Cain and Mabel (1936) - full transcript

[PEOPLE TALKING

ALL AT ONCE]

MISS? MISS!

MISS!

[CLINKING GLASS]

SAY!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--

MAJOR BOWES?

LISTEN! I'VE BEEN HERE

20 MINUTES!

WELL, DON'T EXPECT

ANY SYMPATHY FROM ME.

I'VE BEEN HERE

TWO YEARS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT I CAN'T HAVE.

I'M ON A VEGETABLE DIET.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER

BE CAREFUL

ABOUT SNAPPING

AT PEOPLE

THAT WAY, THEN,

OR YOU WON'T BE.

SAY! DON'T YOU KNOW

THAT'S BAD LUCK?

UH-HUH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT

FOR, THEN?

TO WRECK THE EMPIRE

STATE BUILDING.

THIS WILL FIX IT UP.

I'M COMMITTING SUICIDE.

OH, LUCK LIKE THAT

CAN'T HOLD OUT FOREVER.

NEITHER CAN I.

Man: YOUNG LADY,

YOUNG LADY!

YES, SIR?

YES, SIR?

I ORDERED A SPINACH

OMELET, UNDERSTAND?

THIS DON'T LOOK

MUCH LIKE IT!

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TAKE THEM BACK.

THANKS.

HOW DO THEY LOOK?

I'VE SEEN GRETA GARBO

AND THE MONA LISA,

BUT THOSE ARE THE MOST

BEAUTIFUL EYES

I'VE EVER LOOKED INTO,

BUT I DIDN'T ORDER IT.

I KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT

YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET

SOME WEAR OUT OF THEM.

YOU DON'T KNOW

HOW ASTONISHED MY

STOMACH'S GOING TO FEEL.

LOSE YOUR JOB?

OH, NO, NO! I WAS

JUST THROWN OUT OF

THE OFFICE SO FAST,

I FORGOT TO TAKE IT

WITH ME.

AW, YOU'LL GET

ANOTHER.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE.

I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM

EVERY NEWSPAPER IN TOWN.

I'M TOO GOOD

A REPORTER FOR THEM.

WHY, I CAN COVER

A BONFIRE

AND MAKE IT SOUND

LIKE THE CHICAGO FIRE.

BUT DO THEY CALL ME

THE EMERSON OF THE PRESS?

NO! THEY CALL ME

"THAT LYING REILLY."

WELL, CAN'T YOU

STOP IT?

WELL, I WAS GOING

ALL RIGHT

TILL I COVERED

THE VAN GLUCK WEDDING

AND CAME TO THE PART

ABOUT THE MINISTER

KISSING THE BRIDE.

I GUESS I MUST

HAVE BUILT IT UP

A LITTLE TOO MUCH,

BECAUSE THE REVEREND'S

WIFE DIVORCED HIM

AND NAMED THE BRIDE

HIS CORESPONDENT.

YOU OUGHT TO BE

A PUBLICITY MAN,

NOT A REPORTER.

PUBLICITY.

PUBLICITY!

THAT'S IT!

AT LAST, I HEARD MY CALL!

MAY I ASK

THE MEANING OF THIS?

CERTAINLY,

MR. GEORGE.

THE EGGS WERE

A TURN-BACK.

SO I THOUGHT,

INSTEAD OF

THROWING THEM AWAY,

HE MIGHT AS WELL

HAVE THEM,

SEEING AS HOW

HE WAS HUNGRY.

I DON'T MIND THE TWO

MEASLY EGGS, MISS O'DARE,

BUT I WON'T HAVE YOU

FEEDING TRAMPS IN HERE.

SAY, SEE HERE!

I RESENT THAT!

VERY WELL, THEN.

YOU'RE NOT A TRAMP.

OH, IT ISN'T ME.

IT'S WHAT YOU SAID

ABOUT THEM EGGS.

IF THE HENS

THAT LAID THEM KNEW

THEY WERE IN THIS PLACE,

THEY'D HAVE THE PARENT-

TEACHERS ASSOCIATION

CLOSE THE JOINT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

JUST SIT DOWN

AND EAT THEM

WITHOUT ANY MORE

DISTURBANCE.

ALL RIGHT!

OF COURSE,

MISS O'DARE,

YOU'LL BE CHARGED

FOR THIS!

OK.

HEY!

NO DAME IS GOING TO BE

IN S.E.R.A. FOR ME, SEE?

PLEASE, MISTER,

HAVE A HEART!

I NEED THIS JOB.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,

LITTLE GIRL.

I'LL TAKE CARE

OF THIS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU

REALIZE, MY GOOD MAN,

THAT YOU'RE TALKING

TO ALOYSIUS K. REILLY--

THE PUBLIC RELATIONS

COUNSEL. I THOUGHT NOT!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

GOING TO DO TO IMPRESS

IT ON YOUR MIND?

OH!

[CRASH]

YOU'RE FIRED!

OH!

PLAY YOUR ACE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GO TO THE DOOR.

MABEL! WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HOME THIS TIME

OF DAY?

I MET A GENIUS.

MR. REILLY, MY AUNT.

HOW DO YOU DO,

MR. REILLY?

GLAD TO KNOW YOU.

THIS IS MR.

CHARLES FENDWICK.

CALL HIM CHUCK.

DELIGHTED TO HAVE

THE PLEASURE, SIR.

HIYA, CHUCK.

SAY, WHERE ARE

THE WANT ADS?

YOU HAVEN'T LOST THAT

SPLENDID POSITION?

NOT, UH,

NOT FIRED?

YES.

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I JUST TRIED TO HIDE

A COUPLE OF EGGS.

HIDE EGGS?

WHAT DID YOU THINK

YOU WERE--THE EASTER

BUNNY?

NO. BUT WHEN SIR

WALTER REILLY HERE

TAKES OFF HIS COAT,

IT ISN'T TO SOAK UP

A MUD PUDDLE,

LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

IT'S TO SOAK A MANAGER.

SO, SIR,

YOU ARE THE CAUSE

OF ALL THIS TROUBLE

THAT SO, UH...

GASTRONOMICALLY

CONCERNS ALL OF US?

PUT DOWN THE SKULL,

HAMLET.

EVERYTHING'S GOING

TO BE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GET HER ANOTHER JOB,

AND A BETTER ONE, TOO.

JUST WHAT CAN YOU DO, KID?

JUST WHAT I WAS DOING

WHEN YOU FIRST SAW ME.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT

MAKES IT HARD.

NOW, IF YOU COULD ONLY

SING OR DANCE OR JUGGLE

OR SOMETHING,

I COULD FIX IT UP

LIKE THAT.

JAKE SHERMAN'S

PUTTING ON A SHOW.

DO YOU KNOW

JAKE SHERMAN?

COULDN'T BE CLOSER

TO HIM

IF I WAS HIS

SIAMESE BROTHER.

THEN SHE WORKS.

MABEL CAN DANCE.

I'VE BEEN TEACHING HER

STEPS EVER SINCE SHE WAS

A LITTLE NIPPER.

SISTER, WITH

ALOYSIUS K. REILLY

BEHIND YOU,

THE NAME OF MABEL O'DARE

WILL BE WRITTEN

IN THE STARS!

YOUR DANCES WILL MAKE

PAVLOVA'S DYING SWAN

LOOK LIKE A COOKED GOOSE!

GET YOUR HAT AND COAT!

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

TO FAME AND FORTUNE!

ARE YOU SURE YOU

KNOW THIS MAN, NOW?

I SAID SO, DIDN'T I?

YES, BUT THAT'S WHAT

MAKES ME SUSPICIOUS.

ANYWAY, BEFORE WE GO IN,

I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING

THAT YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

AUNT MIMI WAS RIGHT WHEN

SHE SAID THAT SHE TAUGHT ME

ALL SHE KNEW ABOUT DANCING,

BUT AUNTIE'S GOT FLAT FEET

AND I THINK IT MIGHT

SHOW UP IN MY WORK.

DID YOU EVER SEE ANYBODY

WATCH A CHORUS GIRL'S FEET?

COME ON.

MY NAME'S

ALOYSIUS K. REILLY!

WELL, DON'T GET

SORE AT ME ABOUT IT.

I WASN'T AT THE CHRISTENING.

I WANT TO SEE MR. SHERMAN.

OUT OF CURIOSITY

OR ON BUSINESS?

CHARITY, SISTER,

PURE CHARITY.

OUT OF FRIENDSHIP,

I'M GIVING JAKE FIRST CHANCE

AT DESTINY'S GIFT

OF TERPSICHORE.

THERE SHE STANDS,

WITH THE FEET OF TRILBY,

THE ARMS

OF ISADORA DUNCAN,

THE LEGS

OF LA ARGENTINA,

AND THE LURE OF THAIS.

THE NOSE IS MY OWN.

WELL, I'LL TRY

AND GET YOU IN, DEARIE.

MR. SHERMAN'S AWFULLY BUSY,

BUT HAVE A SEAT.

RONNY, MY BOY,

YOU SIGN THAT CONTRACT

AND I GUARANTEE YOU

THAT YOU'LL BE A BIGGER STAR

THAN YOU EVER WERE

IN YOUR LIFE,

OR MY NAME IS NOT

JAKE SHERMAN.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SIGN IT.

FINE, FINE. GREAT.

JUST, UH, SIGN IT

RIGHT THERE ON

THE BOTTOM LINE.

BOY, YOU COULD SELL

ICEBOXES IN SIBERIA.

YOU'RE TELLING ME?

THAT'S HOW I EARNED MY

PASSAGE MONEY TO THIS COUNTRY.

NO FOOLIN'?

SURE!

YOU KNOW, WHEN CORSETS

WENT OUT OF STYLE,

I SENT TWO BOATLOADS

TO CHINA

AND I SOLD THEM TO BANDITS

FOR BULLETPROOF VESTS!

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU

AT REHEARSAL TOMORROW.

SO LONG.

OH, UH, DON'T BE LATE.

BE THERE ABOUT NOON.

3:00.

IS THAT MR. SHERMAN?

SURE.

HOW ARE YOU, JAKE?

WELL, JAKE, OLD BOY!

HOW ARE YOU?

GEE, IT'S SWELL TO SEE YOU.

YOU REMEMBER ME, DON'T YOU--

REILLY OF THE CLARION?

THAT'S RIGHT!

JAKE, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE,

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

THE CHANCE OF YOUR LIFE.

I WANT YOU TO MEET HER.

COME HERE, MABEL.

MISS MABEL O'DARE!

WHY--WHY, IT'S REALLY

A PLEASURE TO MEET

THE FRIEND OF SUCH

AN OLD FRIEND,

MISS O'DARE.

YOU MEAN YOU REALLY

KNOW HIM?

DO I KNOW JAKE?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

WE GREW UP NEXT DOOR

TO ONE ANOTHER,

DIDN'T WE, REILLY?

UH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO

FOR YOU, REILLY, OLD BOY?

W-WELL, I WAS JUST

WONDERING IF YOU'D GIVE

THE LITTLE LADY HERE

A JOB IN THE CHORUS,

IF IT ISN'T TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

IN THE CHORUS?

A FRIEND OF YOURS?

WHY, I'LL GIVE HER

THE LEAD!

THE...THE LEAD?

ARE YOU SURE

YOU MEAN THAT?

WHY, AS SURE AS MY

NAME IS JAKE SHERMAN!

BE AROUND AT REHEARSAL

TOMORROW AT 3:00.

WELL, SO LONG,

REILLY, OLD PAL!

HEH HEH! GOOD-BYE,

JAKE, OLD BOY!

OLD PAL! HA HA...

SO LONG, SO LONG,

SO LO--

THERE YOU ARE, MABEL.

THERE'S NOTHING TO IT.

I GOT IT, I TELL YOU!

WHY, I COULD SELL CARNERA

TO SINGER FOR A MIDGET!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU DON'T SEEM

EXCITED ABOUT IT.

SOMETHING'S ROTTEN

IN DENMARK.

WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I NEVER BEEN THERE.

COME ON.

[PIANO PLAYING

A SHOW TUNE]

STOP, STOP, STOP!

I'VE PASSED THE POINT

WHERE I EXPECT YOU

TO BE DANCERS!

ALL I ASK YOU NOW IS

TO KNOW YOUR RIGHT

FOOT FROM YOUR LEFT!

I CAN REMEMBER

WHEN I WAS A SHOW GIRL.

SO CAN HALF THE MALE

POPULATION OF NEW YORK.

LISTEN, IF YOU EVER

LOSE THAT VOICE,

YOU'LL END UP

AS A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY'S.

YOU JUST WATCH THOSE

FEET OF YOURS.

THEY'RE SO FULL

OF BUNIONS NOW,

HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

RONNY! TODDY!

NOW, WILL YOU

GIVE ME SOMETHING?

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE

A COUPLE OF AMATEURS

IN A HIGH SCHOOL

CLASS PLAY!

SO YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME

HOW TO DANCE, WOULD YOU?

LISTEN, MOUSE,

I KNOW MORE ABOUT ROUTINE

THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

GET SOMEBODY ELSE.

LISTEN, YOUNG LADY,

I'LL TELL YOU--

Sherman: AH AH AH AH!

RELAX, RELAX, MILO.

WHY DON'T YOU LEARN

HOW TO HANDLE PEOPLE

WITH ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT?

ALL RIGHT, TODDY. YOU CAN

JUST DO YOUR ROUTINE.

THEN YOU HANDLE IT!

ALL RIGHT! I WILL!

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S HAVE IT AGAIN.

[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]

MY GOOD MAN, TELL

MR. SHERMAN THAT I'M HERE.

MR. SHERMAN

DON'T CARE.

SAY, LISTEN!

I WANT NO MORE IMPUDENCE

OUT OF YOU, MY FINE FRIEND!

MR. SHERMAN'S EXPECTING ME!

WELL, I'M

MR. SHERMAN AND I'M

NOT EXPECTING YOU!

OH, WISE GUY, HUH?

WELL, GET THIS!

I GREW UP WITH JAKE,

AND YOU AIN'T HIM.

WHAT? YOU GREW UP

WITH ME?

AW, DON'T GIVE ME THAT!

YOU AIN'T YOU.

YOU'RE SOMEBODY ELSE

PRETENDING TO BE HIM.

UH...OH. WELL,

MAYBE I'M WRONG.

JUST A MINUTE.

HEY, MILO.

HOLD IT!

COME HERE.

NOW, COME HERE.

I KNOW I'M RIGHT,

BUT I WANT

TO BE SURE.

NOW, TELL ME,

WHO AM I?

JAKE SHERMAN.

ARE YOU

ABSOLUTELY SURE?

WELL, AIN'T YOU?

WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS,

UNTIL THIS SPOOK COME IN

AND STARTED TO HAUNT ME.

NOW, QUIT STALLING,

WILL YOU, AND TELL

SHERMAN I'M HERE?!

THIS IS THE GIRL WHO'S

GOING TO PLAY THE LEAD

IN THE SHOW!

WELL, THIS IS

A SURPRISE!

DID YOU EVER

SEE ME BEFORE?

NO.

Sherman:

DID I EVER SEE YOU?

NO.

WELL, THEN,

I COULDN'T

PROMISE YOU

A JOB, COULD I?

Mabel:

THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE YOU ARE.

BECAUSE MR. SHERMAN DID.

EH--SAY, NOW, LOOK!

GET OUT! GET OUT,

BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER

AND RAISE MY VOICE!

HEY, SIT DOWN, YOUSE!

I'VE GOT A JOB FOR THIS

DOLL AND I'M GOING TO

SEE THAT SHE GETS IT!

JAKE SHERMAN PROMISED IT

TO ME PERSONALLY!

I'M JAKE SHERMAN!

DO YOU SEE THIS

THEATER?

WELL, I HAPPEN

TO OWN IT! AND I'M

GOING TO GIVE YOU

JUST TWO MINUTES

TO GET OUT OF HERE,

AND IF YOU DON'T,

I'M GOING TO HAVE

YOU THROWN OUT!

I THINK YOU'RE BOTH

JUST A COUPLE OF

CHEAP CHISELERS!

WHY, YOU--

JUST A MINUTE!

I DON'T CARE WHETHER

YOU'RE JAKE SHERMAN

OR THE 4 MARX BROTHERS!

BUT YOU CAN'T GET AWAY

WITH CALLING ME A CHISELER!

OH, SO YOU'RE GOING

TO MAKE TROUBLE

FOR ME, HUH?

NO, BUT DON'T ASK

FOR ANY!

I MET A MAN WHO CLAIMED

TO BE JAKE SHERMAN.

HE TOLD ME

I COULD HAVE A JOB.

I NEED THAT JOB,

SO I'M NOT LEAVING HERE

UNTIL I CAN FIND OUT

ABOUT IT.

YOU BET WE AREN'T--

THE SAFEST THING

THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

RIGHT NOW IS

A CASE OF LOCKJAW.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT IT?

NOW--NOW,

LOOK, YOUNG LADY.

DO I LOOK

LIKE THE TYPE OF MAN

WHO GOES AROUND

IMPERSONATING

HIMSELF?

WELL, I'M NOT.

I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH

TO CONVINCE YOU

THAT I'M ME, BUT I--

YOU GOT...

WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T TELL ME. HEY!

Sherman: EVERYBODY?

JUST A MINUTE!

EVERYBODY, LOOK!

TELL ME, WHO AM I?

All: JAKE SHERMAN.

I'M SORRY,

MR. SHERMAN, THAT...

I CAUSED YOU

SO MUCH TROUBLE AND...

MADE SUCH A FOOL

OUT OF MYSELF.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY

DID--100%,

LESS 10 FOR YOUR

AGENT THERE!

YOU SEE, UH, SOMEBODY

SORT OF PLAYED A JOKE,

AND, WELL...I'M

THE POINT OF IT, I GUESS.

BUT HONEST, MR. SHERMAN,

EVEN THEN...

I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN

SO PERSISTENT, ONLY--

WELL, A JOB--

ANY KIND OF A JOB--

IS PRETTY IMPORTANT

TO ME RIGHT NOW.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO--

STAND AROUND WHILE YOU CHAT

WITH EVERY LITTLE DAME

THAT WANDERS IN

OFF THE STREET?

OH, NOW SHE COMES!

YOU'LL HAVE

TO EXCUSE HER.

SHE'S A LITTLE

TEMPERAMENTAL.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN SERVING HAM

TO THE PUBLIC MYSELF

FOR YEARS.

I'M THROUGH REHEARSING

FOR THE DAY, IF IT'S

ANY INTEREST TO YOU!

WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE?

"YOU'RE THROUGH"?

YOU JUST STARTED IN!

OH, NO. YOU KEPT ME

WAITING JUST A LITTLE

TOO LONG!

NOW, I'M JUST

ABOUT SICK AND TIRED

OF PAMPERING YOU.

NOW, YOU GET

BACK THERE

AND GO TO WORK!

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT

THE ONLY HEEL-BEATER

IN THE WORLD.

MAYBE NOT, BUT I'M

THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN

PUT THIS FLOPEROO OVER.

IN FACT, YOU CAN'T

GET ALONG WITHOUT ME.

OH, IS THAT SO?

WELL, LET ME

TELL YOU SOMETHING--

THE ONLY THING IN

SHOW BUSINESS THAT I

CAN'T GET ALONG WITHOUT

IS THE AUDIENCE!

THERE'S 50,000

OTHER GIRLS IN THIS TOWN

WHO CAN HOOF AS WELL

AS YOU, AND PERHAPS

BETTER!

HOW MANY?

100,000!

THEN IT WON'T BE HARD.

WHAT WON'T BE HARD?

TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE

TO TAKE MY PLACE,

BECAUSE I'M QUITTING!

WELL, NOW, THAT'S

THE BEST NEWS

I'VE HEARD TODAY.

YOU WANT TO QUIT?

ALL RIGHT.

THAT SUITS ME.

GO ON. GET OUT.

I AM!

OH, BUT TODDY!

"HOT TODDY," TO YOU,

PELICAN PAN!

[LAUGHTER]

OH...

NOW WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO?

AND HERE I AM IN

THE SOUP--HOMEMADE!

WHY DON'T YOU LEARN

HOW TO HANDLE

TEMPERAMENTAL ARTISTS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

SHUT UP!

Ronny:

OH, MISS O'DARE?

OH.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

YOU'RE A PRETTY

FUNNY MAN, AREN'T YOU?

JUST A FATHEAD.

I PRETENDED

I WAS YOU, JAKE.

Ronny:

IT WASN'T HER FAULT.

SO YOU'RE THE MOUSE

I SMELLED!

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

IT REALLY IS THE MEANEST

THING I'VE EVER DONE,

BUT HONESTLY, I DIDN'T

REALIZE IT AT THE TIME.

FORGIVE ME.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

FORGET IT.

I PROBABLY WOULDN'T

HAVE BEEN ANY GOOD, ANYWAY.

WAIT A MINUTE!

I PROMISED YOU A CHANCE

AND I'M GOING TO SEE

THAT YOU GET IT.

BUT THE CHORUS IS

ALL ENGAGED!

OH, HE PROBABLY

WANTS HER TO PLAY

TODDY WILLIAMS' PART.

NO, NOT UNLESS

SHE'S BETTER.

BUT IF SHE IS,

YOU WANT HER, DON'T YOU?

WELL, I CERTAINLY DO,

BUT HOW COULD SHE BE?

SAY, HAVE YOU EVER HAD

ANY EXPERIENCE?

TWO YEARS IN

THE FOLLIES BERGERE!

THE ONLY PLACE I EVER

SPENT TWO YEARS

WAS IN CHAMPS RESTAURANT,

AS A WAITRESS.

A WAIT--WELL, NOW

WE'VE GOT SOMETHING!

SHE'S A WAITRESS!

LISTEN, I'M PUTTING ON

A MUSICAL COMEDY,

NOT A BANQUET!

IT WILL ONLY TAKE

5 MINUTES TO PROVE HOW BAD

OR HOW GOOD SHE REALLY IS.

CAN YOU DANCE? I MEAN,

CAN YOU REALLY DANCE?

WELL, I...I THINK SO.

WELL, THERE'S ONLY

ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

JUST WATCH THIS ROUTINE.

ARCHIE? HIT THE HORSE

TEETH. SWING IT.

[RESUMES PLAYING]

HOLD IT!

YOU WANT TO TRY IT?

OK, FINE.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

YOU CAN RELAX.

Sherman: COME ON.

PEEL OFF HERE

AND GET TO WORK.

ALL RIGHT, ARCHIE.

HIT IT.

[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]

MILO, I GOT A HUNCH.

I'M GOING TO GIVE

THAT GAL A CRACK

AT TODDY WILLIAMS' PART.

YOU'RE NOT ON

THE LEVEL, ARE YOU?

I CERTAINLY AM!

YEAH, WHATEVER.

SHE'S GOT PEP,

SHE'S REFRESHING,

AND SHE CERTAINLY IS

A NEW FACE.

NEW FACE, YEAH, BUT

SHE'S GOT TO DANCE

WITH HER FEET!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

GO AHEAD.

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

TEACH HER.

ME? OH, WHAT HAVE I

DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

[TAP SHOES TAPPING]

[PIANO PLAYING

A SHOW TUNE]

HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

LOOK, MISS O'DARE,

ABOUT YOUR FEET.

THOSE ARE YOUR FEET,

AREN'T THEY?

YES...

[PANTING]

AND I WISH

THEY WERE YOURS.

WELL, YOU GO ON

TOMORROW NIGHT,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE

THIS ROUTINE CORRECT

IF I HAVE TO REHEARSE YOU

FROM NOW TILL CURTAIN TIME!

COME ON. LET'S GO.

[PIANO PLAYING

RESUMES]

AFTER SPENDING

THE NIGHT IN

A BOXCAR ALL NIGHT

TO SAVE ENOUGH DOUGH

TO GIVE LARRY

A SWELL ROOM

BEFORE THE BIG

FIGHT, WHERE IS IT?

UNDERNEATH

A BOWLING ALLEY!

SOUNDS MORE LIKE

A RODEO TO ME.

CLIMB IN, KID.

I'LL CALL THE MANAGER.

YOU JUST GOT TO STOP

THAT RACKET, POP.

IF YOU DON'T,

THE FIRST CLINCH

I GET IN TOMORROW NIGHT,

I'LL CURL UP

IN THE CHAMP'S ARMS

AND GO TO SLEEP.

GIVE ME THE MANAGER.

THIS IS POP WALTERS--

LARRY CAIN'S MANAGER.

LARRY CAIN--THE GUY

THAT'S GOING TO FIGHT

FOR THE HEAVYWEIGHT

CHAMPEENSHIP

TOMORROW NIGHT!

NOW, LISTEN, FRIEND--

LARRY'S GOT

TO HAVE SLEEP!

AND THERE'S SO MUCH

NOISE GOING ON UPSTAIRS,

HE COULDN'T GET IT

WITHOUT AN ANESTHETIC!

I DON'T KNOW!

SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE

LAYIN' A CARPET,

WITH RAILROAD SPIKES!

I'M SORRY, MR. WALTERS,

BUT I'M AFRAID WE CAN'T

DO MUCH ABOUT IT.

MISS MABEL O'DARE IS

OCCUPYING THE SUITE

OVER YOU,

AND SHE'S OPENING IN

A BIG BROADWAY SHOW

TOMORROW NIGHT.

BROADWAY SHOW, MY HAT!

WHAT ABOUT MY BOY?

HE'S GOT A TITLE, TOO!

OH, DON'T ARGUE.

GET ANOTHER ROOM.

NOW, LISTEN!

YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE US

ANOTHER ROOM!

WHAT? WELL, YOU MUST

HAVE SOME ROOM!

AN UNDERTAKERS' CONVENTION

STOPPING HERE? HEH!

WELL, ALL I CAN SAY,

BROTHER, IS I HOPE

THEY DIDN'T BRING ANY

OF THEIR HOMEWORK,

BECAUSE THAT DAME UPSTAIRS

WOULD SURE WAKE THEM UP!

NOW, YOU'VE GOT

TO GIVE US ANOTHER ROOM!

HELLO?

HELLO! HELLO!

WHAT DID HE SAY?

IT'S A DAME UPSTAIRS,

PRACTICING.

WELL, WHAT IS SHE--

A BAREBACK RIDER?

THERE AIN'T

NO MORE ROOMS.

I JUST GOT TO GET

SOME SLEEP, POP!

I COULDN'T GET ANY

HERE IF THE SANDMAN

WAS CARRYING BRICKS!

LET'S GO

TO ANOTHER HOTEL.

WE CAN'T! I SPENT ALL

OUR DOUGH FOR THIS ROOM.

HEY! WHERE YOU GOING?

GOING UP THERE

AND ASK HER TO BE

A LITTLE REASONABLE.

WHAT'S THE USE OF ASKING

ANY DAME TO BE REASONABLE?

GO ON BACK TO BED!

SHE CAN'T KEEP IT

UP ALL NIGHT.

I'LL SAY SHE CAN'T.

WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?

GO BACK TO BED!

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

[KNOCKING]

[KNOCKING]

HOLD IT A MINUTE.

[STOPS PLAYING]

SOMEBODY'S

AT THE DOOR.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

COMFORTABLE THAT WAY,

ISN'T IT?

MADAM, I HAVE THE ROOM

RIGHT BELOW YOU.

WELL, THIS IS NO TIME OF

THE NIGHT TO BE NEIGHBORLY.

WELL, I CAME UP

TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO SLEEP?

ON THE RIGHT SIDE.

THE LEFT SIDE CRAMPS

THE HEART.

[SLAM]

[PIANO PLAYING

RESUMES]

[TAP SHOES TAPPING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

WAIT A MINUTE,

WAIT A MINUTE!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I THINK SOMEBODY'S

AT THE DOOR.

THE PEST AGAIN!

CAN'T GO TO SLEEP.

I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE

TO ROCK EVERYBODY IN

THE HOTEL TO SLEEP

BEFORE WE CAN GET ANY

WORK DONE. I'LL GET IT.

HEY, LISTEN, LADY,

I CAN'T SLEEP.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO--

MAKE YOU HOT MILK?

BUT I GOT A FIGHT

TOMORROW NIGHT!

WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE

TO WAIT UNTIL

TOMORROW NIGHT

IF YOU DON'T STOP

DISTURBING ME!

DISTURBING YOU?

SAY, LISTEN,

THUNDERFOOT,

YOU'RE MAKING MY ROOM

SOUND LIKE A POOL HALL

ON SATURDAY NIGHT!

WELL, THAT OUGHT

TO MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME!

WHEN I CAME UP HERE,

THE THING I WANTED MOST

IN THE WORLD WAS SLEEP.

NOW, IT'S TO PUT YOU

TO SLEEP!

WELL, I'M SO TIRED

FROM DANCING THAT

MY KNEES ARE SPRUNG,

BUT I WOULDN'T STOP NOW

IF I HAD TO DO IT

ON A PICKET FENCE!

GET OUT!

[SLAM]

WHO'S THE GUY?

A PRIZEFIGHTER.

OH, ONE OF THOSE

SCREWY CAULIFLOWER

FARMERS, HUH?

WELL, HE MUST BE

A PRETTY GOOD ONE.

HIS FACE DIDN'T LOOK

LIKE THERE'D BEEN

MUCH TRAFFIC ON IT.

IN FACT, UH...

HE WAS RATHER

NICE-LOOKING.

BEWARE OF GOOD-LOOKING

PRIZEFIGHTERS.

I KNEW ONE ONCE.

HE SPENT SO MUCH

TIME ON THE CANVAS,

I STARTED THINKING

OF HIM AS A PORTRAIT.

Milo: OH, COME ON,

COME ON! LET'S GET

GOING!

YOU DON'T KNOW

HOW LONESOME YOU MAKE

ME FEEL FOR A TRAY.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[PIANO PLAYING,

TAP SHOES TAPPING]

YOUR EYE! A CUT!

ON THE DAY BEFORE

THE FIGHT!

WHAT HAPPENED?

THAT DAME UPSTAIRS.

YOU MEAN

SHE DID THAT?

YEAH.

WITH A RIGHT

OR A LEFT?

NO, WITH A DOOR.

Pop:

WHERE YOU GOING?

ARE YOU NUTS?!

YOU GOT A FIGHT

TOMORROW!

GET BACK IN BED

AND CALM YOURSELF!

DODO'S RIGHT, LARRY.

DO YOUR FIGHTING

TOMORROW.

NOW, GO BACK IN BED

AND FORGET THINGS.

DON'T PLAY

A SUCKER'S GAME.

IT'S TOMORROW

WHAT'S IMPORTANT,

NOT TONIGHT.

YEAH, I GUESS

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WON'T BE SO EASY

WITH THIS EYE, WILL IT?

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,

BUT YOU'VE GOT

TO RELAX.

OK, OK. SOMEDAY

I'LL MEET THAT DAME,

AND WHEN I DO, I'LL

SPANK HER SO TENDER,

SHE CAN SIT ON

A NEWSPAPER AND

READ THE HEADLINES!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BELL RINGS]

[APPLAUSE]

[CROWD MURMURING]

DID HE HURT YOU?

DID HE HURT YOU?

NO, NO. I'M SLEEPY.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BELL RINGS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

I'M WARNING YOU!

IF I EVER MEET THAT DAME,

THEY'LL BE PLAYING A BENEFIT

FOR HER THE NEXT DAY!

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN!

YOU'RE TRAINING

FOR A FIGHT,

NOT FOR A RACE

WITH CAVALCADE!

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOUR WIND?

AH, IT'S NOT MY WIND,

IT'S MY FEET.

THEY'RE SO FULL

OF BLISTERS NOW,

THEY'RE SPLASHING AROUND

LIKE A COUPLE OF

LEAKY WATER TANKS.

COME ON, COME ON.

THE NEXT TIME I GET

IN THAT RING,

I'M GOING TO BE

IN SHAPE.

YOU SURE WERE IN

GREAT SHAPE THE LAST TIME.

EVERY TIME YOU YAWNED

IN THE CLINCHES,

I THOUGHT YOU WAS

GONNA BITE THE CHAMP!

YEAH, LISTEN,

THE NEXT TIME

I GET IN THAT RING

AND GET A CRACK

AT THAT LUG, I'LL

HIT HIM SO HARD

THEY'LL COUNT HIM

OUT IN HUNDREDS.

OK, BUT WHAT YOU

GETTIN' SORE ABOUT?

I JUST HAPPENED TO

THINK OF THAT DAME.

THERE'S YOUR BOY'S

PERCENTAGE, POP.

IS THIS ALL?

THAT'S ALL--THE WORST

CROWD WE'VE HAD IN YEARS,

DESPITE THE FACT IT WAS

A CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHT.

THIS WILL HARDLY

COVER TRAINING

EXPENSES, COLONEL.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT, POP.

I GAVE IT ALL KINDS

OF ADVERTISING,

BUT THEY JUST WON'T

COME TO SEE CAIN FIGHT.

YEAH, I CAN TELL

THAT FROM THIS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH THE BOY?

NO BOX-OFFICE

PERSONALITY.

HE FIGHTS

LIKE HE WAS BORED.

THE CUSTOMERS WANT

COLOR--A FIGHTER

THAT'S GOT GLAMOUR BOTH

IN THE RING AND OUT OF IT.

WELL...I HOPE

THE EXERCISE DID

HIM A LITTLE GOOD.

THAT'S ABOUT ALL

HE'LL GET

OUT OF IT.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

NOW, LISTEN

TO THESE RECEIPTS:

WEDNESDAY MATINEE--

$2,604.

SATURDAY NIGHT--

$608.50.

NOW, THAT'S THE KIND

OF BUSINESS WE'VE

BEEN DOING.

I'LL TELL YOU FRANKLY,

THE USHERS ARE QUITTING

BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID

TO BE ALONE IN THE DARK!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT

THOSE FIGURES MEAN?

DO I KNOW? I SHOULD

KNOW ABOUT FIGURES.

I'VE HANDLED ENOUGH MODELS.

IT MEANS THE WOMEN

ARE COMING, BUT

THE MEN AREN'T.

NOW, THE MATINEE DID

GOOD BUSINESS,

BUT THEY DON'T SEEM

TO TALK ABOUT HER.

YOU GOT IT! THEY DON'T

TALK ABOUT HER,

AND WHY NOT?

I'M ASKING YOU--

WHY NOT?

SHE HASN'T GOT

ANY COLOR.

COLOR?

BY COLOR,

I MEAN GLAMOUR--

THE MAGIC WHICH WILL

TURN HER FROM A PERSON

INTO A PERSONALITY.

OH, YOU MEAN

GIVE HER A PAST.

TUESDAY.

Reilly:

NO--THE PRESENT.

THAT'S WHAT WE'VE

GOT TO GIVE MABEL--

A PRESENT--

SOMETHING THE PEOPLE

WILL FOLLOW FROM

DAY TO DAY,

SOMETHING THAT WILL

GET INTO THE HEART

OF A NATION.

HE'S RIGHT, JAKE.

SO WHAT GETS INTO

THE HEART OF A NATION?

LOVE.

LOVE.

HEY!

IF MABEL O'DARE

FALLS IN LOVE,

WHAT HAPPENS?

SHE BECOMES NEWS,

RIGHT? POSITIVELY.

AND WHEN SHE'S NEWS,

SHE'S BOX OFFICE,

RIGHT? CERTAINLY.

GENTLEMEN, THE WHOLE

THING'S SOLVED.

EXCEPT SHE'S NOT

IN LOVE WITH ANYBODY,

AND NOBODY'S

IN LOVE WITH HER.

YEAH, WE GOT TO BE

SUBTLE ABOUT THIS.

NOW, LOOK, DON'T TELL

ME THERE'S ANYTHING

SUBTLE ABOUT LOVE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS

IN THE CONFESSION

MAGAZINE BUSINESS MYSELF.

SOMEWHERE, SOMEPLACE

IN THIS TOWN IS A MAN

O'DARE CAN LOVE.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND

THAT MAN!

HEY, YOU TRYING TO START

A FIRE AROUND HERE?

HUH? OH.

GENTLEMEN,

I'VE GOT IT!

GOT WHAT?

A MAN'S MAN!

A MAN WHO--

WELL, WHO?

A MAN WHO'S ON

THE FRONT PAGE

OF EVERY PAPER

IN AMERICA TODAY!

A MAN WHO'S THE

AMBASSADOR OF ATHLETICS,

KING OF THE SPORT WORLD,

THE FIGHTING ADONIS!

NONE OTHER THAN LARRY CAIN,

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

OF THE WORLD!

[CAR HORN HONKS]

THE BANK IS COMMENCIN'

TO THINK N.S.F.

ARE MY INITIALS!

I CAN'T GET YOU

A FIGHT,

AND AS FAR

AS THE MOVIES, RADIO,

AND THE ADVERTISERS

ARE CONCERNED,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE

MARINATED A HERRING

THAT NIGHT IN THE GARDEN.

IT'S GOT ME UP A TREE.

ME, TOO.

YOU OUGHT TO BE--

LOOKING FOR COCONUTS.

WELL, MAYBE I HAVEN'T GOT

THE LURE OR SOMETHING, POP.

WHAT YOU HAVEN'T GOT

IS GLAMOUR.

NO, AND I DON'T WEAR

A BERET, EITHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN

DO FOR YOU?

YEAH--GO HOME.

Pop: TAKE IT EASY,

LARRY. I ASKED MR.

REILLY TO COME UP HERE.

HE KNOWS PUBLICITY.

HE'S BEEN IN A LOT

OF PAPERS.

MM-HMM. SO HAVE

THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.

WELL, JUST LISTEN

TO HIM, WILL YA?

YOU LISTEN TO HIM.

I'M GOING TO TAKE DODO

DOWN TO THE AQUARIUM

AND SHOW HIM TO THE FISH.

BUT SUPPOSE MR. REILLY

HAS A GREAT IDEA?

WHAT'LL I DO?

THAT'S AN EMERGENCY

THAT WILL PROBABLY

NEVER ARISE.

COME ON, DO--

[DOOR CLOSES]

NOW, MR. REILLY,

WHAT YOU GOT

ON YOUR MIND

TO EXPLOIT MY BOY?

THE GREATEST PUBLICITY

BREAK IN YEARS,

A PLUG THAT'S GOING

TO MAKE HIM FAMOUS,

A FRONT-PAGE STORY

THAT WILL HIT EVERY

SHEET IN THE COUNTRY!

A SENSATIONAL TIE-UP

THAT'S--

YES, BUT WHAT IS IT?

I'M GOING TO MAKE HIM

FALL IN LOVE.

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

[DOOR CLOSES]

ARE YOU RIDING

IN A FLOAT,

OR ARE YOU

BRINGING ME FLOWERS?

YOU LOOK LIKE

A GANGSTER'S FUNERAL.

SOME GUY SENT THEM

TO MABEL.

TO ME? WHO?

GUY BY THE NAME

OF LARRY CAIN.

KNOW HIM?

NO.

BUT JUST IMAGINE--

BEING SENT FLOWERS.

HE'S PROBABLY SOME

OLD COOT WITH REMOVABLE HAIR

AND AN APARTMENT

FULL OF ETCHINGS.

HE'S NO SUCH THING.

I--WELL...HE JUST

COULDN'T BE. THAT'S ALL.

IT WOULD SPOIL EVERYTHING.

LARRY CAIN...

SOUNDS YOUNG...

AND NICE, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH. SO DOES SPRING

LAMB, BUT IT COMES

AWFUL TOUGH SOMETIMES.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

PARDON ME,

MR. REILLY,

BUT YOU'RE

WANTED ON

THE TELEPHONE.

OK, I'LL

BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU KNOW...IT'S SORT

OF SILLY OF ME,

BUT I'M RATHER

THRILLED.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY

RIGHT, PAL.

I WOULDN'T TELL HIM,

EITHER.

ALL HE THINKS IS THAT

HE'S GOING TO A SHOW

AND A NIGHTCLUB LATER.

I HAD A TOUGH ENOUGH TIME

EVEN GETTING HIM TO DO THAT.

WHEN YOU BOUGHT THIS THING

IN THE FIRST PLACE,

YOU KNEW YOU DIDN'T

TAKE A 38.

I KNOW IT,

BUT A 42 WAS TOO BIG.

WHY DIDN'T YOU

GET A 40?

AW, I AIN'T NO GOOD

AT FIGURES.

OH...

[RIP]

BUTTON IT.

HAVING TROUBLE?

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO GET

A BUNCH OF BANANAS INTO

A KID GLOVE.

WELL, YOU RUN OUT

AND CALL A CAB.

WE DON'T WANT TO

MISS THE SHOW.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

I'D LIKE TO MISS

THE WHOLE THING--

THE SHOW, THE NIGHTCLUB

AND ALL!

HERE, I'LL HELP YOU

WITH THIS.

LISTEN, I'M GONNA

TIP YOU OFF,

SO NO CRACKS.

LARRY'S GOING OUT

TO MEET A GIRL.

A DANCER.

A DANCER?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING OVERTURE]

♪ EV'RY SUMMER WE GO DOWN

TO DEAUVILLE BY THE SEA ♪

♪ WHERE ONE CAN RUB

HIS SHOULDERS WITH A KING ♪

♪ SAINT MORITZ IN WINTER TIME,

AH, THAT'S THE PLACE TO BE ♪

♪ AND THEN TO PARIS

IN THE SPRING ♪

♪ WHERE ONE CAN HAVE

HIS LITTLE FLING ♪

♪ THOUGH NORMANDY IS LOVELY

IN NOVEMBER ♪

♪ SOMEHOW, IT LEAVES YOU

NOTHING TO REMEMBER ♪

♪ I CAN'T FORGET THE NIGHT I

MET YOU DOWN AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ GEE, I WAS PROUD YOU PICKED ME

FROM THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ AND VERY SOON, I PROVED

TO YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS

WEREN'T PHONY ♪

♪ IT ENDED ♪

♪ IN MATRIMONY ♪

♪ AND NOW WE'RE EATING CAVIAR

INSTEAD OF MACARONI ♪

♪ BUT I RECALL THOSE

PICNIC LUNCHES OF

BOLOGNA WITH A SMILE ♪

♪ I GUESS I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I STILL GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,

WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Chorus: ♪ I GUESS

I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I STILL

GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,

WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD

AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Barker: LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN,

I WANT TO IMPRESS UPON YOU--

WE HAVE INSIDE

THE WORLD'S GREATEST

WAX MUSEUM!

[SHOUTING PITCH]

♪ HERE'S A SIGHT

THAT'S MOST INSTRUCTIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAX MUSEUM ♪

♪ THESE FIGURES

LOOK SO LIFELIKE

AND SO REAL ♪

♪ HERE'S NAPOLEON

BONAPARTE ♪

♪ OF COURSE YOU'VE

HEARD OF HIM ♪

♪ HELLO, THERE, NAP,

HOW DO YOU FEEL? ♪

♪ AND TELL ME,

HOW'S YOUR OLD

BASTILLE? ♪

♪ AND THERE'S A LOT

OF OTHER FAMOUS FACES ♪

♪ WHO LIVED IN BYGONE DAYS

AND FAR-OFF PLACES ♪

♪ NOW THERE'S DELILAH

AND HER LOVER ♪

♪ HE'S THAT STRONGMAN,

SAMSON ♪

♪ IF HE WOULD EAT MORE

SPINACH, HE'D BE STRONGER ♪

♪ AND MORE HANDSOME ♪

[TOOT TOOT]

♪ IF THOU

WOULDST TAKE

A WALK WITH ME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND ON THEE

A WHOLE SIMOLEON ♪

♪ NAPOLEON, HA HA! ♪

YOU FAT LITTLE RASCAL!

♪ A WHOLE SIMOLEON? ♪

♪ WE'RE THE

BROTHERS SMITH ♪

♪ THE ENEMIES

OF LARYNGITIS ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED]

♪ IF YOU WOULD LIKE

A TENOR VOICE ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU GIVE

OUR DROPS A TRY? ♪

[HIGH-PITCHED]

♪ AND NOW-- ♪

♪ WHO HAVE

WE HERE? ♪

♪ I'M JULIUS CAESAR,

DEAR ♪

♪ OH, JULIUS, FANCY MEETING YOU

AGAIN AT CONEY ISLE ♪

♪ REMEMBER

CINDERELLA? ♪

♪ SHE'S THE DREAM OF

EACH ROMANCER ♪

♪ I'VE LEARNED A LOT

SINCE THEN ♪

♪ NOW I'M A TAXI DANCER ♪

♪ AND TELL ME ♪

♪ WHO IS THAT

DISTINGUISHED

GENTLEMAN ♪

♪ RIGHT IN

THE MIDDLE? ♪

♪ THAT'S NERO ♪

[PLAYING]

♪ I PLAY HOT FIDDLE ♪

♪ AND HERE ARE

ALL THE PEACEFUL

MEMBERS ♪

♪ OF THE PEACE

CONVENTION ♪

♪ I GUESS I'M STILL A HICK ♪

♪ AND I STILL

GET A KICK ♪

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU

WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

Barker: LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN...

Chorus: ♪ I CAN'T FORGET

THE NIGHT I MET YOU

DOWN AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ GEE, I WAS PROUD

YOU PICKED ME FROM THE

CROWD AT CONEY ISLAND ♪

♪ AND VERY SOON I PROVED

TO YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS

WEREN'T PHONY ♪

♪ IT ENDED ♪

♪ IN MATRIMONY ♪

♪ AND NOW

WE'RE EATING CAVIAR

INSTEAD OF MACARONI ♪

♪ BUT I RECALL THOSE

PICNIC LUNCHES OF

BOLOGNA WITH A SMILE... ♪

THAT'S HER!

SURE, IT'S A HER.

I CAN TELL THAT

FROM HERE.

NO, NO, NO--

WHERE YOU GOING?

ANYPLACE TO GET AWAY

FROM HER.

♪ JUST LOVIN' YOU,

WHILE SHOVIN' THROUGH ♪

♪ THE CROWD AT CONEY ISLE ♪

[APPLAUSE]

GOOD EVENING,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THIS IS BYRON YOUNG

AND HIS BOYS,

BROADCASTING FROM

THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB.

[PLAYING DANCE MUSIC]

GOOD EVENING,

MADEMOISELLE,

MONSIEUR.

OUR RESERVATION,

PLEASE.

THIS WAY,

PLEASE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

IT'S GETTING LATE.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY,

CHAMP?

IT'S ONLY

HALF-PAST 1:00.

SURE, IT DOES

YOU GOOD TO BE

OUT LIKE THIS.

YOU CAN'T TELL

A LITTLE RELA--

OH, PARDON,

MONSIEUR,

I AM VERY SORRY,

BUT I MAKE A MISTAKE.

THIS TABLE,

IT IS RESERVED.

WHAT?

WHY, HELLO!

MISS O'DARE,

WHAT A

COINCIDENCE

THAT WE SHOULD

HAVE YOUR TABLE.

NOW LET ME

INTRODUCE

MY FRIENDS

AND WE'LL GO.

NOT AT ALL,

DEAR FELLOW.

IT WILL BE TOO

FRIGHTFULLY,

TERRIBLY JOLLY

HAVING YOU JOIN US.

MISS SUMMER,

MISS FOY,

AND MISS LAMONT.

AND NONE OTHER THAN

MR. LARRY CAIN.

HOW DO YOU DO,

MR. CAIN?

THERE'S

SOMETHING

ABOUT YOU

THAT'S VERY

FAMILIAR.

OH, YES,

I REMEMBER.

I HAD TRIPE

FOR DINNER!

I HAD HAM.

LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING

TO HAVE SOME MORE.

CUT IT OUT, LARRY.

HITTING A LADY

AIN'T CRICKET.

IT AIN'T EVEN PINOCHLE.

NO, NO, NO,

NOW, IF YOU

INSIST, MABEL,

WELL, THERE'S

NOTHING TO DO

BUT TO ACCEPT.

WAITER,

ANOTHER TABLE

HERE, PLEASE.

AH, LISTEN TO

THAT MUSIC.

ARE WE GOING TO

LET IT WASTE?

AH, MISS LAMONT,

PLEASE.

MISS SUMMERS?

HOW ABOUT YOU,

MISS FOY?

I'D LOVE TO.

I ALWAYS SAY

IT'S MUCH EASIER

BEING

DISAGREEABLE

SITTING DOWN.

SHALL WE?

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD

THANK YOU FOR YOUR

BOUQUET OF FLOWERS.

THEY WERE QUITE WILTED

WHEN THEY ARRIVED.

BOUQUET?

YES, BOUQUET.

A BUNCH OF FLOWERS IS

A BOUQUET, MR. CAIN.

OH, YES, YES--

THOSE THINGS YOU KEEP

THROWING AT YOURSELF,

I REMEMBER.

WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET UP

ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND

DO THIS TO MUSIC?

IT MIGHT BE ANOTHER ROUTINE.

YOU CAN'T TELL.

WHEN ONE IS DANCING

IN A BROADWAY HIT,

ONE GETS SO TIRED

OF DANCING.

YOU DIDN'T GET SO TIRED

WHEN YOU DAHNCED OVER ME

ALL NIGHT.

THAT'S BECAUSE

I DANCE ON

MY TOES NOW.

I WAS DANCING

ON A HEEL THEN.

OH, SO THAT'S WHAT

YOU CALL IT, IS IT?

I DIDN'T KNOW.

THE MAN SITTING

NEXT TO ME SAID,

"I WONDER WHAT SHE'S

DOING ON THE STAGE ALONE.

SHE MUST HAVE THROWN

HER JOCKEY."

UH, DO YOU DO

ANYTHING, MR. CAIN,

OR, UH, ARE YOU

JUST A CRITIC?

LISTEN, O'DARE,

I WON A CHAMPIONSHIP.

WELL YOU MAY BE A

CHAMP TO SOMEBODY,

BUT YOU'RE JUST

A PUNCHING BAG WITH

EARS ON IT TO ME!

WELL, IF THAT GALLOPING

YOU WERE DOING TONIGHT

IS CALLED DANCING,

THEN I'VE SEEN

RUSSIAN BALLET

AT A HORSE SHOW.

JUST A MINUTE, MR. CAIN!

YOU'RE TALKING TO A LADY!

LISTEN,

IF SHE'S A LADY,

DIAMOND LIL'

COULD GET BY AS

WHISTLER'S MOTHER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO

APOLOGIZE FOR THAT!

I WOULDN'T APOLOGIZE

TO HER

IF I COMMITTED MAYHEM,

ARSON, AND MURDER ON HER!

DON'T! DON'T HIT HIM,

LARRY, DON'T!

ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT,

BUT I'LL KNOCK

THAT TENOR FLATTER

THAN HE SINGS.

YOU CAN'T.

HE'S AN ACTOR.

IF YOU BUST HIS

PAN, HE'LL LOSE

HIS JOB,

CLOSE HIS SHOW.

OH. I'LL BET YOU

WEAR GLASSES WHEN

YOU'RE NOT WORKING.

NEVER MIND MY FACE--

COME ON!

SHUT UP, RONNY.

Walters:

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, NOTHING, POP,

NOTHING.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY

BEING CHARMING,

EVERY PLACE

I TAKE YOU TONIGHT.

WELL, THEN, TAKE ME

SOMEPLACE WHERE

THIS CLUCK ISN'T.

DON'T YOU DARE

CALL ME A CLUCK!

ARE YOU GOING

TO STAND FOR THIS?

I CAN'T HIT HIM.

HE WON'T HIT ME

BACK.

WELL, I CAN!

OH, DEAR.

OH, WHAT A SMACK.

YEAH.

WET SMACK.

OHH! OHH! OHH!

WAIT TILL YOU

READ THE PAPERS

IN THE MORNING.

THIS STORY WILL HIT

EVERY FRONT PAGE

IN THE COUNTRY, POP.

IT WILL BE THE GREAT

AMERICAN LOVE STORY.

YEAH. SORT OF LIKE

THE CIVIL WAR, HUH?

YE...

HELLO?

WHY, HELLO, POP.

HOW ARE YOU?

SURE, I'VE SEEN

THE PAPERS.

YEAH, HOW'S THE

CHAMP TAKING IT?

HE'S RIGHT OUT

OF HIS HEAD,

AND SO WILD,

FRANK BUCK COULDN'T

BRING HIM BACK.

AHH, LET HIM RAVE,

POP.

HE GOT MORE SPACE

THIS MORNING

THAN HE DID WHEN

HE WON THE TITLE.

I'VE GIVEN HIM

COLOR.

HE'LL GIVE HER

A COUPLE OF COLORS--

BLACK AND BLUE.

HE THINKS SHE PUT

THAT STUFF IN THE PAPER.

WELL, SO WHAT?

WELL, MAYBE SO,

BUT I GOT A FUNNY FEELING

THAT SOMETHING'S GONNA BREAK.

[CRASHING]

THERE IT GOES.

SAY, LISTEN,

I GOT TO HANG UP.

DODO'S IN THERE

WITH HIM, ALONE,

AND I WANT TO SAVE

A PIECE OF HIM

TO SEND HOME

TO HIS MOTHER.

LOOK AT IT.

LOOK AT IT!

I'LL BET THEY'VE GOT

A MARSHMALLOW SUNDAE

NAMED AFTER ME RIGHT NOW!

NOW, LISTEN, LARRY,

YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN.

THIS AIN'T AS SERIOUS

AS YOU--

ISN'T SERIOUS?

PLAYING POST OFFICE

ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE

WITH A DAME!

YOU'VE GOT TO

REMEMBER, CHAMP,

ALL THE WORLD

LOVES A LOVER.

OH, SO I'VE SWITCHED

TITLES, HAVE I?

I'M AMERICA'S SWEETHEART

NOW, AM I?

WELL, GET THIS--

OR I'LL WRING HER NECK UNTIL

THE NEWSPAPERS WON'T BE ABLE

TO GET A WORD OUT OF HER

WITHOUT A CORKSCREW!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WAIT TILL

I GET THIS.

THE RIOT SQUAD IS

PROBABLY DOWNSTAIRS.

HELLO?

YEAH? WHO?

OH, HELLO, COLONEL.

WHY, YES, COLONEL,

I THINK WE'D BE

INTERESTED.

THAT SUITS US.

HALF-PAST 2:00 IN

YOUR OFFICE IS OK.

SO LONG, COLONEL.

WHO DO YOU THINK

WANTS YOU TO SIGN UP?

THE BLOOMER GIRLS,

PROBABLY.

NO, COLONEL JOHNSON

AT THE GARDEN.

HE WANTS YOU TO MEET

JOE RITA ON THE 27th.

ME? CLIMB THROUGH THE ROPES

AT THE GARDEN AFTER THIS?

WHY, I'D BE CROWNED

QUEEN OF THE MAY WITH

20,000 POP BOTTLES

BEFORE I COULD GET

MY GLOVES ON!

BUT CHAMP!

THAT'S THE FIRST

OFFER WE'VE HAD!

[RING]

HELLO? MR. WALTERS

TALKING.

WHO? YES.

OH, WELL, I COULDN'T

GIVE YOU A DECISION

AT THE MOMENT.

ABOUT 5:30

WOULD BE VERY GOOD.

IN YOUR OFFICE.

OK.

WHO WAS THAT?

TALKSIE-WALKSIE

CORPORATION.

THEY MAKE LOVEYS.

Dodo: YOU'VE HEARD THEIR

SLOGAN, CHAMP.

"SAY I LOVE YOU

WITH A BREATH OF SPRING."

WHAT?

LOVEYS. YOU KNOW,

THEM BREATH KILLERS.

IF YOU BEEN

EATING ONIONS,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS

PLOP ONE IN YOUR CLAPPER,

AND YOU'LL BLOW OUT

LIKE A VIOLET.

SAY, WHAT KIND OF

A DIET HAVE YOU GUYS

BEEN ON, ANYWAY?

WELL, WE'RE GOING

TO EAT OFF THEM

FOR A LONG TIME.

THEY'RE READY

TO SIGN A DEAL

WITH YOU.

FOR WHAT?

TO GO ON THE RADIO.

THE BREATH OF SPRING?

SAY, ISN'T IT

BAD ENOUGH NOW

WITHOUT TRYING TO MAKE

A PERFUME ATOMIZER

OUT OF ME?

[DOOR SLAMS]

WELL, IT AIN'T AFTER

A PACKAGE OF LOVEYS.

YOU!

YOU CHEAP DAME!

YOU CHEAP CAD!

SHUT UP!

ANY MAN WHO WOULD

PUT SLUSH LIKE THAT

IN THE PAPERS

OUGHTN'T TO BE

A PRIZEFIGHTER.

HE OUGHT TO BE

A CHORUS BOY.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,

WAIT A MINUTE--

"ALWAYS HAVE I WANTED

TO MEET THE PERFECT GIRL."

I NEVER SAID

ANYTHING LIKE THAT

IN MY LIFE!

IF THEY PRINTED WHAT

I THOUGHT OF YOU,

THEY WOULDN'T BE

ABLE TO SEND IT

THROUGH THE MAILS!

SAY, LISTEN, YOU--

YOU PUG--

IF YOU EVER PRINT

ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN,

BEFORE I GET THROUGH

WITH YOU,

I'LL NOT ONLY HAVE

YOUR TITLE,

BUT ENOUGH OF YOUR TEETH

TO SUPPLY ALL

THE ELKS IN PEORIA.

I PRINTED? I?

THE WHOLE THING

WAS A LIE!

BUT THE BIGGEST ONE

WAS CALLING YOU

A DANCER!

AND WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH MY DANCING?

IF YOU'RE A DANCER,

I'M ALL WET.

THAT'S RIGHT!

NOW, LISTEN, MABEL,

BEFORE YOU GOT

ALL THIS PUBLICITY,

THE SHOW WAS DOING

SUCH A BAD BUSINESS

THAT THE MAN

IN THE BOX OFFICE

WAS PLAYING SOLITAIRE

WITH THE TICKETS

TO KEEP HIMSELF

FROM BEING LONESOME.

BUT YESTERDAY,

BUSINESS STARTED

TO PICK UP.

WHY, THE ACTORS OUTNUMBER

THE AUDIENCE ONLY 2 TO 1.

BE REASONABLE,

MABEL.

AFTER ALL, YOU DON'T

HAVE TO BE GAGA

ABOUT THE GUY.

JUST PRETEND TO BE.

KID THE PUBLIC.

IF YOU'LL ONLY

PUT ON AN ACT,

THE JUVENILE MAN ON

IN A WHEELCHAIR!

THAT'S MARVELOUS

FOR THE SHOW,

BUT WHAT ABOUT

ME?

OHH...

YOU'RE GETTING PAID

FOR BEING IN THE SHOW,

AREN'T YOU?

YES, AS A DANCER,

NOT A SPARRING

PARTNER

FOR AN EGOTISTICAL

PUG-UGLY!

BUT JUST THINK, MABEL,

I DON'T WANT TO BE

ON THE FRONT PAGE

WITH ANYBODY!

WELL, OF COURSE,

IF YOU WANT TO

BE A SNOB.

NOW, MABEL--

MABEL, PLEASE,

WON'T YOU DO

THIS FOR ME?

IF THIS SHOW FLOPS,

I'M OUT OF SHOW BUSINESS.

THERE'S ONLY ONE

ANGEL LEFT THAT

I HAVEN'T NICKED,

AND YOU DON'T WANT ME

TO WAIT TILL JUDGMENT

DAY FOR GABRIEL.

BUT MR. SHERMAN,

DON'T YOU SEE?

I HATE THE MAN,

AFTER HIM PUTTING

THAT IN THE PAPER.

Reilly: BUT HE

DIDN'T PUT IT IN.

NOW WE GOT TO

PLAY IT UP.

REALLY?

All: YES.

OH.

YES.

NEVERTHELESS,

I STILL HATE HIM!

OH, NOW, MABEL--

NOW, MABEL, LOOK,

YOU DON'T HATE ME,

DO YOU?

NO.

YOU DON'T HATE

RONNY.

NO.

YOU DON'T HATE

YOUR AUNT MIMI.

NO,

OF COURSE NOT.

YOU DON'T HATE THE REST

OF THE COUNTRY, DO YOU?

NO.

AND BESIDES, THERE'S

A LOT OF WORSE WAYS OF

GETTING A PAIN IN THE NECK

THAN FROM LARRY CAIN.

HE'S RIGHT, DEAR.

REMEMBER YOUR

GRANDFATHER SEAMUS.

HE WAS HUNG, POOR MAN.

ALL RIGHT,

I'LL BE

A GOOD SPORT.

OH, MABEL,

I'LL NEVER FORGET

YOU FOR THIS.

NEITHER WILL

LARRY CAIN.

NO, NO, NO--

NOTHING DOING,

I TELL YOU.

RIGHT NOW

IF I GOT A SMACK

IN THE EAR,

THE NEWSPAPERS

WOULDN'T SAY IT

WAS CAULIFLOWER.

THEY'D SAY

IT WAS GARDENIA.

THAT'S WHAT

THAT DAME'S

DONE FOR ME.

BUT THINK OF

THE PUBLICITY VALUE.

OH, I CAN SEE IT NOW,

JUST AS PLAIN AS IF

IT WERE IN PRINT--

"LARRY CAIN,

THE BATTLING ADONIS

OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE."

DON'T SAY THINGS

LIKE THAT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT

YOUR CAREER?

WELL, I WAS

A MECHANIC ONCE,

I CAN BE

A MECHANIC

AGAIN.

YEAH? WELL, WHAT ABOUT

ME AND DODO, KID?

AFTER ALL, WE'VE GONE

HUNGRY SO YOU COULD EAT.

WE'VE SPENT THE LAST

3 YEARS GETTING YOU UP

TO WHERE

YOU COULD CASH IN,

SO WE COULD MAKE

A LITTLE, TOO.

WHAT ABOUT US?

WELL...

WELL, I NEVER

THOUGHT OF THAT.

Reilly: IT'S PLAYING

THE GAME, LARRY.

YEAH. YEAH,

I GUESS IT IS.

THEN YOU'LL DO IT?

YEAH,

I'LL DO IT.

BUT THAT

O'DARE DAME

UNDERSTANDS,

THIS IS STRICTLY

BUSINESS.

AW, SURE.

SHE'S INTERESTED

IN ANOTHER GUY.

YEAH? WHO?

WHY, RONNY CAULDWELL,

WHO PLAYS IN THE SHOW

WITH HER.

OH, SO THAT'S THE KIND

OF A GUY SHE LIKES, HUH?

RONNY CAULDWELL.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

A GUY THAT PUTS MAKEUP

ON HIS FACE.

WELL, IT'S A LOT

MORE COMFORTABLE THAN

ADHESIVE TAPE AND IODINE.

STANDING ROOM ONLY.

STANDING ROOM

IS ALL I CAN GET.

WANT TO STAND,

OLD BOY?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING OVERTURE]

♪ SWEET MUSIC IS

THE POETRY OF ROMANCE ♪

♪ THERE IS NO ROMANCE

WITHOUT A SONG ♪

♪ AND THOUGH IT'S SUCH

A LITTLE THING TO DO,

DEAR ♪

♪ I'LL SING TO YOU,

DEAR ♪

♪ MY WHOLE LIFE LONG ♪

♪ I'LL SING YOU

A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND STILL

THEY'D SEEM SO FEW ♪

♪ FOR I NEED

A THOUSAND VOICES ♪

♪ TO TELL YOU

HOW I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I'VE ONLY ONE HEART

TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ ONE VOICE TO LISTEN,

TOO ♪

♪ SO, I'LL BRING

A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND I'LL SING

EV'RY ONE, DEAR ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ LOVE, AT LAST

YOU'VE FOUND ME ♪

♪ HOLD ME AND

HOLD ME ALWAYS ♪

♪ THRILL ME AND FILL

ALL MY DAYS ♪

♪ AND WEAVE A SPELL

AROUND ME ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ SING TO ME LOVE'S

OLD, OLD STORY ♪

♪ YEARNING, BONNIE LAURIE ♪

♪ L'AMOUR TOUJOURS L'AMOUR ♪

♪ BELIEVE ME IF ALL THOSE

ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS ♪

♪ WHICH I GAZE ON

SO FONDLY TODAY ♪

♪ WERE TO FADE BY TOMORROW

AND FLEE IN MY ARMS ♪

♪ THY...

IS FADING AWAY ♪

♪ THOU WOULD STILL BE ADORED

AS THIS MOMENT THOU ART ♪

♪ LET THY LOVELINESS FADE

AS IT WILL ♪

♪ AND AROUND THE DEAR... ♪

♪ EACH WISH OF MY HEART ♪

♪ WOULD... ♪

[MAN SINGING IN ITALIAN]

♪ IN THE SHADOWS THAT

MAY COME AND SING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA

LA LA LA ♪

♪ LET ME DREAM A SONG

THAT I CAN BRING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA

LA LA LA ♪

♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS

AND LET ME CLING TO YOU ♪

♪ LET ME LINGER LONG ♪

♪ LET ME LIVE MY SONG ♪

♪ IN THE WINTER LET ME

BRING THE SPRING TO YOU ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA

LA LA LA ♪

♪ LET ME FEEL THAT I

MEAN EVERYTHING TO YOU ♪

♪ LOVE'S OLD SONG

WILL BE NEW ♪

♪ IN THE SHADOWS WHEN

I COME AND SING TO YOU ♪

♪ DEAR, IN THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ WHEN I COME AND SING

TO YOU ♪

[SINGING WEDDING MARCH]

♪ I'LL SING YOU

A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND STILL

THEY'D SEEM SO FEW ♪

♪ FOR I NEED

A THOUSAND VOICES ♪

♪ TO TELL YOU

HOW I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ I'VE ONLY ONE HEART

TO GIVE YOU ♪

♪ ONE VOICE TO LISTEN,

TOO ♪

♪ SO, I'LL BRING

A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS ♪

♪ AND I'LL SING

EV'RY ONE, DEAR ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

[APPLAUSE]

THROW HIM A KISS.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO. JUST DROPPED IN

TO SEE HOW THE MODERN

PAUL AND VIRGINIA

WERE GETTING ALONG.

GOING SWIMMINGLY,

I HOPE.

YES. ON WAVES OF NAUSEA.

WHY DON'T YOU COME IN

AND MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME?

HE'S QUITE

IMPOSSIBLE, EH?

IMPOSSIBLE?

UNBELIEVABLE.

HE'S GOT THIS SWELLED

HEAD SO BAD,

HE COULD WEAR

A BATHTUB FOR A HAT.

I'LL BE GLAD

WHEN IT'S OVER.

ME, TOO.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD

HAVE AN AWFUL LOT

OF FUN PLAYING.

UH, JUST SO THERE

ISN'T ANY MISTAKE,

RONNY,

I NEVER

PLAY ANY GAMES--

UNLESS

IT'S FOR KEEPS.

KEEPS WOULD BE

SWELL FOR ME.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

MM-MM.

NO? THEN

I'LL TELL YOU.

EVERY TIME

I SEE YOU,

YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN

I REMEMBER YOU FROM

LAST TIME.

THAT SOUNDS NICE.

WHAT PLAY IS IT FROM?

I'M NOT BEING A HAM,

MABEL, I'M CRAZY

ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE DIFFERENT

FROM MOST DANCERS.

Cain: YEAH--

MOST OF THEM DANCE.

[SARCASTIC]

MY KNIGHT.

I WANT TO GET IT

OVER WITH AND GET

SOME SLEEP.

I'VE GOT TO STOP AT

THE APARTMENT FIRST.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME

TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES

BEFORE THE THEATER.

ALL RIGHT,

BUT HURRY UP.

I MUST SAY, I ENVY YOU

TAKING MISS O'DARE TO

SUPPER EVERY EVENING.

WELL, IF THAT

MAKES YOU ENVIOUS,

I KNOW A GUY IN

THE POULTRY BUSINESS

WHO'D MAKE YOU

POSITIVELY JEALOUS.

HE FEEDS 2,000

CLUCKS EVERY NIGHT.

ARE YOU GOING TO

START THAT CLUCK

BUSINESS AGAIN?

IF YOU ARE, YOU'RE

NOT GOING TO GET AWAY

WITH IT THIS TIME,

WHETHER I'M

A SINGER OR NOT!

YOU'RE NOT.

TAKE THE WORD

OF A GUY

COME ON.

OH!

ALL RIGHT--

PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON.

GET READY TO MEET

THE AUTOGRAPH HOUNDS.

ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

HOW DO I LOOK?

LIKE A BEAVER

ABOUT TO GO TO

WORK ON A TREE.

[CROWD MURMURING]

HERE THEY COME!

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

HOLD IT! JUST A MINUTE,

PLEASE!

JUST A MINUTE,

PLEASE!

HOW ABOUT A KISS?

[GASPS AND CHEERING]

DID YOU SAY

SOMETHING?

NO, I DIDN'T SAY

A THING.

OH.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU?

WELL, BECAUSE I CAN'T

BE MYSELF AROUND YOU.

I WONDER

HOW YOU ACT WHEN

YOU ARE YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T HAVE

TO SEEM TO BE

SO BORED WITH ME.

THERE ARE

PLENTY OF MEN

WHO WOULD LIKE TO

TAKE ME OUT TONIGHT.

I SUPPOSE YOU'D

RATHER BE OUT WITH

THAT RONNY CAULDWELL.

I'D RATHER BE

OUT WITH ANYBODY

BUT YOU!

THAT GUY THAT PUTS

MAKEUP ON HIS FACE.

HE'S A VERY

NICE MAN.

LET'S BE HONEST

ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS JUST

A PUBLICITY STUNT.

THERE ISN'T A REAL

THING ABOUT IT.

AND IF IT WERE REAL?

WELL, THAT WOULD BE--

NEVILLE ARMS.

WON'T YOU COME UP

AND WAIT FOR ME?

COME UP--NO!

NO, REILLY'S

WAITING FOR US,

AND I'M HUNGRY,

AND I GOT TO GET HOME.

I'LL ONLY BE

A MINUTE.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

IT WOULD BE MUCH

CHEAPER FOR YOU

WAIT HERE.

YES, SIR.

WILL YOU RING

MISS O'DARE'S

APARTMENT, PLEASE?

YES, SIR.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

MISS O'DARE

DOESN'T ANSWER.

WELL,

SHE'S UP THERE,

ISN'T SHE?

YES. I HAVEN'T

SEEN HER GO OUT.

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

JUST WHAT DO YOU

THINK YOU'RE DOING?

FRYING A PORK CHOP.

WHAT'S THE IDEA OF

KEEPING ME SITTING

OUT THERE WAITING?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU,

MR. CAIN.

I LOOKED

AT THE PORK CHOP,

AND THEN I LOOKED

OUT THE WINDOW AT YOU,

AND I SAID, "ME,

I'LL TAKE THE PORK CHOP."

THIS IS GOING TO

LOOK AWFUL IN PRINT.

WHAT?

"PRIZEFIGHTER

PUNCHES SHOW GIRL

IN NOSE,"

AND THAT'S

WHAT'S GOING

TO HAPPEN, TOO,

LOOK, MY GOOD WOMAN,

REILLY'S WAITING

DINNER FOR US.

LISTEN, SON,

I'VE HAD ALL OF REILLY

AND THE NIGHTCLUBS

THAT I CAN STAND.

SO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP

HIM COMPANY, GO AHEAD.

I'M STAYING HERE.

SWELL!

AHEM.

UH, PORK CHOPS, HUH?

WANT ONE?

WELL, UH, I MEAN,

WE GOT ENOUGH?

CERTAINLY.

GET A PLATE.

YOU GET IT.

I'LL ATTEND

TO THOSE.

NO, NO, NO. YOU'LL

SPLATTER YOURSELF.

DON'T TELL ME HOW

TO PUT A PORK CHOP

ON A PLATE!

I USED TO BE

A WAITRESS.

A WAITRESS? YOU?

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG

WITH WAITRESS?

YOU AN AUTOMAT FAN

OR SOMETHING?

WELL, NO,

BUT SOMEHOW OR OTHER,

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE YOU

AS A WAITRESS, THAT'S ALL.

WELL,

PLENTY PEOPLE CAN.

I'LL BET YOU I COULD

GO OUT RIGHT NOW

AND GET A JOB

WAITING ON TABLES

IN 5 OF THE BEST

RESTAURANTS IN TOWN.

WELL,

FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE.

AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD

A SWELLED HEAD.

ABOUT WHAT?

WELL,

I'M A SON OF A GUN.

NEVER MIND THE ABUSE.

GET ANOTHER PLATE.

O'DARE,

I THINK I OWE YOU

AN APOLOGY.

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

SHALL WE SHAKE HANDS

AND MAKE UP?

NO. I GOT A BETTER

IDEA THAN THAT.

[PLATE SHATTERS]

O'DARE, I WISH YOU WEREN'T

IN SHOW BUSINESS.

SO DO I.

BUT AFTER ALL,

A JOB'S A JOB.

I WISH YOU WEREN'T

A PRIZEFIGHTER.

I'M NOT REALLY

A PRIZEFIGHTER.

I'M JUST A MECHANIC

WHO HAPPENED TO HAVE

A SOCK, THAT'S ALL.

BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I'M SCARED TO DEATH

EVERY TIME I CRAWL

BETWEEN THE ROPES,

AND I'M GOING

TO QUIT IT, TOO.

OH, YOU'LL NEVER

QUIT AS LONG AS

YOU'RE A CHAMPION.

NO? WELL, I'LL LET YOU

IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

THAT FIGHT NEXT WEEK

IS MY LAST ONE,

AND I'M GOING

TO WIN IT, TOO,

'CAUSE I'M BETTING

EVERYTHING I'VE GOT

IN THE WORLD ON IT.

I'M BUYING MY FUTURE

WITH IT.

YOUR FUTURE?

YEAH. SUPER SERVICE

STATION OVER IN JERSEY.

OH, IT'S A PIP--

WASH RACK, MACHINE SHOP,

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

GREASE PIT YOU EVER SAW.

I CAN DO THE REPAIR WORK

MYSELF FOR A WHILE

AND GET A KID TO TAKE CARE

OF THE GAS AND OIL.

THEN LATER ON, MAYBE

I CAN GET ANOTHER ONE...

AND ANOTHER ONE

AND ANOTHER ONE...

3 GARAGES ALREADY.

WE'RE DOING MARVELOUSLY,

AREN'T WE?

WE? YOU SAID "WE."

OH, DID I?

I GUESS I WAS

SORT OF DAYDREAMING.

OH, DEAR.

MAYBE, IF WE'RE LUCKY,

WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE

HOUSE, TOO, HUH?

Mabel: WITH WHITE

ORGANDY CURTAINS...

YEAH,

AND A RADIOBAR...

AND EVERYTHING.

BUT THERE'S

ONE THING YOU

MUST PROMISE ME--

NOT TO BET

ON THE FIGHT.

YOU MIGHT LOSE.

IT'S GAMBLING

OUR HAPPINESS.

BUT I HAVE TO.

I NEED EXACTLY TWICE

WHAT I'VE GOT.

WELL, I'VE GOT

SOME MONEY.

I SAVED IT

OUT OF MY SALARY.

BUT THAT'S YOUR MONEY.

WELL,

WE'RE PARTNERS,

AREN'T WE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WE'LL GET THE LICENSE

THE FIRST THING

IN THE MORNING.

HE'LL KEEP IT OUT OF

THE PAPERS FOR US.

I'LL CALL FOR YOU

TOMORROW NIGHT

AFTER THE SHOW,

AND WE'LL GET MARRIED.

MABEL O'DARE, HOOFER,

WILL BE MRS. LARRY CAIN,

HAUSFRAU.

AND AFTER THE FIGHT,

MRS. CAIN'S HUSBAND

WILL BE JUST ANOTHER

MECHANIC.

GARAGE OWNER,

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

IT'S GOING TO BE

MARVELOUS, ISN'T IT?

IT'S GOING TO BE

OUR SECRET.

IT'S TOO GRAND TO

SHARE WITH ANYBODY--

NOT EVEN

THE NEWSPAPERS.

PROMISE YOU WON'T

TELL ANYBODY?

I PROMISE.

THE CARE HE TAKES OF IT,

YOU'D THINK IT WAS

A BAG OF GUMDROPS

HE WAS WORKING ON.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S

GOT INTO THE GUY.

I CAN'T TELL WHETHER

HE'S SPARRING OR

PLAYING PATTY-CAKE.

IF HE DON'T

SNAP INTO IT,

REED IS GOING

TO KNOCK HIM RIGHT OUT

FROM UNDER HIS TITLE.

POP, I THINK WE BETTER

GO OVER TO PHILLY

AND TRAIN THERE.

THE FIGHT'S

ONLY A WEEK OFF.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHAT'S GOT HIM--

TOO MUCH NIGHTCLUB FOOD.

HE'S SO FULL

OF FRENCH PASTRY,

A GOOD POKE

IN THE PANTRY

WOULD DENT HIM

LIKE A TUBE

OF TOOTHPASTE.

OK, LARRY!

GO ON OVER

TO THE CLUB AND PACK.

WE'RE GOING TO PHILLY.

WE? OH, NO.

YOU, MAYBE. NOT ME.

YOU OUGHT TO BE THERE

AT LEAST A WEEK

BEFORE THE FIGHT--

YOU KNOW, SORT OF

GET ACCLIMATED.

I'LL START WORRYING

ABOUT THE FIGHT

WHEN THE BELL RINGS.

NOW, LISTEN, LARRY,

THIS GUY REED'S GOT

A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

IN BOTH HANDS,

AND IF YOU DON'T

START TRAINING,

HE'LL PUT YOU

IN COLD STORAGE.

ALL THEY HAVE TO DO,

YOU KNOW, IS TO COUNT 10

TO CHANGE A CHAMP

INTO A CHUMP.

Pop: YOU'VE GOT

A TITLE TO DEFEND.

THERE'S SOMETHING

I WANT TO TELL YOU

ABOUT THAT, POP.

IF I HADN'T SIGNED

FOR THIS FIGHT,

I'D TAKE THE TITLE

AND THROW IT IN THE

MIDDLE OF MADISON

SQUARE GARDEN

AND LET 'EM

SCRAMBLE FOR IT.

AND IF I WIN

THIS FIGHT,

THAT'S WHAT

I'M GOING TO DO

ANYWAY.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

MAYBE, BUT I'M NOT

PUNCH-DRUNK.

I CAN STILL

HEAR A BELL RING

WITHOUT TRYING

TO TAKE A SWING

AT SOMEBODY

WHO ISN'T THERE,

AND I'M GOING TO

KEEP THAT WAY, TOO.

AND ANOTHER THING--

BUT I CAN STILL WEAR

IT ON THE STREET

WITHOUT SOMEBODY

TRYING TO FEED IT

PEANUTS,

AND I'M GOING

TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

SEE YOU LATER.

I GOT A DATE.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE

HAPPENED TO THE GUY?

TOMMY MUST HAVE SENT HIM

A SET OF SHAKESPEARE.

HEY, POP,

A MUG BY THE NAME OF

REILLY JUST CALLED,

SAID FOR YOU

TO DRAG IT OVER

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE

HE WANTS?

WELL, IF I KNOW REILLY,

HE'S PROBABLY TRYING

TO RUN THE CHAMP

FOR PRESIDENT OF

THE FRESHMAN CLASS

AT VASSAR.

SO THEY'RE GOING

TO GET MARRIED,

BUY A GARAGE.

SHE'S WALKING OUT

OF THE SHOW, HE'S

HANGING UP THE GLOVES.

AND AS FAR AS THE REST

OF US ARE CONCERNED,

THE LINE FORMS

BEHIND THE EIGHTBALL.

All: SO THAT'S THE REASON.

MY POOR CREDITORS.

THE WAY HIM AND

MABEL GETS ALONG,

HE MIGHT AS WELL

MARRY REED.

HE'S ONLY GOT TO GO

10 ROUNDS WITH HIM.

WITH A HORSE,

IT'S LOCOWEED,

AND WITH A DAME,

IT'S ORANGE BLOSSOMS--

ONE WHIFF, AND

THEY GO OFF THEIR NUT.

JUST PUBLICITY, HUH?

ONLY A JOKE, HUH?

JUST WHEN I'M GOING

TO CASH IN ON THE BOY,

THIS BEAUTIFUL THING

COMES INTO HIS LIFE

AND KICKS ME

RIGHT IN THE PUSS.

WHY? WHY DOES

A NICE GIRL LIKE HER

HAVE TO GET MARRIED,

ANYWAY?

THE GIRL HAD A FUTURE

UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG.

WHAT'S SHE GOT

WITH A PRIZEFIGHTER?

GARAGE MECHANIC.

WITH A GARAGE MECHANIC.

THANK YOU.

NOTHING BUT

A FREE VALVE GRIND.

AH! JUST AS I THOUGHT...

A HERD OF

TURNCOATS, PHARISEES,

AND PHILISTINES!

HEY! ARE ANY OF THEM THINGS

A REFLECTION ON MY FAMILY?

CAST THE FIRST STONE,

SNEER AT THE STEAMBOAT,

JEER AT

THE WRIGHT BROTHERS...

THEN EAT YOUR WORDS.

I HAVE THE THOUGHT

THAT WILL BE

THE PILLAR OF SMOKE

WHICH WILL LEAD US

OUT OF OUR DILEMMA,

THE COLUMN OF FIRE

TO WHICH WE'LL

PORT OUR HELM.

GET AROUND TO

SAYING SOMETHING,

WILL YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

LET ME ASK YOU

ONE QUESTION:

WHAT DO CAIN

AND MABEL HATE?

All: PUBLICITY.

RIGHT. AND WHAT

WOULD THEY THINK

IF THIS STORY BROKE

THE PAPERS, THE PAPERS

MADE FUN OF IT,

AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW

WHERE THE STORY

CAME FROM?

WHY, THEY'D THINK--

THEY'D THINK

THAT THE OTHER ONE

BROKE THE STORY.

AND LARRY WOULD

GET SORE...

AND MABEL,

SEETHING...

AND THE WEDDING

WOULD BE OFF.

SIMPLE, ISN'T IT,

WHEN YOU HAVE

THAT DIVINE TOUCH.

THAT SAVES

A GREAT CHAMPION.

AND A GREAT SHOW.

AND MY 15 BUCKS A WEEK.

BUT IT'S SORT OF TOUGH

ON THE KIDS.

GET OUT FROM BEHIND THOSE.

I KNOW YOU.

MAY I COME IN?

WELL,

I HOPE TO TELL YOU.

AHEM.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T

THINK WE'RE ALONE.

HAVE YOU GOT THE LICENSE?

AND THE RING?

YEP.

AND THE MINISTER?

YEAH,

BUT NOT WITH ME.

LOOK, I'LL PICK YOU

UP AFTER THE SHOW,

TAKE YOU OVER

TO JERSEY,

AND BEFORE YOU CAN

SAY "MABEL O'DARE,"

YOU'LL BE

MRS. LARRY CAIN.

MRS. LARRY CAIN.

YEAH,

BUT MRS. LARRY CAIN

ISN'T GOING TO BE

DANCING IN ANY

MUSICAL COMEDY.

OF COURSE NOT.

IT WOULD TAKE

TOO MUCH TIME AWAY

FROM BEING

MRS. LARRY CAIN.

DON'T SAY THAT

SO FAST.

SAY IT SLOWER

SO YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT IT MEANS...

BECAUSE

MRS. LARRY CAIN

BUT THE OWNER

OF THE BEST GARAGE

IN JERSEY...

WHO'S GOT TO HAVE

HIS DINNER ON TIME

AND MECHANIC'S SOAP

IN THE BATHROOM.

IF YOU THINK THAT

YOU'RE GOING TO WASH

YOUR GREASY HANDS

IN THE BATHROOM,

YOU'VE GOT

ANOTHER THING COMING.

YOU'LL WASH

IN THE KITCHEN SINK.

YES, MA'AM.

ISN'T IT GOING

TO BE WONDERFUL?

[THUD]

HEY, AREN'T YOU

RUSHING THINGS

A LITTLE?

COME ON, LET'S GET

OUT OF HERE.

OH, JAKE!

HUH?

HERE YOU ARE,

BOY, AND HOT

OFF THE PRESS!

REILLY,

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

IF YOU EVER WROTE

A TRUE STORY?

TAKE IT IN TO HER.

OH, NO.

THAT'S YOUR JOB...

AND THE BEST

OF LUCK.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN!

Sherman:

HELLO, COTTONTOP.

HELLO.

HELLO, MIMI.

HELLO.

THAN YOU WERE TONIGHT,

OLD GOLDILOCKS.

THANK YOU,

KIND SIR.

OH, UH, MIMI...

HAVE YOU, UH...

HAVE YOU SEEN THE PAPER?

NOPE.

SEE YOU LATER,

MY LITTLE ARTICHOKE.

ALL RIGHT,

MY SPANISH ONION.

HELLO, RONNY.

HI, JAKE.

MAY I COME IN?

YES.

YOU GOT TO HAND IT

TO REILLY.

HE CERTAINLY GETS IT

IN THE PAPER.

WHAT'S HE DONE NOW--

GOT ME ON A POSTAGE STAMP?

HAVEN'T YOU READ IT?

NO.

ALL ABOUT YOU AND

CAIN GOING TO ELOPE

TO ESCAPE THE GAUDY

GLAMOUR OF BROADWAY

AND RETIRE

TO A COTTAGE SMALL

IN JERSEY.

AWFUL NONSENSE,

BUT I SUPPOSE

IT WILL GO OVER.

I DON'T BELIEVE

HE DID THIS!

AFTER ALL, MABEL,

HE'S GOT A FIGHT

IN A WEEK.

HE NEEDS

THE PUBLICITY.

BUT HE COULDN'T!

I KNOW HE COULDN'T!

GET ME THE JERSEY

ATHLETIC CLUB.

YOU SURE GOT

TO HAND IT TO

THAT GUY REILLY.

WHEN HE SMEARS

A FRONT PAGE,

HE SURE SPREADS

A MESS.

IF THAT DON'T CUT

THE CHAMP OFF THE DAME,

NOTHING ELSE WOULD.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

WHO'S CALLING?

MABEL O'DARE?

I'M SORRY.

HE'S JUST GONE

TO PHILADELPHIA

WITH HIS MANAGER.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOU MEAN THAT...

THIS IS TRUE?

NOT ANYMORE.

IT WAS SUPPOSED

TO BE OUR SECRET.

BUT HE HAD

TO SPOIL IT...

JUST FOR THE SAKE

OF PUBLICITY!

OH, I'M TERRIBLY

SORRY, MABEL.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

FORGET IT.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE

TO TAKE ME OUT

TONIGHT?

I'D LOVE TO!

MMM, AIN'T YOU

GORGEOUS!

A THING OF BEAUTY

AND A JOY FOREVER.

HAVE YOU READ

THE PAPERS?

NOPE.

THEY'RE CARRYING

A SPREAD

ABOUT YOU.

WHAT ABOUT?

WHAT?

READ IT YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE

THAT SHE...

SURE.

SWELL PUBLICITY

FOR HER.

BUSINESS WAS

DROPPING OFF,

SHE OWNS A PIECE

OF THE SHOW...

FOR THE LOVE

OF MIKE,

YOU DIDN'T FALL

FOR IT, DID YOU?

BUT SHE SAID...

SHE SAID SHE...

BUT SHE MUST HAVE.

SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE

WHO KNEW.

IT'S A PUBLICITY RACKET

WITH ALL THEM SHOW DAMES.

COME ON, GET PACKED.

WE'RE LEAVING FOR PHILLY.

YOU MEAN, TONIGHT?

YES, TONIGHT!

IT WORKED!

WHEN SHE READS THIS,

SHE'S GOING TO BLOW

THE ROOF RIGHT OFF

OF THIS THEATER.

IT'S ON THE LEVEL.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT DON'T RING TRUE.

MABEL MARRYING RONNY

AND YOU PRINTING

AN HONEST STORY? UH-UH.

LISTEN,

SHE'S SO SORE AT CAIN,

SHE'D MARRY AN OSTRICH

TO GET EVEN.

I DON'T KNOW...

IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR

TO EITHER ONE OF THEM.

YOU KNOW,

I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL

LIKE A SHYSTER.

YEAH? MAYBE YOU'D LIKE

TO TELL HER THE TRUTH

AND HAVE HER FOLD UP

THE SHOW FOR YOU.

I SAID I FELT

LIKE A SHYSTER,

NOT A PHILANTHROPIST.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

TIGHT ENOUGH?

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

HOW ARE YOUR NERVES?

ON EDGE?

WHAT?

ARE YOU ALL KEYED UP?

WHY SHOULD I BE?

THIS IS NOT

THE FIRST FIGHT

I'VE FOUGHT, YOU KNOW.

SURE, I KNOW, CHAMP.

I'LL BE BACK

IN A MINUTE.

HEY, POP!

YOU BETTER

GET IN THERE

AND SNAP LARRY

OUT OF IT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HAS HE GOT THE JITTERS?

NO.

THAT'S THE TROUBLE.

HE'S AS CALM

AS A CIGAR STORE

INDIAN,

ONLY NOT

AS DANGEROUS.

HE JUST DON'T CARE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK

THIS LITTLE ARTICLE

IN THE JOURNAL

ABOUT MABEL BEING

ENGAGED TO CAULDWELL

MIGHT WORK...

MUCH AS I HATE THE IDEA

OF POURING TURPENTINE

ON A BUSTED HEART.

WELL, CHAMP, I TOLD

THE NEWSPAPER BOYS

YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE

REED IN THE FOURTH.

I'LL BE SATISFIED

WITH A DECISION.

I MADE THAT BET,

LIKE YOU ASKED ME.

THANKS.

REMEMBER

RONNY CAULDWELL?

YEP.

SEEMS THAT HE'S

GOING TO GET MARRIED.

THE GIRL MUST HAVE

LOST A BET.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

MABEL ALWAYS DID LIKE HIM.

MABEL?!

SHE WOULDN'T MARRY

THAT NINCOMPOOP.

ALL I KNOW IS

WHAT IT SAYS HERE.

COME ON, COME ON,

YOU FATHEAD!

TIGHTEN THOSE UP.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME

TO DO, BUST A HAND?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WELL, WHAT'S THIS?

A BUNCH OF BANANAS.

NICE CHILD.

OH, SOME POSIES

FOR YOU, MABEL.

WHO ARE THEY FROM,

DEAR?

RONNY.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL,

AREN'T THEY?

YES. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL,

AREN'T THEY?

PLACES! LIGHTS!

HEY, BOY.

YES, SIR?

GET O'DARE.

SHE'S

PRACTICALLY HERE.

HE'S FIGHTING TONIGHT,

MIMI.

I, UH,

I HOPE HE WINS.

I DON'T.

I HOPE HE LOSES AND

GETS OUT OF THE GAME.

IT MAKES HIM DO THINGS

THAT AREN'T LIKE HIM.

CAN'T YOU...

SAY, CAN'T YOU

FORGET LARRY?

NO, I...I CAN'T.

Man: PLACES! CURTAIN!

ON STAGE, EVERYBODY.

PLACES, PLEASE. CURTAIN!

CURTAIN! PLACES!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

YES?

ON STAGE,

MISS O'DARE.

READY FOR

YOUR ENTRANCE.

BUT THERE'S RONNY.

I KNOW,

AND HE'S NICE...

TERRIBLY NICE.

BUT IF I MARRIED HIM,

I'D STILL BE WAITING

FOR LARRY TO COME BACK...

JUST AS I'VE BEEN

WAITING FOR A WEEK.

ARE YOU--ARE YOU SURE

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

WITH LARRY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK I COULD

EVER FORGIVE HIM

FOR SPOILING OUR--

WELL, FOR PUTTING THAT

IN THE PAPERS.

OH, HOW COULD HE

HAVE DONE IT!

HE DIDN'T.

REILLY OVERHEARD

YOU MAKING PLANS.

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THAT LARRY DIDN'T

HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH THE STORY.

HE DIDN'T?

NO.

WELL, THAT'S WHY

HE DIDN'T CALL FOR ME

THAT NIGHT.

THAT'S WHY HE WENT

TO PHILADELPHIA.

HE THOUGHT I PUT THAT

IN THE PAPERS.

YES, THAT'S

WHAT HAPPENED,

AND THAT'S THE WAY

WE PLANNED IT.

YOU PLANNED IT?

HOW COULD YOU DO

A THING LIKE THAT?!

GET ME THE NEWARK

AIRPORT, QUICKLY.

WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

I'M GOING

TO PHILADELPHIA.

[MUSICAL INTRODUCTION

AND APPLAUSE]

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA,

SO LET'S ALL MAKE A BOW ♪

WHERE'S O'DARE?

HOW DO I KNOW?

PROBABLY DIDN'T

HEAR HER CALL.

I'LL GET HER.

YOU'RE CRAZY!

WELL, I MAY BE CRAZY,

BUT I'M GOING

TO PHILADELPHIA,

JUST THE SAME.

HEY! YOU GO ON

IN A MINUTE.

OH, NO, I'M NOT.

WELL,

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SHE KNOWS ABOUT

THAT PIECE IN THE PAPER,

AND SHE SAYS

SHE WON'T GO ON.

ARE YOU MAD?

SO MAD THAT I'LL NEVER

FORGIVE THE LOT OF YOU

FOR THE CHEAPEST TRICK

THAT'S EVER BEEN PLAYED!

DON'T ARGUE NOW.

LATER, LATER!

THIS IS LATER.

IT'S ALL OVER!

I'M THROUGH WITH

YOU AND THE SHOW AND

THE WHOLE PHONY BUSINESS.

MABEL! NOW, LOOK,

YOU CAN'T DO

A THING LIKE THAT.

YOU MUST REMEMBER

THE OLDEST TRADITION

OF THE THEATER:

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

WHY?

WHY? WELL, BECAUSE...

WELL, WHY?

WELL, I...

WELL, WHY IS--

YOU CAN'T ANSWER

IT, CAN YOU?

♪ A GAL, A PAL,

A LADY YOU'LL ADORE ♪

♪ AND WE KNOW SHE

ADORES TOREADOR ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA ♪

♪ YOU'LL GO FOR HER,

AND HOW! ♪

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN

WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

KEEP VAMPING!

FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE,

KEEP VAMPING!

[MUSIC RESUMES]

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA ♪

♪ SO LET'S ALL MAKE A BOW ♪

♪ TO THE SWELLEST KID

IN ALL MADRID ♪

COME ON!

GET ON THERE!

WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

NO, YOU'RE NOT!

LISTEN TO

THAT MUSIC.

THERE'S HUNDREDS

OF PEOPLE OUT THERE

WAITING TO SEE

YOU DANCE.

YOU'VE GOT TO GO ON!

YOU'VE GOT TO!

I TELL YOU,

I'M THROUGH! I'M FLYING

TO LARRY RIGHT NOW!

NOT UNTIL YOU

DO THE SHOW AGAIN!

I'M NOT! LET ME GO!

GET ON THAT STAGE,

AND DON'T ARGUE.

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN

WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

DON'T ARGUE!

GET OUT THERE!

GO ON!

[APPLAUSE]

LET ME GET OUT OF HERE!

LET ME GET--OOH!

OH...

MABEL, YOU GET BACK

ON THAT STAGE!

YOU CAN'T

DO THIS TO ME!

♪ YOU'LL GO FOR HER,

AND HOW! ♪

♪ MAY THE BEST MAN WIN

WHEN SHE COMES IN ♪

♪ HERE COMES CHIQUITA NOW ♪

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING

AND APPLAUDING]

TAKE ME TO THE NEWARK

AIRPORT, QUICKLY!

MABEL, YOU'RE MAKING

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE

OF YOUR LIFE.

I'M THE BEST JUDGE

OF THAT.

WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?

I DON'T CARE A THING

ABOUT THE SHOW.

YOU HAVE TO CARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT

THIS WILL DO TO YOU

IN THE THEATER.

THE ONLY THING

I CARE ABOUT IS HAVING

LARRY LEARN THE TRUTH.

THAT'S THE REASON

I BROUGHT YOU ALONG--

SO YOU COULD TELL HIM.

INTRODUCING THE CHALLENGER,

AT 215 POUNDS...

JOE REED!

AND IN THIS CORNER,

THE PRESENT HEAVYWEIGHT

CHAMPION OF THE WORLD,

AT 205 POUNDS...

LARRY CAIN!

[CROWD CHEERING]

NOW, SHAKE HANDS

AND GO TO YOUR CORNER.

WHEN YOU HEAR THE BELL,

COME OUT FIGHTING.

[BELL RINGS]

Man: COME ON, LARRY!

[REFEREE SPEAKING

INDISTINCTLY]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4, 5, 6...

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4...

HE'S GONE CRAZY!

HE'S

ANOTHER DEMPSEY!

JUST LOOK AT HIM,

WILL YOU? A POEM

IN DYNAMITE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK

HAPPENED TO HIM?

IF WE CAN ONLY

GET THAT DAME

TO COMMIT BIGAMY,

LARRY WILL BE

TWICE AS GOOD!

[BELL RINGS]

[APPLAUSE]

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU? EVERY TIME

YOU SWING,

IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU'RE WAVING GOOD-BYE

TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

THAT GUY WON'T

GIVE ME A CHANCE

TO GET SETTLED.

HE NEVER FOUGHT

LIKE THIS BEFORE

IN HIS LIFE.

IT'S LIKE BOXING

A BUZZ SAW.

YEAH, AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO HAVE A PUNCH.

WELL, SOMEBODY

FORGOT TO TELL HIM.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BELL RINGS]

IT'S A NEW

LARRY CAIN, FOLKS.

HE'S NO LONGER

A CLEVER BOXER--

HE'S A KILLER,

A SAVAGE, A MADMAN!

HE'S BORING IN AGAIN,

SMASHING A LEFT AND

A RIGHT TO REED'S JAW

AND THEN SINKING A SHORT

UPPERCUT TO THE BODY.

REED IS HANGING ON.

HE'S DEAD GAME, BUT BEWILDERED.

THIS IS NOT THE LARRY CAIN

THAT HE EXPECTED TO MEET.

Judge: 1, 2,

3,

4, 5...

Judge: 1, 2,

3, 4,

5, 6,

7, 8...

[BELL RINGS]

[BELL RINGS]

POP, LOOK! DO YOU

SEE WHAT I SEE?

THAT'S MABEL!

ANYTHING

CAN HAPPEN NOW.

LARRY! LARRY!

[CROWD GROANS]

ARE YOU HURT?

NO, NO.

I JUST FOUND OUT

WHERE THAT STORY

CAME FROM.

IT WAS REILLY.

HONEST?

SURE, I FRAMED IT.

I KNEW IT WAS

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

GET UP! GET UP!

GET--GET UP!

GET UP!

HEY, WHAT DID YOU

DO THAT FOR?!

WAIT TILL I PUT

THIS GUY AWAY.

THE NEW CHAMP!

I DIDN'T THROW

THAT TOWEL IN!

WHAT'S THE IDEA?

YOU LOST BY

TECHNICAL KNOCKOUT

YOUR SECOND

THREW IN THE TOWEL.

I WAS JUST

TRYING TO--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU WERE OUT ANYWAY.

OH, YEAH?

[CROWD CHEERING]

I DIDN'T THROW

THAT TOWEL IN!

WHAT DID YOU THROW

THE TOWEL IN FOR?

I LOST EVERY NICKEL

I HAD IN THE WORLD

EXCEPT THE DOUGH

I'M GETTING

FROM THIS FIGHT.

YOU HAVEN'T LOST A THING.

I BET ON REED.

BUT, HONEY,

THAT'S YOUR MONEY.

I CAN'T TAKE THAT.

WELL, WE'RE PARTNERS,

AREN'T WE?

OH...

Man: HOLD IT!

WORLD'S GREATEST LOVE STORY

COMES TRUE--

A SENSATION

FOR THE PRESS,

SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE WILL TALK

ABOUT FROM DAY TO DAY,

SOMETHING THAT

WILL GET...