Mm, that's
the Boyle's machine.

But he's got a bunion.

The Boyle's machine.
Over there. It's

full of nitrous
oxide or something.

Wheel that in and get it flowing.

Right.

Right, now what do we need?

- It's like making a cake, innit?
- Shut up.

Esmarch's bandages. They're made
of rubber. Three inches wide.

We wrap them tightly round
his leg, like a tourniquet.

You two get those. And
put on masks and gowns.

Right. It's exciting, innit?

Won't be long now.

Hello? Frying tonight.

Not you, you idiot. Him.

Look, I don't think I
will have gas after all.

Cor blimey.

They've gone and done it,
like they said they would.

Nu...

Mr Hinton.

Humphrey.

Mr Hinton.

Mr Hinton.

Right, now start unwinding
from the foot, but

leave a bit of bandage
at the top of the leg.

Now I need a scalpel to cut
the surface of the skin.

Two small artery forceps...

Oh, big 'uns. Make it big 'uns.

Nothing but the
biggest and the best.

An osteotome. It looks like a
chisel but it has two sharp sides.

Two? Oh, good.

A fine saw. A needle and cat gut.

That's right, sew a button on it.

Better give him some more gas. We

can't have him
giggling all through.

- Most distracting.
- I agree.

- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.

Let's get the knives.

Mr Hinton. Wake up.

Wake up, please.

Yeah.

These'll do.

What's the matter with you lot?

I've got a bunion.

I've got the giggles.

Stop mucking about.

I don't know what's got into you.

Yes, I do.

- You careless cruiserweight, you.
- Lightweight.

I thought so. You
let this thing run.

Hold... Hold this over his
mouth... and I'll start cutting.

Say, Oliver, what happens
if anything goes wrong?

We'll have to amputate your leg.

Humphrey.

This... This is
Percival calling you.

I'm sorry, mates.

No. No, stop it. You're tickling.

I thought you were asleep.

Here, hold him, for
goodness' sake.

Nurse? Asleep on duty?

Argh.

Oh.

Mr Hinton, what is
the meaning of this?

- Thank you, Staff.
- What happened?

They all went to the
operating theatre.

To the...?

Nurse. Please let me explain.

Mr Hinton, please give me
back my uniform. Mr Hinton.

Ooh. Ooh, no.

Elevate the capsule...

and the... periosteum.

Well, where is his peri... peri...

No, he's made all wrong.

Gentlemen... he hasn't got one.

He must have.

All right, there's the diagram,

you find his pendi... his peri...

pe... you...

Can't find his periscope.

- Swabs.
- Nurse.

Yes, Staff. Beg pardon.

Silly me.

Will somebody give me a bottle?

Well, if it doesn't happen today,
I don't know what I'll do.

All my arrangements are
already up the spout.

- It's frustrating, you know.
- Yes. I can imagine.

I hope you don't mind my burdening
you with my troubles like this.

No, not at all.

Besides, looks like they're over.

Ah, Mr Bell. Time
for your injection.

At last.

Oh.

That's the best news I've ever...

- What was that?
- What? What was what?

- You sneezed. You've got a cold.
- Quite so.

Well, you can't have an
operation with a cold.

Don't be ridiculous.

I haven't got a cold on my bunion.

Come along inside.

- I've never heard anything so...
- .in my...

- Nurse. Nurse.
- Yes, Sister.

Get Mr Bell into the
side ward immediately.

No, Sister. Nurse,
no, please, please.

I'm all right. Please let me
have my operation. Please.

Don't infect all the other
patients. Go with nurse at once.

But you don't
understand, Sister. I

must have it today. I simply must.

It's nothing, nurse. I'm
perfectly all right.

- Now come along. Hurry up.
- I haven't got a cold.

- I'm perfectly all right. I'm...
- In you go.

Oh, Megsy, Jack's not all right.

Come in.

Now what?

Oh, dear. Sounds as if
you don't love me today.

I don't. You're a
naughty old buzzer.

Now come along,
Colonel, what is it?

Give that to Mick for
me, would you, please?

- More horses?
- More horses, my girl.

All right. Just this once.

But if Sister found out...

Surely she'd forgive a
student nurse, wouldn't she?

- Fat chance.
- Really?

Perhaps she ought to be
reminded of your status, then.

Is there anything else, Colonel?

Let me... Oh, yes, dear.
I'm awfully sorry.

I dropped my cigars down
there. Would you mind?

Oh.

Colonel.

Sorry, dear. I never
could resist it.

- Well, goodbye, everybody.
- Goodbye, Ollie.

Goodbye, Mr Reckitt. Sure
you've got everything?

Quite sure. Thank you, nurse.

Staff Nurse.

Oh, Staff Nurse, I forgot
to give Mr York his

final certificate. I think
you'll just catch him.

Surely it could be posted, Sister.

You run after him.

Yes, Sister.

Mr York.

If I have a date
tonight, the name's Ted.

Ted.

Hurry up, nurse.

There are other things
for you to do, you know.

Yes, Sister.

Nurse Dawson.

Goodbye, Bernie.

Jeremy.

- Hello, darling.
- Hello, love.

- Hello, son.
- Hello.

- Do you remember me?
- Mm.

- Do you? Got a present for me?
- Mm.

Come on, then. Give it to me.

Oh. Ooh, what a punch.

Come on, give me a
kiss. That's lovely.

- Hello, darling.
- Hello, love.

Come on, now.

Who taught him that, then? You?

Right. Now.

Come in.

- Hello, hello, hello.
- Hello, Colonel.

To what do I owe the
honour of this visit?

You're going back into
the ward tomorrow.

That's right.

We have to carry out
just one final test.

- It'll only take a few minutes.
- That's all right.

Hey, what goes on?

We're getting our own
back on the old boy.

Oh, he's a sport.

By the time we're through
with him, he'll need to be.

- How fortunate I met you, Matron.
- Matron.

I have a lot to do. I must
get through my rounds early.

I'm afraid everything
won't be quite ready.

All right.

I do hope our troublesome colonel
won't delay me too long today.

Come in.

Good...

Colonel. Whatever's going on?

Come, come, Matron.
Surely you've seen

a temperature taken
like this before?

Oh. Yes, Colonel. Many times.

But never... with a daffodil.