Carlotta (2014) - full transcript

♪ S' what I love to see

♪ You make my life so glamorous

♪ You can't blame me for feeling

♪ Amorous

♪ Oh, it's wonderful

♪ Marvellous

♪ That you should care for me

Shall I sing another one, Mum?
How about Mr Sandman?

That'll do, Richie.

You can help in the kitchen.

What did I tell you about your hands?



They liked it.

You fluffed the chorus.

It goes like this, remember?

♪ S' wonderful

♪ S' marvellous

♪ You should care for me

♪ It's awful nice ♪

This bit -

♪ S' paradise

♪ S' what I love to see ♪

Those days are long gone, Ev.

Don't go making a spectacle.

Now, we need some more cocktail onions.

Show me again, Mum.



Ted's right,
my dancing days are long gone.

♪ Marvellous

♪ That you should care for me

You've got wax in your ears.

Is everything alright?

Just having a chinwag with the boy.

It's my house and it's my rules.
He's got to learn.

Now...

..I won't have some nancy boy embarrass
this family again, you hear me?

You need to toughen up.

(Repeated blows)

Are you not ready yet?

- Mm.
- Zip me up?

Only because we're running late.

You're still a beautiful woman.

Maybe we should stay in.

I'm worried about Richard.

I checked on him. He's fine.

Don't you want to have fun anymore?

Let's go.

That's my girl.

I'll go get the car.

(Door shuts)

(Door opens)

You take those off.

This is not what boys do.

Do you understand?

- Ev!

Hurry up.

It's disgusting.

Ev!

(Starts engine)

(Door shuts)

Maggie Tabberer, Model of the Year.

Divorced with two kids.

- Are you Richard Byron?
- Yes. Pleased to meet you, sir.

Now there's one
I haven't been called before.

My name is Christopher.

This is my favourite department store.
It's very glamorous.

The window displays are beautiful.

Thank you. You know, I designed them.

Truly?

My mother says they look like postcards.

And this is the airless shoebox
where we create the magic.

Welcome to the scenic department, lovey.

This is Danny,
although she prefers 'Ava.'

You have to start with a good base.

Then you add colour
to accentuate the features.

Mm. You're a natural.

Ava? Get your bum over here.

I need inspiration
for the spring windows.

What do you think about
a European-postcard thing?

He's bossy. You get used to it.

When he calls you Ava...

Ava's the woman I am
when I dress in drag.

So, you wear ladies' clothes?

And look fabulous.

- Where's my First Lady?
- Here!

OK.

Like that. Suck it in.

Mm-hm.

Hold tight, hold tight.
I don't need adjusting.

- How tight do you like it?
- Tight.

What do you think, Richard?

Richard?

Not going to tell us
about your first day?

You've forgotten your manners again.

So, how was it?

I got to help with the window displays.

Well! Lucky you.

I told them
you said they look like postcards.

Did you?

So they're going to do a postcard theme
for spring.

And I saw Maggie Tabberer.

What was she like?

She was so beautiful, Mum.

Everybody was watching her,
and she was practising her walk.

What's it like? Show me.

- The walk?
- Yes.

It was like...

Sometimes I wonder where
all this talent comes from.

My mother was all sensible shoes
and Hail Marys.

She's still waiting for the Good Lord
to strike me down.

That's a really beautiful coat.

Want to try it on?

No.

Well, keep watch.

Miss Monroe's got nothing on me.

You sure you don't want to try it on?

No, I'm not like you.

Oh, lovey.

You just want to be normal.

I am.

I can see who you are.

Come on, I want to show you something.

Oh.

It's all about the eyes.

That's what they want.

Remember that?
It's what every man looks at.

It's what they want to see.

How do you find shoes that fit?

We work in a department store, lovey.

You look really good.

Your turn.

Honey, I'm home!

Ssh!

Richard's in there.

Stop the presses.

He's going through the change.

Oh! Carol

- How much longer do we give him?
- As long as he needs.

He's probably torn
between the soft silk and the taffeta.

Yeah, that'd be it.

Do I look OK?

You, my darling, are beautiful.

Don't you dare cry, Richard,
you'll ruin my make-up.

This person cannot be called 'Richard.'

She...

..needs a name.

♪..no matter what you do

♪ Oh! Carol. ♪

Carol! That's a name.

We are taking Carol out.

Big step!

Three G & Ts, please.

She's so beautiful.

Yes, he is.

They're so confident.

That's what drag is, lovey-
hiding in the spotlight.

- When are you going to get up there?
- In good time.

Promises, promises.

Here we go.

Hi, I'm Mick.
I don't suppose you'd like to dance?

- We were just about to have a drink.
- She'd love to.

What's your name?

Um, Carol.

Carol.

Let me have a look at you.

You're a knock-out.

Um... No, I...

Come on.

Come on, let me feel it.

- I know where you're going.
- Hey, stop!

Stop it!

Carol? Carol, what happened?

He touched me.

What do you think he wanted to do,
play Scrabble?

Well, it's not right. I'm not a poofter.

What time do you call this?

- We just went dancing.
- We?

You and your fancy new friends?

What is this?

You've been wearing make-up.

Outside the house?

You think it's funny? Because it's not.

It's not natural.

Well, maybe it is for me.

You need to stop this rubbish.
You are a young man now.

What are people going to say?

You're a crap mother.

Richard?

You have no idea what I gave up for you.

What was that?

I married Ted
to give you every opportunity.

You married that bastard
because nobody else would have you.

Oh, darling.

They all wanted me.

They didn't want you.

Is that why you left me
with the neighbours for ten years?

Go to bed.

You should have just left me there.

You stop this filthy business
or get out of my house.

I won't have you do this to me again.

I won't.

- Oh, my records!
- There's no time.

Thunderclouds approaching.

Oh, dear.

Hello, love.

What do you think you're doing?

Tell her, Richard.

Moving out.

Get inside.

- We should go.
- You get inside, now.

Let him go, Ev.
We're better off without him.

Do you really want
to go off with these people?

- They're my friends.
- How dare you upset your mother?

If you want to go,
go, but don't ever come back!

We'll take good care of him.

What would you know about
taking care of him?

More than you.

Come on, let's go. Get in the car.

You alright?

Never better.

Sammy?

I've been
working on a few of my routines,

and I think if you give me a chance
to show you...

Brunettes are bad for business.

But Sammy, Mr Lee...

You got no va-va-voom, kid.

Sammy, Ava's done her ankle.
She can't go on.

Since when?

Twinkletoes got her heels caught
in her pantyhose.

Ah, shit.

You've got one shot.

♪ Stop the things you do

♪ What's up?

♪ I ain't lyin'

♪ La-la-lyin'

♪ I love you

♪ I love you, I love you

♪ I love you, I love you, baby

♪ I don't care if you don't want me

♪ I'm yours right now

♪ I put a spell on you...

♪ Spell on you... Spell on you... ♪

(Record runs down)

Show us your donger.

Come on, show us where you hide it.

I'll show you mine
if you'll show me yours.

Bet I'll need a magnifying glass
to find it though.

Watson, fetch me my magnifying glass.

Or better still, make it a telescope.

I'm all woman, ladies and gentlemen -

36, 24, 36...

..and nine and a half.

You're much more elegant
when you keep your mouth shut.

God, Sammy's going to throttle me
for insulting customers.

- Is that right?
- How was that...

..enough va-va-voom for you?

Sammy,
we hear you're opening a new club.

Les Girls.
Yes, and we want to audition.

So do all the other camps in the Cross.

Yes,
but they don't already work for you.

We know you.
We know you expect the best.

And we'll do it cheap.

- You won't be paid until you get in.
- You won't be disappointed.

You'd better show me something special
too, like those clubs in Paris.

Oh, we will.
We're going to knock you on your arse.

Your bum.

Don't thank me yet.

You haven't met Sheila Cruz.

Ready, ladies? A five, six, here we go.

A one, two, three, four.

Shoo the ducks, shoo the ducks.

Kick to Kellett Street.

Next group. And a one, two, three, four.

Shoo the ducks, shoo the ducks.

Good.

And like a gazelle.

Light and graceful.

Gazelle, dear.

Gazelle, not hippo.

Oh, never mind. Next one.

Oh, my God. She hates me.

Here we go.

Ah, now.

This is a gazelle.

Gazelle? More like a baby giraffe.

That's little Miss Peggy Perfect.

And OK, into the grapevine. Come on!

Starting slow.

And a one. And two.

And one. And two.

Her, pass for a girl?

Wouldn't have thought so.

She's a country kid in a bad panto wig.

Stop!

- Problem?
- No, Miss Cruz.

No problem. We were just helping...

- ..Peggy.
- Peggy.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Loosen the shoulder
without losing the line.

Where'd you dig up
the big-mouth brunette?

I know- moment of weakness.

You're shifting your weight too early.
It's on four.

Shoo the ducks, shoo the ducks.

One, two, three.

Four.

Have you got it in for me?

Oh, you think I was too hard on you.

- You know why?
- 'Cause I'm a hippo?

No, because your attitude stinks.

Picking on another girl? Whew!

You wouldn't do that
if you weren't scared.

What are you scared of?

I really want this, Miss Cruz.

- Why?
- Because I want to dance.

No.

You want them to love you!

Hm?

The stage is our boudoir.

The audience, our lover.

Do it right, and it will be
the most enduring love affair.

What if I'm not good enough?

If you give them everything -

your imagination, your body,

your beautiful face...

..you can be anything you want up here,
hm?

But lose the smart mouth at rehearsals.

Yes, Miss.

And do something about that voice.

Yes, Miss Cruz.

Sheila.

He has asked me to stay again tonight.

I think he's the one.

- You be careful with that one.
- I'll be alright.

You're writing to your mother again.

Mm-hm.

We could go and visit her.
I'll go with you.

It's a bit late for that.

I know you miss her.

OK, you go have a lovely night.

- Love you.
- Miss you.

Mean it'.

Legs.

Angelo.

Hello?

Mum? It's me.

Richard?

I wanted to let you know I'm OK.

Mum?

In two years,
all I get is a handful of postcards,

now you want to talk.

I called because I want to let you know
I'm going to be in a show.

It's a cabaret.
It's not definite, but...

I thought, if I get it,
you might like to come.

What's that? I can barely hear you.

Are you having a party?

You know Ted.

Look, now's not the best time.

How about tomorrow, then -
lunch, my shout?

Maybe next week.

I'll let you know.

Lovely dress.

Thank you. I made it myself.

Richard?

Mum.

- I have to go.
- Mum, come on.

- Let me go, Richard.
- Please, let me explain.

- Mum?
- Don't you dare'.

Don't you dare call me that.

You're not my son, not like this.

You need help.

- I didn't come here to fight.
- Didn't you?

No, I came here to show you
who I really am.

Mum, this is who I've always been
on the inside.

You know I was never like
the other boys.

This is not my fault.

I'm not blaming you.

We play the hand we're dealt, Richard.

Yes, that's right,
and Richard wasn't me.

This is me. This is right.

My name is Carol.

I don't want this for you.

No, you don't want this for you.

You play dress-ups and make-believe
all you like...

..but you'll never be a real woman.

It's not polite to stare.

You can talk.

It is strictly look but don't touch.

I was hoping he wasn't one of yours.

'Cause yours is so different than mine?

I like the manly type.

He's a gold-digger, Carol.

Even if he did like boys,
you couldn't afford him, darling.

Why aren't you two watching?

- Who?
- Cochinelle.

She's had the...

♪ We go, boom-biddy-boom
biddy-boom-biddy-boom

♪ Biddy-boom-biddy-boom
biddy-boom, boom, boom

♪ Boom-biddy-boom
Biddy-boom-biddy-boom

♪ Goodness, gracious
♪ How audacious

♪ Goodness, gracious
♪ How flirtatious

♪ Goodness, gracious'.
♪ Itis me

♪ It is you?
♪ I am sorry-itis us

♪ Ah'. ♪

She used to be a man?

They say she's famous in Europe,
and you have to see it to believe it.

- Come on, then.
- What? We can't.

- Come on.
- Carol!

Excuse me, Miss Cochinelle?

Yes?

I'm so sorry.

My friends... We wanted to meet you.

You are too sweet.

You like Natalie Wood too, non?

Such elegance, she has.

Is it true, about the operation?

You want to see my foufoune?

- You'll show us?
- Of course.

I am French.

Did you see how real it looked?
It was like she was born with it.

No-one would know
she wasn't the real thing.

Imagine Angelo if you came home
with a foufoune like that.

- Lovey!
- What?

You're not actually thinking
of having the op?

- I would'.
- You heard what happened to Sheena.

She died on the table in Cairo.

But it is something
to start thinking about

if they ever start doing it here.

Not me. No way.

I'd have the hormones over the op.
It's less risky.

♪ You're sitting there
wondering what it's all about... ♪

- Run, run'. Go'.

You, with me.
I have some questions.

Get away from me'.

She's new.

Let her go.

Take me. I'm more experienced.

- No!
- Stay right here. I'm OK.

- No, Ava, please!
- I'm OK.

No. Get away from her'.

I'm OK. I'm OK'.

- He won't get away with this.
- Ssh!

Lovey, it's done. Just let it go.

All stand.

Be seated.

Call Richard Byron.

Mr Byron...

..are you represented?

No, Your Worship.

I asked you a question.

No, Your Worship.

You were charged with
committing an indecent act in public.

How do you plead?

Not guilty, Your Worship.

I beg your pardon?

Not guilty, Your Worship.

Which part of the charge
do you not understand?

Any of it.

You do understand that
a custodial sentence

would not be a pleasant experience
for someone like you?

How is you,
sitting up there in your wig and robe,

any different to us,
sitting here in ours?

Charges dismissed. You're free to go...

..Miss Byron.

Here it is.

What a dive.

When they start handing out hormones
at The Sebel, no questions asked,

we'll go there.

- Now come on, we're late.
- Stop pressuring me'.

You can buy tits and all the make-up
you want, but we're still going to be...

..us.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean...

Lovey, I just don't want us
to rush into anything.

I thought you wanted
a knock-out pair of boobs?

Listen to me- we can start making the
outside match how we feel on the inside.

I just don't know
if I can go through with it all-

the hormones, the operation.

Darling, if you can't do it, no-one can.

Now, come on.

I promise
mine won't be bigger than yours.

Here we go.

And right, two, three, four, five, six.

Again. One, two, three, four, five.

Forward and present.

And smile.

Only a few days to go.
Let's get it right.

Gazelle.

And gazelle.

Alright. Everyone else, just focus.
Concentrate.

Oh, lovey. It's the hormones. Ahem.

- Did you hear that?
- Very nice'.

I'm a lady, I am.

One, two. One, two, three.

And position.

And step, kick. Step, kick. Up.

Hold it.

Hold.

And release.

Nice. Not bad.

He's in a foul mood.

I have made you
a thing of spectacular beauty.

I think it's a great day
for final auditions.

- At least you're definitely in.
- You will be too, for sure.

Carol!

You still taking those pills?
Doesn't look like it.

I am'. I'm just a late bloomer.

Keep at it. You know Sammy -
he likes the real deal.

- Carol, where are you?
- What happened?

- Oh, God.
- You got cut?

- Carol, you're up. Hurry up'.
- Yeah, OK!

You go out there and you be fantastic.

You're perfect.

Carol, hurry up'.

♪ S' wonderful

♪ S' marvellous

♪ That you should care for me

♪ S' awful nice

♪ S' paradise

♪ It's what I love to see

♪ You've made my life so glamorous

♪ You can't blame me
for feeling amorous... ♪

How do you like them, Sammy?

♪ S' wonderful

♪ S' marvellous... ♪

Alright, kill it'. I've heard enough.

What would you call yourself?

Carol Lee?

Well, that'd get them in.

Something foreign, exotic.

Mona. Trixie.

- Fifi.
- I'm not a bloody poodle.

Carlotta.

Perfect.

So I'm in?

Yeah, kid, you're in...

..Carlotta.

Thank you'. Thank you so much, Sammy'.

Carol!

Who is it?

Mum?

Mum? Mum, Mum?

- Operator.
- Yeah, hello.

I need an ambulance for my mum.
She's taken pills.

- What pills has she taken?
- Aspirin. She's taken aspirin.

- How many?
- Hang on, she's awake.

Mum?

Mum, how many pills did you take?

- Oh, Richard!
- Mum, how many pills?

Oh, I don't know. Three?

Maybe four.

She says, three, maybe four.

Um, yes, I will. I'm so sorry.
Thank you.

Ted's left me.

Good bloody riddance.

I can't be alone.

What am I going to do, Richard?

Why did you do all this?

I told you to stop.

Now he's gone, and what have I got?

'The owner,
nightclub impresario Sammy Lee...'

Impresario? He'll love that.

'..denied the new venue
broke public-decency laws,

but church groups have urged
the Police Commissioner to act.'

We could get arrested again.

- What's happened?
- Nothing, I just slipped in the bath.

Oh, my God, love.

Better not let Sammy see you.

- Can you go on?
- Everyone, stop fussing.

Bloody Angelo. I'll throttle him'.

Carol, it's not his fault.
I just got on his nerves.

By doing what, breathing?

What are you all standing around for?
It's opening night'. Move your arses'.

Ladies, you've got talent.

Now get out there
and bloody well use it.

No excuses.

- What if they shut us down?
- Better still, what if they hate us?

They're going to love us.

The most beautiful girls in Sydney,
but are they really girls at all?

♪ Les girls, les girls

♪ Ah, comme je les aime

♪ How he loves the girls

♪ Les girls, les girls

♪ Je les trouve suprêmes

♪ He worships the girls

♪ De la plante des pieds
à la racine des cheveux

♪ From the tips of their toes
up to their curls

♪ Formidable'. J'adore, mais oui

♪ And most of all, me'.
♪ Les girls

♪ Les girls

♪ Girls

♪ Oh, what charms they disclose

♪ From their hats to their hose

♪ From the tips of their toes

♪ Up to their curls

♪ I simply adore

♪ And every day more

♪ Les girls

♪ Les girls

♪ Les girls. ♪

Excuse me.

Drink?

You know what I like.

I know almost everything about you,
Carlotta.

Who wants vanilla, when there are
so many other flavours to try?

OK.

Smiles.

And big smile.

Thank you. Thanks, girls.

That was lovely. Thank you.

- I've been thinking about the finale.
- I'm not paying you to think.

Peggy's solo is really not
setting the room on fire.

She's good.

But I'm the one they're writing about.
I'm getting you bums on seats.

I'm not paying you any extra.

Of course not.

So what did you have in mind?

♪ The minute you walked in the joint

♪ I could see you were
a man of distinction

♪ A real big spender

♪ Good-looking, so refined

♪ Say, wouldn't you like to know
what's going on in my mind?

♪ Let me get right to the point

♪ I don't pop my cork
for every man I see

♪ Hey, big spender

♪ Hey, big spender

♪ Hey'. Big spender

♪ Spend a little time with me. ♪

I still don't know why
you're paying his tab.

What can I say?
We've so much in common.

Lance loves spending money
and I love making it.

Just order me a martini.

Why do you let him do this to you?

Why do you put up with Lance
spending your money?

The things we do for love, eh?

You know what? Let's go.
I don't feel like a drink.

Since when?

Carol...

Hi. Who's this?

- This is Mary.
- I'm Lance's fiancée.

Carlotta works for a friend of mine.

Well, it's lovely to meet you.

You too.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

I'm going to the bar.

So, when is the big day? My invitation
must have got lost in the mail.

We had fun, Carlotta.

Let's not pretend it was ever
going to be more than that.

Fun, fun, fun. That's me.

Mary doesn't know about us, so...

Don't worry.

I won't tell her what a lying, cheating
gold-digger you really are.

She looks smart.
She'll probably figure that out herself.

They're much more interested in,
you know, my going to bed with someone

or my having VD or my getting a divorce
than they are in the actual issues

which I've come here to...

Bra burners.

He married her, you know.

What, Germaine Greer got married?

No, Ted and his floozy.

Do we have to talk about bloody Ted
again?

He was good to us.

No, not to me, he wasn't.
He was a prick.

A bit of discipline never hurt anyone.

So, did you...

..did you see they might start
doing the op at the Prince of Wales?

This one's got no idea.

Well, I fancy the convict story.

I was thinking about having it,
the change.

How do they get on these game shows?
That's what I want to know.

Now I won't know who won.

You heard what I said.

I don't understand why
you'd butcher yourself like that.

Everything about me is female...

..everything except...

OK, you can get dressed.

The electrodes measure
genital reaction to stimuli.

Could you put these on, please?

We need to know how you'll adapt
post-surgery.

You know what I do for a living.

How was that?

Womanly enough for you?

He dumped me.

It'll be Sammy, calling to sack me.

Let him bloody try.

Hello?

Yes, this is Carol.

I... Thank you. Yes.

Yep.

Goodbye.

Carol?

They're letting me have it...

..the operation.

Lovey, are you OK? You don't look OK.

You know, it's not too late to back out.

- Why would I do that?
- You know why.

You might not wake up.

Yeah, but I'll die a real woman.

Can you believe it?

It's amazing.

I've got to get the bubbly'.

Woo'.

Carol, I want you to count
backwards from ten for me.

10,9,

8, 7,

6,

5,

4...

Carol.

Oh, lovey. Are you in pain?

No. Ah, no.

Hello.

It's not that bad.
Actually, it's fantastic.

You want to see?

I'm sure it's a jewel, Carol.

It is so worth it.

Darling, it's going to be
exactly the same for you.

What's wrong, have those hormone pills
got you off-colour again?

No, I stopped taking them.

It just wasn't for me.

Well, you can't chicken out now.

It's not what I want.

You want people to see you as a freak
for the rest of your life?

- Because that's how they're going to...
- Carol.

- Oh, my God.
- Pegs'.

You are even more famous.

What?

'Balmain boy becomes beauty.'

I said, no press.

- Photographers.
- Oh, hello (!)

Nurse, can we get someone in here,
please?

Bye-bye, boys.

Nurse'.

Smile, love!

You can't hide forever.

Watch me.

You sound like you're premenstrual,
Carol.

- Where's Ava?
- Probably sleeping one off.

You can't tell me you haven't noticed
the bender she's been on.

She enjoys a martini. We all do.

No, let me get it.

What's really going on with Ava?

Angelo has shacked up with some stripper
from The Pink Pussycat.

God, he's a prick.

Who is it?

I had to read about it in the paper.

It happened quite suddenly, in the end.

They said it takes over a year,
what with all the testing.

Yes. Well, I did try to tell you.

All the neighbours are talking about it.
How do you think that makes me feel?

Oh. Like it's the end of the world.

We are who we are, Richard.
People don't change.

Don't know about that.

If you're so proud of yourself,
why are you cooped up in here?

Don't worry,
I'll keep your cheques coming.

You don't know what it's like,
everyone knowing my business.

Now you're worried about
what people think'.

I thought you'd like it - your name in
the paper, everyone talking about you.

No, I don't. Not like this, no.

You've always made the most
of your opportunities, Richard.

Why let this one pass you by?

Just hold it, and milk the applause.

Look out, jealous bitches. I'm back'.

♪ Oh'. The old grey mare
she ain't what she used to be

♪ Ain't what she used to be
Ain't what she used to be. ♪

- Welcome back, lovey.
- Thank you.

So does it work?

Mm. Every bloody night.
Ask the neighbours.

- Come on, show us.
- Rack off.

She's gone all shy.

Come on, Carol.
I promise to keep my eyes open.

Righto.
Well, if I have to, I have to, right?

As much as I love
celebrating Carol's gorgeous new vag,

it's 30 minutes to show,
ladies and gents.

- Germaine would be proud, Carol.
- Thank you.

Is she going home?

Oh, she's done that every night.

You alright to cover, Pegs love?

Yep, no wucking furries.

Ava?

You in here, lovey?

Ava?

Ava? Shit'.

Oh, no. No'.

No, lovey'. Wake up.

No'. Don't you do this to me'.

You wake up. Wake up'.

Wake up'. No'.

No, Ava'.

Please wake up, Ava. Wake up'.

Mate, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

- Can you believe it?
- What?

I can't hear a word
over these Neanderthals.

Dick Emery's manager
saw me and Selina in Newcastle

and offered us a tour in London -
five weeks, a year if it goes well.

- That's good for you, darling.
- Well, he wants a trio.

So, come with us?

Please say yes.

Sure. What else have I got going?

Yes'. This is going to be incredible.

- Cute.
- Drunk.

Coming over.

Hi.

I'm Peter.

Save it, handsome.

Oh, so you think I'm handsome?

Alright, alright. Um...

..how about I buy you ladies a drink,
then I'll leave you alone?

You'd better be buying.
Carol hasn't bought a drink since 1963.

- Jimmy'.
- Actually, not for me.

Call me tomorrow.

Bye, Peter.

See ya.

Well, it was a pleasure
to almost meet you, Carol.

Alright, one drink.

What are you doing in there?

You don't need any of that.

We'll see if you think that
in the morning...

..if I let you hang around that long.

Beautiful and bossy.

Do you want a nightcap?
I've got some Scotch.

You're nervous.

I'm not.

You're up yourself.

Oh, my God'. We've known each other,
what, five minutes?

Hey, she's going to love you.

Why wouldn't she?

Oh, here you are'.

- Hello, Mrs Doran.
- Oh, sweetheart!

You can call me Faye. Come through.

Peter hasn't stopped talking about you,
and I can see why.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey'.

- Hello, hi.
- This is my sister, Jane,

and this is her husband, Daryl.

- Nice to meet you, Daryl.
- Hi. How are you going?

You have to play with me.

I guess he has to, then.

- Moselle, Carol?
- Yes, thank you.

Peter tells me you're a dancer.
Anything I would have seen you in?

- No. It's just chorus stuff, mainly.
- Oh, nice.

Aunt Carol, you have to come and play.

What are we playing?

Monopoly.

You two would make beautiful kids.

Mum'. Stop it.

I'm allowed'. Come on.

Are you serious?

Mum, don't scare her off.

Leave her alone.

It's so nice to meet you at last.

It's lovely to meet you too. Cheers.

Well, it's happened. This morning,
Prince Charles has a new wife.

How do you feel about camping
this Easter?

Camping?

- Yeah.
- In a tent?

One weekend without hot rollers won't
kill you. It'd be good practice.

Practice for what?

For next Easter...

..and the one after that...

..and the one after that.

We won't be around that long.

How do you know?

I just know.

Why do you do this?

Because I know what's going to happen
when you find out.

Have you been with someone else?

I'm the lead dancer...

..in a show called Les Girls.

You know the Les Girls?

Aw, shit.

Oh, shit!

I'm Carlotta.

No, no, no. That's not possible.

No, I've...

I've been inside you.

You're a woman. I know you are.

Yeah, I am.

Now, I am.

I'm sorry.

Oh...

I'm in love with you.

Come on, we are going to
paint the town red. I am so excited.

Your sympathy is overwhelming.

Easy come, easy go.

London, here we come.

Where are they?

Somebody told Sammy
about the two of you leaving.

What's all this about you pissing off?

We got a better offer, so consider this
your four weeks' notice.

After all I've done for you.

You work us like dogs
for every bloody cent,

and we're supposed to be, what,
eternally thankful?

You ungrateful poofter.

Oh, yeah?

And what are you going to do about it?

Remind me never to get on your bad side,
Carol.

♪ The music played and people sang

♪ Just for me, the church bells rang

♪ Now he's gone, I don't know why

♪ Until this day, sometimes I cry

♪ He didn't even say goodbye

♪ He didn't take the time to lie

♪ Bang, bang, he shot me down

♪ Bang, bang, I hit the ground

♪ Bang, bang

♪ That awful sound

♪ Bang, bang

♪ My baby shot me down. ♪

London, Carol. Do you want
to give up everything for him?

- Let go.
- You pull out, the tour will fall over.

Peter'.

Hey, Pete, wait. Please.
Can we just talk?

- There's nothing to talk about.
- You're here, aren't you?

Yeah. Well, I needed to see for myself.

And?

And I'm not that guy.

I'm not into blokes.

I'm a woman, Peter.

It's still me.

Who I was before doesn't matter.

You listen to me.

The way you love me,
I've never had that before.

That's all I've ever wanted.

And...

I'm still the same woman
you fell in love with.

It's still me.

Please.

I'll even go camping.

I'll go camping.

I will squat over a hole...

..the works.

(Door opens)

Hey.

Hello.

There's another return-to-sender
from Peggy there.

She's not forgiving or forgetting,
is she?

You are home early...

..and dirty.

- Fancy anything special for tea?
- I'm not fussy. What's in the box?

Nothing, just junk. Some old photos.

- Give me a look.
- No.

- Hey'.
- Come on'.

- Peter!
- Let me...

Don't be an arsehole'. Hey'.

- Carol...
- No!

It's OK.

I don't want you looking at that,
please.

Is that you?

I was being serious

when I said I don't want you
looking at that. It's disgusting.

Hey.

Hey'.

- It's OK.
- Thank you.

It's OK.

I don't want to remember that anymore.

Carol?

- What?
- Listen to me.

What?

Marry me.

Don't be stupid.

Come on, be my wife.

You know it's not even legal.

- It wouldn't mean anything.
- It would to me.

You realise we'd be lying
to everybody we know -

your mother, everyone?

Hey'.

Be my wife.

My God, you're being serious,
aren't you?

Can you ask me again?

Marry me.

I know you didn't want a fuss,
but since your mum couldn't be here,

my mother gave me this
on my wedding day.

Oh, no, Faye. I can't. It's too much.

And I said it was too much.

And one day
you'll pass it down to your daughter...

..or daughter-in-law...

..and she'll say it's too much,

and you will say, 'You're my daughter...

..and I love you.'

Thank you.

Something old.

It's beautiful.

Do you take this man to be your husband?

I do.

And do you take this beautiful woman
to be your wife?

Yes. I do take this beautiful woman
to be my wife.

♪ Jingle Bell Rock

Come here.

I want to dance with my beautiful wife.

Do you miss it?

No.

Would going back to work make you happy?

You make me happy.

Is it enough?

♪ What a bright time
It's the right time

♪ To rock the night away... ♪

I told you, I don't want it'.

Fine. Die of bloody heatstroke, then.
See if I care.

Don't be melodramatic.

Nothing is ever good enough for you,
is it? You love putting me down.

Because you're a show-off'.

I'm a show-off?

Ever since you started
with your little-wife routine.

Now you drag that thing in here

for all the neighbours to see
how well you've done for yourself.

You're jealous'. You are.

When have you ever stood up for me
about anything, ever?

Not once.

Not once. You've never been on my side
about anything.

Wow. You actually let me believe
it was my fault you couldn't love me.

Pegs, I'm so sorry
I left you in the lurch like that.

Mm.
I could have stuck pins in your eyes.

Maybe that tour wasn't meant to be, eh?

What about you?
You got yourself a bloke now, or...

But I'm happy.

You?

Yeah.

Carol...

I don't know, Pegs.
I just don't know where I fit in.

Well, if you want to come back,
I have a tour of New Zealand coming up,

and I'm a girl short.

Come on. They miss you, Carol.
You'll still pack them in.

I should go,
but it was really good to see you.

Offer stands.

Bye.

Alright, guys, come on. Let's lunch.

Let's do it. Come on.

Having kids is the most wonderful thing
you can do, isn't it, Jane?

Yeah, but there are days I could just
strangle the precious little darlings.

Don't let them hassle you about Easter.
We don't know what we're doing yet.

Actually, we were just discussing
what's taking you two so long

to make me a grandmother again.

- There's plenty of time for that.
- Bunkum.

I know there's something going on.

I see it in Carol's face
every time the kids come over.

It's me.

I don't want them.

You can't wait to have children'.
You told me so when you met Carol.

Yeah, well, I've changed my mind.

There's more to life than
screaming babies and dirty nappies.

I'm just going to finish up the salads.

If there's a problem
with your plumbing,

there are so many things they can do
nowadays.

Mum, stop it'.

Mum, it's none of our business, really.
OK?

- It's not your career, is it, Carol?
- No.

Not having kids is not about my career,
Faye. You don't know the half of it.

Carol, don't.

Don't what, Peter?

I can't have kids
because I don't have the plumbing.

Because I was born a boy.

That wasn't fair.

Every day.

Every day,
do you know what I'm surrounded by?

Mothers. Mothers and their kids.

My whole life is screaming at me,
'You're not a real woman.'

And you don't know what that feels like.

You're a real woman to me.

No, that's who you should be with.
That's the thing.

You should be with a real woman
with real ovaries and real bits.

- I chose you.
- It's not enough.

It's not enough anyway,
this whole happy-families routine.

I can't do it anymore.

I don't believe that.

Come on, what did you think
was going to happen?

We'd end up happily ever after?
That doesn't happen for girls like me.

I thought that you'd have the guts
to see it through the hard times.

Well, maybe you don't know me
as well as you think you do.

Right. So that's it, you just walk off?

That's it?

Look at me.

I love you.

I know you love me too.

I really want you to go be happy.

Hi, this is Carol.
Leave a message.

Hi. Carol. It's Jane.

I thought you'd want to know.
It's about Peter.

I christen you
in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.

Carol.

Your baby's really beautiful.

She must take after your wife.

You still wear it.

This...

..this is for your wife
and her daughter,

and I think it's better
if they never know about me.

It's good to see you.

You too.

And now. ladies and gentlemen.
after three years touring the world.

Les Girls is proud to present the return
of a truly great star.

the beautiful, the talented,
the unforgettable Carlotta.

Ready?

No sign of Evelyn.

I didn't bring my chequebook,
of course not.

I am so proud of you.

We all are.

- Go get 'em.
- OK.

Hello, darlings'.

Alright, alright.

Pipe down.
We'll be here all bloody night.

Oh, hello, handsome.
You're a good sort, aren't you?

What's your name, sweetheart?

It's George.

How old are you, George, 22?

Why do I suddenly feel ancient?

You're only as old as
the Adonis you feel, right?

Auntie Carlotta will take care of
the jokes, thank you, Gorgeous George.

I'll tell you what, it's funny what
coming home does to you.

It really makes you think about how and
why you got started in the first place.

For me, I think it's really always been
about love and acceptance.

It's always been about love.

- We love you, Carlotta.
- Oh, thank you, darling.

I love you too.

When it's all said and done, the only
person whose love really matters

is mine.

And if someone else chooses to love you,
well, that's a bonus.

♪ Sometimes when I feel afraid

♪ I think of what a mess I've made
of my life

♪ Crying over my mistakes

♪ Forgetting all the breaks I've had
in my life

♪ I was put on earth to be

♪ A part of this great world is me

♪ And my life

♪ I guess I'll just add up the score

♪ And count the things I am grateful for
in my life

♪ This is my life

♪ Today, tomorrow
love will come and find me

♪ But that's the way
that I was born to be

♪ This is me

♪ This is me

♪ This is my life

♪ And I don't give a damn
for lost emotion

♪ I've such a lot of love
I've got to give

♪ Let me live

♪ Let me live

♪ This is my life

♪ This is my life

♪ This is my life. ♪

Captions by CSI Australia

:: Re-synchronisation ferneiva ::