Cactus Makes Perfect (1942) - full transcript
The stooges are living with their mother who persuades them its time to leave home and seek their fortune. After a con man sells them a phony deed to a lost gold mine, the boys head west to find the treasure. After some mishaps with Curly's gold finding invention, they locate the mine and strike it rich. When two crooked miners try to take their gold they hole up in an abandoned hotel and, although they get bombarded by dynamite, triumph over the crooks.
[♪]
[ROOSTER CROWS]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
Hm!
Oh. Ha-ha.
Oh, my sons:
Larry, Moe, and Curly.
It's the--
[STOOGES SNORING UPSTAIRS]
Get out of that bed,
you lazy loafers,
and come down and help me!
[SNORING RHYTHMICALLY]
[SNORING CONTINUES]
[GRUNTS]
[ALL SNORING]
[GRUNTS]
What's the idea
of rolling over in your sleep?
I couldn't help it.
MA: Get out of that bed!
Hey, Ma must have been trying
to wake us up again.
Let's go in the bathroom
and clean up.
I'm gonna brush my teeth.
I'm gonna change my socks.
What an experience.
Ow!
Ooh!
Sorry.
Why, you--
Hm!
LARRY: Wait a minute.
Hm!
What are you trying to do?
[PANTS]
Aah!
Ow!
[PINGS]
[GRUNTS]
What's the matter with you?
Hm!
Hm!
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Oh, well.
[CHUCKLES]
Where's your razoo? Oh.
[LAUGHS]
Eee! Eee! Eee! Aah!
Ooh!
Make like this.
Oh-oh! Oh-oh! Oh-ho!
Oh. I got a little soap
on my tongue.
Aah!
Aah!
Thank you. Thank you.
Ow!
Ooh, ow! Oof.
Oh! Ooh!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Mm!
Open your mouth
and say: "Ah."
Ah!
Mm!
MA:
Get out of that bed!
Hurry up. We're liable
to miss our breakfast.
Come on.
STOOGES:
Whoa!
[ALL GRUNTING]
[LARRY GROANS]
Oh!
[CURLY GROANS]
There's a letter for Curly
from the inventors' association.
This is personal.
Ha-ha.
"Dear Mr. Jack."
Ah, ha-ha!
Look at the way
he spells Jack: J-E-R-K.
Come on.
You don't know how to read.
Mm!
What's the idea
covering my ears?
I don't want you to hear
what the letter has to say.
You-- "After trying your
gold-collar button retriever,
"I have concluded
that it is incomprehensible
and utterly impractical."
Oh, boy! Success!
Success!
Success, Mom.
Well, just what
does this invention do?
Wait.
I'll show you, Ma.
This is my new invention.
This is a collar button.
I throw it away,
and wherever it goes
the arrow will find it.
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
MA: Aah!
Nyuh-ah-ah!
Get me out of here!
Get me out!
Take it easy, Ma.
We'll have it out in a minute.
Ooh!
Oh! I've been scalped.
Mm!
Oh!
Ooh, Ma!
[GRUNTING]
Bye, Ma.
Goodbye, Ma.
We're off to the city
to make our fortune.
Oh, wait a minute.
Here's $5 for expenses.
Oh, thanks.
You would take it.
Ooh!
Oof!
[COW MOOS]
Betsy.
Goodbye, Ma.
Goodbye?
You starting that again?
[LAUGHS]
What are you laughing at?
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Oop!
Ugh! Betsy.
CURLY:
What are you waiting for?
Come on!
Goodbye, Ma.
Goodbye, Ma.
Goodbye, Ma.
We'll miss you.
Don't worry.
[HORN HONKS]
[ALL YELL]
[ALL SCREAM]
Woo! He almost hit me
in the safety zone.
We gotta get somebody
to buy that gold finder.
Did I understand you boys
to say you had a gold finder?
Why, certainly.
Why, I'm the fella
you wanna meet.
I could sell you the rights
to the lost mine.
A hundred thousand
tons of pure gold,
worth $35 an ounce.
Think of it.
I can't.
How much is that
in round numbers?
[CALCULATOR CLACKING]
[BELL RINGS]
That's 80 billion, 16 million,
and 51 cents and a fraction.
Phew. Profit?
No. Less income tax
leaves us $27.
Oh, boy. How much
you want for it?
I only got $50.
I'll take it.
Aah!
It's a deal. Pay him.
Hm!
Here you are.
Ah. Thank you.
He don't know I got another
50. Nyuck, nyuck.
Ah, but I got the map,
and that'll cost you 50 more.
Aah!
Pay him the $50.
I forget where it is.
MOE:
Oh, yeah?
Oh. Oh. Oh-oh.
Ho-ho. Oh, whoa!
Oh, it's in
his left pocket.
Right.
Where is this mine?
Way out west, boys.
Oh, boy. Out west.
Where men are men
are men are men are--
And they're glad of it.
Shut up.
Taxi!
Pick us up and make it snappy.
Out west. Woo-hoo!
[ALL CHEERING]
[GOLD FINDER FIRES]
[BELL RINGING]
CURLY:
Woo-woo-woo!
STOOGES:
Gold, gold, gold!
Oh, boy. Gold!
Gold.
Gold. Gold.
Gold.
Hm.
LARRY: Gold.
Ohh.
[RINGING STOPS]
Mm?
Tin cans.
That ain't no gold finder.
It's a scavenger.
It's the climate.
It's crazy with the heat.
How do you feel?
Oh, pretty good.
Get out.
Mm.
Nyuh-uh-uh!
[GRUNTS]
Aah-aah!
Heh.
Six months on the desert,
and all we've got
is this little poke of gold.
It sure has been tough.
Zip. I shoot an arrow
into the air.
Where it lands
I do not care.
I get my arrows wholesale.
Ha-ha.
Come on.
Get this thing started.
This time you find gold.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[BELL RINGING]
Aah!
What's the matter?
[SCREAMING]
Oh, boy.
ALL:
Gold! Gold!
We want gold! Zoot!
Come on!
STOOGES:
Gold, gold!
CURLY:
I get the--
Yah-ah-ah!
Hey,
that belongs to me.
That's all
I wanted to know.
Aah, ah!
Aah-uh-uh!
W-woo woo-hoo!
W-w-oo woo!
Hey, should I shoot
another arrow?
Listen, William Tell, for two
pins I'd bat your brains out.
I ain't got any pins.
You haven't got any brains,
either.
[CURLY YELLING]
Aah! Aah, aah!
I'm on fire! I'm on fire!
I'm stuck! Nyuh!
Moe, Larry, help me. I'm--
[YELLING]
[GROANING]
Come on, get busy.
Don't worry, kid.
We'll have those out
in two shakes and a twist.
Come on.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING AND PANTING]
[YELLING]
[GRUNTING]
CURLY: Ooh!
Ooh! Ow! Ow, ow!
Ow!
MOE: Hey.
You're leaving the ends
in him.
Well, they don't show.
Come on.
I'll handle this.
Come here.
[SCREAMING]
[CURLY GROANING]
Wait a minute.
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
Moe, he's got me. Ah!
Mm.
Hey, what's the idea
of the rope?
This is my last arrow.
You think I wanna lose it?
Where it goes, I go.
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo.
We need gold.
Come on, let's go.
Make it snappy.
[CURLY SCREAMING]
Hang on to it, kid.
We'll be right with you.
Come on.
[CURLY SCREAMING]
[BELL RINGING]
Hey, Moe.
[GRUNTING]
Hey, Moe. Hey, Larry.
Get me out. I'm stuck.
Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry!
Hey, Moe. Woo-hoo.
Lookie here.
He thinks he's an ostrich.
Get me out!
Come on out of there.
What are you doing in there?
[CURLY GRUNTING]
Wait a minute.
Grab ahold of his leg.
Oh, not-- Oh!
Heave.
Ooh!
Hey, boys. Hey, boys.
Not that. Please.
Put my legs down.
Put my legs down. Mm!
Heave.
[GROANING]
Whoo!
Oh, Larry.
Hold still.
Heave. Ah.
This ain't getting us
no place.
We'll have to blast.
Yeah, we--
Wait a minute.
Maybe we can pry him out.
It'll take longer,
but go ahead.
Right.
Give me a little room.
What am I--?
Nyuh-uh-uh!
[WHIMPERING]
Hey, Moe, please-- Heh.
Nyah-ah-ah!
[SCREAMING]
Stop it! Stop it!
[WHIMPERING]
Moe! Hey, Moe!
Hey, Moe-ohhhhh!
[GRUNTING]
Hm. I think I'm snagged.
Yeah, so am I.
Boy, oh-- Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!
[WHIMPERING]
Hey, Moe. Hey, Moe.
[GROWLING]
Get-- Get off!
If I only had my hands free.
If I only had my hands free.
I better use the other end.
[CREAK]
[POP]
CURLY: Oof!
Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!
[WHIMPERS]
Ow! Ooh!
[GROWLING AND MUTTERING]
Go ahead, go ahead.
Keep it up, keep it up.
We can't pull him out
this way.
We'd better
push him through.
We'll take him out
from the other end.
Ready?
Right.
Heave!
Heave!
[CURLY SCREAMING]
[CRASH]
Hello, down there.
Hello, up there!
Mm.
[GRUNTING]
CURLY:
Throw down the tools!
He wants the tools.
Come on.
Ow!
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
Mm!
CURLY:
Hey, fellas,
come on down. Hurry!
Come on.
There's a ladder here.
MOE:
Whoa!
Why, I'll murder--
Ow!
Why, I'll--
You ain't got time.
We gotta find the gold.
Gold? What are we waiting for?
Start digging.
Out of the way here.
I hope it ain't tin cans
this time.
Aah!
[GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]
Oh!
Ooh!
Oh!
[CURLY AND LARRY GROAN]
Now, put down that shovel
and get a pick.
Mm!
Ooh!
I'll murder you guys yet.
Sufferin' catfish!
They found the lost mine.
So what?
But they're liable
to find the gold.
Well, let them do the work,
and we'll take the gold
away from them.
[LAUGHS]
I'm gonna work in the corner.
Now, you guys get busy.
Both of you.
[SPITS]
[GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]
Let it go.
Ooh!
MOE: Oh!
Aah! Nyuh.
[CREAKING]
Ooh!
[SOBS]
I didn't mean it.
Ooh! Oh!
Hm!
I was--
Nyuh-ah-ah!
Mm!
[RATTLING]
Aah!
[CLATTERING]
Ah!
Gold!
We hit the jackpot.
Gold.
Yeah.
Hey, there's more here.
The jackpot hit you.
I like it. Come on.
[CHUCKLING]
Boy, won't Ma be happy?
Yeah. We'll take her
out of the kitchen.
And move the stove
in the dining room.
Let's go.
Ha-ha!
[LAUGHING]
[ALL YELLING]
Those double-crossers.
Oof!
Wait a minute, Moe.
Those desert rats are after us.
They want the gold too.
Where's Curly?
I don't know.
[RINGING]
Did you ring, sir?
Yeah. Did you see a guy
that high and that wide?
Did he have a coon hat on?
[LAUGHS]
Take it off.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Where's the gold?
Don't worry.
It's safe in the safe.
All right.
We'll cut it up three ways--
[HOOF BEATS APPROACHING]
Shh, you hear something?
It must be those guys again.
Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!
Ah-uh-uh!
Where's that gold?
Aah!
W-w-woo! Woo!
Hey, quick. We'll hide
in the safe with the gold.
That gold's in the safe.
Well, give me the dynamite
and we'll blow them up.
[BOTH GRUNT]
Get around it here, you.
Where's the gold?
There it is.
We sure fooled them.
Yeah, we--
[SQUEAKING]
Hey, what's that?
Termites.
Yaah!
What's the matter with you?
I think a termite bit me.
Yeah?
There she is.
Oh, look, a Roman candle.
Bzz! Boom! Cuckoo!
Fourth of July. Ha-ha.
Hey, marblehead.
Huh?
Do you know what that thing
is you're holding?
That's dynamite.
You mean the things
with the--?
[YELLING]
Look out.
Hey, I smell smoke.
I'm not smoking.
Ah!
Ah!
[SCREAMS]
What's all the fuss about?
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh. A squizzle.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[♪]