Carnival in Moscow (1956) - full transcript

MOSFILM

CARNIVAL NIGHT

Screenplay:
Boris Laskin, Vladimir Polyakov

Directed by: Eldar Ryazanov

Director of Photography:
A.Koltsatyi

Set Design:
K.Efimov, O.Grosse

Music: A.Lepin
Sound: V.Zorin

Serafim Ivanych Ogurtsov -
Igor Ilynsky

Lena Krylova - I.Gurchenko
Grisha Koltsov - Yu.Belov

Usikov - G.Kulikov
Lektor - S.Filippov

Romashkina - O.Vlasova
Accountant - A.Tutyshkin



Clowns - B.Peteker, V.Zeldin

Ok, here we go!

Amazing! That's how guests will
slide into new year's carnival!

- Hi, auntie Dusya!
- I liked the rehearsal. Well done!

- Costumes from the theatre?
- Just delivered.

Hi, girls! Don't forget
the ballet rehearsal at one.

- Hi, Grisha.
- How'd you know it was me?

- Intuition.
- Well, hi then.

I've been meaning...
to congratulate you.

- What for?
- For the natural disaster.

The new director.

The director's on a business trip.
Ogurtsov has taken over.

No way.

Lena, I've been wanting to ask...



about having a serious talk?

I've got to go to a meeting.

An objective enough reason.

- Oh, c'mon Lena...
- Grisha...

You know, I've got a solution -

a certain helper.
Modern technology.

- I don't understand.
- You will when you hear it.

Hello!

- Have you made the sketches?
- Here they are.

Come in, comrades.

Come in, comrades. Have a seat.

You know comrade Telegin?

A leader in the trade union,

city council deputy,

and on New Year's...
Like this?

Why should soviet citizens

hide their faces?

Why, comrades?

It's not normal.

But let's move on

to the real matter.

Comrades, we need to make

this a happy New Year's eve.

There're certain orders

and demands from above,
if you will.

We need to conduct
this undertaking...

In a way that we can't be
accused of anything.

We need to include

some fantastic fun, on budget,

but we also need to...

...conduct this undertaking...

at the highest level.

It's important
you understand this,

don't you think,
comrade Krylova?

Putting together a good
carnival's no joke.

Don't worry, comrade, I don't
joke about things at all.

- Keep writing.
- Yes, Serafim Ivanych, I will.

I've been thinking about this,

and our New Year's
eve should start like this.

On stage... Write it down!

As per Russian fairy tales,

- there's a fairy-tale tower.
- 3 cubic meters of saw wood.

Later, Fedor Petrovich.

The bells ring

and out comes... Who?

- A bear.
- No.

- Santa Claus? A snow maiden?
- No.

Out comes a lecturer.

A lecturer?

And he gives
a short speech, 40 minutes

or so.

What do you think,
Comrade Romashkina?

Yes, it's serious

and it motivates...
Precisely.

This puts us in a tight spot,
Serafim Ivanych.

Comrade Krylova has planned:

Santa Claus one,
snowflakes 30 units,

as well as puss in boots
and a wicked witch.

No cats in the budget.

- No money for boots.
- What do you propose?

- Cut back.
- Who?

- The cat.
- Right.

At minimum, no cat.

And as for the wicked witch,
nothing for her either.

We'll stay...

- ...in-house for that one.
- We'll try.

Very original, Serafim Ivanych.

You could say the grey matter
in his brain worked hard.

I'm not only grey,
comrade Usikov.

That's all, comrades.

It's comrade Telegin.

Yes, comrade Telegin...

And your wife

for New Year's?

Of course.

Comrades, Serafim Ivanych wants
to review all the acts in an hour.

In a spring so fine
A girl met a guy

He was handsome and shy

Followed her around
And stared with lovesick eyes

But never knew what to say
I don't know how to begin

Or even what I mean
It didn't work out once again.

He doesn't know how to begin
Or even what he means

It didn't work out once again.

You can ask me to explain
Don't be sad in vain.

You won't understand a thing.

Your glances are so sweet.
You don't to speak.

There's just three words
you need to sing...

- I don't know...
- How to begin?

Or even, well...

It didn't work
out once again.

If his glances are so sweet
He doesn't need to speak...

There's just three words
he needs to sing.

I love you!

Nothing wrong with that number.

- They sing well, I liked it.
- It was good.

Lena, come here.

The unfamiliar guy comes up to me
and says 'You know who I am?'

I say 'I do', and he says

'Give this envelope to Lena.'

So did this unfamiliar-stranger
say anything else?

Sighed and left.

Kostya, can I put on this record?

Of course.

Dear Lena, now you'll listen to me.

The thing is like this...

All you see is this record, but
I see you, your face, your eyes.

Lena, there comes a time
in everyone's life

when you have to explain
yourself to another.

Kostya! You can make this quieter?

Silly that I have to rely on
technical support but it's easier.

If you interrupt me, Lena,

I'll be quiet.
But not on a record.

Of course you can break it,

but I hope you won't.

Lena, I've been wanting
to tell you this for a long time.

I love you!

I do! I do! I love you!

I love you!
I'm not afraid to say it!

That's Shakespeare,

but which play?

I thought for a long time
before recording this.

You might think it's a joke, Lena.

But in every joke there's
a grain of truth, and...

Ok, that was great, well done.

Why'd you turn it off?

What for? The whole place
is already in the know.

- What?
- It was a public broadcast!

Grisha, I give you
my word it was an accident!

Yeah, it's funny to broadcast
another's feelings on the pa...

So that's how you respond?

What should I say?

Nothing to say? Once again.

You're so shy, indecisive.

- I'm what?
- Shy, Indecisive.

Am I wrong, Grisha?

So, Lena, it's like,

you know, I told you...

- Is that all?
- Yes.

Well spoken.

What happened to
the Shakespeare program?

Technical difficulties.

Tosya, let's go over
our objectives!

Tosya,

we'll need about five janitors.

Will do, Serafim Ivanych.

The decoration's good,
though, right?

Not bad, but the supports
aren't decorated.

Too bad they didn't use
'Bears on Holiday.'

That would be too...
That's right, Serafim Ivanych.

You do understand
what you're doing?

- I don't follow you.
- Exactly.

Are we at the beach here?

What's going on here?

- What? My legs.
- Yes.

- Where do you usually work?
- I'm an economist.

Really? You don't meet
them like this every day.

Naked legs aren't going

to educate our audience.

It's like this. Change the costumes.
Cover the legs.

About the dance...

- What's the dance about?
- About youth, love.

I'm married, I understand.

This is your version -
young man in love

must throw his girlfriend

around?

It's modern dance,

- the nature of dance.
- Comrade Krylova!

You understand we're not
spending money on education

to throw economists
around that way.

- It's the choreography!
- Imagine.

Let's go, Tosya.

Three wise old men of gotham

Went to sea in a bowl

Brr-brr! Bam-bam!

If their bowl had been stronger

If their bowl had been stronger

Our song would be longer...

Not bad.

You should increase
the number of singers.

We've got plenty in house.

- But this is a quartet.
- What's a quartet

with a few more people?
A mass-quartet.

And what's this?

- Orchestral rehearsal.
- Wonderful.

Stop! You got off to a bad start,
the horns were late.

Sasha, I've told you
again and again

that it's not b but b-flat!

One more time!

What can I say?

A big ensemble of qualified
people, a lot of work,

but I have no doubt
that this won't do at all.

- What?
- The music just doesn't make

you feel, and it has
to make you feel.

- Sorry, I don't understand.
- The music has to,

you know, grab you

without carrying you away,

understand?
You're just playing

dum-da-dum on the trumpet.

Pick a more serious repertoire.

- There are two days to New Year's.
- The program's set!

- We've rehearsed so much!
- We won't change the program.

What?

This orchestra
will not perform.

- But why?
- Undisciplined.

Pick a new group
of young people.

In the stage veterans home
there's an amateur orchestra,

serious people.

Pensioners, you know, have a...

Serious attitude to art.

Make an agreement with them
about a cultural exchange,

- us - them, them - us.
- But...

That's all, Elena Ivanovna.
The work day's over.

Time for bye-byes!

At your suggestion I've
re-read Turgenev's 'Spring waters.'

A wonderful work.

Three days now

of love!

Real emotion!

Poetry!

All this commotion
about the New Year's,

and, sinner that I am,
love only quiet.

It's nice and quiet
in your office.

You don't say.
Coping with young people.

A crush all day.
Sign here, pay this,

rush, rush, rush.
I'm a calm person,

a widower.

You understand me,
Adelaida Kuzminichna,

I'm relaxed in your company,

you're a serious person.

It's my age, Fyodor Petrovich,

it's time to be serious.

I haven't been twenty-five
in a long time.

And I have to say,
I'm no longer thirty-eight.

Play something and I'll be off.

What should I play?

A bright moon in the sky

With tender beauty shines

And I am alone...

Completely alone
with hope I dream.

Singing, or as they say,
culturally relaxing?

Not bad, comrades.

Doesn't Adeleaida Kuzminichna
have a very pleasant voice?

Indeed. It'd be good
if you, Adeleaida Kuzminichna,

were to perform, rather, to shine,
at the New Year's concert.

What do you mean,
Serafim Ivanych, sing what?

- This number you were singing.
- Excellent idea!

By the way, it would be good
for you to appear as well.

Read some poetry or something.

The last time I performed
wasn't long ago.

About forty years.
I read a fable at school.

Well then.
A fable's good, it's satire.

We need our Gogols
and Shchedrins.

Read a fable.

And you,
Adeleaida Kuzminichna,

you can perform your song.

What was it?
'I'm alone, completely alone?'

'With quiet hope I dream.'

Good, very good.

Only I'd clarify
the formulation.

I don't understand.

You see, singing:
'Alone, completely alone

in such a great collective.'

Will be typical.

I can't take it any more!

Not the right stars, the moon
smiles, the curtain's wrong.

- The orchestra won't do.
- He only likes the tower.

- Any suggestions?
- Let him design himself,

- act himself...
- Dance himself. Sing himself.

A joke's a joke,
but we have to do something.

We should all get together
and go to Telegin.

That won't work. What are we,
kids? Let's go 'Tell on him'?

We need to find
a solution ourselves.

Let's agree with him
about everything.

We'll say everything's great
and have our own way.

- Right.
- And then he will see.

Hang on, what are we going
to do about the orchestra?

- Yes, what about it?
- How do you do.

Forgive me
if I've disturbed you.

I'm from the stage
veterans home.

Comrade Ogurtsov called us
about the orchestra.

You'll find Ogurtsov
in the second door.

Ogurtsov?
Well, thanks very much.

I was afraid I'd have to
talk to that, what's her name?

- Frolova, isn't it?
- Maybe Krylova?

- That's the one.
- Why?

They say she's a cold,
indifferent person.

Who told you that?
Ogurtsov?

Maybe you'll tell me.
My name's Krylova.

Oh, this turned out bad.
I'm sorry.

Stop, please, who said this?

I'll only tell you.

I'll go have a smoke.

I'm really sorry.

Comrade Krylova,

I'm Grisha Koltsov's
grandfather.

- He's the one who said this to you?
- No. He loves you.

Doesn't sleep at night,
thinks only of you.

He's a good kid, if he
falls in love, it's forever.

Why do you torment him so?

Oh, grandfather!

- I'm off to comrade Ogurtsov.
- Wait, grandfather!

I'm in a rush!

What's wrong, grandfather!
Wait!

Did you see the old man
running by?

- He flew by like a jet plane.
- Where?

- This way then that way.
- What's up?

- Did you see your grandpa here?
- My grandpa?

- His grandpa?
- So I've got a grandpa.

Look at his boots.

I see them.

- The same?
- Yes.

I think they share the same pair.

- No, they just look the same.
- And the beards too.

Everything looks the same.

Do you have a message
for my grandson?

No family feelings this year.

And next year?

If he doesn't help us
put together our performance,

I'll never speak to him.

I'll tell him.

Seryozha, listen!

This grandfather has given
me an interesting idea.

Well then, let's see the clowns.

Go ahead, comrades.

Hi, Top.

Hi, Tip.

- Oh, where are you Top?
- Here I am.

- Oh, hi, Top!
- Hi!

Tell me Top, why are you crying?

You know, Tip,
I'm getting married.

My congratulations to you!

And to your fiancee.

Shhh! Quiet!

Not a word about this!

- Why?
- She doesn't know about it yet.

- What? Why not?
- I'm getting married to another.

Just a minute.

Just a minute, comrades.

This won't do at all.

You're getting married
and you're crying?

This isn't normal.

And what about
this soaking handkerchief?

- It's tears.
- Wringing out emotional results.

How much do you have to cry
to have a soaking handkerchief?

And no need to kiss.

It produces
an unpleasant impression.

Comrade director,
it seems you don't...

I do. You say your fiancee doesn't
know you're marrying another.

That's not good.
She should be in the know.

- Tell her about it.
- You think so?

- But that's the idea, the humor.
- The spice.

No need of spice here.
And what kind of names are those?

- Clown's names, Tip, Top.
- It's tradition.

- Haven't you got surnames?
- Yes.

Well, then.
Use your surnames, no more tears,

and try to be more cheerful.

- Comrade director, you know...
- Forget it, Kolya.

Marusya!

- Hi, Sidorov.
- Hi, Nikolaev.

Tell me, Sidorov,
why are you so happy?

I'm happy
because I'm getting married.

Congratulations
to you and your fiancee.

I'm going to cheer her up
with the news I'm marrying another.

Marusya!

Just a minute, comrades.

This is absurd.

If he already has a fiancee,
why marry another?

That's the whole
element of satire.

- That's the idea.
- Namely what?

That he's a thoughtless person
and deceived his fiancee.

- You mean Sidorov?
- Yes.

Is he come apart morally?

- Yes.
- Then why do you congratulate him?

- You just don't understand!
- Kolya.

If a man has come apart morally,

you need to say something
about it, not laugh.

And this whole look
of yours is mystifying.

Now, with all seriousness,

go out there like real people,

and quickly get to the matter.

Go on, my time is short!

Kolya, forget it.

Elena Ivanovna,
could you help me?

I've got to read
a fable tonight,

- can't find the right one.
- What fable?

Serafim Ivanych asked me
to read one on stage.

Serafim Ivanych, eh?

Fyodor Petrovich,
I'll find you one.

I'd be most grateful.

- I'll come by later, OK?
- OK.

- Comrades!
- In our midst, unfortunately,

there remain instances
of thoughtless...

- behavior...
- ...towards family and marriage.

- We declare directly...
- ...and as harsh as it may seem...

That this is impermissible.

Of course. That's it!

This is something else entirely!

Comrade Krylova, what else is left?

That's all, Serafim Ivanych.

- Where is the new orchestra?
- They're rehearsing now.

- Where?
- On the fourth floor.

Really? I'll go up
and see for myself.

Well, here comes
the moment of truth.

Grisha, how can you be
so calm about this?

- What of it?
- Do something.

And what can I do?

If you don't do something,
god forbid what I'll do!

- If I do...
- Do something!

- Tell me first.
- All right. I'll kiss you, OK?

- Really?
- Yes. Well?

Anyone there?

- Is anyone going to help or not?
- What has happened?

- At your service.
- Get a mechanic here immediately.

He's gone into town. Said he'd
be back in about three hours.

He'll get it when he gets back!

Why are you standing around?
Find somebody.

- So, what happened?
- He's stuck.

- Who?
- Ogurtsov's stuck in the lift.

The lift suddenly
and unexpectedly broke down.

Well done. Listen,
we still might get it.

I don't know about us,
but I hope I get it.

- What?
- You promised.

Close your eyes. Don't peek.

- I won't.
- Honestly?

- Yes.
- Ok, close your eyes.

Kiss me.

I'm practicing!

Got talent!

- Hello, comrade director.
- Hello.

- Happy New Year.
- Hi.

Is someone coming at last?

How did this happen,
Serafim Ivanych?

I've brought you
something to eat.

I knew a sandwich
wouldn't go through,

so I took some sausages
and spaghetti.

Eat them up, Serafim Ivanych.

What sausages?

Am I going to sit here long?

Serafim Ivanych,
where are you going?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Get the best carnival masks here!

Balloons! Wonderful balloons!
They won't last!

You put the slide up anyway?

You can see how everyone's
having a good time!

A serious person
wouldn't go in this way.

As you see, this respectable
person is dissatisfied.

Why? I really like this escapade!

- Comrade Telegin!
- Hello!

- Happy New Year!
- And to you.

And your wife is on her way?

And how! Come on, Liza!

- How was the ride?
- Wonderful!

- They thought of everything!
- We try...

Our concern is culture.

Disgraceful!

Enough to drive me mad!

Attention! Comrades, friends!

You won't have a boring
time this evening!

Believe me, be happier than

the rest and you won't mess it up.

Long live happy smiles,

long live fervent laughter!

Everything's going great. If only
the speaker wouldn't turn up.

So, comrades...
Is the mic off?

- Yes.
- There's a change in the show.

There'll be no speaker.

It seems he wants
to see in the New Year.

We'll get by.

The right decision,
Serafim Ivanych.

So the lecture
will be read by me.

What?

And what's more...
There'll be no mc.

Not in the budget.
Nominate another.

Have I come
to the right place?

Yes.

Hi. Comrade Nekadilov,

a lecturer from the society
of popular science.

He's going to give a lecture on...

- 'Is there life on Mars?'
- Good, comrade Nekadilov.

So: you go on

and give a brief speech,
no more than forty minutes,

I think. Give your lecture.

- We're done for.
- I'll take care of the lecturer.

- And the mc?
- Grisha'll master the ceremonies.

- Grisha...
- I can't.

- He can't.
- What are you saying? I'll go...

- All the way.
- Well done!

What do we do
with the other lecturer?

Well, comrades, let's begin.
I'm the first, then you.

Grisha, don't worry.

Comrade lecturer.

This way please.
I'd like to acquaint you

with the artful design
of our buffet.

- That's very nice.
- Should we have a drink

to celebrate the New Year?
Just a quick one...

Oh no, my good man.

- I have a lecture to give.
- To get in a cheerful mood.

No, my good man, my lecture.

Here's to your lecture
and to astronomy in general!

- I have to drink to that.
- Of course, your health.

Nadya, another round of the same.

We haven't been introduced.

- I'm Usikov, set designer.
- Nice to meet you.

I'm Nekadilov, a lecturer from...

- We still haven't drunk to...
- No.

No. I have to give a lecture.

If you say so.
I'm interested in astronomy.

What exactly is 'space'?

Space is...

- My good man, I have to...
- Your health.

Let me through!

This one's huge! Comrades!

Just look at this mask!

It's the spitting image
of Ogurtsov!

What joke? What copy?
I am Ogurtsov.

What an actor!
He can do Ogurtsov's voice!

I'm not imitating anyone,
just fulfilling my duties.

I know who you are, you mask.

And the nose's
just like Ogurtsov's!

- Like it's alive! Look!
- Let me through, please.

I need to give a speech.

A speech! Even Ogurtsov
wouldn't have thought of that!

Stop, comrades.
I won't permit it!

Cease this undertaking!

Comrades, I officially
command you! Stop!

I officially announce
that this is untimely!

We can't wait.
What's happened with Ogurtsov?

- Grisha's gone to find out.
- Can't you hear what's going on?

You can start when you want.

Ogurtsov is flying around the foyer.
He's being carried around.

- He won't get away?
- You've got 10 min guarantee.

- Will we make it?
- Yes. I'm going to go change.

Be quick.
Ok guys, places, quickly.

I've a song for you to sing,

it'll take me just
five minutes.

And if you let me I'll sing it.
Let it fly around the world.

I give this song to you.

5 minutes, 5 minutes,

Ring the new year's
bell today.

5 minutes, 5 minutes...

And put all
your quarrels away.

5 minutes, 5 minutes...
You can solve anything.

In 5 minutes, 5 minutes
You can do anything.

5 minutes, 5 minutes.

Ring the new year's bell today
And put all your quarrels away

On the clock it's 5 to 12.

And the New Year's on it's way.

The New Year will be here.
Then we'll say 'Happy New Year'.

On the clock it's 5 to 12.

The New Year just won't wait.

It's at the very gate.

No time remains

5 minutes ticks away.

Dear friend, please make some haste.
There is no time to waste.

Speak your mind, make your peace.
It happens that at midnight tonight.

One might decide

not to marry in this life.

But a minute changes all.
It happens to us all.

Everything changes
once and for all.

The New Year's nearly here.

Happiness is near.

And the young
man sitting here.

Will be a master.

- In 5 minutes?
- In 5 minutes.

5 minutes is not a lot.

It hasn't far to go.
And new year's on the road.

5 minutes' not a lot.
It hasn't far to go.

And New Year's on the road.
Let others far and wide.

Sing this song tonight.
It took me 5 minutes to sing.

Now the midnight bells will ring.

The New Year's here.

Happy New Year.

Time moves us ahead.

The Old Year's dead.

Let's all sing
and let's all smile.

And celebrate
the new year for a while.

The New Year's here.

Happy New Year!

- Grisha, it's over!
- What?

Ogurtsov broke away from the crowd,
he's on his way here.

Only a miracle can help us now.

Can you help us, magician?
Please, help us.

You see, he wants to give
a speech on New Year's.

- It's in his pocket.
- Here he comes. Do something!

There he is.

Comrade Ogurtsov!
Allow me to greet you

in the name of the workers
of the eccentric genre!

- Hello, hello.
- Happy New Year!

- What?
- Happy New Year!

- All the best!
- What's this?

Has he gone mad?

- Well?
- A quick hand

and no speech.

Everyone's gone crazy!

Curtain!

Comrades! Let me wish you
a happy New Year,

- as they say, all the best.
- Thank you!

Allow me also
briefly familiarize you

with some of account figures

from our palace of culture.

I prepared a talk and...

What's this?

Heavens! What an artist!

- Who would've thought!
- A real talent.

You're my witnesses, comrades,

my speech was stolen!

Serafim Ivanych, you're a hit!

You should've seen
Telegin applauding you!

- He did? You saw him?
- Everyone did, right Grisha?

I saw him too.

I did my best
to make the mood right.

Now for something serious.

Where's the lecturer?

- Here he is, he's ready.
- Get him on stage!

Hey, you guys...

Comrades!

I know you're wondering,

is there life on Mars?

From down here

stars look tiny,

but if you look

through a telescope,

you can see two,

three, four

or best of all,
even five stars.

If there is

or isn't life on Mars,

science hasn't discovered.
We're not in the know.

Assa!

What's going on, I ask you!

In our little garden,
in our little garden.

A little rose is growing...

Farewell, comrades,

I'm going on.

- Grisha, don't be afraid!
- I'm not afraid at all.

Have a drink.

Really, I'm completely calm.

So I see.

I'm off, Lena.

- Go on.
- Yes, Lena.

- Grisha.
- Here we go.

Good evening, comrades.

- Hi!
- Hello!

- Good evening.
- You've said that!

It's wrong to laugh, comrades.

A man comes on stage
for the first time

and you'd say 'C'mon,
comrade Koltsov, do it!'

C'mon, Koltsov, do it!
Keep it up!

That's another matter.
You know how hard the first time is.

To sing for the first time,

to slide down a pole.

How hard to say 'I love you'
for the first time.

And hear 'I don't'
as the answer.

A few here have suffered
through that, right?

- You bet!
- Most important to get over it

and not let your spirits drop.

More on that later.

And now an ensemble
of pensioners

will perform
a wrong and dance,

sorry, song and dance

act by composer Kruchinin,

directed by Vastly Venediktych
Sviristinsky-Shmigailo.

They're really going to get it.

Comrades,

I officially
and categorically declare

that because of these numbers...

Comrades, you've just seen

how cheerful art makes
the elderly young again,

the timid, brave. Look around.

You can see our waitresses
Vera, Nadya and Lyuba.

You think they only
serve ice cream.

But they serve up hope.

They might seem shy,
but you'll see.

Oh Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.
There is a funny story.

She worked in the dining hall
Of a factory.

Her specialty was borscht
And other kinds of nutrition

And absolutely no one
Paid her any attention.

- No way!
- Imagine!

No one at all.

And in our factory club

They held a carnival.

Everyone applauded

One very special girl.

Fights broke out that night

Just to dance with her

Flowers from Onegin

And from a musketeer.

Dammit!

A breakdown of authority!

A punch and judy show!
Dammit!

And all the factory workers
In the dining hall.

Ate and talked together
About this special girl.

No one knew where she had gone
She'd worn this mask, you see.

Tanya, Tanya, Tanya
Serve some borscht to me.

They don't know they're being served
By the very special girl.

- No way!
- Imagine!

By the very special girl.

- This one?
- Guess so. Damn, it's heavy!

Grisha, I take it all back!

- What?
- About being timid and indecisive.

- I've wanted to tell you that...
- Well?

That I'm going to announce
the magician.

The magician-illusionist Edward
Nikiforov will now perform.

I need 2 volunteers
from the audience.

Comrades, don't be shy.

Good evening.
Please give me your tie

and your watch. Don't worry.

Put them here, please.

Disgraceful! You'll answer for this!

I'll go straight to the top!

- How did he end up there?
- Makes no sense.

Comrade Ogurtsov,
how'd you end up in there?

None of your business.

I'll put an end to this chaos!

Comrade magician, my watch?

- What watch?
- My tie? You took them.

Oh, yes! Here they are.

We all know our estimable accountant
Fyodor Petrovich Mironov,

and his well-known phrase
'Come back later,

the cashier's gone to the bank!'

But today you'll hear
something different from him,

the fable 'The Bear at the ball.'
Fyodor Petrovich!

Once upon a time there

was a ball
at the edge of the forest.

The raccoon, the hedgehog,
the deer and the doe

danced a 'pas-de-espagne.'

The grey rabbit danced
a waltz alone.

Squirrels and frogs danced,
everyone drank dew

and two cuckoos sang duets.
Songs and rhymes.

Everyone was having a good time,

when suddenly a Bear showed up

and asked

why did the leopard
sit on a branch?

Why did the ferret
go to the stall?

Why are the raccoon and
the mole dancing a foxtrot?

'Whys' and 'what fors'
made everyone bored,

and it grew sad in the forest.

And in the green world
of the wood

Green melancholy stood.

The moral is

Why did the bear
go to the ball?

A good biting fable,

and he read it well.

We're increasing initiative,

or at least creating the conditions.

- And who's the Bear?
- We'll find out.

Fyodor Petrovich.

Well...

It's a good biting fable,
you read it well.

- So it's justified, then?
- Yes,

it's just unclear
who the Bear is?

Well, it's an allegory.

Well, next time you read a fable,

Fyodor Petrovich, make sure you give

- the surname and his place of work!
- That's exactly right!

Comrades! A moment
of your attention, please.

Please will you...

We'll see
where this satire goes.

Vastly Petrovich,
put down the bottle, please.

We need a serious atmosphere
in the auditorium.

Now, our head...

...librarian,
Adeliada Kuzminichna Romashkina.

Is going to sing.

Distant years, passing years

Memories forever sleeping

Dewey paths
Of gardens old

Shady woods
And first meetings

How the night
Hung stars in the sky

A waltz both joyful and sad

A waltz of promise,
a waltz desired

A tender waltz of parting
Thoughtful and imparting.

Familiar sounds alive anew

What was dormant now renewed

The heart knows
oblivion nor hunger

Just the restless state
of being young

How the night
Hung stars in the sky

A waltz both joyful and sad

A waltz of promise,
a waltz desired

A tender waltz of parting
Thoughtful and imparting

A waltz of promise,
a waltz desired

A tender waltz of parting
Thoughtful and imparting

As wonderful
As one's first meeting.

- We never would have guessed.
- You said it.

- We entrusted her with the library.
- You don't like her?

Do you? Do you also like
how I flew in the case?

- Serafim Ivanych!
- Enough of these Serafim Ivanyches!

- I'll settle accounts with you all!
- What's he thought

- of now?
- Don't worry.

- Quickly, your act is next.
- Get dressed! Don't worry!

Congratulations, you were wonderful.

I'd never have
imagined you like that.

- Are you disappointed?
- On the contrary!

If you grumble leaving home

If a sunny day's no joy

Let the smile cheer you up

As you make your way
The smile of an unknown boy.

A smile without a doubt

Hits you right
between the eyes

And the good mood
that it brings

Will never leave your side.

If you and your beloved
Have a quarrel once or twice,

You'll know it was for nothing,

If you look into each other's eyes.

A look is worth
a thousand words.

And if you should recall

The misfortune of another

Remind yourself instead

Of the numerous joys of others

Tosya Burygina go immediately
to the carnival headquarters.

What the hell!
We just got started!

I wonder who needs me?
Excuse me.

Tosya Burygina go immediately
to the carnival headquarters.

Dismissed. Sit down.

To the Trade Union.

From the director...

...Ogurtsov, S.I.

Despite labors

to establish a cultural
undertaking for all,

several workers

have turned it into a punch
and judy show. Full stop.

Due to their
wilfull independence,

comrades Krylova,
Koltsov, Usikov

and others

in place of a New Year's
carnival made who-knows-what!

Knowing my hope
to have serious evening

the above-mentioned
went beyond my authority,

and put birds in my pocket,

used my having

fallen into a case

in an act of magic

without thinking of the danger

it might cause to me

or others which prompted
unhealthy laughter

in the audience.

Guys! I left it on!

Having brought this
to your attention,

I request that disciplinary measures
are carried out against those

who naively found I'm a fool.

- Where did we stop?
- Where they found you're a fool.

Exactly. Full stop.

- It's sad!
- What?

It's sad, comrades,
that we're another year older.

And since we're young,
let's not waste time!

- Shall we dance?
- Absolutely!

- May I...
- I don't dance.

- Grisha, maybe we should dance too?
- Why 'maybe'?

- What do you mean?
- Why the timidity and...

Of course, right away!

Here we are dancing.

Happy New Year!

Everyone's looking!
Aren't you ashamed?

The happiest ever!

- Grisha!
- Lena!

Grisha! Oh, all right.
Close your eyes.

Another trick?

Close your eyes.

No peeking? Honestly?

Close your eyes.
The happiest ever!

Will it be?

Comrades! Just a minute!

Comrades,

I officially announce

that I take
no personal responsibility

for what happened here tonight!