Camp Blood 8: Revelations (2020) - full transcript

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You're all gonna die tonight

♪ Or another night, yeah

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You better get ready

♪ 'Cause in hell there
ain't no spaghetti ♪

♪ You're all gonna die

♪ Oh you're all gonna die

♪ You're all gonna die tonight



♪ Just a bunch of
skeletons wrapped in meat ♪

♪ Or another night

♪ Oh yeah, underground
by six feet ♪

♪ Tick tick tick tick
tock tock tock tock ♪

♪ Life's a joke
♪ You're all gonna

♪ Life's a joke

♪ Die
♪ Everything's a joke

♪ First of all
♪ You're gonna die

♪ You're gonna die, you're
gonna die, you're gonna die ♪

♪ And me

♪ You better stop fighting
over that chicken wing ♪

♪ Which one

♪ Time's up now

Why not, right?



What's the point
of being negative?

Negative Nellie.

- Yeah, I bet.
- We are gonna be so late

if we don't make up the time.

I'm gonna take this shortcut.

Shortcut.

- Yep.
- No, nothing creepy

ever happens to five hot chicks
on a shortcut in the woods.

I've
taken it many times,

so this will definitely work.

Just zone out.

You think
it's much farther?

I don't know, we
are running a little behind.

I think Ashley
said she needs to go

to the restroom soon.

Okay.

Yeah, if
you can find some.

Hold it best you
can because I'm not sure.

- Yeah.
- We are far behind.

Looks like we're
getting low on gas too.

Okay.

I don't see anything.

I don't know where the
next stop would be.

I just know that we
just gotta keep going.

Definitely.

Yeah, we
can't miss this one.

I know, paychecks.

Yep, we
all need it really bad.

If you say I told you
so, I'm gonna stick my foot

so far up your ass, it'll
look like your tongue.

I'm speechless, Coach.

I do think someone said
that it'll be dangerous

taking the shortcut
through the woods.

Hey, Brandy, look
what's on that tire.

I don't see anything.

Look closer.

Look closer.

I still don't see anything.

Ow, hey, what's
the deal with that?

Don't pick on Brandy, Coach.

You want some of this?

No thanks.

So does anyone know
how to fix a car?

Not getting
any reception.

Here's a shocker,
no one has reception.

Maybe we can
Google how to fix it.

We would need reception
to do that, Einstein.

And we're gonna fix a
car with a web search?

Maybe.

Maybe if we wait here,
someone can come by and help us.

Yeah, great idea, Ashley.

No, I've taken this
shortcut a number of times.

Hardly anyone uses it.

I hear traffic.

Yeah, this place is a gully.

The highway is
about 10 miles back.

The cars sound close,
but they're not.

Well, what's your
idea, wise one?

You know, there's a cabin
not too far from here.

It's the opposite
direction from the highway.

Unless there's any
volunteers to walk 10 miles

back to the highway.

All right, well let's let
one person stay at the car,

and the rest of us will
go look for the cabin.

Maybe they have a land line.

Here's my idea, why don't
we all stay at the car

and you go look for the cabin?

Aren't we near Camp Blood?

Camp Blood?

I saw a sign that
says Camp McGa.

Camp Blood sounds
like way spookier.

Yeah, it's a legend.

Some serial killer
dresses up like a clown

and kills people in the woods.

We passed a sign for it.

This just keeps
getting better.

Camp Blood is a
ridiculous urban legend.

Wouldn't that
be a rural legend?

Whatever.

Not exactly sure
where this cabin is,

so it may take the four of us

moving in four slightly
different directions to find it.

So I say let's get moving
before it gets dark.

I'll stay here.

Lock the doors if
spooky things happen.

You guys go do your thing.

I'm going where Ashley's
going, she's my bestie.

Yeah, I don't think
we have much choice.

Let's do this.

Wait, what if we get hungry
or thirsty or something?

Yay, the snack bag.

Hey, leave me something.

There's more stuff to
eat and drink in the trunk.

- Here's the key.
- Thanks.

I have an extra
on in the snack bag.

Cool.

Hey, is that ketchup?

Probably.

Oh yuck, it definitely
doesn't taste like ketchup.

Oh my god, Brandy, how many
times do I have to tell you

not to eat stuff off the ground?

I don't know, probably
like 20 I'd say.

What are you girls doing here?

First of all, we're not girls.

And second of all,
our car broke down.

Can you help us fix it?

You all need to
leave immediately.

It is not safe here,
it's dangerous.

Are you even listening?

We don't want to be
here, our car broke down.

Can you help us?

You whores!

When he sees how you are
dressed, he will kill

every last one of you
just like he always does.

Who?

The killer clown.

This is Camp Blood, you all
should know what that means.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Wait, I'm so sorry.

What are you warning us?

Mock me at your own risk.

You have been warned.

Get out before it's too late!

That wasn't creepy at all.

You think?

Should I run after him?

Maybe he knows something
that can help us.

I'm quite sure he wouldn't
help us if he could.

We stick to the plan.

So which way is this cabin?

I'm not sure.

If two of us go that way
and two of us go this way,

we're sure to find it.

I call Ashley
as a travel buddy.

Yay.

Okay, so you two go that way.

And if you don't find
anything in an hour,

then come back this way
and meet us by the ketchup.

Yuck.

I'm really pretty
sure it's not ketchup.

♪ I'm so bored and tired
of those crazy bitches ♪

♪ Someone come pick me up

Someone in our woods?

Yes.

You have Momma's permission
to have your fun with them.

Wait.

Come closer, baby.

You like taking care of
the trespassers, don't you?

Gets you hot.

You don't understand,
my simple one.

No one will ever take care
of you like your momma does.

Go and get it done.

Be back for supper.

Oh, don't tell me
you need to rest.

I thought you were in the
best shape of all the girls.

Why are you doing this?

Well, I told you,
if we find the cabin,

maybe there's a good
chance there's a landline.

I mean why coach this
ridiculous volleyball tournament?

No one's good.

It doesn't work as T&A anymore.

I mean, they dropped
the show in Vegas.

And we're headed to, what, Utah?

Yeah, well the Mormons
don't get that much exposure

to the female body, especially
not females with good bodies.

And they're willing to pay.

Why, do you have
something better to do?

Renee wants to be
the next big singer.

Ashley wants to be
a fortune-teller.

Hm, I didn't know that.

And aren't you gonna be the
next big stand-up comic?

Sure, yeah, I'll just
stand up and find that cabin.

See, that's hilarious.

Can't wait for the big stage.

Oh man, I'll start working
on my Mormon jokes now.

Guys, is that you?

Holy shit, who the fuck are you?

Get out of here.

I'll hurt you!

Shit!

Ow, Coach kicked
my butt really hard.

You tired, Brandy?

I just wanna go play
our game at the beach.

I never signed up for
a hike in the woods.

We'll get there,
this is just a setback.

I wish my mom was here,
she'd know what to do.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ash.

It's okay, it was
a long time ago.

I don't really
remember her much.

I was four when she disappeared.

That must have been so hard

not ever knowing
what happened to her.

Yeah, I don't really
like to talk about it much.

Oh my god, how'd you get here?

We must have a psychic link.

How did I get here,
like right here you mean?

Well, our car broke down
and then don't you remember?

No, no, no, no, no, I'm
talking to the stranger.

Derek.

I'm Ashley, this is Brandy.

Can you help us get out of here?

Afraid not.

I've been dead for
about five years now.

Oh my god, I'm
seeing visions again.

I'm not exactly a vision.

More like a ghost.

Don't you see
this man, Brandy?

He's right here.

You know, I don't,
but maybe he's a ghost.

See, even she knows I'm
a ghost and not a vision.

What do you want?

I'm here to warn you.

Great, take a number.

What do you mean?

You're not the first
person to warn us

without offering any help.

We need to get out of here.

Exactly, you need
to get out of here.

Did the ghost tell us
how to get out of here?

No, just that we need
to get out of here.

He doesn't seem like
a really useful ghost.

No.

Okay, let's find
this gosh darn cabin.

Whoa, what's that?

Someone's following us.

Wait, you brought
a knife with us

to our volleyball
tournament in Utah?

You can never be too careful.

Hey, easy there, lady.

Why are you following us?

You're not that crazy
killer clown, are you?

You guys know about the clown?

Wait, I thought
that was some sort

of fake news kinda thing?

Fake news?

You two shouldn't
be hiking out here.

We're lost, we're
not hiking by choice.

Do you have a way for
us to call for help?

The name's Fred,
I'm a survivalist.

What do you two fine
ladies call yourselves?

This is Melinda,
and I'm Dolly.

Why hello, Dolly!

Wow, I've never
heard that one before.

Can you help us or not?

I'm here by choice,
cut off from the world.

It's a cruel place out there
if you know what I mean.

No, do you have a way to
get us out of here or not?

You sound like a broken
record, if you know what I mean.

Right, I'm a broken
record, so I'll say it again.

Can you help us get out of here?

Can you help us get out of here?

No, you should leave.

We would if we could.

Are you a little dense?

Dense?

Well, I have been working
out if that's what you mean.

Do you know how to fix a car?

What do I look
like, a Pep Boy?

Is that a no?

That's a big N-O,
you comprephend me?

N-O, no fix-a the car-a, sorry.

Well, do you know if
there's a cabin around here?

With a landline.

Cabin, did you say cabin?

Yes.

You guys should
get out of here.

Now get out of here.

- Leave!
- Wait.

- Get the hell out of here.
- Wait!

Let him go.

Clearly he's not playing
with a full deck.

Hey, I see a building.

Come on, let's go.

What is this place?

I don't know, maybe
someone's inside.

Hello, is anyone in here?

Hello?

Let us out of here.

I'm so sorry I got us
stuck in here, Ashley.

It's not your fault, Brandy.

I just thought maybe
we'd find someone in here.

Looks pretty abandoned.

A band, oh, you think
bands play in here?

Maybe that was the
plan when they started.

Not such a great plan unless
bands just want to get away

in the wilderness and jam.

You're so smart, Ashley.

Not really, I got us stuck
in here as much as you did.

What are we gonna do?

We'll figure something out.

Oh, maybe you can
do your voodoo thing.

It's not voodoo,
it's parapsychology.

A para what?

We'll get out of here.

I think you should
call the ghost again.

It doesn't work like that.

Hopefully he'll show up with
a plan to help us out of here,

but hopefully everyone's okay.

Wake up, sleeping beauty.

I'm Sheila, I see you've
met my son Clowny.

You, no!

What's your name?

Get me the fuck out of here.

That's a very unusual name.

Son, how many times have I told
you you gotta clean 'em off

before you drag 'em
in here on my carpet?

This one's the worst yet.

Why are you doing this?

Well, I'm no shrink, but
I'm pretty sure the crazy gene

runs in my family.

I've got it, my daddy
had it, my son's got it.

You saw that firsthand.

He had a sister, I
had her when I was 13.

I don't know where she ended up.

She's the one that got away.

My momma stashed her
somewhere before I killed her.

Yeah, I killed my
momma, get over it.

Hey, boy, don't get any ideas
about killing your momma.

It's only the ladies in the
family who get to do that.

You better let me go right
now or my friends are gonna

find me, and they're gonna
give you a world of shit!

World of shit?

I like that expression,

but you're too young to be
using those dirty words.

Were there others with this one?

Yes.

Go after 'em.

Take the handcuffs.

I'll take care of this one.

I'm a grownup, I get
to use potty words.

But if I ever hear them coming
out of your mouth again,

I'll wash it out
with soap or worse.

Why don't you...

Choose your words carefully.

I'm sorry, I
won't curse anymore.

That's a good girl.

Ghost, are you here?

Oh my god, you're here.

Well, of course
I'm here, silly.

No, the ghost is here.

Where?

Right next to you.

The other way.

Can you help us
get out of here?

What'd he say?

Nothing, he's lame.

I want to help, but I
cannot open that door either.

Can you tell us who he is?

Not by name, but I
can tell you he's bad.

You should avoid
him at all costs.

You aren't very
helpful, Derek.

Can you at least
tell us where he is?

I'll go find him.

Too bad we didn't get
more snacks from Dolly.

I'm getting kinda hungry.

I wish this door
wasn't so solid.

If you got three wishes,
would that be one of them?

I think I'd wish for a tan.

I think I'm too white.

I wish we could
get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, that's a better
wish than getting a tan.

Man, we could get
old waiting in here.

I was thinking about having
kids someday, and you know

that'd be really hard if
we're stuck in here for years.

We won't be stuck
in here for years.

How do you know that?

Well, without food or water,

if we don't get
this door open...

What?

We will get out of here.

Maybe that crazy clown guy
will come and open the door.

Do you really believe
that Camp Blood legend?

Okay, I heard from Cindy Davis

that her mother's sister's
niece once went hiking

up around here and was
never heard from again, so.

I heard she didn't
really like her family.

Maybe she was trying
to get away from them.

You shouldn't say that.

Okay, your mom didn't just
leave you when you were four.

She wouldn't.

I don't really
remember my mom much.

Isn't that crazy?

We've known each other
since we were four.

I remember your mom.

I think she came around here.

She liked to hike or something.

Something happened
to her, trust me.

She wouldn't just leave you.

I know I wouldn't leave you.

You look sad.

Don't be sad, okay?

We're gonna find
a way out of here.

You know, I know he doesn't
seem very useful, but I think

that ghost is gonna come and
just get us out of here soon.

Okay, okay if someone
comes in and he's bad,

we need to have a plan.

What do you mean bad?

If he wants to hurt us.

You think the clown
wants to hurt us?

I don't know, maybe.

If this person comes in
and he has a knife or an ax

or something, we need
to be prepared for that.

Okay, clowns don't
usually carry axes, silly.

They usually have those horns

or those flowers that
spray water everywhere.

I don't know.

Let's imagine for a
second that this person

does have an ax or
some kind of weapon.

You lure him into
that corner, okay?

And I'll knock him over the
head, then we can both run out.

What do you mean lure?

Do something sexy to
get him to come to you.

Something sexy, like this?

Maybe try shaking
your butt a bit more.

Okay.

This is called twerking.

Oh, I love twerking, I
could do this all day.

Do you think clowns
like twerking?

I'm sure all
clowns like twerking.

What'd you find out?

That I love twerking.

No, no, no, Derek is here.

The clown is on his way.

My presence is
slipping way though.

I don't know how
long I can help you.

Okay, Brandy?

Huh?

It's all up to us now.

Okay.

Hey, Mr. Clown, look
at me, I'm sexy.

Run, Brandy, run!

Ashley, I can't leave you.

You're never
getting out of here.

You're locked in
here just like me.

And guess what?

My friend is gonna come
back here with the police,

and you will be
locked up behind bars

for the rest of
your life or worse.

I know your face.

What?

You don't know me.

My father
killed your mother.

Face same as hers.

I know your face.

It's crazy that...

You're crazy!

I go kill
your friend now.

Don't let the door close.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't just
leave you here.

I told you to go get help.

If I think long enough,

maybe I'll just come
up with something.

Go.

You don't think that I can
come up with a plan that,

I don't know, saves both of us?

I mean, I know people
think that I'm stupid,

but well I'm not quite
sure what I was gonna say.

I'm counting on you, Brandy.

Okay, I can do it.

For good luck.

Thank you.

Did Brandy get away?

Yes, I saw her leave.

She made it out.

Okay, I know this is a
big ask, but can you please

follow Brandy and let
me know how she does?

I can't get too
far from someone

who doesn't have a
connection to the afterlife.

No offense, but Brandy does
barely have a connection

to this present life.

Just see what
you can do, please?

For you, I will try.

I lost you, Clown.

I'm the brave one.

I'm the one who's gonna
rescue my best friend.

Hey, Dolly.

I prefer you call me Coach.

Can I have some of
that water, Coach?

I have pretty good instincts,

and I have a bad
feeling about this.

Don't tell me you believe
that Camp Blood crap.

Our car broke down in the
woods, we don't have reception,

we split up, it just
seems like a bad formula.

Don't worry, we'll be
playing in that tournament

before it gets dark.

Come on and eat
your applesauce, dear.

I'm not hungry.

You know it's no
good disobeying me.

Ow, stop it, you freak.

I ought to get the
belt, get my freak on.

Fine, I'll eat
your applesauce.

It's good, right?

Yes.

I made it myself.

It looks like you bought...

It looks like what?

I mean it looks like you make

really good homemade applesauce
is what I was going to say.

With a little training, you
could be such a good girl.

I really miss not
having a daughter.

My boy can be such a
chowderhead, wouldn't you agree?

I don't really know
how to respond to that.

Want to make out?

What?

Quick flash, heat check.

Woo!

Have you ever heard
about Camp Blood?

I guess the other girls
were talking about it.

Girls?

Tell me more about Camp Blood.

My son will take
care of the other girls

while I tell you
about Camp Blood.

It all started with my
man, my boy's daddy.

He liked to put on clown makeup

and kill trespassers
in our woods.

My son, he couldn't
figure out how

to put on the clown makeup,
so he just wears a mask.

But that doesn't make
him any less of a man

than it did his daddy,
or maybe it does.

Is he gonna kill me?

Not as long as you amuse me.

I haven't had a
girlfriend in a while.

You're getting the first tryout.

It's been a long time.

What's he gonna
do with the others?

Well, that will
be up to him now, won't it?

Can we please stop?

Come on, we gotta keep going.

We can find it.

My feet hurt, I'm
tired, it's cold.

Please.

I know it is, but we're gonna
be stuck out here all night

if we don't find it, and
I know it was around here.

Come on, buck up.

- Fine.
- Hey, wait a minute.

I think I see something.

Do we knock?

I suppose.

What if there's a
killer clown inside?

Well maybe it's just
that crazy guy we ran into.

Oh, well that's comforting.

Who is it?

Oh, it's you two again.

We asked you about
the cabin earlier.

Yeah, you didn't
tell us it was yours.

That's the point, I
didn't tell you anything.

You know what I mean?

Are you gonna let us in?

Well, maybe if you
promise not to whip out

that big knife again.

Oh, I'm sorry,
that sounded dirty.

Come on in, ladies,
come on, come on.

Oh, there's a few challenges
of being a survivalist

if you know what I mean.

Well, he was right about
one thing, no landline.

In case I didn't introduce
myself, the name's Fred.

I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

What do you two fine
fillies call yourselves?

Fillies?

No wonder you're
out here all alone.

I think we told you
when we first met,

this is Melinda and I'm Dolly.

Oh, why hello, Dolly.

I'm sorry, I'm a little
forgetful sometimes

if you know what I mean.

You can't really
help us, can you?

What do you know about
that Camp Blood story?

You said it was real.

I've lived out here
since I was a little kid.

I managed to stay out of
the way of the makeup clown.

Now I manage to stay out of
the way of the mask clown.

We stay out of each other's
way if you know what I mean.

Do you know if the
newer clown has a mother?

As far as I know,
everybody has a mother.

Have you seen her?

Here and there maybe.

Tell me everything
you know about her.

Why?

I need you to
tell me everything

you know about her right now.

All right, all right,
easy, I'll tell you.

This is my best shirt.

I'd wear this to
church if I went.

The mother.

Yeah, she's kinda pretty.

I've seen her here and
there in the woods.

What's so funny?

I've seen her out
in the woods peeing.

I've also seen her out
there making a number two.

What does she look like?

Well, she's pretty.

She looks kinda like you
but with blonde hair.

She looks like Dolly?

He probably thinks
all females look alike.

That's not true.

If he doesn't have a
landline, we should be going.

Listen, it's far too
dark and dangerous out now.

You guys should stay
here for the night

and go out in the
morning when it's safe.

Do you know where she lives?

Why do you want to know
so much about this lady?

Maybe she has a landline.

As far as I know, she's
got a house near the edge

of the woods, but
it's far too dark out.

You're never gonna find it.

I say we go back to the car

and try something else
when it's light out.

I'm gonna go try
to find the house.

I don't care what you do.

At least let me get you
guys some flashlights.

Great, that would
be appreciated.

Wait a minute,
they're out in the shed.

Where's the shed?

It's about a mile that way.

I'll go get 'em,
you guys stay here.

Hey, wait.

I guess we can wait
until he gets back.

Stay there,
guys, I'm gonna go.

I'll be back, I'll be back.

I got two beautiful
ladies in my cabin

and I'm getting a flashlight.

Did you find Brandy?

What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Did you really see my mother?

She was
very pretty like you.

I was sad when...

You were sad when what?

She said something
before my father...

What did your father
do to my mother?

Is that what you
do, hurt people?

Was my mother nice to you?

You can be nice to me just
like my mother was nice to you.

You can let me
out of this thing.

Where's your father?

Gone, he gone.

Do you live by yourself?

My mother,
she teach me.

Your mother's here, where?

At the house.

She love me.

Does your mother
know what you're doing?

My mother teach me.

What did my mother say to you?

Do you remember what
my mother said to you

all those years ago?

I remember
what she said to my papa.

What did she say to your papa?

Don't hurt me,
I have a little daughter.

She needs me.

What did you do to Brandy?

Same as always.

What, say it!

I'm not gonna wait
here much longer.

I mean, it's gonna take a
while before Fred gets back.

You're gonna walk in the
woods when can't even see?

Yeah, I need to find that
house he was talking about.

Why are you so obsessed
with this house and the clown?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, come on, just tell me.

What difference would it make?

I suppose you're right.

Okay, I'll tell you.

A while ago I found out a
little secret about myself.

For years, I've been
struggling with my apathy.

I mean, I didn't care
if people lived or died

or felt pain or not.

I mean, I thought something
was wrong with me,

but I found out it was genetics.

Wait, are you saying
you're related to that clown?

Yeah, I traced it back.

I was abandoned as a baby, left
here to die in these woods.

But somebody found me and
took me to social services,

and then I grew
up in the system.

All right, I've heard
enough, I'm out of here.

Hey, you wanted to
hear this, so listen.

Feels good to get
it off my chest.

Come on, this
isn't you, Dolly.

All right, all
right, I'm listening.

I always knew I had a destiny.

And when I found the social
worker who told me about

being abandoned in the
woods, it all clicked for me.

My destiny is to find the
woman who left me to die

in the woods and
to get my revenge.

And I looked up her file.

She has a son, the
murdering clown.

He dies too.

All right, that's
nice for you and all,

but I'm not really
any part of this.

It's a great story.

I feel for you.

But please just step aside
and let me get out of here,

and I'll keep this
all to myself.

I can't do that.

Oh, Fred, you're back finally.

Dolly, come on, you
don't have to do this.

You're my friend,
you're my coach.

You're supposed to
look out for me.

Sorry, I quit,
I'm not a coach.

And you know what that means?

That you suck.

No, that's not what it means,
but you'll get the point.

It looks like someone
got a little head.

I'm jealous.

Oh my god, you're
not crazy too, are you?

Crazy, I'm the one who
just saved your life.

Thank you.

Here's the flashlight
I promised you.

Where are you gonna go anyway?

Back to the car,
hopefully find the others.

Do you have a car?

What do I need a car for?

I don't need one.

What about when you
take your tips to town?

I walk into town,
it's only like 10 miles.

You can walk in the morning
when it's light out if you want.

Renee has a set
of keys at the car.

We can lock ourselves
in until it's light out.

Hopefully the others
are back by now.

Oh god, they will not believe
what happened to Dolly.

Hey, thank you for your help.

Well, I can walk you to
your car if you'd like.

I mean, it's not like
I'm weird or anything.

Well, maybe I'm a little
weird, but I'm harmless.

Well, I mean unless
is trying to kill

my best friend, right Melanie?

I'm Melinda.

I mean, well maybe
we're not best friends,

but I mean I'm probably
the only person today

that actually saved your life.

Yeah, okay, thank you.

I could use the company.

So what's your
favorite color panties?

Pretty nice boobs
for a momma, huh?

Yes, they're very nice.

I'll bet you
want to touch 'em.

I can't, my wrists are tied.

Don't you try to
trick me, young lady.

I'm not untying you, not yet,
not until I can trust you.

I won't run, you
can believe me.

Well, I really like to get
to know a girl first anyway.

Why don't you tell
me about yourself?

Well, my name's Renee.

That's a very pretty name.

Don't walk away, Renee.

I like to sing.

You want to be a singer?

Yes, if I can, that's
what I'd like to be.

Sing me a song.

Well, I could if
I could stand up.

Don't you mess
with me, young lady.

You can sing me a
song from right there.

Now sing me a song, Renee.

I don't know what to sing.

Sing a song about clowns.

No, no, sing a
song about my tits.

That's it, you are going
to sing a song to my tits.

Please don't make me do this.

You're gonna sing
a song to my tits

or I'm gonna go get
my spiked paddle

and put a hurtin' on that
pretty little ass of yours.

Now sing and make it good.

♪ I put on my gloves
and took off my mitts ♪

♪ I made up this song
with all of my wits ♪

♪ It gives this MILF
lady real fits ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all about
her beautiful tits ♪

Oh, Renee, that's the most
beautiful song I've ever heard.

Nobody's sang a song
to my tits before.

I think I was almost gonna cry.

You got talent, Renee.

You might be a keeper.

Have you lived in the
woods all of your life?

Pretty much.

Don't you think we can wait a
minute and catch our breaths?

I mean, shouldn't
we keep a move on

if there's a killer
clown around?

I'm not sacred, he
doesn't mess with me.

His dad doesn't mess with me.

His mom doesn't mess with me.

Don't you ever get lonely?

Are you asking me
if I've ever had sex?

I mean, of course
I've had sex before

if that's what you mean.

Ew, no, I'm not asking
if you've ever had sex.

Just if you ever need
people to talk to.

All right, I'll
answer your question

if you'll answer
mine, all right?

Okay.

Would you ever
consider marrying me?

I don't even know you.

Hypothetically.

I mean, you're heading
somewhere, right?

Utah, beach volleyball.

Now I may not be
the smartest person,

but I'm pretty sure Utah doesn't
really have many beaches.

It's a showcase match.

Are you any good?

Not really.

So you're pretty
much just going around

in skimpy wardrobes and
outfits for a bunch of Mormons

who are just watching you.

Is that all you're doing?

Yeah, pretty much.

So you didn't
answer my question.

Do you think that I might
have a shot with you?

I mean, sure, why not?

I think we should
get a move on now.

Not so fast.

You wanted to know
if I get lonely.

Well, it's not really
any of my business.

I think we should
just start walking.

No, I mean I meet
lots of people.

I go into town all the time.

I'm sure you can
hear all the cars.

We're on a major road.

So I always meet
and talk to people.

Yeah, Dolly said
that it's far away

but that we could hear it.

You mean the one that
was trying to kill you?

I guess we should've had
someone head towards the road.

It's still far enough
to be isolated out here

in case the big one happens
and everyone gets zapped.

And you know what,
I'll still be here.

I'll be fine.

And you know what,
don't tell anyone this,

but I have an underground
bunker under the cabin.

I just don't get the
whole survivalist thing.

So you stay out here all
alone all these years.

And say the big one does happen.

Then you keep on living
without anyone else around

except for maybe a killer
clown and his mother?

Well, I suppose if
I really like someone

that I'm talking to, well,
then maybe I would try and

help them and stop the person
that's trying to kill them.

Although that person
might not be too happy

that I'm trying to help the
person they're trying to kill.

You saying that they
might want to hurt you?

I'm a survivor.

I'm the brave one.

I'm not afraid of
some stupid clown.

Brandy?

Oh my god, oh my god.

Oh my god, Brandy.

I know you're out there, clown.

I'm gonna fucking kill
you for what you did!

Your song was so great,
I got you a little treat.

More applesauce.

I really, really need to pee.

I suppose you want
me to loosen your ropes

and let you use my bathroom.

Please, I'll write
you another song.

Could you sing one
about my ass next time?

Whatever you want.

How about my lady hole?

Anything, just let me pee.

Normally I just let the
girl piss her own pants.

It's fun to watch.

But I like you and
I want to trust you.

I can trust you, can't I?

Definitely.

I'm stronger than I look.

And I don't know if you
picked up on this about me,

but I'm a little crazy.

Crazy, you?

No.

I can get really rough
if things don't go my way.

You catch my drift?

You taught me well,
I'll be a good girl.

Okay, what the hell?

Come on.

I need my hands to wipe.

I can help you wipe.

Please.

Such little hands.

Bathroom's that way.

Please, I can explain.

- It was an accident.
- No excuses, bitch.

- I'm sorry!
- I'm done with you.

I just really had to pee.

Stupid girl.

Now your last words are
gonna be I really had to pee.

It won't stop you from
listening to me though.

Maybe you can go on a
date with my son tonight.

No, maybe tomorrow night.

It'd be better for
that when you're riper.

Maybe I'll date him tonight.

Seems like you'll have to
wait till tomorrow, clown.

I bet you didn't
know I could talk

for this long, did you Renee?

But I have this theory
about good and evil.

It is evil to be good
and it's good to be evil.

Seriously, what is
the difference really?

It's a fine line.

Hello, son, did you take
care of Renee's friends?

One.

How many are left?

Two.

I had to kill neighbor.

Well, I trust your judgment.

He tried to help them.

Then he had it
coming, didn't he?

How'd you do it?

Oh yeah, your trusty machete.

She's resting.

We should rest too.

You can get after them as
soon as it's light out.

They can't get away
from you in the dark.

You can go before
breakfast even.

Momma.

What, boy?

I want to wear makeup.

Makeup?

Like Renee here wears?

Like Papa wore.

You want to wear clown makeup?

In the morning,
I think it help me.

I'm not so sure
that's a good idea.

Please.

What do you think, Renee?

Will my boy seem scarier
in real clown makeup

or that mask he
likes to wear now?

Hm, yeah, I'll tell him.

She thinks the
mask looks better.

I didn't hear her.

Well, who cares what
she thinks anyway?

We should sleep on it tonight.

You can sleep with
me tonight, boy.

No, you cannot sleep with her.

I am feeling frisky now.

She can wait another night.

I feel so close
to you right now.

Leave the mask on.

Son, I know you want to
be more like your daddy,

but you don't have to put on
makeup to be more like him.

Tonight you will be a man,

but you will be a killer
once the sun comes up.

Oops, I thought you
were the killer clown.

You should've said something.

You thought I
was a huge clown?

I'm sorry.

You saw him too, huh?

He killed Brandy.

He tried to kill me
too, but I got away.

He just killed Fred.

Who's Fred?

A survivalist.

What about Dolly?

She's dead too.

The clown killed her, huh?

Actually Fred did.

What?

She was trying to kill me,

so technically
Fred saved my life.

Wait, why was Dolly
trying to kill you?

She's crazy too.

She brought us out
here on purpose.

I think she did something
to stall the car too.

But why would she do that?

I told you, she's crazy.

She's somehow related
to that clown.

Oh my god.

Wait, wait, where's Renee?

I don't know, but the clown
has a crazy mother as well

who has a house around here.

Maybe he's with her.

We've got to find her.

Yeah, I think Fred
said there's a town

about 10 miles from here.

Okay, but we shouldn't
split up again.

Are you saying that
we should together

go try to find Renee?

Yes, I mean, if
Renee is still alive,

she probably doesn't
have much time left.

We got to find her together.

So you're saying that
together either we go back

into town where we know it's
safe and we can get help

or together we go back
into that thick forest

where there's a killer
clown to some unknown house

where we might be able to save
Renee from his crazy mother.

Yes, we need to
find Renee together.

I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

Okay.

What the hell,
let's find Renee.

Okay.

Chew your food, dear.

He didn't wear his
mask this morning.

He put on real clown makeup
just like his daddy used to.

What do you think of that?

I don't know if I agree.

Well, I do see
your point though.

My boy's growing up
so fast, isn't he?

Okay.

We could be walking
to our deaths.

When we get out of this,
what do you plan on doing?

What do you mean?

Are you going to keep
playing in these ridiculous

volleyball tournaments for
basically minimum wage?

Beats my old job.

Stripper?

Worse, waitress.

I was a secretary
before Vegas showgirl

beach volleyball called.

You should be a stand-up comic.

Everyone knows that's what
you really want to do.

Worst kept secret.

No, that would be
Renee's singing career.

Oh, come on,
what would you want to do?

Maybe I'll go back to school.

I could be a good counselor.

Right, didn't you want
to study parapsychology?

For a minute.

What now?

A different kind of counselor.

Which one?

Whose problems do
you want to solve?

Kids, I would love
to work with kids.

Simple minds.

That explains how you're
best friends with Brandy.

Hello.

You look different.

Where's your mask?

Did you hurt Renee?

No.

Is she still alive?

Your mother didn't hurt her?

Maybe a little.

She's asleep.

How long has
she been sleeping?

Long time.

Is she moving?

Not since yesterday.

Did your mother kill Renee?

She wouldn't do that.

She lets me touch the girls
after they've been sleeping

for a couple days.

Renee's dead, we have
to get out of here.

You go around,
I'll distract him.

Okay.

Have you heard the one
about the horse and the clown

in the bar?

So the horse goes into the
bar, goes up to the bartender,

asks him if he could have
sex with anybody in the bar.

The bartender says,

why don't you try one
of the farms nearby?

Well, the horse
confesses that he prefers

to have sex with humans, so
the bartender points over

to where a sumo wrestler
and a clown are sitting.

He says, you could have
sex with the clown.

The horse says, I'm
not really into clowns,

but I'm desperate.

So okay, but nobody
else can know.

The bartender says, well,

four people are
gonna have to know.

First of all, you are
gonna have to know.

Second, I will know.

And of course the
clown will know.

That's only three,
says the horse.

Well, the sumo wrestler
will have to know,

says the bartender.

The horse does want the
sumo wrestler to know.

He says, why does the sumo
wrestler have to know?

The bartender says, well,

the clown's not really
interested in horses

because the sumo wrestler will
need to hold down the clown.

You could've helped Brandy.

I'm sorry, but I've
got an idea to help you.

What?

There is a cabin
that direction.

The clown is not too bright.

You can trick him.

There is something
inside the cabin.

You can make it think
like he sees you.

Set up a trap.

What kind of a trap?

My time is fading.

You know what to do.

Ew.

Die, die, die!

Something has
happened to my boy.

I can sense it.

Little boy needs his momma.

Momma's coming, boy.

Son?

Where are you, son?

You need your momma, boy.

Momma's here for you, son.

What'd you do to my son?

I killed him.

Then it's your turn to die!

Well, only one
problem for you.

What's that?

You brought a knife
to a machete fight.

Say hello to your son.

You're still here!

You need to leave!

It's you again.

I was trying to leave.

Oh.

Well, I'm going to town shortly.

Do you want a ride?

Yes, oh fuck yes.

You don't need to
curse, young lady.

Where are the others?

It's just me.

They're all dead.

Okay, let's go.

If you say I told you
so, I'll fucking kill you.

Don't get any
blood on the seat.

♪ Welcome to the moon

♪ Bet you didn't guess
we'd get here so soon ♪

♪ Well welcome to the moon

♪ Hey, there is
cheese here, wow ♪

♪ And look over there,
it's Richard Gare ♪

♪ I think it's Gere

♪ Hey, Richard Gere,
what are you doing here ♪

♪ There's moon gerbils
walking around ♪

♪ Let's all do the moon
wiggle, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Do you know the moon wiggle

♪ You just wiggle like
you're on the moon ♪

♪ Yeah, like that

Wait, wait, wait, neighbor.

People always say
you aren't real,

but I've always believed in you.

How would you like
to join our cult?

♪ Moon wiggle

♪ Let's do the moon boogie

♪ Let's do the
moon boogie, yeah ♪

♪ The moon boogie
and the moon wiggle ♪

♪ Are two very
different dances ♪

♪ But you can learn to do both
of them if you want, yeah ♪

You know, all the
Camp Blood stuff

with like this and
that, none of it's true.

There is no clown out
there in makeup and a mask

and killing people.

That's all like fake news.

None of that's true,
that's not even a thing.

It's just some crap
that kids come here,

they say this and that, all
this BS, and it's not true.

You know, little
fairytales, little things.

And I believe in aliens and
stuff and ghosts and Peter Pan

and leprechauns, but I don't
believe in no killer clowns.

None of that stuff's true.

It's a safe place to go to.

It's all fine.

Come here, camp, roast
marshmallows, have s'mores.

Have a good time,
drink beers, have sex.

You're not gonna get
killed, it's totally cool.

You know what I'm saying?

It's totally fine.

♪ I hope you enjoy
your time on the moon ♪

♪ It's really nice this
time of year on the moon ♪

♪ Screw the sun
♪ Yeah

Through technology, we
seek to align this cult.

And we believe you will
be the perfect leader.

We just need people to
believe in your existence.

♪ It's really nice this
time of year on the moon ♪

♪ Screw the sun
♪ Yeah

♪ The moon wiggle

♪ Moon

♪ Moon

♪ Yummy, I love cheese

So hi, I'm Dave Sterling.

I do these B movies.

I've done 'em for
a few years now.

You might've known
some of my films

that I can't even think of
because there's so many.

But I'm thinking there's
like this legend.

Is it Blood Camp or Camp Blood
or camp where the blood is

or something like that.

So I'm thinking about
doing this movie.

And then if it's good,
maybe I'll do more.

You know, us B guys, we like
to do what the studios do.

Like, you know, if
they're working on

the eighth Mission Impossible
or whatever that movie is

or the Avengers or whoever,

so just one after another
after another after another.

And that's showbiz.