Bugged (1996) - full transcript

Urban America calls on exterminators to wipe out the unwanted vermin. In BUGGED, the only unwanted vermin is the man! Sexy homemaker Devine (Priscilla K. Basque) hires a whacked-out group of "Bugbusters" to rid her house of insects. But it's not long before the bugs grow to enormous sizes, and the exterminators become the exterminated!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

This way, gentlemen.

Sorry to keep both

of you waiting.

You guys are from

Vextro Labs, right?

-Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

Well, here we are.

What a mess.

Now, you're gonna be

transporting Clamol, C83.

It's a highly toxic chemical.

Word of advice-- don't

speed through the streets,

avoid the main

highways, and above all,

please, please be discreet.

That's standard procedure, man.

Here are your papers.

Now, as you can see,

your instructions

and the directions to the

chemical waste facility

are printed on the invoice.

Any questions?

Naw.

You know, there's been a lot

of talk about these chemicals--

mostly rumors, and so forth.

You guys heard

anything about them?

Naw.

No, not that I'd

want to worry you

two, because there's absolutely

nothing to be concerned about.

But, for the record,

this lab you see here?

It was owned by a

brilliant scientist

by the name of Dr. Carl Craig.

At the time he was

working on a very

important research experiment.

Dr. Carl Craig?

Yes?

Hello.

Janice Young.

Your new assistant.

Oh, hello.

I was expecting--

I mean, I wasn't

expecting you until Wednesday.

Oh, well, if you

don't need me, then I--

No, no, nonsense.

Welcome to my humble lab.

It's not much, but it's mine.

You know, you're

just in time to help

me with a critical experiment.

How much do you

know about my work?

Well, I read your paper

on genetic engineering back

in '86.

Wonderful work.

Thank you.

But tell me, did

you ever manage

to recode the DNA strand to

produce an intellectually

superior animal?

No, actually I had

it all backwards.

I didn't realize

it at the time, but

two years after

publishing that paper,

I came across the answer.

Really?

Come.

This is what I've

been working on since.

I call it Clamol C83.

Careful.

Don't get any of it on you.

It's lethal.

What you have there is Clamol

in its raw form, from which

I've produced a serum.

A serum?

When injected into any

animal, it will increase

their intelligence level.

Now, see, before,

I had it all wrong.

Before, I was

attempting to increase

the intelligence of

animals by reconstructing

their DNA ladder.

May I?

Yeah.

But what I realized was that the

body is a miraculous machine.

Clamol, when administered

in small dosages

over a period of

time, reconfigures,

or mutates the DNA.

After a period of months, the

body adapts to the new form

and the longer requires

the injections of Clamol.

The result is a more efficient,

highly intelligent animal.

And because the DNA

structure is changed,

each offspring that

animal produces

will be genetically

superior, all

because the strand encoded the

message to each new generation.

I see.

So it's like sculpting

a piece of clay.

When the artist is done,

it holds the impression.

Exactly.

Take a look over here.

Janice Young, I'd like

you to meet Edgar.

Egar, this is our new

assistant, Janice.

Edgar is a fourth

generation lab rat.

I originally started injecting

his great great grandfather

with Clamol.

Since then, each generation

proceeding the next

has shown increased

levels of intellect.

Edgar here is on a

steady diet of 22 units.

He's been making

remarkable progress.

I anticipate that two or three

generations down the line

will not require injections

of Clamol at all.

Their bodies will

naturally conform.

That's amazing.

But what tests

are you conducting

to measure his intelligence?

Well, a variety of

sorts, but I started out

with your basic

mouse maze, which

proved too simple for Edgar.

Over here.

Here are the

individual test results

taken from over 30 experiments.

I assume you'll want to

know as much as possible

about my work over

the past five years.

Here's the chemical make up

of Clamol, broken down along

with variations on the formula.

Here's Dr. Housman's six year

research on DNA reconstruction.

I used much of it in my work.

If you want the remaining

five years of his study,

it's downstairs on

microfilm in the library.

Here's some statistical

data you need to know.

You'll need this, too.

It's a comprehensive outline

of my complete findings.

And you should be able to

go over all of that tonight.

That should bring

you up to speed.

Tomorrow we'll get

started at 6:00 AM sharp.

Any questions?

No.

No.

All right, then.

Oh, and, oh, Janice?

Try and get a good

night's sleep.

You're going to need it.

Now, if you'll all

turn to page 23,

you'll see a comprehensive

chart detailing

all test analysis conducted

on the various primates.

The chart indicates an

increase in brain activity.

In each case the animal's

response was similar,

and this further demonstrates

Clamol's overall stability

and predictability.

It is our belief that with

the approval of the FDA

to begin human testing,

Clamol C83 will not only

show positive results, as you

have clearly seen in the data,

but will surpass

all previous test

results, without any

harmful side effects.

[WHISPERING]

Dr. Young, Dr. Craig,

one thing you neglected

to address in your report

is the ever-occurring

cellular mutation factor.

It is a reoccurring theme

in just about every result.

We see in comparative

tests, each time the end

result is unpredictable.

How can you explain this?

Well, as I stated

earlier, when administered

in the proper dosage there

are virtually no side effects,

and in fact, our studies

show that the mutation

factor only occurs

within animals,

and will not affect humans.

This is due to the secretion

of certain glands, which

I've detailed on-- on page 40.

Dr. Craig, we seem to be

going around in circles.

Given the information

we have, I am afraid

we cannot approve

Clamol for human

testing at this point in time.

Perhaps after another

year of testing,

we would be willing to

look at your results.

It was after the FDA denied

Dr. Craig's request that he

made a dramatic decision.

He and Dr. Young decided

to continue research

for another year, but

unbeknownst to Dr. Young,

Dr. Craig had already

taken an important step

in the direction of progress.

In the weeks that

followed, Dr. Young

would see some strange events.

Carl, when you have the

time, can you calculate

these equations for me, please?

Sure.

You're done?

There were over

30 problems here.

You did them without

the help of a computer?

Yeah, math was always

my best subject.

Right.

Carl, are you all right?

Of course, dear.

Never felt better.

Why do you ask?

I don't know.

You just seem kind of

wired today, is all.

Could you hand me

my notebook, please?

Carl, you might want

to lay off the coffee.

Now, Dr. Craig was very close

to perfecting his formula.

In the following months

he worked day and night.

He knew he had to prove to

the scientific community

that he was right all along.

But something happened

that changed all that.

One night, Janice received

an urgent phone call

from Dr. Craig.

He told her to come

directly to the lab.

Something terrible had happened.

She had no idea

what she would find.

Carl?

Carl, are you in here?

Ah!

[SCREECHING]

[GUNSHOT]

Are you all right, Janice?

Is that you?

Yes.

What was that?

It was Edgar.

Edgar?

What do you mean?

Edgar?

What's wrong?

Stay back.

Carl, what's wrong?

I didn't want you to see

me-- see me like this,

but I don't have this time.

You have to know.

Know what?

Janice, I had no choice.

They wouldn't let me test

the formula on people.

What was I to do?

I couldn't sacrifice

anybody other than myself.

Oh, god, Carl.

No!

I was wrong.

They were right.

The formula changed Edgar.

It took some time,

but it changed him.

I thought the mutation factor

wouldn't occur within humans,

but I was wrong.

For a whiel, I was

doing so very well.

The complex of tasks

were child's play to me.

I required very little sleep.

I was stronger-- healthier.

I was a new man.

Reborn.

But-- but then I

started to change.

What have I become?

Some sort of-- of monster?

[GASP]

Oh, Carl.

Carl, it's going

to be all right.

I know we can find a way

to reverse the process.

There's no turning back for me.

I've tried everything

to save myself.

There is no anti-serum.

The process cannot be reversed.

There's only one

thing left to do.

No, Carl.

No.

But I need your help, Janice.

No.

No!

Listen to me!

No!

It's not going to

get any better for me.

I won't live much

longer, anyhow.

Save me the suffering.

Carl, no!

Please.

You can do it, doctor.

Do it now.

-I can't.

-Do it!

I can't!

Do it!

[GUNSHOT]

Over to the-- over

to the left, dear.

[GUNSHOT]

So, that was the end of

the famous Dr. Carl Craig.

After that incident,

all research on Clamol

was discontinued, remaining

existing containers

locked away here in storage.

Poor Dr. Craig never had a

chance to finish his research.

It's too bad.

Think what it could

have done for humanity.

So, anyway, what

do you guys think?

It's all a true story.

Yeah, right, man.

Anyway.

Good luck, guys.

What the hell was that?

Slow down, man!

Go pick 'em up.

I'll get 'em.

You see that game last night?

Yeah, man, did

you see when Stark

dunked it on Grant and Jordan?

Yeah, man.

I mean, he's got a hell

of a game, don't he?

You know, it's

possible [INAUDIBLE].

No, no, don't say that.

But Stark is not

an entire team.

No, but he's an important

part of the team,

you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, but he's not the team.

You're right.

You're right.

He's an essential part of the

team, along with everyone else.

Hey, what's wrong with that guy?

He's headed straight towards us.

Turn it!

Turn, turn, turn!

Damn!

I don't believe this!

Damn!

Just look at this.

Oh, no.

No!

You know, if any of these

are damaged, it's our ass.

Yeah, yeah.

Pick them up and put

'em back in the van.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Are you crazy?

Can't you drive?

Hey!

Hey, you all right in there?

You all right in there?

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

ANSWERING MACHINE:

Three new messages.

Hello, Divine.

This is Monica.

We're still waiting for

those six poems, doll.

I don't mean to rush you

because I know you can't rush

creativity, but the deadline

has long since passed,

and we're ready to go to press.

If you've got the pages, just

go ahead and fax them to me,

and I'll look them over.

You can reach me at the

office until about 5:30 today.

Talk to you later.

[BEEP]

Uh, yeah, Divine, what's up?

This is Rosco.

I ran into Robert the other day.

Uh, sorry to hear

about y'all's demise,

you know, being a-- being

a couple, and all that.

So, uh, anyway, like I

said, you know, you should

give me that call, all right?

Give me the call.

You know, we need to talk.

[BEEP]

Divine!

Why haven't you called

your mother this week?

You know she just

worries about you.

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

By the way, thanks for

those socks you sent me.

We love you, pookins.

Now, you just call us soon.

This is Daddy.

Peace out.

[BEEPING]

DIVINE (VOICEOVER): I see you

there standing in the midnight,

too.

So lovely, and so very true.

This is our time, and

this is our place.

One on one, and face to face.

The mist will cover our

eyes, hiding our sins,

deep and from far within.

For when we make love, no one

shall see how truly wonderful

it can be.

Although we may have

fallen from grace,

you know, making love

in this mystical place,

but maybe someday we

will be free to one day

make love under an open tree.

[KETTLE WHISTLING]

Ew!

Mother, I'm fine.

WOMAN ON PHONE: Well, I just

don't see how you stay cooped

up in that house all week.

Mother, I'm a writer.

I've got a deadline to meet.

You know how it is.

But before you used

to go out, at least.

Now you're home every night.

Before I was with Robert,

and now I'm by myself.

I'm just going to have to

get used to it, that's all.

Honey, if you need

company, I can fly

out there for a week or two.

No, no, really,

that's not necessary.

Has he called you?

No, he hasn't called me.

Honey, I know that you're

still in love with him,

but in time you'll forget him.

I've already forgotten him.

He's out of my mind.

Good.

There was no reason for

him to leave you like that.

The girl he's with now is

nothing but a cheap tramp.

It's his loss.

You were the best thing

that came into his life.

Mother, really, I'd rather not

talk about it right now, OK?

Yes, you're right.

Listen, why don't you

take a long vacation?

Someplace nice,

like the Bahamas?

I know a lot of single

women that go there.

It's a great place to meet men.

Would you like that?

Hello?

Hello?

Are you there?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I'm here.

I was just killing this bug.

Bug?

I thought you called the

exterminators last week.

Well, I've been too busy to.

You have to take care of that.

You know how those

creatures multiply.

Before you know it, they'll

be all over the place.

Tell you what, I'll

call them for you.

No.

I can do it, really.

In fact, I'll call

them as soon as I

get off the phone with you.

Good enough?

Now, don't forget.

I won't.

I promise.

OK.

All right, I've really

gotta get back to work now,

so, uh, give Daddy my

love, and I'll talk

to you tomorrow, all right?

All right, honey, Bye now.

Bye bye.

Gotta call the exterminators.

[PHONE RINGING]

Dead and Buried Exterminators.

Can I help you?

OK.

And how did you hear about us?

All right.

Now, you say you

have a bug problem?

Now, Brian's

winter storm wonder,

though highly decorative,

and-- and creative, his bug,

Clarence, only measured 1 inch.

It's good, but not quite there.

And Steve, would you get

your ass up off the table?

All right.

Now, while Tina's undersea

adventure was a little more

effective-- you know, like

a-- a Jacques Cousteau

of the bug world--

and her bug, Oswald,

measured 1 inch and a quarter.

Not bad, Tina.

Not bad.

But overall, now, um, Lance's

setting, the summer fling,

presented the best look and

design out of the three.

And his bug, Melvin, measured

1 inch and three quarters,

which qualifies him for

the Raid State competition

for the world's largest bug.

Let's give him a hand.

Speech!

Speech!

Well, uh, thanks, guys.

Uh, as you know, I've

trekked the city's

sewers to find a really big bug

for my summer fling project.

Uh--

Should have looked

in his kitchen.

It's really helped me

battle my fear of bugs.

And if I saw a bug

as big as my mother,

I wouldn't be afraid one bit.

I would.

You ever see his mother?

Thanks, guys.

Yeah!

Hopefully, with a little luck,

guys, we'll win this year,

and we'll bring

home that trophy!

Yeah!

[BUZZING]

You wanna get that

for me, please, Dave?

Sure.

Sorry you didn't win.

Hey.

Hi.

I have your batch

of bug chemicals.

Just sign right here.

OK.

How's it going?

Good.

Good.

Good.

You guys all right?

What?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Um--

All right.

It's just been

one of those days.

We'll, we'll be seeing you.

Goodbye.

All right.

Hey, Gunther, the batch

of chemicals is here.

What do you want

me to do with them?

Oh, good.

Here.

Put it over here.

Steve, I want you

and Dave to load

this new mix into

your guns, because you

guys just about on empty now.

The rest of you, I

want you to use up

your old stuff until it's

all used up, all right?

All right, now move this

stuff out of the way.

Move this.

Put those right over

here on the table.

Take a look at this.

Whoa, look at that.

Hey, hey, be careful

with that stuff.

They say this stuff dissolves

the bugs on contact.

No mess to clean up afterwards.

Hey, if this stuff

works out, then we'll

discontinue the old spray mix.

Gunther, we've

got another job in.

She said she needs her

place sprayed right away.

Ah, Fairfield.

Hey, this is a

rich neighborhood.

Yeah.

All right, Steve, you

and Dave here can take it.

This will be your last round

for the day, all right?

Great.

What?

No problem.

We'll get right on it.

Wow, this is nice.

Yeah.

Just our luck, a big house.

Man, we're going to

be here all night.

You watch, she's going to

be old, ugly, and very,

very crabby.

I got a bad feeling about this.

Come on, man, it's

not gonna be that bad.

Mark my words.

Hey, Steve, look.

There's a little kitty cat.

Hey, kitty.

Great.

Old ladies love cats.

Man, she's probably

got more inside.

I'm not even going to

bother with this one.

You knock on the door.

I'll stand over here.

[KNOCKING]

Hi.

Hi, I'm Stephen Reed

with Dead and Buried

Extermination Service.

Hello.

[CLEARING THROAT]

Uh, this is my

partner, Dave Williams.

-Hi.

-Hi.

You must be Miss Divine Hill.

Yes, I am.

Come on in.

I really want to thank you

guys for fitting me in today.

I know it was a

last minute thing.

Naw, think nothing of it.

We know how much of a

problem these bugs can be.

Well, I've pretty much

prepared everything for you.

I've moved the furniture

out of the way.

Is there anything

else you might need?

No, that should do it.

OK.

How about some iced

tea, or something?

Naw, no thank you.

Yes, thank you.

I'll have some.

Thanks.

OK.

I'll get it for you.

Hey Steve, do you

know who that is?

No.

Who?

I knew her name was familiar.

That's Miss Divine

Hill, the famous poet.

I've read all of her work.

Really?

I can't believe this.

This is wonderful.

You've never read

any of her books?

No.

Oh, the way she puts her words,

it's-- it's really moving.

Well, let's not

try and bother her

with a lot of silly questions.

Let's get right to work.

-Oh, I gotta get her autograph.

-OK.

Wait till after we

finish the house,

then there'll be time

to sit around and chat.

OK.

I will start on the rooms.

OK.

Do that.

Where's your partner going?

Oh, he's just going

to start spraying.

Um, is that OK?

That's fine.

Wait a minute.

Excuse me, aren't you Miss

Divine Hill, the famous poet?

Yes, I am.

I knew it.

I knew that was you.

You know, I'm a

big fan of yours.

I was just telling my partner,

I think that's Miss Divine Hill.

Wow.

Well, you can sit

down, if you like.

Thank you.

You know, I never dreamed I'd

be here in your house one day.

Life is funny that way.

So, this is how a

famous poet lives.

Well, actually, I just

moved in here, so--

You know, every night

before I go to sleep,

I read one of your poems.

The way you put your

words, it's moving.

I've read all your work.

Really?

So which one's your favorite?

Um, you know, I can't

really single out

one that stands above the rest.

Mm.

When I think about it,

I love them all equally.

Yeah.

So, um, how do you do it?

I mean, what's your secret?

I don't know.

It's just what I

feel at the moment.

I put it all down on paper.

It comes from inside of me.

If you know my poems,

then you know me.

That's so interesting.

Your husband must be

a pretty lucky man

to have someone so passionate.

I'm not married.

No?

Why?

I guess I just haven't found

that special someone yet.

Now, I find it hard to

believe that a woman so

beautiful and talented

as you obviously are

hasn't settled down yet.

Well, actually, there was

this one guy, Robert, but, uh,

he left me for another woman.

Get out of here.

How could he?

I don't know.

It just happened.

That's terrible.

You dating now?

No, I'm not dating now.

I've been too busy

with my new book.

I'm sorry, asking all

these personal questions.

Forgive me, but it's just such

a treat meeting you, and all.

It's all right.

Don't worry about it.

No, I should go and

get down to business.

OK, now, can you describe the

insect or insects in question?

Yes.

It was big and hairy,

and had lots of legs.

Hm.

Sounds like your paraplaneta

americana species.

Your what?

Common house roach.

It's a good thing you called us

before the situation got worse.

See, your paraplaneta americana

species, though harmless,

tend to reproduce at

an incredible rate.

Why, a single female

paraplaneta can give birth

to as many as 12 baby roaches.

Really?

Now, on the other hand, your

blabberish gigantia species

mates on a less

frequent basis and don't

produce as many

offspring, but they're

vicious creatures by nature.

Of course, you wouldn't find

that in most households.

They're basically cave dwellers.

See, the key with any roach

is to reduce its numbers,

you must cut off

its food supply.

Food supply?

Yeah.

You know those tiny

little drops of crumbs

that you leave

after having supper?

Mm-hm.

See, they feed on that.

It's a vital supply

of food for them.

Without it, they couldn't

possibly survive.

Well, I-- I do try to

clean up after myself.

And I use bug spray.

Does that help?

Well, a little.

But see, it can't reach

behind and in those cracks,

where roaches do most

of their breeding.

See, that's where they sleep.

That's where they roam.

It truly is their domain.

See, it's there

where they create

their own world, a

totalitarian society with one

purpose in mind-- survival.

Survival at all costs.

Now, they're fast and

cunning creatures whose

strength lies in their numbers.

And each day they

wage a war-- a war

against their most dangerous and

powerful adversary, humankind.

A battle that rages on.

Well, that's fascinating.

That's-- that's almost poetic.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Well, have you

ever tried writing?

No, but I bet

I'd be good at it.

But you know, there's always

room for some improvement.

Um, maybe you could help

me, um, develop my talent?

I don't think so.

OK, um, why don't we go and

see how Dave is progressing?

That way you can, um, get a

better idea of how we work.

[COUGHING]

As per standard procedure,

our first order of business

is to locate any nesting places.

Mm-hm.

Now, once this is done,

we begin eradication

by thoroughly spraying

the infected areas,

as you see Dave doing now.

See, we're using Corrida

D38, a powerful new bug

spraying mix which literally

dissolves the bugs on contact.

Yeah, but, uh, is

that stuff safe?

Of course.

It's perfectly safe.

Around children, plants,

pets, you name it.

And the best part of it

is that it's odorless,

and it won't harm your

walls or your furniture.

Great.

So how long before

I see any results?

Immediately.

You should wake up tomorrow

to a bug free house.

Just leave everything to us.

You know, I'm-- I'm really

a little embarrassed.

I didn't think the bug

problem would get this bad.

I really should have

called you guys sooner.

Don't be embarrassed.

Look, everybody has bugs.

You just don't see them.

It's a common problem.

Excuse me, but I

need to get some air.

Yeah, sure.

Nice work, kid.

Am I in your way here?

Oh, no, no.

So, how's it going?

Fine.

I'm almost done here.

Um, I don't suppose

you'll have anymore

bug problems after this.

Wonderful.

Hey, you haven't had

anythign to drink yet.

You must be thirsty.

Let me get you something.

Sure.

So, you like like

you're a hard worker.

Well, I like my job.

Your partner Steve

was just telling me

a little about the

different types of roaches.

Well, Steve does know

a lot about roaches,

but you have a small

cricket problem.

Really?

Sounds like you know

a lot about bugs, too.

Miss Hill, I just

went to say that I'm

a avid reader of your work.

Would it be too much to ask if

I could have your autograph?

Well, no.

I-- I'd be flattered.

I find your poems to be a true

expression of one's inner self.

Take, for example,

A Tranquil Light,

The white leopard symbolizing

the sexual duality

that exists within us.

When confronted he is

forced to take on a mate,

not by instinct, but

by superficial desires.

That's incredible.

Not very many people

understand the meaning

behind the white leopard.

Oh, it was clearly a commentary

on modern day romances,

stemming from sociological

issues and racial upbringing.

I'm afraid you have me

at a disadvantage, here.

I have never met anyone

who knew so much about what

I was trying to say as you do.

I'm-- I'm flattered.

Well, I'm a close

follower of you work.

I especially like what you

said in A Tranquil Light,

that we are motivated not

by passion, but by love.

I'm looking forward to

reading more of your work.

I'm telling you, I'm

struggling with some right now.

As a matter of fact, I'd like

to show them to you sometime.

I-- I could really

use the feedback.

Oh, I would be

honored, Miss Hill.

Divine.

Please, call me Divine.

OK, Divine.

Wasn't she terrific?

Yeah, she sure was.

Not at all what I

expected, though.

Now, this is one run

I'm glad we made.

You know what?

What's that?

I think she likes me.

-Really?

-Yep.

You know what I think?

What's that?

I think it's all your mind.

You're just jealous.

Put your stuff in the

van, and let's go.

Hey, wait a second.

Didn't Gunther say this

dissolves the bugs?

Yeah.

Why?

It doesn't seem to

be working too well.

Some of them were still moving.

I guess it just takes a while

before the bugs dissolve.

See, my guess is they have

just enough time to crawl

into the cracks of the wall.

Yeah, see, it's better

that way, because then

their contaminated

bodies can, um,

take the poison into the lair

and spread it to the others.

I guess that's OK.

All right, let's

get out of here.

TV: We now return to S. Torriano

Berry's Deathly Realities

on the Black Beyond Showcase.

WOMAN ON TV: Chipper!

Merle, I've got you.

You cut it out.

[SCREAMING]

TV: Also in the news,

tragedy struck this morning

in a bizarre accident

involving a Vextro

Laboratories delivery van.

The badly deformed and mutated

bodies of the two drivers

were discovered

after a container

of chemicals they were

transporting apparently

exploded.

Not much has been

revealed about the Clamol

C38, the top secret

chemical agent developed

by Vextro Laboratories.

Company officials say

the leakage was contained

within the transport vehicle,

and there is no danger

of further contamination.

[RUSTLING]

[CRASHING]

[SCREAMING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Dead and Buried Exterminators.

Can I help you?

Yes.

Yes.

OK, let me take this down.

And your name is, again?

I understand.

Don't worry.

Look, we'll look into it.

In fact, can you hold on?

OK, thanks.

Hold on.

Hey, Gunther!

Gunther?

The problem with you is

that you're too aggressive.

It's just I know how

to deal with women.

Hey guys, guess what?

That woman whose

house you guys went

to yesterday, Miss Divine Hill?

She just called, and she

said that the problem

has gotten worse.

Did you guys spray her place?

Yes.

Didn't you?

Of course.

Well, she says she's got

these big bugs running around.

Big bugs, the size of puppies.

Look, I want you two guys

to get out there right away.

We'll see what's up.

Hey, it's not my fault.

Look, I don't care

whose fault it is.

Just get out there and

take care of the situation.

Got it?

We got it.

And make sure your containers

are full before you leave.

See, this is where I was.

I was laying down right

here, this morning,

and when I woke up, this bug

was directly on top of me,

looking right down at me.

And it was big.

I mean, really big.

Nice bedroom.

I like it.

Did you kill it?

No, I didn't kill it.

I mean, it ran off

way too quickly,

and I wasn't about

to chase it down.

I see.

Now, it's a bit warm in here.

Bugs tend to seek

out a warmer climate.

You may want to turn

up your Central Air.

Tell you what, I'll

conduct a thorough search

of the area and spray

for the bug personally.

How's that?

Fine.

Just as long as

we get rid of him.

Dave, why don't you

down to the basement

and spray again while Divine and

I take care of things up here?

Hey, wait a second.

Why do I always end

up off on my own?

Yeah.

Isn't it better if he

stays and helps you?

It's better if we split up.

That way we get

more worked done.

Isn't that right, Dave?

Yeah.

Now, from the

looks of things, you

seem to keep a

pretty clean room,

so I don't suppose there's

much in the way of food

around here for them?

But there's got to be some

way they're getting in.

Let's see.

[BEEPING]

No.

Ah-ha.

There it is.

Take a look at this.

That's a hole in my wall.

Yes, but see, that's how

they're able to get around,

by crawling through these

cracks, which undoubtedly

connect from room to room.

No.

The bug was much

bigger than that hole.

No, it couldn't be.

Yes, it was.

Look, you were mostly

upset at the time,

and obviously

misjudged the size.

You made a mistake.

Women often panic

under pressure.

It's nothing new.

What?

But I have something

here that should help.

Oh, and what's that?

It's a special device used to

lure the bug out and trap him.

This way we can see

exactly what type of insect

we're dealing with, here.

Now, if we keep our eyes

on the trap for a while,

we should see it come

out and go for the bait.

They're not too smart, so

it shouldn't take too long.

Um, so, what are you

doing, um, this evening?

I thought maybe since we both

had this love for poetry,

I might be able to

take you out to dinner,

and we can work

on some new poems?

You know, I know this nice

little restaurant down--

You know, actually, I--

I usually work alone.

You know, it's the only

way I can become inspired.

You know, total isolation.

Hey, I understand.

Oh, how about I

order some takeout

and bring it over

after you're done?

That way it will be

just the two of us.

No outside disturbances.

No, you know, you

really don't have

to go through all that trouble.

And besides, I'm on a diet.

[BEEPING]

Hey.

Where'd it go?

The bait's gone.

You got some pretty

fast guys here.

We'd better stay

alert next time.

Steve.

Steve.

I think you'd better

take a look at this.

-What you got, there?

-It's a big bug.

And I mean really big.

Let's look at it.

Uh, excuse me, Divine.

You'd better stand back.

This is a man's job.

It could get ugly.

Shit, man, what

the hell is that?

-Wow.

-Man, close that thing up.

That is a big one.

Where'd you find it?

It was downstairs,

by your heater.

Well, is it dead?

I think so.

I hit it pretty hard.

God, what kind of bug is that?

I really don't know.

I've never seen one

like this before.

You've never seen

one like this before?

No.

Uh, excuse me, Divine.

I think I need to speak to

Dave for a moment, please?

What the hell is going on, here?

Man, I don't know.

You tell me.

I tell you one thing,

if this woman has bugs

this big running

around this house,

I'm getting the

fuck out of here.

Wait, wait, wait.

We can't do that.

Why not?

That's not right.

All right, let's take this

one back down to the office

and show Gunther.

He'll know how to deal with it.

Then we'll come back

with reinforcements.

Oh, that's a good idea.

And let's just spray

a little bit around

here to make it look good, OK?

-Yeah, all right.

Excuse me, guys.

Is there a problem

here, or something?

No, no.

I just need to take a trip

back down to the office to pick

up some additional supplies.

Standard material.

Shouldn't take long at all.

Is that OK?

Fine.

I'll be here.

OK.

Man, let's get the

hell out of here.

Gunther!

Sam, where's Gunther?

Where's Gunther?

He's gone home for the day.

Shit.

Look, we've got a problem.

I need to call him at home.

What's his number?

-Why?

What's up?

Hey Sam, take a look at this.

Hey Lance, come here.

What is it?

Holy Toledo, that's a big baby!

What the hell is that?

Where did you find it?

It's from my last run.

That woman has got a

really big bug problem.

Yeah, you can say that again.

What species is it?

I don't know.

I can't really tell.

Seems to be of a

totally new generation.

It's a magnificent specimen.

Are there anymore?

I think so.

They're all over her place.

What a find.

You know what this

could mean, don't you?

The discovery of a totally

new generation of bug.

I have to see more.

A live one, at least.

Lance, can I speak

with you for a minute?

Sure.

Looks like you've got

some trouble there, buddy.

What's up?

Can't you see?

Dave just caught

himself a big bug.

Bigger than yours.

Now he's the one

qualified to go on

to the Raid State competition.

You're bumped out.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I didn't think about that.

Now, what you could

do is go with them back

out to that house, and if there

are anymore bugs like he says,

like that, you should

have no trouble

finding one on your own.

Hey, if you cut me in for

50% of the prize money,

I'll even help you out.

Sounds good.

Deal?

Deal.

50-50.

50-50.

Shit.

He's not home yet.

Hey Steve, we're going to

have to go back to her place

and finish spraying.

We can't leave her

alone like that.

I'll go, too.

You're obviously going

to need some help.

Uh, yeah.

Me too.

I'll go.

All right.

Well, get as much

stuff as you can.

Dave, let's get ready and go.

All right, just give me a

couple of minutes to get ready.

OK.

[SCREECHING]

Whoa!

Hey!

Shit!

What--

Hey, what's going on?

What happened?

-The damn thing was alive!

It tried to kill me.

Good.

Uh, good thing it

didn't hurt you.

Oh, man, look at this mess.

You better clean it up

before Gunther gets back.

Don't worry about

cleaning it up.

Look, guys, this is serious.

You'd better break

out the heavy gear.

This is gros.

[SCREECHING]

Wait till they

get a load of me.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Um, Gunther, I need to talk to

you about that Divine Hill job?

What about it?

Well--

DIVINE: Just a minute.

You're back.

-Yeah.

Sorry it took so long.

We had to make sure

we got everything.

Divine, is one of

our fellow pest--

pest control operators, Sam.

Hello.

Hi, Dave.

Hi.

Now, Lance is outside

parking the van,

and this is Gunther, our boss.

Miss Hill.

So nice to meet you.

I must say, I don't

get the opportunity

to read much of

your work, but I've

heard a lot of good things.

On behalf of the Dead and

Buried Extermination Service,

let me apologize for the way my

boys handled the job earlier.

I wanted to show you that things

will be done right this time,

because I am here to

personally oversee things.

Well, thank you.

You guys sure have

a lot of stuff here.

Oh, yes.

We're working with the most

advanced equipment to date.

Sam, you take the bathroom,

Lance will take the basement.

Steve, I want you and

Dave to take the living

room and closet spaces.

And Miss Hill, you go

about your daily routine.

Just pretend that

we're not even here.

Is everything OK?

I mean, it's nothing

serious, is it?

Of course not.

We just want to make sure that

we get each and every last bug.

Don't worry, we're highly

skilled professionals.

Everything's all right.

I wouldn't worry.

I won't.

Not with you here.

Maybe we could get a

chance to talk later?

Oh, I'd like that.

All right, everyone set?

Set.

Lock and load.

Move out.

What the hell are you doing?

Man, what's wrong with you?

Look, I'm sorry.

This whole situation's

got me pissed off.

I mean, it's bad enough we had

to bring Sam and Lance with us.

Now Gunther's here, too.

Well, you know why

he's here, don't you?

Sam told him we didn't spray

this house the first time.

He did what?

Yeah, now he's down

here to check up on us.

And Sam will use every

opportunity to kiss

up to Gunther while he's here.

That's right.

Man, Gunther doesn't

need to be here.

His lazy ass is probably sitting

downstairs, sipping coffee

and reading the newspaper.

Well, you know what?

We'd better watch our

ass while he's here.

All right, well, I'm going

to go back downstairs.

All right.

Would you stop looking

at the paintings?

All right.

I think you'd better go around.

Here you are.

I thought you might be hungry.

Oh.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ah.

You're welcome.

You shouldn't have.

Well, take as many as you like.

No, no.

Just one is enough.

One is enough.

OK.

Thank you.

[BEEPING]

Hey, Lance, you done yet?

Lance?

Lance?

Damn.

[SCREAMING]

What's going on?

There's this big bug

downstairs, and it got Lance!

What?

I went down there

to check on him,

and there's big just

chewing away on his body.

Oh my god.

All right, calm down.

Let's check it out.

Wait a minute.

How big did you

say that bug was?

About the size of a football!

All right.

We're going downstairs.

-Hell no.

Are you crazy?

I'm not going back down there!

Sam, get a grip.

Now, we'll all go together.

Well, what should I do?

You just stay here.

We'll take care of it.

Everybody, get your

spray guns ready.

Let's go.

Wait a minute.

What?

What's wrong?

Dave, you take point.

Take point?

Why should I take point?

Just do it, Dave!

Move slowly, now.

Lance?

Lance, can you hear me?

I don't like this.

There's something over there!

-There's a bug!

-Back!

Everybody back!

That thing is big!

I told you.

Everybody, on the count

of three, zap that sucker.

Ready?

1, 2, 3!

-What the hell is going on?

-Don't worry.

-What's going on down there?

-Don't worry.

We got it under control.

Oh my god.

You wouldn't have a-- a

gun in the house, would you?

Yeah, but why?

Could you get it

for me, please?

Oh, god.

Hey listen, over here.

What are we gonna do, man?

Lance is still down there.

What are we gonna do about that?

Man, forget about Lance.

He's dead.

Besides, something

strange is going on here,

and I think it

may have something

to do with this woman's house.

Man, don't be crazy.

Naw, naw, naw.

He may have a point there.

Them bugs might be coming

from underneath the house.

There might be some type

of underground cave,

or even this house might

been built on some kind

of toxic waste dump.

I guess it could be possible.

Wait, wait, wait.

I have a theory.

Our spray didn't work

on that bug downstairs.

Maybe it's the

spray itself that's

causing the bugs to

transform and mutate

into some hideous creatures?

Naw.

No way, that's too far out.

No, you're right.

That was a stupid idea.

So what are we going to do now?

I'm gonna call regional

headquarters on this.

Here's the gun.

My ex-boyfriend gave it

to me for protection.

Smart guy.

Look, I gotta make a phone call.

Could I use your phone?

Yeah, it's right over there.

OK, thanks.

Thank you.

Your phone is dead.

What?

I can't get a dialtone.

It was working earlier.

I don't know.

Let me see it.

[KNOCKING]

Now, who's that?

I don't know.

I'm not expecting anybody.

I'll-- I'll get it.

No, let me.

I'll get it.

OK.

Who is it?

I said, who is it?

This is your fault.

What do you mean,

it's my fault?

-It's your fault.

-How is it my fault?

This is just your

fault, you know?

There's no one there.

Strange.

[SCREAMING] Oh my god!

[SCREAMING]

Oh my god!

Look, there's even

more of them out here!

Where the hell are

they coming from?

They've surrounded the house.

Man, this is crazy!

Damn!

They've got us trapped in here!

Man, this would have never

happened in the projects.

Oh, shit!

Do you guys want to tell

me how these bugs got here?

Well, we've considered several

possible, but to speak frankly,

we're stumped.

Look, have you ever seen

those bugs here before?

No.

If I would have, I would

have been out of here

a long time ago.

You know, these bugs started

showing up right after you

guys sprayed the first time.

Why is that?

I mean, don't you think there's

some kind of connection there?

I mean, your spray doesn't

seem to be working at all.

Is it?

Well, you may

have a point there.

Look, we cannot worry

about this right now.

We have got to focus

our attention on getting

out of here in one piece.

Well, what do you suggest?

Look, first we gotta keep cool.

Now, if one of us can

just get out to that van,

then they cna go and get help.

How?

With those things out there?

Steve, I don't think

that's a good idea.

We'd be playing right

into their hands.

Well, how do you mean?

They're smarter than

we're led to believe.

They know that the van is

our only means of escape.

That's why they've statio

themselves around the house.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah, but you guys,

if we stay in here,

then that one downstairs is

going to get out and get us.

We're screwed either way.

Not necessarily.

We may be able to use

this to our advantage.

How?

Well, we can see

that our osprey

had no effect on them whatever.

Now, if we could

get them to ingest

some poisonous substance,

something that'll kill them

instantaneously, then

we could probably just

stroll right out to the

van, without any problem.

Great.

But we don't have anything.

Well, look, I could

probably mix up something

from what's in the kitchen.

Hey, you know, I

got some rat poison.

Perfect.

Uh, look, we're going

to need something

to flavor the

ingredients to make

it more appetizing for 'em.

You got any rice,

or-- or oatmeal?

Oatmeal.

I've got some oatmeal.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Get as much of it as you can.

-OK.

-I'll help her.

-OK.

Look, you guys-- you

guys, look around.

See if you can find

some-- some old clothes,

and some-- some sheets.

All right.

Oh, we'll need some rope.

-Is that it?

-That should do it.

All right.

Let's go.

We're on it.

Great.

God.

I bet you guys don't have

many days like this one.

No, you're right there.

Listen, I'm sorry

about all of this.

I want to assure

you that the guys

and myself are gonna do all

we can to try and kill them.

I know you will.

I just wish we could've gotten

a chance to get more acquainted.

Well, perhaps when we

get out of this mess.

I know.

Oh, that's an

interesting piece there.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

It's a piece of papyrus

from the papyrus plant.

And that particular piece

is over 4,000 years old.

You know, there's

this great story

about the Egyptian goddess

Aset and the god Asar.

They were husband

and wife, brother

and sister, mother and son.

Well, you should

know this stuff.

It's part of our history.

I should.

You know, that's where I get

most of my inspiration from.

You see, the god Asar was

killed by his evil brother Set.

His body was then dismembered

and thrown into the Nile river.

Aset loved him so that she

sought after him, recovering

his body from the river.

She then put him back together.

Hence, because of this,

she made justice stronger

than silver or gold.

It's kind of the way I

feel when I love someone.

I love them with

all of my heart.

A love more precious

than material items.

Wow.

That must be wonderful,

to love someone that much.

Yeah, it is.

Especially when they

don't even know it.

Hey, how's that poison coming?

Uh, great.

Great.

It's coming along great.

Yeah.

Yummy.

Look, we're pretty much done out

there, so if you need any help,

let me know.

Sure.

OK.

You know, this stuff

is turning out great,

if I must say so myself.

Yeah, I'm sure they'll

love your cooking.

Excuse me.

So, um, how's your

book coming along?

You made any progress?

Yeah, actually.

It's coming along OK.

I'm on the last chapter now.

Hey, you know, your

partner really amazes me.

I mean, he doesn't seem

like the kind of guy

who would be into my work.

Who, Steve?

Yeah.

He says he's read

a lot of my books.

Psh.

Steve has never read

any of your books.

He hates poetry.

He didn't even know who

you were until I told him.

Really?

Uh, well, maybe I shouldn't

have said anything.

No.

No.

You always seem to

say the right thing.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Uh, nothing.

Nothing at all.

You know, Divine,

when this is all over,

I'd love to sit down and go

over some of your latest poetry.

Excuse me.

Man, this whole bug thing

must be getting to her.

You know, women are like that.

Strange creatures.

You never really

understand them.

She likes me, though.

I can tell.

If you say so.

Hey, so what were you

guys in here doing, anyway?

I'll let you figure it out.

Yeah, that's enough.

That's enough.

OK.

Sam, take them off.

They're not going

to eat this crap.

-They'll eat it.

-Just do it.

OK.

Steve, fasten the

rope around its neck.

What we're going to do is we're

going to throw it outside.

Now, hopefully

the bugs will go--

And when they don't?

We'll just pull it back in.

OK?

-All right.

-All right.

-I've got it.

-All right.

Dave, help me with this.

Sam, you get the gun.

All right, now,

when I open the door,

you guys throw it out

as far as you can.

And make sure,

Gunther, you close

the door as soon as we're done.

-OK.

Divine, you take cover.

DIVINE: OK.

-All right, you ready?

-Yes.

OK.

Here we go.

-Man, it's not gonna work.

-Here we go.

Now.

Now!

All right, let's take a look.

It's not gonna work.

Would you stop it?

It's not gonna work,

I'm telling you.

Would you shut up?

Look, look.

There it is.

Wait a minute, I

don't see anything.

I think they're gone.

-No, no.

They're still out there.

They're just hiding.

Nothing's happening.

Give it a few minutes.

Wait, wait, I see

something in the trees.

I see it, too.

-Wait a minute.

-What?

What are they doing?

What?

Something's going on.

You gotta be

freakin' kiddin' me.

Well, it looks like we've

underestimated our bug friends.

They're obviously intelligent--

probably more so than we.

So what do you think

they're doing now?

Well, my guess is

that they're out there

working on a plan on how to

get in here now, as we speak.

Well what are our options here?

All right, look, the phone

line is down, so we obviously

can't call out for help.

Now, we could wait

until morning and try

and make a break for the van.

Naw, but we're not

gonna last that long.

I agree.

Look, somehow we've gotta

get out to that van tonight.

Well, what do we have?

All right, now, we

have these three pipe

bombs that Gunther and I made.

Now, they may or may not work.

They'll work.

This gun-- if you ask me, this

is the best possible defense

we have against them.

And if all else fails, this

bat'll knock the hell out

of a couple of 'em.

But we're not even sure

any of these weapons

are going to work against them.

You guys!

[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

Ah!

Oh, god.

What was it doing

under the table?

Stealing our stuff, no doubt.

Oh, god.

Well, it's dead now.

You guys gotta

clean this mess up.

You got a mop, or something?

In the bathroom.

I'll get it.

The rest of you guys, pick up

the rest of these bug pieces,

and get rid of it!

Well, you-- you go ahead.

Don't look at me.

I ain't doing it.

I suppose you want

me to clean it up?

Damn.

[SCREAMING]

What's wrong, man?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

They're inside!

They're inside!

Shit!

Christ, man, you all right?

Get the pipe bomb.

Get the pipe bomb.

All right.

Yeah.

Here.

Here.

Come on, man, hurry up!

-I am!

I am!

-Come on.

Fire in the hole!

Go!

Is it gonna light?

Any second, now.

Oh, shit!

Here!

Hey!

No, you!

Here!

Take the damn thing!

Hey!

What?

Aw, shit!

-Did you hear that?

-What was that?

Just stay here.

Gunther, they need your help!

Go help them!

It'll be all right.

Don't worry.

Gunther, go help them!

Something's wrong!

Gunther, what's wrong with you?

Go and help them!

They need you!

Something is wrong!

Gunther, go!

What's wrong with you?

Go and help them!

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

Oh my god!

How does it feel?

It looks infected.

It's fine.

Don't worry.

Dave, do you think that we're

going to get out of here alive?

Of course we will.

I'm scared, Dave.

I'm really scared.

Listen, you don't

have to be frightened.

I'm here, and I'm not gonna

let anything happen to you.

It's not only that.

I'm afraid for the both of us.

I'm afraid to lose you.

If I can't be with you,

I'd rather not be at all.

Damn, did you all

see Sam splattered

up against the wall like that?

Oh, it was gross.

[GROWLING]

They're trying to get out!

I'm going to bolt that door.

I'll be back.

I see you two have been

spending a lot of time

together.

You like him, don't you?

Yeah, I can tell by the

way you look at each other.

I don't know.

Do you think it'll work?

I don't know.

Right now none of us have

very much time, so I think you

and Dave should try and spend as

much time as you can together.

It's just not fair.

No, it's not.

But hey, look, life's

not fair, right?

I mean, Dave's a

good kid, and-- well,

now that I think about

it, I guess you guys

do make a pretty good couple.

Everything's cool.

I've secured the door.

They won't be coming out.

Well, it looks like it's

just the three of us, guys.

We'd better stay close.

No telling what's

going to-- shit.

They cut the lights.

The lights.

They got the lights.

All right, look,

let's stay together.

Don't separate.

Divine, you must have some

candles or a flashlight, right?

I do.

OK, get it.

Good.

Good.

All right, now look, they must

have gotten to the fuse box.

We can't let it

stay dark like this.

It's too much to

their advantage.

We're gonna have to go

downstairs and fix it.

What?

I don't believe this.

We gotta go back

in the basement?

There's a bug down there, man.

There's no other way.

We gotta do it.

Divine, you stay here.

Here, take this.

OK.

You do know that that

bug is going to be

down there waiting for us?

That's right.

And this time, we'll be ready.

Here we go again.

Be careful.

That bug's not down here.

I don't see it anywhere.

Yes it is, man.

I know it is.

It's just hiding.

-OK, there's the box.

-Look out.

I got this.

Hey, listen, you'd

better let me do that, OK?

Man, would you just cool

and watch out for the bug?

I'll have the lights

on in a minute.

Come on, man.

You don't know

what you're doing.

Let me do it.

What do you mean, I

don't know what I'm doing?

Hell, I change a fuse in my

apartment every day, man.

It's not a fuse box, it's

a circuit breaker, stupid.

Well, whatever the hell.

A circuit breaker or a

fuse, it don't matter.

All I gotta do is hit one more

of these little things, and--

What happened?

Where-- where's Steve?

He's dead.

Come on.

What?

We're getting the

hell out of here.

[SCREAMING]

Oh my god!

What are you gonna do with that?

I'm gonna blow the house up.

What?

Oh my god!

No!

[EXPLOSION]

Well, we've got a

lot of stuff here,

and that should last us a while.

Where-- where are we headed?

I don't know.

Some place far.

You know we'd never

be able to explain

what happened back there.

I know.

Sorry about your house.

It's OK.

You know, one good thing

did come out of this.

Yeah?

What's that?

We found each other.

I guess we did.

You know, the only

thing I regret

is not winning that contest

for the world's biggest bug.

There'll be other contests.

It won't matter.

Even thought I

didn't win, I know

I walked away with the prize.

[MUSIC PLAYING]