CarousHELL 2 (2021) - full transcript

- Pop goes the Nazi.

- He's escaped, Fraulein Braunsteiner.

- Was anyone left standing?

No, Hauptsturmfuhrer,
he killed them all.

He could not be stopped.

- Damn Gestapo, they are useless.

I don't understand why
Himmler keeps putting them

where they don't belong.

What did you do to me?

- What are we going to do?

We are going to leave Germany.



I don't believe our
creations can change the tide

of this war fast enough.

We'll escape and continue our research.

I meant, what are we going
to do about the carousel horse

who's hellbent on killing, us.

Carousel unicorn. You
worry too much, Otto.

You know what happened
to the other experiments.

- There you are, you damn kraut.

- He is still cooking, like the others.

He won't wake up now
unless we finish the incantation,

or if he ever finds the
willpower to do so on his own,

years from now.

- Why could you not control him?

- Perhaps it was his background.



So stubborn.

I should rip the soul
right back out of you now.

But the war has come to our home.

Let the gangsters and
cowboys find him and the others.

If they have any intelligence,

they'll hide him away forever.

I can stay behind, destroy
whatever research I can.

- Don't be stupid, Otto.

My success took much
more than they'll find

in one of my journals.

- I could help by at least destroy-

No, Otto. I need you
here with me, by my side.

I trust your hands, your mind.

I will keep you alive
until I decide you can die.

Do you understand?

- Yes, Ilsa.

Sweet land of liberty.

What the hell is all of this?

We need to get this
stuff to the brains ASAP.

- Oh man.

I swear I'm usually good
about opening my own door.

Come on in Elsa.

It's Ilsa.

- Oh, sorry.

- It's all right.

It's been happening a lot
more these last two years.

Yeah, that's gotta be super
annoying, people are calling-

So are you going to talk
or do you want to have sex?

- I choose option two.

- This is really nice.

I'm glad that I decided
to talk to a stranger

about My Tiny Uni at a bar.

- You're shivering. Your heart is racing.

Some might find it hard
to submit to a woman.

Miss, that is the only thing
that's not hard right now.

That's good. I need you
aroused for this to work.

Are you ready for me to
suck the soul out of you?

That's the kind of communication
we're always asking for.

Just be direct about what you want.

Why are people always so
oven mitts about this topic?

I mean, we're all adults.

It's just kinda silly.

- Now I'm ready to come for you, Duke.

I'm Duke, the prettiest
goddamn unicorn in the world.

And if you disagree,

I swear I will murder the shit outta you.

I used to be stuck on a carousel,

letting brats climb on
my back day after day.

But a few years ago,

I finally woke up and broke
free of that spinning prison.

I got my revenge on the
last kid that fucked with me

and took out everyone in my way.

I've been enjoying my
freedom the past few years,

been traveling, seeing
people, meeting people,

killing people, it's been great.

But you can't escape from your past.

It's always behind you, chasing after you.

It never goes away.

There is a lot to my past.

A lotta parts I don't like talking about,

but I can't run from it anymore.

Someone from my past has
finally found me, tracked me down.

I have no choice. I
need to face this head-on.

I owe them this much,
and they're expecting me.

Dad!

- Thank you for the coffee, Mrs.-

- Miss, Ms. Laurence.

I'm sure that speaking
to me is very odd for you.

I've been raising a humanoid
unicorn for several years.

I've been forced to
become more, open-minded.

Mom already told me I was
adopted, which I kinda figured,

but she's still my mom.

I love you so much, Mom.

- I love you back, Robbie.

- Robbie is his name?

- Robert was my grandfather's name.

My husband named my
other children, and uh,

after I lost them, I
don't know, it felt right.

- I think Robbie is a great name.

Thanks Dad. Duke is
a super cool name too.

- So how did you find me?

Well, when I found Robbie
at my business appointment

with his late mother,

I sorta realized he had a unique father.

The first few years was
just taking care of Robbie,

raising him.

He's always been such a sweet boy.

But then he started asking
me questions about his dad.

And fortunately, it
wasn't difficult to notice

all of the sightings in the news

of a moving, talking unicorn.

I sort of figured that it would've been

too much of a coincidence for there to be

two living unicorns in the country.

Low-profile isn't
really in my vocabulary.

- I see you're always in the same town

when a bunch of horrible murders happen.

Are you tracking down
another one of your kind?

The one that killed your girlfriend?

- Yes, that is exactly what I'm doing.

I won't rest until I
find that other monster

that took Sarah from me.

- What's murder?

Oh uh, it's just a bad
thing. Don't worry about it.

But Duke, we really didn't have any idea

of how to reach out to you.

All I could think of was
cheeping out to you.

Why does everyone say
Cheep? Is it a copyright thing?

- I'm glad you had an account.

- Well, I kept hearing about it,

and it seemed like a good
way to connect with people.

It's a good thing I did. I
didn't even know I had son.

I'm sure that was big
news. How did you react?

- Well.

I was overjoyed.

- I remember finding Robbie.

He lept right into my
arms and wouldn't let go.

It was the same night
that I uh, that I found out.

It felt like fate.

We were both alone. We
both needed each other.

- I don't know what to say.

Well, would you like to
see some baby pictures?

I understand science
is slow, but you, Otto,

you take years to do
things that should take days.

- Shut up Katrina.

You know we can only make the serum once

when Ilsa has absorbed a soul.

I have to make sure
that the base is correct.

- For making it as often as you do,

you are not very good
at keeping us immortal.

You idiot, we are not immortal,

we just do not age.

- When I watch you do that, I age so much,

I feel myself rot.

- Why are you in such a hurry?

- I met a young man on Aryan Mingle.

Is there anything you
do not use the internet for?

- No, there is not.

I thought of all of us,

you would be the one to
appreciate modern technology.

- I'm back from my spy mission.

- Ilsa has not given you a spy mission.

She only told you to keep busy.

Look at little science man,
jealous of my undercover work?

While you're hiding away in here,

I'm risking my life to make
sure we have our ears

in the streets.

Nobody would suspect an
American hotdog salesman

of being a loyal Nazi.

- Why not sell bratwurst?

Are you fucking insane?
Why don't we just give it away?

I don't think anyone
will know we are Nazis

because of you selling better food.

- Better food?

I have poured my heart and
soul into this hotdog stand.

I only use the highest quality hotdogs.

Oh!

The best hot dog is
an insult to bratwurst.

- You bastard.

How dare you insult my dream of becoming

an American hotdog salesman.

You're in too deep,
Klaus. You're in too deep.

I can't believe you're even
in my country, you damn Nazi.

- Brother! Remember who you are.

- I'm,

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I get too absorbed
in my undercover work.

It just uh, gets away from me.

I can't remember where Tom
the hotdog salesman ends,

and Klaus begins.

But, then I remember. I'm a
100-year-old Nazi vampire.

- And proud Nazi vampire.

You are not vampires.

- Fraulein.

- Why did I choose two idiots like you?

- Ah, we were the only ones still alive.

That's right. We were
literally the only choices.

The eternity
is turning out to be hell.

I did not expect you
to be awake so soon.

You usually need more rest
after completing the soul ritual.

I couldn't sleep
because of their stupidity.

Is the base ready?

- I believe so, but, like always,

I am only following your instructions.

It is you who has the
insight into the old ones, not I.

You don't give yourself
enough credit, Otto.

You've been doing this for years now.

You were right by my side

when we made all
those invincible soldiers.

You committed the
same atrocities as I did.

- Yah Ilsa, I remember well.

- Refresh your spirits, troops.

Our reward for being cherished
Nazi soldiers, immortality.

- You are both useless.

- Hey, we've done stuff.

- Mostly me.

- Mostly Katrina.

Yah, I'll admit, Katrina
helped us locate and reaquire

several of our assets.

- So she got lucky a few times?

It is ridiculous how much
she is always on her phone.

- Hey, information's my scene.

- Your face is always in that screen,

on, on your chat rooms,

acting like you're such a
big shot with your fan clubs.

- You're just jealous.

I would not be jealous of
anyone who looks up to Katrina.

- Quiet.

We may have been able to
reacquire several of our creations,

but we still haven't met the
reason we came to this country

in the first place.

Revenge.

- Duke.

- Yeah, the unicorn,

the one we created as our alpha soldier,

the one who betrayed us.

He's been a very busy
Mustang the past few years.

I would say we're very proud of him.

I think he would have
done very well in the war.

But we're always chasing
him. We can't catch up.

- Um, hey so, I found where he is.

- That's convenient timing.

- You found him?

Well, I always follow
his profile on Chirper.

He never says where he
is, but uh, this time he did.

He says he is on his way.

- A child?

There is a half-breed?
How is that possible?

Did you know these
things could have children?

- Nein, which seems very important.

I want that child. We
could learn a lot from him.

- And Duke?

- Either he comes back under my control

with the rest of his fellow puppets,

or I will destroy his soul myself.

Gather your things, we will move today.

Here's little Robbie
with this first piece

of birthday cake.

Oh, his first Halloween.

Ooh, you look so scary, Robbie.

Here he is with his first
picture with Santa Claus.

He wasn't scared at all.

- Wow, that's amazing.

You know, I've always wanted
to get a picture with Santa.

- Mom, stop.

- Come on, Robbie.

I didn't get to see you
when you were this little.

I missed out on all of this.

Is it okay if we keep looking?

- Okay.

- Here he is in his sailor outfit.

He was so cute.

- You look like a strong little soldier.

- Were you ever a soldier?

- I think so.

- Of course, his first day at school.

Oh, I made you
something. I need to go find it.

- He's grown up so fast.

Literally, I mean, he's
matured so much faster

than my human kids did.

- I don't mean to get too personal,

but you've mentioned your children before.

Did you lose them?

- Yes.

Yes, they are no longer with us.

- I'm so sorry. What happened?

It's hard to talk about.
Laurie and Larry were my life.

They were a pain sometimes,

but they got that
from their father's side.

The same night I found Robbie

is when the authorities found them both.

- Wait, they were at that party? Oh.

Whatever monster got
your Sarah, got my kids too.

There's not a day that goes
by that I don't wish I knew

what horrible monster took
my children away from me,

so I could kill it myself.

If that thing was in
front of me right now,

I'd do whatever I could to tear it apart.

I'm sure you feel the same.

- Yes, I absolutely do.

Ooh, that thing, ooh I hate him so much

for killing by friends, like he did.

I couldn't stop him.

I wish I could've saved
your kids, but I couldn't.

I definitely could not.

- Larry was such a good boy.

You would've liked him.

- I'm sure I would have.

- So, there are others like you?

I am a bit fuzzy on that.
I know that I'm not alone.

I know for a fact that
there are others like me,

objects that are alive,

but I can't remember what
they are, or where we came from.

That must be hard, not
having a place to call home

or a family.

- I never really thought about that.

Never felt like I needed a family.

- Well, you have one now.

- I found it.

When I heard about you, I wanted to draw

what I thought you looked like.

I think I got really close.

- Wow. Robbie, this is amazing.

- Thanks, I spent a few more minutes on it

than I usually do when I draw.

- You've missed out on a lot with Robbie.

We have plenty of space.

You could stay here awhile,
live here, get to know your son.

- You'd do that for me?

After what I've done?

- Yes. And, done?

You didn't know about Robbie.

It's not your fault you weren't here.

Yes, that is exactly
what I was referencing.

- Wow, he can really stay?

We could hang out and have fun and talk.

Can you stay, Dad?

Yeah, I'm staying, son.
Your dad is here now.

- Yay!

♪ From even my earliest memories ♪

♪ I remember how much you loved me ♪

♪ Every time I was on your shoulders ♪

♪ You felt like you could push boulders ♪

♪ Hanging out to watch a film or ♪

♪ Listening to classic rock when ♪

♪ You taught me how great it could be ♪

♪ To just open up and sing ♪

♪ Honestly, how deep the
sea and the high the sky ♪

♪ That is just how much
you mean to me and in ♪

Sweet Jesus. Oh, I
need to see the park manager.

You would not believe
the sorts of families

that are coming here this summer, huh.

- Hey Robbie, here's a couple of dollars.

Could you go get you and
your old man a couple of sodas.

- Okay.

♪ All of my hopes and dreams are in you ♪

♪ Honestly how deep
the sea and high the sky ♪

♪ That is just how much you mean to me ♪

♪ And until my dying
day, I'll say the same ♪

♪ That is just how much it
means to be daddy and me ♪

- Hey Robbie, I got you something.

- Dad, you already get me too much.

Maybe, but I missed out
on spoiling you for years.

Just don't get spoiled rotten.

- I won't.

That's so you can always
glance down at that watch

and remember how much I love you.

I never had much in life
before you, I always lived fast.

You made me slow down in a good way.

You mean more to me than anything.

- This is so cool.

I won't take it off ever.

All right, sport. Let's
get you comfortable.

- Dad, it's been so cool having you here.

- It's been so cool being here, Robbie.

- Can you leave my nightlight on?

- Been having those bad dreams again?

- Yeah.

- You know, son, it's okay to get scared

when you have those, but
don't forget, they aren't real.

Dreams are just your
brain trying to have fun

when it's asleep.

It's picking pieces of things you know

to make a little movie.

Just sometimes it picks bad pieces.

- Like, stuff I remember?

- Sometimes.

Sometimes it's memories
of what you've done

or who you've known.

Sometimes it's movies
you've seen, or actors.

Sometimes it accidentally
picks scary things,

but you'll always wake
up and be safe with me.

- Do you ever have bad dreams, Dad?

- Sometimes, yeah.

But I have to stay tough to
keep you safe from yours.

Get some sleep, Robbie.

- I love you, Dad.

- I love you too, Robbie.

Now go to sleep. We're
going to the park tomorrow.

A fighter. He will be
perfect for the project.

- We can't keep doing this.

We are condemning these
people to a hell no one deserves.

- Do not step out of line again, Otto.

I can share this hell
with you and your family.

I own you. Do as I say.

- Yes, Fraulein.

- Now.
- I'm sorry.

Duke. I've heard your
friends call you Duke.

Duke, you will be given a gift.

You will be unstoppable.

Want you to help create a world

in which the Third Reich lives forever.

Look, the fuhrer himself chose the bodies

that will lead his unholy creations.

- That's my favorite unicorn, Mommy.

One day, I'll use dark
magic and make that unicorn

the strongest soldier in the whole world.

- Of course you will, young Adolf Hitler.

Of course you will.

Wowee, a real mind
shaft that could accidentally

kill a man if he fell in.

You're the best dad ever.

- I do what I can. What's next, buddy?

- I'm kind of hungry.

- Well, then let's see what we can find.

How 'bout we go to that
conveniently-placed hotdog salesman?

Two of your finest hotdogs, sir.

- Holy shit, Duke!

Hey man, my son is right
here, watch your language.

- Oh, your son is also here.

- Wait, how do you know my name?

- I uh, follow you on Chirper. Big fan.

- Oh, okay. Small world.

So, the two hot dogs?

- Yes, of course, two hotdogs.

That is what I do for a living, of course.

Name's Tom.

- Yeah. So my son wants mustard. I want-

I grew up in Wichita,
Kansas. Well, just outside of it.

My father had a beef farm.
Mom worked part time in the city.

Interesting. So, I want
relish, brown mustard, and-

- I went into the city a lot growing up.

And there was this kind, old man.

His name was, David,

but everyone knew him as Uncle Davy,

and he ran Uncle Davey's
Footlongs on South Broadway Street.

Whenever I felt sad,
or Dad was in the mood,

Mom would take me to Uncle Davey's.

They always made me feel so much better.

When I was 12 years
old, I knew that one day

I wanted to grow up to sell hot dogs

and make other folks full and happy.

That is a lot of
information I did not ask for.

Just wanted you to know that
I am Tom's hotdog salesman,

and not someone else in disguise.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Relish, brown mustard,
and onions on mine.

Mustard for my son.

- Yes, sir.

- What the hell?

- They're here.

We know they're here,
that's why we are here.

- No, I saw Duke. I spoke to Duke.

- You found him?

- They just bought hot dogs from me.

- Your business is a success.

- I know. I'm so excited, sister.

- So, so he isn't hiding?

He's just galloping around
through the daylight?

Well then that means
we can just take Duke.

We don't need to involve the child at all.

- Don't be an idiot, Otto.

Duke is too powerful for us to take

with just the four of us.

If we take his child, he will come to us.

But how?

- Obviously, Klaus is the man for the job.

- Yeah. I can go undercover again.

- He has already seen your face.

- Klaus is a master of disguise.

- I swear, they'll have no idea it is me.

I'll change the way I walk, talk.

They'll have no idea it is me.

I can easily fall back into a disguise.

I can order you whatever
you need from the internet,

and make you a whole new person.

You are confident you
can capture this halfbreed?

- It may not work the first time,

but, I am confident that yes,
I can bring the child to you.

- Fine, but do not disappoint me, Klaus.

- Balloons, come get your balloons.

- Oh wow, Dad, balloons.

- Well hello there little boy.

I'm just your friendly neighborhood
balloon salesman, Steve.

- Why do you have a mullet?

- Why do you not?

- Well, fair rebuttal.

- Could I please have a balloon, Dad.

- Sure, buddy, that's fine by me.

How much for a balloon?

- 75 cents for a bundle of them.

- That's so cheap.

Well, I grew up in
Wheeling, West Virginia.

- Oh, no.

- I grew up with a circus family.

Almost all of my relatives were clowns.

Whenever there was a circus in town,

I was in charge of
filling up the balloons.

Whenever Uncle Paul
would hand out balloons

or make balloon animals,
I always saw the smile

on the other kids' faces.

So I'm sure you're wondering,

"Steve, why didn't you become a clown?"

- I am not wondering that at all.

I only wanna buy balloons.

- Well, a lotta people don't realize

how difficult clown college is.

I sure did try, as any American
child born in America would,

but I could not get past the juggling.

But I always remember
those balloon memories.

So that's when I realized,

"Steve, why not become
a balloon salesman?"

Skip all of the clowning parts.

That way, I can sell my balloons cheap

and make kids as happy as possible.

Why the hell do people
keep shouting their life story

at me?

Just take your damn money
and give me some balloons.

Do you have change for a dollar?

- Right away, sir.

And here is your change.
All I have is pennies.

Oh goodness. I'm so sorry.

- What the hell is wrong with you?

Now the change is everywhere.

- That's absolutely my fault, sir.

I would help you pick them
up, but I have a terrible back.

Why don't you pick up all the pennies,

and I'll help your son with some balloons.

This is the most
inefficient balloon business

I've ever seen.

- Well, hello there. What is your name?

- I'm Robbie.

- What a great name.

Say, why don't we get a smile on your face

and some balloons in your hand.

Boy, thank you so
much. How many do I get?

Oh, you get a bunch.

And off you go.

Oh, boy.

Whoa, hey, hey, did you give him

all of the balloons?

That's way too many. Didn't
you see how dangerous that was?

Oh goodness, I, um, I
just saw the smile on his face

and I wanted to give him more.

You distracted me and
then tried to make my son

float away.

You aren't trying to kidnap my son

by using some ridiculous plan to float him

to some secret base are you?

- What?

No. That's ridiculous.

How would that even work?

How would the balloons know where to go?

You'd have to put a small GPS device

on every single balloon to track them

to know where they're going.

That would cost so much money.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Here, Robbie, just
keep a few. It's safer.

- Okay, Dad. Thanks again, I love them.

- Hey, you look kinda familiar.

Do I know you?

- What?

No, I mean, I'm sure you've
seen me around town somewhere,

but I've never met you before.

- All right. Have a good day.

- See you next time.

- Next time?

- Uh, just in case you want more balloons

as a returning customer.

- Oh, sure. Whatever.

- What do you wanna do now, Dad?

- I don't know. Let's go see a movie.

We'll ask your mom if she wants to come.

- Yeah. Hanging out with Mom and Dad.

- Scheisse.

- Dad, dad, dad.

Whoa-ho there, Slugger.
What's the emergency?

- Can I join Trail Buddies?

- What's that?

- Trail Buddies, it's where you go camping

and they teach you how
to do stuff like make fires

or look for food and stuff.

This was in the mail.

We could sign up for this weekend.

I hope they didn't use up
their entire budget on this ad.

- I want you to come too, Dad.

I wouldn't wanna try this without you.

- Hmm. Sure, why not?

Maybe I could even learn a thing or two.

- Oh boy. I'll get my things together.

Mom, Dad is taking me camping.

- I'm Buddy, and here's where the trail

can become your buddy too.

- Where's everyone else?

- Unfortunately, interest is pretty low.

Kids these days would
rather play video games

or be on their phones than
become one with nature.

- Still, this turnout seems ridiculous.

There has to be more kids into this,

if not parents forcing
their kids to do this.

How much advertising did you do?

- We made one flyer.

- We received the only flyer you made?

- Apparently.

We were hoping word of
mouth would help us out a lot.

Robbie, maybe I can just
take your camping myself.

- No, please. Trail Buddies is my dream.

I've been wanting to do this
ever since I was a little boy

in Lewisville, Texas.

- Aye, yah, not again.

- I love nature so much.

It was like heaven growing
up near the nature reserve

on Lewisville Lake.

I would always explore
the trails every day.

I knew those woods better than anybody.

But, when I tried joining,

I realized how much they
didn't support people like me.

Even as a kid, I was different,
and they didn't want me.

I went against their rules.

So, when I was 14, I
knew that I wanted to create

the Trail Buddies one day,

an all-inclusive organization
that allows all kids

to join and learn about this uh, stuff.

- This seems kinda fishy.

Way too many people have been telling me

their life story recently.

I think we should go.

- Dad?

Yes, Robbie?

- I'm different.

Maybe you are, but
that isn't a bad thing.

Everyone is different in some way.

- Can we stay?

- Yeah, we can.

Let's learn about the trees, I guess.

- Wunderbar!

Now let's have some good American fun.

- Right.

- Let's start with some knots.

- Ah yes, a skill every man needs.

- So that you can tie things to trucks?

Yes, that is the only
reason an adult man

ever needs to use rope.

- A man of certain culture, I see.

Maybe we can exchange some tips.

Oh uh, before that,

do you mind if your son practices on you?

- Sure. Robbie, come tie your dad up.

- Okay, Dad. Don't let me do it too tight.

I don't wanna hurt you by accident.

- So what knots are the first to go over

for a kid these days?

- First, they are all-important.

Spanish bowline, Portuguese bowline,

bowline on a bight,
angler's loop, munter hitch,

and of course, the
dreaded figure eight knot.

- Like this?

- Wow, Robbie, you are a talent.

- Thanks.

Mom already taught me a
lot of rope knots growing up.

- Your mother knows a lot about knots.

- Yeah, she said she learned it all

from her old dancing job.

I don't know what dancing has
to do with tying ropes though.

- Uh, Robbie, remind me to talk about this

with your mother later.

- Well, this is a bit unexpected.

Let us move on by starting a fire

and cooking in the wilderness.

After that, we can
start putting up the tents

and call it a night.

Robbie, do you want to come with me

so I can teach you what
to look for as firestarters?

Oh boy, playing with
fire with permission.

- Hey guys, don't leave me behind.

Don't worry, Duke. We'll
be back in just one moment.

- How'd I get roped into this situation?

Ah shit, nobody's around
to even appreciate my puns.

- So, I'm looking for wood?

- Not just wood,

you need to find small
things to get the fire going.

Leaves, twigs. You
need to look really close.

Why did you do that?

- You should have listened to your father,

you disgusting half-breed.

- Dad!

- They've been gone awhile.

Man, that guy looks familiar.

And wait, he knew my name.

How did he know my name?
I never told him my name.

Dad!

- Robbie?

Klause. No.

Robbie!

Robbie!

- So, this is a result of our creation

tainting a human body?

- Why does it look like this?

- Yeah, it is interesting.

What parts of him are human
and what parts are equine?

Unlike his father, he
has flesh. He can move.

Do you need to eat, child?

- I want to go home.

- Answer my questions when I ask them,

you disgusting half-breed.

- Ilsa is a powerful woman.

You will respect her, you parasite.

- No matter.

We have all the time in the world

to cut open and explore this freak.

- Please don't hurt me.

- Ah.

See that they have nerve endings.

I wonder how delicate they
are compared to a human.

- Ilsa, stop. He is only a child.

You have always
protested my actions, Otto.

I am surprised you still argue against me

when you've seen what I've done to others.

To you.

- Forgive me.

Oh, Otto, you know I make
you earn your forgiveness

every time you step out of line.

- Um, should we leave?

Yah. This is both sexually
tense and disturbing.

- Nein. Sometimes I like being watched.

What I meant to say was, if
we damage the child too much,

we will have no leverage over Duke.

Uh, he should be not
just bait, but, a shield.

Or, we could use him to
force Duke to surrender.

Hm, you always did have
a way of arguing your way

out of punishment, Otto.

But, I suppose you are correct.

We will wait until Duke is eliminated

before we cut this child open for science.

- There's only four of us.

- Your point?

I think what Klaus means
is, outside of using his son,

there are only four of us to
defend ourselves against Duke.

Yeah, I suppose we
could use more expendables,

in case Duke finds us sooner than planned.

Katrina, could you use your fan club

to round us up some bodies?

- Absolutely.

I can make an announcement
on my fan pages right now.

These kids these days, they worship us.

We are the real thing. They look up to us.

They will do anything you want them to do.

- Would they die for the cause?

They pay me to look
into a camera, essentially,

in uniform on my Only Fascist page.

They will jump at the
chance to be near me.

- They are good. Do it then.

Klaus, you did a good job today.

Feel free to take some time for yourself.

- Thank you, Ilsa.

- And Otto, since you're so feisty,

you can be the one to get us supplies.

Not only for Duke, but
also for the half-breed.

- At once.

- Please, don't hurt me.

- I'm the worst father in the world.

- Duke, you didn't know.

- I should have, Judy, I should have.

For Christ's sake, he
didn't even change his face.

He barely wore different clothing.

What the fuck am I going to do?

What are we going
to do? He's my son too.

You think I haven't been losing my mind

ever since you told me
that our son was kidnapped?

This is every mother's worst nightmare.

But worse, because apparently,

he was kidnapped by an actual Nazi.

- A literal Nazi.

- Who is this Klaus?

- That's the bitch, I don't even know.

I can't remember. I remember his name.

I remember he was a
Nazi back when I became,

whatever I am now.

I don't even know how he's alive.

I don't know why he took Robbie.

And I don't even know where he is.

I don't even know where to start.

- I'll call the police.

Do we need the cops involved
in a case of talking unicorns

and Nazis with 80-year grudges?

- Look, I'm not gonna pretend to know

what the best thing to do is right now.

But unless you've got a better idea,

a child is missing.

Our son is missing. That's
exactly why you call the police.

And, who knows?

Maybe if you give them
this guy's description,

they'll at least be able
to know what to look for.

- Oh, you're right. I'm sorry.

Judy, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm not good at this.

I'm sorry that I wasn't smarter.

I'm sorry that you're keeping
it together for my sake.

I know this is hurting you probably more

than it's hurting me.

- It is. My heart is in pieces.

But, because you can't
be strong right now,

I'll be strong for the both of us.

But you can bet your unicorn ass

that this'll break me down later,

and it will absolutely be
your turn to support me.

- You got a deal.

- Okay, I'll go make this call.

- That must be the Pete's Pizza

delivering the pretty pizza pie I ordered.

Covered in edible glitter
for only a dollar more.

Uh, it's so innovative.

No wonder they were voted
in the top 40 pizza places

in the county.

- It's been a long time, Duke.

I wanna murder you right
now, so I hope you've brought

your friends for me to play with too.

- I'm alone, I swear.

Just please, let me come
in and speak with you.

- You took my son.

- Yeah.

- You did this to me.

- I didn't want to.

Oh, what, you had no
choice? You were forced?

Last I checked, Nazis at your level

were pretty fucking volunteer.

- I worked for Ilsa Braunsteiner.

- Yeah, I remember that bitch.

- She, hurt me.

- What?

- She hurt me.

She hurt me.

Forced me to do things,
evil things, sexual things.

She took sick pleasure
in making me her toy,

in watching me lose my humanity

in the things that we did during the war.

In watching me lose myself,

as we took the lives
and the will from others.

Like we did to you.

I still fear her, even today.

- Why didn't you leave?

It was not just my
life I was afraid for.

My family, and the man that I love.

- The man?

Oh cowboy, I was not
considered pure by the Nazis.

Ilsa took pleasure in that too.

If I tried to leave, he would've been sent

to a far worse fate than I.

And these days, well, when
you're in an abusive relationship

long enough, your
sense of will just breaks.

But I'm no doctor of the mind.

- I didn't realize.

- You did, before you forgot who you were.

You used to be so kind to me,

learning things about to me.

It's why what we did to
you hurt so much more.

- Who was I?

I do not know exactly, but
you were an American soldier.

You were captured,
and put into the project.

The fuhrer was obsessed
with dark magic and the occult.

He wanted immortal soldiers,

souls transferred to invincible bodies.

Puppets, robots, toys,
there were so many objects.

Most of them were volunteers,
but obviously you were not.

- That explains my dreams.

I've had flashes of my
memory, but it's never been clear.

Is Duke my real name?

- Yeah, this much I know for sure.

Duke is what you were
called when you were a man.

So I'm not a Nazi. I
always wondered about that.

Duke, I'm here for
your son. Ilsa has him.

- Is he okay?

- He's alive. Ilsa won't kill him yet.

She's using him as bait.

I was able to convince
her that he is more valuable

this way, but it won't be for long.

The things that she'll do to him,

are something I never want to see again.

I was part of this, you
have every right to kill me

when this is over.

No matter how broken I am,

I should have been able
to do something to stop this.

I, I should've warned you
before things got this far.

I'm sorry.

You were broken by that
bitch, she took away your soul.

You're here now, you're
trying to make things right,

that's what matters.

I won't forget this or
what you're trying to do.

I have not been touched
with love in nearly a century.

When I could no longer see
Ben, you were there for me.

- What else do I not remember about us?

- Let me show you.

♪ Take me somewhere far away from here ♪

♪ From here ♪

♪ You got me in my feelings ♪

♪ Can't fight the way I feel ♪

♪ You got me in my feelings ♪

♪ Don't wanna make it real ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ I need you ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I miss you ♪

♪ I still miss you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

- Otto, I can't hold back anymore.

You're gonna, you're, oh, you're gonna

get this patriotic nut.
- Yah, yah, yah.

Give me that American orgasm.

U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A.

Thank you, Duke. I've missed that.

I'm sorry for being so selfish,

but I do not know if I will
make it till the end of the day.

I'm glad we did that, but
we need to save my son.

Can you take me to him?

- I know where he is.

If we leave now, they
won't be expecting us.

I think you should be
able to take them out

without risking your son.

- Then it's time for my final solution

for those Nazi pieces of shit.

- Duke, who is this man?

Someone forced to do
things he never wanted to do.

He's going to take me to Robbie.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm going to kill a bunch of Nazis,

and then I'm going to save our son.

Otto, let's storm this beach.

Actually, that was in Normandy.
There's no beaches here.

- Yes, I know there is no actual beach,

and I know where it actually was.

I was just trying to sound cool

because I'm leaving to go fight Nazis.

You know what? Nevermind, let's go.

- Got your pretty pizza pie.

- There is no time for pizza,

we must stop the hundred-year-old Nazis.

Fucking hate this job.

- This is who you could us?

- Look, the people who look up to us

are not exactly master race material.

- Master race?

These inbreds aren't
even in the top 10 races.

I know. Mm, but, Chad,
he is my top subscriber.

He bought this reward
to spend his day with me.

- You have rewards?

- Look, you wanted bodies.

Would you be upset if
any of these copycats died?

- They're good, Katrina.

Welcome.

By coming here today,

you are working with
the actual Third Reich.

We need only capture
and destroy one enemy.

But if you want successful,
I promise I will make true

all of your dreams you've
been waiting for all these years.

Not only will you be an official
member of the Nazi party,

but I will share with
you the gift of immortality

that we ourselves possess.

Are you ready to fight for the fatherland?

- I do not recognize him.

Ilsa must have recruited more
bodies to buy them some time.

Good, more evil
piece of shit Nazis to kill.

Haven't you killed a lot of
people since you have woken?

- Sure, yeah, I'm not a good person,

but I kill indiscriminately.

I'm sure I've killed
someone who was Jewish,

but I would never kill someone
because they're Jewish.

That's just way more sinister.

- An interesting line in the sand.

I respect it.

All right. Let's make these
fuckers dead to Reichs.

You stay back.

- Gladly.

- Perks of being a sugar daddy.

Looks like you're in the
Reich place at the wrong time.

Ain't no government police
gonna take away my right

to love you.

Mm.

Yeah, baby, we're gonna
take a picture of this.

Hold on. Huh? Yeah?

You need to fight
for your Reich to party.

- I love gun.

Oh.

- Sayonara, Nazi-san.

- Duke!

- You.

- You shouldn't be here yet.

How did you get inside?

- I guess I just found the Reich way in.

The first mistake you
made was becoming a Nazi.

The second mistake you made
was taking my son from me.

Well, I guess two wrongs do make a Reich.

- Klaus!

You killed my brother.

That's rich coming
from a literal fucking Nazi.

You don't get to be
upset when you get a taste

of what you've done to others, fuck you.

- I will kill you.

- You have the Reich to remain dead.

That was too loud. Ilsa
will know you are here.

I want her to know I'm
coming. Where is she?

- I will show you.

- Get away from him, you bitch.

- Good to see you again, Duke.

And Otto, I'm not surprised.

- I will no longer be your toy.

I am here for Duke and we
are going to save his son.

- Are you now?

What the fuck?

Oh, did he not explain?

I was the fuhrer's top
expert in the dark magics

he was so obsessed with.

I studied the old gods.

Their language, their
knowledge, their power.

It changed me.

And I used that to create you,

and your brothers and sisters.

I suppose that helps
explain all of the wizard shit

I can do.

That's why you were
such excellent weapons.

I was preparing to send
another one of my creations

after you, one to match you.

He already had you marked as a target

and was ready to take you in.

But then Otto did me the
favor of bringing you to me early.

- Robbie, you okay?

- Dad, you're here.

That's right, buddy. I'm
gonna get you outta here.

- Are you now?

You've goddamn
right I am, you cult cunt.

- Was I not clear?

I was the one that put your
soul into this very vessel.

I know how to attack your soul directly.

I will rip it back out of you.

- I'll fucking kill you.

- Dad?

- No, you won't.

It is obvious you will not fall in line

with the rest of my army
as we try to retake this world.

So while you are my
greatest accomplishment,

I cannot risk allowing you to live.

- You can't kill me.

- Oh, I can, and I will.

And then I'm going to have
some fun with your offspring.

- Leave my dad alone!

Interesting. You have
your father's dark magic.

You may be more useful to me alive.

I'll raise you, and make
you the greatest killer.

- I won't help someone as ugly as you.

- What did you say to me?

- You're shit.

- You rat.

- Robbie!

I knew that guy shouldn't
have sworn in front of you.

- Sorry. She made me really mad.

It's okay, buddy. I
won't tell your mother.

Let's get you home.

I'm sorry I let them take you.

- It's okay.

They were mean, and they
hurt me, but you came for me.

You saved me, Dad.

- I always will, buddy.

I talked to Robbie and Judy.

Ilsa showed me how dangerous
it is for Robbie to be with me

right now.

There may be others looking for me.

And if they're looking for me,

they'll be looking for Robbie.

- I'm gonna miss him, Mom.

I know, baby. This
is really hard for you.

But he's doing this to
make sure you stay safe.

- Will I see him again?

Your dad loves you
Robbie, of course he will.

He'll be back as soon as he takes care

of some very important business.

I got some answers
that I never thought I'd get,

but now I have more questions.

Who was I before this body?

If I wasn't a Nazi, who was Cowboy Cool?

How does he fit into this?

Is Ilsa the last Nazi I
have to worry about?

If they were getting
into magic, I doubt it.

And above all, she talked
about how there are more like me.

Except, they've already
been told to take me down.

Could I talk sense into them,
or are they all Nazis too?

I'd rather not be surprised by that,

so now I need to try to
track them down somehow,

get to them first, before
they get to me or Robbie.

The ride ain't over yet.

Guess the caroushell will keep spinning.

♪ You ride and run,
round and round it goes ♪

♪ Where will it stop ♪

♪ We all know♪

♪ You ride then run ♪

♪ Let's take a spin in my old ♪

♪ Catherine wheel ♪

♪ You've got something I want ♪

♪ So let's make a deal ♪

♪ This is my fantasy ♪

♪ Dark dreams come true ♪

- Going, you just keep going.

You don't stop, you never stop.

You don't stop. You never, ever stop.

You just keep killing and
nobody's stopping you.

Someone needs to stop you.

Nobody cares, nobody's
doing it, I didn't do something.

I couldn't get home in time.

He's dead, he's dead.

It's your fault, it's your fault.

You chose a poor weapon.

♪ You ride then run, Saddle
up, jump on my back ♪

♪ Unicorn white ♪

♪ With the heart of the blackest black ♪

♪ You ride then run, take
on spin on my old carousel ♪

♪ I'll bet you wish you
had your soul to sell ♪

♪ This is your fantasy ♪

♪ Dark dreams come true ♪

♪ And you're wasting all my time ♪

♪ As you like you do ♪

♪ I just wanted to be the
king for all your queens ♪

Oh, hi.

Oh God. I missed you so much.

- Lenny?

- Yeah. I'm home.

- But, you left.

- Well, it was business.

You've been out of town
on business for 14 years?

- Judy, it was really important business.

Now, where, where are my babies at?

Larry, Laurie, Daddy's home.