Bulletproof (1996) - full transcript

I believe in America.

I believe in the American Dream.

I believe in the
American way of life,

that every American
should have an honest job,

a family, and a home
to call their own.

And two... Two cars in
every garage, you betcha.

ARCHIE: What does this
car do for 100 grand?

Play with your nuts
while you drive?

KEATS: That would beat
the shit out of cruise control.

Anybody who'd drop 100 grand
on a car deserves to get it stolen,

then deserves to get the
shit kicked out of them.



Hey, I'm driving.
Hell, no.

What are you
talking about, "No"?

'Cause you drive like that
kid Corky from Life Goes On.

Well, you drive like
a goddamn maniac.

Why don't you yell a little louder? I
don't think you woke anybody up yet.

(CAR ALARM BLARING)

You're wrong.
Uh-oh.

See the size of that guy's gun?

That was a big gun.

What's wrong with you?
You said the guy wasn't home.

Uh-oh! We got company.

Aw, shit!

You're gonna fucking kill me,
man! I got shit to do tomorrow!

No!



Watch it!

All right, all right, people.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Oh, shit!

We didn't hit them.
We didn't.

(WHINING)

Okay? You happy?
You messed with me.

Why are we parked in front
of a police station?

Yo, Officer.

Excuse me.

ARCHIE: You smoke crack
tonight or something?

Shh. It's gonna be fine.

Yeah.

Yo, could you help
a brother out, man?

We trying to get to Disneyland.

The two of you are on
your way to Disneyland?

Yeah, this is my
retarded friend.

He's from Arkansas somewhere
and he wants to go to Disneyland.

Why, you want to go
to Disneyland, man?

(IMITATING SPEECH IMPEDIMENT)
Disneyland.

See? It's Disneyland.

Where? I love the way
he says Disneyland.

Say that again.

Disneyland.

He loves Disneyland. So
that's where we're trying to go.

All right, go east on 10.

KEATS: Right.

When you get to the five,
you go south to Anaheim.

There are signs
all over the place.

So the cop, man, not only was
he stupid and gave us directions,

my man drew us
a map to this place.

Yeah, all right, he got me, but
you do that again, I swear to God...

Hi, Mimi. I got it. Let's see.

You can get drinks
for everybody, okay?

Thanks, Archie.

All right.

To the Rock and Archie Show.

You know that.

Yo, man, there's something
I ain't understanding here.

Now, everything we get we
split down the middle, right?

Of course, we do.
We're partners.

Well, then tell me this, partner, why
your bankroll always fatter than mine?

Hey, you got money
problems or something?

I mean, well, there ain't
no shit I can't handle.

Well, whatever's mine
is yours. You know that.

Yeah, I know that.

ARCHIE: Ooh! I like that.

KEATS: Easy, lover boy.

Any woman that fine got to have a
man running around here somewhere.

So?

"So"?

So, you fight like Peter McNeeley.
You want to get your ass whupped again?

That's the beauty of having you
around, man. You got my back.

You hope.

What?

What do you mean, "What"?

I heard you
calling me over here.

I didn't call you over here.

My friend told me
you called me over here.

He said you wanted
to make out with me.

He said you said that.

Are you kidding?

What? He's the one who
said it. I will if you...

What's up?

What the fuck do you
think you're doing?

Oh, shit.

I know it looks like I was
hitting on your girlfriend here,

but in actuality, I was fucking hitting on
her harder than you think, motherfucker.

So why don't you
step the fuck back

before I bitch-slap
your fucking hiney?

I'm gonna kill you.

Hey, my man.
Is there a problem here?

Yeah, there's a problem. Fucking
snatch face is a fucking problem, man.

There's things
I ought to do to you...

Archie, chill.

I'll bite your fucking ear off!

KEATS: Arch, chill.

I'm trying to chill, man!

Fuckin' daddy dipshit
won't let me!

He's driving me nuts with them
crazy eyes and that armpit stench!

Okay, okay, okay.

Apparently you all got
some shit to work out.

No, no, no, we worked the
shit out. It's all worked out.

Hey, man, I'm glad we worked
the shit out. Let me buy you a drink.

MAN: Kick him in the balls.
Kick him in the balls.

Now it's on,
motherfucker! Now it's on!

Keats!

Man, not like that.

So, what's up?

Like this.

(GROANING)

Ooh, that's the old-school shit.

WOMAN: Honey! Oh, muffin!

(GROANS)

Oh, honey, okay.
How's your twinkie, huh?

KEATS: Yo, man, what kind of
nasty-ass meat is that you eating?

Look like some shit out of
Jeffrey Dahmer's refrigerator.

We good.

Thanks, man.

All right. Thank you.

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

All right.

Let me tell you something.
I do got some shit going on.

You know, that car-stealing
shit we've been doing, that's fine.

That's good. I have a good time
doing that with you, but I got...

My serious income is
coming from this guy, Keats.

I am telling you, he is the biggest
drug lord in the West. The biggest.

Get out of here.

You know, Ron, of all
your inventions...

ARCHIE: Hey, look. My mother
just started using that stuff. It works.

And two... Two cars in
every garage, you betcha.

Check it out.
There's the man himself.

You all come on down
to Colton Motors.

Fetch you a piece of
that American Dream.

What do you do for the car guy?

I'm the point man.

I set up drops and
meet the shipments.

All I got to do is make
sure Mr. Colton is happy.

If he's as large as you say he
is, then he's got to be happy.

I've been thinking about
this shit and you need money.

Basically, you're the only guy
I've ever trusted in my entire life.

So I was thinking I could talk to
Mr. Colton about bringing you in.

Yo, I'm just
a petty car thief, man.

You talking some
all-industrial-type shit.

Bullshit, man. I swear to
you, it's very, very easy.

It's easy, huh?

Are you in or what?

I trust you, man.
Put me down.

You're doing the right thing.

All right, Mo, you want a ride?

No, man, I'll walk it.

You sure?

I ain't gonna drive
with you if I don't have to.

All right. Keep it
real, son. All right.

Police! Freeze!

Hey!

The party's over, Jack!

If you move, I'll blow
your goddamn brains out!

You're breaking my arm,
Miles Davis.

You fucking pussy!

Hey, relax.

What are you and the black in the
hat doing following me around anyway?

We was just in the neighborhood.

Did you have fun at Disneyland?

Here he is, Captain.

Anybody ever tell you
you look like a struck match?

What's the word, Rock?
Jack? Whatever your name is.

The word is, El Capitán,

this last year of my life
is about to pay itself off.

What are you telling me?

What I'm telling you is

Archie Moses is taking me
to meet the man

and finally Frank Colton
is going down.

Congratulations, Jack.

You bring down Colton,
it's gonna make your career.

Hey, man, I don't
even care about that.

All I care about is putting that
scumbag behind bars where he belongs.

Listen, there's a shipment
coming into San Pedro next week.

It's supposed to be huge.

When do you meet with Colton?

Moses is gonna
introduce me tomorrow.

You're gonna wear a wire.

I don't know.
Jack.

It's a good idea to wear a wire.

I'll sleep on it.

(IMITATING ARCHIE)
Disneyland.

What?

Nothing.

Just something
Archie did. He's crazy.

What, are you getting
sweet on this guy?

No.

Let me tell you something.

You pal around with somebody long
enough you forget he's the bad guy.

(LAUGHING)

So why don't you tell me about
your damn self here, Mr. Keats?

Well, the truth is,
there ain't much to say.

I did some time up north
for breaking and entering,

a little armed robbery,
petty shit like that.

What about references?
Do you trust this man, Moses?

Mr. Colton, I trust
this guy with my life.

That's good.
That's good.

I mean, because trust is a very
important commodity in business.

True that. True that!

True that. True that.

And I want to tell you
who I trust.

I trust Moses here.

Thank you.

And I trust my colleague,
Mr. Bledsoe.

But most importantly,
Mr. Keats,

I wanna tell you
who I don't trust.

I don't trust you.

Yo.
Hey!

See, I don't trust you,
'cause, hell, I don't know you.

Mr. Colton...

Search him.

This is bullshit, man. He's my
friend. I don't wanna search him.

You search him, not 'cause you want to
but because you have to, you understand?

Jesus!

Mo, this is like some
embarrassing shit, man.

I know this guy
like I know myself.

If he's a cop, I'll suck
your dick, Mr. Colton.

Jesus. I'm sorry, bro.
See? No wires.

Well, hell, search him.

ARCHIE: Nothing.

Well, fine. If you don't
ask, you never know.

You know what I'm saying?
You understand me?

Now, remember,

nobody moves until Jack gives us
the word that Colton is on the premises.

Understood?

Listen, Cap.
Yes, Jack.

I want to be the one
to bring Archie in.

What?

There's gonna be a lot of
testosterone flying around here today.

I don't want none of these overzealous
assholes putting any dents in Archie.

I knew it. You are sweet
on the son of a bitch.

Hey, look, I know him.
He's not that bad...

He's a low-life scumbag!

All right. Then he's
my low-life scumbag.

And who knows? After this is over, maybe
I can help him get his life back together.

You look tense, man. Relax.
It's gonna be all right.

Relax. It's just a nice,
little friendly doggy.

How you doing, buddy?
Long time no see.

Oh, my God!
You like that, huh?

See that? He's licking
me. He loves me.

Or he just licked his balls,

and now he's trying to get
that nasty taste out of his mouth.

Hey, Ese, don't shoot.
It's me.

How you guys doing?

Colton didn't say
nothing about no new guy.

All right. Rigo,
meet Rock Keats.

Mi amigo.

Yo, what's up?
Como estas ustedes?

What is it about you, man?
Nobody likes you except me.

(YELLING)

(INDISTINCT)

ARCHIE: What you see right
there is 100%, uncut, grade-A heroin.

Yo, where's your boy Colton?

Don't worry. He's gonna be
here to check up on my shit.

ARCHIE:
Let's go. Up. Up.

Come on. Good job. A
little quicker, fellas. Let's go.

What do you keep
looking around for?

Yo, you better back up off
me, son. What's your problem?

What the fuck you looking
for, that's my problem?

Hey! Relax, man.

You better tell
Tattoo here something.

This fucking maricón
is making me nervous.

He acts like a cop.

Well, he's not a cop! He's
my friend, so take it down.

I don't know that.

You think he's a cop?
Is that what you think?

Well, god damn it, he's
not a cop. Take a look!

Satisfied, scumbag?

Fucking piece of shit!

We move now.
What about Colton?

To hell with Colton!
Move! Everybody, move!

(POLICE SIREN BLARING)

Archie Moses,
you're under arrest.

You better be messing
around right now.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Keats, you were like
my fucking brother!

Anything you say...

How can you do this to me?

Moses, stop!

No!

Keats, what the fuck
is wrong with you, man?

No one hurts him.
That's the deal.

Come on, Moses.

If you come out now,
maybe we can make a deal.

Don't you talk to me about making
any deals, you lying sack of shit!

Come on, Moses.
Give yourself up.

You're gonna get
yourself killed here.

All right, Officer Keats. You
win. I'm coming out. Don't shoot.

Come on, Moses.

I'll blow this dog's head right off
his fucking body. That's a promise.

You drop your goddamn gun!

No, you won't.
You love animals.

I hate dogs!

Get out of here,
you stupid, ugly dog!

I'm trying to save
your life here.

Fuck you!

(GUN COCKING)

No. God, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.
Jack's down.

Get that son of a bitch!
Get him! Get him!

Bledsoe, it got all
fucked up in there.

All fucked up, man.
Where were you guys?

(GRUNTING)

We had a flat tire, asshole!

God damn it.

This little fuck-up of yours, Moses,
this cost me millions of dollars.

Millions.
I'm very, very mad.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I made a mistake.

"I'll suck his..." No, wait. "If
he's a cop, I'll suck your dick."

I believe I'm somewhat close
to that particular quote, am I not?

I don't think I did say that,
actually. Maybe Bledsoe said that.

(GROANS)

Here's your last meal.
I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, don't do this, please.
You don't need to do this.

Get this damn mutt off me!

(GROANING)

You slimy rat bastard!

God!

Let's move it!

Blood pressure dropping!

FEMALE NURSE:
He's bleeding out!

To the Rock and Archie Show.

You know that.

How long?

Basically, you're the only guy
I've ever trusted in my entire life.

(IMITATING SPEECH IMPEDIMENT)
Disneyland.

(GUN FIRES)

Welcome back, Jack.

Take it easy for the time being.

Getting back on your feet
isn't going to be easy,

but you're in good hands.

This is Traci Flynn,
our new physical therapist.

Hi.

Keep me posted.

Okay.

Good.

Bring it down.

Come on, Jack. I want you to make it
to the end of the bar. Let's go. Come on.

Come on. Pull it forward. There
you go. Put your weight on it.

Now, bring the
other one forward.

Five. Five. Let's go.

(CHUCKLING)

You're doing all right though.

Come on, Jack. You're
ready for this. Come on.

I'm proud of you.

COP 1: The ghost himself.

COP 2: Not even a bullet
in the head could stop him.

I'm telling you, one millimeter to
the right or left and he'd be dead.

Oh, man, I wouldn't want
to have to mess with him.

Sir!

Sir! Sir!

Where you headed, sir?

I'm going to Mexico.
I got to start my life over.

I'm gonna be a bullfighter.

Have you been drinking, sir?

I had about a half a beer,
but the dog had a lot.

(WHINING)

Would you mind stepping out of
this vehicle and walking a straight line?

Oh, yeah. No problem.

Okay. So you got Archie Moses.
What does that got to do with me?

Archie Moses is gonna
turn state's evidence.

He's rolling on Colton?

Uh-huh.

Colton wasn't too
thrilled with Moses

for bringing a cop
into his organization.

He's had a hit
on him ever since.

So now that Moses
is up against it,

he's ready to give us
Colton on a platter.

Jack, Steve Finch, DEA.
He's calling the shots on this.

And what the hell is he
getting out of this?

Commuted sentence.

How commuted?

Still to be determined.

Oh, bullshit!
How commuted?

Jack, take it easy.

You want me to take it easy? That
little asshole shot me in my head!

Now I got this bigger asshole
telling me he's getting away with it!

Asshole?

Jack, that's not
how it happened.

Moses will do the time.

Well, you know what?

You and the DEA
figure that shit out.

I don't want
nothing to do with it.

Hold on a minute, Jack.

The deal with Moses.

One condition.

What condition?

I don't know why he wants you to
bring him in, and I don't give a shit!

With him, we finish
what we started.

No.

You don't have to be afraid.
We'll send in a team for backup.

You think I'm afraid of Moses?

Well, after the way
you treated him,

I wouldn't be surprised if he
didn't want to put another bullet...

Hold on. Take it easy.

You're right, "Stench."
I am afraid of Moses.

I'm afraid if I see
him again, I'll kill him.

Jack, come on.

What do you want?

(EXCLAIMS)

Let someone else bring
Moses' stupid ass in.

Far as I'm concerned,
this shit is over for me.

You know your cop buddies?
They all say the same thing.

They say you're not
the same man, Jack.

They say that when you got
shot, you lost a piece of yourself.

I didn't even know you then,
but do you know what I think?

I think they were right.

What are you talking
about? I'm happy.

Come on, Jack. You
pretend that you like your job.

Any fool can see that it's making
you miserable eight hours a day,

and you pretend that
Archie Moses doesn't exist,

which is making you
miserable 24 hours a day!

If you don't finish this
thing with Archie Moses...

Come here.

You're right.
As usual, you're right.

ARCHIE: Okay,
little Keats. Sit.

Good doggy.
Now beg for your life.

That's right, little Keats.

Come on. You can do it.
Let me hear you cry.

No good. Bang!

Gotcha.

(OFFICERS LAUGHING)

ARCHIE: Poor little boy.

Surprised you showed up.

Why isn't this
prisoner in cuffs?

There he goes,
being a cop again.

Well, he wasn't going anywhere.

You cuff him.
Arms, legs, feet.

I want his asshole cuffed to his
nuts and then put him on the plane.

Before you do that...

See you later, buddy.

Man's best friend right here.

You like that?

Look at that. He's licking me
'cause he likes to lick me,

not 'cause he's trying to get
close to me and then fuck me over.

Do I speak with an accent?

No.

Then cuff the prisoner!

Don't you even wanna know
why I asked for you, Keats?

I know why. You wanna
finish what you started.

But I'm warning you,
Archie Moses.

I'm looking for
an excuse to kill you.

If you sneeze, if you fart,

if I even smell your breath,
I will shoot you dead.

How about if I chew loud?

Sometimes when I eat,
I chew loud.

(IMITATING CHEWING SOUND)

You gonna shoot me?

I ain't gonna try anything, Keats,
and you're so wrong about that day.

You know what?

I don't want to hear nothing you have
to say about any subject at any time.

And, yes, I will shoot
you if you chew loud.

MAN: Man down! Sniper!

Shit! They're
trying to kill me!

Get your ass on that plane!

Hustle! Let's go!

(MEN WHOOPING)

What the hell is
going on up there?

Shit. The pilot's dead.

I got 1,000 hours.

What?

I got 1,000 hours
flying a plane.

Oh, bullshit!

Mr. Colton's in the import-export
business, remember?

Here, buddy.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Hey, come on, fly this baby.

No. I'm not gonna fly it.
Not until you apologize to me!

What?
Apologize to me!

You did some shitty shit!

(ALARM BUZZING)

You better hurry!

I swear to God, if you
don't fly this damn plane,

you're gonna experience
death, then déjà vu.

Now, fly the goddamn plane!

You're a bad person, man.

I can actually taste my nuts!
Oh, you're killing me! Again!

Mayday. Mayday.
Does anyone read?

"Mayday?" What is this,
a Kirk Douglas movie?

Is everything a joke?

You're wasting your
time anyway, man.

Can we make L.A.?

Not without gas.

They blew our gas tanks!

Oh, shit!

Okay. We're probably gonna
crash headfirst, right?

Okay, I'll be in the back
sitting on the black box.

Here we go now!

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, God! Stop! Stop! Stop!

I saved our fucking life!

(ECHOING)

I have some advice for you,
Keats, right now.

Don't move.

Do not move.

I said don't move!

I didn't move, asshole! The
damn plane is starting to slip.

Slow.

Easy.

(SCREAMS)

Don't yell.

The echo, the vibration
makes it move.

We have to whisper.
Whisper.

Oh, shit!
That ain't working either!

KEATS: One.

ARCHIE: Two.

BOTH: Three!

Man, that was God's way of
telling you to let me go, I think.

Yeah? We must serve
different gods,

because mine is saying shoot
you and throw you over that cliff.

Well, I don't like your god.

Your god scares me.

I'm your god right now.

You're a piece of shit,
you know that, Keats?

Sometimes I wish that
bullet really did kill you.

You better watch
what you say to me.

That's pretty sick, man.

You pretend to be my friend for a
full year and then you bust my ass.

That takes somebody
really cold-blooded, man,

somebody not even human.

I was doing my job! When
are you gonna understand that?

Yeah, well, now bringing me in
safe and sound is doing your job,

and you're gonna do your job,
'cause that's the kind of cop you are.

Am I right, Officer Keats?

You're right.

(METAL CLANKING)

Now, in case you're wondering
why that hurt so much,

it's because I have a metal plate
in my head, compliments of you.

So from here on in, you'd
better watch what you say to me.

Seriously, Keats, you
blink and I am out of here.

KEATS: Oh, really?

Yeah.

You show up to L.A., you got nothing
but your ding-dong in your hands.

Which reminds me, I got
to take a leak right now.

Piss in your pants.
We're not stopping.

Piss in my pants? I haven't
done that since I'm 24.

Seriously, man.
I got to take a leak.

I got to take a leak!
I got to take a leak!

You have 15 seconds.

Fifteen seconds
ain't gonna cut it.

I got to unzip, I got to
shake. That takes time.

You have 10 seconds.

Oh, God!

(UNZIPPING)

I know you ain't gonna
believe me when I tell you this,

but that day you got shot,
man, that really was...

Time's up!
...an accident!

I'm not finished!
Yes, you are.

Come on. My pants!

Get up!

I got piss on me!

That was a big mistake, making
me piss my pants like that, man.

'Cause it's payback time.

I don't know when,

but I got a good feeling
it's when you're sleeping.

'Cause I know you're
gonna sleep soon enough.

And then guess what.
I'm gonna piss all over you.

See, that's worse.

It's my piss on me right now.

You can deal with it
when it's your own piss.

But you're gonna have my
piss on you, and that's gross.

I'm getting other
people to piss on you.

I'm getting animals
to piss on you, man.

Cows, pigs, I'll get a
whole farm to piss on you.

What kind of
weird place is this?

Hey, all right.
They got porno.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

I need to use your phone.

Charlie, is it?

Charles.

I saw the sign, man. You
guys got a lot of porno here?

Yes. We have
an excellent selection.

Great. I like the porn.

Well, good.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Cap, it's me.

Yeah, someone tipped
Colton off about the pickup.

We got word. We
heard about the attack.

Jack, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm okay. Listen,
who's there with you?

Finch.

Okay, we're in a motel
outside of Flagstaff.

A little place called
the Hunting Cap Lodge.

We'll find it, have someone
there first thing in the morning.

Somebody from that area.

Okay, let's keep this
between us, all right?

Can't trust nobody right now.

Being up in the sticks, man, you
must lose your mind around here.

Nothing else to do.
You whack off a lot?

What's a lot?

Well, you know,
you got five minutes off,

you got nothing to do, you
stumble into one of the rooms,

pull down your
little panties, whack it.

KEATS: Excuse me.

We need a room.

You guys aren't...
You know?

Look, it's been a long day.
Just give me a room.

Okay.

Just fill this out,

please.

Charlie, come here.

Jeez, man, I wanna talk to you.

He says he's not gay,

but let's see what a few drinks and
a back massage will do to him, huh.

That might gay him up
a little. Don't you think?

Look at him.

The way he's standing.
He's not gay, huh?

Come on.
He's waiting for you.

Oh, I... That's...
I don't... Mmm-mmm.

Is that your wife back there?

Yeah.

God damn. She's hot.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Three of us, we could burn it
up together, don't you think?

What do you mean?

You know damn well what I mean.

KEATS: Hey. Which room?

Let's see.

The only room we have
available is the honeymoon suite.

(ARCHIE IMITATING
WOLF HOWLING)

We'll take it.

Hey, Charlie, come here.
Please.

So what do you think?

Me, you, the old lady.
A little sandwich action?

What do you mean?

Yeah, come on.

You're a piece of white bread.
She's a piece of white bread.

I'm the salami.
Let's give it a shot.

She's not eating sandwiches.
She's on a diet right now.

All right.
Well, think about it.

Let's go.

All right. Well,
enjoy your night,

and thank you
for staying... here.

ARCHIE: (SINGING) You

My darling, you

Bittersweet

Memories

That is all

I'm taking

With me

So goodbye

Please don't cry

We both know I'm not what

You need

And I

Will always

Love you

I'll always love you

Will you shut up?
Shut the hell up!

Keats, you'll always be
my bodyguard. You know that.

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Let me guess.
You dropped the soap.

Please take that out of my ass!

KEATS: I want you
on the bed now.

Hey, Charlie.

What's up, Chuck?

(MOANING ON TV)

No, we're in some ratty
little town called Beaver Pelt.

How will you get out?

(WOMAN MOANING)

Hey. Turn that off.

The guy is going down on her,
and she's eating an apple.

It's hilarious.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.
What did you say?

Jack, what's going on there? It
sounds like someone's having sex.

Nobody's having sex.
It's just Moses.

Jack...

Hey! Will you turn
that shit off?

This is a '70s porno.
You know how I can tell?

'Cause the guy's dick
has sideburns.

(CHUCKLING)

So, listen, babe,
what are you wearing?

What am I wearing?

Yeah. You know, you wearing that
little black lacy thing I bought you?

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

Why do you ask?

I don't know.

I'm just sitting here
thinking about you.

I'm really missing you.

I miss you, too.

I got to let you go.

Jack...

Where the hell did you get
that? Didn't they search you?

I had it in my ass.
You want a hit?

Here.

Hey, man!
What are you doing?

You just wasted good weed!

Who are you talking to
anyway? Your girlfriend?

I didn't know
you had a girlfriend.

I'm probably gonna
marry this one.

Marry her? Jeez, man.

I ain't never getting married.

I wouldn't drag anybody
into my miserable life.

And two... Two cars in
every garage, you betcha.

We pledge allegiance...
What was wrong with you, man,

getting involved with
a piece of shit like that?

I don't know. Crime's the
only thing I'm good at, man.

I had a normal job
once. I was a busboy.

I got fired in three days. I don't
know how to give people butter.

I got the guy in
the yellow trunks.

Twenty bucks, man in the green.

Actually, you already
owe me 20 bucks.

For what?

Knicks at the Forum.

Remember you didn't want to take
any points? Were you out of your mind?

What a sucker.

Here.

Maybe I'm the sucker.

Damned handcuff shit!

Man, you really had me fooled!

I would have done
anything for you.

I would have taken
a bullet for you, Keats.

I bet that's not even
your real name, "Keats."

Holy shit. Your name
really isn't Keats, is it?

It's Carter.
Jack Carter.

I told you personal
shit about myself,

shit I never told
anybody in my entire life,

and you didn't even
tell me your real name?

I was working undercover.
What do you expect?

You didn't tell
anybody, did you?

About what?

The shit I told you!

You probably told
every cop on the force!

What, that they
over-circumcised you?

That's bullshit! I made
that up to make you laugh!

Don't worry about it. I
didn't tell anybody anything.

You're a liar.

Look, don't give me
none of your shit.

I'm not the one that
made you cross that line.

I may be a criminal,

but I would never do to
anybody what you did to me, man.

That's messing with
people's feelings!

That's why your head hurts
right now, man. You feel guilty.

No, my head hurts
because you shot me in it.

Keats...

Look, it's Carter.

And I put my ass on the line
for you back at that warehouse,

trying to make sure nothing happened
to you, and what did I get for my trouble?

A bullet in the head!

That was an accident.

Don't say that shit to me.

It's the truth!

You know what? If you're not man
enough to admit that what you did to me

was far more cold-blooded than
anything I've ever done to you,

then I don't wanna
hear your mouth!

Well, it was.

Don't say it!

An accident!

Hey, Moses, you know my head
feels a million times better.

I think I'm gonna sleep
like a baby tonight.

How about you?

Oh, sorry about
the turds in there.

It was an accident.

KEATS: (SINGING)
And I will always

Love you

But, honey,

you're the one that's always
saying we need to try new things,

to keep the passion and
fire in our relationship.

How do you know you wouldn't
like a little sandwich action?

(GUN COCKING)

All right, stud, say goodbye.

I got to go, honey.
Goodbye.

Where are they?

Who?

Understand me. I'm gonna
ask you one more time.

Then I'm gonna blow your
brains out all over Mr. Moose.

Bungalow 7.

Good night.

(GROANS)

(TWIG SNAPPING)

(GRUNTING)

(MOANING ON TV)

(SCREAMING)

(WOMAN EXCLAIMING ON TV)

MAN: Watch it!

(CAR HORN BLARING)

Get in! Get in!

ARCHIE: All right,
Charlie! Go, go, go!

Stay down.

Those fellas messed
with the wrong hombre.

They don't get out of
here alive! Let's go!

Here they come.
Uh-oh! Oh, shit.

Charlie, don't you think
you're going a little fast?

Don't worry. I know these
woods like the back of my hand.

(ARCHIE SCREAMS)

Look out!

That elm came down in a storm
we had a week ago Thursday.

Guess those fellas
aren't from around here.

(CHUCKLING)

(MAN SCREAMS)

That's Jimmy's Creek.

It's good fishing, if
you're ever back this way.

Charlie, are you getting
a woody doing this?

Uh-uh. I had one
before we started.

Come on, Charles.

I don't like that
look in his eye.

Where are we going? What
are you doing? Charlie...

ARCHIE: Oh, God almighty!

Charlie!

(CRASHING)

Devil's Drop-off.

235 feet straight down.

Kind of hard to
make out in the dark.

I'd like to make out with you in
the dark, Charlie. Come here.

Get out of here. Get
out of here. Get off me!

Don't be so shy.

ARCHIE: Yeah!

KEATS:
All right, Charlie.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.

Mr. Colton?

I've lost them, and I
don't know where they are.

Give me a second.

Fucking idiot prick!

Naturally,

if you lost them, you don't know
where they are, you fucking idiot.

Sorry.

Where might they be?

They're probably on their
way back to Los Angeles.

ARCHIE: See you later.
Thanks for being a hero, Charlie.

Oh, great. You're putting the
handcuffs back on. Thanks.

It's Finch.

It's got to be Finch.

Something I don't
understand, though.

What's that?

He's a special DEA officer.

These guys don't usually
flip out like that.

Look, Colton can fix anybody he
thinks that might be able to help him

in the long run someday.

You fucking piece of shit!
You ruined my life!

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, where you going right now?

Calling the FBI.

What?

Did you not listen
to a word I said?

What are you telling me? Colton's
got FBI agents in his pockets, too?

Is it the plate in your head? I don't
remember you being this stupid.

Look, Colton's got notebooks
with people's names in it, all right?

Cops, judges, FBI agents.

I know this 'cause I used to write
some of those names in there myself.

You just don't want
the FBI involved

because you think it'd be easier
for you to run if it's just me and you.

You know what your problem is,
you see everything in black and white.

You don't realize
there's a gray area in life.

That's where most people live.

Know what? Spare me
your ignorant philosophy.

I think I trust the FBI a little more than
I trust a guy that shot me in my head.

Call me wacky.

Yeah, the bus
comes in at 7:00.

Right. Okay.

Goodbye.

Hey, man, can I call my mother?

For what?

Because you just got me killed.

I figure I'll talk
to her one last time.

No.
Come on, man!

You know I talk to
her every Tuesday.

She's gonna get all
nervous if I don't call. Please.

Do you have any change? Come on.

You know, I always did like
your mom. How's she doing?

Well, if she could stop drinking all
that booze and smoking all that weed,

I guess she'd be all right.

The doctor says...

Hey, don't talk about
my mother, by the way.

What are you getting
all defensive about?

Because it would break my mother's
heart if she knew what you did to me.

I was just doing my job.
That's what I did to you.

My mother loved you. She
said you were my only real friend.

It's ringing.

You didn't tell her
what happened, did you?

No. I wouldn't do that.

Will you please
help? Thank you.

Mom!

Hey!

How's it going?

Mom, are you high?

Jeez.
What else is new?

Okay.

Rock Keats is doing just fine.

Yes, he is.
He's right here.

He's with me.
You want to talk to him?

I don't want to.

I'll put him on the phone.

Come on. You got nothing to
feel guilty about. You said so.

I don't want to talk to her.

Just talk to my mommy, Carter.

Carter, Mommy.

Right there.

It's all right.

Hi, Ma.

Yeah. I'm doing great.

No, I have a new girlfriend now.

Yeah. Named Traci.

Not Staci, Traci.

No, she's not like
the whore in Mexico. No.

Yeah, I'm taking care
of your little Archie.

(SCOFFS)

I know, and...

He's my best friend, too.

Okay.

I look forward to seeing you.

Okay.

Sweet potato pie? You're gonna
make me... That's wonderful.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

(KISSING)

Back at you.

You know I'm gonna
kill you, right?

Carter, stop that.

All right.
These are our guys.

The Blues Brothers?

Yeah.

Look. Guess which one of
them is your real father.

The one with the hat.

Detective Carter?

Special Agents Gentry and Cole.

Man, am I glad to see you guys.

Gentry and Cole, eh?

Yeah. So what?

Don't mind him.
He's simple.

I guess you boys had
a pretty rough ride.

Man, you can say that again.

Darryl Gentry, Darryl Gentry...

That's my name.
Don't wear it out.

First name is Darryl, right?

Yeah. Named after
my mother's brother.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, man.
You talk about simple.

Old Uncle Darryl
was a goddamn pinhead.

How did I know your first name?

What's that?

Your first name,
how did I know that?

Hell, I don't know. I suppose I
said something back at the station.

Oh, that's right.
Keats, remember that?

He goes, "Hey, I'm Darryl
Gentry," right at the station.

He goes, "Darryl.
I'm Darryl Gentry."

Yeah. 'Cause it's not
like I'm a psychic.

If I was a psychic, I would
have made you out for a cop.

We wouldn't be in this
damn mess in the first place.

How the hell do you shut him up?

Well, this usually works.

Get the wheel!

(BUS HORN BLARING)

You gonna shoot that shit?

Get the hell out
of my car. Get out!

You all right? Good.
It's time to roll.

Oh, my God. The guy
looks like a tumbleweed.

Yeah! The Rock
and Archie Show.

Yeah, you did good, kid.

Yeah, I told you I was telling
the truth about them FBI guys.

Okay. So you
told the truth.

Just like I was
telling the truth

about how shooting
you was an accident.

Hey! Don't go there.

Hey, man.

I may not know you,
where you're really from,

or what school
you really went to,

or whether or not your dad
really was a smack-head,

but you know me, man.

Say it.
Tell me I ain't a liar.

Say it, Keats.

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

You ain't a liar.

Hallelujah.

Hey, Mo.

My father really did die
with a needle in his arm.

You're the only person
I ever told that to.

I wish I could hug you, but I
got these goddamn handcuffs on.

Stick your finger
in your ass, Alfie.

The reason Colton
wants me so bad

and the reason the DEA was
so willing to make a deal with me

is 'cause I know how
Colton's whole operation works,

from how he imports the drugs

to how he launders the money
through his car dealership.

And it's all written in them
notebooks I was telling you about.

The ones with the names?

You could make
a case against Colton

that would put him away
for 20 lifetimes.

And I could help you get them...

If I let you go?

The cops don't give a shit
about me, man. They want Colton.

No can do.

How can you do this to me?

Look, you're giving up Colton. All
right? You're not gonna do much time.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Smuggling dope, shooting a
cop... I'll see you in 10 years.

And that's if your boy Finch doesn't
pick me off on the way to headquarters.

I'm not taking
you to headquarters.

I'm taking you to my precinct.

I know people there I
can trust. You'll be all right.

We were friends,
Keats. Friends.

Doesn't that mean
anything to you?

Don't give me that shit about just
doing your job, 'cause that's crap.

Hey, I was doing my job then,
and I'm doing my job now.

Well, your job sucks.

(STATIC ON RADIO)

Could you move
your head to the left?

I think that fucking plate
is ruining the reception.

(MUSIC PLAYING CLEARLY)

Jesus. You're right.

MAN: All right, Jack!

Where's the Captain at?

Haven't seen him.

Good to see you, man,
but you look like shit.

Why don't you go home? We'll
take this guy off your hands.

Wait. Hold on.

Do the names Sulliman and
Jones mean anything to you?

Hey, wait a minute.

What's with you, Jack? You
don't trust us all of a sudden?

I don't trust anybody, Whoopi.

Sulliman. Jones.

Don't ring a bell.

All right. You keep
him away from Finch.

That bastard's on
Colton's payroll.

That son of a bitch.
All right.

I knew there was a reason
I didn't like that guy.

Hey, Keats.

Yeah?

Will you do me a favor?

Could you check in on my
mom every once in a while?

Make sure she's not
smoking too much weed?

I got nobody else to ask.

You got it.
I'll look after her.

Hello?
Hey, bright eyes.

Jack, where are you?

I'm at the... Hello?

Hello, Jack. Welcome home.

You son of a bitch. If you
hurt her, I swear to God...

Yeah, yeah. Listen.
(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm a businessman, Jack, so I thought
maybe we'd discuss a little business.

See, you have
something that I want,

and I have something
that you want,

so what I'm talking
about here is an even swap.

I don't have Moses
anymore. I turned him in.

That's not very
good then, is it?

You better get him back, Jack.

You bring Moses to my house, or you'll
never see your little girlfriend again.

Come on down, hear?

(DIAL TONE BUZZING)

Watch your step.

Look, man, don't do what
I think you want to do,

'cause I'm telling you, neither
one of us is gonna like it.

KEATS: Wait! Hold up.

I need him back.

What are you talking about?

I'm taking him to
headquarters myself.

What? Why?

Never mind why.
Get the fuck off me.

He's taking me back. He
said he is, so we're going.

Sorry about your lunch, big man.

Hey, man, thank you. I knew
you wouldn't let me down.

Was it that last
look I gave you?

Yeah. All of that.

Jack, where are you going?

Trust me on this,
Captain. He's dirty.

What the hell are
you talking about?

You heard me.

Are you crazy?

I'll explain it
all to you later.

No! You'll explain now.

Jensen... Jensen.

This guy's name is Jensen?

Why? What? What?

What?

It's not Finch,
man, it's Jensen!

He works with Colton!

What the hell is he saying?

You got to get me
out of here now!

He's saying that you're in bed
with Colton. Now, back up.

He's a lying son of a bitch!

He doesn't lie.

Jack, are you gonna take the
word of that little prick over mine?

Right now, I have to.

You're on suspension,
you son of a bitch.

Now turn that prisoner over.

(GRUNTS)

Don't you even think about it.

And you...

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

MAN: Hey, man.
Hey, how you doing?

(BANGING ON DOOR)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

I cannot believe
that it was Jensen.

This guy's been
like a father to me.

Mmm.

Oh, shit.

Hmm?
Oh, shit.

I'm not gonna tell you, 'cause
you're probably gonna get mad.

Mo, what are you talking about?

There is a chance...

I'm not 100% sure,

but maybe it was
Benson, not Jensen.

You're bullshitting me.

No, no, no, I'm not
positive about this.

Actually, I am pretty
positive it was Benson.

Jensen, come on, they sound the
same. Moses, I could kick your ass!

It's very close. Jensen,
Benson. They rhyme.

Jesus Christ, give me a break.

Give you a break?

You should be happy.
Your captain's clean.

I knocked my superior
officer on his ass.

I pulled a gun on him,
and I should be happy?

The good thing is,
when push came to shove

you acted like a human
being instead of a cop.

Man, you wouldn't let me rot in
that jail cell and I love you for it.

Moses...

I swear to God, I'm going to
make it up to you. That's a promise.

I got something to tell you.
Mmm-hmm.

Go ahead.

You're not gonna get mad?

I ain't gonna get mad at you.

I'm falling in love
with you all over again.

Okay.

Okay.

Colton's got Traci and
he says the only way

I can get her back
is if I turn you in.

There. I said it.

You can't stop fucking
me over, can you?

I'm not gonna turn you in.

Okay? But I can't get
her back without you.

You're the only one that knows
your way around that place.

Look, we both know
I ain't gonna make it

out of that place
alive if I go there.

Look...
Forget it, man.

I ain't doing this shit.

Okay, fine.

Then I guess you
lied to me after all.

Okay. About what?

You said you would
take a bullet for me.

I would have taken a
bullet for you at one time,

but that shit's all gone now.

Cool. Then don't
do it for me.

Do it for yourself,

because as long as you're
alive, Colton wants you dead.

It's only a matter of time
before he puts your lights out.

God damn it.

All right.
Give me a gun.

Moses, you're a fugitive
who's in my custody.

I can't just give you a gun.

Even if it means
I'm gonna get killed?

It don't work like that.

Even if it means
Traci could get killed?

Will you get over that
black-and-white shit

and come over to the
gray area already?

God damn it!
There's plenty of room.

I think Mr. Colton's
waiting to see us.

He certainly is.

Hand it over.

After you.

Gross! Right in
the fucking eyeball.

Bet you're glad
you gave me that gun.

This is the only door
without an alarm on it.

Where does it lead to?

Guest kitchen.
Nobody's ever in there.

Oh, shit.

Get her out of here.

I think they're eating fajitas.

God damn it.

Throw it back.

Now!

So no one's ever
in here, huh, Moses?

Hey!

Shit.

Is that all you got?

Come here.

Motherfucker!

(METAL CLANKING)

(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS)

Oh, Jack.

Thank God.
I was so scared.

Where's Colton?

I saw him drive off
when the shooting started.

Okay, come on.
Let's get out of here.

Shh.

There may still be people
around here. I don't have a gun.

I've got one.

Great. Let me have it.

Put your hands up, Jack.

Traci, now is not the time
for jokes. Give me the gun.

Put your hands up,
or I will let you have it.

Move toward the door.

So after all this
time it was you, huh?

I'm sorry, Jack.

Why don't you just
shoot me in my head?

It won't hurt as much.

Give me the gun, bitch!
Thank you.

Where the hell were you?

Getting Colton's notebooks.

According to these,
it's Nurse Traci's job

to get close to somebody
and then fuck them over.

No wonder you liked her.

Jack, please.

Move it.

Colton knew you'd be
coming after me sooner or later,

so he sicced devil eyes over
here on you to lead him to me.

Jack, Colton made me do it.

He would have killed me
if I hadn't done it.

Watch it now, Keats.
She's playing you.

But then I fell
in love with you.

"But then I fell..."
Shut the fuck up.

I swear to God I did.

Ah! She's lying
out her devil ass.

Will you shut the fuck up?

Why don't you make me?

(GUNSHOT)

Jesus. I got to learn how
to fight. This is pathetic.

(GUN FIRES)

Moses, don't you do it.

Keats, your girlfriend
is shooting at me.

What do you want me to do,
tell her she's pretty?

KEATS: Traci!

Traci!

Look, put the gun down.

I'm walking out of here,
Jack. Don't try to stop me.

God damn it, Traci,
will you stop this?

Don't take it personally.
I'm just doing my job.

Oh, shit!

I've heard that before.

Look, Moses,
shut up. Okay?

Traci, please.

ARCHIE: Don't make you feel
too good, does it, Keats?

Traci!

Okay, Jack.

I'm coming out. I don't
want anyone else to get hurt.

Hey, Keats, take a gun.
She's crazy.

Put it down.

Keats, look out!

(GUN FIRES)

Hey, jack-off.

You make one hell of a partner.

First you bust them,
then you get them shot.

COLTON: Hey, you
know what? Screw him.

I built my whole business
selling to morons like him.

You come on down to
Colton Motors, you hear?

And I'll sell you a new partner,
one without a bullet in him.

Think of the depreciation.
Step into my office, chump.

I could kill you now.
That wouldn't be enough.

What?

'Cause first, man,

I'm gonna fuck you up.

(METAL CLANKING)

Let's get our story straight.

You two, you broke
in here to kill me.

That's what you get for trying
to make me suck your dick.

Hey, Mo. I can't
believe you did that.

Did what?

You actually took
a bullet for me, man.

That was pretty
nice of me, wasn't it?

Yeah.
Ow!

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

What? Hey, sit down.
Let me look at that.

Shit.

Ow!

Man, that's just
a little flesh wound.

A bullet hit my back.
It hurts.

Try taking one in the head.

All right, yeah.
That probably hurt more.

Hey, those notebooks you're holding
ought to make that Benson or Jensen guy

forget you ever hit him.

It's Jensen.

And you better get
the hell out of here.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you take care of
yourself. Try not to mess up.

This life-of-crime bullshit, I'm done
with that, man. I'm going to Cabo.

Ah! Drinking margaritas,
banging señoritas.

Fuck that shit, man.
I'm gonna be a bullfighter.

I hear those guys make a lot
of money. You should come.

Maybe.

To the Rock and Archie Show.

To the Jack and Archie Show.

I'll see you later.

See you, Moses.

ARCHIE: Jeez.
The American customer,

I think, is different
than here in Mexico.

But, you see, we like it
when you first meet somebody

you just start kissing.

You kiss each other, get to
know each other a little better.

It's a little strange at first,

but if you loosen up,
you can enjoy it.

I think it could be fun.

Señor, you are so funny.

I'm funny,
and I'm good-looking, too.

You got to admit that. I'm not
great-looking, but pretty good.

You know, like about a seven.

Hey, you know what
I wanted to ask you.

How many out of the three of
you have done it with a bullfighter?

Anybody? Come on,
show of hands.

We don't like bullfighters.

We hate when they kill the bull.

Oh, yeah, no, no. I wouldn't
kill the bull. That's not nice.

What I like to do is, I
like to get to know the bull.

You know, teach it how
to read, that kind of thing.

To make them stop smoking.
Let's go.

It's not right for a bull
to smoke, you know.

How's it going?

We don't like you binch
gringos bothering our women.

And I wouldn't do that. That's
why I'm gonna leave right now.

It was great meeting you.
Take care.

Oh, God. Come on.

Hey!

You got a problem with him,
then you got a problem with us.

Right, Keats?

(DOG GROWLING)

(DOG BURPING)

Keats?

Hey, you don't want to
beat the shit out of me

in front of my mother,
do you? Mom! Ma!

Mom!

Mother!

(RAP SONG PLAYING)