Caiu na Rede é Peixe (2015) - full transcript

Good evening!
Is everyone seated? Comfortable?

So, first,

I need to say
that this is the story about how I,

an upstanding chill guy,

ended up making a move
fit for a fearless rebel.

Let me remind you that 12 is a funny age,

I mean, not laugh-out-loud funny,

funny in a weird kind of way.

You're not that cute child anymore,

but you're not a teenager either.

So no one cares,

because you haven't really started
making trouble yet.

That Freud guy,
the inventor of psychoanalysis,

didn't really care about this age.

Lacan, Jung, those other ones
didn't care either.

The truth is
no one cares about 12-year-olds,

so they leave me alone,

analyzing my existential issues.

I believe that my obsessive neurosis

has a lot to do with guilt.

The guilt I felt because of my father.

The problem is that
I was never into comedies.

The world is in crisis,
the economy as well.

With so much going on,
do people want to tell jokes?

The problem is my dad
is exactly that, a comedian.

That's right, a comedian.

A stand-up comedian.

I'm fucking awesome.

And I mean it, not to brag.

But this overconfidence has its issues.

The other day I was driving,
talking on the phone,

when a police officer told me to stop.

When he was at my window, I said,
"Dude, just a moment,

I'm on a call!"

- Carlão, you're crazy.
- Come on, he's behaving!

There are even people here,
in the middle of the week!

Now, this is the moment

that you all love.

I'm not going to watch this.


Is that a magnifying glass?

That's great for him, right?

Look at this beautiful couple
we have here!

What are your names?

Maíra and Márcio.

Maíra and Márcio! Put your hands together!

How long have you been together?

Five years.

Five years!

Then you know everything about each other.

Marcio, tell me,

does Maira have sex
with her eyes open or closed?

I don't know. Closed.

Closed! So she's definitely fantasizing
about another person.

Tell us, Maíra,

who do you think about when you're in bed?

Is it a singer, a model,
a former reality star?

When I'm with Márcio,
I don't think about men.

No men? Then it's a woman!

I know what you're thinking.

This kind of shit ends up bad.

And it did,
but that's where the story starts.

What a modern world, right?

- Let's go, Maíra. Ask for the check.
- Relax, Márcio, come on!

Whenever I have sex,

I think about a guy.

It's just that I'm so awesome
that I fantasize

about myself!

- Cool. What about you? I heard...
- Look, my man.

Since you're so awesome,
why aren't you on TV?

Come on, Márcio...

I'm not on TV

because I like the body heat
of the audience.

But if you knew about body heat,

Maíra wouldn't fantasize with a woman!

- Asshole!
- Baby!

Son of a...


Deplorable, right?

Months with no child support and now this.

- Teresa, my client...
- I loved you

on that soap opera.

That scene in which
you strangle the prince

and throw him over the tower window!

Wow, that was true emotion!

- Wonderful, impressive!
- Thanks!

Counselor, does your client have a job?

Your Honor, my client is an artist.

No, she's an artist.
I thought he was a comedian.

Yes, but he's a comedy professional.

Oh, comedy professional!

So, if I want to hear a joke,

I'll have to pay you?

Yes, but if you have no cash,
I can lend you.

I think I can give you my judgment.

Hey! Do you have orange cake?

Drop the lawsuit.

- Until things get better.
- It's an education matter,

a holistic matter. You won't even
provide whole grain bread.

Wow, for someone so into energy stuff,

aren't you too materialistic?

And do you think it's good for Téo

to have a dad
that doesn't care to earn enough

to help provide for him?

- That's negative energy!
- Don't offend me.

Do you think I'm a loser

- who doesn't have money...
- That's five reals.

Not even five reals!
It would be great if you could spot me.

Seeing how difficult it is for the father

to control his temper and provide food,

the mother will have exclusive custody
over the child.

With visiting rights limited to...

three 3-hour periods weekly.

Three hours?

If the father still can't pay
child support

or can't find a formal job

in five working days,

he'll have to deal
with the consequences of Article 733.

- Translate.
- If you don't pay, you'll go to jail.

Holy shit! Tetê, you've always been crazy,
but that's just ridiculous!

It's this asshole's fault!

- Order!
- I'm sorry, honor lady,

but we're in a crisis,
jobs in my industry are difficult.

- I can't find a job...
- Ed, I'll handle it.

I'll handle it. Your Honor,

you need to consider
the lopsided peculiarities

of my client's profession.

Your Honor, look,

in just a few moments on the internet,

I was able to find a job for the guy.

Almost three times the minimum wage
and benefits.

And what's better, it's in the arts.

Arts. Arts, my ass.

What are you looking at?
Excuse me, I'm pissed off!

And before you ask, yes,

comedians can get cranky.

Come on, Tetê!

- I didn't even get three hours of sleep.
- Working is tiring, right?

I needed to isolate the father figure

to create my own identity.

And my parents' complicated relationship

didn't allow me to see
the motherly possessiveness

that affected my psychological structure.

I was in a crisis

and very stressed out.

Please, make yourself comfortable,

open my fridge, my kitchen drawers...

You forgot the laundry basket.


Are you going to tell me what's going on?

I know that you and Téo

fill up with snacks when he's here.

His new nutritionist
has a holistic approach.

Can he eat yogurt with rice bran?

Yes, but with no lactose,

because it's possible
he may be intolerant.

Sure! Lactose intolerant.

What about gluten?

Right! He may be allergic to gluten.

I'm going, okay?

- Behave!
- Okay, mom.

I'm talking to your dad. Bye.

As I said, it's not easy being 12.

I mean, I can't even drink some scotch,

have some clonazepam drops, or anything!

But at least I have a dad
whose best quality is being...

different from my mom.

After all, if you don't have Prozac,
some snacks will do the trick.

- Cool, put it in.
- It's so cool!

I want to watch it.

Actually, in the whole world,
there are only two kinds of people.

Those who understand binary code

- and those who don't...
- What are you doing here?

You won't answer my texts.

I'm here for my last check.

That's some nerve!

But if it means I'll get rid of you, okay.

- Let's see it.
- ...I was a nerd.

That hot chick is a nerd?

Things have really changed.

"Hey, you hooligan!

Give me two examples of pronouns."

And I was like, "Who? Me?"

I got it right!

I didn't even know what she meant.

One thousand three hundred
and thirty reals

- and twenty cents.
- That's not even that bad!

No, that's what you owe me.

For the advancements and the broken stuff

- from that last fight.
- Come on, Carlão!

We've had so many glorious nights
on this stage,

- Carlão!
- Hey, buddy!

You're interrupting my audition.

- Audition? Is this an audition?
- Yes.

Are you going for beauty now?

- Mind your own business, dude.
- What did you say?

Mind your own business!

I'll give you a tip.

You want to do nerd jokes, right?

Did you know that at school
I was like Spock?

Always afraid people would
get me by the ears.

See? With the correct timing,
every joke is funny.

Even yours.

I'm wasting my time.

Wait, hold up!

Look, Carlão,

let's turn this debt
into something positive.

Bye, Ed.


What the fuck is this?

Can't you read?

Groups? TV?

This isn't stand-up!

Bye, Ed.

A comedy trio competition?

My dad couldn't even make it in doubles,

can you imagine him being in a trio?

I thought he would never go
for something like that,

but the truth is there's no ego
or narcissistic structure

that a strong argument can't change.

When I was a kid, I kept asking

my grandma to take me to the museum,
but it never happened.

Then, on the millionth time I asked,

my grandma told me,
"It's just that I'm afraid.

What if they don't let me out?"

Oh, Shirley.

I can call you Shirley, right?

Shirley, you met me
at a not so great time.

You think I'm giving up, right?

But what am I going to do?

Should I, I don't know, enter the contest?

It's starting.

Total TV is looking for
the best comedy trio in Brazil,

and the winning group
will have their own show.

That's so ridiculous!

Comedians nowadays just want
TV and internet success.

Real stand-up

just needs a mic and a stage.

And they'll also win
a prize of one million reals!

Don't miss this chance. Apply right now!

On the other hand, you're right.

Why be against new media, right?

I don't want to live in a museum.


Yes, this is Ed. Is it...

I can't hear you, Ed.

Hello? It's breaking...

Ed Lima, dude, I'm...

You want me in a group with you?

That's a great joke, dude!

Moreno Ramos, the stage freak!

Hey, what's up, Lil' Danny? How are you?

I'd like to invite you to work with me.

Whenever you have time,

call me, okay? See you.

I told you to get lost when we fought,

but this is too far.

How did you find me here, Ed?

It's the fifth farm I've looked at.

That's the thing now.

Everyone who has lost in life
is planting organics.

Holy crap! What's up with your face?

Insects. I'm in the middle of nowhere
with horses, pigs,

mares, and insects!

Use some bug spray!

Come on, Ítalo, organic
and non-organic lettuce are the same.

They taste like nothing.

You haven't changed, right?
What do you want?

I missed you.

Missed me?

What else?

There's this comedy contest.

Comedy contest.

A plague sore!

An embossed carbuncle
in my corrupted blood!

- Shakespeare?
- King Lear.

Ítalo, it's a comedy trio contest.

- Oh, a trio?
- Yes.

Oh, I get it, so I have a good idea.

Take your ego,
split it in three, and do it alone.

I thought about performing
in three different styles,

but the rules don't allow that.

Oh, come on! It'll be cool!

I'm going to say it for the last time,

I was born to do drama, Ed.

That comedy stunt
was a mistake, you feel me?

What about the stage? The applause?
The audience?

The money, Ítalo!

With the prize,
you'll be able to do the plays

you've always wanted.

Listen, Ed.

My thing now is to make the world
a better place.

One beetroot at a time, Ed.

And nothing and nobody
will get me out of here!

You feel me?

- Gosh!
- What? Is that Shakespeare?

No, something bit me.

- Yes, it went that way.
- What is it?

- Maybe a snake.
- A snake?

- I think it is.
- No, it can't be.

- I'm feeling ill.
- There's no time.

- There's. Oh, Jesus.
- Already? Calm down.

- Jesus, take the wheel
-No, calm down.


This is my house.


- Your head!
- Gosh!

Low ceilings.


What the fuck is that?

There's a Spanish dance studio
over this place.

No! We can't rehearse here.

- What?
- We can't rehearse here.

Why not?

Okay, let's do it. Next!

- Good evening, how are you?
- What's up?

- You can begin.
- So I was with my whole family

spending New Year's Eve in Copacabana.

When I got there

and saw all those people,

I was like, it's my chance
to get rid of my mother-in-law.

When the fireworks started,
I threw the witch at the sea,

and then...

No, wait up, just a second, please.

He's impersonating Porky Pig.

No, he says "That's all".

- It's different.
- You're right.

Okay, keep going.


I threw the witch at the sea
and that's all folks!

That's it?

Do you know why
the chicken crossed the road?

Okay, thank you, next!

I can tell a joke
from the end to the beginning.

- Go on.
- So start laughing.

I don't get in line at supermarkets.

Why are we getting in line, guys?
We're all going to die...

with no money.

Wait, she's still talking.

- Go on.
- No?

No, that one is over.

- That's it.
- Was that it?

Yes, that was it.
But I can tell you about another one.

There's that one.
Why did the tomato cross the road?

Why did the tomato cross the road?

Then it...

- No. That's okay. Thanks.
- I forgot.

So, my maid,

she is Brazilian,

then one day I said, "Jessica!

Why do you leave the bathroom door open?"

And she answered,

"So you won't look through the keyhole."

What other accents do you have?

I don't have any other accents.

- He's really Portuguese...
- Yes.

I hope you won't interrupt me this time.

You, really?

What? Do you know each other?

She's this weirdo nerd.
She's too inexperienced.

Thanks, but no. Next!

There's no next. I'm the last one.

Let her tell it.

- No...
- No, wait!

Come on, Ed.

Tell your joke, honey.

My name is Sara... Sara Goes Deep.

Last week I met this cute guy.

He was so handsome,
so I started talking to him,

I said was majoring in physical education.

Then he said, "Shit, me too!

My favorite subject is volleyball."

Do you know that whole "don't give up,

keep fighting for your dream" thing?

Yes, that never really worked with my dad.

And there he was again,

trying to work as a comedian once more.


The dishes are huge here.
People like it, right?

We can order just two, right?

Yes, we can do that.

- Let me see.
- He's coming.

- Okay.
- What are you ordering?

- Two coxinhas, right?
- Yes.

- Yes.
- That's it right?

And three lattes, please.

Day latte or night latte?

What do you mean?

Night latte is darker, it has more coffee.

Day latte is lighter, it has more milk.

- We'll have three nights.
- Three nights coming!

What the fuck?

Guys, look at it.

They'll choose three trios as finalists,

but to compete we have to send videos

with five shows with an audience.

We're still lacking a name...

A fucking awesome name!

I thought of the name alone
with no help whatsoever.

The Comedy Minstrels!

- No.
- No, chill.

That's too 70's.
It reminds me of Oswaldo Montenegro.

- Who?
- Coxinhas!

- Wow!
- That's not a coxinha,

that's a dinosaur egg.

They were kind of sad,

but then they got some juice
and now they're


What happened? Okay.
I think I overreacted here.

Did we refry it? We did,

but they're spectacular... kind of.


The Spectaculars!

What? Didn't you like it?

It's kind of too much, right?

Or isn't it?

You know, I think if you talked,
you'd have a beautiful voice.

Ed, Téo gained almost a pound.

I know you're eating bad snacks!

- Stop it, Tetê!
- Where is it?

You're imagining it.

It's cold.

- Hot.
- Téo.

Ed, do you know how much fat
there's in it?

It's like he drank a glass of cooking oil!

- Don't overreact.
- Come on,

- you're not staying here.
- My Tocitos!

You found my snacks, Tetê!

That's so great!

My cheddar pork rinds!

I love it! Do you want it?

Ítalo, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?
I needed some vacations from the country.

That country excitement
was getting on my nerves.

Birds singing all the time,
the rooster squawking at 4:30,

colorful butterflies flying...
"Get out of here, butterfly!"

So I decided to come to the city.

It's better here. The air is pure.

You can see through it.

I'm leaving, bye.

- What's going on, Ed?
- It's a contest, mom.


Sorry, Dad.

Ed, this contest,

won't it get in the way of your real job?

Because Téo is proud of his dad,

protecting the real art, right, Téo?

That moment where they put you

in the middle of an argument is classic.

You need to answer something
that one of them will like...

Yes, sure.

...but won't screw up the other one.


Look, Tetê, we're going to win it.

And then, to celebrate it,
I'm going to take Téo to Disney World!

Disney World?

Their food is trash.

- He'll go to Thailand with me.
- Thailand?

Poor child! Kids that don't go
to Disney World end up having trauma.

Then they'll have head issues.

If you're my age, here's some advice.

When the argument starts getting boring,
troll your parents.

It's easy. Just say something sexual.

Even if you don't know
what you're talking about.

I want to go to Vegas.

They say those strippers
do everything, even swing.


I think we should rehearse somewhere else.

No, he said it's chill here.

The museum is out.

I know, but I'm worried about her father.

She said he won't come back until late.


What's up, people. Let's start?

Let's do it. Here it is...

- I printed some stuff.
- Thanks.

When I became a drama actor,
I learned a lot of new stuff.

Like that you can survive
by eating just instant ramen and sausage.

No, you took my entire path

to try to be a drama actor
and turned it into a joke.

- Sit down, now you go.
- I didn't like that.

Sara will go first. Read everything.

- You'll like it.
- I'll say it right now,

you won't touch my act, okay?

You call those unfunny jokes an act?

No, look,

you can even do
that nerdy thing you've got,

but you need to do more, let it go.

Make it spicier and kinkier.

- Do you think so?
- Yes, trust me. It'll work.

Let me see.

Got it!

The problem with being a nerd

is that you just hook up with nerds.

So you have to listen
to those horrible pickup lines,

like, "Damn, my Pikachu
will electrify you."

- I liked it.
- Did you?

- Do you think so?
- That's it. Go on.

- That was funny.
- Okay, let me think.

The first time my boyfriend
touched me down there,

he was like this, you guys...

So I was like, "Chill, man!
You're supposed to finger me,

not play Flappy Bird!"

What is it now?

You never played that little game?

- Sara, can you tell me what's going on?
- Dad?

- We're rehearsing.
- Hi, I'm Ed...


And what's this?

You dropped out of law school

to really be a clown?

Not a clown, Dad. A comedian.

How many times do I have to tell you
that only deadbeats do that?

People who couldn't get anywhere in life!

And what do you know about that?
You never worked.

Inherited everything from my grandpa.
You're a freeloader. That's what you are!

Not a freeloader.
Watch how you talk to me!

I'm really a layabout, okay?

Dropped out of school, partied,

burning through my dad's money,
especially because I'm kind of stupid,

but not you, sweetheart.

Sara, you're brilliant, you're a genius.

If you don't go back to college,

there'll be no more allowance!

Do that, and I'll leave home.

- And where will you go?
- I'll make do.

I don't need anyone to help me!


Just a moment.


- Sorry, wrong time.
- No, do you want to talk to Ed?

Right then I was like,

is that my dad's girlfriend?

Damn, she's hot!

The problem was the guilt I had

for thinking she's much cuter than my mom.

If I didn't elaborate
on that question in my mind,

I would definitely have
an emotional collapse.

Oh, right! Grand Theft Auto.
Do you like it?

What? Yes, a lot.

I'm Sara. Who are you?

- Téo.
- Nice to meet you, Téo.

Hey! Hi, Tetê! Hi, Téo!

Come on in.

Do you want some coffee?

I can make something, babe.

Yes, go on.

No, it's okay, I'm going.

- Bye, Téo.
- What?

Damn! What's up, champ?

Sure, okay.

This chickpea pie

your mom made is delicious.

Do you still have a camera?

- A video camera?
- Yes.

- Yes.
- Great! Get it,

because you'll be our cameraman.

- Ta-da!
- Wait.

You want me to wear this?

Sara, you have talent,
but on the stage, it's about the joke.

I like it. Everyone's wearing
the same thing. Interesting.

These stages you got for us,

- are they good?
- Of course!

Okay, then.




My job is to make you laugh,

and your job is to laugh, so if you don't,

then it's your fault, not mine.


I was thinking,
"So much goes on in New York, right?

Every tsunami happens in New York.

You can aim anywhere else.
It won't go to Barra da Tijuca,

it'll go to New York, destroy New York."

What the fuck?
Weren't we all wearing the same?

Sara, this is my brand.

I'm Ed Lima, I'm famous,

- I'm different, you know?
- Yes.

What are you doing?

You're Ed Lima and I'm Sara Goes Deep.

King Kong was on an island
living a happy life,

they got him and took him where?

New York!

Everything happens in New York!

Pay attention to the focus, Téo.

Ladies and gentlemen...


- Thanks, guys! Thanks!
- You're hot as fuck!

Damn, girl!

Guys, last week I asked this hot dude

- to see Thor: Ragnarok, right.
- Thor?

Come grab Thor's hammer!

Stop being an asshole!

What's it, kid? Is she your sister?

Get out of there.

Let me film her tits.

- What the fuck is this?
- I'll handle it, Ed.

You don't need to zoom in, sweetie.

Is that good enough?

What about your little Thor's hammer?

Do you just jack it off
or do you know how to do something?

Take that.

That girl fucked you up, asshole!

Are you kidding, dude?

- Are you going to cry?
- What are you going to do?

Are you crazy, dude?

Nice place you got for us. Great job!

Relax, dude.
Tomorrow will be much more chill.

- I promise.
- Go.


Holy shit, this is way too chill.

I'll tell you something,

this will be easy-peasy.

So you go first.

- Yes, I'll go.
- Yes.

I just need to crank it up.

- You got it?
- Go.

I'll do it.

That's great. Very cool.

Good afternoon, I'm Ítalo Pontes...

- What?
- I'm very happy...

I'm Ítalo Pontes.

- Talk louder!
- Closer to the mic.

Ítalo Pontes!

Nice to meet you!

You know what I want to talk about today?

About dating apps.

- There's...
- What?

Flirting apps!

What's an app?

- Oh, what's an app?
- Cancel technology.

- Talk about food.
- Okay.

Let's move on from the app talk

because that's stupid.

I want to talk about food.
I love talking about food.

I just remembered that a long time ago,

I was doing theater with two friends.

Look how interesting.
One of them was a chocoholic,

the other one was vegan,
she didn't eat meat.


- She didn't eat meat.
- And the other one?

- She was a chocoholic.
- An alcoholic?

No, a chocoholic. She just ate chocolate.

- That's fucked up!
- Yes,

eating just chocolate is fucked up, right?

No, your joke is fucked up!

I didn't even finish.

So be quick,

we don't have much time here.

Let me.

- Hey!
- Listen,

try to be better than the other one, okay?

Because that was shit.

Sure. What's your name, ma'am?

- Zezé.
- Zezé! Mrs. Zezé.

You remind me a lot about my grandma.

She was a very angry lady as well.

She buried three husbands.

And two of them were just sleeping.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sara!

- Hey, guys, thanks!
- I think I'm dead.

- Is that an angel?
- Pervert!

Thank you, but I'm not all of that.

Who here has ever read comics?

Everyone, right. I thought so.

Because Superman was created in 1938,

and Batman in 1939, right?

Wait, it wasn't any of you guys, right?

- No!
- Thank God!

I was freaking out.

This one over here looks like Batman,

don't you think?

No, wait,

with this smile
he looks more like the Joker, right?

Oh, my god!


- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

Just chilling.

Wasting time with games, right?

I'll give you something to do.

Something that will boost
your spirituality!

Yours and your dad's
because he needs it too.

Téo, how many times
do I have to remind you

that you can never tell your mom
you're just chilling?


it was either this or she'd found out
I was helping you.

I was kind of having fun helping my dad,

getting to know the comedy world.

But I was full of anxiety,

I knew it wouldn't work once again.

And I couldn't tell my mom.

That anxiety,
plus affliction and guilt, equals me,

the classic neurotic.

What's up, Bangu?

It took us three hours to get here,
but it's worth it.

I never thought so many people
would pay to see me.

Yes, but don't get too excited.
90% of them got it for free

- from the radio.
- ...the north side.

People from the south side are biased
against the north side, usually.

If you ask someone from Leblon,
they'll say,

"God forbid to live in Bangu."

Right? But then...

they were born in Tijuca,

they grew up and got into politics,
they got rich...

buy an apartment in Leblon,
like a penthouse,

then the federal police come by
and take him where?

The prison in Bangu!

"Where are you going, Aline?" "Ipanema.

What about you?" "Leblon."

"Where are you going, Tiago?" "Tijuca."

"What about you, Ítalo?"
"I live in Bangu."

Then he was like, "No, come on in.
I'll take you to the bus stop."

When I meet a guy,
I like him to talk a lot

through text, you know?

A lot, just so I can see if he knows

the difference
between "a part" and "apart".

Change it up!

What's up, everybody?

- We are The Spectaculars!
- Spectaculars!

On the first-born's first birthday,

the parents throw a huge party, right?

A big cake,

from a cake decorator, not themselves.

It's different for the youngest child.

They inherit everything else, right?

The youngest...

"Are you going to buy a cake?"
"No, there's no such thing.

We'll make it at home.
Cover it with marshmallows.

And that's it."


The best stand-up on the farm.


My first job as an actor in my life

was a play, a drama.

I thought, "It's my turn!"
And I only had one line!

"Julião, that woman won't be yours."

Then he shot me.

When I walked in, I looked at him

and where was the line
that I couldn't remember?

Then he shot me.

And I was like,
"Wait, I'm going to remember!"

Then a shot on my left arm.

I was like, "Julião, for God's sake!"

Then he gave me the final shot
in my chest, and I remembered.


I was like, "Damn, that's it."

I looked at him and said, "Julião!

You really don't forgive people

for forgetting their lines, right?"

Thank you! See you next time!


Dad, please, no joking.

But what don't you know?

I don't understand anything, Dad.

The teacher explained,
but I think I forgot.

Then you have to pay attention.

What are you doing at school?

Didn't we read this the other day?

I'll talk to your mom.

Look at this one. You'll know this one.

The resisting forces
of the air are negative

because when speed is positive,

the air resistance is opposite
to the speed.


I got it now!

- Can I try?
- Sure. It's easy.


At first, I felt guilty

for thinking Sara
was more beautiful than my mom.

Now I was guilty of

rooting for my dad to be with her.

She was doing him so much good!

Him and me. There, I said it!

...this wonderful audience. Come on!

We are The Spectaculars!

Thank you so much! Thanks!

Thank you!

- The video is amazing!
- Yes.

I mean, it's a great video.
Great job, little Teo, but like...

the places are horrible.

If we want to be professional,

we need to perform in a comedy club.

She's mad,

- but it's the truth.
- Ítalo,

in Rio, there's basically Drinks & Jokes,

and no way I'm going back there!

You were right. Sara's group is great.

"Sara's group"?

She's wonderful!

I'm sure people will like her today.

What do you have to do with it, Anselmo?

As a minority partner here,

my job is to find new talent.

Sara auditioned,
and Carlão didn't even hear

- her jokes...
- I'll handle it, Ed.

Sara, let's work out the details
in my office.

- Sure, let's go.
- What details?

- There are no...
- Ed,

please, meet Mountain.

He'll be your chaperone tonight.

Nice to meet you.

Ed, let's set up the camera then.

That way we can get a jump on things.

Right? We'll do it ourselves.


Before I finish, I remembered something

that I noticed a while ago.

It's about cuckolds!

Cuckolds! Can you relate already?

Because there are all kinds of cuckolds.

There's the atheist cuckold,

who doesn't believe in cheating.

There's the cautious cuckold,

who calls home before coming back.

- Is that a new joke?
- I have no idea.

There's the blind cuckold,

that even when it's in front of him,
he won't see it.

There's the noisy cuckold,

that arrives home and...

And the other guy...

And there's the Olympic record cuckold,

who doesn't even know the woman yet
but is already a cuckold.

But that's something new.
It will pass, right?

On that note,

I'd like to call to the stage

the nerd comedian who's always
thinking about the next big thing!

The next guy's thing, of course!

Please welcome, Sara Goes Deep!

Thank you, Ed.

Wow, you've never placed

anything this big on my hand!

Or this hard.

Yes, guys, I'm the type of comedian

who measures the size of the mic.

Because the last one I used was so small!

This small.


- Ítalo Pontes?
- Yes. How are you?

Wait, I know you.

- Emílio Albuquerque!
- Yes.

Wow, that's great!

I love your movies!

Art movies! Art!

Yes, art and drama, right?

Drama, yes.

Wow, that's crazy! I'm nervous now.

I'm sorry. Crazy! What are you doing here?

Do you like stand-up comedy?
Do you like watching it?

You sent me this.

Damn, that's my audition tape.

I sent it to a lot of people... To...

I sent it only to you.

Exclusively to you,
because I really like your work.

But that was so long ago. It's even a DVD.

Time is relative.

And I'm here today

to invite you to be in my movie.

It's an adaptation of
The Tragedy of Antony and Cleopatra.

- Shakespeare!
- Shakespeare!

It's Shakespeare!

- But would I have a lot of lines?
- Sure!

A lot of lines!

Where's my point guard?

Thank you so much, guys!

Ítalo Pontes!

- Excuse me.
- Applause!

Work it!

Good evening, everybody!

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

What's up? How's everybody?

This bar is amazing! I really love it.

This bar called...

Drinks & Jokes. Right.


Thank God you're here.

The internet connection is horrible.

There's no alarm?

There's no need.
The security system is high tech.

You'll see.


Look at that.

Be careful.

Yes, look, I'm going to be real with you.

I think it's those lasers
that are affecting the connection.

- Really?
- Can you deactivate it?

I can't.

I can go through them
because I'm registered.

Do you want to see? Look.

So stealing from this museum
must be impossible.

Yes, it's impossible.

To go through here you need
to be made of aluminum.

What? What do you mean?

Yes, there's a bug on the laser.

It won't work on aluminum.

Yes, I tested it with my doggy bag.

Let's go, the server is that way.

Look, we'll have to...

come back with a service order.

A service order.

Can't you do it today?

- Today?
- Yes.

No, we can't today.

With this laser thing,

we'll have to coordinate with the HQ.

- Coordinate with the HQ.
- Yes.

I seriously can't even eat.

- Did they say when?
- No.

It's just that it would be today.


Why are you so down, dude?

We're definitely going to the finals.

Yes, relax.

No, I mean...

Guys, I have to tell you something.

I should have told you a long time ago,

but I was ashamed.
I'm going to tell you now.

I was called to be
in an Emílio Albuquerque movie

and I said yes.

- Cool!
- Oh, come on!

One of those boring movies?

No, it's an art film, Ed.

Come on, Ítalo!
Only critics like that shit.


If you're happy, that's great.
And when will it be?

Next Wednesday.

We're going to a warehouse near Vassouras.

It's immersion action, it's drama.

And I won't be back in at least a month.

And I really want to do this.

What do you mean, Ítalo?
Are you crazy? What about the finals?

Come on, let's be real, guys.

Don't get me wrong.

We have zero chance
of getting to the finals.

So please, be real...

What's it, Ed?

Guys, it's from the producers.
We've been selected!

Ítalo, you're coming, right?

- We've been selected?
- Yes!

But guys, it's Shakespeare!

Is that why you're putting
a knife in my back?

I'm not putting a knife, Ed.
I'm not doing that.

It's a Shakespeare adaptation...

Oh, poor Ed Lima,

a man full of jokes
with an unmatched imagination,

a loyal friend!

Dude, my coxinha!

How many times
did he carry Ítalo on his back?

He saved him
from the dangers of the jungle.

Sometimes, comedy turns into drama.

And believe me,
comedians are great at drama.

For example, my dad is great
at making things worse.

But now...

this is what he deserves!

So that's how you see me?


This is our set.


what about the set that...


this is cinema.

And the focus...

is on you!

- Okay.
- In your acting.

- For sure! Let's go!
- Let's go!


I want to see you show your...

For sure!

It's tradition.

- Sure, tradition.
- History...



So, Maicon, tell us something about you.

Look, I don't really have a lot to say.

My name is Maicondouglas,

but everyone calls me Maicon.

I work at the bar,
but I also do some odd jobs.

That's it? Really?

No existential dilemmas
or metaphysical angst?

- Think about it.
- No.

Actually, I feel angst
when I eat fried stuff.

My stomach goes crazy, I start burping,

- everything goes...
- Thank you. Thanks.

Look, we have nothing to use for jokes.

No, what he needs is a true performance.

A real performance
for him to see how it is.

But it's too late.

Look, I don't know if you like it,

but there's a block party going on.

I know everybody. We can perform there.

We like it, sure. Where do you live?


The neighborhood.

It's a church party on 13th street.

So, 13th street,


It's looking for a driver.

Look at it!

I got the ride!


You guys...

there are no mints or AC,

but give me five stars, okay?

Maicon, it's an evangelical church.

We're all Christians, Ed!

You don't need to pray.
Everyone is peaceful.

Okay, let's go.

Good evening.

Well, I'm f...

I'm f...


I mean...

Usually, I would start by asking you

to turn off your cell phones

but I won't ask you, okay?

I don't know if anyone is getting
a call from God.

No? Okay.

A friend of mine, the other day,
was in church

and he got a text on WhatsApp,

he opened it, zoomed it
and it was a big d...

Sometimes I ask myself,

"Why do people laugh?"

- I know you guys...
- "Why does someone say something

that makes people laugh?

Where does comedy come from?"

If you think it's weird for me
to think of this stuff,

remember I'm the son of a comedian

and a mom who's involuntarily funny.

Okay, that was horrible.

But truth is it's impossible
to make people laugh all the time.

Please welcome, Sara Goes Deep!

I loved it.

Yeah, right.

Apparently, you're the only one...

Don't worry, these people

are all uncultured.

For a man to know a woman is a bit

more difficult because women
don't come with an instruction manual.

Men are a bit more...

I love to laugh! I love jokes!


So let me invite to the stage

someone who I know you love,

a guy that doesn't need an introduction,

brother Maicon!

Thank you, guys.

Now I know how the pastor
feels every night.

If I can be funnier than he is

talking about the apocalypse, I'm winning.

What did you say about me
being a comedy genius?

You're a comedy genius,

way better than Paulo Gustavo,
Adnet, or Porchat.

Tell me a joke, come on.

Yes, sure...

I have a clear conscience,

after all, I don't use it.

My conscience is clear
because I don't use it.

God is the Creator, but sometimes
He's not very happy

and doesn't have patience...

- Tell me another one.
- Sure.

- The other day...
- Ed!

- What the fuck?
- It's not what you think.

- Oh, it isn't?
- It's not his fault.

I came onto him.

That's so sexist! You're innocent.

Hey, I'm not innocent. Respect me,

you unfunny rich girl.

Not unfunny.

What are you going to do?

- Don't touch me!
- What?

- You don't touch me.
- I said don't touch me!

Hey, girls! Stop, don't do that!


Sara, what happened?

Ask him.

Ed, you got with the pastor's wife?

No, I didn't do anything.

Who got with my wife?

Don't you remember him? Azambuja Antunes.

He stabbed his wife
and then dismembered her?

He's famous!

He did his time and then became a pastor.

Are you crazy, Maicon?

No, he was born anew. With God!
And everyone here...

Come, Satan!

I'll rip you up with my sacred blade!

Today he's not a saint. Let's go.


Come on!

We have to type destiny.

- Go!
- Go, Maicon!

Come on in.

Guys, now I'll only be able
to come back on Forgiveness Week.

Or Maicon here becomes meat pie.

Don't worry, you can sleep on the couch.

Not at all! I'm sleeping on the couch.

Sara, I'm talking to you.


Do you have another couch?

An armchair?

"High from the platform,

surrounded by boiling water
from the vol..."

Any doubts?

Yes, Emílio. I do have some doubts.

It's just that there's no volcano
in Antony and Cleopatra, right?

Don't worry about the plot.

Worry about your lines.

With my lines?

Sorry, Emílio, but...

I just got one line.

Is there a problem?

Film is the art of moving images.

Yes, you're right. It's image.

You're not wrong.

"Caesar emerges from the lava

as if he was free from all the oppression
society had put on him

and screams,


No, I can...

I can do better.

"He screams,


Maybe a bit more...





"Oh! Oh!"


"Oh! Oh?"


Good morning, Sara.

Ed, what's this?

Maicon? Shit, I forgot!

I'm coming!


- Eduardo Lima?
- That's right.

Please, come with me
to the police station.

What? There must be something wrong.

Sara, help me here.

Arrest this motherfucker!
And throw away the key!

You're going to arrest me?
Dude, excuse me. Wait.

Damn, that's a strong hand.
Wait, I can walk.

Don't! That hurts!

Be careful not to get hurt
by the hot water.

Don't fuck it up!

Sure! I swear to God.





- Oh!
- Cut!

Sorry, Emilio.
What do you want me to feel?


It's better if you feel nothing.

- Oh.
- Cut!

- Oh!
- That's it!

Do that!

Go forward slowly with the camera.

Go forward. Action!


Now go, Sônia!

Tongue out!

Put it in his ear and twist it.

That hurts! What?

That hurts!

Madam Chief, this is probably a mistake,

because I'm paying child support,

I'm working, doing the right thing.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

This is the problem.

Shirley? Did something happen to her?

There's no one there. Let's go.

Quick. Come on.

It works!

Are you trying to be funny, scumbag?

No, I'm not. Seriously, she's...

She's Shirley. My partner.

Oh, your partner!

Saboia, lock up the jokester!

I can't. I have the comedy contest finals.

Put him in the cell with the weirdos.

Please, don't, Madam Chief! Come on!

You're lucky they didn't steal the statue.

It was too heavy.

You're just being accused

of facilitation of attempted theft.

But I didn't help anyone steal anything.

That's great! Awesome.

Ítalo, that's excellent!

It's very good.

Art must reclaim society's angst.

The screams of the oppressed!

Okay, what are we going to do now?



Now we're going out of the warehouse

to film the wind.

- Let's go.
- Let's film the rain!

Genius! Let's film the rain!


Let's film the rain!

Don't do this, buddy.
I have a contest to go to.

I can't stay here.

Wait, that's too strong.

They're the weirdos? Wait.

Can't I stay on that one?

Wait, dude. Come on!

Get in there.




What's up? You good?

What's good?

Cool! Damn, your breath is hot.

Wait, buddy.
Listen, guys, I'm not used to this.

I don't know how this works.
You can teach me.

Stop it! Buddy!

Buddy! I can't anymore!

Another one?

Mom, if I eat more of this,
I'll be a "cereal killer".

They say that with a good joke

you can get anything you want.

That's bullshit, Téo.

Eat it or you'll be late for class.

But it never helped me.

My dad, however, had such a nerve

that sometimes it worked for him.

I was at a party and this lady
came down to talk to me,

"I want to marry you."

And I was like, "Me? Are you crazy?"
And she was like, "You stole my heart."

So I said, "Then call the police,
because I'd rather go to jail."

- Scratchy liked it!
- You can go!

- Already?
- You bailed out.


Calm down, guys. Sorry.

If you want,
you can watch me at the contest.

It's going to be on the channel website.

Watch it on Aécio's phone!

You're pinching me.

No. You bailed me out?

- That's so beautiful!
- Fuck you.

It's the only way for us
to be in the contest.

Come on, Sara, it was an act of love.

- Jackass!
- Madam Chief, isn't it a crime?

- You think I forgot...
- Guys!

Stop fighting!

Put the network's address on the app

because we're late, please.

Let's go, guys.

The fare is probably higher right now,
but I have a great coupon!

Téo, turn that off and go study.

But the contest is starting soon.

No way, you need to study
for tomorrow's test.

But if it wasn't for the contest,
I'd have Tai Chi with Dad.

I'm not going to argue.

Give me the remote.

And I'm also taking the laptop
because I'm not stupid.

Oh, your phone as well!

That was the time.

The moment I had to take a stand.

To make a choice.

That thing that
when you're 12 they call...

fucking up.

- Invites.
- No, we are...

- We're contestants.
- The Spectaculars!

- The invites.
- Listen, friend.

Do you want to give me a heart attack?

Let them in. Come on.

Guys, The Spectaculars are here.

Ed Lima...

- Hi, Sara.
- Hi!

You're in the finals, right?

That's right.

- And this one is...
- Maicondouglas.

But people call me Maicon from Encantado.

Or just Maicon.

It's a pleasure.

Hi, Maicon from Encantado.

But, Ed, wasn't Ítalo with you guys?

Yes, it didn't happen. Conflicting dates.

Oh, a conflict.

And it wasn't with you?

That's a miracle!

Stop, no underage kids.

But I'm 18.

With this height? Yeah, right.

I'm a little person.
Are you discriminating against me?

Oh, you're a little person?

- Yes, excuse me.
- Stop!

What you are is underaged.

And politically incorrect?

Making little people jokes?
You're not going in.


Téo, okay, let's watch your dad's show.


Ed, can we really eat?

Of course.

But focus, Maicon. It's almost time.

And relax.

I'm relaxed. Maicon is not nervous.

Guys, the show is about to start.

Better than Best, you'll go first.

This cod cake is weird.

What's this?

That's why I thought it was weird.

This cod cake is not made of skipjack!

It's real cod!

- Ítalo?
- What are you doing here?

I'm going to perform with you.

You've got some nerve!
We have a full group, baby.

You're so funny! Are you crazy?

You traded me for Maicon?

One rehearsal and he was better than you.

Pastry cream.

That's what dreams are made of.

See? And he also knows Shakespeare!

Stop it! He's just a boy who knows jokes.

I'm a professional. Look at me.
Let me tell you something.

Hi, Tetê, I can't talk now.

What? Say it slowly.

Téo ran away from home with no cell phone?

What do you mean? Why?

Do you know where he might be?


Tetê, meet me at Flamengo Park.

Téo is in love with a girl from Tai Chi

and the class is starting.
That must be it.

- Okay, bye.
- What if you don't come back on time?

Then the "Organics King Lear"
performs in my place.

No, but...

Whip me, Jesus!

This Parma ham is really from Parma.

It's not made from chicken.


Good afternoon, Brazil!

Good afternoon to the audience.

Good afternoon to our audience at home.

Today we're making history.

History in comedy.

We are choosing a comedy trio

to have their own prime time show
on Total TV.

Please welcome our judges!

Our first judge is an actor and writer.

Please welcome, Leandro Soares.

Our next judge is a woman

who was voted by Meow TV

as Digital Influencer of the Year.

Please welcome, Marcela Elisa.

Hi, guys!

I'm super happy to be here. Look.

I uploaded it.

Go on my Instagram.
You know the handle, right?

- Yes!
- Yes.

Our third and final judge

is Carlos Beltrão,

famous club manager from Rio

and known for promoting new talent.

Please welcome, Carlão!


I went through the pain like Ulisses

in Homer's Odyssey and I realized.
I really realized

that comedy is a great form of art!

Hot damn!

Damn, dramatic much?

Go back to your farm.

Go plant your radishes.

It's beetroot.

It's beetroot, not radish.

Let's start with our first finalists.

Ladies and gentlemen, Better than Best!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
how are you?

This past week I had a cold

and got home starving.

I opened the fridge to get something

and accidentally sneezed
inside the fridge.

My mom came running like a dinosaur.

You dirty pig!

Sneezing inside the fridge!

And I was like, "What's the matter?
Everything is already cold."

Did he have money? I don't remember.

How did he...

A bus? For Christ's sake!
Did he really take a bus?

This is my advice,
if you want to get on a diet,

don't ask your aunts for help.


Because I unknowingly asked my aunt,

"Auntie, do you know a good diet?"

And she was like, "Baby girl..."

Guys, did you see Téo?
My son, a 12-year-old boy.

- No.
- He has curly hair and pasty skin.

Are you sure, guys?

Have you seen a boy that looks like that?

He's always here, guys.

- Have you?
- Have you seen Téo?

- I didn't.
- Do you know where he went?

Shove that... Wait.

Hello? Hi, Sara, I'm with Tetê...

- What?
- What happened?


Okay, we're coming.

- Sara just saw Téo.
- Where?

In the audience.

- Let's go!
- Let's go!

- Excuse me, sorry.
- Excuse me.

- I'm really sorry.
- Thank you.

Actually, the danger is in what you say.

You can't go on a first date and say,

"But you're so beautiful,
how aren't you married yet?"

A friend of mine said,

"You remind me so much of my wife!

No, I mean,

you remind me a lot of my mom."

That was Better than Best!

We'll have the results by the end,

but now our judges

are going to say a little
about what they thought. Leandro.

I thought it was funny,
cool, entertaining...

I think you guys have a bright future.

Great. Marcela.

You guys really match, it's perfect.
I'm cool with it.

It's what I always say...

- I'm replacing Ed.
- There's no need.

- He's coming.
- There's no time.

It's going to be you, me, and Maicon.

By the way, where's Maicon?

- Maicon!
- What happened?

For Christ's sake, Ed!
We've got to get there alive.

Relax, Tetê, trust me.

Trusting you is a little too much to ask.

You all like to travel, right?

My wife, for example, loves traveling.

Once she told me

that the only way she would feel pleasure

was when she was traveling
to a foreign country.

And not Nova Iguaçu. Foreign country.

He's here. Maicon! Maicon!


Not Hell's Fire.

What? We're going on in a few minutes.
You're okay, right?

I'm great.

- Damn!
- That was close.

Let's go!

- What the fuck?
- Maicon.

I was getting in the mood with my wife
and she said,

"Babe, say something romantic."

And I was like,
"Sure, what do you want to hear?"

And she was like, "Your phone password."

I never believed in Adam and Eve.

Guys, the universe's first relationship

couldn't end well, you know?

Can you imagine they were there,

Adam and Eve, eating and stuff.

Adam asks for feedback, something nice,

so he says to Eve,

"So, Eve?

Did you like our little dinner?"

Eve probably said something like,

"I think it needed something more."

Then he was like,

"You can say, Eve. I don't know if..."

"I think that apple will do the charm."

"Eva, please, not that apple."

"Adam, I want that apple!"

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.

You've been amazing!

Very well.

Now let's...

- Téo is over there.
- ...hear what the judges thought.

From the screen to the stage,

comedy just got better.

How much did they pay you?

No, Téo, that's rude!

- Mom?
- Tetê, don't curb him.

Let him express his emotions.

We're going on a quick break
and when we're back,

The Spectaculars.

Dad, what are you doing here?
It's your turn.

Go on, Ed. Knock them dead.

Are you rooting for me now?


Excuse me, I'm his mom,
and underage kids can't be alone.

- Congrats!
- Thanks.

I'm sorry. You've been disqualified.

Duos are out.

- Wait just a minute.
- Maybe he'll get better.

I found Téo. It's alright.

Thank God.

Where's Maicon?

I'm here.

And we're back.

Now it's time for our last act.

Please welcome, The Spectaculars!

Who goes first? You're going?

Come on, quick! Talk to him.

She's gone.

Good evening, everybody!

Thanks! Nice to meet you, I'm Sara.

Sara Camargo-Vilela.

"Camargo-Vilela" really quick
because it's hyphenated.

Because I'm from
a good old traditional family.

Guys, let's be honest.
Rich people parties suck!

It's 40 minutes to get something to eat,

and when it arrives,
it's duck throat with apple puree.

You have to make do with that.

Then someone says,

"Everyone, please be silent
because François is playing the violin."

And you have to wait for François.

The outskirts are way better, right?

Let's be real.

On the outskirts, a big plate of barbecue,
a huge glass of beer,

someone screaming, "Twerk that ass!"

Guys, my dad is here.

My dad is in the audience.
With glasses on!

Come on, zoom in on him!
Put your hands together for him!

I've always been a daddy's girl.

Once a thief stole all my credit cards,

my dad didn't even cancel them.

I think it's because
the thief spent less than me.

I remember the first time I told my mom

that I had decided to become an actor.

I was like, "Mom, I'm an actor."

And she was like,

"Babe, actor for what?"

And I was like, "What do you mean?
Actor for acting."

And she was like, "I get it,
but with the money you earn,

where are you going to live?"

And I was like, "At yours."

I've always studied theater.

I've always loved Shakespeare.

I think Shakes... Shakesp...

Even saying it is difficult.
There are people who say "milkshake".

I was reading about Shakespeare,

and he wrote 154 plays and 34 sonnets.

Which made me reflect and ask myself,

guys, what's a sonnet?

Please give a warm welcome
to my friend, my brother,

Ed Lima!


Good evening!

Good evening!

I'm f...

I was going to say
I'm fucking awesome, but I'm not.

In the past few weeks I realized

my capacity to talk shit, you know.

I think that's why I got into comedy.

When I was born, God looked at me,

my face, my way and said,
"That's not going to work."

"I shall give you comedy."

So I came out like this.

And being up here is not easy.

We need to be really brave to be here

talking to all of you. A lot of courage.

Especially since up here, I'm like

the perfect target, right?

Anyone in the first and second rows

can throw anything at me.

Lady, put that tomato away.
I'm watching you.

But I'm not that brave.

Courage is something I lack.

I'm very selfish.

I think that's what ended up pushing away

my family and my friends from me.

Yes. My son...

I'm always telling him jokes.

He doesn't want jokes, he wants a dad.

Or a PlayStation.

Actually, emotionally,

I'm not and never have been
fucking awesome.

But today...


when I found out my son ran away
from home just to watch me here...


I could feel...

I could finally feel fucking awesome.

Using something emotional
in the middle of a performance

is a low blow, a trick to win the game,

but I thought it was cool
when my dad talked about me.

Now I'll have to give him a PlayStation.

Of course,
I later asked for my PlayStation

and he changed the subject.

After the break,
we'll find out who's the winner...

So beautiful! So emotional.

And now we'll let you know

who's the big winner of 3 on 3 Comedy.

But I noticed something.

The Spectaculars, I'm an actor,
not a mathematician,

but weren't you supposed to be a trio?

He'll explain. Go on, Maicon.

Go, Maicon.



I'm their bodyguard!

That's right. Stop right there!

I'd like to use this time

to say I come from the food industry,

the sales industry, the transport...

Wait, the food is talking to me!

Now we're going to find out
who's the big winner.


And the winning trio is...

Better than Best!



- Wonderful.
- Let me take a picture with them.

It's my fault. I fucked it all up. Sorry.

Of course not. It was really beautiful.

It was like The Iliad.

I swear to God I'll never eat again.

Ed, let's talk.

What do you want, Carlão?

The network loved the ratings.

They want me to produce a different show.

With you guys. On a 3-year contract.

Thirty thousand per month.

Ten thousand for each one of you.

That's forty per month.

We're a quartet.

The bodyguard is in?


- Is everything cool?
- Hi!

Ed, they asked me
to propose something to you.

It's streaming. The whole world will see.
A show just for you.

Yes, but I'm...

- I'm in a group.
- A hundred thousand per month.

Just for you.


I can offer you 60 thousand. 15 each.

My dad wouldn't trade 100 for 15.

He never thought about the group.

Why would he do something so stupid now?

Thank you,

but it's just like I said.

I have a group.

No, not "have". We are a group.

Carlão, let's do it.

But he did it.

Shit! If parents listened
to their children!

My dad and my mom still have fights.

I mean, almost.

It's just that now I was able
to make her smile.

And isn't a smile
the most beautiful thing on Earth?

I wasn't guilty anymore for thinking
it was cool my dad was dating Sara.

I mean, everyone
has the right to be happy.

The show was going well,
with peace and harmony.

Comedian's harmony.

Remember earlier when I said
I didn't like comedy?


I decided to turn my angst and guilt

into my own performance.

That way I can save some money
to pay for therapy.

Because I know everyone
ends up in therapy.

Sorry if I used you guys for my rehearsal.

What did you guys think?
Was it good? Was it cool?

I'm finding it kind of fun.

I mean, depending on your laughter,

I can go into crisis.

Hey, you. The angry one!

Laugh a little, come on!

So thank you very much and good night.

I've just started,

but watch me, because I'm...


No, that's not a good ending.

What if people start running
through the fire exit?

I'm sensational!

That's also bad. Too many S.

I'll end up spitting
all over the first row.

I'm spectacular!

No way!

My dad's group will end up suing me.



No, too childish!

I have a lisp!

Where did this come from?

I'm a dick!