California Dreaming (2007) - full transcript

(Rock music playing)

Man: ♪ keep it coming ♪

♪ we don't need their money ♪

♪ ha ha ha ha, ain't it funny ♪

♪ all we need is the road ♪

♪ all we need is the road ♪

♪ let's ride, let's ride ♪

♪ let's ride, let's ride ♪

♪ two lanes, blacktop ♪

♪ free freedom ♪

♪ trouble's in the past ♪



♪ let's leave 'em, leave 'em ♪

♪ all we need is the road ♪

♪ all we need is the road ♪

♪ let's ride, let's ride ♪

♪ let's ride ♪

♪ oh, the wind has to blow ♪

♪ oh, the beat of the road ♪

♪ oh, it's callin' your soul ♪

♪ callin' your soul ♪

♪ callin' your soul ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪

Man: whoa, ho, ho.

Oh, just like the brochure.

Now that's a sweet thing, mr.



Gainor.

Oh...

You handled her like a pro.

Thanks, thanks.

Oh, she is--she is sweet.

She's like a...self-sustained

Biosphere on wheels.

What do you think, ginger?

California, here we come.

This is gonna be great.

I am too old for this!

These clothes look like my

Bedspread.

Ginger: cookie, honey?

Just--just try them on.

Just try one of them on and see

How it looks.

Come on.

She's not going to.

Milo's right.

No, milo's not right.

It doesn't really matter what

She wears.

Well, uh, these outfits are

Pretty and age-appropriate.

I need you to support me on

This, stu.

Okay.

Cookie!

Honey.

This is so lame.

How about the little striped

One?

There you go.

I should've held out for

Another $2,000, maybe $3,000.

Sandra...move on.

Signature where indicated.

The bank is pre-approved, no

Problem.

Here.

Don't rush me.

I don't like being rushed.

Well, you know, the contract

Hasn't changed.

It's just a formality.

Well, you know, i would still

Like to read it if i'm going to

Sign it.

You know this is one of my

Rules.

I'm just trying to get it to

The recorder's office before i

Go on vacation.

You know, when i feel

Pressured, i slow down.

It's kind of like a survival

Mechanism.

Okay.

Well, there's no rush, really.

Why don't you just, um, take

These home with you and sit with

Them and bring them back when

You're ready?

You know, that's why i only

Work with you, ginger.

All my investments, and you have

Nevereverlet me make a

Mistake.

That's what i'm here for.

Stu: pretty cool, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's guy stuff.

Think you're up for it?

Huh?

Yeah.

You ready for 32 hours of

Hard road?

And then, when we get to

California, we'll just eat, uh,

Ice cream and hot dogs on the

Beach every day.

But the beach is dangerous.

There's sharks that could eat or

Kill you.

Now, who told you that?

Oh, my gosh.

He's not gonna be able to drive

This.

Oh, heavens, no.

This thing is huge.

Can't we just go to branson

And swim in the hotel pool where

It's safe?

Listen, you know what?

Statistically speaking, you're

Much more likely to be killed by

Your sister than a shark.

They're all gonna crowd into

That?

I cannot believe this!

This is ridiculous.

Now, bonnie, be supportive.

Mom, when am i not

Supportive?

Oh, my gosh.

It looks like elvis' tour bus.

Hi, granny.

Hey, mom.

So...what do you think of her?

Stu, you're really going

Ahead with this?

No one from omaha goes to

California.

We're not beach people.

We burn easily.

Well, ginger has this all

Planned out.

She really has her heart set

On it.

We always go to branson.

Together.

I know--i know we do, but

This is gonna be fun, too.

You sold the ackerman house?

Uh-huh.

Ginger, you've been

Dethroned.

I'm sorry, ginger.

It just fell into place.

It's big.

This is really big.

Oh, it--it's fine.

I trained you.

I'm very proud, actually.

Matter of fact, why don't you

Take an early lunch to

Celebrate?

Okay.

It's your sale, so it's your

Treat?

Absolutely.

No martinis, you two.

Well, you made her day.

I'm feeling generous.

I'm going on vacation to

California.

Don't think i'm not jealous.

The only place we go on

Vacation is that hunting lodge

During elk season.

I don't know.

Meg, i've been--i've been

Wanting to go to california for

20 years, and all of a

Sudden i'm feeling kind of

Scared.

You wanna go.

It's so exciting.

What if something goes wrong?

Shouldn't i be worrying about

Something?

Now you're worrying about not

Worrying?

You're right.

I'm over-thinking it...again.

The rest of the world just

Gets along, ginger.

We live for mediocrity.

I don't think it's so

Extraordinary to wanna go to

Doheny beach.

Why doheny beach?

I went there 20 years

Ago, and it was just a--it was

Just a--oh, i don't know...

Perfect place.

A place where i could create a

New history.

What's wrong with omaha?

Meg, you ever feel like

Someone else got your life?

Is that one of those riddles

With no answers?

So why can't kevin come?

Because it's not part of

The plan.

Kevin's not in our plan.

It's my 40th birthday, honey,

And i wanna go on vacation

With my family.

Then aunt bonnie and granny

Should come.

They're family.

Not immediate family, and

Besides, they always wanna go to

Branson.

Daddy, please.

Think about it.

Come on, just think about it.

The four of us on vacation at

Doheny beach.

Mother, please.

Again with the postcard.

Look, mom, you are not in high

School anymore, okay?

So, just get over it!

Honey, i had the best summer

Of my life in doheny beach, and

I want that for you.

Well, maybe i want my own

Summer of us with kevin.

(Sighs)

You know, she has a point,

Hon.

I mean, everyone we know will be

In branson.

Exactly.

God, i hate this already!

Gonna be the best family

Vacation ever.

Kevin.

(Snaps her fingers) come on.

Bye.

Ah...california!

That's right, california.

First thing in the morning,

Bright and early.

(Sighs) you think i should

Wait up for cookie?

She's not home yet.

Nah, that's all right.

I gave her an extra hour past

Her curfew.

She and kevin are just sitting

In the r.v.

Well, do you think that's a

Good idea, stu?

Well, she's 15.

Well, that's my point, honey.

Mm-hmm.

They just wanna say good-bye.

They're not gonna see each

Other for a couple of weeks.

Well, all right.

Now, honey, did you remember to

Pack the first-aid kit?

Mm-hmm, i did.

I even put some extra ice packs

In for sprains and contusions.

And the insurance papers?

Are they in the glove box?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Just in case.

Emergency numbers?

Everything's in the r.v.

Well, you thought of

Everything.

I did, i know.

It's a very sexy quality, don't

You think?

Actually, i do.

Oh, good.

Mmm.

So, what's our first stop,

Now?

Oh, here, let me show you.

It's right here.

It's the, uh, state line rest

Stop.

Rest stop?

It's an historic site.

Why would anybody put a rest

Stop at a historic site, stu?

It--it's--it's part of the

Oregon trail.

You can still see the ruts where

The calistoga wagons went

Through.

Well, we'll just be like

Pioneers.

Hey, you know, nebraska has

Some of the nicest rest stops in

The entire country.

Did you know that?

No, i did not know that.

Oh, yeah. they're, uh, yeah--

They're scenic, they're comfy,

And they're, uh, educational.

We're really quite renowned for

Our rest stops.

Hmm.

(House alarm blares)

Dad, turn it off!

I'm turning it off, milo.

Daddy, can't you just call

The alarm company?

Cookie, i called them 27

Minutes ago.

Well, can't you just tell

Them it's not working?

Obviously it is working.

That's kind of our problem right

Now, so just don't panic, all

Right?

Just get out to the r.v. and

Just--just--just stay calm,

All r--

All set, honey?

Yeah, but dad needs help.

Well, aren't you gonna do

Something about the alarm?

Your father's dealing with

(Sighs) so just how long is

This whole stupid trip gonna

Take, anyway?

You know the schedule,

Cookie, so pouting is not going

To change it.

Now, here is doheny beach.

We are booked at a three-star

R.v. park for eight whole days.

Imagine it--pacific ocean right

At our doorstep.

You're not wearing that.

Like it matters.

I'm gonna be stuck in this lame

R.v. the whole time and nobody

Is gonna see me.

It's a matter of personal

Pride, cookie.

And discretion.

I am not wearing that.

Just because it's ladylike

And tasteful doesn't mean that

It's unfashionable.

Yeah, it makes me look like a

Tour guide at "mormon world."

Well, when we get to california,

Hopefully your mood and your

Taste will both improve.

Honey?

Stu?

We don't wanna start our trip

Behind schedule, now.

No one is getting behind

Schedule, all right?

The drive to doheny beach is 32

Hours, plus i factored in a--

(Alarm ceases)

Ah!

I factored in a buffer zone, so

We've got plenty of time.

(Alarm resumes)

Stu, come on, the neighbors.

We're never gonna get out of

Here.

We should've left omaha an hour

Ago.

I like your new attitude,

Young lady.

California's already a good

Influence on you.

(Alarm ceases)

I'm going under protest.

(Alarm resumes)

Stu!

Call the alarm company again,

Please!

No, i've--i've almost got it.

Just give me a minute here, all

Right?

I think--i think i have it.

God, milo and i are abused,

You know that?

(Buttons beep)

(Alarm stops)

Ah!

There you go.

When in doubt, just read the

Instructions.

We are candidates for foster

Care!

(Police siren wails)

(Siren ceases)

(Dogs barking)

Oh! the police are here,

Stu!

(House alarm resumes)

Oh, stu, honey, call the

Alarm company again.

Is this your house?

Uh, yes, sir.

Uh, it's a new security system.

(Alarm ceases)

You got some i.d.?

Uh, yes. uh, i know it's

Early, but we're going on

Vacation.

Oh, where are you going?

(Alarm resumes then ceases)

Doheny beach.

Ah, n-never heard of it.

It's in southern california.

We always go to branson.

This year they got roy and

Petula clark singing "elvis: a

Life."

It's at the andy williams

Theatre.

Oh.

(Radio d.j. chattering)

Oh, and we always--i mean,

>alwaysstop at the precious

Moments chapel in carthage.

You know, the place with them

Teary-eyed little statues?

(Alarm resumes)

You ever been there?

Every year for as long as i

Can remember.

(Alarm ceases)

But not this year, huh?

No, sir.

Morning, jimmy.

Hey, bernie.

Problem?

Ah, help has arrived.

Hello.

(Alarm resumes)

Hi, how are you?

Hi.

Hi.

All right, you're gonna hold

This button down for three

Seconds here.

Mm-hmm.

See?

Then you're gonna wait for the

Light to flash green, see?

Ah.

Yeah, it's all in the manual.

Yeah, well, sorry about the

Bother.

Oh, no bother.

I'll be billin' ya for the false

Alarm.

Oh, that's great.

You're writing me a ticket?

Yeah, noise ordinances.

Disturbing the peace.

What?

Hey, that's what you pay

Taxes for, ain't it?

Have a nice trip to do--

Doohickey beach, california?

Doheny beach.

(Sighs)

(Buttons beeping)

(House alarm goes off)

Stu!

Honey!

(Buttons beep)

We won't charge you for that

One.

(Dogs barking)

Ready to go, hon.

You know, you--you're getting

Yourself upset.

It's not like we're

Criminals, stu.

Criminals, stu.
I know, so let's just get

Criminals, stu.

Criminals, stu.
Over it, okay?

Over it, okay?

I just think he enjoyed it

Too much.

He was trying to tell me he

Didn't approve.

Approve of what?

Thanks.

Approve of the fact that

We're not going to branson.

You really think he cares

Where we go for vacation?

That's when he turned.

That's when he got hostile.

When i told him we were going to

Doheny beach, california.

Here.

He wasn't hostile, he was

Just doing a job.

Well, it was very subtle.

He thought he was teaching me a

Lesson.

Well, anyway, we're on the

Road now, okay?

We're on vacation, and we're

Still on schedule, thanks to the

Buffer zone.

You're right.

Yeah, okay, let's promise

Each other something.

Promise what?

That we're gonna enjoy this.

We'll treat everything as an

Adventure, starting now.

Okay.

I'm already having fun.

Good.

And sweetie, remember that

When stuff happens, it just

Happens.

There's nothing sinister behind

It was very

Passive-aggressive the way he

Wrote that ticket.

It was textbook freudian

Psychology.

No, it's just a cop doing his

Job.

He's not deep enough to have

Any freudian issues.

(Rumbling sounds)

What was that?

We get a flat tire, stu?

No, no, that came from

Inside.

Oh, my god.

It's a burglar or a squirrel!

Oh, my god, a squirrel!

Pull over!

I'm coming, i just--yes, yes,

Yes.

It might have rabies!

I know, i know.

What's going on?

Um, there's a squirrel in the

Bathroom.

Yeah.

Honey, what are you doing?

Huh?

I'm gonna raise a ruckus and

Rouse him, and then the little

Turdball will just run out

There.

Oh, honey, be careful.

I can handle this.

All right? okay.

All right. okay.

You know, i left some shampoo

In the sink and it probably fell

Down, so i'm--

No, no, no, no, no!

Up here, up here, up here.

Everyone ready?

Whoo! whoo!

It's locked.

Oh, my god.

It's not a squirrel.

It's something with hands.

Something--you can unlock

The door.

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

I bet it's a raccoon!

Raccoons have hands.

Come on, come on, come on.

Probably. get out of

The--everyone out of the r.v.

Everyone out.

Try anything and you are dead!

Aah! aah! aah!

Aah!

Daddy, no, no, no!

Don't kill him!

Cookie...

Ah, shoot, she's not a

Raccoon.

Kevin, are you okay?!

I think i'm lost!

It's this corn!

I'm scared!

Daddy, find him!

What?

Oh, for god's sakes, come on,

Milo.

Kevin!

Kevin!

I can't see anything!

Ah, no, no, no, no.

Kevin!

Aah! it's a rat.

What was kevin doing in our

Bathroom?

I invited him.

Well, he can't come!

I'm allergic to corn.

Stu: kevin?

I just wanna get out of here.

You're gonna be fine, kevin.

It's infinite!

Kevin!

Oh, my god. aah!

Do you see what you've done?

You've created an emergency

Situation.

Aah! snake! snake!

Yeah? well, you wanna go on

Vacation because of a stupid

Postcard with a glob of sand!

You don't even care.

The rest of us want to go to

Branson!

Kevin, just come--come

Towards my voice, okay?

Could you please just keep

Talking, please?

Marco!

Kevin!

Milo: you're supposed to

Answer "polo."

Okay.

It is not natural for a

15-year-old girl to want to

Vacation in a town known for

Gray line tours, mullets, and

George "goober" lindsey.

Stu: marco!

Daddy!

Tell kevin he can come, too!

Please make her say yes!

It's your mom's vacation, and

She says no.

Marco!

Kevin: polo!

Oh, you are so way uncool.

Yeah? yeah? well, we're gonna

Have to take him home now, and

That's gonna make us go back

East, and that is so way uncool.

Marco!

Polo.

Marco!

Kevin?

Oh, where am i?

Kevin?

I just wanna get out of here.

I think i'm lost!

Kevin?

No, you're supposed to say

Marco!

Yeah. you know, kevin,

Y-you're getting further away.

I don't think you understand how

This is supposed to work.

Whatever direction you're facing

Now, just--just turn the other

Way and go in that direction,

Okay?

You're all right.

Polo! polo!

You're gonna be fine, kevin.

Polo! polo! polo!

No!

Polo, polo, polo.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

There you go.

You're okay, all right.

Oh!

Cookie: it's my fault, kevie.

I got you into this.

Sorry i freaked.

You know about my corn phobia.

(Indistinct talk radio

Chatter)

How far off schedule are we,

Stu?

We'll make it up on the road.

Don't worry.

Ginger: (sighs)

Hurry up, stu.

Please.

I--i just wanna stay within

The speed limit, all right?

We--we'll drop him off, and then

We'll get back on course.

I need you to be on my side

With this thing.

I'm on your side.

No, i need you to be on my

Side in a way that i don't have

To take the full blame for

Everything.

I--i told him no.

Didn't i?

You know, we're way off

Course here.

What if we don't get to doheny

Beach in time?

We'll lose our reservation.

We'll make it, all right?

Just think of this as a test

Drive for the r.v., all right?

Cookie!

"Property protected by 2nd

Amendment?"

Hmm.

Classy.

All right.

Hey, sweetie, let's make it

Quick, okay?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Bye, kevin.

Sorry.

Mmm, you can almost smell the

Ether from the meth labs.

I don't know.

It's not so bad here.

He's a year older than her,

And he's a year behind her in

School.

What does that tell you?

He seems like a nice kid.

Nice or special?

Well, maybe he's, you know--

He's probably shy, i think.

Are they--are they

Tongue-kissing?

They are, aren't they?

They're--what are you doing?

Ugh, it's like watching

Kiddie porn.

I've got to stop them.

All right, but, well, don't

Embarrass her.

Mom!

I'm saying good-bye here.

You're saying good-bye with

Your tongue down his throat?

Yeah, i'm allowed.

He's my boyfriend.

I wanna talk to your parents,

Kevin.

What?!

No.

Mom, no--

(Doorbell rings)

What are you doing?!

No, no, no, no, don't do this

To me.

Please don't do this to me.

(Doorbell rings)

All right, all right, i'm

Goddamn coming.

What the hell is going on?

What time is it?

I don't know.

Ugh, it's 7:00 a.m. in the

Morning, goddamnit!

If you goddamn know what time it

Is, what do you ask me for?

I want them to know where you

Were last night.

Oh, my god, you're ruining my

Life right now.

(Doorbell rings)

You're ruining my life right

Now.

Their--their car is in the

Driveway.

I know they're here.

I got off work two hours ago.

I just got to bed, and now i'm

Up again.

I'm wide awake and i ain't gonna

Be able to get back to sleep.

You know what i'm like when i

Can't get my sleep.

Well, don't blame me because

I don't know who it is, either.

I'll tell you this, if it's a

Goddamn jehovah's witness, i'll

Shoot their goddamn ass.

That's the truth.

You're not gonna shoot

Anybody.

Open the door and see.

Go ahead.

(Doorbell rings)

They put a bible brochure on

My face, they tell me i can't

Pledge the flag--i'll kill 'em.

This is goddamn america.

What the hell is going on?

Hi, mom.

Kevin, what are you doing out

Here?

Who are these people?

Um...uh...

Hello, i'm ginger gainor.

I'm cookie's mother.

Who's cookie?

Cookie, my daughter.

She's dating your son, kevin.

We don't allow--

Yeah, that ain't possible.

We--

Yes, it is, now, for a few

Months.

We don't allow kevin to date

No girls.

What're they doing?

Just--you stay in the van,

All right?

Just stay in the r.v., okay?

Dad?

I'm gonna go get your mom and

Your sister.

Hello, police?

Yes, this is an emergency.

Yes, he is armed.

Uh-huh.

Okay, oh, you know the place.

What in the goddamn hell?

So, if you're smart, you're

Gonna put that gun down right

Now.

There ain't no reason to call

The law.

Well.

It's not a shootin' gun.

The hammer's jammed.

Anybody can see that.

Yeah, it don't work.

Honey, your phone isn't even

Open.

Well, you know what?

The point is, you know, we

Should just stay calm.

I'm calm.

I'm goddamn calm, considering

I don't even know what the hell

Is going on.

This is about cookie and your

Son, kevin.

Yeah, they've been dating.

They ain't datin'.

Kevin, come on.

Just tell them you're my

Boyfriend.

I don't--i don't think i'm

Allowed.

Is that clear enough?

What?!

What, are you gonna break up

With me?

Sorry.

Look, you brought him home,

And i'm sure you want some

Gratitude for that.

Teensie, give 'em a big

Hairy-assed thank you so that

They'll get the hell out of

Here.

All right, thank you for

Bringing him home and all that.

If you don't mind, we'd like

To punish his ass in private,

And i'd like to get a little

Sleep before my next goddamn

Shift.

That's great, mom.

That's just great.

Just great, mom.

Now i don't even have a

Boyfriend.

Thanks a lot, mom.

Not in the house.

Not in the house!

Now they're in the goddamn

House!

Cookie! cookie, honey!

Look, i'll go and get them.

See, now this is why we have

A rule about no company!

Honey, open up.

Honey.

Here i am, losing sleep.

They broke the cat head off

The welcome sign.

Oh, my god.

Just about does it for me.

Oh, my god.

Hey, snickerdoodle.

Snickerdoodle, can you talk

To daddy, please?

Oh, you've got to get her out

Of there and into the r.v.

All right, but there's no

Need to panic.

Panic?!

We are dealing with people

Who decorate with rubber tires

And don't even know when their

Own son is out all night.

Hey--hey, cupcake?

Cupcake, i--i know you need to

Cry, but can you cry in the

R.v.?

No!

I can never show my face again!

Oh!

Listen, cookie. listen to me.

Now, kevin's a nice boy, but

You're only dating him because

You think you can't do any

Better.

Oh, my god! mom, would you

Just shut up?!

That was exactly the wrong

Thing to say, ginger.

Hey, little monkey.

You know i'm on your side,

Right?

Okay, and you know it's always

Better when you talk things

Through with daddy.

Okay.

Okay.

But just daddy!

Okay, just, it's all right.

Hey, baby.

(Clears throat) how's, uh--

How's she doin'?

Uh, stu's very good with her,

So we'll be out of your hair

In--in just a moment.

All right, well, i--would you

Like some coffee?

I've certainly--i have some,

So why don't you just take a

Seat?

Now, i gotta punish ya.

I mean, i ain't doing my job if

I don't punish ya.

I know.

I hate thinkin' up

Punishments.

I know.

I'm just not any good at it.

I know.

What's with that headband?

You know, this is generally my

Sleep time.

Oh.

I'm a night-shift person,

Graveyard.

Oh.

You come in here and you

Disrupt my household, you

Disrupt my sleep patterns.

Well, i didn't intend on

Coming into your house.

I didn't plan on being in this

Area at all.

I bet you didn't, little

Lady.

Not this side of town--the bad

Side of town.

I didn't mean it like that.

It's all over your face.

Teens, tell her.

It's on your face.

I'm--i'm sorry.

If there's anything i can do to

Make it up to you, i--

Well, you know, you could

Take teens to her appointment.

What appointment?

Well, she's gotta check in

With her p.o.

Parole officer.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a dealer.

What?

I'm being monitored.

Fake bags, designer knock-off

Stuff.

You interested in any

Merchandise?

Uh, no, no, no, i'm--i'm--

I'm--i'm fine right now.

Okay, just thought i'd ask.

Ooh, you guys can discuss it

In the r.v.

Teens, get your shit--you got a

Ride.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, wait a minute.

You know, we have a schedule.

We can't take her anywhere.

But you just volunteered.

N-no, i did--absolutely not,

Kevin, she volunteered,

Didn't she?

I volunteered?

No, i didn't volunteer.

All hands on deck.

We are ready to shove off.

Come on, sweetheart.

See ya, kevin.

Sorry about the trouble.

Come on, kevin.

Let's watch 'em leave.

Hey, this is not my fault!

Mom!

Okay, cookie, remind me.

How did we go from taking a

Nice family vacation in the r.v.

To swimming in the shallow end

Of the gene pool?

(Sighs)

Mwah!

I can't believe i have to

Ride with these psychos.

God!

What the hell, it's a free

Ride.

Whoo!

Nice.

This is like a goddamn ramada

Inn.

It's really just a basic

Unit.

It's not top of the line,

Really.

Don't talk yourself down,

Sister, this is real high class.

Thank you.

Why is--why is she in the

R.v.?

In fact, when i look around

Here, i think style.

And when i think style, i think

Naugahyde.

I've got a real nice quality

Naugahyde.

$12.99, no tax, no surcharge.

I think it would be great for

You.

Just think about it.

Uh, actually, we don't allow

Smoking in the r.v.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, that's all right.

I just do it to show off my

Nails, anyway.

Oh, well.

(Laughs)

Can we go?

How far off-schedule are we

Now?

We'll make it up on the road.

Don't worry.

God. (yawns)

Ginger: ugh!

Put that out!

Stu!

Well, that explains it, doesn't

The clothes, the attitude?

You can see kevin's influence.

Now, that's not necessarily

True.

Cookie is desperate, stu.

She's gotten into the habit of

Lowered expectations.

Look, she's just

Experimenting.

Ignore it.

Ignoring it is a recipe for

Disaster.

She needs an intervention, and

This trip is it.

So you're gonna try and

Convince her that this trip is

All for her benefit?

Well, it'll expand her

Horizons--make her think beyond

Kevin, beyond omaha.

Oh, here we are.

The police station.

And those tacky clothes.

They're symptomatic of something

Very wrong and very insidious.

She dresses fine.

Fine if she was in a

Production of "kiss of the

Spider-woman" for pedophiles.

Oh, ginger.

Stu, i just want her to know

That there are other people out

There.

I mean, cookie's gonna marry the

First guy she falls in love

With.

Yeah, that sounds horrible.

You should save her from that.

Oh, honey.

I want this vacation for us.

We're gonna have fun.

We're gonna have a lot of fun.

Just like the postcard.

Yeah, that's what you keep

Telling me, but i'm starting to

Wonder if maybe branson wasn't a

Better choice.

We're not gonna change our

Plan now.

How can you even say that?

Well, you're turning our

Vacation into some sort of

Crusade.

A crusade?

How so?

Well, look at us.

I mean, the kids are miserable,

And we're fighting, and we

Haven't even gotten out of omaha

Yet.

We're not fighting.

I'm sensing a little denial

Coming from you right now.

We're not fighting.

You know, it's also this

Constant competition.

I--i don't think you see how you

Treat people.

You do make judgments.

Sometimes judgment is all you

Have, and i am damn good at it.

You know, how do other

Families do it?

How do they manage?

We can't get out of town without

A fight.

We're not fighting.

We are fighting.

We're not fighting!

We're fighting!

He's right, you're fighting.

You know, ginger, what i'm

Sensing is maybe a lot of this

Is coming out of your need to be

In control of the situation.

It's not a need, it's a

Requirement.

I want what's best for this

Family, and don't you have an

Appointment with your parole

Officer, teensie?

I know you think you're

Yelling at me, but you're really

Yelling at yourself.

It's called "transference."

You're not our counselor.

No, well, no she's not,

But--but, uh, thing is, uh,

Bonnie, uh, mentioned that

Sometimes counseling can work

Wonders.

You talked to bonnie about

Our marriage?

Oh, stu.

She simply mentioned that

She knew of a counselor who was

Really great who got her

Degree from an out-of-state

University.

Do you hear what you're saying,

Stu?

Counseling.

Do you hear that you're saying

"Counseling"?

You know what? that's what

I'm hearing.

I don't see the problem with

Getting help from an expert.

Counseling is for troubled

Marriages.

Our marriage is fine.

We're happy.

We're very happy, all of us.

You know what?

Daddy's right!

Nobody in this family is happy,

And it is all your fault!

Cookie!

Stuart!

Do you see what he does to me?

Do you see it?

He does this to me every time!

He just sets me up to be the bad

Guy around here.

I just wanna go on vacation for

My birthday.

Is that so selfish?

You know what? we're gonna

Need to revisit that.

I've, uh--i've got an

Appointment.

Excuse me.

You hang in there.

What's going on, mom?

Where'd everybody go?

(Engine starts)

Cookie!

Come on, sweetie.

Come on, you all right?

No.

It's okay, it's okay.

Daddy, can't we please just

Call aunt bonnie and granny?

I know they'd let us go with

Them to branson.

No. sorry, sweetheart.

Kevin could come.

No, i'm sorry.

Look, we're gonna settle this,

And then we're gonna go to

California just like your mom

Planned, all right?

Here, do you want a sip?

Daddy, i don't get it.

I mean, you like branson.

You love it.

You love everything about it.

I know.

Everybody there is like us.

Dad, i-- (sighs)

I think kevin would

Still be my boyfriend if mom

Hadn't butted in and screwed it

All up.

I mean, she's crazy!

She's--she's suffocating--

Hey, hey!

Don't talk that way about

Your mom, okay?

What, you're on her side?

I'm not on her--

Great, dad, that's great.

I'm not on anyone's side.

I knew it.

Cook--oh!

Cookie! stop!

(Car horn honks)

Gosh, oh, gosh.

Cookie's a runaway...

Lost in omaha, and i blame you,

Stu.

Me?

It's not my fault.

If you hadn't decided to have

A marital moment--

I just want everybody to be

Nice.

Nice?

I am nice, until somebody makes

Me not nice.

There she is!

Stu, go get her.

Oh, all right.

Bye.

Sweetie.

Come on, milo.

You know, i don't like saying

Things that hurt your feelings.

I--i don't like--

What, being like her?!

Hey, come on.

Cookie--

No, let's not have a scene,

All right?

Don't talk to me like that.

Not after she ran off and made

Us chase her.

Not after she put us behind

Schedule and ate up a chunk of

Our buffer zone.

Just don't take her side--

He's not on my side!

No--no one is on my side,

Except aunt bonnie.

Did you call aunt bonnie?

Yeah, and granny, too.

And guess what, mom?

They're gonna come and pick me

Granny?

So you and dad and milo can

Just go on your stupid vacation

In the stupid r.v. to stupid

California because i'm not going

With you!

Stu, talk to her, okay?

Okay.

Talk to her.

Sweetheart, you don't wanna

Miss california.

Come on, you might meet some

Surfer dude, and you might not

Even miss kevin.

Dad, come on.

Yeah, we'll spend every day

On the beach, honey.

Yeah.

No thanks, mom.

Doheny is your titty hard-on.

Hey.

Stu, punish her!

Punish her for being a

Selfish little ingrate!

What, you want me to thank

You?

What for?

For giving you a good and

Decent home?

You think your father pays for

That house?

You think your father pays for

Those clothes and those shoes?

Where do you think the money

Comes from, huh?

You know, i have a perfectly

Good job.

I do just fine.

Oh, as a bookkeeper?

Well, what happened to becoming

A c.p.a.?

You couldn't go to college for

Those two extra years and get a

Real degree?

I love my job.

Which just puts more pressure

On me, so i have to sell

Another house in the bad part of

Town just so we can have a

Decent lifestyle.

Yeah, well, mom, nobody asked

You to do it.

Yeah, well, you like to take

My credit card to the mall,

Don't you?

And milo likes his video games.

And dad, he likes to play golf

At the club, so i have to work

My fanny off...putting up with

Complaints and pushing paperwork

And running around with those

Termite guys and the roofers

And the plumbers...just so i can

Get a signature on the bottom

Line!

So i think i deserve this

Vacation.

Stu!

Oh, perfect.

Is everything all right?

Aunt bonnie!

Hey, mom.

Cookie called.

It sounded urgent.

Perfect.

Oh, thank god we were just

Two blocks away at the the

Lutheran bookstore.

Well, you know, cookie has a

Tendency to exaggerate.

Well, she's a teenager.

This is just a phase they all

Go through.

I understand, ginger.

I raised two teenagers myself.

Well, i know i should thank

You, and i do, okay?

I do, i thank you, but right now

I have to get my family back

Into the r.v. and onto the

Interstate because we're on

Vacation.

Uh, maybe we should all have

A bite to eat.

Low blood sugar can put the

Body in a very bad mood.

Would you like granny to make

You a nice stack of waffles with

Maple syrup and bacon on the

Side?

With extra, extra crispy

Bacon?

Oh, ha ha, of course.

We don't have time for that.

We have to get on the road now.

I want waffles and syrup,

Too!

That's why everybody's in a

Bad mood.

They're just hungry, that's all.

Yeah, we--we ate way too

Early.

I mean, no one should have

Breakfast at 4:30 in the

Morning.

Why don't we all go to my

House.

Cookie can ride in the van

With me and grandma.

I wanna ride with you and

Granny, too.

Okay.

No one's riding with bonnie

Or granny.

No one is eating waffles and

Syrup.

Your mom's right.

Dad!

We--we need to get on the

Road.

Cookie: dad!

No, no!

We need to make up for some lost

Time, all right?

But everybody's hungry, and

This will give us all a chance

To behave better.

Hon--honey, watch out for the

Car.

I just want you to be careful.

I'm watching, stu.

I see them.

All right, it's just--safety

First.

I'm driving, stu, okay?

I'm just trying to help.

Your sister should be on

Vacation with her own kids in

Branson.

Ginger, promise you won't

Make more of this than is

Necessary.

She should have--not have

Interfered.

Sweetheart, would you pull

Over?

I'm not pulling over.

Please, would you pull over?

I don't wanna argue with you

While the r.v. is in motion,

Okay?

That is my number one rule.

You know, bonnie's been very

Nice.

All right.

She relates well to milo and

Cookie.

She's good with them.

Well, thank you very much.

As usual, your sister wins.

(Sighs) no, no.

All right, all right.

Let's just go over the score

Right now, column by column.

Why do you have to do this?

I'll show you why.

All right.

Let's start with parenting,

Okay?

I've got to give that to bonnie.

She's raised two perfect

Lutheran kids.

And marriage?

Oh, well, she has the added

Benefit of being a widow, and

Not only that, he was even

Perfect.

He was the high school

Valedictorian.

You know, high school ended

20 years ago.

Oh, well, and i married you,

Right?

And--and what was your claim to

Fame in high school?

Hmm.

Were you an athlete or...

You know, this is the stuff

You do that makes you not nice.

Oh, you were a cheerleader.

Which didn't carry the same

Stigma as it does today, so just

Take that one off.

All right.

All right, all right.

Let's go to career, then.

Hmm, career. uh--oh, well, your

Sister has a law degree and was

Made partner in two years, so

That's double points for her.

Boom, boom.

And look at ginger's column--

It's empty, isn't it?

You're the only one that

Makes this a competition.

I mean, my family likes you.

I mean, they--they love you.

Now, that's just sick.

That's probably the meanest

Thing you've ever said to me.

No, it's true.

They think we're like one big

Happy family.

I've just never had the nerve to

Set them straight!

That's right.

You have never, never had the

Nerve to set them straight.

Never.

Look.

We'll--we'll get there, we'll

Eat quickly, and then we'll just

Get on the road again, all

Right?

Fine.

(Dog barks)

(Tires squeal)

Oh, my god!

I think i hit a dog!

Oh, you hit bounder.

Oh, no.

Bounder!

It's bounder!

Is he hurt?

You killed bounder.

He's dead!

Oh, my god.

You killed my dog!

Granny: poor thing.

Bonnie: oh, bounder, i am so

Sorry.

I should've protected you.

Bounder!

Poor sweet thing.

Bonnie, i'm so sorry.

You always hated this dog.

No, i--i love bounder.

You'll never convince me of

That.

Never.

I--i don't think mom meant to

Kill him.

It was an accident.

We'll do what's right.

We'll take him out to the old

Farm and bury him in the clover

Pasture.

Yeah, he'd like that.

It's where he would chase

Bunnies.

That's right.

It'll be like his own little

Patch of heaven.

Look, um...i--i'll buy you a

New puppy.

Uh, you know--uh, one that's

Just like bounder.

Maybe even better than bounder.

You think you can replace

This dog?

You think you can just go out

And buy me another dog and

That'll take care of it?

No, i didn't mean that.

Why not just walk over and

Point a gun at granny gainor's

Head and blow her brains out?

Huh?

Just--just shoot her dead, and

Then tell me how you're going

To replace her with a better

Granny!

Okay, well, no, that's not

Fair, all right?

Ginger would never kill mom.

Not with a gun and not with the

R.v.

But that's what she's saying!

That's not what i'm saying!

No.

What kind of puppy are you

Gonna buy to replace granny?

He's alive!

Bounder's still alive.

Let's get him in the r.v.

Merciful martin luther, come on.

Open the door.

We'll get him to an

Emergency care facility.

No, no, no.

Not in the r.v.

We'll put him in the minivan.

It's right there.

Come on, come on, come on.

We can't put him in the

R.v.

We're on vacation.

Ginger.

I'll call ahead. i'll--i'll

Call the vet.

Thank you.

Stu, what are you doing?

Saving bounder.

I've got the key to the

Minivan.

She was just very emotional.

She loves that dog.

Oh...

Gosh, oh, gosh.

If that dog dies, i'll never

Hear the end of it.

Dear, dear heavenly father--

Do not let that dog die.

Please.

Amen.

Oh, bonnie, is he--did he--

Die?

Is that what you're trying to

Say?

Oh, bonnie, don't be that

Way.

You can't give in to the

Weakness of expressed anger.

I've always tried to be kind

To you.

Ever since stu brought you into

The family, i've tolerated you.

Tolerated?

I've even defended you.

Now, honey, don't, please.

Defend me?

Why would you have to defend me?

That's enough, bonnie.

Defend me against who?

Haven't you ever noticed the

Way that people roll their eyes

Behind your back?

When you brag about your

House or your job or your car?

Oh, w-why would they roll

Their eyes? who?

Stop, bonnie, now!

Bonnie: i'm tired of it!

I am so sick of every event,

Every birthday, every holiday

Being ruined because we have to

Walk on eggshells around her.

Everything always has to be

About you!

What are you talking about?

You're a b-word!

The b-word.

There, i've said it.

Now you finally have a real

Reason to be mad at us!

Who is here for bounder?

I'm here for bounder.

Me, too.

Come on.

May we speak privately,

Please?

Of course.

Stu. don't go.

If it's bad news, your sister's

Gonna want to be alone.

Please?

I'm her brother.

Ginger, this is what family

Is for.

To be together when things are

Tough, and you're the reason

Bounder's here...and might be

Deceased.

Okay, i'm going out to the

R.v. to call kevin.

Cookie!

And everything's going to be

Fine, ginger.

I've prayed about it, and even

If the vet is of questionable

Ethnic origin, bounder is in

Good hands and getting the best

Possible care.

And if he's dead, we'll find a

Way to forgive you...because

We're christians, and we have

To.

Bounder's not dead.

No.

The best i can ascertain, uh,

He just, uh--

Bounder fainted.

Fainted?

Mm-hmm.

Huh.

Is that even possible?

Apparently so.

Frightened, perhaps, but

Nothing more.

Stu: yeah, we just scared

Him.

We just scared the little

Guy, huh?

Poor bounder.

So, i--i didn't hit him,

And he's not dead?

He fainted, like a pussy.

You owe me an apology.

You want an apology from me?

When you almost killed him?

If i killed him, i'd

Apologize, but i didn't, so...

Stu, make her.

Make her apologize.

I don't think any apologies

Are necessary.

I think we should just all be

Grateful that bounder's okay.

Stu, stand up for me!

What?

I'll give you a few minutes.

Bonnie, apologize.

What if i don't apologize?

Apologize or...?

Or you don't get bounder

Back!

Bounder! bounder!

Wait, wait, wait!

Bounder!

She's stolen my dog!

Cookie!

Cookie, open the r.v.!

Bounder, don't worry.

I'm not going to let her

Hurt you again.

Give me my dog back!

Bonnie, let go!

Ginger, give me my dog back!

I'm sorry, sorry!

Ginger! stop it, stop it!

Cookie!

I'm sorry!

Mom!

Cookie! cookie!

You owe me an apology!

You let him out right now!

What is going on?!

Your aunt bonnie owes me an

Apology.

Let me have my dog!

Ginger! release him!

Ginger, give me my dog back!

Apologize.

Cookie, how can you betray me

Like this after all i've done

For you?

(Dog barks)

Give me the phone.

Bounder, bite her!

Your father.

Ginger!

Ginger, you give me my dog back!

(Phone rings)

(Animals whimpering)

Animal emergency clinic.

Mr. gainor.

Hi, i--i'm sorry, i was

Just enjoying spending some

Time with the animals.

Ginger, please give me my dog

Back!

My wife--she's not really

A--a cat person.

Not really a dog person,

Either.

She doesn't really like--i mean,

Well, she likes animals but...

You have a telephone call.

Uh, it's your wife.

Uh, she's calling from the

Parking lot.

Hey.

Stu.

Cookie and i are in the r.v.

And we are ready to go.

No.

Stu, it is past 12:00 and we

Are still in omaha!

We've gotta get to california.

It's the golden state, stu.

He's just a little dog!

Bounder!

Bounder!

Ginger, gimme my dog back!

I need you and milo to get

Into the r.v.

Bonnie: cookie!

I just wanna spend a few more

Minutes here, all right?

Honey, why are you

Whispering?

It's a hospital.

They need--they need quiet.

Stu, we can be quiet when we

Get out of omaha!

Shh.

Ginger, release him!

He hung up on me.

Psst, psst, psst, come here.

Come here, come here.

It's okay, it's okay.

What is wrong with you?!

Ginger!

We need a plan of action.

We need a strategy.

Mom!

Bounder!

Apologize!

You can't go.

I'm staying right here.

I am not moving.

A dog can be a wonderful

Responsibility for a boy.

My son, milo--he wants a dog.

You know, we're just so busy

All the time.

Maybe when he's a little older.

Uh, dr. bahri, w-we've got a

Problem.

What kind of problem?

My wife?

Yeah.

All right, come on.

Ginger has finally snapped.

She's holding bounder hostage

And refuses to give him back,

Which sounds to me like theft,

And i think i know what i'm

Talking about.

I'm an attorney.

No, it's not theft.

It's a--it's a tantrum.

Look, she's locked herself in

An r.v. with a dog that faints.

You know, maybe bounder has

Some anxiety issues.

You know, maybe this is a cry

For help.

Are you blaming me?

I can't believe you're on her

Side.

Now, look, i'm not on anyone's

Side.

There are no sides, all right?

We're--we're a family.

Give back the dog.

I didn't kill your dog.

I know that.

We all know that.

So why take him?

Why keep him against his will?

Because you blamed me.

Okay.

You didn't do it.

You win.

No, i--i didn't win.

I don't win until you apologize

To me!

An apology?

That's my demand!

You can have your dog back when

You apologize!

What am i apologizing for?

For believing the worst!

For making me feel like crap!

Just apologize, bonnie.

I will not.

Dr. bahri: she's upset you.

I see that.

And she only wants her dog

Back.

I didn't kill her dog!

Everyone knows that, all

Right?

Now--now, here is your chance to

Be the bigger person.

Yes, it's your turn to be

Magnanimous.

To be better than her.

What--wait a minute.

This is ridiculous.

I am not going to apologize and

I will not accept forgiveness.

Do you hear that?

I refuse.

This is not what the bible

Teaches.

We are new testament

Christians.

I will remain in sin.

I will not accept forgiveness.

Not from ginger, not from jesus

Christ himself if he s-stepped

Down from the cross and said,

"Howdy-do!"

I forgive you.

I forgive you, bonnie--

If you apologize.

Give me your cell phone.

I'm calling the police.

No.

I'm going to call the police!

No, that's ridiculous.

You could end this right now.

All you have to do is apologize

And be forgiven.

It's in the bible.

Golden rule.

What would jesus do?

Stu! stu, come here.

Granny! she won't listen!

We've gotta get out of omaha!

Not until you release

Bounder.

No.

No, if you love me, if you--if

You love this family, you will

Get in the r.v. with milo right

Now!

No, no, it's--i can't.

I just can't.

I can't agree with you.

Not this time, it--

She's not acting right, dad.

Daddy! daddy!

(Shrieks)

Okay.

Everything's gonna be okay,

Sweetie.

Hey, now, look--just put the

R.v. in park and release

Bounder.

I can't.

She'll see it as a weakness and

She'll take advantage.

I'm sorry.

Daddy!

Sorry.

Dad!

Cookie, put on your seatbelt.

Come on, we're going.

What is she doing?

Don't! no!

Stop it, stop it!

Don't let her go!

Don't let her go!

Daddy!

Bounder!

I'm so sorry, bounder.

I'm so...sorry.

Oh, lord in heaven.

Dear, dear savior and holy

Redeemer.

So sorry.

Please save us.

Bitch.

Mom, the keys, the keys!

The car, the car!

Milo, get in the car!

Mom? mom, what are you doing?

You can't just leave like this!

We have the dog.

What about daddy and milo?

Now, we're gonna go for a

Walk.

A walk?

I--i don't like to walk.

I don't know how to.

Oh, we'll be fine.

People in other countries do it

All the time.

Stu, no one in omaha walks!

I'm tired already.

Come on.

Where are you going?!

It's that foreign

Veterinarian.

She's brainwashed him.

We'll follow him.

Eventually he'll lead us to

Ginger.

Where are you going?

California.

Mom! what about daddy and

Milo?

Your father made his choice.

Who are you calling?

Child services.

Come on, daddy.

Daddy!

Of course he isn't answering

Because his ringer is off.

Why do you even have a phone?

Just leave it on!

Where are they going?

If we follow them, we'll find

Her.

She's got the r.v.

She's not gonna leave town

Without him.

Well, i would hope not.

She's not that goofy.

She was pretty mad.

She'll probably get over it

As fast as she got mad.

(Ringing)

Come on, daddy.

Honey, you don't have to call

Anybody.

I--i--i know what i'm doing.

We're gonna--we're gonna go,

We're gonna have a--a great

Time.

We'll be together, and, uh,

And it'll be almost perfect.

(Tires squeal)

Wayne, watch the goddamn

Road!

We're out past my curfew,

And the last thing we need is

For me to get my time extended

On this goddamn ankle monitor.

Four more weeks, you're rid

Of that dang thing, then i

Don't have to drive over here

After every shift to pick you

Just keep your eyes on the

Road.

There we go.

Granny: you know how she runs

These highs and lows.

Bonnie: she's crazy.

She's a little emotional.

Mom...why did you take

Ginger's side?

I don't think i did.

Earlier at the vet's?

You told me to apologize to

Ginger.

You insisted on it.

Uh, well i was just trying to

Help.

I was willing to say almost

Anything to save bounder.

So you didn't mean it?

No, of course not.

You really are on my side.

I'm sitting here spying on

Stu and milo with you.

Cookie: you're exiting?

What, we're going home?

I'm pulling off to get some

Gas.

If daddy won't answer, then

I'm gonna call kevin.

(Cell phone buttons beep)

God, i've got that

Sleep-deprived disease.

I know it, honey.

Listen, i'll make you one of my

Onion blossoms when we get home,

All right?

We'll celebrate my good parole.

I love your onion blossoms.

(Cell phone rings)

I know.

Then i'm gonna catch up on my

Sleep.

(Phone rings)

(Phone rings)

Cookie?

Kevin?

Kevin?

Yeah, kevin, it's me.

I really, really need you right

Now.

We just picked up mom.

I'm in the r.v. with mom and

Bounder.

She's going to california

Without milo and daddy!

Cookie?

Kevin: where are you now?

She's looking for a gas

Station.

She's heading for dodge and i'm

Scared.

I need you, kevin.

I really, really need you right

Now.

Where'd you get that?

Cookie: kevin, are you there?

Dad, cookie's in trouble.

She's going to a gas station on

Dodge.

She needs us.

Hurry, please.

Dad, it's serious.

Yeah, well, if you haven't

Noticed, we got our own

Problems.

Well, cookie--she needs me

Right now.

You're under no obligation to

Her that i can figure out.

Dad!

Cookie's my girlfriend.

I wanna help her.

Cookie, we're in the truck.

We're close.

It's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be good.

I'm not gonna go.

Cookie, put that phone down

Now.

Honey, you know what?

Just take a right up here, okay?

How can he have a goddamn

Girlfriend?

He's not even allowed to date.

Just leave him be.

I'm so proud. mwah.

Honey, do you have any idea

How hard it is to get a

Reservation at an r.v. park on a

Beach in august?

Do you?

It's like getting a honey-baked

Ham on christmas eve or--or

Scoring huskers bowl tickets!

It's impossible!

But i did it.

I did it for us.

Just so we could have a perfect

California vacation on a golden,

Shining beach.

Mom, we don't have to go to

California to have a good time.

We could go anywhere else.

No, honey.

It has to be doheny beach.

Even if we have to drive all

Night long and all day tomorrow

Straight through.

Because--see, look at this

Postcard.

That could be us.

Mom.

It's just a picture, mom.

Those two guys aren't even real.

I mean, they're just posing.

It's pretend.

It's not real.

The beach is real.

The sand is real.

The summer of us is real.

Mommy. mommy, don't cry.

Can we get a dog, dad?

Well, we can think about it.

So, you mean, if we ask mom?

And she says it's okay?

You know, i think it would

Be good for you to have a pet.

I could get used to walking

It every day.

Yeah, i know--i know you

Could.

Yeah. no, i think it would

Be...uh, definitely, that would

Be--it would be good.

I mean, it would be a puppy, so

It would really depend on you.

Dad?

Are you saying i can really have

One?

Yeah.

Uh...i think we should get a

Dog.

All right?

Yeah.

Kevin: we're around the

Corner, just a block away.

I can't leave you like this.

You want to stay here...with

Me? why?

Well, you're my mom.

Am i a good mom?

I know you love me.

You--you just care too much.

I know i don't say things the

Right way, cookie, and i

Bother you about kevin.

He's a--he's a nice boy.

But do you really wanna dress

Like that?

(Chuckles) i don't know.

I'm just having fun, mom.

So could you just, like, stop

Scaring my friends now?

Oh, dad, there they are.

Turn here, please.

Cookie: there he is!

There he is!

Kevin!

Kevin, i see you!

Hey!

Okay, come out.

I can't.

I'm stuck.

She can't come out.

Some--something's--something's

Wrong.

Get out, sweetie.

Save yourself!

No, no, no, wait! mom, mom!

There you go.

Run, run, run, goddamnit!

Bounder!

Bounder!

Call daddy, cookie!

Wait, mom!

You go for bounder, and we'll

Follow you.

Come on, kevin.

I'm gonna call my dad.

All right.

Drive, baby, drive.

Drive like earnhardt goin' for

The wall.

Why did you pull cookie out

Of the r.v.?

Kevin said she was in some

Kind of trouble.

I was just trying to be of help.

C-cookie is fine.

I don't need your help with

My children.

You know, you're goddamn

Near impossible to be nice to.

You know that?

I just wanted to go to doheny

Beach for my birthday.

Oh, okay. so you had a plan.

How's that workin' out for you

So far?

I don't need your help,

Teensie!

Hey, dad.

Your cell phone's flashing.

Oh, missed a call from your

Sister.

You know what?

I know people like you.

You test a person until they

Fail, right?

You don't know anything about

I sell purses to people like

You all the time.

Women who keep score and fix the

Rules so they get to win.

You don't have a right.

Oh, yes i do.

You see, i do because you

Landed in the middle of my life

And dumped all your dreams of

Stupid doohickey beach on me!

Forgive me for just not

Wanting to settle.

I just wanted something more.

I just don't want to settle.

Excuse me, but what the

Hell's wrong with settling?

I settled for wayne porter and

You know what?

I'm all right by it.

You make it sound like some

Kind of accomplishment.

Well, i found a man who put

Smiley face stickers on my

Ankle monitor.

And stu's out here in the

Middle of nowhere chasing some

Goddamn runaway dog.

Who wouldn't want that?

I guess you wouldn't.

Wait. wait.

There he is.

He's going into the park.

Oh, my god.

Bounder?

Bounder!

Come here, boy.

Bounder.

Granny, dad said i could have

A dog.

That's the plan.

Bounder!

Bounder!

Teensie, help me look for the

Dog.

That's what i'm doing.

All right. bounder!

They're over that way, honey.

Please try to hurry.

I think i'm sleepwalking.

Here, granny.

Hold my game boy.

Okay.

Stu: bounder!

Well--never mind.

Milo: bounder, where are you?

I heard what you said on the

Cell phone.

Milo: bounder!

Yeah?

Stu: bounder!

You know, when you told your

Parents that i was your

Girlfriend.

Of course.

Bounder!

Stu: bounder!

Bounder, stay.

Milo: here boy.

Come on, bounder.

Bounder. hey boy.

Good boy.

Come on, bounder.

Granny, is stu here?

Well, he's here somewhere.

He's chasing bounder.

Milo.

Bounder, okay--

Bounder!

Head him off!

Head him off!

Cut a--cut around front.

Bonnie: gotta block that

Entrance!

Kevin!

Help him!

Bonnie.

We're gonna catch him.

It's gonna be okay.

It's a little late for you to

Start acting helpful, isn't it?

Stu: good boy.

Come on, bounder.

Milo: come on, bounder.

Mother!

Oh!

Stop him!

Goddamn dog should've been

Roadkill already.

Stu: here, bounder.

Bounder!

Here, boy.

Stu! stu, i just want to talk

To you for a second.

Ginger, i gotta catch the

Dog, all right?

I just want to explain.

No.

I don't want to hear about it,

Okay?

I don't want to hear about

Doheny beach.

I don't want to hear about your

Summer of us.

I wasn't there, ginger.

Your summer of us doesn't

Include me.

I just--i just wanted to go

Someplace special.

Someplace where i was perfect.

I just wanted you to be there.

Why? what is it?

You think you can--you think

You can add me to your perfect

Moment and then i'll be perfect?

And then--what, then you can

Love me?

I--i love you.

No.

No, i think you want to love me,

And i think you remember loving

I just really think that's the

Best you can do.

That's a terrible thing to

Say.

Yeah, it is.

Here, bounder.

Bounder.

Cookie: bounder!

(Whistles)

You can whistle?

Come here.

Come here, puppy.

Come here.

Bounder, come here, boy.

Come on.

Come here.

Come here.

Aw, bounder.

Bounder. what a good boy.

Kevin.

Cookie: good boy, bounder.

You saved my dog.

You saved my bounder!

Bounder.

Oh, thank god.

Bonnie: bounder.

(Sighs)

Will you teach me to whistle

Like that?

I'll try.

Aww!

Bonnie.

I, uh--i'm sorry.

Sorry doesn't do it, ginger.

My dog had a near-death

Experience.

Bonnie, look at her.

I think she really means it.

That's the problem!

She has no idea.

She doesn't have a clue what

This dog means to me!

You're right, i don't, and i

Am sorry about that too, bonnie.

Look, what i'm trying to--to

Tell you is that you have been

A wonderful aunt to our

Children and a loving sister to

Stu and you've always...

You've always been good to me,

And i'm sorry.

I've just been trying to

Help.

I know.

I know.

Well, i shouldn't have called

You the b-word.

Can you accept my apology?

Ginger, you don't have to

Apologize.

We're family.

Should we hug?

Hug?

Maybe christmas.

Yes, christmas.

We can hug at christmas.

Christmas is good.

You know, if--if we left

Right now, we could s-still make

We'd be a day late but the

Beach will still be there,

Right?

I think i know someplace

Better than california.

Really?

(Reggae music playing)

(Dog whimpers)

I can keep him?

He's looking for a home.

Stu?

You've got a perfectly good

House here.

With all the convenience, why

Not use it?

Well, we bought the r.v. for

Vacationing, so, you know, here

We are.

Well, what are your

Neighbors going to say about

You camping out in your own

Yard?

They're roughing it, bonnie.

Well, that doesn't mean we

Can't go inside and use the ice.

It's summer in omaha.

We need ice.

Ooh, what's this?

Oh, that's a channel bag.

Channel?

Mm-hmm.

Shouldn't it be chanel?

Oh, "channel," "chanel."

I get that all the time, but you

Know what?

What difference does it make if

I give you a bottom-line, going

Out of business price on it?

Wayne: officer.

Come on over here to the chow

Line.

How do you like it?

Done or well-done?

No, no, i'm here on official

Business.

Headquarters dispatched me to

Pick up a parolee who's--who's

Not in compliance with a court

Order.

Stu, how do you open this

Door?

Oh, bonnie, that thing's kind

Of tricky and complicated.

It's best not to fiddle with it

Unless you've read the whole

Manual.

Smells good.

God, those smell good.

Why don't i fix one up for

You?

No, no, no.

I can't do that.

I shouldn't have any.

Come on!

This is omaha.

We're husky people with hearty

Appetites.

Well...well, maybe one more

Just for me, okay?

All righty, there ya go.

Oh.

That's pretty big.

Nice big steak, huh?

There it is!

I got it!

It's open!

(Alarm wails)

Whoa! whoa!

Stu!

Stu!

Come in here and turn this thing

Off!

(Alarm ceases)

Stu, there it is.

I got it.

(Dogs barking)

Let me give you something

Here.

Oh, no, no, i--

Box of beef.

Hey, i can't do this.

Oh, take that home.

No!

Man: ♪ you take a lime ♪

♪ you take your time ♪

♪ and that is how ♪

♪ you make a margarita ♪

Mmm.

It's a nice view.

Beautiful view.

Mmm.

I like it here.

Man: ♪ mix them up together ♪

♪ you squeeze the lime ♪

♪ you take your time ♪

♪ and that is how ♪

♪ you make a margarita ♪

(Soft guitar music plays)

You know, i'm thinking about

Remodeling.

Remodeling what?

The house.

You know, fix it up.

Fresh coat of paint, new

Wallpaper.

This could be a real showpiece.

Well, that sounds...

Inconvenient.

We could live in the r.v.

While the contractor's tearing

The walls out.

Tearing walls out?

Well, yes.

To create the new atrium

Breakfast nook.

Oh, mmm.

Yeah.

(Moaning from tv)

I--i can't believe you

Subscribed to this channel.

Well, i--i thought it was a

Food channel.

You know--spice?

No.

Man: ♪ and now we know ♪

♪ i hold your hand ♪

♪ and our love will grow ♪

Sports car.

What?

Hmm?

That's what i'm thinkin'--yeah.

You know, something exotic,

Fast, bright red.

Hmm, we have the r.v.

Well, we could trade that for

A porsche.

Oh, i forgot.

My--my, uh--my sister left a

Message for you.

Oh?

Yeah, she wants to know if

You wanna take ballroom dancing

Lessons with her.

Really?

Yep.

You'd have to be the man,

Though.

Again?

Hmm?

You know, i had an old love.

Girlfriend from--you know, from

Before i met you.

Stu, don't say her name.

Don't say her name.

Madge harper.

One date at a high school

Dance does not make her your

Girlfriend.

Mmm, no, but it was a very...

Special memory.

Her mother called your

Mother to make you go.

Man: ♪ there will be ♪

♪ the love between you and me ♪

♪ the love between you and me ♪

♪ the love between you and me ♪

(Song ends)

(Country song begins)

Man: ♪ i'm from ♪

♪ a western town in nebraska ♪

♪ don't know why i left ♪

♪ so long ago ♪

♪ all i know ♪

♪ is this western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ lives in my heart ♪

♪ and my soul ♪

♪ grew up in this western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ runnin' home from school ♪

♪ playin' ball in the street ♪

Women: ♪ playin' ball ♪

Man: ♪ oh, when i see my ma ♪

♪ i'm gonna ask her ♪

♪ was life really so simple ♪

♪ and so sweet ♪

♪ i'm a-goin' home ♪

Women: ♪ goin' home ♪

Man: ♪ where ♪

♪ the buffalo roam ♪

♪ so i can see my next of kin ♪

♪ and maybe have a gin ♪

♪ i'm a-goin' back ♪

Women: ♪ goin' back ♪

Man: ♪ see my uncle jack ♪

♪ but most of all ♪

♪ can't wait to feel ♪

♪ my mama's lovin' arms ♪

♪ i'm from a western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ we're all family, neighbors ♪

♪ and friends ♪

♪ because this western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ is the place where the love ♪

♪ never ends ♪

♪ i'm a-goin' home ♪

Women: ♪ goin' home ♪

Man: ♪ where ♪

♪ the buffalo roam ♪

♪ so i can see my next of kin ♪

♪ and maybe have a gin ♪

♪ i'm a-goin' back ♪

Women: ♪ goin' back ♪

Man: ♪ see my uncle jack ♪

♪ but most of all ♪

♪ can't wait to feel ♪

♪ my mama's lovin' arms ♪

♪ i'm from a western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ can't wait to hear ♪

♪ some tales of long ago ♪

Women: ♪ long ago ♪

Man: ♪ because ♪

♪ this western town ♪

♪ in nebraska ♪

♪ lives in my heart ♪

♪ and my soul ♪

♪ it lives in my heart ♪

♪ and my soul ♪

(Song ends)

(Dog whimpering)

Stu!

Mmm...what?

You hear that?

No, no, i was asleep.

Honey, it's the puppy.

He needs to go out.

Stu!

He'll piddle on the rug, honey.

Oh!

Come on.

Oh.

Get up. mmm.

(Coughs)

All right.

(Sighs)

(Sighs)