Carolina Blues (1944) - full transcript

Band Leader Kay Kyser wants to take a holiday, but his publicist Charlotte has promised that he'll give a concert for defense plant workers. Due to the fact that his vocalist has quit to get married, the plant owner's daughter Julie sings instead. But Kay dislikes her idea of joining the band.

Well, well, glad to see you back!

- Pretty rugged trip, eh, Professor?
- You said it!

I understand at one stretch
you did 67 shows in 22 days!

Listen, any time the services would
hold still, we'd play at 'em.

What are your plans now, Kay?

I'll let the gang answer that.

First thing I'm going to do is climb into
a hot bath and stay there for two days!

Then he's going to take
his clothes off.

Professor! Oh, Professor!

Uh oh.
Tell her we didn't get in yet.

Hiya, gang!

Fine press agent you are,
you show up after we've
given out all the news!

Oh that's all right, I'll read
all about it in the papers.

I want you to meet Mr. Carver,
he's one of the Carvers,
the famous ship builders.

Well, hello, Mr. Carver.

I'm delighted to meet you,
Mr. Kyser.

I can't tell you how much
I appreciate all you're
going to do for us.

Oh, think nothing of it...

What do you mean,
all I'm going to do for you?

Well now, Mr. Carver's going to have
a Kay Kyser day at his defense plant

in honor of your homecoming.

Well, that's very considerate
of you.

Well, naturally we'd like to have
you put in an appearance

in order to make the affair
a complete success.

Well, there's nothing
I'd rather do, but...

There's no rush, Mr. Kyser

we still have half an hour.

Half an hour?

Well now, Mr. Carver wouldn't
do this for everybody.

I had to use my influence.

Oh, I'm sure fellas would be mighty
happy to do a show right now.

Say... say, just a minute, gang.

Come here. Now look.

I know I promised you
a vacation, and when I make a
promise, you can depend on it.

But, I just want to postpone
it for a little while until
after we do this show.

But Kay, my train leaves
in 45 minutes.

Oh, there'll be trains
tomorrow, Georgia.

Well, what about it, gang?

That's the spirit!

We're all yours, Mr. Carver.

Ah, thank you.
I knew you'd come through.

Now everybody, this way.

Will the boys in the band
please get in this bus?


Tom Gordon, how are you?

I'm a female Frank Sinatra.

- What brings you to New York?
- I heard you were getting in today.

Excuse me, Mr. Kyser,
television will be here soon.

I've come up here to talk to you
about something very important.

Well, I don't know...

Bring your friend with ya,
he can talk to you in the car.

That's a good idea.

- Looking for somebody?
- I'm hidin'.

Hey, it's you I'm hidin' from!

Just as bashful as ever.

Come here,
you beautiful hunk o' man!

Now, Charlotte, take it easy.
I gotta get used to you all over again.

- Well, what's this?
- A souvenir.

- For me?
- Yeah.

No! Yeah, I got one for you.

Yeah, right here.

A hand grenade.

Just what I've always wanted.

Why didn't you bring another?
They'd make a swell pair of earrings.

Well I'm awful dumb, you know,
I never thought of that.

- Where'd you get it?
- Picked it up on a battlefield.


Oh, now look what you
went and done. You broke it!

It's tickin'!

Oh! Well throw it away,
throw it away! Oh!

Oh. Guess it was a dud.

Come on, dream boy, pucker up.

Oh no. Last time I kissed a girl,
she passed out and stayed out.

- Can't scare me!
- I'm warnin' ya!


There, I guess that'll
hold you for a while.

Mr. Carter, may I present
Tom Gordon.

Tom's editor of the Rocky
Mountain Evening Telegram.

Best paper in the whole town.

- And the only one.
- Yeah! How do you do?

Welcome to New York, Mr. Jordan!

- Gordon.
- Oh, yes. Excuse me.

The Chamber of Commerce sent me
up here to see you, Kay.

You see, starting next Monday
we're going to try to sell enough bonds

to build a destroyer.

We know that's a pretty ambitious
goal for a town the size of ours.

I certainly admire the spirit
of Rocky Ridge, Mr. Borden.

Uh, Rocky Mountain, Mr. Carver.
And Mr. Borden's name is Gordon.

Oh yes.
Rocky Gordon, excuse me.

We were hoping you and
your band could come down
this week or next and tour,

Edgecombe and Nash County's
putting on bond shows.

Well gee, I'd like to, Tom,
but right after this show
for Mr. Carver

I promised the gang
a two week's vacation.

Oh, that's too bad, Kay.

Gee, and after that we're
booked solid for several
months of camp shows,

and I want the fellas to be
rested so they can do a swell
job for the service men.

Well, I'm sure the folks
back home will understand.


- Couldn't I make a suggestion?
- Sure.

I think there's a way you can help
without even going to Rocky River.

Rocky Mountain. But go ahead.

Well, instead of putting on
a series of shows in a
sparsely populated area

why not put on one big show
right here in New York

where there's a population
of 7,000,000.

Mr. Carver, I think you've
got something there.

Why, you could sell
enough bonds to build
a dozen destroyers.

Yeah! Sure!
But why stop at a destroyer?
We could build a cruiser!

Ah, I can see it now.
The USS Rocky Glen!

Mr. Carver, just once,
could you get the name
of my hometown right?

You'll have to pardon me,
I won't make that mistake again.

Thank you.

Anybody should be able
to remember a simple little
name like Rocky Gorge.

"Come on, childrens,
yes, dance, yes..."

I can't do it, I can't do it.

What's the matter, Skinny?

I can't go out there.
I just can't.

I've done my Kyser
imitations at parties

but I've never been
on a stage before.

Oh, there's nothing to be
frightened about, Skinny.

Everybody out there
is your coworker and friend.

Yeah, and I wanna keep 'em
that way.

You're on, Skinny.

Now go out there and show
them the kind of stuff that
electric welding is made of.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

This tomato's out cold!

You better go out there
and do your number.

But I didn't want to sing
until Mr. Kyser gets here.

You better go out now.

# I was always
a well-mannered child

# To say I was brought up bright

# would be putting it mild

# I was taught to say Thank you

# And strike a curtsey pose

# I haven't forgotten my etiquette

# So pet, here it goes!

# Thanks a lot...

Hey, not bad, not bad at all.

Beautiful voice,
don't you think, Mr. Carter?

Yes, and the personality
to go with it. Who is she?

Julie Carver.

Oh, any relation?

Well, slightly.

By marriage.

- My daughter.
- Oh.

My one and only offspring.

Uh, folks, the dressing room's
right back of the stage.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll find the stage manager
and tell him you're here.

I'll catch the show from
out front, Kay. See you later.

- Well, what do you say, Kay?
- Say about what?

About her. There's the girl
to take my place.

Oh no. Not interested.

Now listen, Kay,
you don't seem to realize
that I'm quitting!

I'm getting married, remember?

With my blessings, honey!

Well then, why don't you grab her?

Well, she's just not
what I'm looking for.

Now, I'm warning you, Kay,
you better grab somebody fast,
and I mean fast!

- Hurry up, put this thing on.
- What for? I don't need that.

You want to look like
Kay Kyser, don't you?

No, but I can't help myself.

Don't be afraid, Skinny.

What do you mean, Skinny?

Just remember, the cornier
you are, the more people
will think you're Kay Kyser.

- Oh, now, wait a minute...
- Oh, quit stalling.
Go on out there, Skinny!

I can't, I'm afraid!

Mr. Kyser!


Oh, then...
then you're really...

Kay Kyser!

I guess I'm not myself today.

Well! Afternoon, folks,
how are ya'll?

Well, we're sort of thrilled
to be back here with you gang,

we had a lot of fun on the other side
with the guys there,

doing a swell job of fighting,
and you're doing a grand job
fighting on this side.

So we'd like to sing a little song
for you about a state.

We're not gonna sing about California,
here I come back home again,

and Indiana, deep in the
Texas and all that.

We want to sing about
the smallest of the 48.

Poor little ol' Rhode Island.

# Poor little Rhode Island

# The smallest of the 48

# You've got no prairie moon
or rich coyote's croon

# But I still think that
you're great

# You're such a teensy-weensy
poor little Rhode Island

# Let all the Texans

# Yip-aye-ay

# You're still the best part
of this land I dearly love

# Doop da doop

# and I'm including Io-way

# They've written songs
about the South

# They've written songs
about the North

# And I've heard them say
there's nothing finer

# Than dear old Carolina
in the morning

# But how about the nights in

# Poor, poor little Rhode Island

# Be careful
if you're fancy free

# In Providence one day
she stole my heart away

# Far away

# I'm dreaming of her constantly

# Let the sun shine bright
on your old Kentucky home

# Rhode Island's the place
for me

# Yeah, the place for me

# Rhode Island's the place
for me! #

Boy, I'm in a hurry to finish
that one because I can't wait
for you to see

who I just saw over in the wings.

It's our own, stop,
look at, and listen to gal

gorgeous Georgia Carroll.

# You completely overwhelm me

# With those love tales
that you tell me

# You merely hold me tight

# And I face a sleepless night

# You make me dream too much

# of rainy days

# and hideaways

# You make dream too much

# of falling stars

# and soft guitars

# I hate the thought of
early morning

# I wake, and then
I hardly finish with my yawning

# I'm dreaming again

# I see your nursery playthings
and such

# You make me dream

# too much

# You make me dream

# too much

How 'bout that?
Wasn't that swell?

Aw, that was...
Aw, snap out of that dream,
children, it's all over!

And now ladies and gentlemen...

Ish Kabibble's
Hour of Nonsense and Stuff.

- Not now, Ish, later.
- Thank you, thank you.

First nonsense.

Did you hear about
the military worm?

No, what about the military worm?

He's an apple corps.

Now the second nonsense, a poem.

Roses are red,
and violets are blue,

I know Violets' are blue,
'cause I seen her hanging 'em
out on the line the other day.

Now for a essay about a eel,

entitled "The Eel."

Did you write the essay, Ish?

No, that dear gal I've been
running around with.

Oh, you mean Woodie Kiddie
from Kansas City?

No, Batty Hatty from Cincinnati.

- Oh, the pretty one.
- Yeah, the one with the head.

A eel is a long fish that goes
clean from one end to
the other without stopping.

Oh, very enlightening.

Now, um...

Do you know how to tell
the difference between
the front end of a eel

and the back end of a eel?

Oh no, I don't, Ish,
how do you tell?

Well, in the first place,
eels don't like apples.

- No?
- No.

So, you take a apple,
and you hold it up
to the end of the eel

that's the closest to you.


If he runs away from it,
that's his back end,

but if he backs away from it,
it's his front end.

And if he comes and gets the apple

it ain't a eel at all.

Probably a horse.

Oh Mr. Kyser,
you were wonderful.

Yeah, you weren't
so bad yourself, Julie,
if I must say so

and I guess I must say so.

You know, Mr. Kyser,

not a day goes by that Julie
doesn't have an offer to sing
with some famous orchestra.

Like Tommy Valley,
Rudy Dorsay, Cab Goodman,
Kay Kyser...

Oh, I beg you pardon,
you're Kay Kyser.

Well, um, how come your
daughter doesn't sign up
with one of those orchestras?

Well, Mr. Kyser, I may be
an old rooster

but I don't aspire to be
the father of a slick chick.

Why, Father.

Where did he ever learn such talk?

Oh, I'm hip,
I'm solid in the groove.

Brother, slip me some skin!

He's really hip.

Well, Mr. Kyser, I refuse
to trust my daughter's welfare

to someone who's a complete
stranger to me.

Well, I know all those
orchestra leaders,
and they're swell fellas.

I wouldn't consider it.

However, if there were someone
that I was personally
acquainted with, like, uh...

...well, like you, Mr. Kyser

and she would have
a chance to be star

I might alter my decision.

Mr. Kyser

didn't I read something
in the papers about

Georgia Carroll leaving your band?

Oh yeah, seems to me
I read something about that.

Well, uh, have you any idea whom
you're going to get to replace her?

Well, no. You see,
I haven't had a chance
to look for anybody.

Mr. Kyser

you said that my voice was...

Here's your hotel, Kay.

Oh, okay.
Thanks a lot for the lift,
Mr. Carver.

Not at all. Good luck to you
on your bond show.

Thank you, and I'm
mighty glad to have met you,
Miss Carver.

It's a thrill on my part,
Mr. Kyser.


She gave you a bit of
a thrill too, eh, Kay?

Who, me? I didn't even know
she was in the car.

Hello, Kay!

Well, hello!

How are you?

Nice to see you.

I think I better get the car
back to your sister now.

By all means, Alfred.
Aunt Martha will be
terribly angry if you're late.

- You can drop us off
at the nearest subway station.
- Yes, sir.

And by the way, sir,
I don't mean to be

but, uh, how about
that three bucks you owe me?

Oh yes, the three Simoleons.

Oh, I'm temporarily
financially distressed.
Honey, would you... thanks.

What about the five
I gave you yesterday?

That ran seventh at Pimlico.

Here you are, Al.


Don't you think it's about
time you stopped wasting
your money on horses?

My dear, I do it as a pure
business investment.

Aw, Dad.
Aren't you tired of sponging
on our rich relatives?

I guess I can hold out
as long as they can.

If I could only land that job
with Kyser

we wouldn't have to
sponge on them any longer.

I can't understand it.

He seemed to be greatly
impressed with your voice
as well as your appearance.

And all of a sudden
he lost interest.

Do you suppose we should
have asked Kyser outright
instead of just hinting?

We did everything but
hit him over the head
with a hammer.

I wonder if that would've helped.

It's all set, Tom, we can have
the Cosmopolitan Opera House
this Saturday night.

That's great!

With the newspapers
and radio stations
plugging the show

I'm sure we can put it over,
even on such short notice.

I'll wire the news to
Rocky Mountain.
They'll be tickled pink.

Oh, but you better let me
talk to the gang first.

- How do you do, Mr. Kyser?
- Oh, fine, Jerry.

- Welcome home.
- Thank you. Did the gang get in yet?

Get in? They ran in,
they couldn't wait to get packed.

They're down in the storeroom now,
tending to their luggage.

Thanks, Jerry. Come on, Tom.

How's the hard parts coming?

What are you going to say to 'em?

Oh, I don't know yet.

- Oh, yes I do.
I'm not gonna say a word.
- You're not gonna say a word?

No, you're gonna do the talking.

- Me?
- Come on.

I'm going to be
a fugitive from a trombone.

Boy, I'm going to catch myself
a whole mess of fish.

In an hour I'm going to be
on that train, and brother,

I'd like to see anybody
try to stop me.

Just think, tomorrow
at this time I'll be a bride.

Say, I almost got married
to a second lieutenant once.

The first one got away!

Hey, speakin' of brides!

Maybe we could make this
a double wedding!

- Ish!
- What?

How would you like to get married?

Who to?

Well to me, of course.

Uh-uh, my mother and father
were married once, and
look what happened.

The trouble with you
is you haven't any romance.

Close your eyes.

Can't you see it in front of you?

That ivy-covered cottage,

just for you and for me?

I can't see a thing
with my eyes closed.

Well, just try to imagine it!

Maybe after we're married

the stork will bring us
a little visitor.

A little stranger

that will look half like you,
and half like me.

Oh boy, just what I always wanted!

A cocker spaniel!

Just try to picture it.

You, and me

and a little Ish
running around the house!

Oh, look, there he is now!

Hello, darling!

Oh, isn't he cute?

Why did you do that?

He bit me!

Well, you brute, I won't
have a husband that
treats my child like that.

Good, then we ain't
no longer married.

Well, gang, there was nothing
tired about that show,
it was great!

Come on over!

Say, I want you to meet
an old friend of mine, Tom Gordon.

Tom, meet the brood.

Say, Tom's got a few words
for you children, so speak up, Thomas.

Well, folks, Mr. Kyser tells me
he promised you all a vacation.

Well, when Kay promises you anything,
he keeps his promise.

Ya'll know that, don't you.

We know that.
But does Kay know it?

Yes. You're gonna get it, too.
It's just...

It's just that I want to
postpone it for a few days.

Now, wait a minute.
Go on, Tom, tell 'em.

If you'll only let me explain,
I'm sure you'll understand.
You see...

Yeah, you see, my home town
Rocky Mountain has pledged
itself to sell enough bonds

to build a cruiser.
Go on, Tom, tell 'em about it.

Mr. Kyser didn't want
to ask you to give up
your vacations to come down

to Rocky Mountain

I wouldn't think of doing
that, so what we'll do is
put the show on

right here in New York!
Go on, Tom.

We've arranged to stage
the show this Saturday, at...

That gives us five days
to rehearse, and right after
that I can guarantee

there'll be absolutely nothing
to stop you from going
on your vacations.

Well, go on, Tom,
tell 'em about it.

You told 'em.

Oh. Well, what about it, gang?

But Kay, you know I plan
to get married tomorrow!

I already sent my folks
a wire, they're expecting me!

All right, okay,
forget the whole thing.

I'm sorry, Tom, but after all
they have been going night and day

for a couple of years, you know.

I understand.

I'm so hoarse,
I sound like a foghorn.

- But if you really want...
- Oh, that's all right, Sully,
just forget about it.

And to show you my heart's
in the right place

I want you all to go up
to the ticket bureau in the lobby

and tell Maisy to give you a ticket
for wherever you want to go

and charge it to me.

Hey Maisy, give me
a ticket to Bangor, Maine.

A lower to Lebanon.

Kay sure is a swell guy
for doing this.

Round trip ticket to Watertown.

- What about you?
- Gimme a ticket for $50.00.

Where to?

It's a secret!

How am I supposed to know
where you're going?

Wait a minute.

- How many C's in Chicago?
- Two.

- Where do you wanna go?
- Chicago.

Hey, you peeked!

Well, I guess that takes
care of everybody.

If you'll all come back in
six days I'll try and have
your tickets ready for ya.

Six days?

Hey, wait a minute,
the way things are, you'll
be lucky to get 'em then!

Oh, here we go again.

But I thought you were going
to Cincinnati.

Yeah, I was, but I couldn't
spell it.

Oh, that was swell, Maisy,
you handled that beautifully.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Kyser.

Say, I really want you
to charge those tickets to me.

But remember, don't get 'em
for six days now.

I won't.
But you know, Mr. Kyser,

I couldn't have gotten them
any sooner anyway!

Here, get into this.

I don't think it'll do any good,
Miss Carroll. They heard me sing.

Onstage, Miss Carroll.

Coming! Now there's no need
to be nervous, you know the
number as well as I do.

Yes, but my whole family's
sitting in a box out front!

# Over and over
and over and over again

# That tune seems to haunt me

# Over and over
and over and over again

# They play to taunt me

# Of all the countless melodies

# This one stirs up memories

# It's still the best
but may I suggest

# Don't play it, please

# I find you make me dream
too much

# There goes that song again

# We used to call it
our serenade

# We fell in love when we heard
it played

# Over and over
and over and over again

# I still remember when

# I sang the words
and they made you mine

# I'd steal a kiss and repeat
each line

# Over and over
and over and over and then

# We drifted apart

# You walked off with my heart

# It's funny how one listen

# Just starts me

# Reminiscing

# I'd soon forget that

# I told myself when you said
so long

# But I was wrong
There goes that song

# Again

# You make me dream too much

# You make me dream too much

# Of rainy days

# And hideaways

# You make me dream too much

# Of falling stars

# And soft guitars

# I hate
the thought of early morning

# I wake and then

# I hardly finish with my

# I'm dreaming again

# I see your nursery play things
and such

# You make me dream

# Too

# Much

# We drifted apart

# You walked off with my heart

# It's funny how one listen

# Just starts me reminiscing

# I'd soon forget that

# I told myself when you said
so long

# But I was wrong

# There goes that song

# Again

Oh, you better hurry, you're
almost on.

I appreciate what you're
trying to do for me but I
can't go through with it.

Well you want the job, don't you?

Yes, I do, but playing a trick
like that on Mr. Kyser.

You let me worry about that.

The only way I'll ever get
married is to get somebody
like you to take my place.

And you're elected.

Hey folks, while we've been
trying to entertain you, six
men from the treasury

department have been busy too
totalling your bond purchases.

We're not only going to have a
Cruiser Rocky Mount

but also a couple sub chasers,
and a whole fleet of PT boats.

Because children, the total of
your bond purchases

are $36 430 000

red blooded American fighting

Thank you. Now I personally
want you to meet some folks
who dug down in their jeans

deep enough to come up with a
million dollars for a box.

Ladies and gentleman, the Carvers.

And now children, we got some
more of that stuff and
that's for certain

so hold on tight and Mr. Man,
open that curtain.

# I've just come from Harlem

# From the land of Hidy Ho

It's Julie!

# And it's not the Harlem

# I once used to know

# I dug a cat named Luscious

# BB, I think was his name

# He's quoted
more than Confucious

# And clothes brought him

# His fame

# Mr. BB
He's the man who knows

# Mr. BB
Sets the styling clothes

# Fancy cravates
And those knocked out spats

# BB's the man who knows

# Mr BB
Dig the boutinniere

# Mr. BB
Booted front and rear

# Harlem's alive
To his dressed up jive

# BB's the man who knows

# Now I've heard them say
Clothes he throws away

# Are the clothes that
they'll wear next fall

# And it's also said
when he goes to bed

# His Pajamas are as groovy
As a technicolor movie

# Mr. BB
Thank you for the tip

# Big BB Harlem's hip

# Since you came on
every zoot suit's gone
Now here's what you can do

# Bring the Easter parade to

# Easter parade to Lenox

# Avenue

# Mr. BB
Thank you for the tip

# Mr. BB
You made Harlem hip

# Since you came on
Every zoot suit's gone

# Now here's what you can do

# Bring the Easter parade
to Lenox Avenue

# Now we've heard them say

# Clothes he throws away

# Are the clothes that they'll
wear next fall

# And it's also said

# When he goes to bed

# His pajamas are as groovy
As a technicolor movie

# Mr BB
We want to thank
you for the tip

# Now all of Harlem's hip

# Since you came on
Every zoot suit's gone

# Now here's what you can do

# Is the Easter parade on
Lenox Avenue #

# Mr. BB
He's the man who knows

# Mr. BB
Sets the styling clothes

# Fancy cravates
And his knocked out spats

# BB's the man who knows

# Mr. BB
Dig his boutinniere

# Mr. BB
Booted front and rear

# Harlem's alive to his dressed up jive

# BB's the man who knows

# Now I've heard them say
The clothes he throws away

# Are the clothes that they'll
wear next fall

# And it's also said that when
he goes to bed

# His pajamas are as groovy
As a technicolor movie

# Mr. BB
Thank you for the tip

# Mr. BB
You've made Harlem hip

# Since you came on
All the zoot suit's gone

# Now here's what you can do

# Because you are as mellow as
a cello man

# You've got a duty that you must do
For your fellow man

# So bring the Easter parade

# So bring
the easter parade to
Lenox Avenue #

# And now that you've seen it
You know what goes

# And now that you've seen it
Dug the clothes

# You'll agree with me

# BB's the man who knows

Imagine a Carver performing in public.

Yes it is.
Let's get out of here.

You could have
ruined the whole show.

But I didn't hurt the show,
I was only trying to help.

Of all the crusty,
self-centered, crusty brats
I ever met...


No, that's enough. Keep them
closed. Now you listen to me,
Ms. Carver.

I've heard more
than enough, Mr. Kyser.

Well I...
Well what do you
know about that?

Hey, you're wanted on the phone.

Well alright.

Hello, yes, this is Kay Kyser.

Oh, I'm sorry,
who wants to speak to me?

The mayor?
Well lift him up to the phone.

Oh, the Mayor of Rocky Mount.
Well hello your honor.

Just fine, thanks.

Yeah. Yep.
Enough for a couple of cruisers.

What's that?

A banquet in our honor?

Well gee, that's
mighty nice of you, Mayor.

My, I can smell my
mammy's cooking now.

Say, gang, just a minute.
There's something
I want to ask you.

I was just talking on the telephone
to the Mayor of Rocky Mount

and they're having a big
banquet in our honor.

- So I want you all to...
- This is where I came in.

I want you all to
leave me your addreses
so I can send you a postcard.

For a moment there I
thought you were gonna
ask us to do another show.

Another show? Why, I wouldn't
do a thing like that.

I told the Mayor you all
couldn't make it, but I
accepted of behalf of all you.

From this moment on I wouldn't
interupt your vacation

if my life depended on it.

So long gang,
have alot of fun, ok?


Oh Kay, Kay?
Do you mind if I ride
to the station with you?

I have to catch the 11:15 to
Camp Henderson.

Oh, not at all. Hop in.

Pennsylvania Station.

Yep, yep.

I dream of genie...

Still sore, Kay?

Oh no, not at all. I like
to walk around with a knife
sticking out of my back.

A few more friends like you
and I'd look like a porcupine.

What'd you throw me a curve
like that for, Georgia?

Because I wanted you to hear
her sing ith the band.

She didn't want to do it.
I had to talk her into it.

She was scared stiff.

She didn't look scared to me.

Well, that's because
she's a real trooper.

Come to think about, her hand
was cold as ice.

Oh, you noticed that?

Well, naturally.
I had to hold her hand while
we were taking bows, didn't I?

Well, naturally.

Say, would you stop dreaming
of genie and concentrate
on not killing us?

Relax. You're just as safe
with me as you would be
sitting in your own parlor.

You know, Kay?
I think I know now why
you don't want Julie around.

You're afraid of
falling in love with her.

Instinctively you
feel that blessed old
bachelorhood being threatened.

Oh, that's silly.

Besides, I wouldn't stand a
chance with a gal like her.

For heaven's sake Kay, Why
don't you give Julie the job?

Because she's a rich man's

What have you got against
rich girls?

You see, Georgia, most rich girls
do this for the kick they get out of it.

I want a girl who really
needs a job.

She'll get in there and pitch
because she's fighting for a
career and financial security.

Look out!

Hey, watch where you're going.

Will you stop worrying.
You're making me nervous.


That's the wildest ride I ever
had in my life.

I got you here, didn't I? I've
been driving for twenty years
and never had an accident.

Okay, okay. How much do I owe

60 cents.

Here. And why don't you get
yourself a pair of glasses.

And why don't you get
yourself a pair?

Philadelphia, Richmond,
Washington and all points south.

All aboard.

Well, I guess this is goodbye,

I sure hate to lose you honey,
but I can't compete with love.

Well, I want you to know that
I'll never forget you.

Oh, it's been wonderful, and,

I know. Just be as good a wife
for that captain as you were a
star for me.

We'd better hurry, Kay.

Mr. Kyser! Mr. Kyser we tried
to catch you at the hotel.

Julie feels that she
owes you an apology.

That isn't necessary, Julie.

We better hurry, Kay,
we'll miss that train.

I'm sorry I lost my temper
last night. I deserved
everything you said, and more.

Forget it. I was a little out
of order myself. I should
apologize to you.

Then, am I forgiven?

Am I forgiven?

Now that that's settled,
there's a little matter
that's been puzzling me

I'd like cleared up. With
Ms. Carol leaving

we cannot understand why you
don't engage Julie to sing...

- Come on, Kay, the train's leaving.
- I must go now, best of luck.

Have a good time in Rocky Edge.


I'm beginning to believe he
doesn't want any part of us.

I guess he thinks I'm just not
good enough.

Oh, on the contrary. He thinks
you have an excellent voice.

Well, what is the reason then?

To be perfectly frank, Mr. Carver,
your wealth is hurting Julie.

What wealth? I mean, what
do you mean by that?

You see, Kay thinks that money
and a career don't mix.

Train 54 leaving track 6

I've got to go now.
I'm awfully sorry it didn't work out,
Julie. Goodbye.


And we thought we'd make more
of an impression if we said we were rich.

Now all we have to do is tell
him we're broke and we're in.

We are broke.


As Mayor of Rocky Mount, it
gives me great honor to pay
homage to our favorite son.

For the brilliant work that
he and his entertainers

have accomplished in acquiring
funds to build the
USS Rocky Mountain.

Wait a minute, where are you

I got a telegram for Kay.

Wait til after the banquet.

Oh no, it's from Washington.

Maybe from the president,
wants to congratulate him.

Give it to me. I'll hand
it to him.

I'm the messenger.

If you get a chance, the
fishing poles and bait is
under the boathouse.

Okay, Stonewall.

As a token of our appreciation
I take great pleasure

in presenting to you the key
to the city.

Thank you very much, but

I'm really afraid I can't
accept this now, you see

there isn't going to be a USS
Rocky Mountain.

I just received a telegram
from the Treasury Department
in Washington.

I'll read it to you."Mr. Kay
Kyser, Rocky Mount, NC.

"We beg to inform you that in
accordance with paragraph nine
bulletin sixty four

"governing sales and issuance
of war bonds

"sales can only be credited to
the area in which bonds are
bonds are issued."

"Therefore the money collected
in bonds sold by you cannot

"be alocated to Rocky Mount,
North Carolina."

Well, I guess that winds up my
trip in a blaze of nothing.

Take it anyway, Kay, you've
earned it.

We should have held a show
here like you wanted
to in the first place.

It isn't too late. We still
haven't held a bond
rally down here.

Oh, but I couldn't do that,
Tom, the boys are on their vacation

and I promised them I wouldn't
bother them even if my life
depended on it.

Even if my life depended on it...

Say, is the telegraph office
still open?

Well, come on.

It happened all of a sudden.
When Kay found out there

wasn't going to be any USS
Rocky Mount, he collapsed.

The doctor says he's suffering
from shock.

I can't believe it. He was the
picture of health when I said
goodbye to him.

I never realized his home town
meant so much to him.

He'll pull through won't he,
Mr. Gordon?

Only time can tell. It'll take
a miracle to save him.
A miracle.

Is he dying of anything serious?

Oh, quiet.

I feel so bad I can't even think.

Can we see him now?

Yes, but only a few at a time.

And don't be alarmed if he
doesn't recognize any of you.

His mind wanders.

Be quiet.

Tell Josephina the lunch was delicious.
Both of them.

Tell her I'll have supper
about 3 o'clock.

How about your desert?

Oh yes, I almost forgot that.

Be quiet. Be quiet.

I christen thee the
USS Rocky Mount.

Oh no, don't sink, don't sink.

Oh, it's gone!

There it goes, my beautiful
ship, with eight inch guns.

Sunk by a broadside from

There, there, Kay.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.

Aye aye, Sir.

Oh, this is even worse
than I thought.

Kay, look at me. Don't you
know me?

Sure I know you. Grandma.

Oh, he's out of his head.

He sounds alright to me.

I can't die now, I wanna live.

Do you hear? Live.

Oh, you'll be alright Kay,
you'll be alright.

Oh, he looks just awful.

He's lost at least twenty pounds.

I wanna live.

Yes, he does look horrible.

But that's because he hasn't
eaten a mouthful of food
since he collapsed.

And what makes it worse,
he hasn't even had a wink of sleep either.

I want to run barefoot through
the grass.

I want to feel the rain
beating against my face.

He's been raving like that
ever since he found out

there wasn't going to be a USS
Rocky Mount.

USS Rocky Mount!

Oh no, no I can't, not that.

I won't, you hear?

I promised the gang I wouldn't
bother them.

And when I make a promise, I
keep it, do you hear?

There they come now. Georgia,

Harry, Sully, Dianne.
The whole gang.

I knew they wouldn't let me down.

Alright gang, we're on.
Hit it.

Louder, louder.


Louder, louder.

Where are you? Music...

Students, it gives me a thrill
to announce that
the collections total

87 billion dollars

and 43 cents.

At last we can have our
USS Rocky Mount.

And now I can go peacefully.

So long, everybody.

Don't die, Kay, don't die.

We'll put on a show for you
down here. We'll get you the
USS Rocky Mount.

We'll put on the greatest
show this town ever saw.

I'll make the
arrangements right now,
and phone the newspaper.

Kay, Kay listen to me,
it's Georgia

there is going to be a
USS Rocky Mount.

The clouds are lifting.

Oh, you can't die
now Kay! You're so young and
so beautiful!

Now you're getting delirious!

The clouds are lifting...
the sun is shining again!
Spring is here...

...oh, the roosters are
crowing! The chicks are
chicking, the ducks are

ducking to and fro in the duck
pond, ahhh spring!

The cows are mooing, the birds
are chirping...

little lambs are eating ivy.
Life is starting to stir again!

Poor fella! He looks so weak.

That's because he hasn't eaten
for so long.

Yes, a little food might give
him strength.

And a little sleep might
help him too.

- Well, here's the food!
- And this oughtta put him to sleep!

Ok, you've got the vocals all set?

- Yah.
- Everybody relax.

Relax? I won't be able to
relax until the show's over.

We have three days left of
our vacation and, boy, I'm
going to make up for lost time

Kay, how about letting me do a
number in the show - I'd like
to help out!

What can you do?

I used to tour the country
doing a balloon dance - boy
you shoulda seen me!

I was sensational!
I used to dance and blow,
and dance and blow

- and dance and blow...
- Hey, what do you mean, blow?

I had a leaky balloon!

- Oh, hello there Tom!
- Hello Tom!

So how about it, Tom?
We about ready to launch
that cruiser?

The way we're going we
won't even be able to get a destroyer.

How come? Everybody's buying

Trouble is Kay, we're
selling only the small ones.

The people down here have
done more than their fare
share already.

They just haven't got the money.

Oh... that's too bad.

Looks like we're going to
strike out again.

Hello? Well, just a minute.

Guess who's downstairs? Old
Man Carver and his daughter,
they want to see you.

Carver? Here?
How do you like that! Follow
me all the way from New York

I never saw people so hard to
discourage. Tell them I'm busy!

And I'm going to be busy the
rest of my life!
- Okey dokey.

Burns me up! Just because he's
got a private mint.

Wait! What am I saying?

You can tell Mr. Carver
and his daughter Mr. Kyser...
- Will be right down!

The cruiser Rocky Mount just
dropped anchor in the lobby!

Tell him that you even had to
pawn your watch so that we
could get down here.

If you'd have hocked that
coat we wouldn't have had to
set up in a day coach at night.

But you leave it to me. When I
get through with him he'll be
taking up a collection for us.

Julie! Mr. Carver! Gee, I'm glad to see
you all, you're a sight for sore eyes!

You're looking swell Julie!
You never were prettier!
And you Mr. Carver

- why, you're getting younger everyday!
- Ha! Am I?

You know, I never missed
two people so much in my life.

In fact I was just talking
about you all to Tom Gordon,
you remember Tom?

Tom Gordon? Oh sure!
How is he?
Fine, fine.

Uh... Mr. Kyser...
I said Tom
whatever happened

- to those lovely Carver people?
- What did happen to them, Mr. Kyser?

Oh, that's one of the things I
missed about you, Mr. Carver,
always good for a laugh! Ha!

Mr. Kyser, Dad and I
came down here to discuss
something very important.

Yes, I know what it is, and
the job is yours.

It is?
- I assure you, I'm not just
doing this out of friendship.

Oh, that's very nice of you
Mr. Kyser but, before we go
any further

I think that you should know
that we... we...

We haven't any rooms
for the night and I think we
better register.

Register? Why I wouldn't
think of letting you stay here
you're going home with me.

You'll be my guests
as long as you're in town.

Let it ride! We couldn't
pay for the rooms anyway.

- Come right in! Josephine?
- Yes, Mr. Kay?

Josephine this is Miss Carver
and Mr. Carver, friends of mine.

They're gonna be with us for a while.
I want you to make them comfortable.

Oh don't you worry Mr. Kay,
I'll take good care of them.
- Fine. Thank you Josephine.

I'll take the bags upstairs.
- C'mon in. You must be thirsty
after your long trip.

Would you have a lemonade?
- Fine.
- How about you?

Well, I've heard about
your wonderful mint juleps.
- Fine!

A mint julep and two lemonades
coming right up!
I'll be with you in just a minute.

I wonder how you make a
mint julep?

I don't get it Dad,
in New York he gave us the

Here he can't do enough for us!

Well you see, I was right in
the first place - it paid to
impress him.

Georgie Carroll evidently
didn't know what she was
talking about.

Just the same, when he comes
back I'm going to tell him the
truth about us.

You can't do that now!
Never show your hand when you
got horses back to back.

Looks to me like we're riding
for a fall. I think that...


- Now it's beginning to make sense.
- What is?

Read this.

"...that the funds cannot be
credited to this community."

"Kyser has completed
preparations for the new
bond rally tomorrow night."

"Sales to date have fallen
short of the expected quota."

"And unless there is a last-
minute spurt, Kay's efforts to
secure a ship to be"

"named the Rocky Mount will be
for naught."

Well, I hope he makes it.

Don't you understand? He's counting
on you to put the drive over.

That's why he did such a
complete about-face.

Well, if the purchase of a few
war stamps will help, I don't
mind spending 25, 30 cents...

A few war stamps? He'll
expect you to come across for
a few million dollars.

That's why he gave me the job.

Why, the dirty double-crosser.
He's trying to take advantage
of our friendship.

I can't take that job now,
even if I wanted to.
- Why not?

Don't you see Dad? If we don't
buy any war bonds he'll know
we're phonies.

I'll be finished with the band
before I ever get started.

I never thought of that.

Oh, worry, worry, worry!
If we could only...

Wait a minute, I think I've
got it! Now suppose...

...suppose we could just get a
contract before the rally?

Oh, but that isn't according
to Hoyle, is it Dad?

Hoyle won't know a thing about
it. Remember, do unto others
before they do unto you.

Uh, let me handle this now.

Well, here we are!
Here's your lemondae Julie,
and here's your mint julep!

Thank you.
- Just a sample of our southern

Well it should go well
with my northern thirst. Ha!

Oh! There he goes again!

I'll have to use that on the
air sometime!

Before I forget Julie, we're
having a little bond drive for
the folks tomorrow night.

How about rehearsing a couple
of songs with the band?
- I'd be delighted.

- A bond drive, did you say?
- Yes.

Well, I might be interested in putting
some more money in war bonds.

Say, 10 million dollars or so.

Yes, let's say 10 million or so.

Well, I couldn't think of a more
profitable investment than a contract

with the United States government.

Oh that reminds me, don't you
think you and Julie should
have a contract?

- Just for your own
protection of course.

Well, my contracts are drawn
up by my lawyers in New York.

Oh, there's nothing to
writing a contract!

I could draw up one right
here, it's simple.

All you have to say is: the
party of the first part

agrees to pay the party of the
second part, whatever the
party of the first part

thinks would be acceptable
to the party of the second part.

Party? Party! Hey that reminds
me - the town's giving us a
big barbeque

and hay-ride party tonight!
I have to make all the arrangements

and there isn't much time left.
I have to run!
We'll talk about the contract

later, you'll forgive me won't
you? Oh, by the way you're
both invited too.

I have to get some hay for the
hay-ride. You'd be surprised
how tough it is to find hay!

Oh, excuse me. Well, I'll see
you later! Make yourselves
at home!

Hay-ride, hmmm. He just used
that as an excuse to wiggle
off the hook.

Suppose we use it as an
excuse to get him back on?

- What do you mean, Julie?
- It's tonight or never!

A full moon, starlit
night, the smell of
new-mown hay...

...and Chanel no.5.

You'd better make it number 6
just to make sure.

# She'll be riding six white
horses, she'll be riding six
white horses when she comes! #

You haven't changed your mind
about leaving tomorrow,
have you Georgie?

No, no. I'm gonna catch the
first train in the morning.

- Just imagine this time
tomorrow night

I'll be married!

Ah, love, love, love.
I wish cupid had an arrow
sharp enough

to penetrate this old hide.
- Oh, Mr. Carver
you're not old!

I'm 68.

But you know something? When I
look around and see all these
beautiful girls...

oh boy! What I wouldn't give
to be 65 again.
- Ha, ha!

Wasn't that the swellest
barbeque you ever tasted?

Yah, the fellow that cooked it
sure knew how to pick out a
'He' hog.

- Well, is there any difference?
- Sure there is!

How can you tell the
difference between a 'He' hog
and a 'She' hog?

First you take some apples and
slice them up, and then you
get a can of corn

and a bowl of hot gravy, and a
nice big bowl of whipped cream

then you get a 'He' hog and
a 'She' hog.
- Which do you get first?

Then you get a big bucket, and
you put the sliced apples and
corn in there

and you put the hot gravy and
you mix it all up good, and
then you get the whipped cream

and smear it all over the top.
- Oh I get it! The one that
eats the most is the 'He' hog!

I never found out. It always
looked so good I eat
it myself.

Oh no.

- What's the matter with you?
- Just thinking about the war bash.

- That sounds like a music cue.
- What else?

# Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom boom

# I'm thinking about the war
bash my muddy old buddy
the war bash

# Thinking about that river
rolling along in the moonlight

# Thinking... hmmmm...
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...

# Thinking about the war bash

# We used to fish for hours
lazy old hazy old hours

# Everyday was a Sunday
And Sunday went right
into Monday

# Homestead
Thinking about the war bash

# War bash
Thinking about the war bash

# And this little gal
named Janey

# Her kisses were so

# And I even miss her brother

# who used to peek and tell
her mother

# When they're all through
parading we'll take off
our shoes and go wading

# Yah wading right into that
river rolling along in the

# Thinking about the river
thinking about the war bash

# Thinking about the war bash

# Boom boom boom boom

# And that's the place we want
to be because we're
from Mississippi

# And the summers are amazing
We'd go floating down the
rivers so lazy

# We're the best there is in
the place we all know best

# We're thinking...
We're thinking...
We're thinking...

# Isn't far down the west wind
Isn't far down the wind blowin

# We're thinking of the river we
love best

# We're thinking about the
war bash #

This has been a wonderful night, Kay.
I'll never forget it.

- Neither will I.
- Do you really mean that?

Well, yes, that was the
best roast pig I ever tasted.

What is that over there?
Shimmering int the moonlight.

- Where?
- There.

Above the trees.

Oh, that's the old swimming hole.
I used to swim there when I was a kid.

Gee, you should have seen me.
Oh, I guess not.

Why not?
- 'Cause we went swimming
barefooted-all over.

Oh, ha!

Say, if you're really
interested in the sights, I'll
be glad to point them out.

Well I'm sure they're most
interesting, Kay, but if you
don't mind I...

...I'd rather talk about...

Well, there's McPherson's
farm - we used to steal
watermelons from him!

- How thrilling!
- Mmmm. I can taste them now.

I love watermelons.

McPherson used to chase me
with his shotgun. One time he
sprayed me

and I couldn't sit down
for a week.

I simply adore adventurous men!

Oh, it was nothing.

Yep, we kids sure had a lot
of fun. I remember once I
went fishing...

...and I didn't take any
bait so...

What a noble institution the
hay-ride is. A few hours ago
we hardly knew each other

look at us now, everything
seems different.

Yes everything does
seem different.

I bet your dad's gonna be surprised
when he hears about us.

- You have no idea how surprised he'll be.
- Why don't we tell him now?

- No Kay.
- What's the matter?

Do you think he'll object because
I'm not in the social register?

No. I think you might
object because...

- ...we're not in the social register.
- Oh, quit kidding.

That book's full of Carvers.

Yes, but we're not among them.
You see Kay, they don't

publish the names of poor

- Poor relations?
- Dad and I haven't got a cent.

What about that defense plant
and that box at the opera
house and the big limousine?

And the 10 million dollars in
bonds your dad's gonna buy?

The defense plant belongs to
Uncle Horatio.

The box at the Cosmopolitan,
Uncle Elliott.

The limousine, Aunt Martha's.
And as for the 10 million dollars?

Well, that was just part of
our act.

We thought by pretending to be
wealthy you'd be impressed
and I'd get the job.

It's pretty nice
pretending, all right.

I planned to get the contract
out of you on the hay-ride tonight.

Before you found out the
truth about us.

It looks like I was really taken
for a hay-ride, doesn't it?

I couldn't go through with it
Kay because it... well it...

It doesn't matter now!

Well, did you get the contract?

- I could have had two contracts.
- Two contracts?

You mean one for singing
and one for dancing?

One with the band and one
for marriage.
- Marriage!

That moon must have been
brighter than I thought.

Yes, only I was under it too.

Well congratulations my dear,
I'm sure we'll both be
very happy with him.

I told him we were phonies!

He must have been delighted
to hear it...

You told him what?

I just had to tell him Dad!


I understand.
Never mind dear.

Your mother fell in love with
me on a hay-ride also.

I guess it runs in the family.

- I'm sorry I let you down, Pop.
- Never mind. Forget it dear.

I guess we better make the
first bus out in the morning.

I got a bus schedule here

Let's see, the bus is leaving
for Port Sherry, Muskatel,

...wrong schedule.
Here we are. There's a bus
leaving at 8 in the morning.

We'd better be on it.


You know my dear, I've been toying
with the idea of going to work.

Why, Dad! You must
be ill!

Well, I don't believe I'll toy
with it any longer.

Bus for Washington, New York.

- Here's our bus.
- If I only possessed the wealth

of my tight-fisted family.

Wait a minute.

What's the matter?
- We're not going?
- Why not?

Because I've got a scheme.
A scheme that may solve everything.

No thanks, Dad. I've had
enough of your schemes.

But this is different, Julie.
I'll bet every dollar I've got
in the world on it.

Don't worry about a thing. I got you
into this mess, I'll get you out.

Just you trust your father
to help you.

My goodness, it's dark in there.

Incidentally, would you please
trust your father for another $5?

I've got to send some telegrams.

Good evening folks.
How are y'all?

This is Kay Kyser getting
underway with the barn rally
for all the folks

in Rocky Mount, Edgecomb,
and North Carolina.

We got a bit too big for our
britches when all those folks
up in New York

bought bonds to help us build
a cruiser down here.

And then we found out we
couldn't take credit for it.

So tonight we're going to try
to do what we originally
planned, to sell

8 million dollars in bonds
to build a destroyer called,
"Rocky Mount."

That's a lot of millions and I
know all the people that are

here in person have really
done all they could.

Oh, excuse me ma'am.
May I help you?

- Is Phineas Carver registered here?
- Yes ma'am. Room 308.

- Shall I announce you?
- Never mind. I'll announce myself.

So we're asking you folks who
couldn't come to the rally to
phone in your pledges now.

Third floor, please!

Third floor!

It's just across the hall ma'am.

Well, welcome,
Minerva. Come in.

I came as soon as I received
your telegram. I would have
been here sooner but...

Good evening Minerva!

What is this? A secret business
meeting or a convention?

That's what we wanted to know!

Now that we're all here suppose you
tell us just what this is all about.

Someone may hear you.

This must be bigger than
we thought.

Is there any risk attached
to this deal?

None at all. It's guaranteed to pay
you a handsome profit in ten years.

I always knew you had it
in you, Phineas.
- Well, what is it?

- War bonds.
- War bonds?

Do you mean to say you brought
us down here for that?
- Yes.

I wanted you to buy enough
bonds to build a cruiser for
Rocky Mount.

You must be insane.

We buy all our bonds
at home. It's the most idiotic
thing I've ever heard.

- Phineas, you unlock that door!
- Well, that settles it.

I guess I'll just have to have
that book published now.

What book?

A little epic I had stashed
off, entitled "Skeletons in
the Carver Closet."

I just finished it. It's bound
to be a best-seller.

Perhaps you'd like to have
me read a chapter or two.

It might make you change
your mind.

I've just gotten the first
report on the financial
returns of the rally.

Your cash purchases and
telephone pledges bring the
grand total to...


And I'm quite sure that the
next time brother Elliott goes
to Atlantic City

he will take his bathing suit
with him.

For shame, Elliott. For shame.

The next chapter concerns you,
brother Horatio.

It's titled, "Casanova

It chronicles the amusing tale
of a Wall Street tycoon

who took it on the lam through
a famous actress' window

while pursued by a jealous
pistol-packing papa.

So that's how you caught

I did not! And don't be so
smug Martha. You've seem to
forget which Carver has been

seen in which nightclub, with
which baratone.

Stop calling me a witch!

Shall I continue?

This is nothing but blackmail.

Call it that if you wish.

The next chapter is devoted
to you, Minerva.

In December, 1938, the very
dignified Minerva Carver

while at a party at a
New York hotspot...

...suddenly decided to do a
fan dance to the strains of
the Blue Danube.

Stop. Come to think of it,
I could use a few more bonds.

And now this family is the
greatest act of it's kind in
the whole world.

The Christiani Family!

- Where were you? You're late!
- Hey, what are you trying to do? Hey!

C'mon, c'mon, get out there!

We're still a million dollars

Oh, it looks like we've missed
the boat again, Kay.

I might as well go out there
and give them the bad news.

- Has anybody here...
- Julie!

Would you all mind? I'd like to see
Miss Carver alone for a minute.

- Oh sure.
- Thank you.

Gee, I'm glad you came back.

- I only came back to give you these.
- I've missed you so!

- Seems like you've been gone for years.
- Here they are.

Twenty million dollars. More
than Dad promised you.

I was going to follow you up
north, right after the show.

These checks are good.
They're written by the rich
Carvers - $20,000,000.

I shouldn't have acted the way
I did, Julie.

Boing! Boing!

# Beauty little Rhode Island
So fancy free #

Forgive me kids, but I've got news
so great it just won't keep.

Folks, we are gonna have our cruiser.
I've got checks totalling over


- Telegram for Mr. Kyser.
- Yes.

Well you know gang, when
I make a promise...

- We seem to be alone.
- Is that bad?