Buffaloed (2019) - full transcript

Fuck!

♪ You've gotta have heart ♪

♪ All you really need is heart ♪

♪ When the odds are sayin'
you'll never win ♪

♪ That's when the grin
should start ♪

♪ You've gotta have hope ♪

♪ Mustn't sit around and mope ♪

♪ Nothing's half as bad
as it may appear ♪

♪ Wait till next year and hope ♪

♪ When your luck
is battin' zero ♪

♪ Get your chin up
off the floor ♪



♪ Mister you can be a hero ♪

♪ You can open any door ♪

♪ There's nothin' to it
but to do it ♪

♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ Miles and miles and miles
of heart ♪

♪ Oh it's fine to be a genius
of course ♪

♪ But keep that old horse
before the cart ♪

♪ First you've gotta
have heart ♪

♪ You've gotta have heart ♪

♪ Yes, you gotta have heart ♪

♪ When your luck
Is battin' zero ♪

♪ Get your chin up
off the floor ♪

♪ Mister you can be a hero ♪

♪ You can open any door ♪



♪ There's nothin to it
but to do it ♪

♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ Miles and miles and miles
Of heart ♪

♪ Oh it's fine to be a genius
of course ♪

I'm gonna kill you,
you fucking jagoff!

That's me, Peg Dahl.

People call me Peg,
Peggy, or Pegger.

The maroon suit
and shitty nurse shoes

may not tell you this,
but I'm a hustler.

My unathletic ass just ran
half way across Buffalo,

because an asshole
in that building

fucked with my money.

Do not fuck...

...with my money.

Before I climbed ranks
in the most prolific

legal shakedown in America,

I was just an aggressive little shit with a gift for gab

and a slight hostility
towards...

Buffalo, New York:
the epicenter of the rust belts.

A city whose favorite meal
is a discarded chicken part.

Hmm

A city hopelessly dedicated
to a staple of disappointment.

Hey. Don't rag on my Bills.

A city whose appreciation
for unhealthy lifestyles

ultimately led...

...to my father's death.

Okay. What's this about?

- I drew that.
- "Peg Inc."

Our mission is to never ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...

be scared of the financial
"what ifs."

What if I can't afford clothes,
so my daughter wears

her brother's disgusting
hand-me-downs?

- Not true.
- Shut up.

What if I can't afford food,

so my kids only eat
ten cent wings?

A small investment
of a thousand dollars...

...in a semi-risky fund
could grow to cover

the cost of an ivy league
education

which is the beeline...

...to the Fortune 500
and financial freedom

- and she's gone.
- Hello?

I told you, that was
my husband's credit card.

You're not getting nothing...

...because
there's nothing to get.

Goodbye.

To continue, Henry Ford said...

I love your presentation
but sit your tush down

on the sofa and eat your wings.

Hey, didn't you listen?
I hate wings.

- I like wings.
- Because you're grody.

- You're grody.
- Why can't we have normal food,

- like a tuna casserole?
- Casseroles are pricey.

So, you're not gonna help?

You know what,
I can't afford supper,

let alone 1000 dollars.

Well, if I had 1000 dollars,
I'd give it to you.

You don't and you won't.

Peg, I can't think about
investments right now.

The salon is not doing so well.

- Then, get another job.
- Half of Buffalo is outta work.

You're talking outta your ass,
Ma.

- Peg Dahl!
- Dad would've helped me.

Listen, I love you more than
the sun and the moon

and the stars above,
but you gotta learn to start

thinking about other people

and not thinking about yourself
all the time.

Now sit down
and eat your wings.

Fine.

It became clear to me
that my mom didn't have

the vision.

Are you seeing this?

If we were ever gonna
get out, I needed answers.

This is hilarious.

When I came to American,
I had nothing.

Now I have everything
I could ever dream.

The cars, the boats, the women. Total financial freedom.

Can we switch the channel?

Now I can pass this information onto you.

I already paid that one!
How come...

The only person responsible for your financial freedom is you.

So, what you wait for? Come on.

Let's make money!

From that moment on,

my life became
a single-minded pursuit!

I love 'em so much,
I could barely part with them.

What are you doing?

Getting 75 percent margins, Ma.

Get in here or you're grounded.
Now!

- Go Bills.
- Go Bills.

I became a student
of money.

While other kids begged
for allowances,

I studied profit margins.

While other kids were
scrapbooking pictures

of pretty ponies,

I was compiling
financial advice.

I was grooming myself to be
the next Warren Buffet.

I had a plan; go to
an Ivy League school,

then to Wall Street,
then get so rich,

some little girl was gonna say

she's grooming herself
to be the next me.

But college
is expensive, people.

And babysitting wasn't gonna
pay for it.

I got smokes, one dollar
a piece! I got smokes.

One dollar a piece!

How many can I get?

Here we go, here we go,
here we go.

Got smokes.
One dollar a piece.

Hey, hey, hey.
Gimme them smokes, bitch.

You can have as many
as you want...

...for one dollar a piece.

I said, gimme them smokes
before I crack your noggin'.

Give me your best shot, dickwad.

- Principal!
- Oh, no, no!

- Hey!
- Get out.

- Don't sit there.
- Got your thing here.

I love that!

How'd you make
such a big graphic?

My buddy's dad has like
a gigantic printer.

So fancy.

Hey, shouldn't you put
your money in a bank?

Three percent interest
isn't worth 30 percent in taxes.

If I fill ten of these boxes,
we're set for... life.

- Oh, my god!
- What?

- What is it?
- Oh, my god!

- You got in!
- No, I didn't!

- You did! You got in!
- No, I didn't!

Oh, my God.

To Pegger!

The first one in the fam

to go to
a fancy-schmancy school!

Honey!

What's going on?

We can't pay for this.

What? We'll get a scholarship
or loans

- or something.
- Mm-mm, no.

If we took out loans
for all four years,

it would be 70 grand
in interest.

Just... in interest.

Well, I don't know all
about that.

I never had a kid
go to college before.

- No offense, honey.
- None taken.

- But, good casserole, Ma.
- Thank you.

I like peas in my casserole.

If Dad were here, he'd find a way

to get the money.

You know, that's true.
He always had a hustle.

I remember one year,

he took me to the Bills game
for my birthday

but then we got there,
he scalped the tix.

Yeah, I was so pissed.
I was the one

that bought them tix.

Where'd you make that graphic?

Tabatha! Gabby! Tabatha!

Anybody seen this black girl,
too much eyeliner.

Oh, my God. These are like best
seats ever.

Where is she? Ugh.

- You okay, lady?
- Huh?

- You okay?
- Oh.

So sweet, yeah, I'm all right.
I just...

I think my friend flaked.

Not really sure why because
these are the best seats ever.

They're like fifty-yard-line,
seven rows up!

- Fifty-yard-line?
- Yeah, fifty-yard-line.

- I'll take 'em. I got, one...
- You will? You sure?

- ...two...
- That will do. Yeah,

just give me that.

Anyone need any tickets?

- No, you look good in that wig.
- You look good.

- No, you look amazing.
- No, you do!

God bless the Bills, you know.
You guys are just the best.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God! I just found
two tickets on the floor.

Two tickets, two tickets,
two tickets.

Do you need a ticket.

See you later. All right.
Okay.

Two hundred, two hundred,
you know what, I just...

I can't do that... Tim.

You said your name is Tim.
You just gotta trust me here.

I wouldn't screw you over.
I'm a Bills fans.

Okay, sure.
I counterfeited Bills tix.

But it was for a bigger cause. Higher education.

Higher education is the key
to financial freedom.

Ma'am...

Your scam is desecrating
the sacred ground

of our Buffalo Bills.

No, it's not.

The defendant is facing
12 counts

of second-degree forgery,

a class D felony carrying
a minimum sentence of 40 months.

Sorry about the mess. I'm,
uh, workin' through lunch here.

- It's fine.
- What kinda wings do you like?

Well, I'm not the one
on trial, Your Honor.

But if I had to pick,
it would be Anchor Bar.

Unless the wings you're eating
right now

are from a different, uh,
pa... part.

In which case, I... I like
all wings. I like all wings.

You were right.

- Anchor's my spot.
- Not Duff wings?

- What are you, a tourist?
- You insulting my wings?

You wanna come over here
and say that to my face, jagoff?

Who you calling a jagoff,
jagoff?

Mistrial, mistrial.

...you jagoff...

And, just like that,
my plan was officially toast.

No Ivy League school.
No Fortune 500.

I had to create my own form
of higher education.

But you know, prison wasn't
all that bad.

Not all the best professors
are at Yale and Harvard.

Hookin' ain't worth the hassle
anymore.

Thinking about going into
phone sexing.

- Frances.
- Yeah.

Um, can you give me
a run down

of the market in here.

Oh, that's all through Backer.

Backer.

Yeah,
she's really tough.

So, they call her Backer

'cause she is like
a defensive end for the Bills.

Okay, but what...
does she provide?

Uh, TP, cigs, tamps, pads,
cuppa noodles...

Okay. Fine.
What doesn't she provide?

Oh!

Yogurts!
Two smokes a tube!

Thank you very much!

Yogurts! Two smokes a tube.
Yogurts! Two smokes a tube.

Gimme them 'gurts, bitch.

- You must be Backer.
- Gimme them 'gurts,

or I'm gonna break
your tiny little ass in two.

Okay, well, I think we can come
to some sort of agreement...

I'm making lots of friends
in here.

It's not that bad.

Shut it. I know you had
your brother

sneak in them yogurt cups.

They're tubes, Ma.

- Hey, Rhonda.
- Hey!

JJ is a good boy.
He works 14 hours a day.

He doesn't have time
for your schemes.

Fourteen hours a day doing what?

He bought that bar
from the Yeager's.

I just took over
the payment.

Ma, are you talking to me?

'Cause I can't hear you
when you're drying and talking

at the same time.

Ma, you got anymore
Genny in here?

You've had enough Genny, okay.

You can have a pop.

We got orange pop,
grape pop and cherry pop.

Ah, you got a cornucopia
of pop there.

Watch the sass, Rhonda.

Hey, you good?

Okay.

God dang it.

- God dang it what?
- Ugh, the other line.

Other line like...

like as in collectors
are still after you?

Those asses
are calling looking for you.

Sorry, for me? My debts
not too steep.

They're not looking for me.

It grew.

Restitution, court fees, fines.
Plus that whole rigamarole

with your victims suing
for emotional distress.

But that case was thrown out.

So, that's not... that's not...
that's not possible.

Well, your lawyer's
fees weren't.

So, how much?

You're pushing
$50,000, Peg.

- Fuck! Motherfucking fuck!
- Inmate, inmate.

- Fuck, fuck!
- Inmate...

- JJ?
- Yeah.

Will you hang up the phone
for me, please?

- Hey, Pegger. Hello.
- Motherfucker...

God fucking damn it!

Refrain from damaging
prison property.

Cheryl, it's me, Peg.

Please stop busting my balls,
you know.

Sorry, Peg.

Okay.

- Ready?
- Yeah, ready?

Maybe it was better
this way.

I mean, I didn't need college.

Mm-hmm?

Gates and Jobs
didn't graduate college.

They also didn't spend 40 months in the clink.

Not that getting out
would be better.

As a convicted felon, I was
gonna have a bitch of a time

getting a lease, a loan,

or any job that wasn't some
variation of shoveling shit.

So, when are you getting
a job?

Ma, give her a break.
She just got out.

She's right. I need a job.

Kath, can you get in here!
I'm dripping!

- Hey, Pegger.
- Hi, Rhonda.

- Welcome back.
- Thank you

Oh, honey, you got some
roots happening.

We are gonna take care of that
later today.

Hey, if you want, you can work
at my bar until you find

- something better.
- Really?

See that?
JJ is a good boy.

Don't go getting him involved
in any more crap.

Fucking A.

Excuse...

This toilet is out of order,
what are you...

Are you... Screw this.
This is insane.

Hey, come on,

- I got health code standards.
- No, give me ten percent of net receipts

or I wipe this on everything.

Fine.

JJ, I was joking.

What are you doing?

- How am I supposed...
- Oh, my God! My God...

Just stand up
for yourself more.

Okay, fine. Then get off
of my bar.

No, you are better than
this though.

You know what I'm better than?
You, 'cause I'm a bar owner.

And you're a janitor.
And I like being a bar owner.

I wanna stop trying
not to be poor

and start trying to get rich.

- I make a fine living.
- Fine?

I hate that word.

Fine is like mediocrity's
dumb cousin.

It's probably
one of your collectors.

Stop calling my brother.

Yeah, that'll probably
convince them.

That was... That was real
convincing there.

- JJ.
- Yup.

I have, uh, a secret
that I wanna tell you.

- No, you're gonna hit me.
- No. I'm not.

Come here.

- Here.
- Okay, fine.

Okay. It's not that big
of a deal.

But, I'm gonna smack
the Buffalo out of you.

Sorry, oh, my God, I kicked you
in the b...

This is ADA Graham Feany.

We have a spousal altercation
at 1010 Allen.

Please send units.
Thank you, Sir.

Wait, what is he doing here?

- No.
- Stop it. Get it out of my

- fucking ass.
- Hey.

Hey, hey, asshole.

The police have been called.
So, put your wife down.

- That's my sister, man. Jesus.
- Mind your own business.

Just goofing around, okay.

- But that was fun.
- No balls.

- I know. I forgot.
- I told you.

Next time no balls.
This time, whoops.

- But it was fun.
- Sorry, sorry, uh...

I apologize, it just appeared...
it seemed as if you were in...

in distress.

I'm not some Buffalo damsel
in distress.

I know how that just sounded.
But I was just trying to help.

Do I look like I need
your help?

To be honest... kind of.

Says the guy with
condiment stains on his shirt.

I didn't... think that was...

- Can I have a water.
- ...noticeable.

Look, we got off
on the wrong foot.

Um, my name's Graham.

Let me... let me buy you beer.
I'll buy you a beer.

No, thanks.

Yeah, she just got out
of prison.

- That's not why.
- Why not?

Because I'm not gonna
have a drink with the guy

that put me in there.

Oh, you're the one whose
lawyer attacked the judge!

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's her.

- That's me.
- What are the odds.

Um, I'm...

You would've only gotten
probation if he just...

Looks like your friends
are here.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me.

Why don't you just block
the number?

'Cause they'll just call from another number.

There's no stopping these guys.

- Hello.
- What are you...

This is Sal Scarpetta
calling for one Peg Dahl,

about your $29,243
debt with...

Right. What about it?

Oh, shit. You're still there.
Um...

Well, uh...

I'm willing to make a deal.

- Okay. And...
- If you settle right now,

I'll discount it to $5,000.

- Yeah?
- Oh, that was it.

Okay, very cool. Sal.

That was the worst
sales pitch I've ever heard.

I ain't in sales.

What do you mean
you're not in sales?

Your job is to convince me

to give you my money.
That's sales.

And the best salesman is an
informed listener.

Did you do a Learning Annex
or something?

Look. You're not listening.

As a debt collector...

you're not selling a product,
right?

You're selling a feeling.

You're selling... relief.

Relief from the weight
of failure.

So, here is your protocol.

Learn from the client,
use the new information

to gain trust,
then present relief. Idiot.

Okay. Since you know so much,
how do I sell relief?

You work in a noisy office.
Probably a bullpen.

Bullpen's create competition
amongst the employees,

therefore, you get paid
on commission.

And by the desperation
in your voice,

I can tell that you need a win
or you may lose your job.

You can hear that?

Be grateful, at least you have
a job. I'm broke.

- Scrubbing toilets.
- Yeah, my job ain't bad.

But I have to work Sundays.
So, I miss Bills games.

Bills games?

- You're in Buffalo?
- Yeah. A lot of agencies are.

We collect from everywhere.

Especially Florida but,
most of us are in Buffalo.

Interesting, Sal... Sal, okay.
That's...

So, you like Anchor Bar
or Duffs?

Duffs, of course.

Well, now I definitely want
to help you

because you're a Buffalonian
like me.

I can get you that win.
I can.

You just gotta do one
simple thing for me.

Erase the line that reads
"Peg Dahl, $29,243."

Let's help each other out.
Come on, you and me, Sal.

Al... Sal, is it Al or Sal?

Whoa.

I honestly just considered
erasing your shit.

Almost, why don't you just
do it?

You know, I... I gave you
the protocol,

it's your turn. Kill the debt.
Please.

Sorry. I can't give up
a $500 rip.

You take a ten percent
commission?

Yeah.

At the beginning of this call,
you offered me

a $25,000 discount on
a $30,000 debt.

So, you lost $2,500
before I even picked up?

I'm sorry,
what did you just say?

- They say there are...
- Hello.

...moments in life
that you'll never forget.

Your wedding day...the birth of a kid.

For me, it was the day
Sal Scarpetta

talked too damn much.

Where are your offices?

Fuck Ivy League.
I had a new plan.

Hi.

Hey.

I, uh, I take it you're Sal.

And you're the chick
with the great advice.

- I got another tip for you.
- Okay.

- Cut that disgusting mullet.
- I give him a job...

- But my girl likes it.
- Then you should dump her.

- Fuck that curly-haired shit-for-brains.
- Yeah.

Now, where's your boss?

Son-of-a-bitch!

I can't believe one of my own
double sold my paper!

- Will you frickin' calm down?
- I'll rip his fucking throat.

Hey, you going
to Mom's for the game?

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Do me a favor. Tell your wife
not to be so stingy

with the marshmallows in her
ambrosia salad. Huh?

Her name is Tammy, ya jerk.

- Hi.
- Oh.

What are you doing bringing some
random chick in here, Scarpetta?

I ain't paying you
shit without a paternity test.

No. Boss, this the debtor
I told you about.

The one that turned me.

Oh, really!

Well, Sal said you're, uh,
like a prodigy on the phone.

But he didn't mention
you're such a piece.

- What?
- What's keeping you from working at HSBC or M&T?

Forty months at Albion.

Huh.

Josh Wisenewski.

They call me "Wizz"

'cause I'm the smartest
fuck in the business.

Come.

- Oh, my God!
- We collect on everything.

Medical bills, credit cards,
student loans.

If it's been charged-off
by the bank,

we do whatever it takes
to get it back.

That sounds like...
like a mob shakedown.

A shakedown backed
by Wall Street.

Hey, what's the difference
between a hooker

- and a debt collector?
- I like this joke.

A hooker takes your money
before screwing you.

- I get it.
- This...

- is paper.
- I know.

No, debt is called "paper."

I control the paper.
You do good, I give you more.

So, It's just... debt is just
sheets of paper?

Ah, the big agencies
have software with the cloud

and that razzmatazz,

but I'm not about to let some
jagoff from Lithuania

- hack my shit.
- Right.

I'm old-school. You wanna
steal from me,

you gotta do it to my face.

- Who's stolen from you?
- Who hasn't?

Them farm boys
in Lockport.

The dagos in Niagara Falls.

Them jerks that work out
of the meat packing plant

in the Fruit Belt.

But I put 'em all in their place
and now they are begging

- for my scraps.
- Yeah, I'm sure.

- See this?
- Yeah.

This is war.

The agencies that collect
the most are the agencies

- that survive.
- Hmm.

- Where do you get the paper?
- My brother, Mitch.

- The guy with the pube-stache?
- One and the same.

Mitch buys the paper
from the banks for 20 bips.

Sells it to us for anywhere
between a 100 and 500 bips,

depending on dilution.

Diluted debt is... is cheaper
but it's harder to collect.

Okay. What's a... "bip?"

Basis point.

One hundredth of a cent.
You follow?

Are you confused?
They want you to be confused?

Forget the bips.
Here's the deal.

Let's say... you...
owe the bank money.

That bank doesn't wanna
chase your lazy ass down,

because it's not profitable
enough.

So, they sell your debt
to this Pubestache

for pennies on the dollar.

Then he doubles his money
by unloading it on this guy,

the self-proclaimed,
"smartest fuck in the bizz."

These guys are the ones
clogging your phones every day.

Every cent that they collect
over their purchase price

is profit. Cash out the wazoo.

There are barely any laws
regulating debt collection

and there aren't enough
resources to enforce

the ones that do exist.

They can garnish wages,
revoke a license,

put a lien on your house
or business.

And that is just
the legal stuff. Get it?

Good. Continue.

- So...
- So?

- ...what do you think?
- What do I think?

I think that, uh, I think...
I think that I, uh...

I think that I...
I have an offer.

You wanna make me an offer?

Yeah, I wanna make you an offer.

If I get to the top
of that board, in one month...

you erase my debt,
50,000 dollars.

Which you can buy
from your brother

at whatever discount
he gives you.

What do you say?

Top of that board.

All right, listen up, ass bags.

This chick here thinks
she's better than you.

Three cases of Genny to whoever
can collect more than her

in the next week.

Yeah, whose desk is she getting?

- What?
- Whose desk is she getting?

She is getting the desk
of the son-of-a-bitch

who double sold my paper!

- Was that necessary?
- You got a deal.

Oh. Okay.

- This is Big D.
- Darren Meedham. Hi.

I'm calling about the, uh,
$5,141.43 debt,

that is yours. That you have...

Yeah, I'm not paying
that shizz.

Well, on your
college application,

you've listed Sherry Meedham
as your emergency contact.

Should I call Sherry
to resolve this?

No, no. Uh, please don't call
my mom!

Yo, turn that shit off.

Look, I would pay, I just...

I don't have money.
Yeah.

Use your student loans.

You can delay
your tuition payment,

you can't delay my call
to Sherry.

Okay, just take it out
of my account.

Okay.

Uh, well then, okay.

That was easy.

That was really easy.

Yeah, yeah...

I need another... another slip.

No, ma'am... Okay.

Clearing your debt
will decrease your stress,

which will absolutely increase
your milk supply.

Right, I...

Okay, thank you.

But, money is just a tool.
It's just a tool.

He will take you wherever
you wish,

but it will not replace you
as the driver.

Wait, I need more paper.
You are the driver.

You are the driver.
You are the driver.

Okay.

I'm glad to have done this.

All right, goodbye. Goodbye.

There is an amazing feeling
you get

when you find
your true calling.

Every move you make
seems like the right one.

Are you serious?

Yeah, we have the legal
authority to pull

your fireman's license.
I don't... want to.

- I don't...
- I'm trying to save people out here.

Think about all the people that
you won't be able to save

when I pull your license.

So...

All right, asswipes.
We got a new number one.

Peg, where you've been?
I haven't seen you in weeks.

Did you eat all fish sticks?
We need 'em on Friday.

No, I don't... Ma, I...

I can't talk. I'm at...
I'm at work.

Remember I have a job.
I have a job.

- What's your job?
- What does it matter? I...

Relief. I'm relieving people
of the burden of debt.

- Are you a debt collector?
- I, uh, gotta go, Ma.

Bye.

I wouldn't say no
to a fish stick.

- You get his paper.
- Thanks.

Woah, Wizz.

That... I'm just making sure
that this is right.

- That says 1998.
- Mm-hmm.

You can collect
20-year-old debt?

Debt never dies.

It never dies.

Debt never dies.

Right.

Hello

May I please speak
to Mrs. Barbra Cooney?

If you're calling
about the debt,

it's in my husband's name
and he passed away. Good day.

Wait, uh, are you...

still in St. Stevens, Ohio?

I am, dear. Why?

I brought you some cupcakes.

Blue ones.

And you drove

- all the way from Buffalo?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well your relief...

is worth five hours
of my time.

I appreciate the visit, dear,
but I won't pay that debt.

Oh, I understand.

You depended on your
husband in life...

and he abandoned you in death.

But there's a saying...

"Debt... never dies."

And you've carried this debt
for years.

And it will continue to exist
when you're gone.

It will be passed
onto your children.

I'm sorry and your
grandchildren.

And your great-grandchildren,

and your
great-great-grandchildren,

and your great-great-great-
grandchildren.

But now is your time to release
the burden.

To be free.

To... make sure that your...

- Hi, Mrs. Cooney?
- Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

It's all right.

Why are you here, again?

- Why am I here?
- Oh, look.

You brought cupcakes.

You closed Cooney
for 20 grand?

Wow, honestly, I'm...
I'm impressed.

- Yeah.
- Twenty grand.

Where's my... Where's my money?

Calm your tits, okay.
I'm trying to pay

- you a compliment.
- Pay me my money.

Where's my ten percent...

...you know what I mean,
pay me my money.

How long we've been
milking her?

Like, uh, a while, huh.

No one's ever hit it this big.
So, respect.

Sorry,
what are you talking about?

Oh, we collected on the original
account years ago.

We keep calling because...

why not squeeze out every
last drop?

Nice.

Okay.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Two grand.

Yup, it's your commission.

You mocking on me?

- No, minus expenses.
- You mocking on me?

He's mocking on me.

Hey, you should be proud.
Okay?

That's really good
for a first timer.

I collected a hundred
and twenty-five grand.

Hey. Come here.

- You're good for a chick.
- Don't you...

Okay. You got talent.

But you ain't the best.

I wanna make you better.

Okay?

So, if you wanna get better,
stay close to me...

and I'll take care of you.

Get your fucking arm off
of me.

Now.

Thank you.

Okay.

If you wanna be
a bar bitch...

why don't you get me
a two Blues and a shot.

Thanks for bringing these guys.

I mean, they're the worst
but they're drinking a shit ton.

Asshole.

- You okay?
- No, I'm not.

Just because I work
for these dickwads,

they think I'm their bitch.

- So, quit.
- Sorry, excuse me?

- Where did you even come from?
- You should quit.

I can't buy you dinner if you
are working for

the Wisenewski brothers.

I buy my own dinner.
So, thank you very much.

Plus, it'd be best if you
just get away from 'em.

Before I lock their asses up.

You're investigating collectors?

Yes, ma'am.

And you're consorting
with the worst of the worst.

Like that guy.
Chad Brombkiewcz.

He'll pretend to be
Child Protective Services

while harassing a mother.

Or that guy, Rick Pellicana.

He'll call a debtor's family
at a hospital

and say he'll pull the plug
if they don't pay.

Oh, woah, woah! Don't say
a fucking word to him, Peg!

- I can talk to whoever I want.
- What did I say, huh?

- Stay away from my people.
- I can talk to whoever

- the fuck I want.
- All right, come on.

Hey, don't touch her man.

- Hey.
- Nah, nah, nah.

Don't you touch me.

- You gonna hit a women.
- Why wouldn't I?

Hey.

Did you call my wife a twat?

- Not now, Mitch.
- Just stay out of this one.

Did you call my wife a twat?

And don't you fucking lie
to me, Joshua.

Or I'll cut off
your fucking supply.

Oh, I might have said that
only a twat

would skimp on the marshmallows
in an ambrosia salad.

So, I don't know, does she?

You son-of-a-bitch!

Mitch, you don't want this.

I love this.

Hey.

At this moment,
it became clear

that if I continued
to work for these douchebags,

I was gonna turn into
one of these douchebags.

It was time...
to become my own boss.

We should get out of here,

before you get your ass
handed to you. Come on.

Let's go. Let's go. Now.

- Did you bring your car?
- Yeah.

Give me your keys,
you're in no condition to drive.

- Is she a twat?
- Tammy is an angel!

I live on Delaware,
take Franklin.

Right, no, I'm not going
to a stranger's house

in the middle of the night.
You can sleep it off

at my house.

Where'd the fuck she go?

Get her back in here.

You leaving with him?

This is why I don't hire
bitches.

You have a very nice home.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And that is quite
the wall piece.

Is it supposed to be oozing
like that?

No, it's infested or something
and I think it's disgusting.

My dad hated it too.
My mom likes it.

- I don't know why.
- Where's your dad?

Uh...

My dad died when I was younger.

- Heart attack.
- Sorry.

Drank too much.
Ate too much crap food.

He was a good guy.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Great guy, actually.

- Always thinking bigger.
- Bigger?

Yeah. This one time, he bought
all the cards at Bingo,

and he had my brother
and I running around,

marking dots
and stuff like that,

and then pissing off all
the old people.

He was really funny.

That's cool.
How much did he win?

I don't know but at that time
if felt like a million.

- Hmm.
- You know.

Yeah. So, uh...

why do you work
for Wisenewski?

Worked.

Today was my last day.

Good.

- Uh... Good.
- That piece of shit.

Wouldn't want any...

conflict of interest between us.

Mm-hmm. But here's the thing,

there's gotta be interest
before there can be conflict.

Uh-huh.

- Just saying.
- Hmm.

What was it like working...
uh... never mind.

You wanna ask me about Wizz?

- I kinda do.
- Okay.

Go ahead. Quid pro quo.

You start.

All right, okay.

How long have you worked
for him?

Few weeks.

How do you monitor
illegal activities at agencies?

Consumer complaints.

Have you ever seen anyone
engage in

- phantom debt collection?
- I don't know what that means.

Have you convicted
any collectors?

I have eleven open cases.
Four previous convictions.

What about "re-dos", collecting
the same debt twice.

- You ever seen that?
- Mm-mm, no.

Are you trying to flip me?

- No. I'm not.
- No?

But back to "re-dos". Now,
most collectors,

they prey on older people
because they...

You just kissed me because
you don't wanna

- answer me.
- No.

You don't wanna answer anymore
questions, do you?

Will you shut up?

Two-fifteen.

JJ's ten forty-five.

Hi.

Good morning.

Mm.

Good morning.
Do we have time for...

- Um...
- No.

- No?
- No, sorry.

I gotta go to work.

Okay.

Wait, I thought you quit.

I did quit.

I quit working for Wizz.

What?

I'm going out on my own.
I'm gonna do it right.

No threats, no bullshit.
I know if I run it cleanly,

I can make more money
than all those d-bags.

Cool. All right. Cool.
Excuse me.

- Oh, all right.
- Yeah.

What a gentleman.

- At least, I'm trying.
- Thanks.

Do what you gotta do.

All right.

Did you just turn your
underwear inside out?

Second sides.

Excuse me?

Second sides. You flip 'em over,
you get an extra day.

Is something wrong?

- Yes, something's wrong.
- Well, tell me what's wrong.

Peg, you're starting your
own firm.

Just know,

when you break the law...

I'ma be right there
to lock you up.

Right alongside every single
one of 'em.

Well, that's impossible.

I'm a woman.

- They separate sexes in prison.
- Mm-hmm. Mm.

Stop. I'm mad at you.

I'm gonna do it right.

I wanna do it right.

Nah.

Every collector, every single
one of 'em, they start off

with the best intentions.

- And then they turn.
- So, I'm like everyone else.

- That's what you're telling me.
- I'm just saying.

- No, I hear what you're saying.
- Good.

- But you're wrong.
- Okay.

Do I smell cigarettes?

Yeah, Ma?

- Yeah?
- That's my...

- Oh.
- I... It's a lot. Ma.

Can I get some privacy?

Not when you're jiggling
giblets with a random guy

- in my house.
- I'm sorry.

I'm... Good morning.

- This is my mom.
- Hello.

You must... Mrs... Ms. Dahl.

- How... I'm Graham...
- Oh, you guys have fun,

- I'm gonna get coffee.
- ...Feany. All right.

- Hi, Rhonda.
- So, you're a lawyer.

Yes, ma'am, I'm a lawyer.

- Oh. Hey, good morning.
- Hi.

Uh, you must be Peg's grandma.

What did you say?

Who's this jagoff razzin' me?

Oh, Peg got herself a lawyer.

Oh, nice catch.
Not officially caught.

- Anyway, um, gotta go.
- So, can I, um...

- What?
- Can... Can I see you again?

- Really?
- Yeah, I just... I'll pay.

- Oh, you wanna wine and dine me?
- I'll pay.

- I'll pay.
- Okay. Just prove to me

that you're legitimate
and we'll talk.

Bye.

You'll pay for what?

- Can you just wait?
- You'll pay for dinner.

No, no, no.

- No.
- Now he's gone.

- A man should pay for dinner.
- Ma.

- The man is the provider.
- No, he's...

- Now, you gotta go...
- I'm being the provider.

You gotta get a provider.

All right, enough,

- you guys. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Here's is the thing, I'm doing
something big.

- What?
- I'm doing something big

and it would be beneficial
to have him on my side.

So, if you can just
shut your mouth.

Okay.

- You're early.
- I got a ride.

- What are we doing today? Upper lip?
- Yeah sure.

- Chin.
- Aw, okay.

God, hey,
what are you doing?

What are you banging around
in your dad's stuff for?

If you wanna be the boss,
you gotta dress the part.

Would it kill you
to wear a skirt

once in a while.
Come on, Peg.

You just landed a nice guy.

Don't you think it's time
you settle down.

Ma, in my two decades
on this earth,

have I ever seemed
like the settling type?

Haven't you ever dreamed
of something more?

I had a dream.

That John Travolta
took off his wig

and, on his scalp,
was another John Travolta face.

Double Travolta.

I could never get that
image out of my mind.

You know what I'm saying.

That's all I got.

What's it for?

Ambrosia salad...

With the perfect amount
of marshmallows.

- It's a delicate balance.
- Well, I'm sure it is.

- What are you doing here?
- Mm.

- I'm just eating.
- Oh.

Well, why don't you
do your eating anywhere else?

You only charge Wizz
a hundred bips.

I'm offering you
200 for the same paper.

Oh, so you're here
to talk business?

I am here to talk business.

If you don't mind, honey.

I love you. This looks delicious.

So, you're thinking of branching
out on your own.

Don't.

Three hundred.

My brother
doesn't like competition,

especially from a woman.

If you go out on your own,
you're gonna start a war

- A war you can't win.
- Cash.

Okay.

- So, if I were to do this...
- If you were to do this.

- If.
- If.

- Big if.
- All right.

That's a lot of paper
for a little lady.

That's a lot of face
for one tiny pube-stache.

I'm offering you a 200%
profit increase.

And I'll never call your wife
a twat.

- Tammy is an angel.
- She is an angel.

Okay, but if anyone asks...

you're buying off
the Korczykowskis

of Cheektowaga.

Where are you getting
your collectors, huh?

- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Just like that...

- Yeah.
- ...I was in business.

- Yeah, yes.
- And this time...

- Yeah, yeah!
- I was gonna do it my way.

Ah, oh, oh. Your time is up.

If you wanna keep talking
with Starla,

I'll need a verbal yes.
What the hell!

Let's use your talent
to make some real money.

Oh, hey!

I didn't want
your average collectors.

Hello, women!

I wanted outliers,

black swans,
people with natural talent.

Yeah, but I have snacks.

Ladies, ladies, don't listen
to him.

We using organic herbs
and spice to make

our family recipes
taste like home.

I looked
for smooth-talking salesman.

Didn't you go to high school
with my brother?

Oh, snap.

Yo, you're JJ Dahl's
little sister.

- Mm.
- I mean, shit.

I mean, shit.
Come with me, now.

People who hustled
in ways you didn't think.

Frances!

Who subverted expectations.

- Hey!
- ...rent the wrong one.

- Hey.
- You know...

...people like me.

You don't want to rent there.

Too stink, shitty landlord.

Well, why do you rent there?

I conned the dingus
into giving me a 50-year lease.

- I pay shit.
- You do good business?

Most of our walk-ins
are Buffalonian assholes

looking for a rub and tug.

I did not come
to the promised land

to fondle soft wieners.

I came to get rich.

Maybe it's time for a pivot.

Huh?

- Yeah, this will work.
- What?

Didn't matter what
they'd done

or where they'd been.

If they had the skills,

I'd take a chance
on just about anyone.

You here to settle
a score? 'Cause I will hurt you.

I'm here to offer you a job.

Look,
you ran a multi-dimensional delivery service.

A one women Amazon,
all in your head.

I am the only one that knows
how smart you are.

And you are very smart.

You know, even though
I didn't like you,

I always knew I liked you.

So, what's the job?

We are called
Personal Expenditure Garnering.

And our mission, is to get rich
by resolving debts

via the phone, that phone
is your new fuck buddy.

Another fuck buddy.

I mean, I... I already
have so many.

Don't touch me.

I don't where that hand
has been.

You said there'd be pizza
and pop.

Guys, focus, please. Sit.

Now.

Thank you.

This is paper.

We know.

The more accounts you close,
the more paper you get.

- So, we're debt collectors.
- No.

We're salesman.

And we're pitching the dream
of financial freedom.

Debt is jail.

Break these people out.

All right, break 'em out.

No threats. No intimidation.

Just... guide them
to the promised land.

Personal Expenditure Garnering.

Hiya, Peggy.

How did you get this number?

I told ya, this business
is war.

And you just fired
the first shot.

See you around, Peg.
Unless I see you first.

That doesn't make sense.

Bye, bye, baby.

What was that about?

Just a friendly call
from our competition.

I'm confused.

Will there or will there not be
pizza and pop?

Everyone ready
to get started?

Mm-hmm, no...

I taught these green horns
my keys to collecting...

Don't bullshit me.
I speak five languages.

...and they
caught on quick.

You are gonna call me back...

I gave them
good commission rates,

decent paper.
and a working phone line.

...with your credit card.

Guess what?

It fucking worked.

Fifty-three thousand dollars.

You've been a bad boy
with money.

Look, my mom has a saying.

It's about...

recognizing a gift and only
paying 80% today, still,

now that... is a gift.

They were making money

faster than they could
ever have imagined.

But I knew we could do better.

If we were gonna
hit my targets...

We need more people.

Jesus is here to set you free.

- We're not interested, sir.
- Don't shut Jesus out of your life.

- Come on.
- He will set you free

for only $595.
He will wash away

- the soil of sin.
- What?

- He will wash away the soil...
- No before that.

For only $595.

How does Jesus feel about debt?

Bad. Bad, double bad.

We had talent.
God-given talent.

"The wicked borroweth
and repayeth not".

You already sullied yourself

in the eyes
of the credit agencies.

Don't sully yourself
in the eyes of the Lord.

Hallelujah, we were finally
raking it in.

The only obstacle
in our way...

- What the hell? Ugh.
- ...was Wizz.

Hell no, it ain't no damn fuse.

Hey, sir.

Crazy motherfucker.
Thank you.

Oh, fuck you.

But, no matter how annoying
or how exhausting,

we weren't gonna retaliate.

We weren't gonna sink
to his level.

We just had to be smarter
than him

and his whole frickin' clan...

Get on the ground
or I'll fucking mace you!

Yeah, yeah.

...which wasn't hard.

Peggy doll!

More like dead doll!

No, I got that. I got this.

Get the fuck outta here.

Fuck you!

We're fine. We're good.

Feany.

Hi, how are you? Do you have
a minute... time...

Can I have a minute
of your time?

You sound shaken up.
Is something wrong?

No. No, no, no.

I just wanted to take you up
on that dinner offer.

- You still collecting?
- No.

I mean, not not no.
But, yes, I mean, not yes.

Yes, I am collecting.

I meant... I meant to say...

I meant to say...

Damn it.

Ow!

- Should we call the cops or something?
- No.

- But Peg...
- But nothing.

We're good. We are. Okay...

you're scared of this?

- Uh-huh.
- Yes.

Don't be, don't be scared.

This... I mean, I don't see
this... all this...

as a threat.
No, this is... this is, uh...

a fucking flag.

Here, this is a fucking flag.

This isn't the threat.

We're the threat.

These slimy fucks are shaking
in their boots

because they know
we're the fucking best.

And we're gonna put them out
of business and you know why?

Because you listened to me.

You believed in me,
so this is good.

No, this is great.
No, this is magic.

I can feel the future coursing
through my veins.

My heart pumping with the spirit

that you guys
have fed me. So, no,

we will not cow tow
to a gaggle of scum.

We will relish in our moment
of triumph and get back

on the motherfucking phones!

That was righteous. Righteous.

Yeah, huh.

Yeah.

- So, um, Peg...
- Hmm. Yeah.

I ran the numbers,
and after the start-up cost

and the commissions for all
of these guys,

you won't have enough money
to buy more paper.

So, what are you gonna do?

Figure it out.

All right, figure it out.

Okay.

I'm buying all the paper
you have.

Buying all the paper you have,
please.

Uh...

so, I took a risk...
hiring all you guys...

...and you all came through.

- High five for Jesus.
- All of you.

Ever very last one of you.

Now, I'm gonna ask you...
to take a risk... on me.

- Here's your payment.
- Thirty million in paper.

- How do I pay rent with that?
- I re-invested our profits.

Listen to me, once we collect
this, we can stop trying

not to be poor and start
trying to get rich. Okay?

I know, I know, I know. I know.
I know, it sucks.

You have to trust me,
and I set up a little something

to ease the pain.

Here we are!

We got an open bar,
all you can eat beefs,

enjoy!

Don't eat the sushi!
I do not trust stadium sushi!

I'm serious, put that down.
Right now, thank you.

And another Buffalo first down!

- This is nice...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...but we gotta get them paid.
- I know.

I'm working on it. I'm working
on it.

Outside, number 78...

Are you blind, ref?

The whole thing is rigged. Shit!

Oh, fuck, I said shit.

This is amazing, Peg!

We'll be coming here
every week

if we keep collecting
like we have.

I'm hitting the bathroom.

Oh!

Good game.

Hello?

What the fuck?

Hello?

And another Buffalo first down!

Fucking insane!

Honey, don't you wanna go,
get cleaned up?

Mm-mm. No. No.

I paid for this box.

Fuck, if they take it away
from us.

Bitches collect menstrual blood.

Does this idiot really think
we collect blood?

If anything, we expel blood.

Well, I hate to state
the obvious

but, if they know where you are,
then they know where you aren't.

- Shit!
- Fuck.

Oh, my God.

- That was all our profits.
- All that work for nothing.

You screwed us, Peg. I quit.

No, I'll get it back.

- How?
- I'll get it back.

"Eye for an eye,
tooth for tooth".

- Matthew 5:38
- No. No, no, hell no.

Violence will only land us
in jail.

- We need to be smarter.
- This a bad time?

- Shit.
- What?

What the hell happened?
Ow! God damn it!

Holy shit, Peg.

- Fucking...
- What the f...

Hiya, Peg. Oh.

- You having your monthly?
- Get out of my brother's bar.

Well, as it turns out, uh,

not only do I have your debt
but I got your mom's.

What are you talking about?

Good-natured bro put his bar up
as collateral against her refi.

- So, now it's mine.
- What?

- Perfectly legal.
- JJ...

- Can he do that?
- Yes, he can do that.

Why would you do that?

- Why would you...
- Why can he do that?

Why can he do that?

And good luck
buying paper too.

Mitch won't sell you no more.
Nobody will.

Not even the Cheektowagan
Korczykowskis.

Ah, you're blacklisted.

Hey, Chief. How about you
pour us some Crown, huh?

- JJ is going nowhere.
- Oh, okay, well, uh...

I don't know, should I just
torch the place...

- Yeah!
- ...for the insurance money?

You tell me.

What am I supposed to do, Peg?

Crown all around!

Bye, bye, baby!

Okay.

How come you're letting me
do your hair?

You never let me do that.
Where are you going tonight?

Having a drink with someone.

- Ooh! With the lawyer?
- No. Ma. No.

- Don't you pay, Peg!
- Please, Ma! Not this.

- Please, stop calling here.
- Please, just don't do...

Thank you.

My God. Now that you're one
of them,

can't you tell those asses
to stop bugging me?

I'm trying.

- Looks pretty.
- Thank you.

You know, I love you more than
the sun and the moon

and the stars above.

And the only reason I pester
you, Peg,

is 'cause I know,
how much potential you have.

I'm living to my potential,
Ma.

- I hope so, honey.
- Thanks for the hair.

Henrietta, can you get me

Judge Lippes on the phone,
please?

Henrietta?

Sometimes,
he falls asleep at his desk.

And, you can hear him
sawing logs

all the way down the hallway.

And, I says to him,

I says, "Do not sleep
in your office, you jagoff!"

But he doesn't listen. Never.

Hi.

Why didn't you tell me about
this little angel?

She brought me
the Crown gift set,

with the fancy glasses.

- It was nothing. Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh, well, she shouldn't have.
- No, it's fine.

May I talk you, sweet angel,
for a quick second.

Sure.

Hey!

What are you... What are you
doing here?

I thought we could talk.

Okay,
right this way.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So, uh...

you here to tell me
that you quit?

No.

Are you gonna testify
against Wisenewski?

No.

I came for dinner.

I just wanna go to dinner
with you.

What makes you think that I'm
gonna go to dinner with you?

My books.

Proof, that we're legit.

So, how do I know
these aren't forged?

You think I would forge books
just so I could buy you dinner?

- Yeah.
- No.

Why do you keep pulling
out your leg?

Because I'm wearing panty hose
and they are very uncomfortable.

And I'm just gonna
take them off

because I wanna look, nice.

I really wanted to look nice,
but they are driving me...

out of my mind. So,
I'll just take it off quickly.

Thank you. God.

- They're very, very itchy.
- You're trouble.

That's why you like me.

You know, it was kind of cute

hearing Henrietta talk
about your snoring.

Mm.

She said that you spend
a lot of your nights

in the office.

That's great.
That's just perfect.

Is that why you wear
"second sides"?

You could get, uh,

a laundry machine.
You could put it right there.

Put one there too.
You could put it...

That's a great idea.

- I think so.
- Shut up, Henrietta.

- You just gonna redecorate.
- Right there.

Why don't you send her home
for the night?

Why?

Well, I don't think
you want her hearing us.

Hearing us doing...

- Have sex?
- Mm-hmm.

- In my office?
- Mm-hmm.

- I'm...
- What? Is it against the law?

I don't think so.

I can look it up.

No, don't, shut up.
Go get her out of here.

- Right now.
- Right.

Excuse me. All right.

All right, um...

Hey...

I genuinely wanna be with him
but I also wanna destroy Wizz.

So, can I girl kill two birds
with one stone? Yes, she can.

Dispatch.

This is Henrietta Chivette,
secretary for ADA Graham Feany.

Requesting units
at 853 Walnut Avenue.

Possible armed situation.
Thank you.

- It's me.
- Hi.

Joshua Wisenewski.

Exit the building
with your hands up.

All right, down!
Get down!

It was on.

If it had to be war...
I was gonna win it.

I don't... I don't know
what paper is ours

and what's theirs.

Peg just said
to take it all.

- Come one, everyone.
- I though we couldn't collect stolen paper.

This is our paper.
Our profits.

What do I say if it's already
been collected?

You think you already
paid this? Don't lie to me.

"He who breathes out lies
shall perish." Proverbs 19:9.

- Guys!
- Graham Feany on two.

Take a message.
Watch yourselves while you're out there.

Yeah, we stole some
of Wizz's paper

along with our own.

But, that doesn't make us
like those douchebags.

We weren't harassing moms

or stealing from the Barb Cooneys of the world.

We were doing it right.

Sure, it came with the added
stress of more harassment.

But, I could handle that.

Welcome to the club, Peg. I didn't think you had it in ya.

Had what in me?

Come on, you remember
the first thing I taught ya.

This business is war.

I got your paper.

Go ahead and keep
the paper.

- What?
- I got other plans

- for you now.
- Okay, listen to me, you jagoff.

- I'm gonna fucking bury you.
- Bye, bye, baby.

You're not listening to me.

I can't get frustrated.
- Hey.

Isn't this that guy you screwed?

You know, that lawyer guy?

- You're stressed.
- Mm.

You can't collect
when you're stressed.

What do you know about it?

Oh, Johns aren't asking
stressed-out hookers

for dates.

You know, sometimes, I used
to go and buy myself

something fancy,
so I could be better at my job.

- How long did you work?
- Twenty odd years.

I lost all my friends and family
but the money was good.

Well, now you can have
both money... and friends.

Mmm.

I wish I knew you
when I was younger.

God.

Hey, if you wanna feel better,
I got something for you.

Fine, just...

Okay, hold on. Hold on.

No, I don't... I don't do that.

I... don't need that.

I don't need that.

I don't like guns.

Nice, huh?

I've never been any place
this fancy before.

Right.

Dad used to talk about
taking us here one day.

- Remember?
- Yeah.

Pretty soon, we'll be coming
here as much as we want.

Gosh!

She said "yes".

- Hey.
- Congratulations.

All right.

I just wanted to take you here
as a way to say I'm sorry.

As an apology,

to say I'm sorry. Like I just
said, I'm sorry.

For everything that's happened.

Well, fancy dinner
is not gonna...

fix my problems, Peg.

But they do have the best

chicken parm
this side of Lackawanna.

- Well, I do like chicky parm.
- Oh.

- So...
- Hey, do you remember,

when I said I needed to fill up
ten Peggy Banks to get out?

- Yeah.
- JJ, I'm almost there.

No more "what ifs."

You were my first investor.
I will never forget that.

And with your returns,
you will be able

to open up a dozen bars.

Cool, right?

I don't want that, Peg.

I just want my bar.

It made me happy, you know.

- Are you happy?
- I will be.

- That's what matters.
- Okay.

Is there a wait...
Waiter? Waiter?

Okay, I feel like
they're just...

they keep walking by,
you know...

I feel like there'd be
better service at a place

this fancy. But whatever.

Yeah, I'm hungry thinking
about that chicky parm.

So, has Wizz said anything?

Uh, no.

Oh, yes!

I did hear him say something about
doing something Machiavellian.

He pronounced it like,
"Match-iaveellian"

like he just learned the word.

It was funny.

Nothing more specific, though?
Like...

anything else, like, come on.
Come on.

He must've said something.

- You heard something.
- I see.

What?

You want info?

That's why you brought me here.

No, I brought you here
for dinner.

- No.
- Yes, I did.

I know you, Peg.

There's always an angle, right.

You know, I bought into
your bullshit...

for so many years, I just...

can't do it tonight. Okay?
I can't. So...

So, you're gonna
grow a spine now?

Now that I'm trying to do
something nice for you?

- You're using me.
- I'm not using you.

You're using me like you
use everybody else.

- I just...
- You know, sometimes people

just do nice things
for each other

without expecting a return.

Feany is calling again
and he sounds pissed.

Not now. Not now.

Not... now.

- Now, not now. Not now.
- Hey.

- Yes.
- I was talking to this old John of mine.

- Mm-hmm. What?
- Who's a lawyer and...

Why are you talking
to a lawyer?

Well, what he said was,
that what we're doing

could get us in some hot water.

- Hmm.
- Oh, yeah, Stan Stevens right here.

- Peg.
- Yeah.

I don't wanna go back to prison
over some small potatoes.

You trust a lawyer
that pays for sex?

No.

- No.
- No.

Yeah. We're good. We're fine.
I promise.

No, thank you,
Mrs. Cooney, yeah.

No, you won't be receiving
anymore phone calls from me.

- Huh? Yeah.
- Everything all right?

Yeah, Lord bless you
and... and protect you.

- Peg?
- Thank you. Bye-bye.

- Is something wrong?
- No, we're fine. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Wham dunk on Cooney.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Fuck. Ow! God...

damn it.

Why does the house smell
like stale fish?

I made a tuna casserole
for supper.

Gross.

I'm just... being paranoid.

Oh, okay.

Sixty...

You've reached
ADA Graham Feany,

please leave a message.

Hi, it's me, I don't know
who else to call, so...

anyway, there's a guy outside
my house, um...

- Hey.
- Ma, I'm on the phone.

So, if you could just
call me back.

- That'd be great. Thank you.
- Pegger, why is your boyfriend creeping outside?

What?

Why is your boyfriend
creeping outside?

Why are you staking out
my house, huh?

- Because...
- Because, why?

- ...you ghosted me.
- Hmm?

- Because, you ghosted me.
- You're a child.

- I'm not a...
- You are.

- You're acting like a child.
- I'm not.

You... you swatted Wizz
through my office.

You thought I wouldn't find out?

More importantly, are you
trying to go back to prison?

Stop, stop.

- Stop.
- Hey, what's the hubbub?

Nothing, Ma!

Well, stop jabberin' and invite
the man in for some casserole.

No!

So, how did you two meet?

Hmm?

Graham prosecuted my case.

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

- What?
- You did?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I did.

- Oh, I'm so stupid.
- You are.

- Oh, no, no.
- You are

- so stupid.
- No, I'm so sorry.

- Of course you did.
- It's okay.

I remember now, you were, uh,
sucking up to the judge.

- I was not sucking up...
- Yes, you were.

- ...to the judge.
- You were a little.

- No, I wasn't.
- But that makes you smart.

But to be fair,

Peg was already released
when we, um, uh...

Squished your sweet meats?

- Wow.
- Jesus Christ, I'm out.

- I gotta go. Talk to you later.
- Peg.

- No, no. No.
- Come on, sit down.

- Sit your tush down in that...
- You always take it...

way too far.

Sit your tush down
in that chair.

I made a casserole. Come on.

- Please don't do that again.
- I'm sorry.

I do have a real question
for you, though.

Do you approve of what she does
for a living?

- Hmm.
- I don't need his approval.

- He's the law. I think you do.
- But I'm not breaking laws.

You're not doing good either.
You hurt people.

That's what you think I do?

I collect from people who
knowingly spent money

that they don't have.

I just don't want anyone
to get hurt,

- especially you.
- I'm not hurting anyone,

and that's what...

you don't understand.
And you don't understand.

Lawyer-man, weigh in.

I am not at liberty to discuss
ongoing investigations.

- What do you mean?
- Oh.

Well, that doesn't sound
so good.

I will say this though...

my grandfather had a large
medical bill

that was sent to collections.

And the agency took his house
on a default judgement.

They didn't even tell him
the date of the trial.

So, he had no way
of fighting back.

Judgement came down... bam...
he's living on the street.

By the time we could gather
everything to countersue,

he died!

All for what?
Pennies on the dollar.

You see, Peg? That's what
you're doing to people,

- you've got to stop!
- Mom.

No, you need to close shop,

- settle down...
- Settle down, would you ever

say that to JJ?
I've never heard you once

- say that to JJ.
- Well, I don't have to say...

- Because I'm a...
- Oh, my God! Baby!

- What happened to you?
- Who did that? JJ.

Sit down. What happened to you?

- I grew a spine, like you said.
- Honey!

Tried to take my bar back.

- What you said?
- Wizz punched me in the face.

- What did you say to him?
- I didn't say anything. Oh, my God.

- Are you gonna make this about me? This is his...
- What did you tell him?

- I didn't tell him anything!
- You think he would stand up

for himself without you

- telling him to?
- What's with all these freaking flies?

There are so many fucking flies
in here

and it's that freaking thing!

What?

I'm done with this shit.

Don't you touch my buffalo,

- Peg.
- I can't stand it anymore!

Stop!

- You put that back, Peg!
- It's disgusting.

- Either it goes, or I do.
- You know what? Then you do,

because that buffalo
doesn't cause trouble

- and you do.
- So, just let me

get this straight
for one second, you're choosing

a dead buffalo
over your own daughter.

Don't answer that.

Look at your brother's face.
You did that.

No... Okay, I did that?

- Mm-hmm.
- I did that?

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

Okay. Do you want me gone, Ma?

I do. Yeah.

- Then, I'm gone.
- Good.

- Graham, let's go.
- No! No!

- What?
- Uh-huh. Excuse me.

You know, how many complaints
I get from the Cooney Family?

- Wait.
- Did you, or did you not

- collect phantom debt from her?
- Okay...

- Did you?
- Okay, before you overreact,

remember that I've gone
out of my way to prove

that I'm legit and I am legit.
I collect on

hundreds of accounts a day,
all right?

Yeah, but it's illegal activity.

You know how many fucking people
I put away for this shit?

- Just answer the question!
- All right, here we go.

Four thousand, nine hundred
and thirty-five dollars

of charge-off parking tickets,
Graham Feany!

Is this supposed
to make me trust you now?

No, it's supposed to show
that you're a hypocrite.

- A hypocrite.
- You think the rules only apply

to people beneath you?
They don't!

You come here, acting like
you a give a shit about me

and you send fucking units
to my house.

What units?

Oh, my God!

I didn't call.

Shit!

- What's happening?
- That's Wizz.

Getting revenge and I got this.

- Don't worry. I'll figure this out.
- Hey. What is happening?

- What is going on?
- Hi.

- I got this.
- What's happening? What's...

Step aside, Mary Katherine Dahl,
JJ Dahl,

- you are under arrest.
- No, no, no, that's a mistake.

You have the right
to remain silent.

No, I got this.

Anything you do or say,
can be used against you

- in the court of law.
- Officer, I'm ADA Graham Feany.

- What is the situation?
- I got this.

We have a warrant to search
these premises.

- Signed by who?
- What's it to you, big shot?

- Check it out.
- Huh! Where there's smoke,

there's fire. Come on, ma'am.
Let's go.

- Oh, my God!
- Hey, let go of my mom.

- Let go of my mom!
- My baby!

- Come on, ma'am.
- Get your hands off my baby.

Listen to me,
I'll get this figured out.

I know, I'll get a lawyer,
we'll get this all sorted out.

- I didn't do anything.
- God.

Mom, don't talk.
I will sort this out.

I will get us a lawyer.
We will figure it out.

It will be all right. Okay?

Yeah,
we have a situation.

Hiya, Peggy! I told you
I was the king.

- Bye-bye, baby.
- Fuck!

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Baby I gotta go ♪

♪ You're too much now,
can't take no more ♪

I'm gonna kill you,
you fucking jagoff!

What the fuck?

That's it.

- Now! Right fucking now!
- Yeah, you're right...

- Yeah.
- ...it does end.

'Cause you're through.
I took everything.

Oh, don't pretend
like you're gonna shoot me.

We both know you care
way too much about money

- to go back to jail.
- Yeah, you're right.

You're right, I don't know
what I was thinking.

I'm not gonna shoot you.-

But I will kick
your fucking ass, okay?

That hurt?

That hurt?
You piece of fucking shit!

No!

My fucking nose.

Ow! Fuck!

No! What the fuck?

- Take her in!
- What the fuck?

Why are you arresting me?
Arrest him!

- He's the one screwing people.
- I know.

But he didn't fire a weapon.

You have the right
to remain silent.

For once.

Say hi to your mom and brother
for me.

Sayonara, bitch.

♪ You're smiling now but ♪

♪ I hold you in my arms ♪

♪ Won't let nothing harm you ♪

♪ Till morning comes ♪

♪ You toss and you turn ♪

♪ Dreams give you no peace ♪

♪ Baby what's going on ♪

Hi.

Don't worry.

I got this.

I got this, I'm gonna fix this.

- I am...
- They got me running

an off-the-books business
in a house full of cash, okay?

- I know, but I...
- I am effed

- and we both know it.
- No, no, no, because,

I can afford...

- a great lawyer.
- You don't have any money.

They took all your money.

And even if you did,
I wouldn't want that money

helping me.

Right.

I messed up,
but what do you want me to say?

Do you want me to say I'm sorry?

Do you want me to say I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I had a dream.

I'm so fucking sorry
I had a dream.

Do you ever listen to yourself?

Honey, do you honestly think...

that I didn't have a dream?

Dreams don't make a lot of sense
when you got two kids crying

'cause they're hungry...

and their dad just gambled away
their supper money.

We almost lost our house.

I will be in debt for the rest
of my life.

He played grab ass
with my clients so much

that they didn't even show up
for their appointments

after a while.

I know, you think that your dad
was some kind of

Prince Charming, but...

you are old enough to know
that he was an asshole.

Maybe I wasn't a good mom.

Maybe, these cigarettes messed
with your noggin', but...

I do know, I do know
I taught you the difference

between right and wrong.

I know I told you the difference
between good and bad

and I know I told you
to think of others.

Proceed, Mr. Feany.

The defendant is charged
with one count of discharging

a firearm and one count
of possession of a weapon,

as a felon.

Ms. Dahl, before we continue,
I'd like to ask a question...

- Anchor Bar or Duffs?
- No, no, I got this.

Anchor Bar.

See, that's what I always said.

But, you know
what I just learned?

I like Anchor's wings...

but I love
Duffs' blue cheese sauce.

So, now, I bring Anchor's wings
and my bailiff...

brings Duff sauce. Crazy, huh?

So, yous two gonna
strike a deal or what?

Peg!

So?

Thinking about it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Ugh!

Ew, don't touch it!

You might get
a flesh-eating bacteria!

All right, you wanna explain
to me what's going on?

We need to get the other
agencies together tonight.

It's time...
that we fight back.

Wait, get the other
agencies together?

How am I supposed to do that? Those people hate each other.

Well...
...I know three things,

that'll definitely motivate
these people;

food, football and finances.

So, we need to tell the other
agencies

that if they wanna
make real money,

a lot of money, more money
that we've ever made,

if they wanna be the richest
fucks Buffalo's ever seen,

they need to meet me at JJ's.

You know, Bob, if the Bill's wanna make...

Thank you all
for being here.

I'm very excited to talk
to you all.

If they don't make this spread,

I'm going berserk.
I shit you not.

- Hey.
- Hey!

I know, I know, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. I just wanted

to talk to you.
I have to talk to you...

All right, come on,
make it snappy,

- what do you wanna talk about?
- Money.

I wanna talk to you about money.
Who wants to talk...

about money?

- I like money.
- I wanna talk about money.

Thank you all for being here.

Anthony Rogazi, Niagra,
Chris Stevens, Fruit Belt.

George.

I have no idea how to pronounce
your last name.

There are so many consonants.
What is it?

- Wojcieczykski...
- Wohjciec...

- How is that so hard?
- What are we all doing here?

- Uh...
- Someone said there'd be

- pizza and pop.
- Yeah, pizza and pop is coming.

Is it Pizza Oven? I only eat
Pizza Oven pizza.

If it ain't Nova's, I'm walking.

Clam it!

Sorry.

Uh, what I meant to say is that
the pizza will be pizza.

What's up with the buffalo head?

- It's disgusting.
- This buffalo...

is us.

At one point we were all...
unstoppable beasts.

Then we lost direction with this
bullshit feuding.

Think about it, a lone buffalo
is vulnerable.

A buffalo herd...

is unstoppable.

What I'm trying to say
is that if we want to become

beasts again, we have to work
as one herd.

We have to unite.

- Unite with you?
- Yeah.

If we combine our resources,

we can fight back
against assholes

like, Graham Feany.

And when we unite, we won't have
to worry about, what ifs?

What if...

one of my employees is wearing
a wire?

What if my phone's get tapped?

What if I don't have the heart
for it anymore?

You are all inspiring,

you're all creative
sons of bitches,

truly makes me emotional.

I heard a rumor.
Did one of you guys, uh,

tell a debtor that
there was, uh,

a sniper outside her window
ready to shoot

if she didn't pay?

Yeah, that was me. That was me.

You, you genius.

That is so good.

One time, I slashed
this chick's tires

so she had to buy new ones
and owe more money.

That's a great
recurring business model.

- Thank you.
- Wizz.

- Yeah.
- This guy right here...

is the one who taught me
about re-do's.

What's the total collected
off old lady Cooney?

- Like, 200 grand.
- Whoo! Big money.

You see...

How much of a relief
would it be to not have to...

hide in the shadows anymore?

If we unite, we can be strong.

We can stampede over anybody
that gets in our way.

All right, okay, but,
let me guess,

- you wanna run the whole thing?
- No,

of course not,
why would I try

to take the throne when there
is an existing king?

Wizz runs it.

I like the sound of that.

- What?
- Obviously.

Now...

who's in?

All right, I'm in.

- You're in,
- Chris: Yeah.

Chris Stevens is in.
Who else? Who else?

Anthony Rogazi. Yeah?

- Yeah, we're in.
- Rogazi's in!

- George, you in?
- Yeah.

- My buddy, George...
- Information trust relief...

Information trust relief,
same con she used on me...

No... it's not a con.
What do... Sal! Sal!

I'm selling you, did you learn
nothing for me, Sal?

I mean, come on.

Just listen to the numbers
this year.

Americans held
one trillion dollars in debt,

Thirty billion in charge-offs.
Where are you going?

Thirty billion
in charge-offs. I...

Uh, don't know what...

- Okay, that wasn't...
- Bullshit.

No, that wasn't supposed
to happen.

- The fuck?
- The fuck?

- What the fuck is that?
- It's a camera...

What the fuck is that?

I don't know what to do because,
I was waiting for... for Feany

to come in and we were gonna do
the quote about Machiavelli...

What the fuck
are you talking about?

What I'm talking about... Okay,

I guess you still
don't understand.

While you were enthralled
by my speech,

your offices were raided
and stripped of every

piece of paper,
your shit was impounded

as evidence held until trial.

And your supply, well...

it was cut off.

- Hey John!
- What did I do?

I'll put the salad
in the fridge.

Oh, and you all confessed
on tape.

And by uniting, we classify
as a RICO charge, so,

bye, bye, baby.

- What do you get out of this?
- I get nothing.

- I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- Good,

I can add attempted murder
to your charges.

- What the fuck?
- Get the fuck off me.

You have the right
to remain silent.

What the fuck
is this shit?

Hey, hey! He's taking one
all the way!

Turn it up!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God

- Thank you for that.
- Hmm.

I... I still have to book you.

Yeah about that,
there's just, um,

there's just one thing I have
to do, okay?

Sorry.

Okay, sorry. Shit,
I didn't think that would work.

- Ow. God.
- Did that shit work?

- Yeah.
- What the hell just happened?

Well, I fucked 100 douchebags
at once.

- Yes!
- That's impressive.

- I've only done ten.
- Okay.

That's why I didn't want
you guys in there,

I didn't want you guys
implicated, I'm sorry,

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Oh.

- You're my friend. I love you. Thank you.
- I am too.

Thank you, thank you thank you.

- Hey, take care of my boyfriend, okay?
- That's your boyfriend?

I mean, I guess, I don't know.

- Yeah, that's your BF.
- Oh.

- Sweetie!
- Henrietta!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here so late?

Oh, I'm working. Where's Graham?

- On his way up.
- Oh.

Weren't you supposed to get
those chicky parms?

- I was?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh. Uh, why?

To surprise, we're gonna have
a big surprise.

Oh, all righty.
Sounds good.

- A surprise! We're gonna party.
- Okay.

All right. I'll see you
in a bit.

- Bye.
- Bye, hon.

Just to be clear,

those boxes held
one billion dollars in debt.

How could I just
let 'em sit there?

In total, I burned up
52,437 debt sheets.

Fifty-two thousand, four hundred and thirty-seven people,

whose phones stopped ringing.

Today, Josh Wiseneweski and 42 other debt collectors

were found guilty.

Prosecutors credit their case to the testimony of Peg Dahl.

A woman famed for erasing
millions of dollars

of delinquent debt.

My deal cleared me of all debt
related charges

but they couldn't ignore
the destruction of evidence.

Luckily, half my jury

had their debt
erased in the fire,

so I got a lighter sentence.

And what better way to spend
my time with you lovely ladies,

than to teach you about...
finance.

Remember, like Susie Orman said,

- "Woman fake orgasms..."
- "And men fake finances."

Okay, so that means...

So, I got a do-over...

Like your margins are...

...one more time
to clean the slate...

...but, you know, change
is hard, people.

The only thing I knew
was the hustle.

That's all I was ever good at.

If I came to the same fork
in the road,

would I choose the same path?

Ma.

- Pegger!
- What are you doing here?

- Are you...
- Are you kidding?

- Ah!
- Oh, my sweet baby.

Oh, I wouldn't have missed
this for the world.

- Well...
- What?

Sorry.

Come on, baby,
let's get you home.

It's true you were a jagoff
for a little bit there.

Pegger, Pegger,
Pegger, Pegger, Pegger!

I'm going to give a speech.

Am I supposed to give a speech?

- Yeah!
- Okay.

You don't get any more pizza
and pop

unless you give a speech.

- Testify, sister.
- Okay, um...

I'm supposed to talk about
what I learned in prison.

- Yeah.
- Supposed to talk about what I learned in prison.

I learned, I learned, I learned,

don't go, right? You know.

Don't go, just stay away.
Just stay away from there.

Oh, I learned...

There are better ways
to erase debt

than torching
your boyfriend's office.

I had to... I learned that...

You did... Yeah, I'm glad
you learned that.

That's a good lesson.

Guess what I really learned
is that...

I love you... I do, I love you
more than the sun...

and the moon and the stars...

and as long
as I have my family...

and my friends by my side...

I will always be fine.

- Bullshit.
- Huh?

Fine?

Come on Peg, in what world

are you mediocrity's
dumb cousin?

Come here for a sec?

Oh, no, no, 'cause you're gonna
smack me.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are,
you come over here.

Okay.

- What's that?
- Oh, we all, uh...

We all chipped in.

You've taken a chance on all
of us and...

so, we're taking a chance
on you.

Kinda a second chance.

- Really a third chance.
- Technically, a fourth chance...

Mom.

That's all yours, Peg.

Though, now, the question is...

What are you gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

What do you think I'm gonna do?

From nothing, I built
a successful company

and the most prolific legal
shakedown in America.

Imagine how far I could get
with that cash.

I could take that money
and crush the game. Legally.

But I won't.

I'm done clawing my way through

the black holes
of your bank accounts.

I'm done convincing myself that
I was relieving your burdens

when I was killing your dreams.
I'm done...

selling nothing to those
with less than nothing.

I'm done.

It's time my line of sight
shifted to the people

who have everything.

So, I'm moving on...

to the only hustle
that's even more

of an unregulated clusterfuck
than debt collecting.

Let me tell you about
hedge funds.

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ Got my emotions running wild ♪

♪ And now you're asking
yourself how ♪

♪ I'm not your baby
ain't your child ♪

♪ Don't contradict me
when I ask you to decide ♪

♪ Or choose whether to stay ♪

♪ Or go, I ain't here
to set nobody free ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ Act so surprised
when I speak out ♪

♪ You pacify me
feed my doubt ♪

♪ Listen I will not be
held down ♪

♪ You patronize me when I say
I ought to let you go ♪

♪ Honey I've decided oh ♪

♪ You ain't here
to set nobody free ♪

♪ Why the hell
did I keep on stalling ♪

♪ While you wore me out,
reality is setting in ♪

♪ So how you feel
about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ No it won't work
but you can pout ♪

♪ Go right ahead
just scream and shout ♪

♪ I'll drown you out
and mute the sound ♪

♪ You validated when I said
I ought to let you go ♪

♪ Honey I've decided oh ♪

♪ You ain't here
to set nobody free ♪

♪ Why the hell
did I keep on stalling ♪

♪ While you wore me out,
reality is setting in ♪

♪ So, how you feel
about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ How you feel ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ How you feel about me now ♪

♪ Why the hell
did I keep on stalling ♪

♪ While you wore me out,
reality is setting in ♪

♪ Now I know that
I kept on stalling ♪

♪ While you wore me out,
reality has set on in ♪

♪ So, how you feel
about me now ♪