Bugged (1996) - full transcript
Urban America calls on exterminators to wipe out the unwanted vermin. In BUGGED, the only unwanted vermin is the man! Sexy homemaker Devine (Priscilla K. Basque) hires a whacked-out group of "Bugbusters" to rid her house of insects. But it's not long before the bugs grow to enormous sizes, and the exterminators become the exterminated!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
This way, gentlemen.
Sorry to keep both
of you waiting.
You guys are from
Vextro Labs, right?
-Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
Well, here we are.
What a mess.
Now, you're gonna be
transporting Clamol, C83.
It's a highly toxic chemical.
Word of advice-- don't
speed through the streets,
avoid the main
highways, and above all,
please, please be discreet.
That's standard procedure, man.
Here are your papers.
Now, as you can see,
your instructions
and the directions to the
chemical waste facility
are printed on the invoice.
Any questions?
Naw.
You know, there's been a lot
of talk about these chemicals--
mostly rumors, and so forth.
You guys heard
anything about them?
Naw.
No, not that I'd
want to worry you
two, because there's absolutely
nothing to be concerned about.
But, for the record,
this lab you see here?
It was owned by a
brilliant scientist
by the name of Dr. Carl Craig.
At the time he was
working on a very
important research experiment.
Dr. Carl Craig?
Yes?
Hello.
Janice Young.
Your new assistant.
Oh, hello.
I was expecting--
I mean, I wasn't
expecting you until Wednesday.
Oh, well, if you
don't need me, then I--
No, no, nonsense.
Welcome to my humble lab.
It's not much, but it's mine.
You know, you're
just in time to help
me with a critical experiment.
How much do you
know about my work?
Well, I read your paper
on genetic engineering back
in '86.
Wonderful work.
Thank you.
But tell me, did
you ever manage
to recode the DNA strand to
produce an intellectually
superior animal?
No, actually I had
it all backwards.
I didn't realize
it at the time, but
two years after
publishing that paper,
I came across the answer.
Really?
Come.
This is what I've
been working on since.
I call it Clamol C83.
Careful.
Don't get any of it on you.
It's lethal.
What you have there is Clamol
in its raw form, from which
I've produced a serum.
A serum?
When injected into any
animal, it will increase
their intelligence level.
Now, see, before,
I had it all wrong.
Before, I was
attempting to increase
the intelligence of
animals by reconstructing
their DNA ladder.
May I?
Yeah.
But what I realized was that the
body is a miraculous machine.
Clamol, when administered
in small dosages
over a period of
time, reconfigures,
or mutates the DNA.
After a period of months, the
body adapts to the new form
and the longer requires
the injections of Clamol.
The result is a more efficient,
highly intelligent animal.
And because the DNA
structure is changed,
each offspring that
animal produces
will be genetically
superior, all
because the strand encoded the
message to each new generation.
I see.
So it's like sculpting
a piece of clay.
When the artist is done,
it holds the impression.
Exactly.
Take a look over here.
Janice Young, I'd like
you to meet Edgar.
Egar, this is our new
assistant, Janice.
Edgar is a fourth
generation lab rat.
I originally started injecting
his great great grandfather
with Clamol.
Since then, each generation
proceeding the next
has shown increased
levels of intellect.
Edgar here is on a
steady diet of 22 units.
He's been making
remarkable progress.
I anticipate that two or three
generations down the line
will not require injections
of Clamol at all.
Their bodies will
naturally conform.
That's amazing.
But what tests
are you conducting
to measure his intelligence?
Well, a variety of
sorts, but I started out
with your basic
mouse maze, which
proved too simple for Edgar.
Over here.
Here are the
individual test results
taken from over 30 experiments.
I assume you'll want to
know as much as possible
about my work over
the past five years.
Here's the chemical make up
of Clamol, broken down along
with variations on the formula.
Here's Dr. Housman's six year
research on DNA reconstruction.
I used much of it in my work.
If you want the remaining
five years of his study,
it's downstairs on
microfilm in the library.
Here's some statistical
data you need to know.
You'll need this, too.
It's a comprehensive outline
of my complete findings.
And you should be able to
go over all of that tonight.
That should bring
you up to speed.
Tomorrow we'll get
started at 6:00 AM sharp.
Any questions?
No.
No.
All right, then.
Oh, and, oh, Janice?
Try and get a good
night's sleep.
You're going to need it.
Now, if you'll all
turn to page 23,
you'll see a comprehensive
chart detailing
all test analysis conducted
on the various primates.
The chart indicates an
increase in brain activity.
In each case the animal's
response was similar,
and this further demonstrates
Clamol's overall stability
and predictability.
It is our belief that with
the approval of the FDA
to begin human testing,
Clamol C83 will not only
show positive results, as you
have clearly seen in the data,
but will surpass
all previous test
results, without any
harmful side effects.
[WHISPERING]
Dr. Young, Dr. Craig,
one thing you neglected
to address in your report
is the ever-occurring
cellular mutation factor.
It is a reoccurring theme
in just about every result.
We see in comparative
tests, each time the end
result is unpredictable.
How can you explain this?
Well, as I stated
earlier, when administered
in the proper dosage there
are virtually no side effects,
and in fact, our studies
show that the mutation
factor only occurs
within animals,
and will not affect humans.
This is due to the secretion
of certain glands, which
I've detailed on-- on page 40.
Dr. Craig, we seem to be
going around in circles.
Given the information
we have, I am afraid
we cannot approve
Clamol for human
testing at this point in time.
Perhaps after another
year of testing,
we would be willing to
look at your results.
It was after the FDA denied
Dr. Craig's request that he
made a dramatic decision.
He and Dr. Young decided
to continue research
for another year, but
unbeknownst to Dr. Young,
Dr. Craig had already
taken an important step
in the direction of progress.
In the weeks that
followed, Dr. Young
would see some strange events.
Carl, when you have the
time, can you calculate
these equations for me, please?
Sure.
You're done?
There were over
30 problems here.
You did them without
the help of a computer?
Yeah, math was always
my best subject.
Right.
Carl, are you all right?
Of course, dear.
Never felt better.
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
You just seem kind of
wired today, is all.
Could you hand me
my notebook, please?
Carl, you might want
to lay off the coffee.
Now, Dr. Craig was very close
to perfecting his formula.
In the following months
he worked day and night.
He knew he had to prove to
the scientific community
that he was right all along.
But something happened
that changed all that.
One night, Janice received
an urgent phone call
from Dr. Craig.
He told her to come
directly to the lab.
Something terrible had happened.
She had no idea
what she would find.
Carl?
Carl, are you in here?
Ah!
[SCREECHING]
[GUNSHOT]
Are you all right, Janice?
Is that you?
Yes.
What was that?
It was Edgar.
Edgar?
What do you mean?
Edgar?
What's wrong?
Stay back.
Carl, what's wrong?
I didn't want you to see
me-- see me like this,
but I don't have this time.
You have to know.
Know what?
Janice, I had no choice.
They wouldn't let me test
the formula on people.
What was I to do?
I couldn't sacrifice
anybody other than myself.
Oh, god, Carl.
No!
I was wrong.
They were right.
The formula changed Edgar.
It took some time,
but it changed him.
I thought the mutation factor
wouldn't occur within humans,
but I was wrong.
For a whiel, I was
doing so very well.
The complex of tasks
were child's play to me.
I required very little sleep.
I was stronger-- healthier.
I was a new man.
Reborn.
But-- but then I
started to change.
What have I become?
Some sort of-- of monster?
[GASP]
Oh, Carl.
Carl, it's going
to be all right.
I know we can find a way
to reverse the process.
There's no turning back for me.
I've tried everything
to save myself.
There is no anti-serum.
The process cannot be reversed.
There's only one
thing left to do.
No, Carl.
No.
But I need your help, Janice.
No.
No!
Listen to me!
No!
It's not going to
get any better for me.
I won't live much
longer, anyhow.
Save me the suffering.
Carl, no!
Please.
You can do it, doctor.
Do it now.
-I can't.
-Do it!
I can't!
Do it!
[GUNSHOT]
Over to the-- over
to the left, dear.
[GUNSHOT]
So, that was the end of
the famous Dr. Carl Craig.
After that incident,
all research on Clamol
was discontinued, remaining
existing containers
locked away here in storage.
Poor Dr. Craig never had a
chance to finish his research.
It's too bad.
Think what it could
have done for humanity.
So, anyway, what
do you guys think?
It's all a true story.
Yeah, right, man.
Anyway.
Good luck, guys.
What the hell was that?
Slow down, man!
Go pick 'em up.
I'll get 'em.
You see that game last night?
Yeah, man, did
you see when Stark
dunked it on Grant and Jordan?
Yeah, man.
I mean, he's got a hell
of a game, don't he?
You know, it's
possible [INAUDIBLE].
No, no, don't say that.
But Stark is not
an entire team.
No, but he's an important
part of the team,
you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but he's not the team.
You're right.
You're right.
He's an essential part of the
team, along with everyone else.
Hey, what's wrong with that guy?
He's headed straight towards us.
Turn it!
Turn, turn, turn!
Damn!
I don't believe this!
Damn!
Just look at this.
Oh, no.
No!
You know, if any of these
are damaged, it's our ass.
Yeah, yeah.
Pick them up and put
'em back in the van.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Are you crazy?
Can't you drive?
Hey!
Hey, you all right in there?
You all right in there?
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMING]
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Three new messages.
Hello, Divine.
This is Monica.
We're still waiting for
those six poems, doll.
I don't mean to rush you
because I know you can't rush
creativity, but the deadline
has long since passed,
and we're ready to go to press.
If you've got the pages, just
go ahead and fax them to me,
and I'll look them over.
You can reach me at the
office until about 5:30 today.
Talk to you later.
[BEEP]
Uh, yeah, Divine, what's up?
This is Rosco.
I ran into Robert the other day.
Uh, sorry to hear
about y'all's demise,
you know, being a-- being
a couple, and all that.
So, uh, anyway, like I
said, you know, you should
give me that call, all right?
Give me the call.
You know, we need to talk.
[BEEP]
Divine!
Why haven't you called
your mother this week?
You know she just
worries about you.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
By the way, thanks for
those socks you sent me.
We love you, pookins.
Now, you just call us soon.
This is Daddy.
Peace out.
[BEEPING]
DIVINE (VOICEOVER): I see you
there standing in the midnight,
too.
So lovely, and so very true.
This is our time, and
this is our place.
One on one, and face to face.
The mist will cover our
eyes, hiding our sins,
deep and from far within.
For when we make love, no one
shall see how truly wonderful
it can be.
Although we may have
fallen from grace,
you know, making love
in this mystical place,
but maybe someday we
will be free to one day
make love under an open tree.
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
Ew!
Mother, I'm fine.
WOMAN ON PHONE: Well, I just
don't see how you stay cooped
up in that house all week.
Mother, I'm a writer.
I've got a deadline to meet.
You know how it is.
But before you used
to go out, at least.
Now you're home every night.
Before I was with Robert,
and now I'm by myself.
I'm just going to have to
get used to it, that's all.
Honey, if you need
company, I can fly
out there for a week or two.
No, no, really,
that's not necessary.
Has he called you?
No, he hasn't called me.
Honey, I know that you're
still in love with him,
but in time you'll forget him.
I've already forgotten him.
He's out of my mind.
Good.
There was no reason for
him to leave you like that.
The girl he's with now is
nothing but a cheap tramp.
It's his loss.
You were the best thing
that came into his life.
Mother, really, I'd rather not
talk about it right now, OK?
Yes, you're right.
Listen, why don't you
take a long vacation?
Someplace nice,
like the Bahamas?
I know a lot of single
women that go there.
It's a great place to meet men.
Would you like that?
Hello?
Hello?
Are you there?
-Yeah.
Yeah, I'm here.
I was just killing this bug.
Bug?
I thought you called the
exterminators last week.
Well, I've been too busy to.
You have to take care of that.
You know how those
creatures multiply.
Before you know it, they'll
be all over the place.
Tell you what, I'll
call them for you.
No.
I can do it, really.
In fact, I'll call
them as soon as I
get off the phone with you.
Good enough?
Now, don't forget.
I won't.
I promise.
OK.
All right, I've really
gotta get back to work now,
so, uh, give Daddy my
love, and I'll talk
to you tomorrow, all right?
All right, honey, Bye now.
Bye bye.
Gotta call the exterminators.
[PHONE RINGING]
Dead and Buried Exterminators.
Can I help you?
OK.
And how did you hear about us?
All right.
Now, you say you
have a bug problem?
Now, Brian's
winter storm wonder,
though highly decorative,
and-- and creative, his bug,
Clarence, only measured 1 inch.
It's good, but not quite there.
And Steve, would you get
your ass up off the table?
All right.
Now, while Tina's undersea
adventure was a little more
effective-- you know, like
a-- a Jacques Cousteau
of the bug world--
and her bug, Oswald,
measured 1 inch and a quarter.
Not bad, Tina.
Not bad.
But overall, now, um, Lance's
setting, the summer fling,
presented the best look and
design out of the three.
And his bug, Melvin, measured
1 inch and three quarters,
which qualifies him for
the Raid State competition
for the world's largest bug.
Let's give him a hand.
Speech!
Speech!
Well, uh, thanks, guys.
Uh, as you know, I've
trekked the city's
sewers to find a really big bug
for my summer fling project.
Uh--
Should have looked
in his kitchen.
It's really helped me
battle my fear of bugs.
And if I saw a bug
as big as my mother,
I wouldn't be afraid one bit.
I would.
You ever see his mother?
Thanks, guys.
Yeah!
Hopefully, with a little luck,
guys, we'll win this year,
and we'll bring
home that trophy!
Yeah!
[BUZZING]
You wanna get that
for me, please, Dave?
Sure.
Sorry you didn't win.
Hey.
Hi.
I have your batch
of bug chemicals.
Just sign right here.
OK.
How's it going?
Good.
Good.
Good.
You guys all right?
What?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Um--
All right.
It's just been
one of those days.
We'll, we'll be seeing you.
Goodbye.
All right.
Hey, Gunther, the batch
of chemicals is here.
What do you want
me to do with them?
Oh, good.
Here.
Put it over here.
Steve, I want you
and Dave to load
this new mix into
your guns, because you
guys just about on empty now.
The rest of you, I
want you to use up
your old stuff until it's
all used up, all right?
All right, now move this
stuff out of the way.
Move this.
Put those right over
here on the table.
Take a look at this.
Whoa, look at that.
Hey, hey, be careful
with that stuff.
They say this stuff dissolves
the bugs on contact.
No mess to clean up afterwards.
Hey, if this stuff
works out, then we'll
discontinue the old spray mix.
Gunther, we've
got another job in.
She said she needs her
place sprayed right away.
Ah, Fairfield.
Hey, this is a
rich neighborhood.
Yeah.
All right, Steve, you
and Dave here can take it.
This will be your last round
for the day, all right?
Great.
What?
No problem.
We'll get right on it.
Wow, this is nice.
Yeah.
Just our luck, a big house.
Man, we're going to
be here all night.
You watch, she's going to
be old, ugly, and very,
very crabby.
I got a bad feeling about this.
Come on, man, it's
not gonna be that bad.
Mark my words.
Hey, Steve, look.
There's a little kitty cat.
Hey, kitty.
Great.
Old ladies love cats.
Man, she's probably
got more inside.
I'm not even going to
bother with this one.
You knock on the door.
I'll stand over here.
[KNOCKING]
Hi.
Hi, I'm Stephen Reed
with Dead and Buried
Extermination Service.
Hello.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Uh, this is my
partner, Dave Williams.
-Hi.
-Hi.
You must be Miss Divine Hill.
Yes, I am.
Come on in.
I really want to thank you
guys for fitting me in today.
I know it was a
last minute thing.
Naw, think nothing of it.
We know how much of a
problem these bugs can be.
Well, I've pretty much
prepared everything for you.
I've moved the furniture
out of the way.
Is there anything
else you might need?
No, that should do it.
OK.
How about some iced
tea, or something?
Naw, no thank you.
Yes, thank you.
I'll have some.
Thanks.
OK.
I'll get it for you.
Hey Steve, do you
know who that is?
No.
Who?
I knew her name was familiar.
That's Miss Divine
Hill, the famous poet.
I've read all of her work.
Really?
I can't believe this.
This is wonderful.
You've never read
any of her books?
No.
Oh, the way she puts her words,
it's-- it's really moving.
Well, let's not
try and bother her
with a lot of silly questions.
Let's get right to work.
-Oh, I gotta get her autograph.
-OK.
Wait till after we
finish the house,
then there'll be time
to sit around and chat.
OK.
I will start on the rooms.
OK.
Do that.
Where's your partner going?
Oh, he's just going
to start spraying.
Um, is that OK?
That's fine.
Wait a minute.
Excuse me, aren't you Miss
Divine Hill, the famous poet?
Yes, I am.
I knew it.
I knew that was you.
You know, I'm a
big fan of yours.
I was just telling my partner,
I think that's Miss Divine Hill.
Wow.
Well, you can sit
down, if you like.
Thank you.
You know, I never dreamed I'd
be here in your house one day.
Life is funny that way.
So, this is how a
famous poet lives.
Well, actually, I just
moved in here, so--
You know, every night
before I go to sleep,
I read one of your poems.
The way you put your
words, it's moving.
I've read all your work.
Really?
So which one's your favorite?
Um, you know, I can't
really single out
one that stands above the rest.
Mm.
When I think about it,
I love them all equally.
Yeah.
So, um, how do you do it?
I mean, what's your secret?
I don't know.
It's just what I
feel at the moment.
I put it all down on paper.
It comes from inside of me.
If you know my poems,
then you know me.
That's so interesting.
Your husband must be
a pretty lucky man
to have someone so passionate.
I'm not married.
No?
Why?
I guess I just haven't found
that special someone yet.
Now, I find it hard to
believe that a woman so
beautiful and talented
as you obviously are
hasn't settled down yet.
Well, actually, there was
this one guy, Robert, but, uh,
he left me for another woman.
Get out of here.
How could he?
I don't know.
It just happened.
That's terrible.
You dating now?
No, I'm not dating now.
I've been too busy
with my new book.
I'm sorry, asking all
these personal questions.
Forgive me, but it's just such
a treat meeting you, and all.
It's all right.
Don't worry about it.
No, I should go and
get down to business.
OK, now, can you describe the
insect or insects in question?
Yes.
It was big and hairy,
and had lots of legs.
Hm.
Sounds like your paraplaneta
americana species.
Your what?
Common house roach.
It's a good thing you called us
before the situation got worse.
See, your paraplaneta americana
species, though harmless,
tend to reproduce at
an incredible rate.
Why, a single female
paraplaneta can give birth
to as many as 12 baby roaches.
Really?
Now, on the other hand, your
blabberish gigantia species
mates on a less
frequent basis and don't
produce as many
offspring, but they're
vicious creatures by nature.
Of course, you wouldn't find
that in most households.
They're basically cave dwellers.
See, the key with any roach
is to reduce its numbers,
you must cut off
its food supply.
Food supply?
Yeah.
You know those tiny
little drops of crumbs
that you leave
after having supper?
Mm-hm.
See, they feed on that.
It's a vital supply
of food for them.
Without it, they couldn't
possibly survive.
Well, I-- I do try to
clean up after myself.
And I use bug spray.
Does that help?
Well, a little.
But see, it can't reach
behind and in those cracks,
where roaches do most
of their breeding.
See, that's where they sleep.
That's where they roam.
It truly is their domain.
See, it's there
where they create
their own world, a
totalitarian society with one
purpose in mind-- survival.
Survival at all costs.
Now, they're fast and
cunning creatures whose
strength lies in their numbers.
And each day they
wage a war-- a war
against their most dangerous and
powerful adversary, humankind.
A battle that rages on.
Well, that's fascinating.
That's-- that's almost poetic.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Well, have you
ever tried writing?
No, but I bet
I'd be good at it.
But you know, there's always
room for some improvement.
Um, maybe you could help
me, um, develop my talent?
I don't think so.
OK, um, why don't we go and
see how Dave is progressing?
That way you can, um, get a
better idea of how we work.
[COUGHING]
As per standard procedure,
our first order of business
is to locate any nesting places.
Mm-hm.
Now, once this is done,
we begin eradication
by thoroughly spraying
the infected areas,
as you see Dave doing now.
See, we're using Corrida
D38, a powerful new bug
spraying mix which literally
dissolves the bugs on contact.
Yeah, but, uh, is
that stuff safe?
Of course.
It's perfectly safe.
Around children, plants,
pets, you name it.
And the best part of it
is that it's odorless,
and it won't harm your
walls or your furniture.
Great.
So how long before
I see any results?
Immediately.
You should wake up tomorrow
to a bug free house.
Just leave everything to us.
You know, I'm-- I'm really
a little embarrassed.
I didn't think the bug
problem would get this bad.
I really should have
called you guys sooner.
Don't be embarrassed.
Look, everybody has bugs.
You just don't see them.
It's a common problem.
Excuse me, but I
need to get some air.
Yeah, sure.
Nice work, kid.
Am I in your way here?
Oh, no, no.
So, how's it going?
Fine.
I'm almost done here.
Um, I don't suppose
you'll have anymore
bug problems after this.
Wonderful.
Hey, you haven't had
anythign to drink yet.
You must be thirsty.
Let me get you something.
Sure.
So, you like like
you're a hard worker.
Well, I like my job.
Your partner Steve
was just telling me
a little about the
different types of roaches.
Well, Steve does know
a lot about roaches,
but you have a small
cricket problem.
Really?
Sounds like you know
a lot about bugs, too.
Miss Hill, I just
went to say that I'm
a avid reader of your work.
Would it be too much to ask if
I could have your autograph?
Well, no.
I-- I'd be flattered.
I find your poems to be a true
expression of one's inner self.
Take, for example,
A Tranquil Light,
The white leopard symbolizing
the sexual duality
that exists within us.
When confronted he is
forced to take on a mate,
not by instinct, but
by superficial desires.
That's incredible.
Not very many people
understand the meaning
behind the white leopard.
Oh, it was clearly a commentary
on modern day romances,
stemming from sociological
issues and racial upbringing.
I'm afraid you have me
at a disadvantage, here.
I have never met anyone
who knew so much about what
I was trying to say as you do.
I'm-- I'm flattered.
Well, I'm a close
follower of you work.
I especially like what you
said in A Tranquil Light,
that we are motivated not
by passion, but by love.
I'm looking forward to
reading more of your work.
I'm telling you, I'm
struggling with some right now.
As a matter of fact, I'd like
to show them to you sometime.
I-- I could really
use the feedback.
Oh, I would be
honored, Miss Hill.
Divine.
Please, call me Divine.
OK, Divine.
Wasn't she terrific?
Yeah, she sure was.
Not at all what I
expected, though.
Now, this is one run
I'm glad we made.
You know what?
What's that?
I think she likes me.
-Really?
-Yep.
You know what I think?
What's that?
I think it's all your mind.
You're just jealous.
Put your stuff in the
van, and let's go.
Hey, wait a second.
Didn't Gunther say this
dissolves the bugs?
Yeah.
Why?
It doesn't seem to
be working too well.
Some of them were still moving.
I guess it just takes a while
before the bugs dissolve.
See, my guess is they have
just enough time to crawl
into the cracks of the wall.
Yeah, see, it's better
that way, because then
their contaminated
bodies can, um,
take the poison into the lair
and spread it to the others.
I guess that's OK.
All right, let's
get out of here.
TV: We now return to S. Torriano
Berry's Deathly Realities
on the Black Beyond Showcase.
WOMAN ON TV: Chipper!
Merle, I've got you.
You cut it out.
[SCREAMING]
TV: Also in the news,
tragedy struck this morning
in a bizarre accident
involving a Vextro
Laboratories delivery van.
The badly deformed and mutated
bodies of the two drivers
were discovered
after a container
of chemicals they were
transporting apparently
exploded.
Not much has been
revealed about the Clamol
C38, the top secret
chemical agent developed
by Vextro Laboratories.
Company officials say
the leakage was contained
within the transport vehicle,
and there is no danger
of further contamination.
[RUSTLING]
[CRASHING]
[SCREAMING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Dead and Buried Exterminators.
Can I help you?
Yes.
Yes.
OK, let me take this down.
And your name is, again?
I understand.
Don't worry.
Look, we'll look into it.
In fact, can you hold on?
OK, thanks.
Hold on.
Hey, Gunther!
Gunther?
The problem with you is
that you're too aggressive.
It's just I know how
to deal with women.
Hey guys, guess what?
That woman whose
house you guys went
to yesterday, Miss Divine Hill?
She just called, and she
said that the problem
has gotten worse.
Did you guys spray her place?
Yes.
Didn't you?
Of course.
Well, she says she's got
these big bugs running around.
Big bugs, the size of puppies.
Look, I want you two guys
to get out there right away.
We'll see what's up.
Hey, it's not my fault.
Look, I don't care
whose fault it is.
Just get out there and
take care of the situation.
Got it?
We got it.
And make sure your containers
are full before you leave.
See, this is where I was.
I was laying down right
here, this morning,
and when I woke up, this bug
was directly on top of me,
looking right down at me.
And it was big.
I mean, really big.
Nice bedroom.
I like it.
Did you kill it?
No, I didn't kill it.
I mean, it ran off
way too quickly,
and I wasn't about
to chase it down.
I see.
Now, it's a bit warm in here.
Bugs tend to seek
out a warmer climate.
You may want to turn
up your Central Air.
Tell you what, I'll
conduct a thorough search
of the area and spray
for the bug personally.
How's that?
Fine.
Just as long as
we get rid of him.
Dave, why don't you
down to the basement
and spray again while Divine and
I take care of things up here?
Hey, wait a second.
Why do I always end
up off on my own?
Yeah.
Isn't it better if he
stays and helps you?
It's better if we split up.
That way we get
more worked done.
Isn't that right, Dave?
Yeah.
Now, from the
looks of things, you
seem to keep a
pretty clean room,
so I don't suppose there's
much in the way of food
around here for them?
But there's got to be some
way they're getting in.
Let's see.
[BEEPING]
No.
Ah-ha.
There it is.
Take a look at this.
That's a hole in my wall.
Yes, but see, that's how
they're able to get around,
by crawling through these
cracks, which undoubtedly
connect from room to room.
No.
The bug was much
bigger than that hole.
No, it couldn't be.
Yes, it was.
Look, you were mostly
upset at the time,
and obviously
misjudged the size.
You made a mistake.
Women often panic
under pressure.
It's nothing new.
What?
But I have something
here that should help.
Oh, and what's that?
It's a special device used to
lure the bug out and trap him.
This way we can see
exactly what type of insect
we're dealing with, here.
Now, if we keep our eyes
on the trap for a while,
we should see it come
out and go for the bait.
They're not too smart, so
it shouldn't take too long.
Um, so, what are you
doing, um, this evening?
I thought maybe since we both
had this love for poetry,
I might be able to
take you out to dinner,
and we can work
on some new poems?
You know, I know this nice
little restaurant down--
You know, actually, I--
I usually work alone.
You know, it's the only
way I can become inspired.
You know, total isolation.
Hey, I understand.
Oh, how about I
order some takeout
and bring it over
after you're done?
That way it will be
just the two of us.
No outside disturbances.
No, you know, you
really don't have
to go through all that trouble.
And besides, I'm on a diet.
[BEEPING]
Hey.
Where'd it go?
The bait's gone.
You got some pretty
fast guys here.
We'd better stay
alert next time.
Steve.
Steve.
I think you'd better
take a look at this.
-What you got, there?
-It's a big bug.
And I mean really big.
Let's look at it.
Uh, excuse me, Divine.
You'd better stand back.
This is a man's job.
It could get ugly.
Shit, man, what
the hell is that?
-Wow.
-Man, close that thing up.
That is a big one.
Where'd you find it?
It was downstairs,
by your heater.
Well, is it dead?
I think so.
I hit it pretty hard.
God, what kind of bug is that?
I really don't know.
I've never seen one
like this before.
You've never seen
one like this before?
No.
Uh, excuse me, Divine.
I think I need to speak to
Dave for a moment, please?
What the hell is going on, here?
Man, I don't know.
You tell me.
I tell you one thing,
if this woman has bugs
this big running
around this house,
I'm getting the
fuck out of here.
Wait, wait, wait.
We can't do that.
Why not?
That's not right.
All right, let's take this
one back down to the office
and show Gunther.
He'll know how to deal with it.
Then we'll come back
with reinforcements.
Oh, that's a good idea.
And let's just spray
a little bit around
here to make it look good, OK?
-Yeah, all right.
Excuse me, guys.
Is there a problem
here, or something?
No, no.
I just need to take a trip
back down to the office to pick
up some additional supplies.
Standard material.
Shouldn't take long at all.
Is that OK?
Fine.
I'll be here.
OK.
Man, let's get the
hell out of here.
Gunther!
Sam, where's Gunther?
Where's Gunther?
He's gone home for the day.
Shit.
Look, we've got a problem.
I need to call him at home.
What's his number?
-Why?
What's up?
Hey Sam, take a look at this.
Hey Lance, come here.
What is it?
Holy Toledo, that's a big baby!
What the hell is that?
Where did you find it?
It's from my last run.
That woman has got a
really big bug problem.
Yeah, you can say that again.
What species is it?
I don't know.
I can't really tell.
Seems to be of a
totally new generation.
It's a magnificent specimen.
Are there anymore?
I think so.
They're all over her place.
What a find.
You know what this
could mean, don't you?
The discovery of a totally
new generation of bug.
I have to see more.
A live one, at least.
Lance, can I speak
with you for a minute?
Sure.
Looks like you've got
some trouble there, buddy.
What's up?
Can't you see?
Dave just caught
himself a big bug.
Bigger than yours.
Now he's the one
qualified to go on
to the Raid State competition.
You're bumped out.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I didn't think about that.
Now, what you could
do is go with them back
out to that house, and if there
are anymore bugs like he says,
like that, you should
have no trouble
finding one on your own.
Hey, if you cut me in for
50% of the prize money,
I'll even help you out.
Sounds good.
Deal?
Deal.
50-50.
50-50.
Shit.
He's not home yet.
Hey Steve, we're going to
have to go back to her place
and finish spraying.
We can't leave her
alone like that.
I'll go, too.
You're obviously going
to need some help.
Uh, yeah.
Me too.
I'll go.
All right.
Well, get as much
stuff as you can.
Dave, let's get ready and go.
All right, just give me a
couple of minutes to get ready.
OK.
[SCREECHING]
Whoa!
Hey!
Shit!
What--
Hey, what's going on?
What happened?
-The damn thing was alive!
It tried to kill me.
Good.
Uh, good thing it
didn't hurt you.
Oh, man, look at this mess.
You better clean it up
before Gunther gets back.
Don't worry about
cleaning it up.
Look, guys, this is serious.
You'd better break
out the heavy gear.
This is gros.
[SCREECHING]
Wait till they
get a load of me.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Um, Gunther, I need to talk to
you about that Divine Hill job?
What about it?
Well--
DIVINE: Just a minute.
You're back.
-Yeah.
Sorry it took so long.
We had to make sure
we got everything.
Divine, is one of
our fellow pest--
pest control operators, Sam.
Hello.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Now, Lance is outside
parking the van,
and this is Gunther, our boss.
Miss Hill.
So nice to meet you.
I must say, I don't
get the opportunity
to read much of
your work, but I've
heard a lot of good things.
On behalf of the Dead and
Buried Extermination Service,
let me apologize for the way my
boys handled the job earlier.
I wanted to show you that things
will be done right this time,
because I am here to
personally oversee things.
Well, thank you.
You guys sure have
a lot of stuff here.
Oh, yes.
We're working with the most
advanced equipment to date.
Sam, you take the bathroom,
Lance will take the basement.
Steve, I want you and
Dave to take the living
room and closet spaces.
And Miss Hill, you go
about your daily routine.
Just pretend that
we're not even here.
Is everything OK?
I mean, it's nothing
serious, is it?
Of course not.
We just want to make sure that
we get each and every last bug.
Don't worry, we're highly
skilled professionals.
Everything's all right.
I wouldn't worry.
I won't.
Not with you here.
Maybe we could get a
chance to talk later?
Oh, I'd like that.
All right, everyone set?
Set.
Lock and load.
Move out.
What the hell are you doing?
Man, what's wrong with you?
Look, I'm sorry.
This whole situation's
got me pissed off.
I mean, it's bad enough we had
to bring Sam and Lance with us.
Now Gunther's here, too.
Well, you know why
he's here, don't you?
Sam told him we didn't spray
this house the first time.
He did what?
Yeah, now he's down
here to check up on us.
And Sam will use every
opportunity to kiss
up to Gunther while he's here.
That's right.
Man, Gunther doesn't
need to be here.
His lazy ass is probably sitting
downstairs, sipping coffee
and reading the newspaper.
Well, you know what?
We'd better watch our
ass while he's here.
All right, well, I'm going
to go back downstairs.
All right.
Would you stop looking
at the paintings?
All right.
I think you'd better go around.
Here you are.
I thought you might be hungry.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah.
You're welcome.
You shouldn't have.
Well, take as many as you like.
No, no.
Just one is enough.
One is enough.
OK.
Thank you.
[BEEPING]
Hey, Lance, you done yet?
Lance?
Lance?
Damn.
[SCREAMING]
What's going on?
There's this big bug
downstairs, and it got Lance!
What?
I went down there
to check on him,
and there's big just
chewing away on his body.
Oh my god.
All right, calm down.
Let's check it out.
Wait a minute.
How big did you
say that bug was?
About the size of a football!
All right.
We're going downstairs.
-Hell no.
Are you crazy?
I'm not going back down there!
Sam, get a grip.
Now, we'll all go together.
Well, what should I do?
You just stay here.
We'll take care of it.
Everybody, get your
spray guns ready.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
What?
What's wrong?
Dave, you take point.
Take point?
Why should I take point?
Just do it, Dave!
Move slowly, now.
Lance?
Lance, can you hear me?
I don't like this.
There's something over there!
-There's a bug!
-Back!
Everybody back!
That thing is big!
I told you.
Everybody, on the count
of three, zap that sucker.
Ready?
1, 2, 3!
-What the hell is going on?
-Don't worry.
-What's going on down there?
-Don't worry.
We got it under control.
Oh my god.
You wouldn't have a-- a
gun in the house, would you?
Yeah, but why?
Could you get it
for me, please?
Oh, god.
Hey listen, over here.
What are we gonna do, man?
Lance is still down there.
What are we gonna do about that?
Man, forget about Lance.
He's dead.
Besides, something
strange is going on here,
and I think it
may have something
to do with this woman's house.
Man, don't be crazy.
Naw, naw, naw.
He may have a point there.
Them bugs might be coming
from underneath the house.
There might be some type
of underground cave,
or even this house might
been built on some kind
of toxic waste dump.
I guess it could be possible.
Wait, wait, wait.
I have a theory.
Our spray didn't work
on that bug downstairs.
Maybe it's the
spray itself that's
causing the bugs to
transform and mutate
into some hideous creatures?
Naw.
No way, that's too far out.
No, you're right.
That was a stupid idea.
So what are we going to do now?
I'm gonna call regional
headquarters on this.
Here's the gun.
My ex-boyfriend gave it
to me for protection.
Smart guy.
Look, I gotta make a phone call.
Could I use your phone?
Yeah, it's right over there.
OK, thanks.
Thank you.
Your phone is dead.
What?
I can't get a dialtone.
It was working earlier.
I don't know.
Let me see it.
[KNOCKING]
Now, who's that?
I don't know.
I'm not expecting anybody.
I'll-- I'll get it.
No, let me.
I'll get it.
OK.
Who is it?
I said, who is it?
This is your fault.
What do you mean,
it's my fault?
-It's your fault.
-How is it my fault?
This is just your
fault, you know?
There's no one there.
Strange.
[SCREAMING] Oh my god!
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
Look, there's even
more of them out here!
Where the hell are
they coming from?
They've surrounded the house.
Man, this is crazy!
Damn!
They've got us trapped in here!
Man, this would have never
happened in the projects.
Oh, shit!
Do you guys want to tell
me how these bugs got here?
Well, we've considered several
possible, but to speak frankly,
we're stumped.
Look, have you ever seen
those bugs here before?
No.
If I would have, I would
have been out of here
a long time ago.
You know, these bugs started
showing up right after you
guys sprayed the first time.
Why is that?
I mean, don't you think there's
some kind of connection there?
I mean, your spray doesn't
seem to be working at all.
Is it?
Well, you may
have a point there.
Look, we cannot worry
about this right now.
We have got to focus
our attention on getting
out of here in one piece.
Well, what do you suggest?
Look, first we gotta keep cool.
Now, if one of us can
just get out to that van,
then they cna go and get help.
How?
With those things out there?
Steve, I don't think
that's a good idea.
We'd be playing right
into their hands.
Well, how do you mean?
They're smarter than
we're led to believe.
They know that the van is
our only means of escape.
That's why they've statio
themselves around the house.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah, but you guys,
if we stay in here,
then that one downstairs is
going to get out and get us.
We're screwed either way.
Not necessarily.
We may be able to use
this to our advantage.
How?
Well, we can see
that our osprey
had no effect on them whatever.
Now, if we could
get them to ingest
some poisonous substance,
something that'll kill them
instantaneously, then
we could probably just
stroll right out to the
van, without any problem.
Great.
But we don't have anything.
Well, look, I could
probably mix up something
from what's in the kitchen.
Hey, you know, I
got some rat poison.
Perfect.
Uh, look, we're going
to need something
to flavor the
ingredients to make
it more appetizing for 'em.
You got any rice,
or-- or oatmeal?
Oatmeal.
I've got some oatmeal.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Get as much of it as you can.
-OK.
-I'll help her.
-OK.
Look, you guys-- you
guys, look around.
See if you can find
some-- some old clothes,
and some-- some sheets.
All right.
Oh, we'll need some rope.
-Is that it?
-That should do it.
All right.
Let's go.
We're on it.
Great.
God.
I bet you guys don't have
many days like this one.
No, you're right there.
Listen, I'm sorry
about all of this.
I want to assure
you that the guys
and myself are gonna do all
we can to try and kill them.
I know you will.
I just wish we could've gotten
a chance to get more acquainted.
Well, perhaps when we
get out of this mess.
I know.
Oh, that's an
interesting piece there.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
It's a piece of papyrus
from the papyrus plant.
And that particular piece
is over 4,000 years old.
You know, there's
this great story
about the Egyptian goddess
Aset and the god Asar.
They were husband
and wife, brother
and sister, mother and son.
Well, you should
know this stuff.
It's part of our history.
I should.
You know, that's where I get
most of my inspiration from.
You see, the god Asar was
killed by his evil brother Set.
His body was then dismembered
and thrown into the Nile river.
Aset loved him so that she
sought after him, recovering
his body from the river.
She then put him back together.
Hence, because of this,
she made justice stronger
than silver or gold.
It's kind of the way I
feel when I love someone.
I love them with
all of my heart.
A love more precious
than material items.
Wow.
That must be wonderful,
to love someone that much.
Yeah, it is.
Especially when they
don't even know it.
Hey, how's that poison coming?
Uh, great.
Great.
It's coming along great.
Yeah.
Yummy.
Look, we're pretty much done out
there, so if you need any help,
let me know.
Sure.
OK.
You know, this stuff
is turning out great,
if I must say so myself.
Yeah, I'm sure they'll
love your cooking.
Excuse me.
So, um, how's your
book coming along?
You made any progress?
Yeah, actually.
It's coming along OK.
I'm on the last chapter now.
Hey, you know, your
partner really amazes me.
I mean, he doesn't seem
like the kind of guy
who would be into my work.
Who, Steve?
Yeah.
He says he's read
a lot of my books.
Psh.
Steve has never read
any of your books.
He hates poetry.
He didn't even know who
you were until I told him.
Really?
Uh, well, maybe I shouldn't
have said anything.
No.
No.
You always seem to
say the right thing.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Uh, nothing.
Nothing at all.
You know, Divine,
when this is all over,
I'd love to sit down and go
over some of your latest poetry.
Excuse me.
Man, this whole bug thing
must be getting to her.
You know, women are like that.
Strange creatures.
You never really
understand them.
She likes me, though.
I can tell.
If you say so.
Hey, so what were you
guys in here doing, anyway?
I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, that's enough.
That's enough.
OK.
Sam, take them off.
They're not going
to eat this crap.
-They'll eat it.
-Just do it.
OK.
Steve, fasten the
rope around its neck.
What we're going to do is we're
going to throw it outside.
Now, hopefully
the bugs will go--
And when they don't?
We'll just pull it back in.
OK?
-All right.
-All right.
-I've got it.
-All right.
Dave, help me with this.
Sam, you get the gun.
All right, now,
when I open the door,
you guys throw it out
as far as you can.
And make sure,
Gunther, you close
the door as soon as we're done.
-OK.
Divine, you take cover.
DIVINE: OK.
-All right, you ready?
-Yes.
OK.
Here we go.
-Man, it's not gonna work.
-Here we go.
Now.
Now!
All right, let's take a look.
It's not gonna work.
Would you stop it?
It's not gonna work,
I'm telling you.
Would you shut up?
Look, look.
There it is.
Wait a minute, I
don't see anything.
I think they're gone.
-No, no.
They're still out there.
They're just hiding.
Nothing's happening.
Give it a few minutes.
Wait, wait, I see
something in the trees.
I see it, too.
-Wait a minute.
-What?
What are they doing?
What?
Something's going on.
You gotta be
freakin' kiddin' me.
Well, it looks like we've
underestimated our bug friends.
They're obviously intelligent--
probably more so than we.
So what do you think
they're doing now?
Well, my guess is
that they're out there
working on a plan on how to
get in here now, as we speak.
Well what are our options here?
All right, look, the phone
line is down, so we obviously
can't call out for help.
Now, we could wait
until morning and try
and make a break for the van.
Naw, but we're not
gonna last that long.
I agree.
Look, somehow we've gotta
get out to that van tonight.
Well, what do we have?
All right, now, we
have these three pipe
bombs that Gunther and I made.
Now, they may or may not work.
They'll work.
This gun-- if you ask me, this
is the best possible defense
we have against them.
And if all else fails, this
bat'll knock the hell out
of a couple of 'em.
But we're not even sure
any of these weapons
are going to work against them.
You guys!
[SCREAMING]
[GROWLING]
Ah!
Oh, god.
What was it doing
under the table?
Stealing our stuff, no doubt.
Oh, god.
Well, it's dead now.
You guys gotta
clean this mess up.
You got a mop, or something?
In the bathroom.
I'll get it.
The rest of you guys, pick up
the rest of these bug pieces,
and get rid of it!
Well, you-- you go ahead.
Don't look at me.
I ain't doing it.
I suppose you want
me to clean it up?
Damn.
[SCREAMING]
What's wrong, man?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
They're inside!
They're inside!
Shit!
Christ, man, you all right?
Get the pipe bomb.
Get the pipe bomb.
All right.
Yeah.
Here.
Here.
Come on, man, hurry up!
-I am!
I am!
-Come on.
Fire in the hole!
Go!
Is it gonna light?
Any second, now.
Oh, shit!
Here!
Hey!
No, you!
Here!
Take the damn thing!
Hey!
What?
Aw, shit!
-Did you hear that?
-What was that?
Just stay here.
Gunther, they need your help!
Go help them!
It'll be all right.
Don't worry.
Gunther, go help them!
Something's wrong!
Gunther, what's wrong with you?
Go and help them!
They need you!
Something is wrong!
Gunther, go!
What's wrong with you?
Go and help them!
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
How does it feel?
It looks infected.
It's fine.
Don't worry.
Dave, do you think that we're
going to get out of here alive?
Of course we will.
I'm scared, Dave.
I'm really scared.
Listen, you don't
have to be frightened.
I'm here, and I'm not gonna
let anything happen to you.
It's not only that.
I'm afraid for the both of us.
I'm afraid to lose you.
If I can't be with you,
I'd rather not be at all.
Damn, did you all
see Sam splattered
up against the wall like that?
Oh, it was gross.
[GROWLING]
They're trying to get out!
I'm going to bolt that door.
I'll be back.
I see you two have been
spending a lot of time
together.
You like him, don't you?
Yeah, I can tell by the
way you look at each other.
I don't know.
Do you think it'll work?
I don't know.
Right now none of us have
very much time, so I think you
and Dave should try and spend as
much time as you can together.
It's just not fair.
No, it's not.
But hey, look, life's
not fair, right?
I mean, Dave's a
good kid, and-- well,
now that I think about
it, I guess you guys
do make a pretty good couple.
Everything's cool.
I've secured the door.
They won't be coming out.
Well, it looks like it's
just the three of us, guys.
We'd better stay close.
No telling what's
going to-- shit.
They cut the lights.
The lights.
They got the lights.
All right, look,
let's stay together.
Don't separate.
Divine, you must have some
candles or a flashlight, right?
I do.
OK, get it.
Good.
Good.
All right, now look, they must
have gotten to the fuse box.
We can't let it
stay dark like this.
It's too much to
their advantage.
We're gonna have to go
downstairs and fix it.
What?
I don't believe this.
We gotta go back
in the basement?
There's a bug down there, man.
There's no other way.
We gotta do it.
Divine, you stay here.
Here, take this.
OK.
You do know that that
bug is going to be
down there waiting for us?
That's right.
And this time, we'll be ready.
Here we go again.
Be careful.
That bug's not down here.
I don't see it anywhere.
Yes it is, man.
I know it is.
It's just hiding.
-OK, there's the box.
-Look out.
I got this.
Hey, listen, you'd
better let me do that, OK?
Man, would you just cool
and watch out for the bug?
I'll have the lights
on in a minute.
Come on, man.
You don't know
what you're doing.
Let me do it.
What do you mean, I
don't know what I'm doing?
Hell, I change a fuse in my
apartment every day, man.
It's not a fuse box, it's
a circuit breaker, stupid.
Well, whatever the hell.
A circuit breaker or a
fuse, it don't matter.
All I gotta do is hit one more
of these little things, and--
What happened?
Where-- where's Steve?
He's dead.
Come on.
What?
We're getting the
hell out of here.
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
What are you gonna do with that?
I'm gonna blow the house up.
What?
Oh my god!
No!
[EXPLOSION]
Well, we've got a
lot of stuff here,
and that should last us a while.
Where-- where are we headed?
I don't know.
Some place far.
You know we'd never
be able to explain
what happened back there.
I know.
Sorry about your house.
It's OK.
You know, one good thing
did come out of this.
Yeah?
What's that?
We found each other.
I guess we did.
You know, the only
thing I regret
is not winning that contest
for the world's biggest bug.
There'll be other contests.
It won't matter.
Even thought I
didn't win, I know
I walked away with the prize.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
This way, gentlemen.
Sorry to keep both
of you waiting.
You guys are from
Vextro Labs, right?
-Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
Well, here we are.
What a mess.
Now, you're gonna be
transporting Clamol, C83.
It's a highly toxic chemical.
Word of advice-- don't
speed through the streets,
avoid the main
highways, and above all,
please, please be discreet.
That's standard procedure, man.
Here are your papers.
Now, as you can see,
your instructions
and the directions to the
chemical waste facility
are printed on the invoice.
Any questions?
Naw.
You know, there's been a lot
of talk about these chemicals--
mostly rumors, and so forth.
You guys heard
anything about them?
Naw.
No, not that I'd
want to worry you
two, because there's absolutely
nothing to be concerned about.
But, for the record,
this lab you see here?
It was owned by a
brilliant scientist
by the name of Dr. Carl Craig.
At the time he was
working on a very
important research experiment.
Dr. Carl Craig?
Yes?
Hello.
Janice Young.
Your new assistant.
Oh, hello.
I was expecting--
I mean, I wasn't
expecting you until Wednesday.
Oh, well, if you
don't need me, then I--
No, no, nonsense.
Welcome to my humble lab.
It's not much, but it's mine.
You know, you're
just in time to help
me with a critical experiment.
How much do you
know about my work?
Well, I read your paper
on genetic engineering back
in '86.
Wonderful work.
Thank you.
But tell me, did
you ever manage
to recode the DNA strand to
produce an intellectually
superior animal?
No, actually I had
it all backwards.
I didn't realize
it at the time, but
two years after
publishing that paper,
I came across the answer.
Really?
Come.
This is what I've
been working on since.
I call it Clamol C83.
Careful.
Don't get any of it on you.
It's lethal.
What you have there is Clamol
in its raw form, from which
I've produced a serum.
A serum?
When injected into any
animal, it will increase
their intelligence level.
Now, see, before,
I had it all wrong.
Before, I was
attempting to increase
the intelligence of
animals by reconstructing
their DNA ladder.
May I?
Yeah.
But what I realized was that the
body is a miraculous machine.
Clamol, when administered
in small dosages
over a period of
time, reconfigures,
or mutates the DNA.
After a period of months, the
body adapts to the new form
and the longer requires
the injections of Clamol.
The result is a more efficient,
highly intelligent animal.
And because the DNA
structure is changed,
each offspring that
animal produces
will be genetically
superior, all
because the strand encoded the
message to each new generation.
I see.
So it's like sculpting
a piece of clay.
When the artist is done,
it holds the impression.
Exactly.
Take a look over here.
Janice Young, I'd like
you to meet Edgar.
Egar, this is our new
assistant, Janice.
Edgar is a fourth
generation lab rat.
I originally started injecting
his great great grandfather
with Clamol.
Since then, each generation
proceeding the next
has shown increased
levels of intellect.
Edgar here is on a
steady diet of 22 units.
He's been making
remarkable progress.
I anticipate that two or three
generations down the line
will not require injections
of Clamol at all.
Their bodies will
naturally conform.
That's amazing.
But what tests
are you conducting
to measure his intelligence?
Well, a variety of
sorts, but I started out
with your basic
mouse maze, which
proved too simple for Edgar.
Over here.
Here are the
individual test results
taken from over 30 experiments.
I assume you'll want to
know as much as possible
about my work over
the past five years.
Here's the chemical make up
of Clamol, broken down along
with variations on the formula.
Here's Dr. Housman's six year
research on DNA reconstruction.
I used much of it in my work.
If you want the remaining
five years of his study,
it's downstairs on
microfilm in the library.
Here's some statistical
data you need to know.
You'll need this, too.
It's a comprehensive outline
of my complete findings.
And you should be able to
go over all of that tonight.
That should bring
you up to speed.
Tomorrow we'll get
started at 6:00 AM sharp.
Any questions?
No.
No.
All right, then.
Oh, and, oh, Janice?
Try and get a good
night's sleep.
You're going to need it.
Now, if you'll all
turn to page 23,
you'll see a comprehensive
chart detailing
all test analysis conducted
on the various primates.
The chart indicates an
increase in brain activity.
In each case the animal's
response was similar,
and this further demonstrates
Clamol's overall stability
and predictability.
It is our belief that with
the approval of the FDA
to begin human testing,
Clamol C83 will not only
show positive results, as you
have clearly seen in the data,
but will surpass
all previous test
results, without any
harmful side effects.
[WHISPERING]
Dr. Young, Dr. Craig,
one thing you neglected
to address in your report
is the ever-occurring
cellular mutation factor.
It is a reoccurring theme
in just about every result.
We see in comparative
tests, each time the end
result is unpredictable.
How can you explain this?
Well, as I stated
earlier, when administered
in the proper dosage there
are virtually no side effects,
and in fact, our studies
show that the mutation
factor only occurs
within animals,
and will not affect humans.
This is due to the secretion
of certain glands, which
I've detailed on-- on page 40.
Dr. Craig, we seem to be
going around in circles.
Given the information
we have, I am afraid
we cannot approve
Clamol for human
testing at this point in time.
Perhaps after another
year of testing,
we would be willing to
look at your results.
It was after the FDA denied
Dr. Craig's request that he
made a dramatic decision.
He and Dr. Young decided
to continue research
for another year, but
unbeknownst to Dr. Young,
Dr. Craig had already
taken an important step
in the direction of progress.
In the weeks that
followed, Dr. Young
would see some strange events.
Carl, when you have the
time, can you calculate
these equations for me, please?
Sure.
You're done?
There were over
30 problems here.
You did them without
the help of a computer?
Yeah, math was always
my best subject.
Right.
Carl, are you all right?
Of course, dear.
Never felt better.
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
You just seem kind of
wired today, is all.
Could you hand me
my notebook, please?
Carl, you might want
to lay off the coffee.
Now, Dr. Craig was very close
to perfecting his formula.
In the following months
he worked day and night.
He knew he had to prove to
the scientific community
that he was right all along.
But something happened
that changed all that.
One night, Janice received
an urgent phone call
from Dr. Craig.
He told her to come
directly to the lab.
Something terrible had happened.
She had no idea
what she would find.
Carl?
Carl, are you in here?
Ah!
[SCREECHING]
[GUNSHOT]
Are you all right, Janice?
Is that you?
Yes.
What was that?
It was Edgar.
Edgar?
What do you mean?
Edgar?
What's wrong?
Stay back.
Carl, what's wrong?
I didn't want you to see
me-- see me like this,
but I don't have this time.
You have to know.
Know what?
Janice, I had no choice.
They wouldn't let me test
the formula on people.
What was I to do?
I couldn't sacrifice
anybody other than myself.
Oh, god, Carl.
No!
I was wrong.
They were right.
The formula changed Edgar.
It took some time,
but it changed him.
I thought the mutation factor
wouldn't occur within humans,
but I was wrong.
For a whiel, I was
doing so very well.
The complex of tasks
were child's play to me.
I required very little sleep.
I was stronger-- healthier.
I was a new man.
Reborn.
But-- but then I
started to change.
What have I become?
Some sort of-- of monster?
[GASP]
Oh, Carl.
Carl, it's going
to be all right.
I know we can find a way
to reverse the process.
There's no turning back for me.
I've tried everything
to save myself.
There is no anti-serum.
The process cannot be reversed.
There's only one
thing left to do.
No, Carl.
No.
But I need your help, Janice.
No.
No!
Listen to me!
No!
It's not going to
get any better for me.
I won't live much
longer, anyhow.
Save me the suffering.
Carl, no!
Please.
You can do it, doctor.
Do it now.
-I can't.
-Do it!
I can't!
Do it!
[GUNSHOT]
Over to the-- over
to the left, dear.
[GUNSHOT]
So, that was the end of
the famous Dr. Carl Craig.
After that incident,
all research on Clamol
was discontinued, remaining
existing containers
locked away here in storage.
Poor Dr. Craig never had a
chance to finish his research.
It's too bad.
Think what it could
have done for humanity.
So, anyway, what
do you guys think?
It's all a true story.
Yeah, right, man.
Anyway.
Good luck, guys.
What the hell was that?
Slow down, man!
Go pick 'em up.
I'll get 'em.
You see that game last night?
Yeah, man, did
you see when Stark
dunked it on Grant and Jordan?
Yeah, man.
I mean, he's got a hell
of a game, don't he?
You know, it's
possible [INAUDIBLE].
No, no, don't say that.
But Stark is not
an entire team.
No, but he's an important
part of the team,
you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but he's not the team.
You're right.
You're right.
He's an essential part of the
team, along with everyone else.
Hey, what's wrong with that guy?
He's headed straight towards us.
Turn it!
Turn, turn, turn!
Damn!
I don't believe this!
Damn!
Just look at this.
Oh, no.
No!
You know, if any of these
are damaged, it's our ass.
Yeah, yeah.
Pick them up and put
'em back in the van.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Are you crazy?
Can't you drive?
Hey!
Hey, you all right in there?
You all right in there?
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMING]
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Three new messages.
Hello, Divine.
This is Monica.
We're still waiting for
those six poems, doll.
I don't mean to rush you
because I know you can't rush
creativity, but the deadline
has long since passed,
and we're ready to go to press.
If you've got the pages, just
go ahead and fax them to me,
and I'll look them over.
You can reach me at the
office until about 5:30 today.
Talk to you later.
[BEEP]
Uh, yeah, Divine, what's up?
This is Rosco.
I ran into Robert the other day.
Uh, sorry to hear
about y'all's demise,
you know, being a-- being
a couple, and all that.
So, uh, anyway, like I
said, you know, you should
give me that call, all right?
Give me the call.
You know, we need to talk.
[BEEP]
Divine!
Why haven't you called
your mother this week?
You know she just
worries about you.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
By the way, thanks for
those socks you sent me.
We love you, pookins.
Now, you just call us soon.
This is Daddy.
Peace out.
[BEEPING]
DIVINE (VOICEOVER): I see you
there standing in the midnight,
too.
So lovely, and so very true.
This is our time, and
this is our place.
One on one, and face to face.
The mist will cover our
eyes, hiding our sins,
deep and from far within.
For when we make love, no one
shall see how truly wonderful
it can be.
Although we may have
fallen from grace,
you know, making love
in this mystical place,
but maybe someday we
will be free to one day
make love under an open tree.
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
Ew!
Mother, I'm fine.
WOMAN ON PHONE: Well, I just
don't see how you stay cooped
up in that house all week.
Mother, I'm a writer.
I've got a deadline to meet.
You know how it is.
But before you used
to go out, at least.
Now you're home every night.
Before I was with Robert,
and now I'm by myself.
I'm just going to have to
get used to it, that's all.
Honey, if you need
company, I can fly
out there for a week or two.
No, no, really,
that's not necessary.
Has he called you?
No, he hasn't called me.
Honey, I know that you're
still in love with him,
but in time you'll forget him.
I've already forgotten him.
He's out of my mind.
Good.
There was no reason for
him to leave you like that.
The girl he's with now is
nothing but a cheap tramp.
It's his loss.
You were the best thing
that came into his life.
Mother, really, I'd rather not
talk about it right now, OK?
Yes, you're right.
Listen, why don't you
take a long vacation?
Someplace nice,
like the Bahamas?
I know a lot of single
women that go there.
It's a great place to meet men.
Would you like that?
Hello?
Hello?
Are you there?
-Yeah.
Yeah, I'm here.
I was just killing this bug.
Bug?
I thought you called the
exterminators last week.
Well, I've been too busy to.
You have to take care of that.
You know how those
creatures multiply.
Before you know it, they'll
be all over the place.
Tell you what, I'll
call them for you.
No.
I can do it, really.
In fact, I'll call
them as soon as I
get off the phone with you.
Good enough?
Now, don't forget.
I won't.
I promise.
OK.
All right, I've really
gotta get back to work now,
so, uh, give Daddy my
love, and I'll talk
to you tomorrow, all right?
All right, honey, Bye now.
Bye bye.
Gotta call the exterminators.
[PHONE RINGING]
Dead and Buried Exterminators.
Can I help you?
OK.
And how did you hear about us?
All right.
Now, you say you
have a bug problem?
Now, Brian's
winter storm wonder,
though highly decorative,
and-- and creative, his bug,
Clarence, only measured 1 inch.
It's good, but not quite there.
And Steve, would you get
your ass up off the table?
All right.
Now, while Tina's undersea
adventure was a little more
effective-- you know, like
a-- a Jacques Cousteau
of the bug world--
and her bug, Oswald,
measured 1 inch and a quarter.
Not bad, Tina.
Not bad.
But overall, now, um, Lance's
setting, the summer fling,
presented the best look and
design out of the three.
And his bug, Melvin, measured
1 inch and three quarters,
which qualifies him for
the Raid State competition
for the world's largest bug.
Let's give him a hand.
Speech!
Speech!
Well, uh, thanks, guys.
Uh, as you know, I've
trekked the city's
sewers to find a really big bug
for my summer fling project.
Uh--
Should have looked
in his kitchen.
It's really helped me
battle my fear of bugs.
And if I saw a bug
as big as my mother,
I wouldn't be afraid one bit.
I would.
You ever see his mother?
Thanks, guys.
Yeah!
Hopefully, with a little luck,
guys, we'll win this year,
and we'll bring
home that trophy!
Yeah!
[BUZZING]
You wanna get that
for me, please, Dave?
Sure.
Sorry you didn't win.
Hey.
Hi.
I have your batch
of bug chemicals.
Just sign right here.
OK.
How's it going?
Good.
Good.
Good.
You guys all right?
What?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Um--
All right.
It's just been
one of those days.
We'll, we'll be seeing you.
Goodbye.
All right.
Hey, Gunther, the batch
of chemicals is here.
What do you want
me to do with them?
Oh, good.
Here.
Put it over here.
Steve, I want you
and Dave to load
this new mix into
your guns, because you
guys just about on empty now.
The rest of you, I
want you to use up
your old stuff until it's
all used up, all right?
All right, now move this
stuff out of the way.
Move this.
Put those right over
here on the table.
Take a look at this.
Whoa, look at that.
Hey, hey, be careful
with that stuff.
They say this stuff dissolves
the bugs on contact.
No mess to clean up afterwards.
Hey, if this stuff
works out, then we'll
discontinue the old spray mix.
Gunther, we've
got another job in.
She said she needs her
place sprayed right away.
Ah, Fairfield.
Hey, this is a
rich neighborhood.
Yeah.
All right, Steve, you
and Dave here can take it.
This will be your last round
for the day, all right?
Great.
What?
No problem.
We'll get right on it.
Wow, this is nice.
Yeah.
Just our luck, a big house.
Man, we're going to
be here all night.
You watch, she's going to
be old, ugly, and very,
very crabby.
I got a bad feeling about this.
Come on, man, it's
not gonna be that bad.
Mark my words.
Hey, Steve, look.
There's a little kitty cat.
Hey, kitty.
Great.
Old ladies love cats.
Man, she's probably
got more inside.
I'm not even going to
bother with this one.
You knock on the door.
I'll stand over here.
[KNOCKING]
Hi.
Hi, I'm Stephen Reed
with Dead and Buried
Extermination Service.
Hello.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Uh, this is my
partner, Dave Williams.
-Hi.
-Hi.
You must be Miss Divine Hill.
Yes, I am.
Come on in.
I really want to thank you
guys for fitting me in today.
I know it was a
last minute thing.
Naw, think nothing of it.
We know how much of a
problem these bugs can be.
Well, I've pretty much
prepared everything for you.
I've moved the furniture
out of the way.
Is there anything
else you might need?
No, that should do it.
OK.
How about some iced
tea, or something?
Naw, no thank you.
Yes, thank you.
I'll have some.
Thanks.
OK.
I'll get it for you.
Hey Steve, do you
know who that is?
No.
Who?
I knew her name was familiar.
That's Miss Divine
Hill, the famous poet.
I've read all of her work.
Really?
I can't believe this.
This is wonderful.
You've never read
any of her books?
No.
Oh, the way she puts her words,
it's-- it's really moving.
Well, let's not
try and bother her
with a lot of silly questions.
Let's get right to work.
-Oh, I gotta get her autograph.
-OK.
Wait till after we
finish the house,
then there'll be time
to sit around and chat.
OK.
I will start on the rooms.
OK.
Do that.
Where's your partner going?
Oh, he's just going
to start spraying.
Um, is that OK?
That's fine.
Wait a minute.
Excuse me, aren't you Miss
Divine Hill, the famous poet?
Yes, I am.
I knew it.
I knew that was you.
You know, I'm a
big fan of yours.
I was just telling my partner,
I think that's Miss Divine Hill.
Wow.
Well, you can sit
down, if you like.
Thank you.
You know, I never dreamed I'd
be here in your house one day.
Life is funny that way.
So, this is how a
famous poet lives.
Well, actually, I just
moved in here, so--
You know, every night
before I go to sleep,
I read one of your poems.
The way you put your
words, it's moving.
I've read all your work.
Really?
So which one's your favorite?
Um, you know, I can't
really single out
one that stands above the rest.
Mm.
When I think about it,
I love them all equally.
Yeah.
So, um, how do you do it?
I mean, what's your secret?
I don't know.
It's just what I
feel at the moment.
I put it all down on paper.
It comes from inside of me.
If you know my poems,
then you know me.
That's so interesting.
Your husband must be
a pretty lucky man
to have someone so passionate.
I'm not married.
No?
Why?
I guess I just haven't found
that special someone yet.
Now, I find it hard to
believe that a woman so
beautiful and talented
as you obviously are
hasn't settled down yet.
Well, actually, there was
this one guy, Robert, but, uh,
he left me for another woman.
Get out of here.
How could he?
I don't know.
It just happened.
That's terrible.
You dating now?
No, I'm not dating now.
I've been too busy
with my new book.
I'm sorry, asking all
these personal questions.
Forgive me, but it's just such
a treat meeting you, and all.
It's all right.
Don't worry about it.
No, I should go and
get down to business.
OK, now, can you describe the
insect or insects in question?
Yes.
It was big and hairy,
and had lots of legs.
Hm.
Sounds like your paraplaneta
americana species.
Your what?
Common house roach.
It's a good thing you called us
before the situation got worse.
See, your paraplaneta americana
species, though harmless,
tend to reproduce at
an incredible rate.
Why, a single female
paraplaneta can give birth
to as many as 12 baby roaches.
Really?
Now, on the other hand, your
blabberish gigantia species
mates on a less
frequent basis and don't
produce as many
offspring, but they're
vicious creatures by nature.
Of course, you wouldn't find
that in most households.
They're basically cave dwellers.
See, the key with any roach
is to reduce its numbers,
you must cut off
its food supply.
Food supply?
Yeah.
You know those tiny
little drops of crumbs
that you leave
after having supper?
Mm-hm.
See, they feed on that.
It's a vital supply
of food for them.
Without it, they couldn't
possibly survive.
Well, I-- I do try to
clean up after myself.
And I use bug spray.
Does that help?
Well, a little.
But see, it can't reach
behind and in those cracks,
where roaches do most
of their breeding.
See, that's where they sleep.
That's where they roam.
It truly is their domain.
See, it's there
where they create
their own world, a
totalitarian society with one
purpose in mind-- survival.
Survival at all costs.
Now, they're fast and
cunning creatures whose
strength lies in their numbers.
And each day they
wage a war-- a war
against their most dangerous and
powerful adversary, humankind.
A battle that rages on.
Well, that's fascinating.
That's-- that's almost poetic.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Well, have you
ever tried writing?
No, but I bet
I'd be good at it.
But you know, there's always
room for some improvement.
Um, maybe you could help
me, um, develop my talent?
I don't think so.
OK, um, why don't we go and
see how Dave is progressing?
That way you can, um, get a
better idea of how we work.
[COUGHING]
As per standard procedure,
our first order of business
is to locate any nesting places.
Mm-hm.
Now, once this is done,
we begin eradication
by thoroughly spraying
the infected areas,
as you see Dave doing now.
See, we're using Corrida
D38, a powerful new bug
spraying mix which literally
dissolves the bugs on contact.
Yeah, but, uh, is
that stuff safe?
Of course.
It's perfectly safe.
Around children, plants,
pets, you name it.
And the best part of it
is that it's odorless,
and it won't harm your
walls or your furniture.
Great.
So how long before
I see any results?
Immediately.
You should wake up tomorrow
to a bug free house.
Just leave everything to us.
You know, I'm-- I'm really
a little embarrassed.
I didn't think the bug
problem would get this bad.
I really should have
called you guys sooner.
Don't be embarrassed.
Look, everybody has bugs.
You just don't see them.
It's a common problem.
Excuse me, but I
need to get some air.
Yeah, sure.
Nice work, kid.
Am I in your way here?
Oh, no, no.
So, how's it going?
Fine.
I'm almost done here.
Um, I don't suppose
you'll have anymore
bug problems after this.
Wonderful.
Hey, you haven't had
anythign to drink yet.
You must be thirsty.
Let me get you something.
Sure.
So, you like like
you're a hard worker.
Well, I like my job.
Your partner Steve
was just telling me
a little about the
different types of roaches.
Well, Steve does know
a lot about roaches,
but you have a small
cricket problem.
Really?
Sounds like you know
a lot about bugs, too.
Miss Hill, I just
went to say that I'm
a avid reader of your work.
Would it be too much to ask if
I could have your autograph?
Well, no.
I-- I'd be flattered.
I find your poems to be a true
expression of one's inner self.
Take, for example,
A Tranquil Light,
The white leopard symbolizing
the sexual duality
that exists within us.
When confronted he is
forced to take on a mate,
not by instinct, but
by superficial desires.
That's incredible.
Not very many people
understand the meaning
behind the white leopard.
Oh, it was clearly a commentary
on modern day romances,
stemming from sociological
issues and racial upbringing.
I'm afraid you have me
at a disadvantage, here.
I have never met anyone
who knew so much about what
I was trying to say as you do.
I'm-- I'm flattered.
Well, I'm a close
follower of you work.
I especially like what you
said in A Tranquil Light,
that we are motivated not
by passion, but by love.
I'm looking forward to
reading more of your work.
I'm telling you, I'm
struggling with some right now.
As a matter of fact, I'd like
to show them to you sometime.
I-- I could really
use the feedback.
Oh, I would be
honored, Miss Hill.
Divine.
Please, call me Divine.
OK, Divine.
Wasn't she terrific?
Yeah, she sure was.
Not at all what I
expected, though.
Now, this is one run
I'm glad we made.
You know what?
What's that?
I think she likes me.
-Really?
-Yep.
You know what I think?
What's that?
I think it's all your mind.
You're just jealous.
Put your stuff in the
van, and let's go.
Hey, wait a second.
Didn't Gunther say this
dissolves the bugs?
Yeah.
Why?
It doesn't seem to
be working too well.
Some of them were still moving.
I guess it just takes a while
before the bugs dissolve.
See, my guess is they have
just enough time to crawl
into the cracks of the wall.
Yeah, see, it's better
that way, because then
their contaminated
bodies can, um,
take the poison into the lair
and spread it to the others.
I guess that's OK.
All right, let's
get out of here.
TV: We now return to S. Torriano
Berry's Deathly Realities
on the Black Beyond Showcase.
WOMAN ON TV: Chipper!
Merle, I've got you.
You cut it out.
[SCREAMING]
TV: Also in the news,
tragedy struck this morning
in a bizarre accident
involving a Vextro
Laboratories delivery van.
The badly deformed and mutated
bodies of the two drivers
were discovered
after a container
of chemicals they were
transporting apparently
exploded.
Not much has been
revealed about the Clamol
C38, the top secret
chemical agent developed
by Vextro Laboratories.
Company officials say
the leakage was contained
within the transport vehicle,
and there is no danger
of further contamination.
[RUSTLING]
[CRASHING]
[SCREAMING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Dead and Buried Exterminators.
Can I help you?
Yes.
Yes.
OK, let me take this down.
And your name is, again?
I understand.
Don't worry.
Look, we'll look into it.
In fact, can you hold on?
OK, thanks.
Hold on.
Hey, Gunther!
Gunther?
The problem with you is
that you're too aggressive.
It's just I know how
to deal with women.
Hey guys, guess what?
That woman whose
house you guys went
to yesterday, Miss Divine Hill?
She just called, and she
said that the problem
has gotten worse.
Did you guys spray her place?
Yes.
Didn't you?
Of course.
Well, she says she's got
these big bugs running around.
Big bugs, the size of puppies.
Look, I want you two guys
to get out there right away.
We'll see what's up.
Hey, it's not my fault.
Look, I don't care
whose fault it is.
Just get out there and
take care of the situation.
Got it?
We got it.
And make sure your containers
are full before you leave.
See, this is where I was.
I was laying down right
here, this morning,
and when I woke up, this bug
was directly on top of me,
looking right down at me.
And it was big.
I mean, really big.
Nice bedroom.
I like it.
Did you kill it?
No, I didn't kill it.
I mean, it ran off
way too quickly,
and I wasn't about
to chase it down.
I see.
Now, it's a bit warm in here.
Bugs tend to seek
out a warmer climate.
You may want to turn
up your Central Air.
Tell you what, I'll
conduct a thorough search
of the area and spray
for the bug personally.
How's that?
Fine.
Just as long as
we get rid of him.
Dave, why don't you
down to the basement
and spray again while Divine and
I take care of things up here?
Hey, wait a second.
Why do I always end
up off on my own?
Yeah.
Isn't it better if he
stays and helps you?
It's better if we split up.
That way we get
more worked done.
Isn't that right, Dave?
Yeah.
Now, from the
looks of things, you
seem to keep a
pretty clean room,
so I don't suppose there's
much in the way of food
around here for them?
But there's got to be some
way they're getting in.
Let's see.
[BEEPING]
No.
Ah-ha.
There it is.
Take a look at this.
That's a hole in my wall.
Yes, but see, that's how
they're able to get around,
by crawling through these
cracks, which undoubtedly
connect from room to room.
No.
The bug was much
bigger than that hole.
No, it couldn't be.
Yes, it was.
Look, you were mostly
upset at the time,
and obviously
misjudged the size.
You made a mistake.
Women often panic
under pressure.
It's nothing new.
What?
But I have something
here that should help.
Oh, and what's that?
It's a special device used to
lure the bug out and trap him.
This way we can see
exactly what type of insect
we're dealing with, here.
Now, if we keep our eyes
on the trap for a while,
we should see it come
out and go for the bait.
They're not too smart, so
it shouldn't take too long.
Um, so, what are you
doing, um, this evening?
I thought maybe since we both
had this love for poetry,
I might be able to
take you out to dinner,
and we can work
on some new poems?
You know, I know this nice
little restaurant down--
You know, actually, I--
I usually work alone.
You know, it's the only
way I can become inspired.
You know, total isolation.
Hey, I understand.
Oh, how about I
order some takeout
and bring it over
after you're done?
That way it will be
just the two of us.
No outside disturbances.
No, you know, you
really don't have
to go through all that trouble.
And besides, I'm on a diet.
[BEEPING]
Hey.
Where'd it go?
The bait's gone.
You got some pretty
fast guys here.
We'd better stay
alert next time.
Steve.
Steve.
I think you'd better
take a look at this.
-What you got, there?
-It's a big bug.
And I mean really big.
Let's look at it.
Uh, excuse me, Divine.
You'd better stand back.
This is a man's job.
It could get ugly.
Shit, man, what
the hell is that?
-Wow.
-Man, close that thing up.
That is a big one.
Where'd you find it?
It was downstairs,
by your heater.
Well, is it dead?
I think so.
I hit it pretty hard.
God, what kind of bug is that?
I really don't know.
I've never seen one
like this before.
You've never seen
one like this before?
No.
Uh, excuse me, Divine.
I think I need to speak to
Dave for a moment, please?
What the hell is going on, here?
Man, I don't know.
You tell me.
I tell you one thing,
if this woman has bugs
this big running
around this house,
I'm getting the
fuck out of here.
Wait, wait, wait.
We can't do that.
Why not?
That's not right.
All right, let's take this
one back down to the office
and show Gunther.
He'll know how to deal with it.
Then we'll come back
with reinforcements.
Oh, that's a good idea.
And let's just spray
a little bit around
here to make it look good, OK?
-Yeah, all right.
Excuse me, guys.
Is there a problem
here, or something?
No, no.
I just need to take a trip
back down to the office to pick
up some additional supplies.
Standard material.
Shouldn't take long at all.
Is that OK?
Fine.
I'll be here.
OK.
Man, let's get the
hell out of here.
Gunther!
Sam, where's Gunther?
Where's Gunther?
He's gone home for the day.
Shit.
Look, we've got a problem.
I need to call him at home.
What's his number?
-Why?
What's up?
Hey Sam, take a look at this.
Hey Lance, come here.
What is it?
Holy Toledo, that's a big baby!
What the hell is that?
Where did you find it?
It's from my last run.
That woman has got a
really big bug problem.
Yeah, you can say that again.
What species is it?
I don't know.
I can't really tell.
Seems to be of a
totally new generation.
It's a magnificent specimen.
Are there anymore?
I think so.
They're all over her place.
What a find.
You know what this
could mean, don't you?
The discovery of a totally
new generation of bug.
I have to see more.
A live one, at least.
Lance, can I speak
with you for a minute?
Sure.
Looks like you've got
some trouble there, buddy.
What's up?
Can't you see?
Dave just caught
himself a big bug.
Bigger than yours.
Now he's the one
qualified to go on
to the Raid State competition.
You're bumped out.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I didn't think about that.
Now, what you could
do is go with them back
out to that house, and if there
are anymore bugs like he says,
like that, you should
have no trouble
finding one on your own.
Hey, if you cut me in for
50% of the prize money,
I'll even help you out.
Sounds good.
Deal?
Deal.
50-50.
50-50.
Shit.
He's not home yet.
Hey Steve, we're going to
have to go back to her place
and finish spraying.
We can't leave her
alone like that.
I'll go, too.
You're obviously going
to need some help.
Uh, yeah.
Me too.
I'll go.
All right.
Well, get as much
stuff as you can.
Dave, let's get ready and go.
All right, just give me a
couple of minutes to get ready.
OK.
[SCREECHING]
Whoa!
Hey!
Shit!
What--
Hey, what's going on?
What happened?
-The damn thing was alive!
It tried to kill me.
Good.
Uh, good thing it
didn't hurt you.
Oh, man, look at this mess.
You better clean it up
before Gunther gets back.
Don't worry about
cleaning it up.
Look, guys, this is serious.
You'd better break
out the heavy gear.
This is gros.
[SCREECHING]
Wait till they
get a load of me.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Um, Gunther, I need to talk to
you about that Divine Hill job?
What about it?
Well--
DIVINE: Just a minute.
You're back.
-Yeah.
Sorry it took so long.
We had to make sure
we got everything.
Divine, is one of
our fellow pest--
pest control operators, Sam.
Hello.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Now, Lance is outside
parking the van,
and this is Gunther, our boss.
Miss Hill.
So nice to meet you.
I must say, I don't
get the opportunity
to read much of
your work, but I've
heard a lot of good things.
On behalf of the Dead and
Buried Extermination Service,
let me apologize for the way my
boys handled the job earlier.
I wanted to show you that things
will be done right this time,
because I am here to
personally oversee things.
Well, thank you.
You guys sure have
a lot of stuff here.
Oh, yes.
We're working with the most
advanced equipment to date.
Sam, you take the bathroom,
Lance will take the basement.
Steve, I want you and
Dave to take the living
room and closet spaces.
And Miss Hill, you go
about your daily routine.
Just pretend that
we're not even here.
Is everything OK?
I mean, it's nothing
serious, is it?
Of course not.
We just want to make sure that
we get each and every last bug.
Don't worry, we're highly
skilled professionals.
Everything's all right.
I wouldn't worry.
I won't.
Not with you here.
Maybe we could get a
chance to talk later?
Oh, I'd like that.
All right, everyone set?
Set.
Lock and load.
Move out.
What the hell are you doing?
Man, what's wrong with you?
Look, I'm sorry.
This whole situation's
got me pissed off.
I mean, it's bad enough we had
to bring Sam and Lance with us.
Now Gunther's here, too.
Well, you know why
he's here, don't you?
Sam told him we didn't spray
this house the first time.
He did what?
Yeah, now he's down
here to check up on us.
And Sam will use every
opportunity to kiss
up to Gunther while he's here.
That's right.
Man, Gunther doesn't
need to be here.
His lazy ass is probably sitting
downstairs, sipping coffee
and reading the newspaper.
Well, you know what?
We'd better watch our
ass while he's here.
All right, well, I'm going
to go back downstairs.
All right.
Would you stop looking
at the paintings?
All right.
I think you'd better go around.
Here you are.
I thought you might be hungry.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah.
You're welcome.
You shouldn't have.
Well, take as many as you like.
No, no.
Just one is enough.
One is enough.
OK.
Thank you.
[BEEPING]
Hey, Lance, you done yet?
Lance?
Lance?
Damn.
[SCREAMING]
What's going on?
There's this big bug
downstairs, and it got Lance!
What?
I went down there
to check on him,
and there's big just
chewing away on his body.
Oh my god.
All right, calm down.
Let's check it out.
Wait a minute.
How big did you
say that bug was?
About the size of a football!
All right.
We're going downstairs.
-Hell no.
Are you crazy?
I'm not going back down there!
Sam, get a grip.
Now, we'll all go together.
Well, what should I do?
You just stay here.
We'll take care of it.
Everybody, get your
spray guns ready.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
What?
What's wrong?
Dave, you take point.
Take point?
Why should I take point?
Just do it, Dave!
Move slowly, now.
Lance?
Lance, can you hear me?
I don't like this.
There's something over there!
-There's a bug!
-Back!
Everybody back!
That thing is big!
I told you.
Everybody, on the count
of three, zap that sucker.
Ready?
1, 2, 3!
-What the hell is going on?
-Don't worry.
-What's going on down there?
-Don't worry.
We got it under control.
Oh my god.
You wouldn't have a-- a
gun in the house, would you?
Yeah, but why?
Could you get it
for me, please?
Oh, god.
Hey listen, over here.
What are we gonna do, man?
Lance is still down there.
What are we gonna do about that?
Man, forget about Lance.
He's dead.
Besides, something
strange is going on here,
and I think it
may have something
to do with this woman's house.
Man, don't be crazy.
Naw, naw, naw.
He may have a point there.
Them bugs might be coming
from underneath the house.
There might be some type
of underground cave,
or even this house might
been built on some kind
of toxic waste dump.
I guess it could be possible.
Wait, wait, wait.
I have a theory.
Our spray didn't work
on that bug downstairs.
Maybe it's the
spray itself that's
causing the bugs to
transform and mutate
into some hideous creatures?
Naw.
No way, that's too far out.
No, you're right.
That was a stupid idea.
So what are we going to do now?
I'm gonna call regional
headquarters on this.
Here's the gun.
My ex-boyfriend gave it
to me for protection.
Smart guy.
Look, I gotta make a phone call.
Could I use your phone?
Yeah, it's right over there.
OK, thanks.
Thank you.
Your phone is dead.
What?
I can't get a dialtone.
It was working earlier.
I don't know.
Let me see it.
[KNOCKING]
Now, who's that?
I don't know.
I'm not expecting anybody.
I'll-- I'll get it.
No, let me.
I'll get it.
OK.
Who is it?
I said, who is it?
This is your fault.
What do you mean,
it's my fault?
-It's your fault.
-How is it my fault?
This is just your
fault, you know?
There's no one there.
Strange.
[SCREAMING] Oh my god!
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
Look, there's even
more of them out here!
Where the hell are
they coming from?
They've surrounded the house.
Man, this is crazy!
Damn!
They've got us trapped in here!
Man, this would have never
happened in the projects.
Oh, shit!
Do you guys want to tell
me how these bugs got here?
Well, we've considered several
possible, but to speak frankly,
we're stumped.
Look, have you ever seen
those bugs here before?
No.
If I would have, I would
have been out of here
a long time ago.
You know, these bugs started
showing up right after you
guys sprayed the first time.
Why is that?
I mean, don't you think there's
some kind of connection there?
I mean, your spray doesn't
seem to be working at all.
Is it?
Well, you may
have a point there.
Look, we cannot worry
about this right now.
We have got to focus
our attention on getting
out of here in one piece.
Well, what do you suggest?
Look, first we gotta keep cool.
Now, if one of us can
just get out to that van,
then they cna go and get help.
How?
With those things out there?
Steve, I don't think
that's a good idea.
We'd be playing right
into their hands.
Well, how do you mean?
They're smarter than
we're led to believe.
They know that the van is
our only means of escape.
That's why they've statio
themselves around the house.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah, but you guys,
if we stay in here,
then that one downstairs is
going to get out and get us.
We're screwed either way.
Not necessarily.
We may be able to use
this to our advantage.
How?
Well, we can see
that our osprey
had no effect on them whatever.
Now, if we could
get them to ingest
some poisonous substance,
something that'll kill them
instantaneously, then
we could probably just
stroll right out to the
van, without any problem.
Great.
But we don't have anything.
Well, look, I could
probably mix up something
from what's in the kitchen.
Hey, you know, I
got some rat poison.
Perfect.
Uh, look, we're going
to need something
to flavor the
ingredients to make
it more appetizing for 'em.
You got any rice,
or-- or oatmeal?
Oatmeal.
I've got some oatmeal.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Get as much of it as you can.
-OK.
-I'll help her.
-OK.
Look, you guys-- you
guys, look around.
See if you can find
some-- some old clothes,
and some-- some sheets.
All right.
Oh, we'll need some rope.
-Is that it?
-That should do it.
All right.
Let's go.
We're on it.
Great.
God.
I bet you guys don't have
many days like this one.
No, you're right there.
Listen, I'm sorry
about all of this.
I want to assure
you that the guys
and myself are gonna do all
we can to try and kill them.
I know you will.
I just wish we could've gotten
a chance to get more acquainted.
Well, perhaps when we
get out of this mess.
I know.
Oh, that's an
interesting piece there.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
It's a piece of papyrus
from the papyrus plant.
And that particular piece
is over 4,000 years old.
You know, there's
this great story
about the Egyptian goddess
Aset and the god Asar.
They were husband
and wife, brother
and sister, mother and son.
Well, you should
know this stuff.
It's part of our history.
I should.
You know, that's where I get
most of my inspiration from.
You see, the god Asar was
killed by his evil brother Set.
His body was then dismembered
and thrown into the Nile river.
Aset loved him so that she
sought after him, recovering
his body from the river.
She then put him back together.
Hence, because of this,
she made justice stronger
than silver or gold.
It's kind of the way I
feel when I love someone.
I love them with
all of my heart.
A love more precious
than material items.
Wow.
That must be wonderful,
to love someone that much.
Yeah, it is.
Especially when they
don't even know it.
Hey, how's that poison coming?
Uh, great.
Great.
It's coming along great.
Yeah.
Yummy.
Look, we're pretty much done out
there, so if you need any help,
let me know.
Sure.
OK.
You know, this stuff
is turning out great,
if I must say so myself.
Yeah, I'm sure they'll
love your cooking.
Excuse me.
So, um, how's your
book coming along?
You made any progress?
Yeah, actually.
It's coming along OK.
I'm on the last chapter now.
Hey, you know, your
partner really amazes me.
I mean, he doesn't seem
like the kind of guy
who would be into my work.
Who, Steve?
Yeah.
He says he's read
a lot of my books.
Psh.
Steve has never read
any of your books.
He hates poetry.
He didn't even know who
you were until I told him.
Really?
Uh, well, maybe I shouldn't
have said anything.
No.
No.
You always seem to
say the right thing.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Uh, nothing.
Nothing at all.
You know, Divine,
when this is all over,
I'd love to sit down and go
over some of your latest poetry.
Excuse me.
Man, this whole bug thing
must be getting to her.
You know, women are like that.
Strange creatures.
You never really
understand them.
She likes me, though.
I can tell.
If you say so.
Hey, so what were you
guys in here doing, anyway?
I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, that's enough.
That's enough.
OK.
Sam, take them off.
They're not going
to eat this crap.
-They'll eat it.
-Just do it.
OK.
Steve, fasten the
rope around its neck.
What we're going to do is we're
going to throw it outside.
Now, hopefully
the bugs will go--
And when they don't?
We'll just pull it back in.
OK?
-All right.
-All right.
-I've got it.
-All right.
Dave, help me with this.
Sam, you get the gun.
All right, now,
when I open the door,
you guys throw it out
as far as you can.
And make sure,
Gunther, you close
the door as soon as we're done.
-OK.
Divine, you take cover.
DIVINE: OK.
-All right, you ready?
-Yes.
OK.
Here we go.
-Man, it's not gonna work.
-Here we go.
Now.
Now!
All right, let's take a look.
It's not gonna work.
Would you stop it?
It's not gonna work,
I'm telling you.
Would you shut up?
Look, look.
There it is.
Wait a minute, I
don't see anything.
I think they're gone.
-No, no.
They're still out there.
They're just hiding.
Nothing's happening.
Give it a few minutes.
Wait, wait, I see
something in the trees.
I see it, too.
-Wait a minute.
-What?
What are they doing?
What?
Something's going on.
You gotta be
freakin' kiddin' me.
Well, it looks like we've
underestimated our bug friends.
They're obviously intelligent--
probably more so than we.
So what do you think
they're doing now?
Well, my guess is
that they're out there
working on a plan on how to
get in here now, as we speak.
Well what are our options here?
All right, look, the phone
line is down, so we obviously
can't call out for help.
Now, we could wait
until morning and try
and make a break for the van.
Naw, but we're not
gonna last that long.
I agree.
Look, somehow we've gotta
get out to that van tonight.
Well, what do we have?
All right, now, we
have these three pipe
bombs that Gunther and I made.
Now, they may or may not work.
They'll work.
This gun-- if you ask me, this
is the best possible defense
we have against them.
And if all else fails, this
bat'll knock the hell out
of a couple of 'em.
But we're not even sure
any of these weapons
are going to work against them.
You guys!
[SCREAMING]
[GROWLING]
Ah!
Oh, god.
What was it doing
under the table?
Stealing our stuff, no doubt.
Oh, god.
Well, it's dead now.
You guys gotta
clean this mess up.
You got a mop, or something?
In the bathroom.
I'll get it.
The rest of you guys, pick up
the rest of these bug pieces,
and get rid of it!
Well, you-- you go ahead.
Don't look at me.
I ain't doing it.
I suppose you want
me to clean it up?
Damn.
[SCREAMING]
What's wrong, man?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
They're inside!
They're inside!
Shit!
Christ, man, you all right?
Get the pipe bomb.
Get the pipe bomb.
All right.
Yeah.
Here.
Here.
Come on, man, hurry up!
-I am!
I am!
-Come on.
Fire in the hole!
Go!
Is it gonna light?
Any second, now.
Oh, shit!
Here!
Hey!
No, you!
Here!
Take the damn thing!
Hey!
What?
Aw, shit!
-Did you hear that?
-What was that?
Just stay here.
Gunther, they need your help!
Go help them!
It'll be all right.
Don't worry.
Gunther, go help them!
Something's wrong!
Gunther, what's wrong with you?
Go and help them!
They need you!
Something is wrong!
Gunther, go!
What's wrong with you?
Go and help them!
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
How does it feel?
It looks infected.
It's fine.
Don't worry.
Dave, do you think that we're
going to get out of here alive?
Of course we will.
I'm scared, Dave.
I'm really scared.
Listen, you don't
have to be frightened.
I'm here, and I'm not gonna
let anything happen to you.
It's not only that.
I'm afraid for the both of us.
I'm afraid to lose you.
If I can't be with you,
I'd rather not be at all.
Damn, did you all
see Sam splattered
up against the wall like that?
Oh, it was gross.
[GROWLING]
They're trying to get out!
I'm going to bolt that door.
I'll be back.
I see you two have been
spending a lot of time
together.
You like him, don't you?
Yeah, I can tell by the
way you look at each other.
I don't know.
Do you think it'll work?
I don't know.
Right now none of us have
very much time, so I think you
and Dave should try and spend as
much time as you can together.
It's just not fair.
No, it's not.
But hey, look, life's
not fair, right?
I mean, Dave's a
good kid, and-- well,
now that I think about
it, I guess you guys
do make a pretty good couple.
Everything's cool.
I've secured the door.
They won't be coming out.
Well, it looks like it's
just the three of us, guys.
We'd better stay close.
No telling what's
going to-- shit.
They cut the lights.
The lights.
They got the lights.
All right, look,
let's stay together.
Don't separate.
Divine, you must have some
candles or a flashlight, right?
I do.
OK, get it.
Good.
Good.
All right, now look, they must
have gotten to the fuse box.
We can't let it
stay dark like this.
It's too much to
their advantage.
We're gonna have to go
downstairs and fix it.
What?
I don't believe this.
We gotta go back
in the basement?
There's a bug down there, man.
There's no other way.
We gotta do it.
Divine, you stay here.
Here, take this.
OK.
You do know that that
bug is going to be
down there waiting for us?
That's right.
And this time, we'll be ready.
Here we go again.
Be careful.
That bug's not down here.
I don't see it anywhere.
Yes it is, man.
I know it is.
It's just hiding.
-OK, there's the box.
-Look out.
I got this.
Hey, listen, you'd
better let me do that, OK?
Man, would you just cool
and watch out for the bug?
I'll have the lights
on in a minute.
Come on, man.
You don't know
what you're doing.
Let me do it.
What do you mean, I
don't know what I'm doing?
Hell, I change a fuse in my
apartment every day, man.
It's not a fuse box, it's
a circuit breaker, stupid.
Well, whatever the hell.
A circuit breaker or a
fuse, it don't matter.
All I gotta do is hit one more
of these little things, and--
What happened?
Where-- where's Steve?
He's dead.
Come on.
What?
We're getting the
hell out of here.
[SCREAMING]
Oh my god!
What are you gonna do with that?
I'm gonna blow the house up.
What?
Oh my god!
No!
[EXPLOSION]
Well, we've got a
lot of stuff here,
and that should last us a while.
Where-- where are we headed?
I don't know.
Some place far.
You know we'd never
be able to explain
what happened back there.
I know.
Sorry about your house.
It's OK.
You know, one good thing
did come out of this.
Yeah?
What's that?
We found each other.
I guess we did.
You know, the only
thing I regret
is not winning that contest
for the world's biggest bug.
There'll be other contests.
It won't matter.
Even thought I
didn't win, I know
I walked away with the prize.
[MUSIC PLAYING]