Cain and Mabel (1936) - full transcript

[PEOPLE TALKING
ALL AT ONCE]

MISS? MISS!

MISS!

[CLINKING GLASS]

SAY!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--
MAJOR BOWES?

LISTEN! I'VE BEEN HERE
20 MINUTES!

WELL, DON'T EXPECT
ANY SYMPATHY FROM ME.

I'VE BEEN HERE
TWO YEARS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT I CAN'T HAVE.
I'M ON A VEGETABLE DIET.



WELL, YOU'D BETTER
BE CAREFUL
ABOUT SNAPPING

AT PEOPLE
THAT WAY, THEN,
OR YOU WON'T BE.

SAY! DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT'S BAD LUCK?

UH-HUH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT
FOR, THEN?

TO WRECK THE EMPIRE
STATE BUILDING.

THIS WILL FIX IT UP.
I'M COMMITTING SUICIDE.

OH, LUCK LIKE THAT
CAN'T HOLD OUT FOREVER.

NEITHER CAN I.

Man: YOUNG LADY,
YOUNG LADY!

YES, SIR?
YES, SIR?

I ORDERED A SPINACH
OMELET, UNDERSTAND?

THIS DON'T LOOK
MUCH LIKE IT!

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE THEM BACK.



THANKS.

HOW DO THEY LOOK?

I'VE SEEN GRETA GARBO
AND THE MONA LISA,

BUT THOSE ARE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL EYES

I'VE EVER LOOKED INTO,
BUT I DIDN'T ORDER IT.

I KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET
SOME WEAR OUT OF THEM.

YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW ASTONISHED MY
STOMACH'S GOING TO FEEL.

LOSE YOUR JOB?

OH, NO, NO! I WAS
JUST THROWN OUT OF
THE OFFICE SO FAST,

I FORGOT TO TAKE IT
WITH ME.

AW, YOU'LL GET
ANOTHER.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE.

I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM
EVERY NEWSPAPER IN TOWN.

I'M TOO GOOD
A REPORTER FOR THEM.

WHY, I CAN COVER
A BONFIRE

AND MAKE IT SOUND
LIKE THE CHICAGO FIRE.

BUT DO THEY CALL ME
THE EMERSON OF THE PRESS?

NO! THEY CALL ME
"THAT LYING REILLY."

WELL, CAN'T YOU
STOP IT?

WELL, I WAS GOING
ALL RIGHT

TILL I COVERED
THE VAN GLUCK WEDDING

AND CAME TO THE PART
ABOUT THE MINISTER
KISSING THE BRIDE.

I GUESS I MUST
HAVE BUILT IT UP
A LITTLE TOO MUCH,

BECAUSE THE REVEREND'S
WIFE DIVORCED HIM

AND NAMED THE BRIDE
HIS CORESPONDENT.

YOU OUGHT TO BE
A PUBLICITY MAN,
NOT A REPORTER.

PUBLICITY.

PUBLICITY!

THAT'S IT!

AT LAST, I HEARD MY CALL!

MAY I ASK
THE MEANING OF THIS?

CERTAINLY,
MR. GEORGE.

THE EGGS WERE
A TURN-BACK.

SO I THOUGHT,
INSTEAD OF
THROWING THEM AWAY,

HE MIGHT AS WELL
HAVE THEM,

SEEING AS HOW
HE WAS HUNGRY.

I DON'T MIND THE TWO
MEASLY EGGS, MISS O'DARE,

BUT I WON'T HAVE YOU
FEEDING TRAMPS IN HERE.

SAY, SEE HERE!
I RESENT THAT!

VERY WELL, THEN.
YOU'RE NOT A TRAMP.

OH, IT ISN'T ME.
IT'S WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT THEM EGGS.

IF THE HENS
THAT LAID THEM KNEW
THEY WERE IN THIS PLACE,

THEY'D HAVE THE PARENT-
TEACHERS ASSOCIATION
CLOSE THE JOINT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
JUST SIT DOWN
AND EAT THEM

WITHOUT ANY MORE
DISTURBANCE.

ALL RIGHT!

OF COURSE,
MISS O'DARE,

YOU'LL BE CHARGED
FOR THIS!

OK.

HEY!

NO DAME IS GOING TO BE
IN S.E.R.A. FOR ME, SEE?

PLEASE, MISTER,
HAVE A HEART!

I NEED THIS JOB.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,
LITTLE GIRL.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU
REALIZE, MY GOOD MAN,

THAT YOU'RE TALKING
TO ALOYSIUS K. REILLY--

THE PUBLIC RELATIONS
COUNSEL. I THOUGHT NOT!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
GOING TO DO TO IMPRESS
IT ON YOUR MIND?

OH!

[CRASH]

YOU'RE FIRED!

OH!

PLAY YOUR ACE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GO TO THE DOOR.

MABEL! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HOME THIS TIME
OF DAY?

I MET A GENIUS.

MR. REILLY, MY AUNT.

HOW DO YOU DO,
MR. REILLY?

GLAD TO KNOW YOU.

THIS IS MR.
CHARLES FENDWICK.

CALL HIM CHUCK.

DELIGHTED TO HAVE
THE PLEASURE, SIR.

HIYA, CHUCK.

SAY, WHERE ARE
THE WANT ADS?

YOU HAVEN'T LOST THAT
SPLENDID POSITION?

NOT, UH,
NOT FIRED?

YES.

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I JUST TRIED TO HIDE
A COUPLE OF EGGS.

HIDE EGGS?

WHAT DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE--THE EASTER
BUNNY?

NO. BUT WHEN SIR
WALTER REILLY HERE
TAKES OFF HIS COAT,

IT ISN'T TO SOAK UP
A MUD PUDDLE,
LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

IT'S TO SOAK A MANAGER.

SO, SIR,
YOU ARE THE CAUSE

OF ALL THIS TROUBLE
THAT SO, UH...

GASTRONOMICALLY
CONCERNS ALL OF US?

PUT DOWN THE SKULL,
HAMLET.

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GET HER ANOTHER JOB,
AND A BETTER ONE, TOO.

JUST WHAT CAN YOU DO, KID?

JUST WHAT I WAS DOING
WHEN YOU FIRST SAW ME.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
MAKES IT HARD.

NOW, IF YOU COULD ONLY
SING OR DANCE OR JUGGLE
OR SOMETHING,

I COULD FIX IT UP
LIKE THAT.

JAKE SHERMAN'S
PUTTING ON A SHOW.

DO YOU KNOW
JAKE SHERMAN?

COULDN'T BE CLOSER
TO HIM

IF I WAS HIS
SIAMESE BROTHER.

THEN SHE WORKS.
MABEL CAN DANCE.

I'VE BEEN TEACHING HER
STEPS EVER SINCE SHE WAS
A LITTLE NIPPER.

SISTER, WITH
ALOYSIUS K. REILLY
BEHIND YOU,

THE NAME OF MABEL O'DARE
WILL BE WRITTEN
IN THE STARS!

YOUR DANCES WILL MAKE
PAVLOVA'S DYING SWAN
LOOK LIKE A COOKED GOOSE!

GET YOUR HAT AND COAT!
WE'RE ON OUR WAY
TO FAME AND FORTUNE!

ARE YOU SURE YOU
KNOW THIS MAN, NOW?

I SAID SO, DIDN'T I?

YES, BUT THAT'S WHAT
MAKES ME SUSPICIOUS.

ANYWAY, BEFORE WE GO IN,
I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

AUNT MIMI WAS RIGHT WHEN
SHE SAID THAT SHE TAUGHT ME
ALL SHE KNEW ABOUT DANCING,

BUT AUNTIE'S GOT FLAT FEET
AND I THINK IT MIGHT
SHOW UP IN MY WORK.

DID YOU EVER SEE ANYBODY
WATCH A CHORUS GIRL'S FEET?

COME ON.

MY NAME'S
ALOYSIUS K. REILLY!

WELL, DON'T GET
SORE AT ME ABOUT IT.
I WASN'T AT THE CHRISTENING.

I WANT TO SEE MR. SHERMAN.

OUT OF CURIOSITY
OR ON BUSINESS?

CHARITY, SISTER,
PURE CHARITY.

OUT OF FRIENDSHIP,
I'M GIVING JAKE FIRST CHANCE

AT DESTINY'S GIFT
OF TERPSICHORE.

THERE SHE STANDS,
WITH THE FEET OF TRILBY,

THE ARMS
OF ISADORA DUNCAN,

THE LEGS
OF LA ARGENTINA,

AND THE LURE OF THAIS.

THE NOSE IS MY OWN.

WELL, I'LL TRY
AND GET YOU IN, DEARIE.

MR. SHERMAN'S AWFULLY BUSY,
BUT HAVE A SEAT.

RONNY, MY BOY,
YOU SIGN THAT CONTRACT

AND I GUARANTEE YOU
THAT YOU'LL BE A BIGGER STAR

THAN YOU EVER WERE
IN YOUR LIFE,

OR MY NAME IS NOT
JAKE SHERMAN.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SIGN IT.

FINE, FINE. GREAT.

JUST, UH, SIGN IT
RIGHT THERE ON
THE BOTTOM LINE.

BOY, YOU COULD SELL
ICEBOXES IN SIBERIA.

YOU'RE TELLING ME?

THAT'S HOW I EARNED MY
PASSAGE MONEY TO THIS COUNTRY.

NO FOOLIN'?

SURE!

YOU KNOW, WHEN CORSETS
WENT OUT OF STYLE,

I SENT TWO BOATLOADS
TO CHINA

AND I SOLD THEM TO BANDITS
FOR BULLETPROOF VESTS!

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
AT REHEARSAL TOMORROW.

SO LONG.

OH, UH, DON'T BE LATE.

BE THERE ABOUT NOON.

3:00.

IS THAT MR. SHERMAN?

SURE.
HOW ARE YOU, JAKE?

WELL, JAKE, OLD BOY!
HOW ARE YOU?

GEE, IT'S SWELL TO SEE YOU.
YOU REMEMBER ME, DON'T YOU--

REILLY OF THE CLARION?
THAT'S RIGHT!

JAKE, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
THE CHANCE OF YOUR LIFE.

I WANT YOU TO MEET HER.
COME HERE, MABEL.

MISS MABEL O'DARE!

WHY--WHY, IT'S REALLY
A PLEASURE TO MEET

THE FRIEND OF SUCH
AN OLD FRIEND,
MISS O'DARE.

YOU MEAN YOU REALLY
KNOW HIM?

DO I KNOW JAKE?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

WE GREW UP NEXT DOOR
TO ONE ANOTHER,
DIDN'T WE, REILLY?

UH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, REILLY, OLD BOY?

W-WELL, I WAS JUST
WONDERING IF YOU'D GIVE
THE LITTLE LADY HERE

A JOB IN THE CHORUS,
IF IT ISN'T TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

IN THE CHORUS?
A FRIEND OF YOURS?

WHY, I'LL GIVE HER
THE LEAD!

THE...THE LEAD?

ARE YOU SURE
YOU MEAN THAT?

WHY, AS SURE AS MY
NAME IS JAKE SHERMAN!

BE AROUND AT REHEARSAL
TOMORROW AT 3:00.

WELL, SO LONG,
REILLY, OLD PAL!

HEH HEH! GOOD-BYE,
JAKE, OLD BOY!

OLD PAL! HA HA...

SO LONG, SO LONG,
SO LO--

THERE YOU ARE, MABEL.
THERE'S NOTHING TO IT.

I GOT IT, I TELL YOU!
WHY, I COULD SELL CARNERA
TO SINGER FOR A MIDGET!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU DON'T SEEM
EXCITED ABOUT IT.

SOMETHING'S ROTTEN
IN DENMARK.

WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I NEVER BEEN THERE.
COME ON.

[PIANO PLAYING
A SHOW TUNE]

STOP, STOP, STOP!

I'VE PASSED THE POINT
WHERE I EXPECT YOU
TO BE DANCERS!

ALL I ASK YOU NOW IS
TO KNOW YOUR RIGHT
FOOT FROM YOUR LEFT!

I CAN REMEMBER
WHEN I WAS A SHOW GIRL.

SO CAN HALF THE MALE
POPULATION OF NEW YORK.

LISTEN, IF YOU EVER
LOSE THAT VOICE,

YOU'LL END UP
AS A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY'S.

YOU JUST WATCH THOSE
FEET OF YOURS.

THEY'RE SO FULL
OF BUNIONS NOW,

HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

RONNY! TODDY!

NOW, WILL YOU
GIVE ME SOMETHING?

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE
A COUPLE OF AMATEURS

IN A HIGH SCHOOL
CLASS PLAY!

SO YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME
HOW TO DANCE, WOULD YOU?

LISTEN, MOUSE,

I KNOW MORE ABOUT ROUTINE
THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
GET SOMEBODY ELSE.

LISTEN, YOUNG LADY,
I'LL TELL YOU--

Sherman: AH AH AH AH!
RELAX, RELAX, MILO.

WHY DON'T YOU LEARN
HOW TO HANDLE PEOPLE
WITH ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT?

ALL RIGHT, TODDY. YOU CAN
JUST DO YOUR ROUTINE.

THEN YOU HANDLE IT!

ALL RIGHT! I WILL!

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HAVE IT AGAIN.

[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]

MY GOOD MAN, TELL
MR. SHERMAN THAT I'M HERE.

MR. SHERMAN
DON'T CARE.

SAY, LISTEN!

I WANT NO MORE IMPUDENCE
OUT OF YOU, MY FINE FRIEND!

MR. SHERMAN'S EXPECTING ME!

WELL, I'M
MR. SHERMAN AND I'M
NOT EXPECTING YOU!

OH, WISE GUY, HUH?
WELL, GET THIS!

I GREW UP WITH JAKE,
AND YOU AIN'T HIM.

WHAT? YOU GREW UP
WITH ME?

AW, DON'T GIVE ME THAT!

YOU AIN'T YOU.
YOU'RE SOMEBODY ELSE
PRETENDING TO BE HIM.

UH...OH. WELL,
MAYBE I'M WRONG.

JUST A MINUTE.
HEY, MILO.

HOLD IT!

COME HERE.

NOW, COME HERE.

I KNOW I'M RIGHT,
BUT I WANT
TO BE SURE.

NOW, TELL ME,
WHO AM I?

JAKE SHERMAN.

ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY SURE?

WELL, AIN'T YOU?

WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS,
UNTIL THIS SPOOK COME IN
AND STARTED TO HAUNT ME.

NOW, QUIT STALLING,
WILL YOU, AND TELL
SHERMAN I'M HERE?!

THIS IS THE GIRL WHO'S
GOING TO PLAY THE LEAD
IN THE SHOW!

WELL, THIS IS
A SURPRISE!

DID YOU EVER
SEE ME BEFORE?

NO.

Sherman:
DID I EVER SEE YOU?

NO.

WELL, THEN,
I COULDN'T

PROMISE YOU
A JOB, COULD I?

Mabel:
THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE YOU ARE.

BECAUSE MR. SHERMAN DID.

EH--SAY, NOW, LOOK!

GET OUT! GET OUT,
BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER
AND RAISE MY VOICE!

HEY, SIT DOWN, YOUSE!

I'VE GOT A JOB FOR THIS
DOLL AND I'M GOING TO
SEE THAT SHE GETS IT!

JAKE SHERMAN PROMISED IT
TO ME PERSONALLY!

I'M JAKE SHERMAN!
DO YOU SEE THIS
THEATER?

WELL, I HAPPEN
TO OWN IT! AND I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU

JUST TWO MINUTES
TO GET OUT OF HERE,
AND IF YOU DON'T,

I'M GOING TO HAVE
YOU THROWN OUT!

I THINK YOU'RE BOTH
JUST A COUPLE OF
CHEAP CHISELERS!

WHY, YOU--

JUST A MINUTE!

I DON'T CARE WHETHER
YOU'RE JAKE SHERMAN
OR THE 4 MARX BROTHERS!

BUT YOU CAN'T GET AWAY
WITH CALLING ME A CHISELER!

OH, SO YOU'RE GOING
TO MAKE TROUBLE
FOR ME, HUH?

NO, BUT DON'T ASK
FOR ANY!

I MET A MAN WHO CLAIMED
TO BE JAKE SHERMAN.

HE TOLD ME
I COULD HAVE A JOB.

I NEED THAT JOB,
SO I'M NOT LEAVING HERE

UNTIL I CAN FIND OUT
ABOUT IT.

YOU BET WE AREN'T--

THE SAFEST THING
THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

RIGHT NOW IS
A CASE OF LOCKJAW.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT IT?

NOW--NOW,
LOOK, YOUNG LADY.

DO I LOOK
LIKE THE TYPE OF MAN

WHO GOES AROUND
IMPERSONATING
HIMSELF?

WELL, I'M NOT.

I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH
TO CONVINCE YOU

THAT I'M ME, BUT I--
YOU GOT...

WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T TELL ME. HEY!

Sherman: EVERYBODY?
JUST A MINUTE!

EVERYBODY, LOOK!

TELL ME, WHO AM I?

All: JAKE SHERMAN.

I'M SORRY,
MR. SHERMAN, THAT...

I CAUSED YOU
SO MUCH TROUBLE AND...

MADE SUCH A FOOL
OUT OF MYSELF.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
DID--100%,

LESS 10 FOR YOUR
AGENT THERE!

YOU SEE, UH, SOMEBODY
SORT OF PLAYED A JOKE,

AND, WELL...I'M
THE POINT OF IT, I GUESS.

BUT HONEST, MR. SHERMAN,
EVEN THEN...

I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SO PERSISTENT, ONLY--

WELL, A JOB--
ANY KIND OF A JOB--

IS PRETTY IMPORTANT
TO ME RIGHT NOW.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO--
STAND AROUND WHILE YOU CHAT

WITH EVERY LITTLE DAME
THAT WANDERS IN
OFF THE STREET?

OH, NOW SHE COMES!

YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE HER.

SHE'S A LITTLE
TEMPERAMENTAL.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN SERVING HAM
TO THE PUBLIC MYSELF
FOR YEARS.

I'M THROUGH REHEARSING
FOR THE DAY, IF IT'S
ANY INTEREST TO YOU!

WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE?
"YOU'RE THROUGH"?
YOU JUST STARTED IN!

OH, NO. YOU KEPT ME
WAITING JUST A LITTLE
TOO LONG!

NOW, I'M JUST
ABOUT SICK AND TIRED
OF PAMPERING YOU.

NOW, YOU GET
BACK THERE
AND GO TO WORK!

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY HEEL-BEATER
IN THE WORLD.

MAYBE NOT, BUT I'M
THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN
PUT THIS FLOPEROO OVER.

IN FACT, YOU CAN'T
GET ALONG WITHOUT ME.

OH, IS THAT SO?
WELL, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING--

THE ONLY THING IN
SHOW BUSINESS THAT I

CAN'T GET ALONG WITHOUT
IS THE AUDIENCE!

THERE'S 50,000
OTHER GIRLS IN THIS TOWN

WHO CAN HOOF AS WELL
AS YOU, AND PERHAPS
BETTER!

HOW MANY?

100,000!

THEN IT WON'T BE HARD.

WHAT WON'T BE HARD?

TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE
TO TAKE MY PLACE,

BECAUSE I'M QUITTING!

WELL, NOW, THAT'S
THE BEST NEWS
I'VE HEARD TODAY.

YOU WANT TO QUIT?
ALL RIGHT.

THAT SUITS ME.
GO ON. GET OUT.

I AM!

OH, BUT TODDY!

"HOT TODDY," TO YOU,
PELICAN PAN!

[LAUGHTER]

OH...

NOW WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO?

AND HERE I AM IN
THE SOUP--HOMEMADE!

WHY DON'T YOU LEARN
HOW TO HANDLE
TEMPERAMENTAL ARTISTS?

THAT'S RIGHT.
SHUT UP!

Ronny:
OH, MISS O'DARE?

OH.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

YOU'RE A PRETTY
FUNNY MAN, AREN'T YOU?

JUST A FATHEAD.

I PRETENDED
I WAS YOU, JAKE.

Ronny:
IT WASN'T HER FAULT.

SO YOU'RE THE MOUSE
I SMELLED!

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

IT REALLY IS THE MEANEST
THING I'VE EVER DONE,

BUT HONESTLY, I DIDN'T
REALIZE IT AT THE TIME.

FORGIVE ME.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
FORGET IT.

I PROBABLY WOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN ANY GOOD, ANYWAY.

WAIT A MINUTE!
I PROMISED YOU A CHANCE

AND I'M GOING TO SEE
THAT YOU GET IT.

BUT THE CHORUS IS
ALL ENGAGED!

OH, HE PROBABLY
WANTS HER TO PLAY
TODDY WILLIAMS' PART.

NO, NOT UNLESS
SHE'S BETTER.

BUT IF SHE IS,
YOU WANT HER, DON'T YOU?

WELL, I CERTAINLY DO,
BUT HOW COULD SHE BE?

SAY, HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY EXPERIENCE?

TWO YEARS IN
THE FOLLIES BERGERE!

THE ONLY PLACE I EVER
SPENT TWO YEARS

WAS IN CHAMPS RESTAURANT,
AS A WAITRESS.

A WAIT--WELL, NOW
WE'VE GOT SOMETHING!
SHE'S A WAITRESS!

LISTEN, I'M PUTTING ON
A MUSICAL COMEDY,
NOT A BANQUET!

IT WILL ONLY TAKE
5 MINUTES TO PROVE HOW BAD
OR HOW GOOD SHE REALLY IS.

CAN YOU DANCE? I MEAN,
CAN YOU REALLY DANCE?

WELL, I...I THINK SO.

WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

JUST WATCH THIS ROUTINE.
ARCHIE? HIT THE HORSE
TEETH. SWING IT.

[RESUMES PLAYING]

HOLD IT!

YOU WANT TO TRY IT?

OK, FINE.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
YOU CAN RELAX.

Sherman: COME ON.
PEEL OFF HERE
AND GET TO WORK.

ALL RIGHT, ARCHIE.
HIT IT.

[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]

MILO, I GOT A HUNCH.

I'M GOING TO GIVE
THAT GAL A CRACK
AT TODDY WILLIAMS' PART.

YOU'RE NOT ON
THE LEVEL, ARE YOU?

I CERTAINLY AM!

YEAH, WHATEVER.
SHE'S GOT PEP,
SHE'S REFRESHING,

AND SHE CERTAINLY IS
A NEW FACE.

NEW FACE, YEAH, BUT
SHE'S GOT TO DANCE
WITH HER FEET!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.
TEACH HER.

ME? OH, WHAT HAVE I
DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

[TAP SHOES TAPPING]

[PIANO PLAYING
A SHOW TUNE]

HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

LOOK, MISS O'DARE,
ABOUT YOUR FEET.

THOSE ARE YOUR FEET,
AREN'T THEY?

YES...
[PANTING]

AND I WISH
THEY WERE YOURS.

WELL, YOU GO ON
TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE
THIS ROUTINE CORRECT

IF I HAVE TO REHEARSE YOU
FROM NOW TILL CURTAIN TIME!

COME ON. LET'S GO.

[PIANO PLAYING
RESUMES]

AFTER SPENDING
THE NIGHT IN
A BOXCAR ALL NIGHT

TO SAVE ENOUGH DOUGH
TO GIVE LARRY
A SWELL ROOM

BEFORE THE BIG
FIGHT, WHERE IS IT?

UNDERNEATH
A BOWLING ALLEY!

SOUNDS MORE LIKE
A RODEO TO ME.

CLIMB IN, KID.
I'LL CALL THE MANAGER.

YOU JUST GOT TO STOP
THAT RACKET, POP.

IF YOU DON'T,
THE FIRST CLINCH
I GET IN TOMORROW NIGHT,

I'LL CURL UP
IN THE CHAMP'S ARMS
AND GO TO SLEEP.

GIVE ME THE MANAGER.

THIS IS POP WALTERS--
LARRY CAIN'S MANAGER.

LARRY CAIN--THE GUY
THAT'S GOING TO FIGHT

FOR THE HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPEENSHIP
TOMORROW NIGHT!

NOW, LISTEN, FRIEND--

LARRY'S GOT
TO HAVE SLEEP!

AND THERE'S SO MUCH
NOISE GOING ON UPSTAIRS,

HE COULDN'T GET IT
WITHOUT AN ANESTHETIC!

I DON'T KNOW!

SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE
LAYIN' A CARPET,
WITH RAILROAD SPIKES!

I'M SORRY, MR. WALTERS,
BUT I'M AFRAID WE CAN'T
DO MUCH ABOUT IT.

MISS MABEL O'DARE IS
OCCUPYING THE SUITE
OVER YOU,

AND SHE'S OPENING IN
A BIG BROADWAY SHOW
TOMORROW NIGHT.

BROADWAY SHOW, MY HAT!
WHAT ABOUT MY BOY?

HE'S GOT A TITLE, TOO!

OH, DON'T ARGUE.
GET ANOTHER ROOM.

NOW, LISTEN!

YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE US
ANOTHER ROOM!

WHAT? WELL, YOU MUST
HAVE SOME ROOM!

AN UNDERTAKERS' CONVENTION
STOPPING HERE? HEH!

WELL, ALL I CAN SAY,
BROTHER, IS I HOPE

THEY DIDN'T BRING ANY
OF THEIR HOMEWORK,

BECAUSE THAT DAME UPSTAIRS
WOULD SURE WAKE THEM UP!

NOW, YOU'VE GOT
TO GIVE US ANOTHER ROOM!

HELLO?

HELLO! HELLO!

WHAT DID HE SAY?

IT'S A DAME UPSTAIRS,
PRACTICING.

WELL, WHAT IS SHE--
A BAREBACK RIDER?

THERE AIN'T
NO MORE ROOMS.

I JUST GOT TO GET
SOME SLEEP, POP!

I COULDN'T GET ANY
HERE IF THE SANDMAN
WAS CARRYING BRICKS!

LET'S GO
TO ANOTHER HOTEL.

WE CAN'T! I SPENT ALL
OUR DOUGH FOR THIS ROOM.

HEY! WHERE YOU GOING?

GOING UP THERE
AND ASK HER TO BE
A LITTLE REASONABLE.

WHAT'S THE USE OF ASKING
ANY DAME TO BE REASONABLE?

GO ON BACK TO BED!
SHE CAN'T KEEP IT
UP ALL NIGHT.

I'LL SAY SHE CAN'T.

WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
GO BACK TO BED!

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

[KNOCKING]

[KNOCKING]

HOLD IT A MINUTE.

[STOPS PLAYING]

SOMEBODY'S
AT THE DOOR.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

COMFORTABLE THAT WAY,
ISN'T IT?

MADAM, I HAVE THE ROOM
RIGHT BELOW YOU.

WELL, THIS IS NO TIME OF
THE NIGHT TO BE NEIGHBORLY.

WELL, I CAME UP
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO SLEEP?

ON THE RIGHT SIDE.
THE LEFT SIDE CRAMPS
THE HEART.

[SLAM]

[PIANO PLAYING
RESUMES]

[TAP SHOES TAPPING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I THINK SOMEBODY'S
AT THE DOOR.

THE PEST AGAIN!
CAN'T GO TO SLEEP.

I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE
TO ROCK EVERYBODY IN
THE HOTEL TO SLEEP

BEFORE WE CAN GET ANY
WORK DONE. I'LL GET IT.

HEY, LISTEN, LADY,
I CAN'T SLEEP.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO--
MAKE YOU HOT MILK?

BUT I GOT A FIGHT
TOMORROW NIGHT!

WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE
TO WAIT UNTIL
TOMORROW NIGHT

IF YOU DON'T STOP
DISTURBING ME!

DISTURBING YOU?
SAY, LISTEN,
THUNDERFOOT,

YOU'RE MAKING MY ROOM
SOUND LIKE A POOL HALL
ON SATURDAY NIGHT!

WELL, THAT OUGHT
TO MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME!

WHEN I CAME UP HERE,
THE THING I WANTED MOST
IN THE WORLD WAS SLEEP.

NOW, IT'S TO PUT YOU
TO SLEEP!

WELL, I'M SO TIRED
FROM DANCING THAT
MY KNEES ARE SPRUNG,

BUT I WOULDN'T STOP NOW
IF I HAD TO DO IT
ON A PICKET FENCE!

GET OUT!

[SLAM]

WHO'S THE GUY?

A PRIZEFIGHTER.

OH, ONE OF THOSE
SCREWY CAULIFLOWER
FARMERS, HUH?

WELL, HE MUST BE
A PRETTY GOOD ONE.

HIS FACE DIDN'T LOOK
LIKE THERE'D BEEN
MUCH TRAFFIC ON IT.

IN FACT, UH...

HE WAS RATHER
NICE-LOOKING.

BEWARE OF GOOD-LOOKING
PRIZEFIGHTERS.

I KNEW ONE ONCE.
HE SPENT SO MUCH
TIME ON THE CANVAS,

I STARTED THINKING
OF HIM AS A PORTRAIT.

Milo: OH, COME ON,
COME ON! LET'S GET
GOING!

YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW LONESOME YOU MAKE
ME FEEL FOR A TRAY.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[PIANO PLAYING,
TAP SHOES TAPPING]

YOUR EYE! A CUT!

ON THE DAY BEFORE
THE FIGHT!

WHAT HAPPENED?

THAT DAME UPSTAIRS.

YOU MEAN
SHE DID THAT?

YEAH.

WITH A RIGHT
OR A LEFT?

NO, WITH A DOOR.

Pop:
WHERE YOU GOING?

ARE YOU NUTS?!

YOU GOT A FIGHT
TOMORROW!

GET BACK IN BED
AND CALM YOURSELF!

DODO'S RIGHT, LARRY.

DO YOUR FIGHTING
TOMORROW.

NOW, GO BACK IN BED
AND FORGET THINGS.

DON'T PLAY
A SUCKER'S GAME.

IT'S TOMORROW
WHAT'S IMPORTANT,
NOT TONIGHT.

YEAH, I GUESS
YOU'RE RIGHT.

WON'T BE SO EASY
WITH THIS EYE, WILL IT?

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,
BUT YOU'VE GOT
TO RELAX.

OK, OK. SOMEDAY
I'LL MEET THAT DAME,

AND WHEN I DO, I'LL
SPANK HER SO TENDER,

SHE CAN SIT ON
A NEWSPAPER AND
READ THE HEADLINES!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BELL RINGS]

[APPLAUSE]

[CROWD MURMURING]

DID HE HURT YOU?

DID HE HURT YOU?

NO, NO. I'M SLEEPY.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BELL RINGS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

I'M WARNING YOU!
IF I EVER MEET THAT DAME,

THEY'LL BE PLAYING A BENEFIT
FOR HER THE NEXT DAY!

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN!

YOU'RE TRAINING
FOR A FIGHT,

NOT FOR A RACE
WITH CAVALCADE!

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR WIND?

AH, IT'S NOT MY WIND,
IT'S MY FEET.

THEY'RE SO FULL
OF BLISTERS NOW,

THEY'RE SPLASHING AROUND
LIKE A COUPLE OF
LEAKY WATER TANKS.

COME ON, COME ON.
THE NEXT TIME I GET
IN THAT RING,

I'M GOING TO BE
IN SHAPE.

YOU SURE WERE IN
GREAT SHAPE THE LAST TIME.

EVERY TIME YOU YAWNED
IN THE CLINCHES,

I THOUGHT YOU WAS
GONNA BITE THE CHAMP!

YEAH, LISTEN,
THE NEXT TIME
I GET IN THAT RING

AND GET A CRACK
AT THAT LUG, I'LL
HIT HIM SO HARD

THEY'LL COUNT HIM
OUT IN HUNDREDS.

OK, BUT WHAT YOU
GETTIN' SORE ABOUT?

I JUST HAPPENED TO
THINK OF THAT DAME.

THERE'S YOUR BOY'S
PERCENTAGE, POP.

IS THIS ALL?

THAT'S ALL--THE WORST
CROWD WE'VE HAD IN YEARS,

DESPITE THE FACT IT WAS
A CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHT.

THIS WILL HARDLY
COVER TRAINING
EXPENSES, COLONEL.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT, POP.

I GAVE IT ALL KINDS
OF ADVERTISING,

BUT THEY JUST WON'T
COME TO SEE CAIN FIGHT.

YEAH, I CAN TELL
THAT FROM THIS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THE BOY?

NO BOX-OFFICE
PERSONALITY.

HE FIGHTS
LIKE HE WAS BORED.

THE CUSTOMERS WANT
COLOR--A FIGHTER

THAT'S GOT GLAMOUR BOTH
IN THE RING AND OUT OF IT.

WELL...I HOPE
THE EXERCISE DID
HIM A LITTLE GOOD.

THAT'S ABOUT ALL
HE'LL GET
OUT OF IT.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

NOW, LISTEN
TO THESE RECEIPTS:

WEDNESDAY MATINEE--
$2,604.

SATURDAY NIGHT--
$608.50.

NOW, THAT'S THE KIND
OF BUSINESS WE'VE
BEEN DOING.

I'LL TELL YOU FRANKLY,
THE USHERS ARE QUITTING

BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID
TO BE ALONE IN THE DARK!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THOSE FIGURES MEAN?

DO I KNOW? I SHOULD
KNOW ABOUT FIGURES.
I'VE HANDLED ENOUGH MODELS.

IT MEANS THE WOMEN
ARE COMING, BUT
THE MEN AREN'T.

NOW, THE MATINEE DID
GOOD BUSINESS,

BUT THEY DON'T SEEM
TO TALK ABOUT HER.

YOU GOT IT! THEY DON'T
TALK ABOUT HER,
AND WHY NOT?

I'M ASKING YOU--
WHY NOT?

SHE HASN'T GOT
ANY COLOR.

COLOR?

BY COLOR,
I MEAN GLAMOUR--

THE MAGIC WHICH WILL
TURN HER FROM A PERSON
INTO A PERSONALITY.

OH, YOU MEAN
GIVE HER A PAST.

TUESDAY.

Reilly:
NO--THE PRESENT.

THAT'S WHAT WE'VE
GOT TO GIVE MABEL--
A PRESENT--

SOMETHING THE PEOPLE
WILL FOLLOW FROM
DAY TO DAY,

SOMETHING THAT WILL
GET INTO THE HEART
OF A NATION.

HE'S RIGHT, JAKE.

SO WHAT GETS INTO
THE HEART OF A NATION?

LOVE.

LOVE.

HEY!

IF MABEL O'DARE
FALLS IN LOVE,
WHAT HAPPENS?

SHE BECOMES NEWS,
RIGHT? POSITIVELY.

AND WHEN SHE'S NEWS,
SHE'S BOX OFFICE,
RIGHT? CERTAINLY.

GENTLEMEN, THE WHOLE
THING'S SOLVED.

EXCEPT SHE'S NOT
IN LOVE WITH ANYBODY,

AND NOBODY'S
IN LOVE WITH HER.

YEAH, WE GOT TO BE
SUBTLE ABOUT THIS.

NOW, LOOK, DON'T TELL
ME THERE'S ANYTHING
SUBTLE ABOUT LOVE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS
IN THE CONFESSION
MAGAZINE BUSINESS MYSELF.

SOMEWHERE, SOMEPLACE
IN THIS TOWN IS A MAN
O'DARE CAN LOVE.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND
THAT MAN!

HEY, YOU TRYING TO START
A FIRE AROUND HERE?

HUH? OH.

GENTLEMEN,
I'VE GOT IT!

GOT WHAT?

A MAN'S MAN!
A MAN WHO--

WELL, WHO?

A MAN WHO'S ON
THE FRONT PAGE

OF EVERY PAPER
IN AMERICA TODAY!

A MAN WHO'S THE
AMBASSADOR OF ATHLETICS,

KING OF THE SPORT WORLD,
THE FIGHTING ADONIS!

NONE OTHER THAN LARRY CAIN,
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
OF THE WORLD!

[CAR HORN HONKS]

THE BANK IS COMMENCIN'
TO THINK N.S.F.
ARE MY INITIALS!

I CAN'T GET YOU
A FIGHT,

AND AS FAR
AS THE MOVIES, RADIO,

AND THE ADVERTISERS
ARE CONCERNED,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE
MARINATED A HERRING
THAT NIGHT IN THE GARDEN.

IT'S GOT ME UP A TREE.

ME, TOO.

YOU OUGHT TO BE--
LOOKING FOR COCONUTS.

WELL, MAYBE I HAVEN'T GOT
THE LURE OR SOMETHING, POP.

WHAT YOU HAVEN'T GOT
IS GLAMOUR.

NO, AND I DON'T WEAR
A BERET, EITHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN
DO FOR YOU?

YEAH--GO HOME.

Pop: TAKE IT EASY,
LARRY. I ASKED MR.
REILLY TO COME UP HERE.

HE KNOWS PUBLICITY.
HE'S BEEN IN A LOT
OF PAPERS.

MM-HMM. SO HAVE
THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.

WELL, JUST LISTEN
TO HIM, WILL YA?

YOU LISTEN TO HIM.
I'M GOING TO TAKE DODO

DOWN TO THE AQUARIUM
AND SHOW HIM TO THE FISH.

BUT SUPPOSE MR. REILLY
HAS A GREAT IDEA?
WHAT'LL I DO?

THAT'S AN EMERGENCY
THAT WILL PROBABLY
NEVER ARISE.

COME ON, DO--

[DOOR CLOSES]

NOW, MR. REILLY,

WHAT YOU GOT
ON YOUR MIND
TO EXPLOIT MY BOY?

THE GREATEST PUBLICITY
BREAK IN YEARS,

A PLUG THAT'S GOING
TO MAKE HIM FAMOUS,

A FRONT-PAGE STORY
THAT WILL HIT EVERY
SHEET IN THE COUNTRY!

A SENSATIONAL TIE-UP
THAT'S--

YES, BUT WHAT IS IT?

I'M GOING TO MAKE HIM
FALL IN LOVE.

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

[DOOR CLOSES]

ARE YOU RIDING
IN A FLOAT,

OR ARE YOU
BRINGING ME FLOWERS?

YOU LOOK LIKE
A GANGSTER'S FUNERAL.

SOME GUY SENT THEM
TO MABEL.

TO ME? WHO?

GUY BY THE NAME
OF LARRY CAIN.
KNOW HIM?

NO.

BUT JUST IMAGINE--
BEING SENT FLOWERS.

HE'S PROBABLY SOME
OLD COOT WITH REMOVABLE HAIR

AND AN APARTMENT
FULL OF ETCHINGS.

HE'S NO SUCH THING.

I--WELL...HE JUST
COULDN'T BE. THAT'S ALL.

IT WOULD SPOIL EVERYTHING.

LARRY CAIN...

SOUNDS YOUNG...

AND NICE, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH. SO DOES SPRING
LAMB, BUT IT COMES
AWFUL TOUGH SOMETIMES.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

PARDON ME,
MR. REILLY,

BUT YOU'RE
WANTED ON
THE TELEPHONE.

OK, I'LL
BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU KNOW...IT'S SORT
OF SILLY OF ME,

BUT I'M RATHER
THRILLED.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT, PAL.

I WOULDN'T TELL HIM,
EITHER.

ALL HE THINKS IS THAT
HE'S GOING TO A SHOW
AND A NIGHTCLUB LATER.

I HAD A TOUGH ENOUGH TIME
EVEN GETTING HIM TO DO THAT.

WHEN YOU BOUGHT THIS THING
IN THE FIRST PLACE,

YOU KNEW YOU DIDN'T
TAKE A 38.

I KNOW IT,
BUT A 42 WAS TOO BIG.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
GET A 40?

AW, I AIN'T NO GOOD
AT FIGURES.

OH...

[RIP]

BUTTON IT.

HAVING TROUBLE?

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO GET
A BUNCH OF BANANAS INTO
A KID GLOVE.

WELL, YOU RUN OUT
AND CALL A CAB.

WE DON'T WANT TO
MISS THE SHOW.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I'D LIKE TO MISS
THE WHOLE THING--

THE SHOW, THE NIGHTCLUB
AND ALL!

HERE, I'LL HELP YOU
WITH THIS.

LISTEN, I'M GONNA
TIP YOU OFF,

SO NO CRACKS.

LARRY'S GOING OUT
TO MEET A GIRL.

A DANCER.

A DANCER?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING OVERTURE]

♪ EV'RY SUMMER WE GO DOWN
TO DEAUVILLE BY THE SEA ♪

♪ WHERE ONE CAN RUB
HIS SHOULDERS WITH A KING ♪

♪ SAINT MORITZ IN WINTER TIME,
AH, THAT'S THE PLACE TO BE ♪

♪ AND THEN TO PARIS
IN THE SPRING ♪

♪ WHERE ONE CAN HAVE
HIS LITTLE FLING ♪

♪ THOUGH NORMANDY IS LOVELY
IN NOVEMBER ♪

♪ SOMEHOW, IT LEAVES YOU
NOTHING TO REMEMBER ♪

♪ I CAN'T FORGET THE NIGHT I
MET YOU DOWN AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ GEE, I WAS PROUD YOU PICKED ME
FROM THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ AND VERY SOON, I PROVED
TO YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS
WEREN'T PHONY ♪

♪ IT ENDED ♪

♪ IN MATRIMONY ♪

♪ AND NOW WE'RE EATING CAVIAR
INSTEAD OF MACARONI ♪

♪ BUT I RECALL THOSE
PICNIC LUNCHES OF
BOLOGNA WITH A SMILE ♪

♪ I GUESS I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I STILL GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,
WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Chorus: ♪ I GUESS
I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I STILL
GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,
WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD
AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Barker: LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,

I WANT TO IMPRESS UPON YOU--
WE HAVE INSIDE

THE WORLD'S GREATEST
WAX MUSEUM!

[SHOUTING PITCH]

♪ HERE'S A SIGHT
THAT'S MOST INSTRUCTIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAX MUSEUM ♪

♪ THESE FIGURES
LOOK SO LIFELIKE
AND SO REAL ♪

♪ HERE'S NAPOLEON
BONAPARTE ♪

♪ OF COURSE YOU'VE
HEARD OF HIM ♪

♪ HELLO, THERE, NAP,
HOW DO YOU FEEL? ♪

♪ AND TELL ME,
HOW'S YOUR OLD
BASTILLE? ♪

♪ AND THERE'S A LOT
OF OTHER FAMOUS FACES ♪

♪ WHO LIVED IN BYGONE DAYS
AND FAR-OFF PLACES ♪

♪ NOW THERE'S DELILAH
AND HER LOVER ♪

♪ HE'S THAT STRONGMAN,
SAMSON ♪

♪ IF HE WOULD EAT MORE
SPINACH, HE'D BE STRONGER ♪

♪ AND MORE HANDSOME ♪

[TOOT TOOT]

♪ IF THOU
WOULDST TAKE
A WALK WITH ME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND ON THEE
A WHOLE SIMOLEON ♪

♪ NAPOLEON, HA HA! ♪

YOU FAT LITTLE RASCAL!

♪ A WHOLE SIMOLEON? ♪

♪ WE'RE THE
BROTHERS SMITH ♪

♪ THE ENEMIES
OF LARYNGITIS ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED]
♪ IF YOU WOULD LIKE
A TENOR VOICE ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
OUR DROPS A TRY? ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED]
♪ AND NOW-- ♪

♪ WHO HAVE
WE HERE? ♪

♪ I'M JULIUS CAESAR,
DEAR ♪

♪ OH, JULIUS, FANCY MEETING YOU
AGAIN AT CONEY ISLE ♪

♪ REMEMBER
CINDERELLA? ♪

♪ SHE'S THE DREAM OF
EACH ROMANCER ♪

♪ I'VE LEARNED A LOT
SINCE THEN ♪

♪ NOW I'M A TAXI DANCER ♪

♪ AND TELL ME ♪

♪ WHO IS THAT
DISTINGUISHED
GENTLEMAN ♪

♪ RIGHT IN
THE MIDDLE? ♪

♪ THAT'S NERO ♪

[PLAYING]

♪ I PLAY HOT FIDDLE ♪

♪ AND HERE ARE
ALL THE PEACEFUL
MEMBERS ♪

♪ OF THE PEACE
CONVENTION ♪

♪ I GUESS I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ AND I STILL
GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU
WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Barker: LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN...

Chorus: ♪ I CAN'T FORGET
THE NIGHT I MET YOU
DOWN AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ GEE, I WAS PROUD
YOU PICKED ME FROM THE
CROWD AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ AND VERY SOON I PROVED
TO YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS
WEREN'T PHONY ♪

♪ IT ENDED ♪

♪ IN MATRIMONY ♪

♪ AND NOW
WE'RE EATING CAVIAR
INSTEAD OF MACARONI ♪

♪ BUT I RECALL THOSE
PICNIC LUNCHES OF
BOLOGNA WITH A SMILE... ♪

THAT'S HER!

SURE, IT'S A HER.

I CAN TELL THAT
FROM HERE.

NO, NO, NO--

WHERE YOU GOING?

ANYPLACE TO GET AWAY
FROM HER.

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,
WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

[APPLAUSE]

GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THIS IS BYRON YOUNG
AND HIS BOYS,

BROADCASTING FROM
THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB.

[PLAYING DANCE MUSIC]

GOOD EVENING,
MADEMOISELLE,
MONSIEUR.

OUR RESERVATION,
PLEASE.

THIS WAY,
PLEASE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.
IT'S GETTING LATE.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY,
CHAMP?

IT'S ONLY
HALF-PAST 1:00.

SURE, IT DOES
YOU GOOD TO BE
OUT LIKE THIS.

YOU CAN'T TELL
A LITTLE RELA--

OH, PARDON,
MONSIEUR,

I AM VERY SORRY,
BUT I MAKE A MISTAKE.

THIS TABLE,
IT IS RESERVED.

WHAT?

WHY, HELLO!

MISS O'DARE,
WHAT A
COINCIDENCE

THAT WE SHOULD
HAVE YOUR TABLE.

NOW LET ME
INTRODUCE
MY FRIENDS

AND WE'LL GO.

NOT AT ALL,
DEAR FELLOW.

IT WILL BE TOO
FRIGHTFULLY,
TERRIBLY JOLLY

HAVING YOU JOIN US.

MISS SUMMER,
MISS FOY,

AND MISS LAMONT.

AND NONE OTHER THAN
MR. LARRY CAIN.

HOW DO YOU DO,
MR. CAIN?

THERE'S
SOMETHING
ABOUT YOU

THAT'S VERY
FAMILIAR.

OH, YES,
I REMEMBER.

I HAD TRIPE
FOR DINNER!

I HAD HAM.

LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING
TO HAVE SOME MORE.

CUT IT OUT, LARRY.

HITTING A LADY
AIN'T CRICKET.

IT AIN'T EVEN PINOCHLE.

NO, NO, NO,
NOW, IF YOU
INSIST, MABEL,

WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING TO DO
BUT TO ACCEPT.

WAITER,
ANOTHER TABLE
HERE, PLEASE.

AH, LISTEN TO
THAT MUSIC.

ARE WE GOING TO
LET IT WASTE?

AH, MISS LAMONT,
PLEASE.

MISS SUMMERS?

HOW ABOUT YOU,
MISS FOY?

I'D LOVE TO.

I ALWAYS SAY
IT'S MUCH EASIER

BEING
DISAGREEABLE
SITTING DOWN.

SHALL WE?

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD
THANK YOU FOR YOUR
BOUQUET OF FLOWERS.

THEY WERE QUITE WILTED
WHEN THEY ARRIVED.

BOUQUET?

YES, BOUQUET.

A BUNCH OF FLOWERS IS
A BOUQUET, MR. CAIN.

OH, YES, YES--
THOSE THINGS YOU KEEP
THROWING AT YOURSELF,

I REMEMBER.

WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET UP
ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND
DO THIS TO MUSIC?

IT MIGHT BE ANOTHER ROUTINE.
YOU CAN'T TELL.

WHEN ONE IS DANCING
IN A BROADWAY HIT,

ONE GETS SO TIRED
OF DANCING.

YOU DIDN'T GET SO TIRED
WHEN YOU DAHNCED OVER ME
ALL NIGHT.

THAT'S BECAUSE
I DANCE ON
MY TOES NOW.

I WAS DANCING
ON A HEEL THEN.

OH, SO THAT'S WHAT
YOU CALL IT, IS IT?

I DIDN'T KNOW.

THE MAN SITTING
NEXT TO ME SAID,

"I WONDER WHAT SHE'S
DOING ON THE STAGE ALONE.

SHE MUST HAVE THROWN
HER JOCKEY."

UH, DO YOU DO
ANYTHING, MR. CAIN,

OR, UH, ARE YOU
JUST A CRITIC?

LISTEN, O'DARE,
I WON A CHAMPIONSHIP.

WELL YOU MAY BE A
CHAMP TO SOMEBODY,

BUT YOU'RE JUST
A PUNCHING BAG WITH
EARS ON IT TO ME!

WELL, IF THAT GALLOPING
YOU WERE DOING TONIGHT
IS CALLED DANCING,

THEN I'VE SEEN
RUSSIAN BALLET
AT A HORSE SHOW.

JUST A MINUTE, MR. CAIN!
YOU'RE TALKING TO A LADY!

LISTEN,
IF SHE'S A LADY,

DIAMOND LIL'
COULD GET BY AS
WHISTLER'S MOTHER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO
APOLOGIZE FOR THAT!

I WOULDN'T APOLOGIZE
TO HER

IF I COMMITTED MAYHEM,
ARSON, AND MURDER ON HER!

DON'T! DON'T HIT HIM,
LARRY, DON'T!

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT,

BUT I'LL KNOCK
THAT TENOR FLATTER
THAN HE SINGS.

YOU CAN'T.
HE'S AN ACTOR.

IF YOU BUST HIS
PAN, HE'LL LOSE
HIS JOB,

CLOSE HIS SHOW.

OH. I'LL BET YOU
WEAR GLASSES WHEN
YOU'RE NOT WORKING.

NEVER MIND MY FACE--
COME ON!

SHUT UP, RONNY.

Walters:
WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, NOTHING, POP,
NOTHING.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY
BEING CHARMING,

EVERY PLACE
I TAKE YOU TONIGHT.

WELL, THEN, TAKE ME
SOMEPLACE WHERE
THIS CLUCK ISN'T.

DON'T YOU DARE
CALL ME A CLUCK!

ARE YOU GOING
TO STAND FOR THIS?

I CAN'T HIT HIM.
HE WON'T HIT ME
BACK.

WELL, I CAN!

OH, DEAR.
OH, WHAT A SMACK.

YEAH.

WET SMACK.

OHH! OHH! OHH!

WAIT TILL YOU
READ THE PAPERS
IN THE MORNING.

THIS STORY WILL HIT
EVERY FRONT PAGE
IN THE COUNTRY, POP.

IT WILL BE THE GREAT
AMERICAN LOVE STORY.

YEAH. SORT OF LIKE
THE CIVIL WAR, HUH?

YE...

HELLO?

WHY, HELLO, POP.
HOW ARE YOU?

SURE, I'VE SEEN
THE PAPERS.

YEAH, HOW'S THE
CHAMP TAKING IT?

HE'S RIGHT OUT
OF HIS HEAD,

AND SO WILD,
FRANK BUCK COULDN'T
BRING HIM BACK.

AHH, LET HIM RAVE,
POP.

HE GOT MORE SPACE
THIS MORNING

THAN HE DID WHEN
HE WON THE TITLE.

I'VE GIVEN HIM
COLOR.

HE'LL GIVE HER
A COUPLE OF COLORS--

BLACK AND BLUE.

HE THINKS SHE PUT
THAT STUFF IN THE PAPER.

WELL, SO WHAT?

WELL, MAYBE SO,

BUT I GOT A FUNNY FEELING
THAT SOMETHING'S GONNA BREAK.

[CRASHING]

THERE IT GOES.

SAY, LISTEN,
I GOT TO HANG UP.

DODO'S IN THERE
WITH HIM, ALONE,

AND I WANT TO SAVE
A PIECE OF HIM

TO SEND HOME
TO HIS MOTHER.

LOOK AT IT.
LOOK AT IT!

I'LL BET THEY'VE GOT
A MARSHMALLOW SUNDAE
NAMED AFTER ME RIGHT NOW!

NOW, LISTEN, LARRY,
YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN.

THIS AIN'T AS SERIOUS
AS YOU--

ISN'T SERIOUS?

PLAYING POST OFFICE
ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE
WITH A DAME!

YOU'VE GOT TO
REMEMBER, CHAMP,

ALL THE WORLD
LOVES A LOVER.

OH, SO I'VE SWITCHED
TITLES, HAVE I?

I'M AMERICA'S SWEETHEART
NOW, AM I?

WELL, GET THIS--

OR I'LL WRING HER NECK UNTIL
THE NEWSPAPERS WON'T BE ABLE
TO GET A WORD OUT OF HER

WITHOUT A CORKSCREW!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WAIT TILL
I GET THIS.

THE RIOT SQUAD IS
PROBABLY DOWNSTAIRS.

HELLO?

YEAH? WHO?

OH, HELLO, COLONEL.

WHY, YES, COLONEL,
I THINK WE'D BE
INTERESTED.

THAT SUITS US.

HALF-PAST 2:00 IN
YOUR OFFICE IS OK.

SO LONG, COLONEL.

WHO DO YOU THINK
WANTS YOU TO SIGN UP?

THE BLOOMER GIRLS,
PROBABLY.

NO, COLONEL JOHNSON
AT THE GARDEN.

HE WANTS YOU TO MEET
JOE RITA ON THE 27th.

ME? CLIMB THROUGH THE ROPES
AT THE GARDEN AFTER THIS?

WHY, I'D BE CROWNED
QUEEN OF THE MAY WITH
20,000 POP BOTTLES

BEFORE I COULD GET
MY GLOVES ON!

BUT CHAMP!

THAT'S THE FIRST
OFFER WE'VE HAD!

[RING]

HELLO? MR. WALTERS
TALKING.

WHO? YES.

OH, WELL, I COULDN'T
GIVE YOU A DECISION
AT THE MOMENT.

ABOUT 5:30
WOULD BE VERY GOOD.

IN YOUR OFFICE.

OK.

WHO WAS THAT?

TALKSIE-WALKSIE
CORPORATION.

THEY MAKE LOVEYS.

Dodo: YOU'VE HEARD THEIR
SLOGAN, CHAMP.

"SAY I LOVE YOU
WITH A BREATH OF SPRING."

WHAT?

LOVEYS. YOU KNOW,
THEM BREATH KILLERS.

IF YOU BEEN
EATING ONIONS,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
PLOP ONE IN YOUR CLAPPER,

AND YOU'LL BLOW OUT
LIKE A VIOLET.

SAY, WHAT KIND OF
A DIET HAVE YOU GUYS
BEEN ON, ANYWAY?

WELL, WE'RE GOING
TO EAT OFF THEM
FOR A LONG TIME.

THEY'RE READY
TO SIGN A DEAL
WITH YOU.

FOR WHAT?

TO GO ON THE RADIO.

THE BREATH OF SPRING?

SAY, ISN'T IT
BAD ENOUGH NOW

WITHOUT TRYING TO MAKE
A PERFUME ATOMIZER
OUT OF ME?

[DOOR SLAMS]

WELL, IT AIN'T AFTER
A PACKAGE OF LOVEYS.

YOU!

YOU CHEAP DAME!

YOU CHEAP CAD!
SHUT UP!

ANY MAN WHO WOULD
PUT SLUSH LIKE THAT
IN THE PAPERS

OUGHTN'T TO BE
A PRIZEFIGHTER.

HE OUGHT TO BE
A CHORUS BOY.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE--

"ALWAYS HAVE I WANTED
TO MEET THE PERFECT GIRL."

I NEVER SAID
ANYTHING LIKE THAT
IN MY LIFE!

IF THEY PRINTED WHAT
I THOUGHT OF YOU,

THEY WOULDN'T BE
ABLE TO SEND IT
THROUGH THE MAILS!

SAY, LISTEN, YOU--
YOU PUG--

IF YOU EVER PRINT
ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN,

BEFORE I GET THROUGH
WITH YOU,

I'LL NOT ONLY HAVE
YOUR TITLE,

BUT ENOUGH OF YOUR TEETH

TO SUPPLY ALL
THE ELKS IN PEORIA.

I PRINTED? I?

THE WHOLE THING
WAS A LIE!

BUT THE BIGGEST ONE
WAS CALLING YOU
A DANCER!

AND WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH MY DANCING?

IF YOU'RE A DANCER,
I'M ALL WET.

THAT'S RIGHT!

NOW, LISTEN, MABEL,

BEFORE YOU GOT
ALL THIS PUBLICITY,

THE SHOW WAS DOING
SUCH A BAD BUSINESS

THAT THE MAN
IN THE BOX OFFICE

WAS PLAYING SOLITAIRE
WITH THE TICKETS

TO KEEP HIMSELF
FROM BEING LONESOME.

BUT YESTERDAY,
BUSINESS STARTED
TO PICK UP.

WHY, THE ACTORS OUTNUMBER
THE AUDIENCE ONLY 2 TO 1.

BE REASONABLE,
MABEL.

AFTER ALL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE GAGA
ABOUT THE GUY.

JUST PRETEND TO BE.
KID THE PUBLIC.

IF YOU'LL ONLY
PUT ON AN ACT,

THE JUVENILE MAN ON
IN A WHEELCHAIR!

THAT'S MARVELOUS
FOR THE SHOW,

BUT WHAT ABOUT
ME?

OHH...

YOU'RE GETTING PAID
FOR BEING IN THE SHOW,
AREN'T YOU?

YES, AS A DANCER,

NOT A SPARRING
PARTNER

FOR AN EGOTISTICAL
PUG-UGLY!

BUT JUST THINK, MABEL,

I DON'T WANT TO BE
ON THE FRONT PAGE
WITH ANYBODY!

WELL, OF COURSE,
IF YOU WANT TO
BE A SNOB.

NOW, MABEL--
MABEL, PLEASE,

WON'T YOU DO
THIS FOR ME?

IF THIS SHOW FLOPS,
I'M OUT OF SHOW BUSINESS.

THERE'S ONLY ONE
ANGEL LEFT THAT
I HAVEN'T NICKED,

AND YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO WAIT TILL JUDGMENT
DAY FOR GABRIEL.

BUT MR. SHERMAN,
DON'T YOU SEE?

I HATE THE MAN,
AFTER HIM PUTTING
THAT IN THE PAPER.

Reilly: BUT HE
DIDN'T PUT IT IN.

NOW WE GOT TO
PLAY IT UP.

REALLY?

All: YES.

OH.

YES.

NEVERTHELESS,
I STILL HATE HIM!

OH, NOW, MABEL--

NOW, MABEL, LOOK,
YOU DON'T HATE ME,
DO YOU?

NO.

YOU DON'T HATE
RONNY.

NO.

YOU DON'T HATE
YOUR AUNT MIMI.

NO,
OF COURSE NOT.

YOU DON'T HATE THE REST
OF THE COUNTRY, DO YOU?

NO.

AND BESIDES, THERE'S
A LOT OF WORSE WAYS OF
GETTING A PAIN IN THE NECK

THAN FROM LARRY CAIN.

HE'S RIGHT, DEAR.

REMEMBER YOUR
GRANDFATHER SEAMUS.

HE WAS HUNG, POOR MAN.

ALL RIGHT,

I'LL BE
A GOOD SPORT.

OH, MABEL,

I'LL NEVER FORGET
YOU FOR THIS.

NEITHER WILL
LARRY CAIN.

NO, NO, NO--

NOTHING DOING,
I TELL YOU.

RIGHT NOW
IF I GOT A SMACK
IN THE EAR,

THE NEWSPAPERS
WOULDN'T SAY IT
WAS CAULIFLOWER.

THEY'D SAY
IT WAS GARDENIA.

THAT'S WHAT
THAT DAME'S
DONE FOR ME.

BUT THINK OF
THE PUBLICITY VALUE.

OH, I CAN SEE IT NOW,

JUST AS PLAIN AS IF
IT WERE IN PRINT--

"LARRY CAIN,

THE BATTLING ADONIS
OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE."

DON'T SAY THINGS
LIKE THAT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
YOUR CAREER?

WELL, I WAS
A MECHANIC ONCE,

I CAN BE
A MECHANIC
AGAIN.

YEAH? WELL, WHAT ABOUT
ME AND DODO, KID?

AFTER ALL, WE'VE GONE
HUNGRY SO YOU COULD EAT.

WE'VE SPENT THE LAST
3 YEARS GETTING YOU UP

TO WHERE
YOU COULD CASH IN,

SO WE COULD MAKE
A LITTLE, TOO.

WHAT ABOUT US?

WELL...

WELL, I NEVER
THOUGHT OF THAT.

Reilly: IT'S PLAYING
THE GAME, LARRY.

YEAH. YEAH,
I GUESS IT IS.

THEN YOU'LL DO IT?

YEAH,
I'LL DO IT.

BUT THAT
O'DARE DAME
UNDERSTANDS,

THIS IS STRICTLY
BUSINESS.

AW, SURE.

SHE'S INTERESTED
IN ANOTHER GUY.

YEAH? WHO?

WHY, RONNY CAULDWELL,
WHO PLAYS IN THE SHOW
WITH HER.

OH, SO THAT'S THE KIND
OF A GUY SHE LIKES, HUH?

RONNY CAULDWELL.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

A GUY THAT PUTS MAKEUP
ON HIS FACE.

WELL, IT'S A LOT
MORE COMFORTABLE THAN
ADHESIVE TAPE AND IODINE.

STANDING ROOM ONLY.

STANDING ROOM
IS ALL I CAN GET.

WANT TO STAND,
OLD BOY?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING OVERTURE]

♪ SWEET MUSIC IS
THE POETRY OF ROMANCE ♪

♪ THERE IS NO ROMANCE
WITHOUT A SONG ♪

♪ AND THOUGH IT'S SUCH
A LITTLE THING TO DO,
DEAR ♪

♪ I'LL SING TO YOU,
DEAR ♪

♪ MY WHOLE LIFE LONG ♪

♪ I'LL SING YOU
A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND STILL
THEY'D SEEM SO FEW ♪

♪ FOR I NEED
A THOUSAND VOICES ♪

♪ TO TELL YOU
HOW I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I'VE ONLY ONE HEART
TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ ONE VOICE TO LISTEN,
TOO ♪

♪ SO, I'LL BRING
A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND I'LL SING
EV'RY ONE, DEAR ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ LOVE, AT LAST
YOU'VE FOUND ME ♪

♪ HOLD ME AND
HOLD ME ALWAYS ♪

♪ THRILL ME AND FILL
ALL MY DAYS ♪

♪ AND WEAVE A SPELL
AROUND ME ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ SING TO ME LOVE'S
OLD, OLD STORY ♪

♪ YEARNING, BONNIE LAURIE ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ BELIEVE ME IF ALL THOSE
ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS ♪

♪ WHICH I GAZE ON
SO FONDLY TODAY ♪

♪ WERE TO FADE BY TOMORROW
AND FLEE IN MY ARMS ♪

♪ THY...
IS FADING AWAY ♪

♪ THOU WOULD STILL BE ADORED
AS THIS MOMENT THOU ART ♪

♪ LET THY LOVELINESS FADE
AS IT WILL ♪

♪ AND AROUND THE DEAR... ♪

♪ EACH WISH OF MY HEART ♪

♪ WOULD... ♪

[MAN SINGING IN ITALIAN]

♪ IN THE SHADOWS THAT
MAY COME AND SING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ LET ME DREAM A SONG
THAT I CAN BRING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND LET ME CLING TO YOU ♪

♪ LET ME LINGER LONG ♪

♪ LET ME LIVE MY SONG ♪

♪ IN THE WINTER LET ME
BRING THE SPRING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪

♪ LET ME FEEL THAT I
MEAN EVERYTHING TO YOU ♪

♪ LOVE'S OLD SONG
WILL BE NEW ♪

♪ IN THE SHADOWS WHEN
I COME AND SING TO YOU ♪

♪ DEAR, IN THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ WHEN I COME AND SING
TO YOU ♪

[SINGING WEDDING MARCH]

♪ I'LL SING YOU
A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND STILL
THEY'D SEEM SO FEW ♪

♪ FOR I NEED
A THOUSAND VOICES ♪

♪ TO TELL YOU
HOW I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I'VE ONLY ONE HEART
TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ ONE VOICE TO LISTEN,
TOO ♪

♪ SO, I'LL BRING
A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND I'LL SING
EV'RY ONE, DEAR ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

[APPLAUSE]

THROW HIM A KISS.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO. JUST DROPPED IN
TO SEE HOW THE MODERN
PAUL AND VIRGINIA

WERE GETTING ALONG.

GOING SWIMMINGLY,
I HOPE.

YES. ON WAVES OF NAUSEA.

WHY DON'T YOU COME IN
AND MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME?

HE'S QUITE
IMPOSSIBLE, EH?

IMPOSSIBLE?
UNBELIEVABLE.

HE'S GOT THIS SWELLED
HEAD SO BAD,

HE COULD WEAR
A BATHTUB FOR A HAT.

I'LL BE GLAD
WHEN IT'S OVER.

ME, TOO.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD
HAVE AN AWFUL LOT
OF FUN PLAYING.

UH, JUST SO THERE
ISN'T ANY MISTAKE,
RONNY,

I NEVER
PLAY ANY GAMES--

UNLESS
IT'S FOR KEEPS.

KEEPS WOULD BE
SWELL FOR ME.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

MM-MM.

NO? THEN
I'LL TELL YOU.

EVERY TIME
I SEE YOU,

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN
I REMEMBER YOU FROM
LAST TIME.

THAT SOUNDS NICE.
WHAT PLAY IS IT FROM?

I'M NOT BEING A HAM,
MABEL, I'M CRAZY
ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE DIFFERENT
FROM MOST DANCERS.

Cain: YEAH--
MOST OF THEM DANCE.

[SARCASTIC]
MY KNIGHT.

I WANT TO GET IT
OVER WITH AND GET
SOME SLEEP.

I'VE GOT TO STOP AT
THE APARTMENT FIRST.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES
BEFORE THE THEATER.

ALL RIGHT,
BUT HURRY UP.

I MUST SAY, I ENVY YOU

TAKING MISS O'DARE TO
SUPPER EVERY EVENING.

WELL, IF THAT
MAKES YOU ENVIOUS,

I KNOW A GUY IN
THE POULTRY BUSINESS

WHO'D MAKE YOU
POSITIVELY JEALOUS.

HE FEEDS 2,000
CLUCKS EVERY NIGHT.

ARE YOU GOING TO
START THAT CLUCK
BUSINESS AGAIN?

IF YOU ARE, YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO GET AWAY
WITH IT THIS TIME,

WHETHER I'M
A SINGER OR NOT!

YOU'RE NOT.

TAKE THE WORD
OF A GUY

COME ON.

OH!

ALL RIGHT--
PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON.

GET READY TO MEET
THE AUTOGRAPH HOUNDS.

ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.
HOW DO I LOOK?

LIKE A BEAVER
ABOUT TO GO TO
WORK ON A TREE.

[CROWD MURMURING]

HERE THEY COME!

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

HOLD IT! JUST A MINUTE,
PLEASE!

JUST A MINUTE,
PLEASE!

HOW ABOUT A KISS?

[GASPS AND CHEERING]

DID YOU SAY
SOMETHING?

NO, I DIDN'T SAY
A THING.

OH.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU?

WELL, BECAUSE I CAN'T
BE MYSELF AROUND YOU.

I WONDER
HOW YOU ACT WHEN
YOU ARE YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SEEM TO BE
SO BORED WITH ME.

THERE ARE
PLENTY OF MEN

WHO WOULD LIKE TO
TAKE ME OUT TONIGHT.

I SUPPOSE YOU'D
RATHER BE OUT WITH
THAT RONNY CAULDWELL.

I'D RATHER BE
OUT WITH ANYBODY
BUT YOU!

THAT GUY THAT PUTS
MAKEUP ON HIS FACE.

HE'S A VERY
NICE MAN.

LET'S BE HONEST
ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS JUST
A PUBLICITY STUNT.

THERE ISN'T A REAL
THING ABOUT IT.

AND IF IT WERE REAL?

WELL, THAT WOULD BE--

NEVILLE ARMS.

WON'T YOU COME UP
AND WAIT FOR ME?

COME UP--NO!

NO, REILLY'S
WAITING FOR US,

AND I'M HUNGRY,
AND I GOT TO GET HOME.

I'LL ONLY BE
A MINUTE.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

IT WOULD BE MUCH
CHEAPER FOR YOU

WAIT HERE.

YES, SIR.

WILL YOU RING
MISS O'DARE'S
APARTMENT, PLEASE?

YES, SIR.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

MISS O'DARE
DOESN'T ANSWER.

WELL,
SHE'S UP THERE,
ISN'T SHE?

YES. I HAVEN'T
SEEN HER GO OUT.

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

JUST WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING?

FRYING A PORK CHOP.

WHAT'S THE IDEA OF
KEEPING ME SITTING
OUT THERE WAITING?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU,
MR. CAIN.

I LOOKED
AT THE PORK CHOP,

AND THEN I LOOKED
OUT THE WINDOW AT YOU,

AND I SAID, "ME,
I'LL TAKE THE PORK CHOP."

THIS IS GOING TO
LOOK AWFUL IN PRINT.

WHAT?

"PRIZEFIGHTER
PUNCHES SHOW GIRL
IN NOSE,"

AND THAT'S
WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN, TOO,

LOOK, MY GOOD WOMAN,
REILLY'S WAITING
DINNER FOR US.

LISTEN, SON,
I'VE HAD ALL OF REILLY

AND THE NIGHTCLUBS
THAT I CAN STAND.

SO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP
HIM COMPANY, GO AHEAD.

I'M STAYING HERE.

SWELL!

AHEM.

UH, PORK CHOPS, HUH?

WANT ONE?

WELL, UH, I MEAN,
WE GOT ENOUGH?

CERTAINLY.
GET A PLATE.

YOU GET IT.
I'LL ATTEND
TO THOSE.

NO, NO, NO. YOU'LL
SPLATTER YOURSELF.

DON'T TELL ME HOW
TO PUT A PORK CHOP
ON A PLATE!

I USED TO BE
A WAITRESS.

A WAITRESS? YOU?

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH WAITRESS?

YOU AN AUTOMAT FAN
OR SOMETHING?

WELL, NO,
BUT SOMEHOW OR OTHER,

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE YOU
AS A WAITRESS, THAT'S ALL.

WELL,
PLENTY PEOPLE CAN.

I'LL BET YOU I COULD
GO OUT RIGHT NOW

AND GET A JOB
WAITING ON TABLES

IN 5 OF THE BEST
RESTAURANTS IN TOWN.

WELL,
FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE.

AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD
A SWELLED HEAD.

ABOUT WHAT?

WELL,
I'M A SON OF A GUN.

NEVER MIND THE ABUSE.
GET ANOTHER PLATE.

O'DARE,
I THINK I OWE YOU
AN APOLOGY.

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

SHALL WE SHAKE HANDS
AND MAKE UP?

NO. I GOT A BETTER
IDEA THAN THAT.

[PLATE SHATTERS]

O'DARE, I WISH YOU WEREN'T
IN SHOW BUSINESS.

SO DO I.
BUT AFTER ALL,
A JOB'S A JOB.

I WISH YOU WEREN'T
A PRIZEFIGHTER.

I'M NOT REALLY
A PRIZEFIGHTER.

I'M JUST A MECHANIC
WHO HAPPENED TO HAVE
A SOCK, THAT'S ALL.

BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M SCARED TO DEATH

EVERY TIME I CRAWL
BETWEEN THE ROPES,

AND I'M GOING
TO QUIT IT, TOO.

OH, YOU'LL NEVER
QUIT AS LONG AS
YOU'RE A CHAMPION.

NO? WELL, I'LL LET YOU
IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

THAT FIGHT NEXT WEEK
IS MY LAST ONE,

AND I'M GOING
TO WIN IT, TOO,

'CAUSE I'M BETTING
EVERYTHING I'VE GOT
IN THE WORLD ON IT.

I'M BUYING MY FUTURE
WITH IT.

YOUR FUTURE?

YEAH. SUPER SERVICE
STATION OVER IN JERSEY.

OH, IT'S A PIP--
WASH RACK, MACHINE SHOP,

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GREASE PIT YOU EVER SAW.

I CAN DO THE REPAIR WORK
MYSELF FOR A WHILE

AND GET A KID TO TAKE CARE
OF THE GAS AND OIL.

THEN LATER ON, MAYBE
I CAN GET ANOTHER ONE...

AND ANOTHER ONE
AND ANOTHER ONE...

3 GARAGES ALREADY.
WE'RE DOING MARVELOUSLY,
AREN'T WE?

WE? YOU SAID "WE."

OH, DID I?

I GUESS I WAS
SORT OF DAYDREAMING.

OH, DEAR.

MAYBE, IF WE'RE LUCKY,

WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE
HOUSE, TOO, HUH?

Mabel: WITH WHITE
ORGANDY CURTAINS...

YEAH,
AND A RADIOBAR...

AND EVERYTHING.

BUT THERE'S
ONE THING YOU
MUST PROMISE ME--

NOT TO BET
ON THE FIGHT.

YOU MIGHT LOSE.
IT'S GAMBLING
OUR HAPPINESS.

BUT I HAVE TO.
I NEED EXACTLY TWICE
WHAT I'VE GOT.

WELL, I'VE GOT
SOME MONEY.

I SAVED IT
OUT OF MY SALARY.

BUT THAT'S YOUR MONEY.

WELL,
WE'RE PARTNERS,
AREN'T WE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL GET THE LICENSE

THE FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING.

HE'LL KEEP IT OUT OF
THE PAPERS FOR US.

I'LL CALL FOR YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT
AFTER THE SHOW,

AND WE'LL GET MARRIED.

MABEL O'DARE, HOOFER,

WILL BE MRS. LARRY CAIN,
HAUSFRAU.

AND AFTER THE FIGHT,
MRS. CAIN'S HUSBAND

WILL BE JUST ANOTHER
MECHANIC.

GARAGE OWNER,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

IT'S GOING TO BE
MARVELOUS, ISN'T IT?

IT'S GOING TO BE
OUR SECRET.

IT'S TOO GRAND TO
SHARE WITH ANYBODY--

NOT EVEN
THE NEWSPAPERS.

PROMISE YOU WON'T
TELL ANYBODY?

I PROMISE.

THE CARE HE TAKES OF IT,

YOU'D THINK IT WAS
A BAG OF GUMDROPS
HE WAS WORKING ON.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOT INTO THE GUY.

I CAN'T TELL WHETHER
HE'S SPARRING OR
PLAYING PATTY-CAKE.

IF HE DON'T
SNAP INTO IT,

REED IS GOING
TO KNOCK HIM RIGHT OUT
FROM UNDER HIS TITLE.

POP, I THINK WE BETTER
GO OVER TO PHILLY
AND TRAIN THERE.

THE FIGHT'S
ONLY A WEEK OFF.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHAT'S GOT HIM--
TOO MUCH NIGHTCLUB FOOD.

HE'S SO FULL
OF FRENCH PASTRY,

A GOOD POKE
IN THE PANTRY
WOULD DENT HIM

LIKE A TUBE
OF TOOTHPASTE.

OK, LARRY!

GO ON OVER
TO THE CLUB AND PACK.
WE'RE GOING TO PHILLY.

WE? OH, NO.
YOU, MAYBE. NOT ME.

YOU OUGHT TO BE THERE
AT LEAST A WEEK
BEFORE THE FIGHT--

YOU KNOW, SORT OF
GET ACCLIMATED.

I'LL START WORRYING
ABOUT THE FIGHT
WHEN THE BELL RINGS.

NOW, LISTEN, LARRY,
THIS GUY REED'S GOT

A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
IN BOTH HANDS,

AND IF YOU DON'T
START TRAINING,

HE'LL PUT YOU
IN COLD STORAGE.

ALL THEY HAVE TO DO,
YOU KNOW, IS TO COUNT 10

TO CHANGE A CHAMP
INTO A CHUMP.

Pop: YOU'VE GOT
A TITLE TO DEFEND.

THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT, POP.

IF I HADN'T SIGNED
FOR THIS FIGHT,
I'D TAKE THE TITLE

AND THROW IT IN THE
MIDDLE OF MADISON
SQUARE GARDEN

AND LET 'EM
SCRAMBLE FOR IT.

AND IF I WIN
THIS FIGHT,

THAT'S WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO
ANYWAY.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

MAYBE, BUT I'M NOT
PUNCH-DRUNK.

I CAN STILL
HEAR A BELL RING
WITHOUT TRYING

TO TAKE A SWING
AT SOMEBODY
WHO ISN'T THERE,

AND I'M GOING TO
KEEP THAT WAY, TOO.

AND ANOTHER THING--

BUT I CAN STILL WEAR
IT ON THE STREET

WITHOUT SOMEBODY
TRYING TO FEED IT
PEANUTS,

AND I'M GOING
TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

SEE YOU LATER.
I GOT A DATE.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HAPPENED TO THE GUY?

TOMMY MUST HAVE SENT HIM
A SET OF SHAKESPEARE.

HEY, POP,
A MUG BY THE NAME OF
REILLY JUST CALLED,

SAID FOR YOU
TO DRAG IT OVER

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE WANTS?

WELL, IF I KNOW REILLY,

HE'S PROBABLY TRYING
TO RUN THE CHAMP

FOR PRESIDENT OF
THE FRESHMAN CLASS
AT VASSAR.

SO THEY'RE GOING
TO GET MARRIED,
BUY A GARAGE.

SHE'S WALKING OUT
OF THE SHOW, HE'S
HANGING UP THE GLOVES.

AND AS FAR AS THE REST
OF US ARE CONCERNED,

THE LINE FORMS
BEHIND THE EIGHTBALL.

All: SO THAT'S THE REASON.

MY POOR CREDITORS.

THE WAY HIM AND
MABEL GETS ALONG,

HE MIGHT AS WELL
MARRY REED.

HE'S ONLY GOT TO GO
10 ROUNDS WITH HIM.

WITH A HORSE,
IT'S LOCOWEED,

AND WITH A DAME,
IT'S ORANGE BLOSSOMS--

ONE WHIFF, AND
THEY GO OFF THEIR NUT.

JUST PUBLICITY, HUH?
ONLY A JOKE, HUH?

JUST WHEN I'M GOING
TO CASH IN ON THE BOY,

THIS BEAUTIFUL THING
COMES INTO HIS LIFE

AND KICKS ME
RIGHT IN THE PUSS.

WHY? WHY DOES
A NICE GIRL LIKE HER

HAVE TO GET MARRIED,
ANYWAY?

THE GIRL HAD A FUTURE
UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG.

WHAT'S SHE GOT
WITH A PRIZEFIGHTER?

GARAGE MECHANIC.

WITH A GARAGE MECHANIC.
THANK YOU.

NOTHING BUT
A FREE VALVE GRIND.

AH! JUST AS I THOUGHT...

A HERD OF
TURNCOATS, PHARISEES,
AND PHILISTINES!

HEY! ARE ANY OF THEM THINGS
A REFLECTION ON MY FAMILY?

CAST THE FIRST STONE,
SNEER AT THE STEAMBOAT,

JEER AT
THE WRIGHT BROTHERS...
THEN EAT YOUR WORDS.

I HAVE THE THOUGHT
THAT WILL BE
THE PILLAR OF SMOKE

WHICH WILL LEAD US
OUT OF OUR DILEMMA,

THE COLUMN OF FIRE
TO WHICH WE'LL
PORT OUR HELM.

GET AROUND TO
SAYING SOMETHING,
WILL YOU?

ALL RIGHT.
LET ME ASK YOU
ONE QUESTION:

WHAT DO CAIN
AND MABEL HATE?

All: PUBLICITY.

RIGHT. AND WHAT
WOULD THEY THINK

IF THIS STORY BROKE
THE PAPERS, THE PAPERS
MADE FUN OF IT,

AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE THE STORY
CAME FROM?

WHY, THEY'D THINK--

THEY'D THINK
THAT THE OTHER ONE
BROKE THE STORY.

AND LARRY WOULD
GET SORE...

AND MABEL,
SEETHING...

AND THE WEDDING
WOULD BE OFF.

SIMPLE, ISN'T IT,
WHEN YOU HAVE
THAT DIVINE TOUCH.

THAT SAVES
A GREAT CHAMPION.

AND A GREAT SHOW.

AND MY 15 BUCKS A WEEK.

BUT IT'S SORT OF TOUGH
ON THE KIDS.

GET OUT FROM BEHIND THOSE.
I KNOW YOU.

MAY I COME IN?

WELL,
I HOPE TO TELL YOU.

AHEM.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T
THINK WE'RE ALONE.

HAVE YOU GOT THE LICENSE?
AND THE RING?

YEP.

AND THE MINISTER?

YEAH,
BUT NOT WITH ME.

LOOK, I'LL PICK YOU
UP AFTER THE SHOW,

TAKE YOU OVER
TO JERSEY,

AND BEFORE YOU CAN
SAY "MABEL O'DARE,"

YOU'LL BE
MRS. LARRY CAIN.

MRS. LARRY CAIN.

YEAH,
BUT MRS. LARRY CAIN

ISN'T GOING TO BE
DANCING IN ANY
MUSICAL COMEDY.

OF COURSE NOT.
IT WOULD TAKE
TOO MUCH TIME AWAY

FROM BEING
MRS. LARRY CAIN.

DON'T SAY THAT
SO FAST.

SAY IT SLOWER
SO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT MEANS...

BECAUSE
MRS. LARRY CAIN

BUT THE OWNER
OF THE BEST GARAGE
IN JERSEY...

WHO'S GOT TO HAVE
HIS DINNER ON TIME

AND MECHANIC'S SOAP
IN THE BATHROOM.

IF YOU THINK THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO WASH

YOUR GREASY HANDS
IN THE BATHROOM,

YOU'VE GOT
ANOTHER THING COMING.

YOU'LL WASH
IN THE KITCHEN SINK.

YES, MA'AM.

ISN'T IT GOING
TO BE WONDERFUL?

[THUD]

HEY, AREN'T YOU
RUSHING THINGS
A LITTLE?

COME ON, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.

OH, JAKE!

HUH?

HERE YOU ARE,
BOY, AND HOT
OFF THE PRESS!

REILLY,
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

IF YOU EVER WROTE
A TRUE STORY?

TAKE IT IN TO HER.

OH, NO.
THAT'S YOUR JOB...

AND THE BEST
OF LUCK.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN!

Sherman:
HELLO, COTTONTOP.

HELLO.

HELLO, MIMI.

HELLO.

THAN YOU WERE TONIGHT,
OLD GOLDILOCKS.

THANK YOU,
KIND SIR.

OH, UH, MIMI...

HAVE YOU, UH...
HAVE YOU SEEN THE PAPER?

NOPE.

SEE YOU LATER,
MY LITTLE ARTICHOKE.

ALL RIGHT,
MY SPANISH ONION.

HELLO, RONNY.

HI, JAKE.

MAY I COME IN?

YES.

YOU GOT TO HAND IT
TO REILLY.

HE CERTAINLY GETS IT
IN THE PAPER.

WHAT'S HE DONE NOW--
GOT ME ON A POSTAGE STAMP?

HAVEN'T YOU READ IT?

NO.

ALL ABOUT YOU AND
CAIN GOING TO ELOPE

TO ESCAPE THE GAUDY
GLAMOUR OF BROADWAY

AND RETIRE
TO A COTTAGE SMALL
IN JERSEY.

AWFUL NONSENSE,
BUT I SUPPOSE
IT WILL GO OVER.

I DON'T BELIEVE
HE DID THIS!

AFTER ALL, MABEL,
HE'S GOT A FIGHT
IN A WEEK.

HE NEEDS
THE PUBLICITY.

BUT HE COULDN'T!
I KNOW HE COULDN'T!

GET ME THE JERSEY
ATHLETIC CLUB.

YOU SURE GOT
TO HAND IT TO
THAT GUY REILLY.

WHEN HE SMEARS
A FRONT PAGE,

HE SURE SPREADS
A MESS.

IF THAT DON'T CUT
THE CHAMP OFF THE DAME,
NOTHING ELSE WOULD.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

WHO'S CALLING?

MABEL O'DARE?

I'M SORRY.
HE'S JUST GONE

TO PHILADELPHIA
WITH HIS MANAGER.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOU MEAN THAT...
THIS IS TRUE?

NOT ANYMORE.

IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE OUR SECRET.

BUT HE HAD
TO SPOIL IT...

JUST FOR THE SAKE
OF PUBLICITY!

OH, I'M TERRIBLY
SORRY, MABEL.
I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
FORGET IT.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TAKE ME OUT
TONIGHT?

I'D LOVE TO!

MMM, AIN'T YOU
GORGEOUS!

A THING OF BEAUTY
AND A JOY FOREVER.

HAVE YOU READ
THE PAPERS?

NOPE.

THEY'RE CARRYING
A SPREAD
ABOUT YOU.

WHAT ABOUT?

WHAT?

READ IT YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
THAT SHE...

SURE.
SWELL PUBLICITY
FOR HER.

BUSINESS WAS
DROPPING OFF,

SHE OWNS A PIECE
OF THE SHOW...

FOR THE LOVE
OF MIKE,

YOU DIDN'T FALL
FOR IT, DID YOU?

BUT SHE SAID...
SHE SAID SHE...

BUT SHE MUST HAVE.
SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE
WHO KNEW.

IT'S A PUBLICITY RACKET
WITH ALL THEM SHOW DAMES.

COME ON, GET PACKED.
WE'RE LEAVING FOR PHILLY.

YOU MEAN, TONIGHT?

YES, TONIGHT!

IT WORKED!

WHEN SHE READS THIS,
SHE'S GOING TO BLOW

THE ROOF RIGHT OFF
OF THIS THEATER.

IT'S ON THE LEVEL.

I DON'T KNOW.
IT DON'T RING TRUE.

MABEL MARRYING RONNY
AND YOU PRINTING
AN HONEST STORY? UH-UH.

LISTEN,
SHE'S SO SORE AT CAIN,

SHE'D MARRY AN OSTRICH
TO GET EVEN.

I DON'T KNOW...
IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR
TO EITHER ONE OF THEM.

YOU KNOW,
I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL
LIKE A SHYSTER.

YEAH? MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
TO TELL HER THE TRUTH

AND HAVE HER FOLD UP
THE SHOW FOR YOU.

I SAID I FELT
LIKE A SHYSTER,
NOT A PHILANTHROPIST.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

TIGHT ENOUGH?

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

HOW ARE YOUR NERVES?
ON EDGE?

WHAT?

ARE YOU ALL KEYED UP?

WHY SHOULD I BE?

THIS IS NOT
THE FIRST FIGHT
I'VE FOUGHT, YOU KNOW.

SURE, I KNOW, CHAMP.

I'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE.

HEY, POP!

YOU BETTER
GET IN THERE

AND SNAP LARRY
OUT OF IT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
HAS HE GOT THE JITTERS?

NO.
THAT'S THE TROUBLE.

HE'S AS CALM
AS A CIGAR STORE
INDIAN,

ONLY NOT
AS DANGEROUS.

HE JUST DON'T CARE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK
THIS LITTLE ARTICLE
IN THE JOURNAL

ABOUT MABEL BEING
ENGAGED TO CAULDWELL
MIGHT WORK...

MUCH AS I HATE THE IDEA
OF POURING TURPENTINE
ON A BUSTED HEART.

WELL, CHAMP, I TOLD
THE NEWSPAPER BOYS

YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE
REED IN THE FOURTH.

I'LL BE SATISFIED
WITH A DECISION.

I MADE THAT BET,
LIKE YOU ASKED ME.

THANKS.

REMEMBER
RONNY CAULDWELL?

YEP.

SEEMS THAT HE'S
GOING TO GET MARRIED.

THE GIRL MUST HAVE
LOST A BET.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
MABEL ALWAYS DID LIKE HIM.

MABEL?!

SHE WOULDN'T MARRY
THAT NINCOMPOOP.

ALL I KNOW IS
WHAT IT SAYS HERE.

COME ON, COME ON,
YOU FATHEAD!
TIGHTEN THOSE UP.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO, BUST A HAND?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WELL, WHAT'S THIS?

A BUNCH OF BANANAS.

NICE CHILD.

OH, SOME POSIES
FOR YOU, MABEL.

WHO ARE THEY FROM,
DEAR?

RONNY.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL,
AREN'T THEY?

YES. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL,
AREN'T THEY?

PLACES! LIGHTS!
HEY, BOY.

YES, SIR?

GET O'DARE.

SHE'S
PRACTICALLY HERE.

HE'S FIGHTING TONIGHT,
MIMI.

I, UH,
I HOPE HE WINS.

I DON'T.

I HOPE HE LOSES AND
GETS OUT OF THE GAME.

IT MAKES HIM DO THINGS
THAT AREN'T LIKE HIM.

CAN'T YOU...

SAY, CAN'T YOU
FORGET LARRY?

NO, I...I CAN'T.

Man: PLACES! CURTAIN!

ON STAGE, EVERYBODY.
PLACES, PLEASE. CURTAIN!

CURTAIN! PLACES!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

YES?

ON STAGE,
MISS O'DARE.

READY FOR
YOUR ENTRANCE.

BUT THERE'S RONNY.

I KNOW,
AND HE'S NICE...

TERRIBLY NICE.

BUT IF I MARRIED HIM,

I'D STILL BE WAITING
FOR LARRY TO COME BACK...

JUST AS I'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR A WEEK.

ARE YOU--ARE YOU SURE
YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH LARRY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK I COULD
EVER FORGIVE HIM
FOR SPOILING OUR--

WELL, FOR PUTTING THAT
IN THE PAPERS.

OH, HOW COULD HE
HAVE DONE IT!

HE DIDN'T.
REILLY OVERHEARD
YOU MAKING PLANS.

WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THAT LARRY DIDN'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH THE STORY.

HE DIDN'T?

NO.

WELL, THAT'S WHY
HE DIDN'T CALL FOR ME
THAT NIGHT.

THAT'S WHY HE WENT
TO PHILADELPHIA.

HE THOUGHT I PUT THAT
IN THE PAPERS.

YES, THAT'S
WHAT HAPPENED,

AND THAT'S THE WAY
WE PLANNED IT.

YOU PLANNED IT?

HOW COULD YOU DO
A THING LIKE THAT?!

GET ME THE NEWARK
AIRPORT, QUICKLY.

WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?

I'M GOING
TO PHILADELPHIA.

[MUSICAL INTRODUCTION
AND APPLAUSE]

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA,
SO LET'S ALL MAKE A BOW ♪

WHERE'S O'DARE?

HOW DO I KNOW?

PROBABLY DIDN'T
HEAR HER CALL.
I'LL GET HER.

YOU'RE CRAZY!

WELL, I MAY BE CRAZY,

BUT I'M GOING
TO PHILADELPHIA,
JUST THE SAME.

HEY! YOU GO ON
IN A MINUTE.

OH, NO, I'M NOT.

WELL,
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SHE KNOWS ABOUT
THAT PIECE IN THE PAPER,

AND SHE SAYS
SHE WON'T GO ON.

ARE YOU MAD?

SO MAD THAT I'LL NEVER
FORGIVE THE LOT OF YOU

FOR THE CHEAPEST TRICK
THAT'S EVER BEEN PLAYED!

DON'T ARGUE NOW.
LATER, LATER!

THIS IS LATER.
IT'S ALL OVER!

I'M THROUGH WITH
YOU AND THE SHOW AND
THE WHOLE PHONY BUSINESS.

MABEL! NOW, LOOK,
YOU CAN'T DO
A THING LIKE THAT.

YOU MUST REMEMBER
THE OLDEST TRADITION
OF THE THEATER:

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

WHY?

WHY? WELL, BECAUSE...

WELL, WHY?

WELL, I...

WELL, WHY IS--

YOU CAN'T ANSWER
IT, CAN YOU?

♪ A GAL, A PAL,
A LADY YOU'LL ADORE ♪

♪ AND WE KNOW SHE
ADORES TOREADOR ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA ♪

♪ YOU'LL GO FOR HER,
AND HOW! ♪

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN
WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

KEEP VAMPING!
FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE,
KEEP VAMPING!

[MUSIC RESUMES]

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA ♪

♪ SO LET'S ALL MAKE A BOW ♪

♪ TO THE SWELLEST KID
IN ALL MADRID ♪

COME ON!
GET ON THERE!

WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?

NO, YOU'RE NOT!

LISTEN TO
THAT MUSIC.

THERE'S HUNDREDS
OF PEOPLE OUT THERE

WAITING TO SEE
YOU DANCE.

YOU'VE GOT TO GO ON!
YOU'VE GOT TO!

I TELL YOU,
I'M THROUGH! I'M FLYING
TO LARRY RIGHT NOW!

NOT UNTIL YOU
DO THE SHOW AGAIN!

I'M NOT! LET ME GO!

GET ON THAT STAGE,
AND DON'T ARGUE.

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN
WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

DON'T ARGUE!
GET OUT THERE!

GO ON!

[APPLAUSE]

LET ME GET OUT OF HERE!
LET ME GET--OOH!

OH...

MABEL, YOU GET BACK
ON THAT STAGE!

YOU CAN'T
DO THIS TO ME!

♪ YOU'LL GO FOR HER,
AND HOW! ♪

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN
WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]

TAKE ME TO THE NEWARK
AIRPORT, QUICKLY!

MABEL, YOU'RE MAKING
THE BIGGEST MISTAKE
OF YOUR LIFE.

I'M THE BEST JUDGE
OF THAT.

WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?

I DON'T CARE A THING
ABOUT THE SHOW.

YOU HAVE TO CARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS WILL DO TO YOU
IN THE THEATER.

THE ONLY THING
I CARE ABOUT IS HAVING
LARRY LEARN THE TRUTH.

THAT'S THE REASON
I BROUGHT YOU ALONG--
SO YOU COULD TELL HIM.

INTRODUCING THE CHALLENGER,

AT 215 POUNDS...

JOE REED!

AND IN THIS CORNER,

THE PRESENT HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD,

AT 205 POUNDS...

LARRY CAIN!

[CROWD CHEERING]

NOW, SHAKE HANDS
AND GO TO YOUR CORNER.

WHEN YOU HEAR THE BELL,
COME OUT FIGHTING.

[BELL RINGS]

Man: COME ON, LARRY!

[REFEREE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4, 5, 6...

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4...

HE'S GONE CRAZY!

HE'S
ANOTHER DEMPSEY!

JUST LOOK AT HIM,
WILL YOU? A POEM
IN DYNAMITE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK
HAPPENED TO HIM?

IF WE CAN ONLY
GET THAT DAME
TO COMMIT BIGAMY,

LARRY WILL BE
TWICE AS GOOD!

[BELL RINGS]

[APPLAUSE]

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU? EVERY TIME
YOU SWING,

IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE WAVING GOOD-BYE
TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

THAT GUY WON'T
GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO GET SETTLED.

HE NEVER FOUGHT
LIKE THIS BEFORE
IN HIS LIFE.

IT'S LIKE BOXING
A BUZZ SAW.

YEAH, AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO HAVE A PUNCH.

WELL, SOMEBODY
FORGOT TO TELL HIM.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BELL RINGS]

IT'S A NEW
LARRY CAIN, FOLKS.

HE'S NO LONGER
A CLEVER BOXER--

HE'S A KILLER,
A SAVAGE, A MADMAN!

HE'S BORING IN AGAIN,
SMASHING A LEFT AND
A RIGHT TO REED'S JAW

AND THEN SINKING A SHORT
UPPERCUT TO THE BODY.

REED IS HANGING ON.
HE'S DEAD GAME, BUT BEWILDERED.

THIS IS NOT THE LARRY CAIN
THAT HE EXPECTED TO MEET.

Judge: 1, 2,

3,

4, 5...

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4,

5, 6,

7, 8...

[BELL RINGS]

[BELL RINGS]

POP, LOOK! DO YOU
SEE WHAT I SEE?

THAT'S MABEL!

ANYTHING
CAN HAPPEN NOW.

LARRY! LARRY!

[CROWD GROANS]

ARE YOU HURT?

NO, NO.

I JUST FOUND OUT
WHERE THAT STORY
CAME FROM.

IT WAS REILLY.

HONEST?

SURE, I FRAMED IT.

I KNEW IT WAS
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

GET UP! GET UP!

GET--GET UP!
GET UP!

HEY, WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?!

WAIT TILL I PUT
THIS GUY AWAY.

THE NEW CHAMP!

I DIDN'T THROW
THAT TOWEL IN!

WHAT'S THE IDEA?

YOU LOST BY
TECHNICAL KNOCKOUT

YOUR SECOND
THREW IN THE TOWEL.

I WAS JUST
TRYING TO--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU WERE OUT ANYWAY.

OH, YEAH?

[CROWD CHEERING]

I DIDN'T THROW
THAT TOWEL IN!

WHAT DID YOU THROW
THE TOWEL IN FOR?

I LOST EVERY NICKEL
I HAD IN THE WORLD

EXCEPT THE DOUGH
I'M GETTING
FROM THIS FIGHT.

YOU HAVEN'T LOST A THING.
I BET ON REED.

BUT, HONEY,
THAT'S YOUR MONEY.
I CAN'T TAKE THAT.

WELL, WE'RE PARTNERS,
AREN'T WE?

OH...

Man: HOLD IT!

WORLD'S GREATEST LOVE STORY
COMES TRUE--

A SENSATION
FOR THE PRESS,

SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE WILL TALK
ABOUT FROM DAY TO DAY,

SOMETHING THAT
WILL GET...