Can She Bake a Cherry Pie? (1983) - full transcript

ONE... TWO... THREE...

*

*

*

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* I'VE BEEN TO SEEK A WIFE
SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME
IN, BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* DID SHE BID YOU TO
COME IN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* YES, SHE BADE
ME TO COME IN *



* THERE'S A
DIMPLE IN HER CHIN *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

*

*

* CAN SHE BAKE
A CHERRY PIE *

* BILLY BOY,
BILLY BOY? *

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY
PIE, CHARMING BILLY? *

* SHE CAN MAKE
A CHERRY PIE *

* QUICK AS A CAT
CAN WINK AN EYE *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

*

*

MORNING...

MORNING.



WHATCHA DOING?

PACKING.

I'M FINISHING
PACKING.

IT'S SILLY TO
LEAVE TODAY.

YOU COULD
LEAVE TOMORROW.

YOU COULD LEAVE ME
TOMORROW, RIGHT?

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED
BY ONE OF THE FILES.

I CAN'T FIND
THE SHAPIRO FILE.

I'M NOT SURPRISED BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT ANY GOOD

AT ORGANIZING THINGS
AND I EXPLAINED TO YOU

HOW I WANT
THINGS ORGANIZED

YOU CAN'T EVEN
FIND THINGS RIGHT.

I'M TRYING TO ORGANIZE
IT AND I FIGURED

MAYBE YOU HAD
IT ON YOUR DESK.

NO, I DON'T HAVE
IT ON MY DESK BUT

FORTUNATELY I HAVE MY
OWN SYSTEM WHERE I HAVE

A DUPLICATE COPY AND
EVERYTHING'S RETRIEVABLE.

SO WHAT IS YOUR
PROBLEM WITH IT, ANYWAY?

I CAN'T FIND IT.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT WITH IT?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
DEALING WITH THAT NOW.

I WANT TO LOOK
IT OVER AGAIN.

ALRIGHT, TELL ME
WHAT YOU WANT.

I JUST WANT
THE FILE.

I'M NOT ASKING
FOR ANY HELP.

I JUST WANT THE SHAPIRO
FILE AND THAT'S IT.

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

I'M GONNA
MISS YOU.

LAST NIGHT I
WENT TO A BAR.

I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT A REGULAR BAR.

I'M TALKING
ABOUT A SINGLES BAR.

WHERE SINGLE
PEOPLE GO...

SINGLE MEN GO
TO MEET WOMEN.

I ASKED AT LEAST
FIVE WOMEN TO GO OUT.

SINGLE WOMEN GO
THERE TO BE PICKED UP

AND I COULDN'T
PICK ONE UP.

DON'T GO. PLEASE?

DON'T GO.

DON'T...

WE'RE MARRIED.

I SAID TO MYSELF
I'M GOING TO GO IN

AND OFFER A GIRL A
DRINK. DID I DO WRONG?

YOU OUGHT TO RELATE TO
WOMEN IN A NATURAL WAY.

IN A LESS SELF-CONSCIOUS
AND PRE-DIRECTED MANNER.

YOU SHOULDN'T
GO WITH A PURPOSE

OF ACHIEVING
THIS OR THAT.

YOU SHOULD LET
RELATIONSHIPS HAPPEN AS

THEY DO BY THE ACCIDENTAL
CIRCUMSTANCES OF LIFE.

THAT'S
WHAT I DO.

YOU'RE ASKING MY ADVICE
SO THE ONLY THING

I CAN SAY IS
WHAT I DO MYSELF.

I JUST MEET
PEOPLE NATURALLY.

IF SOMETHING
DEVELOPS, IT DOES.

IF IT DOESN'T, THERE'S
NO WAY TO FORCE IT.

ALL I WANT IS
TO BE INVOLVED.

YOU MUST BE GOING
THERE WITH A VERY

NEGATIVE ATTITUDE
AND IT SHOWS AND IT

PROJECTS ITSELF IN SOME
WAY AND THEY SENSE IT

AND THAT'S WHY
THEY REJECT YOU.

YOU'RE GOING
THERE PREDISPOSED

TO BE REJECTED.

I DON'T
UNDERSTAND.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING
TO MEET MY DAUGHTER

THIS AFTERNOON, I
MENTIONED THAT BEFORE,

AND AFTER SHE GOES
BACK WITH HER MOTHER

YOU WANNA MEET IN
THE CAFE FOR A DRINK?

YEAH. THANK YOU
FOR INVITING ME.

YEAH, SURE, SURE.

I LIKE YOUR COMPANY
IN AN ODD KIND OF WAY.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
DISAGREED WITH HIM MORE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
SAID "NO, FUCK YOU.

I'LL DO WHATEVER THE
FUCK I FUCKING PLEASE".

MAYBE HE
WOULD'VE LIKED THAT

- KIND OF A
CHALLENGE.

HELLO.

YOU'RE
LOOKING OKAY.

YOU TOO.

OKAY, SO HOW'S
ARIELA DOING?

SHE'S DOING FINE.

OH, GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, HOW
ARE YOU?

I'M OKAY.

THAT'S GOOD.

WELL, I'LL TAKE
HER. BYE-BYE.

YOU WENT TO
SEE BAMBI?

YES.

DID YOU LIKE
THE MOVIE?

YES.

I LIKE IT EVEN IF
IT WAS A LITTLE SAD.

I WASN'T SAD,
BUT BAMBI WAS SAD.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T
HAVE COMPLAINED SO MUCH.

I WANT TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.

THAT I LOVE
YOU VERY MUCH.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW?
ARE YOU SURE?

YES.

ARE YOU REALLY
VERY SURE?

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE
COOKED MORE.

HOW CAN
YOU COOK MORE?

ALL HE EVER ATE
WAS HAMBURGERS,

CHEESEBURGERS
AND SPAGHETTI.

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE
COOKED MORE ANYWAY.

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE
LET HIM TALK MORE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
HAD MORE INTEREST

IN HIS WORK.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT BEING A LAWYER.

I WANT TO TELL YOU A
STORY ABOUT A PRINCESS.

OKAY.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE
WAS A LOVELY PRINCESS...

I HATE WALKING.

YOU KNOW
SOMETHING?

I MARRIED
MY MOTHER.

WHAT SORT OF
NONSENSE IS THIS NOW?

I DON'T MEAN I WALKED
DOWN THE AISLE WITH HER.

I KNOW YOU HAD SOME
PHILOSOPHICAL IDEA

IN MIND,BUT
JUST TALK TO ME

IN A WAY I
CAN UNDERSTAND.

PLEASE DON'T
START WITH ME.

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
TO START A FIGHT.

I'M NOT GIVING
YOU NONSENSICAL.

WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS
OLD, MY MOTHER TOLD ME

THAT I TOLD HER THAT
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.

YEAH, SO?

AND I THINK THE REASON
I NEVER GOT MARRIED

IS PSYCHOLOGICALLY I
THINK I MARRIED HER.

DOES THAT
MAKE SENSE?

THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO APOLOGIZE

TO YOUR MOTHER ABOUT
YOUR GIRLFRIENDS?

PLEASE DON'T
START WITH ME.

YOU NEVER CAN GET
SERIOUS WITH ME,

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT?

YOU TURN EVERYTHING
INTO A JOKE.

I'M LONELY, I'M SICK
OF COOKING FOR MYSELF.

I WANNA GET MARRIED.
I WANNA SETTLE DOWN.

I WANNA BE HAPPY.

YOU'RE USING
TOO MUCH LEMON.

I EXPLAINED
TO YOU BEFORE

THAT IT'S GOOD
FOR YOUR HEALTH.

NOT THAT
MUCH LEMON.

THE MORE
THE BETTER.

FORGET ABOUT IT,
FORGET ABOUT IT.

DON'T GET
INVOLVED.

WHAT ARE
YOU, CRAZY?

I SEE YOU
LOOKING AT HER.

I'LL ORDER. I
KNOW WHAT I WANT.

UM, I WANT
FRIED EGGS.

I DON'T
WANT EGGS.

I WANT BACON AND
SAUSAGE AND PANCAKES

WITH BLUEBERRY SAUCE
AND MAPLE SYRUP.

I DON'T WANT
PANCAKES.

NEVER MIND ABOUT
THE PANCAKES.

I WANT A
HAMBURGER,

A CHEESEBURGER AND
FRENCH FRIES

AND SPAGHETTI.

DO YOU HAVE
SPAGHETTI HERE?

I DON'T SEE
IT. OH, GOD.

I DON'T WANT
A HAMBURGER,

I DON'T WANT
A CHEESEBURGER

AND I DON'T WANT- DID
I SAY FRENCH FRIES?

COULD YOU
START OVER AGAIN?

I'M SORRY. I DON'T
WANT ANYTHING.

I WANT DESSERT.

I WANT CHOCOLATE
ICE CREAM

WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE
WITH WHIPPED CREAM,

ONE CHOCOLATE
DONUT AND COFFEE.

I'M SORRY TO
DISTURB YOU.

IS SOMETHING
THE MATTER?

DID YOU MANAGE TO DECIDE
WHAT YOU WANTED TO EAT?

I DON'T THINK
IT'S FUNNY.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT.
I GUESS I'M JUST,

IN AN INEPT WAY,
TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP.

QUIT POKING
ME HERE.

WHAT'S
YOUR NAME?

MY NAME'S ELI.
WHAT'S YOURS?

ELI.. ELI..
THAT'S A NICE NAME.

ELI, ARE
YOU MARRIED?

NO, BUT I WAS.
I'M DIVORCED.

OKAY, ARE YOU
COMING OVER HERE?

SURE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
DON'T BE AFRAID.

I'M NOT
AFRAID!

WHAT DID YOU
SAY IT WAS?

ZEE.

IS THAT SHORT
FOR SOMETHING

OR IS IT A
FULL NAME?

DO I LOOK
REAL PITIFUL?

YOU FEEL SORRY
FOR ME, IS THAT IT?

NO, I'M JUST
SYMPATHETIC.

DO YOU DO
THIS A LOT?

DO WHAT?

COME OVER AND
TALK TO PEOPLE

WHEN
THEY'RE PITIFUL?

I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE PITIFUL.

I SAW THAT YOU WERE
HAVING A BAD TIME

AND I FELT
SYMPATHETIC.

NO, I DON'T
DO THIS. NO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO THINK OF IT.

(I'LL GET THE
CHECK, OKAY

DO WHAT YOU WANT;
DON'T BOTHER ME NOW.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

SORRY.

WHAT DID YOU GET
TO EAT IN THE END?

WHAT DID YOU
ORDER FINALLY?

CHOCOLATE CAKE, A
CHOCOLATE DONUT,

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU
OUGHT TO EAT SOMETHING

MORE NUTRITIOUS AND
NOT JUST SOMETHING

CONCENTRATED
SWEET LIKE THAT.

I LOVE
CHOCOLATE.

ALRIGHT, OKAY.

I'M GLAD YOU
SAT HERE.

SEE? YOU CAN'T
CHEER ME UP EITHER.

I COME AND SIT
IN THIS CAFE

EVERY ONCE
IN A WHILE.

I NEVER NOTICED
YOU HERE BEFORE.

*

*

DOESN'T THAT
GUY LOOK FAMILIAR,

THE ONE IN THE
SHIRT THERE.

WASN'T HE
AT THE CAFE?

WHO ELSE
WAS THERE?

DO YOU REMEMBER ANY
FACES OR ANYTHING?

DO YOU REMEMBER
ANY FACES, ELI?

I GO TO THAT
CAFE A LOT.

SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE
LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME

AS PEOPLE WHO
FREQUENT THE CAFE.

IF YOU SEE THEM ON THE
STREET WILL YOU TELL ME?

THE CHANCES OF THAT
ARE INFINITESIMAL.

IN NEW YORK CITY YOU'RE
GOING TO SEE THE SAME

PERSON ON THE STREET
THAT YOU SAW IN THE CAFE

IN A DIFFERENT
AREA?

AND WHY ARE
YOU INTERESTED?

I THINK SOMEBODY'S
FOLLOWING ME.

SEE THAT GUY
RIGHT THERE?

RIGHT THERE.

THAT GUY, THAT'S
WHAT I WAS THINKING.

THAT IS THE GUY.

DON'T ATTRACT
ATTENTION.

THAT'S THE GUY WHO
WAS AT THE CAFE.

LOOK AT HIM,
HE'S FOLLOWING US.

WHAT DO WE DO?
THAT IS THE GUY.

WHAT GUY?

THAT'S THE GUY WHO
WAS AT THE CAFE!

HAS HE GOT A GUN?

OH, DON'T BE
RIDICULOUS.

THERE'S NO GUY.

LOOK AT HIM!
IT'S THE SAME ONE

WITH THE YELLOW SHIRT
AND THE DARK HAIR.

YOU'RE ATTRACTING
ATTENTION TO YOURSELF.

STOP THIS!

OKAY, OKAY,
ACT NATURAL.

BE QUIET THEN IF YOU
WANT TO ACT NATURAL.

SMILE,
PEACEFULLY, OKAY?

AUDIENCE WAITING
FOR THE MOVIE.

THAT'S THE WAY
TO ACT NATURAL.

IF WE GO IN THE MOVIE
WE'LL BE IN THE DARK.

SO YOU DIDN'T CARE
FOR IT MUCH, HUH?

THE GIRL IS
FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFUL,

BUT I CAN'T
DANCE WITH HER.

OH, STOP
WORRYING.

WELL, DID YOU
ENJOY THE MOVIE?

YEAH, I THOUGHT
IT WAS WONDERFUL.

IS THAT GUY
FOLLOWING US?

NOW WHAT?

WATCH, WATCH.

STOP AND SEE IF
HE GOES PAST US.

BUT LOOK, WE'VE BEEN IN
THE MOVIE ALL THE TIME.

NOBODY CAME OUT OF
THE MOVIE FOLLOWING US

AND DO YOU THINK
HE WAS WAITING

OUTSIDE THE MOVIE
ALL THE TIME?

I'M BEING
FOLLOWED.

I'M SURE BECAUSE
I KNOW MY HUSBAND.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY
ALIMONY AND HE FIGURES

IF HE CAN CATCH ME
OR SET SOMETHING UP

HE'LL NEVER HAVE
TO PAY ANYTHING.

NOBODY COULD'VE
FOLLOWED US NOW

WITHOUT US
KNOWING IT.

ELI, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
CHECKING EVERYBODY OUT.

THEY'RE VERY
SURREPTITIOUS

THESE PEOPLE.

LIFE'S JUST NOT WHAT
ANYBODY HAD IN MIND.

WHAT DO
YOU MEAN?

OH, JUST...
CARROT?

NO, THANKS.

ALMOND?

NO, THANKS, I'VE
HAD ENOUGH TO EAT.

I THINK THAT'S
THE HARDEST THING

TO GET
OKAY ABOUT.

WHAT?

THAT LIFE'S JUST NOT
LIKE THEY TOLD US

IT WAS
GOING TO BE.

HAS ANYBODY
FOLLOWED YOU BEFORE?

ARE YOU A
BIT PARANOID?

THAT'S HARD TO
ANSWER OBJECTIVELY.

WELL, PARANOIA
DEPENDS UPON,

YOU KNOW,
IF IT'S TRUE.

IF IT'S TRUE,
YOU'RE NOT PARANOID.

*

* WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN,
BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN, SUCH A CHARMING *

ARE YOU
A SINGER?

ARE YOU
A SINGER?

I USED TO
SING, YEAH.

I USED
TO SING.

THAT'S HOW MY HUSBAND
FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.

HE WATCHED ME SINGING
AND GOT VERY EXCITED.

HE WAS VERY EXCITED
BUT THEN HE SAID

"NO, STOP
SINGING".

WHEN WE GOT MARRIED
HE WANTED ME STOP.

BUT IF HE LIKED YOUR
SINGING HOW COME

HE DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO DO IT ANYMORE?

WELL, PERHAPS WE
SHOULD START GETTING

A LITTLE BIT
MORE INTIMATE?

WHY?

WELL, YOU DID INVITE
ME BACK HERE WITH YOU.

OH, THAT WAS JUST
SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO

COME BACK TO AN
EMPTY APARTMENT.

WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT BECAUSE

NOT ONLY DO I GO BACK
TO MY EMPTY APARTMENT,

BUT EVEN WHEN
IT'S NOT EMPTY,

EVEN WHEN
SOMEONE IS THERE

I STILL ALWAYS FEEL
I'M IN AN EMPTY PLACE.

USUALLY, YOU KNOW, HE'S
HERE WHEN I COME BACK.

SOMEWHERE.

HE'S USUALLY- HE'S
USUALLY OVER THERE.

HE'S GOT A LOT OF
PAPERS AND THINGS

SO HE'S LOOKING
AT THESE PAPERS.

I CAN'T GET USED TO, YOU
KNOW, I COME IN THE DOOR

AND HE'S NOT
AROUND THE CORNER.

WHY DON'T
YOU TALK?

WELL,
I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T
WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL

UNCOMFORTABLE
IN ANY WAY.

OH, IT'S NOT YOU.

I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE.
I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE.

KIND OF FUNNY
BUT VERY NICE.

KIND OF FUNNY?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
ELABORATE ON THAT?

WELL, YOU SEEM TO
HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY

AND IT GETS STUCK
IN YOUR FOREHEAD.

IT GETS STUCK
IN MY FOREHEAD?

YEAH, IT COMES OUT
AND GOES RIGHT HERE,

YOU KNOW? IT'S
LIKE THINKING

INSTEAD OF FLOWING
- YOU STOP IT.

DO YOU EVER HAVE
THE EXPERIENCE

THAT PEOPLE TELL YOU
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING?

WELL, I
USED TO.

OH, COME ON, I
WAS JUST KIDDING.

I WAS JUST GOOD
NATUREDLY KIDDING YOU.

DON'T BE
UPSET, PLEASE.

PLEASE? I DON'T
WANT TO UPSET YOU.

HE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD
EVERYTHING I SAID.

I WOULD TALK TO HIM LIKE
I WAS WRITING LYRICS

OR SOMETHING. I
WOULD JUST GO ON AND ON

AND ON AND
HE UNDERSTOOD

EVERYTHING I
SAID EVERY TIME.

AND HE WAS ALWAYS
INTERESTED TOO.

THAT WAS THE
WEIRD PART.

HE WASN'T TOLERATING
IT OR PRETENDING TO BE

INTERESTED OR- YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?

I SEE I UPSET YOU VERY
MUCH AND I FEEL VERY

BAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

NO, LISTEN TO ME.
WHEN I MADE THAT REMARK

I WAS JUST GOOD
NATUREDLY KIDDING.

I ENJOYED VERY MUCH THE
WAY YOU WERE TALKING,

THAT'S ALL.

NO, IT WASN'T
YOU. OKAY?

OKAY.

BUT ANYHOW
WE CAN'T FUCK.

WE CAN'T FUCK?

WE CAN'T FUCK?

I CERTAINLY DON'T
WANT TO DO SOMETHING

YOU DON'T FEEL
COMFORTABLE DOING

BUT WE CAN'T
HAVE INTERCOURSE?

IS THERE PERHAPS
SOMETHING ELSE

THAT YOU'D
LIKE TO DO?

LIKE WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE YOU COME UP
WITH A SUGGESTION.

YOU MEAN LIKE SLEEPING
TOGETHER WITHOUT FUCKING?

I'D BE GLAD TO DO
THAT IF YOU WANT TO.

NO, BECAUSE IT WOULD
BE THE WRONG BODY.

SORRY. I THINK
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO.

IS THAT
ALRIGHT?

SURE, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT

BUT I HOPE YOU'LL
WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN.

I DO, YEAH.

I DO, YEAH.

WELL, SO LONG.

I SAID TO HER, "CAN
I BUY YOU A DRINK?"

SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SHE
SAYS "NO, THANK YOU."

BUT YOU COULD TELL
THE "NO, THANK YOU"

WASN'T JUST LIKE
A "NO, THANK YOU"

THAT OTHER
PEOPLE GET.

IT WAS LIKE A DEFINITE
CUT OFF: NOT INTERESTED.

EXCUSE ME, WHERE
DO I PUT THIS?

I'M SO CONFUSED.

JUST FILE IT AND I'LL
TAKE CARE OF IT, OKAY?

IN THE EFFORT TO EXPLAIN
SEXUAL ABERRATIONS

FREUD INTRODUCED
TWO TERMS:

SEXUAL OBJECT
AND SEXUAL AIM.

SHE IS CUTE. HOW
WOULD I MEET HER?

BY GETTING INTO A NATURAL
CONVERSATION WITH HER.

NOT BY HAVING AN
OBJECTIVE OF TRYING TO

HIT ON HER OR PICK HER
UP OR DO SOMETHING

BUT JUST BEHAVE
NICELY, TALK TO HER,

SHOW AN INTEREST IN
HER, IF YOU GENUINELY

HAVE ONE, AND
BEHAVE NORMALLY.

"EVERYTHING ABNORMAL
HAS ITS NORMAL ROOTS

AND AN ACCIDENTAL
FACTOR IN CHILDHOOD

MAY CHANGE THE
WHOLE COURSE OF LIFE.

THIS IS PARTICULARLY
DEMONSTRABLE WHEN

WE STUDY THE DEVIATIONS
IN REFERENCE TO

THE SEXUAL OBJECT
AND SEXUAL AIM".

WHAT, ARE
YOU KIDDING?

I JUST HAPPENED TO
PICK UP A BOOK CALLED

"THE SEXUALLY
ACTIVE MAN PAST 40"

WHICH GOES INTO A
LOT OF NONSENSE ABOUT

THE INEVITABLE
SEXUAL DECLINE

THAT YOU HAVE TO
GRACEFULLY ACCEPT.

THAT BOOK SAID A MAN OF
40 WOULDN'T TRY TO DO AS

MANY PUSH-UPS AS A MAN OF
20 SO WHY SHOULD HE THINK

HE CAN HAVE SEX
IN THE SAME WAY?

I WENT IMMEDIATELY
TO SEE HOW MANY

PUSH-UPS
I COULD DO.

*

*

*

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* I'VE BEEN TO SEEK A WIFE
SHE'S THE JOY OF MY LIFE *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

EVERY MONTH MY BODY GOES
THROUGH WHOLE SEASONS.

THAT'S NOT A
REASON TO BE ANGRY

AND CERTAINLY
NOT AT ME.

I'M SORRY. MY HORMONES
ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

WELL, IT'S AN INTERESTING
PHYSIOLOGICAL FACT

THAT WHEN A WOMAN
IS PRE-MENSTRUAL

HER HORMONE LEVEL GETS
SIMILAR TO THAT OF A MAN'S.

THAT FIGURES.

THAT MEANS WHEN A WOMAN
IS HER MOST IRRITABLE

SHE ACTS THE WAY A
MAN ACTS ALL THE TIME.

WELL, NO, THAT'S
NOT QUITE CORRECT

BECAUSE IT IS A
COMPLICATED BALANCE

OF ANDROGENS
AND ESTROGENS

AND ADJUSTMENTS
OF OTHER HORMONES.

WHEN A WOMAN OVULATES
THERE'S THIS LITTLE SEED

THAT COMES OUT AND IT
TURNS INTO A GLAND.

YOU HAVE A GLAND EVERY
MONTH AND THAT GLAND

SECRETES ESTROGEN
THROUGHOUT YOUR BODY

AND THEN YOU FEEL VERY
WARM AND MOIST AND LIVELY

AND SEXY AND TURNED ON
AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT

AND THEN IT
DROPS AWAY.

AND I THINK MAYBE
IT'S A LOSS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S THE LOSS OF
THE OPPORTUNITY

TO HAVE A BABY.

I THINK THAT'S WHAT'S
DEPRESSING ABOUT IT:

THAT YOU'VE LOST YOUR
CHANCE TO HAVE A CHILD

FOR THAT MONTH.

I THINK THAT'S WHY
YOU KEEP EATING,

YOU TRY TO GET PREGNANT
THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.

I HAVE TO HAVE
SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH.

LISTEN, I WANT TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING, MAY I?

I'M VERY HAPPY THAT YOU
AGREED TO MEET ME TODAY.

WELL, THAT'S
THE PROBLEM -

I DON'T KNOW
WHY I DID IT.

WHAT IF LOUIS
DIDN'T GO TO L.A.?

WHAT IF HE WALKS
BY HERE AND SEES ME

SITTING WITH
ANOTHER MAN?

I'M NOT THINKING
ABOUT THAT.

WHY DO I THINK I'M
THINKING ABOUT THAT?

I'M THINKING
ABOUT THAT.

"THE CENTURY OF
WOMEN ON TOP".

I LIKE WOMEN
ON TOP.

DO YOU?

ARE YOU
SERIOUS, MAN?

YOU'VE GOT A WOMAN THERE,
TALK TO HER, ALRIGHT?

LARRY, QUIT
FUCKING AROUND.

LARRY...

YOU LIKE
PIGEONS?

DO I LIKE
PIGEONS?

WANT TO
HOLD HIM?

NO, SHE DON'T
WANNA HOLD HIM.

YOU DON'T WANNA
FUCKIN' HOLD HIM.

I WANNA
HOLD HIM.

I DON'T CARE WHAT
YOU WANNA DO.

WHAT'S
HIS NAME?

EDDIE.

EDDIE?

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

GIVING THE
GIRL THE PIGEON.

PLEASE DON'T
DO THIS.

EDDIE...

COME ON,
EDDIE.

WHY WOULD
YOU DO THAT?

HE LOVES WOMEN.

OH, GESUNDHEIT, BUT
I HAVE TO TELL YOU

SOMETHING YOU MAY
NOT BE AWARE OF.

DO YOU KNOW
THERE'S A TREMENDOUS

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN SNEEZING

AND HAVING
ORGASMS?

I DON'T CARE! I
DON'T FEEL WELL!

DON'T GET UPSET.

I WANT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING TO PUT YOU

IN A GOOD MOOD AND
MAKE YOU FEEL WELL.

I'M GETTING SICK BECAUSE
I DON'T FEEL WELL.

WOULD YOU LISTEN TO
WHAT I TELL YOU AND

GIVE ME A CHANCE AND
SEE IF YOU FEEL BETTER?

WHEN YOU SNEEZE AND
WHEN YOU HAVE ORGASMS

IN BOTH CASES THERE'S
A BUILD UP OF TENSION.

IT'S DIFFICULT
TO GET IT OUT.

WHEN YOU DO GET IT OUT
THERE'S A SORT OF LOSS OF

CONSCIOUSNESS AND
THEN A TREMENDOUS

SENSE OF RELIEF.

THAT MEANS WHEN YOU'RE
HAVING A GOOD VIGOROUS

SNEEZE IT'S ACTUALLY
VERY, VERY HEALTHY.

WHY DON'T YOU
LEAN THE OTHER WAY

AND PUT YOUR ARM
ON THAT CHAIR, HUH?

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S
NOT OKAY.

RELAX.

DON'T TELL ME TO
FUCKIN' RELAX, ALRIGHT?

I'LL GET UP AND
SMACK YOUR HEAD.

IT'S OKAY.

I'LL SAY WHEN
IT'S FUCKIN' OKAY.

YOU JUST KEEP YOUR
FUCKIN' FACE OVER THERE

BEFORE
I GET UP.

BEAM ME
UP, SCOTTY.

THERE'S NO INTELLIGENT
LIFE DOWN HERE.

PLEASE...

FUCKIN' EAT HIS
PIGEON, ALRIGHT?

GO AHEAD.

YOU GO FOR THOSE
VIOLENT TYPES?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH PEOPLE
TOUCHING ME TODAY,

THANK YOU.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BETTER, BABY.

I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY.

I'M A
LITTLE JUMPY.

WAS THAT
YOUR BOYFRIEND?

YOU'RE FEELING SICK
BECAUSE YOU'RE SMOKING

CIGARETTES WHICH ARE
DEPLETING YOUR VITAMIN C.

I'VE BEEN SMOKING
CIGARETTES FOR TEN YEARS

AND I'M NOT
SICK ALL THE TIME.

IF THIS WERE REALLY
LOGICAL I WOULD BE SICK

CONSTANTLY BECAUSE
IF THE ONLY REASON

PEOPLE GET SICK IS
BECAUSE THEY'RE SMOKING

THEY'D BE SICK
ALL THE TIME.

I'M NOT HAPPY. THAT'S
WHY I'M GETTING SICK.

I KNOW THAT WHEN I'M
NOT HAPPY I GET SICK.

AND I'M TELLING YOU
WHY YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

YOU'RE TELLING ME
WHY I'M NOT HAPPY?

FIRST YOU'RE TELLING
ME WHY I GET SICK,

NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME
WHY I'M NOT HAPPY.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE
TOO INTELLIGENT

TO SUCCESSFULLY
RATIONALIZE A BEHAVIOR

LIKE SMOKING
AND YOU FEEL THAT

AND THAT'S WHAT'S
UPSETTING YOU.

I STARTED GETTING
SICK BEFORE I TRIED TO

RATIONALIZE MY
BEHAVIOR ABOUT SMOKING

AND I DON'T TRY
TO RATIONALIZE IT.

I DON'T CARE
WHY I SMOKE.

I LIKE MY
ADDICTIONS.

I LIKE TO
WANT TO SMOKE.

I'D RATHER WANT TO
SMOKE THAN SMOKE.

THE FIRST
TIME I SAW YOU

I FELL MADLY IN
LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU DON'T
BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?

IT'S THE TRUTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I FELT
LIKE I KNEW YOU BEFORE.

I FELT LIKE
I KNEW YOU.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.
RIGHT NOW.

JUST LISTEN
WITH YOUR EARS.

*

*

*

YOU FEEL BETTER?

YES.

GOOD.

I LIKE THE
EARLIER PART BETTER.

THIS IS
NICE. SHH.

*

*

AS A MATTER OF FACT
WE'RE GOING TO TRY IT

NOT HEATED UP.

I LIKE SAKE.

I DON'T WANT TO
BOTHER HEATING IT UP.

IT TASTES QUITE
NICE COLD ALSO.

YEAH.

OH, YOU'VE
TASTED IT UNHEATED?

ONCE, WHEN I WAS COOKING
I HAD THE WRONG WINE.

I LIKE BEER AND
RED WINE AND SAKE.

ARE ALL THESE
JUST MASKS?

YEAH, WHEN I USED TO
STUDY JUDO YEARS AGO

I USED TO LOOK AT
THAT MASK OVER THERE

AND TRY TO IMITATE
THE FEROCIOUS FACE

AND I DIDN'T
QUITE SUCCEED.

THAT WOULD MAKE
YOU STRONGER?

IT WAS PART OF
THE SPIRIT OF JUDO

THAT I HAD
AT THE TIME.

I DON'T EXACTLY
HAVE THAT ANYMORE.

IF YOU GOT ANGRY
WOULD YOU BE STRONGER?

WELL, SURE, WITH ALL
THE ADRENALINE AND

OTHER THINGS FLOWING -
THOSE HORMONAL JUICES

AFFECT YOU IN BEING
STRONG TEMPORARILY.

I ABSOLUTELY
AGREE.

YOU KNOW
THE JAPANESE

GIVE THOSE YELLS AT
THE TIME OF ATTACK?

HAI! YAYAYA!

RIGHT?

HAI!

COME ON, DRINK
YOUR SAKE.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO
LEARN THAT ONE ABOUT

KICKING PEOPLE
IN THE NECK.

ISN'T THAT
TERRIBLE?

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I HAVE A
VERY GOOD KICK.

YOU WANNA
SEE IT?

SURE, BUT NOT
DEMONSTRATED ON ME,

I HOPE.

NO, WATCH THIS.

HAI-UH! IS
THAT GOOD?

THOSE THINGS
SEEM TO HAVE EYES.

IT WOULD BE STRANGE IF
THEY DIDN'T HAVE EYES.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, ALL
THOSE MOVIES YOU SEE

THAT THE HAUNTED
HOUSES AND PEOPLE

GO PAST PAINTINGS AND
THE EYES FOLLOW THEM.

PEOPLE LOOK
THROUGH KEYHOLES

AND PEOPLE AT
WINDOWS AND PEOPLE

SHOWING UP IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...

GOING THROUGH
THE CHIMNEY...

STUFF LIKE THAT.

YOU THINK YOU MIGHT COME
BACK AND SIT DOWN HERE?

SURE.

HOW COME YOU
TOOK UP WITH ME?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT PHRASE "TOOK UP".

WELL, YOU
TOOK UP WITH ME.

YOU HAVE YOUR HAND
ON MY HAND RIGHT NOW.

THAT ONE.

IS THAT OKAY?

YEAH.

WELL, IT FELT
OKAY TO ME, TOO.

DO YOU HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND?

WELL, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND
BUT NOW I JUST SORT OF

HAVE MISCELLANEOUS
RELATIONSHIPS.

YOU HAVE "MISCELLANEOUS
RELATIONSHIPS".

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I'M LOOKING
FOR A MORE GENUINE TYPE.

NOW DO YOU GO TO BED
WITH THESE MISCELLANEA?

IN A MISCELLANEOUS
SORT OF WAY I DO.

I DID HAVE A SORT OF
REGULAR RELATIONSHIP,

WHICH IS DIFFICULT
FOR ME TO GET INTO

BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR IT

BUT AT THE SAME TIME
I'M RESISTING IT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING
TO WORK OUT BUT IT DIDN'T.

IS THIS
RECENTLY?

WELL, IT'S ABOUT
A FEW MONTHS AGO

BUT I STILL
THINK ABOUT IT.

NOT THAT I MISS THAT
WOMAN SO MUCH BECAUSE

I REALIZE SHE WASN'T
APPROPRIATE FOR ME

BUT I FEEL BAD
ABOUT NOT BEING

IN A SATISFYING
RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD YOU
KISS ME, PLEASE?

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO
FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW.

I JUST
CAME HERE.

I'M NOT A VERY ULTERIOR
MOTIVE TYPE OF PERSON.

NEITHER AM I.

OH, GOOD. SO
YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE

AND YOU DON'T
LOVE YOUR WIFE

AND YOU
GOT DIVORCED.

DID YOU EVER
LOVE HER VERY MUCH?

UMM, NOT
REALLY, NO.

YOU NEVER LOVED
HER VERY MUCH.

YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
ANYBODY FOLLOWING US

WHEN WE
WALKED HERE?

WHAT THE
FUCK IS THAT?

NOTHING, DON'T
BE CONCERNED.

WHAT DO
YOU MEAN?

I'M JUST
MEASURING MY PULSE.

I'M MEASURING
WHAT MY PULSE IS.

YOU'RE MEASURING
YOUR PULSE?

THIS IS A PULSE METER.
AS WE'RE MAKING LOVE,

NATURALLY THE
PULSE RATE GOES UP.

IT REGISTERS AT A
SENSITIVE PART OF

THE EARLOBE. I'M MAKING
A COMPARATIVE STUDY.

DON'T WORRY, THIS
IS ALL COMPARISON

WITH WOMEN
FROM THE PAST.

LIFE IS THE MOST AMAZING,
MYSTERIOUS THING.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT

- WHERE YOU'RE GOING
TO BE IN ONE YEAR,

IN FIVE YEARS, AND
SUDDENLY YOU LOOK AROUND

AND IT'S A NEW LIFE. DO
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH.

I THINK IT'S THE
WATER ON THE POND.

BECAUSE THE WATER ON
THE POND I CAN REMEMBER

FROM OTHER TIMES.

IT'S LIKE A LOT OF ROOMS,
YOU KNOW, WITH DOORS.

YOUR LIFE IS
COMPARTMENTALIZED

INTO THESE ROOMS

AND YOU GO THROUGH THE
DOOR IN THE NEW ROOM

AND YOU DON'T KNOW YOU
WENT THROUGH THE DOOR.

YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
THAT ALL THE WINDOWS

ARE DIFFERENT AND ALL
THE CHAIRS ARE DIFFERENT

AND ALL THE RUGS
ARE DIFFERENT

AND ALL THE PEOPLE
ARE DIFFERENT.

IT'S A NEW SETTING.
DO YOU FOLLOW ME?

BUT THEN ALL OF
A SUDDEN ONE DAY

IN THE MIDDLE
OF ONE MOMENT

YOU LOOK AROUND
AND SAY WHERE AM I?

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHERE AM I?

MY GOD,
WHO ARE YOU?

ELI, WHO ARE YOU?
WHERE'D THEY GO?

WHAT HAPPENED THERE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S A
FUNNY FEELING.

IT'S LIKE WAKING UP IN
THE MIDDLE OF A DREAM.

I THINK I
JUST WOKE UP.

*

*

* WOKE UP IN
THE MORNING *

* IT WAS THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT *

* I LOOK AROUND
MY ROOM AND *

* A LOT OF THINGS
ARE CHANGED INSIDE *

* SO I GO AROUND,
ROUND, ROUND, ROUND *

* SHUFFLE AROUND
IN THE DARK *

I RAN OUT
OF BREATH.

HOLD IT- THIS
BACK FOR ME?

* AND WITH A
SMILE ON MY FACE *

OOPS.
WRONG LYRIC.

TWO, THREE, AND...

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

WHAT IS
THE LYRIC?

YOU'VE GOT TO CONSIDER A
FEW CIRCUMSTANCES HERE.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
YOU DID ACTUALLY KNOW

IN REALITY EVERYTHING
THAT WOULD HAPPEN?

EVERYTHING WOULD BE
COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE

SO WHAT SAVES YOU IS THE
FACT THAT YOU DON'T KNOW.

AND SO THE WONDER OF
GOING THROUGH SOMETHING

THAT'S VAGUELY
FAMILIAR IS

IT'S A MIXTURE OF
A SENSE OF KNOWING

AND A SENSE
OF NOT KNOWING

COMBINED TOGETHER
IN A VERY COMPLEX WAY.

* I'M GOING TO
DROWN MY TROUBLES *

* WITH A HOWARD
JOHNSON SHAKE *

* I'M GONNA
SWALLOW MY PRIDE *

* WITH A SARA LEE
FUDGE CAKE *

* I'M GONNA BE
TOO BIG TO CRY *

* TOO FAT TO DIE

* DIE...

LET'S WRIST
WRESTLE.

WRIST WRESTLE
LIKE THIS.

PUT YOUR ELBOW DOWN.
I'LL DEMONSTRATE.

I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'RE NECESSARILY

GONNA BEAT ME.

GO AHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU
MEAN GO AHEAD?

I WENT ALREADY.

GO AHEAD AND PUSH ON
MY ARM OR SOMETHING.

I'M GOING!

I MEAN GIVE
SOME RESISTANCE.

OH, YOU'RE
A WISE GUY.

GIVE SOME RESISTANCE,
WILL YOU? COME ON.

OKAY, SO I'M NOT
A WEIGHT LIFTER.

THE POINT IS NOT
THAT I CAN BEAT YOU.

WHAT IS
THE POINT?

ALRIGHT, I'LL PUT YOU
OUT OF YOUR MISERY.

THE POINT IS THAT IF I
HAD BEEN INCREDIBLY WEAK

I WOULD STILL
HAVE WON BECAUSE

I PSYCHOLOGICALLY
BLUFFED YOU.

THE POINT IS YOU'RE
A LITTLE NUTS.

* YUM, YUM, YUM

* THIS IS LOVE
MONEY CAN'T BUY *

* YOU GET
WHAT YOU SAY *

* THIS IS LOVE
THAT NEVER LIES *

* I'M GONNA FILL
MY LONGING *

* WITH WHAT
REALLY SATISFIES *

* DORITOS, TEQUILA,
CHILI DOG, AND FRIES *

* THEN I'M GONNA
BE TOO BIG TO CRY *

* AND TOO
FAT TO DIE *

EMOTIONALLY SHE'S
COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE

AND I LIKE IT
VERY MUCH IN HER

BECAUSE HER EMOTIONS
ARE NICE BUT

THEY MAKE ME UNEASY
AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

I'M NOT SECURE IN HOW
SHE FEELS ABOUT ME

AND I'M USED TO
BEING VERY SURE

THAT A WOMAN LIKES ME
AND ME MAKING A CHOICE.

SOMETIMES I THINK SHE
LIKES ME TREMENDOUSLY

AND I'M IN THE
POSITION TO DECIDE

HOW MUCH I WANT TO LIKE
HER AND OTHER TIMES

I'M INSECURE THAT I
CAN JUST LOSE HER.

I DON'T KNOW. IN SOME
WAYS I'M UNCOMFORTABLE

AND THE MORE I
GET TO LIKE HER

THE MORE UNEASY I GET
ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING.

* BURGER KING,
YOU'RE MY BIG BOY NOW *

* RONALD MCDONALD,
YOU'RE MY KIND OF CLOWN *

* I'M GONNA BE
TOO BIG TO CRY *

* TOO FAT TO DIE

* TOO BIG TO CRY
AND TOO FAT TO DIE *

* I'M TOO FAT
TO... DIE-IE-IE. *

* I'M TOO FAT
TO... DIE-IE-IE. *

* I'M TOO FAT
TO... DIE-IE-IE. *

I DON'T THINK ANYONE IN
THE WHOLE WORLD IS HAPPY.

NO?

NO. WOULD YOU
SAY YOU'RE HAPPY?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE
KEY TO HAPPINESS IS?

I'LL TELL YOU
EXACTLY THE KEY.

YOU KNOW
WHAT IT IS?

IF YOU CAN TAKE A CAB
WHENEVER YOU WANT -

YOU'RE HAPPY.

IF A PERSON CAN TAKE A
CAB ANYWHERE HE WANTS

HE'S HAPPY?

THAT'S
EXACTLY RIGHT.

I CAN TAKE A CAB
ANYWHERE IF I WANT

AND I'M
NOT HAPPY.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU?

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND
THAT THERE'S A DIRECT

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
HANGING UPSIDE DOWN

LIKE THIS AND
MY ABILITY IN SEX.

YOU'VE EXPRESSED YOUR
APPRECIATION FOR MY

ABILITY TO DO IT FOR AN
INDEFINITE PERIOD OF TIME

AT AN
INTENSE LEVEL?

AND OF COURSE THE BLOOD
CIRCULATION IS ONE OF

THE VERY IMPORTANT
SEXUAL FACTORS.

THE BLOOD CIRCULATION
TO THE SEX ORGANS IS

ENHANCED BY THIS AND NOW
I WANT TO GET SOME DIRECT

STIMULATION TO
THE GENITAL REGION

AND EVEN THIS WAY I'M
STRENGTHENING MY SEXUAL

FUNCTIONING INCREDIBLY
AND I HOPE I'LL HAVE

AN OPPORTUNITY TO
DEMONSTRATE IT SHORTLY.

MAYBE THIS EXPLANATION
SEEMS FAR FETCHED BUT

IF YOU THINK ABOUT THE
PHYSIOLOGICAL COMPONENTS

YOU'LL SEE IT
REALLY MAKES SENSE

BECAUSE WITHOUT THE
BLOOD CIRCULATION

THE ERECTION WOULDN'T
FUNCTION ALTOGETHER.

WAS THE DOOR STORE STUCK
OR WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

ELI, PLEASE
COME DOWN, OKAY?

YOU CAN DIE
LIKE THAT.

NOT ONLY THE
BLOOD CIRCULATION

BUT THE
NEUROLOGICAL STIMULUS

IS ENHANCED
COMPLETELY THAT WAY.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO PAY FOR MY BEER.

I'LL PAY FOR
YOUR BEER.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO PAY FOR MY BEER.

RAY, I'LL PAY
FOR YOUR BEER.

I DIDN'T
BRING THIS UP

FOR YOU TO PAY
FOR MY BEER.

ALRIGHT, I'M
SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST SAYING, IF
I COULD TAKE A CAB

THAT'S ALL
I WOULD NEED.

ANYTIME I WANT I COULD
TAKE A CAB I'D BE HAPPY.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND
REMEMBER SOMETHING.

REMEMBER...

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE
AVERAGE FAMILY IN JAPAN

WATCHES TELEVISION EIGHT
HOURS AND 12 MINUTES

EVERY DAY
WHEREAS IN THE U.S.

THEY DO IT FOR SIX HOURS
AND 44 MINUTES EVERY DAY?

IN FACT IT'S
QUITE INTERESTING.

A GALLUP POLL ON FIVE
ITEMS: TELEVISION,

NEWSPAPERS, TELEPHONE,
AUTOMOBILE, REFRIGERATOR

- YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE UP
FOUR AND JUST KEEP ONE,

WHICH ONE ARE
YOU GONNA KEEP?

31% OF THE JAPANESE
PREFER THEIR TV SETS.

ONLY 3% OF AMERICANS
PREFER THEIR TV SETS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY
TOO MUCH DOING THIS IN BED.

THIS IS A PLACE
WHERE I SLEEP.

I CAN'T HAVE THIS
STUFF IN THIS ROOM.

WOULD YOU
PLEASE PUT THAT OUT.

I'M SORRY.

LOOK AT THIS, THIS
IS VERY INTERESTING.

WOULD YOU PLEASE
PUT THAT OUT FIRST

BECAUSE
THAT'S REALLY-

CLOSE YOUR EYES.
CLOSE THEM TIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WOULD YOU
PLEASE...

LOOK AT
THIS MOVIE!

CHESS I PLAY
FOR A LIVING

AND FOR
THE CHILDREN

SOMETIMES I DO
MAGIC TRICKS.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE MOVIE.

WOULD YOU
PUT THIS OUT?

WOULD YOU GO TO THE
WINDOW AND STICK IT OUT?

WOULD YOU GO
TO THE BATHROOM

OR SMOKE IT
SOMEWHERE ELSE?

IT'S NOT SO
IMPORTANT.

IF IT'S NOT SO IMPORTANT
DON'T SHOW YOU'RE

SO ADDICTED TO IT TO
THAT TERRIBLE EXTENT.

ELI, I WANT
A BABY.

WHAT?

I WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE A BABY.

NOT WITH YOU BUT I
REALLY WANT ONE.

AND YOU DON'T WANT
TO HAVE ONE WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW, I
DON'T THINK SO.

IN THE SAME BREATH
YOU COME UP WITH TWO

EXTREME STATEMENTS:
YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY

AND YOU DON'T WANT
TO HAVE IT WITH ME.

I CAN'T EVEN
THINK STRAIGHT NOW.

SMOKE MAKES YOU
NOT THINK STRAIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

IT'S A
PHYSIOLOGICAL FACTOR.

THE BABY DISCUSSION
SHOULD ACTUALLY

BE SMOKING THEN YOU
CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.

NOW LET'S SEE
HOW YOU FUNCTION

WHEN YOU
DON'T THINK.

I'M ABOUT TO MAKE
SOMETHING DISAPPEAR.

DISAPPEAR.

IF YOU HAVE A BABY
ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE

WHILE YOU'RE
PREGNANT ALSO?

NO.

ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE
AFTER THE BABY'S BORN?

NO.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SMOKE
AGAIN IF YOU HAVE A BABY?

MAYBE NOT.

WHAT DO YOU
MEAN MAYBE NOT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

BUT YOU'D MAKE SOME PLANS
OF WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO.

I'M NOT GONNA SMOKE
IF I GET PREGNANT

BUT I'M NOT
PREGNANT.

IT'S NOT ONLY A QUESTION
OF WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT.

IT'S A QUESTION OF THE
CHILD YOU'RE BRINGING UP.

PLEASE DISAPPEAR.

I THOUGHT WE
WERE HAVING

A SERIOUS
DISCUSSION HERE.

COME ON, THIS IS
TOO RIDICULOUS.

AT LEAST GET RID
OF THIS THING.

NOW CAN WE
TURN OFF THE TV

AND HAVE A SERIOUS
DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS?

I CAN'T EVEN GET THIS
THING OUT AND THE SMOKE

HAS GOTTEN ALL
OVER THE PLACE HERE.

OKAY, NOW...

BEYOND THE REALM
OF KNOWLEDGE

IS AN UNKNOWN
KINGDOM.

WATCH.

OKAY?

NOW.

DO YOU WANT
TO HAVE A BABY

AND DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE A BABY WITH ME?

I GUESS IT WAS
JUST A FANTASY.

THEN WHY DID YOU
IMMEDIATELY SAY

NOT WITH ME?

BECAUSE I NEVER
THOUGHT OF HAVING

A BABY
WITH YOU.

WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT IT NOW?

IT SEEMS ODD.

YEAH, I ADMIT
THAT IT SEEMS ODD.

I MEAN, IT
JUST SEEMS ODD.

LAST NIGHT
IN MY SLEEP

I DREAMED THAT I
WAS SLEEPING AND,

DREAMING IN THAT SLEEP
THAT I HAD AWAKENED,

I FELL ASLEEP.

* SOME DAY WHEN
I'M AWFULLY LOW *

* WHEN THE
WORLD IS COLD *

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW
JUST THINKING OF YOU *

* AND THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* OH, BUT
YOU'RE LOVELY *

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM
AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR
ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* WITH EACH WORD YOUR
TENDERNESS GROWS *

* TEARING MY
FEAR APART *

* AND THAT LAUGH THAT
WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *

* TOUCHES MY
FOOLISH HEART *

* LOVELY, NEVER,
NEVER CHANGE *

* KEEP THAT
BREATHLESS CHARM *

* WON'T YOU
PLEASE ARRANGE IT *

* 'CAUSE I
LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

*

*

*

* 'CAUSE I
LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY YOU
LOOK TONIGHT *

* JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT. *

YOU KNOW, ELI, YOU DON'T
LOOK AROUND VERY MUCH.

LOOK OVER THERE.

THOSE FLOWERS
ARE GLOWING.

THIS IS A VERY
BEAUTIFUL TIME OF NIGHT.

I'M THINKING,
THOUGH.

I'M ANALYZING
SOME THINGS.

WELL, THAT'S THE
TROUBLE, DARLING.

YOU'RE TOO MUCH
IN YOUR HEAD.

YOU THINK
ALL THE TIME.

YOUR EYES GET
SMALLER AND SMALLER

AND GO BACK
INTO YOUR HEAD.

LOOK AT HOW
BEAUTIFUL IT ALL IS.

SEE HOW THE
BLUE SHIRTS GLOW

AND HOW ALL THESE PEOPLE
ARE SO WONDERFUL?

I BET YOU'RE
THINKING.

YES, I'M
THINKING. WHY?

YOU DON'T LOOK AROUND, I
WANT YOU TO LOOK AROUND.

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL
THIS TIME OF DAY IS.

EVERYTHING
IS GLOWING.

IT'S SO
BEAUTIFUL.

THE GREENS OF
THOSE TREES.

LOOK, THAT
BUILDING LOOKS PURPLE!

IT'S VIBRANT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

LOOK OVER THERE
AT THOSE FLOWERS.

THEY'RE GOLD AND IT'S
AGAINST THIS NAVY GREEN-

WHAT'S THE
MATTER?

WHAT DID YOU
SUDDENLY JUMP FOR?

THAT GUY. HE'S
THAT DARK GUY.

I THOUGHT I SAW
THAT DARK GUY BEFORE.

OH, ARE YOU
STARTING THIS AGAIN?

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL
IN THIS LIGHT, ELI.

YOU'RE NICE BUT YOU'RE
A LITTLE TOO EMOTIONAL,

YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU THINK SO? PEOPLE
ALWAYS THINK I'M STUPID

BECAUSE I
FEEL THINGS.

NO, NO, I DON'T
MEAN THAT WAY.

YOU'RE VERY LUCKY TO
HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS.

THERE'S NO CONTRADICTION
BETWEEN FEELINGS AND

LOGIC BUT WHEN YOU CATCH
ME THINKING AND ANALYZING

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I
DON'T HAVE FEELINGS

AND SO FORTH.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER?

NOTHING.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

ELI...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I CAN'T.

DON'T EVER DO
THIS AGAIN, OKAY?

IT'S BULLSHIT.

I DON'T WANT
ANY- SHH, SHH, SHH.

I DON'T WANT
ANY EXPLANATION.

I CAN'T PUT UP
WITH THIS STUFF.

VERY, VERY, VERY
BIG TURN-OFF, ELI.

IT'S A
SCIENTIFIC-

SHH SHH SHH.

BUT I'M MAKING A
SCIENTIFIC STUDY THAT-

IT'S OF INTEREST TO US
BOTH BECAUSE DEPENDING ON

WHAT'S GOING ON
WHEN WE MAKE LOVE

IT REGISTERS DIFFERENTLY
ON THE PULSE METER.

DARLING, I WILL NEVER
MAKE LOVE TO YOU AGAIN

IF YOU DON'T
RECOGNIZE

THAT THIS IS AN
ASININE THING TO DO.

NO, I WANT YOU
TO UNDERSTAND

WHY IT'S THE
RIGHT THING TO DO.

IT IS AN ASININE
THING TO DO

AND I WANT YOU TO
ADMIT THAT TO ME.

NOW DON'T BE
CLOSED MINDED AGAIN.

I'M NOT BEING
CLOSED MINDED.

THIS IS
HORSE SHIT.

I TOLERATE A LOT OF
THIS WHAT YOU CALL

"OBJECTIVE" CRAP,
YOU KNOW?

CRAP, YES. FINE.

THIS IS
OBJECTIVE INSANITY.

AND I TOLERATE ALL YOUR
EMOTIONAL STUFF BECAUSE

YOU'RE SUCH A NICE PERSON
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

EMOTIONAL AT THE EXPENSE
OF BEING REASONABLE

AND SCIENTIFIC AND
OBJECTIVE AND ANALYTICAL.

SEX IS NOT AN
ANALYTICAL EXPERIMENT.

NO, BUT THERE ARE
ANALYTICAL MEASUREMENTS

YOU CAN
MAKE ABOUT IT.

GO TO A
SEX COURSE.

GO TO ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
MASTERS AND MASTERY.

NO, I KNOW BETTER
THAN THOSE PEOPLE DO.

I'M DOING A SCIENTIFIC
STUDY OF MY OWN.

I WANT TO PROVE TO
MYSELF WHAT I KNOW.

WHAT I KNOW EMOTIONALLY
I NOW WANT TO PROVE

INTELLECTUALLY AND
OBJECTIVELY WHICH IS THAT

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN
I'VE EVER LOVED ANYONE

OR THAT I'M CAPABLE
OF LOVING SOMEONE.

THIS IS GOING TO
DETERMINE IT

AND THAT'S WHY YOU
SHOULD UNDERSTAND

WHY IT'S NECESSARY
TO DO IT.

* LAST NIGHT AS I
LAY ON MY PILLOW *

* LAST NIGHT AS I
LAY ON MY BED *

* LAST NIGHT AS I
LAY ON MY PILLOW *

* I DREAMT THAT MY
BONNY WAS DEAD *

* BRING BACK
BRING BACK *

* BRING BACK MY BONNY
TO ME, TO ME *

* BRING BACK
BRING BACK *

* PLEASE BRING BACK
MY BONNY TO ME *

MY MOTHER
CALLS ME.

SHE CALLS ME
LAST NIGHT,

SHE WANTS A
WASHING MACHINE.

CAN I ASK YOU TO
HOLD THAT CIGAR

ON THE OTHER SIDE, I
DON'T LIKE THE SMELL.

IT'S VERY BAD
FOR MY HEALTH.

JUST HOLD IT
AWAY FROM ME.

I KNOW WHERE I'VE
SEEN YOU BEFORE.

YOU WERE SINGING AT
THE IMPROV, RIGHT?

YEAH.

WHAT WERE YOU
DOING THERE?

REHEARSING
A SCENE.

YOU WERE
ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

THANKS.

I CRIED.

DID YOU?

REAL TEARS?

ABSOLUTELY. I FELL
MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

EDDIE...

COME ON, EDDIE.

SAY HELLO TO THE
PEOPLE, EDDIE.

WANNA PET HIM?

DOES HE
LIKE IT?

HE LOVES IT.

WATCH OUT,
HE BITES.

PECKS, YOU KNOW? HE
MIGHT PECK YOUR HAND.

COME ON, PECK
ME EDDIE. GO ON.

HE'S GOT A
TRAINED BIRD.

IT'S UNUSUAL.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT HIS BIRD.

ARE YOU TRYING TO
HARASS ME WITH THIS GUY?

ARE YOU SINGING
SOMEWHERE, DARLIN'?

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M JUST REHEARSING
AT THE IMPROV.

I'M PROBABLY GONNA
GET AN ACT TOGETHER.

DECIDING WHAT TO
PUT IN IT, YOU KNOW.

YOU SHOULD,
YOU SHOULD.

MAKE PEOPLE FALL
IN LOVE WITH YOU,

MAKE
PEOPLE CRY.

I THINK I'D LIKE ANOTHER
COFFEE OR SOMETHING.

IS THIS JUST A GENERAL
FLIRTATIOUS BEHAVIOR

ON YOUR PART OR IS THIS
A MEANS OF ANNOYING ME?

OR MAYBE YOU
REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.

WHAT'S THE JOKE?
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

THERE'S NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT IT.

I'M ASKING YOU A
VERY DIRECT QUESTION.

FUNNY THINGS
MAKE ME LAUGH, ELI.

YEAH. I'M NOT FUNNY
ENOUGH FOR YOU?

CAN I TALK TO
YOU, SWEETHEART?

I MIGHT BE
ABLE TO HELP YOU.

WITH WHAT?

I KNOW PEOPLE IN THE
RECORDING BUSINESS.

AH, GO ON.

CAN I TALK TO
YOU

I'LL BE
RIGHT BACK.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO?

YOU WANT TO GO OFF
AND TALK TO THIS GUY?

JUST FOR
A SECOND.

I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOMETHING FOR A SECOND.

IT'S NOT
IMPORTANT, ELI.

I'LL SEE YOU
IN A MINUTE.

YOU KNOW,
I'LL JUST...

YOU'RE A GREAT
SINGER, YOU KNOW THAT?

I THINK YOU'RE
WONDERFUL, I DO.

HOW ABOUT A
RECORD CONTRACT?

OH, COME ON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING
YOU ALL NIGHT LONG.

I'M MADLY IN
LOVE WITH YOU.

SURE.

I AM, ABSOLUTELY.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING
YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

JESUS CHRIST,
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

TELL ME
SOMETHING.

WHO'S THIS GUY
YOU'RE WITH.

HE'S THIS GUY...

IS HE YOUR
HUSBAND?

NO, WE'RE
NOT MARRIED.

OH, REALLY?

DO YOU COME
HERE OFTEN?

ARE YOU WITH HIM?

YEAH, I CAME
WITH HIM.

TIED UP, HUH?

LISTEN, I'M
WITH SOMEBODY TOO.

WHAT DO YOU
SAY WE LEAVE?

TOGETHER?

YEAH.

IF I WAS WITH
SOMEONE FOR ONE DAY

SHE WOULDN'T
BEHAVE THAT WAY

GOING OFF WITH A GUY
WITH A CIGAR AND AN

OBNOXIOUS MANNER AND A
PHONY COME-ON LIKE THAT.

IS SHE DOING THIS
JUST TO HARASS ME?

WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE?

YOU'VE SEEN MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.

ANSWER ME!

LET'S JUST
TALK ABOUT THIS.

LET'S TAKE A WALK.

WHERE?

TO MY PLACE.

I'M MADLY IN
LOVE WITH YOU.

IS THIS GUY
YOUR BOYFRIEND?

WHAT DOES HE DO? HE
JUST GOES OFF LIKE THAT?

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

LARRY... LARRY?

YOU PROMISED YOU
WEREN'T GOING TO

DO THIS TO
ME ANYMORE.

LARRY, DON'T DO
THIS TO ME, PLEASE?

THERE'S A LOT
OF PEOPLE.

LARRY?

WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO-

LARRY!

GO AHEAD AND
ENJOY YOURSELF

IF THAT'S YOUR
TASTE. GO AWAY.

I DON'T WANT TO
TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW I'M REALLY VERY
HAPPY THAT THIS HAPPENED

BECAUSE IF THAT'S THE WAY
SHE IS IT'S VERY GOOD.

IT JUST SHOWS WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN I

ALLOW MYSELF TO LIKE
A WOMAN, YOU KNOW?

UH, EXCUSE ME?

YEAH?

MY NAME IS
LOUISE, HI.

I'M ELI.

DO YOU MIND IF
I SIT WITH YOU?

I FEEL VERY
EMBARRASSED

SITTING HERE BY
MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

SURE, WHAT
THE HELL.

COME OVER HERE
AND SIT WITH ME.

DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING TO SAY

ABOUT WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE?

I'M VERY
EMBARRASSED RIGHT NOW.

YEAH?

AND I DON'T WANT TO
DRAW ANY ATTENTION

TO OURSELVES,
ALRIGHT?

YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING
ABOUT THIS BOYFRIEND

OF YOURS BUT I DON'T
CARE ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

HE CAN DO
WHAT HE WANTS.

I'M COMPLETELY DISGUSTED
AND DISILLUSIONED-

WHY?

BECAUSE THIS WASN'T
JUST SOME WOMAN-

EVEN IF IT WAS A WOMAN
I'D JUST MET TODAY-

I MEAN, THAT SHE WOULD
JUST GO OFF IN FRONT OF ME

WITH A GUY WHO COMES
ON TO HER LIKE THAT.

BUT THIS IS A WOMAN I
REALLY LIKED AND I HAD A

NICE FEELING ABOUT HER
AND HOW COULD SHE JUST..?

LARRY SAID HE WAS NEVER
GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN.

HE GOES OUT WITH
WOMEN FROM TIME TO TIME.

HE'S AN ACTOR AND ACTORS
DO STRANGE THINGS BECAUSE

THEY FEEL THEY HAVE TO
DO RESEARCH FOR PARTS.

HE'S PLAYING A CRAZY
ARTIST AT THE MOMENT

SO I GUESS HE
FEELS HE HAS TO-

I DON'T CARE WHAT
HE FEELS LIKE

AND IF HE SUCCEEDS
IN DOING IT.

BUT HOW
COULD SHE-

WOULD IT BE ALRIGHT IF
I STAY WITH YOU TONIGHT

BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO GO BACK TO MY HOUSE

WHEN HE DOES
THINGS LIKE THIS.

OH, HE DOES THINGS
LIKE THIS REGULARLY

AND THEN YOU GO OFF
WITH THE GUY WHO

NO, HE DOESN'T
DO IT REGULARLY.

HE USED TO DO IT A
LOT BUT HE PROMISED

HE WAS NEVER
GONNA DO IT AGAIN.

NOW HE'S DOING IT AND
I DON'T HAVE ANY PLACE

TO STAY BECAUSE I USED
TO LINE UP ALL MY FRIENDS'

APARTMENTS SO I COULD
STAY WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS

BUT EVERYBODY'S OUT OF
TOWN OR OFF ON VACATION

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.

PLEASE LET ME SPEND
THE NIGHT WITH YOU?

PLEASE. WE DON'T
HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

I FEEL VERY STRANGE
ASKING YOU THIS

BUT I DON'T HAVE
ANY PLACE TO STAY.

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

I DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT SURE.

I KNOW WHY I'M
HERE, YOU KNOW.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

I'M HERE BECAUSE
YOUR EYES ARE BROWN

AND YOUR
HAIR IS BLACK.

I'M HERE BECAUSE YOU
DON'T GIVE A SHIT

ABOUT ME. THAT'S
WHY I'M HERE.

I'M GONNA ASK
YOU SOMETHING.

YOU LEAVE
PEOPLE, RIGHT?

DO YOU
LEAVE PEOPLE?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A
WOMAN YOU DIDN'T LEAVE?

SURE.

HA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
ROMEO AND JULIET?

DO YOU WANT TO
GET MARRIED?

IS THAT WHAT
YOU WANT?

I AM MARRIED.

IF YOU MULTIPLY THE
NUMBER OF WOMEN

I'VE HAD
SEX WITH

TIMES THE AVERAGE
NUMBER OF MEN

EACH OF THEM HAS HAD SEX
WITH, YOU ACTUALLY GET A

STATISTICAL SAMPLE THAT'S
LARGER THAN KINSEY'S.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF I'VE
HAD SEX WITH 85 WOMEN

AND EACH OF THEM HAS
HAD SEX WITH 50 GUYS,

I'VE GOT A SAMPLE
OF 4,250 MEN

TO COMPARE
MYSELF WITH.

*

I DON'T WANT TO BE
A VICTIM ANYMORE.

HERE, HAVE
SOME MORE SAKE.

I DON'T FEEL
TOO GREAT MYSELF.

*

THAT'S A PICTURE
OF ME ON YOUR WALL.

MMM HMM.

THERE'S A LOT OF PICTURES
OF ME ON YOUR WALL.

MMM HMM.

WHAT DO YOU
MEAN "MMM HMM"?

YOU'VE BEEN
TAKING PICTURES OF ME.

MMM HMM.

WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I DON'T FEEL
TOO GOOD ABOUT IT.

CAN I SPEND THE
NIGHT WITH YOU?

I DON'T THINK IT'S A
GOOD IDEA BECAUSE

YOU LOOK LIKE A
VERY NICE PERSON.

BUT WE'RE NOT HERE
BECAUSE WE LIKE EACH OTHER

OR WE WANTED TO BE
WITH EACH OTHER.

I'M HERE BECAUSE I DON'T
HAVE ANY PLACE TO GO.

PLEASE LET ME SPEND
THE NIGHT WITH YOU.

I WON'T CAUSE YOU ANY
TROUBLE, I PROMISE.

YOU THINK WE CAN
FEEL OKAY TOGETHER?

YOU'VE BEEN
TAKING PICTURES OF ME.

I LIKE YOU SO I
TAKE PICTURES.

DON'T GIVE ME
THAT BULLSHIT.

YOU'RE A
HIRED PERSON

AND YOU'RE
PHOTOGRAPHING THIS.

VERY KINKY.

WHERE'S
THE CAMERA?

KINKY, MY ASS,
YOU FUCKING CREEP.

WHERE'S
THE CAMERA?

GET OFF.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER?

GASP! THERE'S THE CAMERA!
THERE'S THE CAMERA!

OKAY, THERE YOU ARE,
YOU FUCKING BASTARD.

I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

YOU THINK YOU
HAD ME, DON'T YOU?

YOU DON'T HAVE ME.
WE'RE NOT FUCKING.

WE'RE NOT FUCKING,
YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER.

YOU THOUGHT YOU
COULD DO THIS TO ME

SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
TO PAY ME ANY MONEY.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT MONEY.

YOU DIDN'T GET
ANYTHING SEXY, DID YOU?

YOU GOT FACES!

HOW DO YOU
LIKE THAT?

I HATE YOU!

I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU
AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE!

YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL!
YOU DON'T LOVE ME AT ALL!

SHUT UP!

YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS
TO ME IF YOU LOVED ME!

MAYBE, MAYBE.
ALRIGHT.

CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

UH, WAIT
A MINUTE.

I SAID I WANT TO SPEND
THE NIGHT WITH YOU

BUT I DIDN'T SAY I WANTED
TO MAKE LOVE WITH YOU.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
RUSHING THINGS A LITTLE?

A MOMENT AGO IT SEEMED
TO BE THE TWO OF US

RUSHING THINGS
A LITTLE BIT.

STOP!

AAAH!

EXCUSE ME. HI.

SO COULD
YOU SIT UP?

COULD YOU SIT
UP, PLEASE?

OH, SURE, OF
COURSE. WHY NOT?

SIT UP.

I NEED A
LITTLE SAKE.

HOW COME YOU PUT IN
AN APPEARANCE HERE?

ELI, THE MOST
WONDERFUL THING HAPPENED.

WHERE'S LARRY?

LARRY? HE'S HOME.

REMEMBER HOW I WAS
ALWAYS UPSET THAT

SOMEBODY WAS FOLLOWING
ME AND I WAS PARANOID?

I WAS RIGHT.

WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE?

I WANT TO
TELL YOU

THIS MOST WONDERFUL
THING, DARLING.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER?

OH, NOTHING'S THE
MATTER WITH ME.

JUST GO AHEAD.

DID YOU
FUCK HIM?

YOU FUCKED
HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

SHE FUCKED HIM. I
CAN SMELL HIM ON YOU.

YOU HAVE A
VERY GOOD NOSE.

YOU WENT
HOME WITH HIM!

I'M SORRY IF I
HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

DON'T CONSIDER MY
FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY-

I'M SORRY IF I
HURT YOUR FEELINGS!

I NEVER PROMISED YOU
I'D BE YOURS FOREVER.

YEAH, YEAH. GO BACK TO
THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.

WHAT IS SHE DOING
HERE, BY THE WAY, DEAR?

WHAT IS SHE
DOING HERE?

SOME PHONY, SLICK GUY,
AND YOU JUST GO OFF

WITH HIM AND YOU ASK ME
WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE?

OH, MY GOD, AND THEN SHE
RUNS BACK TO THIS GUY?

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE SORRY?

WE'RE NOT GETTING
MARRIED OR ANYTHING.

WE'RE NOT IN A
RELATIONSHIP, ELI.

WE'RE FRIENDS,
YOU KNOW?

WONDERFUL.

I PUT UP WITH A LOT
OF BULLSHIT FROM YOU.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR
LATEST INTERCOURSES.

I CARE ABOUT THE
WAY YOU TREAT ME-

I TOLD YOU
I WAS SORRY!

PEOPLE DO
THAT, YOU KNOW?

YOU WEREN'T
BORN YESTERDAY

AND YOU WERE GOING
TO FUCK THIS GIRL

IT SEEMS TO ME,
OR WERE YOU?

WHAT WAS THE OTHER
THING YOU WERE

ABOUT TO TELL ME
ABOUT FOLLOWING?

SEE HOW EASILY YOU
CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

I CHANGE
THE SUBJECT?

I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING NOW.

I WAS RIGHT. I WAS
BEING FOLLOWED.

I WAS NOT
PARANOID.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

THERE WAS SOMEBODY
FOLLOWING ME.

IT WAS ALWAYS TRUE AND
MY HUSBAND HAD HIRED

THIS LARRY PERSON BECAUSE
HE KNEW THAT I LIKED

THAT KIND OF LOOK
AND EVERYTHING AND

IF HE SENT SOMEONE
TO FOLLOW ME,

WHY THAT MEANS THAT
HE DOESN'T LOVE ME.

AND I'M PROBABLY
WRONG BECAUSE I THINK

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME AND I
KNOW HE REALLY LOVES ME

SO I'M HAVING A
CONTRADICTION WITH MYSELF,

DO YOU
UNDERSTAND?

NO.

I'M GONNA FAINT AND
THIS IS THE BEST PART.

OKAY, SO I'M SITTING
THERE AND I REALIZE

HE DOESN'T LOVE ME.
HE REALLY DOESN'T.

DO YOU
UNDERSTAND?

AND WHAT DOES
THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT
WE'RE FREE.

OH, IS THAT SO?

YES. I DIDN'T EVEN RUN
HOME, I WALKED HOME.

I WALKED. I WAS SO HAPPY
I DIDN'T HAVE TO RUN.

SHHH.

SO NOW I'M YOURS.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

SMILE.

*

*

*

* CAN SHE BAKE
A CHERRY PIE *

* BILLY BOY,
BILLY BOY? *

* CAN SHE BAKE A CHERRY
PIE, CHARMING BILLY? *

* CAN SHE BAKE
A CHERRY PIE? *

* QUICK AS A CAT
CAN WINK AN EYE? *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

WOULD YOU
LIKE MENUS?

UMM, WHAT DO
YOU WANT?

I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING TO EAT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
NOT WANT TO EAT, ZEE.

I'LL HAVE A CHOCOLATE
CAKE WITH A CANDLE.

I THOUGHT YOU
WEREN'T HUNGRY.

YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY
AND YOU WANT A CAKE?

IT'S NOT FOR ME.

IT'S NOT FOR ME.

I DON'T WANT
ANY CAKE NOW.

IT'S A DEPRESSANT, IT'S
CONCENTRATED SUGAR,

IT INTERFERES WITH
PROTEIN ABSORPTION,

IT OVERWORKS
THE PANCREAS,

THE DELICATE
INSULIN/SUGAR BALANCE.

I THINK
I'M PREGNANT.

I THINK I'M
PREGNANT.

OH, MY GOD.

HOW DO
YOU FEEL?

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

HERE'S YOUR CAKE
WITH A CANDLE.

I THINK IT'S GONNA
BE A GIRL, YOU KNOW.

IF YOU FEEL SICK,
IT'S GOING TO BE A GIRL.

IF YOU DON'T FEEL SICK
IT'S GONNA BE A BOY.

YOU KNOW, THE TALMUD
CLAIMS THAT YOU CAN TELL

WHETHER IT'S GONNA BE
A BOY OR A GIRL ON THE

BASIS OF WHETHER
DURING THE INTERCOURSE

THE WOMAN HAD
AN ORGASM OR NOT.

IF SHE HAD AN ORGASM
IT'S GOING TO BE A BOY.

IF SHE DIDN'T
HAVE AN ORGASM,

IT'S GOING
TO BE A GIRL.

DOESN'T SAY
TOO MUCH FOR ME.

I MEAN, ESPECIALLY
I ALREADY HAD A GIRL.

I ALREADY
HAVE A GIRL.

I'M SORRY.

NO, NO. I
LIKE GIRLS.

I PREFER GIRLS.

LOOK... POKE IT.

NOW LISTEN
TO THIS.

THIS IS
FASCINATING.

ALTHOUGH IN THE PUBLIC
MIND SAKHAROV IS CHIEFLY

ASSOCIATED WITH HIS FIGHT
FOR HUMAN RIGHTS IN THE

SOVIET UNION, ANDREI
SAKHAROV'S SCIENTIFIC

WORKS DOCUMENT HIS
CONTRIBUTIONS TO

COSMOLOGY INCLUDING
WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED

IN THE FIRST FRACTION
OF A SECOND AFTER

THE UNIVERSE WAS FORMED
AND THE POSSIBILITY

THAT TIME MAY HAVE
REVERSED ITS DIRECTION

AT THE MOMENT OF
THE UNIVERSE'S BIRTH.

MALE FRAGILITY
SEEMS PARADOXICAL

WHEN WE CONSIDER THAT
MEN HAVE BEEN REGARDED

AS THE STRONGER SEX
THROUGHOUT THE CENTURIES

AND CERTAINLY HAVE
BEEN THE DOMINANT SEX.

A SIGNIFICANT
DIFFERENCE THAT WILL

DETERMINE DOMINANCE
IN THE FUTURE

WILL NOT BE PHYSICAL
STRENGTH BUT MENTAL.

WHAT IS INTERESTING
IS THAT THE MIND

NOT THE BODY IS
SEXUALLY DIFFERENTIATED.

THIS IS SO
FANTASTIC.

MEN AND WOMEN DO NOT
THINK THE SAME WAY.

THEIR BRAINS ARE
ALMOST AS DIFFERENT

AS THEIR
SEX ORGANS.

THREE AND A HALF AS MANY
BOY BABIES AS GIRL BABIES

HIT THEIR HEADS AGAINST
THE SIDE OF THEIR CRIBS.

POOR BOY
BABIES.

YOU THINK
THAT'S ACTUALLY SO?

I THINK THAT'S
ACTUALLY SO.

WHY IS THAT
THE CASE?

I DON'T KNOW.

JUST BECAUSE YOU
READ IT SOMEWHERE-

I BELIEVE IT.

WHY?

BECAUSE I'VE TALKED TO
WOMEN WHO HAVE BABIES

AND LITTLE BOY BABIES
I'M TOLD MOVE AROUND

A LOT MORE THAN
LITTLE GIRL BABIES.

THEY'RE
MORE ACTIVE.

EXACTLY 3 1/2
TIMES AS MUCH.

WHO KNOWS?

SO THEY BANG
THEIR HEADS.

I DON'T THINK
THAT'S SO BAD.

I MEAN, I'M
JUST WONDERING

WHY THEY DO IT
MORE THAN GIRLS.

THEY SEEM TO
HAVE MORE ENERGY.

THEY SEEM TO BE MORE,
I DON'T KNOW, BRUTAL.

YOU KNOW, LITTLE BOYS
ALWAYS BEAT EACH OTHER UP

AND LITTLE
GIRLS DON'T.

LITTLE BOYS ALWAYS
GET INTO STREET FIGHTS

WITH KNIVES AND
LITTLE GIRLS DON'T.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S
A CULTURAL TRAIT

OR DO YOU THINK
IT'S HEREDITARY?

I DON'T THINK
IT'S HEREDITARY,

I THINK
IT'S GENETIC.

I THINK IT'S
IN THEIR CELLS.

IT'S IN THEIR
LITTLE CELLS.

I THINK MEN ARE
MORE REVENGEFUL.

I THINK MEN
ARE HARDER.

I'M SORRY.

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* I HAVE BEEN TO
SEEK MY WIFE *

* SHE'S THE JOY
OF MY LIFE *

* SHE'S A
YOUNG THING *

* AND SHE CANNOT
LEAVE HER MOTHER *

*

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY?

* OH, WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* I'VE BEEN TO
SEEK A WIFE *

* SHE'S THE JOY
OF MY LIFE *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

* DID SHE BID YOU TO COME
IN, BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY? *

* DID SHE BID YOU TO
COME IN, CHARMING BILLY? *

* YES, SHE BADE
ME TO COME IN *

* THERE'S A
DIMPLE IN HER CHIN *

* SHE'S A YOUNG THING AND
CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER *

*

*

* SOME DAY WHEN
I'M AWFULLY LOW *

* WHEN THE
WORLD IS COLD *

* I WILL FEEL A GLOW
JUST THINKING OF YOU *

* AND THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* OH, BUT
YOU'RE LOVELY *

* WITH YOUR SMILE SO WARM
AND YOUR CHEEK SO SOFT *

* THERE IS NOTHING FOR
ME BUT TO LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *

* WITH EACH WORD YOUR
TENDERNESS GROWS *

* TEARING MY
FEAR APART *

* AND THAT LAUGH THAT
WRINKLES YOUR NOSE *

* TOUCHES MY
FOOLISH HEART *

* LOVELY, NEVER
NEVER CHANGE *

* KEEP THAT
BREATHLESS CHARM *

* WON'T YOU
PLEASE ARRANGE IT *

* 'CAUSE I
LOVE YOU *

* JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT *